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animeismyhappyplace · 1 year

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Who knew missing a work meeting could lead to this?!

Y/N misses one of Port Mafia Executive Chuuya Nakahara's team meetings so she must explain herself to him, he invites her back to his place under the guise she needs to help him with paperwork when smut ensues.

This is my own work not a reblog! Please do not repost or translate without permission as I've worked very hard on this!

TW - Minors DNI!

daddy kink, pet names, bondage play. Might be a lil OOC I've never written for Chuuya before or written kink smut so be kind 🙏

Word Limit: just over 4K 🥵

Y/N had been avoiding her supervisor officer all week, she had deliberately missed his most recent bi weekly round up meeting and she knew he'd be pissed at her for it. She'd rounded a corner in the main Port Mafia building when she heard a stern voice speak out "Why didn't you come to the meeting we had?" she sighs and looks down at her shoes suddenly finding them very interesting "Can we go to your office sir? I'd feel much more comfortable talking in private?" She hadn't even turned to look at him yet before she heard him mumble a non committal "Whatever" listening as his shoes hit against the marble floors so she turned and followed him down the small corridor. When they finally reached his office he ushered her in pushing gently at her lower back as she took in his office, not for the first time and probably not the last time, it's walls were painted in a sleek grey and silver theme very minimalist if she did think so herself but exactly what one may expect from a Port Mafia executive she thought as she sat in the black office chair across from his own. As he sat down she could see the annoyance that burned across his face at having to have another meeting about this topic which was cutting into his personal time, his fingers thumped against his desk as he looked across to her "So? What do you have to say for yourself this time L/N?" She gulped at his tone before responding sheepishly "I wasn't actually sure I'd need to come honestly, I've felt kind of sidelined on recent missions and wasn't sure I was strong enough to be classed as your subordinate. I know my ability can be useful but I don't know..." She trails off as she looks to the side focusing on a rather small speck of dust on his computer screen until she hears his huff wearily "You're not being sidelined, you're just getting more experience." he says sternly before taking a sip of what looked like some variation of a red wine. "And besides, you're doing great work so far you just lack confidence." The woman can't help but pout slightly at her mentors words as true as they may be that doesn't stop the string that hits her chest and settled in the cracks of her heart "it doesn't feel that way honestly sir" she can't look him in the eyes when she's still so unsure of her place on his team, it's a highly sought after post she knows this but maybe that's what makes it hurt more knowing she's not good enough for it yet.

He watches her crestfallen face for a moment before he replies "It does feel good that you're here, trust me." his tone softens slightly but there is still an edge to it "I'm sorry I disappointed you sir...it won't happen again! Did I miss much? maybe you could give me a recap now if you're able" she pleads to her mentor to not give up on her just yet "We were discussing our next week..." He pauses for a moment before continuing "...and then someone interrupted us by saying they wanted to talk about their feelings about certain member of the team..." he takes another sip of his wine before he begins again "she wants to quit now" shock racks across her face "That's not good, we can't afford to lose any more members especially if they keep going to the ADA, I'll...talk with whoever it is maybe I can change their mind!" She offers up her suggestion hastily "No, no," he shakes his head quickly "Don't bother talking to her, let her go, we don't need anyone who isn't loyal anymore." he stares at her intently "Just tell her that she needs to stay or else she'll regret it later." She gulps as she nods understanding the severity of wanting the leave the mafia "Of course sir. I'll pass the message on" she stutters out. "Good girl." She can't help but flush pink at the term, he's never called her anything like that before.

He smiles faintly as he leans back in his chair "Now then, what else should we discuss?" his eyes wander around the room for a second before returning to look directly into her e/c eyes "Do you know why Higuchi wants to leave?" he asks calmly yet firmly "N-no sir why?" "Because she didn't agree with your plans for the future." He says bluntly "Because she thought you weren't taking care of yourself enough." He pauses briefly before adding "But most importantly, she couldn't stand being near you anymore." He sighs deeply "That's all there was to it" "What?! I haven't done anything to offend her... Have I?" she starts to sift through memories to see what she had done to hurt her friend "Of course you did! You were always so irritating!" He snaps angrily "You never cared about getting yourself nearly killed which puts everyone else in danger too!"

He stands up suddenly and begins pacing around the room "It doesn't matter how many times you apologize or beg forgiveness, nothing will ever change the fact that you're an awful subordinate" she can't help the hurt that shoots into her chest and flashes across her face "I have always tried my best!...sir..." She stops talking about her voice can crack with pain. "Oh please..." His voice drops slightly as he stops pacing and turns towards her "...don't lie to yourself." He takes another step closer until their faces are almost touching "The truth is plain to see now. All these years spent trying to make everyone happy only made you miserable in the end." Her brow furrows at his statement "Maybe...but the team functions better now than it ever has! Someone had to sacrifice for the better of the organisation" the chair she'd been sitting on now lies on the floor as she jumps up to confront him "Sacrifice?" He laughs mockingly "Is that really what this is about?! Are you saying that by sacrificing yourself for others, you somehow achieved greatness?!" He shakes his head sadly "No one lives life without making sacrifices sometimes, especially those who wish to succeed in their goals." She looks down then before mumbling out her reply "I've sacrificed as much as you have, I can't imagine being a executive has been without it's struggles" he smiles softly "Yes, it has been hard work, but worth every second of it." He gives her a small nod before turning back to face her "And now here we are. The perfect balance between efficiency and effectiveness. It seems like everything has come together perfectly." He chuckles lightly.

she glances to the side of his desk seeing all the unfinished mission statements that need completed when she suddenly has an idea "Why you don't head home early sir and I'll finish all that work for you" his expression softens "I'm sure it'd be a big help for you" he chuckles softly as he shakes his head "You don't need to do that, it's my work I'll do it". Y/N shakes her head firmly not wanting to budge "well there must be some way I can make up for missing the meeting?" He thinks for a moment "How about you come to my place tonight?" He smirks at the girl in front of him as she turns a dark red thinking of the implications of his words "Sir? Do you need help with the papers? Or..." She trails off not really sure what she's asking him he nods slowly "Yeah, I wouldn't mind having someone around while I work on these papers. Plus, I think you'd enjoy spending time with me right?" He winks playfully at her.

That stops her in her tracks does he know about her little crush why else would he offer for her to come to his come when they could work on his reports here. Finally she gulps down the saliva that pools under her tongue and nods slowly not trusting her words, to be shown such attention from an executive as highly thought of as Chuuya was exciting to say the least. He grins widely "Good girl~" He takes out his phone and types in a few commands before handing it to her to input her number, "Text me whenever you're free so we can hangout"she nods quickly and inputs her number "I thought we were heading back tonight?" She tilts her head confused "Oh we are I just need to finish finalising something real quick then we will go.

Chuuya's fingers clack at the keyboard quickly for a few moments before he speaks again " We should probably go soon since it's getting late already" He stands up and stretches his arms above his head to stretch out his aching back "Let's get going then shall we?" Y/N grabs the few belongings she brought with her today and looks to her mentor "Ready when you are" He nods to her and they leave the building together.

They walk through the dark streets together until they reach Chuuya's apartment building where he unlocks the door and leads her inside, she walks inside of his penthouse tentatively, looking around at his sleek walls and plush looking furniture "You have a lovely apartment sir" she breaths out taking every inch in "Thank you very much for today, coming to see me about the missed meeting" He sits down on one of the couches and pats his lap invitingly "Come sit with me". He looks at her expectantly waiting for her response "You look stunning today by the way. You're wearing something a little more...revealing today...that for me?" He smirks to himself she flushes as she looks down at her blouse it had been unseasonally hot recently and lighter slightly more revealing work outfits had been essential "I-it's been so hot recently I've needed to adapt my clothes I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable sir" she frowns as she joins him on the couch "No worries, I don't mind seeing you wear something like that" His gaze lingers over her body "It suits you well though" He reaches forward and gently touches her arm "You know what else would suit you perfectly? If you took off your jacket" she shrugs the material off quickly almost as if it lingered on her skin any longer it would burn her "Would you be willing to try something new for me" He looks into her eyes expectantly.

She nods almost dazed as she looks down at his hand which is tracing small lines into her skin "What would you like to try sir?" He leans closer and whispers in her ear "How about I tie down your pretty hands to my bed~?" He chuckles softly before pulling away from her and standing up "Let's take this to my bedroom shall we?" He takes her hand and leads her towards his room "Strip for me please baby" She flushes a deep red at his words and follows to his bedroom starting to remove articles of clothes as they move. "Good girl~" He opens the door and steps inside leaving her alone in the room "Come here" He gestures towards the bed where he lays out several ropes and various other items such as handcuffs and blindfolds "Now lie down on the bed and spread those beautiful thighs of yours wide open for me darling~" She gulps down her nerves and nods to him, removing the last of her clothing leaving her bare to her bosses piercing eyes, she lays down on his monochrome silk sheets and spreads her legs for him to invite him into her personal space.

"Mmhmm... You're looking very delicious right now aren't you sweetheart?" He smirks and moves between her legs, running his hands along her inner thigh before reaching up and grabbing hold of her wrists pinning them above her head "There we go~ Now let's see how much pleasure we can draw out of your pretty little body" He murmurs admiring her form, he suddenly looks to her face "You heard of the traffic light system sweetheart?" she smiles lightly at his wanting to make sure she's safe and comfortable during their encounter and nods her head "Yes green means go, yellow means I'm unsure but want to continue and red is stop immediately" "Good girl~ and your safe word?" he asks while trailing his fingers to her inner thighs teasinger her with his gentle touches she thinks for a moment before responding "Peaches" She nods and giggles softly. "Are you ready to start lovely?" He asks as he spreads her legs a little further she nods as the pulls him down to her lips giving him a firm kiss.

Chuuya starts his teasing by turning his head the the side peppering her thighs with small kisses, giving small nibbles and licks every few minutes "I've always thought you were incredibly beautiful you know and so dedicated to the PM... To me" a whine bubbles up to her lips at his teasing as she watches him between her thighs "I've always been so fond of you sir I'd never want to disappoint you" Chuuya chuckles softly and leans forward pressing another soft kiss against her inner thigh "Stop calling me sir my love or I'll have to punish you" He smirks at her before pulling back slightly looking into her eyes again "do you trust me?" he asks "Yes Chuuya I trust you... trust you with my life" She smiles at him he smiles back running his thumb along her cheek making her shiver "Good now tell me what are your thoughts on our relationship? Do you think we could be together? Before we start I'd like to know where we stand" He asks gently stroking her hair as he stares deeply into her eyes hoping that she'll accept his offer "I'm yours Chuuya, I've been yours since I was told I'd be working under you" She smiles at him as she lifts her hand to card her fingers through his hair and down his neck resting at his neck.

His heart skips a beat as he feels her touch "That's what I wanted to hear baby~" he whispers placing one last gentle kiss on her forehead before leaning in closer to whisper in her ear "Close your eyes my love" He smirks as he steps down from the bed to grab the supplies he needs she nods her head as she relaxes into his sheets "I trust you with my body" She softly closes her eyes, he uses some velvet covered cuffs to attach her arms to his headboard before moving down and attaching some cuffs to her ankles which spread her out for his eyes to explore. Next he starts to remove his clothes starting with his dress shirt then moving to his pants then his boxers to expose his already hard length to her watching eyes she lets out a needy whine as she pleads to him "I need you so badly Chuuya~"

He grins teasingly watching her squirm around beneath him "You're such an adorable thing aren't you? You look so cute tied up like this." He says playfully as he leans forward kissing along her collarbone trailing soft kisses down her chest until finally reaching her nipples which he takes between his teeth she gasps as she feels his teeth gently encase her hardened nipples sighing as he licks over the bud sucking softly before moving to the other side and paying just as much attention to her other breast "F-feels so nice Chuu~" He continues licking and nibbling all over her breasts enjoying every second of it before moving lower still stopping to tease her belly button with his tongue before continuing further south towards her core where he pauses briefly to lick and kiss her inner thighs before finally settling between her legs "So warm... So wet and I've barely started" He smirks up at her as she gently tugs at the cuffs wanting to grab his head and push him down to where she needs him most "Stop t-teasing Chuu I need you so badly~" His eyes sparkle mischievously as he sees her struggling against the restraints knowing exactly what she wants "Oh my dear little one if only you'd told me that sooner~" He teases before beginning to explore her folds with gentle caresses and light licks moaning softly at the taste of her juices, she gasps harshly and tips her head back "F-fuck Chuuya your tongue feels so good~" He smiles at the sounds he's pulling from her as he drives his head down to explore her pretty pussy further, he licks a stripe up the full length of her pussy collecting her wetness on his tongue before sliding his tongue around her sensitive clit.

She lets out a drawn out moan as he pleasures her, bucking her hips up to meet his tongue "Why didn't we do this sooner" She huffs out a laugh with her head still tipped backwards as he chuckles softly he moves away from her clit leaving behind trails of saliva which drips onto her soft skin "Well now let's see how well you can take it shall we?" He says teasingly while looking up at her seductively, he wraps his hand around his length giving it a few teasing strokes while she nods quickly as she watches his movements licking her lips at the sight of his pretty cock "Please give it to me Chuuya I need you inside me now" His smile widens into a wide grin as he slides himself between her thighs slowly pushing himself deep inside her tight walls causing her to gasp in pleasure "Oh yes baby, just relax for me okay? You're doing great." He whispers huskily as he begins to move within her slowly building up speed.

She pulls at her restraints again harder this time making her hiss slightly in pain and she bucks her hips up to try and match his steady thrusts "Fuck chuu~ you feel even better than I could have ever imagined, you're making me feel so full" He grins almost wickedly as he continues to pound into her hard and fast, each stroke sending waves of pleasure through both their bodies "You like that don't you? You love having my big fat dick buried deep inside you don't you?" He asks mockingly as he leans forward to kiss her lips passionately, licking his tongue into her mouth, she moans loudly into his mouth as she matches his eagerness in their kiss "Yesss~ I need your fat cock chuuya! Need you to make me cum on your cock~ I-I'm close" She gasps against his lips. He groans softly as he keeps pounding away at her relentlessly his rough thrusts shaking his headboard as it bangs loudly into his walls "Cum for me now babygirl!" He reaches his hand down between their sweaty bodies as he roughly rubs her abused clit feeling her tighten around him as he slams into her one final time burying himself fully inside her as she spasms around him, legs shaking as she cums causing him to groans harshly as he cums hard.

He chuckles darkly as he slides out of her leaving only the head of his member still inside her causing her to whimper slightly "Well done little one...but there's no rest for us yet." He says sternly as he grabs onto her thighs pulling them apart spreading her wide open exposing her pink soaked pussy to his eyes, her body shakes as she's coming down from her high "Fuck Chuuya my pussy can't take much more" She whines out as she watches him grinning at her as he starts slowly pushing inside her stretching her tight muscles around his girth "Mmmh..such a good girl... You're so fucking wet aren't you?" Y/N nods her head sharply "F-fuck yes! I'm your good girl! You've made me so fucking wet baby" She whines as he starts to fuck her harder, pushing her slowly into overstimulation as her tired walls tighten around his fat cock.

His grip on her thighs tighten as he begins thrusting into her faster and harder making sure not to let up even for a second letting out a low moan of pleasure as he feels her tightening around him "Ohhh yeah... That's right... Keep cumming for me darling... Cum for daddy.... Cum for daddy" He reaches one of his hands down to play with her little clit. She throws her head back harshly as she grips the edge of the cuffs, tearing falling down her cheeks as she cums causing her legs to shake against Chuuya, whining and sobbing as her body shakes with painful pleasure.

As soon as she cums he pulls out quickly slamming it deep again causing her to cry out in pain but also pleasure as he slams his thick member into her ah~ such a good girl.... My sweet girl... Ohh god..... Your pussy is so warm and tight...so so soft... And so delicious..." She sobs through moans as her throat becomes croaky from over use, her body heating up from his praise. He smirks at her before grabbing her hips firmly and pulling them towards him burying himself deeper inside her than ever before "Ohhhh yesssss... Take all of daddy's big dick... Take every inch of this monster... Mmmmphh..." His body shakes as his thrusts become shallow as he spurts out a few lines of cum before he pulls out watching the cum trickle out of her abused hole, her body shakes as she watches her partner cum again before she shakes her arms as the cuffs clink against his bed "A little help here?" She giggles at him as he huffs out a chuckle lifting his tired body to unclip her restraints, making sure he kisses all the marks that have been left behind "Sorry love, think I got a bit carried away at the end there" He pushes his sweat caked hair back as he joins her back in bed, pulling her close to his body.

She smiles brightly as she gently wraps her arms around him, leaving light kisses to his chest "That was... Intense" She laughs as she cuddles into his side, he chuckles softly as he nuzzles her neck lightly "Yeah, you were pretty amazing too baby right?" He winks playfully at her he gives her a slight peck on the tip of her nose "We should really clean you up my love" He sighs wistfully, she pouts at her lover but rolls her eyes slightly and nods "One last kiss first?" She smiles as she reaches her arms out to him, he nods happily as he leans down for another passionate kiss, their tongues dancing together until they break apart slowly and he makes his way over to his en suite where he grabs a few washclothes, wiping her down as gently as he can to avoid more abuse to her already fucked out hole.

Once he's done he smiles and throws the cloth away and looks at her with a smirk on his face "That was fun wasn't it?" Chuuya grins widely at her "Wanna go again?" He asks teasingly. Y/N looks up at him in mock alarm "Are you kidding me Chuuya I don't think I'll be able to walk for a week as it is! No way I'll be able to go to work tomorrow!" She laughs as she reaches her hands to wrap around his neck, his grin widens even further as he pulls her closer to him and starts kissing her deeply once more, this time going slower than before so he can savor every moment of their closeness "You're such an adorable little thing aren't you?" He whispers against her lips "Fuck I'm glad you wanted me as much as I wanted you, I'll make something up to to tell Mori tomorrow" He smirks as he looks into her eyes "You'd better it's your fault" She giggles as she playfully hits his chest softly before cuddling back into his side "I love you Chuuya Nakahara~" He chuckles lightly as he wraps his arm around her waist and holds her close to him "I love you too Y/N L/N" He kisses her forehead affectionately before pulling away slightly to look deep into her eyes watching as she yawns Chuuya looks at her and smiles "Stay here tonight baby and we will talk about us more tomorrow hmm?" The woman nods thankfully as she gives him one last kiss before settling into his bed with a smile, he watches her drift off to sleep and leans forward to give her another soft kiss on the cheek before turning off the lights and wrapping his arms around her to join her in sleep. Tomorrow can wait for a while he thinks as he basks in the love they've shared together.

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd smut #bungou stray dogs #bsd #chuuya x reader #bsd imagines #chuuya nakahara #chuuya x you #chuuya smut #bungo stray dogs smut #Chuuya Nakahara smut #chuuya nakahara smut #bungou stray dogs x reader #Chuuya x reader smut #chuuya x reader smut #nakahara chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya

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baileys-3 · 7 months

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Yesterday I finished chapter 16 and I'm really happy with how the story has progressed so far. Can you say that about your own story? I always try to stick to what the series dictates. Some things can be discussed. I also read a lot of nice scene summaries here. Those really help. And then I have my own thoughts.

Simple example of what I mean exactly: In 5x12 Lucy is clearly checking out Tim's upper body. I think that implies to some people that this is the first time she's seen him shirtless. But I don't believe that.

Why? On the one hand, there is the scene in which Lucy wires Tim. She also checks his upper body and has definitely seen him without a T-shirt, or rather with his T-shirt pulled up. And then I don't think they've been dating for weeks, he's changing jobs for her and she's never seen him shirtless. Nobody can tell me that they haven't made out by then. I think she generally likes checking him out. Who can blame her? And so in my story he definitely appears to be a shirtless Tim. Why this example comes to mind. Well, because that was simply a topic in the chapter I wrote yesterday :)

_____________

But enough chatting now. Now for the sneak peak. This time from Chapter 12:

In the meantime, Tim is called to a few locations as supervisor, but never to one where Lucy is. Their lunch times don't coincide this time, so they don't see each other at the food trucks either. But that doesn't stop Tim from exchanging several messages with Lucy during lunch with Aaron. Which earns him one or more sideways glances from Aaron. Not that Aaron knows who he's texting with, but he can see that he's not just checking his results and statistics app. Because he types too much for that. At least Aaron knows when to keep quiet and doesn't ask any more questions.

The afternoon is pretty uneventful. Lucy is called out on several small calls, but these consist more of assistance than actual police work. Although assistance is also an important part of police work. And it's also one of the parts that she always particularly enjoys. But the afternoon is simply quiet. She texts Tim when she gets back to the station.

Lucy: Go and have a shower and then drive home. Is there still a chance of meeting you somewhere?

His reply comes almost immediately.

Tim: Just got back to the station. I've got some paperwork to do. Write to me when you're done. We can meet in the car park by your car.

Half an hour later she arrives at the car park, freshly showered, and sees Tim, still in uniform, leaning against her car. He pulls her round the corner and behind a small ledge that she didn't even know existed until now. And then he pushes her against the wall and kisses her until she gets dizzy. Tim seems to have some kind of weakness for pushing her against walls. Which suits her. Because she clearly has a weakness for being pushed against walls by Tim. They don't have much time because, after all, they are in the LAPD underground car park and someone could always come along, even if they are a bit hidden. And so, the few minutes they have consist of making out and whispering snippets of conversation so that nobody hears them if someone does come. And Lucy gets a little adrenaline rush from this secret meeting and realizes for the first time what it means to date in secret. And somehow it turns her on that this relationship thing is a secret between the two of them. Something that only belongs to the two of them.

#archive of our own #chenford #chenford fanfic #lucy chen #the rookie #tim bradford #tim bradford x lucy chen #chenford fic #tim x lucy #chenfordsource #ao3 #wip #secret dating era

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bomberqueen17 · 1 year

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changes

i don't know if i've discussed this on here or what but i'm leaving the camera store job to do just farm things. I'm not getting paid a lot at the farm but I am getting paid so that's something. Kind of a stipend. The farm work is... ostensibly not full-time so I will still have time to come back to Buffalo and like, get Chita snuggles and you know, be in my house, see my guy, that kind of thing. We'll see how the schedule works out; the main thing for me is to free me from the tyranny of ten hours a week of being on the Thruway, which tends to take up all of my weekend time and a lot of my mental energy.

So tomorrow's my last day. My supervisor has called out for two days so far this week, which has completely shattered my already-nebulous ability to wrap shit up, so this place is entirely a disaster and I have no idea what kind of condition I'm going to wind up leaving it in, but also, it's not my problem and I've done my best. I do think they thought my leaving date wasn't final and that like a sensible person I had left myself time off between jobs, but I did not not do that, I will be leaving Monday morning before dawn.

I'm trying to write checklists for whoever's taking over my job. They've made no moves to replace me. My supervisor has been polite to me but has said to the store manager dramatically that he'll never be able to take a day off again. (Before I knew I was leaving, he'd told me a date he was taking a vacation and I'd said that was a date I couldn't cover and he'd said too bad he did enough to be flexible for me, and like...... no there are other options, sir, but as it happens I managed to force the issue out of my court entirely.) He's out this week, so I have trained people he has previously refused to train. The only reason I'm trained is that I taught myself, but it's also not that hard. So. Now I've trained several people and they will be filling in when Supervisor takes days off, because he will take days off, such as over Thanksgiving when he had a fucking heart attack and it was a crisis because I could not be urgently recalled and he could not leave the hospital. Christ so now three other people know how to do some of the basic shit around here. This does not require an advanced degree. I wrote a checklist. Calm down.

Anyway am I chill? No. Am I excited about my future? No. Let me get there and get a minute to do some decompressing maybe and I will be but at the moment everything is hectic and I just want to go lie down.

Anyway I haven't gotten much writing done either. Or sewing. But. Maybe there'll be time in the future, when I'm not spending most of the time when I'm at my own house sitting in this windowless room doing busywork.

I did the math, I'll be two months short of having worked here fourteen years.

#dayjob camera store #about the author

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escapistfantasymanual · 6 months

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so this fall, I got an ADHD diagnosis and started meds (whooo!!). the biggest benefit to having a diagnosis is a shift in perception. I've always been self-critical; now, I find I'm better able to give myself grace and the room to try new things.

might do a post later listing some of the life changes I've made in the last few months and rating how effective (or ineffective) they've been, BUT what I'm interested in right now is tracking my efforts to get an organization system in place, primarily for papers/files, of which I have a LOT.

this is all going to amount to mostly talking aloud, but oh, well. this is a thing I'm doing for me - if you're reading this, welcome, glad to have you along for the ride!

body of this post is below the read-more.

so, this is what I've got going as of December 22, 2023. I'm about a week into this project.

bold and italicized = a collection/group of papers n' stuff

BOLD AND ALL CAPS = a category in my overall system

semi-comprehensively, clockwise from the top-ish right: the brown paper bag is for tossing recyclable material into. stuff that needs to be shredded goes in a different location, out-of-frame. metal file box with a handle to the right and slightly behind is for IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS (medical/insurance, financial, car stuff, career, and education). papers in front of it will go inside once I review 'em.

moving down to the bottom right: the pile with a red legal-size folder and pink album is PERSONAL ARCHIVE stuff, specifically the bulkier objects. white papers in front of the file bin are stuff I need to take action on before filing away, probably in the IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS metal file box. the big clear file bin is for PERSONAL ARCHIVE materials, and is waiting to be filled. the medium clear bin and green metal box contain extra office SUPPLIES, to be consolidated and whittled down a bit.

(some stuff on the bed, not going to worry about that right now)

the gray archival box (a gift from a former internship supervisor!) is for PERSONAL ARCHIVE stuff, mainly photos and newspaper clippings. those are in front of it, along with papers to archive.

above that, we've got a mini-binder on top of extra folders and notebooks I'll most likely keep on hand somewhere as SUPPLIES. then the small clear bin and stack of notebooks above, to the left of the yellow file tower, are a bit tricky. they're creative notebooks I've kept over the years - most filled, some partially. I want to eventually invest in a quality archival box for them, preferably fire- and waterproof. I'd love to have them in a place where I can quickly flip through them, but as it stands, I don't dig into them very often. they can probably be kept in a STORAGE area. (another alternative is to digitize them. it'd be too much work, I think - something to consider later. for sure there are additional notebooks in a shoe box outside the frame of this picture that I want to transcribe.)

and then there's a blue hanging folder with papers that eventually need to go into one of two binders that are in the OUTPUT & QUICK REFERENCE part of my overall system, which I'll discuss later. (sometimes you know you just don't have the brain-space yet to start filing/discarding a set of papers. for me, success at this stage of the project is just grouping like things. I know where 'xyz set of papers' is. I know where it'll eventually go. I can come back to it in multiple passes when I have the capacity, and I can task-switch to another group if I get bored or tired.) the rest in this picture - the bookshelf, the bench - is also stuff to worry about later.

(edit: oh also the brown recipe card box, it's got letters and photographs to archive or get rid of)

that's the current status. more to come about what's next, the thought processes/~emotional journey~, and hopefully the end results.

#ADHD #organization #I'm a nerd #bean's ADHD field notes #(I'll either add to this post or will make separate ones and update this with part links #haven't decided yet)

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gracegrove · 8 months

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I just wanted to take the time to give a small update about what has been going on this week (and why my posts have been what they were)...

This past week I was dismissed from my internship without warning. There's not much I feel I should say about it, because there's a possibility that within the next few weeks, my family and I may be suing my training site for breach of contract, as they terminated what was an agreed upon 12-month, signed training agreement, between myself, my assigned supervisor, and my school. There seems to have been multiple instances of miscommunication and most likely a huge disconnect in style (ie my supervisor alleges that we've had multiple conversations about things that were a problem, when I 1. cannot recall when or where these conversations were had, and 2. there are still things that were apparently told to my school as being problematic and I have no idea what these are in regard to because they were never discussed with me).

There is also a strong possibility that I may have recourse for discrimination. I have ADHD, I have accommodations from my school. I've had this diagnosis since elementary school... There have been especially over the past two years, instances in which quirks from my diagnosis have made tasks and participating in my program more challenging (ie. juggling and organizing multiple tasks at once, maintaining and prioritizing the appropriate amount of time for each task, making simple mistakes on things (like forgetting to put a name or label, grammar mistakes, simple addition mistakes when scoring psych tests, etc.), mishearing or forgetting directions or tasks especially if I'm given multiple at once... This is nothing new, I've had this forever. I talked about these issues before with my academic advisor. I had some of these issues arise last year with my clerkship supervisor, but we were able to work together and correct and work through my mistakes and continue to learn.

I was only at my site for five weeks, and they allege that 1. there have been multiple conversations, 2. that based on these conversations this means that I was aware I was of problematic things I was doing, 3. that I was 'not receptive to feedback', 4. that I did not attempt to make any changes and that I was not acting like I wanted to be there.

I don't agree with any of that, I don't understand where their anger and frustration is coming from because I don't fully even understand what they think has happened. The things I was attempting to change and work on, I had no time to fully implement or improve, as it only came to my attention beginning roughly three weeks ago and now I am not allowed back on campus. I was given no room to grow, improve, or learn. I truly am shocked with all of it and am really at a loss for words. It's like the rug was ripped out from under me and then I was smacked in the face too.

I have to meet with my school this week about it, I'm expecting that to be rough. I'm worried that I'm on shaky grounds for expulsion depending on what may have been said about me since I already have very little understanding or control of this whole situation. It's been very very upsetting.

#tw personal #tw grad school #tw vent

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eviefrve · 7 months

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past couple of weeks I've been going through a really bad depressive episode. it's hard to get out of bed. it's hard to do anything without feeling the need to take a nap after. it's hard

yesterday we went to this games talks event thing and it was the first time I'd been outside in like 3 weeks except to go to work and I knew it might have a terrible time. I'd mentioned this to my bf the night before and he told me if I wanted to go home I could

I did a lot yesterday, I had my supervisor meeting for my Honours project, I had a wellbeing meeting to discuss how I'm feeling, we ate lunch with friends before the event. I was already reaching my limit before the event even started

and an hour or so into it, I'm having to say hi to other friends there, have conversations with them, listen to speakers, deal with the noise of 100 people all talking when they were taking breaks and it was getting to much for me and I told him I want to go home and he said, stay for a couple more and I did

and I said again I want to go home and he tells me he doesn't want to stay too long either, so stay for a couple more because nows the actual game talks instead of things about business and we'll go home together

and we ended up staying another 2 or so hours and the entire time I'm freaking out. it's too loud and I'm hungry and I kind of just want to scream and I'm upset because he told me I could go home if I wanted and he spent the entire time asking me to stay

and I understand maybe he was trying to help, maybe? but I'd reached my limit twice over by this point. I knew I was going to feel the effects of it worse than I would have if I'd left the first time I said I wanted to

and we get home and I tell him, I was annoyed that he made me stay and he tells me he didn't make me, I could have left whenever I wanted but he wanted me to try to stay so I hadn't wasted my money and so I could listen to some interesting things. but it's my money. and I couldn't take anything in.

we went to bed at 2am and I got up at half 3. at 3 he came in and asked me to get up, he said please, I'll make you a cup of tea and I asked him to give me a bit of time, I need to prepare myself, keeping in mind I've told him so many times just getting out of bed is pushing it for me most days. and he sits and looks at me and he does this for a few minutes and then I tell him he doesn't have to sit and stare and me and so he gets up in a huff saying, do what you want, and leaves.

he doesn't get to be pissed off at me for being depressed. I'M pissed off at me, he's not allowed. I understand it's hard on him but he's not allowed. I don't want to be this way, I want things to go back to how they were and god I wish I could try harder but especially with how much over the edge I was yesterday I just need to try and recover myself today

I just dont know how to explain this to him without him getting annoyed, without another conversation about how he's just trying to help me. because it isn't helping me. it's making me feel even worse

he's not a bad boyfriend I just think sometimes he doesn't understand and I've tried to explain but he doesn't get it. my wellbeing advisor gave me some advice and I do want to try and do some of it but I can't change things overnight

#misc: personal #tw depression #ig #I'm just so tired.#I needed to out this somewhere #we have a venting channel in our discord but he'd see it and so would other friends.#I run the risk of 1 person seeing this if she still uses tumblr but that's okay

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hetalea · 9 months

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Words thrown into the void

Pretty sure it's been a few years since I've used this account and I doubt anyone's gonna see this but regardless of if sb sees it or not it doesn't matter

I've been holding a lot of things in recently that I feel the need to share but I'm not ready to verbalize yet so I feel like this blog is a good compromise because I share my words but not really probably since it's unlikely anyone's gonna see it and in any case I stay anonymous, so I might use it as a diary of sorts for the time being

I'm a medical resident in my very last few months of residency before becoming a GP I've been in therapy for 3 years following a depressive episode in the beginning of my residency related to anxiety and confidence issues

I'd been doing better these past few months but I feel like these days it's getting worse again, idk if it's the stress of finishing residency or due to other factors or even coincidental

I feel like my anxiety levels have spiked significantly in the last few weeks, I'm easily overwhelmed if I have to deal with too many things at once, I get angry extremely easily, I feel like crying after consults that I feel like I didn't handle in a satisfactory manner....

Thing is therapy, that used to help, feels more like a work meeting than actual therapy for me these days, I've been pretty happy with my therapist so far, she takes time to listen to my concerns, she gives good insights. Problem is these days our sessions feel more like the kind of meeting you'd have in a ward discussing patients than sessions to actually help me better myself. My main concern these days is that because my stress is so high and thus I get angry so easily sometimes I'm short or even bitchy with my patients, or they'll have so many complains in one consult that get overwhelmed, freeze, overlook stuff, switch to my "act in panic first then think later" mode,...thing is because of all of that I've been feeling extremely guilty for not treating my patients like I should or not delivering adequate care... thus I've been trying to talk to my therapist about that in past sessions, hoping to have some advice on how to manage myself so I can keep it together at least for the duration of the consult so I can act properly and professionally as I should, I've even asked her in the past about starting cognitive behavioral therapy which she agreed was a good idea and that we could do it but then it didn't happen. And now when I try to adress how inadequate I think my behavior is and how guilty I feel about it what happens is I get a course on the different types of postures a patient can adopt faced with their physician and which ones are pathological or not and we discuss cases we've each had where I get to vent about consults that frustrated me, but I get no actual advice on how to manage my stress when I feel myself becomming this short and bitchy and panicky over nothing during my consults...and I'm afraid soon she'll tell me we don't need sessions anymore, leaving me without anybody to help me get my shit together, because in our most recent sessions she's been remarking that I've become more confident than when we started our sessions, which is true but I still feel like I still have very flawed patterns of behaviors that I need to get rid of

I finish my residency in two months and then I'll have to work by myself without the safety net of having a supervisor in case of a freak out and that terrifies me and I don't know if I'm ready for it

My current supervisor seems satisfied with my work and even suggested several times he would like it if I could come sub-in for him during his vacations after I finish, which reassures me a bit because it at least means that even if I'm feeling inadequate I'm at least not a complete health hazard or danger to society but I feel like I can't be a proper doctor before I finish to deal with my shit and I fear my lack of confidence might make me a danger to my patients. Problem is, my anxiety won't magically disappear in two months, and I'll still have to work if I don't wanna starve

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I feel close to a breaking point. I had a week off in july and I had hoped that this would relieve my stress but doesn't feel like it has. I've taken up meditation again and forced myself to go back to the gym but I don't even feel the benefits that I used to feel from that

Maybe I'm just really tired; probably the fact that this whole month I've been working full time instead of my usual part time (since my supervisor at my other part-time place was in vacation) in a clinic that is very particular didn't help, I feel like it did burn me out a little but going back to my usual schedule for the past two weeks hasn't helped much yet, I feel instead that I brought all the stress-induced bad habits I've picked up from the clinic into my other location instead of becoming more balanced

Anyway, should probably try to go eat a proper meal and sleep early tonight so I have at least part of my life in order

#diary #therapy #work shit

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creampuffqueen · 1 year

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realize i haven't posted a vet clinic update in a hot second! so i'm probably missing a lot since it's been a couple weeks, but here's how it's going currently:

getting lots and lots of practice on things! mostly vaccines, nail trims, and sephalic blood draws

working on getting jugular blood draws. those are pretty difficult. i've gotten flashes and half-syringes on my own but never gotten a full draw

the main assistant i hang with literally had a meeting with the other employees to discuss my training and what i'm capable of. because some people are trying to teach me how to give vaccines (which i've been doing since august with zero issues) and some people are all but handing their appointments to me to take over. so we kind of cleared up where i am lol

seen lots of neat things under the microscope! we've had a fair amount of hookworms recently, which i suppose makes sense as the weather warms up

got to remove both staples AND sutures from a dog yesterday. so so so satisfying. i loveee staple and suture removals

was taught how to take all the vitals! i've been doing weight and temp on my own for a while, but now i'm working on getting heart and respiration

also being taught to actually talk to the owners rather than just assist the tech. which i think i'm okay at. i have a great customer service voice (12 years of girl scouts and a year of working fast food/retail does that for you)

for spring break i worked out my schedule so that i work mornings instead of afternoons! this is great because it means i get to observe surgery :))))

and i'm reminded as i write this that IWAS ASSIGNED HOMEWORK OH SHIT

my supervisor wants me to learn about leptospirosis before i get into work tomorrow

anyway! that's all for now! if anything interesting happens i'll try to remember to post it on here!

#mal tries to be a vet

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blue-mood · 2 years

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12.06.2022

Oof. It's been almost a year since I last posted.

I finished uni! 3 years are finally over! I am getting my finals results in 4 days and I'm nervous.. I am pretty sure I am not getting a first class, but hopefully an upper second. I got an offer from kings college and I need that grade at least!

I actually felt a bit worried when the UCU announced that they were going to boycott the exams grading or something. I was worried I wouldn't be able to graduate or get my results back before my offer expired. Luckily the university ended up making a deal with them and they withdrew..

It's been a wild year. Last time I posted I talked about a research project I had to do. Well, it went well! I got 97% :D. I worked really hard on it, and every 2 weeks I would meet up with my supervisor via zoom to discuss about it. It actually did help me a bit with my communication skills and my anxiety. It wasn't easy at all. I felt a lot of pressure. Together with all the other modules and worksheets, I felt like I was losing grip of everything. I ended up a bit depressed at one point and I just did not do anything at all. I just stayed in bed for days and had to miss a meeting. In the end the project and presentation went well. However, that also meant that I had to compromise with my other modules. I couldn't keep up with my other modules' lectures and worksheets, so in the end my exams went pretty bad and I ruined my chance of getting a first class. The second semester was alright. I still had two modules that I struggled with, but I somehow managed to keep my grades stable. That is until the exams. I think I did ok on my first exam, did well on the next two exams, and awfully on my last one. My last exam was just too lengthy and full of calculations. I wasn't able to finish everything and most of the things I wrote were just gibberish..

If my calculations are correct, I should be able to get an upper second class no matter the grade I get as long as I pass. So any grade >=40% should still be an upper second. So I really hope I made my excel grades spreadsheet correctly or I am just going to be devastated.

One thing that a lot of people tell me is that an upper second is actually not that high of a grade. And I mean, by my own standards, it's also not very high. However, I study mathematics. Getting more than 65% in your third year, studying advanced mathematics modules, is already a lot. So I honestly am proud of the fact that in general I've been able to keep my grades high throughout the years. I am definitely not the best, but not the worst either.

Then, what else.. I am not going to attend my graduation ceremony. It was a hard decision but nobody I cared about would've been able to attend so it was just not worth it for me. My parents don't have a visa to go to the uk, so my sister would've been the only one. My friends all said no or that they couldn't. So I just decided not to go at all. In the end, I can celebrate at home. I don't really care about it too much. I just think it would've been fun wearing the gown and walking on stage etc. But I would've also had to stay seated for 2 hours.. So maybe I just saved myself from a boring event. Anyways, I will be attending a master's program in autumn, so perhaps I will attend that graduation ceremony.

If I manage to get in KCL, I am going to move to London! It is kind of anxiety inducing to me. Part of me is excited to be in such a big city but the rest of me is very anxious. Because living in London means, a lot of people, a lot of noise, a lot of interactions, a lot of tourists, and other things. Moreover, it doesn't help that I hear about crimes being committed in London so frequently. Like all the stabbing incidents?? Just recently I heard about a machete attack on the tube? Maybe I should stop reading the news.

Now I'm on summer break.. I don't really have much to do. I am going back to the uk next week to pack up my stuff since I'm moving out of my current flat. I will have to store my things somewhere. I still haven't found a good company. Mostly because they have very large time windows so you never know when they're coming. But I do not want to sit there and wait for them the whole day.

After moving out and everything, I will finally be free to just rest. Because it has been stressing me out lately. My friends are all kind of unavailable still. So I've just been sleeping the days away. At the beginning of the break I did some programming and had a lot of plans, but now that I'm like 3 weeks in I am losing my motivation.

Well.. that's all I have to share I think. I will post more soon probably. It's going to be a boring summer. And now that I think about it.. probably my last free summer. Next summer I will be working on my master's thesis and after that I will be hopefully working. It's really scary to me how fast my life is changing.. and I really hope everything goes well.

#life #diary #journal #mental health #university

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addictedtostorytelling · 3 years

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I’m so not ready to say goodbye 🥺 I didn’t realise how much I needed those two geeks in my life. It may be pathetic but they are literally what I think of when I hear the world ‘love’ and I know it’s not real but sometimes I really need to believe that it is goddammit

hi, anon!

with the reboot's renewal status still up in the air, we can't say for certain if we'll get to see a continuation of grissom and sara's (canonical) story play out on our screens in the future.

even so, what we can say with certainty is that regardless of what happens with the show, you don't have to say goodbye to these characters, to this ship, or to their love story.

the beautiful thing about fiction is that it is eternal.

i've been a fangirl for 25+ years now and have been in a lot of fandoms, including for some shows that have been off of the air for years, and i can tell you with surety that there will always be at least a handful of people making fanworks for the thing you love, even sometimes decades after the fact.

while the fandom will inevitably shrink after the series finale, and while there may be fewer people out there actively engaging with the source material and producing content, particularly as time goes on, characters and stories once loved are loved forever.

there will always be someone writing fanfiction. there will always be someone making gifs. there will always be someone producing meta. there will always be someone reliving what they've loved about the show or the pairing. there will always be someone discovering the story for the very first time and falling in love, just like you did.

there will also always be repositories, archives, and fossilized works left in the amber of the internet, particularly for a show like csi and a ship like gsr, where over twenty years of fanworks exist and are out there, just waiting to be discovered and enjoyed.

though of course getting new episodes and source material every week is what fans live for, there's also something to be said for the wonderful experience of engaging with characters and pairings from a "closed canon."

you know that concept "the death of the author"?

i like to think more about the (second) life of the text.

once a show goes off of the air, it takes on this whole kind of renewed existence, becoming something that belongs solely to the fans. we get to take it lovingly into our hands, fill in the gaps between the lines, edit the rough bits as we will, and dog-ear the best parts, building onto them as we wish.

each fan gets to decide what the story means to them and how they engage with it, and while some will eventually walk away, moving on to other stories and more active fandoms, those of us who remain will continue to find new ways to immerse ourselves in what's there, sometimes decades and decades after the last episode has aired.

if gsr is love to you, it doesn't stop being love just because the show ends.

i'm an english professor in my outside-of-the-internet life, and in english, when one is writing about literature (or paintings or film or television or any other kind of creative works), one uses what's called "the literary present tense," which means that when talking about things that take place within the work, one discusses them as if they are ever in a state of happening.

it's not "in homer, it took odysseus twenty years to return home to ithaka," even though the story is millennia old; rather, it's "in homer, it takes odysseus twenty years to return home to ithaka," with odysseus actively doing, perpetually returning home, as he has since before his song was ever written on a page.

stories are forever, anon.

grissom is always in love with sara.

sara is always in love with grissom.

they're always meeting at the forensic conference, falling for each other at first sight.

he's always noticing that she has a ponytail.

she's always stalling to ask him out to dinner.

he's always inviting her to join his team as his first official act as night shift supervisor.

she's always saying yes and packing up her whole life and moving to vegas on only two weeks' notice.

they're always learning how to navigate their love through their fear.

they’re always having near misses and close calls and hundreds of private little intimate moments.

they're always sitting at the ice rink, talking baseball and how he only started caring about beauty after he met her.

they're always in her apartment, with her confessing to him her secrets as she's never done with anyone else before and him just being there for her.

they're always getting engaged in beekeeper suits.

they're always getting married after a tearstained reunion in the jungle.

they're always finding each other again on a pier.

they're always sailing off into the sunset together.

he's always calling her "darlin'."

she's always promising she'll never leave him alone.

they’re always kissing on roller coasters.

they're always in love, anon.

always, always, always.

that's how the story goes, and it doesn't change, no matter what the powers that be at cbs decide.

you can keep enjoying grissom and sara's story for as long as you want. both it and the beautiful, transformative fanworks it inspires will always be there for you.

geek love is forever love.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #let's talk shop #on storytelling #csi #gsr #csiverse

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vermillioncrown · 2 years

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so i gotta write this bc i find it hilarious (if not annoying as fuck when it was happening in real time)

i'm wrangling a bunch of first-year/second-year grad students. idk how it is in other fields, but in engr, you'll never meet people with the sheer confidence and self-importance as engr students fresh off their bachelor's

double that attitude if they've been co-oping and had a job for a bit

they have valuable technical experience, but that's not the same as research and academic rigor. technical work is 'get it done', research is 'i did it, and here's why the way i did it is right'. it's very different and both have their merits

anyways, we're getting into paper submission season; there are about 12 students on the team, a few sub-teams, and more logistics. we're writing a paper per sub-team, but our professor mandated that we keep authorship limited to 1-2 students, their technical supervisor, and then the professor.

i think in a post long ago, i explained authorship? it differs for each field, but in most schools of engineering, the first author is in charge of overall direction, writing, cohesion, admin, and likely worked out the formulation for the work. second author is like their deputy. the last author is a place of honor--the lab director, the boss's boss that gave you the project/funding for the project, stuff like that. second to last author is kinda the same way. no one pays attention to the middle authors unless they are from different organizations--then it looks like collaboration, which makes the paper spicy and fun

so these students start playing this passive aggressive game on 'who's getting authorship'. bc of course

observers suspect one guy tried to bluff "oh i don't mind being just in acknowledgements, i'm a M.S. student so it doesn't matter" and when everyone else said "ok" he started making a big stink about ethics and protecting creative content and IP infringement (which a paper and its ideas cannot be IP, it's copyright my dude)

comments from the peanut gallery:

- supervisor: he fucked around and found out lol

- verm bf: ethics??? my brother in christ, we design missiles here

- labmate bff: "it's not a big deal" *makes it a big deal by repeating it three times*

- postdoc bff: this man gambled and lost

and then someone wrote a "whole treatise" to the professor, which then made the professor upset and he apparently was discussing it non-stop between all the lab faculty, and then in individual paper submission meetings

and i've been instructed to go over all their work with a fine-tooth comb

supervisor: i need senior student energy on this project. i cannot deal right now

i think someone finally capitulated in the end, but it took a week of arguing to reach the same conclusion as before

*edit: oh yeah, i'm in a separate workgroup chat that contains the arguing bros but no supervisors

supervisor: [verm] how's it going

me: the kids are fighting at the kids' table

supervisor: lol good luck with that

#everytime i settled for nap nap my phone started blowing up with Bro Arguments #and bc most of the first years have Big Business Bro energy #the way they talk is like watching aliens pretend to be humans to my eyes #labmate: let them fight lol #academic jerky #anyways that's the whole sordid thing

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changguscomet · 2 years

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this lady is pissing me the hell off I swear to god

so I've been supplying for this teacher's class for half a semester now, and since it's the end of the semester we had to do conferences and decide if the students' levels go up or not, and because I'm not their official teacher I didn't feel comfortable deciding that, so I left it up to the original teacher- so she said she would choose their new levels and then I could add my own notes to their reports as I wished

so she emailed me like a week and a half ago and said "I have updated the students' levels, please go into the system and feel free to edit as you like" so I was like okay cool she changed their grades, I just have to go and add my own notes, so I went into the system, saw that she didn't leave them any notes, and wrote my own - and the students were asking for certificates proving their levels so I started handing them out

then yesterday one of the students was like "my levels didn't go up, didn't I improve?" and I was like "well that was your original teacher's decision so I think you should talk to her about it" and then like 30 minutes later I get a VERY RUDELY WORDED MESSAGE from her that was like "I very clearly told you to update the students levels, why didn't you do it?" so I explained that I thought she had already done it herself because she didn't send me anything except for that one email and she was like "I sent an attachment with my notes and everything, I told you I don't have access to the system" and she was being rude during this entire conversation, basically treating me like I was an idiot (which I am, but not when it comes to this) so I sent her the email and was like "there were no attachments and you never told me that" and she was like "I'll send it now" LIKE ??? APOLOGIZE MAYBE ?? I was saying sorry in every other text message cause I felt so bad even though this wasn't even my fault

so she sent me the proper thing, I told her I was sorry yet again and that I'd get it solved and then she has the audacity to ask if I'm teaching her class again next semester, like I can tell you don't want me to, even though I didn't do anything wrong but go off, and when I told her no, her texts got a lot nicer like bitch I can tell you don't like me even though I'm here cleaning up your mistake now

I had to go to my supervisor, explain all this, call IT, get them to delete my work from the system, and now I have to spend my weekend updating the correct info - and it's so fucking annoying because both that teacher and my supervisor were like "this is a learning experience for you" A LEARNING EXPERIENCE IN WHAT ??? if anything it should be a learning experience for her so she knows to double check her emails before sending them smh

like if she was nice to me I would've been like oh my bad, I'll fix it, but the way she was talking to bothers me so much, like I'm your colleague this is a professional discussion we're having, yet you're scolding me like I'm your kid, I know I am young enough to be your kids but we're EQUALS in this situation get out of here with your ageist bullshit please and thanks- and like, she's gone on leave because her mother-in-law has been sick so in her follow up messages she was like "I'm having such a rough time, I'm in counselling, I have depression, it's so hard for me" yes I'm sure it is, and I'm sorry you're experiencing that but it's not an excuse for you to treat me like this ?? she didn't say sorry once smh is it really that hard ??

#ALSO I HAVE MORE CERTIFICATIONS THAN YOU ???#put some respect on my name for god's sake #but anyway there is my long ass rant for today #personal #teaching

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annaphoenix1994 · 3 years

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Colter - Eastward Bound

Arthur had never been so happy to be moving. He, as well as the rest of the gang, were sick of the snow. The numbness, the insomnia, the brink famine, was all about to be left at Colter. His body craved sunshine and whiskey, which he hoped a town was closeby wherever they were going. He dismounted his horse as he met up with Dutch to discuss further plans.

"Oh, for Lord's sake! Put that book away and go help!" Miss Grimshaw barked within Arthur's earshot. It didn't take him long to figure out that she was scolding Mary-Beth Gaskill, one of the women in the camp who reminded him a lot of Lenny - she preferred reading or writing over robbing and killing, but could do so if need be. She was also one for romance, taking a liking to Arthur in particular, at least, that was the rumor. He had always thought that she liked how nice he was to her and nothing more than that.

"So, we getting out of this Hellhole?" Arthur asked as he joined Dutch and Hosea.

"We're gonna try, weather seems stable," Dutch assured.

"And we just robbed a Leviticus Cornwall train," Hosea added.

"We got money in our pockets...the worst is behind us, gentlemen! So the question is, where now?"

"I know this country a little," Hosea assured the worried leader. "I told you, we should set up camp in Horseshoe Overlook near Valentine. We'll be able to hide out there no problem as long as we keep our noses clean."

"Well then let's go! Clean noses and everything else!" Dutch commanded as he watched the rest of the gang load up the caravan. "Arthur, you're in that one, bring Hosea, I know you two like to talk about the good old days and what's wrong with old Dutch."

Arthur chuckled as he shook his head, following Dutch's orders as he loaded himself up onto the wagon, Hosea alongside him.

The caravan made its way slowly down the trail. The scenery of lush, white snow slowly turning to dewey green grass. The wind was still cold, though, as it still had a strong breeze, but to Arthur, even that was warm. He let his mind wander to where they were heading. Was there a town where he could have a hot meal other than Pearson's stew? Was there whiskey? Was there laying low for a long while instead of running? Was there hunting ground? Was there any more chances to run into Minnie Barlow? He shook the last question from his head, scolding himself for thinking of her and how he shouldn't think about her, but his mind continued to wander. There was something about her already that he needed to reassure himself on.

Arthur's thoughts were quickly interrupted by Dutch shouting from ahead, sighing a breath of relief that he was only shouting for Lenny and Micah instead of announcing there was trouble ahead.

"Lenny! Micah! Get over here!"

"Yes, boss?" Micah replied as he obeyed Dutch's command, along with Lenny.

"You two ride up ahead, make sure there's no surprises," Dutch ordered. "We've had enough of those."

"Me, with the boy?" Micah responded, almost insulted.

"Just go!"

"Come on, kid," Micah sighed as he spurred his horse into a lope. "You can buy me a whiskey!"

"Get us out the stream!" Hosea panicked as he felt the wagon shutter as they had now crossed into New Hanover. Arthur repeatedly tapped the harness leather across the horse's backs as they pulled the wagon through to the other side, only to be stopped by the rear left wheel buckling and keeping the wagon at a halt.

"Ah, shit!" Arthur shouted.

"Okay, let's take a look," Hosea sighed as he lept from the wagon, walking around the back.

"You alright back there?"

"Does everything look alright?" Arthur argued as he too dismounted from the wagon.

"Well, what's goin' on?" He heard Javier ask.

"I broke the goddamn wheel!" Arthur shouted, scolding himself.

"Alright, let's get it fixed!" Hosea assured him as Charles rushed over to help, pairing with the old man as they lifted up the rear of the wagon as best as they could as Arthur rushed to push the wheel back into place.

"You still strong enough to hold up a wagon?" Arthur teased as he tightened the joints.

"Shut up!" Hosea replied gruffly.

"I'm just sayin'!" Arthur replied.

"Well, say less!"

"See, you ain't so useless after all!" Arthur teased as he helped Charles and Hosea pick up the items that had fallen off.

"Not quite!" Hosea chuckled as he picked up a suitcase, seeing that Charles had noticed the other eyes that were on them, watching from the cliffside ahead...

"What you think?" Arthur asked hesitantly.

"If they wanted trouble, we wouldn't have seen 'em," Charles assured the two as Hosea waved a sign of peace to them. "Poor bastards... We really screwed them over down here. Come on, let's not push our luck,"

"What happened?" Arthur asked.

"Well, get in, I'll tell ya on the way," Hosea said as the men quickly loaded themselved back up onto the wagon. "Not too far now, stay on this trail. We'll follow the river then cut left inland," Hosea directed. "So... Yes, the Indians in these parts got sold a very raw deal. This is the Heartlands we're going to, good farming and grazing country, they lost it all. Stolen clean away from them it was, even every blade of grass. Killed or herded up to the reservations in the middle of nowhere." Hosea explained.

"And how's that different from everywhere else?" Charles asked.

"Well, maybe it's not. I just heard some of the army out here was particularly, uh, unpleasant about it."

"Unpleasant? How do you rob and kill people pleasantly?" Charles questioned. "We don't, in spite of Dutch's talk."

"I fear I was perhaps trying to simplify something more complicated for the benefit of our blockheaded driver here." Hosea teased.

"Hey, don't blame it on me!" Arthur replied. "Never forget, this here's a conman, Charles, born and bred. Just 'cause it sounds fancy don't mean he knows a damn thing about what he's talkin' about." Arthur explained.

"Oh, but I sure know about that there 'wanted' poster you're keepin' on you," Hosea chuckled. "You plannin' on goin' after her, aren't you?"

Arthur scoffed, "No. Like I said, you don't know what you're talkin' about."

"Are you still talking about that Minnie Barlow woman? What's the deal about her anyway? Lenny told me that she saved your hide back on that train." Charles intervened.

"Oh, did she now?" Hosea asked, raising his grey brows. "I didn't know about this!"

'Shit!' Arthur thought to himself. He was now going to have to talk about her. He looked at the smug grin on Hosea's face as he loved to try and land him a relationship that he would never settle for. He had already tried with Mary-Beth, which now made things almost awkward in camp. "I don't think it was her," Arthur grit, tapping the harness leather harder on the horse's backs.

"Yeah?" Hosea questioned. "Anyway, Charles, Minnie Barlow is known as Bandit Barlow around here. By what I've read, she used to work for some feller who is employed with the Pinkertons. Apparently, she knew too much and her supervisor tried to get her killed. After she found out about it, she turned around and robbed him, then became an outlaw!" Hosea explained, chuckling.

"Does she have a gang or what?"

"No, she runs alone," Hosea replied. "I reckon she had a small gang a few years ago, but they knew about her bounty and tried to have her captured for the payment. According to the poster Arthur is dearly holding on to, she has eight-thousand dollars for her head," Hosea snickered. "I don't know much about her past, just by what I've read or heard, but I do know she robbed the Lemoyne National Bank in Saint Denis, robbing a well-known tycoon as well. Some Italian feller. Robbed him and that bank in broad daylight and nobody knew until she was long gone,"

"Sounds like I need to buy her a drink and have a few hours of her time just to hear the stories!" Charles replied, intrigued. "When did the bank robbery happen?"

"A couple of years ago," Hosea replied. "By what I read, the robbery took up to three months to do without anybody knowin'. She got a job there, made it well with the bank manager over time, and got a promotion to a loan manager position and the fellers she was runnin' with would come in every few weeks to "take out a loan" of a few thousand dollars when she would just walk into the safe and give them as much money as she could. After the bank was running low on funds, they didn't question her as she covered her tracks. Once time got scarce, she had one of her boys take out another big loan before she made a break for it."

"Sounds like she and Dutch would get along," Arthur replied, smirking at the thought of how smart the woman was.

"I'm sure," Charles said. "So, how did nobody catch her?"

"She used a fake name to get the job. The only thing that messed her up was that she got the wrong men for the job. They were giving details to the Pinkertons the whole time. They turned her name in for the bounty after she gave orders to rob a train goin' towards Rhodes. Big roadblock over the tracks, but Minnie took wind of it and made a break for it, leavin' her two guys to fend for themselves. They ended up getting arrested and are now in a state penitentiary. Since then, only her tracks have been discovered, but no sign of her. She's slick, now," Hosea warned.

"Sure," Arthur replied. "I'm sure she won't be that hard to find..."

Hosea chuckled, "Let me know how that goes." He teased.

"So..." Arthur cleared his throat, taking in all of the new information he had just learned of his apparent crush. "What happened to your tribe?" He asked Charles.

"I don't even know if I have one," Charles replied. "Least not that I can remember. My father was a colored man. They told me he lived with our people for a while, a number of free men did, but when we were forced to move from our lands, the three of us fled. I was too young to really remember much. All live I've been on the run. A couple of years later, some soldiers captured my mother, took her somewhere. We never saw her again. We drifted around... He was a very sad man and the drink had a mean hold on him. Around thirteen... I just took off on my own." He explained.

"That was about the age we found young Arthur here, maybe a little older," Hosea said. "A wilder delinquent you never did see. But he learned fast."

"Not as fast as Marston, apparently," Arthur replied, his jealousy spiking yet again.

"Wait... I don't understand," Charles said, confused. "What's the problem between you two?"

"Arthur?" Hosea said, insisting for him to explain.

"It's a long story," Arthur sighed. "We still heading the right way?" He asked, now shifting during the awkward silence.

───※ ·❆· ※───

"You okay, pa?" Minnie asked her father as she woke from a midday nap, something she never did unless she needed it. She gripped her shawl tighter as the wind from the Cumberland Forest engulfed the cabin.

"Somethin' don't feel right," He replied, gripping his rifle as he continued to stare out the window. She knew this wasn't anything new as he had been acting like this for a couple of years, but she too got the odd feeling in her gut. She needed to prepare.

"I'm sure it's nothin', pa," Minnie assured as she stepped closer to her father, patting his shoulder. "Want me to cook ya somethin'?"

"No, I'm not hungry. Night's comin' soon. Best get some rest. I'll be out on the porch."

She nodded and shook her head, not daring to inform her father that it was only early in the afternoon. She went to the chest at the end of the bed, retrieving her gunbelt and tightening it around her waist before walking out of the cabin, passing her father who was sitting in the rocking chair. "I'm gonna go feed the chickens and get the eggs, but we'll need some more food soon. Want me to go into town later?" She asked.

"No need, dear. I will. I need to get out of here for a bit. Those mountains are taunting me." He replied, taking a drag off of his pipe.

"You'll need a horse, take Trace." She suggested as she pointed to her buckskin Quarter Horse.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, he'll take care of you. He always does." She smiled.

"Okay, well I'll take him out first thing in the mornin' to Valentine and get some more food," He nodded, a grin appearing on his face as he was excited to ride a horse again, but the lurking doom he felt coming never did settle in his mind. He didn't want to leave his daughter alone tomorrow, but whatever was coming, he knew they both couldn't escape. At least she had a fighting chance.

#minniebarlow #arthurmorgan #arthur morgan #red dead redemption memes

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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Hey dx. I'm so worried about my dad. I'm an F1, my dad was admitted to hospital on 06/01 and I've been staying with him. He's 80 and has AKI and gastroenteritis. He's been getting quite confused at night though usually ok in the day. We don't want to leave him on his own at night as he can get frightened with it and so I've been staying with him. Work seem to be understanding so far and have said just to keep them updated and not worry about the leave side of things. Part 1

Part 2. Anon with dad in hosp. But I am worried. I'm worried about my dad being so unwell and old. We don't know whether he has CKD or just AKI and despite asking the question, I haven't been given a clear answer. I'm worried about how my mum will cope with his needs once discharged. I hope this confusion at night resolves. I'm worried that work will stop being understanding with me taking time off for this. I don't know how long he'll be in. Worried about everything, please could I have a hug?

Hey, friend, of course you can!

I’ve been through enough health scares this year with family and friends to tell you that it’s really tough,and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m so, so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this right now. It’s normal to be worried, and I’m really glad you’re reaching out to someone rather than keeping it all to yourself. I have a feeling that you’re shouldering the burden of explaining the medical things to your dad and your family. As medics we end up taking on a lot of that burden emotionally, because we know the system and the science. Everyone looks to us for reassurance and explanations, whilst inside we’re scared and hurting, like everyone else. When people get older, health problems come up, but even though we are healthcare professionals, it’s not easy to see it happen to people we care about. I still find this hard, so I’m not surprised it’s tough for you. Please reach out to people close to you as well; family or friends, for support. Please don’t feel you have to deal with it alone. I’m sorry that the team weren’t able to give you much information yet about whether he has AKI or CKD (or both). If they don’t have his old U+Es, they might not be able to tell themselves how much is chronic or acute just yet. But as long as they are keeping an eye on his renal function now, it will become clear with time. I think it’s a good idea to ask the team if there are any new thoughts or updates; you have every right to speak to them and find out what is going on (with your dad’s consent, obviously). It can be useful to be there when the ward round happens (if you’re off work, obviously), as then you can get an answer from the seniors directly. Most wards will do a consultant ward round at least 2-3 times a week (and a reg or SHO ward round obviously, on all other days), so you should be able to get regular updates. I suggest speaking to them yourself because I find non-medical family members can miss nuances in what was said, or might not think to ask the same questions you might have, so if you spoke to them directly every few days for an update it might help with your concerns. I do think it’s worth discussing his confusion with the medical team, in case they aren’t aware how he’s doing at night. It’s impossible to say without knowing the full story, but it could well be something like delirium (which generally gets better by itself once you treat the cause). As it’s worrying you, I think it’s worth discussing with them to see what they think it is, and if it needs further investigating, or if they feel it will get better. I completely understand your concerns about how he would cope at home afterwards; the good news is that people can get a lot better in hospital, so their needs can change a lot! You could always ask the team if they will refer him to the occupational therapy team; that’s what we usually do if we aren’t sure how they will manage at home, because it’s important for people to be safe and looked after. This normally happens once people are a little better medically, so it could just be that they haven’t yet referred him because he’s not ready yet. But teams are generally really happy if you have a chat with them and talk about your concerns; I find it really useful when relatives tell me what has changed about their dad/mum/gran etc. Because as medical professionals we don’t know what ‘normal’ is for our patient, and what they normally cope with. So any information you can give them will be really helpful.

I’m glad that work are being supportive right now. In the long run, it will be worth you speaking to your supervisors to see how this could impact your training; when we take time off it can mean that we might have to train for a bit longer. But that’s very much a secondary concern for you right now. Focus on family; everything else can be worked out. I hope he gets well soon, and I’d love to hear how he gets on, and how you are doing. My ask box is free if you ever need to talk.

#askdx #ask dx #ask #asks #anonymous #question

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the-cemetery-researcher · 2 years

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PhD journey - 1st post

So I'm now officially not working on anything other than my thesis, although the reality of that is a little less clear cut because there are still some unfinished aspects of the Jewellery Quarter Cemeteries Project which require attention and some potential legacies too which we are trying to set up for post-PhD life. However, in general, I'm just being a student again, for the first time since the beginning of my Masters and it's a very strange adjustment. I'm used to working on lots of different things at once in the Heritage Sector - multiple jobs or juggling projects, giving me plenty of reasons not to prioritise my thesis. Now the thesis has to be my priority. The deadline is looming and I've become deliberately unemployed to make sure I don't miss it. Again.

I've always struggled with organisation, time management and procrastination. Some of this is because I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, but mostly it's because of my dyspraxia. In comparison to neurotypical people I've got a totally appaling working memory for example, and that can make it difficult to retain info and organise my thoughts. External motivation has always been a good thing for me, because being accountable to someone else's opinion of me stops me from procrastinating quite as badly - I'm a people pleaser and I like everyone to think I'm working hard and getting stuff done. So I thought that blogging my daily PhD journey would help with that.

Some background- I've been studying cemeteries since my undergraduate dissertation written during 2010-2011. Then I started an MPhil around the same topic in 2011 and upgraded it to a PhD course in 2012. I quickly had to switch to part-time study to be able to do fun things like eat and pay rent, but even so, observant readers will realise that a part-time PhD takes 6-8 years, and I've already exceeded a decade. I've sort of lost count but I think I've had 5 leaves of absence (for a variety of reasons, including at one point simply running out of money to pay the fees) and also a 1 year extension (pandemic) and most recently a 4 month extension because of my last job contract being longer than originally anticipated (also pandemic). My official deadline is now 25th June 2022. I'd really like to get it handed in before that though, because if we get some funding, my work projects will need to restart at Easter.

Therefore I'm looking at around 3 months to turn this all around and it's not going to be easy. I've already lost basically 2 weeks over Christmas due to COVID, but since the beginning of last week, I have been back on the case - although sometimes struggling to get started in the mornings (or working til late and night and then not being able to sleep) and I'm finding that my day to day working pace is really inconsistent.

Today I thought I had a meeting with my supervisor at 2pm, spent most of the day fretting over whether I had made enough progress and writing a bunch of to do lists. Then at 2pm I checked my uni email for the meeting link and discovered that he'd emailed 2 days ago suggesting that we move meeting to early February as the extension request we were going to discuss has been granted already.

I'm hoping that by writing these blog posts, I'll be able to muddle through some of the things I need to do, so that be the time that meeting comes around I'll be in better shape. It would be nice not to disappoint him for once - poor bastard has been working with me since the undergrad dissertation days, but I think it's been almost that long since I actually turned in what I was supposed to have done, on time, to a decent standard! I've come so far in other ways - public speaking, teaching, mentoring, research methods, but in terms of actual words on the page I've definitely not had any consistent progress.

I went into this PhD thinking that I wanted to be an academic, then our department closed/merged (so my teaching opportunities have been 4 hours per year...) and had a number of minor breakdowns (one of which was mostly because reading academic theory texts is so impossible, I felt intellectually incapable of ever finishing the thesis) so my relationship to the university is complicated at best. There have been long periods of time when I couldn't face opening my university emails, let alone set foot on campus, so I've got a tonne of emotional baggage to overcome in the next few months too. I'm really happy with the career I've been building, and have no regrets about the path I'm taking, but I still don't find it easy to engage with the university or wider scholarship in the way most people this close to the end of their PhD journey would be.

I've been really lucky outside of university to have an amazing community around me - through the Cemetery Research Group, in the Birmingham Heritage scene, and around the world on Twitter. Writing this blog feels very vulnerable, so I hope you'll all be kind while I struggle and rant for the next 3 months. I know I'll feel the love of my 'village' rooting for me to finally, finally, hand the damn thing in!

I'm writing these posts on 750words.com (it's a great place to write without distractions) and then uploading to an this old tumblr blog I haven't used for years, so hopefully they'll be interpersed with cool cemetery photos too!

#journey

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