Some thoughts on a non-romantic relationship as I rewatch 9-1-1 and cry hysterically:

Bobby Nash lost his WHOLE family. Lost his kids and his wife and he never once forgave himself for it. But he took one look at Buck and it was like, "Oh, that one. It's him. That's my son." He took one look at Buck and saw him. He noticed Buck struggling, he noticed Buck pain and being lost. And he didn't know why, and he kept his distance because of his own kids, but he still took care of him. He still did everything in his power to keep him safe and fight for him even when Buck made it hard. And Buck did make it hard in a way, (not because he's hard to love, but because he's convinced he's expendable, he's convinced he doesn't matter, he's self-destructive and hard to keep safe) but despite it all, Bobby cares. He saw this sad, broken mess of a boy and they clicked right away. It was like it was meant to be, despite Buck not being from him he was meant to find Bobby and be his kid. In any lifetime and in any universe.

And Buck? He is self-destructive. He thinks his only worth is helping others, even if it's self-destructive and kills him. And who did that to him besides Margaret and Phillip? Who treated him like he was expendable, who only had him to save their other child and it failed. He was born to save others and it's all he can do now.

(Oh, you want to know why I'm in therapy? It's because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. You want to talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous? I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you! That is why I'm in therapy because nothing I ever did was good enough!

We tried but you always-you never made it easy on us! Either one of you!

We were supposed to? We were kids!

Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!

Love me anyway)

Buck is self-destructive, and kind and will help anyone he can, even if he goes about it the wrong way. Buck has been made to feel small and useless if he's not saving others even if it kills him and Bobby sees that. Buck has the mentality of a teenager and will do anything and everything for attention. Who desperately wants to be loved and cared for, but no one ever stays. And Bobby? He stayed and he fought for him and he cares. Bobby sees a hurt kid who is so easy to love despite Bucks' flaws. Bobby notices the flaws and hurt but loves him anyway. Even if Bobby sometimes handles Buck's tendencies the wrong way. Buck gave up on a family a long time ago, but Bobby gives him one. He gives him the 118 and himself and Athena. Bobby sees this abandoned boy and thinks, "Yes, this one is mine." And Buck doesn't fully process that he will always have Bobby. (Even after the lawsuit. When Buck was convinced Bobby was abandoning him, Bobby was terrified of losing him. He was trying to protect his son.) Bobby gives him Hen, Chimney, Eddie, and Athena. He lets him into his home when it's the 118 and when Bobby moves in with Athena, Athena gives him a home. Athena knows Buck is theirs and gives him a place to go whenever he needs. Bobby and Athena see through him and love him anyway. They're hell-bent on showing him, "We see your flaws, we see how hurt and angry you are and we love you anyway." And Buck doesn't always know how to handle it. He thinks he's expendable, like he doesn't matter if he's not saving others. And Bobby? No matter how angry Buck makes him, he forgives him always. He loves him despite it all. Bobby who rushed to the hospital despite his frustration when he thought Buck was hurt. Bobby lets Buck control the pace of their relationship, Bobby who is patient loving and will always help his son when he can. Bobby is hard on Buck, because he cares. Bobby doesn't want to lose another kid. Bobby who makes Buck one of his lucky numbers.

(Mom brought two kids into this marriage, you brought one.)

Buck isn't used to being fought for, loved or cared for. And Bobby knows that. Bobby will always have a home for him and will always love him despite everything. And Bobby will always love him, and Buck is learning that. Buck is learning that Bobby loves him even when he's angry and lashing out. They'll always find their way back to each other because they're a parent and child. No matter how old Buck is. The whole 118 is Bobby's family, the first one since his died. But Buck? Buck is his son, and nothing can beat that. And everyone will always know that. And Buck? Buck helped teach Bobby to trusting open again. He taught him it's okay to have a family again. And Bobby needed that. Bobby saw a kid lost and adrift with a terrible family and wants to help, but feels so guilty. But Buck helps hold and support him when Bobby relapses but sees a dad in him anyways. And Bobby needed him just as much as Buck needed Bobby. They needed each other. They found a family in each other and found it.

In love with the idea of captain marvel being Billy's imaginary friend. Like, it'd be so easy. Early depictions had them as almost fully separate people sometimes, like one soul with two minds, rather than just two filters like we mostly see now.

But imagine a Billy down on his luck, hurt and hiding from police and criminals alike, daydreaming the hours away as children do, taking inspiration from all the superheroes rising to fame, making little stories to play out his dreams of saving the world with a generic action doll he found while dumpster diving once. Most of the paint's rubbed off.

Red's his favourite colour, his comfiest jumper is a bright ruby even after all the grime and washes. Gold, too, it's shiny and warmer than silver! A hero cape is a must, big and eye catching! And he can fly, of course, like superman, and in his daydreams, when he's sore and frustrated after a long day's grind, his superhero is smart enough and knows all the right words to get the bullies to stop without resorting to fighting.

His superhero fantasy is one he spends a lot of time on, the first one he goes for when struggling to sleep at night, and he can picture it so clearly. Captain marvel is big and bright and kind, strong enough to lift the boxes for the old lady up the road who's moving all by himself, fast enough to catch Jamie who fell out of the tree on Saturday and broke his leg and couldn't come to class for weeks. He appears at the entrance to alleys when Billy is cornered, he steps up behind to cover for him when he gets caught shoplifting, he sits at the bus stop with him when it's pouring rain and the right bus doesn't seem to be coming.

And then the wizard comes, or rather whisks him away, and like a magician from a fairytale breathes life into his imaginary friend until Billy feels thrice his size and a million times more invincible.

From then on, captain marvel is a real hero, just like Billy is a real boy, and as one they save the whole city, and then the whole world, and get cats down from trees and help Mrs Victoria move the last of her boxes and she gives them a pinch in the cheek and cookies for the road and sometimes it hurts but it's so much better than he imagined.

got a little bit fixated on the gay firefighter show,,,

ummmmmm I caught up on last night's 911 and.....hello!?!?!?!?!?!? I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE

fuck it friday

tagged by @hippolotamus @daffi-990 @thewolvesof1998 💖

i feel like i'm giving y'all the whole fic in snippets rn, but like, it's 5.6k atm so there has to be more lol (fr like always I have no idea how it's this long, wtf is even in there 😂) also, it's fuck it friday, so fuck it haha

prev snippet

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“I called Bobby, by the way.” he changes the subject again before Eddie can respond and deny that he’s pouting now, which he definitely is, lower lip pushed forward in the most adorable way. Eddie just sighs, which turns into a cough.

“What for?” he manages to croak out.

“To tell him you’re sick and can’t go to work tomorrow.” Buck moves towards the medicine cabinet and pulls out some cough drops, placing them on the table in front of Eddie. “Like I said I would. Don’t argue, you’re staying home and getting better.”

“Ugh, fine.” Eddie responds with less fight than Buck expected. Maybe he’s slowly starting to admit he is, in fact, sick. Or maybe just really wants to finally talk, and is trying to speed it up. Either way, Buck’s not complaining. “But you’re going to work?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Buck turns away to check on the soup again, gets a spoon to try it.

“So you’re gonna leave me here all alone?” Eddie sighs dramatically, and Buck chuckles again. 

“You’ll live. I’ll come here straight after. And-” he turns back towards Eddie. “I’m gonna stay the night and get Christopher to school tomorrow, too. Just so you can rest and really recover. Don’t fight me on this, you won’t win this one.” he says, half-teasing, and sees Eddie’s face melt into gratitude and so much love, now full on display, likely also tired of hiding it.

“You can stay forever.” he says so earnestly it takes Buck’s breath away. He wants nothing more than to stay here forever, in Eddie’s home, by Eddie’s side, with him and Christopher, the two halves of his heart.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @ladydorian05 @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @jeeyuns @forthewolves @hoodie-buck @giddyupbuck @exhuastedpigeon @lover-of-mine @fortheloveofbuddie @weewootruck @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @loserdiaz @jesuisici33 @evanbegins @steadfastsaturnsrings @jamespearce9-1-1

Buddie may never go canon. And that’s okay.

It doesn’t change that Buck, Eddie, and Christopher are a family.

And honestly? I truly believe I might even like this more. The idea that hey, yes, a bisexual man and a straight man can continue to be best friends, co-parents, to show vulnerability with one another and still keep it platonic.

That men overall are allowed to show their emotions and be human and love each other without it inherently being sexual or romantic.

Especially when one of those characters is a Hispanic man, because men of color have so little freedom to express themselves and show their love loudly and openly for their family.

Because Evan Buckley is Eddie’s family.

And they don’t need to be a couple for that to still be true. And if you don’t think it’s possible for two grown men to love each other and still be a family without also being in love, then you need to take a good long look at yourself.

The idea that he can’t is rooted in homophobia and sexism.

Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.

Okay this might be a really weird ask so I'm sorry in advance but- what does Sera smell like? Does she smell like feathers because she has wings, like Vincent? (Again hope this isn't weird..)

Not weird at all! Lol a few people have asked before, you're all good.

Birdpeople have notoriously weak noses. Their sense of smell (and taste by proxy) is pretty dull as a result. It's partly how Ser's food is always plain and Vincent smells like a SAW-scented teen who's been tarred and feathered. Sera doesn't particularly care about expensive perfumes like someone (cough Sonia) but she does like floral scents.

She smells like Lavender (Body wash/Shampoo) and baby talc powder. (Powder keeps her wings nice, dry, and itch-free.) When she's not working she uses a rose perfume Nate gave her.

okay what if eddie and marisol broke up with marisol screaming, “you’re fucking gay and in love with a man who won’t ever love you back the way you want him to” and this whole tommy thing is just eddie processing it by trying to prove that buck isn’t the actual love and light of his life, his co-parent, his person, his partner, the most important person in his life after his son

buddie would be the most domestic, adorable, seems-like-theyre -already-married, couple ever.

we know this.

but i also want buck being treated well by people he hasnt known for a long time and hasnt had time to build a relationship with yknow?

he'd expect to be treated well by eddie because theyve been best friends (and coparents) for years

but hes always made himself smaller in every other relationship, and waited for them to leave him, never felt secure or even particularly cared for, because he never feels good enough.

what im saying is, is that i need tommy to sweep this man off his feet, cuddle him, take him on nice dates, make him laugh and show him what its like to be cared for and cherished because he deserves it, and because he is Enough, and just show him what a relationship should be because i dont think he knows dlrhsirjfieidi

I can't believe we waited 7 seasons for Buck to kiss a man and it wasn't even the person he literally legally shares a kid with

the thing about qui gon and rael is that like. rael thinks qui gon is the version of him who didn't fail, right? qui gon was the one who didn't have to kill his padawan in the end. qui gon was the one who didn't fuck up in a way that unmade him. and qui gon knows that. qui gon believes that. qui gon thinks that all that's standing between him and the utter destruction of what's left of rael is the bare fact that he wasn't the one to physically kill his padawan. rael for qui gon is a version of himself that he hates. and that's something he can't ever acknowledge

Here's the thing, I'm tired of love interests for Buck and Eddie that exist just to be love interests. Madney works because Maddie exists outside of Chim so we got attached to her before we got attached to them together. Both Bobby and Athena were developed as characters before they got together so we like them together. Hell even Abby was more interesting because she existed outside of Buck. Ali, Taylor, Ana, they existed to be love interests so they're not developed so we don't get a lot to care about there. If they're gonna get new love interests and I'm supposed to move on, please make them exist beyond them, thank you.

learning about buck’s childhood just makes the grocery store moment so much worse. he talks to the 118 about his problems because he thought he could trust them with it. because the only other person he could ever talk to about anything was maddie, and even she was always just a little bit out of reach. he tells them so much bad stuff because they’re supposed to be the safe place he can go where nothing hurts. somewhere he isn’t alone. his family, to remind him that he is loved and everything is gonna be okay.

what eddie said told buck that it never was a safe space. that every time he spoke to them, when he thought he finally found someone who cared enough to hear him, there was a part of them that saw him as a nuisance. an exhausting nuisance who complains about everything. who’s problems are so minuscule, they don’t matter at all. he was an inconvenience. something they had to carry but didn’t want to.

just like his parents.

They really had us clowning that entire episode didn’t they

I don't know why my mom thought I was any kind of straight as a kid my favorite Scooby Doo character was Velma.