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ludwigplayingthetrombone · 1 year

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Had to split the last chapter into 2 separate ones bc i got a bit overzealous with this one... so here’s chapter 3! may be a longer bit before 4′s ready, but Enjoy! [tw: blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ death/ survivors guilt]

Ch1 Ch2

Tsunade: Enter. Kks: Mornin’. Tsunade: Kakashi. I got your message. So, Gai made it out of the coma, huh. I’ll go see how his condition is when I’m done here. Kks: I’m sure he’ll love that, but that’s not why I’m here. Tsunade: Are you looking for work? I can assign you-. Kks: More of a discussion. About the hokage thing.

Tsunade: Are you finallt giving me an answer? Kks: Yup. I’m saying no. I’m not interested. However, if there is truly no one else, I have a compromise if you’re interested.

Tsunade:It’d better be a good deal, brat. The council won’t be happy with this. You were about to accept months ago. Why say no now? Kks: Alot’s changed since then.

Gai: Papa

[gai sighs] [window sliding]

Kks: Yo. Gai: Rival!! Happy to see you! Kks: I see you’ve had visitors

Gai: Yes! I am so lucky and moved! Especially from our students! Kks: How are you feeling? Gai: Sore. Stiff. But much better than this morning. [kks hums] Kks: Sorry I took so long. Got caught up. Gai: Nonsense! I was honored to wake up to see both of your beautiful eyes first thing. You look so youthful! You left in such a hurry, you left your shoes. Kks: Yeah, had a soggy walk to my apartment. Can’t return those slippers now. Gai: How are /you/ feeling?

Gai: You seemed so overwhelmed and I couldn’t move. I feel like i’ve missed so much. Kks: I’m ok now. Just needed some air. Plus, sorted some things I’d been neglecting. I knew you’d be flooded with visitors. So, I stayed out of the way. Gai: Pretty cool response per usual. Kks: I think you’re pretty cool

Kks: How long are you stuck here? Did they say? Gai: A few weeks. Most of it depends on the physical therapy progress. My chakra network is fried. It’ll be slow to heal if at all. They’ve never treated my condition before, so the doctors are not sure what’ll happen

Kks: Did Tenten tell you about her plans? Kankuro even offered his experience building a prosthetic. Gai: Yes. She was very excited. Kks: /You/ don’t seem as enthused. What’s bugging you? you’re usually delighted by your team’s passion or whatever. Gai: I am truly touched because I know she’ll give it her all, but...

Gai: It won’t make a difference. Kks: What did the doctor say? Gai: Even if I can stand or walk, I’ll have lasting damage and pain. I’ll need a wheelchair the rest of my life. My time as an active duty shinobi is done.

Kks: You’ll get through this. Gai: What am I going to do, ‘Kashi? Kks: You’re stubborn enough. I’m sure you’ll find a way to prove them wrong. Like walking on your hands or something. You’ll be a menace in a wheelchair in no- Gai: I do not want you or my students burdened by my injury

Kks: That’s what you’re worried about? You think mourning you would have been any easier on anyone? You’re more to them than just a teacher. If you could have Dai back right now, wouldn’t you want that? Gai: Of course I would. Kks: Then see it from their perspectives. Don’t just lie down and accept this is how your life ends. That’s not how Dai raised you.

Kks: This is terrifying to deal with, Gai, It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. But please don’t give up. I won’t let you. Gai: I was prepared to die Kks: ...I’ve understood wanting to be dead for a long time. I get it. Gai: I do not regretn my decision at all. Regardless, I’ve hurt you the most. I know you’re angry.

Kks: I won’t lie to you. I am angry. Extremely. But I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away already. I don’t want to waste anymore time we have left. The only consistent thing in my life has always been you. I’ve said horrible things to you, and you never abandoned me. I think all the time about how I would have turned out if you didn’t keep me human. Self sacrifice seems to be something we have in common. Neither of us were meant to be without the other apparently... We’ve both been brought back from death. So maybe it’s...

Baby gai: You’re my eternal rival... My man of- Kks: Destiny

Kks: Strongesttaijutsu master who ever lived. My eternal rival. My man of destiny. I’m so happy you’re alive

[gai crying]

[Gai sobbing/crying]

#kakagai #gaikaka #Kakashi Hatake #Maito Gai #might guy #naruto #everyone p much lmao #my art #//blood #//mentions of suicidal thoughts

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strwbmei · 4 months

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Hi Mei, Can I ask a relantionship hcs sfw and nsfw for Aponia with a gender-neutral if possible, please? You are free to ignore this if you like

pairing(s): aponia x gn!reader

contains:

Aponia HCs

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Aponia was really hesitant to get into a relationship with you at first. She's seen many horrible things happen to those that she loves, and she knows better than anyone that she can't do anything to change it. Still, like a moth to a flame, she can't help but find herself drawn to your radiating warmth. Perhaps this time, she deserves to be selfish.

: ̗̀➛ The Deep End is a cold and dark place— one where normal humans most likely wouldn't be able to survive for more than a few days. Because of how long Aponia has isolated herself in it, her body has learned to adapt, lowering its temperature to match its environment. She can also see in the dark much better, which is pretty cool.

: ̗̀➛ Because of this, Aponia would always shy away from your touch. Believe me, it was much to her annoyance, but she had grown insecure about being so cold (literally and figuratively) and she didn't want to scare you away with it. She was especially hesitant to hold hands because they were the coldest part of her body, but she learned to be more comfortable over time.

: ̗̀➛ If the two of you have a disagreement (which is near impossible, by the way; my girl Aponia can never be wrong,) it's really obvious to everyone else because of how weird and aloof she acts. For example, she barely ever leaves the Deep End, but suddenly you'll find her in the lobby drinking with either Elysia or Eden with a somber look on her face; sighing every few seconds and completely ignoring Elysia's bombardment of questions. The Flamechasers find a great deal of amusement seeing how you're so easily able to influence a woman usually so dangerous and cunning.

: ̗̀➛ Expect her to be the more dominant one in the relationship, taking the lead and making decisions (with your input too, of course!) because she's used to being the one giving orders. Despite that, though, she's actually really inexperienced with relationships so it's more of a team effort; the team consisting of you, Aponia, and Elysia because she helps you get through to Aponia more and somehow manages to offer the best relationship advice.

: ̗̀➛ Aponia doesn't really get jealous, at least at first. She got upset, but she used to have the mindset that if you like someone else more, you should simply choose them instead and she'll accept the decision you make. Over time, she grows to be more greedy and possessive of you. Because of this, she really appreciates it when you give her reassurance that you're hers and hers only even when she doesn't ask for it.

: ̗̀➛ When Griseo started calling you Mama/Papa, Aponia almost shed a tear. Griseo is almost like a daughter to her, and hearing her call you that only further solidified the fact that you were the person she'd want to spend the rest of eternity with.

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ First of all, set a safe word. Seriously. Her libido is low, but every time the two of you have sex it always ends with you not being able to walk for months. Set a safe word if you value your life or if you don't want your pelvic bone to get turned into dust like actually. I'm not exaggerating; this woman goes rough.

: ̗̀➛ That doesn't mean that she means to, though. She's a gentlewoman at heart, but being surrounded by people like Kevin and Kalpas for most of her life has skewed her perception of an average human's limits. She's more of a soft dom if anything; you ending up with your legs shaking is already her being gentle.

: ̗̀➛ Remember how her hands are the coldest part of her body? Yeah, she's definitely taking advantage of that; cruelly tracing your body with her hands and making you tremble and whimper from the sheer temperature of her fingertips. As serious as she appears, she can be quite the tease when she puts her mind to it.

: ̗̀➛ Has a huge thing for dacryphilia. She was absolutely terrified the first time you started crying during sex thinking that she hurt you, but ever since you quickly explained the real reason and assured her that she did nothing wrong, she's made it a goal to make you cry from the pleasure. Did she really do a good job if you aren't a sobbing, shaking mess by the end of it?

: ̗̀➛ She doesn't have a specific preference for positions, but she hates it when she can't see your face. Aponia is the type of woman who thrives off of all of the small reactions she coaxes out of her partner. Blindfolds are definitely on the table, though— maybe it's her sadistic side, but she just loves seeing the fabric dampen with your tears...

: ̗̀➛ Aponia is really into body worship. It doesn't matter whether she's on the giving or receiving end of the deal, she loves the intimacy of the whole thing. She'll literally leave her marks and kisses on every inch of your body, and she expects you to at least try to do the same for her. This often leads to a lot of marking for both of you, though...

: ̗̀➛ For your own good, don't make her jealous. She's a patient woman; even more so with you, but if you upset her like that on purpose? Say goodbye to your ability to walk, speak, or think. Once you can speak again, make sure you give her tons of reassurance because that kind of stuff really upsets her. The idea of you with someone else gets her blood boiling.

#x reader #honkai impact #honkai impact x reader #honkai impact smut #smut #hi3 #hi3 x reader #hi3 smut #aponia #aponia hi3 #aponia honkai #aponia x reader #aponia smut #・❥・strwb fluff

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saltydkdan · 5 months

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Are the JoJo's icebergs fun to work on? They look like a blast to edit and write! (If a bit of a large workload)

The Jojo Iceberg has been... interesting. On one hand yes! It has been a blast to work on in some senses! It taught me a lot about writing, and research, while also allowing me the freedom to experiment with editing and injecting my humor into scripted stuff in a more organic way. I feel like with each chunk of the series I've posted thus far, I've shown more and more confidence over time.

Plus you are right!! Once the audio editing is done, working on visual edits and gags is a blast. Sure it takes time, but I have a weird love for making smooth video edits for people to watch (even though like 50% of the people that view those videos probably just listen to em like a podcast without looking at it haha).

So that sort of stuff, yes! That's been a blast, and I've learned a TON that I'd never take back for the world!

However on the flipside, logistically this project was a nightmare from day one LOL. And this is the part where I try to dissuade anyone from EVER working on a longer project like this because god damn it's been a pain at times.

Keep in mind, the script (as it stands) is nearly 200 pages. That is the longest scripted work I've ever helped write in my entire life, and when I started I was NOT that experienced as a writer whatsoever. I'm a bit better now, but at times I still struggle.

I made the horrible decision to never put a cap on the script. For every new fact I learned, even if it wasn't a part of the original plans for the video, I would add it to the pile. No matter what it was. I was committed to making it as long as I thought it needed to be, not as long as it probably SHOULD have been to get done in a reasonable amount of time.

I did all this for a deep passion for the source material, and even after the final part comes out early this year, I plan on going back and correcting the very few mistakes or miswordings I had in the original videos when I put them all together in one MEGA video.

But that passion for Jojo is a blessing and a curse, and I hadn't realized how long a project like this would take me amidst all the other big projects like Friendlocke and HYHA.

Full disclosure, the script was first started in December of 2020. That's nearly 3-4 YEARS AGO by now. If I knew that putting all this together would take that long, I probably wouldn't have committed to it in the way that I did. In that time, I probably could have put out a TON of shorter stuff, but I was so committed to this that I just didn't and that very much hurt my channel in the long term.

Though to be real, I haven't worked on it consistently, I tend to jump on and off between projects to avoid burnout. However still, by the time it's all done, the Jojo Iceberg combined together will most likely be the longest piece of content on my channel (yes, potentially longer than Friendlocke Season 3, I estimate that it'll probably come out to around 6 hours in length if I don't cut anything down).

It's because of this that after this is all out there? I plan to NEVER tackle something this long ever again. Friendlocke and Jojo have drained my bones, and all I wanna do these days is work on shorter stuff. Though I guess in that sense, this project has really helped teach me a lot about the sort of stuff I want to make. So in a way, even the negatives have positives! There's always something you can take away with, even if your experience had some downsides.

Looking at such a long script and doing some math, it's made me realize that like... damn. I could DEFINITELY do shorter videos way more consistently in the future. And so that's what I plan to do :)

So yeah! Some positives and negatives. But overall, I learned a lot and that's all I could ever ask for.

Thanks for your question! Have a good one!

#saltydkdan #salty asks #jojos bizarre adventure

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yellowocaballero · 2 months

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Talk Shop Tuesday: what’s the most important thing to you when it comes to characterization?

[Sorry I am so behind on these I have been so fucking busy] CHARACTERIZATION I LOVE YOU SO. What a good question!!!!! I get compliments on my characterization a lot so I should probably think about this. Also @lazuliquetzal chime in if you want because you're just as good at this.

There's a lot of important things. The most important, I think, is that the character has consistent internal logic. It's like worldbuilding or magic. Their actions don't have to be objectively logical, but they do have to be consistent. The character has a framework for understanding the world, a way of perceiving the world and how it works, and an idea of how they think other people work. Everything that happens in their lives is filtered through that. They have to feel like a real person making real decisions, not an instrument of the plot.

Something I like to do is to make their greatest strength their greatest flaw. I think in writing there's no 'good' or 'bad' character traits - no virtues or sins. I think character traits are neutral, and that they can be used to good or bad effect. I think we do things because of other things that have happened to us, and that these things have positive and negative consequences.

Obviously a character has to have consistent motivations and to change over time. A character shouldn't end the story in the same place where they started. Character focused stories ought to have your characters change throughout the story - Sherlock Holmes doesn't have to have moments of character growth but your slice of life character definitely should. I think the setting around them really helps - giving them foils really helps develop and flesh out both characters.

I feel like that's all pretty basic notes though. For me and characters, there's way more to it than that. It's hard to explain. I think I can only ask that you make the plot and tropes fit the characters, not the characters fit the plot and tropes. Fanfic has a horrible habit of making characters one dimensional and stripping away a lot of nuance to fit in with different slots in relationship dynamic, roles in a team dynamic, or niches in an AU. The character should come first. And love of god if you make their personality seme or uke I will come find you with my yaoi baseball bat.

Oh and the best character-building exercise is to figure out if the character would ever be a cannibal or not and I am barely joking.

#i don't mean for characterization to be the most important thing in my stuff bc that's a weird thing to be important #and i do think characters should be in service of the plot #but the plot and characters should be in service to each other #idk and i think who i am as a person seeps into this #i like people a lot. i like meeting different kinds of people.#i like meeting people from every place of all walks of life of all identities and types #even people i dont like i think enrich my understanding of people as a whole #every person is so fascinating and has an entire internal world that we aren't privvy to #if we limit our world to ourselves then our life will stay small and provincial forever #a lot of my characters are based off people i know; or even different facets of myself #or they're a way of showcasing a theme or vein of emotion in life that i often confront or struggle with #many of my characters are parts of me I don't like or am ashamed of #so it's a bit healing to showcase their messiness as people; to show them growing; and to forgive them for that messiness #people are each other's greatest source of pain and only source of pleasure i think

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chloe-caulfield94 · 2 months

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alt Max and alt Chloe choosing their last name

It was the next day after their engagement. Max wanted to offer a middle ground, with her and Chloe adopting double-barrelled surnames.

“So, Chloe, now that we’re getting married one of the things we need to figure out is our last names. I was thinking we could join …”

As soon as Max broached the subject, Chloe immediately and with deep conviction stated: “I want to become Mrs Caulfield, Max”.

“Chloe, you don’t have to do this for me. We’re a team. We’re making decisions together. If you want …”

Chloe once again interjected: “Max, I need this. This would mean the world to me”. In her eyes, Max could see how important of a matter that was to Chloe. Max was surprised that what she had thought to be largely a clerical matter turned out to be so significant to her fiancée.

“Well, I’m certainly not going to complain that someone is so eager to join the Caulfield clan. Neither will my parents”. She quickly corrected herself: “Our parents”. She touched Chloe’s cheek with the palm of her hand. Chloe leaned into her touch.

Looking Max in the eyes, Chloe said: “I want everyone to know that the most caring, smartest, most beautiful, most talented and strongest woman in the world has chosen to love me. If I take your name, it will be proof that I’ve become a part of your life and you’ve become a part of mine. And that it will always be so. I want …” She hesitated. She lowered her gaze.

Max caressed her cheek and gently encouraged her: “Chloe, you can tell me anything”.

When Chloe raised her gaze again, there was still deep conviction and eagerness in it. But also sadness. “I want to die as Mrs Caulfield. I want my tombstone to announce to everyone I was your wife. Your love is the best, most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. That could have ever happened to me. I don’t want our family and friends to remember me as a broken wreck whose days consisted of nothing but pain and misery. I want them to remember me like I am with you. As someone who lived a life of love. Who was loved and who loved in return”. They both had tears in their eyes. “I’m sorry, Max. I shouldn’t have said that last part. That was horrible. We’re getting married. We shouldn’t be talking about things like that. And when I’m with you, I can keep thoughts like that at bay, most of the time. Before you came back to me, death was the only thing on my mind, all the time. Now, at your side, I can focus on life and love. But sometimes it comes back. I’m sorry …”

“No, Chloe! You have nothing to be sorry for. Like I told you, I want you to share your life with me. For good and for ill. Share your joy with me. But also share your sadness. The fact that my presence makes things easier for you, it makes me feel like I have a purpose in life. A purpose I have chosen for myself. My destiny”.

Chloe inhaled deeply, calming her voice. “Let’s move on to the colour of our wedding dresses. I promise not to make us cry discussing this”.

“Chloe, crying with you is better than laughing with anyone else. I mean it”.

They went with blue.

#chloe price #max caulfield #pricefield #life is strange #lis #alt max #alt chloe #life is strange fanfiction #fanfiction

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annah-kitathryne · 3 months

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Why do I ship TimSteph?

Because they fundamentally changed the other for better and worse they are so interconnected that to write one or the other out of their stories would be to get rid of a huge chunk of their lives and the choices they made and the people they started to grow into being.

They are the on again off again but still care deeply even if they can be a bit misguided about it pairing.

I don't see them as an endgame but they are the comfort that they keep coming back too. If there has been one ship that has always been present even as I've gotten older and read more stories and matured it's TimSteph. They work as friends, the work as lovers, they work as reluctant co-workers, they work as too complicated for simple labels.

They were the messy teen relationship. Jelousy heartbreak and betrayal but loyal caring and so in love.

It wasn't the right time, it was the perfect time, there wasn't enough time, there was just enough, there will always be yesterday, there is a possible tommarow, they are consistent, they are a stop and start. They care for one another even when they don't really want to.

They were toxic but young, growing as people and heroes.

They exist in a way that they orbit the other.

I love a lot of Tim and Stephs other potential (and real) love interests but there is something about the way that they were teens being teens, heroes being heroes but taking on responsibilities and tasks that shouldn't be considered for kids. They grew up too early but never fast enough still immature and young making all the wrong choices. Sure in their beliefs and ways but still meeting enough to fall in love and stay in love even when it hurts.

Both of them have lost the other to death (but not really). Steph's death was faked so she could escape Gotham, but she came back again. Tim's death was faked, so he could be held hostage and he came back again. They have lost the other and yet come back again because even in the face of death and heartache, they can't let go. Only one of those times sid they got a proper goodbye. Both enacted dangerous plans. One went horrible wrong, and one went horribly right. Two sides of a similar coin in that way.

They are two kids who despite being heroes still hang out in a playground, they are two teens who make life changing decisions before they fully know what they even want to do, they are sitting on a couch at the end of the world with old wounds that hurt and ache but still find a way to hold the other.

They have seen the other change in ways that were both good and bad. They have seen the fallout of the other in real time. They are separate with their own growth and maturing but connected in past present and catalyst to change.

You can't discuss Tim as a whole without discussing Steph. You can't discuss Steph as a whole without discussing Tim. They impacted the others life so much that you have to ask, "Who is Stephanie Brown?" "Who is Tim Drake?"

#dc #dc comics #tim drake #stephanie brown #timsteph #batfam #in no way am i hating other ships #in no way am in invalidating other ships #i just wanted to talk about TimSteph

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lurkingshan · 3 months

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On Gyu-ho, the Mundanity of Great Love, and the Destructive Nature of Shame

I have been trying to figure out what I want to write about this relationship, the primary focus of LITBC Part 3. Every time I think about Young and Gyu-ho, I just feel so sad. In some ways, this section of the book was much lighter than the previous ones, but it hit me hard all the same. Because this is the first time our narrator has had a relationship that actually feels mostly healthy, with the outcome he wants for it within his reach—until he self-destructs, of course.

It's all the details of their romance that makes it feel so real. The drunken, bloody makeout on the dirty floor of an Itaewon gay club. Young's passport misfire that ruined their first weekend getaway, and the subsequent nagging from Gyu-ho every time they traveled. The Pororo and Crong stickers on their phone cases. Gyu-ho's erectile dysfunction and Young's surprise at feeling contentment even with a less than ideal sex life. Young getting Gyu-ho a ticket to see that horrible production of Grease, and Gyu-ho hanging curtains and making sure Young ate real food. The breakups and makeups. Young crumpling up bits of paper and throwing them on the ground when he got frustrated with his writing, knowing Gyu-ho would come home and clean them up. The way they fought over the proper way to air dry the laundry, and the Pooh shirts from their Thailand trip slowly morphing into pajamas. A hundred little details of a life lived in companionship with another person, and so many mundane things that will never mean the same thing to Young again. Gyu-ho is his great love, and he doesn't need to say that explicitly to make it clear. It's in the way Young tells us his name. It's in every word on the page.

Part of what makes the end of this relationship so devastating is we could see how good it was for Young. Even as he tried to maintain his tone of emotional detachment, his affection for Gyu-ho shone through in the narration. While they were together, Young became more functional. He started living like an adult, got a proper job to pay the bills, and began writing in earnest. He found some things to like about himself and took pleasure in Gyu-ho's company. He began to envision more for himself, to imagine a life outside of Seoul where he could be free of some of his burdens, and even took steps to pursue it by applying for that position in Shanghai.

And then, of course, one of his burdens caught up with him. It was heartbreaking to realize alongside Young that his illness, his "Kylie," would prevent him from moving, and I was not at all surprised that rather than telling Gyu-ho and making a decision together on how to adjust their plans, he chose to keep his silence, encourage Gyu-ho to keep working toward the move to Shanghai, and then blithely force an ending to the relationship when it was too late for Gyu-ho to change course. That's exactly the Young we know, but it was no less frustrating for being expected. His shame, and the way it rears up and poisons all his relationships, is perhaps the most consistent thing about these separate-but-connected stories of his life. I wish he had chosen something different, that he wasn't so consumed by guilt and self-loathing and his abysmal sense of self-worth, that he could have trusted Gyu-ho to be his partner in this. But I understand why he did what he did, and why he didn't want to hold Gyu-ho back.

This section got to me so much because it was particularly painful to watch Young self-destruct after finally finding a relationship that was good for him, and where he had something to offer to his partner in return. Everything we learned about Gyu-ho told us this could have had a very different ending, if only Young would have let it.

#litbc book club #love in the big city #korean bl #shan shouts into the void

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claraameliapond · 30 days

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So... is taylor going to give olivia credit and royalties for obviously conceptually copying her song?? It would be only fair wouldn't it..? According to the logic of Olivia having to give over songwriting credits for a split second of screaming in a bridge on deja vu, which sounds nothing like cruel summer's screaming in a bridge at all anyway, then conceptually Taylor obviously being inspired for the whole concept of Olivia's get him back- especially given the timing - when will the songwriting credits to Olivia, Fiona Apple and then wherever that tune in the chorus is from (I've definitely heard that before, it's not original) , be given over? 😀 🙂🙃🤨 they're the same lyrics- and the same title- you know if 'Get Him Back' was released after Taylor's 'imgonnagetyouback' those toxic swifties would say Olivia copied Taylor, so where's that logic now? Where's the consistency ?

Also Honestly, taylor does not come off well with that song anyway. The logic in her song is so off, like who thinks of someone like that. Who values people like that? It's giving ... out of touch. Obviously think what you like but where Olivia's sentiment in her song is justified in outrage and in morality, the mixed emotions in the aftermath of something and feeling outraged on behalf of yourself and how badly you were treated and wanting them to get just desserts, and the cheeky joke she plays on the audience with that double entendre like 'I want to kiss his face....with an uppercut " making people go 'No! Don't fall back in!' And then her going - 'Just joking I know he's terrible' , whereas Taylor's just makes her look like a horrible psychopath. The intentional perpetrator. Who would do that? Think of people like that? , Value people like that?

People are messy and you don't owe anyone pretty etc etc yes ,but this is someone who has built her whole career calling out immoral treatment against her. Recieving rightful empathy and kinship with her fans. Calling out this exact behaviour. And now she's the perpetrator, with intention?

There's a big difference between someone saying 'I want you to get just desserts for your immorality' and someone going "I haven't decided whether I'm going to treat you terribly or marry you and love you forever, because that's how little I value you- and I have the power to do this, either one, and you can't do anything to stop me, I have absolute control over you - I could just as easily be horrible to you, 'smash up your life' /'smash up your bike' " - like, what? Who thinks of people like that? Who wants someone who can think of them like that? Value them like that? That is really toxic valuing. Intentionality

I don't think she's the worst person on earth but she does not come off well here.

Also she should never have accepted that money and credits from Olivia being pressured into it. She doesn't need that money come on. It's a bit hard to believe that Vampire isn't about her

And also the point, Who's she with now that's making her think like that?

I do think she intended to release reputation in April- that was a planned schedule, for the eras tour, that all of them would be released within the span of the tour and it would be a triumphant achievement that with the eras tour all of her songs were reclaimed. ...but for some reason felt it wasn't ready, so the organised release was already set so she changed what was being released. She at some point decided to release the ttpd album instead, and got it ready, but sort of too quickly, it's a little sloppy and I think it needed more time to be fine tuned. It feels, rushed- the decisions feel rushed. I think it was originally intended to be released after the eras tour. I think it deserved a bit more time.

I love them both but - you do need to be morally consistent and have some perspective.

#Ttpd #Olivia Rodrigo #Get him back #Vampire #Imgonnagetyouback #The tortured poet's department #Taylor swift #Ts #Morality #Eras tour #Eras #The Eras tour #tstheerastour #taylorswift #the eras tour tokyo #swifties

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ewanmitchellcrumbs · 1 year

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Billy Washington General Headcanon Alphabet

A - Animals - Are they an animal person? Good with them? Scared of them?

Billy loves dogs (hence why his lock screen on his phone is of him cuddling one!) - he has always wanted a dog, but doesn't have the stability needed to properly look after one yet.

B - Boozy - What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they?

Billy is a rowdy drunk. He loves a few pints, but isn't the best behaved afterwards.

C - Chocolate - Do they prefer savory tastes or do they have a (secret) sweet tooth?

Savoury - his diet consists of Pot Noodles, crisps and those horrible microwaveable Rustlers burgers.

D - Decision - Are they impulsive decision makes? Do they follow their heart, or do they prefer thinking it over?

Billy is incredibly impulsive, which often leads to poor decision making. He's led by emotion and his sense of the unfair hand life has dealt him.

E - Explosive - Are they quick to get angry? What kind of angry are they?

Billy's emotional when he's angry - he'll shout and smash stuff, then cry out of frustration.

F - Friendship - Do they make friends easily? Or are they more hard to approach?

Billy doesn't struggle to make friends, but he's impressionable and easily led, so can often fall in with the wrong people. G - Ghost - Do they believe in the paranormal? Are they superstitious?

Not at all.

H - Health & Hygiene - Do they take proper care of themselves or do they need to be reminded to have better habits?

Billy doesn't shower every day and it's rare he'll brush his teeth before bed. He's a scruffy dude and he's forgetful, but he's not smelly.

I - Income - Do they feel like money = happiness, or are they happy with enough to survive? Do they dream of a lavish lifestyle, or do they think luxury is unnecessary?

Billy dreams of making a better life for himself, but he feels trapped in poverty. He's definitely unsatisfied with the life he has, but isn't sure of how to better things for himself.

J - Job - If they’d be living in our world - modern AU - What kind of job would they have? Would they be good at it?

Something artistic - a comic book artist. He'd be really good at it, it would give him a sense of purpose.

K - Kindness - Are they kind? Do they like to pay it forward? Are they kind to strangers?

Billy can come across as belligerent at first, as he's not a happy guy. He warms up once you get to know him.

L - Love Language - What is their love language? Does it change when it’s a romantic relationship or are they consistent with how they show love to friends and partners?

Billy's love language is acts of service - making cups of tea, picking up his other half's favourite from the chippy on his way home, rubbing their feet when they place them in his lap, etc.

M - Music - What kind of music are they into / would they be into? Can they sing / dance? Do they have good rhythm?

No sense of rhythm and can't sing. Not hugely into music, but has a preference towards indie pop - Oasis, Blur, Arctic Monkeys, Kasabian, etc.

N - Nature - Do they enjoy the calm and quiet of nature or do they prefer people and the city? What kind of nature resonates most with them (sea, forest, mountains…)

Prefers the city. Billy wouldn't know what to do with himself in the country.

O - Offspring - Do they want kids one day? Are they good with children, or do they prefer to stay away as far as possible?

Deep down Billy would like kids one day, but for him that's a long way away - he can barely support himself, let alone a child.

P - Pain - Do they have a high pain tolerance? Are they quick to admit that they are in pain or will they endure it by themselves?

Billy is a whiner when he's in pain - he definitely won't suffer in silence.

Q - Question - Are they curious by nature? Do they know loads of little trivia? Are they very knowledgeable in their field?

Billy's not the most academic of people, but he's not bothered by it. He doesn't crave intellectual stimulation.

R - Rain - What is their favorite type of weather? Favorite season? Are they an ‘I’m always hot’ or an ‘I’m always cold’ kind of person?

Billy loves sunny weather - perfect for sitting in a beer garden.

S - Sleep - What are their sleeping habits? What does their bed look like?

Billy never makes his bed and the sheet is never on the mattress properly. He goes to bed late and wakes up late.

T - Tired - Are they a morning person? A night owl? A permanently exhausted pigeon?

Permanently exhausted - Billy is always tired because his diet sucks and he doesn't get enough sleep.

U - Unwind - What do they like to do to relax? Do they need a lot of downtime?

Billy likes to unwind by watching TV or going to the pub - he's a man of simple tastes.

V - Vulnerable - Are they quick to overshare? Or do they keep up their defenses? How long does it take for them to trust someone and open up?

Billy doesn't take much coaxing to open up - he's desperate for someone to unburden himself to.

W - Weird - Do they have any habits that are considered strange or abnormal by other people? What are they?

Playing with this gum while he's chewing it.

X - XOXO - In a modern AU: are they a texter or a caller? Do they use emoji? What are their most used Emoji? Do they use a lot of common abbreviations, or do they type out everything properly?

Billy prefers to call. Texting takes too long and he'd rather get straight to the point. He's the type to call you back if you text him.

Y - Yes man - Are they quick to help out friends? And Strangers? Will they be easy to convince to do things for others or do they prefer just taking care of their own business.

Billy will help out those he knows and loves to the best of his ability - he's got a good heart.

Z - Zone out - Are they prone to daydreaming? If so, what are they dreaming about? Or are they more focussed, and if they are, how hard is it to break their concentration?

Billy is always lost in his own thoughts - mostly obsessing over wanting to better his life and thinking of ways to do it.

#billy washington #trigger point #ewan mitchell #my headcanons

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ginsengkitten · 10 days

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༺ Beautiful Dangerous ༻

༺☆༻

Chapter Eleven

Written in Plain Sight

A/N:

Tysm for your patience with this one. May is a difficult month for me for personal reasons. I’m still writing and I’m so excited for you guys see where this heads. I hope you guys enjoy <3

Dear Slash,

Im sorry I didn't write you sooner. Things have been a little crazy since I got home. Well, not home actually. My parents have turned me in to this special all girls Christian school that specializes in "troubled young women". Apparently they can legally do that even though I've just turned 18! I never agreed to it, they just left me here. In the middle of nowhere- with these weird nuns. They haven't told me how often mail is sent out so I'm not sure how often I'll write, but I promise I will.

I'm sorry how I left things. I didn't know they were coming to take me home. I tried to say goodbye but they gave me no chance. Please forgive me. This summer was the best time of my whole life. Because I met you.

I know letters are a little prehistoric these days, but I've no access to a phone here. Again, I promise to write often. I'll call you as soon as I'm out.

Love, Foxey.

Dear Slash,

I'm not sure if you are receiving my letters. If you are and just don't want to speak to me, I understand that. I know mail can take a while... anyways. I figured writing to you helps me pass the time here. This place is awful. It's been 2 weeks of hell. I was forced to detox from everything. It's been so hard. I hardly sleep at night. But when I do, I am so happy because I dream of you. I also daydream a lot. It helps me get through the day. The days are long and boring. There's not really a curriculum here. Even though they call it a school. The nuns are mean. They took away all my clothing and I have to wear a white dress everyday and every night. It's cold and uncomfortable. Each day consists of the same thing. They wake you up at 6 am every fucking morning. It's barely light out. Then you have to clean your room. If you can only eat breakfast if you pass morning room inspection. I've failed 5 times so far...

Anyways. Sorry. I don't mean to complain to you. I don't have anything exciting to write about. I hope you have having very exciting experiences in LA still. Please write me when you can... I want to know how you are!

Love, Foxey

Slash,

Today was horrible. Just horrible. I'm sorry to write you only my miseries, but it feels like that's all I have left lately. Turns out, if you don't comply with every single whim and precision- even making the wrong face, or the tone of your voice, the nuns will be violent with you. They carry rulers, books and at times, even their bare hands- are weapons. I can't exactly remember what I did first to step out of line, all I remember was sister Agatha (she's a total bitch) slapping me so hard across the face, the stinging lasted for hours. I cried a little but only in private. I don't think I want to let them see me cry. I don't want them to know they have that power!

I still wait for your reply. I hope you are well.

Love, Foxey.

Hi There,

It's been a while. Sorry for that. I don't have much different to say to you. Or much at all. I think I get your message from your silence. If it all meant nothing to you after all, then so be it. I think maybe I belong here anyways. It's best for everyone. I want to let you know it really hurts me to accept that you are done with me. With us. Just like that. But I respect your decision- even if it's shitty. Maybe that's all rockstars are is shitty. So there. You're shitty and I wish we never met. I hope you're happy.

Best of luck with everything. I love you.

Y/N.

And just like that. It was over. The silence from Slash over the past two months was only an added pain to the hell you already endured. For your own sanity, hope was crushing you and you had to give it up. Your parents had called once, but the nuns ensured you weren’t telling them the truth of what it was like there. As quickly as it all unraveled, you sank into your new reality. Pushing out thoughts of escape as the former attempts were futile and had only ended in harsher and harsher punishment .

It was colder now into early November. Other girls had come and gone periodically, none staying long enough for it to be worth harboring any sort of relationship. You spent your days in the day room, a dim, sulky living room type space in the center of the building. Empty tables with broken chess pieces and puzzles with missing pieces scattered. You took throne to an old green chair by the large window.

One person you had managed to form any sort of connection with was the oldest nun in the practice, Sister Graham. She seemed worn down and tired of it all, due to her age, and lack of violence and stern, she’d been demoted down to a secretarial duty. She’d find reasons to come and talk to you when she could. Small but meaningful conversations. The two of you formed a secret bond of hatred for this place. A mutual understanding that this was all that was left for both of you. She’d share bits of her life before she became a nun. She had been sent away at the age of 16 after running away from an arranged marriage to a man 20 years her senior at the time. You felt sad for her, sorry for her, confused as to why she remained here. You told her about your past, how you ended up there. You even opened up to her about Slash and the magical summer you had. She seemed to appreciate the glimmer that became of you when you spoke of it all. Like she understood what it meant to feel young and in love. What it felt like to feel misunderstood and suffocated by the normalcy of the world. She made you feel special amidst it all. And then, one day, she was gone. You waited all week for her to show.

You prodded at nuns all morning as to where she was, “did she die?” “Did she retire?” “Is she sick?” You skipped around. Each question was met with harsh and rude snaps of silence and threatening looks. The confusion and hurt flatlined you again. Back to nothingness. You shifted in bed, staring at the ceiling, images of Slash, summer, everything, bleeding through your mind like a movie. The anger of his silence, the hurt, the betrayal, all of it stung within you so badly. Allowing it to get to you, you angrily chuck your pillow to the other side of the room with a frustrated sob. Feathers bust out of the pillow, completely ruining it. You came to your senses quickly with regret and knelt over the pillow to pick up the discarded feathers. You hadn’t changed your pillow case this week, and now you’ve broken the pillow altogether. Great. It was sure you’d get punished for this in the morning. Your hand brushes against a piece of paper as you sift through the feathers. That’s odd- where did this come from? You pick it up and it appears to be a small folded note. You take a precautious look at your door before unfolding it.

“R. 308

Nov. 21. 8pm to west wing parking lot.”

What the hell? You don’t recall writing this down. This was clearly stuffed in your pillow case. When? Why? What does it mean? Did someone put this here? Your heart beat with confusion, apprehensive to feel any sort of excitement at fear of being disappointed again. It was late, and there was seldom to do with this new information except to sleep on it. So you did.

Surely enough, as you had predicted, the nuns took notice of your destroyed pillow and sentenced you to janitorial duties for the entire day. You scrubbed away at the hallway at the end of the wing. Dragging your bucket of dirty water like a gross companion. You grumbled to yourself as you mopped. Suddenly a sister enters the hallway from out of a room and almost slips on the fresh wet floor. She gives a stabbing glare.

“Well hurry it up and get it finished so you’re not such a hazard girl.” She snarks as she walks away. You want to bark back but you know better. The room she had left was left cracked. You stared at the door with curiosity before noticing the room number plaque before you .

“Room 308”.

Wait a minute. R308? Like the note? You take yet another precautious glance behind you to the empty hall to ensure no one would see you now sneak yourself into the room.

Surely there’s something of importance in here? It appeared to be some sort of administrative office. Piles of papers decorated the entire room. You strolled around carefully eying everything. This is a mail room, this is all mail? This is all patient mail, no? It is. How interesting? Why’s there so much in here? Your eyes scan and roll over a large stack prominently sticking out of a box on the desk. You recognize the stationary and realize it to be some of your own letters to slash. What the hell? You start shuffling through the box in a greater panic and confusion. These were all supposed to be sent out, sent to Slash! Were none of them ever mailed?! Your heart dropped to your stomach and your chest tightened.

You wanted to stay longer, to further examine and investigate this, but the reality was clear. No letters written had been sent to anyone. They lied. You hurriedly skimmed through the pile to see if any had come in from Slash but you only saw the ones you wrote. All of them opened too. They’ve just been reading them and keeping them….

Before you could sulk, you quietly exited the room to ensure no one saw you sneaking in there. Clearly you were not supposed to know this. Rage, Hurt, Confusion, coiled inside you once more. All this time? Out of all the emotions rushing through you at that moment, the scariest one was now hope. Hope again filtered into you. Maybe Slash had never ignored you. Maybe he just didn’t know where to write!

After returning to your room that evening, you re read the obscure note once more.

“Nov 21”

That’s tomorrow. Nov 21st is tomorrow. Someone wants me to go to the west parking lot at 8pm tomorrow. But who? And why?

#gnr #slash #slash gnr #saul hudson #slash fanfiction #slash x reader #gnr smut #gnr x reader #saul hudson x reader #slash smut

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dolphin1812 · 9 months

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I love that Cosette’s beauty is first and foremost for herself. The previous chapters have had lots of implications of romance and attracting the interest of men, but here, her beauty is defined outside of that sphere. Instead of thinking, “I could be attractive to men,” Cosette is curious about beauty because she heard it commented on in the convent and wonders what the experience of being beautiful is like. Of course, it’s not that beauty in the convent is outside of gendered expectations – it was considered threatening precisely because beautiful women were seen as more likely to get married because they appealed to men – but it’s only implicit here, as if it’s not at the forefront of Cosette’s mind. Her curiosity befits her youth (she’s still a child!), and her decisions about how to dress herself to enjoy her beauty and experiment with fashion signal her growing independence (as well as her consistent willingness to change and engage with the world – a product of the love and security she’s had).

Of course, this is Hugo Writing Women, so there are uncomfortable elements. His focus on beauty with most of the main women in the novel (Fantine, Éponine, and now Cosette) suggests that he considered it one of the more valuable traits in women, and while each character’s struggle to live up to gendered expectations that they want to meet is sympathetic on its own, that each character is so eager to meet these expectations does limit the broader portrayal of women in the novel (most of the really sympathetic women who don’t adhere to notions of beauty and romance are nuns). He also explicitly states that love and beauty are a woman’s whole life, which is a pretty horrible line. Still, I’m glad that Cosette got a lot of agency here!

In contrast to Cosette, the ever-frightened Jean Valjean fears change. Cosette has had years of security with Valjean; he’s only ever had partial safety, having to conceal his identity even in the convent (even if it wasn’t the same risk of arrest he lives with now). Add to that all of his years of imprisonment and he becomes even more insecure and stressed. Hugo reminds us of his status as an ex-convict when stating that all Valjean cares about is Cosette loving him, thus letting us know that the two are connected. Since he does not value himself, Valjean only knows how to find love through this established tie with Cosette. Her beauty isn’t bad; it’s destabilizing. She now has different interests, and he doesn’t know how to manage that properly because he can’t communicate his anxieties. Nothing in this chapter suggests that Cosette loves him any less, but unfortunately, Jean Valjean’s low self-esteem makes that the apparent outcome of any change in their lives in his mind.

Another link to early Jean Valjean: he stays in the backyard instead of the garden, as if he were a dog. He was below a dog when we first met him, as the dog had a doghouse and he had nowhere. He’s no longer actively being placed below animals by society, but because he’s internalized these ideas, he does this to himself.

Dogs are also extremely obedient to authority within the context of the novel (think of Javert). There’s no societal authority, but Valjean has also created his own hierarchy, where Cosette is in charge and he must submit (she actually doesn’t want this – she wants him to be happy and equal to her – but in this case, he just has to not say anything for her to not know that he’s upset; consequently, it’s harder for her to challenge him on this than everything else).

#les mis letters #lm 4.3.5 #cosette #jean valjean

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tag-that-oc · 3 months

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I swear I sent an OC show and tell about these guys around the beginning of the school year but I scrolled back through the blog to July and didn't find it. So here we go again I guess! (Also there's more of them now and some changes so it was due for an update anyways.)

Sometimes a family is as follows:

A vaguely british man who makes the most self-destructive decisions one could ever possibly make due to a past genocide on his people and STILL manages to be the most competent member of the group (and struggles to understand the machinations of children)

A girl who can hold hundreds of cubic meters of materials in her pockets and fights people with a pair of pickaxes in lieu of talking through conflicts (who grew up in almost literal hell and all she got out of it were survival skills and the motive to punch her brother in the face)

A woman who fought in the same war probably hundreds of times due to time loop shenanigans but all she remembers about the loops is that her friend went progressively insane and disappeared (and who hates politics)

An enby child who was actively melting when they met the previous three, invented acid, ate said acid multiple times, will continue to eat acid, and is winning at life despite their genetic disability (also the original melting was not caused by eating acid funnily enough)

A second enby child who, by all laws of nature, does not exist. This does not stop the others from adopting them and teaching them how to play the drums following their (heartbreaking) request to "actually make an impact"

A man who graduated two weeks ago and doesn't have any aspect of his life together when he is dragged away from home and accidentally forced to confront everything horrible about his childhood (and becomes the group's resident emotional sponge after the fact)

And, maybe, that family might even assimilate a second consisting of:

A girl who isn't a bird but still has feathers who probably should be dead six times over at this point, and who realized that high school was not the peak of her life only after she kidnapped and tried to force her high school sweetheart into marriage (that was Guy 6 btw)

A man who literally tore himself apart, bled himself out, and shattered a timeline beyond repair due to the stress of political discourse but can't watch musicals without throwing up because they make him that sad (#3's buddy who went missing)

Yet another enby child but this one isn't actually a child, who watched a mass genocide get committed on their people (the one #1 comes after) because of a prophecy that was told about them and decided the solution was to make the world believe they were God

And of course who can forget:

Their collective god-mom-slash-the-Universe who took one look at all of them and their trauma and said that any harm that came to them would be rectified by the fact that it loves them all to the ends of itself and back (and may also be the reason they all met in the first place)

big family! i love that they just keep adopting nonbinary kids. normal family dinners must be nuts for them what with all of the Issues. and Problems. and the universe mom

#anonymous #oc show and tell #moss answers #genocide #tw genocide

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40cleverways · 8 months

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Troisha Headcanons: Tasha meeting Lwaxana

(I'm gonna be honest it's been a while since I've rewatched season one, I honestly can't remember if Tasha and Lwaxana have cannonically met or not)

Early in the mission, Deanna gets into a fight with Lwaxana, and Tasha comes to check on her. Deanna explains how she’s conflicted because she loves her mom, but she can be really overbearing sometimes and Tasha jokes that because she’s an orphan she has no emotional attachment to parental figures so she could totally yell at Deanna's mom for her. Deanna laughs (not entirely realizing that Tasha was genuinely offering). Tasha is just happy that she made Deanna feel better.

The first time Tasha actually meets Lwaxana officially (some time around when she starts to realize that she's in love with Deanna), she's actually kind of intimidated.

She does stand firm and actually calls her out when Lwaxana says something rude, though. (Tasha always was a little more brave than smart) Everyone just stops and holds their breath waiting for Mrs. Troi to explode, but she doesn't. To everyone's surprise, she laughs (meanwhile Tasha thinks she's just caused an interplanetary incident) and then says, "I like you, that Will boy never stood up to me." Winks, and promptly walks away.

Everyone let's out a sigh of relief and carries on with their day, Tasha is relieved that she didn't lose her job, but is thoroughly confused what Riker has to do with this, and Riker is honestly a little offended (he always thought that he was Lwaxana's favorite).

Tasha tries to avoid Mrs. Troi once her and Deanna actually start dating. When Tasha eventually meets Mrs. Troi, in a "meeting the parents" capacity, she’s super nervous. She knows Mrs. Troi wishes that Deanna had married Riker years ago, and Tasha knows that Deanna is basically a princess, and she's just some random weirdo who can never measure up. Plus, there was that whole incident where Tasha just straight up called Lwaxana out on her bullshit. It doesn't help that Deanna is also really nervous. Mrs. Troi keeps calling her 'Natasha' and making odd comments to see how she'll react.

Eventually, when Tasha doesn't seem to have done anything horribly rude or embarrassing, Lwaxana, without any warning, says, "Well, I think that will be all dear, I don't particularly like you, and my daughter is much too good for you. Mr. Homm, please show Natasha to the door. " To this, Deanna goes, "Mother!" Because dang, that was rude even for Lwaxana. Tasha just stands up, looking down anxiously at the table. Deanna tries to grab her arm and tell her that she doesn't have to leave. Tasha just gives an apologetic smile and tells her it's okay.

Then she squares her shoulders and addresses Mrs. Troi. "Before I go, Mrs. Troi, I'd like to say a few things. You're absolutely right. Your daughter is light-years out of my league. But I don't really care about your opinion, of me. For whatever reason Deanna has decided that she likes me, and until she realizes that she deserves much better than me, I'm going to keep spending time with her, even if you don’t like it. Because I make her happy, and I love her, and it's not your decision to make. You can't control her life as much as you may try, Deanna is a capable woman who will make her own choices, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. Good night." And then she would get up to leave and Lwaxana would stop her, she'd say that she liked Tasha's spark, and while Will was very ambitious he didn't always have Deanna's best interests in mind.

Lwaxana would end the night by telling them that they make a lovely couple. Along with a remark about when to expect wedding invitations. Tasha would sit dumbly in her chair with her jaw hanging slack. She wouldn't fully recover from the evening for a full two days.

Every consecutive interaction they have consists of Tasha just mentally going "oh shit oh fuck oh no don't mess this up don't embarrass yourself, don't say anything stupid, ahhhhh" and Lwaxana looks at Deanna and telepathically says, "She is adorable little one." Lwaxana would insist that Tasha call her 'Mother', and Tasha would awkwardly continue to call her Mrs. Troi instead.

#star trek #tasha yar #if tasha yar had lived au #troisha #deanna troi #star trek the next generation #star trek tng #tng #troisha headcannons #deanna/tasha #lwaxana troi

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limeade-l3sbian · 5 months

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Dunno if it’s okay to sad rant here?

I have two cats, and while getting two wasn’t part of my initial plan, at the time when they were kittens, they were the last of their litter and separating felt wrong to me. I was also in a vastly different financial situation back then so it was not an issue at all. Even though getting two cats weren’t the plan, I can easily say they are both my most consistent boosts of happiness. I love them with all my heart. They have vastly different personalities and quirks and yet they are also both exceedingly funny and charming. Unfortunately one of the sisters have a poorer health than the other. Nothing fatal, thankfully. She simply needs foods and necessities that are more than twice as expensive as the other, to help her with this. With that it’s perfectly manageable and nothing that could endanger her.

My issues comes with my financial situation. It has changed drastically due to a lot of outside forces. And now i’m severely struggling with even just meeting the bills just for living where i am. What was previously more expensive for one cat is now an intense stress factor. I obviously can’t just stop giving her the things she needs. But I also can’t see a future with the way things are going.

So I’ve made the, to many probably, brutal decision to part ways with her. Within the next month or so Im gonna have to find her a new home, a place where I know for sure all her meets can be met without her new owner getting grey hairs over it. Obviously till then i’m still gonna live even more sparingly to meet them too for her. But I feel like such a sack of shit. I love her with all my heart and now I can’t even be her mom anymore. And she’s probably the one that’s most attached to my hip, so my heart is breaking even more both for her and myself. I fear she will have a horribly tough time adjusting to someone else and getting properly attached. She’s a lot more reserved towards strangers than her sister. I just want her to be happy. And I know in the long run I can’t fulfill that anymore, because eventually they will get old and will need much more frequent vet visits besides the yearly check up vaccine and tooth rinse. What if she develops more health issues, ones that are life or death situations? Then it won’t matter that I love her as much as I do, that won’t pay the vet bills. I stress constantly over this thought.

While I can intellectualize my decision to re-home her, I really do feel like I’m committing an immense betrayal.

First, I'm so sorry, anon. Growing up, I had to give up two different pets after we were too poor to take care of them. I know how painful it can be to become so close to a pet just to have to give them up.

But for your guilt, I think you should feel nothing close to a betrayal. The most compassionate thing you can do as an owner is realize when your situation cannot give them the life they need and make that hard decision. Does it hurt like hell? Does it feel like you are ruining their lives? Does it feel like you will never get over it? Oh god, yes. That's the worst part about a hard moment.

But ultimately, the long term of your decision will bear more fruits than keeping her and feeling shame when you cannot feed her or tend to her medical issues. You can absolutely feel sad and bad and everything in between. But just know that being able to realize what is best for something under your care is far stronger than it might feel in the moment. <3

#ask

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inkdemonapologist · 1 year

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Who's your favorite female character in BATIM? Also, what do you think about Audrey as a character (aside from the weird stuff about Joey and "you don't have to be like this" that you mentioned in that one post)? You draw her really well.

Aw, thank you! And MAN that’s a tough question……

Dot and Abby and Susie are my personal stack of favs. Dot’s probably the one where I like her personality as-written the most, since Abby I find difficult to summarise beyond “she’s gender” and loving her friendship with her besties in TIOL (and also getting my heart destroyed after seeing her and Joey interact in DCTL). Abby seems like a delight to interact with and I enjoy that she’s a little bit rude at heart but in a “omg its true but u shouldn’t say it lmao” sort of way, and I get the sense that she and Joey kind of enabled each other when they were younger. I’d love to hear more of her art opinions. I would say I’d get in a fight with her about Monet, but I don’t think she’d even give me the honour of an argument.

We as a fandom have spent a lot of time yelling about how Buddy is clearly autistic and I don’t think we spend NEAR enough time talking about how Dot is clearly autistic as well. I really like the contrast between the two of them through that lens; Buddy has never understood an unstated implication in his life and he’s not about to start now, but badly wants to interact the way he’s expected to, whereas Dot is incredibly intuitive, perceptive, and understands subtext but has no time for it frankly and would rather be direct than conventional. A day after meeting Buddy she’s explaining how conversations work and coaching Buddy on how to ask questions even when he’s being guided away from asking questions, which is definitely a normal way to converse. I love her so much.

Meanwhile Susie is so complicated by virtue of having almost no presence in the books – just the games, where her timeline is one of the most up in the air, her writing is hit or miss, and so so much of her personality is in the gaps between audiologs that, like most in-game BatIMs, means no two fandom Susies are the same. I find her really compelling, though, exploring the character to find that sweet spot between someone who is clearly very charming and cheerful and sweet and sympathetic, but also cruel enough to become Malice, entitled and demanding enough to not take “no” for an answer and to simply decide that Alice should get to be hers forever. I’ve said before that I like to imagine that’s what Sammy saw in her, someone who could somehow be simultaneously thoughtful and optimistic and ruthlessly ambitious. I think she’s neat, but also I love her best when she’s not just sweet and not just horrible.

Anyway, Audrey’s a fun character with a lot of pretty believable emotional responses; when scenes are taken individually, I like her. Grain of salt that I haven’t watched the whole game, I’ve just seen some big moments and cutscenes, SO I COULD BE WAY OFF HERE -- but from what I've seen, while it’s tempting to say she has more personality than her predecessor, I’d be hard-pressed to pin down exactly what that personality is.

I don’t think it was intentional, but Henry’s weary compartmentalisation soaked into every comment he made, even when the things he was saying were deliriously strange (“[survives a deadly supernatural ordeal] huh, looks like I need 3 gears here”). We all made headcanons about how he’s either tired from the loops or selectively mute or just trying not to think about the horrors, and it felt like it worked. But Audrey is tough to really pin down a motivating force for, as if she’s defined by static descriptors like “determined” and “kind” rather than any particular desire like “wants to help” or “wants to stay out of trouble” that might spur her to make decisions based on those desires. Her most consistent character trait is giving others the benefit of the doubt (and constantly getting burned for it) and her most reinforced motivation is that she just wants to not be in the confusing dangerous weird ink place, which, like, same! I WOULDNT WANT TO BE THERE EITHER

She sounds bitter when Joey compares her to a father she never knew, which is an expected and reasonable response on its own that feels right in the moment – but when we look at her timeline (or the Archive’s revelation that she repressed her memories of her father AFTER Joey’s death), it’s actually a sort of difficult reaction to make sense of. I feel like a lot of her reactions are like this, especially near the end; they’re not that weird in the moment, but it’s hard to get a sense of why she’s doing these things or what’s led her to the conclusions she comes to. She defends Wilson to Allison, but like… what led her to believe that he’s legit? We can fill in those blanks with headcanons, of course, but we don’t have strong clues. Is it her having sympathy for him now that she “knows” he’s trying to save his father, or does she think it’s her best shot to get out of here, or does she really believe Wilson is going to fix everything despite everything else she’s seen? Do her chat with Henry and the revelation that Baby Bendy and the Ink Demon are one and the same just not affect her decision-making at all here? Or is killing Baby Bendy just a sacrifice she’s immediately willing to make once she realises that? What ARE Audrey’s feelings on her father and at what point does she remember him? Audrey giving Allison her name is a nice subtle indication that she’s started to accept that Joey’s story might be true, which I genuinely like, but it’s weird that we see her doing that right before insisting that she’s gonna go off and hear Wilson out – we get this indication that she’s started believing Joey, but apparently not enough to decide to try to fix the cycle, not enough to put together that the “wicked creatures who never came from my pen” might be the Keepers that she knows answer directly to Wilson. She’s determined to help Wilson so that she can get out of there, and only after that extremely fails does she decide to try to fix the broken cycle. (Honestly, it would’ve been kinda neat if she HAD in fact been selfishly helping Wilson as a “well, sucks for you guys, but I gotta get home,” and then Joey’s insistence that we always have a chance to make a better choice would actually mean something and inform her decision to take the Reel as more than just “well I guess this is the option that I have left.”)

Anyway, DESPITE THIS CRITICAL PARAGRAPH this is all fine for a player character who basically just needs to go from task to task; I think she’s likeable and I enjoy her interactions. But it does feel like a lot of times she’s just doing the next thing she’s been handed, to me, and it’s harder to make that a part of her personality than it was for Henry. It’d be neat to see a little more of Joey in Joey Drew’s daughter.

#WELL THAT GOT LONGER THAN INTENDED #batdr #i know you have questions you always do #Dot is my favourite in her original media #Abby is my favourite to draw #Susie is my favourite to explore and develop

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