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kentuckywrites · 2 years

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Imperium 3: Chapter 8

Te amo. (I love you.)

He was Pongo.

He was Pongo, and that was okay. He was okay.

Pongo was far form perfect. He would never have admitted to perfection even before Cocytios, even before Starr was brought into existence. He was something fragmented, torn asunder by trauma and a broken past, stitched back together because he willed it to be so. Starr accepted death, and Pongo - though reluctantly - accepted life. And Mira remained by his side, existing here in this body alongside him as an eternal companion. It had once felt fitting that he give himself a new name, but now, the only name was Pongo.

He was Pongo.

…

“Wake up, Pongo.”

He wasn’t asleep. He was hiding this whole time. Sleeping and hiding were not the same.

And yet, Pongo opened his eyes. He couldn’t hide from the sunrise, golden and orange hues dancing across a once darkened sky. He couldn’t hide from the familiar face staring down at him, her smile wider than he’d ever seen it before, a single relieved laugh leaving her lips. Oh, Elma, Pongo was so happy to see you again! He wasn’t afraid, not like he was when Starr walked the earth. He let himself smile back, revel in the joy he felt.

“Hello, Elma,” Pongo breathed, his voice hoarse.

Before he could react, Elma had lifted him up, and there he was in her embrace, his first hug after waking. Pongo knew Aidoneus’s transformation had left him weak, he couldn’t feel any of his usual strength in that moment. But he hugged back, after his moment of surprise had faded, and damn did it feel good. There was solace, here, a sense of peace that he had difficulty finding in most circumstances. He missed her, he missed this. But she had to pull away, as did he. There was no world where they could stay in each other’s embrace forever. There was too much that needed to be said, too much that needed to be done.

“Friend Starr is okay?” That was Froyoyo, asking that question. He stood behind Elma, and Pongo could see him over Elma’s shoulder. If the names and roles were reversed - Froyoyo asking Starr if Pongo was okay - Starr would’ve flinched, been angry. But all Pongo felt was the exhaustion that came with accepting life once again. He grinned at the question, a sad but understanding thing. He opened his mouth to tell Froyoyo the truth, explain what and who he was, but Vanala stepped up before he could.

“Friend not Starr anymore,” Vanala said, mesmerized, “Friend is whole again. Found peace in self.”

Her lessons rang true in Pongo’s heart, even though Starr was the one to receive them. She knew Starr was fragmented, back then, and that he’d need to heal in order to understand both aspects of using water ether. Ripples, she called them. Imperfections, flaws, ruins of the past he could never leave behind. Starr had been wary of that sentiment, believing himself too broken to heal. But Pongo…now he knew the truth. He was always going to be imperfect, he was always going to have ripples that he couldn’t stop from existing. This was a life he was going to cherish, a self that he would accept despite all of its evident flaws.

As if to test his theory, to reassure Vanala, Pongo shifted away from Elma. He raised one of his hands, and in his palm, a ball of water formed, shaping itself into a heart. The ether came more naturally than it did before, and with wide eyes he realized that the ether wasn’t originating from Starr’s gauntlets. This was a creation he deemed into existence without the gauntlets’ help. This was Pongo’s doing, his whole and undivided doing. Vanala mimicked his widened eyes, though her gaze was full of pride.

“My name is Pongo,” He formally introduced himself to Vanala and Froyoyo, “I am the original inhabitant of this body, alongside Mira.” A pause, a softening expression. “I want to apologize to you both. I caused your caravan a great deal of pain when I -”

“Furry dragon was not Pon,” Froyoyo butted in forcefully, “Nothing to apologize for. Froyoyo confused, but know that friend wouldn’t hurt on purpose.”

“Right!” Vanala agreed, “Friend Pon doesn’t need to ask forgiveness. Vanala just happy that Pon is okay!”

And then, a little furry body snuggled up between Elma and Pongo, hugging Pongo tightly. He chuckled, hugging Sprinkle Sprinkle back after letting the water ether in his palm dissipate. The littlepon’s voice was muffled as they said, “Sprinkle Sprinkle didn’t even say goodbye to Starr. Can friend Pon tell Starr goodbye?”

That nearly broke Pongo’s heart. He could feel it splintering, the weakened thing beneath his skin, but he was Pongo. Pongo was stronger than he knew, and he used that strength to smile, just as he always had. Even with his reputation, his near-inability to lie, he did his best to ease Sprinkle Sprinkle’s worries. “I will. He loved you a lot, you know. You, and all of your brothers and sisters.”

“Sprinkle Sprinkle knows,” They leaned back, sniffling. “Will miss Starr very much. Will…Will Pon come back to caravan instead?”

…Perhaps Pongo wasn’t as strong as he thought. He felt it, then, that pathetic little heart of his shattering into porcelain fragments. It wasn’t as severe a breakage as when he was brought back to life; the pieces had been stitched back together thanks to Mira’s handiwork back then, and that had been the reason Starr was born. This was a fracture Pongo would have to fix, and this time, he would do it on his own.

“I have to go home,” Pongo said truthfully, “Back to the city. But I promise I will visit the caravan often. Goodness knows I will miss you and your siblings too.”

Sprinkle Sprinkle took a moment to process his response. Then, he all but launched himself back into Pongo’s arms for one last hug. Gods above, he truly missed this feeling. And it ended too soon, with Sprinkle Sprinkle pulling away and giving Pongo a sad but sympathetic grin. They were young, of course, but Pongo got the feeling that they were more in tune with his mental state than all the others around him.

Then, a rumble, almost akin to a cat’s purr, echoing through the frost-stricken air. Pongo swiveled his head and came face to face with the bowed muzzle of Telethia, the Endbringer. How patient they had been, to wait for all the others to speak their piece. In this form they could offer no words of their own, so the gentleness of their descent had to suffice. Though the memories of their time in a humanoid form were not his to claim, Pongo saw the image of Solstice smiling down at him, their blue-green eyes shining with admiration and relief. How lucky Nessa had been, to have them by her side. How lucky Aidoneus had been, to have them fight Corvhesperikon alongside it.

And how lucky Pongo was now, to be able to reach his hand up to the Telethia’s snout, to be able to whisper, “Thank you, my friend. Thank you for everything.”

The Telethia hummed, accepting Pongo’s touch and closing their eyes, His hand was so tiny in comparison to their body, yet it basked in the contact, the warmth connecting them in the frigid cold. They both pulled away simultaneously, and as the Telethia opened its eyes, it seemed to ask a silent question. Pongo knew what that question was, and he knew the answer to give. All he had to do was nod, and the Telethia backed up, turned, gave one last glance towards the group. Their wings beat heavy against the air, stirring up the snow beneath their feet, and soon they had flown off into the sunrise, light bouncing off of their etheric feathers. Pongo watched Solstice depart until there was no silhouette left to track.

Froyoyo broke the silence left in their wake. “If friend going home, should start traveling soon. Having sun in Cocytios very good for staying warm.”

“Should go back to caravan too,” Vanala told her husband, “Caravan likely worried sick about Legendary Heropon!!”

“Worried sick about both Froyoyo and Vanala,” He corrected, his fuzzy hand reaching out to clasp Vanala’s. “And likely lots of rebuilding to be done. Corvhesperikon made big impact on caravan.”

“If there’s any resources I could have BLADE send to you to speed along the reconstruction process, let me know,” Elma offered, frowning when Froyoyo quickly shook his head.

“Not need outside help. Would rather not have caravan well known outside Cocytios.”

Pongo immediately sensed the reasoning behind that request, and to reassure Elma, he nodded again. She maintained a frown, though that simple gesture softened her expression. “I’m sure there’s a way I can work around your involvement in this whole endeavor when I write the BLADE report. Either way, HQ will ask questions about how and why our research operations failed. I’ll have to come up with a rather convincing story, especially if I’m to omit you and Aidoneus from the record.”

“We should count our lucky numbers that Solstice was able to help, then,” Pongo said, “You can tell them that the Telethia from Noctilum appeared and destroyed Corvhesperikon - all by itself.”

“BLADE might believe it, on account of the Telethia’s involvement in subduing Pharsis last year,” She concurred, “Either way, you won’t have to worry. The caravan and Aidoneus’s involvement won’t be revealed outside of myself, Pongo, Lin and Tatsu.”

“Tatsu was Nopon that came with friend Elma before, no?” Froyoyo squinted as he tried to remember, “Froyoyo taught littlepon fighting moves while Elma, Nessa, Solstice and other friend went to find Starr. Little friend - that Lin?”

“Yes, I arrived with them both the first time we came to Cocytios. Tatsu still talks about you back home. You’re something of a role model to him.”

“Happy Froyoyo could make difference in littlepon’s life. Froyoyo give permission to speak of events here with Lin and Tatsu. Friend Elma trusts them, and Froyoyo sense that trust from Elma is important thing indeed.”

“Seemed very much like Lin and Tatsu were Elma’s family when everyone was at caravan,” Vanala agreed, “Would make Vanala uncomfortable if Vanala requested Elma to keep secrets from own family.”

“She will probably have questions about where I have been these past few months, too,” Pongo added softly, “I do not think I could lie to her.”

“It’s something we’ll discuss once we’re back in the city,” Elma stood herself up, dusting the snow off of the back of her armor. Now that the sun had risen further up into the sky, her hair shone with angelic brilliance. Something about it reminded Pongo of the first time he’d met her, that first sunrise looking out at Primordia after being awoken from the lifepod, and the sense of deja-vu only increased when she held out her hand for him to take. “For now, Froyoyo’s right. We should get moving if we want to return home. The journey here took about two days, but if we’re quick, we can set up camp on Primordia’s beach by nightfall.”

Pongo took Elma’s hand, and she hoisted him up, though it took him a moment to find his footing. The journey seemed reasonable enough, though considering just how vast the continents were, it almost seemed too quick. He had to tell himself that it was because of BLADE’s vast technological resources, something he’d been deprived of during his time in Cocytios. Honestly, it felt strange to think about. Soon he’s be on board a vessel, soon he’d be reassuming his work with BLADE. Soon he’d be wielding his weapons, familiar in the past but foreign to the present, and he’d be putting that technology towards the betterment of humanity. He’d be helping people, protecting people - just as Aidoneus wanted to do.

“Froyoyo wish friends safe travel back home,” Froyoyo said, “And Froyoyo thank friends for everything. Always welcome at Desserta Caravan.”

“Better visit!!” Sprinkle Sprinkle reiterated, jumping up and down to prove the importance of their demand, “Or Sprinkle Sprinkle find way to friend’s home and visit there!!”

Vanala rolled her eyes at that, though it was clear it wasn’t out of annoyance. Sprinkle Sprinkle had all but proven that their stubbornness would put them into any situation they wanted to be in. They’d find a way to fulfill that promise of visiting NLA, one way or another. Pongo chuckled, imagining how Lin would act to another furry friend in their midst. The food puns would only continue to grow, and it didn’t help that Sprinkle Sprinkle’s name was…well. It was ripe for jokes, to say the least.

And with all of that in mind, the time finally came to bid the Nopon goodbye. His second family, his second home. They may not have been Pongo’s memories to keep, but he walked hand in hand with Starr through it all, and that had to count for something. For his own sake and for Starr’s, he spoke for them both.

“Goodbye, everyone.”

Froyoyo gave one last bow, Vanala gave one last smile. And then they turned away, with Sprinkle Sprinkle in tow. Elma did the same, and Pongo joined her. Not once did he think of picking up Starr’s mask, set so perfectly in the snow mere yards away from his feet.

The journey across Cocytios was quiet. Elma and Pongo hardly spoke a word to each other, even when they passed by the research base that BLADE had set up for the investigation of Corvhesperikon’s skeletal remains. The base was in terrible shape, the entire structure demolished and materials scattered across the snow. No humans emerged, no signs of life made themselves known. Elma and Pongo exchanged a meaningful glance. Elma did not smile, and she quickly averted her eyes to the wreckage after their eye contact. Pongo knew in that moment that none of the operatives that had joined Elma on this venture survived. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth, a sour pit in his stomach. They didn’t linger, pressing on quickly past the base.

When they reached the ocean, a boat was conveniently parked by the shore. It was a massive thing, clearly made to hold lots of cargo and passengers. It felt empty even when Elma and Pongo boarded, and Elma quickly assumed the controls and turned on the engine. Pongo hadn’t hesitated in stepping on board, yet a part of him wished he’d given Cocytios a proper goodbye. He’d been trekking through snow and the frigid winter air for so long that it felt like home. He reminded himself that it wasn’t his true home; no, if anything, Cocytios belonged to Starr. NLA was Pongo’s home, NLA was where Pongo belonged. He wouldn’t miss the cold if he had the warmth of his friends and family at his side.

And yet, he watched Cocytios disappear beyond the horizon as they sailed off deeper into the ocean. Why did Pongo remain so attached to the continent that had brought him so much pain? Maybe one day he’d be able to verbalize it, but for now, he let the sadness of farewell make itself known. This wouldn’t be the last he saw of Cocytios, he promised. After all, Starr had made a promise to Lumina to return, to find her the help she needed to recover. In Starr’s lieu, Pongo felt it was fitting to uphold that promise.

After what felt like a lifetime, Primordia appeared in the distance. The cold had left them behind, and in its stead was saltwater and warmth. Pongo became increasingly aware that he was still wearing Starr’s clothes, and gods, did it make him uncomfortable. He shifted in his spot, beginning to wonder if it was a good idea to enter the city in Starr’s attire. Starr would’ve hated NLA, he would’ve hated the hustle and bustle and he would’ve despised people staring at him. Pongo reached for Starr’s breastplate, lifting it easily over his head. The cape came off with it, attached near the shoulders, and Pongo instantly felt a sense of relief. He wondered if he should’ve left it back in Cocytios, a memorial to the fallen. But Starr wouldn't have wanted that, either, would he? This was too complicated to process. He resorted to carrying it back home.

The boat slowly approached the shoreline, a smooth transition thanks to Elma behind the controls. After the engine was cut, she left the helm, coming up on Pongo’s right side. She looked up at him, searching for his response, gauging his headspace. He stared ahead at the land before him. Night had long since claimed the skies, but it was young enough that his visibility hadn’t been impacted. It certainly helped that a few temporary lampposts had been constructed at the beach, the sand shifted where boxes and supply crates had once stood. And the breeze that wafted over from the land…it felt good. It was welcoming him home with open arms. Pongo melted into its embrace, emitting a soft sigh.

Elma opened up a control panel within the ship’s wall railing, and as she held down a button, a metal ramp emerged out of the ship’s side, touching down on the shore. She closed the control panel, opened the door to the ramp, waved with one hand for Pongo to go first. Step by step, he grew closer, closer, until his foot sank into wet sand. There it was again, that welcoming breeze, a kiss to reassure him that there was nothing to fear. Pongo was home.

It didn’t take them very long to set up camp for the night. Even though the city was close, indigen activity at this time of the night wasn’t something either of them wanted to deal with, especially when Pongo felt his eyelids trying to force themselves shut. By the gods, it had been some time since he’d truly slept. Starr knew how to sleep, how to navigate the nightmares and emerge from them unscathed. Did Pongo have that strength, too?

Before he could answer his own question, footsteps approached, and Elma sat down next to him. He’d been leaning against one of the cliffs, exhaustion written on his face despite his best efforts to keep it subdued. A lamppost flickered a few yards away, not close enough to illuminate them fully. They sat like this for a while under the cover of night, simply existing beside each other.

“I’ll keep watch,” Elma told him, and it occurred to Pongo that this was the first time either of them had spoken a word since leaving Cocytios, “Get some rest.”

Pongo fought it, that base instinct to deny needing any rest, to offer to stay up the whole night to help her. But nothing came. He closed his eyes, silent and wordless, his head heavy and tilting. He found purchase on her shoulder and never saw her surprise, her confusion, her sympathy all blending together. That night, he did not dream. That night, Pongo slept soundly.

In the morning, there was no snow, no precipitation to speak of. The sun bore down on them like a dream come true, and with renewed energy the two reached the West Gate in no time. Elma showed no hesitance in stepping forward, continuing to lead Pongo as she always had. But Pongo stopped, staring up at the shining metal gate, the gleam of the crystals shooting out of the impact site. Did anyone ever figure out that those crystals were condensed miranium? He supposed it was something he was attuned to, but never had the appropriate reason to share. Though the sunlight caught on it in fractured mirror reflections, he could see the pulse of the planet cascading through it, blood pumping through the system, a buried heart beneath the ground. Mira had been silent for their voyage, but this was reassurance that it was alive, just resting.

Elma looked over her shoulder, finding that Pongo had paused. “Are you okay, Pongo?”

He spoke the truth. “It feels strange, being home. There is a sense of…of day java.”

“Deja-vu,” Elma replied, “I feel it too. After all, this is the same route that I brought you on when I first found you in Starfall Basin.”

“That feels like it was so long ago,” Pongo breathed, “I could never have predicted that all of this would come to pass. To think, back then I had no idea who I even was…”

“Do you know, now?”

“Hm?”

“Do you know who you are, now?”

The question took him by surprise. But as the realization set in, Pongo found that it was easy enough to answer. There was so much he could say.

I am an Interceptor with BLADE.

I am a part of Team Elma.

I am an avatar of Mira.

I am the founder of the Free Hug Stand in the Commercial District.

I am self-sacrificial to the point of self destruction.

I am happy even when I am hurting.

I am a broken soul on the way to repairing myself.

And in the end, he simply said, “I am Pongo.”

Elma smiled. “I’m proud of you, Pongo.”

Light flooded through his body, a warmth unparalleled. Had he ever heard someone say that to him before? Was he worthy of that pride she felt? Pongo pushed those thoughts down, instead following after Elma now that he’d been reassured. Truth be told, he was not nervous about coming home after being away for such a long time. There was the panic of falling into the same routine, that he’d fall down the same holes and make the same mistakes. He was Pongo, yes, but Pongo had his flaws. Reclaiming the name and the being meant he had to reclaim those unsavory parts of himself. But he’d be better this time, he had to be. It would take time, but he would be Pongo born anew, free from those flaws of the past.

The transition between Primordia’s wilds to the confines of NLA was a familiar one, though jarring all the same. Voices echoed from all around, the Industrial District’s hustle and bustle sweeping Pongo into its mix. Elma took everything in stride, though Pongo was all too aware of the turned heads and shocked expressions of those who saw them walk past. He swallowed hard and kept his focus on the sidewalk, on Elma’s back, clinging to ignorance like a plague.

The test hangar was busier than the district outside, but luckily Elma raised a hand to Pongo before they fully entered. She told him to wait, for Lin was likely inside performing some Skell armor resistance tests as she had been for the past few weeks. Pongo laughed, saying that sounded like Lin. They agreed the fresh air would do her some good. Then Elma dove into the chaos, her bright red armor still pinpointable through the crowd. Pongo backed up so he was leaning against the hangar entrance’s wall, putting his hands in his pockets. Some people walked by and gave him strange looks, and again he was reminded of how uncomfortable it was to wear Starr’s clothes.

Perhaps the clothes were the reason Lin didn’t recognize him right away, following behind Elma for a time before they finally saw each other. And when she finally recognized him, she bolted across the hangar, tears in the corners of her eyes, jumping up into Pongo’s embrace as he spun her around and laughed and relished in the joy he felt. She asked many questions, and Pongo gave her many answers, though he saved the overarching and important ones for when they went back to their barracks. There, he answered everything he could, even through Lin’s heartbreak and tears. She hugged him so many times that it was almost as if she never let go. Tatsu appeared at one point, emerging from behind a wall with his head lowered in shame. He’d been eavesdropping, he admitted to it, but curiosity had gotten the better of him once he’d overheard news of the Desserta Caravan. Even now, he had a soft spot for Cocytios’s Legendary Heropon and his loving wife, a hero all her own. To think, two immortal Nopon had taught him how to fight! What luck indeed!

And after all was said and done, Elma told him he could change into his combat vest and jeans, hanging up perfectly in the closet in his room. The moment Pongo had changed and saw himself in the mirror, everything felt right. These were his clothes, this was his body. He was home, finally home.

When he came back outside into the main area, Lin handed him two cups of hot chocolate, ones that she’d brewed herself. Pongo raised an eyebrow - why two cups? - but everything made sense when she said that the second cup was for someone he hadn’t seen yet. Someone who was, in fact, worried about him from the very start of his disappearance. He’d even filed a missing persons report, though Elma said Chausson didn’t think much of it. After all, Pongo was one of the most revered and capable fighters in BLADE. He’d be back.

So with two styrofoam cups in hand, steam pouring from the top with hints of deep dark chocolate, Pongo left the barracks and walked down Armory Alley, towards the one he missed the most. It appeared to be a day like most others for him, a profitable but busy day indeed. Jejebba and L both were teaming up to try and sell a pair of swords to a young Curator - oh goodness, it was Mia. She looked entranced by the swords, one a vibrant red with green etheric inlays, and the other gleaming a royal white and gold. She grabbed her comm device only to sink into herself. Pongo could immediately tell she didn’t have the funds. She never did.

Deja-vu, Pongo thought as he grabbed his own comm device with one hand. A few quick taps, and the funds had been sent over. Mia’s eyes suddenly widened, and though she was still too far away for Pongo to hear her, he could see her evident excitement. He continued walking towards her until he was closer, and after swiveling back and forth, she met his gaze and her smile reached both of her ears.

And L’Cirufe, bless his heart, found him standing there seconds later. His surprise quickly bled into his relief, his adoration, his love.

Pongo smiled.

“I still owe you more than a hot chocolate, but hopefully it is still a good start.”

#xenoblade x #Imperium 3: Chapter 8 #thank you so much for reading.#thank you for being here.#this feels beautiful and whole and utterly real. i can't believe i'm here now.#but know this.#this...this is not the end.#imperium may be finished but it is not over.#but for now...i will sleep.

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