#but i didnt check it out immediately
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when i actuaslly get started on drawing shen jiu dancing that one part in ‘nobody knows’ by kiss of life it is so over for everyobe
its so freaking over for yall
#and me#specifically me#very sorry to my 1 irl friend who introduced me to that girl group months ago#but i didnt check it out immediately#oh my god#OH MY GOD.
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one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible
like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that
#zedaph#hermitcraft#genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post#i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-''#only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed#and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected#not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits#but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on#and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place''#at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE'#i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line#bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa#sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare#idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then#so maybe its not nearly as rare these days#but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8#when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him#and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people#so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video
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the headcanon that regis can hang from the ceiling to sleep or rest like a bat is funny on its own, but when i consider geralt and others in the hanza holding conversations with him like this, it’s made better by my understanding of this as just an advanced “neurodivergent sitting” technique
#in an irl au i suppose he could be doing an upside down yoga pose. that would fit irl au regis well. ugh#the better headcanon is angoulême walking in their room. going ‘[head nod up] cahir. where—‘#and cahir (not looking up) points to the ceiling on the other side of the room. also in total darkness btw no candles lit on that side#i imagine that when someone else walks to their room’s door and knocks. for example let’s say dandelion for instance#dandelion’s hardly a stranger but he did that thing where your friend stops hanging out with you because they’re busy with their gf#he knocks and immediately regis is suddenly sitting in bed like a normal person . and he put his eyeglasses on and pretended to read#oh hi dandelion i didnt recognize your footsteps#my… footsteps?#this is actually kind of bullshit though because the only person more talkative than dandelion at night is regis (angouleme close third)#so if dandelion ever wanted to discuss meaning of life at 2 am i know where he would go#sorry cahir. put a pillow over your ear#the elbow-high diaries#edit: no actually he would bother geralt with this#edit edit: no actually he and geralt were ‘on a break’ (unresolved tension) so he wouldn’t. but he would want to#angoulême goes to their room too often to chill and hang out#milva goes to their room and cahir and regis stand at attention like yes ma’am. what do you need#hi milva how are things (your ongoing mental health crisis)#if geralt walks in starts talking with regis. cahir leaves the room. ‘im going to um. check on the horses’#its 12 am. horses are sleeping. ? answer; he is being a considerate roommate. he had to share bunks before. he knows how It Is
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Scug ocs!!
Waspcat, aka Skytreader. Can fly any direction, and eats a lot of meat. Very adept at survival. Her favorite meat is green lizard meat and was raised by nomad scavengers.
Mothcat, aka Lightbringer. The wings glow and have eye markings to ward of predators. Their journey is a more peaceful one, and they live off fruit. Designed by Calm Petals That Fall to bring a neuron to Blue Days
And the last.. Calm Petals herself. Sluggified. She can finally be free, at a cost. Her brain is basically a giant pearl, holding her memories and consciousness. But she didn't realize the procedure was copy and paste, not cut and paste.
#art#help how do i anatomy#calm petals that fall#iterator oc#slugcat rainworld#slugcat oc#rw oc#rainworld art#rainworld oc#rain world oc#rain world iterator#rain world art#rain world#so uhh. yeah Petals is now two. in is a slug#and the other is still an iterator. one is living out her dreams and the other is stuck inside her can#and unfortunately Petalslug cant speak. she has to bear the guilt of her greatest failure#and iterator petal just thinks her slug vessel grew its own consciousness. she doesnt know why it keeps giving her such depressing looks#also Petalslug didnt find out until much later. when she came to check on her can#she was so excited by freedom she immediately left to explore. leaving her puppet to wake up all alone
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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thinking abt that time i accidentally followed an account i waz trying to block and had to immediately unfollow and commence blocking and hope they didnt get a notification bcoz thatz TERRIFYING. and also embarrassing. like really embarrassing. why r those buttonz so close .
#proz of blocking very easily; curating my internet experience#conz of blocking very easily; shti like thiz happenz and i dont know if they wouldve seen the notif and im too scared to find out by#finding the blog and Looking#kitkat chitchat#wait i can test thiz w a sideblog. will be back w resultz.#edit ok i tested following and unfollowing within varrying amountz of time w a sideblog and checking notifz After i unfollowed#and i didnt get any notifz#SO. unless that person just so happenz to have been online at that EXACT moment and opened the notifz IMMEDIATELY#then they would not know.#that or if they have push notifz on in which case . um. cant test that considering I Dont Use That.#either way regardless i would probably Know by now if they saw bcoz the person specifically waz That Kind Of Person#so itz been weekz and im just gonna go ahead and assume im fine
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now that im back on my should i get a proper diagnosis for various ailments including autism mindset maybe i should just print out the posts and give em in
#again it would be soooooooooooo funny if it turns out im dyslexic the whole time. talked to my moms friend in The Industry the other day#n she was like UHHH YEAH GO GET CHECKED FOR -ULAS BOTH DYSLEX AND DISCALC IMMEDIATELY. maybe drac as well#well she didnt say it like that. its just how i have fun with words.#WHICH AGAIN. SOOOOOO FUNNY IF I LITERALLY HAVE TROUBLE READING DISORDER
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Support Comes in All Sizes [Twst fic] [Trey&Cater]
Summary: Trey wants Cater to know that he's there to support him, when or if Cater's ever ready to talk.
Wordcount: 475
[Ao3 Link]
“You’re back early,” Trey comments as Cater walks through the door to their shared dormitory space.
Cater greets him back with a bit of a startled jump, but a quick recovery. “Oh! Hey, Trey; I didn’t know you’d be in. You workin’ on some Vice Housewarden paperwork?”
He walks over to where Trey sits at his desk and positions himself behind the chair so he can peer over Trey’s shoulder.
“Yeah, just checking something over for Riddle - not that I really need to, of course, but Riddle -”
“Insisted you follow protocol to a T, huh?” Cater finishes Trey’s statement with a grin. “Aren’t you the most dutifully diligent secretary?”
Trey snorts out a laugh and shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah… Really, though, why are you back so early? Usually you like to stay out late on the weekends when you have plans. Did something happen on your date?”
He turns in his chair and tries to meet Cater’s eye, but Cater has already turned away and walks over to flop onto his back on his own bed.
“Oh, y’know,” Cater waves a noncommittal hand in the air with one hand and pulls out his phone with the other. “We just weren’t really, like… vibing, I guess? It’s no biggie, really, but now Cay-Cay’s gonna be BORED all night with NO plans!”
He sighs for dramatic effect, eyes locked onto his phone as he scrolls a little too fast to reasonably digest any of the content passing by.
Trey doesn’t speak for a while, but keeps his eyes on Cater.
Cater pretends not to see.
Trey pretends in turn that he doesn’t notice Cater’s refusal to answer his unasked questions. He doesn’t comment on the way Cater has angled his face just enough in the opposite direction to obscure his full expression from Trey’s line of sight.
They’re well into their second year at NRC. They’ve been roommates and friends as long as they’ve known each other. Trey feels more at ease with Cater than anyone else at the school.
But, Cater…
“Cater.”
“...What’s up?” Cater’s reply is slow, and he is still refusing to look across the room.
“Do you want to go check out that cafe you were talking about this morning?”
Cater sits up slowly, but finally looks over. “Oh, for realsies? You KNOW I’m not gonna pass up an opportunity to go scope out the latest hotspot!”
The next thing Trey knows, Cater’s crossed the room and is tugging on his arm to pull him out of the chair. “C’mon, c’mon- they’re not open super late, so we’ve gotta motor if we wanna make it in time!”
Trey laughs, putting his papers aside and rising to his feet. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.”
Cater finally meets Trey’s eyes as they reach the door, and he smiles.
They go together, as they always do.
#cereal writes#twisted wonderland#twst#cater diamond#trey clover#a flash fic i wrote in one sitting after having an idea in the shower and didnt edit#just spitting it out onto the internet nothing too crazy here#i started talking too much in the notes of the fic kfjlsejfkel forcibly stopping myself from rambling bc i need to GO TO BED!!!!#but i had to write this to get it out immediately#maybe it's nothing but in my brain theres. /I/ know what i mean kjlfejksljfl#OK OK OK STOP TYPING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry if theres typos i did NOT check!!!
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moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again
#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress#she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks#and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie#if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...'#she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed#and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the#same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse#and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front#immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories.#marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont#it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has#its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know#using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane.#like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and#that we need to stop buying 'junk food'#MOMM....OH MY GOOOD...#whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes.#ed ment#i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has#started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude
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instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral
#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT#in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care#for one another“#PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI#thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together#giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide#SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9#HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7#im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ#KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL#thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio...#yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like#the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK#i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man#in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever#attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent#but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline#maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues#rambling about stuff#wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki#and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group#heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD#OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM#who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained#the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for#then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u#they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES#BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR#biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys#THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI
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My Cool Dude shirt came in so unbelievably early and the first thing I did was turn it inside out to see it for myself
I can't believe it's real, Fangamer really referenced Let Papyrus Say Fuck Day, holy shit fangamer you guys are 10/10
#the great papyrus#papyrus#Undertale#letpapyrussayfuck#i cant believe they ACTUALLY FUCKING DID THIS I LOVE IT SO MUCH#im so serious i got it in the mail freaked out and immediately ripped the fuckin thing outta the package to check for myself#i didnt expect the doodle to be so big on top of it but im so thrilled it is#you definitely cant fuckin miss it
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idk why my boss is giving me attitudetoo maybe cuz some parent prob complained abt me cuz i was talkjng to my coworker for a min during pick up bc we were trying to coordinate how we were going to close two classrooms with 30minutes left of the day and we didnt break up this ladys kid and some other kid who were having some petty ass two yr old fight on the playground
#like ok yeah i shld have broken it up but i didnt so what now. no one is hurt they werent actually fighting#they were just having some petty fight where they both wanted to b on the slide and were just screaming bc theyre two it wasnt actually like#physical#idk maybe these bitches shld givenus enough time to properly clean our classrooms and close etc cuz my coworker nd i were just trying to#work out how we were gojng to do that and its always so chaotic like two kids screaming we might not immediately run over to them when we#have like 16 other kids !! idk#anyway apparently she was pissed and complained to a diff coworker and probably the director too and claimed we were on our phones lol#like if i was on mg phone i was just checking the ratios and who was where and work stuff it was just an unlucky moment idk#like i feel like everyone's so focused on when u mess up only its getting old like watch ur own kid then bitch LMAO 😭😭😭idk#sorry im salty rn im just sick of parents rn like...#i feel like im working really hard and theres like no reward ig thats just life LOL but im sick of the toxic work environment tho#the vibes r bad i dont need it anymore. lol
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before taking my road test i did genuinely think everyone who said some of them will try to trip you up or be overly harsh were just sorta stretching the truth, but after how stupid my test was i understand.
i ended up autofailing bcz it was a two lane (same direction) parking lot where there were signs and cones saying one side was for the road test & one was for regular vechicles EXCEPT FOR ONE VERY SMALL AREA ONLY AT THE BEGINNING. but then she proceeded to make me continue on and do a parallel park, making me assume i didnt do anything wrong, and then have me circle back to the beginning and THEN fail me.
not only that, but she.. lied? about me not using my blinker when either going in or leaving the park????? which i straight up did do????? 🥲
#i think id have been less devastated by the fail if the just immediately told me to turn back around bcz i failed at the bad signage#i genuinely think that if anyone else saw that signage theyd be confused too. in fact im pretty sure my instructor didnt even know#bcz we needed to turn right but instead of going over to that tiny area that clips into the road test section#we went the long way around so we didnt go in that lane#the lesson i went to before my test was two hours and heavily inconvenient for my sponsor so to go through all of that and autofail..#odds are w her id have failed anyway. i genuinely dont see why she lied about the blinkers but AT LEAST if i went through the whole test &#failed it wouldve hurt but at least i could walk away knowing it wasnt as stupid as it was#now i have to renew my id bcz i wont have a license. and renew my permit. and pay $200+ for another test bcz i dont have#a car that can be used for the regular rmv. and now im paying rent for a place i cant even go to yet bcz the next rmv appt is in MID MAY#(the rent thing is normal and i did plan for it. but if you havent experienced rmvs 'post' covid.. you dont even do the test there.#you 'check in' and leave to do it at your house.)#i may try to beg my ride that i now 100% need to drive me to a further out one but. sighs. who knows#i ❤️ lifeeee#diary#sorry this is so long lol. im not as inconsolable as yesterday but now im just annoyed#i also wish to stress that while i love my car i fucking hate driving#my reward for getting my license is high car insurance and paying a ton for gas? YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AUUGGHHHHHHHHH 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
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HR at my job is starting to piss me the hell off
#they announced randomly on friday that they were no longer going to send out background check reminders and if a student worker hadnt#completed a background check already their hiring paperwork would be immediately cancelled going forward#i had a student that i started both hiring and background check for on wednesday#yesterday they tell me he didnt finish his BG check and his hiring has been cancelled. student says he did BG check thursday. HR now saying#he did do it thursday but they still cancelled it. kmsssss
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I feel so horrible
#last evening i spilled tea it was obv an accident but i should have been more careful it was through a too careless action#some spilled on the book i got from the library. i thought that was the worst part#a bit spilled on my laptop. very little. while i was busy with the book my mom wiped my laptop#my brother immediately turned it off & told me to keep it upside down overnight#so i put it upside down. for hours. at least 4. before that i picked it up to look i could still see the water#but my laptop reacted to me picking it up & showed the battery percentage on the screen like it does#i didnt do anything else and put it back upside down. so again later i picked it up to check#it look dry. this time it didnt react to my ''touch'' to me picking it up#i didnt think anything. i wanted to do something on my laptop and tried powering it on. idk if that was a mistake or not#but it didnt react. the night is over it's almost noon it's still not turning on. it's been in rice the whole night#but honestly i dont even know if that actually helps. i know it's a popular method but idk#my brother works in IT he knows computers he said he'd unscrew & remove the storage disk to be safe#and to call someone they know who repairs computers. neither of these things happened yet bc we dont have the right screw#my brother i believe asked the neighbor#i'm not really hopeful. i've slept 4 hours last night bc i was so worried i couldnt sleep#went to sleep at 3 woke up at 7 couldnt sleep again#i said i'm not hopeful but one thing about me i never think bad things like this could happen to me so there's always this#''it's not real this isnt happening'' in me. i wish it wasnt bc if it turns out to be real it devastates me#i feel i get swayed so easily by things going wrong. it just immobilizes me#it happened when my luggage got lost. i was completely scatter brained fully gone when it happened#i was staying at my aunt's place. she poked fun at me for how much it affected me. said i have euros i could raplace my clothes#i spent four days this way. i was there to see a friend. i felt i was robbed from truly having a good time. it was our first time meeting#i cried every single day. called the airport lost & found every single day. this one thing occupied my whole being#i got my luggage back but what i'm getting at is for one i actually got it back so it wasnt a real bad thing that happened. it got fixed#and two it just had me in its clutches this one incident. so now my laptop wont turn on i cant think of anything else#cant do anything else. and although it looks real and i DONT want to be hopeful so i can let go and not be devastated when i find out#it's irreparable. idk where i'm getting at with this. except idk i really really really want it to work again#nesi rants
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whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk
#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go#in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car#and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour#in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot#i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh#yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half#and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more#and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually#has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my#hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that#so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he#check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked#and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding#and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing#(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk#i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used#and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i#and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really#appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really#understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway#from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that#i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away#but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting
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