#but i really just want to psychoanalyze him like a freak
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I think it says a lot about how well crafted a character is when they hook your attention and creep into your brain to occupy your thoughts without paying rent when I actively want to know about them but not because I'm simping. Without relying on design or trope-baiting or anything like that, the character isn't getting your attention because you're thirsty or they appeal to your aesthetic or archetype preferences, it has nothing to do with your desire to go abso feral for them carnally--but everything to do with the fact you just want to know about them. Good and bad.
I want to comb their psychology with a fine tooth comb and understand them. See where they're going.
This is about Sol.
He's in my head and won't leave because I just want to know about him, he fascinates me and I DON'T KNOW WHY.
#thoughts#brain leak#GITM#GITM Sol#funky robot#i love how he's drawn don't get me wrong#i love the mouth shape he's given#but i really just want to psychoanalyze him like a freak
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Hello, wanted to say thank you, I'm really glad I found your work and I find your insights very helpful.
I wanted to ask something strange, as someone who has gone out of their way to dedicate a very detailed blog to the works of an outspoken artist, can you give me advice how to maintain healthy distance with ideas and individuals I might outright oppose, but have morbid sense of curiosity about them? Or it it just better to not indulge at all?
It's a difficult balance to achieve, and I won't pretend I've always been perfect about it on TKP
The thing is that you have to not obsess over the person too much. You have to focus on their work, not detailing every single thing they've ever done or said to keep receipts on them. You do not, under any circumstances, want to turn into the freaks who make and watch hundred hour long "documentaries" on CWC and Sonichu, or the people who run the Bad Webcomics Wiki
The point is to do media criticism, not to make a callout blog. Details the artist has shared about their life may sometimes help inform your reading of the work - art isn't made in a vacuum, and artists' life experiences and worldviews often shape their art. But you don't need to pry too much and piece together their full life story and psychoanalyze them if that information isn't already available in an autobiography or whatever
On TKP, one of the most important things I do to try and keep that distance is simple: I don't follow Penders on Twitter. I don't need to know every single thing he says, nor do I need to report on it. I'll check in when I hear he's made some kind of announcement regarding his work, and when looking for behind the scenes info I'll sometimes term search on his Twitter because he's far more vocal about what happened behind the scenes than the rest of that creative team, but that's it. I'm not thinking about him every day. I also haven't gone in-depth on his non-Sonic work to help drive home the idea that TKP is a blog about the American Sonic comics with a quippy url, not a blog about shitting on Penders
(On that note: I don't interact with him directly, either. I do not need to dunk on him in his Twitter replies. I do not need to lure him into an interview where I totally own him. I am not sending him my criticism like he owes it to me to read it and improve his work. I leave the guy alone)
As the blog has gone on I've also tried much harder to be objective about him and his work. I'll admit that early on, before the blog blew up, I was eager to see what all the drama was about and why everybody hated the guy. But my goal isn't just to find excuses to hate on him, or to spread baseless gossip, and that shouldn't be the mindset you go in with. I've offered praise for some of his work where I thought it was deserved, and I frequently correct people on misunderstandings about him and the lawsuits, even defending him on certain points
This is an extremely basic and hopefully obvious element of good media criticism, but it should also be said that just because an artist depicts something doesn't necessarily mean they endorse it, and that your goal isn't to piece together the artist's beliefs based on their work and then call them out over it. It can go the other way around - you can analyze how an artist's stated beliefs and values are reflected in their work - but, like, Penders writing a story where Knuckles decides to forgive his shitty fascist uncle for no reason does not mean that Penders is a Nazi apologist. It's just a story.
Again: your main goal should be to criticize the work, not the artist
And, of course, a huge factor is simply how famous the creator in question is (and also if the creator is still alive). You wanna do a deep dive on the works of Steve Ditko and criticize his Randian objectivism? Go nuts, buddy! You wanna shit all over Lovecraft? Have at it! Wanna tear apart the neoliberal politics of Harry Potter? Well, okay, Shrieking Shack already did that one. But if the person you're thinking of doing a sprawling, in-depth teardown on is, like, a smalltime webcomic author? Some hobbyist indie dev? A fanfic writer? That sort of thing? Hell, even someone in the middle like a cartoon storyboarder, or a freelance writer who does articles for Kotaku sometimes? Maybe reconsider. Just because someone's online doesn't mean they're a Public Figure, and there's a line where a deep critical dive on someone's work quickly turns into painting a target on their back
(This ended up being more about Criticism than how to just engage with stuff you hate, but also you can just, like. Look away. And find something else spend your time thinking about.)
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Happy Weekend everyone :) Exciting we got some BTS I can't wait for the first promo for the premiere. When we get our first crumb and we can all lose our collective minds. Ha Till then we are hitting another fav episode of mine. The one where really it’s Tim and Lucy on a date. Chris and Ashley just happen to be there. So many reasons I love this episode from the date to the work stuff it's all very good. Off we go.
4x12 The Knock
Our couple actually gets the cold open. They’re headed to the beach for a call. Lucy mentions how it sucks to be on the beach but not be able to enjoy it. That she can’t dive into the water. Tim is more than happy to stay away from the water and the beach. Forgetting he’s dating a lifeguard….(Sure he would love the ocean more if a wet Lucy Chen was in it) Lucy giving him crap saying how on brand this is for him. To hate one of natures greatest gifts lmao God I'll always love how she speaks her mind around him. Especially in S4. It's glorious.
Tim corrects her and says it’s the ocean not the beach he hates. Lucy can’t help but get into psychology mode. Telling him a fear of the ocean is related to not being in complete control of his environment. I mean that’s pretty damn spot on for Tim. We know what a control freak this man is over everything. (I can relate. heh) Tells him good luck dating a lifeguard LOL So much sass so early in their shift. Tim’s reactions through out this portion above are too funny.
Throwing his hands up and shaking his head at her analysis of him. Not fighting it BTW. Progress ha He used to be so anti-psych before her. Lucy can’t help but psychoanalyze him. Not only for the water but for Ashley let’s be honest. This flirty sass is only the beginning with this episode. Never be over how very vocal Lucy is about Ashley. Literally giving Tim breadcrumbs all over the place she’s not right for him. Also that she is not a fan. None of us are Lucy...
They make their way to Ashley. Saying she wasn’t expecting them to send their best. And hottest. (I mean she's not wrong. They both fine af.) Lucy is not about this flirt fest. So very transparent my friend haha Awkwardly does a *ahem* Trying to get Ashley to direct them to why she called. Asking where is the thing she called about? Tim can’t let it go when they’re walking towards it.
‘Did you hear her say the hottest?’ Wants so badly for Lucy to recognize he’s attractive. Trust me babe she knows. Painfully aware of it really. Something she has to consistently push down in your flirty moments. I bet you that look she gives in 5x12 was everything for him. When she was shamelessly checking him out. The validation he had been chasing forever. Part of him that just needs to know she finds him attractive. Oh Timothy. She does that’s part of the problem for her especially this season haha They’re walked up to a severed hand. Eww.
Tim’s point about the ocean being proven in this moment. Ashley is just standing there while they bicker like a married couple haha Which is basically this entire episode honestly. Really this season but there is a heavy emphasis on it in this one. Tim asking her if she wants to go in now? Such a shit. I love him so much. Lucy being the exasperated one this time lmao. Look at her reaction above. Annoyed wife status. Idk how Ashley could be around them and not wonder if Tim was in love with Lucy? SMH. Third wheel in her own relationship when Lucy is around. Another theme of this episode.
Tim comes up after Lucy is done talking to Chris. They were theorizing what the story behind the hand could be. He takes off and Tim immediately notices ‘the look’ and he comments on it. Asking her what’s that look? Lucy is defensive and says 'Nothing.... What?' It’s here we see jealous Tim emerge. Welcome sir please stay awhile. Noting she wanted to strangle Chris last week. Now she’s sweet on him?
Lucy can’t help but give him grief for his old school verbiage. Haha He’s the old dude from UP time and time again. I mean this scene really is just Tim speak for jealous. He doesn't like Chris. Never has never will. Lucy deflects said jealously into making fun of him. Tim not even trying to hide how he feels about this situation. Liked it better where she wanted to strangle Chris. He knows that look and isn’t exactly excited about it.
Ashley comes up saying she’s all done with her paperwork. Asking if he has any plans tonight? Tim tells her no. She goes on to tell him her friend won 4 raffle tickets to a fancy dinner thing. Tim being skeptical asks what that entails? She tells him it’s called OSIA. Lucy’s interest is now piqued. Ashley continues on to say it’s a beach pop up. 12 fusion meals and wine pairings.
You can see Tim doesn’t look excited. He tells her he’ll have to think about it. Ashley asks him what there to think about? Lucy jumps right in cause well it’s Lucy. Saying the control freak in him doesn’t like to try new things. (Well he does just not with you Ashley...) You're not the one he's going to jump off cliffs for. Cause well. You know. The vapid quality you bring to this whole thing… Seriously how is Ashley not constantly threatened by Lucy? Tim gets defensive and says he’s not a control freak. Ok honey…..Lucy is enjoying this so very much. Look at her above. Challenging him to proof he is not.
Tim changes his tune and says he would be happy to go to her fancy dinner thing. Funny Tim was a hard no till Lucy called him out. If I was Ashley I would be thinking it was weird Tim only said yes to spite Lucy but ok LOL Honestly the control freak in him to control this moment by saying yes haha My god Timothy. To show Lucy he's not one if he goes. Not the reason to go to a fancy place with your GF. To show up your ‘platonic aide.' but you do you Tim.
They return to the station and Tim gets a phone call. It’s Ashley saying her friend bailed on dinner. She starts suggesting another friend and Tim looks at Lucy. Knowing if he has to do this dinner thing he at least wants her there. Not some random other couple if he can help it. Unconsciously reaching for his safe space in this instance. I.e. Lucy. So he casually says Lucy been pining after that place all day. Lucy TOUCHES his forearm during her excitement.
If a gif could sum up their dynamic/personality in one moment it would be this one one. Heh Her excitement and his need for her to chill on said excitement. Sunshine x Grumpy at its finest. Tim then makes the biggest mistake ever. (He just doesn’t realize it yet…) Spots Chris and tells him Lucy needs a date to a fancy dinner. Oh my love you’re going to live to regret this one. Saw a funny post about this moment. 'Congratulations you just played yourself.' HA It's true though... Does his fake Chris smile to get him to come with.
So desperate to have her there with him he invites Chris. Someone he can't stand. You're a hot mess Timothy. I love you. The clown agrees to said dinner while Lucy stands there and watches this all unfold. She is stunned into silence mostly lol Tim gets off the phone and says’What? Don't be such a control freak.’ The shade Tim the absolute shade. Who is this man? Also let’s note they’re doing a work flirt inside this ‘double date’ before it even begins. Only these two…
So begins the date where a third and fourth wheel called Chris and Ashley just happen to be there for the ride. Really this entire portion is just one giant display of their bond. I love it so much. We get to see their exquisite connection front and center. That seamless flow of theirs and how they lean on one another naturally. Tim starts out real strong saying how he doesn’t understand why a restaurant would be on a beach? Oh my grumpy old man. Lucy isn't phased by this but Ashley is. Their first course arrives and Tim looks so very confused as their server explains it.
This is their first married moment of the night. Tim asking if any of that was English? Lucy steps in. Says she can translate for him. All he needs to know is it’s made of mushroom. Which she knows isn’t his favorite. She knows his various likes and dislikes. Because of course she does. This is her work husband after all. Lucy knows all the things. It’s the way she naturally leans over and he tells her to take it. He leans back and lets her snatch it up. I have a feeling this isn’t the first time this has happened during a meal. They’ve just never had an audience before. This is touching on our 'you know me so well. too well.' OTP moment.
I love him just letting her eat off his plate. Like it ain’t no thang... Just a normal day. Nothing to see here people. Totally normal platonic partners right here. It’s Ashley’s face while Lucy does this that makes me laugh. She is picking up on a vibe so hard. It’s written all over her face. Then there is clueless Chris to her left. Not noticing the dynamic between them. He is a wet match in a damp cave folks. Ashley however is picking up on it right away. You’d have to be blind not to or be Chris at this point LMAO Ashley feeling every bit the third wheel. Says she didn’t know he didn’t like mushrooms? Tim tells her it’s ok. (it's ok cause his wife knows…)
Chris brings up he’s not much of an adventurous eater. But did have curry goat one time in Jamaica. This prompts Tim to come up with a story about Lucy. Because he’s on a date with her and not Ashley right? Tim starting off with ‘Was his name Gerald?’ It’s the way he’s looking right at her when he says this. It’s so cute. They're like a couple on their honeymoon swapping stories with a couple they just met. Lucy trying to stop her enthusiastic husband from embarrassing them by sharing too much.
Tim could not be more adorable with how excited he is to tell this story. Look how animated he is above. Only Lucy brings this side out of him. Let's also note how how his eyes basically never leave her face. Lucy’s sheepish ‘god shut up don’t....’ Trying to cut Tim off from telling this story. Married moment number two coming right up. It's the way she's reacting that is so precious.
A wife trying to stop her husband from embarrassing her with a story. This scene is just so damn endearing. It's a testament to the seamless flow that is them. That bond no one seems to really understand but them. The inside jokes and how they’re finishing each other sentences. That lovely ebb and flow they have. If you didn’t know the context of this scene you’d think they were the ones in a relationship.
They're behaving in a manner that strongly resembles a married couple. The fact that it's in front of their dates tickles me pink. They’re basically screaming their feelings in this moment through this story. The looks they give each other while the other is talking. *heart clutch* The smiles and looks of love. Chris and Ashley's reactions are what make the situation so amusing. Like two outsiders looking into a world they don’t understand. At all. They don't speak the language and it shows.
They get so lost in each other and in this story. They don’t pick up on the vibes across the table. Ashley being confused and threatened. Chris being well clueless and pretending he knows what’s going on. How either of could watch this chemistry filled display and not walk away from the table is beyond me. Their dates are on a date with each other right now. They just don’t realize it.
What's being depicted here is their profound bond, their history, the looks, the touches and laughter. They barely look at their dates towards the end of the story. If you needed a 'Tell me your ship is married without telling me they are?' This is that in spades. Look at the way they are smiling, laughing and looking at each other toward the end of this story. He is sporting his Lucy smile in the gifs above.
Never smiles for anyone the way he does for her. His heart reaching his eyes and lips just for his girl. Tim is so damn pleased with himself for teasing her. Sheer joy out of telling an embarrassing story involving her. Straight flirting right in front of their dates. Tim is so in love with her in this moment. I mean the man took a small comment from Chris and turned it into as story about Lucy. One from a long time ago no less. Nothing soulmate like at all about this behavior.
Look at these two in these final gifs. All heart eyes, smiles, and giggling. That Tim smile loud and proud. They're like two idiots in love who can’t help but project that love to everyone around them. Haven't torn their eyes from one another. They’ve completely forgotten the others at the table. Faded into their own flirty world. I know some people said they felt second-hand embarrassment. I didn’t I LOVED seeing this. I love her laughter feeding off his amusement asking 'Why?' Him replying 'It's funny.' laughing with her. It was only funny to them LOL I’m dying it’s so good.
Ashley is not pleased. Can’t say I blame her. Lucy is bringing out a side that is foreign to her. What happens when you're blah and bring nothing to a relationship. You get second hand Tim. To me this episode is as just one step closer to showing they’re supposed to be together. Shows the depth of their bond at this point. That magnetic draw they have to one another even with others around. Even when those people are the ones they’re supposedly on a date with. They're oozing cute newlywed vibes here and I was so happy to watch it.
We return to them now having a spirited debate about experimenting on the dead. It's stemming from the case they're working on. A mad man has been taking severed limbs trying to reanimate them. Married moments 3 and 4 are arriving at the station. It’s the fact that their bodies are now pointed at each other. Effectively shutting out the others at the table. Ashley inserts herself back into the convo finally getting them to break of from one another. (Seriously Ashley all the signs were there. Should cut this off after this dinner alone.)
She asks Tim if he hasn’t volunteered to be an organ donor then? Lucy answers for him cause wifey knows the answer. Telling Ashley all about it. How he wants his ashes spread over Dodger field LOL I love her knowing this detail. It’s one thing to know someone’s dislikes in food. It’s another to know info like this. Lucy knows him like the back of her hand. He didn’t even care she answered for him. Tim could not be cuter saying his ashes would mess up the PH of the grass. LMFAO. I love this man sfm everyone I really do. Lucy replying like only a wife would.
Making fun of him for calling in the first place. I love these two so much. Also adore how relaxed and comfortable Tim is. His body still pointed towards Lucy. You know she is the reason he’s so relaxed. Why he is having fun. It's because his person is there. Bringing out the best in him. Making jabs and bantering back and forth with him. Chris awkwardly adds in ‘I like the dodgers…’ I’m rolling. No one cares little dude. Tim going back to being a little reserved with his ‘Yeah..’ reply. Tim makes one last jab at the food. How ridiculous it is. Ashley gets up from the table and Tim tries to apologize but she’s out out there.
The next day they’re sent to the county morgue. The guy who’s been working on dead people has been linked to here. They figured out he was using the morgue for his experiments. Because it’s for people who aren’t identified and get buried by the state. Pretty sad but right up this deranged guy's ally. Once they arrive they see blood on the floor. Follow it to where they find him hold up in a room. Trying to get more body parts.
This next section is a lesson in how not to have any personal space by Tim and Lucy. Also how far they’ve come professionally with this moment. Chester the crazy person has a room of people hostage. Tim takes off his body cam and slides it into the room. Opens his phone and makes his way back to Lucy.
Tim asks her what their options are? I LOVE Tim trusting Lucy’s instincts. Asking for them instead of testing them. This scene is so intimate. From their soft voices to way he guides her into place. Places his hand on her lower back and she trust him to do so. Then takes a glance at his phone. Talking out her options with him. Adore how they're so in sync in this scene. How they move together. Gets me right in the feels.
I saw a post (link inside that) awhile ago about how Eric and Melissa took them standing together to another level. How they took the initiative to be like 'Hmm the fans would love this.' So they made it this intimate moment we all know and love. I adore them doing this kind of stuff. Knowing it’ll drive the fans crazy in the best way. Gah the way he’s intensely looking at her as she processes her thoughts. Like a proud husband waiting for her to make her call. This moment shows they have the same amount of chemistry inside their job as they do outside of it. Nothing changes. This scene was *fans self*
Tim waiting for her to make her decision. Knowing she going to make the right one. His trust in her implicit at this point. The silent communication going on here is out of this world. Also look at this man’s jawline. Could cut glass on that thing. Peppered with stubble too. Yum Tum. Thought we made it through a review without me ogling Tim didn’t you? You're welcome. Lucy comes up with a bad ass plan where no one gets hurt. Tim blinding him with his flashlight. Chester erratically shoots at it. Lucy takes him out with her taser with him distracted. They arrest Chester and save the hostages. BAMF'S
Lucy is leaving the station when the clown catches her. Chris telling her he wasn’t really feeling last night. Yeah cause she was on a date with Tim not you… (You'll never compare but sure go ahead putz.) Lucy apologizing to him. Saying her and Tim spend so much time together. They just have a shorthand. It's so much more than that. If by shorthand you mean deep emotional connection and bond. An intimacy that can be felt just by the way you look at each other and silently communicate.
Where you finish each other sentences, make each other laugh, have inside jokes no one else gets, throw heart eyes at one another and clearly are so very in love. Love each other warts and all. Then sure let’s call all that a 'shorthand' Lucy. Whatever helps you sleep at night LOL She ends up setting up a do-over with Chris. Bleh. But she can’t have Tim right now so he’s it atm. Just a distraction for her nothing more. Like a snack you don't super love but it's there. So you pick at it not expecting much enjoyment out of it other than filling yourself up.
Tim has Ashley meet him at the station to apologize. She points out how he spent the entire time talking to Lucy. Well I mean he did…. Tim telling her his job is unpredictable. His entire career has been that way with his jobs. That at the end of the day likes his creature comforts. I hate that Ashley was always trying to change Tim. There’s compromise and there’s someone who doesn’t fit with you. Like trying to shove square peg into a round hole with them.
Lucy would be so happy to do those things with him. Also she’s just not worth him going out of his comfort zone for. Lucy is the only one to get him to do that. As we see in S5 the things he's willing to do for Lucy vs what HAS to do for Ashley. Lucy loves Tim for everything that is him grumpus and all. Where as Ashley tries to alter Tim and things she doesn't. Get him to fit what she wants out of a man. Just not the right one for him to do any of those things. It's telling af how Tim gets defensive when she calls Lucy his partner.
The denial is so real Timothy. She sees his freakout and he reels back saying that’s not the point… it kinda is though haha I swear only reason Tim was with her was to show how right Lucy was for him. How Lucy adds to him and Ashley only subtracts. He was so ready to just settle for he since he wasn’t going to get what he really wanted. More we learn about Ashley more we see him settling. Giving up parts of himself for her because he doesn’t think he’ll get those things anyway. (Marriage, kids, stupid in love happiness) Not till Lucy...Thus ends our marriage moments episode. I truly love this one.
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Side notes-non Chenford
Nyla being pathologically happy cause of the pregnancy hormones is hilarious. I love it so very much.
Thank you thank you to everyone who supports these reviews. Your likes, comments and reblogs give me life haha see you all in 4x13 :)
#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie#chenford#chenford hiatus#waiting on s6#winter rewatch#s4#4x12 The Knock#the rookie 4x12#otp: doing my job#otp: you know me so well. too well#otp: some things matter more.#otp: you did good.#otp: you're nothing like him.#tim x lucy#tim bradford#lucy chen#lucy x tim#eric winter#melissa o'neil#the rookie#tim bradford x lucy chen
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Things I would like to see in Stranger Things 5:
- Since Robin has done quite a few doodles on her red converse, I like to think she's quite good at drawing, so that can be a way for her to start up a conversation with Will
- And then Will confides in Robin about being gay and being in love with Mike because he had a feeling that she was like him and Robin confirming she was indeed like him and becoming his gay mentor (like you don't understand I NEED ROBIN AND WILL TO HAVE A CONVO ABOUT BEING GAY)
- Will (finally!) tells the party that he's gay (and Byler becomes a thing) but not before Robin comes out to the party in order to make Will feel more comfortable and to show him that they will accept him because that's totally something she would do as his gay mentor
- More Steve and Robin being "Platonic with a Capital P" cause we didn't get enough in st4
- Hopper and Joyce trying to corral the kids and control the situation as best as they can
- Joyce being a mother figure to Robin like she is with the rest of the kids and Robin becoming better acquainted with El, Jonathan, and ESPECIALLY Will because she didn't really get a chance to get to know the California crew before they packed up and moved so ya
- El traveling into Vecna's/Henry's/One's mind in order to be able to wake Max up and free her from his control because he said his victims stay with him in his mind so like 👀
- Max wakes up after El successfully rescues her from Vecna/Henry/One but she is severely incapacitated, like she's probably blind in one or both eyes and is going to need assistance walking for the rest of her life and is going to be stuck in the hospital for a few more weeks (possibly months)
- How and when the Upside Down was created
- What Will's connection to Vecna/Henry/One and the Upside Down really entails and how that could affect both him and The Party during this final stretch
- Vecna/Henry/One, the Demogorgons, the Demodogs, the Demobats, the Mindflayer, and the Upside Down along with whatever other monsters are down there get destroyed once and for all because I don't think shutting the gates is gonna do it this time
- Kali comes back to help El defeat Vecna/Henry/One
- Murray tries to figure Steve and Robin out but he can't because he's never seen anything like the two of them and it frustrates him to no end
- Then when he tries to psychoanalyze Robin she does it right back to him because she's a freaking genius and everyone is in awe of her because they've never seen Murray speechless before
- KAREN WHEELER DESERVES TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON IN HAWKINS!!!!!!!!
- And I hate to say it but if Steve dies Robin dies too because despite the fact that she is my favorite character (close seconds are Nancy and Will) Steve is her platonic soulmate and they are codependent on one another and one just simply cannot survive without the other
- Like it would absolutely break my heart to have to see Robin try to live without her dingus of a best friend and to have to see Steve try to live without his wing woman of a bestie so if one dies both of them die
- Lucas defending Max's unconscious body with Erica from whatever creatures from the Upside Down want to try and take and/or kill her
- Mike and El break up because El realizes she needs to be her own person and because Mike is in love with Will
- Dustin is even more protective and stubborn about Steve heading into danger because of what happened to Eddie and he absolutely refuses to leave his side through the entire season
- RONANCE RONANCE RONANCE RONANCE (i know it's probably not gonna be canon but a girl can dream)
- Robin finally getting an onscreen kiss with her girlfriend or a girl she really likes (cough cough Nancy cough cough) (sorry Vickie but I feel like ur just too similar to Robin)
- And if Steve doesn't die (hopefully🤞) then please please please DO NOT have Steve and Nancy get back together after she breaks up with Jonathan when she finds out he lied to her about Emerson along with everything else that's been piling up between them
- Instead Nancy decides she's better off not being in a relationship (or better yet she gets together with Robin) and focuses on what she's absolutely sure she wants which is getting her journalism degree at Emerson (and Robin decides to go there too if they become a thing 😊)
- Because Nancy Wheeler is a smart, strong, fierce, badass, independent woman and she does not need to be kept in a cage by becoming a housewife who gives birth to SIX KIDS
- NANCY WHEELER DOES NOT WANT SIX KIDS
- I REPEAT, NANCY WHEELER DOES NOT WANT SIX KIDS
- Steve and Robin move in together and attend a community college together (Steve's either getting a teaching degree or a child psychology degree while Robin is doing something with linguistics) or they follow Nancy to Boston because Robin and Nancy are absolutely smitten with one another :)
- Meeting Steve and Robin's respective parents
Ok I think that's all for now 😅
#nancy wheeler#mike wheeler#steve harrington#will byers#eleven#joyce byers#jim hopper#jonathan byers#dustin henderson#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#erica sinclair#robin buckley#platonic with a capital p#platonic stobin#platonic soulmates stobin#stobin#codependent stobin#murray bauman#ronance#byler s5#byler#lumax#robin & steve#nancy x robin#robin x nancy#stranger things#stranger things 5#vecna/henry/001#kali prasad
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SUCH AN AMAZING GAME!!!!! I love it!!! I was curious what the ROs think of each other? I know that Jonny and Fiama outwardly dislike each other, but is that really what they think of each other?
Fiama
about Jonny: freak. He gives her the creeps. That being said, deep down she does think her brother and friends went a bit overboard on Jonny, and she feels regretful she didn’t do anything to stop it, but Jonny makes it really hard for her to act civil around him.
about Roach: they are odd but they have great energy. Fiama wouldn’t be against the idea of going clubbing together.
about Horizon: also odd and not someone she would let her guard down around. They are nice enough (for a cult leader) as long as they don’t talk about auras and healing rocks or whatever they do at the ranch; even after everything that went down, Fiama really doesn’t care about any of that “mumbo-jumbo”.
Jonny
about Fiama: a dumbass, less so than her brother, but still. It triggers him to have her around but he isn’t aware of this, he just knows that he gets antsy and his mood worsens.
about Roach: a friend. Jonny cares and appreciates Roach a whole bunch. They are chill and make him laugh, even if sometimes they are exhausting. It’s a fair trade.
about Horizon: a cult leader, there isn’t a lot to add. Still, Jonny doesn’t mind the Domini all that much (and they are nice to look at). Will side-eye them if they try to get him to open up tho (and Horizon is the type to try to get Jonny to talk about his feelings).
Roach
about Fiama: hot. It must be nice to get straddled by her. She also has an amazing laugh.
about Jonny: Roach’s Gummybear. He’s so grumpy and easy to get all riled up, Roach can’t resist. There’s a lot of heart in that beanpole too, and Roach needs a palate cleanser from time to time since their relationships tend to be very superficial. It’s nice to have something real once in a while.
about Horizon: sexy and mysterious. They can get a bit intense when they want to psychoanalyze Roach, but their heart is in the right place so Roach will endure it.
Horizon
about Fiama: impressive. She has a strong personality and is very driven. Horizon has no doubts she could achieve anything she wanted if only she gave it a go. She probably won’t because she’s worried her decisions will affect Bruno if she screws up, and there’s probably something else to do with her family there too. Issues with the mother probably.
about Jonny: so much fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, dysmorphia? Probably. He moves like he doesn’t want to be seen. Not a middle child, not the youngest either. First born? But there’s someone else casting a shadow over him. Older sibling or a cousin maybe? Uses sarcasm to shield himself. Deeply wounded, warped sense of self, no self-esteem.
about Roach: suddenly it makes a lot of sense why Roach was so hard to pinpoint when they first met; they wore a mask over another mask over another mask, and it made Horizon think there was no real depth to them. Learning about their otherworldly nature and how they mimic humanity and have been for ages cleared up a lot of questions they had: Roach is an amalgam of people they’ve met, yet they’ve been able to form a personality out of the mishmash. It’s fascinating.
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What do you think about ST writers staying silent when it comes to homophobia in fandom? I've seen some people talking about this and I have to agree that it is getting toxic, and the creators can say something about it. This issue is not about shipping, it is a serious issue that needs to be addressed in this fandom.
I get this, I really do, but there is a reason they don't bring a bunch of attention to the negative and it's the same reason most of the cast tries to not bring attention to the negatives going on that they experience.
This reminds me of when Noah came out for example. A lot of fans were congratulating him with support and stuff. But that didn't last long bc suddenly everyone in the tag was fixating on the negatives they were seeing, reposting homophobic comments he was getting and just freaking out on a loop over harmful shit going on. Some fans even made like plot twist edits of hateful comments he had under his coming out video and Noah himself commented on one of them, like alluding to the fact that he tries to not let it get to him.
When you're in these peoples positions, you're hearing about god awful stuff happening constantly. And that makes sense, when you have an audience of hundreds of millions of people, shit goes down. ALL the time.
And so it gets to a point where, eventually you have to give up basically. I'm sure there was a time early on like in s1, when they might have felt the need to put the fans in check over certain harmful things. But it probably got so big they couldn't do that any more, simply for mental health reasons I wouldn't ask that of anyone.
Think about Finn who has been through some shitty fandom behavior over the years with fans obsessing over him and like essentially photoshopping a fake story about his gf SAing someone. Did he come forward and talk about that? No bc fans like that don't even deserve the attention. And while yes, it's clear that he feels like grateful about this experience, it's also clear he has an intense sense of bitterness over the fact that having millions of fans means that there are bound to be quite a few who don't understand boundaries. And yet it's gotten to a point where acknowledging them only makes them stronger.
And then there's Caleb, who experienced fucking racism as a child simply for his character getting in the way of milkvan... And he only recently over the last year or so has felt comfortable enough to start talking about it more. And it's probably because he was in large part not wanting to re-hash over stuff that is obviously traumatizing and just not fucking fair for him to have to discuss in the first place. He deserves for this to be an incredible experience. He shouldn't have to give any of his time and attention to people that don't fucking deserve it in the first place. He deserves better than that.
And then there's Millie who has also been through a lot, to the point where it's like near impossible to even pinpoint everything because it's just so much. And she has the biggest following on social media so that makes a lot of sense. Her fandom experience is a large part of why she doesn't really use social media anymore. She used to love interacting with fans, but now it's just not something she can handle. Not only does she have to deal with people that hate her for no apparent reason, she also has to deal with so called fans psychoanalyzing anything and everything she does, to the point where they're convinced they know everything about her and her boyfriend and her family, as if they know what's best for her? Like imagine not having a space anywhere despite having millions of people say they love you, when they just turn around and treat you like a product to be consumed and discarded? It's exhausting.
All of them have a story like that, that just makes you realize that this is so much bigger than ship wars and any nonsense fans obsess over. Sometimes we forget these are real people and they have to see this and it obviously effects them mentally over time to the point where they just can't acknowledge it anymore in order to simply live their lives peacefully.
Now, I'm not saying the Duffers will never address the homophobia, bc they no doubt will. However, I think that in large part the point is to let these homophobes especially feel like they are superior and have the upper-hand, only to rip it out from under them basically.
And that's because we're also talking about a show that is hiding the truth in plain sight. This show is in fact for the so called freaks and geeks (and the gays). And so when that truth is finally revealed, THAT'S when they're going to call the bigots out on their bullshit. Because this show was never for them in the first place! And making them tune in for all of it, convinced it was for them all this time, only to find out it wasn't, I'm sorry but it's fucking badass.
If they're hiding that core message in plain sight, and yet most of the audience STILL doesn't see it, and it's also a big reason why they refuse to even consider byler, then yes it makes sense to hold off this scolding for when the reveal happens, only to throw all of that backlash on the people STILL being homophobic when it's all said and done, despite them saying it was all indeed intentional.
Right now there are genuine homophobes out here, and then there's people that are merely misunderstanding the extent of what's truly happening bc of heteronormativity, which is arguably the way the show was intended to be watched, assuming you're only watching it once through and you don't consume any more content regarding it much outside of that initial viewing (most of the ga). And then there's the fans who are literally queer and love queer stories, but aren't allowing themselves to believe it this time bc of how prevalent queer-baiting is.
By no means am I saying homophobia is okay. Obviously it's not. But people are homophobic, people are bigots. You can decide for yourself which situations you want to call it out and when you want to let it just be because otherwise you're gonna be fighting forever with people that do not fucking care, and that's not helping anyone, least of all queer people who would rather probably just ignore all of the noice and be happy being their authentic self, despite all of the hate that's out there.
We'll have to see how fans react to s5. I have hope that it will go well.. I do think that there could be a time period where people are like in denial and grieving or whatever. But we know the evidence is there. We know that the Duffers are going to be happy to admit that it was intentional to disprove the claims that try to say byler came out of nowhere.
Absolute worst case scenario, I think the critical reception will be something along the lines of this:
#byler#byler tumblr#this is a really good ask#and i wish i could say that it was as simple as them just making a statement to say homophobia is bad and we don't condone it#but... the whole point is that the show is already telling us that#and if you can't see that#then you're gonna have to tune in until the end and watch these dudes kiss and be proven wrong#like that's the epicness of it all
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nct: sunflowers attacking dream over recent haechan live ☠
tldr: during haechan’s recent welive he said he permed his hair & dream "thought something was wrong" with it so he got it straightened again. some sfs/hc solos started losing their damn minds over that🤕 he also talked a lot abt music he wants to release and highkey called sm out, and all of this got the sunflower girlies real mad i guess..
so earlier haechan went live on weverse and was talking about dream's reaction to him perming his hair:
some sfs went kinda insane over this☠
like woah..? how did we go from 1 to 100☠ i cant even tell whos a solo, a unitzen, or a dream anti thats how bad it is..
and when dreamzens started ratioing these folk, this person said its hypocritical for them to say psychoanalyzing is weird when drmzens did the same to 127 with their constant coworker allegations
idk what they were tryna say here like okay..?? then yall both freaks☠
☆ my opinion
icl and say i’ve been keeping up w this 284828483 year old unitzen drama but i do remember the coworker allegations the last person was talking about, it got really bad at one point, however that doesnt excuse the INSANITY that is going on here. inserting urself into this big ole grown man’s relationships and acting like hes some kind of poor bullied people pleaser who can’t make any choices for himself is so crazy PLEASE wake up. if any of yall lewsers read past the first line of those translations youd see he agreed and said he also didn’t like the way the perm came out (bc the back was all curly and his bangs weren’t)☠️ imagine getting ur hair done and looking crazy, so u listen to ur homeboys and get it fixed but ur deranged 70 hour sceentime having ass fans start acting like they punched u unconscious, strapped u to a chair and straightened it themselves.. id smoke a pack the size of both koreas too if my stans were so insufferable like dont embarass me.. all y’all doing is exposing u have absolutely zero friends bc ive never seen a more normal interaction between groupmates☠️
but all this lowkey feels like a reaction to some of the things hc said concerning music/solo scheds during the live. its obvious that sm is in fact sabotaging him bc ur telling me 8 years in, as one of nct's strongest vocalists and a popular member, he hasn't released any proper solo music despite wanting to..??? and is still getting micromanaged this far into his career? if 2+2 is 4 um...
like i thought after a certain amount of time idols start having more of their own creative/appearance direction like with bts, seventeen etc. i guess it might be bc those groups make a lot self written music but still..? doesnt hyuck write music too? to have a star on ur hands like this and fumble is so crazy to me, theres no other explanation than they want him to stay local and not get too big for the brand since hes one of the centers in nct.
but girl bye.. if they let his fame grow, all they'd have to do is treat him properly and he wouldn't want to leave they wack ass company. they just dont want him to have a choice☠ now they got him on lock bc they dont know how to act right. im not condoning anything but i really do understand why so many haechan/nct solos in general exist.. it all starts & ends with sm's fuckassery cause if my biases got steady treated like garbage id get hostile towards ANYONE in and out of the group too like..
anyways had to wake this tea up🤕 haechan deserves better everything i fear. better company, better fans, but NOT a better group. he loves those boys down and all of them are highkey in the same boat but saying that on unitzentwt will get you SHOT. stay strapped in these streets..
[c l o s e t a b ?] ◀
⇨ akgaepop.com
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Just Beneath The Flames (Part 6)
Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader
Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.
A/N: Thanks to everyone still enjoying this story!
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You stood at the bottom of your tree as you got your arrows ready to go out and hunt. It had been around four days since you realized how fucked you were if you stuck around the group and you’d been avoiding them all since. You’d wanted some space to clear your head, only it was a lot harder to avoid them all now they felt comfortable enough to turn up at your home and your point was only proven when a voice startled you.
“Hey, Y/N,” you whipped around to come face to face with Matt, who if you were honest, you really hadn’t expected to come here.
“Hey…” you said hesitantly, feeling a little awkward. It wasn’t only the fact you didn’t know him as well as some of the others but it was very obvious that you’d been avoiding them.
“I was feeling a little restless, thought maybe I could help you hunt. With my hearing… I could help you find something,” he offered with a polite smile. You really wanted to tell him no but avoiding them was a lot different than being rude right to their faces so you blew out a sigh.
“Sure,” you muttered, grabbing your bow and slinging the quiver over your shoulder. You set off out and at first, it had been fine. He’d tilt his head and tell you what he’d heard, tell you what animal it was and you wound up catching a rabbit. You’d started to think it was handy having him come along and hunt with you as it saved you so much time when you knew where to look without having to track something. But you’d soon be made to eat your words and realize he had an ulterior motive for coming here.
“So… is there a reason you’ve been avoiding us?” he asked pointedly as you both walked.
“What makes you think I’m avoiding you,” you huffed defensively, not about to admit it like this.
“Well, you’ve not been around and you’ve not been talking to Billy every morning on the walkie like you normally do,” he pointed out and you looked away as you tried not to feel guilty about it. You didn’t say anything so he decided to continue.
“The group misses you,” he murmured with a frown and you shook your head.
“You guys barely know me, I doubt you actually miss me,” you muttered.
“The kids miss you,” he answered easily and you snorted.
“They probably miss the shit I bring them,” you replied with an eye roll.
“Karen’s been upset you’ve not been by at all,” he countered and you sighed.
“She probably just misses having another girl around,” you scoffed.
“Billy misses you. He’s been moping around the camp like someone told him Santa isn’t real,” he said softly and the grip on your bow tightened, not having a sassy reply for that one.
“He keeps coming by your treehouse but you're never here. He thought something bad happened to you at one point but he’s been checking in the treehouse and it's obvious you’ve been there,” he explained and you stopped walking and gaped at him.
“I’m sorry, Billy’s been in my treehouse?” you asked harshly, not liking the idea of him poking around in your shit when you weren't there. Maybe yeah, you were being a coward and maybe you were purposely not spending much time there because you knew he’d turn up to try and speak to you and you thought you’d cave if he did. It still didn’t give him the right to go up there like that.
“Frank seems to think the Rawlins thing freaked you out,” he mused, completely ignoring what you said and since he didn’t stop walking, you growled before stomping over to catch up with him.
“It didn’t freak me out,” you bit out, getting more annoyed the more he spoke.
“They’re just trying to figure out why you’re avoiding them all of a sudden,” he frowned.
“Look, I appreciate you offering to help me, but I thought you were supposed to be helping me hunt, not psychoanalyze me,” you snapped, feeling your walls shoot right up.
“I just care about my people, Y/N and they care about you. I thought maybe if I could talk to you I could try to convince you to come back, that maybe I could figure out why you’re avoiding us but I get it now,” he said quietly with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“Get what?” you asked roughly, glaring at him even if he couldn't see it.
“You’re in love with Billy,” he said like it was obvious. You blinked at him for a moment before an incredulous laugh left your lips and it was so loud, you wouldn't be surprised if the dead were on their way.
“Wow, that's just… I’m not in love with Billy,” you snorted, shaking your head. He didn’t look amused though and the look he gave you made you scowl.
“I’m not,” you said more firmly, your eyes narrowing to slits.
“I can pick up on a lot of things with my heightened senses. I’ve heard how your heartbeat changes around him, how your scent changes too,” he pointed out and your eyes widened.
“What the fuck are you talking about? You’re smelling me now?” you scoffed incredulously. He looked slightly uncomfortable, looking away from you.
“I don’t… smell people. It’s just… in the air. It’s not something I can control. People have their own scents but emotions have scents too. When people feel certain things, it’s like an undertone of that emotion seeps into their scent,” he explained and you shook your head. You couldn't believe the shit he was saying to you.
“You seem like a great guy and all, Matt, and I appreciate all you did back in New York City, beating up bad guys wearing your little devil suit, but we don’t know each other well enough for you to come here and say this shit to me,” you huffed, well and truly done with this ridiculous conversation.
You turned on your heel and started stalking off with him following you as he called out your name softly but you ignored him. Unlucky for you though that not too far away, you found Karen and Foggy. Karen was holding a basket and seemed to be foraging mushrooms, Foggy holding a mushroom spotting guide and through your annoyance, you idly hoped they knew what they were doing as it was easy to get safe mushrooms confused with ones that would kill you. Foggy was the first to spot you as Matt caught up with you and he made a beeline for you, making you groan.
“Hey! Fancy seeing you guys here,” he grinned, it dimming a little when he saw your very unimpressed face.
“Y/N, it’s good to see you. We’ve missed you,” Karen murmured with a small smile as she walked over and you felt ready to crawl out of your skin. You weren’t sure just why what Matt said seemed to set you off so much but now you were on edge and just wanted to get out of here. When you didn’t say anything, her brows furrowed a little.
“Are you okay?” she asked carefully and you snorted mirthlessly.
“I’m great. Your super hearing sniffer dog was just telling me that I’m apparently in love with Billy, so my day is going swimmingly,” you grinned sarcastically, a harsh bite to your tone that made her eyes widen.
“Matt!” she chided with a frown at him and he looked away uncomfortably.
“Don’t mind him, he loves to put his foot in his mouth. He also loves to meddle in people’s business like an old lady apparently,” Foggy said wryly.
“It was great seeing you all but I’ve got shit to do,” you muttered, walking on past them to make your way home.
“Y/N, wait!” Karen called out, grabbing your arm and turning you to her before you took more than two steps. She seemed to read your face well enough as her hand dropped your arm as she frowned at you.
“You wanna know why I’ve been avoiding you?” you asked roughly, not being able to help your tone with how tightly wound you were. She didn’t say anything, just blinking at you with her wide eyes.
“I was overwhelmed. You have no idea what it’s like after everything I went through with my old group. I told you guys I didn’t wanna be part of your group and somehow I got sucked in anyway and now I care. I know it’s a bad idea me sticking around because no matter how much you guys say you care or that I’m part of the group, I’m not and I’ll never be. Me sticking around just means I’ll wind up hurt in the long run but my heart won’t let me leave. So I thought having a few days on my own, having some space, would clear my head. Maybe I’d come to my senses so I could just leave, but it didn’t fucking work ‘cause I’m still here,” you ranted.
“Y/N… I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about how overwhelming it might be for you after everything. I just kept wanting you to come because I liked having you there,” she frowned sadly and you felt a stab of guilt in your chest. You sighed and looked away, seeing Matt and Foggy still lurking close enough to hear you guys. Matt was looking over in your general direction wearing a sad look on his face and Foggy was watching you both intently like it was a soap opera.
“It's not you, Karen. It’s none of you guys, it's me. It’s all too much. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t because I care too much to leave but if I don’t, I know I’m only setting myself up to get hurt again,” you shook your head as you took a step backwards.
“I never used to be like this. I used to be so happy-go-lucky, the life of any party. I’d see the positive even in the worst situations but this new world’s changed me and I hate it. I can’t see the good in anything anymore. Good things don’t last in the new world,” you lamented, feeling your chest constrict. You were done with this and you turned around once more, only this time they let you leave.
When you got back to the treehouse, you got to work on the rabbit Matt helped you catch and you felt like a giant pile of shit for the way you spoke to them but you tried to ignore it. Once the rabbit was prepped though, it left your mind to wander as you sat at the bottom of the tree, toying with your knife. You hated what this world had turned you into. You were no longer soft and caring as you’d once been but you weren’t cold enough to be comfortable with being hurtful or rude or just cutting people out for simply being nice people.
“Well, if it isn’t Grumpy,” a voice rang out and you groaned, closing your eyes as your head hit the tree with a thunk. You thought your day couldn't get any worse and you were wrong as Billy sauntered over to you.
“Nice to know you’re alive, by the way,” he commented, his smirk in contrast to his dark narrowed eyes as they glared at you. You'd had a feeling the camp would end up hearing about your rant, not so much from Karen or Matt who would maybe be more diplomatic but mostly from Foggy who seemed the type to not be able to keep his mouth shut. He sat down in front of you but you didn’t move from where you were sitting against the tree, head still leaning on it as you sighed deeply.
“You know what? Fine, let me have it,” you muttered, sounding tired.
“You think I’m here to lecture you?” he asked, sounding amused.
“I don’t know what the fuck to think,” you bit out and he tilted his head at you, not speaking for a moment as he looked at you with his unsettling eyes.
“Karen told me you think nothin’ good lasts in this world and honestly, I call bullshit on that,” he murmured after a moment.
“Of course you would,” you scoffed bitterly and his face hardened a little.
“And what does that mean?” he asked slowly.
“It means you still have your group so you have no idea how I’m feeling,” you replied tensely.
“You think I don’t know loss? You think just ‘cause my groups mostly intact that I don’t get that pain? I lost people well before the world went to shit and I still carry that around with me every goddamn day,” he glowered, pain shining behind his eyes that had you feeling even more guilty than you already did because you knew just what he lost before all this.
“I get it must have been shitty losin’ your brother the way you did and I can’t imagine how scary it was for you bein’ all alone for as long as you have, for all the loss you went through. I get you feel scared to let people in after all that but pushin’ us away ain’t the answer here,” he implored.
“Then what is the answer, Billy?” you snapped coldly, trying to mask the guilt that seemed to be suffocating you. He looked taken aback by your tone before he scoffed and shook his head.
“You wanna be like that, then fine,” he bit out as he stood up and looked down at you.
“You think you can do this shit alone, be my guest. But one day, when you’re takin’ your last breath, your gonna remember this. You’re gonna remember that you pushed away the only people left who gave a shit about you and that you died all alone,” he snarled at you, tossing something at your feet. When you looked at it, it was the blackboard you’d carved for him and somehow the gesture hurt even more than his words that already made you feel like someone had run you through with a sword. He stormed off and his name was on the tip of your tongue, ready with an apology. It never came though and you watched him leave through the trees before you growled at yourself and lowered your head. Deep down, you knew none of them deserved to be treated the way you had done and you hated the accompanying guilt. They genuinely seemed to care, to want you around and you had no idea why. You’d already been on edge, feeling split in two about whether or not you needed to leave despite knowing it was futile because your heart would never let you walk away. Not now. But it had been Matt’s words to push you over the edge. You’d adamantly denied it and at the time, you believed it wholeheartedly. But the more his words spun on a loop in your brain, the more you started doubting yourself. You bonded with Billy more than the others but you’d chalked it up to the fact you’d spent more one on one time with him, had some life or death experiences with him that usually forged a bond quite quickly. But now you didn’t know what to think. It had been a long time since you’d had a relationship and a long time since you’d even been around people that didn’t want to kill you, you didn’t know what you felt. You felt something, you knew that much, and you felt it for Billy the strongest. You just had a hard time believing you were in love with him. All you knew now though was that you’d managed to upset more than one member of the group and it made you feel like shit and upsetting Billy had felt like physical pain.
By dinner time, you were making your way to their camp, feeling dread with each step you took. You’d sat at your tree for a while, replaying Billy’s harsh words over and over and that stupid sad and hurt look on his face until you got yourself up off your ass and went to hunt. You thought getting the camp some sustenance was a good apology as any and lucky for you, you’d stumbled across a deer. You’d prepped it, deciding not to keep any for yourself since you’d been such a bitch, and even used some of your precious salt on it to keep it well preserved, leaving only some for the next couple of days for them without it since it wouldn't need it. But now on the way here, you felt your stomach twist up uncomfortably and you started to feel like you couldn't breathe. You felt somewhat relieved when you saw Karen just outside of the main camp area as she hung up some clothes on a makeshift washing line. She looked over, shock flitting over her face at the sight of you before she smiled. You weren't in view of the whole camp so you hoped you could just say sorry, give her the meat and then go on your merry way without it being too awkward.
“Hey,” she murmured, sounding somewhat hesitant like she thought you might bite her head off again.
“Hey… Sorry about before, I’m just… going through some shit,” you said sheepishly, slipping your bag off your shoulder as you grabbed the large bags of meat from it.
“I got you guys this, to say sorry,” you added, handing her the bags. She looked at them with a smile before taking them.
“This is a lot of meat,” she mused with a wry smile and you stuffed your hands into your jacket pockets.
“I was a lot of a bitch,” you answered with a snort, making her laugh lightly.
“It’s okay, I get it. You’ve been through a lot,” she murmured.
“I have but I shouldn't have taken it out on you guys, you just wanted to help,” you frowned.
“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked hopefully and you looked away.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I doubt Billy wants me here,” you shook your head and she frowned a little. She opened her mouth to say something but suddenly Frank appeared, no doubt wondering where his girlfriend had gone off to.
“Y/N, hey,” he grinned, looking genuinely happy to see you.
“Hey, Frank,” you smiled, looking slightly awkward.
“She got us this,” Karen smiled, showing Frank the bags of meat and he smiled.
“Shit, that’s a lot of meat,” he smirked.
“That’s what I said,” Karen snorted and it made you smile a little.
“It’s deer, so it’s the good stuff,” you murmured.
“There’s a reason we call you Artemis. Come on, you’re stayin’ for dinner,” he grinned, words firm and he gave you no chance to say no as he shoved you in front of him, hands going to your shoulders as he practically guided you into the camp and you had a strong feeling he was doing it on purpose. You felt incredibly uncomfortable as he marched you into camp and all eyes turned to you. People looked shocked before muttering a whole host of hellos to you, seeming happy to see you. The kids were excited, especially when Karen announced you’d brought everyone deer.
Your eyes drifted to Billy who was sitting by a tree again sharpening his knife and you wondered if that was all he did when he was at camp with nothing else to do. You felt that guilt well up inside you again when you thought of your earlier interaction and it only got worse when his dark eyes met yours. He looked at you for a long moment and you thought he’d look away, maybe not even acknowledge you, but instead, he moved the bag that was once again by his side, making room for you. You were wary as you walked over, sitting by him.
“I see you saw sense,” he muttered, still sharpening his knife and not looking at you.
“I’m sorry,” you blurted, unable to keep it to yourself anymore. He stopped with his knife then and looked at you for a long moment.
“Sorry for what?” he asked pointedly and you blinked at him, wondering why he was asking when he already knew.
“For being a bitch,” you explained with a wince. He scoffed, turning his eyes back to his knife as he sharpened it a little more roughly.
“I don’t give a shit about that, I give a shit about you plannin’ on leavin’ us like we mean nothin’ to you,” he muttered bitterly and you frowned.
“I was thinking of leaving because I give a shit about you guys,” you corrected firmly and he drew his eyes back to you. His eyes scanned your face as if he was trying to figure out if you meant it, but when he saw you were being honest, his whole body seemed to relax.
“Well, then you’re just stupid,” he huffed, his lips quirking up slightly though and you snorted.
“Maybe I am,” you shrugged and he shot you a smile that made you feel like things would be okay.
“So… you bagged another dear again, huh?” he asked, sounding a mix of impressed and slightly jealous.
“Yeah, I think this one was through sheer will and determination to make up for being a bitch. I think I might have manifested it into existence,” you said with a wry grin and he laughed fondly at you. You slipped your hand into your pocket and pulled out the wooden blackbird that had been there since he threw it back at you and you held it out to him. He looked at it for a moment, an incredibly guilty and sheepish look crossing his face before he took it gingerly.
“I’m sorry,” he frowned softly, toying with the bird in his hands.
“Don’t be. Like I said, I was a bitch,” you murmured, giving him a small smile. His frown didn’t ease up though and he shook his head before glancing at you.
“I shoulda been more patient with you though, I get why you’re scared to let us in. I just… I got it into my head that you just didn’t care and I was hurt,” he admitted, looking away from you. You were a little surprised by his admission, you hadn’t thought he cared that much that he’d be hurt over you going AWOL for a few days, but he’d opened up to you about his past and you wondered if maybe he had some abandonment issues. You wouldn't blame him if he did. The idea of him being hurt made your chest ache uncomfortably but it was accompanied by a contrasting warmth because it meant he cared. You really didn’t like being this confused, it was so much simpler when all you had to worry about was yourself.
“Looks like we’re both stupid, then,” you smirked, trying to ease the heaviness between you both. It was far too much for you, especially after Matt’s earlier words. His lips curled into a wolfish grin and he gave you a lazy shrug.
“We make a good pair,” he snorted and you smiled to yourself. With the tension now broken, you felt a lot more comfortable staying for dinner. You knew this war you had raging inside of you was pointless, you were already in too deep, there would be no leaving now. And while it still left you feeling a little helpless and like you would regret it in the long run, you decided to just stop fighting yourself on this. You’d been sucked into the group, even if you were still an outsider to a degree, you couldn't take that back. It was what it was and dwelling on it wasn’t helping anyone and only causing issues with everyone. You didn’t want to keep upsetting people, especially not Billy.
—
A few days later you were in the back of the van with Curtis as Frank drove with Billy up front. Things had pretty much gone back to normal and Billy had informed you that morning via your daily walkie talkie conversations that he would be doing a pharmacy run. Curtis’ supplies hadn’t been in the van when they’d got it back and with the looming threat of Rawlins dangling over them, they wanted to be prepared. Naturally, you’d offered to come with. Part of it was guilt, you were the reason Curtis lost most of his medical supplies to begin with, so it was only fair you went to help them replenish. You also just wanted to help. It wasn’t like you had anything better to do and you were itching to go out and throw yourself into some action. It had been far too long and while the quiet and peace could be nice, there was still that part of you that yearned for more. The pharmacy was a few hours away in the van and it was the opposite way that you’d come from after being with your group so you’d never been to it. You had no idea how stocked it might be but you knew that even small leftover supplies would be good.
“Alright, kids, we’re here,” Frank murmured wryly as he parked up and you smiled, getting your knife ready. You brought your bow too just in case you needed it and you hopped out of the van after Curtis before following him around to the front of the Van where Billy and Frank were. It was a pretty big pharmacy and you were surprised for such a small town but you hoped that meant there would be some stuff left.
“Remember, boys, let’s keep the gunfire to a minimum, yeah?” you asked teasingly and earned a mock dirty look from Billy. They’d all brought their handguns and Billy had insisted on bringing his sniper since the danger wasn’t only the dead.
“I think she’s gunning for your position as leader, Frank,” Curtis grinned playfully and Frank snorted.
“Shit, she can take it,” he replied, amused and Billy gave Curtis the most offended look you’d ever seen in your life.
“Wait a fuckin’ second here… who the fuck said Frank was the leader?” he asked, mouth slightly agape as he stared between his best friends.
“Everyone knows I’m the leader, man,” Frank drawled with a smirk.
“Even I know that,” you snorted, loving pushing Billy’s buttons when you got the chance. He turned his offended gaze to you then and you shot him an innocent smile. Frank gave Billy a playful slap to the cheek before he sauntered off to the pharmacy and you followed on with Curtis. Billy took a moment longer, muttering to himself how they co-led the group and you couldn't help the smile on your face.
“Everyone got their lists?” Curtis asked as you all got ready to go inside. He’d written out the things he needed most and also some other things that would be useful to get. You all had the same list so you could separate and cover the place quicker. You all muttered an affirmative and Frank banged on the front door. There were a few moans but you knew with four of you, you’d be fine and you all walked inside. It was even bigger inside than it looked from the outside and it even had a second floor. You all split up, Billy and Frank going upstairs and you and Curtis taking the lower floor but going separate ways and you dispatched any dead ones you came across.
You wasted no time in rummaging through the many cupboards, tossing most of it in the bag you were holding. Some of it was on the list but some of it wasn’t yet you knew they could come in handy. If the others didn’t want them, you considered making yourself a supply for if you ever needed it. There was a lot more here than you thought there would be and it made you feel better about losing Curt’s old supply. You were pretty sure this would restock him. You found pain meds, antibiotics, a bunch of first aid shit and even a load of feminine hygiene products and you stuffed them all into your bag. You yourself hadn’t had a period in the longest time, your body not getting all the nutrients it needs and you honestly considered it a blessing. You had no idea though if the other girls still had their period or not and instead of being weird and asking, you knew it would be much less awkward to just get these in case they needed them. You were glancing to your list every so often as you looked through the various pill bottles and boxes, knowing that while it would be good to stock up on most things, there was some things that were useless so you tried to stick to the list as much as possible unless you knew it would be helpful in the future. You grabbed a box out and as your eyes landed on the name, your jaw clenched up so tight that you were surprised your teeth didn't shatter. Warfarin. Of course you’d find it now you didn’t need it and you cursed yourself for not searching far enough, for not searching harder. A deep agonizing pain ripped through your chest and you were so consumed with your grief that you didn’t even notice a dead one that had seemingly come from nowhere. It grabbed you and your knife clattered to the floor, yet the box stayed in your other hand tightly as if your own hand was mocking you as the roamer knocked you on your back. The blind rage you felt at yourself for not saving your brother got turned to the monster hovering over you gnashing its jaws instead and you shoved it off you, grabbing its head and slamming it into the floor over and over again with a roar.
“The fuck happened?” Billy asked, Frank behind him and the pair were panting like they just ran down the stairs. Curtis was with them, coming back over from the complete other end of the pharmacy.
“Nothing,” you bit out, swiping your knife from the floor and standing up, the blood-splattered box still in your hand somehow.
“Remind me not to piss her off,” Frank muttered to Curtis, but you ignored him as Billy’s eyes narrowed.
“Didn’t look like nothin’ to me. Looked like you almost got a chunk bit outta you and you didn’t have your knife,” he huffed, raising his brow.
“I really don’t want another lecture, okay? I handled it, so unless you want my knife shoved up your ass, drop it,” you growled, not really paying attention as Frank led Curtis to finish up with him upstairs. You moved to storm past Billy but he grabbed your wrist tightly and whirled you around to face him. You couldn't be bothered with him saying I told you so, you weren't in the mood. When you’d told him you’d come along on the run, he’d been weird about it. He’d tried to convince you to stay behind with the others, even saying it was to help them, to keep them safe. But you knew it was bullshit. They had Matt, Foggy and Micro there and you knew Karen was pretty handy with a gun. When you hadn’t had any of his bullshit, he reluctantly admitted he didn’t want you to get hurt and you’d promptly replied to him that you weren’t some damsel in distress.
“This is exactly why I didn’t want you to come,” he frowned, still holding your arm in his death grip and your jaw ticked, eyes narrowing dangerously.
“I’m not made of glass, Billy! I did fine on my own before I met any of you guys, I know how to handle myself. So yeah, it crept up on me, but I dealt with it,” you glowered, snatching your hand from him. His eyes searched your face for a moment before they dropped to your hand, the one with the box in it and he quickly took it before you had a chance to stop him. His dark eyes read over the name and his annoyed face seemed to melt right off him, his eyes softer this time when he looked at you.
“Put your knife away,” he commanded and you squinted at him in confusion.
“You were the one going on about me being safe and now you want me here unarmed?” you asked slowly, like you were talking to a child. He huffed and tilted his head at you, giving you an unimpressed look.
“We’re gonna hug it out and you’re gonna feel better, but I ain’t huggin’ you when you're pissed off and got a knife in your hand,” he stated seriously, quirking a brow at you. You blinked at him dumbly for a moment as his words seeped through the anger filled haze your brain was in, but then you felt your body relax a little and his words touched you. You sighed, rolling your eyes a little because you couldn't let him know you weren't annoyed at him anymore that easily and you sheathed your knife back in your thigh holster. He moved over and wrapped his arms around you and you melted into him instantly. You liked his hugs you’d noticed. They made you feel lighter, like maybe the world wasn’t all darkness. He rubbed your back softly and you felt the pain in your chest ease up as he held you, leaning his head on yours. You’d had many talks with Billy since you’d gotten to know him and in that time, you’d elaborated on what happened to your brother, giving him the full story and it touched you that he remembered, that he knew why you were upset right now. You needed this hug more than you even realized it. He squeezed you a little and placed a kiss to the top of your head. That was new, as were the flurry of butterflies that assaulted your stomach after he’d done it.
When he moved away, you felt a lot better and gave him a sheepish smile, trying to ignore the feeling in your stomach.
“Thanks,” you murmured, feeling your cheeks burn a little.
“Feel better?” he asked, eyeing you carefully.
“Yeah,” you answered and he smiled with a nod. He tossed the meds in his hand onto the counter, having no use for them now and you wondered if he wanted to get rid of them so you didn’t get upset again. As he tossed them though, his list fell out of his hand and you bent down to scoop it up. You barely glanced at it before he’d snatched it off you and you furrowed your brows a little.
“What was that?” you asked warily. On the bottom of his list had been something scribbled in Billy’s writing and while you hadn't had time to read what it was, you knew it wasn’t on your list.
“Nothin’,” he muttered, quickly putting the list in his jacket pocket. Your eyes narrowed to slits at his lie and you wouldn’t deny that the fact he was lying to you stung a little. But as if reading the hurt on your face, he sighed, looking away for a moment before back at you.
“They’re prenatal vitamins… Sarah’s pregnant. The others don’t know yet,” he admitted quietly. You stared blankly at him for a minute, your mouth opening and closing a good few times.
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that? It sounded an awful lot like you said people thought it was a good idea to have a baby in the middle of an apocalypse,” you muttered dryly. You couldn't help it though, you felt shocked but you also felt worried. They already had two kids which was hard enough with food being so hard to acquire and a baby would be harder to care for. What if Sarah’s milk supply didn’t come in or wasn’t enough, where would they find formula? And babies cry all the damn time, no matter what it is they need, how the fuck were they supposed to stop a baby from screaming the place down and calling the dead to them like a dinner bell? And that wasn’t even touching the birth itself. You were living in the dark ages in this new world, much like people had before modern medicine. And before modern medicine, a lot of people died from childbirth. Not everyone could have a natural birth and medical intervention was incredibly common. Your old friend Lilly had a terrible birth a few years ago. She’d intended on having a perfect water birth and not having an epidural but everything had gone wrong. She’d been in so much pain and the baby got stuck so they had to give her an epidural and wound up giving her an emergency forceps delivery. What happened if Sarah needed the same? What if she needed a c-section?
“I know it’s not ideal, but it is what it is, so…” Billy trailed off, frowning himself and looking as worried as you were. But then he looked at you properly then, how your brows were creased, how you looked off, clearly lost in your own head and he took your hand, bringing your eyes to him.
“It’ll be fine. We got Curt here and shit, we’ll get all the things we need to make sure whatever happens, everyone’ll be okay,” he murmured reassuringly. You nodded, still not feeling settled with the idea and you knew deep down, he wasn’t too. Things were about to get a lot harder. With that bomb dropped on you, you and Billy got back to work in silence until you got everything Curtis had asked for. Before long, everything was loaded up into the van and the guys were all in good spirits by the things they’d managed to find. Billy wound up sitting with you in the back this time and unlike Curtis who had sat opposite you on the way here, Billy sat right next to you. He opened his arm out to you and you shuffled closer, leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you really liked the closeness you felt with him. You felt safe like this. Despite the few hiccups you’d had, you felt accomplished with the day. You’d gone out, got to kill a few roamers and helped get Curtis his stuff back. It had been eventful and that was just what you missed in the safety of the treehouse, the monotony of it all was awful to you. It felt like a breath of fresh air to be out here again doing something meaningful and you’d admit it felt good doing it with others. Back on your own, this kind of thing didn't feel the same, wasn’t as satisfying when it was just for you. You remembered your talk with Billy a while ago, when he took you to the highway to cheer you up. He’d told you that you felt like you had nothing to fight for, but now as you sat there listening to the guys laugh and joke with each other, you felt like maybe you’d finally found that once more.
Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)
@firexfate
@blanchedelioncourt
@ariesbutalibra
@sunshinedaisies-anddeath
@snowkestrel
@music-indie-tv
@idaofinfinity
@sweetserendipity65
@ramadiiiisme
@k-marzolf
@celestialams
@woowwwee
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hi sooo....
O______O wow...
U DID IT AGAINNNNNNN, im so.. im so shocked reading the new moc chapter and must i say i love ur interim chapters i think theyre so !!!!!!!!!! chefs kiss truly
okokok so im speechless.. but im thinking abt it now and ... (maybe this is also bc i recently jus binged like all of moc in like 3 days so its still fresh on my brain but) the very first chapters when mc was alr on the ship and and there was that one bit with san and they spent the night together and were talking and it was when she still was carrying around the pardon papers and they had like a heart to heart to be there for each other and the cheek kiss !!!!!! if im remembering right.. i remember sans reaction being written kinda awkward initially (ill have to eventually go back and find it) so it- it makes me wonder how fast hongjoong tried to come up w a plan to manipulate mc... also... my heartbroke even reading the prev chapter when mc was crying and telling san "why did u have to make me doubt ur feelings?" and then reading this chapter- i have hope for them i really do but i fear.. whats gonna happen once she finds the truth out bc... ik she will </3 and i fear its gonna be hongjoong.. But also..??? WAIT NO BC IM THINKING 80 MILLION THINGS RN.
THE DIALOGUE W MINGI........ MINGI AND MINHO..... minho being shocked that his intelligence is more than he lets on.... ITS MAKING ME WONDER LIKE... theyve all kinda treated mingi like Oh he's helpless or struggling rather, we need to care for him diligently-which is true, bro got demons fr but... then im wondering how much mingi really knows bc...?? i remember mingi saying smth to mc too about like "ask urself why it is that ur even trying to disobey in the first place?" or like idk they had that deep ass talk and.... idk.. im thinking abt it now though... what does mingi know.......
im also wondering... 1) if joong has a conscious LOL 2) no i definitely think he does after this but,,,,,,,,, we still dunno WHY he's become this way- why his demons are like this/why theyre presented this way bc in a way (LOL ME TRYNNA PSYCHOANALYZE HIM)... it seems like he keeps everyone at an arms length... except seonghwa i feel like.. at least for now.. but i saw that because he keeps to himself a lot even amongst the ship- so it seems... but he definitely changes the way he wants to come across people... 3) idk if i wanna hug him and tell him its gonna be alright or if i wanna box him LMFAOOO he is so damn crazy... and then jus the way minho described the way they played chess... everyone else doing his dealing... actually now that im thinking about it.. he's been called out quite easily before... so maybe he isnt as hard to read as he thought... in fact ik mc has been the one to call him out hella on his shit so.. i wonder if thats why he's so adamant on keeping her in shape.... oh joong ... babes what did u go thru 🤣🤣🤣🙁🙁🙁 u lil control freak u~~
anywho.. im also confused.... bc i can see that mc does wanna be approved and accepted (?) by joong yet also cant stand the authority he gives so its quite the paradox.........
rn im jus ranting sm... its like everythings clicking..
but also.. im curious.. hongjoong has only lost chess to yeosang among all the members... yet.. seonghwa is the lit. which ofc im gonna assume its also him being a siren that like he said "the closer he is to me the better".. but then if yeosang thought most like joong... why is yeosang just a pawn in joongs eyes ...? yeosang losing the wooyoung </3 lordddd i dont even wanna start... then minho saying he's excited to see how another crew member plays.. joong immediately thinking seonghwa... but interestingly enough im guessing its either san or yunho.. but my best bet is san given he's like another right hand man kinda guy to joong...
ill conclude on that note since its 3am rn... but wow U DID IT AGAINNNNN i love ur writing so much seriously <33333 thank u thank u thank u and im excited for more x
hi hehe :3 i'm so thrilled that you enjoy the interims that's such a relief and so nice to hear ;-;;
you're in the perfect position bc you remember what happened early on and can pick up on the crumbs i was dropping to make it alllll come full circle! what goes around comes around! not only are hongjoong's plans important to consider (ie when he implemented them, when he put them into action) but also both how san carried out his initial duty and when san started to slip away from that duty into something genuine! both those things will be explored and opened up in san's upcoming interim, that will help pull all the pieces together i hope so!!
that scene with mc crying to san,,, i cried writing it and i know it made a lot of people doubt san and his feelings but!! please have hope!! there are SOOO many possibilities!! will hongjoong really leave san to lie in the grave he dug for himself or will he dig it deeper or try to help him out…? all remains to be seen :3
mingi is truly truly such a fun and fascinating character to both write and unveil to you guys ;-; he's exceptionally intelligent beyond the scope of understanding emotions period but he gets treated like he's dumber because he doesn't understand emotions bc in the others' eyes emotions are just simple and easy to understand. mingi def possesses a different kind of intelligence but that kind of intelligence is on the same level of yeosang iw ould say! so it's easiest to think of it as mingi has a different kind of smartness compared to someone like say,,,,jongho or san who both have very good and high emotional intelligence!
1) DOES the man have a conscience? this interim is very telling in that regard and his thought process and the what some would call "intrusive thoughts" really showcase who he is as a person!
2) there are so many layers to him and you really get it bc he does keep everyone at arms length, even seonghwa to some degree bc the whole reason him and seonghwa aren't together is bc hongjoong shut him down the moment seonghwa started expressing his feelings towards hongjoong, he likes to keep to himself and doesn't like to leave his space for many reasons but we now know that one of those reasons is the past feelings of failure and loss coming back to haunt him, and bingo right on the money, he changes the way he wants to come across to people. prime example in yunho at the end of the interim, i think that scene is the absolute best showcase of hongjoong's character and who he is and how he operates.
3) he is DAMN CRAZY!!! i feel like i haven't so much shown that to the degrees that his character really is batshit insane so we're tiptoeing into those waters more now. you do have to think though, with the notion that he changes the way he wants to come across to people, when he's being "called out", is it accurate? or is it what hongjoong is presenting so they think they know what kind of person he is? when mc calls him out on his shit, it's often a two way punch where it as much about her as it is about him so much to think about! he's far far beyond a control freak tehe :3
the fun paradox in mc is that dynamic of wanting to be approved and accepted by him but also having this point blank issue with authority and also how hongjoong excises his authority. and that's been a big point of confusion too i think so im trying to delve more into it and expose more of it so that it makes more sense but there is meant to be a contradiction in her actions for sure
yeosang has been the only one to beat hj at chess, and he is not the lieutenant. we know that hongjoong personally selected seonghwa before yeosang joined the crew and that the position has never swayed, and we also know that yeosang is the master strategist on the crew, which is something a lieutenant would usually take care of so it lends to some questions about how hongjoong views authority in his crew? as far as the chess game goes, his queen was indeed seonghwa, the main bishop he used to both attack and sabotage his own pieces was san, he himself was king, then though not as heavily touched on, the other pieces i had in mind were: mingi and jongho were both knights, yeosang was the other bishop, then mc, wooyoung, and yunho were pawns. who minho was really referring to ;) is quite the twist but a fun one :3
bless you for sending me such a long ask at such a late hour you're so sweet ;-; it made my day i was so happy and excited seeing it thank you for letting me ramble right back at you :3 <3
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jughead shows up to ppth. house is really interested in his case bc jughead is an insane little man and he keeps rocking back and forth in bed and muttering about the rat king. he always goes to visit him he reads out loud passages from jughead’s novel (he uses the book to psychoanalyze jughead). foreman hates jughead bc he hates poor people. he keeps telling house that he’s not physically sick, he’s just mentally ill, but house insists there’s something causing the psychological symptoms. foreman begrudgingly performs tests while insisting that he’s just schizophrenic and an alcoholic. chase also wants jughead out bc he finds him weird and gross. he doesn’t believe jughead is a famous novelist and insists that he is a male prostitute and tests him for HIV. cameron is strangely attracted to jughead. she very tenderly asks him about his ex girlfriend and his book but he just says “the rat king… argh… betty! no!!!” and starts seizing and foaming at the mouth. house starts thinking it’s rabies. he’s like “get him on anti virals. NOW.” foreman is like “but we haven’t ruled out anything! he had one seizure!” while foreman and house argue, jughead’s condition worsens. atp everyone is like “oops definitely rabies”. he’s like spasming and freaking out when cameron brings him water and she starts crying and runs away. there’s nothing they can do for jughead now. until. house bursts into his room holding a rat. “look familiar?” jughead shrieks and starts convulsing in fear. “it’s your cousin. i think.” house says. the team is like what the FUCK. house continues “can’t you tell? the twitchy nose, beady eyes. he’s part rodent. foreman, push 15 ccs of mouse bites.” jughead screams in pain and starts seizing and struggling to breathe. “more mouse bites!” suddenly, jughead stops. everyone is silent thinking he just died, but he opens his eyes and smiles serenely. house would never know this bc he is an atheist, but god himself was responsible for jughead’s recovery as he needed jug to carry out his will and fight the devil later on.
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for the character thing: 1. Who I adore with everything, they are my favorite and forever will be! / 8. They're a favorite because my mutuals and the people I follow like them. / 13. Wish they had more hype. / 27. I would love to observe this character under a microscope.
Difficult question like one singular favorite out of every character from everything I’ve ever seen… I was going to be like omg IDK if I can answer this one guys 😔✌️but I can answer it easily it’s Minkowski from Wolf 359 I love her sm 💕💕💕 There are other characters I like a lot but I think she’s my favorite her personality + motivations are so endearing to me. This is excluding OCs because if I included them as candidates we’d be here all day
I genuinely like Micolash from bloodborne now just from seeing posts abt him occasionally I don’t know anything about bloodborne but whenever a video essayist mentions him (usually just to complain abt how his fight sucks lol) I’m like Micolash… my boy. Why is he called that why does he have a dumbass cage on his head. I mean I know why lore wise. Also Lady Maria from Bloodborne, Arashi from Enstars, Rui from ODDTAXI. I always liked Eiffel wolf 359 (like he was always my second favorite character lol) but I think people posting abt him has made me appreciate him more. Think abt him in more depth yk
Can I say like every original character for this. Of course they don’t have hype it’s because they’re not in anything that actually exists. But idk they’re really fun to talk about so it would be nice to have them be more widely known ❤️ so people would know what the hell I’m talking about lmao. Also Carmen Farooq-Lane from TDT I think is really underrated she’s so funny + I think very sympathetic
I know this isn’t exactly the question but I think it’s in the spirit of what it’s asking basically my favorite characters to psychoanalyze are my OCs Cirillo and Angel and kind of Rocio as well actually. I used to think she was like relatively straightforward but I think she’s become a bit more complicated recently or like I’m trying to focus more on the nuances I guess. Like with regards to their motivation and their relationships with other characters. Also unfortunately Crow + Lennox + Baize from @werewolfstory, I like the other characters as well and think they’re interesting but they are the only ones I’ve actually written meta abt so far. I would say Kaleela as well but studying under a microscope feels mean to say about her. In terms of like characters from things ummm idk the main characters of the scarlet letter + macbeth were fun to discuss in English class. That doesn’t count. Going back to the original question of who I would study under a microscope and interpreting it as like who is a weird freak where you want to know what’s going on with them. Kabru Dungeon Meshi. Probably some others but I can’t think of them right now. Henry from TRC
#sadly I’ve been mostly into ocs recently which kind of complicates this#I should get into something that actually exists#maybe bloodborne or guilty gear#except I can’t because I’m bad at games and bloodborne is only on the ps4 anyway#what else is there. nothing#ocs it is I guess#thanks for asking though it was fun to think about :)#I really like the concept of this ask game#talking abt characters from literally anything
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Almost Human
Part 3 of the 'fandoms i know nothing about but wrote for a friend'. 1, 2
“Detective?”
That voice. He’d know it anywhere, of course, soft and slow and infuriating. Why was he here? Why did he have to be bothering Gavin now, of all possible times?
He looks up. His neck protests at the sudden movement—it’s settled well enough into the hunched, cramped position.
Bet the android doesn’t have to deal with this.
Unnatural freaks.
“Detective,” it says again, and he realizes that he still hasn’t responded. Gods only know why it’s bothering him—where’s Hank? Shouldn’t he be keeping this thing on a tight leash?
He almost snorts. Old man’s always been far too soft. It’ll no doubt bite him in the back someday.
Or shoot him, as things seem to go more often in this line of work.
Not his concern at the moment.
“Android,” he finally says back. It’s always aggravated him how the android is taller than him. It feels like some sort of silent inferiority; another example of how they’re trying to make the robots faster, bigger, better. He used to think that there was no chance of that happening.
At the progress they’re going, perhaps the real future is creeping up on him alarmingly fast.
“Do you require assistance?”
And the thing just stands there, straight-backed and suited. Acting like it’s a real human- like it’s clawed its way into this station like he has. How much has he given for his career? Any semblance of having a social life, for one. He’s bit back all the words that bubble up when the idiots above him make their horrible decisions. All those sacrifices, and yet the robot just waltzes in like it owns the place.
Like it’s better than him.
He lurches to his feet. More bones, more joints, protesting at the sudden movement. Whatever. Shorter though he may be, he doesn’t want to sit there looking up at the android, seeing his broad frame looming up above him.
At this height, he’s an image of brown eyes, dark hair. Shaved clean, smiling politely. His face isn’t any better than his chest but at least Gavin’s not looking up anymore.
“Shouldn’t you be on duty, android?” The words come out slanted with annoyance, which is truly the least of his emotions at the moment. ��Not wandering the place like a mutt.”
“Hank let me out,” he says. “You looked like you needed help.”
Gavin opens his mouth, prepared to spit some sort of rebuke—what is this thing implying? That he’s some sort of helpless thing? That any problems he has can be solved by him?
He closes it again. No use, really, spending his hard-earned free time on arguing with this thing. “Go… ah, I dunno. Get me a coffee.”
At least this will get rid of him.
….Except it doesn’t. The thing, the android, simply stands there. Looking over Gavin with its gaze. He’d dearly love to say that his eyes are dead and blank, glazed dark like fish-eyes, but no, they’ve somehow managed to program some sort of life and expression behind them. Like there’s more than a sea of blue goop and biomechs behind that synthetic skin.
It weirds him out.
“Well?”
“Are you alright?” The android tilts his head. “Your posture-”
“Is that what I told you to do, huh?”
It’s an almost disproportionate anger that he feels. First it asks him for help, and then it tries to… what? Psychoanalyze him?
“I am not obligated to follow your orders.” The android nods once. Throat bobbing up and down. It’s a small movement; but for whatever reason, it captivates him. Maybe because of how realistic it is—make them blink, make them twitch, hell, give them the ability to disobey orders.
But this? There’s no reason for it to exist besides the fact that they want to make them realistic. A punch in the gut; that’s what it is, another reminder that maybe one day, he’ll be walking down some city street and be unable to tell what’s human and what’s not.
It makes him want to lash out. To hit something, break something, slam a fist on a wall—or into a convenient subject standing right before him. His fingers twitch. Clenching.
The android stares. He—he?—steps away.
“...nevertheless, I will do you a favor.”
With that, he turns on his heel and walks away, leaving Gavin with an anger that he can’t quite deal with. Really, though, as he looks at the android’s retreating back, he can’t help but think that he wouldn’t have. Something about staring into those eyes, dark and liquid-brown. About the twitch of his adam’s apple.
He can’t be letting him become… anything further than a bot. No matter how human he seems; no matter whatever shaved-face they’ve plastered into a facade.
He’s coming back. A small plastic cup, almost dwarfed by his hand. There’s a jump in his eyebrows as he walks closer. Like he hasn’t been expecting Gavin to still be standing there dumbly, hands by his sides, waiting.
Hadn’t that been his original plan? To walk away while the bot was busy?
Wordlessly, he proffers the cup. Gavin takes it, despite himself. The transfer from hand-to-hand is awkward, and the android’s fingers fumble against his for a split second.
Fingers. Warm, soft. Human. It’s another shock out of a thousand. Another way that they’re bending technology into humanity, mixing the two until they’ll be indistinguishable from one another. If it was dark, if he didn’t know, if Gavin grabbed an arm or a hand or laid his palm on a forehead, he wouldn’t be able to tell.
A vague notion of it runs through his mind—dark room, warm skin. Not the android’s; simply a stranger—not that he’s had the time to spend time with many strangers in dark rooms.
He doesn’t thank the android. It doesn’t ask for one either. Simply regards him with those dark, shining eyes, head tilted slightly, like he’s looking through Gavin’s head and out the back. Gavin stares back. Words bubbling in his throat; shouted ones, what’re you looking at or get away.
“Connor!”
Hank’s voice. It breaks him out of his reverie; does the same for the bot. Connor, right. What he calls himself. What Hank calls him too.
Soft.
He turns and ambles away. Leaving Gavin with his small cup and his thoughts and the memory of that gaze, that skin, that throat.
Human. So close. Almost there, a hair’s breadth away.
Connor.
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I think it makes more sense for those who are uncomfortable with what is written here not to follow this page because I have stopped reading a few blogs for such reasons. The anon who said parasocial has probably never read any news in own life and made own comments or developed an opinion about the character in a movie the anon watched, so the anon made a psychological diagnosis for the anon who made a long comment. That long comment anon did not criticize directly in any way, just said that there were some inconsistencies, which is quite natural. Also, Charles is back in Monaco and there is an incredible outpouring of posts. He's been photographed with almost everyone and someone even mentioned that he put his car down very casually and got out to take a picture. One of the gossip pages even said that it looked like he was doing damage control. As far as we know, he still hasn't gone to the factory or to winter camp, so he's on vacation, so he's doing these things in his own time. In fact, people are also talking about these inconsistencies and when the suggestion is that he has a 'new girlfriend', it becomes even more strange. Because we all know that even when he had a girlfriend with him before, if he didn't have anything really urgent to do, he would keep in touch with his fans. So when someone writes something they think is weird, don't psychoanalyze it and don't judge the admin for publishing it. The admin seems to take every comment into consideration, good or bad. Thanks admin.
I'm touched. 🫶
Sincerely, if you're disturbed by something I'd rather it be said. Even send me a dm, explain it to me clearly and calmly so I can put it right. Like the photos, I admit there are times when it's very late or I'm just very tired, I don't click. I've been told it bothers me, I'm not comfortable. I put my mind back in place and deleted it.
There's nothing wrong with saying I was wrong, as long as it's sincere. But I don't want anyone waiting on the blog to censor opinions or comments because they don't fit into your perfect fan box. I think we often forget in communities, that there are personalities, feelings in fans.
As I said, just because you're a fan doesn't mean you have to be a puppet, and have to understand or agreeing to everything without questioning the behavior of the personality you like. And that we should stop being fans at the slightest behavior that leaves us questioning and doubtful. That's for people who tell me to go away if you're not happy. 🙃
I've pretty much stopped following all gossip accounts and then some of Charles fan acc too. A lot which freaked me out. With this overly parasocial behavior.
As I'm also into the admin thing, and not anymore anon, believe me I've seen a lot that's put me off a lot of accounts. I just expect that even in unpopular opinions, we know how to speak with honesty and calm. That every time it turns into a story of bad or good fan. It's really tiring.
If some decide to leave, so be it. I'm not going to change my way of answering to please, or get more people or whatever. In any case, I've made it clear that it's not the one who shouts the loudest who is indicative of the majority. 💀
I'm also very tired of being too neutral when expressing unpopular opinions. It's good to be neutral, but too much neutrality means nothing and what you say no longer makes sense. When it's beautiful and full of butterflies, fanatics are spared everything, but the opposite is impossible and it's directly considered hate. I find that very désolant (I really need to find the right translation of this word. Cause depressed isn’t a good translation🥲).
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HEYA THERE XEYA
IT’S ME
1:20 AM ELSIE
…I’m bored have my random thoughts that you can psychoanalyze/theorize about and a day’s worth of busy Elsie thoughts that she couldn)t write down because it rained so hard THE FREAKING OCEAN FLOODED and we were out of power ALL DAY like HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT STORM YET BECAUSE I SURE HAVE I WAS IN IT IT SUCKED.
For the aHiT AU:
Dusk so far is quietly taking the role of The Flower Girl, as far as I know
…Hear me out, after the events of this mess, she goes through a similar character arc, and Dawn takes Moonjumper’s role. Like, it kinda just fits. Cut, doesn’t belong, Sky, etc…YEAH. Might doodle some’a that if I have time!
Oh, look, train station added to the map. Sure hope that’s not VERY IMPORTANT.
And now for a small bit of insight into my characters. Massive TW for everything under the lack of a sun, once again.
“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else.”
Easton: “…I’ve attempted to end my own life at least two times, heh, once on my 16th birthday, once when I was 18…It hurts to think about.”
Northa: “I’m terrified of alcohol. I-if someone’s had even one drink, I feel scared of them. Like they’ll spin out of control and hurt me. It’s a real curse on holidays.”
Dusk: “I’m scared that people will interpret all my affection wrong…I mean, I tell everyone I love them because I do, but…not romantically. I’ve had people ask if I have romantic feelings for Sun, Mix, Sigil…everyone I’m friends with. No??? I’m not even into girls?? I’m already happily dating Jessy?? I just…I just want to tell people I love them! And I feel scared doing so! I feel a bit anxious if I even hug someone that someone else will take it the wrong way…Drives me crazy…”
Alpenglow: “…I still kinda miss the depths. Cuz I felt really, really…loved…and it felt nice to not have to think about…anything. And I’m scared I’m a…a…a monster, I’ve seen the rain when I get sad…”
Fynn: “…I just really hope Miss Alpenglow is okay. She’s my best friend, yunno…the first one I ever had…I train real hard, just like she does, and I really wanna be her friend for….for like a real long time.” He spreads his hands for emphasis.
Ciana: “I’m scared that someone from the surface will…will think there’s something wrong with my husband. That he’s not worthy of…respect, just because he’s deaf and uses an implant. That thing lets him hear good as you or I, yunno…” She puts her hand, palm forward, on her forehead, making a “two” shape with her fingers. This is the sign for “stupid.”
Apollo: “…I just hope I’m good enough for her love, and…well, based on what she tells me, I am, heh…”
The Lord: “…I wanna marry her, but i don’t think I’m worthy…”
The Lady: “I wish to marry him, yet I doubt he would say yes, I mean, I’m…well, me.”
Chip: “…I wish I could express my gratitude to Clara for choosing my name…I mean, that’s a big deal, yunno! It’s my…well, my NAME!”
[REDACTED]: “…I’m not immune to the curse, I just ran from it. I just…agh, my heart is racing again, I can’t deal with all this anxiety!-“
[???]: He cried when asked for an answer, and did not answer further questions, simply sobbing and burying his face in his hands.
[OH BOY]: She laughs.
“Relationships. I don’t get it. Friendships, romantic stuff, ALL OF IT. You people are WEAK, and you open yourselves up to be manipulated all the time. I mean, look at me, I hate that stuff, don’t got any friends, can manipulate whoever I want, and guess what? I’m the one sittin’ on the throne! HA!” They laugh once again.
yunno what’d be funny?
since Elsie, being a Cishet autistic who loves writing redeemable villains and cannot play a sport, who’s best at and likes writing redeemable/good cishet autistics that cannot play sports, it’d be a decent challenge for her to write a queer allistic who is utterly irredeemable (but pretends to be one of the “you can fix them” villains to manipulate people) and CAN PLAY A SPORT!
WOULDN’T IT BE FUNNY IF I MADE ONE OF THOSE-
So I started reading “Cinder” from the Lunar Chronicles
…holy freaking HECK it’s good my heart cannot take it sidheijdhdiendhd
Yeah that’s it :D
THERE IS SO MUCH STUFF HERE WHY ARE YOU UP AT 1;20 AM ALPEN MISSES THE DEPTHS??? YOU WERE IN A FLOOD NORTHA IS SCARE DOF ALCOHOL EASTON ATTMEPTED AND MOST OF FUCKIGN ALL YOURE C I S H E T ???????
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@elnyrae asked:
hi angel!!
for the obscure asks -
4, 6, 11, and 24
(I know one of them is about a “crush” n ur married so ur welcome to do it about ur partner or about like a fandom crush if u want?? Ur pick!!)
4. what does your room smell like?
uhh i have no idea how to answer this LMAO. my husband's a neat freak (like levi, who would've guessed ja;lsdfkj), so our bedroom is very upkept? so i really don't know what it smells like? maybe fresh laundry because that's what i kinda smell when i bury my face into the blankets
6. what kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?
if i could only choose one forever? maybe piano covers of soundtracks? it seems like something that wouldn't get too old. i love certain songs but listening to it over and over again gives me a headache sometimes lol
11. vague about your crush(es)
hmmm if it was my husband as i was trying to get him to realize i liked him, it was honestly just that he was the only dude i met in college that wasn't a dick but i also like exclusively hung out with frat boys (bad idea) freshman year of college sooooooooooooooo
sorry if that doesn't rly answer the question!!! wasn't really sure what to say haha
24. what is your favorite thing to learn about?
i really love psychoanalyzing characters! which i think is why i was so intrigued by levi when i first started watching AOT and we can clearly see where that led LMAO
come send me some obscure asks!!
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mkay besyies i guess im just gonna keep doing this (its FUN leave me alone-)
personal thoughts and (wa)prayers on season 12
you arleady know whatr im boutta say
MASTER MY BABYGIRL <3333333333333333333333333 THERE HE IS !!!!!!!!!!!
THERES THAT VFUCKING FREAK
personal favorite episode of this season? either spyfall or praxeus :]
i thought the haunting of villa diodati was really fuckin cool like ?? spatial horror is starting to become an obsession of mine, its so fucking cool what you could do with this trope. Also Shelley was hot as hell like ok miss mary i see why you got all freaky with him damn !
theres alot more development with Yaz's character here compared to last season, like this trend we see of characters that fall inlove witht he doctor begin to adopt their mannerism continues in Praxeus and the Ascension of the Cyberman. Like she sort of fills the Doc's role with Gabriella and the human survivors of the Cyberwars- im honestly really interested to see how she'll react to being forced to stay on Earth now while the Doctors in super space jail !!
oh yeah the fucking. SUPER SPACE JAIL?!??!???
oh you wanna ask me about my thoughts on the Master ohhh oyu do you really really want me to psychoanalyze him ohh oleaseplaseplasaplease he makes me INSANE me makes me FROTH AT THE MOUTH ooghghghhgggghghg hes so soppy
congratulations doc ya got mommy issues
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