#but idk i could just be reading too much into that. which is why i didnt put it in my rewatch thoughts
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I'm a new 9-1-1 viewer (binge watched the first 6 seasons like two weeks before the new one came out and been watching season 7 as it comes out) and I'm so glad I found your blog because it annoys me how most of the conversation around the show is always about b*ddie and I really needed to find people who weren't b*ddie shippers. Like, I get why people ship it even if I don't particularly see it or agree with it but they're always trying to prove how this plot point or the other points at them becoming canon next episode and it's so annoying? Especially now that Tommy is in the picture because I think he's such a great LI for Buck and has so much endgame potential but they're all talking about him being a "stepping stone" for their ship and completely ignoring how this is a chance for him to be in a loving, stable relationship in the long run, something he absolutely deserves.
Honestly sometimes I feel like b*ddie shippers don't even care or like Eddie and Buck, they just want them to kiss onscreen and ignore their well written arcs just because they don't end up in them being canon (which honestly after seven seasons of the same clownery they should have learnt by now that maybe it's just not happening and that's okay! they're well thought out, fully fleshed characters that don't need to be involved romantically to have a satisfying storyline!)
welcome to the fandom, and my blog 👋👋👋
it is unfortunate that the show has so many great characters and dynamics that get consistently drowned out by a single fanon ship. i get it if you're just here for b*ddie, but to make a big fuss over losing a single scene in another couple's big episode? when you still got something? sometimes you need a reality check that the show is actually about other people too
fandom is not about hunting for hints that your ship is going canon. like, i have never seen a fandom that seems to spend more time "proving" their ship is gonna go canon than actually, you know, doing fandom stuff. (i was not in spn/destiel, idk what nonsense went on there) we're supposed to ignore what the TPTB say while we play with our dolls because it doesn't matter, not ignore what they say because clearly they're lying and misdirecting and building up to do what they have have said, as explicitly as they can in tv world, won't be happening. this obsession with "going canon" is, frankly, weird in fandom.
my blood pressure goes up when i read the phrase "stepping stone". even if bucktommy doesn't last, they will never have been a stepping stone. one, because it is a relationship, and relationships can't be stepping stones, that is such a cynical way to look at things and really makes me wonder about some of these people's real life relationships (yeah i know it's fiction, but y'all take it too far in your vitriol for it not to be invading your personal lives) and two, because b*ddie is not happening, so it can't be a stepping stone to it.
they have done everything they can except saying "b*ddie isn't happening" because in tvland ambiguity is your best friend. but ryan calling eddie heterosexual twice is not ambiguous. and i've already said, but ignoring what ryan has said about the coming out scene because it doesn't fit your headcanon is extremely disrespectful. it is fiction, but it is fiction made by people drawing from real life experiences and y'all are shitting on that
and tommy does have such potential!! they like to shit on us for saying that, "oh he's only been there for 4 eps, we don't even know anything about him", and, ignoring that we actually do know some stuff about tommy, more than we've gotten for other LI's, that's why we say potential. we are looking at possible future storylines and seeing how tommy could fit. we are looking at what was lacking in prev LI's (not in a deficient way, just in a compatibility way) and seeing how tommy can fill the spaces they couldn't.
we're basing our theories of him at least sticking around for a bit, not on wardrobe hints and coded gazes and what actors post on their socials, but by what we've seen on-screen, what has been said in interviews in black&white no hidden meaning, and by simple knowledge of story pacing.
and we could be completely wrong. that's part of it being a theory; the acknowledgement that it is not guaranteed . once you start insisting something is 100% going to happen, it's no longer a theory
wow this got long 🫣 sorry for making you read all that, if you're still here lmao. but conciseness is not my strong suit, so enjoy my babbling if you stick around, and feel free to drop in my inbox anytime
#cleo gets mail#anonymous#911#911 critical#bucktommy#anti buddie#i didn't realize i had written that much until i scrolled up lmao#but as you can see#i've got a lot of thoughts
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Hey Jade!!! I was just wondering if you could do a soulmate au with Spencer please? Maybe something along the lines of those cheesy ones like the first words are tattooed on or they have the same tattoo idk, whatever you u feel like 😊
—Spencer meets his soulmate. You’re as lovely as he’s always pictured. fem, 1.3k
Someone will love me one day.
Spencer must think it a thousand times. When he has to put his mom in the sanitarium and he feels more alone than he ever has in his life, he knows one day someone will love him anyways. When he gets called ugly, too skinny, nerd, dork, and a handful of words that are even worse, he knows one day someone will say the opposite. He won’t be alone forever.
He was two when they appeared, dark black cursive words tucked against his pulse. Spencer felt ugly nearly every day of his life, wrong and weird, but the words on his wrist have never changed, ‘You’re so handsome I can’t believe it’s you.’
One day someone’s gonna look at him and see handsome.
Today, he feels pretty good. He’s back home in Washington, D.C., the grocery store he loves is open again after a long reconstruction, and they had a bunch of fruit from South America that he’s never tried before. He carries a white plastic bag full of fruit, bread and cheese back to his apartment, each step in the sunshine, the kiss of it warming his cheeks. A busker plays music near the mouth of the subway station. Nobody has yet to scowl at him for being in the way.
He’s wondering what he forgot when he sees you. You’re smiling, the sun on your face and arms, which are strangely full. Books slide against your chest, but besides a little huff and a shift of your elbow, you don’t seem to notice the slim paperback working its way through the crowd in your arms. It drops down onto the sidewalk but you keep walking. You must be in a hurry.
Spencer darts forward to your dropped book, thumb under the title. Charlotte’s Web by E. B White. The spine is flaking and soft from use.
He should call out for you. You’re already getting too far away.
Spencer crosses the road and dives deeper into the city with you. Washington, D.C. isn’t without grandeur —it’s the capital of the USA— and so he finds himself surrounded by potted trees and stretches of well tended grass. School’s broken for the day, children weaving around on bikes and scooters or holding hands with their parents taking up altogether too much space. He loses you in the crowd.
Spencer stops in defeat.
Maybe if he puts the book back in your path you’ll see it on the way back.
He’s not sure why he doesn’t. Spencer keeps your book and starts to walk home. This isn’t how he’d usually get there, but he can manoeuvre around the park.
He keeps an eye out for you. Ridiculously, he’d thought about giving the book back to you and making you smile. He hasn’t talked to anyone who wasn’t a cashier in two days.
“Hi.”
Spencer looks down. “Hi,” he says, spooked by the little girl in front of him.
“Is that for the library?”
He shakes his head regretfully. “No, I– I found it. I’m trying to give it back.”
“Okie dokie. I never read that one before.”
“I’m sorry, it’s not my book to give away… Where’s your mom?”
The little girl points at a mom and a younger child playing on the grass near a circle of benches. There’s a huge dark cabinet with its doors skewed open in the middle, and when he squints he realises it’s full of books. “Oh, is that the library?” he asks.
“Yes!” the little girl insists.
“Okay, well, here’s what we’ll do,” he says, looking desperately for you, disappointed when he can’t see a sign of your nice blue shirt or your sunny smile, “let me go see if I can find the lady who dropped this book, and if she says it’s okay, I’ll keep it for you to have. But you can’t run off from your mom again. Deal?”
The girl grins, thick hair shiny in the sun. “Deal!” she says, running in a burst toward her mother, who startles when she realises she’d left in the first place.
Spencer creeps toward the library. He can’t leave the book here now, he’s promised he’ll try to find you.
You come around the back of the library cabinet with a smile. Free Library, the sign says. Take one if you want, leave one if you can.
You stop in your path when you see him. You smile again, you’re prettier for it, lovely with the sun on half your face, your slight squint. You open your mouth to speak.
Spencer beats you to it. “Hi, I’ve been trying to catch up to you,” he says, raising your copy of Charlotte’s Web to his chest. “You dropped one of your books.”
You take a half step back.
Spencer grimaces. “I promised a little girl I’d ask if she can have it, I’m so sorry. I get stuck and I don’t know how to say no.”
Your eyes flash down to your hands. “You’re so handsome,” you say, and Spencer’s heart stops dead in his chest, your lips shaping each word without measure and somehow the prettiest anyone’s ever looked as they move, “I can’t believe it’s you.”
His shoulders sag with a deep breath.
You raise your arm to show him the contrasting font laid against your pulse. Hi, I’ve been trying to catch up to you.
Spencer shows you his. You’re so handsome, I can’t believe it’s you.
“It’s you,” he says.
You press your hand to your mouth. “I was walking too fast, right? When I was a kid I thought if I made everybody chase me that eventually somebody would have to say it, but then it stuck, and I rush everywhere I go.” Your voice turns breathless. “But you’re the person who was supposed to catch up to me.”
He smiles softly. “I think so.”
“And I just told you you’re handsome. I’m sorry, I bet that was embarrassing to… carry around, all this time.”
“It’s the best gift anyone’s ever given me,” he says honestly.
“I didn’t think you’d be so pretty,” you explain.
“I knew you would be.”
You hold your hand out. He’s about to tell you he doesn’t shake but he finds he really wants to, and you’re not shaking his hand anyways, you’re holding it, looking at the cursive on his arm with a disbelief he echoes in his own smile. You rub the tip of your thumb over the word handsome.
“Do you like books?” he asks.
You nod distractedly. “I love them,” you murmur, looking up.
His entire arm is alive with tingles.
“Do you read much?” you ask.
Every word you trade with one another has this shy longing he’s never felt, like you’re desperate to know about one another but worried you aren’t allowed to ask. Spencer’s about to tell you all about it, how he’s always reading, how books have been with him through everything, but there’s a tug on his shirt that stops him.
“Hi,” the little girl says.
Spencer laughs. “Hi.”
“What did she say?” the little girl whispers.
Spencer looks to you for guidance.
“Of course you can have it. It’s an amazing book,” you say.
“Thank you!” she says, holding out her hands.
Spencer doesn’t mind handing it over. If she didn’t ask him for it earlier, he might’ve never had the courage to look for you. He could’ve left the book in the cabinet and turned around, but he didn’t. And now he’s met you.
You step into his side. “Did you– do you want to get coffee?” You peer down at the bag now slipped from his elbow down to his wrist. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Do you want to have a picnic with me?” he asks.
You nod for so long he has to laugh. “I’d love to,” you say, offering your open hand.
Spencer threads your fingers together. That one day he always dreamed of seems a lot closer than it did before.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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I didnt get enough sleep last night but its not my fault qtoey fuckin kissed
hes literally the most babygirl in this entire show
HIM FRANTICALLY CLEANING UP I LOVE HIM SM
I love this more than I can ever possibly describe
it's so silly
so goofy
HES SO GOOFY
they should kiss again I think
babes your voice just got three octaves higher, do better at lying next time
who the FUCK is this guy and why is he being introduced in episode 7 of 16 (apparently 16??? it's wild that this show is supposed to be 16 episodes long (according to mdl?) cos we're not even halfway through the show and 2 out of 4 of the main couples have officially kissed, and 1 is officially together. which is insane when you think about how msp is 12 episodes long and tinngun didnt properly kiss til thE END OF THE LAST FUCKING EPISODE)
(no im never getting over this, they COULD have counted 67 FUCKING TIMES throughout the show and they fucking DIDNT)
anyway this guy is probably gonna be a main part of the drama that's gonna go down in order to keep this show long enough 😭
why cant we just keep the light and fluffy show as it is and keep spreading joy and dopamine straight to my bones
two adorable little munchkins standing next to each other
theyre my sons
THAT LITTLE GIGGLE I CANT
whAT rEAlLY???
he asked if he could hit on you, then asked if he could KISS you, AND THEN YALL FUCKIN MADE OUT IN A HAUNTED HOUSE
AND THEN WHEN YOU SAW HIM TODAY, HE MADE SILLY KISSY LIPS AT YOU
so I suggest you all give up on this "plan", and change to this real plan: march up to him, ask him out, plant a kiss on his cheek, take your fuckin artist easels and canvases to a fuckin beach at sunset, paint and make out
oml pun's an astrology girlie
HOLY FUCK ITS HAPPENING
what the fuck no why does it look like its gonna get angsty, I cant do this :(
dont make me watch toey sob, I dont want that, I want them to make out again :((
im so confused dude why is he so angry
I genuinely dont get it
I mean im watching at 2x speed so I can get through this quickly so I might've missed some dialogue somewhere or smth, but still
why's he angry
idk why he's angry but I do know one thing: satang is too fucking good at portraying anguish
im too tired to process words so im not entirely sure what he means but I think it sounds poetic so we're gonna go with that
(ahem) THATS SO BEAUTIFUL WTF
WHAT THE FUCK
brb just gonna rip my fucking SOUL out
"its like im sitting in a vast grassy field with a gentle breeze under a bright sky" OKAY WTF ARE THE GMM WRITERS READING MY TUMBLR POSTS OR SMTH
THATS LITERALLY HOW I DESCRIBED THE WAY WIN PROBABLY FEELS ABOUT SOUND
its why his heart doesnt beat fast for sound, he just doesnt have that kind of crush, its more of a relaxing crush, like a gentle breeze
ill fucking find the post if I can
I literally wrote an extended metaphor poem combined with a fic about it
what the fuck dude
if they're watching my posts then why havent they given us my satang and perth siblings agenda yet
and where is the markford series
gmm I know you're looking at this, answer my fucking questions guys
I LOVE THEIR FRIEND GROUP SO FUCKING MUCH DUDE
they all just make me so happy 😭😭😭
okay but he didnt know you were milk frappe boy when hE FUCKING MADE OUT WITH YOU IN A HAUNTED HOUSE
theyre holdin hansssss
is what I think and want to happen about to happen
that wasnt grammar but its fine
THEYF CYKING END IT THERE??
BUT HES ALL PUCKERED UP
HES READY
ALSO THEYRE IN A SCHOOL HALLWAY AND IT WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY
WTF
I HAVE TO WAIT A FUCKING WEEK TO FEEL JOY????
COME ON MAN
oh fuck yes next week theyre goi g to a volunteer camp
volunteer camp episodes are always comfort episodes so thjis is gonna be GOOD
PUN DID IT BC HE WANTS QTOEY TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER??? BRO HE'STHE WINGMAN OF ALL TIME
well anyway I just wanna see qtoey kiss again :(
ill rewatch that one scene in the meantime
buhbye for now my friends, see yous next week
#quodekash's side couple syndrome boss fight#we are the series#winnysatang#qtoey#I would tag the other ships but I like didnt talk about any of them at all in this post#winny thanawin#satang kittiphop#pond naravit#poon mitpakdee#we are series
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Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?
#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind#fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once#god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit#oughhhhh#even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio#which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed#now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable#and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame#features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral#and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP#even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh#not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk#if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me#and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired#unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more#why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers#there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place#and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things.#maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either#I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time#but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy#it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care.#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife
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oh don't you know lestat is above racism because he's not human. he's a vampire. louis cannot transcend racism via vampirism but lestat has.
thank you for those tags. i've always been of the opinion that the racist violence that lestat couldn't take out on louis he did on claudia.
calling her names that are basically racist dog whistles. and obviously the one you just gave which is an example of lestat knowing his place in society as a white man and using it against a black girl.
IM YELLING!! Its so so weird. like ppl want to say he doesn’t actively lean into the racism but what of only bringing home white soldiers?? what of killing miss lily and keeping annie???? what of fooling around with her WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE bc he KNOWS he can. BC SHES WHITE and staring louis down while he does it knowing they have to be more discreet. please he absolutely plays the fool. just like he said he can in ep 3.
and when its claudia he does push limits he doesn’t with louis. there’s an anger about her brilliance and i can’t ignore the fact that black girls know that all to well on top of what you’re saying and my tags.
#mw asks#lestat de lioncourt#sometimes i read into that fuller figure line. but i know its more about age and maturity#but the fact that in the same conversation claudia points out annie’s no nothing ass#and so i think about whether its also about the fact that shes black and she won’t ever reach the fuller figure black women are typically#known for#but idk i could just be reading too much into that. which is why i didnt put it in my rewatch thoughts#it’ll live on as a hairbrained thought in my tags
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Something I noticed going back to Etoiles' fight with the code is that the second code that appeared is less saturated, looking muchless vibrant than the one with a name, which is odd.
Is the one named, a 'main' one while the other is a support made to help with the sweeping edge damage?
These colours are colour picked from the same screenshot during Etoiles' fight with them, even at night one is more saturated than the other, the one being saturated having the name.
Not sure what it could mean but it's odd they chose to make at least 2 different code models, especially after it stopped having straight lines of code like before and looks more messed up.
#qsmp#qsmp code entity#qsmp code monster#Thought it was interesting to notice as I haven't seen it mentioned at all#It could just be so people can keep track of which code is which I guess#but they can name themselves and have both named themselves#so why make an edit of the original just to tell the difference when you could just use names you know?#I'm pretty sure the 2 at the dinner pretending to be Chayanne and Tallulah were both the desaturated ones too#idk could be reading too much into things but thought it was interesting to look at
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Hi pook 😢 ( sorry if u don’t like the nickname) but I’ve been reading your series and I am reading Into the Fire (chapter 8) and I’m just wondering why you made Sokka give in so easily when people tell him to control himself that’s not Zuko. Because I would imagine that he would be more stubborn and more focused on what he wants instead of being caring. Even though he’s a caring and kind person I feel like being in prison would make him more selfish and less understanding of other people if than makes sense 😭
Like it just aggravates me when I see Katara try to idk really baby him and control him a bit (not mentally) it just kind of annoys me. Because even though Sokka loves his Sister I feel like he shouldn’t listen to her for real.
But that’s just me because that’s my opinion coming from someone behind has anger issues/ gets angry easily 🤷♀️
I love love love this series btw!!!!
I added your other ask too so I could respond to both! Hiiii hellooooo I don’t mind nicknames it’s actually nice because then I can keep anons apart haha
as for your comment about sokka I gotta say you’re probably the first person to tell me sokka isn’t angry enough haha. Which is fine because everyone’s allowed to have their own opinions, but my thoughts on LIAB angry sokka is his intelligence is often battling his emotions. I think sokka is smart enough to know he isn’t supposed to be lashing out at people the way he is or clinging to Zuko so tightly to where they both can’t breathe.
i also think he is desperate to be back to his “old self” without actually wanting to be his old self. I do think he is fighting his path to healing every step of the way but even with all the time spent in prison he is still SOKKA. He cares for people he loves his family and he knows from watching his parents growing up what a healthy relationship looks like - his codependency to zuko is probably not it. I doubt it will change much, but when people tell him ‘you need to chill’ Sokka is very much like I FUCKING KNOW BUT I HAVE NO CHILL!!! NONE! ZERO CHILL.
but I can’t imagine sokka wanting to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Or fighting his friends and family to isolate himself anymore than he already is. I have learned that writing a more emotionally triggering fic does stir up emotions in people and causes them to project onto the characters a bit which is fine but everyone processing trauma differently. & sokka is doing it his own way just like zuko is.
Also…. This is a fanfic and I don’t know if people wanna read sokka being a raging asshole for 50k… so some of the realism in healing gets lost to word count because unfortunately I can’t spend years and 1000k helping these boys overcome their trauma so some of it has to be rushed a little for word count / plot purposes haha.
Liiiiiiisten here pooki-anon you come yell at me anytime about liab I’ll be right here to soak up every word! Thanks for the ask I’m glad you’re enjoying the series!!
#I have tried to take my time with the healing arc#Because we spent SO MUCH TIME dismantling the boys#I wanted to give them the change to be somewhat put back together to where they can at least function#I do agree with you anon!#Sokka could be 10000x angrier he could close up and say fuck off to everyone but it’s just another hurdle to climb over#His anger has been a reoccurring theme because I do write liab sokka angry#He has a right to be angry too!!#But I don’t know if people wanna sit and read sokka going in circles with his anger anymore than he already has#I love love love a good healing arc and I’m trying to take my time with the boys but….#*word count and plot point and me eventually wanting to work on a project that isn’t LIAB haha*#I do think sokkas a mess right now#But damn it I want him and zuko to snuggle and him and Katara to laugh and his dad and him to pal around and toph and Aang to give him shit#And momo to pull his ears and appa lick him and idk all the fun sokka stuff we miss#I can’t do that if sokka won’t be open to healing and being less angry#Which is why I’m allowing him to progress haha#Ugh now we gotta work on zuko!! ->#Zuko: “why I’m fine??”#Boy is NOT FINE but he is damn good at acting fine haha#Thanks for the ask anon#Ill#give you the tag#Pookianon#Liab#ITF#ask
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I'm sorry I can't watch the new trigun and I never will. it looks so ugly. the vibe is no where near the same and it takes away 90% of the charm of the original and makes it into something totally different. I feel like theyre giving it the sports anime treatment where they're banking on twinkification selling lots. like a yaoi head trap.
#tbh i hate yaoi culture#i think were not allowed to have nuanced conversations about it without being called like misogynists or whatever#and i think thats lame 🤷#anyways the new one gives it a different vibe simply bc of the art style and tone#ive never read the manga so i cant compare it but#idk the twinkification is wild to me#it made it unattractive to me#i like the masculine wild wild west vibe it had#i look up to the old vash#the new vash just looks like some ugly twink#it feels like it was made to target the yaoi obsessed fandom#so they could sell a bunch of merch#it honestly feels like one of the most heartless remakes to a classic ever#i have nostalgia reasons for not watching the new one too#which are more prominent than this#but if they didnt change soooo much of the vibe of it#which is literally the best part of the original#then i mightve considered it#but its literally just too ugly#im not a 14yro girl the new designs dont entice me#and dont say “thats not why they did iy”#its marketing#thats exactly why they did it#they know what audience to target#to revamp the trigun hype#whilst not having to put in a whole ton of effort#all they have to do is make them look more twinky and yall will lose ur entire shit for it#anyways i know all of this bc all of the yaoi heads are obsessed with zazie#when no one previously cared about him#they only do now bc they made him have a more shota-esque design..... tell me that's not intentional
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2023 reads
The Winter Knight
slow-building urban fantasy mystery
reincarnated arthurian legends living in modern Vancouver
follows a gay autistic college student who’s the reincarnation of sir gawain who just wants to live a normal life
and a 30-something valkyrie woman
when a knight is murdered, she’s assigned to investigate, and he’s pulled into things after finding the body
m/m and pre-f/f (she is bi ace)
#The Winter Knight#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is.....interesting#it is very slow and introspective…. I think because both the main characters are more quiet/isolated#i would def go into it more from a character study perspective than plot#also i know there are buildings on the cover but the vibes of the cover give like….rural fantasy not urban-city fantasy#I feel like most urban fantasy books with modern versions of x y z have them like…..they’re fighting demons or monsters or something#this is just like. they’re existing? there’s the occasional monster but they’re mostly just people living normally. why#I guess probably that is the question the book is trying to answer..#(ie what Would they do? recreate the narratives they're doomed to repeat? or just live normal boring lives?)#but also like....there could have been a lot more (or different) done with some of it?#it’s very slow up until a final battle at the end. which also brings in 3 new POVs of various major characters briefly?#also. as the number one defender of pop culture references in books I admit I think there’s too much here#like it’s namedropping books and musicians/songs SO often#some of it feels like it could be music as wayne’s special interest - but there’s so much of it not in that context too#anyway something about the combo of that + slowquiet tone made the vibe feel. idk like it doesn't quite mesh#i did enjoy the characters tho? theres some interesting things in here#also yes it is a gawain/green knight romance#the boy is more of a significant mc tbh#+ trans girl major characters; polyam side characters; various other queer chars#there's a line where a character sees his friend “typing in pinyin characters” on her phone which.......#pinyin is the romanisation. pinyin characters is not a thing? SOMEONE editing should have clocked that. surely#tldr mixed thoughts. there are thoughts tho.
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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I know you're the Kyle expert, but I knew a guy who thought Stan would be an incel. Thoughts?
Hmmm. Idk, I've seen that float around and I don't really get it?? Like, I can sorta get it more than when people seriously say it about Kyle. Stan definitely seems to fall into more... Viewing girls sort of in that perhaps lightly internally sexist way than Kyle seems to, of having some sort of unintentional separation between boys and girls that makes him kind of view girls as very different types of people friendwise, if that makes sense. Like, say he was dating a guy- I don't think much would change in terms of the guy being an extremely close friend who's been elevated up an extra level to romantic. But Wendy isn't really like that. She's not Stan's friend outside of their relationship.
And okay, that's not to say Kyle is a bastion of anti sexism himself, ESPECIALLY noting earlier seasons, but Kyle doesn't really seem to act the same way Stan does when interacting with girls?? His early season sexism felt more innocent and childish, something he's definitely grown out of now. It was less built on this deep internalized toxic masculinity and more like the "eww cooties" ideas that happen a lot with young kids. Obviously division based on traits like sex is not good under any circumstance, but it doesn't seem to have carried on much in his modern view of girls. Nowadays Kyle just seems to view girls far more equally even when divided from them, and cares more about listening or hearing out where they're coming from and understanding their frustration with sexism, for example. While he doesn't really have many close female friends (and really none of the boys actually do besides Stan), his behavior doesn't really shift at all to trying to be gentlemen-y or something around women, denoting a very equal level view of them.
But, in Stan's defense, we see him interacting with the girls way more than Kyle, and I think him having dated Wendy, interacting with her friends, etc etc over the series gives us way more to work with in that area than we get to with the more or less far in between hints we're given with Kyle. One thing that I think may impact this for me is also kind of that the few times we HAVE seen Kyle's attraction to girls play out, putting aside Leslie bc oh boy was Kyle blindly simping there, he doesn't seem to be as quick to focus on like... I guess vaguely sexual aspects like the other boys, which leads to him just seeming to objectify women less (Not to say that being sexually attracted to someone is inherently objectifying, but there is more of an overlap with people who are drawn by looks and engagement in objectifying behavior).
And then there's how Kyle has reacted to being rejected, and I know the big one is Super Hard PCness that everyone likes to point out as Kyle being a "nice guy", but in actuality, he was extremely graceful in how their relationship ended, moreso than he needed to be with the horrible things Heidi said to him, and only flipped out after being bullied and teased and harassed by virtually the whole school, Cartman and Heidi especially. It was definitely not anger purely because he didn't get a girl he liked, it was anger that someone he'd trusted and tried to help so swiftly turned on him and humiliated him for no reason at all, that once again he was being put down by Cartman, and that everyone else treated him poorly as well, Stan included. There's also Rebecca who Kyle just... Kinda let go. Like, we don't really see much of his reaction but there's nothing to tell us Kyle was angry their relationship was broken off, so I'm counting it at least a little. There's Nichole too, who once again we don't really straight up see Kyle's reaction to her breaking up with him. But we do see how he treats her, how much he tries to find stuff they have in common to talk about, how his only anger of their relationship not working is Cartman's blatant racism and lies about him purposely made to sabotage any chances he does get with this girl that he likes. It's not anger towards whatever choice Nichole makes here, it's anger about Cartman's needless and morally egregious interference. I know this is a low bar to pass in whether a character is decent to women, but Kyle just repeatedly not behaving badly over his breakups is a big tell to me. So often we see male characters act like assholes just because a girl doesn't like them or a girl broke up with them or something. Even with Stan, in fact, we've seen this play out. I mean. He's pretty okay too but we did see him tell Wendy she was a bitch for dating someone else. This is from early seasons, that I wouldn't solely use as evidence Stan is a crazy sexist even now, but it plays a part in this conversation on whether or not you can more accurately call Stan Marsh the incel-ish one of the two.
Okay, but like. Why am I even talking so much about Kyle here when you're asking about Stan? Well, I honestly think that the duality of them as characters reinforces the ideas of what the other is like to the audience, and this leads into a LOT of the extremes the fandom will push them into (the fem/masc debate, the nerd/jock debate, etc etc) and likewise it does so here. When we see Kyle being kinda more normal around girls, even though it's rare we see him like that at all, it makes Stan seem all the more awkward when in reality, he kind of isn't that bad at all?? He's pretty normal with girls for a boy his age, though he could be a bit less of a dick sometimes. I do think he sometimes has this huge focus on looks, and that can be... Not great, but it's not to a horrible evil incel-ish degree by any means, and I'd argue for his age he's a pretty good guy to, say, Wendy- Not that he can't improve a LOT but Idk, his shittiness comes off more as "dumb little boy is sometimes a jerk to his friends" to me than "secretly hates and disrespects women".
But y'know, at the end of the day, Kyle and Stan are more alike than people think about many of these things, this being one of them. Whether or not Kyle or Stan are better with how they act to women is hard to say. I can see why people would be able to twist Kyle into being incel-ish even if I don't really personally think it's based accurately on the information we've been given. I can see even moreso how someone might be able to with Stan, and while I do think there's at least a bit more of a leg to stand on him having some issues with internalized sexism, I don't think it's accurate with the information we've been given either. Neither of them are really incel-ish to me.
Honestly, if they were dealing with the issue of not being able to find a partner, they'd probably mostly internalize it into self blame and feel bad about themselves but not really broadly blame other people. Stan might slump into a depression or put his focus elsewhere, Kyle, if wanting a partner badly enough (I don't think it's ever been his first priority and I doubt it ever will be) would make efforts to fix the problem by figuring out what's putting people off about himself and try to figure out how he can fix it rather than lashing out. (Also I already lightly touched on why I don't think Kyle would redo his actions in The List right here over not being able to get a girlfriend lol)
#devastatingly kyle has fallen into behavior that on the surface can be incel-ish looking if you don't read that deep into the show TWICE#which i think is also part of why he gets the incel/nice guy treatment from the fandom sometimes#though not too much so I think other ppl can agree Kyle just FEELS very normal around girls and i think that's bc he simply IS#even if ppl can't figure out exactly why he feels to them that way as a character#and then we have stan who rly hasn't fed into any surface level incel ideas but idk I've been seeing it a lot with him#it could be in part though just bc he shows so much attraction and interest in ppl he likes#he is so desperate about his love life sometimes that ig that can feel vaguely incel-y if ppl want it to be bad enough?#idk#sorry irambled about kyle so much it felt relevant#hope this all makes sense#also ty for calling me the kyle expertSDKFSDF aw#south park meta#me talking#ask#anon#kyle broflovski#stan marsh#have i made enough kyle defense meta posts about how he's not an incel to redeem myself from my incel kyle arc guys
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I go back and forth all the time about the notp and I hate it. Listen I get it, I understand the allure even if it squicks me out cause I think it’s so grody and toxic. But I can see why people ship it. There’s definitely a story there, and it’s how I feel about ships. That there are stories that we are drawn to/ want to tell/explore. Which is fair, I mean it’s literally why sometimes I think about a darker setting for my ship. But I just can’t support the notp. Part of why I love CoAi so much is that they can fit so many different tropes, it’s superior to me. I’m sure others see it differently but the notp dynamic is just a shinshi au to me, and while I’m a massive shinichi hater. He’s still better than that character to me. But also I hate villains, I never understood the appeal. And while I definitely believe his “love” or infatuation of my queen is “real” or he just believes it is, I just can’t see her reciprocating. It’s done damage to her and I’m sure she’s questioned it, but the way my queen longs to be in the light and is so affected by kindness. I just can’t see her turning to him and thinking it’s what she wants. She may think she belongs in darkness, but that’s not where her heart lies. She will always choose to be good, because she is a good person and that’s why I love her so much
Update 2: another day and I’m once again thinking about break up fic vibes but also the difference between my ship and the canon ship. Choice and being present is super important. Adding to this to think about the girl chat blowing up when the canon ship inevitably takes a break. I love my ship I do, but there’s a part of me that wants my queen to find happiness elsewhere with someone who makes her the obvious number one priority and is loud in their love for her without messy drama making her wonder if it’s real. It’s why in all my fics you see him go full pursuit for her to wash away any doubts and because he knows that she is the one for him and he would be an idiot to let her go. So I want this emphasized if I ever write the comparison fic with this route of her moving on. I have so many feelings about these characters and how they would interact. I really do think they would be great friends, but I hate the angle that she’s supposed to replace her sister cause that’s a disservice to me
#cynply rambling#I’ve been seeing why too much notp propaganda lately I had to block the tag#now it doesn’t piss me off as much as the canon ship which is wild cause though it’s toxic it’s not necessarily grody to me#idk I’m just thinking too much again. I read a fic I missed cause it wasn’t tagged and I’m thinking thoughts#I spend way too much time some days thinking about the difference between these two ships#it’s the obsessive nature of it all that gets me. in the name of protecting her but it’s selfish#I could go on but I should sleep it’s like almost two in the morning
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rly wish male athletes would stop treating their wives and children as props for the sole benefit of their own well-being and sports career. like idk how to phrase this well but in that six nations show the sheer number of guys crediting their wives and kids for making them behave better/ have a more holistic view on life, “my children love me no matter how bad I play” like. smth abt banking on the unconditional love of children while you’re being an absent father bc of your job is crazy 😭😭😭
#tbf j should take male athletes out of this and just say lots of men … bc it’s so prominent#like even before my parents divorced my dad was like this 🤣 maybe that’s why the approach annoys me#like allll these guys leaving their wives at home to look after the kids most of the time#and only talk abt their families as a device to use to destress or WHATEVER#idk I’m probs reading too much into it but the fact that literally every guy interviewed who had a partner or kids said that like#idk maybe example of poor mens mental health if were being generous and an insular upbringing with only sport as the focus#but that interview of Owen not even knowing where his kids were 😭😭 while his dad (equally involved with the match that week as a coach) was#traipsing the kids around his opposing teams training ground? 😭#clearly a product of an approach which is like ‘no kids on game weekends’#like if the poor kids were gonna be on a training ground anyway that weekend 😭😭#oh and LITERALLY treating the kids as props when parading them around before and after matches idk man#the kids I knew who’s dads played pro rugby didn’t much enjoy being scared their dad could get permanent brain damage every week#the second they were old enough they mostly stopped going to watch matches ..
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mental health just straight up plummeting
#toy txt post#everyday the smallest things have me spiralling into such stupid despair#constantly fighting myself cos every single thing has me wanting to throw up my hands and walk the fuck off bc theres bo point#whats the fucking point!! just despair and exhaustion and burned the fuck out and gnashing at the fucking walls and then spiralling into#a stupid little self pity self hate spiral cos im just a weak stupid little baby who cant handle the real world. plenty of ppl have it so#much worse and havent given up yet so whats my fucking problem? which is so stupid. but i cant logic my way out of this one#so i am simply sitting here feeling so god damn bad#and i dont even really have. a good reason for it. idk. like i dont have a lot of concrete quantifiable reasons i can present about why#i am so goddamn miserable at my job. im just. going insane i need out im performing badly its not worth it theres no fucking point#every day im fighting the urge to just fucking walk off over the stupidest tiniest things that are definitely not worth that kind of#reaction. like yea maybe i do need like mental health meds or smth but i also know. i need out of this fucking. job. but i dont know#like. idk its like my options are just kore of this same stupid bullshit or retail/food service. and like. shout out to retail and food#service. i fucking could not i fucking cannot. but like im reaching that point here too. everything hurts all the time with no reprieve and#all my options just feel like its gonna be ! even more stupid repetitive motions that wont help! like idk! idk what to do. i just#wanna read about stupid little fucking worms and fish but doing that professionally im not sure im up to it and#between me and that career path is thousands of dollars and homework. so#now im the rat instead now im the rat instead now im the rat instead now im the rat instead#trying so hard not to display idk red flag behavior but im Going Insane. i should just start crying at work. why bother hiding it. whats the#point#vent#ig#i should go eat. and waste the rest of my stupid fucking night playing zelda trying to soothe my brain enough to function except im not#functjoning cos then itll be 5am again and ill have done nothing but play zelda and be up too late and go to bed and not get enough sleep#and be a little to a lot late and be miserable and the cycle just fucking never ends#not enough fucking podcasts about worms out there for this#i opened several academic papers on tongue eating isopods to cope and barely read them bc i cant do that at work it takes too long and i get#lost and my productivity is already in the shit and i need to stop being on my phone and i know that but like also if i dont fucking#distract my stupid fucking brain right fucking now im gonna start throwing things and crying#anyway. thats how im doing. bye
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Dan Heng, Blade and Jingliu the three went to see Bailu, and it kinda makes me want to jump off a cliff
#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Even beyond fragmented memories and a state of forgetfulness they remember enough to want to see her!!!#idk I love them haha#I don't think Dan Feng was in love with Baiheng for what I've read even though it seems to be also an extended opinion at times#I think he loved of her the same thing he loved of Yingxing‚ that he was treated as a normal person by her and not as high elder#(Jingliu wonders how someone so proud and someone so arrogant could get along and beyond how hot arrogance is at times#and how invigorating to have two prides opposed and crash‚ I think that's why! Dan Feng appreciated that Yingxing just treated him#as a person with all his defiance‚ beyond roles and statuses and even being a short life species)#He also just loved her of course. And he felt indebted to her. And guilty I imagine#And honestly I think he used this as a means to create a new high elder and break free of that cycle he so resented as well as new life#Which makes his actions several layers of selfish and selfless and selfish and selfless and I love the complexity and the grey hues#But yeah in any case I love this. I love that they remember beyond memory and death enough to want to see her again#(romantic or platonic love aside‚ I don't care‚ that's one of my favourite things of Orpheus and Eurydice in Ovid's telling)#And I love that Bailu isn't scared or repulsed or prejudiced against them#Like the ghost of the past fondness still clinging to her‚ like how she tells Dan Heng that maybe they were friends once in another life#They were. There was so much love they defied the laws of humans and aeons and the rules of existence only for you#There was so much love they unmade themselves for you. There was so much love the history of the Xianzhou Luofu changed forever#There was so much love you can see stains of that love everywhere still‚ seven hundred years later#There was so much love their love still lingers‚ making them dead and immortal at once#There was so much love even a bit of her love still lingers in Bailu‚ even if she is someone else#I don't know... I just love this kind of love and grief story. This becoming monstrous for the beloved and yet not being able to regret it#Not entirely. But how to regret it?#All the pain and even the mistakes would be worth it for you‚ or would have been; I just wish you didn't have to suffer#I only regret having caused you suffering#I'd risk and curse it all again‚ given the chance‚ if I could do it right. But only if it wouldn't cause you suffering#How do you define a love like this? And how could it matter?
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im tired of ppl using headcanon stuff as proofs on the show. ''mike never stopped calling will.'' yeah no, that is not canon at all, lmao. you guys just took dustin's words and used it as some sort of a canon thing to prove that mike called. c'mon guys... canonically it doesnt make much sense anyways bc it doesnt fit. because mike learned abt joyce's job at the beginning of the season after el sent her letter. unless the duffers just made a mistake and screwed the time, it doesn't make any sense for mike to have called will constantly or 'complaining' due to joyce's job when he just learned abt joyce's job at the beginning of the season after reading el's letters. for all we know mike didnt send any letters to will, and they just only talked for a couple of times. like. that's the canon. we cannot just take something and treat it as canon and come up with criticism based on that. same as the 'lettergate' situation, for all we know mike just didnt bother writing and he didnt have a present. also u cannot really blame will either. for all he knew, the situation was just a repeat of S3. and we know what happened in S3. just a casual 'what if u wanna join another party' doesn't fix the issue at hand, and it literally didnt either. so.
okay, yes, this is what i was saying in the tags of this and what this post i reblogged earlier is about!!! you can't just say "mike 100% called and we don't even know if will called so will is equally to blame for the fact that they didn't keep in touch/for their rink o mania fight". i mean you can but i'll disagree every time because there's this little thing that happened between them that never got resolved that totally explains why will would be hesitant to reach out...who out of the two of them was rebuffed the last time he tried to show that this friendship was important to him? who was crying in the rain and calling himself stupid over it? as a very wise woman once said, i would've wanted mike to make a little bit of an effort too after that tf
and the thing is, if it turns out mike didn't call/doesn't have any unsent letters i'm not gonna be mad at him? they both have reasons for not reaching out. people being more forgiving of will probably has to do with the fact that his reasons are you know. not speculation
as for the technicalities surrounding the theory, the job part of it just doesn't add up to me like i...have spent a very long time thinking about it, it's april and i still don't get it. and as people have pointed out el can't use the phone and there's a walkie talkie in her room and all that but yk. idk. and i like lettergate and i like mikeactuallycalledgate but at the end of the day they're just theories you know
#either way i don't get the job thing because dustin says mike won't stop whining about it like he's been whining for some time which#means that el's letter is old (which i guess it could be) or that like...mike already knew about joyce's job before reading the letter?#like if he just learned about the job in ep 1 why won't he stop whining about it. is it a hyperbole. idk i don't get it.#my second paragraph isn't me doubting byler or like denying the fact that mike is OBVIOUSLY going through something too like i said they#both have reasons to not reach out. it's just that you can't exactly blame people for being biased when one's reasons are...out there#and the other's are: not. i know we're on byler tumblr and a lot of things are known to everyone but like do you see what i'm getting at?#one thing i'll give you is that trying to force your friends to play with you when they obviously couldn't give less of a fuck is...not#a very good strategy and also it was hurtful too when my friends didn't care about my crush of the week in middle school. i personally#never told them to grow up and accidentally called them gay over it though lol!#and i've also been will with the getting your friends to do something they don't care about i've told this story before when i was 12 my#friends literally WROTE ME A LETTER (they wouldn't even say it to my face!!!! they gave it to me and i was like what is this and they were#like uhjustwaitforustoleavewellseeyouonmondaybye and left before i could read) telling me to stop talking about one direction. and i didn't#even talk about them that much because i knew they only liked them a little while i was a Directioner. i never talked about them again#after that lolll#see how i did something for the will is always 100% in the right allegations#ask
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