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flowercrowngods · 9 months

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written for @steddieas-shegoes as a follow-up to this "can you read the letter for me" post-breakup scene (@artaxlivs wrote a wonderful version over here for you to read!) cw: drug mention, OD mention

Steve's body doesn't quite feel like his own as he walks to the playground with his breath lodged firmly in his throat and his heart trying out an old beat that used to be familiar. It's struggling, though, and Steve tries not to think about it. The cold breeze of the night hits his face, making him shiver for more reasons than one.

He hasn't been to the playground for years now. It used to be their spot when they couldn't sleep, kept awake by nightmares and memories and the worst of scenarios. They would come here and sit on the swings, steal glances at each other and talk into the night air, pretending like the other wouldn't hear, and hoping that he would.

He first took Eddie's hand here, swinging as they were, and Eddie had chuckled through his tears, and then his smile hadn't left all night – nor did his hand.

Maybe it's a bad idea, meeting him here. After everything. But some part of him thinks that it might be what they need. If Eddie really is doing as badly as he said, if he really does need a break of several weeks, a tiny part in Steve (the part that would always put himself last as long as it means that the other person gets the tiniest bit of comfort) wants Eddie to have this.

Their little bubble. Or the memory of it at least.

Steve is shaking as he sits down on one of the swings, one of his hands wrapped around the cold chain, the other balled to a fist in the pocket of his jacket. He feels oddly tethered even as the world begins to sway this way and that, even as the breath lodged in his throat solidifies into a lump and he feels as though he's about to cry.

Maybe that, too, comes with the muscle memory of swinging.

He spends an odd second envisioning himself from twenty years ago, laughing and squealing with his friends as they tried to do a looping, and then jump right up into the sky above, see who got farthest.

It brings a smile to his face and a nostalgia to his heart that he hasn't felt in a while.

He feels like he hasn't felt anything in a while. And that he won't until Eddie will apologise. Until he will explain.

The steady squeak–squeak–squeak of the swing is almost eerie in the quiet of the night, but to Steve it brings a certain calm; a safety that he knows is treacherous, but he feels it tingling in his arms, because–

Eddie is there. Slow steps approaching, the gravel crunching underneath his feet that makes Steve want to look up, but, tightening his grip around the chain, he refuses.

I’m sorry for being too much and not enough at the same time.

He knows the letter by heart now, and he wants to see. He wants to see how much space Eddie will be ready to take now, how much he'll let himself be this time. It's unfair, he knows; Eddie's not fine, he should take a step towards him. And he is. He's here. He has agreed to meet with Eddie and hear him out. He has agreed to allow himself a chance at mending his own heart.

Steve feels so torn inside, in more ways than one, that he feels paralysed and petrified and frozen. Part of him wants nothing more than to leap up and take Eddie in his arms, tell him that they'll figure it out, that they can do it, that they can make it work. That second chances are just a thing that happen in life. That it doesn't have to be one and done.

That's another reason he won't look up. There are so many reasons.

"Hey," Eddie's voice cuts through his racing thoughts, though it sounds so gentle and fragile that Steve wonders if it's not Eddie who's been cut.

The steps have stopped, the gravel no longer crunching, and Steve can see a worn pair of Chuck Taylor's in his vision. Not Eddie's usual armour. It throws him off, makes him want to cry, makes him shiver in a way he can't blame on the breeze anymore.

"Thank you," he continues, sounding even more gentle, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, no longer wanting to hear that voice, not when it sounds like that. So bare. So raw. So vulnerable. "Can I sit with you?"

Steve swallows hard, and doesn't have to consider at all. He nods. Gravel crunches again, then twin chains squeak, the old wood creaking and groaning a little above them, but Steve knows it'll hold. It always does. While Steve is gently swaying, one foot anchored to the ground, Eddie remains impossibly still.

Maybe they're both about to break.

After a while, Eddie speaks up again with the words that Steve has been longing to hear for four years. "I'm sorry."

They're not nearly as satisfying as he always hoped. The world is still broken.

"Okay," he rasps, not really knowing what he's supposed to say. What Eddie wants from this. What he wants from this. If either of them still have the right to want things.

"I had this speech prepared," Eddie continues, still entirely still aside from the way his voice wavers, his laugh a bit breathless and bitter at himself. "But... I didn't... I didn't think you'd come, to be honest."

"Funny," Steve says before he can stop himself, cutting off the rest before it can leave his mouth and make it worse than it is. Coming from the one who left.

"I'm sorry," Eddie says again, and Steve is already tired of it.

So he says nothing, and his silence seems to mute Eddie.

"What does it mean?" he asks eventually, still not daring to look over at the man who used to hold his heart in his hands and then threw it down the quarry before leaving town without another word for four years. But he can feel Eddie's eyes on him. "That you're sorry, what– what does that mean."

"It means that I..." Eddie starts and trails off, considering his words in a way that makes Steve wish he wouldn't.

Just tell me. Take up space. Be enough. Be too much. Just tell me.

"It means that I wish I hadn't left, but that I know I had to in order to find out that living without you is not living at all. It means that I know that I broke your heart and your soul and your future, maybe, for this need of mine to just... find out. To run away. To be someone I could choose to be. And, God, it wasn't worth it. None of it. And still it happened, still I did it, still I know that I just... I had to do it. Being the person I was then, it... I just. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. None of it. And if I could, I would turn back time and just tell you. Or sleep it off. Get help, talk with Wayne, anything. Anything that wouldn't lose me the... That wouldn't lose me you. And I'm sorry."

When Eddie finishes, his voice is hoarse, and Steve can't look away any longer. He opens his eyes and prepares to meet Eddie's beside him even in the dark of night, but he finds that Eddie is looking up instead, towards the sky where the moon is busy painting a cloud in silver light as it moves to cover it incrementally, and Steve takes a second to look back down at Eddie and watch him for a second.

His hands are clenched around the swing's chain, and they're shaking a little – so minutely that Steve's not sure if he's imagining it at all, but he feels like he knows Eddie enough to know that he's shaking, too. That they're in this together still. His thick leather boots are replaced with the worn, dark red Chuck Taylor's, and he's wearing a pair of jeans that aren't ripped at the knees. His black denim jacket is plain, no pins, no patches, no rips or tears or any sign of Eddie.

It leaves Steve feeling bereft, untethered once more; and isn't that unfair. It's not fair for Eddie to come here looking like this, looking so open and plain and vulnerable – how is Steve supposed to talk to him now. To talk at him, knowing his words will only meet armour. Armour that will make Eddie leave again.

How is he supposed to say anything when Eddie might not leave again. Or when he never came back in the first place?

"What happened to you?" he asks, the apology forgotten at this need to know. This need to protect, even after all these years. This need to be Steve and Eddie. If only just for the duration of a question.

Beide him, Eddie huffs and looks away from the now covered moon, meeting Steve's gaze with those big brown eyes that look so much bigger now. So much... sadder.

"I've spent all my life knowing who I didn't want to be. Knowing what to be against. Knowing what to hate. And then I– Then I met you. And I got to be someone for myself, you know? You let me be that. And I didn't see, I never... I never quite saw that, Stevie. Because that sad, scared, angry teenager part of me still wanted to hate and rebel and to leave and to be someone. And it didn't matter who, what kinda person, just... Just someone. So I left, and I– God, I lost myself. That self that you brought out. That self that wanted a life full of, like, love, y'know? Not hate. Not anger. Not... Not battle vest, leather armour, sticking it to the Man. But when I realised, it was too late."

"When did you?"

Eddie breathes out heavily. "Last year? Friend of mine OD-ed. Lou. Found her in the hotel, just..."

He breaks off, and Steve can see him blinking away tears just as he blinks away tears of his own.

"I called the band in this, like, full-on panic attack. Told them it was over. Told them I didn't want this anymore. They– They talked me down, because they're great guys. Helped me through it. All of it. Jeff told me to send the letter. Said, 'If you wanna find yourself again, Ed, you gotta start where you last had it, and you gotta start sending the letters.' Best fucking guy I know."

Eddie is smiling through the tears, telling all of this like it's not worth telling at all – like they're not both crying silent tears at it.

Like Steve's not understanding what he's saying. You made me into someone I liked being. and I did write to you, I just never sent them.

"You wrote me letters?"

Eddie nods. "All the fucking time. Wanted you there with me. Stayed sober for you until I... Until I couldn't anymore, because I'd left you, and I left this fucking swing set, and I... God, I'm so sorry, Steve." Eddie is really crying now, hands covering his face, and it's not really a decision at all when Steve gets up to stand between his legs, wrapping his arms around Eddie's shoulders and letting him cry into his chest.

Eddie wraps around him almost instantly, and Steve holds him, running his hands through his hair, shushing him gently, just allowing Eddie to cry for as long as he needs.

And I got to be someone for myself, you know? You let me be that.

You let me be that.

"I'm sorry," Eddie repeats, over and over, and Steve finds himself saying, "It's okay, Eddie, it's okay. I forgive you."

They stay like that for a while. Until Eddie calms down enough to breathe normally again, and even longer still before Steve slowly, gently pulls away – ready to move back in and hold him some more. Even though he shouldn't. Maybe.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," he says at last. "And I'm glad you're taking a break. Glad you sent that letter, too."

"Mm-hmm, me too."

Silence settles between them once more as Steve finds his way back to his swing; and that's when he starts thinking again.

"When you left, I was devastated. And I couldn't even tell anyone, not even Robin. It's like... It's like when you left, you took away that part of me, y'know? I didn't know how to talk about you. The words were gone, or something. And then you... You wrote your songs. And it was double unfair, because not only you get to leave, you also got to talk about it? To, like, thousands of people? I never... I still– it's.... It's like I still don't know how to talk about it. About you. Or to you. There are things I wanna say, but... You said them all, I guess. You got to say them."

"Steve," Eddie breathes, and he sounds just as devastated as Steve feels. "I never meant to– I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"No?"

"No! No, you... No."

Their eyes meet again, and Steve swallows hard again. "Tell me."

"What?"

"What you were gonna say. What you want to say."

Eddie breathes deeply and lets it all out in one long breath. "You didn't deserve that," he says at last. "You deserve someone who treats you right. Someone who lets you be who you want to be, too, and who will bring you flowers, and who will buy you an Winnebago and get you everything you could ever wish for. You deserve someone who's not broken, someone who'll do anything for you because they realise that you're everything they could ever dream of and more."

Steve sighs and feels frustrated again, because Eddie still doesn't get it, Eddie still puts him on that pedestal and made him out of reach for himself to the point where he had to leave because Steve was already gone for him.

"Eddie," he says, and his heart breaks a little when the other man flinches a little at his sharp tone. "I don't ask for that, I would never ask for that, God. I just... I just want a simple, sometimes complicated, sometimes dramatic but ultimately worth it life. I want a– a boyfriend who will say weird shit sometimes because he's a fucking nerd, and who will discover things about himself when he's with me, and go to bed with that smile that tells me he's safe with me. And happy. I don't want anyone throwing away anything, I don't need anyone giving me everything, I just..." I just want you.

But the words don't quite make it past his lips, too much history forcing them shut. It's been four years.

"I don't want to make you into someone. I don't want the weight of that, the responsibility that one wrong look could make someone's entire life fall in on itself. I just..." I just want you.

And that's when he realises what he's always sort of known. That Eddie doesn't even need to ask for a second chance for Steve to hand it to him on a silver platter.

He stands again and comes between Eddie's legs again.

"I forgive you. But I want to talk. About all of this. Not just tonight, but every night. I want to know how I can help you, I want to start over, I want it to be right this time. I don't want you to ever run away again. I want you to talk to me, Eddie. And to take me with you next time you need to run. Because you don't get to run from me, okay? You don't– You don't get to do that, Eddie Munson."

Eddie looks up at him, the moonlight catching on the tears in his eyes, making them look even bigger, and Steve wishes he wouldn't look so small.

"You– But... But I'm so... broken." His hands flail a little, an aborted motion that shows nothing of his usual energy.

Steve's hands find his way to Eddie's cheeks if only to stop him from running away again.

"And I'm not gonna fix you. But I can hold you through it, and stay right where you need me to. That's what people do when–" He cuts himself off before he can say it.

But Eddie understands anyway if the way his eyes widen even more, welling up against the moonlight, is any indication at all.

"Still?"

Steve nods, his thumb stroking Eddie's cheek tenderly, wiping away the fresh tears. "Still. All you had to do was come back."

Eddie falls forward, then, and buries his face in Steve's stomach. It's not running away. It's quite the opposite, actually, and Steve holds him as long as he can.

The night is filled with many more tears as four years of anger and sadness and lostness finally find words to express them.

It's dawn when he says goodbye to Eddie at Wayne's new trailer, waving at the man drinking his coffee on the porch. Eddie holds Steve in a tight embrace for a whole minute before either of them are ready to let go, and only with the promise of Same place, same time tonight.

It's not a new beginning yet, but it's the closure they both need before the new beginning will happen in due time.

#hi if anyone else has written a part 2 for this (in a separate post or a reblog) pls tell me so i can link it too! <3 #dio words #steddie fic #steddie #i may have cried a little writing this whoops idk i hope the emotions are there i'm not sure my words are back but this is the best i have #(and i don't hate it!!!)#not sure this makes a whole lot of sense tho??#all you had to do was come back <- that's just the kinda person i am you know

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weepinglilvessel · 8 months

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Guess what this AU finally got!!

!A COMIC!

I’ve been procrastinating for 2 weeks on this and I finally got it done. I’m sure more will come in the future but not this week.

Anyways here ya go!

Moon now has a reason for her shity attitude (not a good reason but a reason)

Moon wasn’t as mean and cold as she is now. Much nicer and definitely less demanding. Of course her mean self was still there but it wasn’t as often.

Wind was one of the many few that tried to make Moon realize what she is doing, but Moon is kinda too stubborn for that. Basically a more rude Pebbles but older. Despite Moon’s hatred of Wind’s lecturers on how she changed, Wind is the person she is the nicest to due to them being close.

#this took me way too long to make #and in the end it kinda looks shitty cuz I rushed :(#on a tight schedule tho so this is the best I can do for now #hope you guys still like thy lore I am giving for this dark AU #more is coming very soon(•̀ᴗ•́)و #rw eclipse au #rw au #rain world au #rain world iterator #rain world fanart #rw fanart #rw looks to the moon #rw grey wind #rain world looks to the moon #rain world grey wind #my comic

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why-the-heck-not · 26 days

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a productive all-nighter starts by making a clear to do list & getting to work spending an hour or so searching for the music that hits the vibe just right

#it’s important #for the morale #but I found a new band I rly rly like so it wasn’t time wasted (best thing for morale)#tho they have only 4 songs so far so can’t fill the whole night with just that #but it can fill The Void so it's a start #(love finding bands that are like somewhat new instead of my usual ''omg I love this band'' 'only to find out they disbanded years ago)#(after deleting other social media apps I've been spending way too long times browsing Spotify but at least it's bringing me joy)#(except why THE FUCK are they trying to bring short-form content there also?? I refuse that's the worst way to find music)#also don't ask me why I'm doing an all-nighter ik I do these way too often it's great (sarcasm)#i'm dumb and been too anxious the past days so haven't done shit and now am in deep trouble #but luckily for me the anxiety turned today to the ''I'll never sleep so time goes by slower''-mode #instead the usual ''will have billion naps as a form of escapism'' which sucks ass #april 2024 #2024

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cerise-on-top · 16 days

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Can i request fluff alphabet with graves? I dont mind what letters you do x

Hey! I did the first eight letters of the alphabet!

Fluff Alphabet for Graves

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

If it was up to him, then he’d go grilling with you every day. Loves teaching you how to barbecue, telling you about how hot the grill should be, what its components are, how long the meat and sausages should be on the iron, that sort of stuff. Graves also loves inviting his Shadows to a barbecue as well. That way he gets to unwind with you and them and you get to know the people he works with. Those are the small celebrations he looks forward to the most.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

On the one hand, he loves the fact that you’re independent and can go a long time without him. It’s necessary since he’s away a lot of the time. On the other hand, he does love how dependent you can be on him. Even just the small stuff gets to him, such as you having forgotten your wallet and wanting some ice cream, or you leaning into him for comfort when you’re watching a scary movie together. Yes, he loves you, but he also loves it when you need him. You’re his world, and he’s yours. He’s the big, strong man in your relationship and he’ll protect you from everything there may be.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

I feel as though he’d try to give you some unsolicited advice. You’re more than welcome to tell him to shut up, though. But other than that, he’ll try to crack some jokes here and there to get you to smile again. Also not above cuddling you and holding you close to make you feel protected and loved. Your panic attack wouldn’t be the first one he’s experienced, in all honesty. Sometimes, he helps with calming down his Shadows. Will calmly talk to you, play some games to help you get your mind off things as well. Will breathe with you too, if you’re okay with that.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

If it was up to him, then you’d be living on a ranch together. He grew up on one in Texas and sometimes wants to go back to that life. Just you being surrounded by cattle, sheep, horses and other kinds of animals. You’d have a nice German shepherd together and would tend to the animals together. Of course, he wouldn’t give up his PMC either, but he can dream about that sort of future. He doesn’t think it would ever become reality anyway. However, as long as he gets to spend his future with you, he’s happy.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He leans more towards being the dominant person in your relationship, but he can be passive at times as well. Usually has his hand on you somewhere as well as an act of dominance. Loves having you sit on his lap too, sometimes even in public when there are no chairs. People should know that you’re together and that he’s the one protecting you. He’s more than happy to consider your suggestions, but it’s usually him who decides where you end up going. Especially if you’re indecisive.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He’d be somewhat petty and resentful, but he wouldn’t let it out on you. He wouldn’t really let it out on anyone, he’s far too mature for that. However, you’d have to apologize to him for him to forgive you. As long as you’re being nice about it, he will. It’s rare for him to apologize unless he’s truly hurt you. When he was in the wrong about some fact he’ll usually ignore it. When he fights he gets a bit louder, his accent becomes a bit stronger, but that’s it. He won’t call you anything mean, but it will be known that he’s upset with you.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He’s pretty grateful. Not as much as other people, though. He doesn’t always consider everything you’re doing for him. Not that he takes it for granted either, far from it, but he just doesn’t always think when he doesn’t need to. However, generally speaking, he is grateful for what you do for him. Will show it by either taking you on a nice date to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, or by taking care of your home in your stead for a while. You, too, deserve to have a day off from it all, after all.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There are plenty of things he doesn’t tell you. Sure, it may seem like he’s very open about his job, but you’ll always get the feeling he’s not being entirely honest with you. However, aside from job related things, he’s a very honest man. While he may sugarcoat some things for you sometimes, he will tell you pretty much everything. You can ask him about any personal detail and there’s a good chance he’ll tell you about it. In fact, I encourage you to do so, Graves enjoys talking about himself to you. Ask him about his plans for you and him and he’ll get quite sappy too and won’t stop talking for an hour.

#cod #cod x reader #phillip graves #phillip graves x reader #I want Graves to grill for me. he'd be really good at it as well and can make just about anything on the grill #I just know he makes the most delicious burgers and knows where to get the best burger sauce #he's a proud American therefore he loves his burgies and will indulge in them with you and his Shadows #you will also be fairly close to his Shadows because he loves you and he loves them #I once saw a post that said something along the lines of Shadow Company being one huge poly group #I love that HC so much. like hell yeah they all cuddle whenever they can and goof around with each other #and I do believe the Shadows would adopt reader as well #you'll be an honorary part of Shadow Company as soon as you're in a relationship with Graves #not even Graves has a say in the matter #another HC I have is that plenty of Shadows actually have a huge crush on him #and I am not projecting here (totally not)#but I don't think they'd be malicious towards you for being with him #as mentioned before: it's one huge poly group. a Shadow or two might hug you at some point too #they're all just very friendly with each other. I love Shadow Company being a bunch of rowdy goofs. I love them

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vacantgodling · 10 months

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✨preferences should not be standards for writing advice✨

#whenever i see writing advice i just get annoyed #honestly one of my biggest gripes about writing communities in general is this #constant need to regurgitate certain pieces of writing advice like they’re ambrosia of the gods #my biggest writing advice is to just stop fucking listening to all writing advice that has to do with #prose and style #just stop doing it #read books and find things you like and craft your own style of things #i know this is not simple for everyone but i’m tired of constantly seeing #i think flowery prose bogs things down too much #and i think that direct prose isn’t good enough at putting people in the world #like mate—everyone has preferences and preferences do not make good advice #so like #i wish people would stop acting like their opinion is the next best piece of writing advice #it doesn’t help anyone it just causes fucking insecurities #i am also having sensory overload so perhaps ren doth bitch too much #but you can pry flowery prose and run on sentences and incomprehensible blocks of text from my cold dead hands #bc it makes me happy to write like this and fuck off #ren hot cakes #i’ll delete this later im just cold and annoyed #and unfortunately you can thank my mother bc im extremely passive aggressive

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ninacarstairss · 7 months

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there is a tremendous lack of chloe green and shara wheeler content on this app and we should be fixing that

#i’m sorry but why????#i’m not exactly the best person to raise this argument since i’m reading this only now like fifteen months later #but??? what is this lack of content for them???#GIVE MY BABIES SOME LOVE #also heron and rory?? summer and georgia??? please i crave people to project this obsession onto #i crave posts i can reblog millions of times #yes you could argue i could make the content myself #but 1 i don’t have any artistic or creative talent whatsoever at the moment #and 2 i am too lazy to do stuff #but i need more of my new babies #i kissed shara wheeler #iksw #casey mcquiston #casey mcquiston verse #shara wheeler #chloe green

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cosmobrain00 · 1 month

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something lovely abt this madness

#first thing I do is post jester after being gone for weeks LMAO what can I say I <3 freaks #actually am quite happy w this one too which is nice tbh. only the best for my fav guy #art #my ocs<3 #jester

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rmbunnie · 9 days

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Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

#edit: i am so so open to discussion and disagreement on this but please try to have something substantial to say. god bless!#like ofc jason kills but to me it was less “everyone I've ever killed deserves death objectively”#and more “when people are dead they stop doing things like heinous atrocities and trying to kill me"#i don't even think he wanted the joker dead (only) because he thinks he objectively morally deserves death #although the joker is one of the most extreme cases possible and he if does think that he's VERY justified #i really do think it was just about bruce #and wanting bruce to avenge him to show he loved him and he mattered and wanting his dad to give him security #all the killing was about the clown and everything with the clown was about bruce #i've NEVER forgotten the bit in lost days where he has the joker tied up at gunpoint and doesn't kill him #i think if it was only about a moral greater good situation he would have taken him out then and there #if you disagree i'd love to hear why provided you can be civil and not an jerk #also if you disagree PLEASE PLEASE put screenshots and comic issues if possible #i'd love to check them out and form my own stance on them #just know that if you say like. battle for the cowl. or the Tom King batman annual or something i probably won't care too much #comic characterization is ever-changing and inconsistent i truly believe that the best thing to do is just read the important stuff #and try to form your own stances from there #because there's never gonna be 100% of comics involving a character that align with each other perfectly and that's just a given #jason todd #red hood #dc comics

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tswwwit · 4 months

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I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but i recently reread the entire familiar au (its as amazing as always!) and its so impressive to see how far you have come as a writer especially compared to the new cult au its honestly pretty inspiring

Thank you! It's truly nice to hear that I've made progress. I mean, obviously - hopefully - I would have after all this time, but sometimes the improvement is hard to see when you're so close to it.

#answers #I've been tempted at times to just take down some of my really old stuff #Because I am very 😬 when I reread it #But I think it stands as a nice relic/testament to how I've grown as a writer #In that I only roll around in agony about 90% of the time reading current writing now as opposed 575% with the old stuff #It feels like I don't know what I'm doing at any given time #But presumably I've learned SOMETHING #And my writing is not The Worst™#Funny how the baseline changes as skill changes because it's hard to remember sometimes that yes #Skill has improved!!#I say as I stare at this document with severe doubts and worry and agony #Nothing like looking at a 5k doc and going 'yeah this is only halfway to the end at BEST'#There is so much more yet to complete #Also super nice to hear that the cult thing is good to read #It's got a lot more visuals than my usual so I'm pushing my comfort zone #I am Not A Visual Person so that takes some Effort #All of these tags have been very navelgazing so here's a fun fact #If *I* can get better at writing by doing it for a long time #YOU can do it TOO and BETTER #It just takes - again - a lot of writing to get there

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findafight · 1 year

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Au idea I'll probably never write:

Steve as seven au, BUT he escapes at the same time as El in season 1. They get separated after Benny's, when seven tells eleven to run and definitely kills a couple government agents to give her more time.

So the a plot of will being missing and Mike finding El? Standard canon except El is ALSO looking for her brother and is worried about him. She sees that he's mostly safe and tries to help find will but also insists she go to her brother soon.

B plot of barb and Nancy...idk I haven't really thought about how that'd work without Steve's kickback. Maybe they go to a party (like actual party not the five person hangout) together and get separated and no one notices barb disappear from the edge of the lawn. Idk

The C plot is seven, kinda bloody and definitely cold, wandering out into the middle of the street, and one Robin Buckley almost running him over with her bike. She immediately clocks "guy who seems pretty fucked up" about him, and offers him a ride to her house. But Robin has never been the most coordinated of people and biking with a(admittedly probably too skinny) teenage boy sitting in her package rack is hard, and combine that with a guy driving like the devil's after him, they end up swerving of the road.

Eddie steps out, apologizes profusely, and offers them a ride. seven is sceptical, especially when both of them pause when he tells them his name, but does end up in the van. He finally gets a chance to breathe once they get to the Buckleys', and Robin gets him some leftovers.

He sits in front of the tv set to a blank station, tucks his head into his shirt instead of blindfolds, and tries to see El.

He sees her older, with flowers braided through long hair, laughing. Too far. He sees her with short curls, a patterned button down, eating something in a cone beside a mustachioed man. Too far again. He sees her tiny, scared, holding his own small hand. Not far enough.

Finally, finally, he sees her as she knows her now, mostly, standing beside a group of children and in front of a monster in a large room.

Eddie and Robin have no idea why their new friend? Has turned the tv on to static and is hiding in his shirt, but figure he's had a rough day. He pops his head back out, blood dripping from his nose, and grins, telling them he knows where his sister will be.

Anyways blah blah blah El sees where people ARE Steve sees where people have been/will be (based on where/who they are right now. Futura is constantly in motion etc).

Idk season 2 would happen very similar as canon minus stancy break up (they never date and are just friends) (also Steve tells Robin and Eddie he and El are safe and they pass it on to the kids) El finds Kali, Steve fights demodogs, etc etc.

But I want a (pre?) season 3 scene where Robin and Steve are hanging out as soulmates do, door closed because they are discussing Sensitive Subjects (gay shit) and giggling like schoolgirls. Hopper, in all his disappointed dad glory, opens the door and starts in on a rant about keeping the door open three inches.

Steve, bitch that he is, just tilts his head to the side and says "but that is for when we are with people we date. I am not dating Robin."

Hopper, not yet picking up what's happening, sighs. "Kid. It's about propriety. You can't be alone with Robin, because what if you do start dating. Then it's. You have to set an example for El!"(it would be a nice move bringing up Older Brother Responsibility, except...well.)

"but we aren't. I am dating someone else?"

"still need the door open three inches, pal. When El is home, at least"(El is almost always home)

"we do! And you complain about the loud music!"

"wait. Who are you dating? I thought Nancy was dating Jonathan still. She barely comes over." Hopper please pick up what Steve is putting down oh my god.

(hop has forgotten Robin is there and she is trying very hard not to make noise but Steve keeps meeting her eye sometimes because dear god. truly an iconic moment in friendship history.)

"yeah obviously. Eddie comes over all the time, though."

"what does Ed- oooh. Ah. I see. That's why you keep the door open even though he complains."

Steve nods like Hopper is the dumbest man on the planet. He might just be. "Yes. Because you said El had to and she asked why I didn't have to so then I started to leave it open when Eddie was over. At least Eddie doesn't laugh at you to your face"

"Eddie laughs behind my back?"

"he said you didn't know we were dating but I told him of course you knew, the door is open three inches."

Hopper clasps Steve's shoulders and looks him in the eye. "Steve, I need you to keep telling him that. And not mention this very awkward conversation we had."

"because he was right."

"he doesn't need to know that."

That's all I got lmao (also check the tag ramble I added lol)

#steve Harrington #robin buckley #eddie munson #el hopper #platonic stobin #steddie #steve and el #steve and hopper #steve is seven #finda writes stuff #hopper versus his childrens' boyfriends and his ongoing mission to have SOME authority over them #but anyway i love steve is seven aus but only really see ones where he escapes before el so thought this would be nest #*neat. also i love hopper adopting steve fics hehe #hop goes to joyce after this and is like. okay so he didnt tell me but thats because he thought i knew am i a bad dad #'hop. what are you talking about' 'steve and eddie are dating' 'yeah. what about it' 'i didnt know'#'theyre all over each other' 'so are him and robin! i thought they were just affectionate!' 'oh my god' 'no one else can ever know joyce'#'eddie sleeps over all the time' 'robin does too' 'the nicknames' 'robin calls steve babe' 'the whispering?'#'once AGAIN he and robin ALSO do that. how was i supposed to know he was dating eddie when he and his best friend also do that stuff?!'#'okay. thats fair jim. but what about the kissing' 'joyce.look into my eyes. he also. kisses. robin.' 'are all three of them dating?' 'no'#'huh. on the lips?' 'sometimes. its a playful smack.' 'and eddie?' 'okay admittedly. now that i think about it. very different than Robin

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uncanny-tranny · 7 months

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Here's the thing about politics, and ultimately, the world: you are going to be biased, and you are going to have a limited understanding of others to an extent. The key is to not deny that this exists because you will be ignorant when you are biased and limited in your worldview.

Yes, absolutely listen to multiple voices and points of view and a variety of different types of people. But know that this isn't the same as erasing all biases and "self-centered" views. Strive to do better without denying that you are fallible.

#politics #this is how growth happens too #it is natural to be almost self-centered because you both live with yourself but also view the world as a self/selves #and it IS better to strive to remember inclusivity and sensitivity but that doesn't mean that you will NEVER betray those goals...#...and that's not because you are Bad Person Number One but rather because you are fallible...#...you will try your best and sometimes fall flat on your face regardless. that's the POINT of being alive...#...what you do is recognize that you're fallible and learn how you fumbled and remember that for next time...#...arm yourself with that knowledge and you will be better for it.#you can never reach this magical point where you Never Do Wrong because that Doesn't Exist #so what you do is learn. and keep learning. and challenging yourself. and not blame yourself for being an Actual Person #i would rather somebody stumble but ultimately mean well and actually learn than somebody who assumes that...#...'oh well because i say i believe and do Good Things that means i'll NEVER do ANYTHING bad EVER'#inspired by me realizing that a question i had stemmed from a limited worldview because i live As Me and don't know anything else truly #even i am fallible much to my chagrin (lighthearted)

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cookinguptales · 6 months

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Do me a favor, okay? Next time you have a chance, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath and imagine someone loving you.

Imagine someone who gets excited just thinking about you. Imagine someone who loves the things you say and do and who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Imagine someone who feels lucky every moment they get to be around you.

It can be a real person or someone you just made up. You can imagine them praising you or laughing with you or touching you or whatever love means to you. It can be romantic or otherwise. Take your pick.

And if you had a hard time doing it?

Do it again. And again. And again.

I read once that it’s important for us to visualize being loved. That your brain needs to be trained like a muscle, and like a muscle, it can become weak from disuse. Your brain can only do the things that you practice doing, and if you never, ever visualize someone loving you, it becomes difficult to even imagine someone loving you. You get stuck in a rut. And once it’s impossible to imagine someone loving you, it becomes impossible to believe you will ever be loved.

I think… sometimes it can become easy to stop believing that we’re worthy of love. And I think sometimes we have this fantasy of someone making us believe that we’re worthy of it again. Or that somehow we’ll just — earn it, one day. Being worthy of love and desire, respect and affection.

But I think the truth is that we can only start believing that we’re worthy of love if we’re capable of imagining it. And it becomes much, much easier to imagine it if you practice doing so.

It may feel awkward at first. Embarrassing. Silly. Maybe even painful. But think about it like this, maybe: your first day in a dance class, you’ll fall. You’ll look ridiculous. It’ll feel like your body will never be able to do this fluidly. But by the end of the class, you’ll be able to move in a whole new way. Maybe not perfectly, but… better, y’know?

Learn to waltz with your own mind, and try not to cringe too hard at your first awkward movements. Start small and work your way up if you have to. Someone liking you, then someone liking your conversations, then someone liking your presence, then someone purposefully seeking you out. Someone putting time aside for you. Someone thinking about you when you’re not there. Someone being with you because there’s nowhere they’d rather be.

It may feel self-indulgent, but… I mean, we all deserve to be indulged sometimes. And we all deserve to feel worthy of love.

So… indulge yourself. Take a moment and have a silly little fantasy. Get into the habit of imagining love, and imagining it for the you that exists right now, not the you that you wish you were.

Learn to speak the language of love as it applies to you, even if you think that it doesn’t, and one day you’ll realize how to use those syllables to say your own name.

It’ll come one day. In the meantime, let’s learn to dance together, okay?

#personally...#I mean I am disabled and I am not conventionally attractive #I have PTSD now from the kind of childhood abuse that makes you feel... broken I guess #so I have spent an awful lot of my life finding it difficult to imagine truly being loved #when there are so many 'easier' choices in this world it is hard to imagine someone picking me #so believe me when I say I know it's hard #but I also know that I closed myself off to love once I stopped being able to imagine people doing it #I lost the vocabulary for people loving me so when people did it I could no longer describe it #I didn't notice or worse - it stressed me out #but... I have started doing this visualization exercise and it does help #sometimes I have a spark of... well yes this person in this fantasy does deserve to be loved #and I am that person #so there's a spark of hope to it #hope can be good and hope can be bad but... I guess it's necessary too isn't it?#so let's do our best to make our brains stfu when they're being mean and instead focus on self-love

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