#but when that actually happens it's very dehumanising and uncomfortable and... never actually about you and how great you are | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

changeling-fae · 5 months

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I'm gonna be boring and ask you the same back xD, for whichever OCs you want to answer them for!

Eros: 3

Philia: 2

Storge: 5

Agape: 5

Ludus: 2

Pragma: 2

Philautia: 1

Thanks for the ask! I'll answer for Nym!

From this ask meme.

Eros: 3 How do they feel about public displays of romantic affection? Does it make them uncomfortable? How do they feel if a romantic partner kisses them in public?

She's ambivalent. She's personally and extremely private person but she's had to maintain a flirty persona for years, both as an entertainer and as a way to lure her victims as Durge. She sees PDA as more an act you perform rather than something inherently felt. If a partner were to kiss her in public she'd roll with it. Anything more than that and she'll assume they're about to perform for someone as a message (envy, territory, etc).

Philia: 2 Does your OC find it easy to make friends? Or are there barriers to them doing so? If so then are these due to issues of inclination, communication, or something else entirely?

She finds making friends exceedingly difficult. As a child she easily could but after her years of extreme trauma and then life as Durge, she finds genuine connections almost impossible. Before her abduction she was incredibly lonely (and why she kept going back to the Devil's Den despite knowing Raphael just wanted her soul but hey if he ate it she wouldn't have to exist anymore). She felt she couldn't get close to the average person because it would put them in danger, from either herself or from Orin and Bhaal cultists. She's very loyal to the people she does bond with though.

Storge: 5 Is your OC able to love without necessarily needing or expecting reciprocation or reward? Or are all their relationships to some extent transactional? Have they ever loved another person unconditionally, whether a child or another adult?

She never expects anything from those she loves. She does believe that everyone expects something from her though, like she sees herself as a tool more than anything. She can become what people expect or what she assumes they expect. I'd say she definitely sees her body as separate from herself.

She loved her bio father unconditionally (not Bhaal but her drow father, she has like three parents technically). She loved him so much that after his death in front of her (by goblins) and the immediate trauma that happened afterward when she was sold by his debt collector, that she can only remember his as perfect. So much so that she wouldn't want her soul to go to Eilistraee like his did because she's so ashamed at the monster she's become and thinks he would be ashamed (even though he spent centuries as an assassin for his house originally).

Agape: 5 Does your OC find it easy to empathise with their enemies? Or do they see it as important to dehumanise them in order to combat them with sufficient determination?

Lol, not at all. She has a very black and white way of thinking. You're either her enemy, her ally, or a rando (likely a victim). She struggles with grey, especially within herself. She's forgiving to the people she cares for or people trying to change their fate, but if they're her enemy? No empathy, no sympathy, and often no mercy.

Ludus: 2 Is your OC particularly skilled at flirting? Have they had to practice this or does it just happen naturally?

Yes, very good. It's a mix of both practice (she started young for survival) and also natural (she's the granddaughter of Graz'zt). It was one of her most common methods of hunting for victims to kill as Durge. She also just sleeps with a lot of people because she does like sex but also it's her biggest method of self-harm (she targets dangerous people to have an excuse to hurt back if she feels like it, like flipping a coin).

Pragma: 2 What is the biggest challenge that your OC has had to overcome in a long-term relationship or friendship? What helped them get through this?

Letting people in, trusting others that they actually do care about her. Astarion was a big help with that as a lover since they have similar trauma points and grew together, and her companions she'd die for. Her relationship with Raphael is the most complicated (and how) and they just somehow make it work, albeit very messily.

Philautia: 1 Does your OC have a healthy sense of their own worth and value? Or do they see themselves as failing to live up to their original potential? Perhaps they are convinced of their own sinful or inadequate nature?

Nope, not at all. As I said, she sees herself as a tool and sees her body as separate from herself as a whole. She has so much self loathing and disgust for herself and basically doesn't believe she can ever be good or "pure". She mourns the loss of her innocence so deeply and she's so so bitter about it. Raphael calls her "little lamb" and despite the power dynamic nature of it, she likes it because she feels she can pretend she never lost her innocence. Here's two blurbs, from his and her perspective.

#ask meme #bg3 #bg3 durge #oc: nym the drow'ri #oc: nym the abyssal tiefling #she's so laura palmer coded honestly #my writing (a bit)#bg3 raphael

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latent-thoughts · 3 years

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There are so many people who didn't like that scene at all, that I'm feeling bad about myself for thirsting over the scene. Like, I get that was a shitty move on the part of TVA, but is it really so bad that I find him hot? It wasn't consensual, and I get that, I don't like the context in which that happened at all, but a shirtless Loki is just way too hot to resist... Am I a bad person for feeling this way? 🙁

Oh hon, no no no.

No!

You are NOT a bad person. Please don't think like that.

See, first of all, this is a story. Characters get into uncomfortable situations in story, it drives the story forward. It makes it interesting. It majes it intriguing. If a story is nothing but pleasantness, then it tends to be boring, especially if it's in the genre of fantasy+action. Conflict is part of such stories.

Loki is indeed in a tough situation here. He has been captured and he doesn't know who these people even are. Yes, it's a grim situation. It's not ideal or consensual, but we often find our Marvel heroes in such situations. This is often how the story starts.

This scene in particular is reminiscent of that scene in GOTG 1, where they put everyone in the GOTG in that space prison. Remember how pissed Peter Quill was when they off his clothes and sprayed some chemical on him? Loki is exactly like that here.

There are other examples too. Thor in Ragnarok. Tony Stark in Iron Man 1 (when he was abducted and forced to make weapons for terrorists. Not naked, but he's under duress). Bucky after he fell from the train. Etc etc..

So, tell me where the fandom was in outrage in these cases? I don't recall any outrage directed at such scenes before. Because it was all was part of the story.

Loki's stripping is important to the narrative in that it shows just how insidious and creepy the TVA actually is. It's disconcerting how easily they kill the prisoners who dare to protest. Loki realizes, in clear progression, just how fucked up TVA is, and the stripping is part of that. It's uncomfortable for him because that's how it is supposed to be for the sake of the narrative. Prisoners of TVA are being dehumanised, and it's showing the viewers its true nature.

So now that we've covered all that narrative business, we come to us--the viewers who found Loki's naked form very titillating. You and I both understand how the story goes, how it's not a nice experience for Loki. But here's the thing, it's all fictional. What's happening to Loki is fictional.

It's Tom Hiddleston as Loki. He's naked, and it's the stuff of the erotic fanfiction we've been reading and writing for years. It's something that we never thought we'd get, but we finally have it. It's something to rejoice for fans like you and me. That joy has nothing to do with Loki's situation within the narrative.

Feeling bad for Loki and feeling hot for Loki are things which can totally co-exist. Feeling turned on by his beautiful naked form does not make you a bad person. It doesn't mean that we're supporting the TVA or condoning what they're doing to him. Not at all! It's just something fun, something we do in the fandom.

Simply put, we're thirsty for Loki, and seeing him naked is a blessing. It's something that exists beyond the 4th wall. We're participating in the fandom here, not the Loki series story itself. That will happen in a parallel line when the series airs.

We've always done it.

I have seen posts (participated in them myself) where people are thirsting over Loki while he's injured and dying in TDW. Similarly, I've seen thirst posts about Loki in the scene where he's getting electrocuted in Ragnarok. I've seen thirst posts about Loki in chains, Loki in armour, Loki walking, Loki doing this and that. They're not part of the narrative. They're part of the fandom breaking that 4th wall. And they're perfectly fine. None of the people participating in these posts are bad. We just like Loki's form. He's beautiful.

Even considering Tom and his other movies, the fandom has appreciated his body in various scenes which might not be considered strictly sexual.

So, dear Anon, please don't feel bad. It's perfectly fine to like that scene. It's perfectly fine to thirst over Loki. You don't need to confirm to what others think or perceive regarding that scene. You're doing just fine.

#loki #mcu loki #tom hiddleston #marvel #ask #anon asks #loki series #loki series promo #naked loki #not a tag i expected to use lmao #naked loki is a gift to humanity

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pumpumdemsugah · 2 years

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Just want to say I saw your reply to one of those posts claiming that "women talking about women experience is universalizing white women" and your reply was really smart, well written, honest, and theoretically/philosophically consistent. Thank you for defending WOC. Youre very intelligent and I deeply respect your bravery. Hope you got far with your ability!!

I feel like i know which post you meant cause i try don't really reblog and comment on peoples post and the OP was white lol. Not really brave tbh but thanks.

The sad thing about that line is, there are context when its true but people have taken it and use it for any and everything to the point people do not talk about WOC as women, which is racist as hell and they will claim what they're doing is anti-racism. Its basically saying there's sexism that happens to ( white ) women so its pointless and something else happens to WOC because racism happens to MOC which isn't pointless and its funny cause this is the idea Black power patriarchs trying to undermine Black feminist or just Black women talking about sexism used. Its misogyny, not critique when you're not invested in feminism

There's a lot of focus in past Black feminism about taking the sexism against Black women seriously but I see that less and less. Many will mention WOC and alienation but have a funny little habit of not taking about us as subjects of misogyny or sexism but aliens and outsiders and i do wonder, how are you as a white person going to be an ally to WOC if the first way you think about them is as aliens? Its not allyship to say you can never relate to me. There's empathy and inappropriately inserting yourself

Its damaging to WOC because i think its created this expectation that we ought to talk about ourselves as outsiders and i think for WOC raised in white areas this is easy to do ( and not healthy ) but I'm not an outsider to womanhood because people are racist and i'm not measuring the validity of the sexism i experience to "am i being treated like the white supremacist caricature of the kept rich white woman racist white men must protect and own" cause i think MANY WOC do that when they say "not treated like a woman" and i'd say, a MOC wouldn't experience that, so yes you are. oppression isn't meant to validate your femininity day dreams or what media has fed us, its dehumanising, its meant to hurt. But i understand wanting something softer and less brutal especially when that version of sexism is used to say its not actual sexism or its actually only racism

Some want us to start every thought about the Black female experience by thinking about ourselves the way racist white people do. Inversely, it pushes WOC when we do discuss sexism to treat racism as a tainting force of misogyny and not simply a common companion that has varying degrees impact or relevancy

When will our misogyny matter beyond a jumping off point to talk about a racist white person? Its clear people that do this do not take our misogyny, racism or racialised misogyny seriously. Its weird cause you'll see WOC talk about racism and not mention misogyny but never the reserve. There's situations when one matters more than the other but what does it say many are clearly uncomfortable doing this for misogyny? which is why past Black feminism wanted Black women to take sexism seriously. Its a problem we've long had but now people dont see it as one anymore but claim they're feminist with no feminist opinions or are able to do a basic feminist analysis of any brand.

#anonymous

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adsosfraser · 3 years

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The Stone’s Toll - Chapter Four

Read on AO3

cw: medical trauma/abuse

They stripped her to the bone and prodded her towards the corner with the spigot about a metre above her head. Their eyes were focused intently on her every move, calculating each misstep. One of her guards called out into the hall and the water surged down in high pressured spurts. She had been naked with strangers before. Had been dressed by them. Bare and vulnerable. Mrs. Fitz came to mind. But this was not anything like that, it felt demeaning, dehumanising. It was intended to humble her.

The other guard threw a bar of soap which Claire fumbled with and fell to the floor. The grime on the floor had built up for years and mould dotted the edges of the shower. She scrunched her nose at the thought of picking the soap up from such an environment, but the stares of the guards burrowed deep into her skin.

“Two minutes.”

Claire carefully traced the spot above her heart. It stung less than before when she was weaned off of the pain medication. Claire was heavily sedated for those six days in hospital. She felt like she had when she returned through the stones, a crushing weight bearing down on her body. And she was all alone. Her injury was monitored until she could be properly transferred to Danvers State Hospital, or rather the Danvers Lunatic Asylum, where they placed her unceremoniously in her cage-like room. The pounding force of the shower left a dull pain, almost opening the wound on her breast again. She scrubbed the dirt, the pain off of her skin until she felt she had no skin left.

Claire was soon in the plain cotton uniform they provided everyone. Her hair flew wildly above her head because she was unable to comb through her curls. They at least deemed her safe enough to not need restraints on top of the guards that flanked her. How kind. Those were reserved for the more violent afflictions.

She watched as her tangled curls floated down to the tiled floor around her feet. Her hair was shorn to about her chin to conform with the other patients.

The institute had yet decided what to do about her condition, which they concluded was melancholia and the hysteria which accompanied it. All unnecessary consequences of her female persuasion.

“I assure you, sir, I am perfectly fine. Now if I could just speak to my husband.” She forced herself to put out the last word.

“He is still considering the terms of your release and treatment. You gave Mr. Randall quite a shock.” Doctor Lionel Brown quirked his eyebrows at his patient, placing the pairs of his pointer and middle finger against his lips in thought.

“I know. Now if you’d just-“

A knock sounded at the door.

“Mr. Anderson you may come in.”

“Mrs. Randall, this is Mr. Anderson, our specialist in mood disorders. He’s shed some insight with me earlier about what may be best in order for you to be released. If you don’t mind, Mr. Anderson.”

“I think our electroshock therapies would be very conducive for her recovery. When repeated twice a week, these treatments help ease pain and reduce memories that are hard to pass on their own.” Anderson glanced at Doctor Brown and continued. “Another option if the treatments are unable to hold and improve your condition is the transorbital lobotomy which is guaranteed to permanently improve it. I can assure you ma’am this avenue has been thoroughly researched and our patients report a calm demeanour within weeks of the operation.

“I highly doubt that’s necessary sir.” Claire scoffed.

Claire slumped in her chair and considered for a second. She could be free of the pain, of the man who haunted her every waking moment. She could stop mourning her husband, her family at Lallybroch, and her children. Maybe she would forget and finally be able to return to Frank as Jamie had intended. But she could never forget Jamie, no matter what happened to her. Her mind may forget but her soul would always keep him within her.

It was four doors later that she reluctantly followed one of the nurse’s in the ward down the dreary halls. No matter her reluctance to it, her treatments would begin according to the doctor’s schedule.

Claire was instructed to take off her shoes as she entered the room. She glanced around the room only to be met with unfamiliar faces. She had comforted the woman who went before her who was convulsing and writhing on the treatment table. Claire tried to soothe her and soon her breathing evened out and a dazed look took over her face. There was no fighting this. If Claire refused to comply, it would be much worse. The woman slouched to the floor and began her walk away from the machine.

The orderly wiped off the metal table from the woman’s sweat and perhaps even a small amount of urine: the reactions to the terror. He sighed and wrote on the chart, detailing exactly how the patient’s body handled the treatment. He pointed to the table, not even sparing a glance at Claire. One. Two. Three. She thought as she forced each step. Her back and limbs arched away from the shocking cold of the metal and her muscles tensed reflexively.

The nurse placed a flat wooden stick in her mouth and instructed her to bite down. Her arms and legs were strapped down before she could change her mind and start thrashing against her jailer. Two firm ovals suctioned to her temples and a strap ran around her head securing the device to her head.

Perhaps it was her indifference that led them to choose this method of torture. She would be sure to smile and have all the warmth of a womanly countenance when she next met with Doctor Brown. Her fate depended on her first husband, and the doctor that held her hostage within the suffocating walls of the institution. She had made her feelings quite clear to Frank, and perhaps he was enacting his vengeance this way.

As the first wave of electricity passed through her body straight to her heart and mind, her body convulsed under its strain. After the base time of thirty seconds for her treatment, her body slumped back down onto the cold surface that sent chills down her spine. She was left disoriented and stupid, waiting to gain back her senses.

“Who’s this, Smiley?” Claire’s mind could barely discern the shape of the figure hanging on the doorframe before her. The glum nurse who was addressed was the farthest thing from smiley.

“Mrs. Randall, your newest neighbour.”

“Oh, how exciting!” The girl who couldn’t be more than fourteen slipped something into the nurse’s pocket. “I think I’ll call you Miss Curly Wig.” She grinned and eyed the mess of curls fanned out around on the silver surface enviously.

The orderly nonchalantly slipped a lollipop into the girl’s waiting hands and a piece of gum, payment for whatever she had smuggled in for him.

“You’ll be just fine Miss Curly Wig.” The girl who was barely a teenager patted her shoulder in comfort. Claire couldn’t do more than stare blankly at the girl, no words appearing on her tongue. “Sure the first one is a bit of a shock. But you get over it. Your brain is like cotton the first few days, and you look as dumb as ever, but if you comply, they shorten it to every three weeks instead. I haven’t gotten the shock in four weeks now because I’ve been on my best behaviour. Haven’t had the urge to steal in months. Isn’t that right Smiley?”

Smiley grunted affirmatively in a way that reminded her of Murtagh while he put away the equipment from the day’s treatments. Her heart ached along with her head and tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.

“Can I escort her back to her room Smiley? You are done here for the day, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Miss Emily.” The nurse clearly was uncomfortable straying from protocol.

Claire walked back in silence to the plain white room, filled with only a white metal bed and mattress. Emily patted her hand on the sheets and Claire plopped down on them. The rambunctious child flitted out of the room, excited to find a new face in the dreary and tedious schedule of the ward.

Claire laid back against the stiff pillow of her twin bed. It was impossible to get comfortable here. Her brain was buzzing and her fingers felt tingly, like the static from the radio. In the night, when the other patient's cries filled her mind, she traced the fading scar on her palm where he cut her. The rings, sgian dubh, pearls and her old clothes were the only physical proof it had been real. Now she had none of them. No tangible proof in her grasp. The only reminder was the memory of the slight pain when he marked out the flesh into a J.

“Milady!” Fergus screamed into the empty air of the great room. His body curled up into one of the velvet chaises by the fire and his whimpers woke Jamie, who rested his eyes on the floor beside the inconsolable child. Jamie had almost drifted off to sleep himself, but his mind buzzed with thoughts of his wife. He rose and gathered Fergus in his arms, hushing the boy.

“Milady.” The tears renewed themselves and tumbled without end down his cheeks. Jamie stroked the hair from his son’s face and cursed when his hand felt the hot and sweaty skin.

Claire woke up shaking on the sweat-soaked sheets. “Fergus.” Her guilt of leaving him, her family was insurmountable. But she felt deep in her bones something terribly awful. A dread that squeezed at her heart. Just like any other person could feel the earth shift under their feet, before possessing the actual knowledge of what happened to their loved one. A fellow war nurse once told her of her premonitions, and the next day she was sent an impersonal letter declaring his death in battle.

She pressed the pillow against her ears, trying to block out the vivid visions of the young French boy.

Emily became an ally to Claire in the short amount of time she had been in the B ward. She followed her constantly like a lost puppy and accompanied her to the electroshock therapies every week. Claire supposed the girl had deemed her the sanest out of their fellow patients, so she must have felt more at ease in her presence. The girl had even taught Claire a neat trick, how to pretend to swallow her medicine and then spit it out later.

At night, the faces in the flecks of the popcorn ceiling above taunted her. Every move of the shadows was a demon reimagined in her mind. Of her family and those who wished her harm. They all played an equal role in the play stretched out before her. Two straight lines and a curve mixed together into one evil, Black Jack Randall and her husband. Her mind drifted to the sight of her son, curled up and shivering in his sickbed. She was stuck between the tormenting images in the ceiling or the all too real feel of Fergus’ small body pressed against her in a tight hug.

“Miss Curly Wig!” It took her a moment to recognise her young companion, the thoughts seeped slowly through her mind like molasses.

“Where on earth did you get these?”

“I filched them from Doc B when I was snooping through your files. I was going to trade them to Smiley, but I thought better. Hide them in your bra, they never look there.” The child winked at her.

“Thanks for the advice.” She slipped the silver down her shirt and was about to scatter the gold across the wooden boards of the floor when she thought better; it was a valuable chunk of money. “What do you want in return?”

“Nothing yet. But those locks of yours sure are pretty.”

“You want a lock of my hair?”

She stared at the child dumbfounded. Hers easily rivalled Claire’s, the fiery red waving around her ears and growing slowly towards her shoulders. What harm was there in giving a child a piece of a muddied brown curl? She gripped a strand of her hair from the base of her head and held it taut. Claire ripped the piece just below the hold her hand had on it so it wouldn’t be plucked directly from her scalp. Her palms opened, gifting the rare thing to the adolescent. Her face visibly brightened and she snatched it immediately. She tucked in safely within her shirt like Claire had done with her rings and skipped down the hall towards the dark wood staircase.

Claire plastered a sickly sweet smile as she sat on the plastic chair. Dr. Brown shuffled some papers on his desk and ignored her. He licked his finger to card through the pages and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He cleared his throat before finally acknowledging her.

“Ah, Mrs. Randall. And what, might I ask, lead me to the pleasure of seeing you in my office today?”

“As you can see, Dr. Brown, the treatments have worked splendidly and I would very much like to return home now. I see no need to be kept here further.”

“I’m sorry ma’am it’s just not how- oh looky here! Your husband signed for your release when he visited me yesterday.”

“Great, so now this has all been sorted.”

“Just hold on Mrs. Randall.” He emphasised her proper name. “Yes, he’s clearly signed your release here, but we’ll need to keep you here for an observation period of at least three more days. Make sure you’ll do no more harm to yourself or others. But, you’ll be glad to know we have seen an improvement from your treatments, and your last one will be this Friday, a day before your release.”

She bit her tongue to hold back the avalanche of defiant words and insults she wanted to fling at the man who held her fate in his hands. Finally, she settled for a simple, “thank you,” and left back to the empty halls.

The bastards in the hospital had made zero progress in truly helping her. If she was asked, Claire knew she wouldn’t be able to recall any detail at all about the last few months of her life. If she could call it that, she was dead living. The therapies only added to her already failing memory. Emily was the only bright part of her day, and now she was leaving the poor girl in the hands of these people alone.

Her final night, when her brain sludged forward through its thoughts, a consequence of her treatments, she finally allowed herself to relax back into her bed fully. But that was a mistake. Fergus sat before the fire at Lallybroch, playing soldier with some chess pieces. The sight of the son of her heart pierced through her chest. He turned around and smiled at her softly.

“Come back, Milady, please. Milord needs you. I miss you maman.” He had never called her maman before, only Milady.

On closer inspection, his eyes were wide with fear at the apparition before him. He knew Milady would never harm him, but there was something otherworldly about her appearance now, much different than her usual strange demeanour. Sensing his trepidation, she kissed his forehead gently, taking the pain and fear into herself from that small point where her lips met his curl that dangled there. A tear dripped down the edge of her nose to his cheek. A flash of red and blue entered the dream, but by then she was already awake.

#outlander fanfiction #adsofraser writing #claire beauchamp #claire fraser #jamie x claire #frank randall #insane asylum #fergus fraser #canon divergence #jamie fraser #medical trauma #I am inflicting pain onto my characters because I can #outlander fanfic

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happy-whumper · 3 years

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Rules

previous/masterlist

Guess who finally wrote something actually whumpy!! It's me :) And honestly, this chapter was really fun to write xD Although I am neglecting Theo a bit...oops

CW: manhandling, whipping, dehumanisation, forced to kneel, swearing (kinda?? i mean with Olivia there is usually some swearing involved), scar mention, knife tracing (i didn't know what else to call it xD), slapping, hair pulling, creepy whumper (if i forgot anything, please let me know!)

A loud banging sound echoed through the basement, causing Rain to immediately spring awake with a jolt. The sudden movement caused him to lose his balance, leading to him falling off the side of the bed and landing on the stone floor. He turned his head in confusion, looking around the cell. This didn’t look right. In a sudden rush the memories of the day before came flooding back over him, immediately causing his breathing to pick up again.

He was still there, in the cold room, locked up with the two others. It hadn't been a dream. This was his new reality.

He turned his head and noticed Olivia looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“What are you doing on the floor?”.

He felt his cheeks heating up from embarrassment and turned his eyes away.

“I uhm...I fell from the bed.”

“I see.”

There was an amused undertone in her voice, but not as though she was mocking him.

Before anyone could say anything else, they heard footsteps coming from the direction of the stairs. They weren’t particularly slow but also didn’t sound like there was any rush. A few moments later Nick appeared in the hallway. He was wearing a white collared shirt and a pair of black trousers, looking well rested. Rain couldn’t exactly say the same about himself.

His whole body was aching, presumably from the uncomfortable sleeping position and the hard material of the bed. Nick let his eyes wander over all of them, an unsettling grin at the corner of his mouth. “Good morning. I hope you had a good sleep.” His voice was sweet and it was almost convincing. If there wasn’t the malicious glint in his eyes.

When none of them said anything in response, he just shrugged, leaning against the wall behind him. It seemed casual, as if he was talking to some friends and not his...to people he was holding there against their will. “Oh come on, why the long faces, hm?” From the corner of his eye he could see Olivia rolling her eyes in annoyance and glaring at the man, ready to throw an insult at him. But she stayed quiet. For now.

Nick didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, still smirking at them, “I think this is exciting. Really, I was thinking I would simply get one new pet but three?” He chuckled darkly, “That is a lot more interesting.”

There was an annoyed groan, causing everyone's attention to shift towards Olivia. She didn’t seem bothered by that in the slightest. “Let me guess, now comes your little speech about how, what, we’re just some worthless pets that should be grateful for you?” Her voice was sharp, spitting the words out as if they were poisoned.

Nick smiled. “I am glad to see you already have that in your mind, Olivia.” She narrowed her eyes, clenching her jaw. There had been a small flinch, it had barely been noticeable but definitely there. “How original. It’s almost funny how you are all the same, really. All the same kind of sick bastards with some very obvious issues. Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone to just go to therapy?”

There was a slight change in his posture, but Rain suddenly felt that the energy in the room shifted. Theo seemed to notice it too, he shifted in his position, his expression hardening. If Olivia had noticed as well, she didn’t seem to care. “What’s next, you’re going to explain your rules? To make yourself feel all powerful?”.

The smile didn’t fade, but now there was something else on his face. Anger? Annoyance? Rain wasn’t sure what it was, but it most likely didn’t mean anything good. “Yes. I have some rules and you know what? I think you’re a great example to what will happen to disobedient pets that don’t follow them.” He stepped away from the wall, moving to a closet on the side of the room.

He had his back turned to them, his body blocking any sight on what was inside it. Rain turned his head, noticing that Theo had gotten up and stepped to the bars separating their cells. His expression seemed almost a bit concerned, but he wasn’t quite sure. Couldn’t really place it.

His heart was racing in his chest, his hands nervously fidgeting with his shirt. He shot a glance over to Olivia but she seemed...calm. The only thing that made him doubt this was her breathing, which was a bit too fast for someone relaxed. Rain knew that rules were important. If everyone followed the rules, no one would get hurt. Right? He just had to follow the rules and it would be okay. It had to be.

Now Nick turned around again, holding something in his hand. It took him a second to see what it was but when he did he felt his blood go cold. He was holding a whip. Something that Rain wasn’t...unfamiliar with. Seeing it in the man's hand brought back memories of dark rooms and pained screams. It had happened to him only once before but it had been enough to burn the feeling of his back being torn open over and over again inside his mind.

Olivia shot a glance at it and shifted slightly in her position. She didn’t look scared exactly but there was something that seemed as though she wasn’t as unbothered anymore. “Wow how original. Do you people all go to the same torture store or something?” While her tone was still snappy, there was a slight shake in her voice, making it unsteady.

The tall man just stepped towards the cell, slowly and calmly, taking all the time he wanted. The closer he got the more uncomfortable Olivia seemed to get, her eyes fixated on him, studying every move. When he unlocked the door and pushed it open, there was a creaking sound, causing Rain to flinch. It seemed so loud in contrast to the previous silence. As if it didn’t fit in.

Now he was standing in front of the girl, looking down with a smug grin on his face, towering over her. She glared right at him, not willing to let any fear come through, “What, you just-”, he interrupted her by grabbing her arm, pulling her from the bed and pushing her in the middle of the room.

She crossed her arms in front of her. “You know what, I’m feeling nice today.” Olivia raised an eyebrow, not buying that for one second. When she didn’t say anything, Nick just kept talking, his tone oddly sweet. It felt...wrong. “If you beg for me, I won’t punish you.”. Rain's heart felt like it skipped a beat. He would never have expected this man to be so generous. Back at the academy begging had always only made it worse, no way to escape a punishment. He turned his head towards Olivia, his eyes wide. He was sure she was going to do it, begging was way better than whipping! But she stayed silent. He was confused, it didn’t make any sense. Turning his head to Theo now, he noticed that he looked tense. Why was he worried? Surely no one was going to get hurt now. “Forget it, asshole.”

The younger boy stared at her, utter horror written on his face. Why...why would she do that? Behind him he heard an exasperated groan, but he was too occupied by the scene taking place in front of him. Nick just shrugged at her answer, as if he hadn’t expected anything else.

Rain didn’t understand. It didn’t make sense, nothing made sense.

“Alright, your choice.”. He took another step towards her, causing her to immediately take a step back. Instinctively stepping away from the man, away from danger. From pain.

“Turn around and get on your knees.” he paused when she didn’t react, his eyes narrowing, “Now.”. She hesitated for another moment, before slowly turning her back to him. Since Nick was already impatient, he took another step forward, pushing her to the ground easily. Her knees hit the cold floor and she almost fell forward.

It reminded Rain of the auction, back then she hadn’t wanted to kneel either. He wondered what the reason behind that could be.

Now the dark haired man stepped back, turning his head towards the other two. When his eyes turned to Rain, he immediately scrambled backwards, his eyes glued to the ground in front of him. He heard a dark chuckle. “With your history this really shouldn’t be surprising. Though I thought you had learned at least something.” He was talking to Olivia but he was still looking in Rain's direction. He could feel his gaze on him. It caused a shiver to run through his entire body.

“Oh I did learn”, there was a bitter smile on her face, “I learned that you bastards are all the same. Whole lot of talking, clearly some kind of ego problem. I am not scared of you. Or men like you.”

When Nick laughed now, Rain flinched. The laugh was cold. As if he was trying to cover up the anger lying underneath. He slowly lifted his head again, to his relief the man's attention had gone away from him and back to Olivia again. “A tough one huh? Well let me tell you this.” He stepped around her, so that he was standing in front of her. “A lot of pets start out like you. Thinking they are so strong, so brave and nothing will ever break them.”

He crouched down, a wicked grin at the corner of his mouth. “In the end they all beg for mercy. Like good, obedient, worthless pets.” For a moment there was silence. The girl looked like she was trying to kill Nick with her stare alone and then-

She spat in his face.

Rain felt his heart drop, suddenly the room seemed to be spinning around him. There was no way she was going to be okay now.

For a moment it was as if everything had frozen in place. Then Nick lifted his hand, slowly wiping the spit off his face.

His anger was very clearly visible now. Clenched jaw, a hard expression in his eyes. In a quick motion, he slapped Olivia, so hard that her head flew to the side, hair falling over her eyes.

Her breathing had picked up, it took her a moment to recover from the hit. Nick didn’t give her that time. Instead, he grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling her head back. There was a pained hiss coming from her and even though there was still the same look of defiance on her face there was something else as well. Something she desperately tried to keep hidden.

When he spoke again Nick’s voice was quieter, barely audible but not any less intense. “So that’s how you want to play huh?”

In a quick motion he pulled a knife from his pocket, while still grabbing her hair with the other.

When she saw it her eyes grew slightly wider, struggling against his grip in an attempt to get away. He seemed to notice that, a small grin returning again. With an evil glint in his eyes, he brought the knife close to her face, putting it under her chin, the unspoken threat of cutting her throat looming over her.

Her eyes kept flicking between him and the knife nervously. The last time she had a knife near her face...it hadn’t ended well. When he took the knife away, she felt a sudden moment of relief, before she felt the cold metal tracing the long scar on her cheek. Her breath stopped for a moment, before starting at double the pace again. She could feel her face burning, her heart racing in her chest.

It was as if she was frozen, as though a part of her was convinced that if she moved she would end up with another cut in her face. “What a nice little scar...would be a shame if i had to add another.” His tone spoke a whole other language than his tone.

There were a hundred things she would have loved to throw at his face in that moment but the apparent threat of the cold blade stopped her.

After what felt like an eternity he finally put the knife away again and took a step back. “Now, I think you still need to learn your lesson.”

Rain's eyes went wide. He knew what happened at this kind of disobedience. As Nick stepped back around, the whip in his hand again, he felt like he couldn’t breath. He wanted to say something, something to make him not hurt her but he didn’t know what.

There was an ominous crack as the whip hit the floor. “Now. As I said before being so rudely interrupted”, with an almost casual motion he swung the whip, causing it to hit Olivia's back with an ugly sound, “There are some simple rules.”

Rain almost couldn’t focus on his words, his eyes focused on the kneeling girl. Besides a slight shift on her face there were no signs of the amount of pain she was probably in.

Again, he couldn’t help but be impressed. He would never be able to stay calm like that. “If you follow the rules”, another lash hit her back, the same spot, causing the skin to split open and a red stripe to appear on the fabric of her shirt, “You won’t get punished.”

Rain shot a quick glance towards Nick and his expression made him feel sick. There wasn’t even a hint of regret or discomfort. If anything it was the exact opposite.

“Let’s start with the simplest, you will not speak unless you are spoken to. I am guessing that will be harder for some of you than for others.” He was looking at Olivia, who looked like she was too occupied with the pain on her back to even pay attention. Two more lashes, quickly followed after another. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep her breathing steady. Now everytime the whip hit the skin the sound was almost...wet. Caused by the blood coming from the ruthless injuries.

“Secondly, you will show respect to your Master.” At that Olivia scoffed, causing Nick to raise an eyebrow. “You got an opinion on that you would like to share?” “Oh well a few actually-”, before she could finish speaking the whip hit her back again, causing her sentence to end abruptly in a pained yelp.

Watching the scene, Rain felt his whole body shaking, wrapping his arms tightly around himself. He didn’t want to watch, didn’t want to hear the awful sound the weapon made when it hit the skin but it was as if something was forcing him to keep watching. As if something awful would happen if he didn’t pay close attention.

It took Olivia a moment to steady herself again and she turned her head slightly in Nick's direction. “Looks like someone can’t take criticism.”

Rain shot a quick glance towards him, just to see that there was anger on his face now. Not just anger...frustration? He wasn’t sure, couldn’t quite place it. Instead of replying to the comment, he just brought the whip to use again. Again and again and again.

But no matter how much pain she had to be in, Olivia didn’t make any sound. Even though the shirt was drenched in blood and her breath was getting unsteadier with every hit, she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of showing her pain.

After what felt like forever, he finally put the whip down, a sick smile on his face. At this point Olivia looked like she was about to pass out, barely able to keep herself up. Her eyes were half lidded, looking as if she would collapse any second now. A thick layer of sweat coated her forehead, making strands of her hair stick to it too.

Nick turned his head again, looking over to the other two. “Now, take this-”, he kicked Oliva in the side, causing her to groan and lean forward slightly in an attempt to keep her balance, “-as an example of what happens if you decide to not listen to me. And believe me”, he smiled cruelly, “It can be much worse than this.”

Taglist: @starnight-whump, @froggywhumpy, @jordanstrophe, @whumpasaurus101, @as-a-matter-of-whump, @jojothepanwithoutaplan, @myst-in-the-mirror, @whumpsweetwhump (let me know if you would like to be added or removed!)

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evakuality · 3 years

Photo

Mia, episode two

1. Finally, it looks like we’re getting some alone time with Mia. I’m not 100% sure what’s going on in this scene, but I guess Mia must have pulled Kiki’s name out of the secret santa? And Mia has forgotten to get her something? It’s interesting to see the thought she put into looking for something for Kiki, and how she has enough empathy and consideration to not give over the book on eating. We’ve seen a huge amount of how worried Mia is about Kiki and her eating habits, so I can see why it was tempting to give over the book. One of the things I have found difficult about Mia so far is that she is very opinionated and very firm in pushing those opinions onto others. It feels like she’s even more like this than Noora was (though it’s been a very long time since I watched Noora’s season for the one and only time so she may have been just as bad), so it’s good to see that she can step outside those opinions and think about how others may perceive something. Still, a printed card is not a good alternative.

2. This gift sharing scene is absolutely gorgeous. The colours here are so pretty, and all the girls look wonderful!! It’s all so warm and has a glorious sort of glow about it. Oh but how awkward that Kiki was so thoughtful to Mia and Mia... wasn’t. Poor Kiki’s face when she sees it :(

3. Hanna’s father is still being critical? Bleh. I guess some things never change. And Mia tries to step in and help, but it makes it worse in some way? Like, it feels like he’s basically saying ‘why can’t you stop being you and start being this other girl?’ which I’m sure feeds into a whole lot of Hanna’s insecurities. No wonder she was still down on herself, lost and confused, in s3. Also me in this scene: ‘please just go away, Alex’ - I really don’t like him. I’m still not sure why she’s messaging with him, or why she has his number saved separately in her phone. Then she’s all ‘stop harrassing me’ as if that rings true at all. Mia, if you really wanted him to stop messaging etc, you’d have blocked him and wouldn’t interact. This already looks like a charade, and I hate where I know it’s going :(

4. Totally unrelated to the content of this clip, but I cannot stand the sound of people eating, so listening to Mia crunch on her food is excruciating. I’m hoping this is a very short clip! Ohhh yikes, Mia’s parents are also pretty awful in an ignorant and unintentionally offensive way. But it’s very nice to see Mia defending Hanna - I stand by my suggestion that she quite likes her. I don’t think it was any mistake that Hanna was the one she chose to kiss to put Alex off. ‘Why do all our conversations have to end like this?’ Well, probably because you’re ignorant and unintentionally offensive and when you’re called out for it, you get defensive rather than trying to understand what’s being said. It was nice to end with Hans, though. Even though his little story is very sad.

5. Alex gave Kiki a voucher for Christmas for breast surgery? What a dick. I still cannot see what this show can do to make me like this guy. Even if she asked for the voucher in some bizarre way (that story is a bit odd), she’s a vulnerable young woman and he’s been playing with her feelings a huge amount while also still pursuing Mia. The idea that he plays into her insecurities by doing this is ... ugh. This is just plain gross. ‘It’s a little bit cute, isn’t it?’ no Kiki, it isn’t. Ouch and then Mia is trying to tell them that he’s still pressuring her into a date, and they cut her off. And then Alex doubles down on the assholery by literally saying he’ll end things with Kiki if Mia will date him. Once again - blackmail is not cool or sexy or sweet or whatever they’re going for here. It’s gross and dehumanising for both girls. Yeah, this whole situation is shitty. I blame William. All of this is his fault really. The colouring etc here is also interesting - Mia is in the washed out and pale colours against pale backgrounds that we usually see with Alex. A suggestion that she’s moving into Alex’s world maybe? Or that she is now a washed out version of herself/compromising herself?

6. Interesting that Mia removes the lipstick here while she’s getting ready. My memory of Noora doing it is because William told her he liked it, rather than here where she does it because she doesn’t want to look good for Alex. Also interesting the way it’s been framed - in the mirror but also not quite fully framed. It reinforces that she’s not entirely ‘there’ or not entirely herself. And then the clear and obvious way Alex is lying to Kiki. What’s interesting is that I sort of forgive this in Matteo (he does something like this to Sara as well, after all) I guess because we’re in his PoV, but here we’re not in Alex’s PoV, we know all the background and we know that as well as being a liar and an asshole, Alex is also blackmailing Mia. So it feels worse. I’m not sure why Mia told Hans all this stuff, and also, she didn’t do a good job of it - her reasoning is actually fine, and he’s blackmailing her so adding that would have made the argument stronger. As it is, she looks like a dick who’s screwing over her friend.

7. Here we have more of these super close up shots like we did at the start of the first episode. I’m finding it just as awkward and uncomfortable as I did then. I don’t really know why they’re here. If we’re genuinely supposed to be feeling uncomfortable, that doesn’t bode well for the relationship, but I can’t see why else these shots would be here. Alex ‘are you going to be pissy the whole time?’ Yes, probably. You’re BLACKMAILING her and treating her friend like shit as if the whole thing is a game. What do you expect her to feel? Why do expect her to think your ‘surprise’ is going to be good? You have a reputation and everything she sees of you lives up to it. Also interesting: the cool colours Mia is in with Alex compared to the girls. The difference between the two is quite stark.

8. ‘What do you mean I’ve blackmailed you?’ Oh, Alex - she means exactly that you’ve blackmailed her. Which you have. Then he tries to justify it. Just like William’s version of this chat, I hate this. ‘you’re lying to your friend and blaming me’ - acting like he has no culpability in the situation. He literally refused to respect her boundaries and stop pursuing her and he literally said that Kiki means nothing to him when he knows she’s more all-in than he is and is playing around with her insecurities. I hate that he’s trying to make Mia feel like she’s to blame for a situation he literally created. He had the ability to not date Kiki when he wasn’t into it. He has the ability to stop pressuring Mia. He has the ability to break up with Kiki if he wants Mia. This is not her fault!!! And just like when William said it, ‘I wanted to hurt her to make her feel less bad in the long run’ is a terrible, shitty thing to say and do, and if they do what they did with William and make it a ‘see, I was right to be mean to her to start’ I will be so angry!! It’s not an either/or situation. First he didn’t have to have sex with her, second he didn’t have to go out with her again. It’s not her fault that she thinks there’s a chance - they’re pretty much dating exclusively at the moment. None of his ‘reasonable’ excuses are actually reasonable.

Upshot of this scene: I loathe Alex even more now than I did before. And I freely admit a lot of this is William’s fault, but nothing that’s happened so far has made Alex any more likeable to me than William in the original. I still think Mia should run far far far away after this conversation. And I hate that accepting the cocoa means accepting his reasoning. His reasoning is not a whole ‘gotcha’ that he thinks it is. He is a completely different person to Kiki and playing with her and being mean to her was shitty.

#druck #og druck #mia -season 2 #update on Alex feelings - I still loathe him

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not-poignant · 3 years

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Pink mat anon again. I actually wasn't thinking of puppyplay, just of Efnisien having a place where he felt safe and secure (as much as he can feel that way).

Tbh, whether it’s puppyplay or not, it’s dehumanising to generally put someone on a mat on the floor when they have an option of soft, cozy couches with cushions, or beds to lie down on, or chairs to sit on. Even folks who really enjoy that as a kink, or just love the floor, recognise that people tend to view you differently if you’re spending time on a mat on the floor next to a dog, instead of on y’know, cozy couches, or beds, or chairs.

Arden specifically putting Efnisien on a mat on the floor and leaving him there while Arden gets to use whatever furniture he wants, even if it’s not specifically puppyplay (which would be a hard sell when you put a mat on the floor near a dog who also has a mat on the floor and then are like ‘but this isn’t puppyplay it just looks...like it’), is generally a form of dehumanisation kink, even if you treat the person as special during it. And that’s because of the associations humans have with the floor (that generally, it’s dirtier than other objects as a start).

I just don’t really think Efnisien gravitates to being treated as lesser as a kink (unless it’s wrapped up in being treated as very, very special at the same time). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with people who do enjoy it! Which is why as a private fantasy it works really well, but since you’ve raised it again, I’m going to talk about why it doesn’t work for the story re: as offering a place of safety and security for him.

There’s a reason why Arden - if he puts Efnisien on the floor - actually spends most of the scene kneeling right beside him, and calling him elevated terms like ‘princess.’ It’s because he knows Efnisien isn’t going to feel safe or secure discarded or left on the floor, while Arden sits on a couch etc. The one time they actually tried ‘Arden on the couch and Efnisien on the floor’ was during the hand-feeding, and Efnisien struggled during that scene, specifically because of the power differential, in a way that has definitely made Arden rethink scenes since.

During that scene, Efnisien compares himself to a slave, specifically while he feels uncomfortable. A short time later, when he finally starts to accept what’s happening, he panics and thinks he’s being drugged. Afterwards, Arden immediately moves him onto the couch so they’re on the same level rather than leaving Efnisien on the floor. They haven’t had a scene with that much level differentiation again, though I’m sure they will in the future, it will be chosen because Arden knows it’s challenging, and not because it’s automatically something Efnisien associates with feeling safe. Efnisien does like kneeling for Arden, but while he’s thought about doing it in his house, for example, he’s still never actually done it, likely because he knows that Arden is the reason it feels so safe vs. just...being on the floor.

Like I definitely want Efnisien to feel safe and secure, I just don’t think putting him on the floor, after a lifetime of his aunt treating him like an object to be left around the place and look pretty, will do good things for his psyche. Efnisien needs BDSM / kink that makes him feel special and valued, and while Efnisien has compared himself to Isabelle in the past, that’s because Efnisien is actually really used to dehumanising himself vs. him discovering a nascent kink.

But of course different people have different kinks they really enjoy! As I said before, if you want to put him on the floor in your mind (or fic!) and have him feel safe/secure from that you absolutely can.

For me the issue isn’t that it’s puppyplay, and maybe you got stuck on the semantics of that, to me the issue regardless of whatever kink you call it, placing him on the floor to feel safe is probably not going to work any time soon in Falling Falling Stars. It’s one of those ‘you either have to write it yourself or imagine it, because it doesn’t work for me in the story’ things.

Connor from Eversion would love it though.

#asks and answers #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales AU #efnisien ap wledig #arden mercury #also just for what it's worth #trying to sell me things that *you* enjoy is awesome #if you make it clear they're just personal things for you #but trying to sell me a kink for the story #when i've laid the groundwork for that kink not being appropriate #i will talk about why it's not appropriate #and there's a lot of stuff in that story #that i'd have to change or work around or flat out ignore or rewrite #to make it appropriate #apologies anon #Anonymous

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lillupon · 3 years

Text

thoughts on kmg situation

Hi everyone, your friendly neighbourhood minwon writer here! I apologise to those of you who were hoping for an update this weekend. In light of recent events, I found it very difficult to get excited about Achieving Escape Velocity. Before I can resume posting, I feel it is necessary for me to work through my own thoughts.

I am not trying to persuade people into believing a particular side. I share this with the hope that it will help others who are struggling to reconcile feelings similar to my own. I also see this as an opportunity to—with your guidance—become more passionate, and to learn how to be a decent human being, if that’s what I need to do. I recognise that I come barreling in here with my own cultural and environmental biases. Thus, anyone who understands the nuances of this situation better should feel free to educate me on the matter. If this is of no interest to you, kindly scroll on; I hope to see you when I next update. Otherwise, please join me for a few minutes.

TL;DR

I support both Mingyu and the victim/OP

I believe that people change as they grow older and become more educated and informed

I am conflicted and have my misgivings about the additional allegations (group chat screenshots + bullying a student with special needs—which has now been resolved, yay!)

I will not unstan Mingyu

I will continue to write and update Achieving Escape Velocity

I want to start by saying that I am an older fan in my twenties, and that I have been a fan of Seventeen since 2015. I have found great joy and comfort in them for many years. As much as I have tried to remain impartial, I have likely fallen short of that ideal. The truth is, I adore this boy! I admire his talents as an artist. I am charmed by the persona of him that we get to see in the media; I see parts of myself reflected in this curated persona. That being said, I tried to remain critical of the stance I am taking. I asked myself, “If this situation was not about Mingyu, and was about my local weatherman instead, would I still feel the same way?” And the answer to that was: hell fucking yeah! Don’t worry, Local Weatherman, I got your back…

Lastly, I want to say that I am approaching this from a Western point of view. I grew up in Canada, albeit with the traditions and beliefs inherited from fairly strict and conservative Asian parents. As an international fan, there will inevitably be some cultural disconnects in this thought piece.

There are three main parts to my admittedly rough and disjointed thoughts. The first part addresses the original accusations. The second part addresses additional accusations that were made against Mingyu. The final part is about the future of my minwon stories.

You may agree with all of this, part of this, or none of this. These are simply the thoughts I am trying to work through.

Thoughts on original allegations (therapy records OP)

How do I describe opening up Twitter on Thursday morning? One moment, I was reading about Mingyu drawing pubes on the classroom whiteboard. The next moment, I was reading about how serious allegations against Mingyu were. People were unstanning him and Seventeen, calling Mingyu a rapist, sending him death threats, etc. I truly did not understand how the situation escalated so quickly, and I nearly gave myself whiplash trying to follow jumps in logic.

One side of Twitter was convinced that the Original Poster (OP) was lying and doing all of this for attention; they said victims could not be believed 100%. The other side of Twitter declared that Mingyu should be cancelled, and bashed anyone who supported Mingyu or remained neutral. People were sending Mingyu death threats despite the history of k-pop artists committing suicide. All of this reminded me why I avoided Twitter for so many years: Purity and cancel culture run rampant; the mobs want blood penance for every wrongdoing without first considering the nuances of the situation. People blindly defend their ults and set aside their morals to do so.

Here is what I got out of my initial reading of the translated (version 1, version 2) accusations:

OP was shy, timid, and isolated from her classmates. When she tried to speak up in class, Mingyu would tell her to shut up. This happened enough times that, eventually, OP stopped talking in class at all.

Mingyu and his friends told sexual jokes while OP was in the vicinity. These comments made OP uncomfortable and triggered her. However, they were not directed at OP.

The sexual jokes and comments did not escalate to sexual assault or violence. OP explicitly states there was no violence or physical contact.

Mingyu and his friends drew and laughed at inappropriate pictures of body parts/hair on the board. OP is not actually sure if it was Mingyu who drew the pictures, only that he was up there laughing with the others.

OP struggles with anxiety and depression; Mingyu was not the sole reason why she attended therapy. OP mentioned that she brought Mingyu up only briefly with her therapist.

Could I believe all of this being true? Yes, because I personally adhere to two Me Too philosophies:

The first is that women almost never lie about sexual harassment, abuse, or assault. I absolutely believe that Mingyu is capable of making sexual jokes and comments. Teenage boys and girls alike are notoriously emotional and hormonal between the ages of 12 and 14. I can also imagine Mingyu drawing penises on whiteboards, complete with elaborate pubic hair. These are the antics of a typical middle school boy. For some reason, teenage boys—at least in North America—are very fascinated by their own genitalia and like to announce they have one by drawing pictures of dicks on any available surface.

The second philosophy I abide by is that men and boys in power are likely to abuse it. All men—even k-pop idols—benefit from patriarchy. They are in a position to abuse, degrade, and humiliate women (obviously, I hope none of these things happen, but I also have to acknowledge the possibility that they do). This is especially true in patriarchal Asian societies. Someone as popular and attractive as Mingyu holds great influence and power in his peer groups. Can I see a young Mingyu being a dick to a girl who is quiet and timid and isolated from her peers? Yes.

But also… Who wasn’t a dick in middle school? I feel like my classmates and I were colossal idiots back then. Was it just my school where classmates told each other to shut up all the time? Was it just my school where kids put their thumb and forefinger in an “L” shape to their foreheads and called each other losers? Everyone has a different threshold for what they consider bullying, but for me, these gestures and comments were so commonplace that I merely accepted them as part of the elementary and middle school experience. These things are mean and insensitive, yes, but it’s possible to grow out of these antics.

It is difficult for me to form an opinion about these sexual jokes Mingyu made for two reasons: (1) cultural differences, and thus my own internal biases, and (2) we don’t know about the nature of these jokes. It’s hard to determine whether these comments constitute as sexual harassment without this context. Even then, people have different thresholds of what they are comfortable with, and what they are not comfortable with.

We don’t know whether these comments were along the lines of “That’s what she said” or “You know what else is big?” or “I grow hair down there...on my toes!” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Or if they were jokes about sexual experience/performance, speculation about what someone looks like naked, the colour of their underwear, or raping a person (I’ve often seen these “jokes” directed at female streamers and influencers). In my opinion, there’s a big difference between the two.

The former, while crude and immature, is not generally said with ill-intent, nor is it generally directed at a specific person. These are jokes that teens, both male and female, commonly make in North America. (Perhaps this is part of the problem: the fact that I consider this to be standard teenage behaviour...) I would hesitate to call it harassment unless the victim made it known that she was uncomfortable, and the boys continued anyway. I also understand that the victim may not have felt able to speak out against Mingyu and his friends. In this case, the boys might not have been aware of her discomfort. Teenage boys are not particularly well-known for being sensitive.

The latter, however, objectifies and diminishes a person, and is disgusting and reprehensible. The latter is, without contest, sexual harassment. Absolutely no one should have to tolerate comments of this nature. Anyone who makes such jokes should be educated on why these so-called jokes are damaging, and how they perpetuate rape culture, as well as the sexualisation and dehumanisation of women, as well as men. Anyone who makes comments of this nature should be called out (and here I emphasise called out as opposed to cancelled) for their behaviour. It is imperative that they are educated, given the opportunity to reflect, apologise, and make amends. This is with the hope they know better in the future and do not make the same mistake again.

Now, based on what OP said, the jokes Mingyu made seem more like the first case: he made a pun about body hair. I am pretty sure if Mingyu made “jokes” of the second nature, OP would have chosen to highlight that instead of a pun. However, this is something that needs to be clarified. The content of these jokes drastically changes the severity of the allegations.

Currently, I interpret this through the lens of my uncouth Western sensibilities: what OP described sounds like typical Western teen behaviour. There are many actions, events, and experiences that take place during our formative and adolescent years that come to define who we are as adults. Personally, I don’t think that drawing hairy penises on the whiteboard—inappropriate as it is—or being an asshole in middle school are these things.

But who am I to say, “Yeah, what OP went through was not that bad”? I can’t be the judge of that, and that’s absolutely not what I’m trying to do here. I don’t know the whole story, and even then, it doesn’t matter. I am an outsider in all of this. I’m not trying to diminish the years of suffering and torment the victim went through, and I apologise if that’s how I came off. Nothing I said previously changes the fact that these jokes negatively affected the victim. Nothing I said changes the fact that this girl’s voice was silenced because of some thoughtless middle school boy’s comments. These are wounds that people carry from childhood through to adulthood.

Impact matters just as much as intent. I might argue that in cases such as these, impact matters even more than intent. Mingyu might have done all these things without ill-intent, but OP’s trauma is very much real. (As a side note: This is one of the reasons why I am very happy with Pledis’ official statement. Their focus on healing and reparation—without absolving Mingyu or throwing him under the bus (yet)—is the right move.)

I’ve just been seeing so many death threats and demands for Mingyu to leave the group that I cannot help but wish people would extend him the empathy that they themselves would appreciate.

People are condemning a 12-14 year old Mingyu for making sexual puns and being an asshole. People are measuring a middle school aged-Mingyu against the ethical and moral standards they hold as adults, and they are finding that this young Mingyu fell short. This should not be surprising. I know if I judged younger-me by the standards I have today, I would be left wanting.

I remember the kind of person I was as a teenager. I was hormonal. I made “That’s what she said” jokes, among others. While I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone, I know I have said crude and unkind things. As a teenager, I didn’t possess the tact I do now; I didn’t know how to self-regulate. I could be a mean and horny kid (not necessarily at the same time, haha!), but I also had parts of me that were deeply sensitive and caring and thoughtful of others. Teenagers and adults are multi-faceted. I would not want anyone to dig up these past receipts and use it as the basis to judge the person I am now. I would not want people to pick out the worst of my past actions and words, and use it to invalidate my success today.

It varies case by case, but for the most part, I don’t think people should be punished for what they did or said as children; I would have been cancelled long ago if this were the case, as would many others. People change as they grow older and become more educated and informed. It is different if these behaviours and actions persist into adulthood. Then, yes: there should absolutely be consequences. I am not saying we can just sweep all our childhood wrongdoings under the rug. It is still important for us to acknowledge and reflect upon the wrongs of past words and actions, and to offer apologies and reparations where they are due.

Should these allegations prove true, can I support both OP and Mingyu, or is that cheating? I do believe OP and my heart goes out to her. I understand why she chose to speak out. I know it must have been difficult to do so against someone who is a man, famous, well-loved, wealthy, and successful. I know it must hurt to see the whole world adore a man who has caused you pain. South Korea has a culture of enduring silently; this results in great mental strain and suffering. In speaking out, she relived past and present power imbalances. This is not easy for a victim to do, especially when you are a woman in a patriarchal society and your bully is a male celebrity.

I hope I am not invalidating her feelings when I reiterate that Mingyu was a young teenager, and teenagers can be mean and crude—intentionally or not. Mingyu is a public figure, so naturally, he is held to higher moral standards. But he is also human. He can and will make mistakes. He can and will continue to grow. I feel a lot of empathy for Mingyu, both now as he is forced to confront his past immaturities, and as he moves forward in his career.

Thoughts on additional allegations (KakaoTalk group chat + ableism)

I will not be addressing allegations of Mingyu bullying a classmate with autism now that the issue has been resolved. (Again, I commend Pledis for their response, and for recognising that the ableism needed to be addressed first. Of the three l accusations, this was the one that Mingyu would not be able to recover from. Even now, he will not emerge from this unscathed). I will only be sharing my initial misgivings about these additional allegations.

First off, this is a very nuanced and precarious topic. I don’t want to diminish a potential victim’s experience, yet I hope people understand why I am so skeptical about accepting screenshots of chat rooms as hard proof. Here are a few reasons why:

(1) Bullying scandals have been erupting left and right, especially as of late. Some of these accusations have been proved true. Others have been proved false. Regardless, there seems to be a trend of digging up past receipts—fabricated or not—of celebrities with the aim of cancelling them or undermining their success.

(2) Screenshots and chat rooms are easily manipulated and fabricated. This is different from a victim with a face speaking out against past incidents of bullying. They could be someone with malicious intent, or they could be a genuine victim. We just don’t know. And in the case of the chat rooms, it wasn’t even the victims who were speaking out.

(3) I wondered if these were antis who jumped on the coattails of the initial OP to stir the pot. These allegations (particularly the case of ableism, which has thankfully been cleared up now) are far more serious than original claims—why wait until now to bring them up?

(4) I find it difficult to trust even yearbook proof because people can and will sell yearbooks if they went to school with idols. In addition, yearbooks cannot prove interaction, and therefore, cannot prove bullying. At the same time, how do you prove bullying incidents from ten years ago? How do you disprove it? Cases of bullying aren’t often well-documented. It essentially becomes a game of my-word-against-yours.

(5) There is a pretty well-known article from 2016 where Mingyu defended a classmate with a disability. It doesn’t necessarily disprove the current claim, but the timing is important here. The classmate shared their account back in 2016; it did not just surface after recent allegations. However, if I want to believe that the KKT screenshots are false, then I must also be willing to believe that this 2016 article may have been fabricated as well.

(6) As someone in their 20s, the thought of being in a group chat with a bunch of my middle school classmates is baffling to me. Personally, I don’t want anything to do with my middle school classmates.

There is not much more to say on this; I will patiently wait for Pledis’ statement on the remaining allegations.

Achieving Escape Velocity and other MinWon stories

In a previous blog post, I stated that when I write and talk about AEV-Mingyu and Wonwoo—or other variations of Mingyu and Wonwoo—they are strictly characters that I have made up in my head, and they are separate from the real Mingyu and Wonwoo. At the same time, I do absolutely draw inspiration from the real Mingyu and Wonwoo in the creation of these story characters. It is their faces, bodies, and voices that I imagine. Thus, my current anxieties surrounding this situation make it difficult for me to write and enjoy AEV.

However, I still love this story a lot, and I love sharing it with everyone! There’s so much more to this fic that I want to show. As I mentioned in the initial author’s note, this is the first time I’m posting something of this length and I worked really hard on it. For these reasons, I have every intention of continuing to write and update Achieving Escape Velocity. Regular weekly updates will resume this coming weekend.

#mingyu #seventeen #how the fuck do i have so much to say about this topic?#this is 3k words #and i cut out 1k LOL #210225

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vaguely-gestures-to-the-void · 3 years

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Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back folks. Read the innocence dying inside me as I accept that this show eats my expectations for lunch and leaves me like it's going to buy milk.

As a side note from what I said in my first review, here’s an interesting article. Apparently I was clowning because the Gobi desert scene was filmed (probably? idk) with the tech from the Mandalorian. I think the studios were the same. Oh well. https://www.atlasofwonders.com/2021/06/loki-filming-locations.html

Episode 4: THE NEXUS EVENT

Pre-title scene

The new perspective of Asgard is incredible.

Oh baby Sylvie, what did they do to you. Also, RAVONNA??

The TVA through a child’s eyes is heartbreaking. The mixed use of shots that were familiar (the feet walking into the TVA) and new (the TVA logo on the floor) convey how though routine, this is an alien experience for Sylvie.

She too wants to help the man being dragged in. Maybe Sylvie was a better person than Loki, the TVA taking her away was what changed it.

We don’t see Casey, but iIt’s the same ‘sign here’ guy. The changing perspective and music really alters the mood created, contrasting the whimsical procedure we followed in episode one.

She hadn’t even said much in her life. They knew how to influence the audience’s emotions, that's for sure. Props to the actress, I felt genuine concern for her before I remembered that she’s acting.

TVA

Ravonna probably underestimated Sylvie as a Loki, a mistake that cost her greatly.

The golden doors.

Ravonna looks tense and a bit fearful.

Scattered throughout the episode are eyes watching. George Orwell’s 1984, anyone?

Big Brother is watching.

Mobius! He’s a good friend to Ravonna, but there’s a power imbalance.

Ravonna is shaken. Her past failure is haunting her.

Someone edit the “What? How?” into “Wow.” It’ll be a service.

Lamentis - 1

Loki’s apology and Sylvie reflecting on her childhood are the conclusion to the previous episode. Faced with death, Loki realises that her goals were hindered by his actions. His apology is the first time he acknowledges he had something to do with it. Sylvie’s offering her emotional vulnerability in the form of memories. Her mind and experiences are her most prized possession because they’re all she has of the person who she was as Loki, her childhood and what she was supposed to be. Her glorious purpose, what really makes a Loki a ‘Loki’ was her life.

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER. THIS WAS WHAT CAUSED THE NEXUS EVENT.

C H A R A C T E R D E V E L O P M E N T.

Ravonna pointed out that Loki will always be a “lying scourge” but they went against this. In any timeline, this could cause a nexus event. They found a middle ground.

“That should be setting off alarms if someone steps on the wrong leaf.” I had a whole idea about entropy and the timeline being an isolated system but I struggled to define an isolated system, and thus I couldn’t use the whole irreversible process causing entropy to grow causing a br- if you have a clue of what I’m going on about, or want to know more, I’ll explain my thoughts. I can understand why this isn’t scientifically accurate and I’m no physicist.

The unbranched timeline means all the things that were speculated - Wanda’s kids, what happened on Saakar, all of it - is gone.

“Any news on C - 20?”I called it! B-15 is having doubts! Her subtle unease building up throughout the ep is perfect!

Most settlements have a street design that can be from space. Sharru doesn’t.

“No. We may lose... ...you’re amazing!” Damn it literally took the end of a world for Loki to change as a person.

“Their smiles. If that isn’t people accepting their deaths I don’t know what is. Man, I just want both of them to be happy.

Please don’t let that be the love theme, it’s so pretty.

The music fading into the TVA theme as they get separated is so sad.

Time Theater 25

Back to square one in terms of trust with these two, but now they have history and hurt feelings too!

Oh Mobius.

Cycles are a part of who Loki is within Norse mythology (from what I know, correct me if I’m wrong). This scene is conflict.

Loki needs both Mobius and Sylvie to incite change. One can empathise whilst the other believes in him.

Mobius believes in Loki like no one else in the TVA. He treats him like an individual, they developed a bond in episode 2, so his disappointment and anger were genuine. This is reflected in their dialogue.

Even when Loki was going through all the Feels in ep 1, he didn’t shout at Mobius. It makes it more heartbreaking when Mobius laughs and dismisses him after the “TVA is lying to you” thing. His laugh was so bitter, it’s like his belief that Loki would be the variant to prove that variants were individuals had been shattered. What Mobius doesn’t realise is that Loki was genuinely trying to warn him. The trust between them was fragile but Mobius needed to come to his own conclusions before he could see that Loki had broken out of the mold the Time Keepers set for him.

“Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend.” Y’all, Mobius doesn’t rise to Loki’s baits. He’s so hurt.

I can’t be the only one that thought Loki was going to be brainwashed when they saw the red door. Turns out it’s just a time cell.

I love Mobius but he makes me feel so conflicted. Oh shit, he’s my problematic fave.

Watching Loki get his ass handed to him by Lady Sif shouldn’t be this funny.

This particular memory reflects what Mobius will talk about later, Loki being abandon by the people around him.

Putting Loki through a memory that was physically and emotionally painful was nasty. If you hear something horrible, over and over especially from a friend it would take a toll on your self-perception. Mobius was hurt by Loki leaving him, he’s getting revenge whilst doing his job and getting into Loki’s head.

Ravonna’s office

Ravonna has hang ups from failing with Sylvie. Who she is and what she knows is going to be interesting.

Heck I just realised are Mobius’ lapels not real? They look fake.

I wonder whether the “mastermind” thing was foreshadowing the next ep.

Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t the first Loki Mobius has dealt with? Could that mean there’s a reunion next ep?!

“Variant pet.” There’s a culture of dehumanising variants within the TVA.

The cuts showing both B-15 and Mobius’ faces reminds me of ep 1, but now there’s a new angle to things. B-15 certainly sees things differently.

Time Theatre 25

Lady Sif would kill with short hair. Or long hair. It’s Lady Sif, she’s a badass.

Loki’s exhale reminds me of how he tenses before a fight.

Notable things about this scene:

Heavy use of metaphors to trade jabs.

The lights are shifting in a consistent pattern, scanning the room almost.

Shots are constantly moving and cutting.

Loki’s speech pattern changes when he’s lying. Nice touch there.

When they start arguing in earnest, the shots are close ups of their faces, not circling around each other.

Loki was at first willing to talk to Mobius if he was treated with respect, the way they engaged in episode 2. He also wants to trust that Mobius won’t kill him. Mobius dismisses him (rightly so, his trust is gone) and Loki’s pride about ‘not working for anyone’ gets in the way rather than listening to each other. Loki’s behaviour is cyclic and his lying about Sylvie affirms Mobius’s understanding that Loki won’t (or maybe can’t) change. I wouldn’t be too surprised if Mobius is a Loki, the man’s uncannily good at reading him. He deduces that Loki and Sylvie have a bond and unsettles Loki to get answers out of him, because he knows that’s the only way he can force Loki to reveal his cards. He definitely wasn’t expecting Loki’s earlier admission to be the truth. What Mobius did was not right, but it sure was effective.

“No. Not partners.” I believe this. They had an understanding, but their goals differ. Maybe just give Sylvie her own show.

“Guess you don’t do partners.” MOBIUS WHY ARE YOU SO BUTT-HURT? Probably to make Loki feel bad ik, but it’s still funny to think Lightning McQueen is salty.

That memory really hurt Loki. He stuttered.

Loki fixates on Sylvie rather than his own freedom. This was the cue to Mobius to start interrogating.

Bruh, the feeling they were experiencing better be friendship.

This made me uncomfortable because I was so sure we weren’t gonna get a romantic subplot that I related the characters to my actual family relationships. Marvel. Why?

The music combined with Mobius’ subtle shift in demeanor from irritated to mockery was very unsettling to me. I never realised how good an actor Owen Wilson was.

“Our interests are aligned.” Once Mobius tells him the truth, Loki does the same. I really hope this is the extent of their relationship. Just let them recognise one another as equals. Please Marvel.

Mobius’ hands twitching, the slight swallow. Yeesh, he certainly doesn’t think Loki’s lying, but he’s not about to accept it.

Loki’s head shake is sad. He knows he can’t convince Mobius.

“That I can respect. I mean the lies you tell yourself.” This was the best writing imo. Loki doesn’t make any final attempts to connive his way out of the situation because telling the truth to someone he’d trusted had failed. He willingly walks into the Time Cell.

Time Theater 47

B-15 being unable to support herself, having to rely on the structures around her to stay upright. This woman deserves so much y’all.

WE NEED HER NAME MARVEL.

You better appreciate her beyond shipping her with Sylvie or istg.

The music is so mournful. It just emphasises how much everything changing is going to hurt not only the main characters. Lives change because of the TVA and the events of this episode, it’s not overlooked by the writing or music.

The poster and the 1984 parallels. Exquisite!

Sylvie not sitting straight made me snort.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

More Theremin music! This time I’m pretty sure it’s Carnival of the Animals, XIII. Le Cygne (the Swan) : Le carnaval des animaux: No. 12, Le cygne (arr. For theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore.

Fun fact! Clara Rockmore influenced theremin music and the instrument and was a virtuoso of the instrument. Give her a google, it’s worth it. Also look up Leon Theremin, he was (among other things) a Soviet spy. There’s a great Wiki spiral for anyone there.

Mobius was probably being lined up for a high position in the TVA. Damn.

TemPads are personal, or have different levels of clearance.

Mobius didn’t stop interrogating Ravonna throughout that scene. He knew that she wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

Sleight of hand wasn’t shown how Loki and Sylvie do it, they didn’t use misdirection.

Ravonna knows something is up with Mobius. Maybe he hasn’t been around for long if this is his ‘career case’.

The pacing becomes really fast like in the end of episode 2 as conflicts get resolved. Buckle up comrades.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I don’t have much to add, it’s a powerful scene.

They use close ups whenever a truth bombshell is dropped.

The music varies considerably between these scenes, each one has a different tone.

“We’re the same.” With what she knows of B-15, Sylvie knew not to be smug when delivering the news about B-15’s life.

B-15 crying in the rain hurts.

“I looked happy.”

TVA archives, Time Cell, Time Theater 25

The floor opposite Mobius is FE3, above it is 3FG.

Oh Mobius.

C-20 deserved better, I'd love to see her later in the series.

The music goes from mournful to harsh and we’re left in silence when it cuts to the Time Cell.

“You told me to shut up.” Loki can be salty sometimes.

“Do you really think you deserve to be alone?” Mobius is rattled, he wants to unsettle Loki.

The music starts to build somewhere between “...your connection... “ and Loki saying “‘WE?’”

The faint tinkling reminds me of the Avatar (blue people) score.

“How about the word of a friend?” This is Loki’s olive branch. When he admits Loki was right, their trust is tentatively reinstated.

The music is finally back to that chaotic theme we know. I think it’s the TVA’s theme.

“You can be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean just in case anyone ever told you different.” Mobius corrects what he says in the first ep.

They are friends y’all I’m so sad.

Mobius can lie through his teeth like it’s nobody’s business.

Pruning hurts, Mobius’ face is in agony.

Loki’s tears. GIVE THEM ALL JETSKIS.

Ravonna takes a moment to compose herself.

Time Keepers (the final smackdown)

Why are the last 10 minutes always so insane?

Loki’s eyes only show hurt. I’ll leave.

Ravonna’s so sharp, she instantly catches Sylvie’s wet hair.

All of our expectations from the trailers always get yeeted out of a window because the scenes are never really what we think they are. I get that that should be expected but it’s refreshing that the writing is never what we think it is.

Did anyone else notice the egg timer/infinity sign murals on one of the hallways to the left of Sylvie?

Ravonna is so cold (and yet I’d simp for her).

The M.C. Escher staircases I see you set designers/CGI folks.

B-15 just gets knocked out. They better not kill her for no reason or I riot.

I’m pretty sure that Sylvie ripped off one of Ravonna’s TVA badges (or buttons) when she fought her.

Sylvie’s the better fighter, she’s had to use it more often though.

The elevator doors stay open.

It would be so funny if we get an elevator scene where Sylvie is just dragging Ravonna somewhere.

They really led us on with the Time Keepers, particularly the middle one. I was somewhat convinced there’d be something more to it. I’m interested to see where it goes.

Ep 4 review

I really don’t have much to add with these last two episodes. I’ve definitely come to appreciate that no matter whether you liked the writing of the show or not, it’s never what you expect. Is that a good thing? I guess that that remains to be seen. Nonetheless, I appreciate how much effort went into this series. It’s been a fun romp, I’ll be back with my reviews of the final episodes. I’ll also stop posting Loki content to my blog because the Gods know that my followers don’t read this lol.

I’m just going to survive until the season is over and then hopefully keep my sanity together until the next Marvel content or at least Dr. Strange.

Here's the link to my episode 3 review.

Thank you all for being here, you're wonderful my loves.

#loki #loki series #loki review #loki (2021)#loki spoilers #spoilers #man how is this fandom gonna cope? By fixating on other TV shows? Good luck lads.#I'm gonna go buy milk at this point #they better not mess with B-15 or istg #B-15 deserves none of this #give mobius a jetski #and give loki therapy #and Sylvie too pls my babies need rest.#boy if Mobius is a Loki variant I'm going to grab my popcorn because the circus that this fandom will turn into will be legendary

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faewhump · 4 years

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Unseelie Pet: 25. Chapter

Lady Áine reflects about her position as Malachi’s vassal and the change she observed in Alex.

Previous Masterlist Next

Content warnings: mentions of torture, mentions of whipping, mentions of dubcon, mentions of abuse, dehumanisation, captor bonding

Tagging: @astrobly @galaxywhump @slaintetowhump @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @whumpsideblog @thewhiteraven73 @ohmywhump @u-n-o-f-f-i-c-i-a-l @a-terrible-pun @deluxewhump @ariirenn @frnkieroismydaddy @insanitywishes @swordkallya

In a way Lady Áine’s strong magic was both a blessing and a curse at once. Of course being powerful had it’s advantages in the cruel and backstabbing world that Court life could be, there were only very few faeries that would dare to fight her. But at the same time it bore the great risk of attracting the attention of older and even more powerful Fae. Áine had never minded standing back and letting others scheme and struggle for power, happy to just be left to live in peace. Unfortunately, that comfortable life hadn’t lasted long once Lord Dara had taken note of her magical strength.

He had been one of the most influential Fae at the Court at the time, and when she repeatedly refused to swear him her loyalty, he began to view her as a potential threat and decided to remove her rather sooner than later. In the end it had been a visiting Fae that had saved her life and offered her a place at his Court, under the condition that she would repay the debt through her service. It hadn’t been what Áine wanted, but ultimately she didn’t have any other choice than to accept Lord Malachi’s offer.

He wasn’t the worst High Fae to be obligated to, he generally treated his vassals with respect and had never been anything but polite to her. And yet, if it weren’t for her debt to him, she would leave this Court immediately. She had thought that the faeries at the Court she’d grown up at were bloodthirsty, but it had been nothing against the pure sadism the inhabitants of this palace showed towards their captured humans. When she’d arrived there had been talk about Malachi having killed his previous ‘pet’ only recently, and in a way she’d been glad that it hadn’t been around anymore and that he seemed disinterested in taking another.

But then Kieran had stumbled into the Court. She knew that ‘Kieran’ wasn’t the human’s actual name, but unlike Malachi she felt uncomfortable referring to him just as ‘the pet’ in her head. Of course Kieran wasn’t the first pet she’d healed, many faeries at the palace relied on her for that service. As much as she hated fixing up the poor humans just so their owners could break them again, there was no way she could refuse and leave them to slowly die of their increasingly worsening wounds.

When she’d first heard that Malachi had taken a pet again she’d expected to be called right away, already dreading to be confronted with the kind of mess her lord usually left behind after torturing an insubordinate faerie. But instead it had taken over a month until Malachi had required her to look at his pet, and only for her to detect self-inflicted malnutrition. She still had mixed feelings about that day, on the one had she felt guilty for being the one who had uncovered Kieran’s deceit and thereby condemned him to discipline, but on the other she was glad that he’d been eating more healthily since then.

By now she’d tended to the human many times, the instances becoming more and more frequent with every passing month. At first it had been wounds caused by outsiders or accidents, then those that stemmed from punishments, and recently even ones Malachi had inflicted for nothing but his own pleasure. Thankfully, the injuries were never severe, or even close to life threatening, and mostly consisted of shallow cuts and bruises that stuck to non-dangerous areas. It appeared that Malachi had learned well from the shock of his previous pet’s death and was now careful as to not make a similar mistake again.

Overall Kieran made a quite healthy impression, especially compared to the pets of other faeries. He always wore clean clothes, was fed a plentiful diet, and even got to go outside, albeit only at the end of a leash. His room was comfortable and contained many different things for him to entertain himself with, and Malachi gave him lots of attention as well. He seemed satisfied, happy even. And yet Áine felt nothing but pity and sadness whenever she saw him.

This time Malachi had punished him for talking back, and it took Áine all of her self-control to contain her anger at the way Kieran clung to him while she healed the whip marks on his back. There was something about this that struck her as particularly sickening; Kieran shouldn’t seek comfort from the person that abused him. What made things even worse was that he’d clearly known that before, she remembered the way he had twisted away from Malachi’s touch and reassurances at the beginning. But now there was none of that left anymore.

“Hush, sweetheart, hush,” Malachi soothed the crying human in his lap. “You took your punishment so well, I’m very proud of you.”

“Thank you, master,” Kieran sniffled, and Áine cringed.

“Is there anything else, my lord?” she asked stiffly.

Malachi smiled at her. “Yes, please have a look at my pet’s wrists as well, the silly thing couldn’t keep still enough last night.”

Kieran blushed and obediently held his hands out to Áine, who fought to swallow the bile rising in her throat, unwilling to even think of what situation had caused his wrists to become so chafed by restraints.

“I’m sorry, master,” Kieran mumbled, glancing up at Malachi with wide eyes.

Malachi chuckled. “Not to worry, my love,” he reassured and pressed a kiss against his pet’s head.

Áine hated the adoration in Kieran’s eyes, hated the way he melted into Malachi’s touch, hated how he preened at the attention. He didn’t even seem to mind that the Fae had hurt him only a short while ago, if anything he seemed more embarrassed by the fact that he that needed to be healed at all. Of course Áine was glad that he appeared to be happy, but it did come at quite the price. In a way it was just incredibly saddening to see how even one of the most stubborn and wilful humans caved in eventually.

Kieran had held up so well in the beginning, only pretending to give in to lull Malachi into a false sense of security, and had even tried to run away multiple times. But something had happened after that last escape attempt, something that had turned him into a docile lap pet for good. She didn’t know whether it had been the shock of what Darerca had done to him, the week he’d been isolated afterwards, or the mark that Malachi had carved into his shoulder. Maybe it had been a combination of the three, coupled with the sickeningly sweet affection the Fae showered him in.

With how attached to and imprinted on Malachi the human seemed, Áine couldn’t help but hope that her lord wouldn’t be as fickle in his affections as some of the other faeries were. Kieran was so utterly dependant on Malachi, Áine held do doubt that it would break him to be cast aside now. She’d seen it happen before, discarded pets being sold off to another faerie despite begging their owners not to, or simply dying of neglect eventually. Áine clenched her teeth, swearing to herself that she would never let that happen to Kieran.

Suddenly, an idea formed in her mind. What if, once Malachi lost interest, she somehow managed to convince him to give his pet to her? She glanced at Kieran who looked up at her so vulnerable and trusting as she healed his chafed wrists. She could help him forget all the horrible things he had gone through with her magic, help him forget Malachi and bring him back to the human world. There he could live out his life happily, untroubled by what had happened. Though of course she would only remove his memories with his permission, unless his pain over the separation was too strong...

“Thank you, Lady Áine,” Malachi said. “You may be dismissed for now.”

“You’re welcome, Lord Malachi,” Áine replied and turned to leave. Throwing one last glance over her shoulder she looked at Kieran whose attention was solely focussed on Malachi again.

I’ll get you out of here, Áine thought, No matter how long it takes until Malachi loses his interest, I promise I will make sure you get back home.

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neuxue · 6 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 28

I’m back! With front row seats to the zombie apocalypse, some musings on the writing of Mat’s character, and an appreciation for not-so-subtle symbolism

Chapter 28: Night in Hinderstap

Apparently it’s a surprise murder party. Where’s my invite?

I’m just not even going to comment on “I can’t rightly be blamed for their unsociable behaviour!”The less said about that, the better. It never happened. Quote? What quote?

A group of raving men soon descended on the two villagers Mat had hamstrung, beating their heads against the ground over and over until they stopped moving. Then the pack looked up at Mat and his men, bloodlust clouding their eyes. It was an incongruous expression on the clean faces of men in neat vests and combed hair.

Everyone’s trying to kill everyone else and is anyone else here reminded of that church scene in Kingsman? Or really any kind of zombie-apocalypse-esque scene from anything ever? Maybe Shai’tan’s a fan of pulp fiction?

The real question here, of course, is this: how did the villagers know this was going to happen? They clearly knew – or at least, they knew somethingwas going to happen at sundown; they were too vehement about the curfew for it to not be something sinister – but if this had happened before, how are any of them alive? And if it hasn’t happened before, how did they know? Also if it’s a one-off thing, the patches on clothing and lack of trade wouldn’t make sense…

Or maybe it’s a ten plagues sort of deal: something happens every sundown, or frequently at sundown, but it’s something different every time. So they know to set a curfew and they want people out, but…

Oh, maybe bad things only happen at sundown when outsiders are in the town? Or have I just read too many far-right campaign speeches?

And the zombie apocalypse continues. This is definitely weirder than ghosts. Pattern? Hey, Pattern, you feeling okay?

“The gold!” Talmanes said. “Burn the gold!” Mat said.

No, Mat, it’s pillage beforeyou burn. Come on, that’s practically the first rule of piracy!

So they start trying to get the hell out of dodge. Zombie apocalypses: keeping our borders secure.

Sorry, I’ll stop.

“This isn’t just about our wager,” Mat said, listening to the screams and shouts.

No shit, Sherlock. The Pope is Catholic, bears shit in the woods, the Dragon Reborn needs therapy, and this is definitely not just about your fucking wager.

Down a side road, a couple of struggling bodies burst through the upper window of a house.

Everything’s better with defenestration!

I’m absolutely picturing this happening with a lively scherzo playing in the background, by the way.

Indeed, it seemed to him that the darkness had come tooquickly here.Unnaturally swift. The road’s length squirmed with shadows, figures battling, screeching, struggling in the deepening gloom. In that darkness, the fights looked at times to be solid, single creatures – horrific monstrosities with a dozen waving limbs and a hundred mouths to scream from the blackness.

Subtle.

But certainly effective; it’s a well-painted picture of horror with very clear undertones of greater chaos and darkness. Jordan was good at these occasional short forays into horror, and this measures up reasonably well.

“Light,” Talmanes yelled as they galloped toward the inn. “Light!”

I see what you did there. The image of unnatural, roiling, violent darkness, and the ensuing cry of “Light!” from the one charging into it.

Because that’s what we’re coming to, now. The end – the Last Battle – is no longer some distant looming threat on the horizon; it’s imminent and immediate and everything else is fraying at its approach, the veneer of order cracking and the pieces so desperately held together falling apart, the places that once may have thought to be passed over unscathed are feeling the touch of apocalypse, and the underlying battle lines: Light and Shadow, are becoming more and more apparent. There isn’t room for anything else, try though they all might.

The night itself seemed to be trying to smother them, to strangle them, and to spawn beasts of blackness and murder.

So in other surprising news, I am still and always a sucker for not-really-hidden secondary layers of meaning. What can I say? I’m a simple girl of simple tastes.

They screamed and hissed, like legions of the drowned trying to pull him down into a deep, unearthly sea.

I was on a plane earlier today, flying over a city that clearly has precisely no chance whatsoever at surviving a sea level rise of even a metre or so and I’m reminded of it here, of clear impending disaster and how humanity responds. Which seems to be, in life as in fiction (in fiction as in life?), to ignore it in favour of other petty conflicts.

He hated fighting in darkness, he bloody hated it. […] It reminded him, briefly, of another night, killing Shadowspawn in the dark.

Hate to break it to you, Mat, but there are going to be more of those nights to come – and I don’t think even you would take the long side of that bet.

Except now of course these aren’t Shadowspawn, but in the growing darkness it becomes harder to tell the difference.

For a moment, it seemed Mat fought the shadows themselves – shadows made by sputtering firelight, random and uncoordinated, yet all the more deadly for his inability to anticipate them.

An interesting line, read through the lens of potential foreshadowing, regarding the Light’s likely general...

Ha, foreshadowing. See what I did there?

Okay, sorry.

Shadows bled where he struck

None of this is remotely subtle but it’s more fun than most of Sanderson’s Mat has been so far, so I’m going to enjoy it and YOU CAN’T STOP ME. So there.

(I haven’t slept in about 36 hours because overnight flights are hell; give me some slack here).

Thom throwing some of his last knives to save Mat as they flee on horseback from a town that becomes deadly with the fall of night…now where have we seen this before…

He didn’t know horseback battle commands himself, but those blasted memories did

This seems off, though perhaps more in the phrasing than the sentiment. Mat usually couches that sort of feeling in terms of being the one to remember, even if the memory belonged to someone else originally. Then again, he’s not exactly at a point of feeling particularly charitable towards the Eelfinn and their gifts, so okay.

“Thank you. For coming back for me.” “I wasn’t going to leave a man to that,” Mat said, shivering. “Dying on the battlefield is one thing, but to die out there, in that darkness…Well, I wasn’t going to let it happen.”

This, too, feels a little bit off – as if Mat should be thinking it rather than saying it. In these sorts of circumstances he has a tendency to almost awkwardly brush off thanks and praise, as if he’s uncomfortable taking it, saying something about ‘anyone would have done it’ or ‘I don’t have enough men to replace you if you died’ or something else that sounds slightly more callous than his actual motives. But again, it’s not completelyout of character, just…a little unusual, it seems. Which could mean it’s actually off, or could mean I’m overly aware of anything that doesn’t fit my own mental picture of Mat, and because his last few chapters have been…interesting…confirmation bias is working against Sanderson here.

I give up; I can’t quote all the light/shadow imagery with secondary meanings here. But there’s a lot of it and I do actually enjoy it. It’s the sort of thing that, at least at this point in the story, I don’t think needs to be subtle. It’s the entire focus, after all – so the idea is that it’s permeating everything, that even the little things have been pulled into this all-consuming war of Light against Shadow, that nothing is free of it this late in the game, especially when the ta’verenstand at the centre.

Mat argues with Aes Sedai; what else is new.

The robe was parted slightly at the top, giving a hint of what hid inside. Talmanes whistled softly.

I miss the actual character of Talmanes. I never liked Nalesean as much and I’m not thrilled to see him here, having done an Arya and stolen Talmanes’s face somehow.

“She’s not a woman, Talmanes,” Mat whispered warningly. “She’s an Aes Sedai. Don’t think of her as a woman.”

Yes, because with the true battle lines drawn before you, between Light and Shadow for the future of humanity and future itself, what you really want to be focusing on is dehumanising your own allies.

“It’s as if the darkness itself intoxicates them,” Thom said while Mat helped Delarn into his saddle. “As if Light itself has forsaken them, leaving them only to the Shadow…”

Ah, Thom, we can always count on you to point out the symbolism inherent in the situation, just in case we’ve missed it. This is why you bring the bard along.

“Not my fault, Talmanes. How was I to know that staying would cause them all to start tearing each other’s throats out?” “What?” Talmanes asked, glancing at him. “Isn’t this usuallyhow people react when you tell them you’re going to spend the night?”

STOP. RUINING. TALMANES’S CHARACTER. FOR THE SAKE. OF A PUNCHLINE.

Part of the problem is that Jordan’s characters just aren’t constructed to carry this style of banter, whereas it’s something of a staple of Sanderson’s. Both styles are fine – mileage will vary depending on individual readers’ tastes, of course, but both are at least internally consistent – but this is definitely one of those places where they very much are two distinct styles, and they don’t merge very well on this particular field.

It’s part of why Mat seems to be the character Sanderson struggles most with, at least thus far; more than any other major character, Mat is at the mercy of the author’s sense of humour.

Well, more than any other major character with the very possible exception of Nynaeve, but I have a theory about this one. I’ll save that one for another time, though.

Actually no, you know what? Let’s just do it here because this is stream of consciousness and it’s on my mind now. Also I’ve already gone political in this post so let’s go ahead and throw a gender discussion in as well, for shits and giggles.

Nynaeve and Mat, as I know I’ve talked about before and as I’m sure plenty of other people have talked about, have quite a lot in common in terms of their characterisation and the role they fill in the story. Both have the self-awareness of a particularly unintrospective goldfish, both love to dress up in dramatic irony for a night on the town, both are incredibly loyal and will stop at nothing to protect those they love, and both are often used for comic relief, when one (or both) of them is in a scene where comic relief is called for.

So why does Sanderson seem to get Nynaeve mostly right, while wildly missing the mark with Mat? (check out that alliteration).

I don’t think this is the only reason, but I think part of it is to do with the gender of the characters, and the resulting filters Sanderson, like many readers, would subconsciously be perceiving them through, and thus also writing them through.

In Nynaeve and Mat we have two very similar characters, but the emphasis – in the narrative and also, it seems based on my (admittedly limited) interactions with other readers, in the way they are perceived – with each of them is on versions of those shared traits that are coded more masculine or more feminine. Loyalty tilts towards chivalry and honour (‘masculine’) in Mat, and towards the nurturing, caretaking, and healing side (‘feminine’) in Nynaeve. Mat’s blindness to his own character reads as funny, where Nynaeve’s tends to read as more annoying and hypocritical to many. Mat’s irreverence reads and is treated as roguishness; Nynaeve’s as rudeness.

Not all of this is criticism, exactly; it’s more just observation of a pattern. There are things I wouldn’t mind seeing done differently, but I think for the most part both characters are well-handled, and serve as good parallels to each other in different situations.

But let’s bring it back to humour, and Sanderson’s ability to write one of these characters better than the other.

I think, perhaps without consciously framing it to himself this way, Sanderson sees Nynaeve not as ‘funny’ but as a character around whom funny can happen. She can be used for comic relief, but her character doesn’t read immediately as ‘the funny one’ because her irreverence and lack of self-awareness are treated as character flaws – and as flaws and aspects of her growth, they’re done well – because we as a society tend to see those things as flaws in women, more so than in men.

This, then, is how Sanderson seems to write Nynaeve (at least based on the little I’ve seen so far). It’s also how Jordan wrote Nynaeve, and it thus is consistent with her character and with the way she has grown and changed over the course of the story. And when it’s time to throw comic relief at her, she doesn’t make jokes, but instead gets herself into situations that are funny because of who she is and how she reacts.

This, incidentally, is also largely how Jordan wrote humour involving Mat. However, we’re more primed to see Mat as an inherently funny person, because in a male character that’s how those traits combine. To our unconscious filters, Nynaeve should be the butt of the joke; Mat the one making the joke. Except…most of the time, Jordan’s Mat isn’t. He’s irreverent, yes, but the humour around him is actually written much like the humour around Nynaeve; it’s the result of dramatic irony: the character not seeing what is immediately obvious to the audience. We’re all in on the joke, at Nynaeve’s or Mat’s expense.

Sanderson gets Nynaeve’s character right because in a female character this combination of traits doesn’t immediately scream ‘funny’.

But Sanderson gets Mat’s character wrong because in a male character this combination of traits, to the set of filters and biases a reader in our society is likely to possess without realising, doesscream ‘funny’. In Nynaeve it’s easier to see a set of individual traits; in Mat there’s more likely to be that immediate association that gets in the way of seeing how the character is actually used, and how those traits come into play.

Again, I don’t mean this as a harsh criticism of Sanderson; unconscious bias is a pretty strong thing, and it’s an easy trap to fall into without even realising – hence the ‘unconscious’. Also, to his credit, he has made a fair bit of progress in this general area across his writing career.

But that’s my theory, such as it is.

And now back to the zombie apocalypse and your not-so-regularly scheduled nonsense.

There was an odd wrongness about the entire experience. Was the curfew intended to keep this from happening, somehow? Had Mat, by staying, causedall of these deaths?

Rand isn’t the only one who can leave destruction in his wake – though he does probably have the most impressive track record so far. Still, Mat can claim the harbour at Ebou Dar and, you know, gunpowder. It ain’t easy, being a ta’verenwith a conscience.

“It’s not going to leave me alone, Thom. […] That bloody gholam is out there, I know it is, but that’s just a part of it. Myrddraal and Darkfriends, monsters and ghosts. Chasing me and hunting me. I’ve stumbled from one disaster to another, barely keeping my neck above water, ever since this began. I keep saying I just need to find a hole somewhere to dice and drink, but that won’t stop it. Nothing will.”

Wow, Mat, that sounds almost like self-awareness, and acceptance of your role in all of this. And he has shown that more and more; he knows now that he can’t just run; it’s gone from being an actual plan circa TSR/TFoH to a wistful fantasy he occasionally indulges in. He knows the Last Battle is coming, knows he’s ta’veren, knows he can’t run from this. And more and more, he’s having to actually admit that, and face it straight on. You can’t strategise when you’re constantly half-trying to run away.

“Burn me, I wish they’d all just go bother Rand. He likes it.”

Ow.

“You really think that?” Thom asked. Mat hesitated. “I wish I did,” he admitted. “It would make things easier.”

This is one where maybe it’s out of character writing but I’m actually going to take it at face value, as Mat having to face some harder truths rather than dodging them as he has in the past. He knows this all already, and knew it before, but it’s different to actually have to admit it out loud. To deny yourself the refuge of denial and glib evasions.

It would make things easier – just like telling himself he’ll leave as soon as this battle is won, and then this battle, and then that errand, and then and then and then would make it easier – but he can’t afford that anymore.

It’s not the first time he’s realised this, exactly, but it feels less…forced, now. He accepted that he was ta’veren, accepted that he would have to fight in the Last Battle and that he couldn’t just leave, accepted a degree of responsibility for those he leads, but at every stage there’s resistance. First he resisted the whole thing, trying time and time again to leave. Then it was a case of resisting every step along the way, grudgingly accepting one thing after another. Just as Rand has crossed lines in the sand, trying and failing to set boundaries that he can stick to, and always in the end violating them down to ‘the last that could be done’, Mat has followed a path of crossing one line and then the next, taking one step and then the next, fighting it all the way but still ending up there. The difference, of course, being that Rand’s crossing of lines has largely been down a moral slope towards the point where he believes himself irredeemable, whereas Mat’s path has been one of gradual acceptance of his role. But the concept is the same, of resistance but then movement.

Now, he’s more freely admitting all of this. He’s not fighting it so much, anymore. He has almost reached the end of that path, the point where he can step into his place for the ending, as the person he needs to be, accepting it fully.

It’s what they’re all heading towards, now, one way or another. Moving into their final positions, completing their final arcs, taking on their roles for the ending. Accepting who they are and who they must be, and what that means.

(I mean, Rand is still very obviously struggling on that one, but in a way he’s also drawing closer – there’s a breaking point coming. He’s hit what seems like an absolute low; he’s broken and dark and tearing himself apart in an effort to hold himself together, under the pressure of everything that has been building and building and building towards the point where he has to finally…either accept his role in truth, or not).

“Lies never make things easier in the long run. […] When you tell them to yourself, you just bring more trouble.”

Wise words, Thom. And Mat’s finally at a point where he’s maybe ready to hear them; to accept that he has been lying to himself at each step along the way. Denial and self-deception layered on top of itself, peeling some away at every step. And now he’s having to face the last of those lies, and to leave himself without the comfort of those denials to shield himself.

That’s one he absolutely shares with Nynaeve. She, too, has had to peel away the denials and lies she tells herself in order to protect herself, to bring down those walls step by step.

“It strikes me that the people were expecting this. Or something like it.” “How could they have been?” Mat said. “If this had happened before, they’d all be dead.”

GOOD FUCKING QUESTION.

Aw, Mat’s got his very own wanted poster. Our little rogue’s all grown up and worth a bounty.

“Handsome fellow. Good nose, straight teeth, dashing hat.”

Um.

The prisoners are just…gone?

Is there some kind of groundhog day shit going on here?

There is some kind of groundhog day shit going on here.

“You!” he said, pointing. “I killed you!”

I have to say, it had more impact when it was Rand saying that to Moridin. Still, it’s always a good line when you get a chance to pull it out.

So it’s groundhog day meets zombie apocalypse. How…delightful. Murder spree every night with no consequences!

“The oddities were small, you see. A broken door here, a rip in someone’s clothing they didn’t remember. And the nightmares. We all shared them, nightmares of death and killing.”

No consequences, that is, except extreme trauma for the entire population. That is creepy as fuck.

Though they seem to be dealing with it as well as they can, all things considered. I’ve got to hand it to the mayor; the guy does his best to maintain rationality in all circumstances. He’s sort of the classic badass NPC – he’s probably not all that important to the overall story and we only see him for a brief moment, but he’s just making do as well as he can in a story that’s well above his paygrade: standing up to a protagonist, calmly discussing the fact that his entire village murder each other every night, and standing firm by the rules that you don’t talk about fight club.

But now I’m wondering what purpose this serves, in the grand scheme of things. Narratively, I mean. We’ve seen ghosts, we’ve seen So Habor ruined by them, we’ve seen a town appear and vanish, we’ve seen bubbles of evil…why two chapters on this? Why this weird recurring zombie apocalypse? It seems like an odd thing to include just to highlight how completely fucked the world has become; we have plenty on that already that isn’t quite so…involved. Or is this just Sanderson having fun for a chapter or two? It’s the sort of concept I can imagine he’d enjoy playing with – what happens when the fabric of reality and time begins to unravel…

“So just leave,” Mat said. “Leave this bloody place and go somewhere else!” “We’ve tried,” the mayor said. “We always wake up back here, no matter how far we go. Some have tried ending their lives. We buried the bodies. They woke up the next morning in their beds. […] We were curious to see where you’d wake up. Most of the rooms in the inns are permanently taken by travellers who are now, for better or worse, part of our village.”

That’s interesting…so people can be dragged into this and trapped there. Huh. Okay. Hmm.

The mayor continues to be his badass NPC self, by declaring that he’s not going to sell Mat out to whoever put up the wanted posters. The man has his principles and he sticks to them, come hell, high water, or a larger storyline.

Who was looking for him and Perrin, and what did they want?

Do you really have to ask?

But I suppose we’re off to find out.

Next (TGS ch 29) Previous (TGS ch 27)

#maybe I shouldn't write these after sleepless overnight flights #but where's the fun in that?#Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

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bartsugsy · 6 years

Note

so where do you stand on the prison discourse then

lmao this is going to get out of hand very quickly and it’s going to jump all over the place and touch on about 15 different issues, i can feel it in my bones

but fine

i feel like people who show literally no empathy for other human beings who are in prison probably think of ~criminals~ as Other - you know, evil inhuman people, nothing like they themselves are. they believe themselves to be fully rounded humans whose bad decisions or carelessness or mistakes will never have repercussions bad enough to result in prison and that thinking is rooted in absolute blind privilege

because the reality is that even the most violent of people who have done the most terrible of things are literally still human beings just like you and i

i think people like to believe that ‘evil’ exists, because it’s an easy way to put them above other people - but the only reason they think that is because they’ve never taken the time to even attempt to understand that the root cause of wrongdoing probably isn’t ‘innate evil’

and if it is innate evil, then that’s essentially saying there’s nothing we can ever do to change it or be better

it’s like pretending that class and race don’t have a huge impact on whether you end up in prison or not - far more so than actual crimes committed. and frankly it’s like saying that society, the harmful ignorance we grow up surrounded by, doesn’t have an impact on people’s terrible actions

this dehumanisation - this insistence that you are above breaking the law (despite the fact that probably every single person in the world has probably broken a law before), this belief that you are better than these other people simply because you are a complete human and they are defined only by one decision made in their lives - is imo harmful and shows a supreme lack of emotional intelligence and empathy - and more than that, a lack of understanding about the ways circumstance and trauma and pain affect lives

maybe one day someone rallying for literal teenagers to be locked up in a system that does literally nothing proactive to either improve their lives or to help them fix the issues that ultimately led to them behaving the way they did/making the mistake they did/doing something harmful or dangerous to others, then all it is is an incredibly damaging plaster over a wound

it’s not a long term solution, nor is it statistically proven to actually do good

it just makes other people feel like they’re above it because surely they would never end up in prison

i guarantee that not everyone currently in prison thought they would ever end up inside

every single human being locked up is a human being. that’s not a tidy answer or an easy to digest answer when some of those humans have also caused immeasurable pain and suffering, but it’s still true. they’re all humans, their actions and decisions all developed from somewhere and just because you’re lucky enough not to be them, doesn’t mean it’s ok to pretend that they’re not fully fledged people with good and bad within them, imo

this isn’t an easy thing to do - it’s very easy to dehumanise people who have caused you pain. how many times have i sad to my lgbt friends that ~all straight people are the worst~ or ~men can choke~ - these are groups of people who have actively caused me pain and trauma - who still to this day often make my life worse. it doesn’t mean that i should forget that they’re all human. because the reality is that my anger at them doesn’t actually get to the root of the problem - the problem being the way they think. it takes an extraordinary amount of strength - sometimes more than we’re willing or able to give. but the fact that it’s not a nice thing to have to accepts unfortunately doesn’t make it any less true.

you can’t fit people in neat boxes. you can’t point at someone who is actively making the world a better place and say ‘you’re terrible, which means you’re evil’. those people out there harming the world still have good in them too. and that’s one of the most uncomfortable truths anyone ever has to face tbh.

there was a whole story on my dash this morning about a dude literally dressed in a confederate flag who randomly helped a black family change their tyre when it blew out whilst driving. like... the good deed doesn’t erase the fact that he’s clearly a dangerous idiot, but... it’s still a good deed because even people who do and believe bad things have good in them. (and jesus i really didn’t think i’d ever relay that fucking story in my life - it literally physically makes me uncomfortable to talk about)

i can’t stress this enough - this doesn’t give them a free pass for their shitty decisions or their ignorance or what have you. it just means that people aren’t either all bad or all good. everyone has good in them and everyone has bad in them. and most of the time there are actual reasons for why people are the way they are and act the way they act.

people are people.

people aren’t evil. they do wrong. there are reasons for wrong doing. sometimes its arbitrary or selfish - we can all relate to that and if you say you can’t you’re a fucking liar. i’ve done things before - made careless fucking mistakes before and was so so so lucky that they didn’t ultimately turn out as bad as they could have been, or that i didn’t have to face the repercussions of those stupid mistakes in ways that would have literally destroyed my life.

and sometimes those reasons are out of self-preservation, out of fear, out of feeling stress or pressure, out of society making you believe that this is the only way.

it isn’t always just something that happens to other people who probably deserve it anyway~~~. i think until you realise that, until you realise that it could honestly happen to you too, it’s difficult to understand necessarily what i mean. and if you haven’t yet made a mistake so epic that you feel guilty whenever you think about it, then that’s probably coming. humans don’t go through their lives without fucking up. yeah, even you.

dehumanisation doesn’t do anyone any good. it’s the root of all prejudice - i don’t like the word ignorance because i don’t think that conveys the point enough, although it is rooted in ignorance, be it willful or just simply because you’re not willing to do the work to question the way you learnt things as a child or the way society at present is designed purely to the advantage of the rich white straight man.

and that doesn’t mean that doing bad isn’t bad. the active intent to harm other people is horrific.

but prisons don’t help fix the actual problems

as long as they are our go-to, how can we truly help people change and better their lives

unless the betterment of someone’s life, helping them turn into a better person and do good in the world, isn’t what you want? maybe you just want them all to suffer?

in which case, what does that make you?

(and you know what, i get it, there are people that i think deserve to suffer, but that’s not the good part of me speaking, regardless of how justified i feel i am)

prisons won’t fix things

but sure

fine

everyone can carry on thinking that prison can never touch them or their loved ones, so they don’t need to acknowledge that every single person in the system is just like them.

it doesn’t make you a bad person to do so. i don’t think you’re a monster if you don’t agree with me. as we’ve established already, we’re literally all just humans. we’re all varying degrees of terrible and varying degrees of lovely.

but pls i beg stop pretending that that’s not an absolute fucking privilege that you are lucky enough to get to do that.

#long post #i'm not saying anything more on this lmao i'm genuinely home sick today and suffering yike #answering anons #this is really difficult to articulate and i feel like there's going to be a lot of willful misunderstanding of me sigh

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black-duo-maxwell-0085 · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on Steve Stirling’s _The Stone Dogs_

This take is as hot as a sno-cone, insofar as the novel it is in reference to was written in 1990 (which is way longer ago than I’m prepared to acknowledge). But the Spirit moved me since I hate this book so got-damn much. So here we are.

Let me start by saying that I am certainly not averse to a work of art dealing with challenging subject-matter in and of itself. Some of my faves—The Bluest Eye and Invisible Man—are especially uncomfortable as narratives of life and family are concerned. I also read works that force me to take the point-of-view of the coloniser as well, and whilst I didn’t care for Kipling’s Kim and certainly didn’t like Konrad’s Heart of Darkness, they were simply bad books looking to ask questions about the human experience without trying to get out from under the then conventional wisdom and parochial epistemologies of the authors’ milieu.

The Stone Dogs is a novel that is—flatly—cynical, ugly, and repugnant on every conceivable dimension. In short: this is trash.

And let me be clear. It’s not just The Stone Dogs, here. It’s the entirety of the thought experiment that generated the alternate history of the Draka. I don’t have a problem with exploring histories where things turn out painfully or nightmarish in the way that systems of power operate; I quite enjoyed Harry Turtledove’s Timeline-191 books, up to and including the exceptionally bleak _The Victorious Opposition_. But that novel, whilst it proffered truly execrable characters, even in POV capacities, never shied away from painting their actions—and crucially, *them*—as wrong and people. Capable of being seduced by manifest evil. Even though we ride around in the mind of a Jake Featherston, the author is careful and deliberate enough to delineate that this is a truly godawful place to be. And the narrative never contorts itself to make him look in any way sympathetic.

The Stone Dogs is not nearly so sophisticated.

And I say this while, from a purely objective standpoint, Stirling’s prose is richer than Turtledove’s. There is a sense of aesthetic in his craft that is absent in The Master of Alternate History’s methodical, plot-focused genre stylings. It’s just that it lavishes this on the very very worst kind of people and circumstances.

It really does beg the question if Stirling has ever met a Black person in real life before. For several reasons, not least amongst them that a good Black friend would have told him that he was dead-wrong for exploring the idea of racist, super-Afrikaners taking over the world in his novel. But what do I know.

And it’s bad enough that the novel and the series it is a part of, so utterly bungle the experience by focusing nearly entirely on the perspectives and experiences of the enslavers. But what makes the matter even worse is that the series as a whole seems to only care about addressing the Draka’s expansion when it has them encountering and subjugating EuroAmerican people. The first book in the series, Marching through Georgia is—for all its signifying on the exploits of Sherman in the American CivilWar, primarily concerned with events long after the whole of the African continent has already been subjugated. So the ‘interesting part’ is when Stirling smashes his Draka action figures against Germans in a sick rendering of WWII in the case of what happens when Bad meets Evil (and the most disturbing thing is that it is really, really, REALLY hard to tell which is which).

The text is as graphic as it is cynical too. Depictions of pain and various sorts of violations are a regular occurrence in the text, and all of it feels immensely gratuitous. That the books have a 90s era sense of puerile ‘edge’ about them is fairly self-evident. And again, the cynicism is always there, too. Such that the text feels like something written by a talented but *deeply* disturbed Southern high school boy.

The books are racist in their exclusions of people of colour throughout, and racist in the scant few depictions that do occur as well (which may be worse). I nearly had to put the text down when Jolene, one of the only recurring Black characters in all of the Stone Dogs (and of course, a “serf”/slave), enthusiastically asks to be a “brooder” for the woman who presumes to “own” her, Yolanda Ingolffson. The sequence is disgusting enough in its abject dehumanisation of Jolene as a character, but all the more so in the context of the novel emerging from a real-world sociohistorical context that perpetuates a flawed historiography of Black experiences in bondage in the US at a very broad scale.

Finally, fatally, the book is audacious enough to be *boring* in the parts not actively intent on being offensive. There is no attempt at establishing a frame of reference for why we should care about the pulse-drive on a starship, and even if there were (and the novel goes on, and on, and on about that shit), I still would be hard-pressed to care because the whole book is about actual-ass racist super-Afrikaners who take over the whole world.

And I haven’t even addressed the fact that the racist super-Afrikaners *DO* take over the world. Because of course they do. The whole novel—and the larger series as well—pays lip service to how the Draka are bad, or whatever, but all that rings absolutely hollow in the face of the overwhelmingly disproportionate amount of time that the novel expends bending over backwards to position them as sympathetic in spite of that fact. There are no real repercussions for their evilness, and the novel, again, ultimately rewards them for doing so. Yes, Yolanda loses the love of her life, but that loss is only tenuously narratively linked to anything about who she was or what she was doing: going for a walk after selecting a serf to ravish as part of their spoils of war. But going for a walk in a war zone is not linked to the basic act of owning another human being in and of itself, and the story actually goes a step further to suggest that that claim was really only made as a rationalisation by Yolanda herself in the throes of her grief. So ultimately, there is never any punishment for any Draka character for the repugnant behaviour that they perpetrate, and I read that as the novel’s tacit acquiescence of the fact that, ‘welp, there really must not be anything that they *deserve* to be punished for, I guess’.

The only people who are punished are everybody who isn’t Draka for not taking the Draka threat seriously enough. Which seems to suggest that, if there are any moral failings to be found in this novel at all, that’s the only one there is: to not be just as depraved as the Draka, which would allow you to be able to anticipate the nature of just how awful they will be.

I’m so tired.

This book is bad, and I hate that I’m reading it, and subjecting myself to it. Like, it’s legitimately affecting my mental health, reading this hateful-ass, unconscionably long-ass book. It is a mean, ugly, bitter epic that presents no heroes and no sympathetic characters. Just a mass of abyss as cold as a serpent’s heart.

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