#but it's a whole other physical experience for it to exist out loud in the air
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For no sensible reason other than the obvious, I decided to ro-master this scene, which included both removing the heinous cast of grey and reframing it for dash viewing. The tumblr upload has suffered a bit, so you can see full res on YT.
#Chilling Adventures of Sabrina#Michelle Gomez#Kiernan Shipka#CAoS#caos Lilith#Sabrina Spellman#As an eDUcAtoR... >:3o#Watching the gifset was all fine and well#and I could definitely hear all the dialogue **in my mind**#but it's a whole other physical experience for it to exist out loud in the air#So anyway#I did this for me#but you can have it also. (^_~)/
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Time (another monster au fic)
———
Price hadn’t foreseen ‘non-human handler’ in his future. Two vampires, an insectoid, whatever the hell Nik was (a lycan of some kind?), and a demon? Definitely wasn’t how he thought his days would go. He especially didn’t plan on sort of adopting the vampires both being older than his grandparents. Well, Soap was. Gaz was much younger than that but still older than Price.
But, their youthful appearances have most certainly made him feel like they needed guidance even though they had far more life experience. Well, Gaz seemed to return the familial connection, at least. He would often come join Price in his office just sit and talk. It was nice having that connection since Price wasn’t in contact with any of his family, distant relatives or close family members.
“Cap… I have a question,” it wasn’t often when Gaz wanted to ask Price something.
He was smart, had seen more things than Price. He was also the type to try to figure things out on his own before asking questions (thankfully he doesn’t do this on the clock).
“Question? About what?”
“Well… Ghost.”
Price felt his heart beat quicken, he knew where this was going, “What about him?”
“Why is he here? He’s a demon, they don’t do this kind of thing. Especially not on their own free will.”
He could hear what Gaz was wanting to say. The thing he hasn’t about to actually say out loud, the thing this was all about. Laswell had the worst reaction when she had found out. Tears, yelling— The works. Nik was much calmer in appearance but Price could tell he was devastated.
Price knew the risks, he knew what he was getting himself into. It was his soul after all, he could do what he pleased with it.
“I… contracted him. He’s a mercenary, after all. He works for me, and when the job’s done he gets his payment… then he’s gone. That simple.”
Gaz’s jaw as clenched, a pain in his eyes that just pierced Price’s soul, “That’s a funny fucking way to call selling you soul to him.”
Price had years to accept it. He’s the one who summoned the Ghost to this plane, the one who offered Simon Riley’s corpse for him to root him here so he had a physical form. Price gave him rank, this human mask that he could wear. Whether he kept it when everything was said and done is uncertain. Price had feeling he could make a hell of a business off of it.
“I had my time to accept it, I don’t expect you to get it.”
Gaz couldn’t look at him, choosing to stare at the wall instead. The angle allowed Price to see the light glint off his eyes, giving away his inhuman nature. Gaz was much more emotional than other vampires. He remembers being human, he cares about humanity. He was stealing blood bags almost his whole vampiric existence before Price found him and recruited him.
“You don’t have to worry about anything, Kyle. When I’m gone Nik will be taking you and Soap with him to Chimera. Kate will make you two disappear and can go on to Russia.”
“That’s supposed to be comforting?”
“Russia does have the highest population of any non-humans in the world. Plus Chimera is nothing but non-humans.”
“Fucking- I don’t care about finding somewhere safe!” Gaz stood quickly, knocking his chair back, “You fucking sold your soul to a demon! You have a timer on your life!”
Price watches Gaz wave his arms around, tears pricking in his eyes, “You’re dying!”
Price sighs. He had accepted this himself, he knows his fate. Unless the demon themself decides to break the contract, spare the human who made it with them… Price’s fate is sealed. There has been some recorded incidents where demons completed the contract only to just leave, not taking their client’s soul. It is possible to survive, but making a demon genuinely like you to the point they let you keep your soul is near impossible.
Ghost was going to kill him in the end. Eat his soul in probably the most painful way possible before fucking off to do whatever.
“Kyle…”
“How can you be so fucking calm? Did you even consider how anyone else would feel!?”
“I made that deal a long time ago. Before I had anyone in my life worth living for. I do not regret sacrificing my life for the greater good.”
Gaz was shaking, now quiet. Price swallows before standing, going around to the vampire and pulling him into a hug. Gaz almost instantly clung to him, a quiet sob in his chest.
“I don’t want you to die…”
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I can’t change anything.”
“There has to be another way.”
“Heh, you know trying to cheat a demon out of a soul is dangerous. You know how dangerous Ghost is.”
Gaz pulls away, wiping his face, “Fuck… Yea, I do…”
Price felt dread in his chest. The first time in years he had to truly acknowledge what he had done. He felt like this after he told Laswell, after Nik, and now Gaz. Their emotions reminded him how deeply upsetting this was. But Price couldn’t take it back. He wouldn’t if it meant he would still be able to do it. Save this world from it’s own self-destruction… all at the cost of a single soul. What he’s doing wouldn’t be permanent, the rot would always crawl back. but at least his soul would buy everyone some time.
#another monster au#call of duty#cod mwii#modern warfare ii#john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#drabble#ficlet
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I was dead, and then you came (back).
Leon S. Kennedy x Gn!reader.
0.7k words. Also on a03
There is no way you’re just human, though. No normal person would let him come back. No normal person would choose to act with such kindness, with this tremendous and fervent love.
Leon learned his lesson. You're willing to return to him. He can't help thinking about what a miracle that is.
So, I've been writing so much about this man it is about time I start posting all the delusions. You can blame @navstuffs for this mess since she was the one that encouraged me to keep on writing and start posting. Her fault, tbh.
Content: Fluff, basically him yearning under the excuse of a morning after. Mostly his pov. No use of y/n, some sprinkles of size kink I guess. It's just them being dumb for each other. I guess any older Leon works, though I had Vendetta Leon in mind (but you do you).
Warnings: Leon's mental struggles; some suggestive lines; rough sex mentioned but no smut. STILL, minors do not interact. +18 only. Also I'm not a native English speaker so, apologies for any mistakes.
Leon looks at you in awe. How could he look at you differently? With soft steps you traverse the distance between the bed and the kitchen moving calmly, delicate figure enchanting him.
He licks his lips, amused. He sits on the bed, stretching his arms as he keeps his gaze on you.
“What is it?” you ask once you return to his side, a cup of tea in your hands.
“… You’re breathtaking,” Leon muses, a smirk decorating his mouth.
The cup shakes slightly, obvious signal as to how you feel.
“Always the charmer, Kennedy.”
“No, I mean it,” he replies, piercing blue gaze as tender as a summer sky.
“If you say so,” you sip on your tea, sitting closer to him and he presses his face against your shoulder, eyes closed.
The agent is aware that this is a privilege: a man like him is not bound for the whole spectrum of pleasure, both the carnal dance of two bodies as well as the warm company that now brightens his morning.
You smell sweet still. Even after he spit in your mouth, even after he forced pretty tears from your eyes. No trace of the sweaty musk that should surround you both after such exhausting physical activities from the night before.
You’re magical. More than human, Leon thinks.
When he opens his eyes, he is greeted by the sight of a pinkish love bite on your neck. He fixes his eyes on it, on the oval shape it draws on your skin. Could he do it again? He wants to. Hell, he would beg to mark you like that again. Every mark, every bruise, every trace of tears as evidence that he was there. That he is still here, with you. You’re real. And most importantly, he is there to experience it. To reverence your existence and praise you as you deserve.
The affection in his thoughts must be too loud, as you look at him, a hint of comprehension in your tone.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Leon shakes his head, body moving forward, as if caught on the spot.
“I just… would like to do it again. I mean, like last night. But also maybe not just… sex. If you’re… okay with that,” he explains, trying to sound casual, as if his heart isn’t attempting to break free from his chest, destroying bones and lungs on its way out. As if he wouldn’t fight the biggest horrors in this world with just his bare fists for just the chance of a lifetime with you.
Leon pushed you away once. He won’t make that same mistake twice.
You smile at him, scrunched up nose and the gentlest glimmer in your eyes. No reply comes out of your mouth, but the kiss you offer him is more than enough of an answer for him.
He kisses you again then, trying to process this still. The notion that even after his fears had overcome his whole life, terrorizing his thoughts and destroying his most precious bonds, you’re still willing to try again. To forgive him, to help him build himself up from deep, deep into the ground.
If the soil had buried him and drilled pain deep into his skull, so be it. There was still hope now. He wasn’t a dead man. Not yet. Not as long as he had you.
You chuckle when you both pull apart after the kiss, your bubbly energy making his grey bedroom light up.
Leon wants to add something else. But when he looks into your eyes again, he senses that you understand. And when you cup his cheek, caressing his stubble with heavenly devotion, the teacup long abandoned on the night table, he is more than certain that you know.
There is no way you’re just human, though. No normal person would let him come back. No normal person would choose to act with such kindness, with this tremendous and fervent love.
You look at him in awe, chest burning with yearning. Gaze tasting his pink lips, savouring the pretty eyelashes and the early wrinkles around his eyes. The display of your feelings must be too strong, since he chuckles, taking your wrist in his hand, kissing your palm.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he teases you.
And when you laugh, his stomach jumping with happiness after so long without being greeted with that divine sound, Leon is finally convinced: there is an angel in front of him.
If you've made it to the end, thank you. You're now legally required to tell me your thoughts (or not, I'm not a cop) 💜
#x reader#leon kennedy x reader#leon s. kennedy x reader#leon kennedy fluff#nsft#mdni#gn!reader#mdni divider by#@/cafekitsune#divider by#@/saradika#support banner by#@/vase-of-lilies#leon kennedy x gn!reader#mine#writer bee
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Spicy Alphabet: Billy Loomis
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Billy lies on the bed, cuddling your perfect self after. Don't let his relaxed condition fool you, he's going to have deep conversations coming through.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Billy: His eyes are beautiful and powerful. Often stares at his eyes in the mirror. They had the perfect eyelash length and shape. He could put anyone he was attracted to in a trance.
You: Boobs. He loves a great set of boobs to rub his hands on and put his face in. The round flesh sitting on top of your chest is so pretty. The brown areolas resting on them are his favorite. Cute nipples poking out just greeting him.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
He has an average amount of cum. He has a better diet than Stu, so his cum has a neutral taste. He loves to see you swallow it
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Billy really really wants to watch you get a pap smear done (if you have a vagina). Cervixes look beautiful to him. He will buy a speculum to see what it looks like before and after sex.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Experienced. Have you seen him? There are a few things he's good in, but others he hasn't tried before
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Standing missionary
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Neutral. He'll chuckle at a few reactions and sounds.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Billy's curly hair is groomed
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Not at first, but once the relationship progresses he becomes more romantic.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Almost as often as Stu, however he won't have a whole marathon. He'd rather wait for you to be available.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Joint murder, forced voyeurism, phone sex, almost getting caught, bloodplay, knifeplay, facefucking, and more.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Bedroom. Bathroom. Maintenance closets.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Acting coy makes him want to chase you. Making out in front of others. Palming his dick. Looking like a bimbo.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Anything too nasty. Don't cut his face. Not into slapping or punching.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Receiving. He will give, but it won't be long. Gives standard frat white boy head tbh.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Interchanges between slow and fast. He's very good at giving a solid pace.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Very fond of bathroom and closet quickies. Billy had been walking around campus looking for a good maintenance room to bang in.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Little cuts on his and your skin? No problem. A little blood is an aphrodisiac to him. Choking until you pass out? He knows how to do that correctly. And he teaches you to return the favor while he's jerking off. He's a bit risky.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Standard. He'll need time to recharge. Sometimes, he can go back to back. Limit is 3 times
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Eh…
He's okay with watching you use them on yourself. He doesn't care for them outside of that. Unless you include knives as a toy? Then he's into that. Also, a speculum would be nice….
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Whole existence is a tease. This is the one aspect he's an expert in. Billy will verbally tease you, especially before he bottoms you out. Being physically teasing is on the table too. He wants you to whine for it.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
His moans are soft and low. Can easily be missed if you're moaning loud. But! He will get loud and whiny if you hit a particular spot.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Billy kidnapped the one bitch who would talk shit about you. Always behind your back, but never to your face. They would be sugar sweet in your present, then turn peppery sour once you left. Horribly made lemon pepper wings type sour. Said that you didn't deserve a guy like him. He couldn't stand them.
Tears stained the patch of duct tape covering their mouth. They tried to vigorously escape the captivity of the chair placed in front of your bed. But, thankfully, they failed. Billy, in his ghost face fit, had you fuck him in front of them. Start to finish. You were in control of everything. Including the aftercare of cutting the dickheads' skin off, starting with their face. You and Billy made out over the skinned corpse.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Slightly over average. Near 6"
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Moderate
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
{Billy} [You]
"Do you think WW1 happened in an alternate universe? Like is it something that was destined to happen?"
"......."
".......what you think?"
"...I just feel like tons of people really can't get along like that, so it's inevitable."
"Right?!"
Deep conversations afoot, he's not sleeping. Even if there's isn't an existential discussion, he still stays up to go do something else once your comfortable.
#slasher x reader#billy loomis x reader#billy loomis#scream#spicy alphabet#grown folks business#x black reader
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Hiii, I just wanted to say that I love your page so much and how in depth you explain things <3
I've been obsessed with Greek mythology for some time now and last week I discovered that they actually exist and that people worship them. You can imagine my excitement hahshah. So, I felt drawn to mostly Apollo and Aphrodite but I'm working more with Apollo. So far he's helped me sooo much already and he's always there when I call him for help or just to vent. And even though I can feel his presence and I've seen some signs I've been an atheist for my whole life and it's just so strange for me to just sit alone in my room talking to the air (as I said even though I feel like he's listening to me) or offering something and just leaving it there. I'll probably get used to it but I don't know if you could give me some advice. Oh and also what are some ways I can communicate with Apollo (or deities in general) ?? Because I just talk to them and id like to receive a response I can understand or like ask more specific questions if that makes sense??
Anyways sorry for the long message and thank you for your time 💖
Hey hi!!! Don't worry about the long message. I love getting asks!! Also, thank you so so much 🥺 I'm glad you enjoy my page!
I totally get the excitement you're feeling; I felt a similar way, although my progress was slow to get to where I am now. Finding out that these deities truly are there, and that they listen, is something so surreal! It still fills me with amazement, even though I've been practicing for a while.
Feeling awkward when you start out with prayer and offerings is a totally normal experience. I felt that way for a long time; the number one tip I'd have for you is to find something that represents the deity you're talking to. Whether it be a candle dedicated to them (LED or otherwise), a statue, a picture, or even just a random object, this can help a lot with materializing your deity. By that, I mean that it's easier to communicate when you have something to look at visually. My favorite way to do this is with a candle; the way the flame moves can sometimes indicate a response from said deity. However, I don't always light my candles; talking to deities comes easier with time and dedication.
Another tip I'd have for this "issue" is to use a specific posture/stance to pray (especially if you cant use physical objects). I used to be Christian, and during those types of prayers, you'd typically press your hands together in some way and bow your head. However, when worshipping greek deities, there are two most common ways to hold yourself.
For deities that remain in the sky/Mount Olympus, you would stand with your arms stretched out, palms facing up. For deities in the underworld, you would get on your knees and place your hands on the ground. For me, the posture on the ground isn't possible right now (knee surgery things), so I just look at the ground and face my palms down.
Those two tips seemed to be what helped a lot with prayer. For offerings, I tend to leave them for an hour or two and then throw them away (my family doesn't like when it's overnight). You can also do devotional acts for offering, such as self care, listening to a music playlist you make the deity, making a pinterest board, etc. This makes offerings a lot less daunting for me. One time, I held a dance party for Apollo! We had fun.
In terms of communication, other than talking directly, there are a few ways you can send a message. The first method I like to use is to meditate. You don't have to talk; you can say your question out loud or think it. Try to just keep the question in mind, and the first thought/answer you have is typically what the deity would respond with (in my experience).
Another method I use is automatic writing! This is where you close your eyes and write whatever comes to mind. You can ask a specific deity to send you a message if you'd like. It's sort of like meditation, but physically, if you get what I mean.
Sometimes, to get a response, you might want to ask for a sign. For example, "If I need to do A, I'll see a crow; if I need to do B, I'll see a duck." Choose things that are common in your area. The first one you see is your answer!
Aside from that, you can always use pendulums (or even a necklace as a makeshift pendulum), tarot cards, and any other divination tool.
I apologize for the long response, and I hope this helped!!!! 🫶🫶🫶
#hellenic pagan#paganism#eclectic pagan#pagan#pagan witch#deity work#greek deities#greek deity#deities#hellenic deities#deity worship#aphrodite deity#apollo deity#deity#greek paganism#pagan blog#pagan holidays#gay pagan#pagan community#divination#tarot witch#tarot#pendulum#communication
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Habit bites you say? 👀👀
Could I get
some headcanons going more into detail about that?
I don’t think it’s any hot tea to say that the community thinks Habit would be big into biting, leaving scratches, knifeplay, etc he be that kinda demon <3 and the kinda sub masochist that might be down to try that? I be that kinda person
Also you’re a really good writer! c:
Yes, yes you can :} (also thank u!!! got me kickin my feet in the air n shit heehee)
Suggestive / nsfw under the cut! Minors dni
HABIT biting / knifeplay headcanons (tw for mentions of slight gore)
He'll bite you for a whole slew of reasons, not just horny shit. Piss him off and he's getting in your face? Gnashing teeth. He wants to piss *you* off? Biting you while you're in the middle of something. Just minding your own damn business? You're never safe bitch.
It only gets worse if he's turned on tbh, but I DO have a bit of a hot take. Of course he loves digging his teeth in, leaving frighteningly severe marks all over you, and the rush he gets in licking up the pooling blood- But its not a one way street.
I think, under the (rather unlikely) circumstances that he's genuinely into you? He'd want you to reciprocate in the whole "literally ripping each other apart in every way imaginable" thing.
You're clearly weaker than him, and couldn't make a dent in him if you tried? He'd get off on just watching you try. Its cute, to him. Bonus points if you REALLY get into it. He appreciates the effort and gusto.
You actually stand a chance in getting him to hurt? Go fucking nuts, he'll let you. Yank his hair, step on his throat, choke him out, rip chunks out of him with your teeth, its all on the table. Being practically invincible, and having everyone else cower in fear around you gets really boring when you've lived that way for your entire existence. If you can physically manage to overpower him? He'll let you. (good fucking luck though asdfhksdfg)
On the same note, knives. Hoo boy.
I don't think he'd have the patience to like, trace up your body with the tip of his knife, or carve words into your skin or anything, but he would definitely get creative with it nontheless. Y'know how some people will do the whole "count while I spank you" thing? That, but with knife wounds. Sitting on his lap and everything.
And of course, he'd love holding that shit up to your neck as he pounds into you- genuinely coming close to cutting into the skin, pressing dangerously harder with every breath you take in. Who needs choking when he can have you desperately holding your breath all on your own?
On the flip side, he would definitely be into you teasing him with one of his own knives. Run it feather light up his abdomen, his chest, up to his throat, all he wants is for you to drive it down into him, and give him that weirdly euphoric release of agony. The anticipation is nice, but he'll never admit that out loud.
He wants that shit to hurt- like blinding pain. It sort of registers in his head like an orgasm would, since he doesn't exactly experience that level of pain very often.
HUGE bonus points if you actually have him vulnerable during it. (tied up, overpowered, ect.)
Tldr: this man is obsessed with pain. In any way, any method, any form, all of it. Doesn't even matter who's on what end.
#If anyone is wondering#Yes I did think WAY too hard about the way habit acted around the god killer knife#so audacious and intimate wtf#sadomasochist habit stans rise up#I may not be a masochist myself but I respect y'all for being so brave. 🫡#emh#everymanhybrid#Habit emh#emh habit#Habit x reader#I kinda went to0 hard with this but an opportunity to preach my sadomasochist habit beliefs was too good to pass up.#Nsft#suggestive
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Diaboys at a Carne Asada with Hispanic S/O/Reader: Sakamaki edition
Shu
So you’d have to warn this lazy ass at least a week in advance so he can mentally, physically and spiritually prepare to be productive and social
He’ll go but don't expect him to hold back on the complaints on the way to the gathering
“I could be blissfully sleeping right now...but I’m coming to see your family with you...You owe me big time later...”
Generally he’s polite and will say Hi to everyone but he’s not loving how loud it generally is so he might just stick to you like glue
If anyone starts speaking in Spanish to him his brain freezes and you’re now his translator
He’ll pick up SOME Spanish by the end of the day but I stg its nothing useful, its mostly lewd stuff
Honestly not a fan of the music...at first. Let him kinda absorb the music and he’ll find a weird appreciation for it
Might be up for dancing if you ask nicely beg
Enjoys the food until he experiences your tias, mom and abuelita ganging up on him and insisting that he eat more
Best way to save him is to drag him onto the dance floor
Honestly he’s not gonna know what to do at first because the music is so new to him
Let him find his rhythm because when he done...honey he’s so good at Salsa dancing it should be illegal
He’s so smug about it too and will ABSOLUTELY try to make the dance as sensual as possible just to rile you up
He’ll socialize with the older males of your family like your dad and tios quite a lot because the talks are much quieter than the actual party area and honestly he kinda loves vibing with them
Absolutely hates the beer though, Cerveza is just not his cup of tea
Tbh not a fan of any of the alcoholic drinks tbh, they’re either too sweet for him or they taste too strongly of alcohol for his pallet
LOVES Jicama though
Can’t handle spicy food but low key really likes the flavor for some of the spicier dishes???
But don’t give him too much of the spicy dishes cuz he’s dying after one bite…yikes…
Wont play with your younger relatives if they ask him to tbh, he doesnt have the energy
He WILL, however, talk to them and tell them stories if they REALLY wanna hang out with him
Because of his low energy, your family has nicknamed him “El Güero Flojo” or “Huevon” by the end of the night
Honestly kinda liked the experience and he finds your family endearing
“Going again sounds annoyingly exhausting...but it could be fun...”
Reiji
Hooboi this boi is really out of his element here
First of all, he’s 100% going because he wants to meet/impress your family so convincing him is not the problem
The problem is keeping him there the whole time
His big issue is that while he’s aware that many cultures exist, he did not live in that reality. He’s a vampire prince and he’s use to a specific genre of “family gatherings” so this is a bit much for him
Poor boi is so over dressed one of your tios might offer him a change of clothes
Honestly he takes it purely because he saw what was being served and knew it was the better option to 6 hours of washing out stains on his Stefano Ricci suit
He’ll try to be social with your family but honestly he’ll be a little painfully awkward at first.
Honestly just let him go help out in the kitchen and everything will be fine
He’s so helpful and efficient in the kitchen that everyone lets him take charge of serving everyone, the only struggle he’s facing is he has no idea what the food is or how to prepare it but give him a quick recipe and explanation and it ain’t even a problem fam
The Kids there weirdly like him???
Like, they think he’s a little stuffy and strict but he makes really good pozole so they like him
He wont play with them necessarily but he will spectate him if they ask him to and he’s weirdly like a little cheerleader for them in his own way
“Don’t kick the ball so hard. Pick up your knees more when you run...There we go Miguel, much better form.”
Don’t give him spicy food…he can’t handle it…like at all….just don’t
Really likes tamales and other dishes like it because it’s presented in a nice, neat little package
He HATES the alcoholic beverages, cant even smell some of them without making a disgusted face so he can’t have a cerveza with the men to bond
He can however listen to them as they explain the brewing process of drinks like tequila, he’ll even take notes!
Picks up Spanish weirdly fast so he WILL understand you and your family by the end of the day
He’s never heard Hispanic music in his long life so dancing is definitely not his strength this time
Give him a hot minute and you’ll both discover he’s really good at Rumba, Tango and Salsa dancing.
ABSOLUTELY will help clean up after, you expect him to leave dishes dirty in the sink even at someone else’s home? Absolutely not!
Over all kinda enjoyed experiencing you culture with you and your family so he won’t be opposed to returning
“Your family is quite different from mine. I actually didn’t mind it, perhaps we can return another day.”
Ayato
Oh hes gonna LOVE this
A social gathering where he can eat, drink and dance to his heart’s content, be casually himself and no one’s gonna scold him for it? sign him up!
For sure the life of the party
Boi can tear it up on the dancefloor, like ayo come get your manz before he accidentally makes your cousin Dolores swoon for him
Absolutely AMAZING at dancing Cumbia, Cha-Cha, Bachata and Reggeaton
Your Abuelita loves him tbh, he eats and talks with her(mostly cuz she spoils him and he LOVES it)
He can handle some spicy dishes but not all so be careful
Loves all the savory dishes tbh
Cracks a cold one open with the men, quickly learns the way of “cerveza and chill” and just bonds with a bunch of your tios, cousins and even your dad
High key likes Cerveza with lime and salt and straight tequila
LOVES Fanta, like he had 16 bottles by the end of the day
Even the kids at the gathering love him cuz he plays with them when they ask, like they are fighting over who gets to play with him at some point.
Does not understand Spanish, doesn’t really learn much while he’s there, will 100% act like he understands what everyone is saying
Over all loves the experience, 10/10 wants to go again soon
“That was fun! Ore-sama demands to come back for another party! Especially if your mom makes arepas again!”
Kanato
...Finna be honest...leave this one at home...
Getting him there in the first place is a miracle, getting him to be polite and sociable is a whole other beast
If he does go, he’s honestly gonna act like a bratty feral cat 90% of the time
Will probably legit get mad if someone tries to talk to him in Spanish because he doesn’t understand what’s being said to him
God help you if he gets into an argument with someone...it wont be pretty for all parties involved
I can for sure see him getting into an argument over candy or desserts served at the gathering because he’s gonna wanna eat it all and not let any of the kids or other guests have any
He’s definitely gonna get smacked with a chancla...and it goes down hill from there
you honestly might have to leave early...or just...stay home
Laito
Ok so you’d think he’d be a disaster right?
WRONG!
He’s actually pretty pleasant to have at the Carne Asada
Except for a few things...
He might check out a few of your family members just to tease you.
He might even flirt with them just to get a reaction out of someone...you’re gonna have to protect him from any fists that come flying his way honey...
Other than that he’s much like Ayato in that he’s a social butterfly that will dance the night away with you and just enjoy spending time with your family
Some of the food will be a little too heavy and/or spicy for him but he’ll eat every bite he’s given to make you and your family happy
Not a huge fan of any of the beer your tios brought but that aint stopping him from socializing bby!
They might tease the hell outta him for not liking the beer though
Like Shu, he’s gonna have trouble picking up Spanish but he will learn quite a bit of it!
Unfortunately…he will learn some dirty things…blame your teenage cousins
He will be somewhat conversational in Spanish though, will need you to translate though
Likes Tequila though and he absolutely will try to do a tequila shot on you
Honestly his favorite drink isn’t even the tequila, it’s the Grapefruit flavored Jarritos soda
Will also play with the kids if they ask him but unlike Ayato, he doesn’t have the unlimited stamina needed to play with children
This man is a MASTER of Bachata, Samba and Reggaeton so be prepared to be literally swept off your feet
Honestly really loves your family, culture and traditions so he’s for sure gonna wanna come back anytime someone invites you to a carne asda
“Fufufu~ That was fun, Bitch-chan! I could’ve stayed for ages if it hadn’t ended!~ I hope we can come back soon!”
Subaru
*evil chuckle* oooh this one’s gonna be fun!
He THINKS he knows what hes getting into when you invite him along to your family’s Carne Asada
HE’S WRONG! OH SO WRONG!
The moment he steps into the host’s house it’s nothing but welcoming, smiling faces and embraces from your family
Watching this boy get severe whiplash from the warm and welcoming atmosphere is both hilarious and heartwarming
He’s gonna be an awkward duck in the beginning so expect him to just kinda follow you around like a lost puppy
As much as he’d like to hide, he stands out like a sore thumb because of his albinism(being an undead vampire doesn’t help tbh) so he’ll have no choice but be subject to your family asking him if he’s cold while putting a heavy coat on him despite already having one, relatives insisting he sit in the sun with them and everyone giving him heavy and hearty food because for some reason, they’re convinced he’s anemic
The irony HA
It’ll take time but he’ll start to open up and even like the loving, familial atmosphere
He’ll open up to your younger relatives first tbh
They’ll ask him to play with them and he’ll begrudgingly go play if they’re persistent enough
Any family pets on the premises somehow find him and immediately start giving him affection and they will not leave Everyone took photos LMAO
Will be invited to have cerveza with the men and while he’s indiferent about the beer, he kinda likes how your dad and other male relatives are just casual and welcoming while they talk to him
Will find his favorite drink, it’s horchata
Now you would think little Tsunbaru would have a nonexistent spice tolerance, but he can handle it like a champ!
He genuinely likes the taste and it honestly doesn’t burn that bad to him so he’ll eat some really spicy dishes
He might be a little scared of your Tias when they try to spoil him so expect him to lash out at them a little
They’re gonna continue spoiling him anyway and even pinch his cheeks and tease him for the outburst they can sense the tsun in this one
he’s a little awkward on the dance floor at first but if you get him to relax he’s actually surprisingly good at dancing bachata and cumbia
He WANTS to learn Spanish so badly because you speak to your family predominately in Spanish but he does not pick it up quickly
He does learn a few words and phrases by the end of the night but his pronunciation is ROUGH
Like stereotypical “white guy trying to speak Spanish” levels of rough
By the end of the night your family has dubbed him “Blancanieves” because He weirdly does remind them of Snow white...In a weird Tsundere way(For the love of everyone’s enjoyment do not translate that to him, let him be confused, PLEASE)
overall it’s an emotional roller coaster for him but he had fun
your family will beg you to bring him again and he’ll “reluctantly” agree every time
“Fine I’ll go...But I’m only going again cuz’ you’re all so annoyingly insistent! Not like I really wanna go or anything...baka...”
#diabolik lovers#Shu Sakamaki#shu sakamaki x reader#Reiji Sakamaki#reiji sakamaki x reader#Ayato Sakamaki#ayato sakamaki x reader#Kanato Sakamaki#kanato sakamaki x reader#Laito Sakamaki#laito sakamaki x reader#Subaru Sakamaki#Subaru Sakamaki x reader#carne asada#Hispanic reader#Hispanic s/o
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Campbell Bain Headcanons
these are a bunch of headcanons i have about our favourite loonie!
before we get started I will say trigger warning for SH, Suicide, BD and fire. Also I'm autistic, so i've used some of my experiences as reference. And my friends are bipolar so also took reference from them.
so without further a-doo lets begin!!!
1- He's bisexual but he prefers male/gender-neutral partners.
2- He likes to listen to Queen and David Bowie
3-His primary love language is touch (he didn't get much physical affection when he was a kid) however he is demi-asexual
4-He absolutely adores when anyone plays with his hair or gives him head scratches (especially if they've got long nails
5-He's an insomniac. His sleep schedule is none existent, he sleeps whenever he feels like it wether that be at 5 in the morning or once every two days. He is rarely ever asleep before 1 am
6-He's got ADHD. All that energy and fidgeting doesn't come from being bipolar alone.
7-He loves doing arts and crafts at the asylum. The nurses sometimes use taking it away as a bribe to get him to take his meds if cocoa doesn't work
8-He knows a sh1t tone about stars and outer-space. if you point at a constellation and ask him to name it he'll tell you in an instant with its whole back story and everything.
9-He's got some PTSD from his childhood and watching Fergus jump off the roof.
10-His favourite movie is the breakfast club. He relates to John and Allison a lot and likes to reminisce of his short time in highschool and all the detentions he got.
11-He use to self-harm and still has the scars. He's not proud of it but when asked about it he'll just say "well thats life"
12-When he went to school he was the type of kid to turn up in pyjama bottoms and a hoodie, never pay attention but still somehow pass and he would skip class at least once a week
13-On the rare occasion that he does get to sleep, he moves around A LOT. full on starfish and blanket hogger, he also fidgets in his sleep
14-He quit cigarettes and started smoking w3ed. He said it was to "calm his nerves and help him focus on his creative flow" but eventually with Eddies help he quit that too.
15-He (albeit rarely) gets panic attacks.
16-He'll just randomly set small things on fire when he's bored. Sometimes he accidentally sets himself on fire
17- He hates loud noises unless he's the one making them. He loves to shout and blast his music so loud he can't hear his own thoughts but hates it when other people do it.
19- He loves soft things. He has about 15 stuffed animals at home (his favourite came with him to the ward) and is always wrapped up in a blanket when he watches tv or is reading. Any chance he gets he'll be cocooned in blankets and pillows
20-He either has a God-complex or hates him self to no end. There is no in between one minute he'll think he's the best person alive and the next he'll think everyone hates him.
21-When he was 16 (around the time he was diagnosed) him and his dad had a falling out and he tried to overdose. That was the reason he got admitted to saint Judes
22-He is fascinated by witchcraft but never really tried it himself, just likes doing research on it
23-He considered suicide after Fergus died but decided to continue on in his name and prove that loonies could get jobs and that being manic didn't define him
24-He once tried to die his hair green but decided he didn't like it so he went back to brown
25-His favourite bands are Nirvana and Green day
26-He likes comic books and his favourite hero is wolverine
thx for reading and I'm open to suggestions for Campbell.
#campbell bains loonie tunes show#campbell bain#takin over the asylum#david tennant#headcanon#cam needs a hug
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✨ here and I had a whole discussion with my friends about Anakin and me being like “100% would love to handle this guy” and my friend was shocked as she could definitely not see Anakin as a sub. And it reaaaally got us heated like “no Anakin is definitely giving too energy” and me being like “I can’t imagine that sorry” and the thing you published about Anakin just giving his all while trying to hide his tears of frustration, I agree so so soooo much. Man is scared of his own attachment it just works perfectly
LMAOOOOOO, I love that y'all were debating about it. There are two wolves inside of every person, one wants to get absolutely railed by Anakin Skywalker, the other wants to make him cry. You guys could go back and forth on this debate forever, honestly. I do it every day.
Honestly, soooooo many versions of Anakin exist in my head, but I think the main one exists as this Christian grey type character (HEAR ME OUT, GIVE ME 2 MINUTES OK I SWEAR I CAN EXPLAIN).
Is Christian Grey a complex and well written character? Absolutely not, that entire series is dogshit, but the most interesting thing about him that I took away from those movies, is this admission of feeling like the weakest creature on earth.
mildly off the rails tangent below that I'm hoping no one thinks I'm fucking crazy for saying out loud. But sparkle anon, I think you more than anyone else will at least have a laugh about it so... CW for unhealthy BDSM practice mention, grooming mention, etc.
I was surprise to see that in that second movie, Christian actually admits that he's not a dominant, he's a sadist. NOT even in the BDSM sense of the term, which requires actual training, emotional, physical, and psychological awareness and care, but just a sadist in general. He's a very confused victim of grooming who gets off on hurting people who look like his mother. His first genuine act of emotional vulnerability with Anastasia, the first one that holds any real meaning to him, is getting on his knees and letting her violate a previously stated boundary (touching his chest), which is FUCKED UP but entirely telling of the values that were instilled in him when he was being groomed as a teenager, that love is submission, devotion is submission, and submission is self-destructive, which is horrible and I really empathize with that experience. He turns to this charade of dominance (and extremely unhealthy BDSM practice) as a rejection of his grooming but also as a way of expressing his pent up trauma that he refuses to address in a healthy way. However, when it comes time for him to show Ana who he is, be genuine with her, what does he do? He kneels, palms up, eyes to the floor.
The truth is, if he were able to find submission on his own, he would have a much better internal relationship with his submissive tendencies. (if I'm remembering correctly, I haven't seen the second film in ages)
So, how this connects to Anakin (in the way that I think and write about him) is that he probably sees things in the same way. For his own reasons (i.e. slavery, losing his mother, Palpatine's grooming), Anakin has problems relinquishing control, not just in a sexual sense but in a spiritual one too. He does not feel entirely comfortable giving things up to the will of the force.
So when it comes to you and the power you have over him, it completely tears him up inside to be at someone's mercy and it's something he clearly fights against when he's with you. Like, this isn't necessarily a sexy thought, but I almost picture him hating you sometimes because of it. Yet, how he expresses love for you, in his own fucked up little way, is to let you cross his boundaries and see hints of that submission. He lets you get on top, he lets you pull his hair, he lets you use his body, because he loves you and he loves it, he just can't help but feel conflicted and weak for how good he feels when you use him. So sometimes he fucks you rough with tears in his eyes crying and groaning in your ear about how much he fucking hates you, because his insides feel all twisted the fuck up.
Is this fucked up? probably, but I see it as being pretty aligned with his character.
ALSO SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG REPLY THAT PROBABLY MAKES NO SENSE, your asks always get my brain working, sparkle, dearest.
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okay you reblog a lot of albums ive never heard of and am curious about but it’s hard to get myself to sit down and listen to a whole album so please please, Top Ten-ish Songs To Get To Know You kind of list? pretty please?
i literally daydream about people asking me stuff like this LOL. so this is hardly a comprehensive list of all my favorite songs ever but here are some songs that are really important to me!!! this got REALLY long so i put it under a read more
1. meet me in the woods by lord huron
my absolute favorite song Ever like of all time. means everything to me. i could listen to this every single day and never get tired of it. INSANELY fun, incredible vibes, makes me want to go outside and shoot a beam into somebody. lord huron is an Experience. all their albums are concept albums and there’s actually a fair amount of lore going on. on the physical CD for strange trails it actually has the characters’ names next to their respective songs
for meet me in the woods, it sounds very upbeat and happy, but listen closely and you’ll realize it’s not quite as it seems… in-universe, it’s narrated by a woman named francine lu, and the song has the same chords as the first track of the album (and another of her songs) “love like ghosts”. she also narrates “the night we met”, easily LH’s most famous song. francine lu is not having a normal one. what’s her problem? listen to find out…..
2. crystals by of monsters and men
this was my favorite song ever for about 6 years until meet me in the woods ranked just a tiny bit higher. sooo fucking fun, itches a part of my brain that’s only accessible via icelandic stomp & holler. makes me very happy and always cheers me up! of monsters and men was the first new (at the time) band i ever really discovered on my own without hearing about from my parents or other people, and i’ve been listening to them ever since (almost 13 years!!) they are incredibly important to me and i highly recommend all of their albums
3. sunblind by fleet foxes
relatively new but became a favorite as soon as i heard it. this is also one of the most Me songs i can think of on top of just being so fucking gorgeous and raw and heartfelt. this song is a tribute to deceased musicians who influenced robin pecknold (the lead singer and songwriter for fleet foxes) and how their music is pretty much the reason he’s even alive today. my favorite lines are “only way that i made it for a long time / but i’m loud and alive, singing you all night”. this entire album is sincerely a masterpiece and i highly recommend listening to it all. fleet foxes have really beautiful and unique lyrics, they remind me of mitski’s lyrics in that they’re very poetic and personal and emotional but still subjective enough that you can connect them to your own life
4. this must be the place by talking heads
specifically the stop making sense live recording, which i still half-refuse to believe is a live recording because it’s just THAT fucking good. whenever someone says david byrne can’t sing i direct them here, because he does sincerely have an incredible voice and he simply Chooses to sing weirdly bc he’s a quirked up white boy with autistic swag.
this is just a really sweet and romantic song from a band that otherwise stays far away from love songs and it works extremely well. this entire album is fucking incredible and easily the best live album of all time. half of them are BETTER than the studio recordings, and you can also watch david byrne leap straight up backwards like a full 4 feet
highly recommend watching stop making sense just the entire film
5. vein of stars by the flaming lips
back in 2014, i watched a very beloved streamer play a game called “space engine”, in which you explore as much of the universe as we’ve theorized to exist. this was a little before copyright laws got so fucking strict on youtube and twitch, so mr. vinny vinesauce could play any music he wanted while planet-hopping. one of those songs was vein of stars, and it’s been one of my absolute favorites ever since.
the flaming lips are definitely an acquired taste. wayne coyne does Not have a very good voice and it can get extremely grating, especially to someone who hasn't heard them before. but when it works, god it works. this song is so pretty and nostalgic to me, always calms me down whenever i’m In A Mood. it’s nihilistic but not in a depressing way, more like “yeah maybe we aren’t here for any particular reason, maybe there’s nothing after this life. there’s nothing we can do about that, so why worry?”. very peaceful. REQUIRED listening when stargazing
6. good old-fashioned lover boy by queen
one of the first songs i ever truly hyperfixated on. unfortunately i listened to it SO fucking much it kind of ruined it for me, but i still do really love it. i may not listen to it that often anymore but i felt obligated to put it here bc it had a Profound Effect on my developing brain
7. too much time by john vanderslice
the year is 2012 and you're halfway through the newest episode of the hit podcast welcome to nightvale. cecil announces the weather. little do you know that you will carry the next 3 and a half minutes with you for the rest of your life. this one is just absurdly nostalgic to me (and not to mention incredibly vash the stampede coded). beloved song!!!
8. waltz for zizi & the real folk blues by the seatbelts & mai yamane
well it’s no secret that i think cowboy bebop has the greatest anime soundtrack of all time and one of THE greatest soundtracks of all time Ever. this is just an objective fact actually.
i believe this is because the seatbelts and specifically the composer yoko kanno studied real jazz, blues, and bebop to make the ost. like it's not just "jazz-flavored", there is genuine, deep respect and you can hear it in every single track. waltz for zizi gives me physical goosebumps every single time i listen to it, it's absolutely perfect. i've made it a ritual to listen to every time i visit the shore at night and go stargazing. sincerely transcendent experience
9. cuckoo song by cosmo sheldrake
hhhhhrrr this entire fucking albummmm hhhhhhhrhhhhrhhhaauuuuUUUUOOOGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
back during my final semesters of college, i had to take a course for art degree seniors. we’d pick something we were passionate about, make art for it, and it would be hung up for a week in the exhibition room. i chose birds of course, but wake-up calls inspired me to shift that choice to something more important than just random funny bird drawings. i focused on bird species that have gone extinct within the last 60 years because wake-up calls is made almost entirely out of endangered bird songs.
i’ll be honest i can barely listen to this song or anything on the album because i WILL literally start sobbing like in real life. cuckoo song in particular just makes me start crying every single time i listen to it, it’s like a magic spell. it’s not even necessarily sad but just viscerally bittersweet. the art for the album is made by flora wallace. here’s the spotify canvas i made a gif just for you 👍
10. take you back by orville peck
and finally………….. the song that made me realize that i actually DO love real country music a lot, and that the derivative “bro country” sub-genre that developed in the early 2000s has absolutely destroyed any positive opinion of country music in society. we NEED to go back, and orville peck is more than doing his part. this is the first song i ever heard by him and it's just so goddamn fun. i am completely unable to not sing along to this when it comes on
not only do i highly recommend orville peck but also any country music from the 50s and 60s, especially marty robbins, charley pride, conway twitty, and of course mrs. dolly parton. and later country rock/folk rock bands like america and creedence clearwater revival. it’s SO good i’m so serious
orville peck is the only modern country singer i can think of who's not afraid to bring back the harmonicas and whistling and steel guitars and whip cracks and yeehaws. it's fantastic. he's also gay and an outspoken trans ally. i believe this gives him the power to revive country music from the dead 🙏
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Big update, small tw for fake claiming mentioned 🪽
As I’m writing this, all these events were a few days ago now, so apologies if anything is unclear, my memory is wacky. I’m going to keep this part short, since the beginning is least important. A few days ago I was watching videos about DID, trying to focus despite constantly disassociating and getting the feeling someone else was around. I made the mistake of checking the comment section, only to see fake claiming which sent me into an episode of fake claiming myself.
After a while, I had a similar experience to the day prior, where someone took over and the anxiety left. It was weird trying to tell who it was, but the body’s physical reaction told me it was probably the same alter who showed up before. They cleaned up the house and forced us to shower, but another presence showed up, similar to what I had felt before my episode. They were talking to each other, just… not me, so I didn’t focus too much on them.
The part I’m really here to talk about is what happened afterwards. The shower itself was the weirdest part. The only things I could hear were the three different voices that just… showed up in my head. It was too long to explain in full, but it was such a bizarre experience. I never hear any alters around, and after another episode, three of them just randomly appear?? It didn’t make sense, but they spoke too loud for me to hear my own doubts. I recall the protective one was referred to as Eliza, there was also the presence from earlier, and a third person I didn’t know named Shelby I think?? I wish I could remember half of what they said now.
They all had different voices, and I was in agony listening to them, so I don’t know why I’d go through that if I really was talking to myself. By the time we got out I realized I had barely any recollection of the past 20 minutes and had been disassociating, just remembering bits and pieces of their loud conversations. While I recall being aware of the voices in the moment, now it just feels like a dream. I was barely conscious at all and had no clue what was going on. Since then, dead silence, though I guess I haven’t spiraled like that again either. I’ve gotten the occasional subtle feeling of an alter being present but nothing I can say for sure.
I thought alters were supposed to be… helpful?? Mostly, at least, since I know persecutors exist and that’s a whole other thing. I feel bad saying that because the chatting I heard didn’t have malice intent, but they barely calmed me down, so the body was still reacting in a fairly bad way. It was almost worse than when I was just screaming at myself. Anyways, I have no idea what to do with this information. I don’t really want to even try to talk to them after being so stressed last time I did. I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts.
- Felix, probably, but I’m not thinking about it too hard.
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I’m in a mood tonight apparently because I have more In The Flesh thoughts which I’m sure have been said before and I probably read someone else’s meta on it back in 2014 but I’m too lazy to search anything up so here we are.
This is something that’s barely touched on in the show and even then it’s just barely, just Amy talking about it very briefly in the second to last episode but I do wish there had been more exploration about the PDS sufferers’ lack of sensation or less “concrete” senses. (I know it’s mentioned fairly often in fic.) They can only see and hear as clearly as they did before they died, and everything else is gone or severely dulled.
So not only are they treated as second-class citizens and targeted and generally treated like trash, and they have to deal with their own internal guilt about the things they did while rabid, and they have to deal with whatever mental health problems they either had from before or developed from the trauma afterward, they can’t do anything to let any of it out or get any sort of release. They can’t eat, or drink, or have sex, or touch soft comforting things, or self-harm, or even exercise for the feeling of burning off restlessness and/or the ensuing rush of endorphins.
No wonder so many of the people who end up in the ULA are boiling over with rage; they can’t do a single thing to express themselves and their feelings, good or bad. There’s no pleasure or release or pain in any physical things anymore.
It’s pretty easily inferred from series 1 and also the Walker family in general that they just weren’t a family that Talked About Things, and that Kieren in particular bottled stuff up and didn’t think he could talk to anyone about what he was going through. But now he, and every other PDS sufferer, have that tenfold. Because where there used to be some sort of physical escape, some sort of physical coping mechanism (whether healthy or not), now there’s just empty numbness.
So what can you do to feel again? Sheeps brains, although that seems to be the PDS equivalent to weed or molly, or Blue Oblivion and go rabid again, which is more intense but more risky. And even so neither of those things are going to be living human sensations, they’re not going to be the same as what any of them remembers when they were alive. They’re completely trapped in numbness to an extent that must be maddening.
I wish there had been more exploration of that trapped existence. Even if Kieren feels less fear than when he was alive, and Simon feels like things aren’t so pointless, etc, it still means that every experience they have, unless it is only sight and sound, is for the most part mental. And it must get so much, and so loud, mentally, to experience everything in your head without being able to comprehend it with the whole body, without being able to let all those neurons fire and the brain process it and then let it go.
Imagine being in a terrifying situation, and you can’t sweat, can’t really hyperventilate, can’t tame the psychological fight-or-flight response because there is no more chemical one, can’t bundle up warm or touch something cool or something soft or something painful in order to break out of the fear. Completely stuck physically which means all the mental stuff is turned up volume on high because there is no physical outlet for it. Scream, I guess? But that’s not much and not the same.
And they can talk but that doesn’t mean people are going to listen. Only a small percentage of the living with listen to them with any sort of depth or empathy. And other PDS sufferers will listen. But it’s probably almost impossible to adequately express anyway. The experience of dying and coming back and of flashbacks and of the weirdly energizing feeling of being rabid. So talking is almost kind of out of the question too.
So of course so many of them are frustrated and angry and hurting. With 2 out of the 5 senses working, they’re basically stuck, unable to find emotional or mental release through physicality. So they’re all bottling things up which means of course they’re going to clutch on to anything that might give them any sort of answer or something to maybe use as a vehicle for release, and of course something is going to give.
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A discussion on ableism in AI: The Somnium Files
Happy Disability Pride Month! I hope everyone's July is starting out well, despite the loud fireworks of the fourth.
For this month i thought it would be fitting to discuss a major problem in the game AI: The Somnium Files: ableism. There will be major spoilers for the game's plot described, and there will be one singular mention of Nirvana Initiative that isn't really a spoiler but I'm just putting a warning here. The reason there's only one mention of it is because I have not finished that game yet, and don't even know if it has any ableism in it. Working on that while writing this post, actually.
Don't get me wrong, I love this game a lot, but obviously everything has its issues, and you've gotta be critical of that. That's the whole reason I'm making this post- so people can learn to be aware of this so they can avoid being ableist themselves, and understand the issues behind it.
I very strongly encourage abled fans to reblog. Even if you know all of this, I want more people to hear.
First of all, the usage of psychopathy(and other similar terms) in a derogatory way. Countless times the game refers to the culprit of the New Cyclops Serial Killings as a psychopath. I do not experience psychosis myself, but I have studied a bit before making this post (reading various articles written by people who have been diagnosed with psychosis) Not only that, but by now it should be wildly known that calling people psychotic when they are acting "crazy" or "insane" is very ableist, even if you don't experience it yourself.
Unrelated to anything that happens in AITSF, but this can also be said for bipolar disorder and OCD when it comes to talking about yourself when you do something unrelated to it at all, and more aligned with the stereotypes of said disorder. For example, saying "im so bipolar haha" in response to a "sudden" change in how you're feeling, or "omg it triggers my ocd!!" when you see something terribly unorganized, something Most People Hate To See, OCD diagnosis or not.
The rest, and majority of the post is under a read more. This is a final warning for major plot spoilers, as the true culprit of the New Cyclops Serial Killings will be namedropped, and talked about in-depth, as well as other major spoilers, including the biggest plot twist in the game.
Key points, parentheses, and the beginnings of paragraphs will be in bold to make it hopefully a bit easier to read.
Back on topic, the treatment of Saito is odd- especially when Date doesn't have any of this happen to him- y'know, being in Saito's body. It is implied in the bad end of annihilation route that Date does reach this "reward system" of killing people for pleasure, but it's still odd. Would Date not have, I don't know, killed a bug or something and then been like Oh shit. Because clearly even though Aiba supplies oxytocin for Date, the implications in that bad ending still happen. It's also odd that within the time he went without Aiba before she was created, that he was fine. Though since most of this relies on a loose implication, I won't stay focused on it for that long. So, I'll move on.
Saito being called a psychopath is especially worrying considering the reason he is called this is because of a physical brain disability. This part I can actually speak from my own experience, as I am missing my own pituitary gland. I have a health condition called Panhypopituitarism. It can be shortened to Panhypopit, or PHP. You can study it more if you'd like, if not, here's a short definition from a google search: "A rare condition in which the pituitary gland stops making most or all hormones."
It is so rare, when typing the condition's name in it gives it a red squiggly line, implying I either misspelled or typed in a word that doesn't exist! And for the nerds out there, specifically about 4 in 100,000 people are diagnosed with it in a year. For a somewhat silly comparison, the chance of having Panhypopituitarism is lower than the chance of getting a shiny Pokemon. (meaning i can have a pokesona that's shiny for an actual reason other than "shinies are cool, idc if they're rare" /j)
People can have this condition at birth, or if the gland is damaged at all throughout their life. I was born with my pituitary gland LITERALLY MISSING. The doctors couldn't find it. And since this condition is rare, it is a very hard condition to deal with. I will not go into too much detail, but I have had a doctor for most of my life who clearly didn't know what he was doing in relation to the condition, and that affected my life in more ways than one. Not only that, but some people suffer from it more than others. It depends on how severe the case is.
In Saito's case, his body cannot properly produce oxytocin. I don't know the specifics of everything the pituitary gland is supposed to secrete and produce but I can tell you I have it from somewhere else in my body because I do not take medicine to supply it, and I frequently experience feelings of love and comfort and trust and????? You get it. I do have depression, which might be because of this?? But like, I still fucking feel love and shit. Most importantly though.
I do not have an urge to kill things so I can experience love and joy. I do not have an inability to feel love.
As someone with such a rare condition, I've NEVER found any representation for Panhypopit before. I'm not too surprised or sad about it, but when the only time a character DOES have something similar to it, it's extremely unrealistic, it causes them to only feel love when murdering, and they're called a psychopath for it, I'm obviously gonna be a bit upset.
When Pewter deliberately explained Saito's brain dysfunction that I can relate to in such a harrowing way; describing that because of said dysfunction he can only feel pleasure by killing things, I felt very distraught. At the time though, friends around joked about it, saying "haha, just like Memo!" Because I was young and ignorant, and a kid who very much depended on others to seem normal and find interests, I nodded along, and started laughing too, ignoring i was distressed about the scene at all.
Later on though, when my group of friends changed drastically because I didn't want to talk to people who are now ex-friends (for reasons you can probably guess, lmao), a different friend happened to start playing AITSF.
I was very excited, because like I said, it was one of my favorite games, and one of the only instances of bodyswaps that didn't trigger me (i know this is a silly trigger, and its silly that there are exceptions, but thats just how my brain works, and also its disability pride month so you cant be mean to me /hj) and I love to talk about my interests with others, whether I'm currently hyperfixating on them or not.
When said friend, who I'll call S from now on (hi S if you're reading this. leaving you in the anonymity zone out of my own choice actually which is why i didnt ask you if you wanted me to mention you by name or not) finished AITSF, and started thinking about everything, connecting everything, y'know, the usual process after you finish a Uchikoshi game, we ended up talking about Saito's problems. I mentioned my ex-friends said that, and he made me realize, Hey. That Was Fucked Up, Actually.
In general, I never really considered it ableist until he mentioned it. Which is kinda why I'm making this post- so people CAN know that these things are ableist. People should be aware that doing things like what my old friends did- no matter the commonness or rarity of the disability in the scenario, is ableist. Specifically the parts where they didn't acknowledge the ableism of giving the disability to the villain, and instead began to compare said villain (who fucking MURDERS PEOPLE) to someone they knew that had the same, or similar disability.
Sorry for the long portion about Panhypopit, I meant it. Seriously, I'm betting everyone reading this except for my friends had no idea it existed, so of course I'm gonna explain it in detail so they do know. Anyway, let's move on from Saito.
(ID in alt text)
WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hitomi Sagan, as we all know AS IT IS LITERALLY A HUGE PLOT POINT, is shot in the right shoulder, which paralyzes that arm.
Paralyzes.
WHY IS IT MOVING.
Now, yes, perhaps this was an oversight, but there's also the possibility they didn't want to change the animation just a bit just for one character. I don't know the complications of just.. yknow, making the arm stay still, but either way, it's still fucked up.
If it was this hard, though, why not omit her from the scene entirely? Or even just, don't have her dance? Mayumi is seen standing still next to Ota during his segment of the song, why not Hitomi? It's possible I'm just being very nitpicky, but I feel like this could have easily been avoided. You could say perhaps she got surgery the same way Iris did to help her arm, but wouldn't that have been mentioned as well? And if it for some reason wasn't, we visit the Sagan Residence in the epilogue. Her arm is still paralyzed. There's no reason for her to hide she had surgery done. In fact, wouldn't she tell Date as soon as possible? Tell him not to worry he shot her cause it's alright now? But that wouldn't matter anyway- her arm is still paralyzed even in AITSF nirvanA Initiative.
Well I don't know. That one I'm not as upset about as... [gesturing] Saito. But, as bad as Saito is, the game does have other disabled characters that aren't treated as badly. Say, Iris's brain condition, or Mayumi's dementia. But that still doesn't make up for how badly Saito was handled. That'll be it, really. Can't think of anything else on this specific topic. If you wanna add on at all please feel free! I could've missed something, or not have explained stuff that well.
Happy Disability Pride Month!
#aitsf#ai the somnium files#aitsf spoilers#memo's ted talk#ai: the somnium files#ai:tsf#long post#sorry if i misworded anything#i feel kinda embarrassed posting this cause its so long but like. sometimes you gotta say fuck it I Guess.#saito sejima#hitomi sagan#man idfk what to put in the tags#posting this and dying
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I liked tonight’s svu! A lot of the girlies over on Twitter were criticizing how Olivia handled the woman with the phobia but I wanna point out (and maybe this is me making a cop-out for the writers) but… the only person who ever mentioned agoraphobia was Olivia (who, though has much experience. Is not an actual psych doc)
So it could be the woman still had the ailment just maybe not to the level expressed or perceived.
I know myself after the initial Covid quarantine I had a touch of it too, so it’s very plausible imo.
But now I literally commute over 90 minutes one way per day… so it comes in variances it’s not just like that one movie with Harry Connick jr.
Anyways would love to hear your insight! I always love a good Leah analysis! Have a wonderful Friday and weekend! ❤️💖
The woman did say she hadn't left her apartment in years, though. Like I see what you're saying but agoraphobia can compound over time; the longer she goes without leaving the harder it is to leave, and it has been years. And Liv making the squad room dark and quiet is helpful for sensory purposes, maybe, but what about the complete sensory overload of getting there, for a person who hasn't left their apartment in years? Walking through the apartment door, down the hall, over the sidewalk, into the car, seeing so much of the world rush by, loud and bright and chaotic even if there's no music or anything in the car, parking, getting into the precinct, the people in the lobby, the elevator, like. That is massively overwhelming. Like yeah agoraphobia is not a one symptom condition where that one symptom is that the person physically can never leave the house, but she talked about her anxiety and her fear of the world and how she wanted nothing to do with it and said she hadn't left the apartment in years so I don't think it's out of bounds for Liv to make the leap to calling it agoraphobia even if the woman never used the word herself. Liv has encountered agoraphobic people before she does have a frame of reference. Idk I felt like it was hokey, to me. Like all this woman needed to overcome a crippling (and it would have to be crippling, for her not to leave for years) mental health issue was for a nice lady to take her hand and talk to her like she was a baby bird. There's plenty of people who develop this anxiety to the point of becoming shut ins who were loved and cared for by others; compassion is not a magic bullet in every instance.
I felt like they had a potential for two really interesting episodes here - one where they needed the agoraphobic witness to testify (when will Carisi step foot in a courtroom again) and one where they were chasing a man who didn't exist - but by combining the two neither storyline got the time or the depth that it really needed, and on the whole it was just meh. Not bad, I'm not saying it was anything like the nightmare of s23, but just underwhelming and a little boring.
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Day 12: Touch Starved--Sasuke & Naruto
Sasuke & Naruto (could be read as platonic or not) | AU where Sasuke is putting in effort to be a good teammate | Content Warnings: the village is mean to Naruto, implied/referenced child neglect but it's mostly canon compliant
Whumptober Masterlist
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Once Sasuke started paying attention, it wasn’t hard to pick up on certain things.
One: Naruto spent a lot of his time alone. Outside of team training, he met up with Iruka-sensei once a week or so to get ramen, and if he ran into Shikamaru or Choji out in the street, he would stop to chat for a bit. But on the whole, Naruto had nobody.
(Just like Sasuke.)
Two: Naruto was loud and obnoxious, but only around other people, and really only when he felt ignored. In the academy, that was probably because all their teachers had gone out of their way to either act like Naruto didn’t exist, or else they’d treat him rudely. Now that they were in a team together, it only happened when Kakashi was reading his book or Sakura was telling Naruto to shut up.
(Sasuke had taken to giving Naruto his full attention whenever he could. As an experiment, of course. Just to test the theory that Naruto could be calmer when he felt he didn’t have to shout to be seen.)
(And if Sasuke had kept doing it even after having his theory confirmed, that was purely because Naruto yelling less could only ever be a good thing.)
Three: Naruto obviously wanted closeness but didn’t think he was allowed to have it.
This one had been harder to pin down. At first, he’d assumed that Naruto was just aggressively affectionate with the people who didn’t find him as annoying. Which was mostly just Iruka-sensei. Every time Naruto met Iruka-sensei for ramen, he all but lunged at the man for a hug and didn’t let go for nearly half a minute.
Then Kakashi-sensei would dole out head pats since he seemed to have no idea what to do with children and so treated them like his ninken most the time. Naruto leaned up into every head pat he’d earned, and Sasuke noticed how his expression fell minutely every time Kakashi-sensei pulled back.
But then…then Sasuke had realized that nobody else touched Naruto. Not outside of a spar, or Sakura smacking him upside the head, at least. People in the street or the market actively went out of the way to avoid so much as brushing against him.
And look, Sasuke also didn’t have anyone around to hug him or put an arm over his shoulder, didn’t have someone to lean on or ruffle his hair—aside from Kakashi-sensei, who wasn’t deterred by Sasuke’s snarling—and he was fine with that. But the difference was that Naruto obviously wanted that if the way he sometimes looked longingly at small kids getting piggy-back rides or children with their arms looped together as they went into the ice-cream shop was anything to go by.
(As long as Sasuke was in a team, his teammates were like weapons in his arsenal. And giving his teammates whatever they needed to operate at an optimal level was just…weapon maintenance.
It wasn’t like Sasuke wanted to be in Naruto’s personal space. It wasn’t like Naruto’s quickly-hidden kicked-puppy looks of longing were particularly convincing or anything. It was just efficiency.)
He started small, half because he didn’t want to draw attention to what he was doing and half because he’d been so long without an abundance of physical contact that he wasn’t sure where to begin. But it was easy enough to brush their fingers together as they passed kunai between them. Easy enough to bump their soldiers during Kakashi’s lectures to bring Naruto back to focus. Easy to stand back-to-back in spars against sensei.
The next step had happened accidentally. After a particularly rough day of training that had them going nonstop since nine in the morning, Sasuke had nodded off during their cool down stretches and woke up to find that he’d napped leaning on Naruto for half an hour. And Naruto had let him.
(Sasuke would never admit it aloud, but it was…nice. Naruto was warm and curling up against him was like falling asleep in a sunspot. It was the best rest Sasuke had gotten since…well. Since a while.)
After the nap incident, it was easier to reach out, so much so that Sasuke did it sometimes without even realizing. Naruto was easily distracted, so it was faster if Sasuke tugged him along to their destination by his hand or wrist. If Sasuke was dragging a bit after training, there was little harm in leaning against Naruto’s side so he could stay upright. When a civilian would get snippy at Naruto for some perceived offense, Sasuke found that slinging his arm over Naruto’s shoulder usually got people to shut up and it was far less confrontational (and illegal) than some of Sasuke’s other ideas.
It was so easy to touch Naruto, made even easier by the fact that Naruto always reached back: never trying to shake Sasuke’s grip loose, always leaning in whenever Sasuke touched him, like he was starved for it but afraid to show it in case the touch got taken away.
There was a part of Sasuke that almost felt guilty for it because even though this thing he’d started was meant to help Naruto, Sasuke found that he enjoyed it more than he thought he would. Every time he touched Naruto, it was like something eased in his chest. Every time Naruto leaned into him, Sasuke felt a bit like he was melting himself. There were times when Sasuke didn’t want to let go at all, the days he dreaded when training would be over because then it would be back to his empty house in the empty compound: cold and quiet and hollow.
It made him feel weak. It made him feel pathetic. He was a shinobi; he shouldn’t feel an unreasonable amount of anxiety at the thought of releasing Naruto’s hand. He couldn’t afford to be that dependent on anyone. Not when Aniki Itachi that man could come back at any moment to rip Sasuke’s life away from him again.
Not when an attachment like this could get Naruto killed.
But Sasuke couldn’t exactly stop either. Because as he’d discovered, Naruto had no one, and if Sasuke pulled back now—if he stopped with the light touches and the leaning and the closeness—then he’d be taking something precious, something needed, from Naruto. Just the idea made him feel sick.
So he couldn’t stop. For Naruto’s sake, of course.
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More notes on beauty:
1) I started feeling ugly from a very early age, really as far back as I can remember. There is something deeply revealing about being told you're pretty only by blood relatives, friends of the family who are trying to flatter your parents, and platonic friends who are not sexually attracted to your demographic; all those people are trying to make you feel better in some way, even though they might be accidentally pointing out a problem you didn't necessarily think you had.* But anyway, my parents never interfered with my sense of ugliness--even though I was extremely vocal about how worried and sad it made me. On one single occasion when I was probably around 12 and bemoaning how gross I felt, my father stoically offered up that beauty standards are just reflections of reproductive instincts, that the qualities men find attractive in women are markers of high quality breeding stock essentially. I now know that this is only true to a limited degree, and even at the time it wasn't hard to see that the average sex symbol wasn't necessarily "fertile-looking". Besides which, this knowledge wouldn't exempt me from continued rejection and alienation! It was just another way of viewing my natural reject-ness. But still, this shut me up somehow. It was like Oh OK, so even if I'm like exiled from society, at least there's a scientific reason. It's not "unfair", it's just rational.
2) My best friend is ugly. This is her own assessment based on her own experience of just being in society, dealing with strangers, trying to find a partner, etc. I don't know that she ENJOYS being ugly, but I don't think she's offended by the diagnosis; it just is what it is on some level, and it makes her incredibly enlightened about the complexities of embodied existence, but ANYWAY. I was talking one day with another friend about the general concept of looks, and when I mentioned this fact about my closest friend, my interlocutor got very prickly. She said something like "ugliness is a really important concept to me, I've seen pictures of your friend online and she's not it." To be clear this person was being more defensive of ugliness than of the stranger I was describing--but it put me in this corner where I had to go, "OK fine, her skin is like this, her hair is like this," etc, until it was like I had her whole physical person disarticulated on an operating table. Finally the person I was talking to conceded that she understood me, but it was an unpleasant experience and I wished I hadn't taken the bait. This person just had a fetishized version of what it means to be "ugly"; she meant, for instance, character actors with uniquely extreme appearances that amount to their own special aesthetic. She didn't want to include just general people who are routinely ignored and rejected in any circumstance where the key thing is visual attractiveness. And there I was, so desperate to defend my friend's inalienable right to be ugly (which is just one small feature of hers within an absolute treasure trove of amazingly great human qualities), that I carved her up into parts for this other person--I made myself think about my friend in a way that I absolutely never would do naturally, all because of my obsessive resistance of judging people by aesthetics, even the "ugliness" aesthetic. It left me feeling pretty awful.
*Actually I wonder if people, let's just say women who are very attractive are very often TOLD that they are attractive out loud by people other than sexual partners (and suitors who can't control themselves). I feel like people are so threatened by attractive women, in various ways, that they don't necessarily come right out and acknowledge this attractiveness in words. I think maybe people are more likely to express "you're extremely hot/beautiful" through behavior and action, than to be so vulnerable as to say the obvious to a beautiful woman. In fact I theorize that you might know if you face more challenges re: appearance from the fact that people TELL you you're attractive more often than they act like it. But this is all speculation about other people's lives, I really wouldn't know!
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