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the-cookie-of-doom · 2 months

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for a while now, I've really been doubting my career choices with nursing. I know a lot of it is burn out and depression, and being so overwhelmed between work, school, and clinical, that I didn't have time to breathe. I was in the hospital/on campus for 60 hours a week last semester, and that's not counting the time I had to study outside of that. It was awful. I quit my job because of it, I was almost involuntarily committed because of it.

But the scariest part for me has been how much I've hated clinical. It makes me miserable. And that's terrifying, because once I graduate? That's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I already hate it now, what does that mean for my future?

Sometimes, though... Sometimes I'll have a clinical that is just so good, it reminds me of why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the pain and suffering of becoming a nurse, which is honestly one of the hardest careers a person can have. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It destroys your body and your mental health. Most of the time it's thankless. It doesn't pay nearly enough for what we go through.

Despite all of the reasons there are not to become a nurse, there are some patients that will remind you why it's all worth it anyway.

Last week, I had a crotchety old bitch of a patient. She had been in the hospital for 10 days, was refusing all of her treatments, screamed at anyone that came in her room, and demanded dilaudid around the clock, despite having no injuries to justify it. Everyone hated her. Her own nurses went in her room as little as possible; I think in the entire 12 hours I was there, her nurse spent maybe a total of 20 minutes in her room. I was in there for hours. A couple minutes at a time in the beginning just so she could warm up to me. Then I spent 2 straight hours at her bedside just talking to her. Letting her tell me her life story. Which was tragic, of course, and no wonder she was so run down and bitter and wanted to get high off narcotics. She was miserable, lonely, and in chronic pain from a body that was deteriorating around her.

So I spent as much time with her as possible. Sure enough, she didn't ask me for any pain medications a single time, once she realized she could trust I was going to look after her. I Explained her medications and her treatments, and the reasoning behind them. I offered to reach out to out chaplain when I noticed she was hyper focused on some televangical broadcast. I got her to call her son to come visit her. I got her to agree to take her medications and allow us to take blood sample for her labs, which were days overdue. I got her up and working with physical therapy so she could start walking again.

By the end of the day, that patient loved me. Not a single complaint all day, she wasn't screaming down the halls and cursing everyone's existence. She was still crotchety and mean in that way old hillbillies are, but she wasn't angry. She wasn't lashing out. She was finally being cooperative. All because I took the time to talk to her and offer her company.

Tonight, I had a shift in our mental health unit. There was a patient who I noticed was very withdrawn and avoiding everyone, mostly just standing in a corner at the end of the hall, by a window. I went down and talked to him. Kind of stilted at first, but slowly he opened up to me. I really only meant to talk for a few minutes, mostly for my own sake, to get used to interacting with mental health patients like this.

Instead, we talked for hours. Nearly 3 hours straight at the start of the day alone, and then more throughout the day. My feet were killing me by the end of it, but it was completely worth it to see the way this poor guy came to life. We talked about everything from social topics like music and movies, to his medications and treatments, and how to manage his depression once he leaves. Something I was able to connect with him about on a personal level in a way his nurse hadn't, because I've been living with depression for a decade, I've been on antidepressants, and I understand. I think that was the point it clicked for him, when he really started reaching out to me, instead of answering when I prompted him. Because humans need connection and understanding.

By the end of the day he was talking freely and smiling nearly non-stop. We'd made plans for him to get back into an old hobby he hadn't touched in years, and he seemed genuinely excited to start it back up again. He was nearly bouncing in place when I went to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and thanked me for talking to him all day. Even the staff nurses noticed the way his demeanor had completely changed.

Another patient (my actual patient for the night) started the day very combative. To the point she had to be redirected to her room (not locked up, just strongly encouraged to go and cool down). She was screaming at everyone, having some very serious and severe delusions. Same story; I talked to her throughout the day, little bits whenever she was feeling calm. I noticed she had a tattoo from an old semi-niche XBox game I used to play, and we bonded over that. By the end of the shift she loved me. Kept asking me if I'd gotten lunch/dinner, made sure all the other patients on the unit got their snacks, told us all to get some rest once it was curfew for the unit (we had to stay another 2 hours) and said we could use the spare bed in her room if we needed. Which sounds really weird but coming from her was incredibly sweet. Again, total attitude change.

I am very cognizant of the fact that the way I approach my patient care is largely a privilege of still being a student. It's easy for me to stand at a patient's bedside for 2 hours straight and listen to her life story when I have nothing better to do, let alone 3 other patients to take care of. But that nurse didn't talk to her at all. Even when she was in the room, she dismissed everything the patient said. The mental health nurses? Most of their time is spent in the nursing station gossiping and messing on their phones. There's no reason for them not to put in the extra effort of spending time with their patients. And especially there, it can have such an impact.

All of that is to say, I love the relationships I'm able to build with my patients. It's so important for me to be able to connect with people like this, to make them feel seen and cared for and important. No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience, especially not while they're in the hospital, sick and hurt and exhausted and in pain.

Nights like these are why I'm going into this field. I love medicine and I always knew I would end up in the hospital, I've always wanted to be able to save someone's life. But I think now that I've grown up and I'm actually working with these patients, I've come to see not only how rewarding it is to save someone's life, but to nurture that life, too.

#cookie speaks #dont mind me i'm just feeling really sappy #im really proud of what i was able to accomplish with that patient today #he's going home tomorrow and i really hope he's able to do the things we talked about #i truly love being able to help people this way #i want to be the kind of nurse that people remember #i want my patients to feel taken care of and cared for #i dont have a single maternal bone in my body and i never thought i was much of a caretaker #but this is genuinely such a rewarding experience #i dont care how hard nursing is when I get to have days like these #I know it won't be nearly as easy once I start nursing for real #ill have so much more responsibility #but for now I'm going to take advantage of my ability to sit and talk with my patients for hours at a time #i think even if they aren't psychiatric patients #everyone wants to be heard #having someone's undivided attention makes you feel good #especially in this day and age where people are constantly talking over each other and distracted by their phones and never really present #in a conversation #so I always try to give that to others #i love therapeutic communication lol #one of my favorite parts of nursing #anyway

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creepyscritches · 28 days

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Since I stopped regularly posting my art online it's nuts the psyche reset my art brain went through. Ego death of whatever deviantart mentality. I'm back to drawing w markers bc it's fun, baby. Making my weird little things and breaking crafts bc it's not always an unusable result lol. Waiting to get back to my 12yr old mary sue generator brain, it's the next step to making more things I enjoy making

#Creepy chatter #I mean this so genuinely online validation is not the only reward art has for you #You could just have a pile of discovery-filled experiments and honestly what better chance of finding that art thing you want to obsess ove #I have tried some things and hated them recently lol. But like? It was very fun to see the ways the paper would falter #Good info for when I use a similar material in the future also did you know inky paper pulp can add texture on purpose #Grinding my boys leather jacket into a soppy mess and setting it w gel medium #Call that faux leather baby. We're making touch and learn baby book type of art #I need to make another decoupage Bob Ross or I will boil over like a coke w mentos

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mostlygolden · 5 days

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I haven't like /landed/ the job yet but I'm p sure I'm going to be a memory care director and I'm so stoked!! I love supporting people and I love giving people w memory challenges a fulfilling and happy life

#moelife #let me talk to u about how marginalized elderly ppl are #and let me talk to u about the very intimate and rewarding experience of letting someone express themselves genuinely #even when they arent oriented to their time or location

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fourswords · 6 months

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zelda and shadow in the fsa manga drive me ridiculously insane actually. the panel where shadow is kneeling on the floor and zelda is standing there looking down at him and they're SEEING each other is enough to give me fucking RABIES. LOOK AT THIS

#IT'S ABOUT HOW THEY GO FROM ANTAGONIZING EACH OTHER AT THE BEGINNING TO ACTUALLY TRULY GENUINELY SEEING EACH OTHER AT THE END!!!!#HOW ZELDA GOES FROM 'You're no shadow! More like a faint and twisted echo! Even at his WORST Link would never be as crude and rude as you!'#TO 'Do you really think the light will hurt you? Don't you see? You are a Link‚ too. Deep inside‚ you're really a hero.'#AND HOW SHADOW GOES FROM 'Curse you... ...Princess Zelda!'#and. all the other things #TO BRAVING THE WORLD OF LIGHT AGAIN EVEN THOUGH HE'S WEAKENED AND PAINED AND TERRIFIED OF THE LIGHT #BECAUSE SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON WHO EVER SPOKE A KIND WORD TO HIM AND MEANT IT. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. NO REWARD. JUST KIND.#EVEN WHEN SHE HAD ALL THE REASON NOT TO BE.#SO HE TAKES VIO'S FORM AND TELLS THE OTHER LINKS WHAT'S GOING ON (AND EXPERIENCES REAL CONCERN AND WORRY FROM THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER #WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER FUCKING POST) AND SHATTERS THE FUCKING MIRROR. SHATTERS HIS WHOLE LIFE.#BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED IN HIS ABILITY TO BE A HERO. BECAUSE SHE WAS KIND TO HIM. BECAUSE SHE SAW HIM. BECAUSE SHE *REALLY* SAW HIM.#BECAUSE HE WANTED TO SAVE HER. TO LIVE UP TO THAT KINDNESS. TO BE THE HERO SHE SAW IN HIM. LIKE!!!!!!!!!#i will lose my mind over it. i will genuinely lose my mind.#she looked at him as pathetic and weak and broken as he was and saw her friend in him. and she was kind. and so he sacrificed himself.#because someone was kind to him and meant it. head in my FUCKING hands.#sorry it's going insane about the four swords adventures manga again hours. but when is it not honestly #fsa #txt

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picaroroboto · 2 months

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All this Shadowbringers discussion in my notes has got me thinking about FF14's specific brand of optimism. I'm probably never going to be able to put my finger on exactly how they pulled it off, but even in this story where the lines between Light/Dark & Hero/Villain are blurred, they manage to make playing the hero and fighting for life and hope immensely fun, appealing, interesting, meaningful, etc. Let me see if I can explain:

For starters, I'm personally a bit of an edgelord at heart. I generally prefer darker fantasy, and roll my eyes at stories that lean too hard into the stereotypical Good vs Evil thing. But the first thing that appealed to me about FF14 when I started playing is how well it balanced itself - even as far back as ARR, it's realistic in it's darker aspects yet unfalteringly optimistic.

Come Heavensward, the story takes a more serious turn that I really fell in love with. The Scions and the WoL suffer betrayal and loss, their resolve is shaken, and it's reinforced at every opportunity that their path of fighting to make the world a better place is never simple and easy. You're shown that you're never going to be able to save everything, but your successes in rescuing Estinien and affecting positive change in Ishgard prove that it's still worth it to try.

In Stormblood, when you're trying to inspire and recruit people to your cause of revolution, what you find time and time again is that while the people of Doma and Ala Mhigo hate the way they're being treated and want to rebel, they're also too worn down from daily oppression to do anything about it. When you're struggling to argue against their apathy, you start to get fired up yourself and genuinely want to inspire them. In StB, hope and freedom go hand in hand with rebuilding communities, and with the firey rebellious spirit that characterizes the expac.

Shadowbringers may flip the aesthetic of light and dark upside down, but even though you're the Warrior of Darkness now you're still as much of a hero as always. The status quo of the First is Light, stagnation, and death, and you challenge it with Darkness, energy, and life. Even when you learn the truth about the Ascian's ambitions, you're still committed to fighting for your own world, as "broken" as it is, because FF14's worldbuilding makes a vibrant, interesting world that genuinely feels worth the effort to save.

Really, it all comes down to how realistically the struggle of fighting to save the world is written, versus how rewarding it feels when things do work out.

#ff14 #ffxiv #ffxiv meta #meta posting on my art blog #i think coming from a place of darker fantasy really enriched my FF14 experience #because i was genuinely surprised and moved when my character was actually able to make positive change and be rewarded for it

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btsbs · 4 months

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#accidentally saw that namjoon propaganda video on insta #i follow exactly one bts meme account and yet #that shit still finds me against my will #big yikes #there’s no way the military isn’t exploiting #his role as the voice of bts #as a tool to further their own agenda #i refuse to believe he finished #a month of boot camp in the middle of winter #after leaving his work project unfinished on some level #and his first thoughts were ‘yeah that was great this is so necessary’#‘this is a FUN and REWARDING experience’#he can’t publicly say anything else but also #he could #simply keep his mouth shut but #this is probably part of the gig for him #i’ve genuinely tried to avoid inserting myself into military discourse #fully aware it’s not my place but #watching him become such a blatant tool of the state #is especially rough #you know a ton of people will buy it as genuine endorsement #he’s there because he has to be #everything he says while there and about the experience #is going to be incredibly calculated #ok back to my regularly scheduled bs #felt like i needed to get that out #love that the tumblr fandom has been so good about not posting that garbage #military stuff

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roobylavender · 5 months

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although i have a lot of hard feelings about romance novels and often come out of them 9/10 times with hatred and embarrassment laced into my heart i do think most people can agree that romance novels at large have developed in response to the control over people's sexual lives and how that's subsequently led to a desperate desire from the sexually repressed to be equal participants in a sexual environment. it's not so much that women want to be in relationships with dominant men to whom they play housewife or baby incubator or worse. it's that women want to be in relationships at all. and because the standard for relationships at large is the nuclear family, this is what subsequently shows up in your literature. why do you think religious women in particular are such a huge audience for romance novels despite the often conservative environment they grow up in? it's bc the consumption of romance novels does not exist in spite of that conservatism but bc of it. to be gatekept from any expression of sexual desire until you marry or until you fornicate for the purposes of having a child is to breed in young women a desire for what we would now no longer consider practices entailing any self-respect. you're kept in an ideological cage all of your life, naturally you reach for what's immediately out of reach rather than consider that there could be more out there that is available to you. it sucks! it's sad, it's horrific, it makes me wanna cry. but i can also never quite blame women for it bc they're not the ones who've created this environment of sexual conservatism (ie the real puritan culture, the one that hypersexualizes virgins by obsessively protecting their chastity prior to marriage bc said chastity can only ever belong to one man). man has. religion has. patriarchy has. why would i focus my hatred on women who are merely coping with the status quo rather than the systems in place that we actually have to change to allow for more sexual freedom and agency?

#to be deleted #like to tell you the truth. do i consider myself to be more self aware than most romance novel readers. yeah #but i'm twenty six. i grew up in a household where dating and sex were completely forbidden and i still live in it #and at all times i feel like i am constantly yoyoing between 'do i want to get married just so i can experience what sex is like'#and 'sex sounds horrid and controlling and disgusting and i would rather die a virgin'#sometimes i feel insanely deprived of an outlet and yet i don't ever pursue one bc the associated psychological guilt is unbearable #and then on top of it i'm a born hater so whatever high i presumably /could/ get from romance novels i simply. don't #but that's not the case for every woman. not every woman is born a hater nor has the mental fortitude for that #some of them want to cope. and idk i feel so bad like it makes me feel actively. depressed that this is what they have to turn to #bc they genuinely don't understand that there's more. that what's being held away from them like a reward #isn't actually a reward. it's bare minimum. it's exactly what religion and patriarchy want them to do #and unfortunately i am nonetheless party to it! i am convinced i could never kiss or have sex with a woman even though i vaguely want to #bc the religious guilt is supreme. it rules my brain despite not ruling it in so many other areas

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gayvillains · 11 months

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if there were just ONE word or concept I could communicate to animals it would be gift. I usually refill the birdbath twice a day and when the blackbirds come to bathe they watch me so warily. but I did it for you... it's a gift. exhausted bee my dear friend that spoon of sugar water is a gift and you don't have to be afraid. snails stuck in the watering can because his shell was too big to fit through the nozzle I'm going to get you out of there brother even though I'm sure being pushed back the way you came seems like some deep callous evil on my part. but I promise it's a gift. I don't even mind if you eat all my plants. I don't even mind if a bird eats YOU. as long as the suffering is minimal and the death contributes to life instead of being wasted. what else is there

#it must genuinely be so exhausting to be afraid all the time #well it is I know from experience #I think when you've truly suffered a very substantial and life changing amount it changes the way you see everything #it did for me anyway #there are so many physical sensations that are inexpressible in human language let alone body language that we barely grasp #I worry all the time that things are hurting and can't express it because it's truly the worst thing anything or anyone can experience #also the sad thing is I do believe the further away animals get from us evolutionarily the less likely it is that they have any #concept or ability to conceptualise trust #I think most mammals do or might do #but beyond that... it seems unlikely to me #at least in any compatible way with our sense of trust. it's just different #I don't think the lizard trusts me so much as he tolerates me #I'm not even sure if he associates me with food #the fish definitely associates us with food but also he's a demon and if he could walk on land I think he'd have murdered us in our sleep #the birds I really don't know. I don't think they even tolerate us haha #I love them so much though and I'd do anything to help any of them #the reward is the act of love itself and the knowledge that you've eased a suffering that's within your power to ease #I don't think there's much more beyond that. if it's within your power to help something there shouldn't even be a need to think about it

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mrmallard · 6 months

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I'm gonna keep FF13posting for a while.

I decided to replay the game a while ago, saving it for when my PS3 was set back up. I didn't think I would enjoy it - and even now I'm plodding through it - but the reason why I'm playing it anyway is because back when the PSN store closure was going to happen, I bought Lightning Returns in the hopes of finally following up 13-2, which is a game I really enjoy.

The FF13 trilogy seems to be made up of very disparate games; the first game was standalone in regards to story - it shares the Fabula Nova Crystallis framing as Type-0 and the original incarnation of XV, sort of like a vague series like how every numbered FF game is disconnected from each other - and every new game set in the XIIIverse is a radical departure from the last.

I say that the first game is standalone because the creative team had to break the ending of the first game to provide a reason for the second game to exist. Like they legitimately cracked it open like a coconut. And from what I understand, the third game is radically different in its setting, tone, everything.

But they're still the same characters who I enjoyed seeing in the first game, so I wanna see them ride out their story even if I think the progression from game to game is kind of ridiculous. I'm not playing Lightning Returns over eight years since my one and only 13 playthrough without freshening up on the game.

#final fantasy 13 #honestly the first sequel (13-2) improves everything from the first game except for what that game did right. which it fumbles a little #the good news is that what it improves from the first game is almost everything. like legit near goddamn everything #the two downsides. TWO DOWNSIDES. it has over 13 is that the visuals aren't as good and the end of ff13 is one of the best parts of it #it's a hard-fought experience and the ending is genuinely rewarding. i like ff13's ending. it's legit the best thing about the game #next to the great visuals #the 13-2 opening is such a blatant retcon - and granted; why the retcon happened in-universe is the central mystery #but it still openly and brazenly fucks over one of the only things that I think 13 did absolutely perfectly #those are the only two complaints. the game is fun. it's open. there's a lot of great combat and enemy variety and freedom #there's a regular ending and there are a bunch of time paradox endings which are non-canon but they're really fun and well done #the story is very focused even if the villain is a bit one-note - don't @ me they're totally fine I'm just not big on how it all unfolds #superb game. might be an 8/10. i didn't plat the game but I frigging tried #and I want to take that to its ultimate conclusion #i want to see how it all ends for better or worse

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colorfulnickellandgarden · 5 months

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i am once again asking you to play the system shock remake

#nickell speaks!#it is genuinely an excellent game and EXPERIENCE #it is GOOD. the puzzles are difficult and rewarding #no the game doesn’t ’hold your hand’ it expects you to figure out objectives #and doesn’t make it too hard either! especially considering the amount of exploring #also the soundtrack is amazing and the visuals are. beautiful.

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moonlitlex · 6 months

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deleting my long post to rephrase it to this: some of yalls reactions to the club thing is immediately shut down something you've never experienced and have a lot of misconceptions about (like i've seen multiple people say they've never been to the club because they don't do fun things like have themes). and i think. you should be more open to new experiences. you don't have to like the club or even really go to the club but shutting down the idea of doing a whole category of activity without ever trying it is just going to shut you off from experiencing new and potentially enjoyable things.

and this also happens like. pretty much every time a "you should do this thing that i think is fun" post starts making the rounds it becomes about how it's soooooo unreasonable to expect the mostly adult userbase of this website to try new things and be open to new experiences just because people on here have social anxiety or sensory issues or xyz other thing that makes it harder to do some things.

but they also have this extremely strong aversion to experiencing anything unpleasant at all. like i've seen people on that post talk about how they can't watch tv where characters die because it's upsetting. but the thing is if you never experience things that are unpleasant you are going to be that same person forever.

like it fucking sucks to hear for me to this day but the only way you can get over your social anxiety is by doing things that cause that anxiety. and you should never be forced to do them. you should choose to. but you have to do them or the anxiety will literally just get worse forever. do it scared. do it alone. do it while crying, even. but do it. i used to burst into tears at the idea of going up to a cashier to pay for my stuff. and i don't anymore because i did it scared and alone and while feeling like i was going to pass out.

this isn't really about the club. it's about the way people on here react to literally any post that says something along the lines of "you should do stuff"

#alexis.exe #like yeah you have xyz issue #sick list of symptoms now try humanizing your behaviour dot post etc #also genuinely think a lot of people on here were not socialized properly #and thats not your fault but it is unfortunately your responsibility #like yeah tumblr is the weird outcast loner website but like #you cant go through your entire life like this bestie you have to do the thing that sucks and reap the rewards of like.#experiencing new things #and growing as a person #even just sensory stuff like i used to throw up every time i ate a banana but then i started eating them bc of convenience #and now i dont #still not the most pleasant texture #but like genuinely. the texture is not going to kill you #not telling you to force yourself to experience textures you can't stand #i am saying however that sometimes the bad thing is actually not that bad #hell sometimes i've tried a foot with a detestable texture years later and found that it's literally fine and i had no issue with it #sometimes i try things i hated after years and it turns out i actually like them #i periodically try foods i cant stomach again just in case i've changed my mind #literally just please be open to new experiences at least #you dont have to re try things you hated but at least try things you haven't tried #it will improve your life. it's good for your brain. you need enrichment

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mxtxfanatic · 2 months

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Bing-ge and Victim's Entitlement as Portrayed by MXTX

I was thinking about Bing-ge’s journey as an abuse victim into an abuser and how much the creation of Bing-mei is a critique on both the writing trope that creates Bing-ge as well as the societal expectations that drive it.

In the world of PIDW, one of Shen Yuan’s main critiques was about how terribly the young Luo Binghe is treated by the narrative, so much so that he views it as torture porn. From being abandoned as a baby, to being abused as a servant and watching his adoptive mother wither from sickness and die, to finding his way to Cang Qiong Mountain and suffering under a cruel shizun who then pushes him into hell, Shen Yuan finds all this unnecessarily cruel. However, Shang Qinghua knows that the trauma Luo Binghe suffers directly correlates to the enjoyment readers are meant to get out of the second half of the protagonist’s life when he becomes overpowered and primed for vengeance. Shen Yuan knows this, too, as this is the trope he girds himself with as Shen Qingqiu to work up the nerve to push his disciple into the Endless Abyss, to “earn” his happiness. However, is this a true happiness? Does the trauma justify any and all of Luo Binghe’s actions?

On the surface, Bing-ge seems happy! He is able to enact revenge on Shen Jiu—and demolish Cang Qiong Mountain Sect who acted as accomplices to his abuse—and was given narrative access to any and every woman of marriageable age who crossed his path. He is even able to destroy his world by merging the three realms with no consequences to himself. Bing-ge has seemingly reaped the twisted “reward” that having survived unconscionable abuse and abandonment from the time of his birth had sown for him, and PIDW readers were able to enjoy and defend Bing-ge’s later megalomaniacal actions directly because they had read through hundreds of pages of his ill-treatment beforehand. The worse Luo Binghe’s childhood was, the more they were willing to accept of his actions in adulthood. We see a similar thing take place in the SVSSS fandom: the reveal of Shen Jiu’s past as a child slave is used to justify his later abuse of his child disciples—children who had no hand in his trauma but who he has decided to bear the brunt of it, anyways. But Shen Jiu lived a very unfulfilling adulthood due to his unwarranted actions until his untimely death. Is Luo Binghe any different?

Enter Bing-mei: the revised protagonist who abandons revenge in pursuit of experiencing genuine affection from the only person who gave it unconditionally. No, Bing-mei doesn’t get all the girls or all the power. He does not become the emperor of all three realms and he is not an uncontested leader that all conscious beings bow to. In fact, he is very tame and controlled in comparison to his PIDW counterpart despite not having complete control of his sword that amplifies his negative emotions. But when Bing-ge slips into the world of SVSSS and discovers that, despite all of this, Bing-mei has an intact world, platonic relationships, and a shizun who loves him, he’s willing to throw it all away to experience that same life. Bing-ge is revealed to be the unhappy, unfulfilled one, because the one thing he wanted—genuine unconditional love—was the one thing that he cannot earn or forcibly take. No amount of audience hype can change the fact that Bing-ge must leave behind the happy Bingqiu couple to return to his destroyed world in his unsatisfying reality.

This isn’t just a theme in SVSSS, either; it’s present in all of MXTX’s works in how people—both characters and the irl fandom—react to antagonists and asshole characters who have experienced trauma. In mdzs: a female cultivator tries to say that Jin Ling endangering other cultivators should be forgiven “since he’s an orphan.” Jiang Cheng throws his parents’ and sister’s death around to justify being an unrepentant serial killer. Jin Guangyao cries about how much his father hates him compared to the legitimate Jin heirs that he murdered. In tgcf: Qi Rong escapes discipline at every turn because his mother had to escape with him from his abusive father, and Mu Qing’s transgressions against the marginalized are ignored because “he was poor, once.” All of these characters have their actions whitewashed both in their stories and by their fandoms at large because their defenders believe that their trauma excuses any of their subsequent behavior.

Yet, MXTX does not prescribe to this idea. Notice the pattern of how the above characters end their stories. Jiang Cheng tanks his reputation and loses the respect of his only living relative. Jin Guangyao and Qi Rong die. But Jin Ling experiences setback after setback until he adjusts his behavior, and Mu Qing had to earnestly apologize under harrowing circumstances to be forgiven. It is not characters who seek justice for being harmed who are punished in these novels but those who persevere in their entitlement to do whatever they want because they were once harmed, thereby eventually destroy any goodwill others, particularly their loved ones, had towards them. The characters who are able to contain their actions to aim only at those who wronged them or else honestly reflect on their sense of entitlement in order to change for the better become well-liked by their peers. And as for Bing-ge: his inability to change within the narrative of PIDW may have “earned” him all the material things his world could offer and the affections of an unseen audience, besides, but he misses out on true human connection and love. These are the things he can never forcibly take, because in real life, no amount of trauma would entitle him—or anyone—to those things.

#human metas mxtx #svsss #mdzs #tgcf

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seventies-arcana · 9 months

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PAC: you're someone's muse; this is how they'd describe you

good evening lovies, i hope tonights super moon is treating you well. in this pac reading, you will find out how someone would describe you if you were their muse. this reading is purely for entertainment and enjoyment purposes.

ask upon your guides/higher self to help guide you to whichever pile/photo you should pick, then read the corresponding message. images are not mine

pick a picture to begin✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

pile one (the field): pleasing + give way

you are such a pleasing and enjoyable person to spend time with. the things you are able to do, no matter how minuscule you might find them to be, are awe-striking. there's a passion behind your eyes that adds to the radiance that surrounds you. with this, you are very attentive. you remember things people say which makes others feel seen in a way they've never felt before. you're down for whatever in the best way possible and it makes you someone that could only ever be described as fun to be around. you're adventurous at heart and consider home to be wherever your loved ones are. this makes people feel safe around you. the smell of late summer, campfires and sunflowers is something to be associated with you. you're a breath of fresh air.

pile two (the clementine): care + apple of the eye

oh, you are just so sweet. so kindhearted. you care for people so deeply and love so wholeheartedly. you make people see their insecurities as something to find beautiful. your hugs make people feel protected, it is easy to fall asleep when wrapped up in your arms. your eyes are mesmerizing, so easy to get lost in. one moment, they are doe-like, the next, the exact opposite. it's the way you flirt with your eyes that makes others feel so weak in the knees. but this doesn't make you cheeky. in fact, you are loyal and committed to the one you love. because when you love, you love intensely. you are a romantic at heart. your energy is reminiscent of candle lit homemade dinners that begin a night of endless cuddles. of fresh florals and luscious baths. you are a place of comfort.

pile three (the cat): challenge + puppy energy

you will never lower your standards or settle for someone who isn't what you want, and that is just so attractive. you know what type of relationships you want and that adds to your appeal. not just anyone can be the reciprocator of your divine affection. you speak to people once and they cant help but want to learn more about you. you're siren-like without even intending to be. once you truly let someone into your heart, you become such a lovable softie. you are so sweet and wholesome when you love, no one would ever guess it. your reminiscent of fresh linen blankets in perfectly cool rooms. your touch is soft and soothing. when you smile, genuinely smile, it brightens the mood of anyone around to see it. to be able to receive the love you give is one in a million. you are unlike anyone else.

pile four (the beach): no judgements + new perspectives

you are the model example of how everyone should be. you are accepting of people, no matter their status, and care deeply for those who may have been overlooked by others. you treat people however they treat you. you know your worth and will never let someone tarnish it. you are unapologetically yourself and that is something so rare to find, it makes others captivated by you. nonetheless, you are mysterious. you savor some aspects of yourself and only show them to the people you love. these aspects of you are the most rewarding thing to experience. every now and then, you can be mischievous. but it is all in good fun. you are filled with surprises and each one of them adds to your allure. you remind others of violets and nights spent walking along the coastline. you are utterly captivating.

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oraclemoontarot · 4 months

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pick a photo : what is next in love - tarot reading ★

disclaimer - these are general readings, only take what resonates and leave the rest!! this reading is only meant to be for fun ♡

from top -> 1 - 2

from bottom -> 3 - 4

pile 1 - ballet shoes

current energy ★

you may have internal worries at the moment regarding love and/or relationships. worries surrounding someone who may not serve you well, such as those who are nosy, two-faced, or not genuine people, or simply you may have trust issues. but this way of thinking will change and you may actively start to pursue or want to start a relationship. you will begin to have more courage snd strength and strive towards what you want - there won't be worries or fears that hold you back. you will however, be careful/picky with who you let into your life, which can be a good thing.

what is next in love ★

with courage comes growth, and you will start to want to pursue or explore having a relationship - to step outside of your comfort zone. if you have had negative experiences in the past regarding love and relationships, you will start to heal from them and, if anything does not serve you, you will not hesitate to leave in search for something better and more fruitful. you may search for more intellectual relationships or you will step in to being a person who is full of bright ideas and energy/adventure.

through the hard work you have put into improving yourself you may find someone who you will naturally fall for, maybe a friend/a friend of a friend or a connection with someone who you may not have expected which could turn into a relationship. it could even be with someone you worked on a project with or someone you met at work.

overall, this is mostly a time of healing and growth. love will come slowly and almost unexpectedly, but it would feel like a reward for the hard work that you have put into yourself and in your connections.

advice ★

you should not hold onto the negatives or your worries for too long or you may miss when something good enters your life. work on healing your wounds and learn to love the person that you are so that there will be room in your heart for meaningful connections.

pile 2 - lana del rey cd

current energy ★

you may be contemplating between two suitors, or the need to balance between your heart and your mind when making a decision in regards to romance. you may be sad or closed off when it comes to love, but there will be a resolution and in that comes a new opportunity.

what is next in love ★

you may begin a steady and loving relationship soon that would inspire you creatively and give you a burst of passion. there will be two suitors who approach you. one of them may present to you an offer, possibly in love. they will be someone who is impatient and arrogant, but another person will also come your way quickly and they are the opposite. they are someone who is hard working and stable, reliable and committed. it is important that you do not rush in your decisions.

advice ★

you are the queen of swords, you are witty and intelligent. someone who is not afraid to speak your mind. it is important that you remain picky and to set clear boundaries. be open yet also independent and strong. think clearly about who you want in love. patience is important.

pile 3 - electric guitar

current energy ★

you are someone who is strong despite having gone through huge changes in your life. you want to strive towards happiness, you want to love. most of your worries are gone, but you may still be upset or disheartened over spilt cups - this could lead you to not notice the cups that are filled next to you. overall, you're moving towards a more balanced mindset and emotional state. it is okay to worry and to hurt, but it is also okay to love and to want to deserve happiness.

what is next in love ★

you are someone who is regarded highly by others, you may be popular or seen under a positive light. you have worked hard to get to where you are now, and you may love to learn or improve the certain skills you currently have. and with that, someone will enter your life. the king of cups - a compassionate and comforting person, them being in your life will help you to heal and overcome the remaining worries that still cloud your mind. they're someone you can rely on, maybe they are wiser and older than you, or they have gotten a little further in life. it may take you a while to let your guard down completely, but once you do, you will become the queen of pentacles within the relationship - someone who is nurturing, loving and in the future, you could move in with this person.

advice ★

love may come your way quickly, so it is important that you remain optimistic and positive. if you are actively pursuing a relationship/working hard in certain aspects of your life, you will be able to reap the rewards soon.

pile 4 - swans

current energy ★

there's someone on your mind right now, a crush, someone that you know and that makes you happy. it's a feeling as though you're experiencing life for the first time again. you may be a bit of a romantic, and you imagine having a future with this person. you may also have the courage to pursue them or actively communicate with them too.

what is next in love ★

through putting effort into forming/maintaining a relationship with this person, you will likely start a romantic relationship with them if that is what you really want. the relationship may start quickly and will be one that is long-term. it's a relationship in which you will learn a lot, grow and heal. it may also provide you with a sense of relief. you will likely gain a lot of inspiration, excitement and energy - maybe even start planning things for the future.

advice ★

it is important that you remain patient and not get overly excited. maintaining a balanced communication with this person is important. do not overthink things either - you are someone who is/needs to be confident, determined and optimistic within this connection.

#tarot reading #tarot #tarot community #love tarot reading #daily tarot #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot pick a card #free tarot #pac reading #general reading #general tarot reading

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hard-core-super-star · 5 months

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bare your soul 'til it's naked [C.Danvers]

pairing: sub!carol danvers x dom!reader

summary: you and carol experiment with switching up your usual roles and accidentally discover something new.

warnings: SMUT -> minors, don't look [porn with feelings; bondage; strap-on sex; an exploration of carol's submissive side; strapwarming; a dash of denial; carol's praise kink goes brr; captain kink because duh]

wordcount: 1.8k

a/n: no, i didn't disappear for like all of november, what are you talking about?? anywho, this happened and...i have no reason or explanation for it lmao. also, i'm not even going to pretend to be an expert on dom/sub dynamics but just labeling carol as a bottom felt wrong considering the more...intense route this took. ANYWAY, usual,"this is my first time writing for this character, please give me validation if you liked it," warning applies.

* * * * * * *

It had started as a joke.

You had told Carol how unfair it was that her superhuman abilities always led to her overpowering you after she had effortlessly picked you up and plopped you down onto the couch to stop you from washing the dishes. It had been an almost nonsensical joke that the blonde took a little too seriously.

It’s not something that genuinely bothers you, in fact, you love how quick Carol always is to pick you up and carry you everywhere. However, you had mentioned how much you’d love to have a turn at being in charge for once and your girlfriend took it upon herself to give you exactly what you wanted. (Like usual)

You weren’t sure why she was so dead set on doing this, especially considering how much she loves having the upper hand all the time, and yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to tell her to change her mind. Mainly because you’d have to be an actual fool to deny her anything but also because there’s been a look in her eyes that you can’t quite decipher that was born from the mere thought of switching roles for once.

So, your one meaningless joke had earned you a sight you’d never thought you’d see: Carol Danvers naked and bound on your bed.

It should be ridiculous. She’s a goddamn superhero, for crying out loud, she could easily rip apart those ropes like nothing. And yet…she remains motionless. You’d go far enough to call her stoic if it weren’t for the smirk she hasn’t yet wiped off of her face.

You both know the massive amounts of power she holds inside herself and she still chooses to pretend. To give in to the fantasy. To act like you truly hold all the cards when she’s the one with literal superpowers.

Your girlfriend huffs as she watches you admire her toned body and the intricate knots that hold her in place. She’s been sitting in the same position for what feels like hours, with her hands tied around her back and her legs spread open, showing off the strap attached to her hips.

“You gonna do something or just stare?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” you reply, shamelessly staring at her jawline while she throws her head back and groans.

“I’m going to lose my mind if you don’t touch me right now.”

You’re tempted to just walk away like she’s done to you countless times but you have other, more important, ideas on your mind.

You approach her in two quick steps, smiling at the way her eyes literally light up before tangling your fingers in her blonde hair and gently pulling. You’re rewarded with the sound of her gasp and you can practically see the way her veins pop out as she clenches her fists.

“I think you’re forgetting our deal, Captain,” you whisper. “I’m in charge, you just have to sit there and behave.”

She lets out a soft groan, her eyes fluttering closed for the briefest of seconds. You don't know if it's the hair-pulling or the use of the title that affects her so much but it’s obvious her reluctance melts away in an instant…which means your need to have her begging for you increases tenfold in that same instant.

“Are you going to need a reminder, baby?”

A long second of silence goes by before your girlfriend gives in. You’re more than willing to wait for her, especially once her eyes open again and you’re able to make out the specks of bliss that make her eyes sparkle more than usual. “No…I’ll behave.”

“Good girl,” you hum.

The whine that escapes her doesn’t reach your ears but the way her hips buck is more than noticeable and you can’t stop yourself from reaching out and wrapping your hand around the large toy. The fact that it’s fake doesn’t stop Carol from thrusting into your hand and she looks far too good for you to even think about making her stop.

That doesn’t mean you’re not going to tease her, though.

“Are you needy already, babe? I haven’t even done anything.”

“Maybe that’s why,” she replies, attempting to hold on to some of her usual snarkiness.

Something that would be more effective if she wasn’t bucking her hips in search of some friction.

The calm and controlled persona she so easily wears out on the field starts to slip and with it comes the barrage of thoughts that never allow her to give up control. It’s subtle but the sparkle in her eyes can’t erase the furrowing of her eyebrows or the tension in her muscles.

That desperation that makes her thrust up into your hand isn’t unfamiliar. Her need to give in to it is.

So, you do the only thing you know will help her focus on the moment instead of on her unspoken fears.

“Carol.” Her name leaves your lips as a mere whisper, the grip you have on her hair loosening just enough for the change to register in her unfocused mind.

She takes a deep breath before lifting her eyes up to look at you. You expect her to pull the plug on this whole thing, to put her walls back up and call it a day, but she doesn't. She does the exact opposite and leaves your mind spinning in the process.

“I need you.” The hushed tone she speaks in does nothing to hide her desperation. It’s not the kind you’re used to, though. It’s less about the physical and more about the emotional. It’s about the stability she’s always looked for but has never found in all the countless planets she’s visited.

The only place she’s found it in all her life is with you.

The second the thought enters your mind, you climb onto her lap, momentarily forgetting about the new dynamic you're forging and merely focusing on your vulnerable girlfriend. Despite your urge to help ground her, you can’t help but notice the way her hips instantly buck once again.

You still decide to wait, though, much to the blonde’s dismay.

“What do you need from me, Captain?”

“Need you…” She trails off and you half expect that to be the end of it until she continues a second later. “Need you to own me…use me…please.”

There’s no doubt in your mind of the strength it took for her to get the words out which only adds fuel to the fire burning in your core. A fire made up of desire, trust, and so much lust it could fill a small planet.

“As you wish,” you mumble before finally giving both of you what you really want.

Carol’s eyes watch you closely while you grip the toy attached to her hips and slowly tease your entrance with it. She technically can’t feel anything yet but she still takes every second in, rotating her hips in an attempt to bring you as much pleasure as she can.

You leave the dildo soaked in less than a minute and the sight of your girlfriend’s abs contracting with every movement does nothing to satisfy your growing desire. Your body shifts until you’re hovering over Carol’s dark blue strap, pretending like you can’t see the way she attempts to slam herself inside your already fluttering walls.

“You wanna fill me up, Captain? Is that what my good girl wants?”

It’s like a switch is instantly flipped inside her brain. Like everything else disappears until she’s left hanging onto your every word. She’s never been like this with someone else, much less felt like this. Felt such an intense devotion that she genuinely longs to submit to every one of your wishes and commands.

You could tell her to jump and she’d leap into the air without a second thought, ropes be damned.

She nods rapidly. “Yes! Yes, I want to fill you up so bad. Please, y/n.”

“If only your little Avengers friends could see you now, all tied up and desperate for me…” You trail off as you sink down onto her, relishing in the unashamed moans she can’t hold back.

You know how much she loves fucking you in this position and you also know how crazy it’s making her that she can’t control your speed. She can’t control anything in this moment. Not the speed of your movements, not the sounds she makes, not the unrelenting bucking of her hips.

The power rests in your hands despite how much of it runs through her veins.

“Fuck-” Your groan brings her back to reality. “You’re so good for me.”

Carol stares at you with wide eyes, plump lips parted just enough to allow all her sinful sounds to slip out unrestricted. Her entire world revolves around you, around the pleasure only she can give you…even when she's not allowed to touch you.

It would be so easy for her to break free, you both know that, and yet somehow, her choosing to remain trapped beneath you makes everything feel ten times stronger than usual.

Maybe that's what makes the coil in your stomach tighten faster than usual or maybe it's the way the blonde can't stop herself from messily thrusting up into your drenched cunt and burying her strap inside of you.

You’re both lost in each other, your nails digging into her shoulder in search of some stability while she works tirelessly to bring you to new heights. Heights she couldn’t even dream of reaching despite her love for flying.

“y/n,” she mumbles. “Please, I want- I need you.”

“Yeah? You wanna cum already, Captain?”

She shakes her head, the thinnest layer of tears gathering in her stormy eyes. “No, I want to make you cum. Please, can I?”

The mere question has you clenching around the toy but it’s the devoted look that’s plastered onto her face that makes you fall apart. For that brief moment, she’s not Captain Marvel, she’s not an Avenger, she’s just the woman you love more than anything else in the universe, the woman who loves you enough to trust you like this.

You fall over the edge without warning which triggers an avalanche of feelings inside Carol. The two of you slump into each other in a mess of shaking limbs and hoarse voices that cry out the other’s name.

It’s messy and loud and perfect.

It’s unclear how much time you both spend in the throes of your powerful orgasms but when you finally come back to yourself, you find your girlfriend’s face buried into the crook of your neck, trails of salty tears staining her warm cheeks. It takes you another second to realize what she’s mumbling but the second the words register, all your worry melts away.

“I love you-” It comes out more like a broken sob than a beautiful confession but you don’t mind.

You gently run your fingers through her messy hair, silently watching the shudders that your affection creates. “I love you too. You’re perfect, Carol.”

She doesn’t reply but she also doesn’t argue. She just stays in your arms, basking in the feeling of being loved.

Of finally being home.

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zedecksiew · 2 months

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(Don't) Incentivise Ethical Behaviour

In the ongoing project of rescuing useful thoughts off Xwitter, here's another hot take of mine, reheated:

"Being good for a reward isn’t being good---it’s just optimal play."

The quote comes from Luke Gearing and his excellent post "Against Incentive", to which I had been reacting.

My thread was mainly intended as a fulsome nodding along to one of Luke's points. It was posted in 2021, and extended in 2023 after Sidney Icarus posed a question to it. So it is two threads.

Here they are, properly paragraphed, hopefully more cleanly expressed:

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(Don't) Incentivise Ethical Behaviour

This is my main problem with mechanically rewarding pro-social play: a character's ethical choice is rendered mercenary.

As Luke Gearing puts it:

"Being good for a reward isn’t being good---it’s just optimal play."

Bear in mind that I'm not saying that pro-social play can't have rewarding outcomes for players. Any decision should have consequences in the fiction. It serves the ideal of portraying a living, world to have these consequences rendered diegetic:

The townsfolk are thankful; the goblins remember your mercy; pamphlets appear, quoting from your revolutionary speech.

What I am saying is that rewarding abstract mechanical benefits (XP tickets, metacurrency points, etc) for ethical decisions stinks.

A subtle but absolutely essential distinction, when it comes to portraying and exploring ethics / morality, in roleplaying games.

Say you reward bonus XP for sparing goblins.

Are your players making a decisions based on how much they value life / the personhood of goblins? Or are they making a decision based on how much they want XP?

Say you declare: "If you help the villagers, the party receives a +1 attitude modifier in this village."

Are your players assisting the community because it is the right thing to do, or are they playing optimally, for a +1 effect?

XP As Currency

XP is the ur-example of incentive in TTRPGs. It began with D&D's gold-for-XP, and has never strayed far from that logic.

XP is still currency. Do things the GM / game designer wants you to do? Get paid.

Players use XP to buy better mechanical tools (levels, skills, abilities)---which they can then in turn use to better perform the actions that will net them XP.

Like using gold you stole from goblins to buy a sword, so you can now rob orcs.

I genuinely feel that such systems are valuable. They are models that illuminate the drives fuelling amoral / unethical behaviour.

Material gain is the drive of land-grabbing and colonialism. Logger-barons and empires do get wealthier and more privileged, as a reward for their terrible actions.

If you want to present an ethical choice in play, congruent to our real-life dilemmas, there is value in asking:

"Hey, if you kill the goblins you can grab their treasure, and you will get richer. There's no reward for sparing their lives, except that they are thankful."

Which is another way of asking:

"Does your commitment to the ideal of preserving life outweigh the guaranteed material incentives for taking life?"

The ethical choice is the difficult choice, precisely because it involves---as it often does, in real life---sacrificing personal growth and gain. Doling out an XP bounty for doing the right thing makes the ethical choice moot.

"I as the player am making a mechanically optimal choice, but my character is making an ethical choice!"

A cop-out. Owning your cake and eating it too. The fictional fig-leaf of empathy over a calculated a decision to make profit.

Sidney Icarus asks a question which I will quote here:

"... those who hold to their beliefs of good behaviour don't feel rewarded, and therefore feel punished. And that's not a good feeling. It's an unpleasant experience to play a game where the righteous players are in rags, and the mercenary fucks have crowns and sceptres. So, what's the design opportunity? How do we make doing the right thing feel pleasant without making it mercenary? Or, like reality, do we acknowledge that ethical acts are valuable only intrinsically and philosophically? I have no idea how to reconcile this."

I would suggest that the above dichotomy---"righteous players in rags, mercs in crowns"---is true if property is recognised as the only true incentive.

Friends As Property

Modern games try to solve the righteous-players-in-rags "problem" in various ways. Virtue might not net you treasure or XP, but may give you:

Contact or ally slots, which you can fill in;

Relationship meters you can watch tick up;

Favour points you can cash in later;

etc.

How different are these mechanical incentives from treasure or XP, really?

Your relationships with supposedly living, breathing beings are transformed into abilities for your character: skills you can train; powers you can reliably proc. Pump your relationship score with the orc tribe until calling on them for reinforcements becomes a once-per-month ability.

Relationships become contracts. Regard becomes debt. Put your friend in an ally slot, so they become a tool.

If this is what you want play to be---totally fine! As stated previously, games say powerful things when they portray the engines of profit and property.

But I personally don't think game designers should design employer-employee relationships and disguise these as instances of mutual aid.

Friends As Friends

In the OSR campaigns I'm part of, I keep forgetting to record money. Which is usually a big deal in such games, seeing as they are in the grand tradition of gold-for-XP?

In both games, my characters are still 1st-Level pukes, though it's been months.

I'm having a blast, anyway.

My GMs, by virtue of running organic, reactive worlds, have made play rewarding for me. NPCs / geographies remember the party's previous actions, and respond accordingly.

I've been given gills from a river god, after constant prayer;

I've befriended a village of monsters, where we now live;

I've parleyed with the witch of a whole forest, where we may now tread;

I've a boon from the touch of wood wose, after answering his summons.

I cannot count on the wood wose showing up. He is a character in the world, not a power I control. Calling on the wood wose might become a whole adventure.

Little of this stuff is codified my stats or abilities or equipment list. They are mostly all under "misc notes".

Diegetic growth. Narrative change that spirals into more play.

This is the design opportunity, to me:

How do we shape TTRPG play culture in such a way that the "misc notes" gaps in our games are as fun as the systemised bits? What kinds of orientation tools must we provide? What should we say, in our advice sections?

A Note About Trust

The reason why it is so hard to imagine play beyond conventional incentive structures has a lot to do with trust.

Sidney again:

One of the core issues is the "low trust table". I'm not designing just for myself but for my audience. For a product. How much can I ask purchasers and their friends to codesign this part with me?

Nerds love numbers and things we can write down in inventories or slots because they are sureties. We've learned to fear fiat or player discretion, traumatised as we are by Problem GMs or That Guys.

The reason why the poverty in Sidney's hypothetical ("righteous players are in rags") sounds so bad is because in truth it represents risk at the game table. If you don't participate in the mechanics legible to your ruleset (the XP and gear to do more game things), you risk gradually being excluded from play.

You have no assurance your fellow players will know how hold space for you; be considerate; work together to portray a living world where NPCs react in meaningful ways---in ways that will be fun and rewarding for everybody playing.

You are giving up the guarantee of mechanical relevance for the possibility of fun interactions and creative social play.

The "low trust table" is learned behaviour--the cruft of gamer culture and trauma.

When I game with folks new to TTRPGs, they tend to be decent, considerate. I think there's enough anecdotal evidence from folks playing with school kids / newcomers / etc to suggest my experience is not unique.

If the "low trust table" is indeed learned behaviour, it can be unlearned.

Which rules conventions, now part of the hobby mainstream, were the result of designers designing defensively---shadowboxing against terrible players and the spectre of "unfairness"?

How can we "undesign" such conventions?

Lack of trust is a problem that we have to address in play culture, not rulesets. You cannot cook a dish so good it forces diners to have good table manners.

This is too long already. I'll end with an observation:

Elfgames are not praxis, but doesn't this specific dilemma in the microcosm of our silly elfgames ultimately mirror real-world ethics?

To be moral is to trust in a better world; to be amoral / immoral is to hedge against the guarantee of a worse one.

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