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youremyheaven · 2 months

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Rahu & Ketu: Abuse & Addiction

TW: drug overdose, death, suicide, abuse, childhood abuse

Nodal influence can be very destabilising and intoxicating. They're opposites but as they say the extremes of anything is a meeting point for it's opposite, so Rahu & Ketu share many similarities.

Rahu & Ketu are both shadow planets, Rahu is the head whereas Ketu is the tail. This in itself reveals much about the nature of the two. Rahu is over immersed in the world whereas Ketu is completely cut off from it.

When I say Rahu is over immersed/over stimulated, I don't mean they're profoundly connected to reality, I mean the opposite, they're deeply immersed in Maya/illusion that they often have no sense of reality. Rahu is the head, imagine if you lived in your head all the time? You'd be in your own la la land, disconnected from what is actually happening around you. This is Rahu energy. Without your body, you cannot use your senses, you cannot fully feel alive or experience reality. Rahu being the head means you're cut off from what is "real". You only live in your head and what happens in your head is very subjective and completely illusory.

They are so deeply immersed in an illusory world. This can manifest as substance addiction, video gaming, fame, material success, internet addiction, overly obsessed with "binging" content, maladaptive daydreaming etc, any experience that disconnects you from what is "real" and immerses you in something that feels very real but isn't real. Both Rahu and Ketu people suffer from addiction, Claire had mentioned that Nodal influence can make someone prone to addiction but why Rahu and Ketu are addicted tend to be very different. Rahu is overstimulated, they always need more of everything. There are people who spend 10 hours a day just watching YouTube videos or IG reels or whatever, that's because they need that much stimulation, since they live in their heads. Their minds need that kind of fodder to thrive off of. Once you start using any kind of substance, your brain builds a tolerance for it and you have to start using higher and higher doses to get the same high. When a Rahu native accumulates wealth, they start indulging in it but nothing is ever enough. They never feel "full", they don't have that fuse in their brain that flares up and says "this is enough". Basically they never know when to stop, they just keep going and going and going with anything they immerse themselves in. People play video games for 3-4 days straight without leaving their game set up. They don't ever feel satisfied. This is scary because "feeling full" is our brain's way of asking us to stop. Without that mechanism, we would overindulge and overdo everything which is what these natives do.

This is also why relationships are so tricky for Nodal people. They give too much and immerse themselves to the point where it's detrimental to the relationship. You either feel like you're losing part of yourself to it or the other person feels like you're consuming their energy too much (which makes them feel drained). Moderation does not exist for Nodal people either they're completely detached or they're completely obsessed.

Its similar to Jupiter energy in the sense that Jupiter is also very expansive and has the ability to immerse itself in everything and give so much but Jupiter has other principles that firmly ground it in reality as it is not a shadow planet like Rahu. It is not suspended in an illusion, Jupiter natives give so much or do so much because they have the internal space to do so, not out of a tendency to immerse themselves in Maya/illusion. Jupiter is the opposite, they see through Maya and find it hard to consciously part take in it.

Taylor Swift- Ardra Moon

She works harder than anybody in the biz. Her concerts are like 3 hours long and she does like 40-50 shows on average. She's ALWAYS doing THE most. She releases a new album every 2 years or so, has other projects etc this is a positive manifestation of Rahu energy because it allows you to be deeply immersed in your craft and your world but it also means you live in a bubble and you are cut off from "real life".

Ketu is the tail, it is cut off from reality and feels profoundly disconnected to reality. It is hard for these natives to feel like they relate to anything. This is why Ketuvians struggle with addiction. They use substances because they want to feel something, want to feel tethered, want to feel connected. They have to use higher doses because it helps them feel heightened emotions when they usually don't feel anything at all.

Ketu is connected to spirituality because natives who feel disconnected from the real world to this extent find it easier to immerse themselves in the occult and in esoterica. It is more abstract and requires you to think non-logically, i.e, experientially, but this is something Ketuvians have a hard time with, they themselves feel very "abstract" or like they aren't real or don't exist, so while they're intrinsically drawn to the esoteric, they feel untethered/ungrounded by immersing themselves in it too much. They need something they can cling to, they need something solid that they can attach themselves to.

All Rahuvian nakshatras belong to the Shudra caste, specifically the Butcher caste, this is very interesting because Shudra is the lowest caste (Mleccha is "outcaste" which means it exists outside the system entirely), to be Rahuvian means to operate on the lowest level. Butchers have to slaughter meat to make a living, that is unpleasant and brutal work, and only if they are disconnected from it can they keep doing it. They cannot be too focused on what they actually do because then it will be hard for them to do their tasks. They're not repulsed by it because they're disconnected from it.

2/3 Ketuvian naks are also Shudra caste whereas Ashwini is the only Ketu nak that is upper caste as it is a Vaishya nak.

(table by me hehe)

Rahuvian naks are found in all 3 ganas (Swati is deva gana, Ardra is manushya gana, Shatabhisha is rakshasa gana)

2/3 Ketuvian naks are Rakshasa gana (Mula, Magha) with only Ashwini being a Deva gana nak

I feel like Ketuvians are always made to feel like the bad guy / people villainize them a lot. They're the "ugly ducklings" who have to "win" approval as they're never accepted for who they are.

Rahu needs to immerse itself in something because its sensory perception is limited and they need to really indulge to grasp what is "real". Its very common for people with heavy Rahuvian or Rahu in a malefic placement to experience hallucinations or feel like their grip on reality is very thin.

Ketu has nothing perceive with at all. Its like being completely lost in the shadows or the dark. There's no perception taking place at all, it makes the natives inwardly drawn because its truly hard for them to absorb from their surroundings unlike Rahu which absorbs easily and fully. Rahu is over immersed whereas Ketu lacks immersion at all.

Lets look at the yoni animals of Rahu & Ketu naks respectively

Rahu: Ardra -dog yoni, Shatabhisha- horse yoni, Swati-buffalo yoni

Ketu: Magha-rat yoni, Mula- dog yoni, Ashwini-horse yoni

one common theme is that all these animals are abused, mistreated and exploited

(rats are the go to animal for lab testing, dogs are valued for their loyalty and are at the mercy of their owners, horses are made to endure so much labour, buffalos are farm animals)

all of these animals are also associated with dirt/filth in some way or another which is perhaps why people with Nodal influence often have a dishevelled appearance. They're bad at taking care of themselves.

Both horse yoni & dog yoni are divided among Rahu & Ketu naks whereas the yoni consort for Swati is Hasta (Moon ruled) and Magha is Purvaphalguni (Venus ruled).

Horses are very strong but very fragile animals. They start walking almost immediately after birth, they sleep standing up but they require a lot of attention and care as their health tends to be very fragile. Even though horses are associated with working hard, its not exactly innately part of their nature, it's just that they've been domesticated into being that way. It represents a very powerful active energy, as horses can be highly temperamental and unpredictable.

Dog yoni on the other hand, makes a person very needy and eager to please others. Dogs depend on the affection of their owners and without it they feel unhappy. Both these nakshatras have obsessive tendencies and a people pleasing nature. They're also two nakshatras who endure abuse the most.

I've noticed that a lot of people tend to have both nodes in their chart and I wonder what its like to house such contradictions. On one hand you're extremely involved, on the other, you're supremely detached.

The entertainment industry is one where people with Nodal influence really thrive but also often, self-destruct themselves. Its immensely hard to balance these energies since Rahu heightens whatever is in it, the way Jupiter expands whatever it touches. Both planets make you feel manic but in different ways.

Addiction is the result of an overactive nervous system and a coping mechanism. Ketu feels cut off from society/life/the world so in order to feel connected, it over indulges. Rahu needs something that will help them fully lose themselves, idk if I'm explaining it properly but you know how the best movies you've watched are the ones where you feel like you were in them experiencing those things with the characters? Its like that

There is an unhappy pattern of Rahu & Ketu influenced people being abused, I have especially noted this among child actors but also others.

Taylor Momsen- Swati Moon

Her parents signed her up with Ford Modeling when she was just 2 years old. "No 2-year-old wants to be working, but I had no choice. My whole life, I was in and out of school. I didn't have friends. I was working constantly and I didn't have a real life."

This theme of not experiencing "real life" or reality is very prominent in the lives of Rahuvian and Ketuvian people. It can be interpreted in many ways according to the context but there is always a sense of being deprived of what was "normal" or "real" as a result of which these natives had to live in their imagination or indulge in other things.

Like the child star who worked their whole life playing other people (acting is very Rahuvian) or the loner kid who spends all their time immersed in movies or video games because that feels more "real" to them.

Fame is also an inherently Rahuvian experience bc it's an illusion & a prison.

Judy Garland- Ardra Rising, Mula Moon

She was emotionally abused and controlled by her mother who got her addicted to drugs by the time she was a teenager. She was also sexually abused by the studio executives she worked with. Judy had a very tough life.

Aaron Carter, Ardra Moon, Mula Rising

Aaron Carter claimed that as a teen musician, his family spent $500 million of his money on 15 houses and 30 cars. He claimed that when his parents sold the houses, he didn't get a cut of the profits. He also alleged that his dad shot a .44 magnum near his ear — which resulted in him going 70% deaf in one ear — to force him into signing a $256,000 check.

Being heavily tattooed (more examples at the end of this post) is also a very Nodal thing to do.

He unfortunately passed away in 2022 from an accidental drug overdose. This is also a very unfortunate pattern among Nodal celebrities.

Macaulay Culkin- Shatabhisha Moon, Magha Sun & Mercury

Macaulay Culkin's father Kit managed him during his childhood career. Macaulay has shared that his father was controlling and had him on a very busy filming schedule in the early '90s. He added his father made him stay up every night to study the lines he would have to say the next day. Macaulay asserted that his father was "such a crazy person" that he forced him to do SNL without cue cards when he hosted the show at 11 years old. Macaulay has explained that he felt his father was jealous of him because “everything he tried to do in his life I excelled at before I was 10 years old.”When Macaulay stopped acting after his 1994 movie Richie Rich, he told his parents, “I’m done, guys — hope you all made your money because there is no more coming from me.”His parents were never married and after he stopped acting, his mother filed for custody. Macaulay ended up taking his parents to court to stop them from controlling his $17 million in earnings. Since then, he and his father have been estranged.

I feel like the "child star gone wild" is a trope meant specifically for Nodal people

Keke Palmer, Magha Sun & Mercury, Mula Moon

Palmer shared on IG:

"Due to traveling and scheduling both of my parents had to stop working to support my career and be present for my three siblings, leaving me with the financial responsibility around age 12. Which I took great pride in because I knew what it would do for generations to come and a huge blessing that I could even help out. However it caused me a lot of pain because I essentially had to abandon my childhood feelings and desires, becoming like a parentalized child, which is something some of you can probably relate to in your own way. This was something that I have had to continuously work through because I am grateful but often feel like.. I missed “IT”. Life can be such a tragic comedy because how funny is it.. that now becoming an actual parent, and the responsibility I’ve always carried being more valid now than ever, has in fact given me the chance to feel what it’s like to be a kid again, I get a chance to explore a lot of the things I missed out on with my son, His freedom is like, the most priceless gift to me. He is already teaching me so much, it’s like he awakened the little me inside that I thought was long gone."

Ketu dominance = being your own parent, being neglected by your family or having to be your parent's parent.

Michael Jackson, Magha Sun & Mercury, Shatabhisha Rising

From a young age Jackson was physically and mentally abused by his father, enduring incessant rehearsals, whippings and name-calling. Jackson's abuse as a child affected him throughout his grown life. reading about the lives of the Jackson siblings and how severely they were all abused is very perspective altering and sad

Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, Magha Moon, Ashlesha Rising (inc the ashlesha placement bc its another nak often subject to control and abuse)

“With what we were doing in business when we were younger, I don’t think it ever felt like we were actresses,” Mary-Kate “Because we spend so much more of our time not in front of the cameras, building a brand. Ashley agreed, saying: “I always looked at myself, even as a kid, as a business woman.” Mary-Kate said she wouldn't wish her childhood on anyone, and said she felt like a "monkey performer."

they quit acting in the mid 2000s and rarely make public appearances and god only knows what they endured in the business bc neither of them will talk about it.

Sarah Michelle Geller, Ashwini Sun conjunct Ketu, Shatabhisha Moon

Sarah herself enjoyed the path she'd ended up on, she has rules in place for her own daughter. Recalling the "industry abuses" she experienced as a teenager in Hollywood, she said she hoped she'd "set up a safety net for these actors that I didn't have," but that she and husband Freddie Prinze Jr. have "rules in place" that mean daughter Charlotte "can't be in front of a camera until she graduates high school."

Kylie Jenner, Swati Moon

Kylie started appearing on her family's reality show when she was 10

In 2016, she told her sister Kim in an episode of the show: "I feel like I've had anxiety for too long. I feel too much, I care too much, I read too much. Some people are born for this life and some people aren’t. I just know I’m not supposed to be famous.” in an old IG post she said: "I’m proud of myself, my heart, and my strength. Growing up in the light with a million eyes on you just isn’t normal. I’ve lost friends along the way and I’ve lost myself too sometimes. My first tattoo was 'sanity' to remind myself everyday to keep it. I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole young adult life." "I know I don't want to be famous forever. There's gonna be a time where I feel comfortable, I'm at a good place in my life, and I just stop."

Natalie Wood, Ashwini Moon

The late Natalie Wood was forced into acting by her mother, Maria, who missed her chance to become a performer and instead focussed her efforts on pushing her daughters to stardom.

While young Natalie had a natural talent for performing, it seemed that her reason for going to movie sets was more to please her mother than to quench any desire of her own.

Bella Thorne, Mula Moon

"I was sexually abused and physically growing up from the day I can remember till I was 14. When I finally had the courage to lock my door at night and sit by it. All damn night." She has also stated that she only started acting as a child to support her family.

Drew Barrymore, Shatabhisha Sun

Drew's mother took her to clubs and allowed her access to drugs and alcohol, ultimately leading to her institutionalization at the age of 13, and emancipating herself at 14. Drew described fame at such a young age as "a recipe for disaster."

Edith Piaf, Mula Sun & Mercury, Magha Mars

Born in Paris practically on the streets, she struggled from day one, the daughter of street performers. The mother, a singer, eventually abandoned both Edith and her father for a solo career. Piaf spent her youth entertaining passers-by, receiving little formal education in the process. She often accompanied her father's acrobat street act with her singing and at various times was forced to live with various relatives, in alleys or in cheap hotels. An aborted love affair left her with a baby girl at age 17, but little Marcelle died of meningitis at 2 years old. Devastated, Piaf returned to the streets she knew, now performing solo. Her fortunes finally changed when an impresario, Louis Leplee, mesmerized by what he heard, offered the starving but talented urchin a contract. He alone was responsible for taking her off the streets at age 20 and changing her name from Edith Gassion to "La Mome Piaf" (or "Kid Sparrow"). Piaf grew in status entertaining in elegant cafés and cabarets and became a singing sensation amid the chic French society with her throbbing vocals and raw, emotional power. From 1936, Piaf recorded many albums and eventually became one of the highest paid stars in the world.

Later in life she became an addict and died in poverty at the age of 47.

Brittany Murphy, Swati Moon & Venus

she was a child star who was managed by her controlling mom. she battled with eating disorders and drug addiction. rip britt.

Justin Bieber, Shatabhisha Sun conjunct Saturn

Justin shot to fame at a very young age and was severely exploited by his management/everybody around him

Now here are some heavily tatted celebs and their placements

L to R

Rihanna- Shatabhisha Sun

Paris Jackson- Ardra Moon

Cheryl Cole- Ardra Sun & Mars, Shatabhisha Moon

Demi Lovato- Magha Sun

Jungkook- Magha Moon, Mula Rising

Ruby Rose- Swati Rising

Machine Gun Kelly- Ashwini Sun

The 27 club refers to a phenomenon where several musicians have died by age 27, many from an overdose. Unfortunately many of them have Nodal influence.

Brian Jones- Shatabhisha Sun

Jimi Hendrix- Mula Rising

Amy Winehouse- Mula Moon

Kurt Cobain- Shatabhisha Sun, Ardra Moon,

Janis Joplin- Ardra Moon, Mula Mars, Asc conjunct Ketu (in Dhanishta)

Jim Morrison- Ketu conjunct Rising (in Shravana)

several other celebrities who have died from overdoses also tend to have prominent Nodal influence

John Belushi- Mula Rising

Phillip Seymour Hoffman- Mercury in Ardra 2h, Mars conjunct Ketu in Swati

Prince- Shatabhisha Moon, Ketu in Ashwini

Whitney Houston- Shatabhisha Rising

River Phoenix- Magha Sun conjunct Ketu, Swati Ascendant conjunct Jupiter

Elvis Presley- Shatabhisha Moon

Margaux Hemingway- Ashwini Rising

Nodal planets are shadow planets and it can be very difficult for these natives to manage this energy as it is energy without a source, Rahu & Ketu don't have physical form or existence, that is a lot of uncontrolled energy to possess within yourself. Many people turn to spirituality and other esoteric sources and good Rahu & Ketu influence is vital and necessary to study or gain access to gnosis, study astrology or other occult matters but when this energy is imbalanced in their chart, these natives are more prone to self-destruction than any other planetary dominance simply because the unbridled energy is impossible to contain and requires some kind of coping mechanism. I have dated several Nodal men and they all dealt with varying degrees of addiction to varying substances and they all spoke about "wanting to feel more real" or how "nothing feels solid". I will try to focus on the positive manifestations of the Nodes on a future post.

thanks for reading<333

#astrology notes #astrology observations #vedic astro notes #nakshatras #astrology #astroblr #astro notes #astro observations #vedic astrology #sidereal astrology #jyotish #rahu #ketu #ashwini #shatabhisha #mula #magha #swati #ardra

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yellowhollyhock · 1 month

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Any aspec headcanons for Mona and Raph? We need more aspec rep.

yesssss qpr ramona

Hmm I think. I think they're besties for a long time before it occurs to them that outside observers are interpreting their relationship as romantic. I really like your Battle Nexus headcanon about how 03 Raph meets Mona Lisa.

Oh! They bond fighting. Everything from formal spars to poke wars. Mona Lisa would start a poke war and Raph would be like 'what are we twelve' however. He cannot lose. It lasts for years. Various bets are made, and each time someone wins they end up finding out that it actually wasn't over (Raph and Mona keep making up rules in order to continue) and have to give the money back. At some point it stops being about winning and becomes a way for them to mess with everyone else.

I think in my head I am combining the Goofy Gal Improv Queen Mona Lisa 1987 with Hardcore Loyal Honorable Warrior Mona Lisa 2012. And it's a very fun mix. She will take you down with kicks and pun(che)s, the banter is part of her personal honor code, it's her way of demonstrating respect for her opponents. Which is an interesting contrast with Raph who saves his roasts for the guys he doesn't respect XD

She is also very deliberate and respectful about learning other people's cultures and boundaries, I imagine this version of her is something of an inter-dimensional traveler. She's very thoughtful about who she teases and when and for what, something Raph immediately notices and deeply respects.

Raph cooks, Mona pays when they go out.

He knits her a little hat and she is delighted, she's never accessorized much before on the planet she's from and the concept of these little cloth crafts that you wear is just fascinating to her.

Oh and they sort of discover together the words that describe their relationship. I mean like comparing experiences is part of what helps them both realize they're aspec. I see Raph as aromantic asexual, Mona as demiromantic graysexual, but at the same time I feel like they both have complex fluctuating experiences and particularly Raph doesn't find labels particularly helpful, for him personally

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #2003 raph #tmnt mona lisa #ramona #raphmona #thanks for the ask!#just my headcanons

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cowboy-garfield · 1 year

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wait, have you ever seen the larry evidence? these men are still writing songs about each other and fake dating women?? even if they’re not together now, they’re closeted. many ex-boy band members have come forward with their own experiences of being forced to hide their sexuality (i.e., lance bass, ricky martin)

LMAO IS THIS A TROLL ARE Y'ALL FUCKING WITH ME... this is one of my friends isn't it hsjdkghsk /j

Dude I hate to break it to you, but you've picked the wrong Rango to tango with. My irl friend has been studying the larrie conspiracy DEEPLY for more a year now out of morbid fascination, and I've been along for the entire ride. We're losing our shit on the phone as I type this. I made that brba post referencing the black mold thing before it even broke 200 notes. I know about your rainbow bears and tattoos and babygates and 28.

If you've got something to throw at me, give me your best shot. I'm already in the belly of the beast with your so-called "evidence." And I've never seen a bigger crock of parasocial copium and sunk cost fallacy in my LIFE.

Genuinely idk if this is someone fucking with me, but if you seriously obsess over and speculate and state personal details about real people as if they're factual... then you seriously need to reevaluate your life. Not only is it unhealthy, but it's just weird as hell.

You don't know these people, and they don't know you. They're grown ass multimillionaires who can do whatever the fuck they want.

Hell—they've been involved in WORSE scandals than if they were merely to come out, but y'all probably wouldn't acknowledge any of that to save your life—because then they wouldn't be your little victimized uwu boys. The victimization angle is very important to the agenda I've noticed, because if you tell yourself you're always on the defense (or that someone else is attacking you/whoever you're shipping), you're free from having to self reflect. You're the victims, so why would you need to?

Here is the real kicker though. The real nitty gritty. Even if it came out that these guys WERE closeted, it would still be weird and unhealthy!!

It's genuinely difficult for me to even say any of this, because I've seen the decade-long trips these people go on, and i know how insanely detached from reality they get. But in the simplest terms, it's not your fucking business.

Loving someone's songs, being a fan, buying their merch, streaming their music, or hell—even just liking them as people (which is fine within reason, just like anything)—none of these are qualifiers that give you permission to speculate the details of someone's personal life. There are no qualifiers. At all.

Everyone is entitled to privacy, and no amount of fan devotion gives you a magic coupon owing you those private matters. It doesn't even give you the right to speculate on them. Re: the Heartstoppers actor outing incident. You are not a special fan, and you are not owed anything. Especially when there are thousands and thousands of people who also think they're special fans who just "really get the guy."

Even if that's not what this original ask was specifically saying, that's what the whole culture around this bullshit claims. It's implied. "I'm in the special secret circle of people who know what's Really going on! God our boys need us to support them through this separation so bad :'( It must be so hard for them, I can't imagine. Thank god I'm the one seeing their Obvious signals. Thank god they have me. Those non-believers are just homophobic sheep; I'm the only one who really cares."

The only thing you people have done for them (other than adding half a decimal point to their mountainous bottom lines) is ruin their friendships and lives.

Try to imagine having every minute detail of your life documented and analyzed by people you don't know. Imagine all this invasion is being used to prove a lie about your intimate personal life, which you cannot make them stop believing because of the narrative they've already committed to. Imagine your every denial being 'just more proof.' Imagine your child, girlfriend, wife, being sent death threats daily for years. Imagine having everything from your body language to your cousins' instagram likes to your fucking shopping clothes be scanned for "clues." Everything.

Now imagine that same ferocious invasion extends to every friend, partner, family member, and random ass person you stand next to for five minutes--everyone you will ever meaningfully interact with. That's the fucking pain of theirs I can't imagine; not some made up fucking ship fic about how "the big mean suits are keeping the gay babies down ;("

I can't imagine it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And I honestly admire their decorum about it. Because if I was in that position long enough to not lose my fucking mind, you bet your ass I would go harder than this:

But who am I kidding. All these sources are just more false flags from HQ, aren't they? When you invent a boogeyman who doesn't exist—when you craft an entire fanfic ARG out of normal, meaningless occurrences—anything can just be waved offg. Anything can be proof, and anything can be lies from management. You're forever liberated from the shackles of critical thinking! How convenient.

I understand that this is a novel and a half for one ask, but don't mistake that as investment in convincing you. I fully realize I sound just like a redditor, but after more than a year of seeing this batshit, that brain fungus meme blowing up out of nowhere and bringing larries right to me? Oh god, that's ambrosia.

I have been confused, fascinated, and disgusted by this fandom for ages; it's like watching a car crash. Despite the length of this, it's never been worth my time enough to start fights with random blogs though. Most are so removed from reality that arguing would be pointless anyway; can't fight delusion with logic. If that worked, none of this would be happening in the first place. So having the opportunity to rip into this shit when it's been doordashed right to me is like crack. With a laughably confident ask to boot.

This isn't me being a tryhard; I know that so many Larries—especially the oddly large demographic of 30+y/o women—are beyond hope. They've put years up to the double digits into this narrative and likely had it impact their life negatively, which tends to happen when you obsess over a conspiracy. To admit defeat now—to accept reality; boring, thankless reality where they aren't the victims with a promised happy ending—would probably break their brains in half. (Not to mention the toxic hazing, doxxing, elitism, and witch hunts that occur in their own fandom. Don't think I don't know about that shit either.)

I say this with hedonistic glee: I wrote this shit for fun. I could have been working on final projects right now, but I wanted to do this instead. It's not so much wanting to be rude to you in particular as it is me ripping into HL fandom and celeb conspiracists in general. Sorry that your ask was the sacrificial lamb, anon, but I would also like to thank you for being on anon so I could go off without fear of people coming to harass you. If you're a naive fan who got indocrinated by other fans, sorry for the rude wake up call I guess, but tbh I'm not really holding my breath.

And let's knock out some allegations before they even start, shall we? I am not a homophobe. I am not saying celebrities aren't pushed to act a certain way or that abuse doesn't happen in the entertainment industry. I don't care about 1D (hell, half the time i can't tell them apart). RPF is at best, fucking weird and at worst, actively harmful. I think 1D's music is mid. I don't think their relationships are fake, nor do I think that WHOLE ASS CHILD is some random hired actor. As a lesbian, that guy couldn't be the janitor of the lesbians let alone the king. Fucking nobody irl talks about these guys. If they came out, it would be old news within a week. There is no Qanon-esque day of reckoning where they're going to come out and shut up all the #haters. There is no storyline; real life doesn't have those. Homophobia is bad, obviously. Regardless of my opinions on their music or crummy things they've done (which I don't even know much about since I don't care abt them aside from the Larrie craziness), I hate that this toxic fan bullshit has affected them negatively and that goes for any celebrity. This is a wider problem than just the 1D crowd; not even gonna touch beatles, tswift, or kpop. Reality has no clues like a fucking Columbo episode. Lastly, y'all aren't even special--said friend has unearthed at least five near-IDENTICAL rpf shipping conspiracies in everything from fifty shades of grey to olympic ice skating. And those aren't even gay, but they still give their fans secret symbols that they're being kept apart for Some Reason through clothing and special numbers.

Anyway. It's finals week and I have life shit to do. Larries, feel free to file this away in your 'Naysayers Who Will Be Proven Wrong Someday!' hoard. Briefly entertaining a reality where they do come out, guess what: I still don't give a shit. They're just two rich white dudes who make top 40 pop songs. Toxic parasocial fan behavior like this would still be just as weird and shitty as it is in our actual reality, where these guys have never openly declared dating anyone but women and verbally detest this shipping behavior.

I swear to God, it seems like most Larrie shippers don't even like the men that actually exist. That's the rub, isn't it? Reality sucks, but fantasy can be whatever you want it to be. All the things you like about these guys are authentic, and all the things you don't are just manipulation tactics by the puppetmaster marketing team. Forget the fact that they're fucking human beings and not dolls for your amusement or comfort.

You have no idea if they're fake dating women. You have no idea if they're closeted. You have no idea if the generic ass love songs they write are about each other. The truth none of you people realize is that you're probably never going to know, and if that just eats you up inside—good. That's your common sense trying to chew its way out of the cage of confirmation bias you locked it in.

#co-written and produced by my friend who is sadly only on twitter #shoutout sam #ask #larrie #larry #one direction #larry is real #harry styles #louis tomlinson #1D #larry stylinson #larry shippers #skit yells

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veronicarogue · 2 months

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I will try not to make this too long.

What I, personally, am looking most forward to in S2:

1. Charlie & Alastor!

Opposites in nearly every way but with those few important similarities. Their dynamic (to me) is the most intriguing and exciting and complex and, and, and! (Also more 🩷Charlastor♥️ content and I will be vacuuming up those crumbs and the fan content that follows! [Sigh] Fanon is such tremendous fun😊)

2. Alastor.

This serial killing, cannibalistic, voodoo(i think thats what his magic is called), deer demon, Overlord is drenched in charm and mystery and I am on the edge of my metaphorical seat to learn more and more about him. [Eying my stack of pages filled with questions, theories and character analysis]

3. Charlie.

She's over 200 years old. Was she always like this - happy and optimistic or was there some point in her life she where was, idk, like Alastor to a lesser extent? What made her spring into action on her dream of rehabilitating souls? I just really wanna know more about Charlie. [Eying my smaller stack of pages with Charlie sketches and character analysis]

4. Lilith, Lucifer, Alastor, Adam and Lute. There's so much to unpack here.

Why did Lilith and Lucifer split?

Liliths (implied)deal with Adam??

Could it really be her that has Alastor on a chain?

Is Lilith going to stand in Charlies way? (I'm really hoping she was a decent mother who loves Charlie and will instead go down to warn her)

What is the direction for Lute's character? How much or little has the loss of Adam affected her?

COULD ADAM BE COMING BACK AS A SINNER?!

Also, the beef between Lucifer and Alastor will undoubtedly be hilarious😂 The angel and demon on Charlie's shoulders.

5. HEAVEN.

Do the heavenly souls now know about the exterminations? Do they know about Sir Pentious; that Sinners can be redeemed? - side note: when the hazbins find out about Pentious I am probably going to cry😭 - how do the heavenly souls feel about that? Heaven is meant to be perfect but they've been lied to for decades and ruled by a corrupt system.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT DOES GET SOMEONE INTO HEAVEN OR HELL IN THIS UNIVERSE?

I'd like to think the heaven souls will be happy and requesting to send letters or something to their loved ones down in Hell. (now I'm imagining Molly being the first and writing a letter to her brother Anthony!😭)

Also, Emily and Sir Pentious friendship! That'll be so F-ing cute!

6. Vaggie.

Anticipating how the writers will go about Vaggie becoming her own person with her own personality. I'm excited for her to grow beyond her identity as whatever Charlie needs because that, currently, is all there is to her. Which makes sense considering all her life has been a militaristic upbringing with other angels who didn't like her(ep8) and Extermination Days and who knows what she got up to the remaining 364 days of the year. AND upon losing her entire purpose as an exorcist, she gains Charlie, who has become her everything and the hotel is also Vaggies way of making up for her past. But Vaggie also measures her entire self-worth, once again, around Charlie (ep3, 7, and bit of 6 and 8)

Who in the hotel will she form connections with? - I did like her and Angel's bickering in the Pilot and I see her and Cherri beings friends.

(Side note because some people cannot comprehend what they read: I AM NOT HATING ON VAGGIE! I'm critiquing her as a character and her lack of a personality besides her one big secret and one special person, which is a GREAT foundation for a character to build up from. All these characters are flawed, some downright F-ed up and that's what makes them so lovable. Organic growth of flawed characters. Love to see it, love the journey)

7. The Vees.

They're no angelic beings or ring lords but they do have massive influence within and over the Sinners of the Pride ring, so yes, I do believe they will be a serious threat to the hotel.

Vox with his one-sided rivalry, deeply rooted hatred (and maybe something more) toward Alastor.

Need I go into detail about the F-ed up Valentino and Angel situation that we all want to save our precious spiderboy from?

And Velvette, I think she'll either have a rivalry with Charlie and/or Vaggie. I hope its Vaggie especially if she's going to have a mentor/Student dynamic with Carmilla! (AWWW. Now I'm imagining Vaggie becoming friends with Clara and Odette Carmine (even though we don't know much about them yet) I just want nice things for Vaggie and that includes good friendships!)

8. Charlie & Angel AND Charlie & Husk (This could go with point 3 but I want more of these two pairs specifically)

9. Anything about Angel, Husk, Niffty, or Cherris human lives and/or their afterlives.

10. 🐈‍⬛️🎲Huskerdust🕸💗 (platonic or romantic. Both is good. Slow Burn is my poison though)

11. MORE SONGS accompanied by fabulous animation!

Thank you for reading through my little rant😊

Pleasant day further🌆/Sweet dreams🌃

#hazbin hotel #charlastor #hazbin hotel vees

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gloomiebearwritings · 2 years

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I love love LOVE ur writing, it's so soft 🥺 can I request how nightwolf, liu kang, and hanzo comfort a s/o who loses their entire family (and perhaps is the last of their people)? and they are super afraid that they're gonna lose everyone else too? thank you!!

Thank you so much, Anon!! That's so sweet!! 😭 Absolutely! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightwolf - He understands loss, given what’s happened to his own people before, so he respects that you’re in pain - Your anxiety of losing more is something he discovered quickly- which he remedied as best he could in the beginning, careful not to overstep your boundaries regarding what happened - He’d never pry about what happened, letting you tell him the details if you chose to- and if you never did, he’d understand In the beginning he knew you had a sore spot when it came to talks of family or friends, so he generally avoided those talks until you told him what happened. His heart sank when you told him; a feeling of freezing washed over him. You being the last of your people made him realize just how precious your life was to him, and now the others of his own people. He could only imagine the pain you were in when you told him, gently pulling you closer to give you the warmth of an embrace. With soft words and hushes he promises you no loss like that will ever come to you again, “I cannot undo what was done, I cannot bring them back... But I will never let such a pain cut you again.” he’ll say softly. From then on, he makes it his goal to try and give you a new life, even if the pain never truly disappears. He would never try to tell you to forget it or get over it, finding it cruel to request someone forget their pain.

Liu Kang - While he hasn’t experienced loss in the same way you have, he can understand that you’re deeply hurt by what you’ve experienced - The painful anxiety of losing everyone again made him rethink just how reckless he’d been before with his stunts, resulting in less risk taking by him - He respected your choice if you chose to not speak too deeply about what had happened, knowing that you would tell him one day if you felt comfortable doing so When you told him about how you were the last of your people, he grew quiet, unsure of how to approach the situation. But soon you found him bringing you closer, giving you a firm but soft kiss to your forehead as he embraced you. He kept you close and softly hushed you, reminding you that he was there and wasn’t going to leave. His heart was heavy for some time afterwards, finding it hard to focus on his training when all he could think about was just how deeply cut by loss you were. Whenever he had the time, he’d come back just to show he was still there and safe, and that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to you again. “Y/N, I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere...” he’d say as he’d hold you, or between kisses.

Hanzo - Your experience hit him hard given his own losses, especially that of his family; you now having become his new family which he swears to protect at all costs - He understands your anxiety, often going to great lengths to ease it when it acts up; promising to help melt the cold fear away anyway he can - Given the shared experiences he told you he’d never press for details, instead wanting to focus on trying to make new memories, and experience new things to relieve some of the pain From the start he knew you’d experienced something horrible, but never once pressed to find out what it was. So, once you told him when he’d accidentally asked about your friends or family his heart skipped a beat as it sank. He never meant to cause you pain, let alone lead you to cry. Before you knew it, he had you wrapped up in his arms, pressed close to him as he apologized for causing you pain. As he held you, he swore he’d never let that happen again, that he’ll train you if it made you feel more secure. “Y/N, I swear I will never let you lose another like that again.” he’d tell you as he slowly let go of you in order to hold your face and give you a kiss. He promises you that you have new people at your side, ones that love you dearly and will remain by your side no matter what. His clan may not be your people by blood, but they’re now your people by love and trust, something he’ll make sure you never lose.

#my works #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat #mk hanzo hasashi #hanzo hasashi x reader #mk nightwolf #nightwolf x reader #mk liu kang #liu kang x reader #mk scorpion

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lcatala · 11 months

Text

A Review Of Nimona

Despite some reservations, I really liked Nimona.

I open with the conclusion because this review starts off quite pessimistic and is rather long, so that way those of you who won't make it to the end will not leave with the false impression that I didn't like Nimona; I really much did.

I have a complicated relationship with 3D animation.

Well no, actually, it's a pretty simple relationship: I hate almost all of it.

It's not that there's any reason why 3D animation cannot be good in the abstract. I'm not a medium snob; you can tell good stories in live action, in 2D animation, in 3D animation, in stop-motion, with hand puppets, with shadow puppets, with paper cutouts ; in theory, it absolutely doesn't matter.

Except, in practice, most 3D animated films range from mediocre and forgetable to actively repulsive.

Visually, they almost all look the same, to the point that it's really hard to distinguish studio styles at all (without looking it up, between Coco and Encanto, which is Pixar and which is Disney?) Storywise, it's all very pain-by-numbers, hero's-journey crap with little deviation. But what gets those from merely nondescript to actively annoying is the tone. So so many of these movies revolve around "hype" and "cool" teenagers who constantly strike poses, raise their eyebrows, and talk in one-liners. Everything is manic and noisy, there's not a single moment to breathe, because if nothing stimulating happens on screen for more than three seconds, surely the audience will stop watching, so there's always someone gesticulating, dancing, singing, making faces, or all four at once. And everything has to be crammed with pop culture references and topical allusions so that the audience can relate.

Don't get me wrong, it's good to have media you can relate to, media that speak of modern problems and adress a modern audience in its own terms. But there has to be less insultingly condescending ways of doing it than shouting "HELLO FELLOW KIDS" over and over for 90 minutes.

Let's be clear: this isn't happening because the people involved are not competent or because the budgets are too tight. Very talented people work hard (routinely to the point of exploitation in fact) on these movies, and they actually get quite strong budgets reflecting the benefits they're expected to make.

And that's the actual problem: there's too much financial stake in 3D animated films, too many producers and shareholders breathing down the neck of everyone else, too many committees trying to craft the perfect crowd-pleaser, too many rewrites and re-rewrites, too much fear of failling to capture the children-and-teenager audience and losing hundreds of millions. So everything must be made to appeal to the widest, shallowest base as possible, and every second of screentime must be an attention-grabber that leaves absolutely no chance of anyone getting bored.

Mirroring this, there's no reason for 2D animated and stop-motion movies to be inherently better than 3D ones. They are so in practice because big studios see them as uncool and no longer profitable, which means that the only people who still make these kinds of movies have to actually deeply care about them and go in with the full awareness that their next project might well be a commercial flop that will set them back for a decade on the project after that or might even end their career.

So when it was announced that Nimona, a webcomic I had really liked for its quirky, original, both humorous and dark tone, was going to be adapted by Blue Sky Studios, who had afflicted the world with not one, not two, not three, but five Ice Age movies, well, I was not happy at all, because that seemed like worst possible match. It was hard to imagine them doing anything other than remove anything remotely interesting about the story and turn it into a generic seizure-inducing mess with poop jokes because that's all that they do with their movies.

I feel bad about it retrospectively, but my first instinct when I heard that the movie was cancelled was to rejoice that we had been spared from what would certainly have been a complete disaster and a terrible insult to the original comic. And the revival of the project, while it was always a positive for the actual people involved, left me largely indifferent.

Who would I have had instead to adapt this into a movie? Why, Cartoon Saloon of course! A fantasy story about a free-spirited, hyper-active, shapeshifting red-headed girl and the friendship she seeks with another outcast character, leading to a fight against the instutions of law and order that turn out to be corrupt and evil? Why, they would have loved making that movie.

Except they did make that movie. What I'm describing is not just the premise of Nimona; it's also that of Wolfwalkers, the absolutely amazing 2D animated film that Cartoon Saloon released in 2020, as the third part of their "Irish Folklore Trilogy" (following The Secret of Kells and Song of the Sea).

Ok fine then, if Wolfwalkers already exists, it would be redundant for Cartoon Saloon to make it again, so I guess Nimona can be in its own thing; if it doesn't work out, I'll just rewatch Wolfwalkers.

Then I saw that ND Stevenson, the author of the original comic, was actually really enthusiastic about the project — which in itself isn't a definite proof, many times has a creator be enthusiastic about an upcoming adaptation of their work only to get burned when the actual thing came out, but at least it was a positive sign. Maybe I was going to give this movie a chance.

Then the movie came out, and I saw a lot of positive reviews from people who I trusted not to be easily swayed by any old crappy animated film just because it had some queer representation. Ok, ok, fine, y'all win, I'll watch it.

So I watched it and… I actually had quite a really good time.

I liked that there actually was a conscious stylistic choice in the animation, this sort of 3D-2D hybrid technique, like very-advanced-cel-shading seems like it's a lot more flexible when it comes to actually give an animated movie a distinct, signature style — and it blends in a lot better than pure 3D, as seen on how Ghibli has used those techniques for complex individual shots since Princess Mononoke in 1997 — a movie mostly made in 2D traditional animation, but that has a number of digitally made shots seamlessly incorporated using those 3D-painted-over-to-look-like-2D techniques. By the way if you like Princess Mononoke, you should also watch Wolfwalkers, it has a number of similar vibes!

I liked the humor! For the most part, it worked, and some jokes were actually pretty clever in their absurdity, like having Nimona pull out a polaroid picture she's somehow taken a few minutes ago just for the sake of a visual gag, even tho we've already established that this is a futuristic fantasy setting (which is also a thing I like, the worldbuilding was pretty cool) where everyone has smart phones (but it also works as a subtle early hint that Nimona is much, much older than she seems).

I liked that queer representation was front but not center: several main characters are openly, explicitely queer, but this isn't a plot point, this isn't something that they have to defend or call attention to. It's just a normal character trait, and the problems, drama and obstacles these characters face do not stem from them being queer.

I liked the story, the themes it went for and how it executed them, twisting traditional feudal fantasy and hero's-journey tropes but without being heavy handed and obnoxious about it, showing that you can play with a genre and pick apart its problematic implications without being a scatological edgelord about it (yes I loathe the Shrek franchise, why do you ask?)

It still has some of the things that make me strongly dislike modern 3D movies, but it's contained. It's here and there, but not to the point of ruining the story. Yes Nimona is an out-of-control nuclear-powered goblin, but the movie actually goes into why she is like that, and suddenly it's a lot more interesting to have a character be manic and constantly at 11 because she has a lot of pent up anger and insecurities about being alone than just because that's a quirky character trait to throw in randomly; and the movie does manage to have a few quiet and reflexive moments, and those matter a lot in the story.

I am of two minds about its qualities as an adaptation. On the one hand, even if this is a very different story from the original, the themes are there, the spirit of the original story is there; different media have different strength and what would work in comic format wouldn't necessarily work in an animated movie. Having the movie tells its own story makes it less redundant compared to the comic, more complimentary — you can know the one by heart and still get surprised and awed by discovery when you get to the other. And updating the material can be good; people always complain about Disney's track record of sanitizing fairy tales, but I can assure you that you don't want to see a faithful adaptation of Sleeping Beauty on screen. In general, an adaptation making significant changes to the story isn't a deal breaker for me, some of my favorite movies massively depart from their source material, usually for the better.

On the other hand, it seems to be almost a constant with animated adaptations that the source story is going to get discarded. It gives the feeling once again that the people involved in making these adaptations do not take the medium seriously and cannot imagine that these stories could stand on their own without needing heavy rewriting, that they can't see them as deserving a faithful adaptation. I understand why a lot of these changes happened for Nimona, but I still regret some of the stuff from the comic. Like yeah, it's very clever that in this version, Nimona has essentially no origin story and actively refuses to talk about how she came to be, but then we miss out on this absolute wham moment from the comic, Ballister telling her "Nimona, you forgot your own backstory!"

So in the end, I have to take the movie for what it is, rather than look too closely as what it is an adaptation of. Those are two different takes and stories on the same characters and themes, both with their strong points, and I think I can live with that.

So in the end, I had a pretty good time. It had some small issues, it's probably not the best version possible of that story, but it's still far, far better than anything I was expecting. I you loved it, I do still recommend checking out Wolfwalkers as soon as possible if you haven't already, you might well love that one too.

#nimona #nimona 2023 #nimona movie #nd stevenson #movie review #old person yells at cloud vibes #a nimona review but actually it's propaganda for wolfwalkers #no but I actually liked it I swear #wolfwalkers #3d animation #2d animation #rant

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ziracona · 5 months

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I just want to say though thank you for writing ILM and all your other DBD fics. I don't think i can truly articulate just how spectacular the writing is and the impact they've had on me and countless others. My friends and i joke that ILM changed our brain chemistry, and the truth is that they're right.

The way you write about human emotions and experience even in an uncontested hellscape is unparalleled. The way the fear of pain and death never truly goes away, the knowledge that you know you're going to suffer but still hoping that maybe this time will be different - it is entirely what people are made up of. Of hope and determination and courage.

The moments of levity in a world made to cause the utmost of despair. The care and love, and how persistence can win out.

I also adore how you unabashedly show the killers how they are. They're human - the good ones still have their flaws. Susie is bratty, Joey indecisive, Philip self loathing. On the flip side horrible people can have desirable/good traits. The doctor is genius, the trapper unrelenting, the nightmare (fuck you freddy) creative.

The way the core facets of their personality stay the same no matter what is something so many people (myself included) can struggle with - you may want a character to act a certain way for the plot, but that is not how the character would act. The balancing act of telling a story that you want to portray vs the reality of characters being utmost true to themselves is a harsh one, but one you seamlessly pull off.

How you do things - the prose, the plot, the insights.. it really is like a movie. The emotional high and lows, dealing with such fantastical elements yet remaining so realistic, entrenching your reader so it feels like they are almost living in the characters skin, experiencing what they are. It's incredible dude. It's really, really fucking incredible.

I've only recently gotten back into playing DBD after like a 3 year break from the game, but i still use ILM as canon in my head. I think about how the new characters would fit in there, the dynamics, the jokes - Leon clinging to Tapp as a Familiar Figure (Older Cop), Vittorio depending on Adam to translate for him because while traversing the fog has taught him many things it has not granted him modern language proficiency and Adam is the only one who knows Latin, Feng getting to have a Jane Romero moment with Yun-Jin and Trickster (imagine Justin Timberblake killing you).

Or alternatively their grim faces at the news of certain peoples disappearance knowing that statistically it'll probably be okay - but fuck man, what if it's not? (Felix, Haddie, Mikaela, Zarina, and Nicolas Goddamn Cage would definitely be reported missing. I think the joke 'Nicolas Cage got taken by the entity' conspiracy theory unknowingly being 100% right is hilarious.)

This fic lives in my head rent free and has done so for years, and i cannot thank you enough for writing it. Sorry this is so long, i just really, really appreciate everything you've written and done.

So so extraordinarily sweet of you to say! I don’t know how to respond, except to say it means so much to me you feel that way and joke about it with your friends.

I’m deeply proud of that fic and my others and how they turned out, and that people found them meaningful. I’m a writer, so it’s always good to hear the works was, well, good. Well done. But it means even more to know they meant something to someone.

Also, ‘imagine Justin Timberlake killing you’ shot me like a lame horse absolutely losing it at the metaphor. 🤣 The survivors getting the experience Legion got running into Jane the first time (or, the ones from late enough to know him. Imagine being killed by Justin Timberlake while your best friend goes ‘Who?!??? That guy’s famous???’)

#ask #anonymous #in living memory (fic)#dead by daylight #in living memory #seriously thank you. this kind of message always means more to me than I know well how to say #if you’re reading New Dawn Fades I hope you enjoy where it goes

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elveny · 1 year

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I posted 3,272 times in 2022

169 posts created (5%)

3,103 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sharkapologists

@cecilyacat

@okami-zero

@elveny

@barbex

I tagged 2,961 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#ffxiv - 681 posts

#art - 653 posts

#lol - 157 posts

#fic rec - 113 posts

#dragon age - 84 posts

#tumblr - 81 posts

#estinien varlineau - 78 posts

#mass effect - 66 posts

#tiktok - 64 posts

#writing - 63 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#also the reason why ppl like david tennant and patrick stewart or ian mckellen have the charisma and presence they do

My Top Posts in 2022:

Ethan Hawke on creativity:

"Most people don't think about poetry, right? They have a life to live, and they're not really that concerned - until their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child. Somebody breaks your heart, they don't love you anymore. And all of a sudden, you're desperate for making sense out of this life, and 'Has anybody ever felt this bad before?'

Or the inverse! Something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes. You love them so much you can't even see straight. You know, you're dizzy! 'Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?'

And that's when art is not a luxury, it's actually sustenance."

47 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

Excuse me, I am still reeling from how perfectly @schoute captured my Adriene and Estinien, I love it so so so so much and cannot asddksaaskussdwedf!!!!😭😭😭😍😍😍

59 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

Emet-Selch is canonically a character that used to be very close to the WoL (or rather their former incarnation). Someone that CANONICALLY complained but always came to help. Someone who cared so much he, over 12 millenia, tried to bring back millions of people.

Was he a villain in the end? Sure! But he TELLS you why. He tells you that he feels, loves, grieves. Even after he managed to convince himself that nobody around him is even "alive" and can thus be killed without remorse, DESPITE THAT, he wants to hope that there's another way.

That YOU, the WoL, as the reincarnation of someone he cared deeply for, can make the difference. He could've killed you so, so often. He doesn't. Because he *cares*, he wants you to understand, so he explains and works with you and shows you what happened and the why.

This is all told and shown in the game, btw, that's not fanon.

Emet-Selch is an excellent continuation of Hades - saying one thing and doing another. He cares for Azem and WoL, deeply. Does it excuse his actions? No. But it explains them. He doesn't kill because he wants to and because he relishes power. He kills to restore his WORLD.

If you were told you had to trample down thirteen ant hills to save the world, your family, your loved ones, everyone you know, to make those insignificant ants the people they used to be - you would, too.

82 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

If the latest episode of Obi-Wan Kenobi shows anything then it’s the pure horror, terror and soul-ripping despair Darth Vader brings to the galaxy.

And I don’t mean the scene where he drags Obi-Wan into the fire, bc that’s, like… yeah sure, he’s petty and vengeful and so full of hatred and anger, but that’s personal. That’s him and Obi-Wan, of course he’s vengeful and cruel there.

But that scene before.

Where he walks through the village, killing people when he passes them for no reason other than… killing. Trying to get a reaction of the man he assumes is there. The father he rips through the window and chokes in the air, the child rushing to try and help his dad whose neck he snaps. The woman he drags face-down through the sand while she flails. Holy fuck. Imagine you’re living in the galaxy and one day, the Empire comes and takes over. And the Force-sensitive people they have are broken and cruel and they maim and threaten and are horrible enough. And then comes Darth Vader. And you just know that NOTHING is safe. Nothing will ever be safe again. You can be a loyalist and still be dead the next second just because… no because. For no reason. Nothing is safe.

85 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I can't get over how GOOD Andor is. They are not making "episodes", they are making a STORY and dividing this into episodes. And it's so, so good. The characterization is amazing, the Empire is really and truly BAD and fascist and horrible, and the rebellion is ... not heroic clean awesomeness. It's dirty and doing what needs to be done and it's not easy. Or always morally good. It's "oppression breeds rebellion" and using that. Holy shit.

And yes, I know the whole thing of "Disney is actually bad etc blabla" and YES, there is a problem, but we're operating within a system of capitalism and rising fascism, and I truly believe that the message of Andor is important.

106 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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ray-green-wicked4good · 1 year

Text

Countdown to Valentine's Day with Snowpiercer & a Little Broadway

(a.k.a. My favorite Snowpiercer couples and the Broadway love songs I associate with them because it's February ❤)

Entry 13.5) Melanie x Ruth, "Loathing", "Defying Gravity", & "For Good" from Wicked

[how it started...]

Ruth: What is this feeling? So sudden and new?

Melanie: I felt the moment, I laid eyes on you.

Ruth: My pulse is rushing.

Melanie: My head is reeling.

Ruth: My face is flushing.

Melanie & Ruth: Oh, what is this feeling?

Melanie: Fervid as a flame.

Ruth: Does it have a name?

Melanie & Ruth: Yes! Loathing. Unadulterated loathing!

Melanie: For your face.

Ruth: Your voice.

Melanie: Your clothing!

Ruth: *gasps*

Melanie & Ruth: Let's just say, I loathe it all!

Ruth: Every little trait, however small, makes my very flesh begin to crawl. With simple utter loathing.

Melanie: There's a strange exhilaration. In such total detestation. It's so pure! So strong!

Ruth & Melanie: Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last.

Ruth: And I will be loathing-

Melanie: Loathing. Truly, deeply loathing you-

Ruth & Melanie: My whole life long!

[how it was then...]

Ruth: Melanie, why couldn't you have stayed calm for once?! Instead of stealing the train again?! I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy now. I hope you're happy 'cuz you've hurt your cause forever. I hope you think you're clever!

Melanie: I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy too! I hope you're proud that you would grovel in submission, to feed your own ambition.

Melanie & Ruth: So though I can't imagine how--I hope you're happy. Right now.

Ruth: Mellie. Just listen to me. Just--say you're sorry. You can still lead this Train to New Eden. What you've worked and suffered for. You can have all you ever wanted--

Melanie: I know. But I don't want it--no. I can't want it anymore. Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes--and leap! It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity. And you can't pull me down.

Ruth: Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur?!

Melanie: I'm through accepting limits. Just 'cuz Wilford says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! I'd sooner buy, defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity. And they'll never bring us--wait. Ruth, come with me. Think of what we could do. Together. Unlimited. Together we're unlimited. Together we'd be the greatest team there's ever been. Ruth, we could keep this Train going forever. Keep them safe. Keep them alive and warm.

Ruth: If we work in tandem, we could weather any storm.

Melanie & Ruth: Just you and I defying gravity. With you and I defying gravity--

Melanie: They'll never bring us down. Well? Are you coming?

Ruth: *shakes her head* Melanie, you're trembling. Here, put this around you.

[how it's going now...]

Ruth: I'm limited. Just look at me. I'm limited. And just look at you, you can do all I couldn't do, Melanie. So now it's up to you. For both of us. Now it's up to you.

Melanie: I've heard it said, that people come into our lives "for a reason". Bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. And we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true. But I know I'm who I am today. Because I knew you.

Melanie: Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes the sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder, halfway through the wood. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you. I have been changed for good.

Ruth: It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So, let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine vy being my friend.

Ruth: Like a ship blown from its mooring, by a wind off the sea. Like a seed dropped by a sky bird, in a distant wood. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you.

Melanie: Because I knew you

Ruth: I have been changed for good.

Melanie: And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I've done, you blame me for.

Ruth: But then I guess we know there's blame to share. And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Melanie: Like a comet pulled from orbit-

Ruth: *at the same time* Like a ship blown from its mooring-

Melanie: As it passes the sun-

Ruth: *at the same time* By a wind off the sea-

Melanie: Like a stream that meets a boulder-

Ruth: *at the same time* Like a seed dropped by a bird-

Melanie: Halfway through the wood-

Ruth: *at the same time* In the wood-

Melanie & Ruth: Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better.

Melanie: And because I knew you

Ruth: Because I knew you

Melanie & Ruth: Because I knew you. I have been changed. For good.

*HUG*

[bonus]

Ruth: I hope you're happy. Now that you're choosing this.

Melanie: You too. I'll see you around Ruth.

Ruth: You hurry back now. You wicked old thing.

#snowpiercer #incorrect snowpiercer #incorrect snowpiercer lyrics #melanie cavill #ruth wardell #melanie x ruth #love songs #songs from wicked

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bearwithmeshifting · 2 years

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Re: how one figures out they're not physical shifting: I noticed the differences between what I was seeing/hearing/feeling and what other people were seeing/hearing/feeling and that helped me figure it out. If no one reacted to the very loud sounds of body parts moving, and if the sound didn't seem to be precisely coming from my body, I could tell I wasn't actually physically shifting. When I shift i hear it coming from my surroundings, but not from my actual body like you would expect if I were physically shifting. Little things like that had me questioning and looking for explanations.

Having another person verify it seems to be the best way to figure it out to me. I'm not a clinical lycanthrope nor have I been diagnosed with anything (my experiences aren't pathological) but from what I've heard from one they were only able to figure it out after exposing their shifted self to people and not seeing them react at all.

I've also noticed that when it comes to mental illness, some lycanthropes have distressing shifts and cannot function (I've heard of one who thought they killed people while shifted and attacked doors, and couldn't handle lights or the full moon even in human form) and this is usually what prompts them to get help. So someone experiencing an unusual amount of mental distress with shifting might be another indication.

I’m actually surprised to see that you only heard it externally, I wonder why it didn’t sound as though it was internal. I imagine if I was a clinical lycanthrope, my body could simulate the sound and feeling of my jaw popping up against my ear and try to convince me I was shifting physically. I’m glad that you figured out what was going on by trying to shift in front of others, points for bravery on shifting in front of others on the rare chance they actually saw you metamorphose, I barely managed to get someone I could trust to do so, and even then I was deeply self conscious.

Showing other people their self while shifted seems like it’d be the most sure fire way to get evidence for self confirmation. Might be best to do it around someone you feel as though there won’t be negative fallout from, like doing it in front of a trusted person. Getting someone to spectate may be difficult if you aren’t already open about your experiences, I only managed to get someone to check for me because they were a shifter before I was. This might just be a measure of faith in the other person I can’t blanketly say exists for everyone. If I told one of my more personal nonshifter friends to spectate me shift, I think I would have died having to introduce them to the concept of shifting while grappling with it myself. Still, external validation on nonhuman form is very important, and other people’s testimony is very important.

It’s quite possible that mental distress around shifting could be a good indication. Most shifters I know greatly enjoy the prospect of shifting. Even from what I hear about people “losing control” while shifting, it rarely is violent towards people, but if what I read was based in fact, nonshifters who have similar conditions to clinical lycanthropy have done violent acts when shifted. (As an aside, I’d like to make it known to anyone reading that clinical lycanthropes are *not* required to be violent, and that based off current understanding, rarely are.) The indication of being generally comfortable with shifting isn’t very helpful most of the time, as most shifters (not just the physical kind) rarely experience distress towards the violence they could cause. It’s a really common experience, and there’s the possibility for nuance in the phrasing “unusual amount of mental distress with shifting.” For instance, while I was psyching up for my first physical shift, I was unusually mentally distressed with the prospect of shifting, mostly because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to control my actions. (I’m the kind of person who prefers to be sober, just generally worried about losing agency due to my body being weird.) I would fit the bill pretty well, but also comparatively to the other shifters I know, my “prefer to not shift” stance is irregular, since most shifters I know look forward to the prospect greatly. I feel like the utility your suggested indication would bring may not be the most conclusive, and also discounts the possibility of physical shifters being distressed by the seemingly supernatural process.

Maybe the indicative phrase could be workshopped to still provide utility while also accounting for various reasons of “unusual” distress. Maybe the “you’re probably something besides a pshifter” distress based phrase could be something along the lines of, “Experiencing distress at the prospect of shifting on the basis of irrational fear of harming others or oneself while shifted, as opposed to a well justified fear of shifting based off previous harms, fear of social rejection, or fear of religious transgression.” I know “irrational” is largely vague, but I hoped to contrast it against “justified” to help specifically define what an irrational fear would encompass. It would also account for those who have harmed someone in the past while shifted for whatever reason, and those who believe in a religious code that would disagree with shifting. I think this phrasing would also help exclude shifters who have yet to shift, but still feel distressed at the notion. This is largely pedantic, but I believe that getting to the root of this Morbophobia (Transfigurophobia for those wanting to be serious) would help differentiate based on what you intended, while also being able to avoid grouping but nonphysical shifters with physical shifters.

I may have missed something in my attempt to be thorough and welcome any addendums to this post, when in line with helping define this experience of fear towards the prospect of shifting, that properly helps differentiate nonphysical shifters from physical shifters.

#nonhuman community #physical shifting #therian #p shifting #pshifting #shapeshifter #otherkin #transfigurophobia #morbophobia #morber #clinical lycanthropy

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annaizscribbling · 2 years

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*kicks ur door down, slams twenty dollars onto ur desk* I need some info.

im gonna send u a different ask for each question lmao SO.

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT A MOMENT OF POTENTIAL REMUS!!! how did he get here!!! may i question u on his childhood perhaps?

how did he become an assassin? for how long? and will he still be a cryptic little shit in this universe like he is in some of your other fics? (im assuming not because he’s actually human now and not a borderline possessed figment of someones imagination but. still. i might as well ask)

*I accept the twenty dollars and immediately lick it before tucking it into my shoe.* That can be arranged.

I love remus so much you don't understand he's so sdSJHBSKSAKFKSGGS yes yes yes. Funky trash assassin with weirdly impressive emotional intelligence who is also a father. Racoon man, dumbly smart, soft, but good at murder, equals kinda hot ngl.

also love how excited I get over every single character lolllll. You mention any of them and suddenly they're my best and most favorite blorbo. I am aware of this flaw, it simply cannot stop me.

In all honesty, I don't have a ton of detailed backstory for Remus besides the fact he was unhinged and broke many many laws. His back story is actually pretty similar to my canon!Calypso backstory, but the favored child was his twin and they weren't particularly rich, and he did fake his death, but he was older, and it wasn't because he was locked in a basement for petty theft as a 10 yr old. Okay so maybe it's somewhat different.

I'll summarize by saying he was happily a problem child, very smart, and enjoyed chaos. He got into tons of fights for the hell of it, and ended up faking his death for good in highschool (and again later for funsies)

He would end up running away and accidently meeting a younger Janus while Janus was pulling a job. Jan was still new to his recent profession, which was a form of vigilante-ing and careful assassinations. Remus figured out what was happening and obnoxiously followed and pestered Janus the entire time before saving Jan's life towards the end of the job.

Janus never ended up shaking Remus, tho he tried for weeks to lose him, Remus popped up no matter what he did. Eventually, Janus just accepted it and brought Remus home to meet Virgil, who was thoroughly confused. From then on, the three were a weird little mismatched family.

They meet when Remus was about 18, and Janus was 29, and Virgil was 17ish. When A Moment with Potential takes place, it's about 10 years later

Remus' natural skills and grey morals had him catching on quickly and progressing Janus' growing operations. It only took him a few years to become increasingly well known for his brutal yet frighteningly strategic fight style.

Remus is indeed a bit of a cryptic lil shit, just not in the same way as like,,,, Low Battery!Remus, who is an all knowing menace. Here, he's just a menace. He's very intuitive, logical, and observant, he just doesn't care too much unless it benefits his tiny family. he's super hard to read and harder to control, giving him that cryptic vibe, but he doesn't know everything, he's a bit more affectionate, and he is wrong sometimes.

I apparently have a bit of a trademark for writing Remus as mentioned above, like a 'cryptic little shit' but that's only because I have no idea how else to lmao. I'm not really vulgar by nature, and I don't struggle with intrusive thoughts, which makes it harder to pull from my own life (which is exactly what I do with literally everything I write to some capacity) so I took some creative liberties with Remus and just stuck with them. I personally don't mind when fics feature out of character characters, as long as those new/altered traits are consistent and deeply incorporated into the story, which I try my hardest to do. with Remus, apparently it worked out because people adore this guy. I get so blushy and dumb, but people have really liked my Remus characterization, which honestly, dude, just thrills me. It's pretty damn cool, cuz I love him too <3

#remus sanders #anais writes #a moment with potential #ask

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darkfinch · 2 years

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So I stumbled onto your Worst au, aka the undercover eliot au and now all I can think is how Monroe Knows the team. Specifically, Hardison. Hardison who pulls off not-so minor miracles on the daily and is fundamentally Soft. Someone Monroe could Break. And pilot Parker is too feral to control but season 3 Parker isn’t. He knows he's losing Eliot, two birds one stone. So he tells Eliot he wants to meet Hardison. And for Eliot to decide to bring Parker or leave her. And Eliot Knows what it means.

I imagine Monroe wanting to Have Hardison (and Parker) would snap Eliot right out of the last of his Monroe-loyalty because. It's Hardison. And Parker. They're Good. They're People. (it also might shock eliot into realizing how toxic Monroe is in that a member of the team dying is an acceptable risk (never Acceptable, never Okay, but acceptable Risk) but under Monroe's Control just full stop is Not. Not a risk Eliot's ever taking with any of them) Sorry for chucking an emotional bomb at you

1) i have 2 commend you for referring to criminal financier and overall demon damien moreau exclusively as "monroe" here, idk if it lessened or increased the psychic damage but if definitely added something to the experience of perceiving this ask

2) YEAH

i think you might be right about it kind of shocking eliot out of his internal justifications of moreau's whole Situation by making him apply it to someone who isn't himself? like, uh oh, it's completely fine and normal until put into the context of Happens To Hardison and suddenly its Deeply Fucked Up And Not Allowed

moreau treats me well-> if the team has to die for him, that's fine-> if he wants to meet the team, that's fine-> if he wants to keep some of them, then that absolutely cannot happen, because he'll treat them like he treats me and what happened to me will happen to them-> ???-> but if moreau treats me well—

(i am imagining eliot in his moreau-funded-and-decorated apartment lying on his zillion thread-count sheets and staring blankly at the ceiling like...okay so why would hardison being under moreau's thumb be worse than him dying. why would parker being me be worse than if she Died. hang on a second)

like. uh oh. he is going in circles and it is not lining up but he can't quite close the gap there? eliot's made peace with the fact that moreau might kill them, eliot's mostly made peace with the fact that moreau might ask him to kill them, moreau casually expresses interest in Acquiring hardison and eliot's like....im terrified.... because..........im panicking BECAUSE.............!!!! fuck. and it clicks. and then he has to figure out how he's going to stop that from happening. hhhhh

(though i can also see him doing the mental backflip strategy of "well it'd be terrible if this happened to Them, because they're People, but it's fine if it's me because i'm [ominous mental blank spot] and damien's never done anything he hasn't been able to Justify later")

but YEAH of the four of them, i Do think hardison would be the one moreau (and eliot) would focus in on as a potential asset, because like. sophie's unpredictable, nate's more someone to keep tabs on and keep out of the way, parker's isolated but too independent, but hardison!! hardison's young and could be receptive to moreau's whole "we're friends and as long as you do what needs to be done we're fine" act. and would Also be easily intimidated/kept in line. and is ALSO Extremely Useful

and. hm. and especially if eliot's already built up trust and a relationship with hardison by the time moreau starts suspecting that eliot might be slipping, that could be like...1) eliot works as a bridge between moreau and alec and can help Acquire alec, because alec trusts him and/or gives him the benefit of the doubt and 2) telling eliot that he can keep one of his cute little crime friends might keep eliot focused and closer to home :) with the added benefit of alec being an excellent tool for keeping eliot in line :)

its a great strategy! it's win-win! hardison's a fantastic potential addition to the moreau empire and eliot should absolutely bring him by the hotel for a surprise meeting! meanwhile eliot's just screaming into his pillow in 20 minute bursts every single night,

#there's also the fact that hardison cares about eliot and so Eliot can then be used to keep Hardison in line. great idea if youre a demon #i think honestly parker Could be a potential but eliot would have to help recruit her and they'd have to be more thoughtful about it #meanwhile like. hardison is SO intelligent but he's also really young and trusts eliot and if nothing else is. soft. he's really soft.#u can keep him in line but of course as i am typing this i am thinking thought crimes about damien moreau at even the POTENTIAL HARM 2 ALEC #love talking abt moreau strategies it truly makes u type such heinous sentences like. god i hate that fuckin dude. does compel me tho #finchtalks #undercover eliot au

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kingofthewilderwest · 4 years

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OMG I need to tell you smth, so I was rooming around some JP sites and stumbled over a Royai post and it looks like the 'can't marry due to circumstances' was actually a confirmation that they're dating !!! They're a couple, they're canon and all these years I didn't know due to language barrier festy(.)jp/web/posts/1044744

So I love that quote with all my heart, and I’d always been intending to own the exact art book where Arakawa says that! I’m so glad to see you excited about it too? Isn’t it the best?!?!?

I do think it’s to note that Arakawa just says Royai don’t marry because of their duties. Arakawa isn’t saying they are dating. You can want to marry someone without dating someone. The entire point of Royai’s emotional bond is that they feel deeply for one another, but they put that on hold and don’t let themselves live the life they want to because they believe it’s more important to make reparations for Ishval. They will spend their entire lives trying to realize Roy’s goal, and to do that, that means Riza must be Roy’s subordinate officer. They can’t marry, they can’t date, they can’t let themselves be outright romantic, exactly because they’re working hard to make right of their past. But Arakawa is saying that if that duty weren’t in the way, Royai wouldn’t just be romantic, they would be married.

It’s proof Royai canonically have deep feelings for one another. It’s proof they mutually would want to go that romantic route with each other. It’s proof Arakawa wrote Royai to have romantic undertones. It doesn’t mean they’re dating in canon. I’m sorry if my conclusion disappoints you, but I think that it’s JUST as awesome, and makes the Royai bond all the more meaningful.

I LOVE the fact that Royai is set up as such an emotionally in-depth pair of characters, but they cannot ever act upon the romantic side of their choices due to the tragedy of their past. It’s such a good poignant painful vibe, and for me, some sort of “secret dating” or canon dating would ruin the messages and the vibe that Arakawa put into her writing.

If you’re interested, I have a long post about why Royai has canonical romantic undertones throughout the franchise. It’s here! :) I talk about this art book quote. I also include everything from meta interview quotes to video games to the manga itself to other materials. I go into some more Japanese material and translations too - you’re totes right that things get lost through language barriers! Royai maintains a good amount of subtlety in the English translations, and they localize the English overall well... but Royai is even more subtle, in-depth, and nuanced in the Japanese. We do lose some of the subtlest romantic undertones when we translate out of Japanese. Everything down to what pronouns or titles they call each other is highly indicative of certain states of mind - and let me say, the formality drops and some rather tender words are used to reference each other in heartbreaking moments. It’s AWESOME. It’s sad that that can’t easily be translated into English, but alas, that’s the beauty of languages: they’re all individual.

And (quick tangent) for people who want to say “The video games aren’t canon! Arakawa’s interviews aren’t canon! The omake aren’t canon!” etc. I mean....... the number one hill I will die on on this website is that “canon does not equal plot congruency, canon does not equal continuity, canon is overrated in fandom discussions, canon has turned into this obsessive designation of ‘law’ and ‘hierarchy’ in fandom” and all I care about is the distinction between official sources and fan-made sources. If an officially published source exists, even a lesser one, even one that isn’t intended to be plot-congruent with other parts of the franchise, we can (if we want) use it as a means of thinking about the franchise from further angles. It’s there for fun. That’s what it’s there for. Just like. The entire franchise. Is there for fun. This isn’t a religion, ya’lls. Every single part of the franchise is made as commercially produced fiction for the purpose of being a story people can consume and accept into their imaginations. And it’s fun to see the broader FMA official materials go into Royai tidbits in addition to seeing that in the standard materials like the manga and shows. So if people want to be happy about those additional bits of officially licensed materials, for the love of God let them. <3

Anyway!!!! BACK TO THE TOPIC! XD I do love that Arakawa Royai marriage quote! It’s probably my favorite quote from Arakawa for a reason and I squeal like none other every time I hear it! I’m glad you’ve discovered it too and that it gives you such happiness!

#blabbing Haddock #Royai #Roy Mustang #Riza Hawkeye #FMA #Fullmetal Alchemist #Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood #Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood #analysis #my analysis #faq #ask #ask me #awesome anonymous friend #Anonymous #Hiromu Arakawa

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followingfallout4 · 7 years

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Companions react to sole always joking about their death when really they're really considering it because they hate themselves but always joking and playing off like nothing is wrong

Thank you for this ask, anon. I’m hoping this one might give people who are dealing with this some hope and comfort, maybe even to talk about it to someone they love and trust. These characters would believe in you, and one way or another so do I ❤️ Intro: Sole was not doing nearly as well as they pretended to. Being in the ravages of the commonwealth, losing what they lost... they felt useless, hadn’t been able to stop it all. Sole couldn’t shake the thought that nothing would change that feeling. They hated themself for not being good enough, never feeling happy enough so faking that it was to the outside world was the next best thing. Joking to hide it, just one day at a time, as long as nobody found out about it. That was until the day, in spite of the smile still set on their face, something must’ve shone through in one of their jokes. They were looking into the very concerned eyes of their Companion. “ Hey... are you alright?” It took Sole a fraction of a second to regain their composure, to get back to the façade and the fake smile. “Yeah, of course! I was just joking, let’s go.” Their companion held them by the arm, not tightly, but just to get them to turn around and stand still. “ Sole... What is really going on?” The worry in their voice made Sole cave in entirely. They had hoped never to have to explain this... not like they would understand it anyway. But they couldn’t evade it anymore. Tears welled up in Sole’s eyes as they admitted that maybe they hadn’t just been jokes.

Codsworth: He felt like something had been going on for a while now, noticing the difference between the Sole he used to know and the way they acted now. He never could quite place his finger on what was going on , but as soon as Sole poured their heart out to him he recognized what Sole described. The feeling was somehow familiar to him. He had felt it too, once. He held Sole’s hands and told them they were not alone. “ I have felt lost... for all those years without you. I hate to admit it but... mum/sir I have thought about it too, it was so very lonely. But I held on to the thought that maybe I would see you again. And when you were there... oh Sir/Mum... I was so happy to see you again. You gave me a reason to live and to fight again. I felt better talking to you about it. About how I felt... I have learnt that bottling up past trauma can lead to inadiquate coping strategies in later life. We can help each other Sir/Mum. I am here for you.” His heartwarming smile wasn’t enough to fix the feeling of emptiness instantly but some warmth seeped back in, tears still running free. “Okay.”

Danse: Danse felt a slight sense of panic at Sole’s words... he tried to envision a world without them but felt his chest tighten every time he did. He knew what it felt like to no longer care if you lived or died, but to consider taking your own life... he couldn’t wrap his head around that. He desperately wanted to help but he didn’t know how. “ I know what it feels like to feel like an imposter... but you helped me back up. Through all of this, you are the one thing that has kept me from giving up, from turning it all off. I would have been dead without you and I have devoted my life to protecting you, even if this means protecting you from yourself. So that is what I shall do, in every way I can. “ He pulled them into a very tight embrace and kissed the top of their head. “ You can tell me how you really feel. Your secrets are safe with me. The dark thoughts and the nightmares... I probably have had them too... maybe I can do for you what you do for me. Give you a reason to feel alive again.“

Deacon: Deacon was dumbstruck, his own jokes falling away entirely. He had no idea what to do but not taking Sole’s words seriously was the last thing on his mind. He pulled Sole into a hug. “ Shit Sole, you’re more worthy to be alive than me. You’ve saved so many lives, helped so many people. You have no idea how amazing you are.” Sole shook their head. “ Doesn’t make me feel any better Deacon. It’s not about how worthy who is. I just feel... lost. All the time.” He stroked their hair until Sole cried a little less. As he wiped away some tears from their face he inhaled deeply. “ I’m not gonna pretend I know what it’s like. I’m a pathological liar with a bad past but I can’t imagine how you feel right now. And that’s okay... as long as you talk to me. You can’t fight your demons alone, I’ve tried doing that myself and it’s only been working since you’re around and since I told you about my past. I can’t... ‘fix’ this. I know that. But I will fight with you if you let me. And until the threat is passed, just to be safe, I won’t be leaving your side. I won’t bring it up unless you want to talk about it but I won’t leave. “ Dacon looked down. “ Because it’s worst when you are alone. “ He grabbed Sole’s hand. “So please know that you’re not. I can be an idiot but I won’t let you get lost in yourself, okay?” Sole was trying to ease their breathing, wiping away some tears. “I... I think I can do that.” Deacon smiled at them, a little smile. “Good. Now get over here.” He pulled them into a hug again. “ Oh, does this mean death bunnies as a nickname is off the table or...?” Sole chuckled a little, while Deacon reveled in the sound of their laughter, vowing to get them to smile genuinely, every day, again someday.

Nick: Nick didn’t look at Sole with the pity they expected to face, but with a look of determination. “ Listen’ up kid, there’s one thing you need to remember; we’re not gods, we’re men. Human or synth, all of us. You’ve been trying to take on the world, one injustice at a time and you’ve found out that you can’t save everyone. It hacks in on ya, I know. But damnit, you make this damn hellhole a little brighter. So hang in there and rely on others when you need to. If you feel like you can’t handle it, come to me. You’re not the only one who feels lost sometimes, don’t get lost inyourself. You’ve got too many people looking out for ya to do that.” He grabbed Sole’s hand. “You don’t have to face it all alone.”

Hancock: Hancock smiled at Sole. “ Looks like we got more in common than I thought.” “ You mean aside from the deadpan and the sarcasm?” “ I’ve almost done it a hundred times over. I’ve considered it, justgoing out on a high, ya know? Literally. And to be honest, if it weren’t for you maybe I woulda done it, too. But you gotta find yoruself somethin’ that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. It doesn’t matter what it is. And if you let me, I’ll do whatever I can to be that thing for you. Or die trying.” Sole scoffed, eyes still puffy. “ I’m not sure it’s a good iea to make those kind of jokes. Or to put any kind of pressure on me to be happy.” “ Oh, I’m not doing that. You’re a grown-ass (wo)man, I’m not gonna tell you what to be or what to do. But I ain’t going anywhere without ya. But this ain’t the kinda thing you tell people unless you hate that empty feeling. Keep talking to me when you feel it and I’ll help ya. You’re gonna be alright. I’ll keep you safe.Cause you’re the most important thing to me in this whole goddamn world.”

Maxson: Maxson felt hopeless, felt some sort of unfamiliar panic wash over him. If ther was one thing he wasn’t used to being it was helplessness. He wanted to helo but didn’t have a clue how. “ Sentinel... I would kill for you.” He walked closer to them, looking Sole straight in the eyes. “I would die for you if it came down to it.” He grabbed Sole’s hands. “ But I can’t let you die. Cause I’ve lost a lot of good soldiers, a lot of friends, and I cannot lose you.” Sole looked at their feet. “But I’m not sure if I can keep going on, Maxson.” He gritted his teeth. He wasn’t angry at Sole, not dissapointed, just concerned and frustrated by his lack of ability to do anything. “ Whenever you feel lost, come to me. I know now and I’ll drop anything if you need me to. You can do whatever you want, tell me whatever you want and I won’t use it against you or judge you for it. As long as you don’t do it. “ He had a pleading look in his eyes as he grabbed Sole’s hands in his. “ Please. I am no longer sure if this this world is worth saving for me if it no longer has you in it.”

Preston: Preston sighed and asked Sole to sit down on a nearby bench with him. “ When I first started all of this I was, um ... scared as hell. You know that I often barely managed to hold my head above water. Sometimes I just wanted it all to stop. I’ve seen so much death and misery walking through the commonwealth... it rubs off on you. But I kept going because the people around me needed me. Sometimes I felt some genuine happiness again, in the little things, you know? When I noticed some kids could still be happy, when I saw lovers reunited,... when I saw my guys like Sturges with his eternal optimism. It made me push through. And then you came along and I wasn’t the only one with the weight of the world on my shoulders.There was some hope again, among the pain and the suffering. I’m still not completely okay but I try to go by the little things... you are a reminder that sometimes things get better. But when it all gets too much... “ He gabbed Sole’s hand in his. “You can come to me. I know what it feels like to feel like you’re not enough. As it turns out talking about it helps best, and for me focussing on the little things that make me happy. Like you. Like coming back to the settlement and knowing you’ve given these people a new home. Like the look of relief when we help a settlement and those people realise that they haven’t lost everything. The bravery to start over. You know the story of Pandora’s box right? Once all the misey is out, hope is left. Anyway... just know you can come to me when you want to okay? Cause... I don’t want to lose you.”

Sturges; Sturges can’t even stand to see Sole cry, let alone deal with the fact that they’re contemplating ending their life. After they barged in at the Museum of Freedom he felt like he owed them his life but now it came down to it he didn’t know how to return the favor. He looked at them with such hopeful eyes and said “ Hey... I don’t really know how to help but I’ve got your back. You’ve helped us out back at Concord. You saved our damn lives... I wanna do the same for you. You’re one of akind Sole, and this world would be a whole lot darker without you in it. So whenever it gets to much you know where to find me. Same team, remember? “ His heart broke to see Sole nodding their head while they still were having trouble stopping the tears and he pulled them into a hug, holding onto them tightly. “I got you. You’re gonna be okay.”

X6-88: “ I told you I once thought you looked lost and confused, that you might not be able to handle this life... and how you proved me wrong. How tough and determined you are in spite of all you’ve lost. I told you then you could accomplish anything you set your mind to. I still believe you can. You will overcome this.” He tried to maintain his more composed way of speaking intact but seeing Sole like that... something was hitting a nerve, making him feel something he didn’t usually feel. “ X6, I’m not sure if I can. You also told me you were worried I might slow you down and I am doing that now. It’s overwhelming, too much to handle.” “ I am sworn to protect you.” Sole inhaled deeply, tears still streaming down their face because they were saying goodbeye to their support system. But Sole knew he was probably doing all of this out of a sense of loyalty to Father, a sense of duty. “ I relieve you of that. You can leave. Nobody will hold it against you. You no longer need to be my bodyguard.You will always be welcome in the Institute but no one will command you any longer.” “ With all do respect, ma’am/sir, I refuse to leave your side as long as you are in harm’s way.” “ This isn’t helping. Knowing I’m a burden, an annoyance to you.It makes it all worse, okay? Just leave.” “ Damnit...I am not leaving because I have to protect the one thing that I can’t live without. That’s you.This is no longer just about the Institute. I respect you and I want to be by your side as you take on the world or whatever idiotic thing has gotten into your head that makes you feel insecure. “ He clenched his jaw. “ You do? ” “ I do... sir/Ma’am. I will aid you in overcoming this in any way you can. I refuse to let you destroy yourself.”

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