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starlight-library · 3 months

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Opposites attract | MV1

pairing: max verstappen x technical theater!y/n (they/them)

summary: you visit max after a long tech weekend, which is in time for the miami gp

warnings: fluff, google translated dutch (so sorry), me geeking out about my profession, maybe accidental OOC??, suggestive

a/n: reader is AFAB gender neutral! request open! sorry in advance cause there's no proofreading, im dying like a man. also first time writing don’t kill me ❤️

wc: 1.3K

Tech was the best and worst time of the year. The best time since the actors, director, crew, and creative all come together to finally put the show together. The best time because the show is officially handed over to the stage manager. It was also the worst time because of such long hours, lots of hold, and the stage manager’s sanity is holding on by a thread.

The first day wasn’t so bad. You arrived at the theater at 8am. You found your table and laid everything out. Your ASM and PA, your life line and team members, made sure everything else was set up. The other technicians arrived at 9am as they stated on the schedule and finally actors arrived at 10am. You had everyone in a circle introducing themselves to the new group: name, pronouns, role, fun fact. Then the director stated you guys would be going from top of the show and this was your time and your rehearsal. It was long but quick.

The second and third day were killer though. It was painfully slow as techs were. You spend most of your day here. Stage managers were the first ones in and last ones out and this tech was a 10 out of 12 (breaks for lunch, obviously, but you spend literally 12 hours in a dark theater just stopping and going while they add lights, sound, props, costumes, etc.) What’s worse is because you’re running the show you have to stay on top of everything, unless an emergency of course.

That includes not being able to really talk to your boyfriend.

You and Max were very keen on communicating and checking in since both your jobs were so demanding. Sometimes you guys could talk for hours while others it was a simple ‘hi dear, hope you have a good day’ ‘hi schatje, hope you’re sleeping well’ but when you were in tech it was a miracle if you sent a good morning text to inform him you were alive.

It’s around one am when you arrive back to the housing provided by the theater. By the time you get ready for bed it’s one thirty. You’re exhausted and your body is so desperately craving the sleep it’s been lacking but you will yourself to check your phone.

10 am:

Good morning, schatje ❤️. I hope you have a good day at tech today.

12pm:

Make sure you eat something today, please. I know how busy things can get sometimes. I’ll send you money to eat. I cannot believe the theater isn’t providing food for you or the crew. I can call them and give them a piece of my mind.

3pm:

Why did tech have to land on this weekend? It’s different with you not here. Are you watching at least?

…you know I can pay for you. You don’t have to work if you don’t want.

5pm:

Practice was okay. The random rain shower made things interesting for sure. Not my best time but I managed.

I miss you.

10pm:

I love you Schatje. I’m going to head to bed. Wish you were here with me. ❤️

Your heart pulls reading the messages. You quickly type out a few replies to Max:

Hi darling, I’m okay Yes, I made sure I ate today. No you don’t have to call the theater. It’s fine.

That’s called a sugar baby, darling. Not that I wouldn’t mind… I miss you too. I wish tech was over already so we could talk more :(

Well that’s Florida for you. But I’m sorry. I bet you still did amazing. I love you too. I’ll talk to you soon love, sleep well ❤️

You put your phone down after and let yourself drift off to sleep.

—————————————

“Alright Jonathan, I’ll talk to you later…bye now.”

Pocketing your phone when the conversation ends, you shuffle around your room as you get dressed. You’re thankful practice and qualifiers are late in the day giving you the extra sleep you need. Checking yourself out in the mirror, you do a spin. Sneakers, skirt, and one of the many fan designed Red Bull shirts you bought. This one was based off of Taylor’s Swift ‘Eras Tour’ but instead had pictures of your boyfriend and said ‘Verstappen’ instead. Grabbing your sunglasses, bag, and paddock pass you triple checked everything before heading off on your adventure.

Arriving to the paddock you easily scan in and navigate your way through. You keep your head down eyes glued to your phone and nobody really bats an eye to you. Thank god. You didn’t want the surprise to be ruined. Your eyes scan before you find the Red Bull garage. You slow your steps as you scan the garage not spying your boyfriend. A frown pulls to your lips as you step in, sunglasses being pushed to rest on the top of your head as you find Christian.

“Christian,” you call out with a smile as the principal turns. You make your way over and give him a quick hug.

“Oh Y/N,” Christian says and you see relief wash over him, “thank god you’re here. Max has been a fucking terror so far.” The remark makes you laugh, “I’m serious! He’s been extra grumpy since we arrived. I had to threaten to ban you from the garage to get him to tone it down. Handle him. Please.”

“I will when I find out exactly where he is.”

“Driver’s room.”

“Thank you. Promise he’ll be ready for tomorrow.”

“He better!” You hear Christian call out as you leave the garage. It does not take you long to find Max’s room and you know on the door.

You hear some shuffling and swearing in Dutch before the door swings open. You’re met with a “what?” and a scowl which causes you to smile brightly. “Fancy seeing you here,” you tease and watch Max’s scowl fall as it takes him a moment to process before you’re yanked forward.

You crash into his chest and laughs. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you bury your face in the crook of his neck as he hugs you tightly. He pulls away as he cups your face.

“I—schatje! What are you here? I thought you were working all weekend?”

“Between rehearsal and tech, we reached 42 hours. Jonathan said it wasn’t worth calling equity up to try and get overtime. So, he gave us the weekend off,” you beam and burst into laughter as he smothers your face in kisses, smiling widely.

“I’ve heard you’ve been very grumpy these past few days,” you remark through giggles.

“I have,” he replies bluntly, “you’ve been so busy and this Grand Prix has been testing my patience,” it’s his turn to bury his face in the crook of your neck. Your eyes flutter close and you let a breathy sigh escape feeling his lips leave feathery kisses along your neck.

“Max..”

“Missed you,” Max mumbled through kisses as he works his way up your neck to your jaw, “missed my good luck charm on my arm,” he kisses along your jaw, “missed having you wait for me in my driver’s room,” he makes his way up to your bottom lip and nips, “we have so much catching up to do..”

Turning your head away, giggling, “you have practice and qualifiers to get through first, mister,” You say earning a very small pout from the Dutchman, “how about, you place top five for qualifiers and I’ll spend the night at your hotel.” You let a finger gently trail long his jaw, down his neck, and to his chest before he drops.

Max follows your finger eyes darkening as he sticks his tongue out slightly to lick his bottom lip. Looking back up at you, “and if I get pole?”

Smiling innocently, you bat your lashes, “why do you think I wore a skirt?” A voice rings out for Max. Max groans as he squeezes you. He leans down to kiss your cheek before murmuring in your ear, “I expect you back here after qualifiers, bent over, skirt up for me.”

A shiver runs down your spine. He smirks and you want to wipe that smirk off his face. The voice is closer and you quick Max a quick peck with a grin, “good luck, sweetheart.” You purr softly and turn out of his grasp and disappear to the motorhome to enjoy the last few hours of your ability to walk.

#starlight library presents;#mv1 imagine #mv1 x reader #mv1 fic #mv1 x theater partner #starlight library fiction #max x technical theater partner #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #f1 reader #f1 fanfic #max verstappen smut #mv1 smut

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inkdemonapologist · 4 months

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!!!!!!!!!!! New Cthulhu Season has started!! this time featuring:

The band at our fancy party started playing a song that Sammy INSTANTLY recognised as his own improv, played a year and some change ago from the balcony of a New Orleans hotel to calm his nerves, which really should not be turning up perfectly replicated here and unsettled him so much that he ended up trying to communicate this to Jack in the LEAST CLEAR WAY IMAGINABLE

we got a supernatural partycrasher at the fancy party which means wE GOT PROPHET IN A SUIT!!! FANCY PROPHET FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES!! his previously prophesied warning of what was to come included the phrase "a report that silences the tongue of ythill," which is apparently what this was, and he got SO EXCITED about the appearance of this weird man making people bleed from the eyes that he booted Sammy from the front to take it all in. THE TIME IS FINALLY AT HAND!!!

i also have a lil smattering of out-of-context quotes from session 1 if ur into that sort of thing: here under the cut!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Jack] Aw, there's no snow in the year before, so probably no snowball fights for Christmas, [GM] Well, we can invent our own, that's fine. [Sammy] It's the ONE difference! IDENTICAL TO OUR WORLD, except for on December 25th there was snow, don't worry about it. [GM] And tape recorders! [Sammy] There's tape recorders, and there was snow on December 25th, 1934. [Sammy] AND ALSO CTHULHU IS REAL. But other than that it's exactly the same. [GM] That's it, just those little things. [Henry] A minor detail.

[GM] Another question: Christmas is on a Tuesday, does the Studio get days off? [Joey] In the Cthulhu universe, yes… And It's All Henry's Fault.

[Jack] Anyone who failed their Sanity gain checks in '35 -- it's the anticipation. [Sammy] Yeah, it's just driving you absolutely bonkers that this prophecy still hasn't happened, can it go ahead and get it over with? I hate having this hanging over my head! [Sammy] And if you PASS your sanity check, and gained sanity, it could be that you're just INCREASINGLY IN DENIAL. Like, you know what? Maybe he forgot!

[Jack] Jack's the most likely to keep up with these poor people we keep roping into our nonsense! [Joey] Hey, HEY! [Jack] "Welcome to the group! You're only here for a little bit, but have some trauma! Trauma for you! And trauma for you! BYE"

[Sammy] We're like Absol. We're not CAUSING the trouble, but it IS in our wake, constantly. [Jack] Absol is 100% a modern teenage Joey Drew's fursona. [Joey] ….Yeah…

[Henry] Is it an easier apartment to get to, for Joey, than the one he has? [Joey] That is a really good question. [GM] It has ONE flight of stairs, but it doesn't have ten zillion flights, so I mean, it's better, probably! It DID have an evil ritual in it,

[Jack] *reading the inflation calculator* $1,000 in 1935 is… 22 thousand.. and a half… dollars????? [Joey] GREAT! *claps* STUDIO'S FUNDED! :D [Jack] Joey, no, [Sammy] You can do that with YOUR money, [Joey] I mean, that IS what's going to happen to Joey's money, Joey's just going to immediately dump it into the studio. Grant gets a LOVELY holiday present where suddenly, the numbers are not in the red anymore! [GM] This is how Grant doesn't become the final boss. [Sammy] Is that a present? IS THAT A PRESENT??? Grant looks at the numbers and they're suddenly bigger? WHAT'S HAPPENING [Jack] Sounds like a tax nightmare… he assumes his mind is broken, he's gone delusional, [Sammy] Joey's not thinking about how this affects TAXES he's just like, OH BOY! More money! Grant'll work that out. :) [Joey] Yeah! :D

[Sammy] Oh wow, mistletoe's been around for a while. [Sammy] …I say, as if mistletoe, the plant, is newly invented,

[Jack] We need to even the playing field; Henry's the highest, we need to drag him down to our level!

[GM] Let's say it's just you guys, and Peter and Susie, and Norman took off. [Sammy] Aw, don't wanna stay late? Old man, gotta get to bed? [GM] Maybe not if people are saying THAT at him,

*after finding a major ice rink was not built until 1936* [GM] Well, maybe everyone can do that when they DEFINITELY survive and come out victorious next year! :) [Sammy] ….survive?! Nothing's happened! It's a CHRISTMAS PARTY. [Jack] I HOPE we're surviving the Christmas Party, the food's not THAT bad, is it? [Henry] We solved your Christmas puzzle! [Jack] The Christmas Puzzle is how much food can we trick Joey into eating by handing it to him,

[Jack] Oh no, Spark's gone to… CATCOSA…. !

[Sammy] That's fine, Disney still hasn't caught up with us, so. [Jack] Well they're havin' this whole weird issue with like, ink and cultists, it's a bit weird… bunch of the staff started going missing…? [Sammy] *laughing* The entirety of Bendy and the Ink Machine happens, just OVER THERE. We averted it so now Disney has to do it.

[Henry] I will say, Henry's been a little uneasy all day. This doesn't affect anything, it's just for flavour. [GM] But he is in a really nice suit! [Sammy] Well THAT's why he's uneasy. They had to smooth his hair, and he's in a whole suit, [GM] In a vest that actually fits, [Henry] Unrecognisable. [Jack] Who is this stranger?

[GM] Make spot (hidden) checks! [Jack] *whispering* I hope it's Norman. [GM] Both of you spot a familiar face, before he's able to come accost you -- it's not Norman, it's Denis! [Sammy] oh gosh. [Joey] Well… I don't know if that's better or worse than my initial guess of Avedon,

[GM] He greets you all cheerful-like, "fancy meeting you here!" sort of thing-- [Sammy] Sammy still doesn't shake his hand. [GM] --he knows you as Joseph, doesn't he? [Joey] Oh no…. Joey was trying to hide his name in New Orleans… [Jack] That's fine, it's all about reinvention!

[Sammy] You know how in the Illusion of Living, Wally comes up and Joey randomly starts talking about how he's a great guy and a hard worker, and you're like, we were talking about something else ten seconds ago Joey PLEASE stay focused, [Sammy] Anyway, I'm imagining that but with Peter?

[Sammy] The Studio just had a big release last year, and I just got this really nice car! and *mumbling* those events aren't actually connected, BUT!! Through the power of leaving out the middle bit, you can assume they are!

[GM] Sammy, make a listen check! [Sammy] EXTREME SUCCESS, I rolled a THREE. [GM] Oh cool! Make a sanity check! [Sammy] oh no,,, [Joey] *Mario voice* HERE WE GO!

[Sammy] Sammy is gonna look at Joey, see that Joey is like…. in the midst of a conversational manoeuvre, and go, run try to find Jack. I don't know if he'll GET there, but, [GM] He can at least locate Jack, I would think, unless Jack is in a back room kissing boys or whatnot!

[GM] This guy is wearing a really severe, matte black suit, and has unnaturally white skin, his hair is black and very oiled in a severe widow's peak-- [Jack] It's him! Bendy Inkmachine!! [GM] I'm reading this description RIGHT from the book, I need you to know that.

[GM] The music's also definitely come to a stop, while all this was going on. And then there's a gunshot! And now there's just a big, yknow, panic, like you get! [Jack] Avedon's here! [Sammy] There'd be more French-accented yelling if Avedon were here. [Joey] I like how we're just going to end up willing Avedon into this scenario by making repeated "Avedon's here" jokes, [Jack] I mean, I've been trying to do the same with Norman, but it's either not working, or we haven't rolled Spot high enough to find him yet!

[GM] You guys get interviewed and asked what you saw, and what happened! [Sammy] …hang on, I gotta roll a check. [Sammy] *rolls* … OKAY COOL Sammy's back. [Joey] *laughing* Sammy interview, or Prophet interview? [Sammy] They were going to get a REALLY interesting interview if I rolled better on willpower!

[GM] Do you suppose Joey would've helped Susie shop for a dress that she could conceal a firearm in? [Joey] [Joey] sURE! [Joey] I mean I feel like, "would Joey help Susie shop for a dress," stop the sentence there: absolutely yes. There's other things to consider with dress? Well that just makes it a fun challenge now!

[GM] The police ask you what you saw. What do you tell them, about your experiences this evening? [Sammy] Sammy didn't see a lot. There was some commotion and a gunshot. [Joey] Yeah, I think Joey's just going to report that he just heard commotion happening up front, and quickly decided that he wasn't interested in commotion!

[Henry] Who was it who saw people with bloody eyes? [Sammy] Uh, that was Sammy, he's not mentioning that part.

[Jack] *rolls* Normal success for Jack. [Henry] *rolls* Hard success! [Sammy] *rolls* EXTREME success, I rolled a ten! [Joey] *rolls* …what's the fumble point, again?

[GM, as Denis] "There was a yellow sign at the Mardi Gras party last year! I thought it was a lucky charm, but I guess… it wasn't? I had a friend who said it wasn't, actually. You should watch out for those signs. Yes." [Joey] *so tired* Okay, that's… that's fine… [Henry] "Very helpful, thank you." [Jack] (This guy's great, can we keep him?) [Joey] (NO.)

[Henry] Henry is going to have so much anxiety. Like, just in general, but over this, too. [Sammy] "going to"??? [Henry] *laughing* No, you're right. What I'm learning is that Henry CAN slide into being mostly even-headed about crises, but he has to have a moment of "Oh God, oh fuck, oh geez" first. [GM] I think Peter does that in reverse. [Sammy] Yeah, that makes sense -- Sammy just shoots straight for "OH COOL, WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!"

[GM] How much do you suppose these boys are up on vernacular and slang? [Henry] Henry might've picked up something from his kids, that's all I've got [Sammy] That's cute… Henry knows what yeet means... [Joey] I WAS ALSO GONNA SAY HENRY KNOWS WHAT YEET MEANS,

[Sammy] I do appreciate Jack being the one to notice that the prophecy might be a pun.

[Sammy] What do we even DO with this? What do we do next… [Joey] *muttering* That's what I've been trying to think of for the last like… half hour, Sammy…! [Joey] This isn't Joey-voice, this is just me-voice. [Jack] Yeah, Joey would never admit weakness in front of Peter Sunstram. [Joey] Yeah. Correct.

[Jack] Well if anyone else wants coffee, Jack might end up makin' some! [Jack] You know, that 11:30 coffee.

[Sammy] "Well, if he plays clarinet, let us know." [GM] Peter tips his head as if he's thinking of looking that up -- not looking it up, looking into it! [Jack] Yeah, just google it, Pete! What are you waiting for! [GM] On his cell phone, [Jack] You gotta pull out your Bendyphone! [Sammy] JDS is responsible for all anachronistic devices.

[Jack] Is It An Insanity Or Is It Just The ADHD

[Joey] Is Joey gonna make stupid decisions…? [Sammy] JOEY,,, [Sammy] Augh, I should've gone with him, [Joey] *rolls* *starts cackling maniacally* [Jack] *deadpan* Oh gee I wonder what the result is, [Joey] *audibly grinning* Joey might try to dream spell… Y? [Sammy] WHAT?! [Henry] Joey what are you doing…. [Sammy] JOEY DREW!!!

[Henry] I roll to see if Henry's "Joey's Doing Something Stupid" senses are tingling [Joey] Yeah, I think it's fair for Henry to have a "Is Joey Doing Something Stupid" sense that goes off fifty percent of the time, [Sammy] It's NOT USEFUL because it's ALWAYS HAPPENING,

#quote post #call of cthulhu: haunted hijinx #sammy lawrence #jack fain #prophet sammy #when in doubt just keep drawing #already vibrating about these boys once again

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animatorweirdo · 1 year

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Imagine trying to enjoy alone time in a tavern, but then ending up as the local therapist for an elf and his relatives.

Imagine trying to simply enjoy some alone time in a tavern, drinking some beverage, and minding your own business till you meet this one elf and became regular chat buddies. Now, the relatives of this elf keep coming to the tavern to talk about their problems with you.

Warnings: reader’s sanity gets tested.

---------------------------------------------------------

Day 1

Maedhros: *Walks into the tavern, takes a seat, orders a drink, and slams his head against the table*

You: Now that sounds like someone is done with everyday life.

Maedhros: You have no idea.

You: Which one for you, work or unbearable relatives?

Maedhros: Hmm?

You: Work or unbearable relatives? Sometimes it's the work that tires you out, but sometimes it’s the relatives– who do things that make you tick beyond measure.

Maedhros: Hmm… both. Why would you like to know?

You: Just filling out boredom. Wanna have a drink? I can pay for you because you look like you need it.

Maedhros: Well – that is nice of you. I am Maedhros.

You: (Name)

After a week of meeting with Maedhros to shit talk about family, drink, and send each other off– not to be seen for another week.

Maedhros: And yet again, I have to clean up after my brothers.

You: Man, that sucks.

Maedhros: Indeed. I have to go. It was nice talking to you.

You: Bye.

Maedhros: Farewell.

Maedhros: *Walks out of the tavern after paying the bartender*

You: *Sits in silence, drinking*

Maglor: *Walks in and notices you*

Maglor: Excuse me? Are you (Name)?

You: Uuh – yeah?

Maglor: I heard about you from my brother, Maedhros. He apparently likes to come here to talk and drink with you.

You: And you are?

Maglor: I am Maglor.

You: Ah, the one that sings in the morning and never shuts up.

Maglor: What?

You: Nothing! What do you want?

Maglor: I will be honest. I need to relieve something out of my chest. And since Maedhros likes talking with you. I have been ha — *talks about his problems with his family*

You: *Staring at him, confused.*

You: Wha –?

Week 2

You: *Trying to enjoy peace after having talk sessions with both Maedhros and Maglor for a week.

Caranthir: You!

You: Wah! What!

Caranthir: Are you (Name)?

You: uhm – yes? I’m sorry. Did I do something to piss you off?

Caranthir: No. Why would you think that?

You: You look angry.

Caranthir: Well, I’m not. I am Caranthir. I heard about you from two of my brothers, Maedhros and Maglor.

You: Oh, the grumpy one and the one that hoards all the gold?

Caranthir: What?

You: Nothing! What can I do for you?

Caranthir: I heard talking with you helps relieve stress and resolve problems. So, let me start –

You: And what if I don’t-

Caranthir: I will only talk about this once, so listen carefully. I am so done with my –*talks about his problems with his brothers and relatives and problems managing the money*

You: What?

Week 4

You: *Groaning while lying your head against the table*

Celegorm: You (Name)?!

You: What? Who — who are you two?!

Celegorm & Curufin: *sits on each side of you that you sat between them*

Celegorm: We belong to the same family as the rest of our dear brothers, who seem to like turning their backs on us in our time of need.

You: That – doesn’t tell me anything.

Curufin: His name is Celegorm and I am Curufin.

You: Oh, The unhinged forest goblin and the cheap copy of dad?

Celegorm & Curufin: What?

You: Nothing! I assume you wanna talk and let something out of your chest too?

Celegorm: Excellent! Then there is no need for an explanation. Let me tell you what kind of a rough week we had.

Celegorm: I was planning good things for our people, but they kicked us out because apparently we were evil, and I tried to force myself upon Doriath’s princess. I was only trying to show I would be a better option than that mortal man. She even stole my dog!

Celegorm: Can you believe that? And all people claim we’re the most problematic people in Beleriand.

You: Didn’t you try to kill them, though?

Curufin: And my son doesn’t want to be my son anymore? Apparently, I disgusted him so much that he decided to disown himself.

You: —what?

Week 6

You: *Groaning even harder after exhausting weeks of listening to the feanorians’ problems*

Fingon: Excuse me, are you by any chance (Name)?

You: Please, don’t tell me you’re one of Maedhros’s brothers!

Fingon: Oh no, I’m not.

You: – really?

Fingon: I’m his half-cousin!

You: dammit!

Week 8

Fingolfin: You must be (Name)

You: Huh?

Fingolfin: Okay, let me talk about my kids and those problematic nephews of mine.

You: Sir? Do I know you?

Fingolfin: My kids don’t listen to me, and my half-brother’s kids just do anything they like, causing problems and being a bunch of ruffians.

You: Sir? Sir? SIR?!

Week 14

Maedhros: Hey, (Name). Sorry, I have not been visiting for a while. I have been busy with work.

Maedhros: (Name)?

You: *You sit up, shadows and bags in your eyes, exhausted and looking like you were going to break down at any moment*

Maedhros: (Name)! What happened? You look awful!

You: You – and the rest of your family need to find professional help.

#maedhros x reader #maglor x reader #caranthir x reader #celegorm #curufin #fingon #fingolfin #silmarillion x reader #silmarillion #tolkien #middle earth x reader #middle earth #elf therapy #feanorians x reader #silmarillion imagine #middle earth imagines

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jonahmagnus · 23 hours

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How I think the TOH characters would react to you asking their pronouns:

1) Luz Noceda

Start of season one: "Uh, she/her! I think."

By the end of season one: "She/her! For noww~..." *double pistols and a wink*

Season two: "She/they baby! What about you?"

Season three: "She/they, but I dont really care."

Post show: "Ehhh, call me whatever. Follow your heart! See where the wind takes you. Look into the sunset. Listen to the whistle of the sea breeze. The answer lies within your heart, you just have to listen" *leaves before you can figure out what the fuck that means*

2) Gus Porter

"He/they, thanks for asking!" Hes a gay ally at the start of season one, but only because he learned about how humans are opporessed for "being happy" in their realm and that broke his heart so much he swore to stand by any "gay" human he ever found. So he self-identifies as an ally dispite being literally bisexual. Luz considers explaining what gay means in human modern context, but decides this is funnier, and then forgets about it.

3) Willow Park

Start of season one: "O-oh! She/they, thanks for asking! What about you?" A little unsure of herself gender wise but is coming into it

By season two: "They/She! What about you?" *Winks* By this point shes grown into herself and identifies as nonbinary. However, hes still not ready to peer into the depths of his soul and acknowledge the true hidden truth at the bottom there. No little plant boy dont internalize that!!!!

Post-show: "She/he/they, thanks for asking!" This is still fully a lie but he plays cat and mouse with his own gender for a couple years after the show. Literally refuses to think about it. He has other shit going on (he doesnt).

Finally, post-post-show: "He/him! Yours?" He is a nonbinary butch womanthing. Thank god he finally figured that out. Amity and Gus quietly exchange their bet money. Amity won.

4) Amitt Blight

Season one: "She/her. What do you want." I loved her bitch era it was so fun.

Season two: "She/they! Uh, thanks... for asking? Am I supposed to ask for yours now?" Still figuring out the proper etiquette. God bless her soul.

Season 3: "Oh, she/they. You?" This social script is so ingrained in her autistic speech patterns and mind that she acidentally said it to a cafe worker once and she almost turned herself into goo. Rip autopilot girlie......

Post-show: "She/they! :) What about yours?" She is secure in her answer now 👍 a certified category five nonbinary woman moment.

5) Hunter Noceda

Season one: "My..... whats?" You try to explain what they are to him and he says "My uncle says gender is a sin and I should never fall into it lest my soul be lost. And I dont know what that means but I dont want him to be mad at me so. Bye" and then he would flee the scene at 300mph and have a panic attack about in the closet.

Season two: "Oh... uh.... he... him?? I think??" *remembers youre supposed to ask something back* "Why do you need to know that" he sounds increasingly desperate as he realizes the social script for this conversation is slipping from his grasp, much like his current sanity.

Season 3: "Oh, oh, uhm, he/him, I guess" He sounds VERY unsure about that. You eye the book in his shoulder bag, and he shuffles awkwardly.

Post-show: "They/he!" They say, still a little haltingly. You nod like you believe it.

Post-post-show: "They...he... it? I mean I like they and it the most but Uhm he is still fine its fine like Im still a human. Im still a human... man" okay Hunter, for sure.

Post-post-post-post-show: "she...they?????" Sure Hunter

Post-post-post-post-post-show: "she/IT???" she shoulds desperate. Okay hunter.

Post-post-post-post-post-postshow: "It/its, but she/her is fine as well. Uh, thanks for asking. Uh. You?" There we go. Glad you finally came to this realization. The Murderbot Diaries would have irreversible affects on its gender.

#the owl house #toh #hunter noceda #amity blight #willow park #gus porter #luz noceda #LOL. lmao even #In honor of the TOH pilot leaking <3 #long post #tag #gender headcanons

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sirensea14 · 3 days

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SHUTANGINA ANG INIT GUSTO KO NANG GUPITIN UNG BUHOK KO TAS BIGLANG NAGPA-ASYNCHRONUS, AMPOTEK, UNG PICTORIAL NAMIN 😭😭😭

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY ITS 11 PM RN AND ITS FUCKING 36°C (yes, im usually still awake in this hour lol)

AND THEN THEY SUSPENDED CLASSES CUZ ITD BE WAY TOO HOT OUTSIDE (it would feel like 45°C but its actually just 35°)

AND THEN I CAN ONLY DRINK COLD WATER CUZ WE AINT HAVIN ENOUGH FUCKING MONEY FOR ICE CREAMS

Ugh i cant sleep well like this. And its been like this since... The end of march? Or the start of april? Around there. Which is LATE cuz the sunny season usually starts at march.

I WANNA CUT MY HAIR SO BADLY HELP, BUT I CANT CUZ WE WONT BE HAVING A PICTORIAL TOMORROW DUE TO EXTREME HEAT😭😭😭😭 i canttttt--

Damn it ... Its so hard to live with thick heavy hair, and its only medium length yet! Imagine if it was long up to my waist, itd be a nightmare

I cant sleep, way too hot and the electric fan's in front of me, man. Its still way too damn hot. Im wearning fucking shorts and a t shirt (cant wear those a shirts tho, i have those but its way too short for my liking) And then fucking mosquito net bruh. Ive given up setting them up but my mom wont budge, she wants me to set them up all times even tho its blocking the wind from the electric fan...

No art today. Just complaints. I cant do any art for fucks sake cuz of this goddamn extreme heat and rushed schoolworks that makes me lose my motivation. Good thing watching my favorite gamers on yt still kept my sanity. I still want to cut my hair tho 😭

Damnit i need to sleep now, bye

#siren screams #complaining

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14846 · 26 days

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Chapter 7: Battered and Bruised

A lone farmer and daughter were riding in their horse-drawn covered wagon toward the interior. With the bounds of cash money Reiner still had, he offered a portion to the pair in exchange for a ride to their destination. It was an easy success, and the large male was stuffed in the back of the covered wagon where the farmer’s daughter rested during the night. An awkward situation, to say the least. Being the same age as this other individual did not make his case rest easy, and not on any premise that he took interest in her, but rather another one. Two young people who should be enjoying life in a city, making friends, drinking and being merry, stuffed in the back of a wagon trying to survive in two different situations. She wouldn’t stop looking at him, and it made him uncomfortable. He probably would have as well if a stranger camped by him almost unannounced.

She slowly handed him a blanket with no words interchanging between them. It would be rude to not accept, so he did, and carefully he wrapped it around his shoulders and leaned back against the frame of he cart. There was a sort of comfort and safety that the farmer and daughter managed to create for him. He could tell in this occurrence, that they were a strong family. They had been through thick and thin together, and it must’ve been, in another sense, much worse than anything he had endured. The amount of answers that these people had never gotten. Answers that he only could tell. The government secrets, the wars, the way the world functioned. He opened his mouth but then closed it. Maybe these people weren’t as ignorant as he thought.

He could not sleep, and in a way to try to make the situation more comforting to the lady by him, he closed his eyes and pretended to doze. He was still in high gear from the leaf he held so dearly in his bag. Oh, how wonderful it was. It helped him so much, and even with his sanity. He knew it needed to go, and he was proud of himself for not taking nearly as much as he did a few days ago, but it was really nothing in the large scheme of things. He did not dare to count how many more leaves of the dwindling package he had were left.

By the light of the sun piercing through the veil of the covered wagon, his eyes finally fluttered open in the act of sleep. The lady had so obviously lulled off, and so in order not to disturb her, he slowly scooted over toward the opening of the butt of the wagon to peer out. They were well within the once interior sector of the walls. In a town, too. He had to hop off. He quickly and foolishly tucked his body to form against outside of the wagon and peered his torso to face the direction of the front of the wagon. The top of the head of the farmer told him that perhaps he was within earshot of the older man. “Mister- hey! I should be getting off now!” His hands clutched and almost tore against the fabric that was curved over the barred frame of the roof of the wagon as it hit a bump. He definitely did not make himself look intelligent. Nor did he even realize that the sound of his yelling could potentially awaken the slumbering girl a yard away from his legs.

The farmer pulled on the reins and allowed for the horses to draw to a stop, and the burly blonde fumbled off over the edge. He felt his feet meet with the stony floor, and he passed around the front of the wagon and exchanged a good-bye with the older man. A mutual benefit for the two of them.

Reiner felt like an infiltrator. The more and more he spent on the island, the more he realized that he was never going to be able to assimilate himself. His heart felt empty and sullen as he felt his shoes fair beneath the stony road. He would have to find another way to Janette’s tavern. It was in the next town over, a close enough venture that he was thankful enough to get so close to. But now it was dangerous. Now it was all upon the luck the Jotunns might be able to spare onto him if he could make it. A wanted man out in the open, dragging his feet without a weapon. No weapon other than the beard shaving knife. He still failed to keep the hair on his head in order.

He could only keep. Moving. Forward. The beat of his heart became the rhythm and pace set for his venture. The rumbling and verbiage coming from other people, some even trying to stop him to try some samples of store-fronted goods were ignored. A man gone. A man away from his people. A man run wild except for the thought of trying to find his place in this ever changing world.

He had managed to take some rations of food from the Inn’s provided breakfast and keep it in his bag. This bag was starting to look much more like a horrible make of craftsmanship by the day, but it still worked. The blonde would extract some bread from the bag and pick at it as he kept walking, all in hopes that it’d be enough once he was able to reach his terminus.

The thrill in his eyes, and a falter of the way his legs gave in to beg for not another step to be taken, and Reiner could see the town he so desperately longed to get back to. He had not been there since the day of his arrest, as he had been transferred from this location straight to a hospital by the prison far off in some sort of vertical trajectory.

It was still vacant, even when the sun was just hardly settling. This time of day was so inviting for the youth to go in celebration for another day over, but it was unnerving as he stepped into desolation. There was some ash strewn about. It had fluttered from closer within the interior, it seemed. He picked up the pace, suddenly feeling his bones prick and tremble for what he was about to see.

It was like his first night within these grounds was a premonition for this sight. The embers of fireworks were now embers of fallen flames. The closer he got up the road, the more heat he could feel buzzing into his skin. The thicker the ash got, the closer he was approaching toward the tavern.

A loud pop brought him out of sorts, and the hazel-eyed man had no possible way out except to flinch. This nightmare was real. The time between now and his first, fateful night in the premise was absolutely nothing but a straight line of day and night. The promise of destruction was inevitable.

He looked down at his shoes, and they had become ashen and white. It started to cake onto his face, and the man had absolutely no choice but to spit in his hand and clear his eyes. Would there still be people rioting in the area? Or had they moved on? What was the news? Obviously the town he had just been in earlier had not been affected. Was he too blind to notice any fluttering ash around the previous town grounds? Had the envokers of his damage been captured and criminalized? His eyes burned so bad that there must’ve been streaks of tears that had stained down his cheeks.

What a horrible cavale this had ended up being. How had it felt like so long since he had been arrested, and yet so soon that he could still feel the heat of embers ablaze further within the interior? Could it be that fire could last longer than even the sorrow he felt in his cell? His hazel eyes kept forward with piercing resilience despite the horrible, shaky feeling he felt at any noise that came through the empty streets.

It felt like a perfect opportunity for an ambush. He didn’t know why he was so stupid to walk so clearly in the center of a road, but perhaps if he had accepted this paranoia of his, he would’ve been too scared to even move an inch further. His feet hurt so bad now, his shins aching in splints that had never healed. He’d have to stop very soon to massage them.

His surroundings started to look familiar to him, and with a shaky hand, he cleared another wave of ash that blurred over his face. He begged his body to keep going, and perhaps it was a sorry sight to see. A stupid boyish man being somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be; let alone his current existence of being a convict. What a shame. The tavern was within sight, and in a last quick gate, Reiner found his arms pulling at the doors. They were locked. What was he expecting? A warm welcome?

A window? The back door? He just about looked everywhere and had to reluctantly make do with the window option. He had to meander around the street for a while, possibly looking like a lunatic, but at least he was alone for all his knowledge. He found a stone of the road that had been slightly dislodged, and for about ten minutes Reiner finished the job of freeing it from its cemented brethren. He heaved it up, walked it over despite the pain that shrieked and cried from his shins. He swore with every step he was losing control with the nerves that connected to his feet. It meant no matter, and he raised the stone up and tossed it toward the front window, right where he sat that first night when Janette took him in. The stone shattered the glass, and it sent shards sprawling all over the inside and onto the table and chair he once sat in peacefully.

A horrible thing. The damage and happiness that he felt guilty over. Because of foreign people like him, there was a need of disagreement within the peoples of Paradis. Because he had went against what Eren wanted, he was demonized. He had caused this disparage among these innocent people.

He had no blanket to cover up the shardeed window, and so he had to brave his body over the torture of knives raking against him as he crawled over and through the broken window. It tore his body, but it was something he’d do all over again if it meant he could be an inch closer to Janette.

And like so many times mentioned before. He was a warrior. He was a soldier. Deep inside he still held that latter title close to his heart. But now this was no home for him. He reminded himself that he was the first one to cause the destruction that these poor people endured. He had long come to some closure for it, but the reality of it was still so galvanizing.

The noise of groaning surprised him, and at first he was confused until he realized it was coming from himself. He looked down and saw that he had gashed himself pretty good right below his bottom rib, and the pain that surged was a bit delayed until now. By far, this was the worst panty-raid that he had ever been on. A panty raid. What a horrible joke that he shunned his mind away from. That was something he’d think of when he was what? 17? Why now? He blamed the coca leaves.

His body became numb to just about any further effort. This adventure was starting to get tiring, and he just felt about ready to lay down and finally hit some sleep. The big sleep. Not the kind that happened when someone died, but the kind that happened when you were awake for days on end. He also blamed the coca leaves. He rested a hand on his new, bothersome wound, and went behind the counter where he knew a first-aid kit must’ve been kept. He remembered because one day Janette had gone around and grabbed him a bandaid when he had gotten a splinter. A mere splinter and his poor friend initiated such tender care to it. His heart fuzzed over but then broke in deep, furrowing cracks. He ruined it.

He found the kit and opened it up, his hands becoming comically more shaky as he realized how deprived of subsistence he had become throughout this whole time. He lifted his shirt, and suddenly his eyes wavered. Salty water hit against his chest, pants, and shoes. What a pathetic man to be crying now. He invoked pain yet again, because the ash started to mix and bleed into his eyes. He couldn’t even wipe it away because of how filthy his hands had become. It wasn’t the pain of his wound that made him like this.

He had endured like he had felt the pain of every backstab of every individual he had ever betrayed in his life. Someone like Reiner could spiral, and though he was strong -real strong- he couldn’t help but slip once and awhile. He just wanted to be so selfishly taken care of again like when Janette put that bandage around his finger. More importantly, he wanted to be able to take care of her. He had done a horrific job at proving that.

At first he leaned forward to try and allow the tears to fall straight from his eyes and prevent any ash from further mixing and sweltering into his eyes, but then the pain from his stomach made him stop. It was because of this bend, though, that he was able to see something different. A piece of paper, covered in ash- possibly why he didn’t see it to begin with- a few feet away tucked under a bottle of champagne. It was because of his slight bend that he was able to see the curvature of paper underneath some blown over ash from the outside.

He would have to see to it after he fixed himself up. Something drew him close to the folded paper, and he quickened his teary eyes around his laceration and did the best he could given the training he had remembered and materials offered. It was by far a jerry-rigged cover, but it gave his mind some peace. He finally allowed his shirt to lay over the rest of his torso, and he wiped his stained hands over it.

He carefully extracted the folded paper, his heart somehow thudding almost out of his chest as he peeled it open.

—

Reiner, I went home. I don’t know if you will ever even find your eyes on this paper, but it’ll help ease my heart that I made the effort. I’m sure you are aware of the warnings of evacuation. My mother insisted I go home to the farm in Klorva until the government allows us back. Maybe this is my way of saying good-bye. My father called me stupid for writing this, but I don’t think he understands. Maybe one day I will be wrong and see you again.

— cliche but true.

There was nothing the blonde could do but close his eyes. He felt like he had just received the classroom lecture of a lifetime and just needed the sleep in order to be able to absorb all of the information. As much as he just wanted to curl up in the bed provided in the tavern, he knew it could not be good for his lungs or body to stay in such a hazardous location. He needed to leave. His heart practically bellowed before he could even create a coherent thought that he must go to Klorva. He’d be able to see her again.

Priority. His priority was just to ask for forgiveness for leaving her behind. He froze. His feet wouldn’t move any further. What did he do that would deserve any more kindness from her? He had done absolutely nothing at all so far. Everything that had just happened was so within the realm of his doing- his rut. He did not deserve another chance, but in that.. There were miracles. Was it wrong of him to hope for such a thing?

Before any more thoughts could enter his mind, as men tended to allow their heads to go rather blank, he was outside again. Thankfully unlocking the door from the inside was a beautiful tactic instead of having to falter over the broken window again. His mind was in a doozy. His legs were hurting, and the tears that welt over his eyes were dry and apparent in some sick mockery of the lines that were once drawn around his face every time he had become human again and abandoned his titan form.

A creek on the far outskirts of town allowed him to begin to seek some rest, finally a time where his body was cheering on for some relief. He had to move at it slowly, because as he learned in times of previous encounters with similar problems, stopping too quickly could do more damage than good. He paced, slower, then even slower, and then finally stood stationary. He wanted to keep damage control to an absolute minimum, and so he refused to even allow himself the pleasure of sitting until he was absolutely sure he could handle it and be able to get up in the morning. However, a noise of movement nearby prevented him from continuing his catch of eventual sleep.

He was too slow to turn with the agility he was supposed to be promised at this age, and despite having a build as a defensive-positioned football player, an unsuspecting tackle from the back did enough to knock him down on his already defeated, weak shins.

Battered, beaten, and bruised. All three things he had suffered time and time again from being the shield of Marley. Ironically, he simply did not have much more stamina to even be much of a shield for himself in such an isolated moment. However, he managed to somehow form his arms in such a way where he blocked the blow of landing on his head, and the blonde managed to turn accordingly once the weight shifted off of him. He was quick with a punch, not even knowing who this new foe of his was.

It had landed. Easily and hard. Whoever it was tried to land another blow, but it was in such desperation that Reiner had an easy advantage. This person was nothing compared to him in size, and with one, horrifyingly sore kick from his own end, the other went flying a few feet back straight onto their back. Reiner found himself quickly back on his feet, and even taking a few steps back with some cautious looks around for good measure.

His eyes adjusted and followed over the smaller frame of his attacker. No doubt some young prick who tried to thieve over the wrong person. At first reaction he was sure he had been found by some police. This was becoming ridiculous, but the author suspects his lack of capture must have to do with the remaining livelihood of Reiner being connected with the Plot Armored Titan.

The person was motionless, and at first this worried Reiner until a few steps forward confirmed that the other was still breathing. He shook his head and pulled some cash out of his bag and neatly laid it over the poor sop's chest. May they find some solitude.

Too much for rest. He stuffed another bit of leaf in his mouth and continued onward.

#anime #anime and manga #aot reiner #aot #aot x reader #attack on titan #manga #reiner x oc #reiner x reader #aot smut #slow burn #eventual smut #eventual romance #fanfiction #ao3 writer #aot fluff #aot fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #writing

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mobilityshop · 4 months

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#healthcare #hospitalbed #electricprofilingbed #patientcare #medicalequipment #drivedevilbiss #alphalitebed #durable #affordable #easymaintenance #healthcareheroes #byebyebedlam #hellopatientbliss #mobility #mobilityaids #mobilityshop #mobilityshopuk #disability #accessories

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lightspren · 10 months

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also I’m realizing I use this in lieu of actual therapy so most of the time i’m bitching about horrible things so TIME FOR GOOD THINGS

I went out to lunch with a friend - who wasn’t my spouse lmao - for the first time in ages. It was great. will do again sometime.

on that note i made a FRIEND outside the internet. mind boggling. didn’t think i had the skills to do that anymore, thought they’d atrophied to nothing. (imagine lots more enthusiasm here I am trying to keep it toned down a little bit bc friend is Here. but also just imagine all the above that i said coming out of a megaphone in rainbow text and sparkle trails and you’ll have roughly the level of happy im at) (if you see this uh, hello friend! i’m very chill and normal!)

had a nice dinner with my in laws (which they also paid for so +1 to whole experience) and it went well. good for my spouse to get to see them too, since his mom is getting surgery soon on her hand which will limit travel, then I will be getting my surgery which will limit travel, and it’ll be like Sept before we could plan to get together again

my cats seem to be acting healthier and more normal the last couple of days. So even if the fleas are still Around I think they’re dwindling upstairs. 100% still planning on going thru with nuclear warfare aka exterminator, my sanity needs that. But the cats are happier already and when they’re consistently being normal it makes me less scared of them and more willing to interact since they’re probably not a mobile flea palace presently

found out i’ve net deductible and almost met out of pocket with my insurance, so the hysterectomy should only be like $600. which is still way more money than I have but it’s a manageable bill at least.

getting people trained for helping cover me when i’m out is going well. Both the ppl I’m training on halves of my jobs pick it up great. Which really says a lot about them because i SUCK at teaching LOL. Gonna spend the next few weeks reviewing the stuff i’ve already taught them, but i’m Less worried about the clinic going up in smoke while i’m out for a few weeks

my tomato plants are getting huge and i’m so excited. I think i’m gonna have a fuckton of tomatoes, which is what I wanted.

My asthma has been in a phase of largely controlled, which I’m grateful for bc being short of breath when just like. sitting. suuuuuuucks. so bad.

i am still thoroughly enjoying totk, it’s so much fun and makes me very happy.

i think, once we get this flea thing sorted out, I’ll be in a fairly good place. i was already doing some better the past couple days with the cats acting more normal, and with both of us having cleaned the house and not run into mutant swarms of evil flesh eating spider-bug-ants intent on my demise. just gotta get through next week, and hope his treatment can purge them soundly from the basement.

anyway. there’s the rambly positive updates. life goes on etcetc. hugs and kisses bye

#kit talks

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boredgirlsclub · 1 year

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So I just went to see this guy I've been talking to for over a year now long distance. I went alone, payed for everything the hotel, and flight and all and it didn't go well at all. The guy and I have been having communication issues, I have felt that being long distance that we are he should call, face time me more but he kept telling me to go visit him and how he would not put in effort to talk to me if I was not coming or booked a flight. So I booked a flight to see him feeling pressured because he told me he wasn't ever going to see or talk to me again and that he would block me....I expressed many times how anxious I was and overwhelmed with all of this but he assured me it would be okay and that we wouldn't just hookup, we would do other things and not just drink...so when I got there he was working and told me to continue to message him so that he knew I wasn't going out and meeting other guys so I did but still had a dating app downloaded on my phone as I am keeping my options open because the situation with him has been hard and hes not my boyfriend...anyway so while hes at work he tells me to get dressed up and ready to go out because we were going to go out for drinks and dinner. So I got all ready he came and brought the alcohol which I was confused about because I thought we were going out, he then said we were going to drink first then get dinner and i suggested sushi which we was down for so we drank the hotel tequila with a chaser and I ended up getting pretty drunk fast...All I remember after that was walking to get sushi and in the restaurant he asks me to pay and i was like ok..so then they try charging my card and it declines so then he pays but then asks if i can cash app him...the rest of the night was a blur and woke up with throw up all over the bed, he had left and I tried reaching out to him to discover I had been blocked. I was so anxious because he told me how he wouldn't leave me, how I didn't want to drink a lot especially not get blacked out but did...I tried calling him from private number and he finally unblocks me and messages me and goes "listen. I blocked you because you were talking to other men, that's so dirty, you were even trying to meet someone down here, I saw the dating app, the messages, I can't trust you, you really came here to hoe out, bye for good" then blocks me...I'm just so hurt he not only looked though my phone when I was drunk but sent himself money for the sushi while I payed for everything to go see him and waking up naked not remembering anything....The very reason I even had a dating app and was talking to other guys is because he doesn't treat me right and so I especially don't trust him...I could have died being blacked out

first, i’m so sorry this happened to you

second, there should be no hesitation in leaving this situation completely. don’t try to call text. don’t try to explain yourself. don’t reach out. like girl i love you…but i don’t know why you’re even entertaining this. this man has. no money. no manners. no basic human decency??? for your sanity and health, go.

i totally encourage you to look at other options. and raise your bar way (WAY) higher. before that, it might be beneficial to do some inner healing (maybe via therapy or journaling). truly consider: do you know your worth? why did you entertain this situation for so long — is it because of insecurities? what do you want out of a relationship (and be honest about everything you want!!! even if it seems like it’s a story book prince who cares)

totally feel free to message again 💗 sending love ur way

#asks

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realityisoftentoocomplicated · 11 months

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There was this dirt bag guy from the bronx. And he was exactly that, a dirt bag. He misused and mistreated her. As much as he could. He made her suffer so much for his financial gain that everyone around her felt the pain. So much pain that she wasn’t willing to save herself from… no matter how many times we begged her. “He’s killing you, J.” She didn’t care, she was devoted to him. She would take his word for it no matter how many times she had to pay for it. Her family was tired of it. Her father told her many times she should end her life. “Kill yourself already!!!,” he would yell. If he wasn’t yelling how she should end her life he was beating her. I guess I would be mad too if someone’s obsession was costing me both 1000s and my sanity. This dirt bag’s need for money was insatiable and he continued asking for it even while he did sexual favors with other men. He had so many sexual encounters that he produced 4 kids all while selling my dear friend a relationship at top price. His games came to an end when a woman’s boyfriend witnessed dirt bag brutally beating her. He didn’t hesitate to take his gun out and shoot him even with his toddler son standing right there. I heard it on the news and thought, “well she’s free now, thank God.” But I didn’t have the courage to reach out to her after our nasty spat a few months ago and I decided to let her be. He was killed on February 7th and buried on Feb 27th. My dear friend never left my mind and I would keep tabs on the murder case as well as her favorite page to upload. But she was quiet. She didn’t say much and then she didn’t say anything at all. A few days ago I found out her parents argued with her again. Asked her to disappear. They hated the tattoo she got in honor of dirt bag. And they hated her weakness to the pain of losing him and they hated that she wouldn’t “shut up about him,” so they let her run up to her abandoned room even though she doesn’t sleep there anymore. They let her stay there alone even though they knew of her deadly prescriptions her life has depended on since the age of 8 due to the control big pharma has on the upper class people. They made her anxiety debilitating and at the age of 27 she feared dying if she didn’t continue taking her anxiety medicine. They let her stay up there and they were probably relieved to have a “nice” family dinner without her whining. Hours later they decided to check on her and my dear friend was already gone. But they didn’t care to update her friends or even give us a chance to say good bye. And this is why I am just now processing her death 3 months later.

#suicide #suicide awareness #rip jkillah #rip Jennifer Killea #Jennifer killea #Paul killea #Cheshire CT #CT #big pharma

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lucianinsanity · 3 months

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Got new earbuds!!!!!

#I'm really happy but I want to complain about this #three years ago I bought some earbuds at 700 and they broke and I was ao fucking sad and stressed because it was so much money #and today I spent 12000 on new onws because they were the cheapest I could find #last year I bought the ones that broke at 6000 #so do with that what you will #bye an sanity #HI HELLO I KINDA NEED TO START MAKING MONEY

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adorablehoshi · 4 years

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Guess whos gonna throw out loooots of money for a new laptop this afternoon~ yes its me

#bye money but hello sanity #this laptop makes me so mad #personal

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tomorrow-and-tomorrows · 3 years

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JJK 149. Mai Zen'in

It’s fascinating for a battle shounen manga to have a character like Mai who is diametrically opposed to the ideals of strength and self-improvement that are usually valourized in this genre. Mai doesn't die because she can’t get stronger, but because she doesn’t want to. And although that attitude is evidently incompatible with an existence within the world and situation she found herself in, there is no negative value judgment imposed by the narrative itself condemning her unwillingness to unlock her "full potential".

JJK has always foregrounded competing worldviews and how individuals’ different perspectives and values can either coexist or conflict with others. Maki's ambition to transform the Zen'in clan vs. the Zen'ins' regressive conservatism; Gojou's vision for the jujutsu world vs. the higher ups' ; Yuji's "I want to save everyone" vs. Megumi's "I choose who I save" ; Mei Mei's "I'm on the side of money" vs. Nanami leaving a lucrative job to save people out of compassion, and so on.

So it's particularly impressive that, while operating within the shounen genre, the story continues to maintain its respect for this ideological diversity by preserving Mai’s belief in her own worldview to the very end. Simply put, not everyone wants to become powerful even if they may have the potential to. Not everyone wants to live a life of violence, and not everyone wants to be a saviour for others at the direct expense of their own sanity.

It would be perhaps the more optimistic yet potentially oppressive narrative move to demand for Mai's character to undergo a transformation from a character who resists the shounen ideals to one who accepts them. This type of transformation would by no means be inherently negative; I'm definitely not saying that going down this path would have been bad for Mai's character or for the story. But it would succumb to a temptation to move towards a kind of 'sameness' rather than difference in its depiction of ways of acting in the world. I think Mai's ending is all the more striking because it resists this temptation.

Because I think that the more typical - and optimistic - development arc for Mai would have been for her to learn how to be willing to become stronger as a sorcerer and eventually fight alongside Maki.

But instead, Mai never ends up conforming to those dominant values of strength and ambition. Neither is she subjected to the kind of development traditionally favoured by the genre that are along the lines of, 'you just need to believe in yourself and work hard' -- because if we really think about it, often times a lot of feats in shounen are accomplished by sheer willpower and self-conviction. (JJK is not always an exception to that trope, nor is it necessarily a bad thing!). Mai had previously firmly stated her opposing point of view, and this essential attitude never changes even when we perhaps most expect it to.

In this situation, rather than working to improve her technique to create stronger objects without it costing her life, Mai passively accepts that her weakness will require self-sacrifice.

It’s a fatalistic attitude resulting from having never wanted to partake in a life of violence and hardship.

On the one hand, inflexibility and the inability to adapt are not exactly commendable traits; Mai is certainly fixed in her resignation and refusal to work towards her full potential as a sorcerer. On the other hand, to use Nanami's words, being a sorcerer is shit. All the suffering and regret in the story so far has only continued to reaffirm that sentiment. So we also can't fully condemn Mai for rejecting that way of life to the extent that she would rather sacrifice herself than to push forward to have her own "shounen power-up" moment. Because the aftermath of that would be a path likely filled with death, brutality, and suffering.

The wish to live a normal life is a legitimate and valid one. In an ideal world, her clan would not punish her for it. In an ideal world, opposing perspectives, especially ordinarily pacifist ones like Mai's, would be allowed to exist. Mai having to die because she was unable to escape or adapt to the ruthlessness of the jujutsu world exemplifies how cruel that world is. Mai's persistence in her wish for a normal life, and her "failure" as a sorcerer is not her failure at all; her death reflects a failure of the violently rigid jujutsu clan culture.

In this light, it is all the more tragic that Mai's death was entirely preventable, and fated not by the inevitability of actual "fate", but rather entirely by a radically traditionalist clan system.

At the same time, as I mentioned earlier, I find it impressive for Gege to have allowed Mai to hold onto her values. Just as Maki has always stayed true to her dreams of overturning the Zen'in clan by becoming a powerful sorcerer, Mai has always stayed true to her resistance to that dark and difficult path. From a writing perspective, I think it's interestingly respectful to Mai's character in that way. It's also for this reason that I consider this chapter to be a worthy good-bye to Mai, as she is faithful to her own way of being in the world until the end. It may not conform to the demands of the optimistic self-improvement narrative generally preferred by shounen, but it is a valid perspective, and it is never depicted to be 'lesser than' or 'inferior to' the shounen narrative.

I'm always interested in stories in which there is a genuine dialogue of a diversity of voices, each with their own perspectives and viewpoints even as they conflict with each other - or in other words stories that prioritize 'difference' over 'sameness' in ways of being, thinking, and acting. It's not necessarily uncommon - most if not all stories will feature different character motivations within a given cast. But I think JJK does this particularly well in a particularly convincing way, and 149 is further confirmation of this for me.

Finally, it is notable that Mai herself seems to acknowledge this sentiment. She may have been unwilling to imagine a stronger future version of herself, which is opposite to the advice Gojou had given Megumi if he wanted to reach his full potential. But she died for the sake of believing in the stronger future version of Maki, and this is how she is victorious even in death. All the way to the end, Mai had her way of viewing and acting in the world in her individual way, and Maki had hers; importantly, Mai ends up encourages this difference. Right after she states that "You are me, and I am you", that sameness is undercut when Mai immediately after points to their contrasting motivations:

Mai ultimately encourages Maki to live in the way that Maki wants to live - to the fullest potential of her power and the fullest potential for her capacity to force change upon a corrupt system. Before, Mai had resented Maki for moving on without her ("why didn't you fall down the hole with me?") - she resented how Maki couldn't be the same as her in how she viewed the world. In her final chapter, Mai conversely acknowledged that she herself could never see the world exactly the same as Maki.

Therein lies the cornerstone of her character development; before, she resented that difference between them for those twofold reasons. In the last moments of her life, she no longer resents Maki for moving on without her; she encourages her to move forward into the future. It is of course undeniably tragic, as it must be a future without Mai. And no amount of power gained from such a loss could ever be consolation for that tragedy.

It is fitting, then, that Mai's final message to Maki is full of despair -- yet it is also not without hope. In the interplay between 'construction' and 'destruction', it is ironic yet poetic that Mai wished for her object-construction technique's final and greatest creation to be used to destroy - indeed, to "destroy everything". There is undoubtedly despair both in that command, and in Maki's drive to destruction when she emerges from that room. But somewhere, somehow, there must also be the hope that that destruction will be in the service of "construction", of creating a better future for others, even if it is too late for it to be a future in which they can live in together.

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