Genuine question why does so much of the jwcc fandom hate Ben and Darius as a ship?? the age gap is the same as all of the other popular ships in the fandom but that’s the only argument I’ve seen for it. They’re literally fine.

Sorry if this seems repetitive but I haven't been active on social media in yearsss

Is it true that there's a lot of lawlu hate on tiktok and Twitter? I'm so confused because there used to be so much love for the ship back in 2017/2018 from my perspective (Amino era).

The short answer: yes and no. Let me start by saying I'm not the best person to answer this since I purely consume on twitter. I made my personal twitter in 2007 like it's everyone I've ever known irl and has nothing to do with shipping or hobbies and I follow approx 0 accounts related to anime, manga, or lawlu. I just looked up lawlu a few times and browsed and suddenly it's my whole fucking timeline and there’s no going back and now I have a lawlu twitter (This makes me very happy).

So if anyone else has an opinion on this that is more in the community, please feel free to comment away. Otherwise, below are my observations.

First off, there IS a ton of love for the ship. Most of what I see is beautiful art (they got the nsfw ayo), memes, fanfics, and headcanons just like tumblr. There are tons of comments of people swooning over these posts, Lawlu IS one of the most popular OP ships after all.

There's just a vocal minority that are very against the concept of shipping and in that subset there are those who are very against Lawlu. There people out there that will literally list accounts to block that ship lawlu or write lawlu DNI in their bios. The same can be said for other ships, it's not just this one it’s any they deem a ‘pro ship’ (problematic ship) and Lawlu is generally considered one of these. Below as is an example:

The biggest issues I’ve seen with Lawlu are the following 1. luffy is aroace and cant be shipped period 2. law groomed luffy and the age gap is gross. IMO I think most of these people are just infantilizing Luffy as some goofy autistic kid that doesn't know what love and sex are when in reality he's very self-aware and happy does not equal stupid. Also he's 19 he’s not underage. He met Law twice when he was 17, one of which was saving his life as a doctor and Luffy was unconscious most of this time. Let's not forget Luffy's a war criminal kicking the asses of people 4x his age in a pirate world, age doesn't really work the same as irl.

BUTTT Not that any of this matters because you can ship whoever the fuck you what because guess what? It's ~fiction~. I could rant about how people can ship whatever the hell they want all day but I'll save my breath for now. (my opinion of course)

Also there are just mentally ill people who enjoy telling others to kys if you like something they like do. Lawlu shippers are just their chosen target demographic. Creators get foul messages in their inboxes, rude comments, just general hater behavior. Twitter is just a firey cesspool and all fandoms have 'fans' who do nothing but hate. We live in an age of negativity where being a hater is the cool thing to do.

HOWEVER, I see more people posting about why those people are wrong and stupid than the actual negative tweets but maybe that's because I actually support the ship and the algorithm sees that. Not sure how twitter works, nor do I want to know about that dumpster fire there's a reason I came over to tumblr.

As for tiktok, I don't really consume a lot of tiktok so I can't speak on it besides seeing cosplayers and cute animations/art. I'll leave that to the tiktok people to look into.

For argument's sake, I went through the lawlu tag and picked some lovely tweets to share with you so you can see the toxicity for yourself. Sadly only 10 images per post but I think you get the point. Thanks for the ask hope this was informative. :)

Fuck's a pro shipper?

We've got a new one boys try not to scare em off /j

Okay but seriously, I'm more than happy to explain. I assume that if you're asking this question you're not aware of the proshipper vs antishipper, uh, "conflict", I guess. So, here is what both of those terms mean, to the best of my descriptive abilities:

Antishipper (often just "anti"): someone who vaguely believes that consuming problematic fiction (usually specifically problematic sexual fiction like lolicon or incest) is either a true reflection of them as a person or a corrupting force that will cause them to play out these desires in real life, onto real people. Basically, if you read age gap, you touch real kids in real life or secretly want to.

Proshipper (sometimes "profic"): someone who does not believe the above, and believes that fiction is not the same as reality because it doesn't harm anyone and therefore people should be left alone as long as you have no reason to believe that they would ever do something like that irl. Often hand in hand with things like anti censorship, kink positive, etc, though being a proshipper does not necessarily mean you have a problematic ship or kink yourself (example: me).

You're probably asking this question because you saw me day in my bio that I am a proshipper. I've tried to stay neutral in this initial description, but obviously I probably didn't manage to be completely unbiased considering that I believe myself to be right (most people do) so if you want to ask further questions after this that's perfectly fine. That being said:

Why am I a proshipper?

So, to understand this, let's first look over the issues within both communities— every group has issues, after all.

What problems do proshippers have?:

- sometimes 4chan assholes co-opt the label "proshipper" just because they're lolicons, even though there's good evidence to suggest that they would do or even have done criminal sexual acts in real life, or that they possess actual csam (child sexual abuse material, a term being used in favor of "cp" these days as porn implies consent). Proshipping has nothing to do with the harmful idea that you should be allowed to exploit and abuse real children.

- there are still many gray areas which proshippers themselves don't agree on. For example: I've seen a bunch of arguments about if writing fanfiction of live action shows or movies changes the equation. The general consensus of proshippers is that writing fanfiction of a character played by a child actor is definitely a more delicate situation and should not be sexual as it's inextricably tied to the image of a real child, but there are others who believe differently.

- I'm genuinely struggling to come up with more of these. Um, sometimes lolicons are really shitty people, like in point 1. This isn't SUPER relevant though cause in reality the overlap between predominantly queer or female proshippers and Reddit incels who just wanna jerk off to a petite anime girl is pretty small, though I'm sure it exists somewhere .

Now, what problems do antis have? (Fair warning, this is gonna sound even more "biased" but I hope my logic is still sound from the outside :p):

- I don't have any statistics on this (haven't exactly been many research papers on fandom drama), so you're going to have to trust me when I say that antis are absolutely NOTORIOUS for extreme harassment campaigns. The first time I was exposed to the word "antishipper", it was attached to a story of a former animator committing suicide because antis had gotten them fired by "exposing" their porn alt on Twitter and they could no longer afford medication for their disability. So, hell of an intro!

- their opinions are, in pretty basic ways, not backed by science or even practical common sense. The human brain can distinguish between fiction and reality after around age four or five

and people certainly aren't trying to hand nsfw content to children that age so I think it's safe to say that the people who are reading these things won't be "confused" by them or whatever. Also, even just using your brain and talking to these people, you find out most of them project onto the YOUNGER character.

- they claim to support victims but often simply don't. I won't keep dragging threats into the spotlight because I know there are probably antis who aren't as violent, but it's honestly astonishing to me how often they jump straight to wishing death and terrible things on people, and this has included more than once telling a rape victim they hope they get assaulted again just because they're a proshipper. See, a lot of these "taboo" sexual fantasies like age gap and incest actually themselves stem from a traumatic experience, and any therapist will tell you that fiction is a much healthier way to explore intrusive thoughts and urges than more dangerous coping mechanisms like self harm or substance abuse. And when confronted with this, in my experience and many others', antis will simply ignore that fact or say that the therapist is some sort of evil enabler.

-the general cognitive dissonance of believing an incest fanfiction will make you "forget" that incest is bad vs being fine with horror movies and slashers speaks to a deeper and honestly kind of worrying anti-sex mindset. I'm not sure I'm qualified to tackle this particular topic, but I definitely agree that it's a thing; after all, I have no idea how else those two things could coexist.

Anyways, I'd like to close this off by saying not everyone is as crazy opinionated as I am, I'm just autistic and like talking lol. A lot of people who id as proshippers just have a sort of minding their own business, ship-and-let-ship mentality, and a lot of antis are unfortunately just teenagers who were told proshipper = evil pedophile groomer and thus they put "proship dni" in their bios just cause they don't know and don't really care what it means. It is undeniable that many antis are kids themselves, and that does worry me, because fandom drama (especially Twitter fandom drama) is dangerous and vitriolic and also they're putting extremely serious threats on their digital footprints at the tender age of 14! But whatever, I'm not their parents, that's just my worry. Sorry for rambling this long lol, I wouldn't blame you if you dropped out halfway through but this is basically my summary of this whole thing. Do with this knowledge what you will! Or, you know, don't! I'm not a cop!

What argument anti rayfrog shippers (or nayfrogs as i've learned, which is 10x more hillarious) that just makes me question if these people actually pay attention and is also lowkey funny to me is "Bullfrog said he watched Rayman since he was a tadpole!" That is literally not what he said. He said "i used to watch you as a tadpole"

Considering the Rayman show is probably the only or biggest kids program in Eden and Rayman is literally everywhere i doubt Bullfrog couldn't not watch him, espacially if it's mandatory viewing (which it most likely is). To me this just makes it like their Spongebob but forced, you get what i mean? I don't think this really proves a point. Bullfrog didn't even mention ever being a fan or liking the show. Just that he watched it. It's also funny to me how he dropped that line right after calling him "Eden's favorite Poster boy" like it's such a random thing to add lol, i don't think he wanted to imply he ever idolized him considering he was just mocking him the entire way through. Either way, at the time they met both of them were consenting adults able to think clearly and, again, Bullfrog hated Rayman with a passion at that point and did not idolize him, i mean, look at that glare:

If that's not pure spite and mockery i don't know what is.

What people need to understand is that no sane rayfrog shipper goes "Bullfrog likes Rayman/Ramon because he loved watching him on TV like 25 - 30+ years ago!" Pretty much all concepts/headcanons are hurt/comfort because the consensus of them bonding consists of them supporting eachother and becoming a shoulder to lean on to work out their mental stuff like Ramon's guilt about literally everything and Bullfrog's survivors guilt and eldest sister syndrome. Also, Bullfrog is quite literally a trained assassin of a group that quite literally has been fighting the templars/Eden since pretty much the beginning of human history. Pretty sure if anything his mind would default to spiting and distrusting Ramon at every turn instead of idolizing him for something he saw on tv when he was a literal toddler i mean come on are you serious. Also pretty sure his mind is clear enough to think about shit rationally.

Another point i love is "they shared only one scene." People have done more with less. Ramon and Dolph have not exchanged a single glance and Laserray (rayhawk? Idk) is a thing. People will ship anything as long as it has a good dynamic in their eyes. I'm just saying Mordetwi and other crossships.

Its genuinely hillarious to me how people hate on the popular ship instead of everything else. The two canon predators? Nope! Sarah x Jade that would, if it would be canon, be nothing but abuse considering all of their interactions in the show, as few as they were, are pretty abusive? Nope! But god forbid two consenting adults with an age gap that support eachother kiss! I absolutely do have certain problems with rayfrog but considering the lack of material we have to work with these problems are all speculations i can headcanon them away.

Also as a small note in case the conkai crowd pins me on this because of the posts i made several months ago, no, two consenting adults with an age gap are not the same as a 17 year old banging a physically 6 - 8 year old even if he has the mind of a 17 year old, thank you.

TW// GROOMING, MANIPULATION breaking down tigerheartstar and dovewing and why i think its awful ik I said that I dont really like warrior cats anymore but recently i've been thinking about some stuff regarding the series and its fandom and there's one thing that's been particularly bothering me. dovewing and tigerheart. it's just crazy to see the shift of support for tigerdove considering early 2010s warriors fandom seemed mixed on them. now there seems to be this equivocal support for them, probably because most of the fandom's exposure to the couple has been the recent books which frames them as man who loves his wife x burnt out prophecy kid who will do anything for her malewife. which theres nothing wrong with that dynamic, i think it's cute, but people really seem to forget about how tigerheart straight up groomed and treated dovewing awfully throughout oots and even in tigerheart's shadow. it seems to be a forgotten fact that tigerheart was a full grown warrior by the time he was pursuing dovepaw, who was a newly made apprentice. for perspective, this was a 6-7 moon teenager with someone almost the age of her mentor (a little younger). people try to use the excuse "oh but they're cats" and "the age gap isnt that bad" but even the recent books acknowledge with frostpaw and splashtail, that a warrior and apprentice dating is WEIRD. tbf oots was released in the early 2000s, but the fact that canonically speaking the age gap is seen as a teenager and adult relationship gives me the ick. it really puzzles me to see people get on ships like dustfern and bramblesquirrel (both of which i hate btw) for their age gaps but come up with every excuse in the books to defend tigerdove. its not even just the age gap too, again, their relationship has consisted of tigerheart manipulating and grooming dovepaw to do what he wants. in the first two books (esp the second book of oots) dovepaw is presented as someone who got attached to the cats from the journey and doesnt necessarily understand why they must act like they shouldnt exist anymore due to the borders. this is something that tigerheart LEARNS and actively takes advantage of when dovepaw questions why hes at their borders (tldr its dark forest stuff). he shifts the topic and then goes on about the journey and how he felt that they almost became friends, and that if they were in the same clan things would be easier. this may not seem like a big deal, but this goes on for the rest of their interactions whenever tiger needs to pressure her to do something she doesnt want (meeting up, trusting him, etc.) He realizes that the subject of different borders resonates with her and uses it to his advantage whenever he wants something out of her. This can especially be seen in the next book, “Night Whispers”, which kickstarted their relationship. Dovepaw accidentally ran into ShadowClan territory while hunting, and Tigerheart happens to find her there. Once again, he gives her a speech about borders being meaningless, before asking her to meet up with him before the ShadowClan patrol catches them. There’s also other examples in later books where he coerces her into meeting up or trusting him since “that’s what friends are for” or even later in that book, where he manipulates her into using Ivypaw as a captive for herbs. 

When you take this into account, plus him as a full grown warrior, starting a romantic relationship with a barely apprenticed Dovepaw who is shown as having a childish/ immature perception on romance/mates (such as her argument with Ivypaw and claiming that she should “find her own mate”), Tigerdove feels very much like grooming to me. According to the dictionary definition grooming is, “the action of attempting to form a relationship with a child or young person, with the intention of sexually assaulting them”. Of course, in this case, since it’s a young adult book, it’s to form a romantic relationship, which could also be another goal of grooming. Groomers tend to display manipulative behaviors towards the victims in order to coerce them into trusting them more. Whether that be through compliments, gifts, trying to resonate with them or make them feel special. They tend to try to get them to keep and “share” secrets, which is another tactic they utilize both to isolate the victim and to get them to feel more comfortable. 

A lot of behaviors that Tigerheart displays towards Dovepaw falls under this, including the examples I mentioned. There are a couple of other comments that he makes which come off as creepy such as Dovepaw “being his favorite sister”, which as I established, is something a groomer would say in order to make the victim feel as though they’re special and garner their trust. Which is especially the case when you note that he makes that comment in reference to Dovepaw asking about his ties to Ivypaw, which he actively lies about, and quickly reassures her that there’s nothing going on. 

This tactic of manipulation, where he either makes her feel special, or even love bombs and dissuade her from standing up for herself, doesn’t stop when she’s an apprentice. It continues when she’s a warrior, and is constantly used throughout OOTS and “Tigerheart’s Shadow”. At one point in the series, Dovewing and Tigerheart get into an argument about Dawnpelt wrongfully accusing Jayfeather of murder. When Tigerheart defends his sister, Dovewing stands up for Jayfeather, which prompts Tigerheart to try and manipulate her out of the conversation. He jumps straight to talking about how much he loved and missed her, and guilts her by asking why they had to argue like this, and why they couldn’t just “meet like before”. As for Tigerheart's Shadow, he actively goes against what she wants (to raise her kits outside the clan) and actively pressures and guilts her into coming back, before she finally relents. He doesn't care about what SHE wants, it's always about him. Whether it be secretly meeting up, or in The Last Hope, he tries to pressure her to date him again (which she FINALLY refuses and scolds him for thinking about his own needs when they're right before a final battle. as she should). It's especially upsetting in the newest book that tigerheart seems to be the only think at the center of her character. when she argues with ivypool, it's less about the two sister's interpersonal conflicts and more about her and tigerheart's relationship. which...feels like a lot of missed potential to me? i want them to argue, i want dovewing to stand up to herself against ivypool, but why does the entire conflict have to revolve around him? why can't dovewing have her own thoughts and feelings without it tying back to her awful husband?

Ok I am in rant mode again, sorry, this blog just happens to be a place where I dump all my thoughts negative and positive both, unfortunately for all who follow me. But I have seen some bad and incorrect takes from anti darkling/darklinas. So here’s just a few things I want to say.

Firstly LB has never stated that she based the darkling on her ab*sive ex. This is misinformation that was spread by antis. The only thing she has ever said about an ab*sive relationship was that she wrote the first book, Shadow and Bone, at a dark time in her life right after she had got out of a bad relationship. She has said in the past that the darkling was inspired by every bad boy she’s had a crush on in fiction including david bowie’s the goblin king. 

So it seems from these comments like the character was supposed to emulate those types of characters that woman find attractive, the ones you would fall for. 

I’ve also seen the argument that LB clearly wrote the darkling as a villain, well LB might disagree with you there as she herself has said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t write villains: 

LB says that the darkling believes he is doing the right thing and that ‘you can make a case for most of the choices he makes, even the despicable ones.’ So if LB says that she doesn’t write villains and that you can make a case for his actions you can’t really blame darkling fans for doing the same. 

The truth is LB promoted the heck out of both the darkling and darklina (or as it was known back then Darlina and Alarkling) when she was writing the og trilogy, even admitting to ‘fanning the flames’ when talking about people shipping m*lina and darklina and was clearly encouraging the shipping of both ships: 

She also put out teases for the darkling and darklina:

And promoted darklina fan edits even using the ship tags: 

It was only post the release of book three that she changed her tune, likely because of all the backlash she got about the ending of the books. So no LB wasn’t always against fans shipping darklina or liking the darkling. All of this information is easily found with a simple google search, I wasn’t even in the fandom back then being a show watcher first and yet I was still able to learn all of this with minimal difficulty. 

Which brings me to the whole darklina being an allegory for a older man manipulating a younger girl and how the darklina fans ‘missed this’. Well if they did miss it then it was for a very good reason, but the truth is darklina’s didn’t miss it, we just didn’t think it made sense within the narrative, the darklina fandom have talked about it, myself included, in fact I’ve already posted a whole pretty much essay on the topic. But let me explain why some people may have ‘missed it’ and why it doesn’t work in the story or with darklina as the allegory. The first is because LB chose to use an immortal/immortal couple for this allegory. The thing with immortality in fiction, especially as love interests, is it makes age pretty much meaningless. The whole point of immortals is that they are ageless. Immortal ships have always been accepted within fiction and this whole age gap issue has never come up before. Nobody was going omg but the age gap yuck with Bella and Edward when twilight came out, or when Magnus and Alec got together in Shadowhunters or with any of the ships in Vampire Diaries. Yet now anti’s are trying to use the argument that the darkling is 100s of years older than Alina and that’s creepy all of a sudden. Sorry but not in my book, an immortal is always going to be significantly older than anyone else what’s the alternative they spend eternity alone, never knowing love? At least with darklina they are both immortal. Another reason why it doesn’t work is because of how the darkling is described in the book, he is said to not look much older than Alina, so in the books he looks like a teenager. So of course people weren’t going to pick up on the older guy/younger girl allegory because the darkling isn’t presented in the books as an older guy. He’s described the same way every other immortal being in every YA book at that time was. It’s also worth noting that I am not sure if LB ever actually said that darklina were supposed to represent a older guy with a younger girl or whether that was something the fandom came up with. I’m not saying she didn’t just that I myself have never seen a direct quote from her that I recall and I wasn’t able to find one. I think the first time I heard of it was when someone sent me an ask about the topic. I know that she has said it was meant to serve as a warning of attractive and charismatic men being able to manipulate young girls but I don’t know that she herself has ever talked about an age gap or specifically mentioned older men? 

Another thing that I have been seeing alot of are comments like darkling/darklina fans only like him because he is hot. What bothers me about this is firstly even if that were true and the only reason people liked him was because he is hot, so what? There’s nothing wrong with that, its fiction and fiction is used to escape for a bit, its for enjoyment and entertainment, so if that enjoyment and entertainment comes in the form of staring at the hot guy irregardless of whether they are the hero or villain, let them be. Why are you criticising the way someone enjoys fiction? Sometimes a gal just wants to look at the hot guy. Secondly its just a really irrelevant argument because the darkling is not the only hot, charismatic character in the books or show. M*l is also described as being attractive and charismatic with no shortage of friends and girls, Nikolai is another character that fits that description, so by this argument the only reason M*l fans like him is because he is hot, and the only reason Nikolai fans like him is because he is hot. Thirdly its just plainly not true, whilst I am sure there may be some fans who only like him because he is hot, again nothing wrong with that, most fans like him for a variety of different reasons because he is an interesting and complicated character. As someone who spends a fair bit of time in the darkling/darklina tags the most common reason I have seen for fans liking him is because of his dedication to the grisha, his willingness to fight for the grisha something that he has dedicated 100′s of years of his life too. Personally I like Aleksander/the darkling because he has a sympathetic backstory, because he is fighting for the grisha and when seeing that they had no place to go where they could be free from fear he vowed to make them a safe place, a sanctuary, of course I am going to root for that goal too. I like him because he is complicated and complex and despite being an immortal being who has become deeply effected by past traumas there is still something beautifully human about him, particularly in the show. I also like the connection he has with Alina, the whole yin/yang of it and them being each others balance. I love the complexity and angst of them having this deep connection and pull to each other but also having this anger and sense of betrayal, how they have to try and navigate around having different points of view and seeing the world in a different ways, it makes for a very compelling story and their chemistry in the show is electric. The fact that he is hot is merely a bonus, but even if he wasn’t a conventionally attractive person I would still like his character because of those complexities, because of that connection he has with Alina. But one thing this rant has done is make me curious as to what my other fellow darkling/darklina fans like about the darkling? What drew you to the character? Anyway that’s enough ranting for one day, again my apologies, I am going to go and rewatch season 1 of shadow and bone in preparation for season 2′s release tomorrow...sheepishly shuffles off my soapbox, waving awkwardly.   

I don't know if this is a heavy question to ask- it may be. Feel free to ignore it.

But I was questioning myself if it was even an okay thing to ship Tristamp! vash x tristamp! wolfwood due to the age gap???

In the manga it was proven ww was of age (since the treatments went over a course of years) but it wasn't so clear in tristamp, especially with the whole forced growth sequence being more cut short than the manga. He may be in the body of a man but, isn't he still a child? is what I mean to ask.

At the end of the day I know they are all fictional and to block if I don't like but it still has me wondering.

I've seen a lot of people simultaneously pull "dni pedos" (which is more than okay and I agree) but then also go and ship what they ship.

I'm just genuinely confused I think. Is there something I am missing? or is he still a child in a man's body?

I don't know who else to ask, because I also know at the end of the day you're just an artist on the other end of the line. I'm sorry 😭

yeah, it's confusing because stampede never states it directly, but i'm certain that wolfwood is an adult from the brief glimpses of time shown in stampede itself and in trusting the studio themselves.

as we saw with rollo, he was experimented on for 5 years before ending up like this

and then we see him again in this same state 20 years later in episode 5. we get concrete numbers for rollo who we can estimate to be in his 20s when he dies. see here too that elendira, 20 years ago, also still looks like that, the same in the present. i'm saying all of this to dissuade any arguments that might be like "wolfwood should look older and not the same as he did in the flashback of ep 6" because there are only so many 3d models orange studio can make and design. i also think that ep 5 itself is meant to exemplify the quick years that can go by when in reference to a flashback.

the mention of wolfwood aging "in just a few months" shouldn't be an indicator of his age because narrative-wise, they only brought that up to emphasize him being a s+ grade and unique and to highlight how much he's suffered in just a short period of time. wolfwood's flashback is put together in one(1) episode, much of it is used to highlight the bond between him and livio in their childhood because that's the point of his arc. because of that, any scenes that shows him working under the eye of michael are all cut because it isn't important at this time of the show. there's a huge time gap missing in wolfwood's history because studio orange chose specific years to give weight to the arc they wanted to present to us first.

this is like the only scene we get of him doing his job under the eom, at the beginning of ep 6

and him here is different from how he is here.

so from the show itself, i think those are the obvious points that suggests wolfwood is not Still 10 years old when he gets sent to retrieve vash.

in reference to my second point of believing in the studio -- because they heavily based stampede off of maximum, i find it Hard to believe they'd randomly make wolfwood a minor because it genuinely serves no benefit to his story to make that change. there would be less weight to his bond with vash because wolfwood has always been the character to challenge vash, they're meant to be equals. much of maximum and 98, Even Badlands Rumble, play up the significance of vash and wolfwood's relationship and how the two can argue and depend on each other as people with similar life experiences. orange studio pour love into stampede and respects nightow and his craft and as a result, i think they'd keep vash and wolfwood on the same level in this adaption too.

all and all, they're both adults in previous versions and they're both adults in this version. final phase will probably give room for more of wolfwood's past experiences now that we know most of vash's story, maybe that would resolve any confusion.

hope that helps!

The anti ship debate is pointless at best and genuinely harmful at worse. It's a group of people that spend all their time saying that if you explore themes or works they personally find uncomfortable, that you are an immoral criminal that needs to face justice. This often comes in the form of exclusion, harassment, and call outs.

It seems like a perfectly reasonable response to say "I don't support people that engage with pedophilia or incestuous content", but they twist the definitions to include things like shipping a 2 year age gap or """sibling coded""" pairings (aka a ship they don't like but argue they're "like family", because people can't just be friends, and therefore it's morally incorrect to ship it). And even if these same arguments can be applied to their own preferred pairing, it doesn't count. It's very rules for thee, but not for me, and no amount of arguing or thoughtful discussion will make them see differently. These examples seem niche but I was on the wrong side of twitter for too long and can tell you this stuff is a dime a dozen these days. 💀

There are some valid comments on both sides of the argument, but the plot has officially been lost. It's just weaponizing discomfort as an excuse to bully people they don't agree with. Dhip and let ship, tag the freakier stuff and use discretion about where you put it, and then leave each other alone. It's not that hard. 😭

oh yes, the dark side of twitter... the behaviour you describe is not cool! I have seen some posts about the age gaps and minor characters and it does sometimes seem like common sense and practicality has completely evaded these discussions (like a 2 year age gap being called pedophilia or viewing teenagers as completely nonsexual until they turn 18, which, granted, I think is not connected to the pro/anti-shipping discourse alone). I do sympathise if it comes from fear for children and/or their own traumatic experiences, but harassment, call outs, and other malevolent actions towards people who haven't caused any actual harm to real-life people is not the way to go (and if there was, for example, an abuser, even then there should be a more constructive way to go about the problem and helping people who have been hurt).

you worded it really well there at the end, tag the freakier stuff and use discretion about where you put it! thankfully most people have a good head on their shoulders, I believe.

'Colonisers'

So along with saying the west is some genocidal oppressive system, another big argument is saying that the west is solely responsible for the idea of colonisation and settler colonisation. This is when people need to do their history. The UK, arguably the most successful empire in history, has been subject to being colonised so many times in history it's unreal. Viking invaders establishing settler colonies in the North-East of England are mostly responsible for why people in that region have blonde hair. I personally have about 12% of my heritage tracing back to Scandinavia. The Saxons moved over to England and intermixed with the native Anglos and Gaelic speaking peoples to create Anglo-Saxons. Then the Normans invaded in 1066 and created the modern English culture over hundreds of years.

Eastern Germany around Berlin used to be controlled by tribal Slavic groups like the Polabian people, before the Germanic people under the Holy Roman Empire conquered it and integrated the land. Spain was full of Catholic Europeans until the Umayyad conquests where Southern Spain was occupied and integrated into the Caliphate. The West has some of the most documented cases of colonising each other, invading each other, assimilating each other. African and Native American tribes had been waring each other for centuries long before the Western civilisations showed up. And this is my hot take; if you yourself believe that the colonisation of America or Africa by white Europeans were worse than the Africans and Natives slaughtering themselves and enslaving each other, then you yourself are racist. The West did exactly what any other country throughout history has ever done, but on a larger scale due to technological superiority over the rest of the globe. When the Islamic golden age was taking place, the Muslim Caliphates of Arabia conquered the Turkic lands, the Steppes, North Africa, parts of Europe, even the Ottomans who were around until only 100 years ago, subjected millions of Christians in the Balkans and enslaved them, long after places like Britain abolished slavery. In fact, the gap between 2024 and 1918 (when the Ottomans existed) is a larger gap than 1918 and 1807, which is when the UK abolished slavery.

The thing is, you don't see Saudi Arabia paying Spain reparations for conquering half of their entire country and selling their women across the Mediterranean, and you don't see Turkey giving reparations to America for raiding American ships and capturing their women too, even in recent history, Turkey has killed Americans in Syria despite being allies, and the US recently sent a variety of aircraft to Turkey to bolster their military. Meanwhile in the US, you've got affirmative action and diversity quotas, and Microsoft proudly displaying how minorities are paid more than white people, which is literally pay discrimination based off skin colour. If you asked a South African what they'd think about introducing quotas where the minority and discriminated white population get benefits, they'd tell you to leave before they drove a knife through your skull.

The point is, colonialism, oppression, slavery, it's a stain on human history, not just Western history, but at least the West has had the decency to acknowledge its dark past, teach it, learn from it, pay reparations from it, even the UK is sending aid to India, while the UK has a cost of living crisis and India has a stronger economy. The west has the freedoms and liberty to let you scream in the streets about how oppressed you are and how bad it is, something you can't do in half the world. You call the government, which is a royal family, terrible in Saudi Arabia and you get hanged for treason or beheaded, same if you're openly gay. Yes we've done some bad things, but no one is innocent throughout history. What matters is what we do now.

i feel like alysmond is sooo much more problematic than dettles. alys is aemond's prisoner! netty is a dragonrider and has much more power in the relationship than alys. the age gap is literally the same. i'm so sick of the hypocrisy in this fandom.

Uh as much as I love Dettles and think it’s the best ship in F&B and the people who rag on it are haters, I would say Dettles and Alysmond are pretty much equally yoked in terms of problematic elements.

Alys doesn’t have squat to her name, but a prisoner she was not(I only say she’s a concubine to point out how hypocritical people are being because you are right, she can literally be looked at as a concubine).

Even though Aemond basically killed her entire family(man the men of F&B really are special 🤣) I doubt she actually cared about any of them like that. Her father and later demented half-brother had her working for them as a servant.

In the show the Strongs are classist(see how they treat Ser Criston who they see only as the son of a steward), so odds are Alys wasn’t treated with respect.

And yeah Nettles has a dragon, but so does Daemon. He’s a prince and besides her dragon(and the gifts he gave her) she has nothing else to her name(she wasn’t even rewarded like the dragonseeds with a title or land; I believe that is why Daemon gave her those etiquette lessons and the gifts, but if he wasn’t in love with her she would’ve been screwed).

You can also make the argument that both Aemond and Daemon were using Alys and Nettles respectively. Alys because she was a witch and so Aemond used her for her prophetic powers, while Daemon only kept Nettles close because he didn’t trust the dragonseeds.

Although those arguments would be pretty shaky given how Aemond was shown to be affectionate with Alys and if Daemon really thought the dragonseeds were a threat separating Ulf and Hugh and bringing one with him would’ve been the better choice instead of taking Netty with him.

There is also no way Daemon I have no problem murking my own blood Targaryen was willing to risk his life to save her if he didn’t love Netty.

The age thing yeah they are equally yoked on that one. A 19-year-old (who is only 16 in the show which is still an adult in the ASOIAF universe before anyone says anything) getting with a 40-year-old is weird.

As is a 17-year-old (they are probably going to age up Nettles in the show and give her Laena’s book age so she’ll be in her early 20s) getting with a 49-year-old.

Most of the time when people get with someone that much younger/older the relationship is transactional However, there are rare instances where age(as long as everyone is a legally consenting adult) is just a number. The couple just genuinely enjoys each other’s company and I believe that is the cause with both Dettles and Alysmond.

Of course, Dettles is the most romantic ship in F&B(hey don’t argue with me, argue with GRRM because he’s the one who wrote this):

No wonder why the haters try to say that scream had nothing to do with Netty. Literally name me a more romantic moment than that in this book🤷🏽‍♀️

But these ships are basically identical. We can have our preferences(I like both, but obviously Dettles is S tier for me), but they are equally iffy(like most ASOIAF ships).

Del ☕ we know a lot about Rhett's relationship with his father but do we know anything about Robby's? 👀

Now this is something I've been brewing on for damn near a year 💃

The story I crafted isn't pretty, so here is your honorary trigger warning for drug and alcohol use, major age gap relationships, overdoses, verbally abusive relationships, death, and mentions of PTSD.

Here we go

Robby's dad, Glenn, was an ex-Air Force pilot who had served in the Vietnam War; he was 41 when he met Bob's momma, Nellie Floyd, newly turned 19, having run from her small town in Texas, seeking the finer things out in California. At the time, Nellie had her eyes on everyone but Glenn, but they just kept showing up at the bar at the same time, and eventually, that led to conversation. Conversation led to dates, and dates led to something more.

It wasn't meant to last, they both knew that, but they were two lonely people desperate to feel loved. Wanted. So they kept seeing each other. No strings attached, either could walk away when they were reader.

Until Nellie learned she was pregnant. And suddenly, there was a very big string tying them together.

At first, they made it work; their first argument was over Glenn's desire to have Robert take Nellie's last name, Floyd, and by the time her little son was finally born, she was too tired to argue. Robert Floyd, it was.

Glenn made a lot of questionable decisions in his life, but the one unquestionable thing he ever did was love his son unconditionally. Bobby was his entire world, and for a few months there, it was enough to keep him from drinking. They were a happy trio.

Until they weren't.

Nellie and Glenn had absolutely nothing in common; they were so different in every way imaginable. Political views, ages, personalities, experiences. Nellie was a young, free spirit who wanted to explore the world, and Glenn was an old, weathered soul who had seen things no man should see. The last thing he wanted to do was leave his familiarity. His drinking was getting worse, and when Nellie became aware of the drug use, things took a turn for the worse.

They broke up and got back together every few weeks. Nellie would walk away because of Glenn's addiction, Glenn would temporarily clean up, beg for her to come back, and she would return. Rinse and repeat. Over, and over, and over.

During that time, Nellie met another man, one her age but no less toxic, and fell pregnant with twin girls. Where Glenn was a gentle speaker who never raised his voice in front of the children, the father of Bob's sisters had a temper like no other.

And this is where Bobby grew up. Filtering between homes, between being around a hateful man who swore and hollered like no other, and a husk of a soul that turned to the bottle to escape.

Glenn tried to get sober for his son, he really did; he managed to stay clean for the weekend visits. Took Robby to Air Force and Naval museums, even if the very sight of planes made him tremble. He's where Bob learned to love to fly; they got on planes just to turn around and come back right after landing.

They visited ships and built model planes. Glenn was no Navy boy, but he taught Bob to swim better than anyone could. He was the one to get him into surfing. Always challenged him to see who could eat the most dinner; Bob always called him out for letting him win.

Every weekend was an adventure. Bob thought his daddy was just fun like that. Glenn was just trying to keep his son from learning the truth.

But Bobby knew; he was too young to understand at the time, but in time, he would. He saw the bottles and the needles, understood what that funny smell on his dad's breath was.

Glenn passed of an overdose when Bob was eight.

Nellie tried her best to keep Bob from knowing what had happened, but Bobby has always been smart. Not only had he already put two and two together, but he had heard the conversation when the police officer came to tell his momma what happened.

Glenn was supposed to be buried, but before the funeral, Bob overheard his momma talking about moving back to Texas and kicked up a massive fit about wanting to take his dad with them. He didn't want to bury his dad in a place that he could never visit; that wasn't fair!

So, instead, Glenn was cremated, and his urn was sitting in Bob's lap for the entirety of the move to Texas. He has his own shelf wherever Bob moves, some small thing covered in model planes and tiny surfboards.

Bob's childhood was anything but perfect, and it shaped a lot of who he's become. He doesn't drink because of what happened to his father, doesn't swear or raise his voice like his sister's father did. In many ways, he strives to be the opposite of both men, but he's like his dad in so many different ways.

The only reason he ever got grounded was for sneaking out of the house to go surfing at the same weirdly specific hours Glenn did. He shared that love of planes that took him to the Navy; he got into bronc riding because it had always been on his dad's bucket list.

His meal proportions are larger than normal because being a big eater is evidently hereditary. He laughs the same; he wears glasses similar to the ones Glenn did; he unknowingly loves the same books and genres, but he lives his life so much differently.

Bobby is the result of a crippling pattern being broken; he comes from a long line of war-torn veterans on his dad's side and refuses to walk the path created by those before him. He's learned to be strong in all of the places they were weak, and he's far from perfect, but his momma always says he's something close to it.

The only thing he couldn't beat were the sensitive allergies that run on his dad's side of the family 🙄 he's out of commission every spring.

But that's just my two cents 🌼💃

i truly dislike the proship/antiship discourse, as i think forcing people to shove their opinions on complex issues in fiction into column a or column b is reductive and completely ignores the context regarding ship dynamics.

age gaps, for example, often get the context pulled out. an age gap between two people in their twenties is like

worlds different from a twenty-year-old dating a fifty-year-old, but anti ship discourse tends to treat both scenarios with the same weight.

and that's not even getting into the paedophilia discourse (which, funnily-not-funnily enough, tends to heavily target queer ships. i wonder why that is.)

the real paedos are on twitter. ao3 doesn't have a direct messaging function (grooming is much easier on sites with a dm feature), and most folks who post porn online are not intending for children to be exposed to it.

and if you really cared about these issues, why are you on tumblr telling an artist who barely gets reblogged to kill themselves for their art and not

you know

yelling at real paedophiles on twitter? yelling at the people on instagram who openly admit they are attracted to real life children and talk about sharing actual child porn?

i do not like art and fic about adults assaulting minors. but i would much prefer using my energy to protect living and breathing children than getting uppity at an author who wrote a ship like that.

on the flipside, however, i think proshippers also tend to let a lot of shit slide that they really shouldn't.

like, racism.

objectively both sides are bad for that, but like, proshippers tend to take their 'fiction doesn't affect reality' argument to mean stuff like slave x master shit about actual chattel slavery is fine. (i have SEEN this shit with my own eyes, do NOT tell this doesn't happen)

this is what i mean when i say both sides have issues with context.

it's ok to admit a ship is in poor taste and probably shouldn't be a thing. it will not kill you. you do not have to defend a gross ship because you support other ships like it.

context. matters.

and do not get me started on those toxic ass enemies to lovers ships that are really just abuse. you've got people like e.l james openly admitting she thinks abuse is a love story, and colleen hoover writing actual, physical assault as romantic. like, she doesn't even have the bdsm excuse (which doesn't really even fly with fifty shades, but you know).

you want a moment where fiction actually affects reality, check the correlation between the release of fifty shades of grey and the increase of its target demographic entering abusive relationships.

sometimes fiction does affect reality, though that fiction tends to need a huge boom in popularity and have a target demographic of people who are still figuring their shit out.

anyway i can't wait for the torrent of hatemail from both sides.

my inbox is open, though that doesn't guarantee i'm gonna read it.

On some observations

(wrt my mothpool post because I’ve been paying more attention to fandom at large to observe the Onestar nonsense)

[Link to TLDR]

I think it’s very telling how pretty much everyone seems to have interpreted the simple statement “mothpool has an age gap” as “you shouldn’t ship mothpool.”

The reality of life is that most relationships have an age gap. Even excusing the fact that people exceptionally rarely date people with the same birthday as them, it’s common to date people who are more than a year or two older/younger than you. I suppose I can blame this one on this particular fandom skewing young? As in, most people in high school date people within a grade of them. It’s rare for a freshman to date a junior, and pretty much everyone agrees freshmen shouldn’t be dating seniors. So I suppose it makes sense to apply that logic.

I bring up Mothpool sometimes because it’s such a popular ship, but it has a larger age gap than, say, Feather/Crow, a ship which is often aggressively disavowed in more puritanical communities, explicitly on the grounds of the age gap. I have my complaints with that criticism of the ship, but my point remains: that age gap is likely around nine moons — using the fact that Crow is Deadfoot’s son, and Feather is supposedly around 7 moons old when Deadfoot dies, the first fact being present in TNP itself and the second being explicit in TPB — and they meet when Crowpaw is nearly a warrior — again, see the prologue of Midnight — so it would be hypocritical to dislike that ship for age gap reasons, and yet ship Mothpool, which has a minimum age gap of nine moons*, although likely more, and meets when Leafpaw is no more than seven moons old.

*Complicated by contradictory timelines. Using only TNP, we would infer an age gap of six moons, but that’s impossible because of when Tigerstar dies. Really, Mothwing has to be a year older than Leafpaw. The time skip between TPB and TNP is either a year or six months, and both options create major contradictions, but the series treats it as a full year. I used nine months as my stated minimum because if I let Mothwing be born around the same time as Crowpaw — she’s technically older — then they’re both approximately warrior aged, and both have the same impossible age problem, which feels appropriate. At any rate, even if you use the six month age gap, it is subjectively experienced as a larger age gap, because Leafpaw is younger than Crowpaw. Furthermore, the same age gap between Mothwing and Leafpaw exists between Leafpaw(/Squirrelpaw) and Crowpaw, which is again, the same as the age gap between Crowpaw and Feathertail, but experienced as a larger age gap because the characters involved are younger.

I think the fact that the simple statement of truth that such an age gap exists causes so much strife is telling because…well, I never intended to even imply that it’s an unhealthy relationship because of said age gap. I would argue against that quite effectively by pointing out that they’re both new (med) apprentices when they meet, putting them on equal footing, and they’re in different clans, which basically nullifies the power imbalance of an age gap. Leafpaw’s crush begins young, but they don’t grow close until Leafpaw is older, and that’s when you begin to get the sense that things are reciprocated and romantic…

…statements which are all also true for Feathertail and Crowpaw.

(Arguably, Feathertail shows less interest in Crowpaw than Mothwing does in Leafpaw.)

So really the only defense to “there is an age gap between Mothwing and Leafpool” is “no, there isn’t,” because any other argument would be applied to other ships that have been disavowed.

Not that I think anyone is doing this consciously. I’ve just been turning it over and over in my head: why are some ships criticized heavily for their age gap, and others ignored?

Someone once commented that they wouldn’t date someone who was nearly 18. I, being in my 20s, agree with that — mostly because I wouldn’t date someone who was still in high school.

But would I date someone who had already graduated high school, and was maybe in their first semester of college, but because of birthday nonsense, hadn’t yet turned 18? Provided they were, again, nearly 18 — probably? There’s nothing magic that happens on someone’s 18th birthday that makes them an adult when they weren’t before.

Crowpaw might not have “graduated,” because he still hasn’t got a warrior name, but he’s canonically very nearly a warrior, and implicitly over a year old (again, see prologue of TNP + reference when Deadfoot died with when the journey begins). He spends months with Feathertail — the length of the journey is unclear, but looking at the events timeline makes me think it took them a full season — and they meet as equals (prophecy cats). The fact that this ship is considered unhealthy, but Mothpool isn’t (when Leafpaw comments frequently that she’s nervous Mothwing, having her full name, doesn’t view Leafpaw as an equal), says to me that there’s some secondary, unstated factor.

I leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine that factor, but if you need a hint: I’ve seen multiple people criticize the Bramble/Squirrel age gap also ship Squirrel/Tawny.

[Discussion welcome.]

your thing about the age gap is real – people on other platforms would have my head if they found out i shipped like, a 55 year old and like a 65 year old

the thing is that it’s not even an age gap it’s a PERCEIVED age gap because sniper looks old i guess? ??

okay just. let me illustrate this to show how utterly insane this is

here is scout. he is 27. all pictures are from the official tf2 wiki.

he looks young, sure, but honestly i don't see him being EXTREMELY young. i've seen some people be shocked he turned out to be 27, but 1) he's a mercenary who kills people for money, they're not gonna let some random kid do that, and 2) when you hit your 20s you don't suddenly become some old and wrinkly hag LMFAO you look young!!! hell, i've met plenty of people pushing thirty who look like him in terms of age.

and he obviously doesn't look like a kid like i've seen some people say he does. he looks like an adult with a bit of a baby face. some of the confusion might also stem from the fact that he's a lot skinnier than many of the other mercs, which, fair. he doesn't have a lot of muscle, like a lot of teens don't. but that's because he's a runner. he's fast. that's his whole schtick - he's small and doesn't have a lot of muscle, but he can run really fast. he doesn't HAVE to be strong. he's just quick enough that the enemy can't punish him.

and here's sniper. from what i can tell from canon he's 30-31.

i might be crazy here but he doesn't look that old???????? especially compared to the other mercs?????

like, yeah, he looks older than scout by a bit. not only does he have stubble, but his face is just generally more defined, and the hat thing has him looking more Mysterious and thus more Adult. he also has a VERY deep voice.

but that's it? he just looks like someone who's age shows a bit more? i can see arguments that sniper looks like he's closer to 35, like sure yeah but once again he looks fairly young to me. let's compare him to medic, whose age varies a lot in terms of speculation but seems to be around his 40s to 50s.

stark difference. he's clearly older for a lot of reasons (face generally modeled to appear older using sharp lines and a large lower half, slight wrinkles, in some models it appears like his hair is greying, and he generally exudes an air of confidence and authority that generally comes with age). that's what a lot of the tf2 mercs look like. here's a lineup to show you what i'm talking about.

and all this is to say that i'm sick of people thinking characters are "gross" together because one of them happens to look a bit older than the other (even though they're like the same fucking age LOL) and i want people to be nice to sniper because it's really weird to look at some character that looks maybe 35 at MOST and say he looks so old that he's creepy??? and it's also a disservice to the modelers and artists who have portrayed sniper in various tf2 media.

okay this got really out of hand sorry and i'm prob gonna leave reblogs off because this post is a half-coherent bottle of nothing but my personal pet peeves interacting with the tiktok and pinterest areas of the tf2 fandom cause holy hell i hate it out there LMAOOO okay that's over sorry for ranting

Queer head-canon

Making this list was/is a very self indulgent activity for me. I came out fairly recently and this us kinda my fun passion project atm as far as rec lists go. I wanted to put together a list of all the queer reylo fics I've read (am reading atm) - I know there's the "Queerly Beloved Reylo" collection on Ao3, which has WAY MORE fics on there, but like I said I'm basically making this list for myself first and I'm gonna be updating it as often as possible. I really don't care if no one likes this list since it's something I'm making for myself. Buuut hopefully people can get some great fics off here!! 😌💖🏳️‍🌈

If you lead me from the shore by @howls-immobile-bungalow: The seas run rampant with pirates. Islanders live in fear of the sight of the Jolly Roger. To escape an arranged marriage, Rebecca Palpatine, also known as ‘Rey’, disguises as a man and enlists on a ship, which leads to being under command of the dreaded and fearsome pirate, Captain Kylo Ren. Through living under disguise, and getting dangerously close to the Captain, Rey will explore and discover his identity as a trans man, and his understanding of his place in the world will change forever.

How to Be a Heartbreaker by @littlestarlost: Rey is a black widow. Ben is her new husband. Things aren't quite going to plan.

Thanks for the feedback by antlersantlers: Name? Age? Is this the first time you fucked Ben? Did you cum? Would you fuck Ben again? Are you a… top / switch / bottom? What is your gender identity? What is your sexual orientation? Please rate your overall satisfaction 1-10. Please write any additional feedback on the opposite side.

Hold Me Up (In The Palm Of Your Hand) by violethoure666 -> @multishiptrashh: Rey is sent to live with her aunt and uncle at eleven after the unexpected death of her father Luke. Thank god for her cousin Ben. A slow burn, no age gap, coming of age story following Ben and Rey from eleven to nineteen.

You're Not Alone by @howls-immobile-bungalow: Not your everyday College/Coffee Shop AU. Ben Solo is a creative writing major (stage name Kylo Ren), has a rock band called the Knights of Ren, and he's a trans guy out and proud since childhood. Rey Jakku is a mechanical engineering major and a trans girl still in the closet. But that's about to change for her when she meets a hot barista attending the same school as her.

The Villain I Appear to Be by Leo_Rosa: When the young idealist Sociology major Rey Johnson and the jaded and cynical Political Sciences postdoctoral fellow Ben Solo met, it was hate at first sight. But grief and desire connect them in a twisted, powerful, and secret bond, showing them just how much two lonely souls have in common, in spite of all differences that divide them. When Professor Snoke, Ben's mentor, decides to ruin Rey's life and her career, their relationship is tested – as well as their beliefs.

meet me in the aftergloom by @diesirate: Weddings are supposed to be beginnings. But not to Rey. They're endings. This one is, anyway. Or, one winter night that changes Rey Niima's life. And Ben Solo's too.

To Love Shadows and Marvels by midwinterspring: A modern startup AU with Lovecraftian elements.

Lots More by MissCoppelia: Rey and Ben are ready for another year of sexy fun at their famous annual Purim party. This year they've been planning for an orgy, which Ben is looking forward to, but does Rey feel the same?

The Dinner Party by DarkKnightDarkSide: It's Rey's 30th birthday, and her husband Ben wants to give her the most unforgettable evening. All she wants, though, is a low key night in with some good friends. Some very good friends.

the eye has to travel by @secretreylotrash: Kylo Ren is the head of the Costume Department for the Star Alliance Opera. Rey is his beleaguered assistant. It’s hell. She’s slowly crumbling under endless hours of work and impossible standards. Being a broke post-grad, their most recent argument is fought over the condition of Rey’s personal wardrobe and her inability to find anything appropriate for the Opening Night Gala this season. Kylo insists he’s handled the problem by making her dress himself, but has he? It just seems like he's making Rey stay late after work out of spite, for hours of fittings, alone with him.

Checklists and Promises by @crossingwinter: Rey's new to being a Domme, and when she comes across Kylo's sub profile, she worries she doesn't have enough experience for him. Kylo has ten years of experience subbing, after all. Soon enough, though, it's clear that even if she's something Kylo wants, she might also be someone that he needs.

(this will definitely be updated so stay tuned)

This got long but I'm fucking pissed. Content warnings for abuse mentions, trafficking mentions, discourse about discourse to prevent future discourse, "proshipper" nonsense, grooming, etc.

This is gonna be the one time I open my mouth about this because haha, hey, years of internalized fear and shame. I'm trying to lay down a boundary and that comes with so much anticipated backlash.

I do, for the record, have a background in Yelling about the crossroads of media/culture/literature/academia/games studies/trauma/capitalism. Which is a wide range and we can thank my comp exams in the PhD for that.

Since this is tumblr I also gotta just do the fuckin' disclaimer before anyone else feels like doing the "if you don't publicly condemn xyz then I'm gonna make your day worse" thing:

I don't participate in fandom and I don't ship things. I'm not about to defend specific instances or pairings because everything exists in subjective contexts, and texts especially so. But also, I have graduate degrees in English and text analysis and lived experience with CSA and trafficking that went on for a long fucking time. And I am very, very tired of being called the worst things you can call a trauma survivor because I don't care about shipping.

I'm not anti-ship, or whatever. I am not down for imposing my own trauma, feelings about it, and opinions on others in order to censor their art. Call me a proshipper if you want -- ignoring the part where I don't write fanfic or participate in fandom -- because I agree with them. I condemn CSA/CSEM, abusers, predators, the entire evil side of humanity but people who write fic aren't that. Neither are people who read it, even the most problematic of the problematic.

People can write, as fiction, as fantasy, whatever they want. There are no real people being harmed. I can distinguish between those things and, again, am a survivor of some very intense abuse. You're welcome to disagree. I'm fine with that if you're fine with me. I don't believe in absolutes when it comes to topics this complicated (and it is). I spent years on the opposite side, actually, because just the MENTION of things like incest or age gaps triggered me. And then I would do the same and get mad at the people writing it.

This is not healthy and it is not healing on either side of the argument.

But also in treating everything like such a monolithic moral purity test, where you're either good or deserve to suffer -- a test that I fail, because there is no room for things like Complexity -- you just spent a lot of time telling me I'm as bad as the people who trafficked me. Because of fiction. Because of fake things happening to fake people, based on an idea in someone else's head, people's real harm and real trauma means we're as bad as their abusers. That is so heavily the implication in so much of this talk. If I don't disregard my degrees, my training, my own experiences, my own principles and take a stand against people shipping things on the internet, I must basically be a predator!

That is violent and fucked up.

I don't want you around here, so block me and get it over with.

I (like a lot of people with trauma histories) use fiction and writing to process and heal. I don't even post them. A lot of that writing, and being able to seek it out, was helpful. It was a connection to someone else out in the world who maybe understood a little bit of the pain and fear and confusion.

There's a difference between fiction and real abuse. And the "but predators use it to groom vulnerable children" angle barely holds water -- predators use anything. Mainstream TV shows. Vending machine snacks. Gumballs. Access to a remote control to change a channel. A lot of things are more accessible and friendly to kids than making them read. Advocating for censorship, especially in today's political hellhouse, is not actually helpful. It just feels really righteous.

Which doesn't mean there aren't those trying to leverage fic to "normalize" abuse and grooming, I absolutely believe they have and do, but that does not justify externalizing your pain and trauma onto others, or policing them, or trying to take control back by claiming an imaginary moral high ground and pinning other people to it. It also doesn't mean that censoring the internet of all things icky to you saves the world, the kids, anything. It just means they'll find easier avenues, of which there are already so many. It also means you're all just attacking people from a place of presumed hurt rather than compassion, curiosity, anything like that.

So.

Anyone whose stance on this entire thing boils down to "you agree with me or you're a secret pedo enabler," you need to leave.

I'm happy to talk about it if you want! I don't think people trying to draw those lines are right but I think they're well-intentioned, until they start calling me shit that triggers entire mental collapses. You know. In the name of saving the children. Which hasn't been a red flag for conservatism and oppression for hundreds of years or anything, either. How many kids do you think are protected by shutting down places they can actually go and talk about the darkest shit in their heads? How many of us just suffer unbearable pain and isolation because the culture around us is shame-based and if you think about things like that, you're Just Like Them?

This ain't about protecting kids, basically. This discourse never has been. It's about being righteous and never examining why that is. It's about lashing out and displacement. I think the concern for victims is real, like I said, but that concern can translate to actual, real help elsewhere. People are DOING the work to make the internet safer. This? Is not that work.

You are responsible for how you manage your trauma and pain, and that has to include not taking it out on others. Full stop. Even when you disagree. Even when everything in your brain is going DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS WE MUST STOP THIS because someone ships something you think is wrong or uncomfortable. It sucks, and it sucks we have to do that, and it sucks we have to learn how. None of us asked to. None of us wanted to end up here. It's not victim blaming to say you're accountable for your own recovery.

But while you are here, maybe consider that the name/shame/blame model hasn't been working either. For hundreds of fucking years. We know shame doesn't motivate people to care, or learn.

But especially when you're weaponizing shame against trauma survivors for recognizing their own experiences in literature, art, stories. We all struggle with toxic shame. Using it against people until they agree with you?

Holy shit just look in the mirror one day, I guess. But block me first.