#but i'm wondering if there are any others that reject paul | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

widowshill · 5 months

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B, D, J, K, M, T (doesn't have to be just DS if you don't want it to be!)

A -> Z FANDOM ASKS.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

it feels like cheating to say any ships that came from rp because 90% of the time there's no way you'd consider them otherwise, but the one that stands out to me is willie and esme (ft. @retrograderesemblance) cherish them, would never have put them together on my own lol.

beyond that, and this doesn't really count for not ever considering it, but I was a w.illabeth disliker until this year, I read several persuasive defenses, and writing lizzie swayed me. so elizabeth herself changed my mind kinda.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

ok listen. it's s.parrington. i get it intellectually and i see the vision but i just don't like it and i have tried for years it is just not. idk. can't do it.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr.

i hope this is dark shadows to all my treasured mutuals whom i single-handedly inundate with ds content all over their dashes. my answer would be e.lisabeth das musical or honestly like ? robespierre of french history kinda has a stan army on here.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

ohhh who would i say for ds. maybe roger because he gets domesticated, and makes truly wild strides in his relationship with his son. ( go white boy break that patrilineal curse ). weirdly i also kinda wanna say joe is up there ? he has an interesting journey from Carolyn's Rejected Puppy All American Fish Boy to like ... helping vic investigate laura, being ang's chew toy, having a mental breakdown. and also deeply caring about david! maybe i just like it when people start caring about the kid.

elsewhere it's jimothy norrington. easy. character arc of all time.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

not many people on this show because that's a death sentence but lowkey.. natalie dupres (josette's "spinster aunt") bc i think we would really get along. fancy french brunches with the gay aunt and we can talk shit about barnabas. even though she would bully me for my french, and rightfully so.

elsewhereeee hmm. alice k.ingsleigh would make a wonderful friend. sybil c.rawley. max b.lack sails.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

most of my headcanons about vicki tbh dan curtis can piss off. namely that girl has autism. she dislikes the task of setting her hair / sleeping on rollers and rarely feels like doing it, but her and carolyn will sometimes set hair for each other for some girl time. roger fencing and liz ice skating. i also know i'm right about specifically vic's and carolyn's music taste (monkees/mamas & the papas/paul revere & the raiders/herman's hermits, and jan&dean/the ventures/elvis/beach boys, respectively). vic is also added in the collins family history. david draws her in after she dies/disappears, and elizabeth has her formally added after she discovers his handiwork.

you can also pry my "elizabeth swann's burgundy dress was esme's" from my cold dead hands ! like. that's such an important one to me sdfgfd.

#i feel like i get these asks and then immediately forget all media i've consumed and any other ships that exist other than rv and norvilla #dying suffering french stalkers #➤ answered. ┊ collinsport 4099.#➤ meme responses. ┊ boo !#➤ ooc. ┊ she’s nauseous，she’s hysterical，and she’s exhausted.

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inspiteallthedanger · 2 years

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Don’t misunderstand, me, Beth of mine, I said Paul and John *could* have been fucking six ways to Sunday, and that Paul could have rationalized it because it was John, ergo, part of the weird shit that only Lennon McCartney do. Do I think they did? No. Not usually. A wank here, handjob there, threesome with some lady in the Reeperbahn that got out of hand? Why the fuck not? But I am interested in how the fucking fuck Yoko knows anything about Paul’s sexuality at all. And…character limit /WS

Well hello again and also lol. It does in fact seem like we agree. I think I did realise exactly what you said in the ask, and then I sort of got distracted by trying to figure out how far that 'rationalising' would realistically take him (as it were).

I probably didn't phrase that well, but I think the Yoko comment is a John quote (if true and it’s certainly a wild thing to make up but who knows?). It's not what she thought, it's what John thought (and told her). Which leads me to wonder why he thought that (given we agree it's not, like, all that immovable). I guess it's possible that's just her interpretation, of course. Wild to think she'd look at her husband looking at Paul and thought, "Good thing he's straight otherwise you'd been tapping that everyday." Not impossible, of course. Or, did John tell her that he wanted to shag Paul but it never happened and she assumed that was why because why on Earth else would you not fuck John's brains out if you had the chance? Wish I knew. Couldn't be me.

The Princess thing (again assuming it's true) doesn't necessarily mean they were calling Paul queer. IMO, that is. I think it's more 'he's a bossy premadonna and John indulges his every whim for some reason'. Like, there are hints of homophobia and/or mysogony in there for sure. But I suspect it's more about the way that Paul went about getting what he wanted - which others have said often. John was the boss, but Paul controlled John. Which must have been a wild dynamic to watch in practice. Also frustrating, I'm sure. Paul having that giant picture of him and John in his office is very, "We're the parents here, and wait until your father gets home".

Which leads us to the conclusion that everyone who knows about them seems to think they were weird about and with each other. So is it any wonder we all end up with cork-boards with red string everywhere and 'gay????' circled and underlined in the middle? No, not really.

But, anyway, I am so with you. That's why I tacked on the point that it's unlikely that John ever gave Paul the chance to directly reject him. He was not the sort of man that was going to pine after his best friend for two decades without getting anything back. There's more going on there, for sure. I think it was a very push-me-pull-you thing, over and over. Both of them retreating and pulling each other closer. John blowing hot and cold. Paul chasing him and then running away when John opened up.

And I think about that point about role models a lot. They've got Bob and Brian around. But, it's not like they're seeing options for how they could have lived. Neither of them are stupid enough to think they'd be able to get away with coming out and having a career. And, as you say, they both wanted families and all the trappings of what would be considered a successful life. So, being together isn't actually an option. This is underlined to me, because of how fucking shocked they were that they could respect their female partners. These men genuinely believed until Yoko and Linda that women were... what? Vaginas that you could take out in public? I honestly don't know, but how shocked they were suggests (at least a little) that they had that relationship with each other. They were married in every single way other than "holding each other" and playing with each other's hair or whatever it was John wanted. And they sort of knew that and weren’t expecting to find the other stuff outside of the other. Nor were they even looking for it until they’d ‘broken up’.

Side note: I heard a podcast host say today that John's comment about Girl - that he was looking for a woman who was his intellectual equal until he found Yoko was a barbed comment at Paul. So it's not just us that think that song's about him or that John was simply weird about him.

I'll answer the other part separately, as it's a slightly different point, I think?

#beth rambles

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princeofgod-2021 · 1 year

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LIGHT OF LIFE 338

John 1:4

TOO LATE 1

Eze 14:19-20 “Or SUPPOSE I WERE TO SEND A PLAGUE INTO THAT LAND, AND POUR OUT MY RAGE ON IT WITH BLOODSHED, killing both people and animals. EVEN IF NOAH, DANIEL, AND JOB WERE IN IT, AS SURELY AS I LIVE, DECLARES THE SOVEREIGN LORD, THEY COULD NOT SAVE THEIR OWN SON OR DAUGHTER; THEY WOULD SAVE ONLY THEIR OWN LIVES BY THEIR RIGHTEOUSNESS. NET

Having dealt much with Traditions and attendant social challenges and relationships in Church. It is time we move on to other equally important things.

Let’s now start a focus on what could happen that would make God decide to judge and destroy men without any more response to pleas.

1Sa 16:1 The LORD asked Samuel, "HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO MOURN FOR SAUL NOW THAT I HAVE REJECTED HIM AS KING OF ISRAEL? Fill a flask with olive oil and go. I'm sending you to Jesse in Bethlehem because I've selected one of his sons to be king." GW

Before you say [again] that “GRACE covers all”, or “Jesus has paid the price”, look again at this.

Heb 10:30-31 For we know WHO SAID, "I WILL TAKE REVENGE, I WILL REPAY"; and who also said, "The Lord will judge his people." IT IS A TERRIFYING THING TO FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE LIVING GOD! GNB

That was Apostle Paul, in the dispensation of Grace, quoting the Old Testament and warning us by it.

I will say, as many times as possible: Jesus would never undermine the Old Testament. Period!

Mat 5:17 “IF YOU THINK I’VE COME TO SET ASIDE THE LAW OF MOSES OR THE WRITINGS OF THE PROPHETS, YOU’RE MISTAKEN. I have come to fulfill and bring to perfection all that has been written. TPT

I won’t digress far from our focus (Too Late): Jesus Himself showed us that the most precious things in life have time frame within which to pursue or you miss out totally and without remedy.

Luk 13:24-25 DO ALL YOU CAN TO GO IN BY THE NARROW DOOR! A lot of people will try to get in, but will not be able to. ONCE THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE GETS UP AND LOCKS THE DOOR, YOU WILL BE LEFT STANDING OUTSIDE. You will knock on the door and say, "Sir, open the door for us!" BUT THE OWNER WILL ANSWER, "I DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT YOU!" CEV

Take note of the word “ONCE”. Some of us believe in the “15 minutes grace”.

A worker, supposed to arrive church by 6am, [personally] sets for himself some “Time Grace”, always arriving late.

You are not serious and you don’t know God. Jesus said nobody will open the door ONCE it is shut.

You note another phrase: owner of the house STANDS UP. What does it mean to stand up?

Isa 3:13 THE LORD TAKES HIS POSITION TO JUDGE; HE STANDS UP TO PASS SENTENCE ON HIS PEOPLE. NET

When a man stands up, he is saying: “alright, that does it. I can’t take it anymore”.

That means his patience has run out and he will no longer be pacified or entreated with even pleas or gifts.

Also, have you really wondered why the Lord will say: “I don’t know you please”?

Because such people will be disavowed from the covenant that His Children should have; it ceases right there!

Luk 13:26-27 “THEN YOU WILL REPLY, ‘BUT LORD, WE DINED WITH YOU AND WALKED WITH YOU AS YOU TAUGHT US.’ And he will reply, ‘DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, FOR YOU ARE NOT A PART OF MY FAMILY. YOU CANNOT ENTER IN. Now, go away from me! For you are all disloyal to me and do evil.’ TPT

There is that point where [former] Christians will try to use the Word of God against Him. Being a God of Integrity, we would suppose that He can’t deny those He has spoken to, or used before.

2Ti 2:12-13 If we endure, we will also reign with him. IF WE DENY HIM, HE ALSO WILL DENY US. IF WE ARE FAITHLESS, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL. FOR HE CAN’T DENY HIMSELF.” WEB

You can’t “corner” God with His own Word dear. You may even be bold to quote to Him…

Psa 30:5 HIS ANGER LASTS ONLY A MOMENT, HIS GOODNESS FOR A LIFETIME. Tears may flow in the night, but joy comes in the morning. GNB

It is good and true but did He [ever] tell us that it is applicable to us if we live ANYHOW?

Heb 10:26-27 FOR IF WE SIN WILFULLY AFTER THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUTH, THERE REMAINETH NO MORE SACRIFICE FOR SINS, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. KJV

Will you write a WILL and include a man who you raised as a son but came and slapped you right in the face; Would you sacrifice your son’s life and yet retain Mercy if they despise you after?

Heb 10:29 WHAT DO YOU THINK A PERSON WHO SHOWS NO RESPECT FOR THE SON OF GOD DESERVES? That person looks at the blood of the promise (the blood that made him holy) as no different from other people's blood, and HE INSULTS THE SPIRIT THAT GOD GAVE US OUT OF HIS KINDNESS. HE DESERVES A MUCH WORSE PUNISHMENT. GW

If God says He doesn’t know anyone, it must mean that He is saying: “you can’t be my own Son or Loyal follower and do the kind of things you have done to me.

Get out of my sight”!

Now, have you seriously thought of the Verse (Heb 10:31): “…Terrible to fall into God’s hands…”?

Deu 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge, and UNDERNEATH ARE THE EVERLASTING ARMS. And He shall throw the enemy out from before you, and shall say, Destroy! MKJV

If Mercy ceases, the Safe Arms and Hands of God, which shields us and crushes our enemies, could turn around and crush those who reject Him, right in the same Hollow of His hands.

May we never fall into His hands for judgment, in Jesus name.

Join us on Wednesday as we proceed with this insightful subtopic.

Keep Shinning!

Brother Prince

Monday, April 10, 2023

08055125517; 08023904307

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stansethandpaul · 3 years

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Jealousy Jealousy (rewrite)

Angst -> Fluff: Embry Call x GN!reader

Summary: Embry gives y/n a slap in the face about reality after they constantly sulk about Bella.

A/N: I'm much more content with this one and I actually might end up deleting the other one, sorry about that. I actually took a lot more time editing this and didn't write this when I was burnt out compared to the other one! I'm just overall way happier with the other one because I knew that the other one wasn't my true capability.

warnings: angst (that's all I could really think of tell me if you see anything else!)

Masterlist

Ding!

Constant notifications vibrated Jacob's phone as we sat on his couch together watching the movie on the screen. I shot him a look of annoyance, signaling him to check his phone which he did swiftly. His eyes shot open in surprise before he shot up from the couch and throwing on a shirt and shoes, hopping out the door as he attempted to put the last shoe on.

"Sorry y/n! Bella just told me she was free, you know what it's been like for her!" He hastily shouted out before sprinting down the gravel driveway.

"Bye!" I shouted back, trying to hide my disappointment.

I grimaced at the situation. On one hand, I knew how the sudden disappearance of the Cullens devastated her, especially Edward's sudden abandonment but this happened way too many times. But on the other, Jacob was like her puppy dog now, it was like I wasn't even his friend anymore, it was like our friendship meant nothing.

Knowing that Jacob wouldn't be back anytime soon, I got my stuff and locked the door behind me before driving over to Emily's place to surround myself in the livelier company.

"Sup y/n! Missed me didn't ya!" Jared boomed as I opened the door to which I replied with a "you wish". I chuckled at his dramatic pain as he pretended to hold his heart, eyes shut and face contorting.

"Know where Embry is?" Questioning the dramatic boy as I peered around the room to see if I could find any trace of the lanky boy, no luck.

"Finding your loverboy huh? With the deepest of regrets, I must inform you that he was put on patrol today." He said, mocking my curiosity over Embry's whereabouts. I stuck my tongue out at him to tease him before flipping him off and leaving to the porch to await Embry.

"Knock it off Paul, it's not what you think"

"yeah sure, and if it wasn't what I HEARD THROUGH THE MINDLINK then I don't know what else it could have been"

Their voices permeated through the thick fog as their silhouettes came into view, Paul's muscly tall physique was seen locking an arm around Embry's tall lanky but lean body.

"Aw buzz off Paul," Embry said as he struggled to get Paul's arm off of his neck. He laughed at his struggle before letting go as he noticed me, shooting Embry a smirk to which a slight blush came onto his face, only noticeable as they got closer. Odd.

"Sup Paul," I smirked at him before turning my attention over to Embry.

"And hello to you too wolf boy," teasing him to which he shot a glare at me before attempting to stifle his laughs.

Paul said a prompt bye before jogging into the house to fill up his appetite whilst Embry sat down next to me, his body warmth radiating. The cold air nipped at my skin, pushing me to get closer to the much warmer boy as I swung my legs into his lap and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Jacob left again?"

A sigh left my mouth at his obvious question.

Closing my eyes promptly, I answered with a short nod. A response that showed my true feelings after all these times of being blown off by Jacob.

We sat in silence, my eyes closed as I felt his shoulders move up and down in a rhythmic motion, lulling me to sleep almost. The deafening quiet seemed to almost suffocate us before I decided to talk.

"I don't know what to do anymore Embry, I'm always there for him when he needs me but, he runs to her at the drop of a hat or more like a single text message," I grumbled, reminiscing about the times Jacob's left me in the dust for Bella, excuses sprouting up.

"Why does everyone in this town seem to be so infatuated with her," expecting no response I kept going.

"Is it because she's Charlie's daughter? Hell if I was his child Jacob would be all over me too right? I'd be the hot topic of town too, people staring at me wherever I go, being suddenly accepted by the Cullen family and Jacob. I'd really have the best of both worlds wouldn't I?" Scowling at my own questions, I turned to Embry for answers.

"Am I not right?"

Silence.

"Helloooooooo, Earth to Embry?" I said, poking his cheeks with my finger. His brows seemed to be furrowed together, eyes lost in thought, his attention elsewhere.

There seemed to be no response from him to which I huffed and turned back to stare at the fog rolling in.

Closing my eyes to embrace the serenity once more, his lulling voice startled me.

“I don’t think it’s true.”

I turned my head towards him, curiosity piqued by his response.

“Let’s be real Embry, I’d have the best time of my life if I was Bella fucking Swan. Every guy would love me, all the attention would be on me and I wouldn’t be a second option again. Hell, I’d even be able to actually confess to my crush without fearing rejection.” Bitterness laced the last sentence as I satirically spoke my mind. Looking at Embry’s hands and wishing they were embracing mine, the sudden gesture of his fist clenching as his knuckles turned white shocked me, he was mad.

“God y/n, why the hell do you always need to compare yourself to Bella? She hasn’t even done anything to you. It’s always Bella this Bella that if I was her blah blah blah. Get over yourself, you’re not her and you won’t ever be. Learn how to appreciate yourself and live YOUR life and stop moping around. So what Jacob runs to Bella each time, you have Jared, Emily, Paul, and everyone else.”

A long silence suspended in the air.

“You have me and you come running, you never see the other people around you cause you’re too busy complaining. You can’t even see how much I love you cause you’re so stuck up about being Bella and being Jacob’s priority aren’t you?” Finishing his sentence, he proceeded to get up before walking away. Stopping before reaching the woods, his back faced to me, he spoke simply.

“Find me when you can learn to be y/n and not Bella.”

His form morphed before running into the woods on all fours, leaving me stunned. After a brief moment, tears flooded my eyes. I never got to tell him that I do like him, I never got to tell him that I just want his attention, I just wanted him.

Thoughts spiraled in my head, I was jealous of Bella for sure but I was jealous because of the attention she was given. I just wanted Embry to treat me like she was treated, I wanted to be special to him.

I ran home, I ran because I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be able to look at him properly.

Weeks passed as we ceased to talk, and I ceased to exist in the small town of Forks. Or so I thought.

I groaned as heavy knocks assaulted my front door, I picked up the phone looking at the time. Who the hell shows up at someone's house at 4am?

Throwing on a sweater and sweats, I dragged myself to the front door, the cold hardwood floor seemingly repelling me from ever making any progress. I swung the door open, grumbling as my eyes were half open wondering who it was.

Jacob Black.

Mentally sighing, I invited him inside from the pouring rain, he seemed devastated.

He sat down after he changed as I made him some hot chocolate to comfort him.

"She chose him y/n, he came back and she chose him over me. She drove to Italy for that stupid bloodsucker." His cracking voice was more than enough for me to grasp his frustration and devastation.

"I dropped everything for her, I did everything for her y/n. And she still chose the guy that skipped town huh?" Laughing bitterly at the situation, I stared at his cup before handing it to him.

"Maybe if I was better than Edward I would've won this stupid fucking battle," his words escaping his clenched teeth. He was like me, we were jealous of someone, someone that seemed to win everything, someone that we were not. The words spoken to me by Embry were words I carried with me even as I was moping over the whole situation.

"Stop comparing yourself to him, Jacob. You're not Edward and you won't ever be him. You're so insistent on being better than Edward or being Edward that you can't even see what's in front of you. I was always here for you Jake, I was always here but you treated me like I was a second option. You left me in a heartbeat for her but you never had time to spend with me, not even five minutes, when you were with her," I too chuckled bitterly at the ironic situation, me and Jacob were similar in many ways.

"Learn to live your life, don't live it for her or because of her, learn how to live it like you want." Those words seemed to resonate deep within both of us. After finally speaking those words, I realized that I was ready to live my life as y/n, a citizen of the small city of Forks, and not vying to be Bella, the new girl to forks.

I stood up, putting on shoes hastily before grabbing the handle. I could sense Jacob's attempt to stop me and apologize for his treatment but I knew better.

"It's ok, I know you're gonna apologize. I'm not going to accept, I want the Jake that will care and treat everyone with the same importance that you had for Bella. Come to me when you're ready, but until then I hope you grow and learn how to live your life."

I paused again, one foot out of the door.

"I have someone important to apologize to, someone that didn't leave me in the blink of an eye."

I hurriedly shut the door behind me before running to the woods, my lungs burning and legs aching as I forced myself to my limit. I ran and ran, visions of the houses slowly turned to trees, the crunching leaves under my feet reminded me of the days we would all run through the woods.

My breathing became labored as I was reaching my breaking point but it was close, our place was close. Then, in my distant vision, I could see it. That one pine tree, seemingly normal to many, but to me, it held our memories. The initials only reassured my assumption as I knew that he would be here waiting. As I got closer to the tree, my legs gave out under me, sending me tumbling to the ground whilst tree branches scratched my arms and ripped a hole in my pants.

"EMBRY! EMBRY I'M HERE PLEASE!" I shouted into the dark forest, eyes tearing up once more as I pleaded.

"I LOVE YOU EMBRY CALL AND I'M SORRY I WAS TOO BLIND TO REALIZE IT!" I shouted once more before crumpling closer to the ground, my tears now fully flowing and hitting the dead leaves below.

Maybe I took too long, maybe he moved on, maybe I was too jealous of someone to even realize his love.

As sobs continued throughout my body, the hope of him ever coming was diminishing.

I was too late.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of strong but warm arms wrap around my waist and pulling me up.

"Shhh, it's ok I'm here now."

That voice, I looked up to see Embry's face which held a dorky grin. I threw my arms around him as sobs still left my body, the emotional rollercoaster was far too much for me to handle.

"I-i'm s-s-so sorry Embry, I was too focused on trying to be Bella that I-"

"I know, I know, I heard it all," shushing me as he rubbed circles on my back consoling me. After what felt like hours in his embrace, I finally calmed down and only tear stains remained.

I finally lifted my head to meet his eyes properly this time, he stared back with tender eyes.

"You finally learned how to live for you huh?" He asked, not expecting an answer to which I was oblivious.

Before I could respond, he pressed his lips to mine. I didn't try and fight it and melted into it instead.

I was blind to be jealous of Bella when I already had something that she fought to keep.

Smiling mentally, I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

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quacka-quacka · 3 years

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I mentioned Paul's strong resistance to being recognized as effeminate man or gay (here). Although he can hang out with gay guys, wear rainbow flag in public [yeah I definitely need to write that again in case someone didn't see it], being considered gay or "cute" is beyond endurance. I know someone love to interpret this as "don't want to his sexuality being mislabeled", which indeed looks sensible when it comes to the homosexuality, but this excuse can't be applied to the "cute" thing, right? You can't say being cute or feminine is the same thing as being gay, can you? Well, I can hear Paul's every single cell screaming O!M!G! Feminine! all the time. He doesn't want himself have anything to do with feminine, which, unfortunately can not be simply regarded as personal preference, it's indeed a despising of femininity, and femininity? Of course it's about female. Yes, "phallicism", the worship of masculine are still popular in today's society, but it doesn't mean it's right. I have to say Paul's thought is the product of this society, not to mention that he is an old man who grow up in a working-class family six decades ago, we can't demand him that much. His attitude towards women is the same thing.

PAUL: We were more amazed to see the [Japanese] women leaping up out of the seats for the promoter, because we'd never seen that in the West. The subservience of the women was amazing. They'd say, 'Oh God, I'm sorry - was I in your seat?' I remember us getting back to Britain and saying to our wives and girlfriends, 'I wouldn't want you to do that, but maybe it's a direction worth considering?' Promptly rejected.

— The Beatles Anthology

Although Paul seems to know that it's pretty cool for a woman to pursue her own career, like admitting Jane was famous before he was, allowing Linda to write a cookbook or have a photography exhibition, the androcentrism is too ingrained for him to forsake. He acknowledged Jane's achievements but still wanted her to give up work completely:

'I always wanted to beat Jane down,' says Paul. 'I wanted her to give up work completely.'

'I refused. I've been brought up to be always doing something. And I enjoy acting. I didn't want to give that up.'

— Hunter Davies, The Beatles

He allowed Linda to do her own thing, but they are not entirely hers - all those projects are belong to MPL, and do not forget Paul said this after Linda's death:

She never did anything on her own because we were together so much.

— Paul McCartney, interview w/ Chrissie Henderson for USA Week-end: Tears and laughter. (October 30, 1998)

That's so sweet to see Paul would support his wife any time, but on the other hand it also shows that Linda never get the chance to do something entirely on her own without Paul's interference after she got married. No wonder so many people from inner circle [including Linda, yeah] described Paul as "typical Northerner":

Linda confided that Paul was a ‘typical Northerner’ who believed women should stay at home while men worked.

— Bonnie Estridge, The Mail on Sunday. (March 20th, 2005)

Paul was raised the old-fashioned way. Men were the breadwinners; women stayed at home, had babies and tea on the table. He's still an old-fashioned guy, very careful with money.

— Ruth McCartney

Like the other Beatles, he [Paul] was essentially an old fashioned Liverpool man, who wanted his woman tucked away at home cooking the dinner and minding the kids.

— Cynthia Lennon, John

Jane was a serious actress and wanted to continue her career, but Paul had other ideas. That’s why Linda was so perfect for Paul; she was just what he wanted, an old-fashioned Liverpool wife who was completely devoted to her husband.

— Marianne Faithfull, Memories, Dreams and Reflections

I'd say Paul was not that old-fashioned, at least he allowed his wife to do other things besides being a full-time nanny, but everything she does must cater his needs. As Jane once mentioned, he always wants his girl to adore him like fans:

The trouble is, he wants the fans’ adulation and mine too. He’s so selfish; it’s his biggest fault. He can’t see that my feelings for him are real and that the fans’ are fantasy.

— Jane Asher, Love Me Do! The Beatles’ Progress by Michael Braun

I know some of the fans can't wait to jump up now and shout "Paul and Jane didn't have a mature relationship!" "He's much mature after he meet Linda!" "Paul and Linda had a very very very healthy relationship!" Ok, if you really did some research, you may know that he's never mature enough to know how to fully respect women, at least before the end of divorce with Heather Mills. I have seen the theory appears too many times that Paul and Linda's marriage is the result of careful consideration: Linda came along with a ready-made child and she's ready to marry again - well, I regret to tell you both Paul and Linda wouldn't agree with you.

I was a great disappointment to my family When I got married [to a geologist] and moved to Arizona, it was crazy. I had been pressured by men all my life. I rather liked being on my own, making my own decisions. I had actually sworn to myself that I would never get married again.

— Linda McCartney, interview for Playgirl: An intimate conversation with pop’s preeminent pair. (February, 1985)

As she says, she's quite enjoy her freedom and had absolutely no interest in marriage. What did Paul do? He "twisted her arm" to make her agree.

I persuaded Linda to come to London for a visit. Then I rang Heather in New York and said, ‘Heather, will you marry me?’ She was five. ‘No, don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I’m too young.’ ‘Well, I can wait,’ I said. So we went to New York and brought her back to London to live with us, and I twisted Linda’s arm and finally she agreed to marry me.

— Paul McCartney, interview for Playgirl: An intimate conversation with pop’s preeminent pair. (February, 1985)

Linda also said neither of them knew what they were doing when they got married:

LINDA: 'So instead of getting an agent I met Paul instead and got married. Or I was going through a transition then and didn't know quite what I was doing and he obviously didn't know quite what he was doing so we ended up marrying instead.'

— Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now

Again, I'm not saying Paul and Linda never loved each other or their marriage was completely made up for media, but I don't think his marriage with Linda enabled him to prioritize other's feelings [his status as one of the four head monsters doesn't help]. Linda's overmuch unilateral compromises certainty don't make him look mature. Let alone his excessive dependence on her.

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Reply to all these who think feminize Paul/men is a bad thing:

You love to say that Paul doesn't want the cute title because people used to mock him by that. I understand it. But do you ever think about why being feminine is not taking him seriously? Do you ever think about this is the discrimination about femininity from the whole society? Why does a man must be despised when he has anything to do with femininity? And Paul's approach is denying his femininity, which is the same with those who mock it, like - a man being feminine is a shame because it means he can't be "respected" like other men. It's the recognition of this concept, which is outdated if you think about it.

P.S. Someone who reblogged my post doesn't seem to like the sentence "there must be many sweet moments between Paul and Linda". Ok, I delete it then.

#paul mccartney #jane asher #linda mccartney #the beatles #he is attracted to strong women but he wants them to do what he wants at the same time #he actually wants obedient strong women #a lot of trouble inevitably arise

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insanelydeadlybookcollector · 3 years

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Soooo now you've watched all of S1-4, when do you think Mondler startted fancying each other? Like, specifically for each of them? Do you think it was always there, or on and off? I count you as the internet's Mondler expert so I'm v interested to hear your thoughts! x

First off, thank you. That's really sweet. This is a huge question and I want to do it justice. Let me know if this makes any sense.

We'll start with Chandler.

I think Chandler has had a crush on Monica almost the entire time he's known her. It might have started as simple friendship but somewhere in those early years as they teased Ross he realised she laughed at all of his jokes and have him all of his attention. No one has ever done that for him before.

I think it happened slowly for him but he's always been aware of it. He knows the reason he doesn't like doesn't like her dates, and even Rachel at the beginning, because she deserves better and she doesn't see him. He tolerates them, of course, and won't say anything about them not being good enough, she deserves better than that. But he can't help but wonder if he'd be better for her than Paul and Alan and Fun Bobby.

Chandler has always found himself dating women that are similar to Monica and that's no accident. He has a type, yes, but it's not strong confident brunettes, it's her. He might not doing consciously and I don't think there's any malicious intent, but every woman he dated reminds him of Monica a little and that's why he's attracted to them and why it won't ever work. Look at Janice and Joanna's personalities and Kathy's haircut.

So, from the beginning he's been aware of his crush on her. It comes and goes, flaring up again when she's hurt or upset or wants to spend time with him above anybody else. He won't ever do anything about it, doesn't want to ruin their friendship, he's never had a family like this one and losing Monica would be the worst in itself but it would also mean losing everyone else. But sometimes he wonders if they could cross the line, if he could put his arm around her on the chair and know it meant something, if he could make certain she would never cry again because of some loser date. Sometimes he wonders if he should be feeling this way, if she can see it, if she might ever feel the same way, and every so often he'll offer him himself, but until London she hadn't taken him seriously.

I think having him crush on her for most of preMondler without intending on doing anything about it most of the time (I don't want to taint those beautiful friendship moments) makes things like Chandler adamantly believing they're "meant to be together" make sense and justify why he thought London was "the most romantic night if his life" and was so upset that it wasn't them finally admitting to themselves they felt something more in The Truth About London.

Monica's a little more difficult.

She definitely had a crush on him the first time she met him. She undoubtedly thought he was attractive and funny and the first person who really, even off-handedly believed in her. Of course he ruined that with a hurtful frat comment and she tried to hate him. And it was easy when he wasn't in her life, but seeing him again made her heart race.

And then she cut off his toe. She's not sure how, but that's when they became friends. Clearly, he was embarrassed by it, but he never blamed her. He would laugh about being teased at school, not sure how his friends had found out, and roll his eyes over the table at her at her doofus brother and it was nice to have someone agree with her that he wasn't God's gift like he thought he was. It was nice to have a friend like him, easy to talk to and constant.

She had thought something might happen between them when she told him the apartment across from her was for sale. She knew it was expensive, it wasn't passed down from a family member, so she thought maybe there was another reason he'd taken it. They had dinner together and walked each other to work and shared their lunch breaks in local cafes and played pool in the bar but nothing had ever happened. They teased and they touched in the most intimate ways, his fingers on the bare skin of her arm when he wanted her attention, but nothing ever eventuated. She started thinking maybe he didn't feel the same.

So her crush for him lay dormant for years. A few times it reared its head, always at the wrong time. She would see him running lines with Joey, playing with Ben, listening to Phoebe talk about her grandmother and her heart would just clench, stopping for a second because she saw him. She saw who he was and what he was capable of and Aurora didn't see it and no one else seemed to want it. It wasn't a crush so much as it was love for him and all he does silently for his friends but because so much time had past and nothing had ever happened, she brushed it aside as anything but what it was.

There were times when she would think he was teasing in the daylight but moonbeams and streetlights shining through her window would make her see the shadows on his face when she thought about the way she had snapped or laughed when she rejected him. In those hours she worried that what she was feeling was that old crush coming back and not merely concern for her friend. She worried he would stop asking and she worried that she didn't want him to.

She had even thought, giddily, that the night they had kissed at Joey's party would eventuate into something more. She often lay awake with the ghost of his lips on hers, his tongue tasting hers and wondered how the universe could be so cruel as to not let him remember it.

It was on their trip home from the beach when he sat on the opposite side of the cab that Monica realised it might be more than merely friendship. He didn't want to touch her, didn't want to press his shoulder against hers or let her rest her head on him and it hurt, deep in her soul, wondering if he would ever offer himself to her again and vowing she would say yes the next time he did. But he'd dropped the subject, she'd asked him to play cards but he didn't out and out ask her the way he had a few days prior and she did her best to let him know she would say yes but she's not certain he got the message.

And then came Kathy. She'd never seen him like that, desperate to be loved by the woman he thought he lived, worried he was hurting his friend. And then doing everything he could to make sure she stayed in his life once they were together. While they were together she had worried that Chandler would leave her, move out to Hollywood to be with this woman who didn't love him back but it was worse after they broke up. He had no time for her and she had no time for him with work and the wedding and giving Rachel advice and taking care of Phoebe and she was mad that he'd won her apartment. They were further than ever before from each other. But then he'd look across the table and hand her part of the paper, or host a pretty good party, or barge into her personal space like he always would and everything was normal, the same as it always was. She's not sure who initiated it but they started spending more time together than ever before. She'd come over for breakfast and he'd plant himself on on the same chair as her when she watched a movie to relax. They made sure they had time just the two of them like they always had, sitting side by side on the orange lounge before everyone else joined them in Central Perk.

Only she knew things now. She knew that he loved fiercely and desired loyalty and was near and tidy and determined. He fought for what he wanted in little ways and protected himself by closing off from everyone but her. She knew he went weeks simply cuddling with a girlfriend and was both so truthful and so good in bed a girl came rushing over to thank her for the lesson she'd given him, not that it really mattered. It was things she already knew, mostly, but maybe the first time she'd seen them all at once.

She'd realised then, somewhere late in season four that he need for him to not be sad, to always be on her team, to sit beside her and help her with groceries, it was more than friendship and she wanted to know where it could lead. And she decided she would once they got back from London.

In short, they've both always had a crush, there's always been something magnetic between them. Chandler's always known but tried to fight it, tried to hide it because he thinks she deserves better, and Monica let her crush get burried under her career and her desire to value his friendship above everybody else's. But she'd always felt it too. And I genuinely think one or both of them would have acted on it in season five even if London didn't happen.

#mondler #chandler and monica #monica and chandler #chandler x monica #monica x chandler #premondler #friends tv #pre-mondler #monica geller and chandler bing

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paula-of-christ · 2 years

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Hello! I've been reading your posts about being a monastic aspirant, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to share a bit about your discernment with me? I've had the nagging thought that I should be a sister since childhood, but it recently hit me full-force about a month ago! Any advice would be appreciated! God bless you <3

So. This has sat for so long in my ask box that I uh, am actually not an aspirant anymore. So, I will give you my best based on the books I've read when I was discerning and why I chose to leave. This is.. this is going to be long and I'm sorry.

So I suppose I will start from the beginning, like the very beginning. I felt drawn to religious life first when I was young, and I would say that I wanted to be like Mother Mary. Though I have no recollection of this my mother likes to recount the memory for me. I first felt a real pull though at my first youth conference in 2014 or 15 when I met the Salesian Sisters of St, John Bosco. Back then I had already wanted to be a teacher and I play the cello so it seemed like a perfect fit. Unfortunately I grew out of wanting to be a teacher while watching my peers be... well teenagers.

I fell in love with St. Paul during my conversion and found out about the Daughters of St. Paul through vocation.net or whatever the website is where you can take that vocation quiz for different orders. I reached out to them to visit at a come and see at their Mother House on the east coast but was denied at the time because I had only recently recovered from depression and was still on antidepressants. I shortly moved off of it and after that rejection as well as a rejection from even speaking with anyone at other convents because of my (improving) mental health, my spiritual life became tumultuous. I still don't pray the same way that I did back then, reading scripture every night and a rosary and other prayers. But I am happier with myself now, and so I am grateful.

I was in and out of relationships when I visited the Daughters of St. Paul after I became an adult, thinking for sure that I wanted to join, I hadn't truly stopped thinking about them for that entire time. But after I got there I realized how much I wanted a stronger monastic tradition. My favorite part of that trip was praying with other people and the Breviary. At the time I also wasn't very big on Marian theology, it felt odd to pray to her so often, and I felt slighted a bit because I thought that she wasn't looking out for me anymore.

Again after that I was in and out of relationships, mostly lasting around 5-6 months. But after one ended I started looking into a semi-cloistered convent, with a monastic tradition I was already familiar with having grown up in a parish run by Augustinians; the Sisters of St. Norbert. They also were teachers, but prayed every hour of the breviary together, and also did parish work and community outreach. They have a wide net of influence in their own neighborhoods. I decided to go back to school, since that convent required a degree, when I on a whim went on Catholic Match just to see what it was like. I met someone I definitely thought I could marry and the convent stayed in the back of my mind.

When he broke up with me, I realized just how much I had let my faith slip. I wasn't putting the necessary effort in because the LDR took up most of my time. It takes way more time texting someone to bond with them than it does in person. The last few months of the relationship I had gotten a strong feeling of wanting to look into the convent again though, and grow closer to God. Some of the things that influenced me in my spirituality the most were "Epic Food Fight" by Fr. Leo Patalinghug and the Augustinian novices that I became friends with and baked for in high school. It has always been incredibly important to me to support priests in any way that I'm capable of. So, I was on tumblr and found a picture of a convent that was cloistered and their entire thing was praying for priests. I would be able to live a life away from the temptations of the world and do what I loved most, spending time with Christ in the Blessed Sacrament for His Priests. I waited to visit them, since it was shortly after being broken up with that I found them. It was wonderful. It felt like home. I was nervous only for a little bit. There was a rainbow outside the door after dinner when I arrived, a sign of God's covenant.

I became an aspirant at the end of the retreat. But when I came back my family was less than pleased. I have five older siblings, and they were worried for me. My mother, while she supports any decision I make, was full of so much sorrow at losing her youngest daughter to a cloister that is both difficult to get to and far from where she lives. Most people who have a real vocation will be able to go through this. However, my families concerns and further discernment on my part made me realize there are many things that at least for now I cannot live without. My family for one and something as simple -- perhaps silly -- as my dogs. I realized that I want to travel, see parts of the world that I can. That I enjoy the freedom that I have to volunteer and do things at my parish at my leisure.

None of these things were originally going to deter me on their own, but then I ended up falling in love, against my better judgement and without wanting to. An acquaintance of mine that I saw every week for -- yes as nerdy as it sounds -- D&D started to reach out to become better friends. Him being a respectful and kind person to everyone at the table, I assumed was being kind. And I resigned myself to quietly crush on him while attempting to discern religious life. The meanwhile my family asking questions, people on tumblr asking questions, and my affections for him growing stronger. What I didn't know was that he was going through much the same. Resigning himself to quietly love me from afar and should I have chosen to leave the convent during any of the formation steps, he would be there to welcome me back. As a friend or more, it didn't matter to him.

I knew he was the one when I realized that every time he looks at me it feels like time has completely stopped and every moment like that lasts in my memory as infinity. When despite not being raised in any kind of religion, has morals and opinions completely in line with Catholic teaching. That his first time going to Catholic Mass he fell in love and wants to go every week, despite not knowing when to kneel or stand or what to say. The moment he unpromptedly got me one of my favorite flowers and chocolates because I was having a mildly stressful day. All only because of his love for me and not anything that I've done for him or could give him.

God wants to be close to us, and I think it's important to grow closer. Even though he -- who I will refer to as "Kevin" -- doesn't know much about Catholicism, he inspires me in my faith because his upstanding qualities make me want to be worthy of being with him. And I know for him it is the same. That I want to be closer to God because I know that will make me a better person to everyone but especially the person I love.

#personal #discernment journey #not queued

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bardhien · 2 years

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just to lay down my thoughts:

the batman (2022) was a phenomenal batman film and felt very true to the mood and atmosphere of batman, but my biggest criticism with it is actually the riddler. like, narratively, he's great, but he just ISN'T the riddler to me. he just feels like another "stock crazy man". im not a fan of the not-at-all-funny, uncharming, just 100% "deranged" take. eddie is unempathetic, yes, but his entire goal is to prove himself smarter than everyone else. he's an egomaniac with severe ocd wired directly to proving that he's smart. he's deeply insecure. paul da.no's performance did not effectively give me any of this when they're the crux of who the riddler character is. he just feels like "insane" white guy number who's-keeping-track?

instead, they give him this obsessive goal of getting back at a system that failed him. this chaotic good, misguided mission doesn't line up with eddie who, like i said, is really mostly in it to prove he's smarter than everyone else. not that i'm saying you CAN'T make him an orphan, but when you change his origin and his goals and his personality, he ceases to be the riddler to me. i can see the side where he's obsessed with batman, with the idea of batman working with him, only for his obsession to twist into outsmarting him once batman rejects him, but unless there are other changes, im not feeling it.

like i said, though, wonderful movie. unfortunately, while the villain works in the movie, he isn't the riddler to me even if, narratively, he made things interesting and fit into this grounded, gritty world. maybe we'll see the riddler actually be the riddler in future installments as this is just the origin.

#The Batman #Dano!Riddler #also imo he overacted? like as far as performance goes i felt he was the weakest #and when i say not at all funny i dont mean carrey's riddler.#dano's was just run of the mill ''psycho'' serial killer and carrey was too silly #still a great movie though. looking forward to the sequels.

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appledotcodotuk · 3 years

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why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

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brideofcthulhu10 · 4 years

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Next up on our list my lovelies is Paul! A special thank you to @trescharmant-mydear for helping me with brainstorming ideas when writers block had me stumped! I hope you fang babes all enjoy the next boy in our child birth saga!

Lost Boys Fem!S/O Gives Birth [2/4]

Paul

The whole pregnancy thing was undoubtedly a massive shock when you had finally told him. At first he wasn’t even sure it was his. Granted you slugged him for even suggesting you had been having an affair but he couldn’t help it! The idea of impregnation was pretty much impossible as far as they knew. He had no heartbeat, the blood in his veins was dead and black, he kind of assumed by that point his gun was shooting blanks. That is until you began rejecting anything that wasn’t blood or meat. Every day he could see more of that reality coming into play. At first he thought maybe he had just imagined it, but when your stomach grew in really sank in.

He was terrified beyond belief knowing he’d soon be responsible for a living, breathing thing- er baby- guh! The word freaked him out. No one even warned him what came with it. Well, Dwayne tried to but those books were nasty. Especially the pictures. Paul tried his best to sit through them but it just stressed him out! There wouldn’t be a doctor! There would be no sterilized hospital bed where a team of nurses would be on standby if there were complications- hell, they wouldn’t be able to know if there even were any complications! That’s what scared him more than anything. You both were utterly in the dark. Were you healthy? Was the baby healthy? Could this kill you if they weren't careful? Ultrasounds were out too, so he couldn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. The uncertainty of it all was torture!

The only way he knew they were still alive was from his own bizarre connection to them. Sure his mental powers were never as clean cut as David’s, but he could still feel their emotions inside you. It was raw. There were no clear thoughts. Even the emotions would pile over each other. Hungry, tired, anxious, hyper, mad, happy. It was almost like there was more than one consciousness in there, but he just figured it was your own heartbeat and emotions clouding the baby's.

Hormones were wild between you both. You wanted sex more than you ever had before, and at first he was all for it. Being the mother of his unborn child brought out a desire that was utterly foreign to him. Yeah he loved you to death before, but now… he couldn't keep his hands off of you. The first few months it was wild, but the bigger you got the more worried he was that something could happen if he lost control. Okay, well, as long as he was careful right? But, things did not go exactly to plan when a firm kick pressed on his erm… Needless to say it certainly freaked him out. Then came the morning sickness.

Fuck whatever liar came up with that name. “Morning”? Try morning, noon, night, and the ass crack of dawn. Twenty-four seven. He hated seeing you hugging a trash bin, panting between excruciating heaves that made your stomach spasm. Paul could only hold your hair back while you gurgled out sobs. It was even harder knowing he was partially responsible for putting you in this position to begin with. Afterwards he’d carry you back to your bed. Yeah, bed. All the guys had felt that you needed something way better than a couch to crash on. There were more pillows and blankets than you could count. Piles on the bed, scattered on the floor, stacked up in the corners. With a bit of searching they’d found a pocket-cave branching just off their own that kept you out of sight and even better, nearby. What Paul really couldn’t account for was how frickin’ clumsy you were!

Oops you just banged your knee! Well looks like you accidentally nicked your hand while peeling a freaking apple! Paul nearly ripped a guys head off for bumping into you on the boardwalk just to cut in line with his stupid friends. Eventually he just refused to leave your side during the second trimester when he found a bruise on your stomach. You didn’t have the heart to tell him those were from the baby kicking. While the guys went hunting he’d just lay beside you in bed gushing over your taut belly. The baby always stirred when he spoke, even more so when he’d serenade them. His voice always made your face heat up, and inside you could feel your child eagerly pressing up. While Paul was certainly uneasy about his encroaching parenthood he was over the moon the first time the baby really kicked. Even if it seemed scary he was so excited he could hardly sleep most nights. Every day he'd wonder when they'd get here, bombarding you with thousands of questions.

"Do you think they'll have your eyes? I bet if it's a boy he'll be a bad ass like his dad, huh," he asked. There was almost a glee to his voice, it was so adorable to watch him shed that panic for just a moment to fantasize about the baby. Anything. Teaching them to play guitar, taking them on their first hunt. He didn't care if it was a boy or girl. Part of you really hoped it'd be a little girl.

“They probably won’t get any eye color until the fifth month I think,” you’d remind him, flipping through the aged pages of a baby book. "I do know if it is a boy he's gonna be so much like you."

"Unless it's a girl," he pondered, tapping your belly like it was an over ripe melon, watching it stirr with life. "Oh god you'll break so many hearts. But no boyfriends. Or girlfriends. Only dad."

"Babe thats not gonna be for years," you assured, petting his head. "You can't keep them from dating when they're old enough."

"Uh, the fuck I can't," he retorted, his hand kicked again. "Yeah I said it. No dating for you"

As they grew you could feel something was.. Off. Granted you couldn’t do much to check but, it almost felt like there was more than one heartbeat...

Your due date was slowly rolling closer as summer shed it's long, hot days for the chilled season of autumn. Tonight was a late, stormy October night. Most of Santa Carla was holed up at home hoping it wouldn’t rain tomorrow on Halloween. Paul grumbled slurping at a blood bag laying on his side as he propped his head on his hand, currently bored out of his mind while you carved at a pumpkin with Marko.

“I think it needs more teeth,” you’d say to yourself out loud.

Marko peeked over, titling his head to the side. “More eyes too.”

All the guys decided to stay back tonight. It wasn’t just the rain, all of them were nervous to leave you alone. None of them were doctors, but even they could tell your stomach was much bigger than expected. Dwayne was flipping through an old book while David had just gotten back from a hunt.

Ever since you hit your third trimester each of them took turns gathering blood. A few blood bags alone would not cover it for four hungry vampires and an honorary vamp who had a ton of cravings. Instead they'd carry four or five empty milk jugs that'd be filled to the brim with sloshing, goopy red fluid.

"Guys, you oughta go get something to eat, you don't need to watch me twenty-four seven," you insist, carefully dragging the knife through the thick gourd's flesh.

"This wasn't up for debate last time, it’s still not now," David retorted, tossing one of the jugs Dwayne's way. Marko caught a second one, eagerly knocking back a swig. The sight made you want to throw up again. It was slow, like a thick molasses dyed crimson with globs of congealed plasma. Okay looking at the pumpkin again before you had to puke.

"Don't worry about us, Y/N," Marko insisted with red stained teeth, tossing the now half empty jug to Paul. "It's only a few more months. Blood is blood."

Paul stood up, swooping behind you with his arms around your shoulders. "Speakin' of blood kitten, you need to eat." You looked at the jug as he set it on the table and immediately scrunched up your nose. Now, it'd been seven and a half months of drinking it, so you'd gotten used to the bizarre taste of salty, vinegary cherries with a metallic aftertaste. It always made your body heat up, the feeling itself was better than any booze you'd tried. But the texture. Oh god the fricking texture! Blobby, goopy, slimy- no!

"Uuuugh," you hesitated, only to have Marko push it towards you. “Can’t I just have a raw steak or something, it’s not nearly as gnarly as straight blood.”

"Don't be picky, you need to eat."

You glanced back at Paul who was just pouting behind you. "Come on babes, drink up."

Once again. Thick, soupy but warm fluids ran down the back of your throat. Everything felt heated, spreading from your stomach to each of your limbs. This time you felt an ache in the base of your abdomen. It was enough to incite a small gasp. And with that suddenly each of them had sat up.

"What's wrong, what's going on," Paul quickly asked, placing a hand over your stomach.

Marko had stood up, looking at you with a furrowed brow. "Is it-?"

"Guys, guys," you interrupt. "I'm okay, I swear. It was just a cramp."

It wasn't even a surprise when Paul lifted you up again bridal-style. "Paul,c’mon, I’m fine, really."

"Nope, nope I am not even risking that shit babes. C'mon kitten I'll lay with ya," he insisted, kicking anything on the floor out of his way. But again it ached. This time it lasted two minutes. You clung to him, trying to take a breath. This wasn’t your average false contraction that would only occur maybe every hour. "Paul- Paul it's not stopping."

"Wait wait wait what," Paul asked in rapid following, gently setting you down. Marko had gotten up to help you stand with Paul on the other side. A sharp pain wrapped around your waist. Now another two minutes. It was enough to make you double over with your hands over your stomach.

"Shit oh shit wait hold on." Paul was in a panic. He wasn't ready! The baby wasn't supposed to be there for another month! It was too soon!

You, on the other hand, were far too busy trying to keep yourself standing. It wasn't just your abdomen. It was your stomach, all the way up your back, your womb felt like it was being torn open from inside. Dwayne jumped over the sofa when the two blondes failed to move, lifting you up. Your jeans were soaked, sharp pains were faster, harder, any time another contraction squeeze you let out an agonized cry.

They all made a mad dash for your room, propping you up against a pile of pillows. "No, no wait, don't look," you insisted to the others as Paul tried to help you get your soggy jeans off.

"I'm about to help you push a baby out, and you're getting embarrassed by us seeing your underwear," Dwayne questioned

"Shut up, turn your fuckin head," Paul snapped. Carefully he draped a blanket over your legs, pulling off your jeans. There was utter fear across his face. He was so afraid of what this could do to you.

"Hey.. its okay," you assured him, cupping his face. Well, okay was a bit of an overstatement. Still, the tender touch seemed to provide some small ease as he placed his hand over yours. Again, you assured him it'd all be okay. Marko came running in with a bucket of warm water, David was grumbling about carrying over a mountain of towels, Dwayne leaned over Paul tapping him hard on the back of his shoulder. "Paul you need to check how dilated she is."

"WHAT?"

It was time for both of you chiming in disbelief. "No no, wait Dwayne man, I can't-!"

"If she pushes before she's ready, the baby will get hurt in the process," he interrupted him, grabbing Paul by his shoulders. "You gotta do it, man, I can't do it for you."

"The fuck, why me?!"

"Paul?!" It was your turn to question his logic and the blonde threw up his hands, clutching at his head trying to think.

"I'm sorry! I'm panicking!"

"Dude Paul," Marko shouted.

"What?!"

"Listen, man, this can't be good for either of them. Nut up, dude," he assured him, patting his back. Paul looked at you, still trembling on your bed. You were just as scared as him, bottom lip trembling, he could even see your shoulders shaking. "...okay…"

The feeling was so uncomfortable. You couldn't even focus between the throbbing pains that shot up your back and the tearing pull between your legs. Tears burned your eyes, you thought you might pass out. Marko was rapidly wiping away sweat from your face, letting you hold his hand. Even if you broke it, unlikely, it'd heal in an hour anyways.

"Okay how many fingers can you manage," Dwayne asked, getting a strange look from Paul. "Just tell me how many, you asshole.:

"It's like, all my fingers man I dunno what that means."

"Go to her man, I got this," he assured, pushing him up to you. Paul climbed up on the bed beside you holding you tightly in his arms with your shoulder nestled against his armpit with one arm over your shoulder and the other you immediately snatched his hand, panting rapidly. "Shh slow down baby, slow down."

"God it fucking hurts," you whine, throwing your head back on the pillow. Blood stained the bed, a thick pink-red spot on the blanket spreading out. Your face was completely flushed as a tight pressure slowly dragged down your back that made your toes curl. If Paul wasn't pinning you in place you would be writhing. There was a horrid fire in your body, there were no words left in you, only screams. Dwayne's urges to push were muffled, the ache in you back slowly pulled lower until you were able to hear them. A thick gurgle followed by high pitched, raspy wailing. While Dwayne had pulled the infant into a thick, fluffy towel something felt wrong. It still hurt. Your stomach felt no relief, in fact you felt it pull and ache again. "Wa...wait i.. no it's-it's not done, I'm not done," you whimper in a panic.

"Wait what the hell do you mean you aren’t done?! I thought there was just one?!”

Paul looked over at Dwayne, who in turn ran to David and passed the swaddled newborn his way much to his dismay. “Just hold them for a minute man, we weren’t exactly expecting more!

“I got it,” Marko volunteered, climbing off to bed to hold the baby carefully in his grasp. Your screams tore through, a second wave of pain reviving old agony. There was little relief as the same horrid tension in your back spread out. Paul coaxed you through it, but somehow it hurt even worse than before.

“No,” you cried, shaking your head. Your face burned, tears streaming down your face leaving your vision completely blurry. “No no no, I can’t, let me go! I can't, I can’t! Paul, I can’t-!”

“Baby, listen you can do this! You got this, yes you fucking do,” he yelled over you holding your head to his shoulder. “Listen to me. C’mon you fucking got this, kitten! Don’t you give up, don’t you dare fucking give up now!”

With everything you had you screamed until your throat felt raw, pushing as hard as you could until finally, finally… it stopped. A huge wave of relief made your muscles go limp. Two. You just had given birth. To twins. The realization had finally hit Paul asw he looked up at Marko still holding his first born. “Are they…”

“Dude, you got a girl,” he beamed, carefully passing the swollen new born half-awake clinging to the towel. Occasionally her grey eyes squinted open, making trembling whimpers until she nestled back into sleep.

You managed to catch your breath, Marko helping you lay down while Dwayne circled around with your son. A boy too. You couldn’t help but laugh through tears, finally able to see his face after so many months of waiting. Paul couldn’t even hold back tears, laughing like an idiot as he pulled you both in his arms. “Fuck man… oh shit I’m a fucking dad,” he choked out, trying to hide his tears.

“Let it out man,” Marko teased, patting his shoulders.

“Shit man I can't stop crying... they’re so perfect.” Paul ran a hand gently over his son’s head still softly crying in your arms, watching him soothed as he clung to his finger. He looked you in the eyes, both of you just in utter awe that you brought not one, but two lives to the world. Nothing but tears and smiles between you. It was October 31st, 2 am, and you had spent the past four and a half hours of Hell to bring your twins (Girl Name) and (Boy name). Paul could not even fathom the amount of love he was feeling, trailing kisses all over your lips and cheeks. “Happy Halloween, kitten.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, laying your head back against his chest just unable to tear your eyes away from your beautiful new family after so many hours of grueling pain, so much waiting, in the end it was worth more than either of you had ever dreamed.

“Happy Halloween, babe…”

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inspiteallthedanger · 2 years

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I'm not very experienced in the discourse in the Mclennon fandom, because I've been around for only a couple of months. Having in mind that, there's one thing that I struggle to understand: where does the idea that it was Paul who rejected John come from? It seems to be a popular idea in the fandom, and it seems to me that maybe you also believe that because in your (lovely and well-written) fanfiction there's this notion as well. Maybe you don't personally believe that but why do some people (if not you) believe that? I have read only a couple of Beatles books but I've seen almost all available interviews, etc, and for me personally if there's any evidence of one of them rejecting the other in any way (in friendship or romance) it's mostly about John rejecting Paul. Because it was John who asked for divorce in The Beatles, and that is a huge thing on its own for John and Paul partnership. It was also John who brought Yoko to their time together as musicians and that was not a small factor for separation in their last years together. It also seems that in the 70s it was mostly Paul who called John on the phone, though I'm not sure if we have any real info on that. There's also the famous story about Paul showing up with a guitar and John sending him away. I mean it was always Paul who visited John, even if that was about geography. There are also the many harsher things John said about Paul in media, compared to the less severe, less relationship-breaking things Paul said. (at least as I see them) With all those questionable or not anecdotes of John in one way or another sort of rejecting Paul, where does the idea that Paul was the one who loved John less, who rejected him *more* in any way comes from? I mean, in real life, in unequal relationships it's usually the one person loving the other more for the whole continuity of the relationship (maybe?)... And in John and Paul's case, I don't really know, because it's so unknowable, so complex, so distorted by media and biographers etc, and I can't say there's really a solid evidence that Paul loved John more, but I think there's at least more evidence that he wanted for them to write together forever, and to keep some sort of friendship together, more than there's evidence about John. I certainly don't see any evidence for the contrary, for John caring more about Paul (at any point of their relationship?) so I wonder where that ever came from? And I know that fandom believes that something happened in India?? But apart from John being pissed at Paul for leaving earlier is there any evidence, any quote at all suggesting anything more that that? Because being annoyed at Paul (and Ringo, really) for leaving earlier is not the same thing as Paul rejecting him in any more significant personal (or sexual) way. Sorry about this long ask in case it's annoying, maybe you've talked about that enough, but you're a cool eloquant person so I wondered what you thought.

Hello my lovely. No worries at all about the length of the ask. I love hearing what other people think.

Let me start by saying that I don't think you're wrong in that view exactly. The issue is that if you asked Paul (certainly at the time of the break up) he'd agree 100% with you. Paul feels like he was the one that got dumped and that John was the instigator of everything that went down. Obviously he's also agreed with by most of the books. So, to say that everyone that’s ever thought that is categorically wrong, doesn’t make much sense to me. There's isn't a correct answer here, they both hurt one another.

In a tradition that I haven’t upheld recently, this got long, so it’s going under a cut. It’s also so rambly. So, if I didn’t answer your questions, I’m open to follow-ups.

So, to start, I am of the opinion that Paul’s rejection (if there was one) probably wasn’t even something he did consciously. I think John read rejection into something that happened in India, something that was part of a wider pattern of behaviour between them he’d been feeling for years, but this one wasn’t something he could recover from. This is all speculation, though. There are quotes and things that back it up (of course) but, like, that’s just the Beatles for you. You can read more about that here, though.

But, what you (and the literature) is saying makes a lot of sense because John did do those thing: John found Yoko before Paul found Linda, John asked for the divorce, John fire bombed their relationship in interviews and songs alike, John put an ocean between them. John refused to record with Paul, despite apparent repeated attempts on Paul’s part.

But. But the question that is never entirely clear is: why did he do those things??

That's the question that eventually leads to many people in the fandom (and especially the female hosted-podcasts and written fan content) delving into things to find a satisfactory answer. Although - warning - what we get is just a series of questions without a clear, defined answer. But it all just sort of suggests something happened that we’re not sure of.

The narrative in those books you mention is that John was unhappy from pretty early on in the Beatles. Interestingly many will cite the "Bigger than Jesus" interview as proof of this. John said then that he wasn't destined to just be a Beatle, and later he absolutely doubled down on this. So, it’s weird to just dismiss that out of hand. I’m sure there must be some truth to it.

But, what then, about all the other comments he made during those times? About how they’re all one person, or that he needs the other Beatles to see himself properly, that he and Paul will continue writing into their sixties together. Why’d he stay so long? Indeed, why wasn’t he the one that announced the split? Perhaps because it’s more complicated than that. John clearly absolutely adored the band - you don’t sit weeping in a cinema watching your break-up movie in front of a journalist if you’re not, like, emotionally invested in it. So what went wrong?

I think the crux of the issue for a lot of people is that John’s reactions after the split are just those of a slighted lover. He seems so hurt by Paul (and it is Paul specifically, not the band in general), because of the viciousness of his attacks. Like, if he'd just fallen in love with Yoko and wanted to leave the band... why's he so pressed with Paul? Shouldn't he have moved on fairly easily? Especially once Ram and McCartney get slated in the press etc etc. It sometimes feels that the sheer violence of this reaction suggests something more.

For rock writers it suggested that John just never really liked Paul and couldn't wait to get rid of him. But, then, what of all the hundreds of quotes and interviews from the band and others that John and Paul were inseparable, that they loved each other and... you know, created all those beautiful songs. I personally, really, truly don’t think John was just waiting for an excuse to bash Paul. So, the other option is that something happened to change John’s (and not Paul’s) mind about their relationship.

There are also a few other quotes that suggest that something happened beyond what John said (Paul was overbearing and then awful during the divorce). Yoko said that John said no one had ever hurt him like Paul had. Multiple people say that John said Paul made him believe there was no such thing as true friendship. Yoko also said that John considered having an affair with Paul but he was too straight. Like. What the hell?

The thing you mention about Paul reaching out can certianly be read as a man pining for his lost love... But, I don't get that vibe for two reasons: 1) Paul just wouldn't let himself seem weak in that way and 2) It just seems like he feels guilty. For whatever reason, Paul seems to have sort of internalised John's insistence that he's done something wrong.

So, as to what Paul did? I mean... we don’t know. There’s a lot of chatter that the breaking point was India, as you said. That John went there and was briefly very happy. Then he got back and was worse than his best friend since school had ever seen him. He fairly quickly after that cements his thing with Yoko and starts in motion the fairly slow car-crash of the break up.

It seems, to a lot of people, that something must have happened for John to suddenly make this decision. Yoko had been around for around a year before India. Indeed, even after India, John seems unsure if he wants to really try again with Cyn. So, what pushed him over? John talked about loosing all belief in himself suddenly and needing someone to put him back together. Yoko really, really helped with that and it’s why he latched so hard onto her (among other reasons of course - I do think he fell for her genuinely too).

My personal feeling is that Paul left India (and therefore John) when John was at his lowest - perhaps after John had opened up to him about feeling that way. That’s the moment when John thinks Paul can’t be trusted and he needs to find someone that will support him in ways Paul won’t. So he finds Yoko, but to be as committed to her as they both seem to want, he has to destroy everything else. Starting with Cyn but quickly moving to... Paul? for some reason?

Side note - the timing of all this is so weird because the moment John falls apart and is like clinging to Yoko and making unwilling bystanders listen to their sex tapes etc. Paul is cheating on Jane and getting dumped. Like, the dude is spiralling the entire year he meets Linda (groupies and proposals and ill-thought through girlfriends). Why? Does he know too that something’s broken but has no idea how to fix it? Is that why he’s so forcedly chill about the Yoko situation, despite how bizarre it is?

So, anyway, this is an incredibly long way of saying. You could be right. But the traditional view just seems to have some gaps in it. There is no way I believe that John and Paul didn’t love each other dearly for a long time. So, what happened? And why, even after everything they did to one another, couldn’t they stay away from one another for more than a couple of months? It doesn’t have to be that Paul did the rejecting, but the tone of what was said afterwards, just point more in that direction.

Now, I don’t think (as some do) that it was explicit. That John asked for them to be boyfriends or whatever and Paul broke it off. I think that, actually, would have led to a much cleaner break. The issue is that there’s something unresolved. Neither of them are satisfied with how things played out. But, we don’t know why (and perhaps neither to they).

Nonny, does any of this make sense?

#beth rambles

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one-boring-person · 4 years

Text

I Trust You.

Marko (The Lost Boys) x Chiraptophobic!reader

Warnings: very vague mention of abuse, but they do not apply to the reader necessarily.

Context: The reader suffers from chiraptophobia (the fear of physical human contact/touch) and has somehow found themself in a friendship with Marko, who has somehow managed to understand how to not constantly need to touch his friend to show affection, until they take a ride on the Ferris wheel.

A/N: This was interesting to write, so j hope it's turned out alright. I guess I took a little inspiration from Death Stranding's Sam, but I thought it would be fun to do which it was. I hope it's enjoyable!😊💛

Masterlist

It took Marko weeks to finally figure out why I always shied away from his advances, why I'd stared uncomfortably at his offered hand until he withdrew it when he'd tried to shake mine in greeting, why I always wore gloves even in the suffocatingly hot summer air (despite him doing the same), and why I wouldn't go near people I don't know personally, often doing my hardest to steer clear of others in general. Rather than ask, he tried to work it out for himself, observing my behaviour and mannerisms for hours on end, though he still couldn't get what was up with my actions. He'd had to ask for some help from the others, though only David and Dwayne could offer any plausible reasons as to why: maybe I'd been abused in my past and was now averse to unfamiliar human contact, or maybe I was a germophobe. When the young vampire had asked me about both, I'd quickly denied them, thinking that it is unlikely he'd understand the real reason for my odd behaviour. It was only when he saw another person try to shake my hand that he finally noticed the emotion passing through my eyes at the prospect, at which point it all clicked into place. I was afraid of the contact.

Explaining to him what chiraptophobia is was surprisingly easy, though he was a little disappointed by this fact, being a very touch-driven person when around others, even when not in a relationship, though he did manage to take it in his stride, taking time to inform the boys of this as well, in case one of them accidentally made me uncomfortable. He'd nearly ripped Paul's head off when the taller vampire tried to wrap his arm around my shoulders, only letting up when I told him it was alright, that there was no harm done, despite how uneasy I felt afterwards. Since then, Marko has become almost like a bodyguard for me, making sure no one ever comes into my personal space, all while keeping his distance, too, respecting my limits.

We became fast friends, so much so that he eventually told me his secret, revealing his true self to me on one of the nights we chose to hang out together, alone, on the beach, a night I'd never forget. Naturally, I'd been shaken by this revelation, but soon grew used to the idea, knowing that my friend would never hurt me, not intentionally. After a few months, I finally felt comfortable enough to let him touch my gloved hand, though it still made me feel a little uneasy, the sensation of another person's fingers on mine unfamiliar and disturbing to me, but it made the vampire unbelievably happy, a bright smile plastering itself across his face for the rest of the night. He tells me he had to fight off the urge to hug me, for which I'm very grateful - touching a covered hand is very different to being enveloped in an embrace. Since then, he's taken any chance he can get to hold or touch my hand, always beaming like a beacon when he does so, my discomfort in the contact fading a little over time, though I'd soon found that it was only with the curly haired blonde that my body reacted like this, having asked Dwayne to try at some point, to see if it improved overall. Having come up negative in this test, I gave contact one last try with David, who never seems to take off his gloves, only to find that his touch made me uneasy as much as Dwayne's had, despite the two layers of cloth between our respective fingertips. The memory still sets me on edge, though I am well aware it has nothing to do with either David or Dwayne, rather my own mentality.

A shiver goes up my spine as I feel a hand slip into mine, though I quickly recognise the young vampire stepping in beside me, my stance relaxing again when my body realises whose touch it is, though my arm still remains a little tense, out of habit. Reassuringly, Marko swipes a thumb over the back of my glove, glad that I haven't rejected the contact yet, meaning I'm doing better than normal.

"Hey Stranger." He greets, grinning widely at me.

"Hey Blondie." I reply, smiling back at him in return, before casting a quick glance around for the others, "What'd you do with the other three?"

"They're around. Not sure where." The young vampire shrugs, dismissing the question quickly, "How was your day?"

"Not too bad. I didn't get much work done though, I was too preoccupied."

"Preoccupied? With what?" Marko inquires, raising an eyebrow at me in confusion, though his lips are still quirked up into an amused curve.

"That's for me to know, and for you to figure out." I chuckle, tapping the side of my nose secretively.

"Challenge accepted." He smirks, eyes lighting up at the prospect.

I smile at him as we walk, knowing he'll figure it out eventually, the answer being a little closer to home than he thinks.

"Anyway, how'd you sleep?" I question him, eyeing the Ferris wheel off to the side of the Boardwalk.

"Better than usual, actually."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"Paul didn't snore so much for once, and David wasn't muttering in his sleep either, so it was pretty quiet, altogether." He explains, smiling when I laugh at the mention of David.

"Wait, David talks in his sleep?"

"Yeah, but you can't tell anyone! And especially don't tell him that I told you, or I'll have my ass kicked to the moon and back." Marko grins, biting his thumb as if nervous, though I'm aware that this is one of his signature mannerisms.

"That's a lot of ass-kicking. Probably quite impressive to watch. " I muse, noticing his arm lift slightly, as if to give me a playful slap on the arm, as he normally would've done with someone else, only to briefly squeeze my hand instead, shaking his head in mock exasperation. I grin at him, before turning my gaze back towards the Ferris wheel, admiring the glittering lights in the black night sky, wondering what the view is like up there.

"Wanna take a ride?" Marko interrupts my thoughts, eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Huh?" I blurt out, not having heard his question, quickly snapping my eyes back to his.

"Do you wanna go on the wheel with me?" He repeats, gesturing with a nod of the head to the great circular structure a little way away.

"I would love to, but I don't have any money on me tonight. I forgot my change." I say, somewhat remorsefully, using my free hand to pat my pockets to check for any loose coins, though I'm well aware I have none, having spent it all on food earlier in the evening.

"Who said anything about you paying? Come on, it'll be fun!" The blonde vampire promises, pulling me into the crowd, which parts around us thanks to his reputation (and choice of company), meaning no one comes into touching distance. At one point, my arm brushes past some surfer's bare bicep, which sends uncomfortable shivers and goosebumps through my body, the bitter, irrational fear that comes with it soon biting at the back of my mind, my pulse picking up slightly in response, my muscles turning rigid under my clothes. Marko notices this, briefly stopping to make sure I'm ok, before turning to memorize the surfer's face, most likely intending to take it up with him later, before we continue on, swiftly reaching the shortening queue for the Ferris wheel. Beside me, Marko fidgets and shifts in place, clearly eager to get on the rotating structure, his thumb between his teeth as usual, doe eyes focused on the ticket booth.

"Calm down, Blondie. The wheel isn't going anywhere." I laugh, watching the people around us as they amble to and fro, inching out of the way as a group of made-up girls push past, wincing as I brush against Marko, only to feel surprised when I don't feel the usual discomfort rising up in me from the contact, setting a train of thought into motion. I barely notice as the queue diminishes, only really returning to the present when we reach the booth, at which point Marko buys two tickets and leads me into one of the seats. An attendant comes over to help us secure ourselves, but Marko quickly stares him down, doing the job himself with efficiency.

Not too long after, we've reached a decent way off from the ground, our feet swinging gently in the air as we watch the Boardwalk from above, grinning and joking with each other as we take it in turns pointing out random individuals, making comments about them until the other laughs. At one point, the young vampire manages to spot David, Dwayne and Paul, making some sort of remark about how the leader's hair "looks like a pineapple from the top", before comparing the latter's to a mop. I do my best to hold back my laughter, but it only results in me nearly choking as he starts pointing out more and more likenesses between his friends and everyday objects, tears threatening to spill as I struggle to contain myself. It is only in this moment, that I realise one thing, but it takes me a couple more minutes to act on the thought that has sprung to mind.

Slowly, I pull off my left glove, teasing each finger out of their designated space with a deliberate hesitation, wriggling them a bit once I've exposed them to the air, enjoying the sensation of the light breeze around my heated digits. Marko makes a point of ignoring this, turning his gaze up to the star-strewn sky instead, only to snap his eyes back to mine when he feels a single finger touch the skin of his hand. Gingerly, I trace it over his knuckle, expecting to feel a rush of discomfort, my movements careful and calculated, knowing this is the first time in years that I've had deliberate contact with another person's skin. From my fingertip, it feels as if an electric shock has travelled through me, butterflies suddenly appearing in my stomach. Biting my lip when nothing bad happens, I continue this movement with the rest of my fingers, cautiously slipping my hand into his, enjoying the feeling of his icy cold palm against my warmed one, my eyes finding his shocked ones as our fingers intertwine. In them, I find a tonne of questioning, though he makes no move to actually ask, instead remaining quiet, carefully tightening his grip around my hand as he tries his best to feel as much of my soft skin as he can, the calluses from the handlebars of his bike rubbing slightly.

"What does this mean?" He eventually queries, elated that he can finally hold my hand without a glove being in the way.

"It means that I trust you. I've had no reaction to your contact, and I think it's because I enjoy being with you, and also because you've increased my confidence levels a lot since we first met. I've been trying to figure out why I'm ok with you touching me and no one else all day, which is why I was too preoccupied to work, but I finally worked it out." I inform him, telling him part of the truth - in reality, my trust goes a lot further than wanting a platonic friendship.

Marko is quiet for a moment, as if not quite understanding what I've told him.

"You trust me?" His voice is laced with disbelief, eyes fixing on mine again.

"I do."

Eyes widening again, he smiles, his other hand coming up, as if to try and wrap me in a hug, but the awkward positioning of the barrier, as well as the reminder of my usual discomfort, stop him in his tracks, his hand tightening around mine instead .

"I'm really glad you feel that way, (Y/n). Not many people do." He chuckles, referring to the naturally predatory air he gives off, being a vampire and all, still surprised that I let him touch me.

"I feel safe around you because I know you're my friend, but not many people can have the same claim." I point out, watching the view a little, enjoying the sight of the many glittering lights sprawled out before me, admiring the tiny orange specks of fires on the beach, as well as the rapidly moving headlights of a train passing through the outskirts of Santa Carla, most likely heading out towards the Bridge.

"Fair point." Marko agrees, still staring at our joined hands, which he continues to do until we reach the bottom of the wheel again, at which point he has to let go in order to remove the barrier from our laps. As soon as we're back on the Boardwalk, however, I slip my hand back into his, a small feeling of warmth welling up in me as I see the bright smile splitting his face, clearly happy that I've willingly made contact with him again.

A whistle behind us draws our attention, the sound belonging to a grinning Paul, who approaches us, along with David and Dwayne, who are both smiling at the sight of us, the latter more so than the former, though both seem glad to see their friend happy. As they come closer, I make eye contact with Dwayne, who lifts an eyebrow in questioning, a smirk making its way onto his face when I silently give him a nod, knowing he understands what it means.

I've fallen hard for the blonde vampire who's helped me get over my fear.

#the lost boys #joel schumacher #vampire #david(thelostboys)#paul(the lost boys)#dwayne(the lost boys)#marko(the lost boys)#santa carla #star(the lost boys)#alex winter

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princeofgod-2021 · 1 year

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