#can this be considered vent? Idk
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STAR JUMPER ! ⭐️
#Subway Boss Emmet#emmet#pokemon#submas#Kudari#anon’s art#can this be considered vent? Idk#i was in a bad mood tbh#Pokemon White#Pokemon Black#stars
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Yes, I threw fits when I was a kid.
No, I wasn’t in control.
No, you shouldn’t judge me for it.
Yes, I am aware you think I had the choice.
But surely you understand I didn’t really have one?
Surly you understand I was struggling?
That I’m still struggling?
That I always will be?
#neurodivergent#adhd#actually adhd#ocd#childhood memories#sorta vent in tags vv#I’m still dealing with the social consequences of that time period. People’s attitude towards me after those years#really damaged my mental health. Sometimes I think I’m not enough.#That my problems aren’t enough to say I was struggling. Then I look back… and yeah I can tell I was struggling#Idk wtf was going on because my adhd and ocd probably didn’t cause that. But I don’t show enough signs of autism to even#consider being diagnosed. Sometimes I wonder if I actually was in control. There was no trauma. No serious issues. Nothing.#Because I was running around like a maniac whenever I got upset. It stopped only after 3rd grade. With the help of a good teacher.#my so called “meltdowns” are probably internal now. I kinda s3lf h@rm and stuff when I don’t get my way now. When I’m seething in self#loathing because of something I did. You know. Normal behavior.#My life is a freaking mess. And it’s nobody’s fault. Except maybe my own? I don’t know. I always forget about that time period. Probably ca#se the teachers gave me a lot of bad memories during it. It wasn’t because of the teachers… but they certainly weren’t helping.#neurospicy#neurosparkly#actually ocd#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#I tell myself i didn’t have the choice though. I was young…#sorry for the vent
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whoops random tumblr post unlocked horrible past memories about my college experience! 1000 points of damage!
#fr tho i had such a bad time in college#it was the most stressful time of my life#idk if this is a stem thing in particular but like#they CONSTANTLY make you feel inferior and stupid#like 'you should already know this' kind of vibes#like excuse me you did not teach me how to code!!!!!#so no i don't know how to code!!!!!!#i didn't know how to code until i worked my first professional job!!!!!#bc they didn't teach us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they just expected us to know how to code complicated algorithms!!!!!!!#like how can i have time to teach myself coding when i am so busy with stupid homework assignments on topics that won't help me later!!!!#i used to google solutions for coding projects bc i literally had no idea how to code at all#i changed a few things here and there to make it Less Good#so i wouldn't be considered a 'cheater'#why teach us complicated algorithms when we can't even code fr#sorry for the vent
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#everything is terrible. my mom's nosy and paranoid. her bp spiked so much yday she had to take her emergency pill for it.#ill be out of town starting tomorrow and im afraid to leave her. she's just. unreal rn. i messaged my aunt to keep an eye on her for me.#she keeps spiraling into actual anxiety/panic attacks bc she's convinced i've been influenced by predatory lesbians online#ik it sounds goofy but i hope i get hit by a truck so it's not really that funny to me bc i'm the one dealing with it#ive been considering asking if i can go on a brief leave of absence in jan but i'm already about to go on a week of pto.#idk what our general leave policies are and my family relies on my income so (:#im venting but i really do wanna die. i'm being hydraulically pressed into nothingness by my job and family lmao#xangoeswah
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tfw you're just checking on a blog you enjoyed casually looking at after a long while cuz someone reminded you about it, looking for anything new that might catch your eye, only to then read a rant about yourself/your blog/your content with accusations that just prove they glanced over your stuff w/o actually looking at it properly-
again, just about the entire branding/servitude thing and the either baby reader or baby mk that's literally not even more than fun little what-if ideas.
and there was me thinkin i might wanna audition as a va for them if they ever needed help or anythin, but that idea sunk and the amount of respect i had for their own work went down the drain.
now excuse me, i gotta go back to work cuz i just wasted my lunchbreak typing this out.
just like my disclaimer from my old rant post, i'll be deleting anyone's messages if they try to argue with me about this shit again, cuz as stated before, this type of drama is literally giving me genshin twitter vibes.
it ain't my fault if my stuff got recommended to you and you don't like it. i already stopped using the lmk tag as much because of those anons from a while ago.
idm it if peeps have more of a weaker tolerance level towards others wanting to have a good time playing with literal legos in a way they don't like it, but i also don't want people to talk smack about others' work and call it disgusting just because it's not their cup of tea.
let people play with their legos while you play with your own legos, simple as that-
i'll just leave it at that. don't go after anyone involved either as i hate seeing this type of shit get dragged on. especially if it's all, again, opinion-based.
#emelin rambles#rant#this post doesn't count as rant tbh#it's more of me venting tbh cuz i lowkey feel betrayed#but i'mma still tag it just so peeps can find my own rant about some previous accusations from a while ago#actually just about the same accusations minus nezha and i guess the religion part idk#i already put my points about it there- if i ever necessarily have to then i'll just add points#but i also don't wanna spoil the entire actual fuckin lore on the au just cuz some peeps are jumping the gun on things#just because it's “not accurate to the source material” or a “horrible thing in history”#i'm literally not going out of my day to ruin people's days#like- branding and the servant vibe is literally just a nitpick#considering we're talking about literal lego figurines that were made to be merchandise#i'll just leave it at that cuz i did talk about the entire topic of literal fictional characters already
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feverishly telling myself that everyone grows at their own pace while seeing yet another 13 year old with beautiful sistene chapel worthy art skills and looking back at the bland horribly drawn unappealing genuinely fucking worthless pieces of trash in my sketchbook and desperately trying to convince myself that I don’t want to quit drawing and that I do still like it and that bad art is still art (it’s not when I do it)
#actual sugar post#sorry I just. Genuinely sometimes I want to never draw again#I’ve been genuinely considering quitting making art because#I just can’t make anything that’s worth anything honestly#there are pieces that are technical achievements that get every fundamental right#there are pieces with unique styles that are genuinely interesting#there are pieces that have something to say#not only is my work technically bad but. It’s boring. I’m not creating anything beautiful or interesting or original#my work is boring and so am I. I don’t even have motivation to create anymore. I force myself to shit stuff out and take weeks to finish it#I’m gonna be an adult soon. I don’t deserve to draw if this is all I can make#I don’t even deserve to be alive. I contribute nothing to this world#I am a parasite#idk#vent#delete later
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quick sketch I made the other day
#drawing#art#my art#illustrator#illustration#digital art#digital illustration#i think something similar to derealisation kicked in and this is kinda what it felt like(??)#idk man#can this be considered vent art?
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I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3
#random post#me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/#I’m not an overly emotional person in the stereotypical way. but I do get in my feels when thinking about life and the experience of living#I’m like. constantly explaining things to myself cus there’s never really a time or place to talk about it#also my method of explaining things is very not coherent sometimes. so it takes me a bit to really get my point across in a comprehensible#way. I’m a big thinker. I have many thoughts and ideas a views. a daily thing of mine is noticing problems#and then fixing them in my head with thought out explanations and motives and outcomes#it’s like I’m talking to someone else. much like how I format my text posts. that’s how my inner monologue is#me talking to myself is actually me talking to someone else. someone that isn’t real#anyways it’s a daily occurrence. every day of my life is spent with thoughts similar to those breaking down a movie#lots of thoughts from adhd. compulsive thoughts from ocd. overwhelming thoughts from autism. distressing thoughts from bpd#ya. this isn’t a vent I just need to like. see the thoughts in writing so I can do smth else. like eat this muffin ive been staring at for#over an hour now <3 mmmbfbg yea muffins are hard to eat now cus I had some with mold and food mold especially is a big nono for me#spend like. five minutes examining the damn thing before I even consider taking a bite. I’m very hungry an thirsty </3#when your mouth is so dry you can taste your own mouth 👍 I’m experiencing#nothing in particular. just experiencing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like having an experience and living#drank my tea and I had like. hallucinations of like an alcohol prep pad. I’ve been using those in my ear cus. tmi. had a pimple that’s#causing problems so mom suggested that. it burned! which means it worked so word. I’ve noticed lately that both me AND my family have been#using ‘word’ a lot. dad says we’ve been saying it but no we haven’t. if we had I’d have BEEN saying it. maybe we’ve used it before for a bit#but now it’s back. idk. I’ve said it in class on more than one occasion lmao I don’t look like the type to say smth like that but whatever#it’s like when I used to say bro after every sentence like 10 years ago lol. we’re a family of parrots we repeat eachother a lot#I started saying I love you out of no where and they started doing it too. we whistle at eachother from across the house. sing ear worms#together. quote funny things at every opportunity and drive the joke into the ground. everyone in this house is a different kind of mentally#I’ll and it’s the most beautiful clash of personalities because we’re all so annoying and we love eachother so much and also our#communication is shit because some ppl have hearing loss and another is a short fused child and some are quick to interrupt and some dont#get a word in and some just can’t explain and some can’t understand. we get there eventually at some point. we don’t get the full grasp of#how much we love eachother yet. but we’re gettin there. anyways this went into several different directions but they’re all good ones#I think. if you read all this good on you! this is my brain 24/7/365 haha ok love you
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the thaumcraft eldritch dimension is looking like a mighty fine vacation spot rn ngl
#slash jay kay on all of the text above ofc.#however.#i despise college group projects!#can this be considered venting? idk#not a reblog
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trying to move to a state you haven't been to in literal decades is not easy, y'all 🥲
#idk what city has the most job opportunities but also allows for us to have some fucking SPACE#and also where the crime isn't like ridiculous but the houses are still affordable ;-;#we were considering north eastern tenn but like#apparently the crime rate in that area is really bad?? like idek i've always heard that's where you should retire lmao#we had settled previously on the middle tenn area (not nashville bc i have heard there are just too many fucking people there)#and i think i'm leaning back that way just based off of my research#which i can only do so much of on the internet#ugggggggh#i hate this uncertainty#but i gotta get out of florida i hate it here#ignore me#just venting
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i hold so much more anger than anyone around me realizes
#like id beat my father to death with my bare hands if given the chance#and all those men for what they did to me#im so sick of ppl saying i need to forgive people who are not and never will be sorry. why should it be on ME to be the 'bigger person'#I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD WHEN IT STARTED.#im angry i never got to be a child and now its too late. now im 22 and just as fucked up as i was when it was still happening#i do not consider myself a violent person but thinking of what my abusers did all the time makes me so fucking mad#how can you do those things to a child & live with yourself. i dont fucking get it#i dont need to forgive ANYONE if i dont want to. the ppl telling me that dont even know All of what happened to begin with.#milo murmurs#csa vent#tw csa vent#csa tw#add that to being easily irritated due to ptsd and weve got a lovely mess here lol#im so tired of feeling like shit all the time but idk how not to rn#also. OBVIOUSLY i do not desire to commit murder. im just sad & pissed off that they got away w everything & i have to deal w it
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btw it is our little's chosen birthday today since it's also emu's bday & not a single person has wished them happy birthday even with them being devastated in our discord status so 🙃it'd mean a lot to them to come back from their sad nap to ppl wishing them happy bday
#mine#we're not saying their name or alias publicly on our acc that's pushing it#but like. i got permission from our primary protector to say smth bc they're genuinely devastated & we're all fucking pissed.#like they literally. told multiple ppl when they picked it out. & were already hurt when they didn't wake up to anything#& then made our status a vent & still. not a single person has said anything. like. idk. im rly pissed idek what to do w myself.#they've been put through so much bullshit this yr w being treated like shit & made to feel just as shitty as we all do. it sucks.#we're all pissed & hurt on their behalf & our own & each other's. i just. idk.#like they say u know who ur real friends are when ur hurting & it's like. damn not even our little has anyone who can be arsed#to give a genuine damn & say anything to them when they're crying on their bday they excitedly chose???? & looked forward to???#they literally were begging & praying to get attention today but instead it's been mostly me & our protector out bc they're so devastated.#idk what to do or say anymore i cant even bring myself to say anything directly to anyone.#im sick of watching not even our little be spared from being treated like shit for being depressed considering the circumstances bruh.#ANYWAY... they're in the back of the headspace taking a nap w another protector to try to cheer up a bit. so.#wish them happy bday and wish them well smth idk just take the load off all this loneliness bc it's suffocating for ALL of us#but it def hurts them the most and it sucks. and im tired. and pissed.
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#minor vent.#i left my home town about 6 years ago#and im kind of sick of some friends and especially family being like oh come visit. come up and visit us we never see you#like are you not perfectly capable of travelling down to see me why is it always on me to make the effort#im about 5 hours away by train and its just like. idk. Annoying#also i havent forgotten the one time a friend of mine just bought a house with her boyfriend and i had just moved to worcester#and i was like yeah you should come see me for a weekend we can hang out#and she didnt because her boyfriend told her. and i quote.#'why would we waste time travelling when we could spend it decorating our new house'#like yea i get it they were excited to have their own house but telling me that spending time visiting me was a waste. Lmfao. Sure#and in the six years ive been away my parents have not once made an effort to come down to see me#when my brother got married he booked a hotel for the guests that did not have enough room for me to stay.#i wouldve had to stay in a separate hotel miles away from everyone else bc he got married in the middle of nowhere#and considering i moved away to get away from them in the first place. i ask u#why should i bother making a fucking effort.
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