I need to get up but she’s so comfy

Hi everyone. My dog Gracie has been having health problems. A few weeks ago I found a couple small bumps around her stomach area and every couple of days I find more, and the previous ones I find have gotten bigger. I believe she has breast cancer. They’re showing up very quickly and I’m very worried about her.

She turns 8 years old in April this year. In September my family has planned a trip to the beach that we’ve been planning for a year for the first time in 10 years and Gracie loves water. Always wanting to play in the hose or the bathtub and she’s never been on a trip before. I would love more than anything to be able to take her with me because she would love it.

I got fired from my job after calling out just one day due to having to take Gracie to the emergency vets. I love her so so much and I want to be able to keep her as long as I can. It’s so hard trying to find a job after getting clean recently and I’m afraid something is going to happen before I’m able to find something.

It would mean the absolute world to me if any of you would be willing to help out and at least share this post so more people see it. Thank you all so much for your time and I love all of you.

Are you all ready for the sweetest cat story?

So Pippin had her surgery two weeks ago. I took her in before work, and then my mom picked her up for me that afternoon. They removed a huge cyst from her side and pulled a tooth that's been bothering her. Turns out she had a massive ear infection, too. She's been a rockstar about taking her medicine every day and leaving the incision site well alone.

Today was her recheck. I took her in before work and met my mom there, in case the appointment went long. First of all, she got a spectacularly clean bill of health! The vet couldn't believe it. Her ear infection had cleared up to the point that they checked it twice to make sure. Then, I had to hurry in to work, so my mom took her home for me.

Pippin howled all day.

Near as we can figure, given she quieted as soon as I came home after work, she thought I had been left at the vet, like she had been two weeks ago. She would not stand for that. She pestered my mom all afternoon, and she's been following me around the house ever since I got home.

PLEASE READ AND MAKE THIS GO VIRAL. 

I know it's a long read, but it's so important, and I am LITERALLY BEGGING YOU FOR HELP! (And including the link to the original tiktok video because apparently tumblr doesn’t want to show it: https://www.tiktok.com/@sonofawinchester/video/7139692736252349739?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1)

I have had nothing but hardships since June, and am on the brink of losing everything. Our well pump died suddenly, and I went two weeks without water, begging the local gov't to help, to no avail. Instead, I was met with ableist remarks. I was forced to turn to restaurants to eat once a day, and the nearby gas station to use the bathroom. None of which were in walking distance, which took a toll on my wallet between food and gas. Finally, we had to use the money we reserved for this year's taxes to pay for the replacement pump. While we now have water, we can't afford the taxes. That means we can lose our home. Taxes are due in October and December. September's already halfway through, and combined, they're over $5,500.

In July, my feathered son, Tazmania, got sick. I took him to vets, and he seemed to be recovering with some antibiotic injections. I had to postpone his follow-up appointment due to fraudulent charges on my credit card totaling over $300, which not only maxed it out, but also meant a freeze on it. But he seemed to be doing better, so I didn't think a week would hurt. Until it did. Just 2 days before the rescheduled follow-up, he presented as extremely ill.

August 3rd, he was real bad. But no avian vets had availability, and he wasn't stable enough for the 2 and a half hour drive to ER vets. So we stuck it out. I stayed up with him all night, and he fought hard to stay with me. August 4th, the local vets stabilized him for transport, and we went to ER vets. He was hospitalized and stabilized, tests were run, and he was eating again, though he was still too weak to be his chatty self. He was discharged on August 6th, with nearly $1,800 in vet bills on my care credit, which had a limit of $2,200. 

The first charge made to my newly replaced credit card was a cremation fee of over $200. (If you don't have anything nice to say, bite your tongue off, lest this happens to you. This boy means more to me than your useless opinions, and I'm tired of having to justify this charge. My other option was to keep him in the freezer until further notice, and avoid food because seeing him in there killed my appetite. So the other option was death by starvation.) The house is too quiet without his singing, and I feel empty, but I'm still fighting for Syd.

To be safe, I took his sister, Sydney, for a checkup on August 9th. The vets gave her a clean bill of health, but as soon as we got home, she acted like she was regurgitating. Rather than be helpful, this local vet refused to run tests, that are much cheaper for them to run than an ER vet to run. A few weeks later, Syd started presenting as ill as well, so I sought help from other local vets. This, in turn, has maxed out my care credit limit. That's right, we're past the $2,200 now!

Furthermore, I found out recently from my mom, that we owe the fuel company $900 for propane. If we don't pay this, we will not get a refuel, even if we have HEAP credits. You know what that means? No heat or hot water. My mom's still in a nursing home, and there's no telling if or when she's coming home. She's in 4th stage kidney disease. Thankfully, no heat or hot water won't affect her, but it WILL affect Syd and I (if, in fact, Syd survives.) The cold will kill her, and as someone suffering with Raynaud's, the cold is excruciating for me, in just the matter of seconds. Yes, seconds. Holding a cold drink for less than a minute brings tears to my eyes. No, there's no cure, and gloves only go so far. Within minutes, with gloves on, it's unbearable. Washing in ice cold water? It would feel like frostbite, and could take me a long time just to get feeling back to my fingers once I'm done washing.

At this current point (9/15/2022) Syd has a follow-up with her vet tomorrow. I don't have money for further testing, and care credit is maxed, so I can't even charge it to that. This means I have to refuse further testing if she needs it, which she most likely will, since tests have come back inconclusive. Can I afford $14 for another antibiotic injection? If I starve myself, yes. So I will allow myself to go hypoglycemic in order to give her her medicine. But I won't be much use to her, or anyone. I've been sacrificing myself for years. She's my daughter and she's worth it. I haven't eaten in days already. At this point, I'm lucky if I eat once a week, and it's not even a full meal because I simply no longer have strength or energy to cook, which doctors love to write off or plain out ignore. 

Syd's 11th birthday is September 18th, while Taz will forever be 10 years old. I can't even give her healthcare for her birthday, and it's killing me.

So now that I've explained what's been going on, let me explain something else. I am disabled. Permanently. (I'm currently in the process of fighting to keep my SSI, which is another long story.) I was disabled before I ever stood a chance, so I didn't "earn" the "rights" that you get with SSDI. So what this means is that I make less than $900 a month. In NYS, minimum wage is $15/hr. That means the average full-time worker earns $2,400 a month before taxes. Before this, minimum wage was $7.25/hr, leaving the average full-time worker with $1,1600 a month before taxes. Think about that for five seconds. If you're disabled, you get less than what minimum wage was in **2009**. In fact, the math adds up to roughly $5.55 an hour. You're talking income from **2005.** It's 2022! You're talking less than $900 a month in a state where rents start at $1,500, and gas costs about $70 per fill-up. Where car insurance is like $300, and there's no public transit, so your only choice is to own and drive a vehicle.

I rely on commissions for these kinds of emergencies, but let's face it, I'd need a LOT more commissions than I can ever take on. My commissions ARE open, but I'm slow. I'm struggling with my own health, my mom's health, and my daughter's health. I'm mourning the loss of my son, and if I don't get some SERIOUS financial help, I'll be mourning the loss of my daughter. I have three pending commissions as it is, and that money has already gone to gas or food.

I am losing all hope in any chance of survival for either of us. I can't pay these debts. I can't afford food. I can't afford vet bills for Syd. I can't afford fuel for heat or hot water. I can't afford taxes and can end up homeless. I haven't had time to look after my own health. Not only am I being punished for being disabled, but my daughter is, too. I lose sleep over this. Every moment I'm not distracted, I spend crying. I'm crying right now. It feels like all I do anymore is cry.

Please restore some hope. Please donate if you have the means. But no matter what, PLEASE MAKE THIS VIRAL! Look at this sweet little girl! Don't let her light go out like her brother's!

Here's a link to the gofundme I made in June to replace the well pump. It clearly hasn't worked out, but I don't have the energy to start ANOTHER one. So just... donate to this one, and help Syd and I survive. Especially Syd. I don't even give a shit about me anymore. I just don't want my baby girl to die.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-disabled-mother-and-son-avoid-homelessness

🎔♫↫ share your Ws girlie

Positive Munday meme - Accepting!

🎔 - What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

That's a tie between Molly (my cat) getting a clean bill of health at her bi-annual checkup and reserving some more things for my honeymoon! Molly has now reached 'senior cat' age and it's recommended she get two physicals a year instead of just one. They also did her bloodwork and everything came back normal. Not that I thought anything was wrong, but she had accidents in her carrier both on the way and returning home from the vet, and shivered in fear the whole time she was in the examination room.

She forgave me later after about 8 cat treats and time on the heated blanket.

And for honeymoon things, my husband and I finally booked both of our afternoon teas in London and our hotel/park tickets for Disneyland Paris. We still have a lot of train transport to sort out, tickets to Versailles and some museums in Paris, and probably some other things I'm forgetting right now. But those afternoon tea reservations were going to be the hardest to get unless we did it as far in advance as we could.

♫ - Which one of your accomplishments do you feel the most proud of? 

Probably making it to six years at my job (the daily source of my stress, usually) and getting enough experience to qualify for some higher-level positions. And finally getting some health stuff sorted out, including keeping excess weight off for the first time, ever. I'm very thankful to have a doctor who takes my concerns seriously and is doing the tests and prescribing the meds I need to manage my health issues.

If I had to go back further than that, graduating from the university I attended. It is a notoriously difficult school, no matter what your major/concentration is. Some undergrads drop out, many of them seek therapy for the amount of pressure you're under. I'm still in awe that I managed to get my diploma sometimes.

↫ - What is the most impressive skill that you have? 

Gestures at this blog-

Probably sticking with this blog for four, almost five years. Beyond that, it was weightlifting for awhile (until my gym got too crowded and I had a trainer I really didn't get along with). My squat, deadlift, bench press, and snatch numbers were pretty impressive, especially for a woman. The aforementioned health issues allow me to put on muscle more easily than most (and fat, unfortunately. We're still working on that), so heavy weights and powerlifting are things I had some natural affinity for.

Also wearing sunscreen every day, if not a commitment to a full skincare routine. But you know my feelings on the importance of sunscreen. 😉

I'm going to make this a separate post itself so its not one honkin huge thing attached to the poll when I reblog it.

Regarding Vic's health primarily (he's mainly okay from what we know atm) and comm money in general

I referenced this but cavaliers can have a lot of neurological issues. Apparently this stems from their skulls being too small for their brains often?

I took him to the vet on 10/19 because he was having an issue with what I thought was his ear. What has been happening, since the day I got him back in june, is that he would occasionally scratch at his left ear and start yelping a lot. The place i got him at checked it and said he was fine, the vet I took him to just a couple of days after also checked it and said he was fine. They said that it was likely an anxious thing, so it was dismissed.

And to be blunt, for a while, he only had that yelping scratch occasionally. But within the past monthish it started getting more frequent. And then when it hit too often (4-7 times a week), I called the vet after the first long run of it happening persistently and got an appt a week later. I got worried he had an ear infection even though he was showing no actual signs of an infection of any sort.

And they did the full gambit of an exam, even cleaned his ears, and verified again: no ear infection. No seeming issue with the ear itself. But, she explained she noticed he had a weird gait, which she later called a hypermetric gait, and said shes very worried he has ataxia and/or some issue with his cerebellum. She immediately worked on a referral and told me the neurologist is likely going to want an MRI and to expect it, and that I needed to get him checked out Soon as she was worried the ear thing would get worse. Which. When I explained again how often it was occurring, she seemed more concerned and ran to get pain meds for Vic.

Neurologist was closed friday, so I spent the whole weekend googling what I could. Ataxia is not a illness, but its a symptom. I have no idea of what, and thats what I gotta get checked out. Googling it was uhhhhh. Not fun. Google scared me with talking about how bad cases of conditions that ataxia is connected to usually require the pet to be put down.

Looking on reddit made me feel a bit better. Specifically cavalier talk reddit. Sometimes this thing leads to surgery, but it also seems very likely that (in a good case scenario), Vic may just have a life of pain management. Hopefully minimal pain!!!!

The neurologist called me today and scheduled an appt for nov 2nd. Apparently its an exam and, if needed, MRI same day. Exam is $180 (wheeze), and an MRI can be anywhere between 3k-4k (wheezes louder).

As long as talks with bank go well, if they push for an MRI, I'm going to do it. Even if the diagnosis is that Vic is just a silly lil dude with anxiety, it'll be worth it, you know? For the peace of mind, to know there isn't anything scary with his noggin.

The MRI can be rescheduled, so that will be my next option if bank talk does not go well, but. Thats the info I got. Please keep in mind what the vet said verses what I googled, as google is not a vet.

When it comes to commissions, the funds will likely not go to this. This is why:

Every time I get paychecks, I look on my Bill Schedule and deduct all the stuff that will be coming out that paycheck and work with whatever is leftover. Usually thats not a crazy amount left. If I succeed with regular comms, the money would be going towards any bills I may be struggling with that paycheck/month, or small things to help like. Yaknow. Live outside of bills. Like money towards a cheap haircut. Some energy drinks that week. Getting a couple of extra things when grocery shopping instead of what I count as absolutely needed only.

I wanna be transparent, so I am. It'd likely go towards treats for me to make living not unbearable. That is that. It wouodnt be going towards Me commissioning others, though I will be transparent Still and state I did pay for a small comm before vet visit and so if yall see that, that was smth i paid for already.

Personal vent post incoming I don’t know how to do a read more on mobile I’m sorry:

I’m so sick of struggling like this. I am so broke all the fucking time and I feel like a failure and a loser and a shitty person bc my younger autistic sibling is my dependent and we’re barely making it. He was denied disability. We have no parents to live with or ask for help. They’re dead. Grandparents are dead too. I work full time and technically ‘make too much’ for food stamps or rent assistance or utility assistance

I can barely focus cause I’m so stressed out all the time. I have no motivation no energy to do anything even things that make me happy. My health is in the shitter and some days (like today) I’m literally shaking from not having enough to eat. I am in fucking eating disorder recovery and I have to lie to my care team about how much I’m eating because the answer isn’t that I’m purposely restricting it’s that I can’t afford groceries for two people every week.

It’s not always this urgently bad. Today I am freaking out because I am super short on rent and we have very very little food in the house and I have no idea what I’m gonna fucking do. I’ve texted a friend and an older brother (who literally just got out of homelessness himself) out of desperation but they’re not getting back to me yet. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Every single plan and plan B and plan C I had in place this entire year to try to carry us through financially either fell through or some bullshit happened that cleaned me out, starting with when we moved and the movers charged me $400 over what they told me initially and put my account negative and started the shitty chain reaction I’ve been fighting off all year. Every 2 weeks my account goes negative before I get my check. Every single month electric company is sending me a disconnect notice that I just barely beg them to let me pay a tiny bit of the balance to last me until the next one.

Finally started getting my feet under me a little in September then my fucking car broke down, $2k repair bill. Over $300 a month to pay that off with no ability to change the amount. That took every single cent of my yearly piddly raise and then some.

Then 2 weeks ago my cat starts pissing blood. Banfield can’t see her so she gets rushed to urgent care vet and thankfully she’s okay now but that was $400. The last of my teeny tiny cushion I had to try to prepare for days like today.

I’ve pulled from my 401k as much as I’m legally able. I’ve borrowed from friends and relatives who barely have anything themselves. My younger sibling had a tiny inheritance from his grandma and that’s almost completely gone now which breaks my fucking heart.

Where do we go from here? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Do we just get evicted and try to find a shelter? Do I sell off everything I own? Everyone around me seems to have their shit together and I feel like I’m drowning and drowning and drowning. My mom died and trusted my sibling’s care to me and I feel like I’ve let her down.

Wow!! I didn’t realize I never shared my story of my fur-children. Rescued.

Long read.

TLDR:

Long story short, I had to give my cat Hitome to my parents 10 years ago because my brother-in-law is allergic to cats, in 2013 my parents got a second cat named Shadow. In 2021 my mom ended up moving to a LTC home, and my father was going to give way the cats. I decided I didn't want to risk her at a shelter. Last week our plans were moved up because my father ended up in the hospital. She was so matted, broke my heart. I found a vet that was able to sedate her and shave her. We hesitated but took in Shadow too (we live in a basement). Both cats are now both loved, spoiled, healthy, and happy.

So a little bit of a backstory. Back in 2009 I got a 6 week old kitten, I named Hitome (domestic long hair). She was quite special, in the sense that she didn’t like being pet (she’d follow you, just no touchie),she was picky with her food, and would only eat at the table. She lived with me until 2010, when I gave her to my parents. I was moving in with my sister and her husband was allergic to cats.

Main story

For the first few years she was good there. My parents wanted to get another cat...Hitome is an alone cat and I told them as such, don’t get another cat. My idiot father choose not to listen to me and adopted Shadow (domestic short hair).

When Hitome got older she stopped grooming herself and she started getting terrible mattes. So my parents would go to the pet store near by and got her shaved. When the store stopped dealing with cats, they got a local groomer to come to their apartment and would get her shaved. After her last shave in 2018, my parents told me she was allowing them to brush her, no more mattes. All was good! The last time I visited them was early 2019. Hitome was matte free and everything was good. Sadly I didn’t visit their home for the rest of the year, until late 2020 and that was to grab something so I didn’t see my cat.

In Jan 2021 my mother came down with Covid. It was pretty much touch and go, she ended up going to a LTC in May. The first chance in May my sister and I could grab things for my mother, while there I found Hitome in such terrible matted fur. I was furious. My father made bullshit excuses of why they allowed her to get to that. He also told me that he didn’t want to take care of the cats anymore and thinking of taking them to a shelter. Since at this time Hitome was 12 and doesn’t like being touched, I knew the only one to give her the love she needed was back with me. We weren’t sure about Shadow (story in a bit). But we weren’t sure when we could grab her.

The time to pick her up was forced onto us, when my sister and I discovered that my father had be unconscious, no food or water, and delusional for 3 days at his front door...with two cats inside.He was in the hospital for about 3 weeks. Between work and both my sister and I living far away from my parents, for a week we could only go every 3 days to see the cats, that were sadly alone in the home. I tried to make sure they had a ton of water, a lot of dry food and every time I went over I gave them wet food. Still horrifies me thinking of that time.

Since I wasn’t sure how she would react to being shaved, I found a vet that could shave Hitome but also sedate her if needed be, I brought her over for a checkup and a shave.She had a clean bill of health, minus some stress...which was like...DUH!

I didn’t take her out of the kennel until we got home and once she went to roam free....I cried when I saw her fully shaved, how much pain was relieved. My parents told me she couldn’t jump anymore and assumed because she was old. It took a few months before we had evidence that she could still in fact jump and that it was the matting that prevented her. We did buy her some steps for the bed though, since she is getting older.

I’ve had her for 1.5 years now and I know she’s happy. She’s spoiled. She also has regular vet visits, grooming visits

Now on to Shadow.

Even though I told them not to get another cat, my stupid father got one. All I know about Shadow is that was they got him from a shelter, he was able 6 months old. Hitome was 4-years-old. I’m also not sure how they got along.

Shadow was adorable and friendly when I first met him. But things changed after my mother had a stroke in 2018. When I visited Shadow would attack me. Everyone else that visited when I was over, he seemed all friendly with, but me he was an asshole. This was one of the reasons I wasn’t sure if I could bring him home.

In a sense, I’m thankful for the pandemic, because so many shelters were full and couldn’t take him. Also, with him being a black kitty, he might have had worse luck being adopted. I spent the whole week they were alone at the apartment trying to find someone who could take him. My (now husband) fiance and I live in a basement and weren’t sure if we could have room for two cats. But he saw the stress I was in. He originally thought I said that Shadow was an asshole so was hesitant, I clarified that he was only an asshole to me, he loves everyone else. So we took him to the vet (got a matte shaved off his back) and a check up. He was healthy too.

Sadly, we found that he was attacking me, because after my mom had her stroke the caring of the cats went downhill. So the only time Shadow would get attention would be when he attacked my father’s legs. He has grown out of it (mostly) and is now one of the bestest boys I’ve ever had and is just as spoiled as his sister.

Also, even though they lived together for 8 years, Hitome hates Shadows guts. She will growl at him whenever she sees him (we’ve tried everything). So at night they are separated and never left unsupervised. But there are times when Hitome is sleeping where Shadow will take a nap near her.

I’m sad I lost 10 years with my baby girl, but I’m defiantly making up for it now. 

If you got this far, thanks for reading along.These are my two prides and joys.

I've barely been in my body today bc of the amount of pain I'm in. I said to myles "it's crazy how last week I was happy and motivated and active and productive and now that's all gone and I'm a miserable groaning zombie"

had an eye appointment, got my eyes numbed and dilated and measured and "photographed" (idk what the imaging is called but it's a fancy machine and I like it) and the doctor who lasered my retinal tear 3 years ago examined my eyeballs a bunch and firmly ruled out that any flashes of light I'm seeing are from my eyes themselves.

I got a clean bill of eyeball health, they look great and my surgical area still looks awesome, which I was all very happy to hear! that rules some stuff out and I can focus on my symptoms being neurological in nature. my migraines/auras/symptoms have been getting more difficult to stay classified in neat little boxes and I'd rather rule out everything I can, when I can.

my right ovary is currently trying to explode out of my body again and my whole right hip wants to tear out of the socket, so I'm having a lovely time. I already took a 2 hour nap in between watching poor Eloise - who has kennel cough and is on meds including prednisone which is making her even more of a reactive freak.

yesterday she took over resource guarding my shoes and I had to walk back home barefoot and return with sneakers lol. the poor thing is so disoriented and looks at me like she doesn't even know me, I'm so sad bc I raised her from a tiny baby and I used to get cuddles all the time! now I have to ask her if I can have "touchies" before I pet her waaahhhh. but - I understand - being constantly sick for 9 months of your life, always at the vet being poked at and things getting taken away and medicine making you feel yuckier than you already do etc etc etc,

Good God, Eloise (said in a wee old Irish person accent), I understand your plight. Poor girl is gonna be a year old next month and she hasn't even gone two full weeks without being sick between food allergies, bouts of giardia, eating things she shouldn't off the ground including a plastic bag basically the size of her, and now two servings of kennel cough. unbelievable. I'd be conflict-aggressive too.

oh and I flipped out on a nurse at my doctors office over the phone because they're fucking clueless, they've been fucking with my health for long enough and it's too complicated to even get into. Myles said he never wants to make me angry.

Link the Fucking Weirdo

We have this cat, Link. He a little over 3 years old, and he was part of a litter of 4 that we rescued from the trailer park. They were around 6 weeks at the time -- eating solid food, but still pretty tiny. It was him and 3 sisters.

His 3 sisters got adopted out (we actually still get updates about the sister he was closest with, which is super adorable) and we decided to keep Link. In the beginning he was a Super Normal Kitten in every way. He loved Rosie, he liked sitting in laps, just a great little guy. When we rescued Happy and Jolly the following summer, he was OVER THE MOON. There is nothing that Link loves more than other cats.

One of his sisters was very sweet and gentle (this was his favorite sister.) He used to nurse on her toes, and she used to let him, and would groom him at the same time. After she got adopted, he had no choice but to suck his own toe. It is always his left back foot, middle toe. He sucks the top of the toe, not the bean. I know this because I have taken many videos of him doing this and set them slow-mo to Sade songs, but that's neither here nor there.

Around age 1.5 or so, Link decided out of nowhere that he was fucking terrified of us. If you go to reach out and pet him, he will bolt away and head for the hills. He doesn't want to be touched, he has no idea who you are, but clearly you want to murder him.

Except, also sometimes, he comes to you and head-bumps you hard enough to leave a bruise, and will not go away unless you pet him and love on him.

When he's in this mood, he will sit on Marc's lap and just chill. Get his belly rubbed, fall asleep, happy to be a Totally Normal Housecat, Why Do You Ask?

OR

He will come to me, and want to climb in my lap and suck his toe.

He will not suck his toe in Marc's lap, and 9 times out of 10 he won't come and just hang out with me. I feel like my primary role in his life is to give him a place to suck his toe.

I don't like this, and I want to fix it, but we have tried everything we can think of to get him to not treat us like we're terrifying aliens who want to eat him.

We've tried just ignoring him unless he comes to us, not offering to pet him at all (as soon as you offer a hand to sniff he takes off running. Somteimes he'll sniff and then recoil like your hand is the most offensive thing he's ever smelled), and we also tried to get him on some anti-anxiety meds, but he won't take either a pill pocket or any kind of food with the meds mixed in, and we obviously don't want to chase him down and manually pill him, and make the situation worse.

When we DO have to chase him down and grab him (like nail-trimming time) he doesn't have a mental breakdown or panic or anything like that. He's not a fan, but is generally pretty chill, and when you put him back down he just merrily goes back about his way.

I almost thought that this was his way of playing with us (he looooooves to play chase with the other cats, and when he runs from us he will often run in the same direction we're already going, which is VERY FRUSTRATING, because "I'm not chasing you! You're literally going in the same direction I already was!" etc. But chasing him "for fun" only freaks him out more, so I don't think it's that.

NONE of the other kittens from the litter have developed this problem. They're all completely well adjusted and beloved members of their respective families. He's obviously seen the vet multiple times and gotten a clean bill of health. He's just mental.

He is also frustratingly smart and super agile. He turned off our ceiling fan by grabbing the little dangly thing and pulling it, and at dinner time he loudly parkours off the glass kitchen door while he waits to be fed. I have found his paw prints easily six feet off the ground.

His other pastime is convincing Rosie, (everyone's favorite cat) to groom him, and / or play-fighting with her, and getting rabbit-kicked in the face like a thousand times, which just seems to make him love her more.

We have had a LOT of weird cats over the years, but he is BY FAR the absolute weirdest, and I wish we could figure him out.

[ I might turn in early tonight. Things fell apart earlier and my favorite purse breaking was the feather that broke the camel's back. I almost cried over everything. I was very reluctant to say much because I know saying anything about what's going on is negative and I hate to be negative and exhaust other people with my whining. It's just...I don't know. It gets to a point when I feel very alone and stressed by bottling everything up, faking a smile, and pretend things are fine to be positive.]

I've been having a hard time with money and things. I owe my grad school some money but I kept putting it off because something else will come up like an animal in need or my family needs something. I almost finishing paying off a $800 bill for the car brakes with my sister.

Harley got hurt this week and needed surgery. That alone was devastating.

We owe $1300 for that. We already paid $800 for it and kind of have a plan on how to take care of the rest. We just need a little bit of time to come up with the rest of the money. The surgery happened without complications and Harley came home yesterday after two nights at the vet. Hopefully, she will eat and drink again. We've been trying to get her to since she came back from the vet.

This is the time of the month when we need to pay the mortgage and that's taken care of. It's just that's another $600 not counting the other few hundred for bills. One of the windows of the car broke earlier this evening. My sister and I don't know what to do since we hardly have enough money to get by and need to repair the window.

We're going to see if there's a way to have a payment plan. It might be at least another $200 for the window repair. Something is up with the motor and it won't roll back up.

I know these are my problems and I always try to figure things out and deal with them alone or with my twin. My school bill will have to wait. I am getting into trouble over that, but I don't have a choice and already used up the resources available for it. I'm thankful they got that bill from almost $2800 to $1000. Managed to get some of it paid but owe $500.

I'm tired, feel lost, and scared, but I can only just keep going forward, and work harder at my job and on my paintings since jewelry will be too expensive to make right now. I got emotional over the car window and feel bad about it. I about cried over my favorite purse falling apart. I tried to fix it again when I got back.

I'm very sorry. This is just everything accumulating and hiding from people for months. I hid a lot to keep things positive and not be more of a burden than I already am. I'm not saying this for pity and I will not be asking for any money.

I will do everything I can to deal with these problems and any more that comes my way. I just need some patience and maybe some encouragement, but like I said, it's okay if this is too much.

Your health, energy, and well-being will always, always be more important I don't want anyone to hesitate if they need me for anything. I don't want people to avoid me because they think they may be any trouble. That's not the point of why I'm talking about any of this. I feel horrible for venting and while people say it's okay, I can never, ever shake off the guilt and fear of being useless or no longer wanted for being negative and exhausting. It's terrifying and I'm sorry I'm too scared to come clean or ask for any help.

Currently Feeling Like The Worst Person Alive

Rant post ahead, skip if you don't like sad/angry pouting.

This is my beautiful princess, Tonks. She's about 7 years old and is the most pampered baby I've ever had. She's also my first long-term cat, as before I'd only fostered a few.

She's always been a bit delicate, specifically regarding her health(little colds all the time, possibly allergies), but never anything serious...at least until the last year or so. A few months ago, she got a hematoma(swelling of the ear) that required a cannula(drain tube/surgery), and these past few weeks we've been dealing with a combination UTI/ear mites situation.

Luckily at her checkup, the ear mites seems to be taken care of, although the UTI came back after getting back from the appointment(was worried she had a blockage this time, but the pee -did- come out eventually, just took her a few tries).

So you may be wondering why I feel like a horrible person because of this? Well, it's because she also has shitty teeth and needs a deep cleaning/possible extraction...but of course it's going to cost over $700 dollars. Those who know me, and maybe those who don't can probably guess that I don't have that kind of money. I had to beg help from my parents just to cover the antibiotics/checkup(about $200 including vet fees for current issues, nearly $400 last year for the cannula).

I feel horrible because they've told me a few times over the years that her teeth weren't great and she'd probably need to have them cleaned. And because of the cost, I just keep putting it off, hoping that someday things would turn around financially and I'd be able to get her the help that she needs.

This has not happened yet...but I'm still hoping. She hasn't really been eating much the last few weeks, possibly because of the stress of medicine/appointments/uti pain...but her shitty teeth probably cause her pain every day too.

So here are my options:

1: Commissions: My primary source of income, and preferred method if I'm being honest. Cosplay costumes, dresses, purses, hell I've even done a few plushies now. If it's sewn, I can probably make it, and I use Paypal mostly(invoicing system allows for payment plans), but I also accept CashApp, Stripe, and a few others I can't remember. You can contact me about this in any form you wish. Tumblr message, IG, FB, email, anything except phone call(I don't have a 'business line', just a personal phone).

2: Patreon- I don't post newd stuff, but I do occasionally do tease things, but only for the higher tiers. I have a whole bunch of stuff planned to add to this if it ever actually gains traction, but for now I just post a set of pics(cosplay/casual/sometimes boudoir) once a week.

3: Donations- My least favorite, but possibly has the highest potential? I don't use GFM because they are greedy bastards that abuse the shit out of desperate people, so instead I use Ko-Fi(and CashApp too I guess?) If you don't wanna pay monthly, and don't have the funding for fancy-custom-made garments, but still want to help, this is the way to go. I also have a handful of digital patterns here as well, which I guess is a way to donate while still getting something back.

Sorry this griping ended up so long. I like to type when I'm extra frustrated and depressed, and I know Tumblr isn't the best place for money-raising, but I honestly just don't have the energy to attempt building a following anywhere else. I've been on IG for 8-10 years and still haven't hit 500 followers, so I just don't think I'm one of those people that flourishes in the spotlight.

Still, for the sake of my sweet little princess(I also have a dog with recently-developed seizures, and the other cat Cirilla is fine on health but just recently added to the bills with vaccine updates), I will keep trying until my dying breath.

Started The Day With A Nice Walk With Thunder Paw's

After a mad busy week it was nice to chill out this morning and take Thunder Paw’s out for a walk, Hope also got a clean bill of health from the vets, she met my colleagues at the garage and had a lot of fussing, we had a nice couple of hours at the stables after I spent some time in my workshop Please give a thumbs up (like) and subscribe to my YouTube channel

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Piggification Stage 3: Bargaining

"Hello there, Mister... Jones, is it? That's original. No matter. You've signed your confidentiality agreements and everything? 

"Sure Doc! I've been vetted and cleared... filled out my tax forms... health insurance... 401K... all that. I'm ready to start work right away!"

"Splendid. Splendid! I always like to give every new employee a personalized tour to show them just what we do here. Although I'm sure you have a pretty good idea and are OK with it, or you never would have found out about us. We only put our job postings on... ahem... UNIQUE websites."

"You got me pegged, Doc. I've been a fan of your work ever since I stumbled on it online. Then they shut down the auto plant in Mahwah late last month, and that was my chance to follow my dream and join your organization."

"And don't feel bad that you're not in veterinary medicine or research. I respect every employee in my organization. Your might be putting out the food and water and cleaning the stalls, but you spend more time with our... charges than anyone in the compound. I'm sure you'll find the time you spend with them... quite rewarding!"

"I'm looking forward to it Doc. I really am!"

"Splendid! Let's get started!"

"Hey Doc, what's the story with that sowgirl over here? She's got a collection of junk laid out like I've never seen!"

"This is very interesting, Jones. You've got a good eye. Now this... young lady has reached what we call the "Bargaining" stage in her transformation. She realizes what has happened to her, she has found that fighting us does her no good, so now she is trying to BRIBE us into changing her back. 

"But what does she have to bargain with? We've already seized all her worldly assets. And even if she had title to them, it's not like she can go to the bank and make A withdrawal looking like THAT, can she? So she just collects stuff that tickles her piggy fancy. Interesting rocks, a bone from last night's slop, a pumpkin that's JUST starting to rot, a shiny, sweet-smelling Mr. Pibb can..."

"Looks like she has a dollar bill there too, Doc."

"She does indeed. Somehow she retains some distant memory that those pieces of green paper hold some kind of value, though I'd bet this farm that she doesn't remember why or how much. I'll bet the smell fascinates her as much as anything else."

"The SMELL?"

"Remember, pigs have hundreds of times more sensitive noses than we do. She could probably tell you a story about every one of the thousands of people who have handled that bill since it was printed. Too bad her grunts and oinks can't express those kinds of thoughts very well these days. Every day she's here she's more focused on the moment: mealtime, wallowing in the mud, pooping, how her poop smells..."

"HAW! HAW! And how it TASTES! I've SEEN your videos, Doc."

"You know, Jones... she still is human... in a way. She can still understand everything we're saying. We ought to show a LITTLE more respect and not talk right in front of her. Especially since she's in a bargaining mood. We should say hello.

"HELLO Daisy! Those are VERY PRETTY THINGS you've got there! Where did you get a Mr. PIBB can in this day and age? That might be worth some money to a collector. Not enough to finance a reverse piggification procedure, though. SORR-EEEEE!"

"HI THERE DAISY! MY NAME'S JOHN! I'LL BE FEEDING AND CLEANING UP AFTER YOU! NICE TO MEET YOU!"    

 "Now that was nice, Jones. One thing. It doesn't help to YELL at them. Their EARS are a lot more sensitive than ours, too. They can understand a whisper as well as a shout."

"Sorry Daisy. Do you mind if I scratch you behind the ear? Haven't met a critter yet don't like a scratch behind the ear!"

"GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!"

"There you go, Jones! Looks like she LIKES you! A week ago, if you'd tried that she would've bit your hand off. But they're much more agreeable when they get to this stage."

"The BARGAINING stage, Doc?"

"Ironic, isn't it? The only thing she's really got to BARGAIN with that any of us might want? She's sitting on it. Of course, anybody who wants THAT would want to keep her just the way she is. I trust I'm not SHOCKING you, Jones? That sort of business does go on here, I'm afraid."

"HELL, Doc! Why did you think I wanted to WORK here?"

"I'm glad we understand each other, Mr. Jones. The... err... FRINGE BENEFITS are what keep most of us working here. Speaking of which. If my nose isn't fooling me, I believe Daisy here will be coming into HEAT in a day or so. It will be the first time for her since her... procedure. That first time is always amusing to watch.

"So... word to the wise! She already LIKES you. You might find out she wants to be... more than just FRIENDS. Just be ready."

"HELL... I'm ready right NOW Doc!"

"Splendid. Just a couple of things. Be discreet. No humping the sows right out in the middle of the field in broad daylight."

"Okay, Doc. Anything else?"

"Be NICE! No hurting or humiliating them. I'm SERIOUS. I might be a madman, but I'm not a MONSTER! These gals have been through enough. I don't need PETA on my ass."

"Okay..."

"I'm SERIOUS. It might sound crazy, but I actually LOVE every one of these ladies. It's like having a whole farm full of cloven-hoofed daughters! I find out you're mistreating them, you're FIRED. It's in the contract you signed."

"Okay Doc. I guess you're right."

"Splendid, Jones. Remember... keep your nose clean and you'll have the most rewarding, unique career ever. What's that they say? 'Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life!'"

Happy sleepy puppy -- who got her clean bill of health from her vet today. She broke the 25 pound mark at 15 weeks old. #nadjacravenswoofmuttwedointheshadows #dogsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Ckec2ZeOfp2/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

CloverCoin July 2022 Artpack n Updates

>>> Patreon Post Welp. July was.... a very unexpected train wreck here at the end. Still have a couple of July Patron Customs I'll be finishing up this week so we can get started on this month's order. So you'll be hearing updates very soon! Where to start... Well. Round 2 of commissions is completed and shipped to all customers. I'm so thrilled with my work lately and makes me incredibly happy to do this. ~~~

Big family death updates in the information below.

Early/Mid July I got pretty under the weather with my period, took about 2 weeks to recover. Back on all my meds now and feeling much better, but it took up a lot of my free time during July. Right here at the end of the month our Uncle passed away from heart attack.  Our grandmother has also just passed away this week from a bad fall she couldn't recover from.  My father this last week was hospitalized for staph infection. Today we got further news he's in more critical conditions and most likely will need permeant dialysis. We are waiting for more updates. Junior, our rottie / middle dog, had a small injury during a dog walk this month. His bad leg with the ACL repair started to audibly pop every single time he walked or ran anywhere. He seems to be distracted by it. We have refilled his puppy advil and giving that to him twice a day which is helping. Junior has been to his general vet, they can't do anything for his leg and suggest we go to the surgeon who worked on his ACL injury. So we have that scheduled and waiting for. Junior did have to return to his general vet, his blood work and came back with high levels and we are currently doing more testing to see if he has Addison's disease. We are still waiting for results. If you would like to help us out at all with Junior's vet bills, I have a ko-fi goal where I've been logging payments I get for art, adopts, & donations.  And I've been just having a little bit of personal drama in my own life. I'm just really struggling and it is affecting my friendships. So... I think we can all conclude July sucked. It's been... A long month. And it's all still not over. We're constantly on the phone with Prov's Mother to talk about dad and what medical decisions we need to be making and that he will be happy with. So unfortunately it's going to spill over into this month while we work with our family to... get everything organized.  Both prov and I can not afford to travel or go to anyone's funeral. We are very upset by this and would like to be there and support our families. But with covid and an active pandemic we are required to stay in isolation for my health. Prov will be taking 2 weeks off from his work to... just grieve and recover. We'll spend this time cleaning up our home and start meal prepping. I would like to think we will stream too, we need lots of distractions right now. Prov's school loan payments also start this month so we will have an extra $300 bill every month I have not planned for whoops. I will not be taking any time off work because with Junior's vet bills coming up we do not have enough in savings. And if he is diagnosed with Addison's it will be a pretty big monthly bill for his medications. I need to start working harder and pinching more pennies now while I have this bare minimum head start. So my  goal is to do a lot more kitchen cleaning / meal prep to save money on delivered meals. Do my patreon speedpaint tier rewards for last month / this month. And if there are any spoons left, I'll be opening for Round 3 commissions. Probably only make three slots in the next opening just because I'm wiped out and don't want to overburden myself. And... I think that's everything on my plate. I think. I honestly might have missed stuff but... I'm so scrambled right now. Please know I'm trying my best. I am here. I'm going to keep trying. Thank you everyone for the support. Thank you for taking time to read this. AJD . ART