And here is my second snippet for the fic I decided to write to give myself a break from sword fic, aka Library Fic, currently untitled:
“If you- you would like to spend more time here, yes?” He asked, his mouth slightly open, as if he wanted to say something more, but cut himself off. Was he waiting for her to follow? To lead?
Time with you?
“In the library?” She went in the opposite, unwanted direction.
“Yes.”
He walked down the opposite path, and she fell.
“Yes,” she swallowed her pride, and wished she could swallow the uncomfortable swell in her throat. “Very much.”
He smiled.
She couldn’t be angry with him.
Not when he smiled.
Not when he looked at her, not when he walked into a room and tried to make her feel comfortable, not when he didn’t leave.
And not when he was standing in front of her, leaning against the bookshelf and holding his favorite poem, wearing black but bringing light and vibrancy into the entire room. No stone walls between them. No dark corners.
“I am sorry, but you will have to endure more of our English stories.” He feigned a disappointed sigh, but he failed, the corner of his mouth turning upwards. He ran his free hand through his hair. “I swear, we have some fine works-”
“I will read them,” she said. “Do not worry, Your Majesty. I want to learn all I can.”
“And you will.”
His voice, so deep and full of confidence, so sudden, hitting her in the chest like a punch. Confidence and- faith? Faith in her?
“You’ll never be able to hide your intelligence, Guinevere.”
Another punch, a stronger strike, a blow to the knee.
“Not with you?”
God, her voice was small, but she swore the question echoed on the stone walls, throwing the shards of vulnerability back in her face. Hits and cuts.
“No,” he shook his head, “not with me.”
Actions, she thought.
Actions, not words.
“A fine compensation for having no French.”
She waited for a laugh. “There can be no books in French, my Queen, because we were at war with them.” A false chide, different from her father’s favorite tone— if he went down the wrong path, they could still see each other across the way. Pray for a fork in the road.
Arthur didn’t laugh.
He glanced at the shelves.
He nodded, to himself.
“You did not bring any of your own books with you?” He asked.
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The Archer and the Prey
Arthur knew immediately that something was wrong.
Her touches were fleeting, soft brushes of her palm against his arm or chest. She hardly looked at him, either. Usually, they shared secret glances during their meetings and court events. She went to bed early, and she was asleep by the time he retired for the night. She let him hold her, but did not hold him back.
When he fell asleep that night, his chest felt tight. The feeling usually went away when he saw the raven hair splayed across the pristine white sheets, but that was no longer the case. Still, exhausted from the day, he fell into a troubled sleep.
His dreams were disjointed, twisted things like age old tree roots crawling over a trail in the forest. He saw flashes. Mordred coughing up blood, holding his own throat while the thick red substance trickled between his stumpy fingers. You failed me, he said. Morgan’s face, a face that once brought him such joy, morphed into a furious, angry expression before she struck a young Mordred across the face. Merlin’s disappointed, cold stare. Genny in a battlefield. Unarmed, wearing the pristine white dress she wore the night they wed. His legs won’t move, he can’t get to her. She screamed for him. Arthur. Arthur.
“Arthur!”
He sat up with a gasp, drenched in sweat. Genny hovered over him with a frightened look. “It’s all right,” she said, her tone comforting as if she was speaking to an upset child. He gently moved her aside so he could sit over the side of the bed, his legs over the edge. He caught his breath, his palm resting over his chest as he did so.
The sheets rustled. He prepared and willed himself not to wince before she wrapped herself around him, arms wrapping around his neck from behind. She pressed a long kiss to the top of his damp hair, her breath hitching. “Arthur,” she said, and he heard the tears in her voice.
“I’m okay,” he said, but even to his own ears, it sounded unconvincing and weak. He cleared his throat. “I’m fine,” he took one of her hands. He still couldn’t face her, not yet.
“Look at me, please,” she said. She spoke softly, cupping his jaw in effort to turn his head.
“No,” he said roughly, and it was perhaps the first time he said that word to her. His wife’s hand froze on his face.
“Arthur,” she tried again, and she attempted to get into his lap so he would have to look at her.
He stood instantly. “I’m going to take a walk,” he said, his voice a strangled noise he hardly recognized.
“I’ll go with you,” she said, and Arthur imagined the way she scrambled to her feet.
The thought of her overwhelming presence as he tried to calm his racing heartbeat.
“Stay here,” he barked, already halfway to the door. He slammed it so hard behind him that the wood paneling shook.
It took ages to get outside. He purposefully asked that the Queen’s corridors be prepared towards the top of the castle, back then because it was the furthest he could place her when the prospect of marriage frightened him. Now, he simply felt grateful that it would take the intruders the longest to find her.
Once he was outside, he gasped for air. He hunched over on his knees for a moment, attempting to fill his lungs with the fresh air.
It was clean, not filled with the slightly lavender, floral scent of his wife. His wife. He loved her, god he loved her. He couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her.
“Your majesty?”
Arthur stood up rigidly. “Who goes there?”
Henry, the stable boy, stepped into the dim light of the courtyard that was lit by a few torches.
He softened, his trembling hand wiping away his tears quickly. “Henry. What are you doing?”
The little boy looked at him skeptically. “My job, sir.”
Arthur then noticed the sun barely rising in the sky.
“It’s not even— they have you rising this early?”
“I help the kitchen, sir. I collect the eggs,” he held up the empty basket in his hands.
Arthur knew that. The kitchen maid had asked permission to uptake the little boy’s salary. “Right,” he said, and he cleared his throat. He could breathe again. “The knights rise too early, I suppose.”
Henry’s skeptic gaze continued. “Are you all right, sir?”
“I’m fine,” he lied.
Henry stiffened and bowed rather quickly, and Arthur turned to see his Queen rushing down the steps. She wore her trousers and one of his shirts, cloak hung around her arm.
“Genny,” he said, and he swallowed his anger at the prospect of her leaving before dawn without telling a soul. She was going after him, he reminded himself.
She halted quickly, and her face dropped in relief. “I thought you’d left,” she said, her hands moving to his chest. His hands moved naturally to her waist, forgetting they were in the presence of a child. “Never run out on me like that again,” she scolded before she noticed Henry.
“Hello,” she said, and the royal couple dropped their hands.
Henry smiled, a nervous smile that was reserved for a young boy with a desperate crush on a pretty woman, and he started back on his way. Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle, but Henry stopped on his path. He faced his King and Queen. “I get them, too,” he said solemnly, looking at Arthur.
Arthur felt like someone had just thrown him into a cold bath. He swallowed. “Best be on your way,” he said, taking Genny’s hand in his, already pulling her back towards the doors to the castle.
“What did that mean?” She demanded as soon as they were inside.
He dropped her hand. “I don’t know.”
“Hey,” she stopped in her tracks at the bottom of the stairs. Arthur looked to her warily. She took both of his hands. “You’ve never spoken to me like that before.”
He softened. “I apologize, I didn’t mean—”
“Do not do that. Do not push me away,” she said again urgently. “If I did that to you, you’d never forgive me.”
He dropped one of her hands, using the other to pull her up the stairs. “It’s different. I’m supposed to take care of you.”
“We’re supposed to take care of each other,” she pulled her hand from his grip. “Please tell me you understand that by now.”
Frustration built in his chest. “You’ve barely looked at me for weeks, Genny. I don’t know the last time we’ve spoken alone— “
“There’s been no time. You come upstairs late, and you are gone by the time I wake. And need I remind you, the time you did sleep in, you were quite happy with the way I woke you—”
“Guenevere,” he hissed, grabbing her wrist to pull her along again.
She scoffed. “Please grow up, Arthur, no one around us thinks that we’re celibate,” she grumbled but she followed up on their trek up the stairs.
“I hope that no one thinks about our lives in that regard. Why would they?”
“We are a married couple.”
“That means nothing in an arrangement.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, and the severity in her voice caused him to pause and look at her. She looked close to tears. “I didn’t mean to make you feel alone. The last thing I want you to feel is alone in this. I’m just… frightened.”
His heart ached. This thing in him frightened her. “I’m sorry I frightened you.”
“No, Arthur, it’s not that,” she quickly corrected him. “It’s not you. It’s Mordred, it is… I hate how this threat is hanging over our heads.”
His chest tightened again. “He will not harm you, I promise.”
“He has already harmed you,” Genny said. “That is what I’m concerned about.”
Arthur couldn’t lie to her. He knew that. “When we first met, when he was ten. He… he came to me, and he had been beaten. He told me that his mother hit him,” he said, his heart heavy in his chest as he spoke about his and Mordred’s first meeting. “I don’t know if that’s true, if it was Morgan, or if it was— “
“It wasn’t.”
He sighed. “How do you know that?”
“What parent would harm their children?”
“My father did,” he said. He never spoke about Uther Pendragon.
Genny stared at him, and the familiar pool of pity flooded her eyes. He patted her hand.
“It’s all right. I was a boy, then. It has been…I can’t even recall the last time I saw him.”
“That’s why you feel so guilty about Mordred,” she realized. “You didn’t save your son from what you endured.”
Arthur couldn’t have put it into words so perfectly. That’s exactly what Genny did for him since the beginning of their relationship. The creation of the round table, the next steps that seemed so hopelessly lost after Merlyn’s sudden death. Everything he accomplished in this brief period of peace, it was all because of her. He loved her, he loved her. He couldn’t lose her. He loved her.
He cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said. “He’s an imbecile. I know that. I just can’t help but wonder if he would have turned out differently if I—”
“If you what, Arthur?” Genny stepped forward so she was closer to him, her hands came to rest on his chest. “You didn’t know. You tried to take care of him when you knew. It’s not your fault that Morgan never attempted to contact you, or anything else. You did the best you could. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”
Arthur stared at her pleading eyes. She wanted him to be okay. He wanted to be okay. He wanted to believe her, but there was just something there that hounded him. He should have checked on Morgan. He should have written to her much earlier. He should have, should have, should have.
His hands on Genny’s hips gently pushed her away. “I need to dress for the day. I have a meeting with Dinadan.”
He climbed the remainder of the stairs and pretended he didn’t feel her burning gaze.
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I am still writing sword fic and yes it is still a monster, but here’s a snippet from the new opening scene of (I Just Died) In Your Arms:
He was gullible as a boy, too trustworthy, dangerous flaws, but at least he had the potential to outgrow them. He thought the tournament was special because his cousin was newly knighted, and he was now one step closer to becoming something, something besides a ward. A squire. Or maybe it was because of the crowd, the sheer size of the roster, the nobleman and the knights and the clergy. Or maybe it was because Sir Ector wanted him to have a nice time. Show him something besides home.
But he- he remembered how his family talked in whispers, and Kay’s eagerness. What did he want? To win. To prove himself. What any young man wanted.
You didn’t know what you wanted, though.
Kay wanted to win, but he was forgetful, a little impulsive. “Damn it,” he’d muttered, looking over his shoulder, his visor raised. Arthur held the reins to his horse. God, what had he done wrong? He’d spent the entire night polishing his armor, sharpening his-
“I forgot the bloody sword,” Kay had said.
Arthur didn’t go to his first tournament.
He had to find a weapon for his knight.
He walked through the empty London streets. All of the buildings seemed so tall, the streets so vast, and the church spires were like stars. Could he climb them, like the trees back home? He spent his afternoons hiding in the leaves. He was too old, but they blocked out noise. They let him be alone.
It was still snowing when he reached the stone.
Alone in the churchyard, a silent sanctuary-- the sounds of the tournament didn’t follow him there. No one did.
Arthur didn’t go to his first tournament.
Instead, he stood in front of a stone, holding a sword too big in his hands.
He never liked tournaments.
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