#but i needed to do this
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She would be proud.
A bit of vent art. I don't particularly like where I am in life, I feel like a disappointment to everyone. But I know she would never be disappointed. She is me as a young teen, she struggled, she didn't think she would make it to adulthood. She would be proud cause I'm still here, she would be proud that I got a degree, that I got a job (even if I hate it she would be proud), that I kept up with makeup and my art. She would be proud that I've come out to more people, that I have a friendship group of queer people that make me feel loved.
If I can't do it for myself now I do it for her. I say I hated her cause she was cringy but she was expressing herself.
This pride month I want to be proud of her. A young queer that struggled but kept going.
#look i get im usually the silly little rat but#but i needed to do this#i cant go through pride month without remembering the girl i was#i love her so much#and although i hate where i am right now i know she would be proud of where i am#vent art#vent post#vent#pride month#pride#i would give anything to hug her
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Oh I am rattled today.
Sorry I need to vent a little. I'd appreciate if somebody can tell me if this is whack, or that I'm just being a fool.
tw: suicide mention
So back in february before I went on hiatus, I messaged some people who don't check tumblr about where I was gonna be. Gave my reasons (health scare, depression, etc), then dippped. When I came back a week ago, pretty much everyone was chill- except one person.
To keep it short, they never responded to my message, meaning that they weren't happy with me doing what I had to do. At first I felt guilty, especially since this person seems to be socially dependant on me. I'm pretty sure I'm the only online friend they have. And upon looking into their activity elsewhere, it was radio silence. I was worried that they might of done something drastic. They tried to take their life last year, and held it over both mine and others heads for months. We didn't even know they attempted until they told us long after the fact. Like, they would often vent about how we had hurt them, yet never specified what they meant by that. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond sorry that they went through that. But upon reflection it did feel like they were blaming others for it.
So here I was, worried that they had done something to themselves again, until I check one of their profiles to see that they've been active in the past week, around about when I came back. Did they do this on purpose? To mess with me? I've had so much anxiety around opening discord because of this one person alone. Upon reflection, I think I figured out why. It goes beyond simply not being compatible as friends. I always feel drained after talking with them. Yet whenever I try to communicate an issue, they get upset and as a result, we get nowhere. Rinse and repeat. The main thing that has held me back from walking away for good, is the fear that they'll hurt themselves and it will be my fault (had trauma of that happening with another person years ago).
They once told me that if I never wanted to speak with them again and cut ties, that I owe them an explanation. But you know what? I don't think I do. Last time I tried to do that, I got roped back into staying. That is just straight up manipulation, even if they never intended to come off that way.
I'm just going to block and walk away. I'm just so tired. I know this is all my fault. At least I can walk away on my own terms this time.
#will delete later most likely#just needed to let this one out#some friends will know what this is about#I'm just so tired of people rn#but I needed to do this
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I'm almost done knitting a very rushed dareth doll, and it's really making me wish I liked doing crochet instead cuz man it would be easier with crochet. Not gonna lie, this doll looks terrible 😂 I was desperate
#i didnt have exactly the colors or yarn weight i wanted so i just made do...and i completely winged how i knit the hair#it looks. questionable#but i needed to do this#one day ill make a better one and take my time and do it right
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CAL: HEE HEE HAA HAA H00 H00 !!! 0u0!!!
#immediately first response isn’t art it’s an edit I’m sorry#but I needed to do this#my vision#you feel me#badly drawn homestuck#bdhs#asks#lil cal#homestuck#ask blog#poorly drawn homestuck#homestuck ask blog#maybe I’ll draw this tho later
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taking my time to be - ep by strawberry guy
it's about steddie
here me out. or don't. this is all nonsense anyway.
without you
"living my life without you..." steve thinking about eddie post vol. 2
mrs.magic
The Name: eddie is the leader of hellfire. dnd. magic. pronouns and gender are a social construct. that is him. he is mrs.magic
"i don't know what i'm doing here" eddie feeling like a freak
"leaving me outside and i can't get back in" for all you eddie lives fans this is him being stuck in the upside down
"just let me be myself" for all you autistic/trans eddie fans here you go.
(also do NOT picture eddie smiling while *you are* listening to mrs.magic because you. will. cry. like i did.)
intermission
"it could be mine but i blew it in one day"
no explanation because i don't want to explain it.
what would i do?
"what would i do without someone like you?" eddie to steve or steve to eddie, whatever floats your boat.
birch tree
ok i got nothing for this one but it sounds nice so yeah.
taking my time to be
again no explanation. listen to the lyrics of the song and try to change my mind.
#stranger things s4#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#sorry for just#going ADGUIJNKS#for no reason#but i needed to do this#autistic eddie munson#trans eddie munson#I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED OK
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#i don't believe that people for serious reasons sort their books any way but by author#and then obviously by release date/series within that#i am being told that i am being JUDGY#also if you sort your books any other way HOW DO YOU FIND THEM#i really need to know#polls#can't believe i forgot to include genre in here
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this is going to have me on my hands and knees dry heaving
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the men and boys are innocent too.
we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.
I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.
I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.
I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.
I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.
the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.
#I don't have words to describe how I feel for the men of Palestine#the things I have seen them do after everything they have been through goes so far beyond selfless#what do you call this? this prevailing goodness and willingness to give everything they have and more? what word even touches it?#I don't think there is one#islamophobia has conditioned us to see these men and boys as evil and dangerous#we see this in how we speak about Palestine#and we need to uncondition ourselves#they're just as innocent and of value and good as the women and children#so fight for them#they don't deserve this any more than the women and children#free palestine#palestine
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hater of socks
#ferret#ferrets#steve#not snakes#digital art#cartoon#comic#I have other things I need to be doing but alas
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when i was a kid i wanted to be a famous youtuber like dan and phil so that people would gay ship me with my irl best friend and we would be sooo weirded out by it and laugh and make videos joking about it but secretly it would make her realize her repressed gay crush on me and i'd help her through her gay crisis and then we would have a sickeningly sweet sappy romance and read fanfiction about ourselves together... anyways just found out she's married to a guy in the mafia now so i probably don't have a chance
#dan and phil fanfiction changed me#come into my lady door#and teen me saw that and went “i need to be that so fuckan bad”#i wanted to be dan but now that im a mature adult i understand that phil is better. phil guy 5ever nowadays#do i tag this as dan and phil. i still dont know tumblr site tagging norms and im like a year in now#dan and phil#dnp#phan
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Put salt in your baked goods. Put salt in your desserts. Just do it. Please. Salt isn't just for savory, it's literally a flavor enhancer so even a pinch can take a meh recipe to one people can't stop eating. Listen to me. Your cookies and cheesecake bars are bland and uninteresting. I'm taking your hand. I'm guiding you with a gentle touch to the back. We can do this together. Trust me.
#baking#just do it just put THE SALT IN THE COOKIE DOUGH#inspired by the coworker who bragged her recipes dont need salt and brought the blandest cheesecake bars to the potluck#you need some salt i promise#just a little#just skooch#'the recipe doesnt call for salt' THEN ITS PROBABLY WRONG
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i dont like the idea that kids these days are doing their fandom rps with ai chatbots. that's how you're supposed to make lifelong friends as a weird really online teen.
#i was never really an rper of any kind it just did not do it for me#im like im sorry actually i cant do this collaboratively i need to be controlling all of the little dolls myself.#however homestuck rp deck epicmafia. now that was another story
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did you know there's a day-by-day timeline of the plot in the dungeon meshi adventurer's bible and TODAY is when it all kicks off
happy falin gets eaten and the gang starts eatin' day :)
#i'll put the full timeline in a reblog for other Nerds#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#admittedly its early but i hadnt seen anyone post about it and someone Needed to#this thing is so thorough you could put together a reread order for a dunmeshi daily. but i didnt do that#or get a 'on this day in dungeon meshi' blog all queued up. i didnt do that either
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my dog in pokemon mystery dungeon
#> dad discovers his phone can automatically make pngs from photos#> friend suggests playing with pngs#> this is the result#i need to be yelled at to do work
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#ordinary photo of yeti#they made astarion in a lab for me to be obsessed with.#like hottest man in game for me is halsin truthfully. astarion is my shitty little white dog with separation anxiety who bites people.#very different things. if i say i'm doing a playthrough as astarion that's when you put me down#main factor motivating me not to is i need to hear neil newbon's voice acting at least once a minute or i die.#i've got a dark urge concept rattling around the brain but i should maybe self-impose a gaming break and take care of. responsibilities 😐
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no offence but the reason tumblr is “dying” is, well, yes, of course the cursed like/reblog ratio and the change in user behaviour (because of people being used to how instagram and tiktok work) BUT also the lack of weekly shows. i say it with my whole chest, they don't produce captivating and engaging stupid weekly tv shows anymore because streaming killed that so you have spikes of activity here when Something happens in general fandom or up to three days after a new season of whatever drops and then it's a wasteland. this is obviously an old woman yelling at a cloud missing supernatural and the vampire diaries and pretty little liars and all these other shows type of post but honestly give me back weekly tv shows where i have something to watch for 40 minutes almost every day of the week after work so then i can read and reblog it on tumblr give it back for the sake of my sanity
#we used to be a proper country#or something#this post is brought to you by me coming back from work and being like okay what now 🧍🏻♂️#i mean obviously i have stuff to do but these are just chores and what i need what i have been programmed to need is a 40 minute long#episode of stupid cw show with a gay ship that's never gonna go canon... :(((#tumblr#fandom
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