#but ppl don’t realise there’s no one else in the world who can do that he does
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(2/2 - back to the bitchiness!)
Babe can cry all he wants about not feeling worthy of love, but he knew Way loved him (romantically or not), and it always looked like he had a good thing going with Alan too, and the team in general were pretty close - found family I thought?? He was by no means starved of affection until Charlie arrived on the scene. It might just be a personal thing, but I will, 9 times out of 10, always root for the shared history over the instalove, unless the latter is incredibly well-written and portrayed. And I'm sorry, but for me Charlie/Babe falls short on both counts. I genuinely don't like to criticise real ppl who've done nothing wrong, but I don't think I'm alone in feeling Charlie is a weak link in a fairly uniformly strong cast, and it becomes particularly glaring when playing next to actors like Pavel and Nut. Add to that the way they've styled him (with the stupid oversized glasses - as a glasses-wearer myself, this is a pet peeve!), and he looks to me like nothing more than a silly kid playing at being a grown-up (not sure what their ages are meant to be so maybe he is!). And then when it comes to being so amazing/special that he completely changes Babe's world...admittedly, I don't pay attention during his scenes so maybe I've missed something, but from what I can gather, he became obsessed with someone he'd never met, stalked him for a bit, deliberately infiltrated his personal and professional life, approached him with the intent of making him fall in love with him, and repeatedly lied to him about devastating truths? But it's okay, romantic in fact, because it was all just in service of saving his life? (Thank you btw for your own service in previously pointing out this correlation tween him and Way!) From what I see, all he does is slavishly worship Babe and be really good in bed? Personally, I don't think that makes for a particularly healthy and sustainable relationship! (And to be fair, this is again probably a flaw in the writing: because Babe is the main character, the way his relationships are portrayed disproportionately champion him, not the other person - it's about ppl doing things in service of him, supporting him, loving him - we see much less of what he actually gives back, of him supporting them, of why these ppl want him in their lives (besides having Pavel's face), and that can make these relationships seem very one-sided. Undoubtedly my bias showing through yet again, but I think those montages of Way and Babe's friendship, however brief, did a really good job of allowing the viewer to easily picture how that relationship came to be and why it meant so much to both of them.)
Sorry if I’ve been harsh – it’s all still meant in the spirit of constructive criticism (with maybe the teeniest hint of pettiness)! It’s just that, while everyone else is crying over Babe/Charlie, I’m still here obsessing over the idea of a young Way experiencing the devastating realisation that he can never ever tell the person he's fallen utterly in love with the truth about himself, because the second Babe knows he will never trust him again, never TOUCH him again. And, in a way, that realisation cements Way’s fate, because even if he wanted to thwart Tony’s plan, how could he do so without first revealing it, and thus revealing himself?
And somehow even worse is the fact that, if you think about it (don’t - it hurts), even if he’d escaped from Tony eons ago, Way was always doomed by his own power to be alone, because, let’s face it, would you ever completely trust someone who can do what he can? Wouldn’t a tiny part of you always be wondering if that brush of the hand, that easy arm over the shoulder, that comforting hug, was entirely innocent? If your thoughts were always entirely your own? And that just breaks my heart more than anything else in this show!
mm you're right, but i don't think it was love he was missing but romantic love. babe had friends and a family all rolled into one and they all seemed to have a great relationship, but as he said himself, he didn't want or need (romantic) love. it was meeting charlie and spending time with him (and being able to do so because of charlie's lack of stinky alpha pheromones) that made him realise that was something he wanted. yes he fell in love pretty quickly, but i think it's believable, specially considering it's his first love. people have been talking about this extensively so i don't really have anything to add, but it's so important to me how smitten babe is with charlie; there's the whole baddie aesthetic vs softie personality, screw toxic masculinity, Boys Can Be Soft Actually… i have 0 objectivity, he's perfect to me. i love romance and i love my car racing babygirl.
i know people are interpreting this differently and maybe i'm just wrong, or this may be a translation issue/something that's clearer in thai, but imo when babe said the line about sometimes feeling like he wasn't worthy of love bc of what way told him he was referring specifically to that one time we saw way manipulate him, and that it wasn't something that happened regularly. sorry i know i keep saying this, but i genuinely believe the focus on the escalating levels of manipulation wasn't only so we'd notice but because we were supposed to notice way's desperation and how he went from doing it occasionally to "help" babe (that first time in ep 2) to… everything that came later. not to drag way but he wasn't doing shit for those 10 years other than buying babe time by waiting for him to magically love him back. how tf did he convince tony lmao maybe tony just wasn't in any rush to get babe back yet since he knew he could do it whenever he needed him.
oh no you are fully right, pooh isn't the strongest actor (i used to think lee/dean was the weakest out of the cast because of some awkward moments during the first eps but then the garage scene happened and i cannot say that anymore, he was fecking amazing) which isn't surprising since it's his first role, but i also think it adds a certain charm to the character; charlie recently graduated so i believe he's around 22 (i was told a while back he's 20 in the novel, if that's relevant? and alan tells babe that jeff (20) and charlie are the same age but unlike koreans who ime usually mean born in the same year when they say that, i've seen things like a 27 yo being happy he's working with "people his age" talking about people aged 23 to 25, so…) and he is trying to save babe from their evil adoptive father and all his power basically by himself, so "a silly kid playing at being a grown-up" is an accurate description imo lol he really is a brave, naive, optimistic kid, and that's what will make him succeed ultimately. i super believe in you charlie pit babe. also please do not come for charlie's styling, he's wearing my glasses lmao (they're normal sized?? or we have the same temple to cheekbones ratio, so yes, they just look like that) (also people please prioritise field of view over glasses size) (this was funny btw, don't think i was offended!)
waynnie, i am in my way feels 24/7. i cannot stop thinking about his isolation even when he had the team and his best friend by his side because as much as they felt like a family to him, his secret was always (and was always going to be) between them like a persistent ghost. i cannot stop thinking about his anxiety meds (afaik triazolam is used in my country to treat transitory insomnia, btw, but i'm not a doctor and we're going with the subs) and about how if he'd wanted to tell babe about tony earlier he would have had to tell him everything which would make him lose the only good things he has in his life, so no wonder he needs those meds. and not to sound like a broken record, but again, it's a fact that both charlie and way approached babe under false pretenses and both fell in love with him, but because way did so under tony's orders and not of his own volition this is somehow unforgivable…? intent is important and charlie was lying for a good reason, he wouldn't have been able to get close to babe by telling him the truth, but ultimately both of them lied and if we're judging only that fact they're either both wrong or both right, pick one.
i also keep thinking about the parallel of touch and having feelings about (possible) pete powers that the show will probably invalidate in a few hours. and because i love pain and suffering, i keep thinking how people's reaction to knowing someone can manipulate them just by touching them would be worse to their already horrible reaction to knowing someone can see their future by touching them, so yeah. we love it here in the pit babe of despair.
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salam. i hope you are holding up ok w everything that is going on. i wanted to ask how you deal w being muslim and gay? i don't know anybody like me so it feels like i am a lonely unicorn. feel alienated by both my own community and the LGBT (i live in the west). i feel angry, lost etc. at both communities and i am often reluctant to practice my religion when i hear homophobic remarks etc. somehow i am too resigned to pray and then that feeling goes away and i go back to worshipping, esp when in crisis. i want to wear hijab as well but i realize that's only a response to my anger at westerners and one of the reasons i do not wear hijab is obv to avoid discrimination (i'm passing) in the professional field & also bc i think no gay woman will like me if i wear it. sorry if this question is too much, you don't have to answer, but if you have any experience or advice to share i would be grateful. thank you ❤️
hi angel .. im sorry for the late reply i had to run to an inspection when i got this i really hope u see it even though i dont know that i can offer much i just want to say im here for u.
i hope u are okay, the world is shaky and scary. im really happy u reached out to me and i think if u take anything from this it’s that reaching out is the first step. i wouldn’t say im at all entrenched in any community or fully at peace w who i am, that’s lifelong work, but it does get easier and sometimes u find little blessings in the people who show up. i feel the exact same way you do rn - alienated, angry, lost, at a crossroads. i often feel there’s no space for me anywhere and many lgbt muslims/religious gays in general feel the same especially when we’re young. i’ve also experienced periods where my faith slipped and i felt too defeated and betrayed to practice my religion fully or even in the smallest most private ways (until a few days ago i had not prayed for months since some very distressing things happened to me) but i always find myself coming back to it bc for me personally islam brings me immense comfort and grounds me, even or maybe especially after long periods of not being a “good muslim”. religion is a deeply personal thing no matter what everyone has told and will keep trying to tell u. the question is does it soothe you? does it bring you peace and comfort? away from everyone else’s eyes, do you feel connected to something higher when you take the time to do these designated rituals? i really think that’s the only thing that matters. and you might not have an answer for that rn or for a long time and that’s ok too, no one has everything figured out. stay away as much as you can from ppl u aren’t forced to be around who try to tell you how to be lgbt how to be muslim how you can’t be both etc. they’re just parroting what they think to be true and they don’t realise how draining it can be for others. protect yourself and listen to yourself. be careful what u share with whom. those r the biggest lessons i’ve learned and the only thing that’s helped make the burden feel lighter is finding other people like you and trust me when i tell u they exist!!! u just have to be a little braver and more intentional in seeking them out, if u can do so safely, bc like you they probably feel that they are alone and there’s no one else who will understand. (and when u find them, hear them out, share a little bit, but remember they are there for a sense of shared community, a delicate connection, not as a strict guide on how YOU need to be; only you decide that and that becomes easier w time)
now depending on where u are it may not be feasible to do so - i spent most of my life as an immigrant in qatar, a very small country w a death penalty or best case scenario deportation “solution” for people like us, where the idea of finding community was not only unthinkable but also seemed straight up ridiculous to me. i never tried looking, i wouldnt encourage doing so if ur in a western country that is similarly rigid unless u know what ur doing and have a support network. in this case all i can recommend is to reach out to organisations that sympathise if there are any, and hang on until ur in a safe space. BUT if there is no such threat to ur daily life, i really really urge u to seek out others like u.. and it’s likely you’ll have to look outside ur immediate circle. at first you won’t know where to look, i didn’t, i tried looking through uni, through apps, through meetups, groups specifically run by lgbt people of colour/marginalised lgbt ppl, and it will take time and a lot of trial and error and at times even ‘desperate’ or embarrassing attempts, at least it did for me. i got lucky by finding friends through friends and then friends of friends of friends etc who were like me and while i definitely wouldn’t say i connected w all of them or even liked all of them or that i have a stable network of other lgbt muslims (most of the ones i met live really far away and meetups are extremely rare but whenever i do talk to them it’s really healing) it really does help to know that somewhere not too far, u have someone who understands. so reach out. it’s hard and gruelling and isolating work but that’s the first and main thing to do to combat these unpleasant feelings of loneliness and anger. i wrestle w very complicated and conflicting things on a daily basis that most of my immediate circle couldn’t even begin to understand, so don’t do the mistake of sitting on it forever.
as for other people, gay women, muslims, whoever, i don’t have much experience here w the latter because im mostly focused on sorting myself out first before trying to fully integrate into like, being w other women in that capacity, and maybe im taking a little longer than i’d like but the good that comes out of this is im a lot less concerned about what other people have to say to me abt my identity. if gay women don’t like me bc of my hijab or my religion i really don’t gaf, they’re obviously not meant for me. don’t cater yourself to anyone but yourself, this goes for both sides. u don’t need to appease the gays by shutting down your religion and u don’t need to appease the muslims by believing u are wrong and an abomination. u were created this way, gay and it seems like u have a sort of tether to ur religion, how is that ur fault or something for u to adjust? the right people will come and the wrong ones will make it obvious (inshallah very quickly). and sometimes in our situation we find ourselves loving and deeply caring for people who just really don’t get it. that’s not ur fault either or something to resent! im starting to enjoy thinking of it as a variety. just do ur best to make sure these ppl are looking out for u and genuinely care for ur well-being even if they don’t really “get” you. and if u have no choice in the matter, hold on to the hope that people who DO get you are coming. islam is the connection between you and allah - that’s it. drown out everything else and don’t let noises distract you from that. i personally wear a hijab because it’s a part of who i am and makes me feel more protected (in a spiritual sense, i am of course very aware now that i live in australia that on a social level it can make me more of a target but i have not been threatened yet to the point of where im forced to remove it. u are not a bad muslim for choosing not to wear it, whatever ur reasoning is).
god gave us a tricky life, one can only theorise why, but what i do know is there are very few people on this earth who will understand u completely, even other lgbt muslims, and even fewer who will have ur best interest at heart. inshallah u find those few sooner rather than later, and remember the point is to let others lighten the load because this is a heavy thing to carry all by yourself. even online ppl in the same position will help. u have me 🧡 i am not experienced or developed enough to offer much more beyond this but i hope you can find some clarity and peace and i hope this helps in even a tiny way. i feel for you
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If you get the time and inclination pls do share with us your beef with the existing zombie apocalypse genre, I have my own feelings about it (I think it overshadows other types of fictional apocalypses a bit too much in most ppl's heads) but I'd love hearing someone else's take on it (and also how you would improve the genre if you like :3 )
oh ABSOLUTELY it does! One way its probably the easiest type of apocalypses to write abt just cuz there’s already so many and such an established I guess wwww scenario and tropes to it (?) In consequence bc of how ‘easy’ it is, it becomes so damn samey and the zombie apocalypse genre (and apocalypses genres as a whole) gets such bad rep for that reason. [The rest atp is me ranting abt zombie apocalypses specifically those are the ones I have beef with]
When I ask ppl why they don’t like apocalyptic stories most answers is just the amount of carnage that’s in them it’s horrible— to put it better: unnecessary violence in an already terrible world is what they think abt. When people think of apocalypse stories they think of the movies made in Hollywood. Muscular, American white man whos good at everything who kicks ass and saves the world singlehandedly. And the rep for zombie-driven games aren’t any better either… Not saying that stories of kicking ass taking names are ALL bad but most of it is very surface level reasoning as to why . That being said I wish there was more focus on mental health in zombie stories, realisations that the world ended and they’ll never go back to how it was before, instances of the struggles of learning how to adapt to this new way of living. There’s many topics that could be discussed and so many themes that haven’t been fully developed (or done poorly) in zombie apocalypses but seldom media’s deliver u_u
I think the zombie stories that stand out to me the most are the ones that revolve around normal people. There’s an vid essay somewhere that talks abt the success of Train to Busan as a movie, it’s still just as action packed as the ones above but it’s also rly freaking emotional as the characters and cultural themes they represent can hit p close to home for the target demographic. Also I cannot recommend enough Gakkou Gurashi (School Live)! It’s almost never talked about solely cuz of Episode 1 and even now I’m trying to be as vague as I can Please watch that anime/manga you will not regret it.
And finally worldbuilding always a sucker for worldbuilding I need more of it. Not how to stop it but more of How The Hell we fucked up that badly to ended up in this situation. Give me zombie stories of patient 0s, pov scientists fumbling in the lab etc I want THAT. I freaking love the worldbuilding in The Last of Us , such a unique way in designing zombies inspirations from real life (I believe funghi that controls dead ants). That freaking hospital part in TLOU2 will always have a lasting impression on me the environmental storytelling of the flooded hospital and the whole backstory of how the Rat King came to be an amalgamation of all the victims of Seattle’s Patient 0 zone forced to fuse because of the such claustrophobic and wet conditions of the basement OHMYFUCKINGVGG its so well thought out.
Overall my frustrations with apocalypses is just - the amount of untouched potential and themes that SHOULD be addressed but aren’t - to get creative with it. And even without mention of the worldbuilding stories of the average joe like u and I trying to do smth as ‘simple’ as going to the store but there are mental and physical struggles along the way would be fine too - u don’t need to fly a jet and shoot a rocket launcher to make things interesting. Relatability and/or creativity is what I wish.
[this was so fun to think abt anon if u have things u wanna share feel free to shoot another ask I’m all ears!]
#ask stufff#stufff rambles#long post#for a hot min thought u asked abt apocalypse!vintage beef and I was like irl:#HOW DID YOU READ MY NOTES???!!#this is… SO LONG -but I’m determined (finished this at 3am)#I’ll check it again in a few hours but remind me ti add a Read More when I get back xwz#forgive if these make no sense im sleepy
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Hi I saw your requests for the wattpad book was open and was wondering if I could please have some Katagawa Jr content because the only ppl who write him make him creepy as heck.
I don’t really mind what you write about him but I like to think he’d treat his partner like a gentleman and would love spoiling them. I don’t really mind what gender the xreader is but if it’s no trouble could it be a female reader.
If you can’t do this then it’s no worries xx. I will be reading your Handsome Jack book as soon as I have time also.
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING SOMETHING WITH HIM!! Just to let you know the Handsome Jack book is gonna take a while because my motivation is all over the place but I can definitely write this because Katagawa Jr needs more appreciation if you ask me!
I'll make the a reader gender neutral
My redbubble if anyones interested in buying something <3 you can really see the difference in my newer work than the older stuff if you ask me
Katagawa Jr x reader
Not my gif!!
Pairing: Katagawa Jr x Gn! Reader
Reader pronouns used: They/them
Warnings: None unless you notice something that may need a warning plus keep in mind that this is Borderlands
Summary: Katagawa Jr being absolutely adoring towards his s/o <3
I hope you don't mind that this is after he tried to kill Rhys. I also apologise for my kinda bad writing, I need to try and get into it and learn to do it better so just try and believe in me to improve!
Y/n - Your Name
L/n - Last name
F/c - favourite colour
⁽ʸ/ⁿ'ˢ ᴾᴼⱽ⁾
The war between Atlas and Malian soon ended due to Katagawa growing tired of fighting for something he wasn't going to get. Well, that and the fact his Zer0 tech malfunctioned on him and seriously injured him.
He pulled out of the war when he was once again conscience and thank whatever God's there may be that he survived. I'm not sure what I would've done with him not there. He's a bit of a spoiled brat to everyone else and acts like the typical big corporation asshole to them but to me, he's an absolute sweetheart.
If he died that day I would have lost my entire world.
Of course Katagawa soon got back to work... Oh no! Not work as in Maliwan!
His work on keeping our relationship being perfect. It's something of a goal in life to him for everything he does to be perfect. He never wants us to split up and he's become a bit too clingy recently. With the near death experience though, I can understand why.
"Kat! Where are you?" I shout into the hallway of our shared home. There's a faint groan from the bedroom. It's faint right now but it's there.
I walk to the room and open the door to find Katagawa on the floor reaching for the crutch I placed across the room. He was concentrating so hard on getting said item he didn't seem to realise that I had come home.
"Need some help?" The man in front of me jumps slightly out of shock and he looks up to meet my eyes. He sighs and makes a gesture for me to help him up.
I lift his somewhat frail body up and place him on the bed again. I grab the crutch and go and sit next to him. "why were you one the floor?" I lean my head on his shoulder.
His eyes are trained on the floor as he lets me lean on him.
"I wanted to do something for you but you put this," He waved the crutch slightly " too far for me to reach"
"why would I need anything from you right now? You're healing and it's my turn to look after the big shot company man" I rub his back as he now begins to lean into me instead.
"I realised how much I lost, and how much I could've lost in that war," He paused and turned to face me " I lost the Zanara, I ordered the murder of my own family and if I let it go on longer. I could have lost you"
He pulls his ECHO into his hands and shows me a picture of me and him sat on one of our earliest dates in one of the Zanara's cat cafés. This was long before the war and a few months after I began to work for Malian. Well it wasn't originally a date more of a way for Kat to be a friend rather than a boss, until we became official at least.
Simpler times.
Flash back*
"L/n, you will be coming with me to the Zanara. Tha-"
"That's your pleasure yacht, yes I know sir." I sigh. This may have bin the thirtieth time he's told me and as nice as his voice is, I could care less about the Zanara.
"Lose the attitude please. A new Cat café is opening and you will come with me to see the opening of it." He turns his back and looks back over his shoulder slightly to say, "wear something casual."
I didn't get to properly answer I just nodded even while he was out the door. I wonder if he's a cat person, he does strike me as that person. You know, evil and cute.
He could've asked any other person, he practically has the best eye candy he could have picked from with him being rich and all and yet he picks me.
Of course I'm grateful beyond belief, but could it be because he's lonely?
*Time Skip to 11:48*
"Hello Sir." even though he told me to dress casually this is still part of my job to attend events but despite this, I see none of the other visitors of the Zanara anywhere near this café.
Katagawa Jr's back is turned to mine but he greets me with a slight nod of respect. The person who has been placed in charge of the café opens the door with a large, warm welcome to the two of us as we are the only guests here.
Katagawa walks to a booth in the corner, the f/c walls being a slightly faded version of the colour. He finally faces me as he goes to sit.
His eyes widen as he actually takes in my appearance.
"You look.. Well.. You look good." He finishes after clearly struggling to find the correct words. "If I look good then the people around me must look good too." He scoffs and turns like the spoiled brat he is.
*End of Flashback
"Katagawa, before we were a thing I took care of myself pretty well. I don't need you to look after me." we hold one another as we remember the favourite parts of our past.
"Just as long as you are with me, we'll both be fine"
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰
OK ITS NOT MY BEST WORK AND I APOLOGISE!! I kind of rushed it at the end because I thought I was taking to long with writing it.
I'll have to practice my writing but luckily that's exactly what having requests is for, practice! I apoligise for how crap this is tho
Please feel free to request for any characters on the master list
Here's my redbubble if anyone is interested in supporting me. It may push me to write more and write better but it's mostly for cosplays and general money problems.
The Rhys Request I was sent is being worked on and I hope it's less sucky
Thank you for reading and I'm so sorry this is so bad
#katagawa jr#Katagawa Jr x reader#bl3#Borderlands#Borderlands 3#Maliwan#borderlands x reader#Random tags#Rhys#rhys borderlands#rhys strongfork#Atlas#zer0 the assassin#zer0#borderlands zer0#timothy lawrence#maya the siren#borderlands 3#bl2 zer0#Just adding so please ignore all the random characters
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actually rosyholland was around before you even changed to rosyhollands.. as you were rosyparker beforehand.. and ‘rosyholland’ actually gave the sister a name not y/n so I don’t know why you are being rude about something you don’t like? also you write stories and sexualises tom for likes?? not every fan of tom sees him and finds him attractive, tom reminds me of my own brother who was killed in a crash accident and seeing stories about tom treating his own sister was how my brother treated me! you wonder why you get hate it’s because you are rude and don’t care about people feelings. do better
girl you know so much abt that person huh
anyway 1) i didn’t even know that account existed, how am i supposed to know it wasn’t a reader insert fic (like that makes it better) lmfao
2) i don’t “sexualise tom for likes” i like a grown ass celebrity and write fics in which his likeness is used to create a character for a romance reader-insert story. i don’t view him in a romantic lense in one sexual fic then flip flop and be like “he’s my brother now” like put in the time to understand why that might make someone uncomfortable to see 😐 i write that shit bc i like romance and i like tom and i deadass couldn’t give less of a fuck if it gets notes or not but surprisingly enough, when you’re in a community of ppl who find tom attractive and like his work, it gets notes! who would’ve thought
3) do you realise that i’m not some all powerful mind reader who’s aware of the personal life of every random ass person who camps out in my inbox 🧍🏽♀️
in what world does a normal person have the thought “huh maybe this reader-insert fic i’ve been told abt with no context whatsoever wherein the reader is pregnant and tom’s sister isn’t abt incest but actually a therapy tool for women who lost their brother in a car accident and are reminded of him when they see tom so they consume tom fanfiction where they’re his sister among other scenarios where they’re his girlfriend”
just meditate on that for a second
and 3) i get hate for the simple fact that i don’t ship celebrities and i don’t jerk off to tomdaya. i don’t just “get hate” as in receive insults and get talked shit abt, i get told repeatedly over the span of almost a year and in graphic detail that i should kill myself, that the man who raped me as a child was wrong bc i’m ugly and not bc, you know, i was a fucking child and couldn’t and didn’t consent, that my trauma from being raped is stupid bc i’m so ugly why should i worry abt going out at night and possibly getting raped again.
that’s the “hate” i get. i only get it bc i don’t ship celebrities and i don’t eat the crust out of zendaya’s ass. i only get it from shippers. and i don’t wonder why beloved i’m very aware. i think it’s fucking hilarious that you think you can sit there and judge me and belittle and justify the harassment i receive daily just for daring to be on a social media app and not ship real ppl all while you’re hiding behind anon and accusing me of irrational shit.
talking abt “do mental gymnastics to excuse fics you never saw by someone you don’t know and maybe you won’t get told to hang yourself or else you deserve it.” get the fuck away from me.
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🦋DIARY🌸
TW
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TW cw, cals burned, stats, bmi, Ed mention, mental health, ramblings, long ass post, and ugly mugshot
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(EDIT: lol I had posted pics of myself but then changed my mind and removed them)
(Not from today)
Hi it’s me 👋 all Shea-buttery. I hope everyone’s doing better than I am..
It’s 11:19, got home from cycling 18miles again along greenway. Cw is 54kg on the dot. 60cal x 18 = 1,080cal burned again, but I think it’s more since I was cycling nonstop for two hours unlike my journey to work.
Did not fast yesterday :,-( was going so well but I think because I slept the whole day it was difficult to sleep afterwards and I had the pizza and ice cream hubby had brought home 😞 felt so shit afterwards. It’s so shit I can’t purge, neither physically or otherwise (physically because I hate the sensation of vomiting, it’s not for me. Otherwise because of my husband, he wouldn’t put up with that shit).
I wonder would drinking a shit ton of coffee help after a binge?
Hubby has said that if this continues, this obsession about loosing weight, he doesn’t know how long we will last together. He’s worried that I will never be happy with myself, and he doesn’t know how long he can handle it. I’m so comfortable taking about my problems to him I don’t realise when I’m doing it and how it’s affecting him 😟 definitely need to journal and draw I need a way to vent. And I guess vent more on here instead of to hubby, to give him a break he deserves one.
he is honestly the one who’s been keeping me from kms, he’s the voice of reason, he’s the Angel on my shoulder, telling me I’m loved and I’m perfect the way I am and I am cared for and I need to stop bullying myself. He keeps me sane when I get really paranoid, doesn’t matter what other ppl think, even if they think badly of you doesn’t effect you, you’re getting in with your life. Live your life to your own standards, not someone else’s. Great advice that I never ever take 👍🏽
Yesterday we realised the voice in my head is the voice of my mother, and he told me the only way to end this is to confront her, he’s told me this before but I just CANNOT. Just the thought of it makes me wanna hide under the bed. Yes, like a child.
it’s her voice that tells me I’m too fat, that I have no self control, that I need to finish everything on my plate but oh my god I have cellulite we need to do something about this, never mind that I’m seven years old. I’m too lazy too stupid too inconsiderate, I don’t have a good memory I forget everything, I loose everything, I don’t appreciate the value of money, of things, I don’t appreciate what others do for me. I am selfish, greedy, I will never make it in the outside world, I will never make it on my own. Look at your friends, look at your cousins, they’ve done so much with their lives, and how slim they are! What’s wrong with your legs? Why are they so fat? You need to exercise more. Your arms are good, but the rest of your body… you’re not going to eat?! But I cooked it FOR you!! You can’t waste food! I raised you, I gave up my life for you. I’m telling you now don’t have kids. What the hell are you wearing?? What the hell are drawing?? You’re crazy!! You’re a monster!!
you know what mum just let me be a fucking monster then. And leave me the fuck alone.
lemme just jot down my stats and goals again because I let myself go. I need to get back on track.
also scary thing although cycling is my fav exercise I can see the muscles I’m gaining on my thighs and I’m just like 💀 I mean I wouldn’t mind having shapely legs but if they end up quite big I’m gonna have to give up cycling.. plus muscle weighs more than fat so is cycling a good way to do this anyway? Am I gonna at least reach my first gw?
height: 163cm (5’4)
Hw: 70kg (154.3lbs)
lw: 52kg (114.6lbs)
gw1: 49kg (108lbs)
Gw2: 47kg (103.6lbs)
Ugw: 45kg (99.2lbs)
revised ugw???: 40kg (88.1lbs)
current bmi:
Ughhhhhh
I can’t wait to see that needle drop
🌸
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mailin being so extra is done on purpose. it’s like her way of dealing with reality. irl she’s lost tbh and hasn’t had much experience and this is the point? she goes on rants so she can hide behind ideas and activism. idg why ppl keep shitting on her. she’s 18 and she has so much to learn about herself and the world. she’s far from being a bad person, actually she’s one of the most sincere ones and is always there for her friends. i think finn will take a chance on her and this will help her to see that real life is not all or nothing. idk, i will give druck a chance to see where they take her cause maybe she’s gonna find a right balance and will understand her behavior is ott.
what’s the link between not having experience and hiding behind activism. it’s great that she cares about this *or feels like she has to care* but surely she can participate in conversations with something else to say, not even about experience or anything. if she thinks she only has activism going on for herself then she needs some new hobbies and/or to value herself better because making it her whole personality isnt gonna change that
and it is annoying considering we saw her go through the exact same shit where she is loud about her opinions and ends up microagressing her friends who are not as priviledged as her. surely she would have learned from it? she would know better than to argue with any tiny detail said in a light conversation/ during a game? and it’s also not finn’s role to make her realise that, if anything i feel like that’s gonna be the opposite and shell teach him some things *god if they do a storyline where she teaches him activism and he teaches her sex/kissing etc. it’d be so tone deaf and dumb lol*
and shes always gone on rants, even at moments where only nora had a boyfriend and the rest didn’t talk about sex/relationships. not to mention she was also invested in that when she was trying to find mystery guy with ava and she still went on random rants and acted priviledged so i don’t think it’s fair to justify her rants by saying its a way to hide
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my mom is up to some shady shit… i need to jus say fuck everything n take her to court to sort it all out 4 good. from now on im gonna move in silence.. im gonna gather all my evidence & meet w the ppl i need to meet w. in 2023 im going to live for me, no one else. if you have parents that love you… please realise how truly blessed you are. i am so envious of those of u who do, that’s all ive ever wanted. idk what my parents are up to.. but i jus know it’s not good. i couldn’t imagine ever treating my child this way… n going around acting like some kind of ‘amazing mom’ knowing full well that u couldn’t care less if i was alive or dead lmao. we jus had a conversation about how much money SHE would get if i died… that’s how fucked up she is. i am being so serious when i say this. if i die… she did it. she knows the EXACT amount that she will get from my death.. she knows the terms in which i have to die in order to collect the money. she told me if i kill myself she doesn’t get anything so if I plan to ‘commit suicide anytime soon’ atleast make it look like it was accidental or from other causes so that she can collect.. who the fuck says that shit to their child? while laughing. she’s serious.. she’s said it many many times & tells me when ‘my policy changes’. im not being dramatic. im 10000% sober & keeping it that way.
what’s worse is that my dad has been texting her about his own ‘death beneficiary’ & asked for my full name??? i was already on his will so im almost positive that they are conspiring (she would have said something to make him do it - most likely so that i don’t get any of his money or his house??? which is SO FUCKED UP like WTF) together to basically take me off of it & put her on it. they’ve been divorced since i was not even 2 years old. how evil can someone be… all she gives a fuck about is MONEY. ive never been like that.. im sentimental. i spent all my $$ on the ppl i love n they all fucked me over. i still.. to this day.. buy her whatever she wants.. anything she likes.. just to try & get her to be nice to me… to pay me some attention.. to spend time w me.. it works for about 30 seconds if that. she usually RETURNS my gifts for the cash bc she knows how much money i have spent on her. she doesn’t buy me a single gift for any fucking thing. yet id still give her the world if I could. i hate myself for it. i will NEVER FORGET my dad calling me around the time my nan was dying and telling me how much of a piece of shit i am & saying that im “nothing but a fucking bitch” bc my mom straight up lied to him n told him the only reason i talk to/see my dad is so that when he dies I’ll be able to get his house & money. LIKE WTF. she saw my dad one day when he came to visit my nan & he mentioned he started seeing some girl & the first thing she did was run home & tell me.. “you better start talking to ur father more.. he has a gf now so ur gonna end up w none of his money when he dies.” i was like where the fuck did that even come from… who thinks like that… who says that shit to their only child about their kids father???
he wasn’t sick.. he wasn’t dying… but i immediately panicked n thought something was wrong. that’s all i cared about. n she was like no he’s fine just though u should seriously rethink talking to him more before he changes his will…… i was like I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS WILL OR HIS MONEY???!!??!! so this makes COMPLETE SENSE for her to do to me… total sense. i should have seen this coming. especially from her. i jus never expected it from him.. but she’s so manipulative & has him twisted around her little finger now to the point where she’s somehow convinced him that this is ‘what is best’. she’s already stolen all of my own money… she took the money that my nan left me when my nan died. hid it in a secret bank account & most likely has already spent it (BUT I BET MY FAMILY DONT KNOW THAT RIGHT?! NOR DO THEY KNOW HOW SHE RLLY IS BC SHE ACTS FAKE AF) now she’s trying to take over my dads shit n he’s too blind to see wtf she’s doing. this is so fucking upsetting. like wtf…………….. who the fuck does this. then goes around talking shit about me to every family member?? to the point where i can no longer attend any family gatherings bc they think she’s so sweet n innocent n im some crazy delusional bitch? IM NOT UR FUCKING ENEMY IM YOUR CHILD. I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO YOU. i never wanted to take her to court.. i never wanted it to go this far… but holy shit… she is so evil. it hurts me so much. i just want a mother. that’s it. it hurts so bad. longing for something that’s so close.. yet so far removed. i genuinely do not know where the fuck to go from here… i just want her to give me everything that is legally & rightfully mine so i can LEAVE if she wants me gone so fucking bad. i feel like that’s the only way out. so i guess im gonna have to just do whatever it is i have to do to get all my shit legally & then just cut ties completely. she doesn’t deserve any of my kindness or my love.
& to anyone reading this n thinking/saying shit like “omg stop complaining if it’s so bad then why don’t u jus leave.” - im not stupid. if it was that simple don’t u think i would have left a long ass time ago? no one wants to be in an extremely toxic & abusive environment day in & day out. no one knows all of the shit i have gone through & it’s VERY HARD to just up & leave when you have been manipulated, brainwashed, exploited, controlled, & abused in every single way but the only two people who brought you into this world & were supposed to show you love, protect you & care for you. i have NEVER HAD THAT. EVER. this shit isn’t something new.. this is life long… i have only jus started to become aware of how bad the situation actually is within the last few years with the help of other adult professionals which i used to never be allowed to talk to. unless you have been subjected to the same exact shit you won’t understand it & pls realise how truly blessed u are to not know that kind of pain. it’s a miracle i am even still here standing on my own two feet. even if this legal shit doesn’t work.. atleast i can honestly say that i tried. but i need to start using my fucking smart ass brain instead of following my heart bc when has that ever worked out for me/helped me lmao? i need to now remember to always b alert of absolutely everything when it comes to her, i need to stay on my toes & make sure that i remain 10 steps ahead of her at all times. rn i feel like idk what’s going on n im extremely scared n it’s the worst feeling ever. that’s why i have written this n put this here for documentation & also evidence just incase. todays date is 13/12/22
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𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧
MASTERLIST
now, childe as a general streamer,,, he’s a whale in every sense of the word
…
poggers—
so childe as a streamer in general would be one word ;
✨chaotic✨
he would definitely be a variety streamer, but more so for games !!
especially pvp and/or pve games
competitive meta mf—
probably plays LoL, overwatch, apex legends, valorant and minecraft
don’t question the minecraft
he likes mining but has a personal vendetta against the creepers bc once they blew up his mansion
yes, a mansion
ask any of his community and they’ll tell u he spent a full-blown month and a half playing just minecraft to build it, only for it to go down just like that ;-;
his chat loved it tho <//3
he’s played honkai too !! mainly for the pve and grinding bc he’s a whale but uh,,, shhh
his community,,, his community are just a bunch of trolls at this point i cant even lie
they just KEKW, SADGE & COPIUM spam everything and the newer viewers get intimidated until they realise he deserves them all HJGKJHF
especially when he starts getting annoyed by the game,,, his reactions are too good to pass up on gn
typically when he does mario kart streams 👩🦯 that shit’s wild when it happens oh my
when he falls in rainbow road 🤡
and especially bc he has his webcam on, his viewers just see him internally dying or wanting to scream
also gets passive aggressive
shit talks everything and everyone when in that mood <//3
for what’s left of his dignity i won’t disclose what happens
definitely gets jebaited a lot too <//3 unfortunately he’s too easy for his chat ;-;
another mf with a massive community except he has a lot of friends (sorry not sorry albedo)
ppl have a love-hate relationship with him tbh; u either love him or hate him
no inbetween
unless u show ur love through bullying him then go off ig
his discord server, twt + yt are also really big too !! also verified on insta
also !!
he has lots of plushies :(( esp whale plushies from his community bc he’s the biggest whale they know <//3
but if u look at his setup, there’s a mini whale plushie on the top of his main monitor (he has 3), one big one (like,,, up to his chin) behind him, a smol on the top of his chair so u can see it above his head, and just more off screen HKJSDHL
they asked for a room tour once and half of it was just whale plushies
the rest were LED lights + shelves of merch & gifts from his community !!
he even has some fanmail (actual wholesome ones that aren’t cursed) pinned on a board too 🥺
also has an ensuite—
when he was eating on stream one time, his chat was sent into an absolute outrage
u know why?
bc he was eating noodles with a fork
bby ;-;
so sometimes he’ll get sent those beginner chopsticks with the finger guides to help him 👩🦯
he’s actually made sure to eat with them on stream tho bc he was sent one with a narwhal on top and he thinks it’s cute JHGJKH
nOW ONTO THIS MAN BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER !!!!
herkekle
now, his (also) AR56 ass has been playing since genshin first came out
an og if u will
this man,,, he’s been in love with u even before the game’s official release 🐥
not only were u in the promotional art and trailers, but he was also one of the beta testers so he got to try out ur character first hand in the early stages !!
and when i say he fell hard for u,
i mean it
when the game wasn’t released publicly yet, he wasn’t allowed to disclose any information and ngl, it killed him that he couldn’t talk abt u :((
so all he could do was say this upcoming was really nice so far and subtly brag abt u to everyone JHGKJSDFHLK
when the official ads & promotional art were finally released 🥺🥺 when i tell u he immediately went live talking abt the game and u HKGJHFDK
he didn’t care that he streamed at an ungodly hour bc he’s been waiting for the reveal for so long he needs to let everyone know </3
he retweeted everything from their official twt straightaway, made a yt video based off his spontaneous stream promoting the game + pinged his entire server abt it
yes
his nearly 200k server all got pinged abt this one game bc he’s in love with a character from it
and he has no regrets abt it <33
the day the game was available for download, he stREAMED THE ENTIRE DOWNLOAD PROCESS
while he and his chat were waiting, they decided to watch the trailers and character showcases to get a feel for the game, and played some mario kart to pass the time !!
as soon as the game loaded, he threw mario kart behind him and went on 🐥
he typed his name (ajax) for the when he chose aether and literally everyone was appreciating the aesthetics HKJFS
but childe,,, he was waiting for it to be over so he could see u ;-;
he appreciated the aesthetics, fighting mechanics & voice acting a lot tho !!
now he had gotten through all the tutorials, got all the chests he could he was finally in mond
and there u were 🥺 after the dvalin encounter u arrived before kaeya did
and boy did he show u off sm to his viewers HKJHKLF
they knew he was down bad before but now?? they know it’s hopeless to save him and if he ever falls out of love that’s when the world ends
luckily that’ll never happen tho <33
but he took !! so many !! screenshots !!
oh, and did i mention he changed his wallpapers to u? and his twt + discord pfps are also some very aesthetic screenshots of u from that first scene ;-;
he just appreciates u sm okay 🥺
he even clutched his chest where his heart is and sunk down his chair when he heard u speak 😩
his chat just spammed his downbad + y/nlove + SHRIMP emotes and he accepted them all with grace <33
now when he unlocks the wishing feature,,, u already know he’s wishing for u as soon as possible
ur in the standard banner so ur always there which he appreciates but he would’ve wanted u to be limited so he can rub it in ppl’s faces ;-;
and since it was the first release rewards, he had tons of wishes right off the bat !!
he was gonna roll for venti after he gets u bc,,, well does he need a reason??
also he doesn’t do well with archer characters in general ;;; but if ur an archer then ur obv an exception sooo
bUT he got a 5 star in his first 20 pulls !!
tho it was diluc 👩🦯
while he was happy bc he got an incredibly meta character right off the bat,
he wasn’t interested in diluc,,, (even now his diluc is barely looked after, and only used for spiral abyss, *sweats*)
the next 5 star he got was around the 60 mark, and he got a weapon,,,
i mean,,, he got the weapon that was most suited for u so that’s smth at least (ˉ▽ˉ；)
after he used all his remaining primos and fates, he finally got u 🥺
he just went “fuck the storyline” and immediately put u in his party and just
admired u as a whole
went through all the voice lines available, ur character story, ur idle animations (he had a heart attack from u and his chat clipped it) and took many, many screenshots
his favourite voice lines would have to be the night + about us + (y/n)’s hobbies
and then he equipped u with ur weapon and damnnn did u look so good with it 😩
he changed u to be his avatar, with his signature as :
“(y/n)’s whale <3”
and now the whaling process begins 👩🦯
after at least £2k, he got u to c6, along with at least 1 copy of all the standard 5 stars,,
then he went for venti’s banner—
his chat were just too focused on how he’s gonna play u to even think of anything else tbh HKJAH
with ur kit, u were honestly seen to be a dps or even a sub dps if ppl don’t want u on the field all the time
so definitely a perfect character for mr meta strimmer tartaglia (his twitch name btw ;;; childe is just smth he prefers his community to call him as but they also call him ajax too HKJSD) here
so he went through the archon quests with u as his carry and i won’t lie, ur name card is smth he has printed and framed behind him after he got it 🥺
he later finds out ur part of the fatui in the liyue archon quest tho and has to fight u with,,,
well, u ;;;
he finds it hot tho so it’s okay—
i won’t lie tho, his zhongli after he got him is his second strongest after u
he just builds all his characters in the most broken way he can so he can show his viewers that everyone can be a dps in their own right, not just the ones meant to be since there’s no right or wrong in this game !!
but now ur weapon is r5, ur lvl 90 and u have lvl 20 5 star artifacts that make u the most broken (y/n) seen
ppl who co op with him are honestly baffled,,, especially when the feature of them being able to view other players’ character stats become available,,,
u with ur nearly 3k atk,,,
he’s hit over 600k with u tho and he’ll always flex that
no one can top him as a (y/n) main and that’s honestly just a fact at this point 😩
when he saw that the dating sim hangouts was official, his immediate and iconic response was simply ;
“so when will (y/n) become a dateable, huh 🤨”
to this day he’s still waiting to be able to date u in-game <//3
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact scenarios#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact childe#genshin childe#childe#childe x reader#genshin childe x reader#genshin impact childe x reader#childe headcanons#childe scenarios#childe fluff#hsdkjfhklsdfs childe pls come hom on main ;-;#streaming dreams
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insecurities | lee jeno
↳ pairing: lee jeno (nct) x fem!reader
↳ genre: slight angst, mostly fluff & suggestive but only if u squint rlly hard
↳ word count: 1482
↳ warning: reader being insecure about her looks i guess?? (love urself ppl yall beautiful <3)
song recommendation: met a girl by tarune
♡
Hate was a strong word, but you felt it was appropriate to say that you absolutely hated nights like the one you were having on this particular day. Standing half-naked in front of the full-body mirror situated in the corner of your shared bedroom, your eyes swept over your body once more. You despised the way your gaze lingered on the stretch marks that tainted your skin.
Wallowing in self-pity and stressing over your physical flaws wasn't exactly a standard routine for you, especially when Jeno was around. But your boyfriend wouldn't be back until late at night, having texted you he had something to do that would require him to stay at the studio longer than usual.
You turned to the side, pressing your palm over your stomach, rubbing up and down as if it would magically flatten your abdomen. Nothing happened, of course, leaving you feeling sick and fed up with the thoughts you were having.
You wiped the tears accumulating in your eyes, not allowing it to trickle down your cheeks. You could see your boyfriend's face in your mind and briefly wondered whether you were truly good enough for him. You didn't blame your insecurities on him, never. Your boyfriend was nothing but loving, and he showered you with gifts just as much as he showered you with loving words, but there were times when it was remarkably hard to believe his kind words.
You wished you could miraculously switch off your mind and climb out of this self-loathing pit you had willingly put yourself into. It was your fault, you would admit that. If you hadn't decided to strip into your underwear and scrutinise yourself in the mirror then maybe you would've been in the dining room enjoying the dinner you had made by now.
As you were stepping closer to the mirror to get a better lock at your face, you heard the turning of a key in a lock before the front door was pushed open. The realisation that Jeno had come home much earlier than you expected kept you paralysed on the spot. It wasn't until you heard the front door shutting that you were finally able to move, hastily wiping the tears from your reddened eyes and shrugging on the robe you had carelessly tossed onto the bed.
You heard him call for your name but you didn't respond, scurrying into the bathroom to wash your face in hopes of being able to get rid of any evidence that you had been crying. Jeno couldn't know. You weren't going to drag him into your mess.
You cursed to yourself as you studied your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Your cheeks and nose were flushed, and your eyes were unmistakably bloodshot. There was no way Jeno wouldn't notice.
"Baby, you in here?" Jeno called out from the entrance of the bedroom. You heard shuffling as he took off his jacket. When he spoke again, his voice was dangerously close to the bathroom, and you immediately faked a smile. "Hey, why haven't you eaten dinner yet? Were you waiting for me?"
Turning your head, you were met with your boyfriend's figure standing in the bathroom doorway. It tugged your heart to see him look so beautiful, even after a whole day of working. You just couldn't understand why he had chosen you. Why hadn't he picked someone with less baggage and imperfections?
You watched as his small smile transformed into a frown. Without any hesitation, he stepped forward to grab your hand. "Hey, have you been crying? What's wrong?"
You forced a quiet chuckle. "I was watching this new romance movie that just released." You watched his face closely, swallowing when you saw that his worried expression hadn't dissipated at all. "Have you eaten dinner yet? Go shower and come eat dinner with me."
You squeezed his hand assuringly once more before walking past him to give him some privacy in the bathroom. "Were you really just watching a movie? You look like you've been crying for hours."
You plopped onto the bed with a huff and looked up to see Jeno had walked out of the bathroom and was slowly approaching your sitting form. "Babe, we've been dating long enough for you to know I'm sensitive when it comes to tragic endings."
He stood in front of you, cupping your cheeks in his hand to tilt your head up. "Yeah, and I also know my girlfriend enough to know whenever she's lying."
You managed to smile and shake your head as he pressed his thumbs to caress the irritated skin underneath your puffy eyes. "Jeno, I'm okay."
Leaning down, he pressed his forehead against yours, causing your noses to brush. The both of you stayed like that for a few more seconds, and you welcomed the distraction. You wanted to forget the cause of your previous breakdown and Jeno's presence was helping tremendously.
Feeling the gentle brush of his lips against yours, you gasped, hands flying to grasp his arms. "Jeno," you breathed, pulling away slightly to look into his eyes. They were dark, wild, so lovely.
"Tell me," he muttered softly.
Unable to look into his eyes as you confessed, you looked down at your lap. "I'm sorry," you began. "It's just so stupid. You're the best boyfriend there is, you treat me so well, and you're just so beautiful, Jeno, and I don't know how to... compete with that."
Once again, he forced your head up so he could look into his eyes. "Baby, we're not competing for anything. What are you trying to say?"
"I just can't understand why you're still with me. I'm so flawed, and you can settle for someone who's so much more good looking, someone who can give you so much more than I can."
Jeno's face remained expressionless as he gazed down at you, but you could tell the gears in his head were all turning. His silence worried you so you shifted in your seat awkwardly.
He seemed to notice your slight movement and finally snapped out of his train of thoughts. "Wait, you're not messing with me, right?"
Groaning, you tried to stand up, but he held your waist before you could walk away. "Okay, I know it's stupid. Can we just forget about it? Please?"
His eyes widened and he pulled you closer to him until there was no space left in between the two of you. "No, no, this is far from stupid. If you feel this way, it means I haven't done a good job at being your boyfriend. I'm supposed to be making you feel loved, but—"
"No! You've been a perfect boyfriend, you're perfect. It's not your fault, seriously, it's mine."
"If this is about the way you look, then I'll have to disagree and say that it's not your fault. Everything you consider imperfections or flaws, they're a part of you, and I fell in love with that a long time ago, and I'm not falling out of love anytime soon."
"I'm sorry for being so insecure. I just... I feel like you deserve better."
His lips broke out into a soft yet wistful smile. "You're not in any position to tell me what I deserve and don't baby," he mumbled lightheartedly. "Being with you was a choice that I made, loving you is something that I choose to do until now. All these choices that I made are all choices that I made deliberately, not because I'm forced to."
Unable to say anything else, your tears began to blur your visions once again, but this time it was because you were thankful. You felt so blessed that out of all of the people in the world, you ended up with Lee Jeno—a boy whose smile shone as bright as the sun and whose heart was beautiful and kind. "I love you so much," you managed to splutter out.
Sensing the oncoming tears, Jeno bent his knees a little so that he was eye-level with you. "Hey, don't cry, I love you too," he spoke, his smile now reaching his eyes, turning them into the little crescent moon that you adored so much. "You make me happy, and that's more than enough for me. Is that enough for you?"
You nodded. "All I ever want is for you to be happy, Jeno."
He visibly relaxed at this, and gone was the solemn atmosphere that once lingered in the air. "That's settled then. You're not getting rid of me that easily because you want me happy and I'm the happiest when I'm with you. So, will you lie down on the bed for me now?"
Tilting your head, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. "Why?"
"I still need to show you how beautiful you are to me and I don't think words are gonna cut it."
"Lee Jeno!"
♡
#lee jeno#jeno lee#jeno x reader#jeno#jeno imagines#jeno fluff#jeno smut#jeno angst#na jaemin#jaemin#park jisung#haechan#lee haechan#lee donghyuck#mark lee#huang renjun#renjun#zhong chenle#chenle#nct#nct dream#nct imagines#dreamies#stream hot sauce
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some assorted merlin headcanons:
word has it around camelot that merlin's favourite food is blueberries. this is incorrect. his favourite food is blackberries. he is deathly allergic to blueberries.
arthur found this out the hard way
that bracelet he wears in season 1?? gwen gave it to him. i don’t CARE that they’d known each for like 2 days gwen immediately saw this man and though he Will Be My Friend and then made him a friendship bracelet and nobody stopped her (i love u dork)
in ealdor the Thing He Is Known For is falling into ponds. that’s it. ‘oh who’s that?’ ‘that? that’s merlin. he falls into ponds.’
he almost set Will on fire as a child and will teased him mercilessly to his death about it. off-scene moments before death bitch literally made a joke abt at least he wasn’t set on fire and merlin strangled him then and there.
he can freaking shape shift. like man, how cool is that?? his shape of choice is an EAGLE rather than a merlin, but. the thing is. the way he figured out he could shapeshift was he sneezed one day and suddenly he was a goldfish
GODDAMN my man loves lancelot. he’s the og lancelot fan. he started the lancelot appreciation club and literally the entire round table, gwen, and a couple of randoms off the street are part of it. it’s a great hit. ironically, lancelot doesn’t know it exists.
he made gwaine a Bag of Holding but it’s just for apples. all that’s in the bag is apples, all the way down. gwaine proposed to him on the spot when he got it
he’s left handed BUT arthur taught him to use a sword with his right hand which is why he’s not,,,, fantastic (also because my man just Isn’t Good With Swords) BUT elyan sees him cutting some stuff up one day, yknow. with his left hand. and Realises and as a fellow leftie decides to train him and confuse the HELL out of everyone the next time merlin’s part of training
it works
oh! he was born on samhain, which does play into the fact that he’s immortal, because usually babies born on samhain die,,,, but he didn’t
this did lead to a lot of people being suspicious of he and his mother as he grew up
he didn’t do a lot to help this, admittedly
so y’know how babies can’t really control their limbs when their young?? yeah well merlin couldn’t control his magic
kid would just start spinning and shit right out of his cradle while hunith was having people over for dinner which was. interesting
his entire eyeball was completely golden until he was about 8. it used to freak ppl out so he just. stopped making eye contact
when he’s REALLY angry his eyes just start changing colour,,,,,
there is a Reason why he doesn’t get angry very much
lancelot saw it once and he was Shook forever
gwaine saw it and Immediately decided that it was the coolest thing
he is waiting for the day that merlin cracks because that will be the day that Shit Goes Down
in the 15th century merlin will discover coffee. a caffeinated merlin is a merlin that the world is not ready for
you know how he can speak to dragons? well that extends to all reptiles now. one day a snake starts talking to him and he just shrugs and rolls with it. whatever. this is normal
this is Not Normal
poor arthur walks in on him one day to find him fucking hissing at a twenty-foot python
he and gwen are at the very top of camelot’s rumour mill. they see everything. they hear everything. they know everything. they can also control it >:)
one day merlin’s had enough of arthur and goes to complain in the kitchens
arthur the next day: merlin WHY did i just get called in front of my father on allegations of being in love with a statue??
merlin, pouring a potion of itching into his bath: .....i really couldn’t say, sire
this continues for a while until arthur catches on
in retaliation he writes a letter to hunith detailing all the dumb things her son has gotten up to over the years
the effect is devestating
(as in: merlin doesn’t speak to him for a week)
my man can SEW. his mother was a seamstress and taught him how to make clothes to sell at market the next village over
he loves embroidery, and he also helps gwen out sometimes and they gossip
his magic acts up a lot when he’s sick or tired
this includes turning the sky green and wine into soup
at the same time
while at a banquet
arthur just wants to know why there’s soup in his goblet
he’s,,,,,, really uncomfortable with the druids’ worship of him, bc they see him as akin to a god and their savour and post-camlann they’re going ‘oh mighty emrys the rule of the pendragons has passed onto the once and future queen finally magic can be freed’ and he just loses it
too bad gwaine didn’t get to see it
or anything else, ever
he and morgana pretended to court for a while just so they could absolute SCANADALISE uther, and also to make arthur jealous. they fake-eloped at one point and uther charged merlin with high treason
he got charged with high treason a lot actually, and not just in camelot. he is now a wanted criminal in four different kingdoms
losing morgana (the first time after the poisoning) absolutely DESTROYED him and he became rlly recluse until she came back, which started the descent into who he becomes in s4/5
he is Small and Angry and he will throw hands with Literally Everyone
merlin is no longer allowed swords in public
he’s also tone-deaf but thinks he’s not, and it drives arthur, who’s very musical, absolutely INSANE
he gets his hands on the medieval equivalent of a kazoo and has stopped two bandit attacks and three assassination attempts to date with the ~Power Of Annoyance~
one of those assassination attempts took place during a council meeting and merlin just whips out his kazoo and starts playing
he gets charged with high treason again for that
he is TERRIBLE with plants and kills every single of one of them
he once woke arthur up by climbing through the window on the 9th floor of the castle or whatever and rattling the window pane until arthur woke up and nearly tried to kill him because he thought he was an intruder
he has tried to consume rocks but elyan stopped him
idk i just love him, i’ll probably do some more of others later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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since you're the ceo of gay dean, do you have any fic recs? i have trouble finding anything good besides yours, ao3 user saltyfeathers and wtf gay little jack :(
ceo of gay dean??? oh boy the gay dean economy must be in shambles if that’s me. and i don’t have any specific recs, sorry! idk if you’ve already checked the gay dean tag on ao3? i sorted by kudos and excluded That pairing but oof these pickings look slim... i personally dont read aus (and havent read any of the fics that i’m about to link so i can’t vouch) but here r some canonverse works in the gay dean tag. cut for length
dean winchester really needs to make some gay friends - “Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.“What is it, Cas?”“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?
something on your mind? - Sam and Dean are cursed to have personifications of their minds following them around. That's shouldn't be too bad of a problem. Just another day for the Winchesters. Except for the part where their minds speak every single thought Sam and Dean have.
the other sides of the story - Sam and Dean go check out portals popping up in their world to make sure no more monsters cross over. They meet alternate versions of people they know and there seems to be one common thread-Dean and Cas are together.
doing life with me - He remembers the rules. The same rules set by the most beautiful drag queen in all of Alabama, spoken to him while he hid his tear-stained face, cowering on the grimy floor of a rest station bathroom: don’t talk; don’t ask for money, because most of the time, they won’t pay him anyway; don’t cry; don’t let them kiss him; and most importantly, don’t get attached. For the first time in two decades, Dean breaks the cardinal rule—and opens his mouth. “I’m too old for this.”
how many more times - After a hunt that forces Castiel to admit his feelings for Dean, more than one truth comes out. Desperate to right the wrong he allowed to happen 26 years ago, he travels back in time and stops Azazel from murdering Mary Winchester. John never becomes a hunter, and Dean grows up a normal kid while Castiel deals with the aftermath of his decision in Heaven. When the war dies down, he comes back to Earth to fulfill a promise - a promise he made to come back for Dean one day. They fall in love all over again, but just when Castiel is finally happy, they're thrown back in time once more. How many times will Cass and Dean need to find each other before they figure out who’s screwing with them, and more importantly, how to stop them?
psalm 40:2 - “How the fuck do you know my name?” Dean hisses. The man doesn’t look scared. He is watching Dean like there is nothing else worth watching, lips a little parted, eyes a little soft. And blue. Real blue, like the ocean on a postcard. The ice spreading down Dean’s spine makes him shiver. “I suppose you could say I’m your guardian angel,” the man murmurs. His breath fogs pale between them. All of him is unnaturally warm, like Dean’s touching somebody with the sun sewn up beneath their skin. “I have known you, Dean Winchester, for a very long time.” * Dean meets an angel who says he's from the future. It all gets a lot more complicated from there.
just trying to shake off the shame - “What, you don’t think this warrants any kind of discussion?" Or: Sam is nosy, Dean is uncooperative.
tell me i’m an angel kick me like a stray - Pain is the first emotion Castiel, angel of the lord, feels. If only it had ended at pain. Castiel documents every new emotion that nestles its way into his stolen heart. As time passes, he realises how truly fucked he is, how human he has become.
best of both worlds - Dean is very jealous, Cas is finally getting the love he deserves, AU Dean is a badass little bitch, Sam is done with y'all's shit.
through mine, you were looking in yours - A missing scene from "The End". In which Dean realises things, another Dean struggles, and Cas is being just a bit of an asshole
when angels fall - On a hunting accident gone wrong, Dean accidentally shoots a creature instead of a fleeing monster. The creature in question turns out to be Castiel, an angel assigned to the Winchester's, tasked with watching over them. The bullet, engraved and imbued with magical properties, clips Castiel’s wings and leaves him grievously injured and unable to return to heaven. As such, Dean takes him in and cares for him.
the savior, our wedding, & a pizza surprise - As Castiel Winchester slept with his head resting in Dean’s lap in the Man of Letters bunker, Dean looked lovingly at two framed photographs proudly displayed on a nearby table and wistfully remembered how Dean had begged Jack to rescue Cas from the Empty, how elated he had been to have Cas back, how their relationship quickly escalated as if they were trying to make up for years of lost time, and what a spectacularly fun adventure their wedding and honeymoon had been. A kiss from Cas brought Dean back into the present, and is followed by a pizza surprise in a way which Sam hopes to never see photographic evidence of, although it sparked Eileen’s interest in receiving helpful tips from the infamous pizza man.
what is the truth - Dean and Sam, after knowing about Huntercop and their other self from an another universe, were willing to help them to find a place in which they can stay. But suddenly, Castiel cames and met them too, and this other Dean can't stop to flirt with him. Our Dean is not so happy about it
again, i haven’t actually read any of these, just skimmed the summaries as i copy and pasted em. my taste is pretty specific and out of step w other ppl’s, but the ones i put in my marked for later list were something on your mind, the other sides of the story, doing life with me, psalm 40:2, just trying to shake off the shame, through mine, you were looking in yours, and when angels fall.
#weirdly common trope in the tag (not in the ones i linked) for dean to be out as gay#only for cas to take a woman for a vessel and dean realize he's actually bi#spnwatch#anonymous#ask#fic tag
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Me, to Luja: So tell me about yourself
Luja: No
Me: ...ma'am I need to write the story—
Luja: Good luck <3
[now that I do think of it, ALTERNATIVE's main duo that's established right at the beginning is literally a chiller but edgier Katsuki and way worse sUrViVe Nagito genderbends]
~~~~~~
Luja Sen, she/her
Anyways, Luja and Romila are friends from middle school (the story starts with the beginning of their high school at AoS (Academy of the Specialised) which was essentially founded by Nyx). Luja gains her Specialisation (Ferrokinesis: The Ability to bend metal) at the age of twelve, so she has it for a lesser time period than Romila.
Luja primarily wants to become a scientist. Her family is happy with that, because it's praised and everything, especially in our society.
She has a gifted child superiority complex. Being a gifted child + Specialised means that she hardly had many friends in school. Her family had tried to get her to socialize....which didn't go down too well.
She believes that most people are annoying because they waste too much time on useless things like gossiping and what not, which she never showed much interest in and doesn't like to be dragged into those nonsense.
She is friends with Romila since they do share the same taste in stuff and were the only Specialised ones in their class. And they kinda stuck together for most of middle school and went into high school.
She has a problem when it comes to seeing Romila since she tends to see her bad parts and is like, "It's a phase" considering that it's not necessarily affecting her. Romila doesn't get too cranky with her since she fascinates her, with her passion™ for science. Also because she isn't all self sacrifice UwU.
Luja cares for her own self above others (but tends to put Romila pretty close to that hierarchy, which is why she's one of the only two Romila trusts during the Mansion of Death (the other person is Kratanos)) however she also does want to keep what friends she has and is generally caring towards them.
She has a genuine love for science and loves to discover how things work and why, and her favourite facet is Physics. She does want to invent things and honestly just make stuff easier for the Specialised who face a LOT of issues, especially when it comes to amenities since the government is an ass about accomodations and they gained the Fundamental Rights like ten years or so ago in the ALTERNATIVE timeline. And they gain an additional right ("The body won't be harmed for science") when they graduate from school, after signing a contract that they dedicate themselves to helping the government when called upon. (The whole contract is stupid and basically oppresses them more especially the punishment for not abiding by it).
With her goal of becoming a scientist, she wants to use her talents to make accomodations specifically for them so that she could have done something.
The things she fears the most is failure. Failing as in being unable to accomplish her goals. She is afraid of it because it's an unknown variable that's constantly haunted her and she's working hard for it to never reach her.
I suppose there's a way for her to confront that fear during the Mid terms at AoS where she essentially "loses" in the practicals due to her......teamwork issues.
Everyone thinks of her as stuck up and isn't interested to listen to her much and since she views the others as annoying people with annoying habits, she tends to fail to regulate them, causing Romila to win instead (yes, it's THAT unfortunate of a situation) in their match, which causes her to review a LOT of things and she tries to see what caused her to lose after having a severe breakdown.
She develops an inferiority complex in respect to Romila and then spends a long time wondering where she went wrong.
Rena (who somehow clung to her) tries to cheer her up but gets turned back halfway, but she still stays on and Luja is like, "Wtf" until she sees Romila going entirely off the deep end (she presents an interesting contrast to how Koldin sees Romila as well, she sees Romila's behavior and considers it as a justification for her own self....she uses Romila to justify herself a lot (since if you asked Romila, Luja was more or less fine according to her since she wasn't being a doormat and stood up for herself) while Koldin sees Romila as the reason he should cling onto his own stuff) and realises that she could be on the path to destruction herself and accepts Rena's help and tries to be more open to others which leads to the Mid terms parallels in the Archenemy of Society arc where she "succeeds" instead and manages to get the class together enough to escape the situation.
However it doesn't mean that her fear of failure has entirely vanished into the blue, she just reviews the ways she can fail better now and works around it to avoid it and has more confidence in her own self. But she is still scared of failing and would love to avoid that more than anything. However she's chiller after that.
Her intelligence is more or less on par with both Romila and Kratanos, making them the three main strategists in the final battle against the bigots (which is basically a rerun of the Mansion of Death situation but way way worse and fucked up and has different leads to it).
....
The thing is that, no matter what I do, she winds up feeling like one dimensional/repetitive, which is something I am trying to amend about all the characters (I mean, I had to revamp a lot of characters so it will probably take me a long long time to actually get to writing.........sigh besides she stands up like a cardboard amongst people (I mean, you have Romila and Kratanos with extremely complicated storylines and then you have her. Just there))
So the main question is how to make her more interesting as a character and on par with the rest while still keeping her character flaws and personality?
I think the easiest way to go abt this is to view her as a sassy Bakugo. They have the main points in common. They're salty, don't like to socialise, feel inferior to a certain someone while still having some semblance of confidence and a terrible fear of failure
Now as much as I hate to compare your character to another one, it makes it a lot easier to have them become - as my English teacher would say - more. So I am sorry if this comes off as offensive-
For Bakugo, he became interesting by playing a big part in the mc's main story and we do get a few scenes where his vulnerability is shown. I assume it's the same with your character but...what rlly ties the knot for me when it comes to Katsuki is the fact that his problems...are more than just an inferiority/superiority complex. His whole thing stems from background especially (*cough* abusive mom *cough*) and the fact that he's not the main character (or rather that the story isn't being told in his perspective).
These facts make us over think and want more of him. The mystery draws us in which is why I think Luja's character is so perfect for someone in the background. She doesn't like to reveal things abt herself and is pretty dismissive to most things on top of that (plainly just salty). Her character rlly draws you in and the best way to portray those kinds of characters is through another character. Ofc, you'd have to get to their POV eventually but it's important to note that most of the details should come from someone else's POV (an observer, if you will) instead of info dumping and starting straight with hers. A character that's mysterious with a very simple yet relatable story attracts a LOT more attention and interest when seen from someone else's perspective than when you kickstart it from theirs.
Ofc, if u are planning (or already have) started the story from her POV, that would be a bit problematic in terms of interest. But not a train wreck. This is where my other point comes in. The point of making a character have more than one problem
Different ppl as well as characters have a main problem but also different ones, no matter what way you look at it. It seems that even you are confused with all ur character's ins and outs (dw, we've all been there... I am still there tbh) and a solution to that is backtracking a bit and looking at their life from the very beginning in HEAVY detail (like more than u already did). Think abt what other trauma could have been caused, what doubts and fears could have slowly crept it's way to her heart and head (I am a sucker for long-lasting doubts that develop over time) and anything you can even so much as GRASP on. If you look at it and see it as a possibility, try to fit that into her character and add it subtly in different places (as subtext or a creative pattern, wordplay, doesn't rlly matter as long as it's not openly stated bc, remember, the key thing to these types of characters is mystery).
For example, a fear of failure can stem into anxiety before the character has even lost smth later in their life. They probably get rlly anxious when evaluating smth but don't show it much or at all so no one notices. This adds even MORE to the character bc you can build it up after other events. Like once they have failed, they could probably get even more anxious and then develop a bad relationship with the person who beat them (double the points if it was a friend). You could build all that up and turn it super toxic instead of jumping right to the healing. It makes it more interesting, doesn't it? Plus, reevaluating almost everything including world views after 1 loss is...kind of hard to believe even with anxiety (no offense)
Adding a lot of little problems and thinking abt how Luja's behaviour can impact other characters helps a terrible lot if ur doing most of the story from her POV. Especially since she's probably the most relatable character (from what I've heard anyway). I have a certain saying... it goes like, "It's better to have a relatable and connecting character than one with a problem that is too big for normal people to fathom."
I like characters with heart-wrenching problems that I would never be able to relate to (take maybe Shigaraki as an example ig?) But my favourite are the ones that make me feel as tho I made a real connection
Also, I would like to say...if ur looking to progress her character even further, I would debate on whether it's the complete end to the novel or if there'll be a second part. If it's a second part, keep some of Luja's issues. Make her get better but not completely "YAY, I AM DONE BEING TORMENTED". If it's the end of the novel/series/etc., make it so that she's resolved most of most of her issues. They don't have to be completely gone but they have to be a lot better compared to how they started. And how i would work that out is a mind map but knowing ur a scatterbrain...lets talk it out where everything is all over the place
Luja's main thing is to gain confidence in herself and be finally ok with losing, right? If you ask me, that's a tough one but not impossible. I think to get her from point A to point B is to put up a bunch of events like:
Get her super anxious when doing smth
Lose to *insert person*
Have a breakdown and over think on what she could have done better (on the project or whatever she lost at)
Get even more anxious and totally mess up the next thing
Lose once again (double points if it's the same person as last time)
Overthinking abt how she's not good enough
F i g h t i n g f r i e n d s c o z d r a m a
"YoU'rE nEvEr GoNnA gEt BeTtEr If YoU kEeP tHiNkInG aBoUt YoUrSeLf"
Over think abt no. 8 bc out of options and ideas and ✨a n x i e t y✨
Try listening to others more and become b e t t e r
Win smth (bc creator forbid 3 losses in a row to start depression)
Lose again (there is gonna be a bit of back and forth but is necessary for development)
"I tHoUgHt I wAs FiNaLlY dOiNg SoMeThInG rIgHt AnD nOw LoOk"
"Losing is not th3 3nd of th3 fucking world, you lunatic"
"WELL, IT IS TO ME, BITCH"
*insert psychology somehow idk*
Another loss
"I'm angry...but I'm ok"
Note that idk where bullying would come in and these are only how I would think it to go-
A character like this isn't rlly my strong suit when it comes to them resolving their problems but they are fun to write and think abt-
................................did I just give you advice on how to traumatize? I-
#writing#writing advice#wow i rlly am a sadist#character analysis#KK's character#well shit wtf did i go on abt-
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how can ppl watch the x-men go to a planet where they constantly talk abt it being "dead", "uninhabited", "barren" and change it into a "green utopia" and not realise that's colonisation.... like 💀 maybe your idea of a power fantasy is becoming the oppressor but not everyone is like that!!!
I'm hesitate to say that it's colonization because colonization means going into an area that had a Native population and forcing your will upon them. If the area was barren then they aren't so much colonizers than being really freaking egotistical and declaring a whole plant just for mutants and it's the center of that galaxy.
But I do agree that it's a power fantasy. I also think it's not what a seems. Mutants aren't about to have a happy ending at all. Also I don't know how people can read this kinda panel and not see how much the Mutants have changed:
"Congratulations you've conquered your planet!" Yep, that's not subtle at all.
The thing that was always great about the xmen is their connections and seeing how they interacted with each other. Seeing how they faced their problems. All the mutants leaving to another world? What about their human parents who loved ans supported their mutant kids? What about mutants who had a human kid?
Like that's was so disturbing about Krakoa (aside from everything else) is how easy people are buying into this idea that so long as you're a mutant, you're a chosen one, better than everyone, you don't need your culture or your religion, or your non mutant family.
I would like people to realize this is a story and to stop licking Hickman's boots and calling him a king for his vision. Lmao. Hickman plays a long game, he isn't doing this to make the mutants happier.
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