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#but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything
slyscoutess · 3 days
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paring: sebastian vettel x fem!singer!reader summary: pilots should learn not to comment on their favorite artists . . . or maybe this is their tactic to get what they want writer: the oldest thing in my drafts, it clearly had to be my first passion in formula 1, one of the reasons I liked watching it, listening to Florence + The Machine, I just wanted to leave my love for sebs on record
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liked by sebastianvettel, jessalexander, christinanadin and 4.636.585 others
yourusername I came for the pleasure, but I stay for the pain . . . New album DANCE FEVER. Out April 19 💙
store.yourname.com
📷: alvarezcamila
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yournameupdate MOTHER IS BACK!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ynlnthinker EVERYBODY AND THEIR CHILD FREAKING RIGHT NOW
ynlnandthesiix not her coming back after years with new music and pretending to be normal
vettelchild somebody please check on sebs, i think the man is dead right about now
leclerccough just saw sebastian vettel himself in the likes, she posted it like 2 min ago???
patitowifey father is a hardcore fan just like us fr carlandomind I didn't even know he had Instagram??? pastryf2piastri pretty sure is a fanpage, there is nothing published yet
yournamecuunt Rumors of her divorce emerged in 2020 and she disappeared from the map and now appears with an album out of nowhere
andthesixburner queen behaviour???
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lovingwags New wag in the paddock?
seen at the Australian GP with some friends and members of the band that makes up her shows and team, yn ln was present at the Australian GP, ​​we cannot confirm which garage she was in, but I think we all have a certain hope of one in specific ( Sebastian please makes us proud
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strollmothering That one blueyfever on twitter beign right all along
blueyfever OF COURSE I FCKING WAS formulaonfacts CAN'T FREAKING BELIEVE IT
ynthinker SCREAMING, CRYING AND THROWING UUUP
minivettel5 This woman is a freaking goddess
vettelhamm Sebastian must be just killing himself right about now
33tororoso Do we, Sebastian Vettel's children, finally have a mother?
maziemillian Isn't he like . . . married? blueyfever yeah! to her!!!! formulaonfacts okay grandma let's get you back to bed
whatamaxemmil I can't wait for blueyfever to be right
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yourusername for years and years the words you didn't let me write suffocated me, the art you never let me see blinded me, the places you left me humiliated me, but finally my Graceland gained a different meaning and I'm no longer stuck in the bathroom with the same headache, everything you wanted from me didn't belong to you and I finally found someone who would give me the pen and not cut out my tongue, all my love, my affection, my future and my choices belong to him.
Because of him I have Dance Fever every night.
DANCE FEVER is yours to listen now.
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yournameupdate OMG IS THAT????
ynlnthinker THAT IS SEBASTIAN VETTEL HIMSELF
vettelmemes OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
vettelchild WHAT DOES THIS MEAAAAAAN
formulaonfacts BLUEY WAS RIGHT WT???
lecfosi BLUEY THE OLDER WISER SIBLING charles_leclerc no? that would be me maxverstappen1 you are neither charles_leclerc I am her favorite lance_stroll keep dreaming
yournamecuunt the grid competing more for her mother's love than for the world championship
georgerussell63 You haven't seen them in person.
sebastianvettel posted a new video.
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liked by sebastianvettel, charles_leclerc, lovingwags and 6.569.019 others
yourusername It's been three years and a pandemic of an intense creative process, four years of silently recording every movement of my life until dance fever came to me and was finally delivered to you, four years surrounded by incredible people, and as a thank you for me Wait patiently over the last four years, I'll be sharing a little of what I've been going through.
the Dance Fever bts is now on YouTube, I'm sorry for the length, it's been four years of recording.
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charles_leclerc it's 2 in the mornig
yourusername and why aren't you sleeping, pretty sure already put you in bed?
maxverstappen1 I just stopped my sim race to watch something I basically live? yeah
vettelchild my god the amount of content from yn and sebastian, now I have diabetes and i'm still at 2019, they weren't even dating
lecsainzfosi wait . . . WHAT?
lance_stroll I will assume you got to 2020 and 2021 charles_leclerc often sleep on the sofa in their house during these landonorris you and practically everyone on the grid, even Lewlew charles_leclerc yeah but i am her favorite lance_stroll still on this?
yournamecuunt Now that you are intertwined in the world of F1, do you think Lance should just leave?
yourusername Hell no, that is my child, giving my life for him to be happy, never did anything wrong, will never do , everyone who complains about him just wants to make noise and distractions and isn't worrying about the race tsunodaaaa on my way to make a fanpage for this mother and son duo
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The soft tendrils of dawn's first light seeped through the curtains, casting a warm, golden glow upon the tranquil morning. Sebastian, now retired from the racing circuit, still grappled with the novelty of no longer being tethered to the demanding schedules of tracks worldwide. Yet, awakening beside his wife, cocooned in the serenity of their home, provided a deeply soothing sense of contentment.
As Sebastian nestled closer to his beloved, he could feel her gentle warmth radiating beside him. She slept peacefully, her worries and the frenetic pace of everyday life momentarily suspended. Ever since Bee came into their lives, their nights had become a balancing act between tending to their child's needs and stealing moments of rest. But on this particular night, they had slept deeply, as though replenishing themselves from an extended bout of weariness.
Her locks cascaded like silken waves over the pillow, delicately shrouding her serene countenance. The soft curves of her features bespoke the tranquility she had discovered in that fleeting moment of repose. A fond smile tugged at Sebastian's lips as he recalled the countless nights spent awake with her, cradling her in his arms as she delved into the depths of her creative musings. The restorative embrace of a full night's sleep had invigorated Sebastian. He savored a newfound sense of peace and autonomy, a luxury he hadn't known since bidding farewell to the adrenaline-fueled world of racing. Now, he could devote more of himself to his growing family, witnessing Bee's milestones and relishing in the simple joys of marital companionship.
As the world beyond their bedroom gradually stirred to life, the couple remained ensconced in their private sanctuary. Yet, the tranquil ambiance was momentarily shattered by the soft whimper of Bee, captured by the electronic monitor stationed nearby. With a reluctant sigh, Sebastian's wife stirred beside him, bidding farewell to the depths of slumber.
"Sebastian, your daughter wake up . . .", she groaned, as Bee's gentle cry pierced the stillness of the morning, the woman instinctively buried her face into her husband's chest, seeking refuge from the beckoning call of their daughter. Her soft sobs muffled against the warmth of his embrace, a silent plea for a few more moments of respite.
Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle softly at his wife's playful attempt to evade the inevitable. With a tender affection, he ran his fingers through her hair, soothing her frazzled nerves with each gentle stroke. Her muffled laughter reverberated against his chest, a testament to the enduring bond they shared, even amidst the chaos of parenthood. As Bee's cries persisted, Sebastian's wife reluctantly peeled herself away from the sanctuary of his embrace, a resigned smile tugging at the corners of her lips. With a loving glance exchanged between them, they silently acknowledged the shared journey of parenthood, filled with its moments of exhaustion and boundless love. With a whispered promise to return, Sebastian's wife slipped out of bed, ready to embrace the day and tend to their beloved daughter.
As the soft hues of morning bathed the room, casting a gentle glow upon their cozy sanctuary, the woman returned, cradling their precious Bee in her arms. Each step she took seemed to echo with the tender rhythm of maternal love, her eyes alight with a serene radiance that mirrored the dawn's gentle embrace.
Sebastian's heart swelled with affection as he watched his wife approach, the ethereal beauty of motherhood emanating from her every movement. With each delicate sway, Bee stirred slightly in her mother's arms, her angelic face still adorned with the remnants of sleep. As his wife drew nearer, Sebastian's eyes sparkled with an unwavering adoration, a silent testament to the profound love he held for both his wife and their darling daughter. In that fleeting moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the tender bond that bound their family together.
Bee, with her tiny hands outstretched, reached eagerly for her father, her sleepy gaze melting hearts with its innocence. Sebastian's heart skipped a beat as he eagerly scooped her up, enveloping her in a warm embrace that radiated with paternal love. With a contented sigh, his lover gently lowered Bee onto the bed, where the little one wobbled unsteadily before finding her footing. With a gleeful giggle, Bee propelled herself into her father's waiting arms, her laughter filling the room with its infectious melody. Sebastian's heart swelled with pride as he cradled their daughter close, showering her with affectionate kisses that elicited a chorus of delighted squeals. In that moment, surrounded by the warmth of their love, Sebastian's wife couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the family they had created together.
As she reclined on the bed, a gentle hand instinctively drifted to her burgeoning belly, where new life stirred with the promise of tomorrow. With each fluttering kick, her heart overflowed with anticipation, a silent prayer whispered for the blessings that lay ahead.
In the tranquil embrace of their shared love, Sebastian's wife felt as though she had finally found her own personal Graceland—a haven of warmth, purity, and boundless affection. And as the laughter of her husband and daughter echoed through the room, she knew that their home would forever be filled with the sweet symphony of love's enduring melody.
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sebastianvettel My Dearest,
As I sit down to write these words, I find myself immersed in thoughts of you, my heart overflowing with emotions that words alone cannot fully capture. Each day spent by your side feels like ascending to a throne, where you reign as my sovereign, my King. Your presence in my life has granted me a sense of liberation, a feeling of being truly Free from the constraints of the past.
Our journey together has been a whirlwind of joy and passion, a dance of souls caught in the frenzy of love. In your arms, I've discovered a rhythm unlike any other, a Choreomania that consumes us, leaving us breathless yet exhilarated. Whenever I find myself away from you, it's as if I've returned to familiar grounds, back in the embrace of a familiar town. You are my anchor, my sanctuary, my safe haven — a feeling encapsulated in the phrase Back In Town.
Together, we stand united against the odds, defying conventions and societal norms. We are rebels, fighters, Girls Against God in a world that seeks to confine us. In the depths of night, you are my beautiful paradox, my Dream Girl Evil. Your essence is both enchanting and mysterious, a captivating blend that keeps me endlessly intrigued.
Within the walls of our home, our love becomes a sanctuary, a Prayer Factory where we offer our hearts and souls in devotion to each other. It is here, in the sacred space we've created, that I find solace and strength. You possess a wisdom and insight that transcends time, a gift akin to that of the mythical Cassandra. Your intuition guides me, leading me towards a future filled with hope and promise.
In your arms, I've found my heaven, my nirvana — for Heaven is Here, whenever I'm with you. Your presence alone is enough to transform the ordinary into something extraordinary, turning mundane moments into memories I'll cherish forever. Your smile, like a radiant daffodil in a field of blooms, brings light and warmth to even the darkest of days. With you, each moment becomes a celebration of life, a testament to the beauty of love.
My love for you knows no bounds, transcending the limits of time and space. You are my guiding star illuminating the path before me with your boundless affection. Even in moments of separation, I exercise restraint, longing to hold you close yet savoring the anticipation of our reunion. Distance may test us, but it only serves to deepen my love for you, fortifying the bond we share.
Together, we are a force to be reckoned with, a Bomb waiting to explode with passion and desire. In your arms, I find solace, security, and an overwhelming sense of belonging. You are my muse, my inspiration, my Mermaid of the depths. Your allure is irresistible, drawing me in with your ethereal beauty and grace.
My dearest, these words pale in comparison to the depth of my affection for you. You are the beating heart of my existence, the light that guides me through the darkness.
With all my love,
Sebastian
tagged: yourusername
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charles_leclerc alright gonna wrap it up, never gonna be this kind of romantic
carlossainz55 not even shakespere thought about writing something like that, mate
maxverstappen1 When will it be my turn?
kellypiquet what? maxverstappen1 when will it be my turn to be this romantic
lance_stroll MAMA AND PAPA
fernandoalo_oficial beautiful letter, really big, not gonna read but it's wonderful
jensonbutton I've never seen anyone who had so much to say, my god lewishamilton stole all the romance of the century landonorris That's why we live in the century of whoredom
yournamecuunt DID HE JUST MAKE A LETTER WITH ALL HER SONGS IN ORDER?
aussiegrit he's crazy romantic sentimental like that
motheryourname why hasn't yourusername commented yet?
lance_stroll She's here crying like hell at Sebs' farewell party alex_albon She's been really emotional today, with the party and everything. landonorris It's the hormones of this new pregnancy ynthinker THE WHAT sebastianvettel Lando??? yourusername FOR FUCKS SAKE landonorris sorry, sorry SORRY MOTHER
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yunhoszn · 3 days
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ateez & the carne
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i think im pretty vocal about being latina bc im proud of being a brown queer woman #tripleminority but one of my favorite things to do is headcanon idols as latine and the teezers are no different so here’s how i think they would be at a carne + their latino names <3
@atzhouse @juyofans
𖥔 hongjoong would be a hit at the carne tbh. like alllll the tias would be on him asking him all these questions about what he does and stuff LOL he has the most latino energy imo and i feel like he would be chopping it up spilling chisme and learning all the family drama 😭 his latino name is hector btw.
𖥔 seonghwa would also be a tia favorite. they would NAWT be leaving him alone i fear… they’d get him in the cumbia circle QUICK brother isnt leaving without dancing to el baile del gorila by massore at least once. i feel like he’d love the music yk? his latino name is sebastián.
𖥔 yunho… sweet sweet yunho… everyone loves him bc he’s so kind and respectful. the only reason he wouldn’t be hounded by the tias is bc all the little cousins are HOARDING HIM TO PLAY WITH THEM!! he’ll take a break to eat and the kids are like NOOOOOO COME BACK :(( and it’s so cute. but his favorite part is obviously all the meat LMFAOOO his latino name is diego.
𖥔 yeosang is a family favorite. an all rounder if u will. he would make his way around the whole backyard to meet everyone bc he wants to know the whole family </3 he would get along best with the older cousins and their s/os i feel bc he’s so funny and so polite. his latino name is rafael.
𖥔 san is also a family favorite. he gets along with the tios most bc yk… beefy man and they wanna see what all the hype is about. the older male cousins are asking him his workout routine and EVERYTHING LLWMSKWNE but also like yun, the little cousins are dragging him to play with them and whining when he takes a break. the tias are gushing about how handsome he is. his latino name is santiago.
𖥔 mingi is another tia favorite! he’s tall and handsome and his stupid jokes makes them CACKLE they jajajaja the night away with him. but the older cousins are also invested BC he’s so funny LOL i’m picturing him in a setting with my own family and they’d also mess with him so much bc he’s gullible as shit 😭 but they’d love him trust <3 his latino name is miguel.
𖥔 wooyoung… now wooyoung is the type to jokingly flirt with the tias and they feed into it HELLA 😭 but he’s also super cool with the tios esp bc he likes cooking so he’s like learning alllllll the carne seasoning and marinating techniques and how to barbecue with them and that’s major brownie points for him. they’d coerce him into taking shots though bc that’s the only way to stop him from being a gremlin. his latino name is mateo.
𖥔 jongho #1 ladies man tbh the tias would think he’s so cute. he would probably feel a little overwhelmed at first bc carnes are LOUD and OBNOXIOUS and that’s just… not for him. but he would do anything to make his s/o happy and if that means attending these to win over ur family he will! he would kinda stick by his s/o’s side the whole time until he opens up and then he’s drinking with the older cousins and the tios like nothing! his latino name is josé.
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© yunhoszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.
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theoraclej · 19 hours
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well, that was bitterly disappointing to the depths of my soul.
yes, I'm talking about Tech.
he deserved better. the BATCH deserved better. OMEGA deserved better.
I don't like the way they basically just erased any and all grief for Tech except for a couple of fucking off-hand mentions that barely whetted the appetite for more of the only character I really identified with
because I'm the info dumping autistic guy in my irl groups
and to see him shuffled off in the manner they used was a fucking insult
and to be teased about it by the show creators
or worse, harassed by the bad lot of Star Wars fans
and to kill off their autistic guy who DEFINITELY had chemistry and the first hints of flirty bonding with a Black woman is a bad look, v bad look
imo they botched the whole finale, not just the Tech thing because like look:
I guess this zillo beast is just gonna live on that planet now, instead of getting involved in the story they had it fuck off to the jungle - what
CX-2? who was he? too bad we'll never know because he was dropped before he was identified
it was shot so dark, everything was hard to see, and mind you my television set is especially tuned for it to NOT be dark because I hate that shit, I am going to be forced to watch it again despite not wanting to so I can listen to the audio descriptions and better understand the fights
they totally dropped Omega's force sensitivity stuff, like I wanted to know more about that, and about the other kids, will they even be safe? cause we know the empire keeps stealing force sensitive kids
speaking of those kids, what even was the point? the research was destroyed yet we know project necromancer is eventually successful or maybe they're retconning that too, who knows, all the rules are off the table and nothing matters
writing was inconsistent for an episode meant to be important
Crosshair did not deserve to have his hand cut off. I know prosthetics are "easier" and "more accessible" in this universe but also I don't give a fuck, just insult to injury and more, this man has suffered enough from the moment they jacked his chip up to 11
back to Tech: they spent so much time being cute little shits about him that his return seemed inevitable, as I watched the season I kept counting down time left for him to show up, and I had hopes all the way through until the first fade to black, only to be bitterly reminded of his death with the goggles in Omega's ship
--
two highlights I did enjoy - Omega and Hunter at the end, making me wonder if there will be a show about Omega set during the rebellion or if she'll show up in The Mandalorian or Ahsoka
Nala Se killing the shit out of rampart as she herself died, thank you Nala Se
but overall UGH, I will be tender from this one for awhile, I almost want to cancel Disney+ until I feel able to watch Star Wars stuff again
might write some fix-it fic, I'm too hurt right now tho
I'm commiserating with the rest of you who seem to have much the same reaction to this disaster of a finale
so yeah, we all deserved better, fictional folks and real folks and zillo beasts alike
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heavenlymorals · 3 days
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(Warning: There are mentions of sexism in this post because I refuse to not acknowledge the time these people were living in and what that entails for men and women.)
The saddest thing about the Arthur and Mary romance is that it didn't happen because they were plagued by the same problem- family in 1800s America and what that entailed for men and women.
In Arthur's case, it was more obvious. He felt he had a debt to the gang, a debt he could never pay back- to Dutch and Hosea, his father figures who saved him, to the men he saw as brothers in arms, to the women he had to take care of and loved, and he could never for once think for a moment that he could also be kind to himself. Arthur Morgan, a strong man, a provider, a protector, someone that people NEEDED. Never once did people in the game ask Arthur what HE wants. It's always about their needs, and Arthur, being who he is, a selfless person to selfish people, would slave away to the ends of the Earth, to hell and back, just to be that pillar that they see him as, for Arthur Morgan is a man who had the world on his shoulders and couldn't, not even once, think about giving that responsibility to another man. He never could. His family consumed him to where his truest self, his most authentic self came only in the thin pages of a leather journal and the voice of lead. His family consumed him and the love he had for Mary, this want to have for once, something truly to himself, was inconceivable. How could he leave them? How? He couldn't. No matter how much he may want to, he just can't.
For Mary? Her family consumed her long ago, as soon as she was born, for she committed the cardinal sin of being born a woman in the 1800s. Whatever ambitions she had, they were impossible. The world made her horribly dependent from the moment she was born. Her prospects was being a lady, knowing department, and securing a marriage for the sake of her family and herself, otherwise, more likely than not, she will be thrusted into poverty or shame or both. And then she met Arthur and he showed her a world beyond the gilded age and she was happy because this love she had for him was her own and her experiences were ones that she wanted, not that her family wanted. She was happy with him, so terribly happy, but her dependence on her family crushed her- socially, economically, culturally. So when her family forced her to marry Mr. Linton, she agreed and forsaked her own love because how could she abandon her family? Her elopement would shame them and make her a disgrace to her sex.
They were both trapped by their families for different reasons but in the end, they decide to put themselves first and it was already too late.
When Mary called for Arthur, it wasn't for him and if it was, she masked it up by asking him for help with her family, the family that she forsaked everything for because how could she not? And Arthur helped. By God, he helped. Not necessarily because he wants to, but that's what love has done to him. It made him the one work stallion out of many who will one day be put down by sheer exhaustion of the weight on its back and the reward of very little. And Arthur would leave and go back to the gang, because how could he leave them?
But after years of abuse, loss of personhood, and the struggles of being a woman in 1800s America, Mary decides to be selfish. She saw how her father saw her as truly less than nothing when he decided to sell a broach that belonged to her beloved mother and then to be passed on to her. All that suffering she went through meant nothing because her father has shamed the family she tried so hard to keep happy and her brother was off to college and was no longer held on by the shackles of the wayward patriarch, Mr. Gillis. She decides to be selfish and asks Arthur to run away with her, so she can finally make do on that proposal long ago to be together, married and happy.
But Arthur then makes the same decision she made all those years ago when he proposed to her. He chooses his family. They need him, but maybe now it's finally over? He can pay his debt to them, have them live happy and free, and then chase his own happiness, his own treasure in the image of a wonderful and beautiful creature by the name of Mary Linton- and maybe in the future, Mary Morgan. After over 20 years- maybe he can be selfish.
But when he realized that these people that he dedicated his life to were draining him of life and hopes and dreams and gave him nothing in return but more troubles, it was too late.
He couldn't let go of these people who ruined him and Mary realized this. Her final letter was a heartfelt goodbye because as she finally broke free of those binds that tied her, Arthur didn't or couldn't. He made the same mistake as she did all those years ago and she couldn't handle such heartbreak anymore, for their souls were slaves to them who didn't deserve it.
And when Arthur finally did break free of those soulful chains, of those people who he loved so deeply, it was too late. Sickness turned a strong man to a husk and as he choked on his blood, he could only get solace from the fact that he tried. He tried to be his authentic self, he tried to be his own man with his own actions, he tried to be good, he tried to change, he tried, and his reward?
Choking and gasping on his blood due to actions in the past he never wanted to do but did anyways because the people he loved asked him to and he just couldn't say no.
Both Mary and Arthur loved each other. Fully and deeply but as their souls were entwined, their bodies and minds were held in bondage by a man's duty to protect and provide and a woman's duty of deportment and honor to families who ruined them. Both of them expect the other to forsake their family for them, but neither of them could do that at the correct time together.
All that remains of that love, true and pure, is Mary's ring on another woman's finger through her wish that Arthur could give the ring to another couple who weren't trapped in the same duty that they were, and that if they were, they had the strength to be selfish.
What a sad, sad story of two poor souls, Arthur Morgan and Mary Linton.
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scaly-freaks · 1 day
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a cage she'd live in forever
ignore me just randomly re-posting stuff into the vacuum i guess (i'll probably repost my rhaenicent fic next)
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Aemond’s stoic manner doesn’t last.
Alicent took one look at her son during the confrontation with Rhaenyra, and understood he was pretending to be a man. He was forcing himself to grow up faster in the face of a cold, callous court, just as she once had. It broke her heart.
Now he’s back in King’s Landing, in the safety of his own chambers, and his voice cracks when he asks his mother to help apply salve to his eye. He doesn’t like the servants touching it.
Each crack in Aemond’s young voice drives her further into madness.
Madness to Alicent was never a legible concept.
It’s tucked away into the neat folds of her green sleeves, a problem for later.
She’s no Targaryen. There is no fire and blood to reckon with here.
And yet she sees her child suffer and she wants to burn down this cursed castle with herself in it.
You let this happen to him. You should have been more vigilant. You knew how obsessed he was with those beasts. YOU DID THIS.
Viserys plays no part in her judgements. The old man gave his seed and withered into the peripheral. These are her children. Alicent has the right to be possessive over them at least. Nothing else in her life has ever truly been hers.
Her title of ‘queen’ belonged to a woman more well-loved by her husband. Her name of ‘Hightower’ belongs to the men in her family. Her regal status could be snatched at any moment should the king die.
But her children she bore and birthed, they are hers.
Even so, they still ask for their father. They haven’t yet learned.
“Why does he like them more than he likes us?” Aegon mumbled to her when she can get a sober word out of him. “I thought he wanted us. I thought he wanted me.”
In a rare moment of affection – slapping Aegon was the worst thing she could have done in that room, she sees that now – she stroked the back of his silver head and made a soft, comforting sound.
“He does want you. He always wanted you.” She lies to her children with ease, just like she lies to everyone else.
When Aegon was born, no matter how it traumatised her to give birth so young, she had celebrated, thinking life would be better now that she was the queen who had managed to birth a male heir for the king.
It changed nothing.
Helaena was born and her depression grew worse.
She tries to forget what she’d done days after the birth, as if it were nothing more than a horrible nightmare. But she can’t forget the screams of her ladies-in-waiting, how they’d dragged her off the ledge. Helaena had been in her arms, shrieking miserably.
Alicent had begged her and begged her to stop crying, that she could do no more for her, that they were both helpless.
At some point, the crying faded into nothing, and the next thing she knew, she was standing on the window ledge, staring down at Maegor’s Holdfast, with her baby girl clutched to her chest.
There’s no doubt in her mind now that she would have jumped if they hadn’t found her.
She was dragged back to her cage, and her father came to rebuke her for her ungratefulness. She didn’t know how to tell him what was wrong. She didn’t know when everything went so perfectly wrong.
Aemond was born when she was happiest. She had grown a little older, become more well-adjusted. And a second son was further proof of her fertility, as well as another pillar to hold up both House Targaryen and Hightower. He was a beautiful baby, wide-eyed and gurgling. He was the happiest baby she’d ever had.
The happiness wears away the older he grows, but sometimes, when she cups his chin in her palm and makes a kissy sound, he beams, and she sees the precious infant again.
He isn’t smiling now. His shoulders are hunched, and he won’t look up, not even when she speaks to him.
Helaena sits on the corner of his bed, glancing up from time to time as she mumbles under her breath.
Alicent looks at her and doesn’t understand her, but there’s something about the girl no one can help but love. And Alicent does, painfully. The guilt of that window ledge will never leave her.
Helaena worries more than she lets on and will often wander into a room and sit in the corner like a watchful ghost when someone in her family is hurting. Alicent can’t count the nights she’s cried into her hands only to look up and see Helaena’s large eyes peering at her from the shadows. It never fails to make her laugh through the tears.
“Is Vhagar fed?” She coaxes Aemond on his favourite subject. She has no love for the dragon, but she uses her to get her son to speak.
He grunts, fiddling with his fingers. She wonders what confusion is now curdling in his young head. All her children are sad in their own ways, as sad as their mother, and she doesn’t know what to do. Leave well enough alone, Otto tells her, and Alicent can’t help thinking he might be right. He did the same with her after all.
“You were brave, Aemond. Your nephews would never have held their own the way you did.” Alicent wipes her fingers clean of salve and lifts his face up. He stares at her with his one, pale violet eye and she feels a burst of rage upon seeing the wound. It’s so strong it makes her nauseous.
“Even our uncle noticed,” Helaena hums. She looks up when she realises her mother and brother are staring at her. Then, she shrugs, stroking the dead centipede in her hand. It died this morning on her pillow. “I think he liked your bravery. But he would never say it.”
Daemon’s baleful, amused eyes flash across Alicent’s vision and she recalls her childhood infatuation with him. She grew out of it and happily so. It does not surprise her that Daemon would look at his brother’s children and see himself in them. He’s always boasted of himself as stronger than Viserys. It would entertain him to see a boy so like himself come from a woman he deems strait-laced and dull and a brother he considers weak.
“Our uncle,” Aemond scoffs. “He slept with her.”
“With whom?” Alicent’s head snaps around.
“Our father’s only child,” he spits out, venom in the words.
Rhaenyra.
“How do you know this?” Her eyes are wide and terrified, picturing a scenario where Aemond bursts out with this information at the wrong moment and gets punished.
“I was waiting to slip out and go to the beach, but I couldn’t find a good time. I saw them leave together. I know what they went to do. I’m not a child, mother.”
“Aemond, you must never speak of this again.”
“Why not?” He gets to his feet, all Targaryen rage and impulsivity. “Why must we always keep our mouths shut while she gets to do whatever she wants?”
Alicent breathes in, willing herself to stay calm.
Taking both his hands in hers, she kisses them and holds them against her cheek, reminding herself that all her children are still here. Daeron is safe in Oldtown. Her eldest three are here with her. They’re not gone yet. Daemon can’t do a thing to them. Daemon, not Rhaenyra, because even she knows her childhood friend would not willingly cut the throats of her own siblings.
“There will come a time when we will no longer live in fear of what Rhaenyra and her brood do or say to us,” she tells him. “But it is not that time yet.”
“Do you mean when father dies?” Helaena pipes up.
Alicent hushes her. “Don’t say such things out loud.” Her eyes dart to the door. Larys has spies everywhere, and though he might act innocuous with his crooked smile and haunted eyes, she knows him too well to think he’s loyal to her. He’s loyal to himself alone, as proven by the deaths of his kin. “But I assure you, Aemond, your patience will be rewarded, not just with a dragon, but by the respect of the entire realm. You are my warrior, my boy, my prince. Nothing will ever change that. Understand?”
Aemond grinds his teeth – it’s a habit she’s trying to help him out of – but he nods, slow at first, but then, with a greater degree of certainty. He believes her.
She glances at Helaena, a wordless signal that they should leave Aemond alone for a while.
At the door, she turns to look at him one last time, and smiles.
He brings peace to her heart, not because she loves him more than the other children, but because she knows he sees outside of himself, just like she was trained to. He will protect his siblings if Alicent is no longer there to do so.
Aemond is her favourite because he is exactly what she pictured when she imagined what it would be like to have a son.
Now they see you as you are.
Alicent wakes in a cold sweat, Rhaenyra’s vicious violet eyes burned into the backs of her eyelids. Her dreams are cruel to her. One moment Nyra’s head is in her lap, her young face alight with pleasure at the thought of flying away with Alicent and finding places no one else will ever reach. And then there’s a knife in her hand and Rhaenyra is bleeding out all over her green dress.
She can never control her dreams. Either she hurts Rhaenyra by the end, or Rhaenyra rips off her mask and shows her what she is.
A frightened young girl turned into a cold, enraged woman.
Her brother Gwayne used to reassure her she would be an excellent wife and mother to some very lucky minor lord. They were children of a second son, it was the most they could expect, even if their father was the Hand. And Alicent had revelled in the imagery. Gwayne was always kind to her, loving her the way younger brothers do, without question and without strife.
She never felt worthy of his simple love. She never believed she would be as good a woman as he believed she would. But often, on nights she can’t sleep, she thinks of all Gwayne told her and measures herself against it.
If she measures herself against what Rhaenyra promised she would grow to become, she’ll cry herself to death.
You are the sweetest person I’ve ever known. Everyone in this court looks at me and they see a princess, not a prince. They see what I am not, what I should have been. But you look at me and I feel strong, as if even I could bear the weight of my father’s crown. Do you know the worth of such a quality, Alice? You give strength to those who feel forsaken.
That last sentence was what echoed in Alicent’s mind the night she rushed out of the Great Hall, away from Rhaenyra’s bloodstained wedding, to find Criston Cole kneeling in the godswood, with a knife angled towards himself.
She wonders what Rhaenyra would feel knowing she herself is the reason Criston still lives.
A shadow stirs under her door and she hears the familiar clink of armour.
The guards change at midnight, and he comes to stand by her door, ever unable to sleep when the night is darkest. Alicent has memorised the sound.
Some nights, she can’t sleep until she hears the clink. Her heart doesn’t settle in the right place until Criston moves in front of her rooms, as if he’ll protect her from the hurricane waiting outside.
But no matter how she tries, tonight, sleep evades her.
She gets up and summons one of her maidservants, asking for a cup of mulled wine.
When the door opens, Criston moves an inch to the left, as if expecting trouble. Their eyes lock.
Alicent clutches her robe tighter around herself, suddenly aware of how little she’s wearing in comparison to her daytime garb. Her hair is loose from its coif, and falls in unruly curls down her back, large eyes betraying an age that is still not old enough for the troubles she bears.
“Ser Criston,” she calls, before he can close the door.
He walks into the doorway. “My Queen.”
She inclines her head to indicate he enter. He does so without a flicker in his expression, ever prepared to serve.
“Are you well, my Queen?”
Her palms are sweaty. She’s never been more aware of anything in her life. Whether it’s his presence or the lingering aftermath of her dream, she does not know.
“I could not sleep.”
His brown eyes peer at her through his lashes. They’re so large, they appear wholly sincere, but she’s seen them turn cruel at the mention of Rhaenyra. Never has a man confused her as much as Criston Cole.
Daemon, enigma as he seeks to appear, is fairly predictable within his impulsivity. If one wants trouble, look to the Targaryen prince with not a chip, but a giant oak tree on his shoulder. He’s always certain trouble.
But Criston can pass for serene and dutiful and be something totally different underneath.
Yet with her, Alicent believes he is at her service. She just often has doubts as to the precise reasons why. It can’t all be because she saved him from killing himself.
“The maid – “ he begins.
“Yes, she’s gone to fetch me a jug of mulled wine. I was hoping you would partake of it with me, Ser Criston.”
He bows his head in agreement.
Alicent’s mouth twitches in a sad smile.
He never suspects she may have ulterior motives.
Even to a man as guarded as this, she is laced so tightly, he would never suspect otherwise.
She’s never wanted to be like Rhaenyra – at least not to be in her situation – but now she does. To be able to say something charming, quick-witted, and break the ice, it would be a relief.
The maid returns with the wine and Alicent pours for the knight, setting the cup beside him.
“I appreciate how much you do for my children, Ser Criston.” She gestures for him to sit, and when he does, carefully seats herself beside him.
He keeps his eyes on the ground when he nods. “It is my duty, Your Grace. I will always work in the favour of the princes and the princess.”
“You go above and beyond.”
Now he looks at her and she sees a spark of surprise. “Have I overstepped, Your Grace?”
Alicent’s face softens, and she reaches to rest her hand on his gauntlet. “No. No, you have not. I am commending you, Criston. Not everything is a question of your ability. I will never doubt that.”
She hears him breathe out, but he still appears discomfited. She takes a sip from her own cup, hoping to encourage him to drink from his. A few seconds pass, and he mirrors her action. They smile at each other. Hers is wider, and his is small, but grows the longer he lets himself gaze into her eyes.
“May I ask what troubles you, my Queen?”
He knows. He must.
He was there in the room after the fight between Rhaenyra and Alicent was broken up. He’d watched her cry with Aemond’s bloodied face tucked against her neck. He was the one who had guided them both out, away from the court’s judgemental eyes, somewhere safe to grieve alone.
“I dreamt of Rhaenyra. Of our younger days.”
He keeps his face carefully smooth. “I remember that you were good friends. She always spoke highly of you.”
At least he’s not calling her a spoiled cunt anymore.
“She spoke well of you too,” Alicent admits. “Though I never saw when it was that she grew a particular affection for you. I was adept at reading those signs in her. With Daemon it was youthful infatuation. I was guilty of it too for a while. But you, I had no idea.”
A muscle in his jaw pulses. He’s staring into the cup of wine as if it will tell him what to say next, or what to do.
Alicent waits.
“I don’t think she held an affection for me the way I did for her,” he says at length. “I misread her cues. Had I known, I would never have offered what I did on our way to Driftmark. And she’d never had had the chance to prove just how little I meant in her world.”
“Did you – “ Alicent pauses, clears her throat, as if this isn’t something she should ask. Criston glances at her, expectant. “Did you like her a lot?”
His mouth tugs upwards with a tinge of bitterness. “It was my first time at court, away from war. And I was in the service of a princess. I’d heard one too many ballads, and she had a sweet smile. I saw everyone underestimate her. I saw her father harangue her to accept marriage proposals she didn’t want. It tangled up my views on love and duty, and my protectiveness grew into something more. It was youth’s folly on my part. It wasn’t until later that I learned she came to me after her uncle left her stranded in a brothel down in the city.”
Alicent nods, a knot stuck in her throat. She still remembers the pain in her stomach when her father first told her of the news, and that he was being banished from court for it. She remembers the way Rhaenyra’s voice trembled when she dubbed it a “vile accusation.” And yet it was never far from the truth.
Now Alicent understood exactly why Rhaenyra went to Ser Criston afterwards.
She knows this man has failed to forgive Rhaenyra’s youthful indiscretions, just as much as he refuses to forgive his own, but she feels pity for him regardless.
There’s no sense of betrayal towards the princess. Rhaenyra stopped feeling pity for Alicent the moment she was coerced into becoming her new stepmother. Alicent has ceased feeling that stab of guilt whenever she spoke against the princess in her absence. Life goes on.
“Everyone commits folly in their youth. It is of no consequence.” She says the words but doesn’t truly feel them. Her own youth was wasted in biting her cuticles till they bled and praying she did no wrong in her father’s eyes. Hardly a youth at all.
“Not you, my Queen.”
Alicent almost flinches in surprise. Criston has a look of amusement on his face. It takes her a moment to process, and then she laughs, uncertain. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t believe you’ve ever committed a folly as a child.”
“I have. Plenty of them. My father was always admonishing me for them.”
“What your father deems follies, aren’t really follies. He watches Aegon with the same focus he once used on you.” Criston’s implication is clear.
Just like Aegon, Alicent was once a pawn to move around as Otto saw fit. It doesn’t feel right to allow a member of the Kingsguard to absolve her of her perceived sins, but she leans into the feeling, letting it envelop her in comfort.
“I regret one thing in regard to you,” she mutters, looking away before the heat of the wine reaches her cheeks.
“What’s that?”
“The way I referred to you when you took of your helmet during your first tourney here.”
“’Gods, he’s Dornish’?”
Alicent’s eyes widen. Criston’s voice ripples with laughter. “Rhaenyra told me. I found it amusing.”
“I did not mean it to denigrate you,” Alicent says quickly. “I swear. I just meant – I hadn’t seen many Dornish folk growing up, and I wasn’t expecting – “
“It’s alright, Your Grace,” Criston cuts her off, eyes crinkled at the corners.
He looks young again, the way she remembers.
Alicent heaves a sigh, and then laughs, embarrassed.
They both drift into a comfortable silence, each glancing up while the other isn’t looking. It happens three times before their gazes finally meet and then suddenly, neither can look away.
She tries, but the urge to drown in the dark chasm of his eyes is more enticing than anything her husband has ever said or done to her.
Criston looks away first, but it’s to reach under his gauntlet. “I brought something. I thought the young prince might like it. Losing an eye at such an age is a great blow. I know he wishes to become a better warrior, and I fear it may create problems.”
Alicent’s face falls at the mention of Aemond’s injury. “Yes, well, there’s nothing to be done. His eye is gone.” Her voice cracks, just like her son’s had.
Criston stops fiddling with the gauntlet and stares at her. It’s as if he wants to reach across and comfort her with something more tangible than words.
But instead, he removes what he was looking for and holds it out.
It’s a leather eyepatch.
“I had it made. It’s well-padded and it will fit the circumference of his head. I know he is self-conscious about the scar, but once the wound heals, he can cover most of it.”
Alicent doesn’t speak. Her eyes glimmer with an emotion she can’t put a name to and her fingers tremble as they take the patch from Criston’s palm. Her bottom lip quivers, and she sniffs, trying not to give into the weight of grief upon her chest.
“Your Grace,” Criston murmurs, troubled at her reaction.
“Don’t – “ she seals her lips, and squeezes her eyes shut, letting the tears fall free. “Don’t call me that. Call me Alicent for once. I hear the name my mother gave me so little these days.”
He swallows, something unreadable flickering across his face. “Alicent.”
She inhales, a shivering breath, and clutches the eyepatch to her chest. “He’s going to look like a Braavosi ruffian,” she laughs, but it sounds more like a sob. “It would be highly improper.”
Criston shrugs and grins. “The boy deserves to go around however he wants after the trouble he’s had, no?”
She can already picture the scowl on her father’s face when he sees the patch.
It’s what convinces her to set aside her qualms.
Aemond will adore it. He has a knack for going straight for the thing he’s not supposed to, and just as with Vhagar, he’ll continue to make those decisions well into the future. At least Alicent can give him her blessing on this one.
“Thank you,” she says, and her voice barely breaks above a whisper. “You are good to me. To us.”
They smile at each other, and a picture of utter serenity invades her mind’s eye.
In it, her children don’t have silver hair, but red locks like her own, and deep, beautiful brown eyes like his. Their home is small, but happy, and each night when he returns, all four of them run to him, trying to tell him about their day at the same time. Alicent lingers in the back, waiting for her turn, knowing it will always come.
“Your Grace?”
The formal address shatters her vision like an arrow through glass.
She blinks, bringing herself to reality, to the quiet, dark room, so spacious and luxurious.
And him.
He’s closer now, and his hand is halfway up, as if he’s unsure whether he’s allowed to touch her.
Alicent takes it without thinking and kisses the back before pressing it to her cheek.
He doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t say a word. His fingers tighten around hers and his armour shifts as he leans in.
Alicent doesn’t lift her head. She’s afraid of what she might see in the reflection of his eyes. She’s afraid she’ll see herself, yearning, something she’s long forced herself never to do.
“Alicent.”
“I won’t,” she whispers. “I won’t make you break your oath a second time. I’m not like her. I’m not her.”
“I know. I know.” He sets his other hand beneath hers, supporting it. “You’re not Rhaenyra. You are yourself. And I chose to serve you for that, not because I owe you my life and my dignity.”
“Rhaenyra made her choices out of youthful folly, and I am a grown woman. This is wrong.” She lets go of his hand, but he tightens his grip before she can take hers back. It’s not an aggressive hold, but it’s enough to keep her reined in close to him.
“I would never encourage you to do anything you did not want to, my Queen,” he says, and she now sees what Rhaenyra saw in him.
That wide-eyed devotion, the darkness stirring just underneath, as if he would do anything Alicent asked, no matter how cruel.
How could anyone say no to such intensity? Except Rhaenyra used him as a replacement, and Alicent has nothing to replace. She is a grown woman, but in this aspect, her experience is lacklustre.
“I don’t know what I want,” she chokes out, biting her lip to keep it from trembling.
“That’s not quite true, is it?” he says kindly.
She shakes her head. “I want a great many things, most of them to do with my children. But for myself, I don’t know what I want. Perhaps I want to sleep. Or to be at peace. Or maybe I want never to worry about another thing as long as I live.”
Her voice breaks as she remembers Aemond wiping his tears with haste so she won’t see them, and Aegon turning away to hide how her words trouble him, and Helaena – sweet Helaena – hoping her mother will understand what she means without having to try and explain it all the time.
And then she looks up at Criston and he is looking at her, only her.
Not Alicent the queen, nor Alicent the mother, nor Alicent the daughter.
Just Alicent.
She leans in for the space of a long sigh, and kisses his lips, seeking a taste of what it is that makes him see her that way.
Criston doesn’t let her pull back. His hand is behind her head – gentle, as if she were made of crystal – and his lips move like warm silk, pressed over her mouth. He kisses each corner, and then the bow of her upper lip, his breath soaked into hers. The scent of mulled wine is strong, but underneath, she tastes something sweeter. She wonders if she’s imagining it.
He manoeuvres her with an ease that steals her breath away.
One moment she’s on the seat, the next she’s half on his lap and his arm is braced around her slender waist.
She’s never been kissed like this before, like the centre of the universe is hidden between her lips and he means to steal it.
“Criston – “
His name is muffled in the wet slide of his tongue over hers, and she isn’t sure what she means to say next. He doesn’t give her the chance to think about it. His hand braces against the side of her neck, pulling her closer, until she’s caged.
This is a cage I would live in forever.
It takes the will of the gods to end the kiss.
The second she does, his mouth grasps at her chin, her cheek, her jaw, her throat, reaching for anything she’ll give him. And for a few heartbeats, she lets him have it all. She pretends her body is his to do with as he pleases, and that no one will ever come through that door to break them up.
She pretends she is his, and he is hers.
And then her body strains back, breaking the restraint of his arm.
Criston releases her immediately, breath coming short, eyes glittering with arousal.
Her own face is no better. Soft steps retreat, taking her back until she finds the bedpost. It’s the only thing keeping her knees from giving out.
Criston stands, and she’s suddenly aware of how much larger he is. It doesn’t help the heat spreading across her body, or the heartbeat pulsing in her throat. Her cheeks are still wet with tears.
“We can’t,” is all she manages to breathe out.
He nods, a sincere gesture. He understands.
Alicent thinks then that she might die to be understood like this always, that she’d die for him.
His white cloak whispers across the floor when he approaches.
A coarse hand rests ever so soft against the petal-skin of her cheek. It brushes down towards her chin, tilting it up. He studies her face as if she were a finely woven tapestry, each thread made of precious gold and silver.
“Your tears are as beautiful as the rest of you,” he murmurs. “But would that I could, I’d banish them from your eyes forever.”
Alicent trembles, trying not to let out the sob building up in her chest.
He presses a kiss to her forehead, chaste, and his hand drops away her face.
He leaves and behind him, lingers a poignant scent she’s only ever breathed in the godswood.
It’s holy.
“What’s this?”
Aemond looks confused at the velvet pouch she dangles before him.
Aegon is sitting on a nearby chair, sober for once, and Helaena is curled up by the fireplace, making swirling patterns with the corpses of dead bugs. Aegon keeps cringing and telling her not to bring them too close to his feet. She threatens to throw one in his open mouth when he’s asleep.
Their bickering continues in the background as Alicent pulls Aemond close. “Open it.”
He does, and removes the patch with a blithely confused face. “What is it?”
“It’s a patch for your eye, you dolt,” Aegon calls.
“Aegon, don’t be mean to your brother.”
“Why not? He told father I knew about the bastards. I got barked at.”  
“I was protecting mother,” Aemond snaps.
“Yes,” Alicent says quickly, before it can get out of hand. “And I know you were as well, Aegon. Thank you.”
Aegon opens his mouth to say something, frowns, and then grunts. Alicent gaze lingers on him for a moment, feeling that familiar sadness, but then she’s distracted by Aemond putting on the patch. He laughs in delight as he darts towards the mirror.
“I look like a Braavosi sea lord!” he exclaims.
“This is what he’s giggling over!” Aegon laughs. “No more ‘I may have lost an eye, but I gained a dragon?’ Pretentious twat.”
Helaena chooses that precise moment to throw a dead bug at Aegon’s head, and the room erupts into chaos.
Alicent’s first instinct is to shout and stop them, order them to behave like the royalty they are.
But then she notices the maidservants giggling, and she lets it carry on. Helaena, emboldened by her initial attack, chases her older brother with a whole tray of bugs, and Aemond stands at the centre of it all, doing his best impression of a Braavosi water dancer.
Alicent smiles so wide her face hurts.
They look like children.
It won’t last, but they look like children again.
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Text
Nosferatu I.
Vampire Ruffilo x female reader
Nosferatu! Ruffilo, Nicholas is not necessarily very mentally stable, a bit obsessive too, and a perv, masturbation, voyeurism.
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I PUT MY SOUL IN THAT THING. I'm pretty sure I'm about to pass out. Seriously it took me days to proofread it because I'm weak and lazy and I thought I could just write gothic stuff like it was the XIXth century as if I was a native English speaker. Spoiler alert: turns out I cannot.
Anyway, there will be a second part but that second part is long as fuck and I didn't want to put everything in there because I'm not writing 10k words long chapters. So I'll have you waiting for the rest of the story. But here, take my fucked up stuff. It sucks, it's short, but it's here.
Where Noah is a young and arrogant vampire, Nicholas is more mature and full of remorse (and a total psycho).
Mama’s tag list:  @philomenie @gipsonnikki @circle-with-me @somewhere-diamond @malice-ov-mercy  @smokeynaomi @darkhallcorner  @loeytuan98  @sthnog  @cookiesupplier  @cncohshit  @lma1986  @skulliecadaver-blog @talialovesmiw @to-be-written @4rtificialfolio @arkiliastuff
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He used to be so gorgeous, him who used to profane the bed of many people of the fair sex. The type of man any woman's mind would go blank just by the sight of it. He used to be so gorgeous, tall, and talented. But now all that was left of him was a name.
Nosferatu. What a pathetic sobriquet.
What was the worth of his life now? What deserved a soul like his, doomed to damnation? Nothing. He deserved nothing, only the pity he could experience for himself. Those crooked fingers didn't merit to be seen, nor this monstrous face.
He used to be so gorgeous but now, now all he was reduced to was awful looks and a stupid nickname. He had lost all his greatness, all his presence for the sake of an immortality he no longer even wanted. He had dreamt of eternity, a forever life that would grant him power, money, love.
Love.
No love was left for him. No one stayed by his side after all these centuries. His body was perishing like a bird hiding to die. He was ageing in the worst kind of way. In an inhuman kind of way.
Sometimes he tried to remember what he used to look like but even then he couldn't see it anymore. All he could see in the mirror was the time that had passed and the lack of blood that destroyed him without ever letting him die. Sometimes he also told himself that he deserved it, that it was his sentence for being so greedy during his young years, thinking that he would pass eternity in the arms of simple women, women who would have been ready to give him their life. Oh, he could kill to live that again, he would die to live that again, just one last time. To feel the heat and the adoration from another someone.
And when he thought about that, he thought about her.
The first time he saw her, he wondered for a second if it was people like her who inhabited the Garden of Eden. People like her deserved to live in the heavens and were cursed to live in that hell of human life. He wondered that for a second, to not regret his appearance. To not regret the fact that he couldn't dare to approach her even if he wanted to. He would kill for her, die for her, even live for her. Live that miserable life if it meant spending eternity by her side.
Nicholas was consumed by her presence, his mind haunted by her image incessantly, day and night. Other women held no allure for him now; his thoughts were fixated solely on her. Yet, how could he dare approach her, she who was so pure, so holy, while he remained steeped in sin? She was beyond his reach, an angelic figure in a realm far removed from his own. Accustomed to the company of prostitutes, he could only hope that one day, amidst her divine radiance and devout Christian devotion, she might cast her eyes upon him.
As time passed, his longing intensified, driving him ever closer to her. The first time he spoke to her, she seemed unaffected by his gaze, as though she perceived him differently from others, as though she saw the man he was beneath his sinful exterior. If such were the case, he thanked the heavens for this unexpected mercy.
It seemed a miracle from above, an answer to his relentless prayers. How could it be possible? He feared her seeing him, hearing him, uncovering the darkness within his soul. But in her presence, surrounded by her saintly aura, perhaps he was not as rotten as he believed. Just as animals flee from their predators and dragonflies shun the shadows, he felt compelled to flee from her, lest his darkness tarnish her innocence.
"Pray for me, pray for the salvation of our souls, and I shall pray for you."
Perhaps he was not irredeemable, after all. Perhaps his perception of himself was skewed by his past sins, by the atrocities he had committed. He saw himself through his own tainted lens, blind to the possibility that she saw him differently, saw the goodness that still lingered within him.
In her presence, he began to see himself anew, to crave her with a fervour that surpassed all else. He longed for her touch, her gaze, her salvation. With any other, he would have succumbed to his basest instincts, sating his desires without remorse. But with her, he found himself captivated, entranced by her naïveté, her chastity.
She became his guiding light, his salvation in a world corrupted with darkness. Though their encounters remained chaste, devoid of lust or romance, he found himself drawn to her with an intensity that bordered on obsession. He cherished every moment spent in her presence, every fleeting glance, every whispered word.
However, she was too kind, too pure for him to pollute. He dared not cross the line, to stain her innocence with his immorality.
Until one fateful night, as he wandered through the rectory garden, drawn once more to her window. It was a simple gesture, a fleeting glance to ensure her safety, but it would change everything. As he peered into her room, illuminated by the soft glow of candlelight, he perceived her, naked.
In that moment, he realized that she was unlike any other, her beauty transcending the physical realm. He already knew she was so much more but his desire for her, once suppressed, now burned with an insatiable fire. He longed to feel her skin beneath his fingertips, to taste her essence upon his lips.
In the shadowed embrace of the night, she stood, an ethereal vision of delicate beauty, unaware of the storm brewing within the depths of Nicholas's soul. His vow echoed in the caverns of his mind like a cursed refrain, a promise forged in the crucible of his darkest desires. He had sworn that he would never defile her virtue with the stain of his lust. But, as she moved unknowingly, marked by purity, madness clawed at the fragile confines of his sanity.
Nicholas had known many a depravity in his timeless existence. Nicholas had sinned so much before. Sins that festered like an eyesore upon his immortal soul, but sins he bore with the weight of indifference. What use was there for remorse in the heart of one condemned to an eternity of solitude?
But now, as he stood in the cloak of night, his gaze fixed upon her, he felt a stirring of something long dormant within him. A flicker of care, of forbidden longing burning like a phantom flame. It was a torment he had not known before, a torment born of the realization that he cared, cared too much, and yet not enough to resist the call of his baser instincts.
In the hush of that nocturnal sanctuary, she moved to put her nightgown on, unaware of the predator lurking in the shadows. And as she dressed herself, Nicholas succumbed to the darkness of his fantasy.
With trembling hands, he unfastened is belt, allowing it to fall to the ground like a silent plea for absolution. A hand slipped beneath the fabric of his attire, a profane offering to the insatiable hunger gnawing at the last strands of his sanity. The moment hung suspended in time, a symphony of temptation and remorse warring for dominance within his fractured soul.
And then, as if in defiance of the heavens themselves, he bit down his lower lip, a desperate attempt to stifle the sinful moan of ecstasy threatening to spill forth from his lips.
With haste, his fingers passed through the band of his underwear as he only caressed his tip before stroking himself a little. There was nothing in the world that this Nicholas treasured more than sex, except for blood maybe. But god that woman was all he desired and the fact that she was far from his touch was killing him.
Yet, even if he tried to struggle against his sinful urges, groanings escaped him the moment he pressed his palm against his member. He observed her with a hunger that defied reason, his eyes tracing the delicate lines of her form as she tended to her hair with tender care. It was a simple gesture, devoid of any overt carnality, but it was enough to kindle a fire within him.
Nicholas found himself trapped in her gaze, a glance that pierced through the room. It was as if she possessed an otherworldly awareness, a subtle acknowledgement of his presence that sent shivers down his spine. His breath caught in his throat, a stifled gasp escaping his lips as he struggled to maintain composure.
In that fleeting moment, time seemed to stand still, suspended in the fragile balance between desire and restraint. His hand continued its desperate rhythm, betraying the turmoil raging within him. Even as his body yearned for her, Nicholas wanted to look at her, to observe her like he never did, in the vulnerability of the night.
She remained oblivious to his presence, lost in the mundane tasks of dressing herself, unaware of the tempest brewing just beyond her window. But for Nicholas, her every movement was a symphony of temptation, a call beckoning him ever closer to the edge of reason.
With each passing second, the boundaries of propriety blurred, giving way to a primal hunger that consumed him whole. He was a man possessed, shackled by the chains of his own desire, unable to resist the pull of her allure.
And as he stood there, bathed in the pale glow of the moon, Nicholas knew that he had ventured too far into the darkness, surrendering himself to a passion that could only lead to ruin. But, even in the depths of his despair, he found solace in the knowledge that for one brief moment, he had allowed himself to want her as he damned the consequences.
The more he touched himself the more he frowned his brows, slowing the movements of his fingers. He tried to calm his tempestuous breathing, tried not to come in his garment like a young one but it was an undying torture.
In the hushed sanctuary of her chamber, she moved with a delicate grace, her form, a silhouette against the flickering candlelight. Her slender arms swayed gently as she reached out, fingertips brushing against the handle of the candleholder, guiding it to its rightful place on the nightstand. The candle, cradled within her grasp, cast dancing shadows across the room. There was nothing more than innocence within her every movement.
But as she performed this simple act, Nicholas found himself trapped in a web of his thoughts. Though her actions spoke only of purity and grace, his mind betrayed him, wandering down forbidden pathways fraught with desire and longing.
His hand pressed on himself, he groaned again, his forehead covered in sweat betraying him. He couldn't handle anything anymore. He touched himself like she touched the light. And he whispered her name as he finished between his fingers.
She continued her ethereal motions through the room. Each step echoed softly against the ancient floorboards, a melancholic melody that stirred the very air around her. With a gentle sigh, she departed, leaving behind the confines of her sanctuary.
As she vanished into the shadows beyond, the weight of her absence hung heavy in the air, leaving Nicholas to wrestle with his unruly desires amidst the solitude of the rectory garden. Alone with his sins, he was left to confront the horrors of longing that raged within his heart. He was left to face the monstrosity he just committed.
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cerebralisis · 2 days
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I decided to make my analysis of So High School into a separate post, because I can’t help but think of this song every time I see photos of Taylor at the games. And sure, it sounds like a love song on the surface until you remember that Taylor was bullied in high school and start to dig a little deeper. Feeling "so high school" is not something a 34 year old woman wants to feel.
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Let’s look at the lyrics.
"I'm sinking, our fingers entwined, cheeks pink in the twinkling lights" = To me this sounds like drowning, embarrassment, and diving in with the sharks
"Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me" = You mean her first Chiefs appearance when they 'slid off in the getaway car' at the end? Nothing good starts in a getaway car, babes.
"I'll drink what you think and I'm high from smoking your jokes all damn night" = I mean...
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“I'm watching American Pie with you on a Saturday night" = What do we know about this movie? We know that it is renowned for its high school immaturity and misogyny. It’s about a bunch of horny boneheaded men who treat women like sex objects instead of people. Sounds a lot like football culture to me.
"Your friends are around so be quiet. I'm trying to stifle my sighs." = I'm in the box with your friends and family. I need to hold it together so I don't offend them, but I legit hate this.
"Cause I feel so high school" = SHE HATES THIS.
"Bittersweet 16 suddenly" = I don't think she was a fan of high school, you guys.
"Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me? It's just a game but really, I'm betting on all 3." = A clear reference to that kiss/marry/kill interview with Travis, while also saying "we're gonna get together, put on a show for everyone, and I'm going to slowly die inside until we're done."
"Get my car door, isn't that sweet. Now pull me to the backseat" = All I hear with this is Movie Director Taylor giving instructions to her leading man so they can get a good reaction from the audience.
"You know how to ball, I know Aristotle." = You're a jock. I'm a nerd. We are not compatible.
"Touch me while your bros play grand theft auto." = The official song lyrics on Spotify put grand theft auto in lowercase the first time and capitalized the second time. The capitalized GTA could refer to Travis's friends playing the video game, sure. But also - you know who was arrested in August 2023 for grand theft auto? Bashaud Breeland, a cornerback for the Kansas City Chiefs who played with Travis in the 2020 Super Bowl.
"It's true, swear, Scout's Honor" = Look it up, I dare you.
And my absolute favorite:
"On the brink of a wrinkle in time" = This is TTPD, folks. Of course there's going to be a literary reference. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. The main character is a girl named Meg who is incredibly bright but struggles in school because she doesn't fit in with the other kids. After meeting a trio of badass witchy women, Meg travels to far-off worlds (a sort of deep portal time travel, you might say) where she joins the battle of light vs. darkness. What do we know about Taylor’s usage of light and darkness throughout her discography? It's giving… Reputation vs. Daylight? Shrouded in secrecy vs. out in the open? Based on everything else that Taylor has been hinting at through TTPD (not to mention Evermore and Midnights), it sounds like she is on the verge of diving into a much larger battle. And if I had to guess, I would bet that this battle will start during the Reputation re-release. Around Halloween. 🎃 When exile ends. Almost exactly 2 years after the Bejeweled music video was released. Maybe the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now cause she's dead?
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I'm just speculating, but I will add that the 3rd book in the Time series is called A Swiftly Tilting Planet. There is a poem referenced through the book that goes like this:
With Ananda in this fateful hour, I place all Heaven with its power, And the sun with its brightness, And the snow with its whiteness, And the fire with all the strength it hath, And the lightning with its rapid wrath, And the winds with their swiftness along its path, And the sea with its deepness, And the rocks with their steepness, And the Earth with its starkness, All these I place with God's almighty help and grace between myself and the powers of darkness.
But wait, there’s more! ‘Ananda’ is a Sanskrit word that describes the eternal bliss that accompanies the ending of the rebirth cycle. It’s sounding more and more like she’s going to kill off Taylor TM and be done with the games, done with the reinvention. The plot summary of A Swiftly Tilting Planet says that it’s a book about "going back in time and changing might-have-beens." What decisions would she have made differently if she could do it all over again? I don't know, friends. Take from this what you will. All I know is, this woman and all her brilliant duality is going to send me to a padded room. ✌🏻
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deluweil · 2 days
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To be honest the way part of the fandom has treated this Tommy character as a god makes me dislike him more. Unfortunately the Buck bi arc was tainted for me because it all feels force. Also what doesn't help is that Eddie was to much involved in that storyline.
The way people are acting like it's a perfect relationship and yet we barely saw them together feels just weird.
Also I don't like how some literally push Eddie away for this new white man.
This is Taylor Kelly all over again. The sad part is that the season is short and people wAnt to to spend their time giving more to the new guy.
I hope him and Marisol are gone, but I'm afraid. These two characters took the joy out of the Buck and Eddie storyline for me.
The fandom, I think, in this case, is definitely the problem here,
Lou is completely unassuming and enjoying the process and being a buddie shipper just like us - if one actually bothers to read the interviews and not just pick and choose what to talk about.
That is what makes me like Lou.
The fandom has somehow glorified Tommy's character after a couple of episodes and yeah it rubs the wrong way, because, what about the story we had so far?
Is season 7 a reset to 911? and everything that came before that doesn't count? Why not just make it 911 abc pilot then?
I don't think that's the case, but I think the last minute switch between Buck and Eddie kind of ruined it for the Tim because, yes, in a way it feels forced and out of left field.
Supposed that Buck was indeed vying for Tommy's attention, why do it like that? and why involve Eddie in the first place?
I have a lot of questions and my main problem here is not that Buck is experimenting with Tommy, it's the way they practically propelled this ship off the cliff into a dangerous spin, they went from zero to 200 in a second. - That is not how you build a relationship.
You don't try to figure out what you want, mess up the first date, then invite said date to an apology coffee and then invite him to family wedding on the way. It just doesn't work that way.
I may be straight, but I have gay and bi and lesbian friends, neither one of them has ever brought a second or even a third date to so much as a friends get together before they were sure that this is something that would last, before they brought the intended victim to be judged by friends and family.
And people who talk about Tommy as being established in the 118 family, that is not true. He has a connection with Chimney in that that he owes him his life and an acquaintance with Hen, who is clearly not very fond of him, because of obvious past she had with him and their old house before Bobby came into the picture. - Remember - Chimney was her ONLY lifeline in that house.
Tommy was not a liked character before.
Arguably Buck had more history with Taylor than he did with Tommy (which is none at all) - But Taylor is a strong opinionated and often self-serving woman (not unlike Buck mind you), emphasis on woman. - That is the only reason she never stood a chance. Because the writers could have made her and Buck the greatest love story this show has seen, but they continuously managed to ruin any fondness for any female LI to ever grace that set.
And this season is short, to bring in a new LI kinda defeats the purpose of re-establishing the team and this show, because it does feel the same as any of Buck's old relationships that were being pushed for the benefit of 'god forbid Buck actually learns how to be alone and healthy and happy' - the only thing that changed in Buck this season is his sexuality and nothing else, and that vexes me.
My problem is not with Tommy, it's the perpetuation of 'poor baby Buck' society. - I love Oliver and I love Buck - I am tired of the ever repeating pattern of forgiveness for his self serving ways without any accountability that we keep seeing.
I don't think Buck's or even Eddie's firsts or you know what? even seconds should be each other, I am more than happy to make this journey with them, but let it be a marathon not a sprint to the finish line - they knew they would get renewed for another season, they could have written and built it better than what we got - because the moment they switched gears after the second episode, the story became written in the same messy last minute way both S4 and most of S5 were written.
There is no grand plan, at this point they are merely winging it and see where the wind takes them. - And that is idiotic, they had SO MUCH TIME to make this a well written story with the strike and long break after that, to write as they film is lazy and stupid and mostly childish.
And yes this is Taylor all over again, not in that they are the same type of people, but that Buck is jumping head first into a relationship without actually knowing how he got there. - Bobby said that himself - and it is the same, because who in their right mind invite a second (kinda) date to a family event? Like dude have you ever dated before? Do you how this works?
It is a LOT of pressure and not even for Buck himself - because he brought this on himself - but rather for Tommy (aka the intended victim) to be first introduced to the family after a couple of dates when he himself has no idea where he and Buck are standing.
Marisol, has indeed sucked the joy out of the Eddie's story, I don't get why do either of the boys had to be in a relationship starting this season to begin with. Like, she is literally a handbag, the token hetero symbol, so to speak, what she is doing there? is beyond me.
The catholic guilt of her being a nun is bullshit, and as Bobby said himself, Eddie has no problem committing to certain people/things. She serves no purpose this season other than a seat warmer/ glorified babysitter since Buck is otherwise engaged.
They could have gone for Eddie finding his way in the department, Eddie dealing with his mommy issues, Eddie trying to figure out what and who he wants in his life, Eddie trying to navigate Chris' terrible teenage years.
They could have explored the fact that a guy going with his supposed gf/wife in the golf course checking Eddie's hot ass (6X17) - Oh wait, they were going to... the ground for Eddie's coming out was all laid out and they took a sharp turn to left field in the second episode of S7 and made it all about Buck again, because the Natalia actress couldn't come?? what kind of a weak ass reason is that?
And yes, the cliche of receiving the odd white man out (who played a controversial role in early seasons) rather than the regular casted poc male or the guest starring woman, for that matter, better is all kind of f-ed up, but no one would talk about that, of course. 👀
Anyway, I am hoping that whatever is coming next will be worthy of our time and attention because so far we got about more of the same as far as Buck and Eddie are concerned - except that Buck has just broaden his variety and has a bigger pallet of mate choosing at his disposal.
I have two very close bi friends, so I know how their minds work, because God knows they share with me more than I ever wanted to know lol. And one of them is watching 911 with me and she is happy for the rep as well, but unhappy with how it was developed too.
At the moment, I have decided to put any Buck and Eddie topics aside and just want to get the LONG AWAITED Madney wedding, if anyone deserve a happy ending, it's them. ❤️
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sykosugu · 2 hours
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♤♢ melodies of passion ♧♡ | three
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♤ summary: he's the most powerful & ruthless yakuza boss in the city, and she's just a music store owner. but once he hears her singing voice, he wants nothing more than to hear it for the rest of his life..and she's not so sure about that.. he'll do anything to change that. a gojo satoru au
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♢ warnings: this story will contain descriptions of violence, death, illegal activities, sexual content, gang related content, use of weapons
♧ aw: suggestive content, swearing, gojo being insufferable,
♡ currently: ongoing - no update schedule
♤ taglist: open! just let me know
♢ wc: 3.1k
♧ carlile speaks: hello babies! my goodness it feels like it's been forever! I finished on the run and poured all of my attention into this guy. I hope you're all ready for the ride!
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The box. The infamous box. Its contents?
“Gojo, wha–,” you’re speechless. How did he do it? Where did he? “--Is that what i think it is?”
“That depends,” he starts, a shit eating grin on his face, “do you think it’s a custom, handmade replica of the diamond and ruby necklace Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman?” He looks at you deviously, “Because that’s what it is.” You just stare at him in shock. “Oh, and it’s all yours.”
“Satoru,” you breathe; your voice full of disbelief and amazement.
“You–,” he smiles, “You just called me Satoru.” He’s beaming. His whiter than white smile is on full display; pearly whites shining bright enough to blind. He’s happy. Ecstatic.
“You deserved it,” you place a quick kiss on his cheek, leaving a blush on his skin in your wake. “Would you help me put it on, please?” 
“I would be honored,” he takes the necklace from the box. He hooks it together before placing a featherlight kiss where your neck and shoulder meet. The contact makes you shiver with anticipation. “Fits in like it was made just for you,” he smiles against your skin, his hands finding your hips, pulling you back into him as he speaks.
Turning in his hold, you place a kiss on his lips. “Thank you, Goj–Satoru. It’s beautiful,”
“You make it beautiful,” he comments, giving you another kiss before he opens your car door. Gojo helps you in, holding your hand as you sit down, minding the train on your dress.
“So, where are we going all dressed up?” you ask, as he takes his seat in the car.
“Ah, that would spoil the other surprise,” he grins from the driver's seat, one hand on the steering wheel and the other is planted on your thigh. 
You huff in response.
“Alright, brat,” he laughs, “It’s a business dinner, and some.. Live entertainment to follow.”
“Gojo..”
“What happened to Satoru?”
“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”
“Depends,” he chuckles.
“Am I getting my Pretty Woman moment?” The hopeful glint in your voice makes him feel a sense of pride.
“For the record, you don’t need the dress and the whole shebang to have a Pretty Woman moment,” he looks over to you, your excited eyes look back in awe of the man next to you. He really is determined to give you everything you want in order to make you his. The amount of thought he’s put into everything really shows you how much he listens to everything you say, and it makes you feel things you can’t explain. 
“You're in love with him, stupid,” Ellie's voice rings in your head. Shut. Up.
“You don't need all these sweet words and grand gestures to get what you want out of me either,” you say, placing your hand atop his on your thigh.
“I know, but I thoroughly enjoy seeing that smile of yours.”
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Arriving at the dinner, Gojo opens your door as you’re met with flashing cameras. He’d warned you that there would be paparazzi here but you weren’t anticipating this level of insanity. But you probably should have, knowing Gojo’s status.
He stops for a few photos, requesting you stand with him for all of them. Gojo didn’t want you out of his sight. The paps shout questions of your identity, where you met, how long you’d been together, if you were pregnant, that one made you laugh, you had to admit. But the attention being on you was never what you wanted. It's why you never pursued the stage. It didn’t comfort you like it did your mother. The stage terrified you.
Making your way inside, there’s a sea of people dressed to the nines as they make pointless conversation amongst themselves. They all seem super interested in each other but you know better. Gojo had warned you ahead of time that these people don’t actually care about anything going on, it’s all for show. Who can donate the most money while keeping up appearances. Tonight was about the benefit of the city, meaning whoever donated the most money basically had the mayor at their mercy. Gojo had been the highest donor for the last decade. Not to say others hadn’t attempted to take the spot from him. But he could always handle it. Tonight was about celebrating Gojo. Most people were unhappy with a Yakuza having the upper hand in the city, but knowing if they said anything the funding would immediately stop.
“Satoru,” you mutter, eyes roaming the room before you.
“Hm?” his eyes follow yours, immediately understanding your apprehensive state.
“This is.. A lot of people.” your fingers clutch the sleeve of his jacket, holding his arm as close as possible.
“I’m here with you, Birdie,” he whispers in your ear, placing a soft kiss on the shell. “Just focus on me, yeah?”
You nod once, not letting up on your grip on his jacket as he led you further into the room, heading for your reserved table. Gojo pulls your chair out, then takes his seat next to you. 
A little into the evening, a tall man with blonde hair approaches your table, a curt smile on his face as he speaks. 
“Evening, Gojo. Who is this lovely specimen?” He asks.
“Nanami,” He grumbles in response. “This is Y/N.”
Gojo offers the man no other explanation in return. You can feel the shift in the air. So this was Nanami. He’d left before you’d arrived the last time his name was mentioned. He’d intrigued you for sure, not many people could sour Gojo’s mood that easily just by being present.
“Hello, sir, lovely to meet you,” you extend a gloved hand to the man standing near the table, “I’m Y/N.”
“Y/N what a lovely name, I’m Kento Nanami,” he takes your hand in his, offering you a kiss on the back of your hand. “Tell me, just what is a beauty like you doing with a man like Gojo?”
“She likes being with...the strongest,” Gojo answers for you, standing from his seat. “Now if you’ll excuse us,” he holds his hand out for you to grab, “Dance with me?” he asks, diverting his full attention to you.
“Of course,” in your typical fashion, you still address Nanami as you’re pulled away. “It was nice meeting you,” you say, offering him a sweet smile; a silent apology. Gojo leads you to the dancefloor; placing the palm of one hand into the small of your back while holding the other one up for you to grab. Lacing your fingers together, he begins to sway. 
Gojo spreads his fingers out across the surface of your lower back; each touch leaving a trail of heat “So that was Nanami?”
“Mhm,” he hums. “He has some nerve..” 
“Hey,” you reach up, tilting his gaze down to you, “Just focus on me, yeah?” you mirror his earlier words back to him. His smile grows, but his worry does as well. Now Nanami knows Gojo has a weakness, and that weaknesses name. But he knows he can protect you. As much as you’ll let him anyway.
“How could I focus on anything else?” his gaze bores into yours, a sense of total adoration washes over you as you look into those crystalline blue eyes. You could see the whole future in them. Tables adorned with blue, black and gold. Roses fill your hands as you’re led down a petal covered aisle, looking ahead to Gojo at the end. I do’s and kisses are swapped. Hands exploring dips and curves. Slow, languid movements filling you to the brim. Sweet nothings whispered against sweat slicked skin. Small patters of tiny feet across tile floors. Those tiny feet carrying a matching tuft of white hair, blue eyes and a bundle of giggles as bigger feet follow behind..
“Birdie? Did I lose you?” Gojo chuckles, his voice snapping you back to reality.
“Hm? Oh! Sorry. I got stuck,” you mutter, letting go of his cheek. The thoughts are still burning in the back of your mind. Every thought seemed so real. Like it was a memory instead of a daydream. 
“What were you thinking about?” he asks, anticipating some sort of panicked response.
“Just..doing this,” leaves you in a whisper. You place your lips over his in a soft kiss; your hands find their way back up to cup his jaw, making him smile against your mouth. He hums in approval, his hands attempting to pull you as close to him as possible.
“I think you’re trying to seduce me in front of all of these people,” Gojo teases you as he pulls away. Your cheeks turn a soft pink at his words. “If you wanna go somewhere more private just let me know.”
“Stop it,” you whisper, taking back in the amount of people surrounding you. It feels as if every pair of eyes were following your every move. One pair of eyes was following your every move, and it wasn’t Gojo’s.
Nanami stood in the corner with his men as he watched, and waited.
Gojo led you back to the table as the dining portion of the evening was about to commence. A full meal entailing all of Gojo’s favorites, which had somehow turned into your favorites too. The night had been wonderful so far; the conversation flowed so freely it was as if you and Gojo had been together forever. 
“Satoru,” place your hand on his thigh, leaning closer to him.
“I’ll never tire of hearing you say that,” Gojo says, turning to give you his attention. 
“Think I’m ready,” you whisper, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as you look up at him.
“Ready..?”
“Mhm. For this,” you motion between the two of you, “Us.”
You watch as his eyes get even brighter than they were. He looks to you for real confirmation. The smile plastered on your face was the answer he needed, and so he kisses you. “You’ve just made my entire life,” he groans before he kisses you again.
“Remember we’re not alone here,” you giggle as you pull away.
“Ask me if i care,” he tries chasing your lips with his, “You didn’t seem to care when we were at the beach yesterday.”
“We were in a somewhat secluded cabana, not an open table at the front of a great hall with hundreds of people watching, Satoru.”
“Ugh, I already know I’m gonna love when you say my name when you're mad.”
“You’re already so insufferable,” you huff, turning away from him. 
“Oh, don’t be like that.” He reaches to turn your chair back towards him, caging you in with his arms. “Tell me you’re mine,” he whispers, eyes locked on to yours.
“I–I’m yours,” you whisper back, staring back into his eyes as he searches yours for any sign of apprehension.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you lean forward, sealing the deal with a kiss once again.
A voice booms throughout the space, startling you enough to pull away from the man before you. Gojo readjusts, as he pays attention to the announcer behind him.
“Good evening folks, thank you all for attending as we celebrate the continued support from our guest of honor, Mr. Satoru Gojo.”
Applause follows. Your eyes scan the room, finding Nanami staring right back at you from his spot on the edge of the room. You offer him another sweet smile before overting your attention back to the man at the front of the room.
“Gojo, come on up here,” the man speaks into the microphone.
“I’ll be right back,” Gojo assures you, offering you a quick kiss before taking his stand at the front of the room.
“Evening everybody. I’m thrilled to be back here for another year. Even more so this year,” he looks over to you. “Someone very special to me came with me this time, and I intend to make her my wife one day.”
The room fills with ooh’s and aww’s as Gojo pauses. “So, we all owe everything to her tonight, for making me the happiest man in the world. So if you would all join me in raising your glasses,” he starts, leaning down to grab his glass from your hold. 
“What are you doing?” you whisper-yell at him. He just offers you his devious smile in return. 
“To my lovely Birdie, thank you for attending with me, and for making me incredibly ecstatic tonight,” he raises his glass a little higher. “To Birdie,”
“To Birdie,” the crowd rumbles behind you. An anxious smile spreads across your lips as you turn to see everyone staring at you. You stand, albeit reluctantly, and politely bow with a smile. The other tables erupt in applause, as Gojo pulls you to join him on the stage, his arm snaking around your waist.  “We hope you enjoy the live entertainment in the concert hall for the evening, once you’re finished dining. The proceeds from tonight will be donated to the children's hospital. Have a great night, everybody.”
More applause fills the space as you exit the stage with Gojo, his hand firmly holding yours.
“What was that?” you ask through gritted teeth as you smile.
“Staking my claim, and also showing my appreciation for my lovely lady,” he smirks at you as you take your seats again at the table.
“I would appreciate not being the center of attention,” you huff, slapping his hand away from your thigh under the table.
“Now now, Birdie. You have been the center of attention all evening,” he slides his hand back up your thigh as he leans down near your ear. “I’ve just been too distracting for you to notice.”
“You are quite distracting.”
“So, should we go somewhere more private?”
“Mm, no. I want to see this live entertainment,” you remove his hand from your thigh again, taking a stand from your chair. Gojo stands with you, offering you his arm to grab as he leads you to the concert hall.
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The live performer just so happened to be Rod Stewart. How that happened, Gojo swears he doesn’t know. But the devious glint in his eyes says otherwise. 
He’s performing all of your favorites. The ones you’d sing with grandfather in the car on the way to the next city. And the ones Gojo likes you hear you sing along with.
“Thank you,” you whisper against his lips after kissing him.
“Anything for my lady.”
Gojo sits next to you, an arm around your waist as he studies you watching the performance below. He knows you wish you were able to do that like your mother did, but he also knows the thought of it terrifies you. He’ll make it his mission to help you face your fears if that's what you wanted from him. But if you’re okay with being on the sidelines as well, he’ll help you with that too. Anything you want, he’ll make it happen. He thinks tonight is the prime example of that.
After the performance, Gojo leads you to the car. Opting for Suguru to drive this time, he takes his seat next to you in the back. 
“Did you enjoy the evening? Was it, quote unquote, fun enough for you?”
“Oh, god Satoru, that was amazing. I’ve never enjoyed myself more.”
“I don't think I’ll ever tire of hearing you call me that,”
“Yeah?” you ask, sliding closer to him.
“Yeah.” he breathes out, cupping your cheek and kissing you softly. He smiles into the kiss, letting you push your tongue into his mouth, taking him by surprise. Satoru lets you have your fun for a moment before he reminds you who's in charge. He reaches to his left, pressing a button on the door to close the window between the front and back seat. Gripping your waist, you’re brought onto his lap, knees on either side of his legs. The kiss deepens, your arms finding their way around his neck as his hands explore the expanse of your back.
“Satoru,” you whisper in his ear. You move your hands to tangle into his hair, earring a soft moan from his throat.
“Please, keep going,” he mutters, readjusting himself beneath you. His hands planted firmly on your hips.
“Satoru,” you bite down onto his earlobe. “Satoru,” you kiss just beneath his ear. Tilting his head to your will, every which way leaving your featherlight kisses along his throat, up and down the surface, whispering his name before every kiss. His breathing feels labored under your touch, his skin is ablaze. 
“Birdie,” he groans.
“Hm?” You hum, going back to kissing along his throat.
“As much as I would love for this to continue right now, we’re at your apartment.”
“Come upstairs with me,” you kiss his lips.
“I have a meeting first thing in the morning, otherwise I would,” he kisses you back. “How about you come to mine? Spend the night?”
“What are we gonna do?” you ask with the most innocent looking eyes you can manage.
“What do you think?” he teases, chasing your lips with his.
“Can I meet you there? So can I go to Encore in the morning?”
“Of course. I’ll leave Choso here with you,” Gojo reaches for his phone.
“No need. I’ll be right behind you, once I change. Promise,” you kiss the tip of his nose, climbing off of his lap.
Gojo exits the car, rounding to your side and opens your door for you. Helping you from the car, the man before you kisses you passionately, pulling your front against his, leaning into your touch. He’s absolutely devouring you on the sidewalk. 
“Satoru,” you whisper, pulling away from him.
“Fuck, Biridie. Don’t you see what you do to me?”
“Mm, I could feel it too, big guy.” you tease him, smoothing down the front of your dress. “I’ll meet you at your place.”
“Okay,” he smiles down at you, offering you one more goodbye kiss.
“Keep my seat warm,” you wink at him before disappearing up the stairs of your apartment building. 
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Gojo’s trip home felt longer without you. He was counting down the minutes until he got to touch you again. Waiting for the moment you walked through the door to devour you. 
“Sir, we have some..news.” Choso’s voice makes Gojo turn towards the entrance of the living room.
“What is it, Choso? Has Y/N arrived?” he asks, standing from his seat.
“No, sir, it’s about Encore,” the double bunned man says flatly.
“What about Encore? Was there a break in?”
“No, Sir. it’s on fire.”
“What do you–where is Y/N?” Gojo asks, panicked.
“We–We can’t locate her, sir.”
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♡ tags: @therealestpussyeater @nerdiel-has-no-braincells @semra4 @manyno @lostfracturess
@starlostwish @h0nestly-though @celestie0 @username23345 @lulunx
@sukunasdirtylaugh @wrenabbadon @bakuhoethotski @woundedfawn2002 @tbzzluvr
@artist1936 @new-weather47 @nanasukii28 @yungbloode @phoenix-eclipses
@deluluforcarlos55 @drakenswifeyy @gojocock @sh0jun @ironhottubstranger
@catobssessedlady
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creative-heart · 2 days
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"My thoughts will echo your name"| Esteban Kukuriczka
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Chapter seven: “I see forever in your eyes”
Lucia’s notes: I really hope you liked the last chapter on Friday. Here comes the last part of this Fanfiction.
Playlist:
 Beautiful things- Benson Boone
Dandelions- Ruth B.
Yellow- Coldplay
Speechless- Dan + Shay
Nothing- Bruno Major
From the ground up- Dan + Shay
Content Warning: Social drinking and a brief mention of being drunk, otherwise, just a cute and fluffy chapter..
Word Count: 1.2k
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It was true when people said the best you could get in terms of love is to be in a relationship with your best friend. Y/N had proved it herself, as the golden sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of pink and orange across the sky, she stood before the mirror in their cozy Barcelona apartment, a soft smile playing on her lips. Five years. Five years of laughter, tears, adventures, and love with Esteban, her Kuku.
She traced her fingers over the photograph on the dresser, a candid shot of them laughing in the streets of Barcelona when they had just moved to the city four years ago, his arms wrapped around her waist as they danced to the rhythm of their hearts. It felt like yesterday when they had decided to finally give all this a go back in Buenos Aires going back and forth between their apartments, watching silly movies that neither of them was really paying attention to, or playing Nintendo even tho the brown eyed man would always let her win because he loved her excited face whenever she did.
The place buzzed with excitement as Sofia prepared for their anniversary date. Esteban had been mysteriously busy all week, dropping hints about a surprise he had planned. Little did she know, tonight would mark a milestone in their journey together, one she would cherish forever. With a final touch of her favorite perfume and a glance at the mirror, the blonde woman headed downstairs to where kuku awaited, her heart fluttering with anticipation.
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The streets of Barcelona shimmered with the glow of streetlights as the couple strolled hand in hand, the city alive with the magic of their love. They reminisced about their adventures, shared dreams, and whispered promises of forever. They went to dinner to a new and exclusive Argentinian restaurant in the city they had been dying to try, their hands only coming apart to eat, their eyes never leaving each other’s as they wine and dined. Once they were done, they walked out, enjoying the fresh air of the night and a little bit given to kuku’s insistence they went on a walk, ending up on the first spot they stepped foot when they moved here.
As they reached the special place overlooking the city, Esteban turned to Y/N, his eyes shimmering with emotion. “Mi amor, my darling Y/N, whenever I pictured the woman with whom I would share my life, I never pictured someone as perfect as you. You never fail to make me laugh, your love is evergreen and I’m so proud of how confident in yourself you’ve become since we met. I know this might sound cheesy, but from the second you walked into my parent’s place for that party, I knew that you would change my life for the better”. He spoke feeling the emotion break in the back of his throat having to swallow the lump so he wouldn’t start crying before he could get what he wanted to say out and Y/N felt her heart swell with love for this man who had become her everything so easily.
Then, with trembling hands, Esteban dropped to one knee, a small velvet box held out before him. Y/N gasped, her hand flying to her mouth as tears welled in her eyes. "Y/N," Esteban began, his voice barely steady and filled with emotion, "these five years with you have been the most beautiful of my life. You've filled my days with love, laughter, and endless joy. Will you continue this adventure with me, as my wife, my partner, and my forever?"
The blonde woman could hardly speak through her tears as she nodded, her heart overflowing with love. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" With a radiant smile, Esteban slipped the ring onto her finger, sealing their love with a promise of forever and a slow kiss filled with all the love and friendship shared amongst the two of them.
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Time flies when you’re planning a wedding in a different continent and the following year went by in a whirlwind of excitement and preparations. The day finally arrived, the sun shining brightly overhead as Y/N walked down the aisle her arm around her dad’s and her heart pounding with love and anticipation.
Esteban stood at the altar his boys standing beside him as Fran handed him a tissue when he saw the tears brimming the elder’s eyes. Esteban’s eyes never leaving hers, his love shining like a beacon in the sea of faces. When she reached him, Y/D/N gave kuku a short one armed hug and whispered in his ear “please take care of my princess, she’s yours to protect now, but she’s still my baby girl”. Kuku nodded softly and whispered back “she’s my whole heart, I could never hurt her sir”.
 As they exchanged vows, promising to love, cherish, and support each other for all eternity, Y/N knew she was exactly where she belonged, this was the person the universe had set for her to spend her life with, and it was simply meant to be.
The wedding reception was a vision of beauty and love, a celebration of their journey together and the adventures that lay ahead. Under a canopy of twinkling lights and surrounded by their closest friends and family, Y/N and Esteban danced until they couldn’t stand their feet hurt so much. The boys had taken it upon themselves to get everybody drunk that night, specially Simón and Matias kept the booze running amongst the group even though they were clearly drunk by now. As Matias approached kuku on one of the rounds, the older one wrapped his arms around his friend and drunkenly slurred to his friend “Muchas gracias Mati, muchas veces, if it weren’t because you insisted me to go after Y/N, we wouldn’t be here, so you should be proud” he poked the younger’s chest with his long finger.
Matias laughed softly as he planted a kiss on his friend’s temple, “man, she was crazy about you and it could be seen from that first night at the party, you two were just too dumb to do anything about it yourselves, I’m just so glad that you grew a pair eventually.”
“That’s my husband you’re kissing there Recalt!” Y/N chimed in playfully and drunkenly as she stepped closer to the group “so be careful with what you do, also, I’ll steal him away from you all for a bit” the blonde winked playfully linking her arm with her husband’s before walking away from the noise and fun from the party, their fingers intertwined as they gazed up at the sky. "I love you," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper and her eyes fixed up on the stars.
"I love you more than anything in this world," kuku replied, his voice filled with emotion as his gaze fell on his wife’s profile “and now you’re mine forever, I can’t believe my luck” he smiled planting a kiss on her cheek. And as they held each other close, Y/N knew that their love would endure, forever echoing in the depths of their souls, a melody of love that would never fade away because she had always known, she saw forever in those big, kind, brown eyes.
THE END.
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Lucia's notes: This is where this story comes to an end, I really hope you enjoyed this as muchas I did while writing it. If you have any ideas or rquests for some short scenario coming from this, please know, my ask box is always open and I'd be super happy to explore those ideas. 🥰🥰😍😍
Taglist:
@madame-fear @cyliarys-starlight @castawaycherry @luceracastro
@espinasrubi @lastflowrr @koiibiito @candycanes19 @nperoconelcositoarriba @lxdyred @deepinsideyourbeing
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the reason i’m not afraid of aging is because i want to be a hot middle-aged man who has a toxic yaoi relationship with another middle-aged man
#u know i used to be so afraid of aging until i realized that i want to be a dilf. now it’s kinda exciting#i realized recently that i could never picture myself living past my twenties until i pictured myself as a man#but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything#but like. i’m cool with how i look now for the most part idk if i would want to transition physically at least not rn#and rn i still dress fem enough that everyone goes straight to she/her#and i like she/her but it hurts rn#bc some of my family has switched to they/them or it/its and it’s just so soothing#but family that knows i don’t like it still use she/her and phrases like ‘daughter’ or whatever even more often on purpose#and it hurts bc i don’t really feel the need to change the way i dress/look but i know everyone assumes she/her#when they see me in a dress or skirt. even w how very not-cis my fashion sense is#but also i fucking hate pants which is a separate thing (prob autism tbh) and even if i wore pants they’d still use she/her#thinking of changing my name to something very masc so i can confuse people enough that they’ll stop defaulting to she/her#and i haven’t told ppl outside my immediate family so idc if they use she/her but i’m fucking pissed when ppl in the family do it#anyways side note when i was 12 my ideal gender (b4 i knew about being non-cis) was a floating consciousness w no body#or a plastic-doll-like creation that’s smooth all over#… i still want to be a floating consciousness actually lmao. it would be great#back then i hated being a girl but i didn’t know there were more options and also i was socially isolated (didn’t leave home for like 2yrs)#and my mother was openly transphobic whenever the topic was brought up so that was my only real experience#but i didn’t really internalize it other than the fact that my mother would be rude if i ever happened to be not-cis and guess what? she is#anyways it’s like 2am and also i’m only awake bc i was captivated by a sugar daddy middle aged gay fic for a show i watched like 5 episodes#for 2 years ago#sorry for rambling in the middle of the night lol#gn y’all
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thebreakfastgenie · 1 year
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Sometimes I like describing myself as a man but always in a way that invokes some kind of behavior that men are allowed to do unquestioned and women aren't. It's about "man" meaning "human being" and "woman" meaning something else.
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transmascvash · 4 months
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Ok odas absolutely grown a lot as a person and the trans writing in one piece has gotten so much better but tbh i. Have mixed feelings ab transfem sanji hcs bc while I'm not gonna actively tell people "thats bad stop headcanoning it" it kinda makes me uncomfy bc everything surrounding the idea in canon is like. Lathered in Really Bad Transmisogynistic Stereotypes. Like. Am i the only person looking at the character who was stuck on an island of awful caricatures of trans women and constantly told he was one of them in denial and forced into dresses and makeup and like. Thinks saying "oh yea they're totally transfem" plays into stereotypes of trans women being predatory or
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romanceyourdemons · 1 year
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the assassins (2013) is an excellent film. the highlight of the film, of course, is chow yun-fat’s powerhouse performance as an aging cao cao, riddled with disease and fucked up by the death of guan yu as he faces assassination attempts from all sides. despite all this, the character resembles chow’s performance as the king in curse of the golden flower (2006) in his terrifying, settled, violent power: anything he wants to take, anyone he wants to kill, he can and will. unlike jiang wen’s cao cao in the lost bladesman (2011), he is not a subtle chessmaster, manipulative though his actions undeniably are; unlike zhang fengyi’s cao cao in red cliff (2008), his ultimate goal genuinely is a peaceful and united empire, and his obsession with the beauty who is this film’s main character is merely his desire to save someone, any one person, to atone for the many lives he has taken and try to prove to himself he can do more than just kill. it is this character, lü bu and diaochan’s daughter played by liu yifei, who is the film’s undeniable weakness, since liu’s flat affect style of acting works best when juxtaposed with striking character moments, and the character was neither sufficiently coherent nor incorporated into the narrative to have suitable character moments. most of her arc is conveyed through stream-of-consciousness voiceover, which distracts from the more poignant developments of the film without providing the audience a clear sense for the woman who is supposed to be our main character. however, the end of her arc is absolutely vital to the sledgehammer impact of the end of the film. i have not yet mentioned the incredible sets and costumes and alec su’s excellent performance as emperor xian, but let me assure you they were all gorgeous and highly effective. although it is not quite my favorite cao cao film, the assassins (2013) is one of the best i’ve seen, and i would highly recommend it
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yuribalisms · 1 year
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I hate my gender I hate it I hate my gender this is fucking stupid I hate it I hate it I hate it could I be literally anything fucking else I’m so goddamn sick of this
#I’m like 99.9999999% sure I am genderfluid#which is all great and fine when I go like literal months#being perfectly happy and content being feminine and being called a girl and enjoying she/her pronouns#until all of a sudden I’m just vibing on the couch last night and the dysphoria just fucking SLAMMED into me#and it was so Fucking Stupid too I just saw a buff shirtless male video game character and my brain was like#‘kinda bullshit you don’t look like that huh’#and now I hate everything and I get my five millionth ‘am I trans man’ crisis#except at this point I KNOW I’m not cuz this is the pattern#I’ll be uncomfortable for several months like two ppl I know will use he/him pronouns for me and I’ll enjoy it#and then eventually I’ll decide THAT now makes me uncomfortable and I’ll go back to either hyperfem or androgyny#whichever is scratching the itch at the time#and I’m so…. so fucking sick of this pattern#cuz say I DID do anything to transition then whenever I inevitably wanted to look like a woman it’d be the same thing just reveresed#AAAAHGGGHHHHHHHH#I want it to stop I want stable feelings about gender one way or the other this is so fucking stupid and unfair#I hate it I hate it I hate it#this is the worst way to experience gender ever I literally can do NOTHING about it#and these intense switches are just gonna keep happening#like idk at least I’m self aware enough I’ve figured out the pattern but honestly I think that kinda makes it worse in a way#androgyny is my go to and has definitely never made me feel Bad#but life certainly is fucking easier when I’m happy with and leaning into being more fem aligned than masc aligned#bye I’m gonna go die in a hole now#kaz rambles
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sage-nebula · 1 year
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Thinking about how my top 3 favorite female Sonic characters are all IDW originals and wondering how much of that has to do with the fact that a woman (Evan) was/is heavily involved in their creation and writing.
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