One thing that I will never get over was the influx of people in the Sims community who actively rallyed against disabilities being included in the sims because it was "too sad"

Like jesus fucking christ

All right, time for more details on the hatchlings:

Goji/Mosu: their hatchling ended up being the most "civilized" of the bunch, and while it did ended up looking a lot like Goji, it also inherited it's mother's usually calm nature and also inherited Goji's resting bitch face and attitude for good measure.

Goji/Tia: their hatchlings inherent most of their looks from their mother while also bearing some color changes from their father, they also act like a bunch baby of Crocs in more ways than one (the first thing they did when they saw their parents was start chirping and climbing on top of them)

Goji/Na-Kika: For a first time mother, Na-Kika's instincts sure as hell kicked in quick. Specially when she saw that her brood looked soo much like her, she had to take a moment with Goji to just Marvel on sight before going to check in on the little ones.

Rodan/Mosu: Mothra was anything but surprised when her and Rodan's egg hatched to reveal what was essentially mini version of Rodan, bearings slight color alterations due to her being the mother. It also came as anything but surprise that the little one was a troublemaker and it's first act as living being was to walk away from it's nest and parents and mess around with the other hatchlings.

Mosu/Monster-X: While the anticipation almost killed them, the hatching prove would most certainly be something to remember as it revealed Monster-X's first born child (mothered by the Queen no less.) This one was a surprise for Mothra, as the hatchling ended up looking a lot like her, but it also took traits from their father and already sported a boney "armor" in various parts of their body and different colored eyes too (I'll be honest with ya, I forgot the proper name for the condition). They little one also inherited San's personality traits and was immediately pondering its curious situation (in this case, life) it even tried to speak, but only squeaks came out.

Rodan/Monster-X: Oh, this one was a fun ride for the couple. Because this time Monster-X where the ones to carry and lay the egg for a change of air, something Rodan obviously took pride in. Even before the hatchling came out, the couple was already making guesses and even betting on what it would look like. But it turned out that their bets where all in vain, because the looks of the little creature surprised then both. What came out of the egg could only be described as an almost perfect blend of both parents, inheriting most physical traits from Rodan while also taking major traits from Monster-X, manly their boney armor and their dark skin/scale tone underneath (think bone-bird.) As far as apparent personality went, the little one seemly inherited a mix of Vivi's short temper and Rodan's reckless nature, a recipe for disaster.

BEBBIES!!

It's only appropriate that the Mosugoji Baby is the voice of reason among all the newborns, and being the child of two Alphas means they have to keep the others out of trouble. Goji and Mothra often lean close together and watch fondly as their baby gets on with their half-siblings and learns about the world.

Goji/Tia's clutch are just a big pile of chirping cuteness and here is the moment when everyone gets to see Tia's motherly side in full force as she curls around her babies to keep them warm once it's naptime. It's also a little bittersweet for her because it brings back memories of when she and Ozymandias were hoping to start a family before he vanished... Titans may not be inclined to give their offspring names, but Tia considers naming one of her son's after Goji's long lost brother.

Suffice to say, Tia's excited for her clutch with Ghidorah to hatch and is eager for babies from her little Alpha stud...

Na Kika still gets a little overwhelmed when it comes time to feed their children, but with Mothra and Tiamat's help they learn quickly, soon becoming a doting and dutiful parent. They gush and "blush" a lot upon discovering the brood has inherited their father's blue bioluminescence when they start glowing happily in the morning.

The Rodan/Mothra hatchling quickly develops a friendly rivalry of sorts with their Mosugoji half-sibling, often getting into play-fights with each other when the bird/moth starts causing mischief. Of course, the Mosugoji hatchling is quietly unimpressed when the other quickly learns how to fly long before they need to form a cocoon, but are confident the Mothra/Monster X baby will keep up.

I gotcha fam, the word is heterochromia! Or bi-eyed to make it easy. I'm actually picturing the Mosu/Monster X hatchling to look something like a less spiky and less angry-looking Battra, and once they hit their imago form the Monster X looks may kick in even more. The San half of Monster X starts crying a little because he's never been a father before and feels like his chest is going to burst from how happy he is.

This is one of the few times Rodan allows himself to show a softer side outside of intimate moments with his respective mates and spends equal amounts of time hugging Monster X as he does cuddling with their firstborn (the parents really do look and feel like a happy couple, and all the anxiety from the pregnancy washes away seeing how healthy their baby is). It doesn't take long for the little bone-bird to start getting into trouble with their moth/bird half-sibling, but with time and care they'll inherit the Vivienne half's more level-headed qualities... they'll still have a short temper, though.

Adding Characters to the Big Four (RotBTD)

I've already made a post about just "How the Big Four Work so well (discussion)" which talks about their personalities are and what their stories have in common, as well as what criteria they follow.

So if you want to understand exactly what I'm talking about I'd recommend you read this first:

Now I'm gonna go into what characters would fit and why. So if you want to add other movies to this world, I would recommend Moana, Epic, The Croods or maybe even Hotel Transylvania and here's why:

Moana – Begins with narration but ends with a song. Although it's a song that sums up what Moana had learned and what her people have now become. So it is, its own form of narration. She also goes through the journey of finding herself by becoming a wayfinder like her ancestors.

Moana definitely adds to the groups resources with being friends with the ocean, knowing about the realm of monsters and being friends with Maui & Te Fiti. She would definitely get along great with the big four friend dynamic in many ways.

Hiccup: through their ability to lead and quick thinking. They also both understand what it's like to grow up on an island with their fathers being the leader who expects certain things from them.

Rapunzel: because they understand going against a parent's wishes and working to make their dreams/wishes come true. They also have the same type of bubbly personality and would converse well.

Jack: they both understand what if feels like to be chosen for something they feel they're not ready for and what it feels like to be an outsider from the people around them.

Merida: their tough and somewhat playful nature as well as their diplomacy skills match each other so well. They'd definitely be the closest of the group because of their strong personalities.

Out of a friend group consisting of: the girly-girl, a troublemaker a nerd and a tomboy, she fits into the literary dynamic through being the 'athlete.' In battle, consisting of: a leader/strategist, a healer, a sniper(bow and arrow) and a speed fighter, Moana fits in as the 'close combatant' in battle.

The magic also can still follow the guidelines of rotg. They speak about Gods but what if there really aren't any? The only 'God' we see is Te Fiti, who is the bringer of life. Or in other words; Mother Nature. The God that had raised Maui could've actually been the man in the moon and that would be how Maui was given magic and doesn't age. He goes around, calling himself a demigod but in reality, he's a spirit. And of course he's able to be seen since everyone on Motunui believes in the demi/gods.

Seasonally, Moana would most obviously be put in summer. But there are a lot of people who feel that adding more characters to the big four kind of breaks the seasonal aspect and that's fine.

But here me out.

The seasons effect the land on earth but if Moana is a spirit of the ocean, then she's effecting the rest of the earth's surface. The ocean doesn't necessarily have seasons so you don't need to apply one to her in order for her to add to the group. BOOM! Loophole!

I believe she's the BEST additional choice out of them all. Plus she'd definitely be chosen to become a guardian because *cough cough* SHE SAVED THE WORLD FROM DECAY.

Eep – A lot of applications for Moana fit for Eep too. She has narration at the beginning and end of her film. She'd fit in literarily as the 'athlete' and battle-wise as 'close constant/brawler.'

She also kind of has an arc of finding herself by leaving her cave days behind and following the light with her family. And being that she's from the caveman days –a time even before Moana– she could definitely add to the group with her survival skills.

Eep's dynamic with the others would be:

Hiccup: he understands overly strong women and would be able to keep up with her. She also has an innocent side to her and would be enthralled with his inventions. She'd just sit there and watch him work 😆

Rapunzel: being that Eep is getting a new friend in Dawn (who reminds me of Rapunzel) in "The Croods 2," I would imagine Rapunzel would also be intrigued with Eep's scars/adventures and Eep would be more than happy to boast.

Merida: their roughness and competitive nature would make them the best frienemies. They'd be closer than ever but do nothing but wrestle and compete.

Jack: like how Eep would boast with Rapunzel, Jack would boast with Eep. She would be in love with Jack's magic and he'd be more than happy to show off.

There really isn't a magical aspect to compare with rotg so the world can still fit into the dynamic here.

Eep is witty, optimistic, energetic, speaks without thinking and fails to plan ahead a lot. Therefore, as a seasonal spirit, Eep would bring spring.

MK – Begins with narration but doesn't really have any at the end. She can add to the groups resources by knowing about the leafmen and the whole mini society, of course.

The magic also stays in line with rotg and it probably helps that the creator of Epic was also the author of the Guardians of Childhood books that inspired rotg. The moon is what blooms the pod, so it's possibly the man in the moon passing his magic into the pod so it gives the next queen her powers.

In the literary dynamic, MK would be the 'city girl' friend-wise and the 'reanforcement' fight-wise. Getting along with the rest would be:

Hiccup: she would be a sense of familiarity with MK's dad being a scientist and Nod's sarcastic nature. Hiccup would also be very intrigued to learn more about the Moonhaven kingdom.

Merida: their stubbornness and being able to understand having a parent that doesn't listen.

Rapunzel: their (new) love for nature and exploring. As well as being able to understand the pain of losing a loved one.

Jack: understanding the feeling of being invisible to the people around you. MK definitely felt this way after her mom died and when her dad wasn't listening. She mentioned how she felt alone to Ronan when he brought up the "many leaves, one tree," line.

I believe she could've been chosen to become a guardian because she did save an entire society and forest. Seasonally, I believe MK would be made into a fall spirit. There are certain places that relate to or even represent the seasons. When you think of Fall, you think of trees. Spring relates to a field/garden, summer relates to a beach and winter relates to just about everything being in snow, but usually frozen bodies of water. She's also very dependable, willing to work, disagreeable and easily irritated. All traits that relate to Autumn.

Mavis – Probably the least workable candidate. There really isn't any narration in this movie and she also doesn't really "find herself" either so her movie criteria don't really work here.

But her character criteria still does. The magic still fits because we know that spirits are created by the man in the moon. If we go by the GoC books, the mim is alien magic. But who's to say that earth didn't have its own magic in the form of monsters (which can also fit for the realm of monsters from Moana.) So the magical dynamic still works.

She could also add to the group by knowing about monsters as well as being a vampire herself. She could turn into a bat or travel as smoke to sneak around places to find information if need be.

She'd fit in literarily as the 'gothic (not so much as personality but by style)' friend-wise and the 'sneak attacker' fight-wise. Getting along with the rest would be:

Jack: there are many takes on the Jack Frost myth and in a few of those takes, he's a monster. The reason for this could be because Jack has come across Hotel Transylvania and the monsters could see him (not being human and all) and he befriended Mavis, knowing she was lonely. They have the same type of fun personality and are both great with balancing tricks. I can imagine Jack getting Mavis into trouble through pranking the hotel guests.

Rapunzel: they'd both be able to understand being locked up in some way by a parent and wanting to travel the world. They both also have naiveties about the real world and would be learning things for the first time together.

Merida: through their daily activities and love for food. I could imagine them trying each other's scream-cheese and haggis😂 I'd also imagine Merida being the one to help Mavis socially catch up.

Hiccup: much like Eep, she'd be incredibly intrigued by Hiccups inventions. I think she'd even try anything to assist him while he's testing certain things. I can imagine him also being the one to help Mavis socially catch up as well.

She's very curious, friendly, energetic and tender-hearted as well as undecided and talkative. So seasonally, she too, would go to spring. She unfortunately can't go into sunlight but there are plants that actually do better in darkness. That would be where she specializes.

I hope you all like this. I hope you find this whole thing very interesting and informational. If you have any other characters you think could add to the big four, I'd love to hear it.

My rewatch AoS 1x11 to 1X15

I am very late for the rewatch so I thought I’d keep doing my rewatch review in blocks of five episodes (or whatever seems relevant). So here we go. With TAHITI, we're starting to get a glimpse of what the rest show is going to be since from that moment on. Except for Yes Men (who still gives an important moment information about May at the end) who really should have been in the first part of the season, every episode will be connected in a more or less big way to the main plot of the season. Like Yes Men who's completely independent or Seeds whose main plot doesn't seem linked until the end when we learn that Iain Quinn was linked to it, this first part of 1B makes the transition between the happy Bus days and the darker tone of the last seven episodes that will continue on in season two. So here's a few thoughts about separate episode: The Magical Place I absolutely love that first scene with the team working together perfectly, each using their own talent, it was perfect. Still love it when people call Fitz "sir" in season one, it's just so funny since he's so tiny 😄 May is really smart in that episode. Everyone did exactly as she had planned without even having to tell them (because she knew FitzSimmons and Ward would help Skye escape) and thus also remaining in Hand's good graces. Agent Skye mini May is adorable! But she really is as smart and ressourceful as May, she just needs to be trained in combat and badassness now! I know it's a very unpopular opinion but Raina annoys the crap out of me with her too sweet smiles and exaggeratedly sexy voice. I mean she's obviously really at getting in men's heads, including Coulson but I just find her… annoying. She gets more interesting after she turns, too bad she didn't last longer after that. Love the Coulson rescue mission, again that was some very good team work. And love the reunion scene, although I know at least Skye wanted a group hug. Love May's side smile and "Nice Jacket". "Bet there's no flower dresses where she's going!" "Amen to that, sister." Love that :D "Disengage bracelet" Coulson's dorkiness really is one of his most endearing traits. Seeds First of all, a big thank you for giving us enough FitzSimmons content for hundreds of FitzSimmons Academy Era fics. Love that FitzSimmons scene where they present each other's work mirroring the scene in the Pilot when they introduce each other, it's adorable. Also love the way their speech is so well rehearsed, it's perfectly flawing between them and I bet even that joke Fitz does was written on paper. "Potential can sometimes be dangerous…" Oh Fitz, you're going to remember that one quite bitterly in a few years. FitzSimmons are so proud of their Academy and being such stars there. I love their competition with Ward and Simmons' "Did you have one of these in ops? Did not think so." Yep, cannot imagine Ops having something so fun! SciTech would have definitely been more my kind of place (except for the fact that I didn't study science at all :p) "My room was just like that." We know it's a lie but it's cute, it's Fitz's slightly awkward way of trying to connect. We know he has trouble making first contact and it looks like he's also kind of thrilled of being someone's hero or even a father figure of sorts. Coulson saying "You're talking, it's weird" is the best. That's some pretty dangerous info we're getting on Skye. They really took their time giving us bits of information all through the first season to focus on it in season two. Love the little robot on the bar at the boiler room, never noticed that before, need to include it in a future fic, it's adorable! Too bad Donnie ended up as he did, he really wasn't a bad person and deserved a redemption arc. Again, May is such a freaking badass. And all this without a single superpower! T.R.A.C.K.S Although there will be some criticizing, keep in mind that this episode still remains one of my favorite episodes of the season and the show as a whole. Love the plot, the humor, the action, the different POVs and that's also some top notch drama at the end. So, first of all, the accents. Even I, a person who only some distant italian relatives, can tell that Ward's one is awful. But at least, he's not supposed to be Italian so that's understandable. But that conductor sounds like a mix between Mario and Jen speaking pretend Italian in IT Crowd (hilarious episode by the way, you should look it up if you haven't :D) Then, that train. You should read @valentinaonthemoon‘s post here about it if you haven't because she points out all that is wrong with the train and its route. But seriously, it's so weird. It's all too big and pretty. I have never seen a restaurant carriage with actual cute little wooden tables and chairs and actual room to walk between the table. And what the hell about the actual bed? I've taken a night train to Venice once, even first class wasn't close to looking like that! Anyway, now moving on to all the good parts. May is the definition of badass in this episode. First casually walking on a moving train and then taking of all the bad guys with the knife they stabbed her in the shoulder with. And I also love the little Philinda moment where she lets him help her but didn't let Ward. Love Fitz summing up every cliche Europeans have about Americans "They have some good shows. Lots of nice teeth." and "Someplace affordable with big portions." His pretend relationship and real friendship with Skye is very very sweet in this. I love all the teasing but also the way he insists she takes the gun and tells her to be careful. Jemma is, once again, very heroic in this. Once more, she takes the conscious decision to sacrifice herself for his friends and Fitz in particular. Of course, that grenade wouldn't have killed them but she didn't know that. So really, during the pod scene, when Fitz is faced with the reality that only one can hope to make it to the surface, his decision is easy. And I think it's not only because he loves her and couldn't bear to live without her anyway, but also because she did twice already and he thinks that's it's his turn now. He's just less lucky about the consequences it has on him. (And ironically, Ward provoked it instead of being here to save the day… but I digress). I love Fitz's reaction after Jemma falls. He doesn't run to her because he's stunned and frozen at the idea that she might be dead. His sigh of relief when Skye tells him she's alive is everything. And also the line about her little face is adorable, especially since I only learned recently that it was ad libed by Iain! I didn't remember how heartbreaking Skye was when she tries to call for help and has no voice left at all. For a moment, she must have thought she was going to die all alone in that scary dark room. I mean, I never was really worried because they weren't going to kill her off but still, that's gut wrenching :s But Jemma for the win though! She's not even a medical doctor and so many people are alive thanks to her! And well, of course, THAT HUG! I mean all of FitzSimmons hugs are wonderful but this one is just… I love how it parallels the one from 4x21 where they don't talk and he just has to reach for her shoulder for her to finally let go and cry in his arms. At first, she doesn't fully hug him because she's afraid of putting blood on him (which is very Jemma-like of her) but then she lets go and he doesn't need to say a thing because it's his presence that comforts her the most. Also, FZZT was the moment he realized his feelings had changed for the first time but this feels important too. This is the first of many hugs and the moment their relationship becomes more physical (not in the sexual sense of the word, just physical). As much as I like to imagine they spent their Academy days falling asleep in the same bed every week, I feel like until now, their friendship was very intellectual with only quick very tame physical displays of affection like the touch of a hand or shoulder. Even that kiss on the cheek seemed something wild in the way he reacted and she hesitated before doing it. After that, we'll see more hugs and more daring touches, culminating into the pod scene. (and then regressing and slowly progressing again in season two B and and three) Because being on the field had taught them how hard things could be and they're like each other comfort blanket for a time, thus the need to be physically closer. T.A.H.I.T.I I love how FitzSimmons are sitting so close together on that couch. I think they both need the comfort of each other's presence because they are the only constant in their ever changing world. They really should have let Ward blame himself here. The way May beat the crap out of Iain Quinn was very satisfying. Love Coulson's progression about Tahiti. "Turned out not so magical" and in the next episode it'll be "It sucked". Well, at least he got to see the real, beautiful Tahiti 😞 Awww Trip. I didn't like him all that much the first time. I mean I found him okay and all but only on the second rewatch that I grew to like him. Other than the fact that he could actually get "Witches weekly's most charming award", he really is just a genuine nice, easy going, good guy. Too bad it made him the perfect candidate for shock value death 😞 Love, love, love that scene with FitzSimmons looking through the files. It's stunning and blue light definitely suits Fitz. I also love him during the mission. We know he's kind of scared and he still doesn't like being on the field but he's brave and funny and adorable. "Not afraid, not yet…" "To certain horrible death? Absolutely" Classical sassy Fitz! One thing that had always bothered me during this mission: Couldn't they use non lethal weaponry to "attack" the base. I mean they're protecting a shady secret but they're still (mostly) agents of SHIELD. And they'd been left to die and be buried under all that rock. I get that Coulson wanted the truth and to save Skye but still … I absolutely love the way they decided to handle the Kree reveal. Make Coulson look terrified and let us imagine all the most horrible things and then only in the end the horrible mutilated corpse. Feels a lot like what Hydra did to Skye's mother by the way and very, very evil :s Yes Men I enjoyed this one more than I thought I would despite it not being the strongest episode and it has a lot to do with Sif being a badass. So, first of all, with all the super advanced technology they have, would an Asgardian really be impressed by a bike?!! Skye saying: "I must look awful". Honestly, makeup department guys? They did a really good job when she was close to death but now she doesn't even look a little pale. She doesn't a little circle under eyes and doesn't even look tired at all. And look at her hair! That's not the hair of someone who had been forbidden to leave her bed for days! Fury is already missing, it's getting serious! Sif is so freaking badass and really aces the super hero landing! Also, she's so extra, like she casually throws a car to provide cover. I love her connection with May and I would totally watch a spin off of them kicking ass together. I like the phrase about people being dangerous when they are controlled and how it's another hint at May's backstory. Okay, so I love Sif throwing a car during the fight scene and I love Coulson calling Sif "your ladyship" but seriously, didn't SHIELD have enough women fighters? Honestly! Jemma is totally right about being mad at Coulson about wanting to know more about GH325. Coulson has a good reason for keeping it in house but he should just tell them for god's sake! At this point, we can see that he's still struggling between the whole following the rules and doing things his way because he no longer trusts SHIELD completely. "Ward is not the man you knew. He will not hesitate to kill you." "He might try but he wont." Yep, yep, yep, you don't know how right you were, May! "Because yes, I am that good!" Fitz was cocky and cute there but really not that wasn't a smart move telling Coulson about Lorelei without knowing if he'd been swayed as well. Libido does take a bit of his genius away :p "He's always getting knocked out, isn't he?" Mmmhhh … okay but how freakishly strong is Coulson if he can knock him out with only one punch? "You were saying?" Honestly, they should have copied that collar to use for all the villains and their long boring speeches. And finally dun, dun, dun! They really did a good job making us paranoid and making us think May could be the villain.

I procrastinated and this mess happened

It’s horrificly bad but it’s inspired by this doodle I did when I was, you guessed it, procrastinating :))

So enjoy this pile of Millie’s cat sick :)

“I’m glad I found Chocolate Milk now because if I found it before I wouldn’t be able to drink it.” Anne stated, her face the perfect picture of nonchalance. “Why? Are you lactose intolerant?” You replied back, blissfully unaware of the past Anne hid. “I was beheaded? Duh” she laughed.

You had known Anne for over a year now, but not once has she mentioned being beheaded in a past life. You had seen Anne in Six obviously but you’d just assumed that was a character she had taken on. Like that time you played the Virgin Mary at age 4, probably not the best decision eh Mrs Keeping but there we go.

Anne suddenly looked as white as a ghost. She had forgotten that you didn’t know. For what it was worth Anne was a great actor. Onstage she was competition to a gremlin, but to a select few she was Anne. Just Anne. Anne with no tragic backstory. Just a girl who liked milkshakes. “I’m so sorry Anne. I didn’t know” you said lovingly, placing a hand onto Anne’s. It was a small gesture but it made you feel better that you could bring a bit of colour back to her rosy cheeks again. “Shall we go to yours? I want to show you something that will open your eyes forever.” Anne nodded to this, happy that you hadn’t dragged out the topic anymore.

You had hoped Anne wouldn’t already know what you were about to show her. It might be common knowledge to most but she had a tickling feeling that Anne wasn’t part of that percentage. You took her hand and ran down the street, passing the Queens house, which made Anne raise an eyebrow. Jane liked everyone home by 9, and it was already half 7, so she couldn’t go on a wild adventure to oxford on a random bus. “Look Y/N-“

“Tah dah.” You stopped and raised your hands at the sign above you.

“Tesco? You brought me to Tesco?”

You smiled at the green minx, “ah my child this isn’t any normal trip to Tesco. This is a life changing trip”

You managed to pry Anne away from the chocolate bars- you had a feeling that the sugar from the milkshakes was already getting to her head- and led her down the dairy isle. While Anne was distracted with a carton of purple milk you grabbed the carton you were searching for. “What do you think goes into purple milk? Cow blood mixed with a taste of WKD? ANNE MILLICENT BOLEYN DONT YOU DARE THINK ABOUT TOUCHING MY ALCOHOL CABINET. Well now I don’t have to” She laughed.

“Anne what I have in my hands will change your entire life.”

You presented her with a carton of chocolate milk and you smiled to yourself as you watched her eyes widen and start to twinkle.

“You. Can. Buy. Chocolate. Milk?”

When you finally went back to the Queens place, you couldn’t help but worry. You had literally bought Tesco out of Chocolate milk. You knew Jane was a strict mum so perhaps introducing Anne, loud, insane Anne, to a new sugary invention wasn’t the best idea. Especially when you are carrying 27 cartons. 26, Anne just drank one. “Shall we take these up to my room?” Anne was obviously thinking about not having to share, rather than what Jane would think. “You do realise you need to keep milk in the fridge right?”

“But I thought- cause its chocolate-“

She looked downtrodden. “Do you want to sleep round? It’s getting late anyway and I just changed my sheets after months so it’s not a biohazard anymore!” You giggled to yourself, Anne truly was special. “I’d love to. Will the others mind?”

“No they love you!” And with that Anne unlocked the door.

“I’m telling you they’re dating!”

“No, id have read about it by now.”

“Huh?”

“Am I the only one who reads her dia- hello. Welcome to the very normal and casual conversation we are definitely having.” Cleves exclaimed from where she was sat, having realised that both girls were standing in the hallway.

“I’ve missed you guys! How have you been?”

“Great, I’ve finished my book on why men are absolutely pointless and serve no use on this planet!”

“And I made cookies for the first time! Who would have known that chocolate cookies aren’t just overcooked cookies?”

Anna noticed the bags we were carrying. “Do you two care to explain why we now own a farms worth of chocolate milk?”

“To cure my lacking toes intolerance”

“To help feed children in Africa!”

You both panicked. Anne, because she didn’t want to share, and you, because you didn’t want to get Anne into trouble for spending an absurd amount on flavoured milk. “Put them Into the garage fridge before Jane sees them! Lord knows what she’ll do with 40 cartons of confiscated milk.”

You glanced at Anne and giggled, you had noticed that her eyes were just a bit more bluer today, a trait you learnt meant that she was happy, and a darker blue meant she was going through a rough patch. “Before Jane sees what?” A blonde figure asked.

Before either of you could panic out another excuse, Cleves piped up again. “ I was just asking the girls to take my deliveries upstairs into my fridge” Anne winked at you both “because my back hurts awfully”

Jane smiled sympathetically at Cleves, unaware of the truth she was hiding. “Alright hurry up you two, and it’s lovely to see you Y/N!”

“You too Mrs Seymour!”

“Call me Jane.” You smiled. Although you called her Jane to Anne, it was only because that’s what Anne used, Jane had never formally told you to call her Jane, so you didn’t think it was proper. It felt nice to know that someone liked you, even a tiny bit.

“I’m telling you it’s not going to fit.” You declared as Anne tried to stuff 25 cartons of milk into the tiny mini fridge Anna had in her room. Yes Anne had drank another carton and was nearly bouncing off the walls. To your surprise 23 of the cartons fit inside of the fridge. “Looks like we’ll have to drink these then” Anne smiled mischievously.

The pair of you had been sat in Anne’s bed for about half an hour, just enjoying each other’s company whilst sipping the chocolate milk when you couldn’t stop yourself. “Why didn’t you tell me you got beheaded?” You had to admit, Anne’s slip up earlier stung. Didn’t she trust you with that information? But she trusted a room full of strangers?

Anne couldn’t look you in the eye, she was quite engaged by the edible glitter she had poured into her milk. You didn’t think she heard you so you started to ask her again.

“Why didn-“

“I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. It’s just, I’m so happy when I’m around you, and I don’t want to waste a second of it talking about my last life- it was hell, yes, but I’m over it. I’d rather talk about scrunchies than kerplunkies” and with that she motioned a quick beheading with her fingers and tongue.

To be fair, you hadn’t expected that reply. You hadn’t expected a decent reply end of. You’d put it down to the fact that Anne was coming down from a 22 hour long sugar rush and was too tired to think about what she was saying. “I- I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry that you feel that you need to keep things from me just to have a good time. I mean we could do 95% fun and 5% family trauma because god knows I’ve got tons. But I like hanging out with you to Boleyn.”

Neither of you knew what to say next. Not much had been said but it was enough to build a bridge that wasn’t previously there. Out of nowhere Anne gets a text from Kitty. It contained an emoji and a word. Typical kitty. “💋 her”

Anne was shocked, 1. Where was Katherine and how did she spot the silence and sexual tension, and 2. How the fuck did she know that she was gay. Sure the queens were open and accepting of being gay, but it wasn’t something that Anne spoke about. But despite all of the racing questions, Anne plucked up the balls she stole from Henry and leant in and cupped Y/N’s face. You were shocked at this movement. How did a discussion about beheadings lead to this? But you weren’t complaining. You had realised you loved Anne the day she fell off of her bike. She had never rode a bike before so you had been teaching her, at first she seemed promising, but she fell over and scraped her knee, causing a war amount of blood to pour. To your amazement, she started crying and asking for Millie. You panicked, who was Millie?? You thought it could be a pet name for one of the queens but you couldn’t be sure which. So you ran inside to fetch Kitty. “Who’s Millie??”

Without even speaking Kat ran upstairs and returned holding a ragged old dog teddy. Just the thought of Anne being so vulnerable, clutching the years old toy made your heart wrench- more than when your favourite TV show got cancelled and definitely more than when Ben and Jerry’s decided to stop selling Cookie Dough at the cinema.

You leant in to annes hands, and placed your lips upon hers in a frenzy of sparks and fireworks. You had dreamt of this moment, but you could never have imagined it would come true. Just the thought made you smile, making Anne laugh whilst kissing you. You suddenly pull away, realising that you hadn’t been honestly with Anne either. “ I was murdered. By my father.”

“Where the actual fuck did that come from”

From outside the door the pair heard giggles and a muffled shout of “language Anne!”

Of course the other queens would be spying on the pair of you. You weren’t blind,or deaf. You’d heard the comments kitty and Cleves make when they think you can’t hear, and you’ve seen the silent arguments between kitty and Jane.

It did feel nice to have people who cared. Even if they were looking out for Anne. They felt like family. It felt like home.

“ANNE MILLICENT BOLEYN I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TOUCH MY BIBLE EVER AGAIN-“ Catherine of Aragon burst into the room, past the other queens listening intently outside the door and you suddenly realised that you were still locked in an embrace with Anne. You quickly pulled away before whispering

“That impression was spot on.”

HEADCANONS. Damien’s Autism

Again , I wanted to make a mass post regarding Damien’s Autism and how it does affect his life and how he handles from being overwhelmed. His Autism shows differently than Akar’s since its such a huge spectrum and I wanted to show that with Damien. Again, his autism isn’t all his character is, however still a vital part of him !  Though this list is not complete, I created some and hopefully as I keep educating myself and learning more will come or changes will be made. If theres anything I’m missing or you feel like I should include or fix please feel free to tell me ! I want to make sure Im writing him the best way I am !  

Damien was diagnose with Autism much later than most children. Due to parents both being deployed into the Army ( as well as cultural stigmas ) , signs of autism were simply mistaken for Damien being more shy or simply learning to speak slower than other children/also thinking he could possibly be becoming deaf at a young age since deafness runs within his father’s family. 

He began speech therapy and learning different ways of communicating. One of the ways is Sign Language because it uses his hands and was quicker for him to do as he was learning to speak as well. It was only after he began speech therapy that there were hints of him being autistic, however he was never properly diagnosed until around the age of 10 ( again cultural stigmas ). 

 As he began to learn how to speak, he also began immediately having an interest in language. Enough to begin grasping new ones as he began growing up. This was the first sign that his sensory traits will involve sounds, this one being more positive than it would be overwhelming. 

Damien is attracted to all kinds of sounds, the louder the better. He dislikes silence and dislikes when no sound can be heard/found. However, it becomes overwhelming when theres too many sounds coming from one specific enclosed area. Which is why you will always find him wearing headphones ( though it was a tip he learn from his cousin Oliver ), he uses his headphones and blast his own music to counter other sounds ( which at first was negative because of how loud he blasted his own music, however he was taught what proper volume should be used ). It also should be known that since he uses music -- that his genre of music is very loud. Screamo, Punk, Rock, Loud Jazz -- anything with loud sounds or vocals, strong vocals, are his favorite kind of music. 

Damien also picked up on learning instruments that include: the Trumpet, the Saxophone, the Piano, and the Drums. ( he knows enough in each to be good but hes not particularly amazing in each of them. this was also just a special interest when he was younger that he grew out of having and then developed into something else ). 

With addition to his liking of sounds, it also can be seen in other areas like specific sounds making him happy ( crunch noises like leaves/snow ), it also moved to being a stim of his to make noises be it clicking/popping his tongue or cracking his knuckles. 

Another one of his stims is chewing as well. Growing up he would always chew on his shirts, sleeves, hoodie strings ( still does ) and found some comfort in chewing. With this he has an actual chew necklaces, as well as always carries around candy/gum. Its also why he paints/does his nails so he could stop biting on his nails.  

Another stim Damien does when hes happy is also clapping and the flapping of his hands ! 

Another positive sensory he has is towards colors -- especially very bright colors. Though too much can be overwhelming and especially if he stares for too long. Bright colors are another thing that gathers his attention. Its why he also dresses in rather bright colors as well. Just really really likes bright colors. His art definitely portrays that as well. He also has  synesthesia, which plays its part in this as well. 

However, with positive come negatives. One negative sensory that he has is actually also through taste as well. There are certain textures in food that feel wrong in his mouth. Foods that are soggy and are non-solids, are the ones that fit in that categories. Damien will refuse to eat anything that fall into that category. Also chewy foods that aren’t gum ( fruit gummies ) also have the same problem. Also -- dietary restrictions are also a thing. Gluten is just out of the question for him to be eating. On top of that, certain smells are often avoided by him. More floral scents, are the ones that he often avoids which includes some perfumes and well as hygienic materials ( shampoos / soaps ). He does like scents that are more metallic -- sharpies, paint, spray paint, metal -- fit into that. 

Though Damien is excellent in language, sound, and now speaking -- reading always proved to be challenging. Mix with being a auditory and visual learning, but add in his autism -- reading on his own with nothing else proved to be challenging when in school. If there was a book that needed to be read, he would spend hours looking for an auditory book or have his friend/parents read the pages to him. And when neither were available, it was trouble for Damien to completely understand what was going on in the book. Though he could read it out loud -- that was often looked down at and became annoying to others. So he found these courses to be more challenging. 

Damien has trouble with empathy. Not that he doesn’t feel any, but he feels too much at times aka he experiences hyper-empathy. Depending on the situation, he can be overwhelmed by another person’s feelings and start feeding that into his own. If he sees someone crying, even if he doesn’t know them, he will most likely sit and cry with them solely because of how he picked up on the emotion. He is very good at telling people’s emotions, though sometimes does falter over how much they are feeling it. 

Damien also experiences meltdowns very often, however has gotten really good at learning when theyre coming and will excuse himself with “i have a migraine” so he can properly take care of it without it going any further. Usually this means finding somewhere completely quiet and listening to his own music and just let himself sit in a ball. Before he had learned how to tell, his meltdowns were immediate shut downs of himself. Just no response from him. 

Damien is often not seen as someone on the spectrum because of the way he behaves.Which is something he learned he really hated, so if anyone says that to him, they will immediately be met with a different Damien. 

He hates being told what to do. Period. He always had a hard time taking instructions from someone, or being guided in a different way. Damien will fully refuse to do what someone wants him to do, which is something his parents learned as he grew up. There is obviously ways around this, which is just to ask him differently. Depending what it is just say “Damien, can you do something for me please ?” And already then his empathy wants to already help this person. but say it like “Do it this way” then hes deadass not going to do it. 

Damien can drive !! He is very much able to drive, however under certain conditions that he realized himself. He cannot drive during night, because of all the bright lights -- nor can he drive in bad weather. Also he will always have his windows up and his music playing. He will never give up his AUX cord to anyone else, so don’t ask or even try. If you also tell him his music sucks, then he will have no issue kicking you out of his car too. He also has a white mini cooper because his dad wouldnt let him get the pink one. 

Damien does his nails, yes already explained, another thing is that the collects nail polish, vinyls, and spray paint. All these things are very well organized in his room, just shelves, bins, and everything. Also hes very disorganized in every thing else. 

His autism helped him in theatre in high school !! Being able to understand another person’s emotion and then reflect them back, really made him super good at acting when he was in Theatre. Some say it has to do with being a “chameleon” in being able to copy the traits of others. Though actually was more able to put himself in their own situation and feel what they were feeling because of his hyper-empathy. He really still loves the theatre too. 

The Ten: 5.19

It seems a good icebreaker, or as good an icebreaker as any, to lay bare my top 10 of all time. Clear the air, so to speak. Get to know each other. It’s fair to say that this may be a make or break moment for us. Hopefully, I won’t lose you. Let’s see.

This is a list I imagine I’ll update periodically (which is why it’s dated), as my wife Kathleen (Player Two) and I play a lot of games, and a lot of new games. I’m a notoriously curious and searching type, and I love trying new games, sometimes to my wife’s chagrin. More often than not, my spare change goes to new games for the house. New games that make a splash tend to spike pretty high and then slowly fade. It’s not a great trait to have, especially in someone who tries to speak or write critically about quality (ie write reviews). But being that I’m aware of this, I hope that tempers it at least somewhat.

Anyway, where’s the list, you say? Here we go:

1. Brass: Birmingham (2018)

Oh boy, it’s a new one. Cult of the new? To be fair, Kathleen and I have played this game fairly regularly for the last eight months. By our third play or so, I knew it had locked itself into my top spot. I’d done a fair bit of research on the OG Brass (now Brass: Lancashire) prior to purchasing Brass: Birmingham, and by the time I eventually took the dive and purchased Birmingham, I was as excited to try it as I was unsure we’d actually enjoy it. At the time, it was the heaviest game we’d played, and it also relies heavily on route building–it’s in fact one of the most important parts of the game. I mention this because tactical spacial elements are not Kathleen’s forte. In fact, it’s one of her least favorite mechanics.

This is a good time to tell you that Kathleen and I think (and play games) very differently. Kathleen is a strategic player, relying on long term planning and execution to maximize scoring/performance. I, on the other hand, do not make long term plans. I find it not only remarkably difficult, but also unenjoyable. I’m a short term/tactical player. On my turn, I’m more likely to look over the board, get a lay of the land, and make the best, most advantageous play available to me at that moment.

Brass: Birmingham remarkably manages to cater to both of our play styles, which is one reason it ranks so high. Birmingham presents a myriad options for players to pursue. You’ve got a whole pile of different factory tiles you can build, a whole mess of locations or regions to move into, and about as many different strategies to pursue on your way to the end game. I don’t think I’ve ever played the same game of Brass: Birmingham twice, nor have I ever pursued the same options. The card play means, for me, that I will go where the cards lead, and I find using these cards as a guide to build my engine incredibly satisfying.

2. Covert (2016)

Dice placement. For some reason, this mechanic sounds incredibly unappealing to me, and I think it’s because it’s literally a portmanteau mechanic consisting of the worker placement mechanic using dice, two individual mechanisms that I seem to enjoy less and less. Dice I tend to avoid for their randomness (yes, I know that’s the point), and Worker Placement, in it’s most stereotypical application, I find frustrating. Why can’t I just put my worker wherever I want and just run my engine? Being stymied in a worker placement game just annoys the hell out of me.

So why do I love Covert?

It’s a pretty straightforward points race built around mission cards that have specific requirements. And using the dice as workers seems a fairly typical euro mechanism, but what I like about Covert is how puzzly it is. When you place your dice workers, they’ll be placed on round tracks with spaces numbered 1-6, and you won’t be able to place a die unless it’s adjacent to another die. In this case, you can do anything you want, but only if you plan correctly and work well with the other players. It becomes an order of operations puzzle, which may frustrate some, but I love it.

Also, I can’t get enough of that spy theme. And the production is fantastic.

3. Eldritch Horror (2013)

Ah, Cthulhu. For being the spawn of such a troubled person (HP Lovecraft), I find Cthulhu’s mythos and surrounding universe positively enthralling. 

But dice! Ugh yes, this is a huge, sprawling, long, and [sorta] bloated game that is built all around a very simple dice rolling resolution system. I have no way of justifying why this doesn’t bug me, but it just doesn’t.

Maybe I’m just a sap for the theme (Indiana Jones + Cthulhu = Win). Or maybe it’s nostalgia, considering this is the game on my top ten that I’ve played the most and had the longest. But, if I try to dig into the real reasoning here, it’s probably because this game manages to give you a big, rich, story-based experience that feels like an event when it’s over. Yes, it’s the biggest, longest play session on this list. But I love every minute of it. Even those maddening bad dice rolls.

4. Lord of the Rings: The Card Game (2011)

A long time ago, Kathleen and I came to this hobby via Magic: The Gathering, the deep, long standing king of the collectible card game. Magic is a great game, but it brings out the worst in me as a gamer. Playing Magic makes me both a bad winner and bad loser. Frankly, that’s a terrible combination. Why would you want to play with me at all?

This obvious problem led us to cooperative board games. If I’m gonna lose, why don’t I just lose with you. That’s a refreshing change of pace!

And speaking of losing, hey let’s talk about Lord of the Rings: The Card Game. The word used most frequently when talking about this game–by me and pretty much anybody who’s ever played it–is PUNISHING. And yes, it’s punishing. Kathleen and I have played a few punishing euros at this point (feed those people), but this is something else. Get a few bad card flips from the encounter deck and you’re suddenly up to your eyeballs in LOTR baddies. Orcs and goblins? Oh hai. But your dwarves or hobbits or whatever are never really out of it. Smart deck building (and luck) definitely has carried us out of the tall grass on more than one occasion. And there’s something to be said for a game as well balanced as Lord of the Rings. More than once, a game has concluded on a turn where we either win or lose based on that single turn’s outcome.

The theme doesn’t really do much for me, but I took the dive on this game because it looked like a well-designed and well-supported cooperative card game (of which there really aren’t too many). It’s stood tall over the years, and I hope it continues for a while. When I first played Arkham Horror: The Card Game, I figured it would knock this down a peg or two. But the designers’ ingenuity in the LOTR quests and encounter deck designs has been (for me, at least) a much more rewarding experience.

And I appreciate a cooperative game where you actually lose more often than you win. It seems a rarity in the co-ops we have.

5. Great Western Trail (2016)

I’d heard and read so much about this game prior to purchasing it that I almost didn’t even want to get it (which is exactly how I feel about Concordia and Trajan, subsequently). I dig the cowboy theme, but beyond that, I’d pretty much phased out all the actual details on this game’s gameplay.

But yeah, it really is good. Ya’ll were right. I love games that are heavy but are built around simple gameplay, and Great Western Trail epitomizes that. One your turn you move your cowboy on the (effectively) huge rondel board and then take an action on the space where you stop. That’s it. 

The beauty of the game comes from the remarkable breadth of options you can pursue. Using cowboys to buy cows, hiring engineers to move your train and build stations, hiring carpenters to build buildings and busy up the board, and completing objectives are some of the main tasks you’ll be focusing on, and what really clicks for me with Great Western Trail is that it’s a tactical player’s dream. The board is constantly changing, and as it changes, so must your plans. The objective cards steer you somewhat, but you’ve really gotta cut your own path across the wilderness here.

Oh, and I love deckbuilding as a sort of side dish mechanic. It isn’t always enough to sustain a whole game, but it’s great as a single piece of a pie.

6. Gloomhaven (2017)

All right, so this big beast has moved all over my ranking in the year+ since my first game. I won’t lie, it sat at #1 for a while. Then it slid a little, then a little more. I mean, it’s still at #6, so it’s not exactly plummeting. It’s the Board Game Geek #1 game of all time (as of this writing), and it’s hard to say if it’s deserving of this (and if not, what deserves the spot instead). Again, this is so subjective, and games like this or Scythe tend to be lightning rods for people who want to take a shot at the new hotness.

But yes, it’s good. It’s very good. I’m not as enamored by the sprawling nature of it as I was, nor the campaign, but being a person who loves variety, it’s scope is certainly a nice bonus. But after you haven’t played it in a while, it becomes a HUGE box that takes up a whole shelf and is a bear to set back up. And even though the box is 20lbs and takes up a whole shelf and the game takes 20+ minutes just to set up, the card play in Gloomhaven is just stellar. I love that this is essentially a tactical minis game with a euro engine. Tactical minis games rank incredibly low on my chart o’ interest, but this game takes that standard tactical minis expectation and smashes the shit out of it. 

Despite its niggling flaws, it’s an excellent game.

7. The Exit Series (2017-?)

This is the last co-op game on my list, and I just looked back and saw that there are four on here. I was just talking to Kathleen about how much I’d rather play competitive games instead of co-ops, and apparently I said that in a moment completely lacking self-awareness. Also, this is a cheaty kind of entry considering we’ve played at least eight Exit games.

Remember when I said that I liked Eldritch Horror because it was an event game that provided a big, rich experience? Well, the Exit games give you a meaty, brainier experience in a slightly shorter time period. There’s not much story–despite the designers really trying to cram one in there–but I’ll always love Exit because it’s become our Date Night game. Kathleen and I will get some nice booze, take out food, and sit down with a new Exit after we put our son to bed. The experience can be frustrating–remember we think very differently, but each experience has always been something to remember (except the Secret Lab; what happened in that one?). Special props to Exit: Dead Man on the Orient Express, in particular.

The puzzles are really satisfying when you crack them, especially after working on them for a while. We take longer than average to do these because we resist those hint cards as much as possible, so our games can stretch. But Exit should be an event, and when savored like one, it doesn’t let you down.

Also, if you have concerns about the value of an Exit game, if you look at it as an event (like going to the movies or *cough cough* playing T.I.M.E. Stories), it’s actually a very good value. Recycle it!

And finally, yes, Exit trumps Unlock any day of the week.

8. Glory to Rome (2005)

That Glory to Rome is out of print is a cryin’ shame. Our copy isn’t even a real copy, I printed a crappy DIY version at Staples and then cut and sleeved them with old Magic commons. Our copy looks bad, is cut unevenly, and has eery MTG watermarks shining through the thin weight paper, and I couldn’t care less. This game is awesome. It’s got about a million different combos that are all seemingly game-breaking, but the fact that everything is so powerful is really what makes this game so exciting.

Multi-use cards are one of my favorite mechanic, and this game is completely built around them. And like any well-designed game that is build all around cards, the design of this never leaves you feeling hamstrung by bad card draw. If you’re doing badly at Glory to Rome, it’s your fault. Sorry. You haven’t found the combo that will win the game for you. I can say this because I’m terrible at Glory to Rome, and I know it. That’s not saying I’ve not won before. I have, but more likely than not it was because I accidentally stumbled onto something good. 

Like Brass: Birmingham, no two games of Glory to Rome are the same. There are so many cards in the box, and the subtle sense of humor that permeates some of the cards just tickles me (please see: latrine).

It’s fast and exciting, and giving you options on other players’ turns is also one of my favorite mechanics.  I’ll happily play and lose Glory to Rome anytime.

9. Nippon (2015)

Full disclosure, this is the newest edition to this list, and Kathleen and I have only played this a few times, but there’s something about this game that really fascinates me. 

At first blush, it feels like Brass, but it’s not. Like Brass, this is an economic engine, but it doesn’t allow the multi-turn build up to The Big Turn like Brass. Then I thought it was a little like Great Western Trail, but it’s not really like that either. Great Western Trail presents a ton of options, but by the end of the game, you really need to work on all of them, at least a little bit, or else your score will suffer. Nippon, however, doesn’t make you do a little bit of everything. There are a number of elements in Nippon (like trains), that can be all but ignored except for certain circumstances. It’s a game built around area control via slow burn engine building. A number of other elements to the game are very specific tools you can use to hone that engine, but could just as easily prove useless under the wrong conditions.

This may be misdirected musings by someone who hasn’t played the game enough, but it feels right to me. The last time we played, I came to the realization that the game felt so fraught because I was trying to do too much. The game presents you with a large amount of avenues to pursue because you don’t actually have to pursue them all; you can’t, there’s not enough time in the game (or money!). You need to choose your actions and build the best engine as quickly as possible.

Nippon is a cutthroat fight that feels both wickedly fast and frustratingly slow at the same time. Special bonuses for completely subverting the worker placement mechanic with its own implementation that runs the whole game. It’s a puzzle that I have relished greatly.

10. Star Wars: The Card Game (2012)

Two Fantasy Flight LCGs on the list? Sweet Christmas!

But yes, this is a great game. I’m not sure it ever got much love, and it saddens me that it’s now dead, but it’s such an interesting design. That it does a fine job of simplifying deck construction is just a bonus.

I appreciate that Star Wars feels like a game of high stakes gambling. The first few turns are slow and quiet as you work through your deck and build your forces, but once conflict erupts, everything tends to break wide open. Each decision you make has massive repercussions, as single large mistakes will lose you the game. Add in some actual bluffing and a ticking clock, and this is the simplified and streamlined (if safer and less wild) version of Doomtown: Reloaded, another card game that I absolutely love. 

But where I think Doomtown ultimately fails, Star Wars succeeds. The game doesn’t get bogged down in complexity, and instead feels relatively streamlined considering its medium weight. Every time I play this game, I’m impressed by how smart Eric Lang’s design is. I feel like he played a ton of Magic: The Gathering, and then he removed all the things that bothered him (and bothered me, too).

I think this game is overlooked and underplayed, and dare I say forgotten, but for my money, it’s absolutely worth revisiting. And played over and over again.

Please remember, this list will change. Check back occasionally to see how. If you have any questions or opinions of your own, let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

Eric (Player One)

Voice Content and Usability

We’ve been having conversations for thousands of years. Whether to convey information, conduct transactions, or simply to check in on one another, people have yammered away, chattering and gesticulating, through spoken conversation for countless generations. Only in the last few millennia have we begun to commit our conversations to writing, and only in the last few decades have we begun to outsource them to the computer, a machine that shows much more affinity for written correspondence than for the slangy vagaries of spoken language.

Computers have trouble because between spoken and written language, speech is more primordial. To have successful conversations with us, machines must grapple with the messiness of human speech: the disfluencies and pauses, the gestures and body language, and the variations in word choice and spoken dialect that can stymie even the most carefully crafted human-computer interaction. In the human-to-human scenario, spoken language also has the privilege of face-to-face contact, where we can readily interpret nonverbal social cues.

In contrast, written language immediately concretizes as we commit it to record and retains usages long after they become obsolete in spoken communication (the salutation “To whom it may concern,” for example), generating its own fossil record of outdated terms and phrases. Because it tends to be more consistent, polished, and formal, written text is fundamentally much easier for machines to parse and understand.

Spoken language has no such luxury. Besides the nonverbal cues that decorate conversations with emphasis and emotional context, there are also verbal cues and vocal behaviors that modulate conversation in nuanced ways: how something is said, not what. Whether rapid-fire, low-pitched, or high-decibel, whether sarcastic, stilted, or sighing, our spoken language conveys much more than the written word could ever muster. So when it comes to voice interfaces—the machines we conduct spoken conversations with—we face exciting challenges as designers and content strategists.

Voice Interactions

We interact with voice interfaces for a variety of reasons, but according to Michael McTear, Zoraida Callejas, and David Griol in The Conversational Interface, those motivations by and large mirror the reasons we initiate conversations with other people, too (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-01). Generally, we start up a conversation because:

we need something done (such as a transaction),

we want to know something (information of some sort), or

we are social beings and want someone to talk to (conversation for conversation’s sake).

These three categories—which I call transactional, informational, and prosocial—also characterize essentially every voice interaction: a single conversation from beginning to end that realizes some outcome for the user, starting with the voice interface’s first greeting and ending with the user exiting the interface. Note here that a conversation in our human sense—a chat between people that leads to some result and lasts an arbitrary length of time—could encompass multiple transactional, informational, and prosocial voice interactions in succession. In other words, a voice interaction is a conversation, but a conversation is not necessarily a single voice interaction.

Purely prosocial conversations are more gimmicky than captivating in most voice interfaces, because machines don’t yet have the capacity to really want to know how we’re doing and to do the sort of glad-handing humans crave. There’s also ongoing debate as to whether users actually prefer the sort of organic human conversation that begins with a prosocial voice interaction and shifts seamlessly into other types. In fact, in Voice User Interface Design, Michael Cohen, James Giangola, and Jennifer Balogh recommend sticking to users’ expectations by mimicking how they interact with other voice interfaces rather than trying too hard to be human—potentially alienating them in the process (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-01).

That leaves two genres of conversations we can have with one another that a voice interface can easily have with us, too: a transactional voice interaction realizing some outcome (“buy iced tea”) and an informational voice interaction teaching us something new (“discuss a musical”).

Transactional voice interactions

Unless you’re tapping buttons on a food delivery app, you’re generally having a conversation—and therefore a voice interaction—when you order a Hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple. Even when we walk up to the counter and place an order, the conversation quickly pivots from an initial smattering of neighborly small talk to the real mission at hand: ordering a pizza (generously topped with pineapple, as it should be).

Alison: Hey, how’s it going?

Burhan: Hi, welcome to Crust Deluxe! It’s cold out there. How can I help you?

Alison: Can I get a Hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple?

Burhan: Sure, what size?

Alison: Large.

Burhan: Anything else?

Alison: No thanks, that’s it.

Burhan: Something to drink?

Alison: I’ll have a bottle of Coke.

Burhan: You got it. That’ll be $13.55 and about fifteen minutes.

Each progressive disclosure in this transactional conversation reveals more and more of the desired outcome of the transaction: a service rendered or a product delivered. Transactional conversations have certain key traits: they’re direct, to the point, and economical. They quickly dispense with pleasantries.

Informational voice interactions

Meanwhile, some conversations are primarily about obtaining information. Though Alison might visit Crust Deluxe with the sole purpose of placing an order, she might not actually want to walk out with a pizza at all. She might be just as interested in whether they serve halal or kosher dishes, gluten-free options, or something else. Here, though we again have a prosocial mini-conversation at the beginning to establish politeness, we’re after much more.

Alison: Hey, how’s it going?

Burhan: Hi, welcome to Crust Deluxe! It’s cold out there. How can I help you?

Alison: Can I ask a few questions?

Burhan: Of course! Go right ahead.

Alison: Do you have any halal options on the menu?

Burhan: Absolutely! We can make any pie halal by request. We also have lots of vegetarian, ovo-lacto, and vegan options. Are you thinking about any other dietary restrictions?

Alison: What about gluten-free pizzas?

Burhan: We can definitely do a gluten-free crust for you, no problem, for both our deep-dish and thin-crust pizzas. Anything else I can answer for you?

Alison: That’s it for now. Good to know. Thanks!

Burhan: Anytime, come back soon!

This is a very different dialogue. Here, the goal is to get a certain set of facts. Informational conversations are investigative quests for the truth—research expeditions to gather data, news, or facts. Voice interactions that are informational might be more long-winded than transactional conversations by necessity. Responses tend to be lengthier, more informative, and carefully communicated so the customer understands the key takeaways.

Voice Interfaces

At their core, voice interfaces employ speech to support users in reaching their goals. But simply because an interface has a voice component doesn’t mean that every user interaction with it is mediated through voice. Because multimodal voice interfaces can lean on visual components like screens as crutches, we’re most concerned in this book with pure voice interfaces, which depend entirely on spoken conversation, lack any visual component whatsoever, and are therefore much more nuanced and challenging to tackle.

Though voice interfaces have long been integral to the imagined future of humanity in science fiction, only recently have those lofty visions become fully realized in genuine voice interfaces.

Interactive voice response (IVR) systems

Though written conversational interfaces have been fixtures of computing for many decades, voice interfaces first emerged in the early 1990s with text-to-speech (TTS) dictation programs that recited written text aloud, as well as speech-enabled in-car systems that gave directions to a user-provided address. With the advent of interactive voice response (IVR) systems, intended as an alternative to overburdened customer service representatives, we became acquainted with the first true voice interfaces that engaged in authentic conversation.

IVR systems allowed organizations to reduce their reliance on call centers but soon became notorious for their clunkiness. Commonplace in the corporate world, these systems were primarily designed as metaphorical switchboards to guide customers to a real phone agent (“Say Reservations to book a flight or check an itinerary”); chances are you will enter a conversation with one when you call an airline or hotel conglomerate. Despite their functional issues and users’ frustration with their inability to speak to an actual human right away, IVR systems proliferated in the early 1990s across a variety of industries (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-02, PDF).

While IVR systems are great for highly repetitive, monotonous conversations that generally don’t veer from a single format, they have a reputation for less scintillating conversation than we’re used to in real life (or even in science fiction).

Screen readers

Parallel to the evolution of IVR systems was the invention of the screen reader, a tool that transcribes visual content into synthesized speech. For Blind or visually impaired website users, it’s the predominant method of interacting with text, multimedia, or form elements. Screen readers represent perhaps the closest equivalent we have today to an out-of-the-box implementation of content delivered through voice.

Among the first screen readers known by that moniker was the Screen Reader for the BBC Micro and NEEC Portable developed by the Research Centre for the Education of the Visually Handicapped (RCEVH) at the University of Birmingham in 1986 (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-03). That same year, Jim Thatcher created the first IBM Screen Reader for text-based computers, later recreated for computers with graphical user interfaces (GUIs) (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-04).

With the rapid growth of the web in the 1990s, the demand for accessible tools for websites exploded. Thanks to the introduction of semantic HTML and especially ARIA roles beginning in 2008, screen readers started facilitating speedy interactions with web pages that ostensibly allow disabled users to traverse the page as an aural and temporal space rather than a visual and physical one. In other words, screen readers for the web “provide mechanisms that translate visual design constructs—proximity, proportion, etc.—into useful information,” writes Aaron Gustafson in A List Apart. “At least they do when documents are authored thoughtfully” (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-05).

Though deeply instructive for voice interface designers, there’s one significant problem with screen readers: they’re difficult to use and unremittingly verbose. The visual structures of websites and web navigation don’t translate well to screen readers, sometimes resulting in unwieldy pronouncements that name every manipulable HTML element and announce every formatting change. For many screen reader users, working with web-based interfaces exacts a cognitive toll.

In Wired, accessibility advocate and voice engineer Chris Maury considers why the screen reader experience is ill-suited to users relying on voice:

From the beginning, I hated the way that Screen Readers work. Why are they designed the way they are? It makes no sense to present information visually and then, and only then, translate that into audio. All of the time and energy that goes into creating the perfect user experience for an app is wasted, or even worse, adversely impacting the experience for blind users. (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-06)

In many cases, well-designed voice interfaces can speed users to their destination better than long-winded screen reader monologues. After all, visual interface users have the benefit of darting around the viewport freely to find information, ignoring areas irrelevant to them. Blind users, meanwhile, are obligated to listen to every utterance synthesized into speech and therefore prize brevity and efficiency. Disabled users who have long had no choice but to employ clunky screen readers may find that voice interfaces, particularly more modern voice assistants, offer a more streamlined experience.

Voice assistants

When we think of voice assistants (the subset of voice interfaces now commonplace in living rooms, smart homes, and offices), many of us immediately picture HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey or hear Majel Barrett’s voice as the omniscient computer in Star Trek. Voice assistants are akin to personal concierges that can answer questions, schedule appointments, conduct searches, and perform other common day-to-day tasks. And they’re rapidly gaining more attention from accessibility advocates for their assistive potential.

Before the earliest IVR systems found success in the enterprise, Apple published a demonstration video in 1987 depicting the Knowledge Navigator, a voice assistant that could transcribe spoken words and recognize human speech to a great degree of accuracy. Then, in 2001, Tim Berners-Lee and others formulated their vision for a Semantic Web “agent” that would perform typical errands like “checking calendars, making appointments, and finding locations” (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-07, behind paywall). It wasn’t until 2011 that Apple’s Siri finally entered the picture, making voice assistants a tangible reality for consumers.

Thanks to the plethora of voice assistants available today, there is considerable variation in how programmable and customizable certain voice assistants are over others (Fig 1.1). At one extreme, everything except vendor-provided features is locked down; for example, at the time of their release, the core functionality of Apple’s Siri and Microsoft’s Cortana couldn’t be extended beyond their existing capabilities. Even today, it isn’t possible to program Siri to perform arbitrary functions, because there’s no means by which developers can interact with Siri at a low level, apart from predefined categories of tasks like sending messages, hailing rideshares, making restaurant reservations, and certain others.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, voice assistants like Amazon Alexa and Google Home offer a core foundation on which developers can build custom voice interfaces. For this reason, programmable voice assistants that lend themselves to customization and extensibility are becoming increasingly popular for developers who feel stifled by the limitations of Siri and Cortana. Amazon offers the Alexa Skills Kit, a developer framework for building custom voice interfaces for Amazon Alexa, while Google Home offers the ability to program arbitrary Google Assistant skills. Today, users can choose from among thousands of custom-built skills within both the Amazon Alexa and Google Assistant ecosystems.

Fig 1.1: Voice assistants like Amazon Alexa and Google Home tend to be more programmable, and thus more flexible, than their counterpart Apple Siri.

As corporations like Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, and Google continue to stake their territory, they’re also selling and open-sourcing an unprecedented array of tools and frameworks for designers and developers that aim to make building voice interfaces as easy as possible, even without code.

Often by necessity, voice assistants like Amazon Alexa tend to be monochannel—they’re tightly coupled to a device and can’t be accessed on a computer or smartphone instead. By contrast, many development platforms like Google’s Dialogflow have introduced omnichannel capabilities so users can build a single conversational interface that then manifests as a voice interface, textual chatbot, and IVR system upon deployment. I don’t prescribe any specific implementation approaches in this design-focused book, but in Chapter 4 we’ll get into some of the implications these variables might have on the way you build out your design artifacts.

Voice Content

Simply put, voice content is content delivered through voice. To preserve what makes human conversation so compelling in the first place, voice content needs to be free-flowing and organic, contextless and concise—everything written content isn’t.

Our world is replete with voice content in various forms: screen readers reciting website content, voice assistants rattling off a weather forecast, and automated phone hotline responses governed by IVR systems. In this book, we’re most concerned with content delivered auditorily—not as an option, but as a necessity.

For many of us, our first foray into informational voice interfaces will be to deliver content to users. There’s only one problem: any content we already have isn’t in any way ready for this new habitat. So how do we make the content trapped on our websites more conversational? And how do we write new copy that lends itself to voice interactions?

Lately, we’ve begun slicing and dicing our content in unprecedented ways. Websites are, in many respects, colossal vaults of what I call macrocontent: lengthy prose that can extend for infinitely scrollable miles in a browser window, like microfilm viewers of newspaper archives. Back in 2002, well before the present-day ubiquity of voice assistants, technologist Anil Dash defined microcontent as permalinked pieces of content that stay legible regardless of environment, such as email or text messages:

A day’s weather forcast [sic], the arrival and departure times for an airplane flight, an abstract from a long publication, or a single instant message can all be examples of microcontent. (http://bkaprt.com/vcu36/01-08)

I’d update Dash’s definition of microcontent to include all examples of bite-sized content that go well beyond written communiqués. After all, today we encounter microcontent in interfaces where a small snippet of copy is displayed alone, unmoored from the browser, like a textbot confirmation of a restaurant reservation. Microcontent offers the best opportunity to gauge how your content can be stretched to the very edges of its capabilities, informing delivery channels both established and novel.

As microcontent, voice content is unique because it’s an example of how content is experienced in time rather than in space. We can glance at a digital sign underground for an instant and know when the next train is arriving, but voice interfaces hold our attention captive for periods of time that we can’t easily escape or skip, something screen reader users are all too familiar with.

Because microcontent is fundamentally made up of isolated blobs with no relation to the channels where they’ll eventually end up, we need to ensure that our microcontent truly performs well as voice content—and that means focusing on the two most important traits of robust voice content: voice content legibility and voice content discoverability.

Fundamentally, the legibility and discoverability of our voice content both have to do with how voice content manifests in perceived time and space.

Voice Content and Usability published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

THESE IS MY DEAD LIFE WITH A NARCISSIST

New Post has been published on https://newscheckz.com/a-near-perfect-description-of-a-narcissist/

THESE IS MY DEAD LIFE WITH A NARCISSIST

WHAT IS NARCISSIST?

Narcissistic personality disorder IS one of several types of personality disorders.

Is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissistic personality disorder: IS A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.

Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism and a sense of entitlement.

The disorder needs to be diagnosed by a professional. Treatment involves talk therapy.

Thanks so Much Elves for your support. Now this is my true story. I hope someone will learn from my experience and make the best decision soon possible.

I feel blessed to know there is someone who understands deeper what a narcissist is. I was once there.

He started politely by saying let’s talk. In that talk it was all about him setting rules some I would agree to others disagree. He would call me hard headed.

He served the rule of the clothes I should wear, no more short and mini dresses. several times he would tell me to avoid high heels.

He would complain of my good job performance and say you should do the same in this house, he would say when he gets able I should not even go to work.

He would not allow me buy any item for the house. He always said he is the man who will buy, which he did not.

He said his father wouldn’t allow the mother to buy anything. He hated my friends and told me to avoid them.

He hated it when I was on any social media platform he claimed they misled women. He said I should not comment on any post.

He always asked if I discussed my life with anyone. He was unhappy and tried so that I do not go home to visit my parent.

He would go out and come back late or in the morning. I should not ask or comment if I did it was a fight.

He would try and investigate my phone. complained of my passwords yet he had on his phone too. He would go to shower and switch his phone off. go to the toilet with it yet it had a password yet I should say no word.

He kept me off his relatives for I would tell them the truth. He would act funny like sleep on the couch in the name of he is upset, refuse to eat food in the name of he is unhappy.

He would borrow my cash not to return and instruct me that my brothers should help my parents not me. He would get hurt when I started ignoring his threats of leaving the relationship.

He would brag of how he had relationships with some ladys and how he gave them a good treat he later left them regretting, how he gave them money.

He never talked of future plans, he never talked of investing and savings. He was a slave of debts yet working.

I developed a thick skin to threats and lived my life. I was called rude and always referred to as a woman of no respect.

He always wanted you to pretend in public. Would tell me I join ‘chama za wamama’ womens merry-go-round groups to teach me how to be fully submissive to a man.

I should ask for permission before I think of doing anything. He one day came in and told me we sort issues. It felt like a forceful act that was not working. He left and went to the mothers place. I left too.

Now I can see my foolishness of not walking away on time. I can see the other side of the world. I feel confident, I can go to the gym again. I can dress well to go for coffee with my friends.

I am now responsible and happy. I can sleep at least for 6hrs. My blood pressure is now normal. I feel I can leave longer. Am I rude, disrespectful or I am a kind who refuse to be manipulated?

We will continue describing how narcissists look like to help victims know what they’re dealing with and to stop nursing vain hopes of change, wasting their lives and their sanity in the process.

NEWSCHECKZ TELEGRAM ANNOYMOUS COMMENTS:

This is exactly what I went through. Choosing of hairstyle, clothing, shoes, stopping me from doing my hustle. Stopping me from seeing my friends or making sure no friend checked on me. Stopped me from seeing my mum…… He wanted me to be indoors all along even going to the shop was a problem. The moment one realizes that they can no longer play victims of such a lifestyle, they are told that they are too rude & don’t have respect at all. They start making it look like you are the bad person here causing problems because out there, they portray a picture of responsible & respectful person. That life is painful for one to even start thinking of enduring it not to think of the person in question changing. A narcissist is a narcissist no matter how sweet they talk or pretend to be. Once one finally loosen from their grip they feel so bad & start blaming you from your back with lots of abusive words because they can no longer have control over you.

I went through that and more. I was more educated than him so i was always guilty tripped cause of that. There were times when I was told no speaking english in this house, i didn’t need friends for he is there, had to ask permission to go to church many a times the answer would be no for no apparent reason. I wasn’t allowed on social media at all! To visit my family was a crime. Life was just one hell of a heavy thing. It took me longer than necessary but i thank God i broke free. Life is now easier, more meaningful and hey i am even on facebook!!!

We need as many advocates of change out here, especially in churches to teach about this issue so that as many can hear. Lack of knowledge about Narcissm is a weapon that the devil has used to oppress women and men in marriage

Now,this is all they do;make you doubt your sanity..see u even asking what you know you are not. To me,healthy boundaries are best.cut connections with people who are toxic, whoever

Its been a year since I left a narc life has not been smooth but God will remember us

I left with my daughter..it was hard time,still healing emotional abuse mentally breaks someone,not there yet but regaining myself worth and confidence back.i would not wish anyone to be in such a relationship…people view narcs as the best people but we know them best….one step at a time…

I have been there. But am happy am off the hook now.

Ladies the earlier you move out the better. Believe me You will never regret it . It gives you a new chapter in your life.

This is Soo true..I can write a book,for over a decade living with a narcissist but he always shifted the blames on me,not mentioning the insecurities. I Thank God now I’m free,I can now sleep without having those daily sleepless nights.

NEWSCHECKZ TELEGRAM MEMBERS Q & A ON Narcissism

Know someone who expects constant admiration, who thinks they’re better than everyone else, but flies off the handle at the slightest criticism? These tips can help you recognize and cope with a narcissist.

What are the 9 traits of a narcissist?

Nine Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism

Grandiosity. Exaggerated sense of self-importance. …

Excessive need for admiration. …

Superficial and exploitative relationships. …

Lack of empathy. …

Identity disturbance. …

Difficulty with attachment and dependency. …

Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. …

Vulnerability to life transitions.

What causes a person to become a narcissist?

Causes of narcissistic personality disorder are like childhood abuse or neglect. excessive parental pampering.

unrealistic expectations from parents. sexual promiscuity (often accompanies narcissism).

Can someone be slightly narcissistic?

It’s perfectly possible to feel or act a little narcissistic, even unpleasantly so, without having what would be classed as a disorder.

A person whose personality is strongly characterized by narcissistic traits may act obnoxious and difficult, but still not have a disorder.

Do narcissists know they are hurting you?

Sometimes this is simply an unintentional byproduct of their self-centeredness. Other times it is quite intentional and is usually payback for some behavior that has angered or disappointed them.

In that situation, they do know that they are hurting you, but they simply do not care.

What are the 4 types of narcissism?

They’re self-absorbed, entitled, callous, exploitative, authoritarian, and aggressive. Some are physically abusive.

These unempathetic, arrogant narcissists think highly of themselves, but spare no disdain for others.

What does narcissistic abuse feel like?

They say that they feel insane and often question themselves. They lose trust in those close to them, such as family or friends.

They feel that the narcissistic person is the only person who deems them worthy. They’re often feeling insecure or ashamed of their work or creativity.

Do Narcissists hold grudges?

Someone with covert narcissism may hold grudges for a long time. When they believe someone’s treated them unfairly, they might feel furious but say nothing in the moment.

Instead, they’re more likely to wait for an ideal opportunity to make the other person look bad or get revenge in some way.

Can a narcissist change?

“Narcissists are capable of change but it’s not easy,” she said. “They are also capable of empathy once they engage in the hard work of truly knowing themselves at the deepest emotional level, facing the underlying shame and insecurity and loneliness that often lies beneath their blustery exterior.”

What do narcissists want sexually?

Narcissists‘ sexual preferences are often very specific. In bed, the narcissist may have very explicit ideas about what their partner should do or even say.

They want the narrative to play out in a certain way, and they don’t have patience for changes to the script. This has to do with their lack of empathy.

Can a narcissist love you?

Amorous narcissists (Don Juan and Mata Hari types) are adept and persuasive lovers and may have many conquests, yet remain single.

Some narcissists lie and/or practice love-bombing by overwhelming their prey with verbal, physical, and material expressions of love.

What happens to victims of narcissistic abuse?

People on the receiving end of narcissist emotional abuse tend to have very low self-esteem and interpret those issues which cause them difficulty as being the result of their inherent inadequacies.

Do I have PTSD from narcissistic abuse?

Symptoms of Complex PTSD in Narcissistic Abuse include:

* Feeling stuck (and confused about why). * Having nightmares or flashbacks. * High level of hyperarousal; anxiety, nervousness, feeling jumpy, obsessive thinking, racing thoughts, feeling scared, agitated, stressed, overwhelmed, emotional, etc.

What type of trauma causes narcissism?

The development of narcissistic traits is in many cases, a consequence of neglect or excessive appraisal.

In some cases, this pathological self-structure arises under childhood conditions of inadequate warmth, approval and excessive idealization, where parents do not see or accept the child as they are.

CONCLUSION

  Ending an abusive relationship is never easy. Ending one with a narcissist can be especially difficult as they can be so charming and charismatic, at least at the start of the relationship or if you threaten to leave.

It’s easy to become disoriented by the narcissist’s manipulative behavior, caught up in the need to seek their approval, or even to feel “gaslighted” and doubt your own judgement.

If you’re codependent, your desire to be loyal may trump even your need to preserve your safety and sense of self.

But it’s important to remember that no one deserves to be bullied, threatened, or verbally and emotionally abused in a relationship.

There are ways to escape the narcissist and the guilt and self-blame and begin the process of healing.

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Asylum Of The Daleks - Doctor Who blog (Steven Moffat Fucks Up The Daleks)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Series 7. Where Steven Moffat seemingly dispensed with the whole idea of a series arc and announced that each episode will be its own standalone mini-blockbuster. So lets start with Asylum Of The Dalek. Was it any good? Well funnily enough... No it wasn’t. Not even half good. It was fucking awful. Anyone with a brain could see how bloody terrible this was, or at least that’s what I assumed in my naivety. 

Yes, critical and fan reception at the time was overwhelmingly positive for Asylum Of The Daleks. Some even going so far as to call it one of the best Dalek stories ever written. But for the life of me I can’t see how they could possibly think that. Not only is Asylum of The Daleks another example of just how bad a writer Steven Moffat is and always has been, it’s quite possibly one of the worst stories Doctor Who has ever produced. And I’m not just saying that for effect. This story fails at a most basic level and quite frankly I’m astounded that anyone could possibly look at this and go ‘yeah, this is good. One of Moffat’s best in fact. Eggs anyone?’ Obviously this was back in 2012 where people were still willingly drinking Moffat’s Kool-Aid and deluding themselves into thinking he was actually clever (as opposed to, you know, a pretentious moron).

There’s so much wrong with this episode, it’s hard to know where to start. Well from the beginning I suppose. Yes, let’s start there.

The episode starts on Skaro... and immediately I’ve got questions. Didn’t they say Skaro was destroyed in the Time War? How did the Daleks resurrect it? How come the Doctor isn’t surprised that Skaro still exists? And why in God’s name would the Daleks build a giant statue of themselves?

The Doctor, Amy and Rory get captured by humans who have been Dalek-ified (I imagine Moffat thinks this is incredibly scary, but in reality it’s just really silly with the eye-stalks poking out of their foreheads and everything) and are taken to the... smirk... Parliament of the Daleks and speak to the... the... LOL! PRIME MINISTER of the Daleks!

OMG! Forgive me. I’ve always had some difficulty taking the Daleks seriously as villains, but this just takes the cake. PRIME MINISTER of the Daleks?! What, do the Daleks trundle along into voting booths and polling stations every five years? Are there Tory Daleks and Lib Dem Daleks? Are there some Daleks campaigning for cuts to immigration and others campaigning for bigger plungers? Do the Daleks have their own versions of satirical panel shows like Mock The Week and Have I Got News For You? Do the Daleks have a Monster Raving Looney Party? Please tell me the Daleks have a Monster Raving Looney Party!

And speaking of monster raving loonies, it turns out the Daleks have an asylum full of insane Daleks. Oh boy, what’s the best way to unpack this nonsense? Well let’s start with the obvious. Why would the Daleks have an insane asylum? Why not just kill the insane Daleks? That’s usually their MO, isn’t it? Anything less than pure gets exterminated, right? Well according to the Prime Minister of the Daleks (snigger), it is offensive to them to extinguish such divine hatred. Oh! Really?! Perhaps you should tell that to the Daleks who have killed members of their own species in the past for being fractionally impure. I don’t think they got the memo darling. 

And it just gets stupider and stupider the more it goes along. They want to cleanse the Asylum because a spaceship crash-landed on it and now they’re worried the insane Daleks are going to escape. Well why didn’t you just kill them in the first sodding place? And didn’t you just say a few seconds ago it was offensive to extinguish such divine hatred? Make your minds up guys! But then it turns out they can’t actually destroy the Asylum because it’s covered by an impenetrable forcefield. But hold on, it can’t be that impenetrable. A pissing spaceship just crash-landed on it. So they send the Doctor (yes the Daleks have asked their greatest enemy for help. No I don’t get it either. Just go along with it) inside the Asylum to turn the forcefield off. That’s the impenetrable forcefield that can only be turned off from the inside of the fully automated Asylum that doesn’t require a Dalek to operate it. In other words, the insane Daleks have complete unrestricted access to their own forcefield and teleporter that no one from the outside can possibly get into (unless they’re in a crashing spaceship for some reason). That’s basically like giving the prisoners the keys to their own cells.

Moffat fans, are you sure this is one of the best Dalek stories ever. Because from what I can see, this episode is a complete and utter shambles, and we’re only 5 or 10 minutes in.

Let’s quickly talk about the insane Daleks. You know, the ones the Daleks are afraid of? Must be some dangerous, homicidal nutters in that Asylum, mustn’t there? So what do they do that makes them so frightening? Well they’re incredibly slow, have really bad aim and screech the word ‘Eggs’ a lot.

Um... how is that scary? Why would the Daleks be frightened of them?... WATCH OUT! THAT DALEK IS COMPLETELY INEFFECTUAL! ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Now here’s something that will get hardcore Whovians excited. Apparently there are some classic series Daleks that will be playing a big part in this episode. Awesome! Let’s see if we can find them, shall we?

Right then, well... there was that Jon Pertwee era Dalek spinning around in the background in that one scene, and um.... oh I did see that Special Weapons Dalek briefly for a couple of seconds... um... No. Actually that’s about it. So when Moffat said that classic series Daleks would be playing a part in the episode, he just meant one or two of them would make cameo appearances. Well that’s underwhelming at best and blatant false advertising at worst. What’s even weirder is that at one point the Doctor meets Dalek survivors from previous encounters he had with them like on Spirodon and Kembel and so on, but the Daleks we see are post 2005 Daleks rather than classic series Daleks from their respective eras. Whoops.

But that’s not the only thing Moffat fucks up. There’s also Amy and Rory’s marriage. Remember when we last saw them in The Doctor, The Widow, And The Wardrobe? They were sitting down for Christmas dinner, looking very happy. Now all of a sudden, they’re getting a divorce.

Now I’m sure this bizarre tonal shift wasn’t quite as noticeable at the time because there were months between the Christmas special and this episode, but if you’ve been watching each episode one after the other like I’ve been doing, it’s incredibly jarring. What the fuck happened? It just feels so utterly random.

So why did Amy and Rory split up? Because Amy is sterile now apparently. Yes, she’s utterly barren now and so she pushed Rory away for his own good. Okay. There’s a LOT wrong with this. The casual sexism for one thing, with Moffat once again implying that the only strength or worth a woman has is in her uterus. Rory’s total lack of agency is another issue. Amy just kicks Rory out of the house without telling him what the problem is or giving him a chance to decide for himself. Oh and I could do without the spousal abuse being disguised as girl power thing. Amy slapping Rory isn’t cute and sexy. It’s assault and battery. In fact it actually gets more uncomfortable than that as you realise that not only does Moffat seem to be medically incapable of writing a healthy relationship, he honestly believes this is a healthy relationship. Let me put it this way. I can understand Amy and Rory wanting to take some time apart to reevaluate things, but do you know how long it usually takes to finalise a divorce here in the UK? Four months. Are you seriously telling me that Amy and Rory never talked about this FOR FOUR MONTHS?! Do they even want to be together?! And just when you think this couldn’t get any more insulting, it turns out all their marital troubles are solved in the end thanks to a two minute conversation. So it was all basically just a gigantic waste of time. This is a real emotional tragedy a lot of couples go through and Moffat has just pulled it out of his arse in order to add to some artificial tension to his shit story. And people wonder why I hate him so much.

Dear God, this is fucking terrible. Can this episode possibly get any worse?

Well, well, well. My arch-nemesis. At last we finally meet.

Oswin is without a doubt the worst character Moffat has ever written. In fact she’s not even a character. That would be too generous. She’s a Mary Sue with no interesting personality traits and whose dialogue can easily be interchanged with River’s or Amy’s or every other female character Moffat has ever written. She’s a ‘strong female character’ in inverted commas only. There’s no effort to actually develop her character or to make her come across as a relatable or believable human being. She’s just yet another Moffat siren. Plus she just irradiates smug. I can’t tell if it’s the writing or Jenna Coleman’s performance, but she just gets under my skin. There’s just something about her I find profoundly irritating. Maybe it’s the fact that all her dialogue consists of nothing but unfunny wisecracks, patronising nicknames  and sexual innuendos. Maybe it’s the fact that despite being in mortal peril, she never reacts in a believable way, instead acting like a total smartarse. Maybe it’s the fact that her deus ex machina powers effectively reduce the Doctor to a secondary character in his own show. Do you know that feeling you get when someone scrapes their nails across a chalkboard? Well Oswin is the physical manifestation of that. She’s just incredibly obnoxious. So you can imagine my joy when she got killed off at the end. That was a happy relief. I mean can you imagine what it would have been like if they made her a companion? Now that would have been unbearable. Good thing that’s never going to happen, right?... Ri... Right?

So at the end it’s revealed that Oswin has been a Dalek all along, which would have been a tragic twist if I actually gave a shit about her and if it weren’t so utterly stupid. What’s the point of that nano-cloud? Why would the Daleks need a nano-cloud to convert humans? How are humans supposed to get into the Asylum if it’s covered by an IMPENETRABLE forcefield? How come the Daleks are converting humans in the first place? That’s the Cybermen’s schtick. Again, has Steven Moffat ever actually watched Doctor Who before? And oi, since when have the Daleks been telepathic? That’s the first I’ve heard about it. You’re just making this shit up as you go along, aren’t you Moffat?

And then comes the awful resolution. The cherry on top of the dung heap. Oswin somehow manages to hack into all of the Daleks and make them forget about the Doctor. Putting aside some of the more obvious problems like Moffat stripping everything interesting out of the Doctor and the Daleks’ antagonistic relationship for his stupid twist ending and how the fuck was Oswin, a lone Dalek in a mental asylum, able to make every single Dalek in the universe forget about him, what’s truly horrific about this is the return of the dreaded ‘Doctor who?’ It was bad enough when a chorus of Daleks was squawking it ad nauseam, but when the Doctor started chanting it too in the final scene, it became too much to bear. PLEASE GOD, SOMEONE, MAKE IT STOP!

Asylum Of The Daleks is an absolute train wreck from start to finish. It’s absolutely littered with plot holes and continuity errors, the characterisation is beyond atrocious, the villains are stupid and ineffectual, and the so called emotional core of the story is pointless, misogynistic and nonsensical. And apparently it’s one of the best Dalek stories ever written? I don’t know which version of the story you lot have been watching, but I would love to see it. I’m afraid the version I’ve just watched was complete and utter shite.

Majority of my followers know what Wakfu is, but not all know about the game: how many wounds it left in my heart, and everyone else’s. This post isn’t gonna be precisely explaining the wrongs that Wakfu did, I just wanted to mention that, in aftermath, it was a disaster of a game that left its most loyal players hurt, disappointed and immensely sad. I still keep meeting people who love this franchise, but can’t stand the game anymore since it’s.. Changed too much and didn’t stay enjoyable, to say mildly. I’m surrounded by, literally, traumatized veterans who look back at the good old days and shed tears. And I’ve been talking a lot about GW2 recently, not for no reason.

I want you to heal, just like I did. I mean.. I’m still hurt over Wakfu and I’ll stay this way forever, but I found a game where you can feel safe, loved, cared about. Devs in GW2 are humans who talk to us, who put smileys and memes in their posts, who hang out on reddit and ingame. This’s one of the major and striking differences between Wakfu and GW2. I’m still genuinely stunned by my own experience with customer support, I had a few troubles during my 1.5 years in GW2 and the response was not only fast and effective, it was HUMAN AND CUTE. I’m still not over it. Now that I’ve been invited to be a creative partner.. I’m still not over it too. They shower their regular players and content creators in gentle attention and kindness. I cry. During the 5+ years of being the most active and visible artist in Wakfu fandom, literally promoting it with thousands of drawings, I’ve never got a tiniest bit of official recognition. Not even a single placement on official media. When I took part in contests, I never won. Overall it’s been a one-way street. During my first 1.5 years in GW2, I’ve been noticed, picked up by the team, pampered and spoiled to the point of barely believing it’s true. That’s my personal experience, but it should indicate Anet’s general attitude towards the players. They. Do. Care.

I just wanna try and convince more ex-Wakfu players to give GW2 a shot. The two games are different in the visual and core gameplay aspects, yes, transitioning from an isometric 2D turn-based to a 3D, real-time game was somewhat harsh, but boy, how glad I am that I did it.

There’s EVEN MORE TEXT, brace yourselves. :D In GW2, I found everything that I wish was in Wakfu.

GW2 is a true sandbox. You log in, you do whatever the fuck you want. Level your first (second, 12th, 33rd, 68th) char? Grind mobs and dungeons? NO. Run around, look for events, explore, literally everything you do and everywhere you go, gives xp. You can level via crafting! Which, btw, is relevant throughout the entire game, unlike in Wakfu.

You do have dungeons of two kinds, and you CAN farm them if you want, but it’s your deliberate decision. There ARE farms in GW2, but they’re fun, if you’re not trying to get a legendary weapon in a month. I personally like running around with a bunch of random people who are there to FARM events in a specific map, but that happens once every two months.

Said legendary weapons ARE hard to get and yes, they can get you burnt out in no time if you don’t have a concept of a “long term goal”. Leggies are a prestige item, and, just like other prestige items (auras, specific minis, skins, etc), they’re meant to be your ultimate show-off item. People see you and know that you’ve been through.. A lot. BUT. Your hard-earned prestige item is to stay prestige. I assume you know relics in Wakfu? Then you must know what happened to them after a few years.

There’s no devaluing in GW2. Your trophies stay relevant and rare. Your prizes, your exclusive titles, skins, etc stay exclusive. You aren’t losing half of your wealth just because the devs decided to revamp ALL GEAR FOR THE THIRD TIME.

Speaking of the gear, the orange set you get at 80, is endgame gear. GW2 is 5 years old, so that orange gear is. People crafted it on the release and.. It stayed endgame. Yes, there’s also pink gear, which ~5% better than orange and is only needed if you do high lvl fractals or are min-maxing in raids. If you’re casual or just starting, you don’t even have to think about it. But once you craft your set, it stays relevant forever. People’s effort is never shoved up their asses.

There’s no constant carrot-on-a-stick gear upgrades. Level cap is 80 since release and will stay so. The game promotes safety and stability, that’s what attracted me. You take a 2 years break? No problem, you log in and go play. Nothing has lost its value, you don’t feel inferior, you don’t need to catch up to play with your friends.

Which reminded me: there’s a wonderfully done level downscale system. You’re a lvl 80 in a lvl 16 zone? Your stats are auto-adapted so the enemies you fought as a noob are still dangerous, and your reward (xp/gold/materials) is adapted to your true lvl. You go and play anywhere you want, and get fair rewards.

Crafting materials of all levels are also demanded and relevant. Oh yeah, you can run around for hours just gathering wood/ore, familiar to Wakfu players? It’s nice and relaxing until you meet another player. Well, in GW2 all gathering nodes are NOT shared. You see a tree? It’s your tree. That dude who runs up to it won’t steal it from you.

Oh also there’s no kill steal! Which is big, imo. You’re encouraged to play together, to help people kill stuff, to contribute to any event you see around, since everyone gets rewarded equally.

Legendary stability of GW2 servers. Lemme just say: there’s no weekly maintenance. There is. No. Downtime. Even on the big update days, you can download and play pretty safely. If there’s a hotfix, the game KINDLY WARNS YOU that you need to update and you have TWO FLIPPING HOURS to do so. Before you did that, you still can play, finish whatever you were up to.

Everything revolves around player’s happiness and convenience. There are constant quality-of-life updates. Your bags are full of crap? Here, salvage it into materials with two clicks, then deposit into your bank with two clicks (from anywhere in the world), then compact the rest of your shit. Yeah, with two clicks. x’D

There’s wonderful Fashion Wars. The game offers so much customization, and it’s taken so seriously, that it’s one of the endgame aspects. There’s 30000+ achievement points to earn, which are mostly fun and make you go out of your usual way. Dailies? You get 10 points and 2 gold for doing 3 easy tasks that take ~15 minutes.

There’s LORE. There’s fun little interactions all over the world. You just did an event? Stay here and listen, probably npcs will say/do something and start another event, logically following the previous one. The world lives and breathes. You can just walk around and observe. You’ll learn so much. And of course, there’s always a good cause to laugh. Dialogues/reactions are just hilarious sometimes.

Regarding the lore: there’s a so-called personal story which accompanies you up to lvl 80, then there’s “living world”, smaller events and single maps being rolled out every once in a while - so far there’s 2 seasons available, and 1 being “historical”, not playable anymore. In that season, they fucking crushed the main capital city. It changed forever. It was an epic event, which I missed, but watched people’s videos later. Then season 2, then HoT, then season 3, and now we’re waiting for PoF, second expansion. The updates have picked a nice pace and are frequent now.

There’s just so much to do. Just go, dive into the world and drown forever. :3c And meet me on the bottom. x’DD

GW2 feels different from Wakfu, but I found similarities for myself. It’s a sandbox after all, and later endgame has a lot of strategy. GW2 is never tank-and-spank. You just, literally, can’t facetank shit here. You gotta use your skills wisely, time your dodges, play with traits/passives until it all flows together. You’ve got a HUGE BUILD FREEDOM. There’s 9 classes, each having at least 3 defined roles, with more variations. You don’t just go ranger (oh archer it’s like a cra rite??) and do pew pew from max distance. Well, yes, you have a bow and can pew pew.. Or you can be a melee fighter, you can be a full blown healer/support.. As a ranger, yes.

I’ll be wrapping up now, I swear. GW2 is true f2p. Which of course does have a few restrictions (can’t trade or use map-chat), but you can get to 80, gear up and explore to your heart’s content before you decide to pay. I personally played for 5 months, every day, before I bought HoT.

Why’d you buy an expansion? More story, more maps, new class traits, gliding in HoT and mounts in PoF. The expansion and living world content has been constantly improving, visually, mechanically and lore/writing-wise.

Other than that, there’s a gemstore offering cosmetic and convenience items (gems can be bought for cash OR ingame gold). There are infamous rng boxes, but none of those are p2w. GW2 is oriented at the western consumer, which means, yeah, they know that we hate p2w and they’ll never do that to us.

*breathes out* I had to get that off my chest. I wanna talk about GW2 forever, but it’s exhausting to do one-on-one. :P Hopefully someone’s still reading this!

Now lemme remind you that now I have those partner links, if you use this to create a new account and play for free (for an hour or two months? w/e), or this to buy an expansion, I’ll get paid a bit. Not much, but it definitely helps!

And I was gonna write this wall of text regardlessly of the partnership one day, now I just have more incentive. x’DD Plus, we’re gonna have a beta weekend on 11-13 august, where you can preview the second expansion for free! It’s a perfect timing to write this post and try convincing you. You’ll just need a f2p account, and you’ll be given a lvl 80 boost and whatnot for that beta weekend. I’m not sure yet, but I assume you WILL. Just please register using my link above, so that I get paid for the two hours I spent on this post. :D

instead of me making a post where i briefly rate btvs characters im gonna do a post im sure ive already made abt how in the first book alone its shown that narnia is an unreasonable twilight zone to deal with and the lore is wild and aslan is sort of a jerk and bad with dealing with children / dealing with the world he created; or: the battle of the reader vs cs lewis

ok first of all. this book completely wrongs edmund. cs lewis is determined to have us believe that he is a Bad Sort but? not so much that when he's "redeemed" we have to doubt for even a moment that he's now Good Forever. and the reasons the reader keeps being given about why we should be disgusted with edmund are incredibly weak and often bemusing

to start with, cs lewis hates boarding schools which is probably because they could be awful and so he throws out the reason that edmund used to be as nice and purehearted as his siblings until boarding school spoilt his immortal soul? were peter and susan taught at home or in public school then? if lewis was making a comment on how terrible boarding school is, why isnt edmund given any sympathy for this by the narrator or his siblings who just seem largely annoyed by him?

and since at the start the kids are being sent off from home in the middle of a world war their dad is off in and have to go to a boring house with an uncle? who for some reason never like, bothers to speak to them or see them ever. tf, dude. and theyre in england in the first place. anyhow, the fact that edmund being in a bad mood over this is supposed to be evidence of his crappiness is a touch unreasonable. he's like what, 8-11? so much of this book hinges on his character needing to be saved from his own badness that its sort of unforgivable that said badness really doesnt exist. hates his terrible school? hates his terrible situation? difficult? fights with siblings? how is this meant to be fit for A Just and Divine Damnation. why is there such a complete lack of sympathy. does lewis understand anything about children.

the answer is that "adults assuming these young as hell children have the same emotional maturity and logical processes and understanding of the world as adults" is a constant theme. these random schoolchildren become the supreme rulers of an entire country in a world theyve never been in after like, a week. the whole series runs on a fair number of other English Brand notions abt classism, racism, divine right to rule, etc. but even if it wasnt "only humans can lead", why would any children be allowed? children who had never been there? for gods sake

moving on to the plot: lucy finds narnia, etc. i guess on account of being Young and A Girl, which here means spiritual purity? and also as a character trope means Innocence. ok. meeting an exposition-providing faun, getting back, nobody believes her because why would they. their great(but not good) uncle bothers showing up upon coincidence. why hasnt he ever even said "hello, im not evil" to the kids staying at his house?for gods sake. he then explains to the kids a version of one of lewis's apologistic things that supposedly logically proves that christianity is valid and here proves that narnia is real, which it actually does neither of. shove it, clive staple lewis. your argument is crap

oh but edmund went to narnia along with lucy before that had happened. this is supposed to be a crucial point where he meets the white witch and is supposed to be like, dont be like edmund kids!! but frankly he behaves perfectly reasonably during that encounter and also when they all get to narnia. coz, ok, he's in an alternate universe alone which is disorienting for anyone. then the witch just happens to stumble across him. was he supposed to have prevented that somehow? lucy just stumbled across mr tumnus and trusted him inherently and it happened to go well. the first person edmund meets is someone else and he talks with her for a minute because she is a grown ass woman, probably gonna kill him otherwise, and also he's in an alternate universe alone with no idea where anyone is or if he can get back? here is a quick tangent:

a moral throughout the series is that you can sense somethings inherent goodness or truthfulness through how much it gives you a nice gut feeling. yet frankly this is not the only way to go about making choices. and not everything bad sets off alarms and not everything that sets off alarms is bad, so i dont know how much of a lesson that is. but for example, here the witch doesnt give edmund the warm fuzzies, and it is supposed to be a mistake or moral weakness on his part to not have.....what? gone running aimlessly through the arctic landscape in his jammies from a self-proclaimed queen with a sledge? he didnt really have any options here. how is he meant to know she's not really the ruler of this crap place that, so far as he knows, he lives in now? and ok, then somehow his big ol mistake is eating some damn candy and having some hot cider or whatever. it is eternal winter, why is this child a sinner for getting up out of the snow and humoring this lady by taking some offered snackaroos. also, everyone says turkish delight isnt even good. ask for some m&m's, ed!!! love yourself!! and even if he is supposed to know never to eat magical food or be bound to the fairy queen, lucy went and had tea with a fuckin faun so again, they basically did the same thing but edmund met the wrong person by sheer luck of it, so he has to die. LEWIS!!!!!!!

another big Edmund Must Die moment is when he and lucy get back from narnia and edmund lies that narnias fake, because he's evil. first of all, the fact that lucy tells him that some stranger she's buddies with says the white witch is evil and a liar. how is her stranger meant to be more reliable than the witch? this is just the word of two randos pitted together. how is edmund meant to understand this as Proof that the queen is evil and an imposter to the throne. frankly, she's functionally the actual queen, so its not even really a lie? narnia is impossible. secondly, it is 10000% understandable that edmund would realize that if he backs up lucy's claims then everyone is going to go looking for narnia, and in the experience he's just had, its a hellhole. and lucy has just told him that he possibly met an evil witch that is interested in also meeting his siblings? wouldnt be too thrilled about going back there then. and thirdly, if as lewis says he just lies because he is evil? does this man again not understand that Impulsive Pettiness is a bit different coming from a 9 yr old than a grown adult. the narrator is just so aghast at edmund constantly when its like dude he's.....not really doing anything, and also theyre all babies. let him be a bit of a little shit without the devil herself coming to claim his spilled blood for it, mayhaps

also, there is a bit of confusion about the fairy food! it is implied to be actually kind of magically binding, like to a degree he has to cooperate with the witch now because he took food he was offered? or at least it is somehow "corrupting." so how is this meant to be a sin if also it is not even his own choices here! how was he meant to have avoided this? dont take candy from strangers, sure. BUT IF YOU DO, YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GET!!!

all the pevensies are in narnia, lucy lets it for everyone else remarkably fast, but i guess she is like 6 and having a nice time with her family in a magical land. although you'd think she'd be more concerned about all that witch stuff, and the fact that mr tumnus was about to straight up childnap her and deliver her to childmurder. like, good on you for not doing that. but how many people has he been selling out all this time! its literally been his job for however long. he's had to have had something to show for it. is morally greyness just arbitrarily sorted into black and white Good/Evil characters and these kids are supposed to sniff out which way these things fall? for gods sake. see, my point is that this adult faun who was going to turn a kindergartener in to be killed until he decided nah, and previously definitely probably narced on people in the past, is way crapper than a kid who has been grumpy and ran into the wrong person? what is edmunds Betrayal. was it the food eating

anyways, then peter is a total dick, but in like a noble way. in that he's mad at edmund for ages but like...again, ok, he's like 12-14 or whatever, who knows. the point is that if he can hold a grudge against his siblings for being annoying, why is that trait evil in edmund? it is because narrator lewis says so, damn him. but if peter is the Natural Born Leader of A Country here, you'd think he could at least manage not to keep giving a hard time to the one of their group who is going to be any trouble keeping in line at all, since lucy is Pure and susan gets the literature role of the Mini Mom. theyre not going anywhere. you basically had one job, pete.

fun fact: this is where they find out mr tumnus is taken by the queens evil forces, referred to as the police. this is basically the only book i can think of where the evil enforcement agency is called a police force. Interesting Stuff

even though im not sure what any of them think they can accomplish by wandering around, they end up following a random bird and following some random beavers. they know this is ok because of those warm fuzzies, and the fact edmund isnt feeling those good vibes is because he's evil, but honestly its a shit plan following some random bird and assuming some beavers are gonna be good guys. the only people edmund knows of in this country are an imposing queen and her kidnapper who's totally nice. also if tumnus told lucy that the queen has loads of spies, why are they crashing around inherently trusting the first things they see? lucy trusts a faun who was going to sell her to satan, edmund sort of has to trust an ominous lady who turns out to possibly be evil? why would he not find it a questionable idea to wander into this beaver dam

in further supposed evidence of edmund being all devil-corrupted by d&d, he doesnt get the warm fuzzies when these random beavers start talking abt a magic lion who's great and wandering around somewhere, you should totally go to him. but they have like, actually zero knowledge about this world beyond the differing accounts of those theyve happened to bump into? how would they know some lion who isnt even around ever is the rightful ruler of narnia, vs some lady who is actually around? she's got one up on aslan for that. where've you been, buddy. what took you an entire century. aslan SHOULD TOTALLY sound kind of crap because, uh, HE IS?

edmund goes off somehow without anyone noticing and the beavers are like oh yeah saw that one coming, that'll be the magic food. like??? you couldve said. or at least not let him sidle off out the door half an hour ago? for gods sake. and again: if this is magic food rules, why isnt the magical kit-kats the Great Traitor of All Of Narnia! how is the concept of sin fitting into all of this. again, edmund just ran into the wrong person. and lewis is just like no, see, but he deserves this because he is irritable and childish and mean. CHILDREN LEWIS!!! HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT!!!

apparently edmund meanders all the way to the white witches place b/c all the time the entirety of narnia seems to be a couple of miles across or a few hundred miles, depending on whats convenient to the story. the moral of narnia's weird lore is that its only as consistent as cs lewis feels like making it, which is sometimes Completely Bewildering when he just sort of throws stuff out there but moves the narration right along. presumably he wasnt expecting this to operate on the rules that any of this would be regarded with any level of analysis, since tolkien was a contemporary and not a predecessor. but still, dude, get your story straight? especially within the same book.

and anyways also, again! the magic food rules come up. because that is meant to be edmunds motivation, besides just being petty. he is magically bound to the fig newtons. which is i guess meant to explain away him literally going the extra mile for this witch shit, but also still letting him be blamed for that, since he is being SUCH a jerk, see kids? dont act less than chipper at your terrible life unless you want to take your soul's rightful place as the devils property, moreso than literally anyone else in all of narnia? alright. this books plot points are just a bit like.......ok

the other kids definitely have no option but to trust their choice in "trust the first people we bump into." luckily its uh...its fine. but wtf

who is narnia santa!!!!! how can there be a dude based on a saint? does narnia have the concept of saints? is he a dead guy???? i can slightly accept that narnia has a christmas in that maybe that comes from the dude who was made king at its birth being a random english cabbie, i suppose maybe this guy was like "fuck it, its christmas and you're going to like it." but do narnians know what xmas is about at all??? canonly aslan is actually just also jesus in the england-world, but did the cabbie king know that? did he explain the concept of jesus? does monotheistic narnia also accept the concept of a separate god existing in another universe, or are they all also assuming aslan=jesus? but this isnt as confusing as the santa guy. is he like how there's wizards running around? this is so weird. what magic shit would edmund have got. wouldnt it have been nice or at least useful for santa to have given the other pevensies whatever he was going to have given edmund. does that boy also not get xmas presents because he is on the naughty list. bad month for edmund

speaking of edmund, he honestly sort of disappears from the book as soon as he has the realization that the witch is mean :( despite the plot of rest of the book being essentially centered around him? and him finally being in a position for the narration to stop talking about what a cruel cruel monster he is? ok

aslan is just a dick not only for leaving narnia on its own for ages but also just personality wise. rude to the children. they are all like "aslan our brother" and aslan is like "shut up about your brother already, i'll do something about it if i want to but if i dont want to he deserves whatever's coming to him." like? have a little patience for the reasonable questions and uncertainties of these kids, ffs

how is this massive climate shift not fucking shit up like, ecologically. does anyone own shorts at this point? how are plants alive. its magic

oh yeah, forgot that there was that bit in the white witches statue garden of death where edmund straight up thought this one lion he saw must be aslan. wasnt he also getting figurative cold feet until he saw that, also? again, in these circumstances, how was he meant to know that WASN'T aslan and that the witch wasnt the one who was right. shrug! but now another total coincidence is whats driving edmund to go say hey to the witch again instead of backing out of her creepy house. see you in hell ed

back to aslan........uhhh when a wolf attacks susan, who is like, dangling precariously from a branch in fear of her life, aslan orders the skilled warriors not to save susan asap, but instead to let this 13 yr old holding a sword for the first time mosey on over and have a one on one fight with this talking wolf. sure, aslan knows the situation is under control. but the people who dont know?? are these kids in mortal peril? aslan is such a dick. he shouldnt be putting these children in these positions of Leader Of My Army Now, Go Into Actual Combat. but thats just how he rolls. trial by fire, dweebs

oh yeah and since the chance happens to arrive he sends some people to go get edmund back. thanks for bothering to rescue a child! gods sake

then he has a nice long talk with edmund about never being annoyed with your siblings or theres literal hell to pay, i guess! whatever. at least he's paying attention to him for a moment instead of just handing him a sword and telling him not to complain. thanks? telling his siblings not to be dicks about it all is also very mature of him. and apparently necessary since again, cough, peter? getting mad at edmund for being petty and immature maybe shouldnt have involved sniping at him a ton and ignoring him to the point he just left for an hour before anyone was like, wasnt there more of you. lord. im just saying, maybe everyone needs to mature a bit before they are monarchs

psych!! these kids are ready for anything now

except for the bit where the witch comes and demand edmund's head, since...........................i guess she was trying to play the long con? by hoping aslan would do the ol switcheroo? or maybe she was just mad and wanting a good ritualistic murder. but despite the whole damn book being about this explanation of the crucifixion of jesus, it.........doesnt really make sense within the god damn Lore. she has claim to edmunds life because he is a Traitor? to whom? the witch straight up lied to him abt what she wanted to do with his siblings, so how was he meant to have betrayed them if he hadnt known what she intended to do? how can he betray someone if it was the fault of the Law Of The Magic Almond Joy? sure, he lied and snuck around and was pissy and all, but how is that on a level above any other number of stunts other narnians are sure to have pulled. she has narnian spies? arent they traitors? does she have to formally make the claim for the "i get to kill the traitor or narnia is destroyed b/c The Lore, Fuck You" for it to come into effect? is edmund just called a traitor for the strategy of it all, since the humans have to be alive to defeat her. but on what grounds

also, who agreed to give her that authority of traitor-killer? why does that role exist. what. whomst. lewis, explain this?

again like.....how are the children on their own for this bit, either. there is no sympathy for being children in lewisverse

ok and uhhhh? aslan leaving on the night before a battle w/o like....telling anyone? they wouldnt even have known he'd died if a dryad hadnt have been like "you'll never guess this shit." i guess omniscience or whatever. but for fucks sake, peter outranks everyone else in the army just because he's human? he doesn't know shit! you made him fight a wolf! whatever. why even put the humans in battle if you need them to live. whatever

susan and lucy of course have to witness this aslancide until they also witness this resurrection. cool. but the thing is that like? sure aslan couldve just flat out let edmund die, but besides the fact that theres the whole prophecy thing to mean that the kids need to live, but also, he was sort of backed into a corner re: having to die himself because of some technicality in narnia's rulebook? i get that this wasnt meant to be completely an allegory so much as just "gateway christianity drug" but wasnt the jesus bit supposed to be done just totally as a favor or whatever. aslan was sort of just strategizing as far as we know. like, is edmund representing The Sins Of All Humanity, or is he out here like "if jesus dying wouldve saved just one person it wouldve happened all the same"? either way, it makes it seem like aslan HAS to do this whole dying thing out of "so the world doesnt end" vs choosing to out of being cool abt it. i mean......not that uh jesus was supposed to have been psyched up abt his death. but you know what im getting at here. whatever, the Lore

again, the battle seems to be happening like, five miles from the witches house? coz everyone from the statues just makes the journey with aslan in one go. what are the scales here, lewis!!

aslan shows up in time to just kill the white witch himself, with his god lion teeth? how gross must that have been. also! he couldve done that at any time!!! but prophecy whatever sighhhhhhhh

its funny that lucy gets impatient with aslan for interrupting her moment of "can i make sure my brother isnt dead" and he gets impatient with her about that? shes in like preschool. also, you have healing powers!!!! so says uhhh.....the next book? or the one after. and anyone can use that magic elixer. and can you stop being so damn testy abt these childrens concerns for each other's lives!!!

theyre monarchs now, and aslan just fucks off. he couldve bothered to say goodbye, if people dont happen to see him meander off, how do they even know if he left or is just hanging around somewhere? seeing as he just snuck off overnight and died without letting anyone know. but more importantly he's again left this country entirely on its own save for these kids who know nothing except that they better be nice to each other or some random magical law might come into effect where someone gets to knock on their door and demand their kidneys or the world ends.

for real though! this is like, a country coming out of a crappy period and now in a wild transitional period and the only leaders are these kids who just showed up who have never been here before in their lives. how are they meant to manage a natl economy? its not mentioned here (is it) but theres an entire other racist-caricature-mashup of a country to the south already? how are they at diplomacy between two countries they know nothing abt. how will they form policies! they are 11! what tf is narnias infrastructure, beyond "sparse." where did the line to the throne go? was there always direct descendants to the first king in archenland, which by the way also exists with people in it b/c fuck you. i guess so...i forget where caspian comes from.

fun fact, when my sister and her friend went to disney world some yrs ago, they took a pic with a dude playing caspian a la the films, whom looked a lot like the actual actor, aka a total babe. its a great photo

anyways ummm. see the entire narnian govt just disappears? which i suppose they figure out when the four of them just leave and never come back. i suppose its lucky the narnians assumed it was magic and not regicide. because, if you live in narnia? fuck you. honestly what did they do in the aftermath. nobody nonhuman is even allowed to be a ruler. do they have like, other elevated positions? was there no regulation. coz thats alright but the series implies that narnia is always supposed to have a king around in order for things to go well. ok

so uh its govtless i guess until what, these people accidentally stumble upon a portal to narnia and become the telmarines who take over narnia? but not rightfully i guess, because even though theyre humans, they were probably insufficiently noble about it. or just not aslan-approved. honestly ok where tf did the calormenes come from? another portal? why did they restrict themselves to a certain region? why did narnia not encompass the entire world? why did you need to be white and english to be christian. i know this is a case of just introducing things that dont make sense but moving the story along before anyone asks questions but uh..........louie

Also How Tf Are These Kids Going From Grown Adult Monarchs To 10 Yr Old Schoolchildren In 1940s England Again over the course of like 10 seconds. before they left this clowns didnt even recognize the damn lantern! how do you forget that ever. ridiculous

where the "put in what you want and dont bother explaining it unles you feel like it" strategy is really fun is with that lantern, imo. on account of he just put it in as a Fuck You Buddy to tolkien, which is funny. good job

but really how are you not even going to devote a single sentence to that fucked up transition these kids? adults in kids bodies? kids with the memories of what it is like to have become and been adults until just a second ago? are going through. like...............ok. do they have to larp being normal children for a while. It's Magic, Fuck You

aslan is just.....kind of a jerk!

this book teaches you nothing

The Lore

the end

The Outer Worlds' Best Feature Might Be The Friends You Make Along The Way

New Post has been published on https://gamerszone.tn/the-outer-worlds-best-feature-might-be-the-friends-you-make-along-the-way/

The Outer Worlds' Best Feature Might Be The Friends You Make Along The Way

There’s a lot to like about Obsidian Entertainment’s next RPG, The Outer Worlds. It’s pretty much a conglomeration of all the best things about the developer’s past games, like Alpha Protocol and Fallout: New Vegas, with a big emphasis on an expansive conversation system and plenty of consequences for your actions. It utilizes its turn-of-the-century aesthetic perfectly to create the game’s expansive, funny send-up of capitalism and corporate culture. And it provides you with a band of companion characters who react to the story and situations as they unfold, and who make the game a lot more interesting with their presence.

Obsidian recently gave GameSpot a chance to get hands-on with The Outer Worlds, providing roughly two hours to dig into one of the game’s locations, a lawless and hostile world called Monarch. As Obsidian has detailed in the past, you play a character of your own creation, with the game reacting heavily to your choices as you decide whether to be good, evil, or something in between. Instead of venturing straight out in a random direction to tangle with various creatures, I spun around to speak with the other two major characters of the demo: your companions, Nyoka and Parvati.

“They have opinions of their own and they’re reacting to the choices you’ve made.”

Companion characters are a big part of The Outer Worlds, as they have been in other, similar Obsidian RPGs, like New Vegas. You can have two in tow at any given time once they’ve joined up with you, and of course, they help in combat with whatever weapons you decide to equip them with. They’re also a major component of your story in The Outer Worlds.

“We wanted to integrate companions quite a bit more, so each of the companions has a backstory and a companion quest,” lead designer Chris Staples said during an interview at the press event. “Talking to them along the way opens up those companion quests and you can do things for them. But also, how those companion quests play out influences what they think of you. Your decisions and how you treat various factions also plays into that.”

“For example, a companion might not like the Board [the corporate overlords of The Outer Worlds] at all, and if you start helping them, they’ll have issues with that,” he continued. “They’ll bring that up and say, ‘Hey, I don’t like what you’re doing, if you keep doing this, we can’t work together.’ We wanted to make sure that there was a lot of–I mean part of the space fantasy is, you know, building your crew and flying through space and having adventures with your crew. And that is sort of what we’re going for, to try to make sure they are involved along the way. They have opinions of their own and they’re reacting to the choices you’ve made.”

Helping Out

With no quests on the docket, we were free to wander into a nearby outpost and talk to its denizens or go tromping across Monarch’s monster-filled fields to see what we might find. As it turned out, though, our demo had a companion quest ready to go from Nyoka, a character who has been living on Monarch, working as a hunter and general monster killer. Talking to her triggered a conversation that gave the backstory for her companion quest. She told a story about her former crew, several of whom had been killed during a monster attack and hastily buried or, worse, left behind. Nyoka asked for help in retrieving some mementos from the burial sites in order to properly honor the team–and take some sweet revenge on the giant alien mantiqueen that murdered them. If you accept, things get altogether more complicated than that.

The first part of the mission sends you running across the fields of Monarch in search of the gravesite of one of Nyoka’s friends. Getting there isn’t exactly easy since the area is populated by groups of bandits (who also have alien attack dogs) and families of vicious aliens that can spray you down with swarms of bugs they exude from their abdomens.

Luckily, you’re pretty proficient in combat, too. Your backstory is that you were frozen in cryostasis for decades while Monarch and its counterpart planet, Halcyon, were colonized. Now that you’ve awoken, your experience has given you the strange capacity to slow down time, allowing you to line up shots or melee strikes on specific parts of enemies’ bodies. The Outer Worlds packs a variety of weapons, from blades that poison to sniper rifles and giant mini-guns, and in our demo, we had a variety of different tools for blasting away at enemies.

Combat felt strong during our demo, especially compared to New Vegas, which The Outer Worlds draws inspiration from. But it’s your companions who give the whole experience a fast-paced, strategic feel. Each companion has a special ability move, Staples said, which comes with a cooldown timer. You can activate it on the fly with one button, ordering your teammate to use it on whoever you’re targeting. Doing so triggers a brief cutscene as the character executes their move–Nyoka unloads a torrent of armor-shredding ammo from a mini-gun, while Parvati winds up for a big, stunning strike with an electricity infused melee weapon. Both moves were essential to victory in battles, as teammates could stun some enemies briefly while weakening others.

You also have a few squad commands. Similar to what you might expect from a Mass Effect game, you can order your teammates to specific locations or to focus fire on a particular enemy. Mostly, though, you’ll let your teammates handle their own fights, but you can dictate their behaviors from The Outer Worlds character menus. The game provides all sorts of options, allowing you to set how aggressive a character is, from what ranges they’ll attack, and a lot more. You can even set one of your companions to function as the squad leader, shouldering the burden of commanding the team. They’ll still follow you around, but if you’re a person who’s not great in combat situations, letting another character lead can make things a bit easier.

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Bantering It Up

Nyoka’s mission involved picking up a decaying necklace from the grave of one of her friends and then looking to enlist some help to find the cave where the rest were killed. That meant finding two members of the team who’d left Monarch, which required the help of a local hermit with access to some communications gear. We found him on top of a nearby mountain, which was surrounded by mercenaries who’d basically taken the place over.

Nearby, we found a team of mercenaries who had been contracted by the facility’s owner to protect the place. Their contract stipulated that they had to stop attackers coming from a nearby cave–since it didn’t mention anyone marching up the mountain pass the way my squad did, the mercenaries ignored the attackers. In order to talk them into doing their jobs (and therefore putting them into the line of fire, instead of us), we had to venture into the cave and help their missing commanding officer

Working our way across Monarch gave Nyoka and Parvati a few chances to swap stories. Mostly, those became opportunities for more of The Outer Worlds’ humor to creep in. Despite comments from Obsidian about how the game doesn’t take a political stance, it’s clearly a pretty hilarious send-up of capitalism. At one point, Nyoka mentioned that her life on Monarch wasn’t so bad because she at least got weekends–a concept completely foreign to Parvati, a resident of the completely corporate Halcyon.

Which companion you bring with you will matter beyond the banter you’re likely to hear on missions. Staples said that having the right character with you can change how a mission plays out.

“Sometimes you’ll talk to a quest-giver and they’ll mention it, or like Nyoka has a history with some of the other characters on Monarch,” he explained. “So she can chime in and say certain things that might open up either different paths of a quest, where if you didn’t have her, that option wouldn’t be available.”

Each character has one main companion quest, Staples said, plus the ability to interject and influence a lot of other quests, as well. It’ll be up to you to pay attention to the characters, talk to them, and learn about them, to find out where, when, and with whom they’re most likely to have an impact.

I wasn’t able to finish the mission in the demo–although I did talk a local corporate mercenary gang into fighting the bandits for me–The Outer Worlds did give a taste of how a lot of its systems will work, most notably its companion characters. Staples said a big priority for Obsidian is making the game feel highly reactive to you and your choices, and that means presenting different options based on your chosen character traits and the personality you flesh out through conversations. And that goes for which characters you have with you, too.

From our short time getting hands-on with The Outer Worlds, spending some time with your companions seemed to be the best part. Combat works well, but it’s better with your AI buddies. The same goes for exploring the world and trying to talk your way out of all the trouble you’re liable to get up to on various planets. While Obsidian’s dumb, hyper-capitalist sci-fi world is fun on its own, it’s the characters you hang around with that really make it feel real. And it seems like spending time to get to know your companions will pay off, not just in what it adds to the story, but in the gameplay capabilities and options they offer to help you accomplish your goals in The Outer Worlds–whatever they might be.

Source : Gamesport

TMNT Mirage Comics Issues 10

Holy shit, this story dives right into the action and gives you NO fucking break. I honestly feel like I’ve missed something. Maybe a few side comics here or there that aren’t included. Since I’m just reading the main issues for the time being I ask you forgive me if I’ve lost something critical, and trust me when I say I already have.

Strap in kids.

Story

The comic starts immediately with Leonardo already on the ground in the apartment severely injured with everyone surrounding him. I don’t know what fucking happened. I can’t even find what issue or mini-comic I could have missed. Point is, shit starts dire.

The worst part is the foot has invaded their home, meaning Shredder must be back. But how is that possible?

Donatello is quick to take charge, telling Splinter and April to get Leo out of there while the three of them fend off the foot. After a bit of a scuffle, Splinter then tells Don and Mikey to help April while Raph stays behind in the dark to take out any incoming foot soldiers, a plan Raphael loves.

Leo, barely conscious, keeps insisting that he can walk. He also wants April to save herself, but she says he’s her family and she won’t leave him behind.

She goes to open the door, and Leo immediately tries to stop her, knowing the foot are out there. He blocks her, and Michelangelo is quick to rush over and take out the foot in the way. Mikey promises April that as long as they’re alive, she’ll be safe.

Mikey then takes the lead to scout out the area. He and Don take out a few foot along the way, and they eventually make their way to the antique shop, where Shredder and the foot are waiting for them.

Before a fight can begin, a hooded figure makes himself known to aid the turtles: Mother fucking Casey Jones.

Raphael already seems to know him, which is likely why he’s there now. With Casey there to help things go a bit more swimmingly. In the meantime Splinter is telling April they may have to leave through the front door, but April has a better plan: a cooler in the back. Apparently the antique store was connected to a grocery store, linked by a cooler entrance. Her father never properly sealed it up, so it made for an ideal escape route.

Eventually the chaos starts a fire, meaning the firefighters and cops are on their way. Shredder and the foot retreat, and the heroes make an exit in the back, having to leave April’s van behind.

They look upon the fire in the distance, and April is devastated knowing that her entire life has gone up in flames.

Casey decides to take the crew elsewhere to hide for a while, and our comic ends with them on the road to reach Casey’s dead grandma’s place.

Characters

Holy shit there’s a lot to talk about. Everyone had a big role to play in this issue in one way or another.

I think I’ll start with April this time. It’s really neat to see the behavior of the original April. From my exposure to other Turtle series, I’d say April is usually depicted the most differently in each one. Like the others she generally has the same personality, but usually has traits that make each April stand out, and I’m not just talking about their appearance. That said, the three things I remember most about her are her courage, stubbornness, and caring personality. How much each of these stand out varies from series to series, but they’re usually all there in some form.

This April is very brave. Not fearless, but her courage here stems from her big heart. She makes it perfectly clear that she loves her new family of mutants, refusing to run away and leave them in danger. Some could argue she usually causes more trouble by sticking around, but in this situation it’s quite the opposite. Without her, they probably wouldn’t have managed such a safe getaway after all.

Also I have to add that the scene where she watches her home burn down was incredibly distressing.

Splinter takes the role of the leader for the most part, which makes sense. After all he needs to get his sons and April out of danger, and as we’ve already established, he knows what he’s fucking doing. While (as usual) we don’t see much growth out of him, we do see him giving very well-organized commands. That was pretty awesome.

He also stopped an arrow mid-air. That was fucking badass.

This is another issue where Donatello stands out. He’s the first one to instruct the team when danger rears its ugly head, and as usual his quick thinking helps the team ward off trouble. He also works pretty well with Michelangelo as a back-up for taking out enemies on the way downstairs.

Speaking of, Mikey also gets a huge role in this one. He rescues April and is quick to tell her that they’ll protect her no matter what, proving that he (and his brothers) care about her very much. They really do consider her part of the family at this point, and it’s nice to see the feeling is mutual.

On top of that, he’s the one who leads the charge downstairs, and is very good at spotting and taking out enemies. This is probably the most we’ve ever seen him do, and I can say it didn’t disappoint me at all.

Leonardo may have been on death’s door for the most part, but it was pretty clear he was trying (and failing) to shake it off. Ever the determined leader, he insisted he could walk despite needing to be held up by April just to move around. Hell he even told her to abandon him and escape. Be it out of a (very small) bit of ego/pride, or because he sincerely cares about her, it’s still a pretty noble thing and in character for him.

When April tries to get him out the door, he can tell right away she’s about to be attacked and moves to ward off the foot. Had Mikey not spotted the situation who knows where that would have left Leo. Guy is as brave as they come.

Raphael mostly just fought in this issue, but he did so spectacularly. He was very eager to take out any foot he could in the dark, and probably has the highest body count this issue as a result. In contrast to Michelangelo’s usual role of the comic relief, Raph was the one with all the wittier lines, at least when Casey didn’t have them.

Lastly, there’s Casey, who I have been fucking pumped about meeting. Unfortunately this isn’t his debut issue, and what’s even more unfortunate is my inability to get a copy of said issue. If you’ve seen the first turtles movie, I imagine the debut shares similarities to that, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. I’d like to review it in the future, if only for the sake of completion.

Casey is a real show stealer though, through and through. How he knew to come to the antique shop I can’t say, but he’s there and he kicks ass. He gets almost all the witty lines in this issue, and coming in as a fifth ranger is what helps the turtles survive the ordeal and escape.

Lastly it’s Casey who helps find them a new homestead in the meantime and hide, so the guy’s clearly got a good heart. I think we all knew that, though.

I sadly can’t say a lot about the Shredder. I don’t know if it’s really him or someone filling in his role, but either way despite his presence being a threat he doesn’t actually do much this issue. Most of the combat involves his foot soldiers.

Writing

The writing in this issue is rightfully tense and there’s this constant sense of urgency, perfectly fitting for the situation. As usual Laird and Eastman use a small amount of words to tell you mountains about the characters, and everything feels perfectly natural. This issue has a lot more show, don’t tell than previous ones, and I’m glad they’re learning that’s the best method when making a comic.

I should say it seems like their team has gotten larger, but I didn’t see who did what. Either way I’ll just give credit to everyone for both writing and art. The point is I think a larger staff helped. It may have something to do with the improvements overall.

Art

Look at this. Just fucking look at it.

Do I even have to explain why this spread is amazing? It doesn’t overdo the shading, the attention to detail is impeccable, and it gives you the proper ‘oh shit’ feeling just be looking at it. The Shredder is there, waiting for the turtles while feeling no sense of dread. He knows they stand no chance in their current predicament.

Basically, imagine this, but it’s a bunch of panels in a comic. Every panel captures the mood its trying to. The things that need detail have it, and it’s not overdone. The art and design is at a point where the changes are minimal, so it’s as if I’m repeating myself each time. Hell I may just have to use this place to simply showcase panels in future updates.

Final Thoughts

This is the issue where the tone seemingly shifts dramatically, but as usual it doesn’t seem unnatural or even like a mood whiplash. I’ll admit it’s a shame that I’m missing a piece of the puzzle, but I promise to review it if I can locate it, even if it’s late.

Basically, I have a feeling things are gonna feel a little different from this point on, and I’m fucking excited about it.

GURPS Encounters: Fort Faithful

Finally got this done, after a much too long delay! Sorry for all the waiting! This post is based around the awesome idea of Cowboys v Xenomorphs, so I kind of built a mini campaign world around that, stretching the meaning a little honestly, but I think it fits the spirit. This is more of a loose hook than adventure, just to clarify, I might work some more stuff out for it in the future though! Take a trip to Mars adjacent, the exotic....

Fort Faithful

“Fort Faithful, as the name suggests it is a reliable and trusted outpost. Situated on the remote moon Deimos, in the Swift crater, from which the bounties of Mars flows through! Oh yeah did I mention this is set in an alternative universe where the 1860’s United States Government discovered space travel? Cause it is.”

Key Features: As mentioned Fort Faithful acts as a sort of in between, where the miners come and go, and then the hard earned minerals are sent on their way to the United States. The cause of this technological miracle? A strange series of artifacts discovered by covert activities into the heart of South America by a crew of military operatives back in 1841.

These artifacts seemed to be the remains of some past advanced culture, after many military skirmishes kept on the down low, spaceships, suits, even atmosphere controlling technology were plundered! So far in the current year of 1863 the general populace of Earth are unaware of this, as well as the massive amounts of precious minerals and further items being dug up on Mars to be shipped back to the U.S of A!

         (TL 5 + a few higher TL artifacts recovered, listed below)

Population of Fort Faithful

         Fort Faithful is crewed by a small group of thirty individuals, disgraced ex-soldiers and former ‘cowboys’ given a second chance and a heck of an adventure.

This rowdy bunch is ran by one General Matthew Faithful, a forty year old man, technically kicked out of the military, and also might be considered dead, by order of firing squad. His crime? Murder. Even with this most heinous of crimes he was chosen to lead. Matthew was the first to land off planet, and has been with the mining operation (titled Red Expedition) since its inception, even being granted the naming rights to fort! For cryptic reasons he insists that no base be constructed by the mines themselves, rather just temporary incursions. Perhaps from a deep paranoia regarding rumors about the Spanish securing spacecraft.

Fort Faithful’s Design

Atmosphere? Fort Faithful is kept in a breathable atmosphere by the grace of a strange energy shield. It somehow scrubs, extracts and maintains an earthlike atmosphere nearly anywhere! When in the void between planets it even generates a gravity field, allowing comfortable travel within the spaceships! When outside of the atmosphere the ‘crew’ use reverse engineered spacesuits (Vacc Suit, the only “extra feature” it however does have the Protected Hearing. Protected Vision and important breathing tech, the radios and such have not yet been figured out).

And Speaking of Space Ships! A handful of spaceworthy vessels were quickly recovered, as of yet no reverse engineering on these have succeeded but the scientists were able to figure out how to work them! The batch specifically recovered carefully, slowly, and stealthily were three Star Freighters (pg 465 GURPS Campaigns), some rumors abound that the Spanish have found even more and are currently learning how to use them! As for their fuel, no scientist has been able to comprehend the engines, it seems like some kind of perpetual motion device, a few even theorize it manipulates a variety of energy undetectable by modern tech.

Guns, Guns, Guns! A rare few extraordinary items have been uncovered on Mars. Most are sent back to Earth, but the truly practical examples are under lock and key in the Armory (and one is at the General’s side). These discovered weapons are: 1 Electrolaser Pistol with 179 shots (pg 280 Characters), 2 Laser Rifles with 30 shots each (pg 280 Characters), and 1 Gyroc Pistol with 6 shots (pg 278 Characters) discovered so far and more being reverse engineered. The Electrolaser Pistol is currently under the General’s control, he hasn’t yet used it beyond the test shot, but is looking forward to it!

         For conventional weaponry they have quite a stock pile, consisting of thirty Cartridge Rifles (.45) and around two thousand shots. Plenty of axes, knives, etc. to be found here as well.

Fort Section One (Courtyard): An ‘open air’ section, really just a walled in landing pad. One of those energy shields keep the air in, the ships and people are somehow able to easily pass through without disrupting the strange tech. So this is where all the business comes and goes for Fort Faithful, miner crews leave and return every nine earth hours, while cargo is comes by every thirty earth hours (dropping off food and picking up minerals).

Fort Section Two (The Church): Set off to the side of the courtyard this area is more of an afterthought really, just a small church. There is no priest on Fort Faithful yet, but rumors are spreading that the General is reaching out for one, maybe to scare some of the rougher workers. It also acts as a medical area, for accidents and the like.

Fort Section Three (Interior Storage): A maze of barrels, crates and sacks, the interior storage is only accessible through the bunkhouse. This is where all the rations, water and just general goods for the Fort are kept. Though it is odd, no artifacts are kept here, rather they are stored in the Armory, since most act as advanced weaponry.

Fort Section Four (Bunkhouse):  Composed of a few separate rooms, giving a small amount of privacy. The General is particular has his own private quarters.

Fort Section Five (Armory): The heart of the Fort, here are the plethora of weapons gathered up for the Fort’s defense. General Faithful has constant armed presence and is quickly figuring out the uncovered alien artifacts for the purposes of fighting off a possible Spanish invasion. Tons of blackpowder and conventional firearms are stacked up as well, how useful they are in space battles is yet to be known.

Important Quick Stats

General Matthew Faithful

         From a decent family, Matthew Faithful worked his way up the ranks of government so many years ago. Not through any decisive battle, but through thoughtful consistency and following the rules. Which is why it was so surprising when he went off and slaughtered a rival in full view of four dozen men. It was not a pretty death either, supposedly the low ranking grunt made a crude comment about Matthew’s long deceased daughter. It seems his overall loyalty to the U.S Government was rewarded, with him avoiding firing squad and embarking on a journey to the stars!

ST 10; DX 12; IQ 12; HT 10

Will 14; Per 12; Speed 5.50; Dodge 8

         Move 5

Traits: Bad Temper (9), Code of Honor (Gentleman’s), Combat Reflexes, Flashbacks (Severe), Honesty, Obsession (”Fend off Spanish”), Sense of Duty (Fort Faithful), Social Regard (Feared) 3

Skills: Boxing-12, Guns (Rifles)-14, Beam Weapons (Pistols)-14, Leadership-16

Equipment: Cartridge Rifle (.45) + 30 Shots, Electrolaser Pistol + 179 shots

Fort Worker

         The crew of Fort Faithful is made up entirely of those with troubled pasts, bandits, insubordinate grunts, some ‘lucky’ card cheats, etc. While one would think this would make the Fort run as smooth as sandpaper, General Matthew is able to force these lowlifes into a half way manageable force. They seem to be under the impression that the good General would boot them into the void of space if they acted up…

ST 11; DX 11; IQ 10; HT 10

Will 11; Per 11; Speed 5.25; Dodge 8

         Move 5

Traits: Duty (“Fort Faithful”: All the Time)

Skills: Guns (Rifle)-10; Prospecting-10  

Equipment: Cartridge Rifle (.45) + 20 Shots

The Swarm

         The dark force of the solar system, perhaps even the universe. They are as locusts to space faring people, living on meteors, lonely moons, and lifeless worlds, when they detect the roar of engines, the flash of heat, they awake, starting a swarm of gluttonous rage. Eventually they do return to slumber, but only after they sate their hunger. Due to the travels of some mysterious past people the solar system was cleansed. Eventually the Swarm died out on Earth, some strange plague as a karmic vengeance swept through those Swarm still feeding on humanity’s future crib. Those on the other planets didn’t die though, still lurking, to feed!  

         Physically they are quite terrifying, pale, gray flesh, harder than many metals. Eyeless oblong heads, which open to startling widths, filled to the brim with short, sharp teeth. A gangly, chimp like form, arms twice the creature’s height, of which is about six foot. Its hands are equipped with three long fingers, tipped in black talons. Members of the Swarm possess on top of all this physically prowess an unnatural regenerative ability, if one doesn’t kill them quick they won’t do so at all. They are killable though! The worst part about the beasts are their reproductive systems, laying eggs within the dead or dying. A single Swarm dweller can lay up to ten eggs a day. These eggs hatch within a week and become full-fledged adults after a month!

ST 16; DX 12; IQ 6; HT 14

Will 14; Per 8; Speed 6.50; Dodge 9

         Move 6 (Ground)

Traits: DR 10, Doesn’t Breathe, Extra Long Arms (SM+1), Infravision (Only), Injury Tolerance (No Eyes), Metabolism Control 400 (Hibernation “Trigger Hunger”), Pressure Support 3, Regeneration (Fast/1 HP a Second), Sharp Teeth, Semi-Upright, Talons, Vacuum Support

Skills: Brawling-14

Story Hook: The Swarm

         Attracted to the Fort’s lifeforms the inhuman monstrosities that prowl our solar system are ready to feed! Perhaps the pcs are soldiers posted at the Fort, fleeing some dark past or thirsty for adventure. Maybe they’re some of the brightest minds of the U.S Government, eager to figure out the eerily advanced tech of Mars. Any method will do, what really matters is the events that occur!

         It starts with an odd disappearance, a few Fort members go out to explore Deimos a bit. After three days General Faithful decides it isn’t just lollygagging! Turns out the Swarm is finally waking from the construction activities on Deimos, and Mars! Within the next few hours the Swarm attacks, having finally found their way to the Fort. Crawling in through the shields and basically tearing up anything and one they come across. Four of the Swarm are active on Deimos, sixteen more arrive over the course of a week if the Fort still stands. Mars is hit even worse, as the mining crew (four this batch) unearth an entire horde of the things! Hundreds of the Swarm!

         Stay flexible, no real set in stone plan, the creatures chase the pcs and other crew through the Fort, but aren’t very bright. Sneaking past is most definitely an option for the clever. The creatures will not rest until every living being on the Fort is devoured, with their massive damage resistance, regeneration and strength that is a definite possibility.

The Orders

         General Faithful will attempt to make a final stand, the starting number of active healthy crew numbers perhaps 16 (not counting pcs). So he decides to systematically sweep the Fort and annihilate the creatures. After half the crew is dead, and/or the General someone will bring up simply escaping with the spaceship and leaving the Fort to the creatures! Of course one of the Swarm may tag along… and they require no mate to reproduce.