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scarletemeterio-thesecond · 4 years

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hey there!! could i possibly get a sokka x beifong reader where the reader is tophs older sister and she’s also a earth bender? i’d just think i’d be interesting!! as for plot i’ll leave that up to u!! (pls have some angst in it tho i’m a sucker for angst) i love ur writing btw!! 💖💖

Omg!! My first Sokka request!!! Thank you so much for requesting and for your nice words! 😊 I hope you like it!

A/N: Reader is an earthbender but I just couldn't put any situation that involved bending or fighting.

•••

Trying Again (Sokka x Beifong!Reader)

Warnings: mentions of death.

Genre: Angst, a bit of fluff.

Fandom: Avatar, The Last Airbender.

Summary: Reader has had her heart broken before and is scared to fall in love again.

Word Count: 2097

Your life changed completely the moment you and your sister decided to join the Avatar. You knew your sister was meant to do great things and the fact that she wanted you by her side filled you with joy; and this was also a great opportunity for you to finally try to let go of your past, but it would obviously take time.

To say that you'd had your heart broken before was an understatement, and you didn't want to go through all that hurt again. So even though you liked Sokka, you promised yourself that nothing would happen between the two of you.

The boy, on the other hand, tried from the very beginning to get closer to you. So at first, you were just some really close friends, you complemented each other perfectly. And that was all you were for a while, best friends who were always there when the other needed it, but soon it was evident that you were starting to develop feelings for each other.

When you realized, you nearly panicked, and your first reaction was to try to put some distance between you two. Of course, it didn't really work. You hated to admit it, but he had become a really important part of your life, and the thought of not being by his side, or hearing his laugh, or feeling his arms around you whenever you felt sad, was just too much for you. So you decided to just constantly remind yourself that you were just friends while still spending almost every waking moment with him.

This went on for months, and you even thought that you liking Sokka was just in the past, some silly crush that ended up fading away. But it was the little things that showed you that he was more than just some crush. The first time you saw him in his Fire Nation clothes, you couldn't help but think that he looked really cute; you didn't pay much attention to it, though. However, when you were forced to spend time without Sokka since he was with his master, you realized that you didn't just like him, but that possibly, you were even in love with him. That was when you decided that it was enough, that no matter how much it hurt you, you just couldn't let yourself go through all the pain you'd experienced in the past.

So you started avoiding him. Of course, your behavior didn't go unnoticed, but whenever he tried to talk to you about it, you just changed the subject. But on the day of the invasion, you almost confessed your feelings. It was just a difficult situation and the thought of possibly losing not only him but also the rest of your friends really frightened you. Even though you didn't actually say anything about your feelings, you did let your guard down a bit, and Sokka thought that maybe whatever had made you act so different around him was gone, but he was wrong. When you got to the Western Air Temple, everything remained the same between you two.

He truly began thinking if he had done something wrong, and he began asking for advice from everyone, even Zuko once he joined you. Everyone said different things, but they all seemed to agree on something: he had to talk to you. The question now was how? How would he talk to you if you didn't even look at him? He still tried, though. He tried to catch you by yourself so you wouldn't have any chance to avoid him, and sadly for you, he succeeded.

You were washing your clothes with Katara when she went to her room to look for something. That's when her brother showed up and it was impossible for you to run away.

"Can we finally talk, (Y/N)?" He asked as he kneeled next to you.

"I don't see why we should," you answered without looking at him.

"Are you kidding me? You've been avoiding me for, like, weeks!" He sounded desperate, even you were aware of that, and for a moment it made you feel bad, but you quickly brushed that thought away. "On the day of the invasion I finally thought that we would go back to the way we used to be, but things got even worse. What happened, (Y/N)?"

"What happened before the invasion was a mistake," you explained. "We were practically between life and death, and whatever I said wasn't true."

"(Y/N), but-."

"But what, Sokka? What do you want me to say?" You snapped. "You want me to say that I'm sorry? Well, the only thing I'm sorry for is becoming friends with you," you regretted your words as soon as they left your mouth, but at the same time, there was a bit of truth in them. If you hadn't become friends with Sokka, you wouldn't have fallen in love with him, and none of this would be happening. He looked at you with a sad expression on his face, and he got up.

"I can tell something's wrong and that something's hurting you, but I don't think is fair to avoid me like that," he began walking away but stopped for a moment to look at you again. "I just hope we can fix things between us, (Y/N)," he said loud enough for you to hear him. He finally left and you let your tears fall from your eyes, you never thought that while trying to protect your own heart, you would end up breaking it more.

Right after Sokka left, you heard some footsteps behind you.

"I don't know who you are but, please, leave," you asked whilst in tears. You realized that they had paid no attention to you and approached you anyways.

"What's wrong, (Y/N)?" You heard your sister ask.

"Toph!" You exclaimed, surprised, trying to get rid of your tears. "What do you mean? Nothing's wrong!"

"You were crying," she said. "And in case you forgot, I can also tell you're lying." She sat by your side, where Sokka was just a few moments ago. "I'm not leaving until you tell me."

"It's nothing, Toph, really. You don't have to worry about me."

"(Y/N), you're my sister, of course I worry about you," she placed a hand on your shoulder. "Now, who do I have to fight?" You let out a soft giggle right before feeling tears in your eyes once again.

"You should fight me because I keep messing everything up," you mumbled.

"Let me guess, is this about Sokka?" You looked at her with surprise in your eyes. "I don't know why you're so surprised, you seem to forget I know you like the palm of my hand."

"Then you already know this is about him."

"What's about who?" You heard Katara ask a few meters away from you. When she was close enough, she saw that you'd been crying and suddenly everything made sense to her. "Oh, you've already talked to Sokka, haven't you?" You looked at her completely confused as to how she knew you'd talked to him. "He told me to leave you alone for a few minutes, he wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, well, we talked."

"I'm assuming things didn't go very well," she commented. "What happened?"

"We fought, okay?" You yelled. "And I totally ruined everything."

"What are you talking about?" Katara questioned as she sat on the floor.

"I basically said that I hoped I'd never met him, and I hate myself for it."

"But why? What happened? I thought it was pretty obvious that you liked him!"

"Toph!" You desperately looked at Katara and she slowly waved her hand.

"It's okay, I already knew," she said. "We all did."

You groaned in frustration and lay on your back. "I just don't want to get hurt again," you mumbled.

"(Y/N), I know you're scared, but you can't live in constant fear," said Katara in a comforting way. "I don't know what happened to you in the past, but you can't avoid love forever, it will only end up hurting you more."

"She's right, (Y/N), and you know it," mentioned your sister. It was true, you knew Katara was right, but you didn't know if you were brave enough to face your fear.

A few days went by and everyone could tell there was a lot of tension in the air, but no one said anything. Sokka didn't even look at you anymore, and you thought that maybe he already hated you. You'd had trouble sleeping the last few nights, and you knew that today would be no different. You had already finished dinner and were walking towards your room. You lay down and tried to sleep. You managed to, finally, but you woke up thanks to a nightmare. You stayed there for a while, thinking about the mess you'd got yourself into. Since there was no way for you to go back to sleep, you got up while letting out a groan and decided to just walk around for a bit.

You were a bit surprised when you realized that the fire was still shining bright and you saw someone sitting next to it.

"I know you're there, (Y/N)." Sokka's voice scared you and you cleared your throat before speaking.

"I was just leaving, don't worry."

"Wait, stay here," his voice was calm, and the only reason you heard him was because it was just the two of you. He got up to look at you, you walked up to him, and stood next to him.

"How did you know it was me?" You whispered.

"Who else would be awake in the middle of the night?" He questioned. "I also saw your shadow."

"I thought you hated me, why do you want me here?"

"Well, I'm not your biggest fan right now, but I could never hate you. And to be honest, I miss your company."

There was a brief silence between you, and you couldn't help but feel guilty about what you'd said the other day.

"I miss you too, Sokka, and I know I'm a jerk, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I forgive you," he said.

"How could you forgive me so easily? I truly don't deserve you," you whispered.

"Because, as I said, I know you're hurting. I don't know why, but I know you well enough to see that you're not okay," he looked at you with a sweet and sad expression in his eyes.

"Could you hug me, please?" You started crying as soon as you said that, and you buried your face in his chest. "I don't want to get hurt again, Sokka."

"What do you mean, (Y/N)?"

"I fell in love once and it didn't end well, so that's why I started avoiding you, but I realized that my own actions were hurting me too."

"Hey, look at me," you pulled away a bit and he cupped your face with one of his hands while he placed the other on one of your shoulders. "I would never do anything to hurt you, (Y/N)."

"How can you be so sure about that? How do you know we wouldn't hurt each other?"

"I can't, (Y/N), the future is uncertain. But if there's one thing I'm sure of is that I love you and that I don't want to be away from you anymore."

"I really want to be with you, Sokka, but I feel like there's a battle between my heart and my brain. I'm scared," you admitted.

"I'm scared, too, (Y/N), but we'll never know what could happen if we don't try." You placed your hand above the one he had on your face and you finally looked at him in the eye. You didn't want to live controlled by fear anymore, and you realized that what he said was true.

"I love you, too, Sokka," you whispered. You put one of your hands on his face, cupping his cheek. You two got closer together and finally, you felt your lips against his. Your other hand went to the other side of his face and his arms wrapped around your waist. You two pulled away and placed your foreheads together.

"I promise I'll do my best to make you happy," he mumbled.

"Me, too, Sokka," you hugged again and stayed there for a while, never wanting let go of each other, hoping that moment could last forever.

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 3

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: who saw that coming? btw im sorry i feel like this chapter sucks. like, really REALLY sucks. so im sorry. thank you for the feedbacks and requests i love them so so much!

Chapter 3 : His chapter

NIALL

The cafe was actually small and intimate, which didn't really surprise me. Olivia has never liked attention on her and the fact that she was now more famous didn't change her personality, I knew it. I sat at a table and grabbed my phone to see if she had messaged me but I quickly looked up when I realized the waitress was standing next to my table.

"Uhm, a french vanilla coffee and a cappuccino, please."

I watched the lady leave and held my breath, now regretting the fact that I ordered for her. I hadn't been with Olivia for over a year and yet, this old habit naturally came back to me. It was a very bad idea and I didn't know what she'd think of it. In fact, I didn't even know myself what to think of it. Plus, she hated when someone else decided for her. Of course, when we were dating, she thought it was sweet that i always knew what she'd pick but now? Well let's just say that even if it went well the day before when we met for the first time in a year, didn't mean that she had forgotten about me breaking her heart.

I was still lost in my thought when the bell of the door rang but I recognized her smell. That thought made me close my eyes and I groaned low. I knew it was sad and pathetic, and I knew that we weren't in a movie, but it was still the truth. I don't think I would ever get used to that smell, and it was fucking crazy how much I missed it.The truth was, I felt like I knew her by heart, yet it has been so long I had no idea if it was still the case.

"Hey you, still 'dans la lune'?"

I looked up at her and my heart skipped a beat. My heart fucking skipped a beat! I felt it stir in my chest and I hated it as much as I loved it. Without thinking, I got up quickly and sent her a smile as I let my eyes roam on her face. God, I wanted to kiss her.

"Hey petal." I just said, naturally bending down to kiss her cheek, "Haven't heard you talk french in a long time!"

"I talk a lot with my parents these days on skype, that's why."

I felt her hands on my shoulders and slowly, I wrapped my arms around her waist. I was not sure she was okay with it but she didn't back away and I pulled her against me as her arms moved around my neck. When was the last time I had the chance to hold her in my arms like that? I couldn't remember. All I knew was there was no way i'd let an other year pass before it happened again. She finally pulled away and sat in front of me as I sat back too. I opened my lips to talk just when the waitress came to put the coffees in front of us and left. Olivia blinked a few times, looked down at her mug and finally up in my eyes.

"I'm guessing you didn't order yourself two cups of coffee, did you?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, shaking my head slightly and looking down. "It's a habit I thought I got rid of but apparently... I didn't."

"Do you do that with your girlfriend too?"

"Fuck no." I let out with a chuckle without thinking. "I mean, you know Heidi, she's a bit of a..."

"Bitch?" she asked, raising her eyebrows before losing her smile. "I mean, god, i'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

We remained in silence for a few seconds and I sighed, rubbing my hand on my face. I wanted to tell her I didn't really care what she said about my girlfriend but I didn't dare. I didn't want her to think I didn't care what she said, but at the same time, I didn't really want to say that Heidi and I weren't doing so well. Or maybe it was just me, I was not sure anymore.

"Don't worry, it's all good. I know you two have never been the best of friends." I just let out, trying to get rid of the awkwardness between us.

"That's.. the euphemism of the year." she just replied, raising her eyebrows and focusing on her mug. "She's always loved to show me how close you two were and let me know that you were hers. It used to drive me insane."

She let out a short chuckle but kept staring down at her hands wrapped around her cup.

"I was not hers." I pointed out. It took a few seconds but she finally looked up in my eyes.

"Well, you are now."

Silence again. I frowned slightly, feeling hurt that our coffee date didn't go as planned but at the same time, i couldn't really blame her. She was being on the defensive but the last time we actually saw each other, I broke her heart, so I could understand why.

I wanted to tell her I was not Heidi's. I wanted to tell her that was a still hers and that I probably always would be... that she inspired me a whole album and that each word still hurt like the stab of a knife in my skin every single time i'd sing them... that i would always somehow wait for her. Instead, I stared at her and smiled a bit, trying to think of something clever to say.

"I know it's been hard for our friends, you know, to make sure we would never meet." she let out, taking a sip of her coffee. "I've always felt a bit bad because they were your friends first and therefore, I didn't really have the right to keep then."

"We're not in third grade anymore." I chuckled and shrugged. "My friends, your friends, who cares. They're our friends and you're right, they did an amazing but tough job at keeping us away from each other."

I could remember all the times Julie, Liam, Louis and Harry told me I had made a mistake. When I would do something with them, I could feel how tense it was, probably due to the fact that they saw Olivia cry, but also because they were mad at me for the way I did things. They were right, it was disgusting, and although it sucked that I couldn't find comfort with my friends, I could understand the reasons behind it.

"How about we give them a break?"

Her proposition took me by surprise and my lips parted. Did she just say that we could start hanging out again? Maybe not one on one, like I hoped for, but at least around our friends. I nodded slowly and licked my lips, not wanting to look overjoyed but still happy about all of that.

"I think it'd be nice, really." I pointed out, still nodding. "I think they'll be happy and frankly, me too."

She looked slightly surprised but the left corner of her lips raised and ti did something to me.

"Look, Olivia." I continued, looking down at my hands on the table as I played with my fingers. "The way I broke up with you was horrible." I looked up in her eyes and did everything to make sure I wouldn't reach for her hands. "The reasons why were... disgusting. I've been a bad best friend and an even worse boyfriend."

She had lost her smile and was staring at me in silence as I talked. I saw her tear up but she remained motionless and kept her tears in, making me feel even guiltier.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia." I added, leaning against the table to be slightly closer to her. "I'm so fucking sorry. And you don't have to forgive me, but please know that i'm sorry."

Her eyes roamed on my face and she licked her lips. I stared at the way her tongue moved on her bottom one, suddenly craving her. Not sexually, no, but I craved the intimacy we used to have, how close we used to be. I craved the way we were around each other, the way things used to be. I craved cuddling her all night, dancing with her in the living room and the way she used to trust me. I craved all of that so bad I felt a hole in my stomach as I stared at her.

By the way she was looking at me, I knew she had a lot of questions to ask but didn't want to make things more awkward between us but the truth was, I wanted to answer all her questions and ask her some that have been stuck in my head, too.

"Okay." she whispered with a short nod. "I hear you."

I didn't expect her to forgive me but I really wanted her to. But things aren't forgiven and forgotten just because someone apologizes. I was going to have to work for it, and I was ready to do it.

"I wish we were best friends like we used to be." I added with a sigh, taking a sip of my coffee. "I thought we'd always be."

Of course, that didn't mean I regretted dating her. In fact, it's on the top of the list of the things I don't regret and never will.

"Me too."

My lips curled when I heard her voice and I was about to answer something when my phone beeped. I held my breath, thinking about ignoring it, but Olivia raised her eyebrows and sent me a very small smile. I apologized again and grabbed my phone to check who it was. I frowned when I realized it was my cousin and noticed a link.

'Did you see that?'

I was suddenly scared of what it was but I clicked on it anyway and a bunch of supposition rushed to my brain as the page loaded. Was someone already aware of the fact that Olivia and I talked again? Were there rumors about us? It had always caused trouble in the past, before we started dating, and I really didn't want it to happen again. I was a bit scared she'd decide not to see me again because of it and I really didn't want that. But what I saw was something that never even crossed my mind. My lips parted, my eyes widened and If I had been alone at home, I would have thrown my phone on the wall. I felt suddenly nauseous and tried to swallow with difficulty. I reached for my wallet and left a bill on the table as I shook my head.

"I need to go. I need fresh air."

"Wait, Niall, what's wrong?" she asked, getting up too.

I could hear worry in her voice but I couldn't get myself to look at her. I turned around and reached the door, pushing on it quickly and diving my hands in my pockets as I walked quickly. She was following me, I heard her call my names a few times and could sense her presence but for the very first time since I saw her again, I didn't want to be around her. I wanted her as far away as possible.

"Niall! Please tell me what's wrong!"

I stopped dead in my track, my back still facing her, and moved my head slightly down. I brought my fingers to my eyes and rubbed them quickly as a bunch of feelings invaded me and made my whole body throb. She was close and she was getting closer. I could feel her body through a reaching distance behind me but I couldn't turn around.

"Niall, please..."

It's only when I felt her hand on my back that something inside me seemed to burst. I turned around to face her and despite the rage and pain inside me, I still took the time to look at her. Her lips were slightly parted and all I could think about was that I would never kiss them again. Never.

I searched through my pockets to grab my phone and moved it close to her face. I saw her expression change from confused to guilty and she licked her lips again, looking down.

"Deo sent me that!" I explained with a frown, trying to look more angry than hurt. "When the fuck were you going to tell me?"

"I thought you knew, Niall!" she argued, shaking her head a bit. "We met at the bakery yesterday!"

"I thought it was Julie! I thought she and Liam were..." I shook my head and swallowed hardly again. "You're getting married, Olivia! Why didn't anyone tell me before?"

The article Deo sent me could have been fake, but I knew as soon as her face changed that it was real. I was losing her, I was losing her forever. I felt my heart drop down in my stomach and turned around to run to an alley and leaned against the wall, bending down slightly. I felt like I was going to vomit and I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly dizzy.

"Why are you taking it so hard?" she asked in a soft tone, making me realize that she had followed me. "I don't get it, Niall. You broke up with me over a year ago, why does it matter if i'm getting married?"

I breathed in deeply, biting my bottom lip hard to make sure I didn't tell her it was me she was supposed to marry. Instead, I stood up again and turned to her, trying to stop the tears coming to my eyes. It was not happening. I was stuck in a nightmare, for sure.

"What about us, Olivia mm?"

She shook her head but took an other step closer.

"There's no us anymore, Niall, remember?" she pointed out a bit harshly. "You broke my heart! And then you started dating Heidi! Out of anyone you could have dated, you dated her! You left me and then started dating her! She't the one sleeping with you at night, and cuddling on the couch with you, and she's the one you..."

She stopped herself and closed her eyes, trying to calm the anger inside of her. We were both in pain standing in front of each other, not knowing how to get past this.

"I can't believe you're with her, she's so... she's such a..."

"A bitch?" I asked meanly, raising my eyebrows. "Yea well let me tell you something. After I broke up with you I couldn't find comfort anywhere. My own friends were mad at me for what I did. Louis literally told me to fuck off, Harry took days to answer a text message and Liam completely disappeared. I knew they were taking care of you, and I understood you were the one who needed comfort but what about me, mm? I was alone and sad and all i did all day was write, sleep and cry. And Heidi was the only one who was there for me. She picked me up and shook me enough to bring me back on my feet."

"You wouldn't have needed it if you hadn't broken my heart!"

"Well I did, Olivia! I broke your heart! And I hate myself for it!" I repeated a little louder. "But Heidi was there for me! It was not planned, I didn't even want to date her before that, I never really saw her like that. But she was the only one I could count on and clearly, she still is."

She kept quiet and stared at me until I felt a tear run down my cheek. I quickly wiped it off and sniffed, hoping she hadn't seen it. We hadn't even been back in each other's life for 24 hours and it was already a mess. She took a few steps closer and stood so close to me I could feel the warmth of her body emanating against mine. She brought one of her hands up and let one of her fingertips brush on the front of my shirt, from the top to the bottom. I held my breath at her soft touch and she finally tilted her head and looked up in my eyes. She was always affectionate and I knew it didn't mean anything but I couldn't explain how good it felt to have her so close to me.

"You can count on me, Niall." she just whispered. "I'm sorry I said that about your girlfriend. If she makes you happy then i'll respect her."

I looked at her features better since she was so close to me and my lips parted. Without thinking, I brought my hands to her face and cupped her cheeks. I felt her hold her breath at her turn and stared at her for a few seconds. The thought of kissing her was obsessing me and thinking I was so close to do it made my heart jump in my chest. I finally just licked my lip and ran my thumbs on her cheekbones.

"Thank you." I whispered before taking my hands away and letting my arms fall on each side of me. "I know it'll probably take time for you to trust me but, you can count on me too."

She simply nodded and sighed, looking away and taking a step back.

"Look, i'm sorry I didn't tell you I was getting married." she said, making my heart twist in my chest. I knew i'd feel like that every single time i'd hear about this marriage and it was killing me. "I hate lies, I don't want us to hide things from each other I mean, we didn't before, there's no reason we do now, what do you say?"

She moved her hand up in a fist between us with only her pinky out and I glanced down before looking back up in her eyes. That simple gesture made me smile and reminded me of the way we used to be together, when we were still best friend.

"Deal?" she added, raising her eyebrows.

"Deal." I just said, intertwining my little finger with hers.

The problem was, I couldn't tell her that I still loved her. I couldn't tell her that I still wanted to be with her, that I still thought we were meant to be, that she still was the love of my life. It was not lying though, right?

We let go our each other's finger and smiled. She chuckled a bit and tilted her head as I shrugged. I wanted to spend time with her, I wanted us to be as close as we used to be, but I knew it would take time and effort and I was willing to give all of me to get her back.

"We could go to the movies tomorrow? What do you say?" It was a long shot but it was still worth a try. I knew she wouldn't be keen in spending time alone with me, at least not for now.

"Oh, I can't tomorrow afternoon, I've got my first radio interview." she explained, raising her nose up in a grimace. "I'm so fucking nervous."

"It'll go super well, you're a natural." I pointed out, making her laugh. "I'm serious!"

"You know that's not true! I don't only trip over my own feet, and I do the same while I talk."

I reached to squeeze her upper arm and smiled again.

"Just think about your words first and you'll do fine."

She nodded and we started walking back to our cars. I pushed my hands in my pockets to make sure I wouldn't reach for hers and we walked very slowly in silence for a while. All I could think about was that she was going to get married and it was not to me. Someone else was going to be her husband and she would vow him her love for the rest of her life. It was a fucking big step and I didn't know how I was going to get her back after this news. If she was ready to marry him, what they had must have been strong, but was it strong than what we had? I glanced at her and noticed she was looking down and a smile wasn't gracing her lips anymore. I would give anything to be in her head and find out how she felt.

"Maybe we could do something tomorrow night? A pub, maybe? With everyone else?"

She looked up in my eyes and just nodded, sending me a small smile.

"Alright, i'll text you." I just said.

It took her half a second to end up in my arms and I held her against my body, feeling suddenly nervous but also at peace. I never thought I could feel both at the same time. She held me tight and I did the same before burring my face in her hair, the vanilla and honey scent invading me again. How was I going to get her back now? Should I just give up?

She pulled away and we said goodbye as my heart was thumping hard against my rib cage. I watched her drive off and walked back to my car quickly, feelings tears reaching my eyes. Now that I was alone, the pain was more intense and I felt flooded with emotions. I didn't want to give up. Who gives up on the love of their life?

I sat in my car and started crying. I didn't even take the time to wipe my tears. I just sobbed like a fucking idiot in my car, hitting the wheel once and then a few more times harder. How would I be able to handle that? How would I be able to accept that she was marrying an other man? I should have messaged her before, I should have begged her to take me back, I should have ran after her on that stupid rainy night.

I tried to calm myself on the drive home and when I parked in front of my house, I noticed Heidi's car was there. We didn't live together, I never really felt ready to live with her but she was often at my place and had the keys, too. I took a few more minutes to cool down and looked at myself in the rear view mirror to see if it showed that I cried. I breathed in deeply before getting out of my car and walking inside. She was doing aerobics in the living room and she glanced at me as I walked in, flashing me a smile.

"Hey babe, where were you?"

I threw my keys on the coffee table and walked to the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of water and bringing her one. She put her video on pause and turned to me, thanking me and taking a long sip. She panted again for a few seconds and finally raised her eyebrows.

"Oh I was just out." I shrugged.

I didn't want to have this discussion with her and although I knew i'd have to tell her soon, I was not sure how she was going to react. She never liked Olivia but it may have been only because she knew something was happening between us. She couldn't be aware that I still had feelings for Liv, right?

"You okay?" she asked with a frown, taking me out of my daydream.

I nodded and quickly wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer to me. She chuckled but hugged me back as I leaned my chin on her head. The truth was, I was really thankful to Heidi for being there for me. I couldn't remember when we started holding hands in public and why, or why exactly we started dating because I was not even sure I had these kinds of feelings for her, but I owed her a lot. She was not different than the other girls for me, though : I knew I wouldn't spend my life with her. There was only one girl I wanted to spend my life with and at some point, I would have to break things up with Heidi, whether things worked out with Olivia or not. It was not fair to keep her around, I knew it, and being so close to Liv today made this even clearer in my mind. The only one I wanted was Olivia, and it didn't matter that she was going to marry someone else. I was still going to do everything I could to show her how sorry I was, and now much I still loved her.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #my fanfics #yam #it sucks but god it makes me want to write chapter 4

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ayankun · 4 years

Text

Agents of SHIELD Season 1 Rewatch Update

Ok so I’m having a difficult time remembering what it was that made me hate this show so much (aside from the unforgivable Minecraft reference) and stop watching in Season 1.

Just got through ep 14 and holy cow, I’m honestly not sure whether the storylines for seasons 2, 3, and 4 were planned this far in advance, but if they were then these folks did such an overwhelmingly good job of keeping their eye on the ball.

Best I can figure, I’m having a good time on this attempt thanks to prequel-goggles. I already know where this story is going, who these people will become and what’s going to make them into what they will be, and I can appreciate this older storyline in light of the circumstances it precedes -- rather than for what it is without that context.

(It certainly helps that some of the dumber stuff is already starting to be replaced by the better stuff, like it’s ep 15 and the “night-night gun” was just replaced by the much more palatable “icer,” and they haven’t tried to call the individual dwarves by name for ages now)

Also there’s some pretty good cinematography, the graphics are really respectable, watching this found family slowly realize how much they love each other is sooo charming, and the affectations required of a MCU-spin-off-sci-fi-spy-show are really well balanced with the character drama which is its true heart.

I know ep 1x08 (”The Well”) is six and a half years old so maybe spoiler warnings are not necessarily required but here we go

Remember when Thor 2 came out and then this show had to earn its stripes as co-existing in the MCU so they had to address the fact that aliens ripped up London and the whole world knows about it?

Not being able to afford the likes of Chris Hemsworth was something they obviously had to work around, and plopping in that rando dweeby Asgardian as a twist was definitely one way to do it.

But the real showstopper is that the through-line of the episode is the examination of the similarities and differences of Ward and May, especially once they both come in contact with the Asgardian rage-stick.

Seeing Ward nearly incapacitated by his traumatic childhood memories serves two important purposes. First, it makes some good strides towards humanizing the man, who until now has been that hot-and-cocky kind of character that just expects to appeal to an audience but hasn’t yet earned any appeal whatsoever. By now, we’ve had a reference to his toxic dynamic with his older/younger brothers, and seeing him reliving his experience with the well suddenly opens him up and gives some dimension to that tall-dark-handsome cardboard cutout.

Second, those experiences are a really good twist!! When it’s revealed that he’s not remembering being tortured in a well by his brother, he’s remembering allowing his brother to torture his other brother down a well and not having the guts to do anything about it. It’s a good one-two punch because you weren’t expecting to pity the guy, and now that you’ve spent twenty minutes pitying him for being victimized, you get to grapple with the much more complex emotion of the kid!Ward not knowing how to get out of this lose-lose situation and understanding that his current character must be in some way informed by this regret and guilt.

THIRD, after seeing Ward go through all this and barely hold it together, we get to see how May handles this level of relive-your-worst-trauma-and-incinerate-yourself-with-unbridled-rage when she has to pick up the rage-stick and .... instead of it leaving her on the ground like it’s just done to Ward, she somehow experiences 0.00000% change in personality or capability WhatSoEver.

She not only isn’t affected, she summons all the broken pieces of rage-stick and effortlessly wields the fully formed berzerker staff to defeat the rest of the baddies single-handed. It says so much about her character, about the depths of the trauma that sent her to the place we met her in in the pilot. We still don’t know what happened, but this her “my secret is I’m always angry” moment, and it’s a level of anger has been repeatedly and thoroughly cataloged throughout the episode so far.

It also gives these fools something to bond over. And while I’m seriously disinterested in their weird little Thing that didn’t go anywhere and didn’t really impact much, it was a nice way to avoid progress in the “Skye’s falling for her SO” storyline that I don’t care for either.

But Skye makes her move in this episode! She and Ward dance around the possibility that maybe they’re into each other and they could possibly move from antagonistic strangers to folks who are a little into each other. But he does the gentle thing and turns her down! (without closing the door entirely, I must add) And then he wanders off on his own and ... May’s wandering off on her own ... and they share some micro expressions and then, seriously you guys this sequence is so tasteful and understated, just look:

Ward leaves Skye at the bar with a parting “I’m beat, another time, maybe,” and off her wistful look we cut directly to this chiaroscuro hallway.

Ward enters the frame, starts unlocking his hotel room. He's just another monochrome shape in this monochrome place.

But then there’s May entering the shot at the far end of the hallway, and her motion and his turning to look at her frames her monochrome shape in this nice little white triangle between him and her door.

And there’s a tasty little rack focus that pulls the instant she passes in front of the door, making sure our attention is on her and the little white label of her bottle that really pops in the sea of black.

By this point in time, we’ve been shown, graphically, intimately, a dark shadow in his past, and we’ve been shown the physical and emotional toll its taken on him (an insight provided by the magic alien macguffin, btw). We haven’t been told anything, we experienced his experiences with him via the power of cinema. Her specific trauma is still a mystery at this point, but we’ve been given enough information to understand and appreciate its effects on her character. So not only can we sympathize with Ward now, we can sympathize with his empathy for May in this moment.

She catches him looking.

I mentioned micro expressions and screenshots do not do these performances justice. How does one catch in a single frame the millisecond that an eyebrow ticks in asking a silent question?

Typical for her, May’s answer is also communicated through body language.

From that canted, inviting look, we pan down as she unlocks her door and enters. She passes through the frame and disappears inside, after giving us a reminder that her plans are to apply alcohol to her issues. (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation at a bar of all places)

Oh, and what has our framing left us to contemplate? Is that a bed I see in there? (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation) Let me point out that this shot of just the bed after May walks by is on screen by itself for maybe a fraction of a second. Just a suggestion of a thing, really.

Ward contemplates.

I love returning to this shot because it’s literally the same set up, and my instant reaction is that it’s another insert, a POV shot, and I fully expect to return to the single shot on Ward to discover his decision the second he makes it.

INSTEAD. Ward walks immediately into THIS FRAME, too, black-shape-on-white-shape in the same way May was introduced to this scene. And we stay here as he closes the door behind him ...

Letting us know everything we need to know without a single word needing to be spoken.

Another fraction of a frame dwelling on that shot and then immediately fade to black. Credits. Show’s over, folks.

And not that there’s any particular meaning in it, but they were super careful to minimize what colors were allowed to appear in this sequence? Like there’s a particular sort of green in that weird armchair, which sort of matches the green-glass of her bottle. And there’s the red of the fire alarm fixtures which more or less matches the red of his, y’know, fresh facial wounds. EVERYTHING else (other than, I guess, their skin tones) falls somewhere along the white-black spectrum. NICE. BEAUTIFUL. I LIKE IT A LOT.

And the Netflix synopsis for this episode is “In the aftermath of the events chronicled in the feature film Thor: the Dark World, Coulson and the S.H.I.E.L.D. team try to pick up the pieces.” 1) I’m realizing that they literally go around picking up pieces of the rage-stick and that’s hilarious but mostly I mean to say 2) this MCU-tie-in episode could have met the brief being as vapid and non-impactful as that blurb makes it sound. But it took the opportunity to open up its characters for us to see their gooey insides, and hell they picked two of the best characters to dig into for this one, considering Ward’s tragic backstory plays as both a misdirect and actual inciting incident for his betrayal of SHIELD, and May’s tragic backstory feeds a couple of B-plots this season as well as being the major catalyst for a lot what happens in season FOUR. SEASON FOUR, PEOPLE. THE SEEDS ARE WAY BACK HERE IN SEASON ONE.

REMEMBER HOW THESE CHARACTERS WERE INTRODUCED THOUGH?? I DO, I JUST WATCHED THE PILOT LIKE YESTERDAY. WE MEET WARD FULLY ENSCONCED IN HIS GUISE OF SHIELD BADASS SUPERSTAR; HE IS LITERALLY ASKED TO EXPLAIN WHAT SHIELD MEANS TO HIM, AND WE GET TO HEAR THE FIRST OF HIS MANY LIES. WE MEET MAY IN HER OWN PERSONALLY-DESIGNED WHITE-COLLAR HELL, TURNING COULSON’S OFFER DOWN THE SECOND SHE HEARS HIS VOICE BECAUSE SHE’D RATHER STAPLE DOCUMENTS FOR ETERNITY THAN BE OUT IN THE FIELD WHERE SHE CAN MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE LIKE THE ONE SHE CAN’T FORGIVE HERSELF FOR.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This show knows how to weave a character-driven story, and it’s done it for six seasons straight, juggling constantly evolving -- grounded, nuanced, impactful -- character arcs with the external factors (Thor: The Dark World, for one) that force certain narrative decisions.

(until they decide to ignore those factors altogether, lol, I’m looking at you, season 5, you wacky maverick you)

#agents of shield #aos #the well #grant ward #melinda may #a long rant about things I love #it's nice to rant about positive things for a change

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spideybitey18 · 6 years

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can you do 72 & 55 with tom Holland where tom has a girlfriend already but the reader is a bet and sleeps with tom &&&& baM baby is otw thanks loVe!💞

Heyyyaa darl! This is actually quite long especially for a prompt but oh well, i never follow the rules hahah! I hope you enjoy this, i really loved this concept and the angst :3 I didn’t really add much about the girlfriend cause i didn’t want that to be the main focus, cause lets me real Tom Holland is and will always be! Let me know what you think, i love you x

Warnings: Angst, teenage pregnancy (i mean she is 18?)

PROMPTS:

55. “I was a bet?”

72. “The baby is yours..”

Tom Holland Prompt:

(BTW THIS ISN’T PROPERLY EDITED OOPS)

Your mind was racing with a million thoughts as you sat on the floor of your apartment’s bathroom. What was once thought as just a simple mistake, resulted in you holding a pregnancy test that displayed a positive. You were only 18 years old, a freshman at college who got caught up in the whirlwind of Tom Holland, the campus most popular student and your childhood best friend.

Sighing in frustration, your tears started to well up, slowly falling one by one. You knew the baby was his. You lost your virginity to him, and haven’t slept with anyone else since. How were you going to tell him, when he had a beautiful loving girlfriend by his side, who unfortunately had no idea about the drunken mistake that took place only two weeks ago. After the night spent with him, Tom had made you promise to not tell a single soul about what happened between you two, brushing it away as a mistake. To say you were hurt, was an understatement, afterall he was your best friend.. Heck maybe even first love.

After finally wiping away your tears, you finally came up with a decision to tell Tom about the baby as he was the father and he deserved to know. You slowly got up from your crouched position, your knees stiff and sore. Walking into your bedroom, you turned off the light and got under the covers to hopefully get some sleep after the stressful day you had.

Waking up with a jolt, you sprinted to the bathroom to empty out the contents from your stomach, the morning sickness quickly taking its toll on you. Your body was exhausted and achy from all the tossing and turning you did during the night, the stress keeping you awake.

After showering and getting dressed, you quickly made your way to the campus making sure to catch Tom before the first lectures of the day started. You were nervous, you haven’t spoken to him since that night, the boy simply avoiding and acting like you never slept with each other for that matter. You weren’t surprised though, you weren’t exactly popular or the prettiest girl out there, at least that’s what you thought. Both of you and Tom used to be joined at the hip, the friendship unbreakable until highschool came around and puberty hit the both of you. Tom found more friends, and a girlfriend, slowly forgetting about you overtime. The two of you occasionally caught up with each other at parties when Tom is drunk and overly friendly. Running a hand through your hair, you walked towards the groups usual hang out place, where you knew Tom and his friends would be.

As you rounded the corner you hesitated, your heart quickly beating as your hands clammed up with how nervous you were. As you stood there debating with your mind, already regretting the decision of telling Tom about your baby, you caught onto the loud conversation that was taking place.

“Hey man i finally got cash out, here’s the money for successfully winning that bet!” said a deep voice,one you recognised as Harrison Osterfield.

“OoooO what bet?” another voice chimed in, one you couldn’t quite place who it belonged to. Slowly you peeked behind the wall, making sure not to be seen by the group of people speaking. You noticed Harrison, Tom and his girlfriend were all sitting together with another boy named Jacob who just joined the group.

“A few weeks ago, Harrison and Tom made a bet to see if Tom could sleep with Y/N, his childhood friend. Of course my man won” Tom’s girlfriend spoke up, smirking as she proudly ran her fingers through the said boys curly hair.

You gasped, your eyes tearing up at the thought of Tom Holland, your childhood friend using you for sex, as a joke and for cheap money. A whimper escaped your mouth as you quickly spun around, knowing you didn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation. What were you going to do now? How can you tell him that he is a father, when he only just used you for money? He was pathetic, a coward and a man you were no longer going to associate with. As you moved to run away, you didn’t notice a box that was placed on the ground causing you to trip over, the sound resonating off the walls.

The group behind the wall must of heard the impact of your body falling as the conversation dropped abruptly. You slowly got up, your hands stinging and your knees scratched up, the tears you desperately tried to hold in, fell one by one drenching your white button up shirt.

“Y/N?”

You tensed up, knowing it was Tom who came to see what the commotion was. Wiping away your tears, you flung yourself around to face him. Your eyes narrowed at the sight of him, your blood boiling at the thought of what he did to you. You were just a bet, and that hurt more than anything. You didn’t think Tom would be the type of person to do this, even if he was the “playboy” he was known to be. The disappointment in your expression, caused him to flinch.

“I was a bet?” You seethed, your eyes stinging with tears.

Tom gulped, “Hear me ou-”

“No! You don’t get to say anything, please just don’t speak..” You begged, “I don’t want to hear any of your stupid excuses Tom! I know we aren’t as close as we were but how could you use me for money!? This is low, even for you Tommy!”.

You watched as Tom nervously bit his lip at the mention of the nickname he only let you use, the guilt settling in throughout his body.

“Look- i just- i didn’t mean for you to find out or even get hurt. It was only a bet, i-i have an image to maintain, i hope you understand” He replied, slowly taking steps towards you.

You scoffed, “Maintain an image? Tom Holland you are pathetic”.

You turned around to leave, too upset to even continue this conversation. How heartless could he be? He used you for sex, and the consequence was that you were now pregnant with his baby.

His hand quickly stopped you from leaving.

“I’m sorry… i hope you do forgive me one day, i never wanted you to find out. I care for Y/N, even if we aren’t as close as we were, you will always be my best friend” He spoke, his familiar yet foreign gentle voice calming your nerves. Shaking your head, you ripped your arm away from his grasp before sprinting away without another word or a single glance.

Guess i’m going to be a single Mum….

A fews years passed and you were now 21, with an adorable three year old daughter. After finding out about the bet, you gathered all of the money you have saved over the years and moved to New Castle to start a new life as a single mother. It was lonely and stressful at first, but once your beautiful daughter was born, everything quickly fell into place. She was the perfect girl, sharing both of her parents qualities. She had your hair colour and nose, whilst everything else was a spitting image of Tom. She always reminded you of Tom, the way her brown curls fell in front her face the same way Tom’s did, or when she laughed it was the same as her fathers. Your heart hurt every time, knowing that your daughter would never know who her father was, because of your decision to not tell him after finding out about his betrayal. During the first few months, Tom tried to contact you in an effort to apologise, the calls and messages becoming frequent when news broke out that you have left town without another word. Gradually, but slowly the texts reduced over the course of a few months, showing his defeat. There were many times where you almost told him your whereabouts and about the pregnancy, but the memory of the bet always haunted you in the back of your mind.

It was a Saturday morning, and you decided to take a stroll through the park that was located only a few minutes away from your apartment. Tucking Y/D/N in her stroller, you began the journey to the park, with a picnic basket hanging loosely off your forearm.

You were strolling along the pathway, a small smile evident on your face as you listened to the loud chirping of the birds as they swooped in and out of the trees. You were almost at the park when you heard a hopeful voice from behind you.

“Y/N?”

Your body tensed up, never in a million years did you ever think you were going to hear that soothing voice again.

“Y/N.. is that you? Please turn around” Tom spoke up, the desperation in his tone, clearly obvious.

Your hands gripped the handle of the pram as your eyes clenched close in attempt to make yourself invisible.

Why him?

Why now?

Why did he have to randomly pop up when you were finally moving on?

You heard Tom slowly approach you, before gently grasping your shoulder to spin you around. Your breath hitched when your gaze landed on the boy you loved, even after everything. Taking in his appearance, you noticed how his face has matured, his body taller and built but still lean. His eyes were gentle and he had small smile present on his face. His hair was still brown and curly, just the way you loved it.

“H-hi Tommy….” You breathed, your cheeks heating up at the sight of him.

“Wh- How- um how are you?” He stuttered, his eyes widening at the radiant glow you seemed to have.

Before you could answer, you were interrupted by a soft cry from behind you. Quickly your motherly instinct kicked in as you hurriedly walked towards the front of the pram, to pick up your baby girl. Forgetting Tom’s presence, you rocked your body from side to side, kissing your daughter’s forehead in attempt to calm her down.

Tom was shocked, his mind not processing what was happening in front of him. Did you have a daughter? Is it yours? Since when?

He noticed how motherly and affectionate you were towards the small girl, your arms holding her protectively as you sung a soft lullaby, unaware of your surroundings.

As the cries subsided, you softly placed your baby girl back into the pram, placing a blanket over the top of the pram to avoid the sun from hitting the sleeping baby.

“I-im so so-”

“Is she yours?” Tom interrupted, his voice coming out more harshly than intended.

Your eyes widened, your voice seemingly caught up in your throat at his bold question.

“Y-yes” You stuttered.

“Where is the father?” Tom pressed, already placing two and two together based on the age the little girl looked, she looked no older than three and four years ago was when you left. He also noticed that your daughter had his curls and the same face structure as him. It wasn’t hard to recognise the girl as his daughter, she looked like the spitting image of him when he was that age. All he needed confirmation.

“T-Tom…he’s not here” You lied, your heart racing and pulsing throughout your ears, causing you to feel a little lightheaded.

“Even after all these years, i can still tell that your lying because you aren’t looking at m-”

“The baby is yours..” You shouted, “She’s yours Tommy…”

Tears welled up in your eyes, afraid of rejection from the man before you. Your shoulders shook, as the sobs fell from your mouth. You were scared that he was going to hate you and leave, but what you got was a smile. Before you could blink Tom embraced you in a hug, his nose pressed against the nape of your neck, slowly breathing in your scent.

“Thank you…” he breathed out, placing a small peck on your collar bone.

He finally found you…. His first love..

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scuttleboat · 6 years

Text

It's gonna be hard, it is gonna hurt, but Bellarke can and will grow beyond this.

(a comment on this post where I mention it’s impossible to classify ‘regret’ on tv)

(FYI record this kind of general-thoughts comment doesn’t need to be anonymous, you can just send it with your name on it. I’d prefer that because then we can have future conversations and I will know who I’m talking to.)

*smacks hands* OKAY MANY THOUGHTS HERE

I more or less agree with you that probably neither character truly regrets their actions, because they think that they were necessary. The show made it crystal clear why both of them thought they had to act to protect their loved ones, at least to this viewer typing now before you. So ‘forgiveness’ may not unfold for Bellarke this time the way it has in the past.

LIMITS OF THE MEDIUM

The thing is, with television one can only go to a certain level of understanding a character's inner feelings. With a book you can explain EVERYTHING they feel. With a musical or voice over, you can explain most of what they feel. With a traditional drama like t100, we can only go so-so deep. There's the script, the acting, the cinematic atmosphere, the music, and the editing. Each of those factors is subjective; even the script is up for interpretation as for how candid it is about a character's true feelings vs their presented feelings.

It's pretty unlikely that we're ever going to get a full explanation of how each Clarke and Bellamy are feeling about what happened, and that's fine. For myself, as a writer my natural inclination is to immediately build up headcanons for what I guess that each of them may be going through, such as I might turn into a fanfic. What I come up with is going to be a lot more specific and multilayered than what the show could possibly communicate through the screen medium. Sometimes I think people in fandom trick themselves into thinking that a show can explain it all, and when it doesn't, they think it means that character isn't feeling those things. The character isn't showing enough sadness, or not showing it the right way, for example. But there's only so much television can do, and the fact that we must fill in the rest is kind of... our privilege. That's where a viewer has the power to create their own experience in the story. So I could talk for ages about the micro nuances for how I think Clarke is feeling, but most of that will be my headcanon, at the end of the day. Which means it won't match up with everyone else.

REGRET, REMORSE, AND ALL THAT JAZZ

People put a lot of weight on words like "regret" or "sorry" but those can be complex emotions. Also, side rant, I think people really mean remorse, not regret. I think Clarke and Bellamy both felt extraordinary pain this episode, but I also think that overall, both of them would stand by their choices and their reasoning (Chash has a fanfic up right now actually that explores this dilemma thoughtfully.) However, looking at how the episode actually ENDED, I think its possible to have regrets that you did something, now that you've seen it fail. Like when you start a thing, you hope it will work and you feel justified in doing it. But then it fails and you're up shit creek! Might actually be executed! Lost your BFF! Those are major and valid reasons to regret doing something. Time machines WOULD BE SO USEFUL TO UNDO THAT WHOLE MESS. But feeling "omg if I'd known it would end like this I would have done something else" does not invalidate the logic path or the emotional context of why you did it. It doesn't mean you weren't making what you thought was your best choice in that moment, given the information you had.

That's where I think Bellamy and Clarke will be at next week. Bellamy probably regrets his plan for the fact that it ended so badly--but he won't apologize for trying to save his family and do the right thing. Those motives were not wrong, to his eyes. But yeah, if someone had prophesied "btw if you try this Clarke will get out and flee with Madi and instead of a peace alliance you'll just end up in a death ring" then of course he wouldn't do it. Similarly, if back in 508 someone told Clarke "Hey this plan to kill Cooper will start a chain of events where Bellamy puts the Flame in Madi, you leave him to die and Octavia wakes up worse than ever" then of course she would not do it. I'm sure she's regretting the hell out of how all this went down. But that doesn't mean Clarke would ever apologize for prioritizing her daughter, or that she would /regret/ trying to sabotage the Ascension. Clarke has achieved her immediate goal of stopping Madi from being Commander, and to Clarke that is worth anyone's life, even Bellamy's. Clarke sees being Commander as a death sentence, especially for 11-to-12 year old nightblood children. It was like three days ago that she stopped Gaia from murdering Niylah over this. People were already willing to kill to put Madi in power or to keep her out of power; the threat is real. Clarke won't regret escaping with Madi. But I do think, if I were writing a story about her inner thoughts, that she's gonna be plagued with remorse that she didn't do it sooner, that she didn't have a better plan or anticipate what was going to happen. Clarke loves Bellamy and leaving him to maybe be executed is a terrible thing. She could spend A LIFE TIME replaying the last couple days in her mind and speculating how both she and Bellamy could have made better choices. Smarter choices. Choices that didn't take them to this awful end.

In a response to another post that I wrote, @jeanie205 described Bellamy in 509 as "making one seemingly reasonable but ultimately unsuccessful decision after the other." I think that's an excellent way of looking at all of their choices over 508 and 509: The plan to kill Cooper. The plan to destroy the worms. The plan to put Octavia in a coma. The plan for Indra to lead a surrender. The plan to make Madi Commander. The plan to stop the Ascension before Madi is chipped. All of these were founded on the logic and emotions that the characters had at the time, and all of them were unsuccessful. The worst outcomes happened instead. On t100, mistakes have life & death consequences.

I think that Clarke and Bellamy have a lot to regret about the decisions that they made to take them to where they are now. But I don't think either of them regret doing everything that they can to save their loved ones. I don't think Clarke needs to aplogize for picking Madi's life over Bellamy's life. I don't think that Bellamy needs to apologize for trying to save Raven, Echo, Murphy, and Emori from being consumed alive by worms from the inside out. How do you apologize for pain you've caused someone without conceding that your motives were somehow wrong? Because what if your motives WEREN'T wrong at all... But you're still so fucking sorry that someone you love is now suffering? And there's always that gem t100 goes back to: How do you respect yourself when you will sink to any depths of behavior to achieve your goals? When you manipulate and mortally endanger a child that trusts you, or leave a man you love behind to be held for treason and likely execution...can you forgive yourself? Can you at least suck in your breath and swallow your pain and endure til tomorrow?

GOING FORWARD

This is where Clarke and Bellamy are gonna be, headspace wise. Struggling to absorb the internal conflicts. Struggling to move forward past these terrible things while knowing that they partially brought it on themselves and each other. Also accepting that some of what happened wasn’t their fault because they couldn’t control the actions of others who would do them harm.

They've both been in these situations before. They've accepted and moved on before, and the foundation of love between them hasn't changed. It's gonna be hard, it is gonna hurt, but Bellarke can and will grow beyond this.

#the 100 meta #bellarke #clarke griffin #bellamy blake #the 100 season 5 #the 100 5x09 #bellarke meta

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motherlifesucher-archives · 7 years

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ATTENTION l Shawn Mendes Imagine

(a/n): hiii! this is kind of different from everything I’ve written before, so im sorry if it’s not very good, but I hope you enjoy it <3 x.

prompt: based on the song “Attention” by Charlie Puth.

i) you’ve been runnin’ ‘round throwin’ that dirt all on my name, 'cause you knew that i’d call you up.

“Shawn, I am going to ask you one last time if what this girl is saying is true.” Andrew said through gritted teeth.

“Just leave it, Andrew. No one is going to believe her.”

“Oh, really? Because TMZ is offering her three thousand dollars for a freaking interview!” Andrew said losing his calm. “Do you realize that you are not on a place where you can afford another mistake, Shawn for God’s sake!”

“What do you want me say? That I did have a relationship with her? Because I didn’t.” Shawn told Andrew, growing tired of the conversation.

“Then why is she working so hard on trashing your name?! You can’t lie to me, Shawn. If you want me to fix this…”

“I never asked you to fix this.” Shawn said and completely regretted after he noticed Andrew had lost all the patience he had left.

“Lose the attitude, you’re acting like a diva.”

“Sorry.” Shawn muttered.

“Now you’re going to tell me who this girl is and why is she doing this.”

Shawn sighed. “I used to sleep with her, okay? I was falling for her but she was just playing with me, so forgive me if I don’t wanna talk about her.”

“Did you give her a reason to do this?”

“Maybe I said some things that weren’t very nice, but she totally deserved them.” Shawn defended himself.

“Can you give her a call? I don’t think your fans are believing what she says, but media is having a field day and she’s feeding them.”

Shawn was silent for a moment before answering: “I’ll give it a try.”

Shawn was pacing around his hotel room with his phone in his hands.

He didn’t want to call her, he really didn’t. He knew this was what she was looking for; she wanted him to go back to her, and she knew that he was weak for her.

Maybe she was sitting by her bed with her phone on her hand, already waiting for it to ring. She was going to tell him that she was in town and ready to leave everything behind as long as he went to see her, and of course Shawn knew what that meant. It meant that he was going to allow himself to be at her mercy again.

He could still remember her hands running through his hair, whispering everything he wanted to hear with her angelic voice that drove him crazy. In those moments he forgot that she was going to kick him out right after, knowing that she was only using him for her own pleasure, she didn’t give a crap about him.

Suddenly, Shawn didn’t feel pain anymore, he only felt rage as he dialed her number, and his anger only seemed to be aggravated when he heard a giggle followed by her sweet voice.

“Hey Shawn, I was wondering when you were going to call…”

“I don’t care what you want, (y/n). Just cut it off, it’s over.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Stop talking crap about me. You should be thankful that I am a decent guy and won’t say all the things you’ve done to me so cut it, I mean it.”

ii) you just want attention, i knew from the start, you’re just making sure I’m never gettin’ over you.

She hadn’t said anything else since he called her.

Shawn was glad, he really was. He had gotten Andrew and his friends out of his shoulder who had been asking him non-stop about this girl.

But he missed her.

He missed having her between his arms, even if it was only for a moment before she left him laying the cold bed, the only things keeping him company being his memories.

He was mindlessly strumming his guitar when his phone buzzed.

He internally rolled his eyes, thinking it was an invitation from his friends to go grab a drink even if he had told them that he didn’t want to go out.

but it wasn’t technically an invitation.

It was a message from an unknown number with a picture and message attached to it.

His breath hitched on his throat as he opened the picture that showed him and the girl on his mind laying naked on a random motel bed, and the following was one other laying on the very same bed, alone.

‘thought I’d bring some memories back, since you’re probably alone and blocked my phone number (not cool, btw) xx’

She had him under her spell and he didn’t know if he wanted to be released.

iii) I know that dress is karma, perfume regret, you got me thinking ‘bout when you were mine, and now i’m all up on ya, what you expect?

Shawn was moving on.

He had decided he wasn’t going to let himself down because of a girl who wasn’t worth his time, so Geoff magically found a girl who was “perfect for him”. She wasn’t his type, at all. This girl seemed to agree with anything he said as she stared at him in adoration, while Shawn was internally rolling his eyes every time she let out a high-pitched giggle.

He had made a reservation for a nice hotel restaurant and booked an hotel room because you never know what can happen. They were reaching the doors of the fancy restaurant when he saw a figure walking right in front of him.

A figure he had tattooed on his mind.

She was wearing his favorite dress. The navy blue dress she knew that drove him crazy.

She bit her nude colored lips as she brushed her shoulder against his and Shawn had to control his breathing because his nostrils had filled with her distinctive perfume, Acqua di Gioa. He remembered giving it to her after he smelled it for the first time while he was taking off her clothes.

He couldn’t help his eyes who looked for her. He hated himself for the fire that was igniting in his body just at the sight of her, but his mind just wasn’t processing as he apologized to his date for the night who looked like she was about to cry or punch him right on his face.

(y/n) knew Shawn was walking right behind her, so she didn’t hesitate to reach the door of the hotel room and turn around, waiting for him.

He was fuming with rage; rage with her for being insufferable, and rage with himself, for getting all worked up with just the sight of her and for letting her have control of him with just the scent of her perfume.

“I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ditch your… date? I’m sorry, I don’t know how to call it.” she said ignoring the fact that he was angry.

“How dare you come here, to find me? Fuck, how are you so sure of yourself that you asked for the number of my room?!” Shawn told her, breathing heavily.

“Are you telling me that you didn’t wanna see me?” she asked him, placing her hands on his tense shoulders.

“You have to go away, please.” Shawn begged, closing his eyes at the familiar touch.

“Are you sure you want me to go away?”

that was all it took for Shawn to lose his mind and crash his lips with hers.

It wasn’t gentle or soft, he was trying to pour every feeling on his mind into that kiss. His hands were wandering every part of her back as his fingers fluttered by the feeling of the fabric of his favorite dress on her.

He threw her body onto the bed and for a moment he wanted to walk away and leave her there, so she could feel for a second what he felt every time, but he couldn’t.

He was intoxicated by her.

iv) baby, now that we’re right here standin’ face to face, you already know that you won.

Shawn was trying to control his breath while she traced patterns on his naked chest.

They were both covered in sweat after coming down from their highs, and the adrenaline he felt had vanished by now.

Shawn sighed before speaking: “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“You don’t get to answer me with another question, (y/n). Why can’t you be a decent human being and just leave me alone?” Shawn asked and sounded like he was in pain.

“Why do you keep coming back to me?”

“Oh God…” Shawn groaned. “This is what I’m talking about, you’re unbearable. You are selfish and you have been playing with me since we met. It took me long enough to realize it but I did, and now that I’m finally moving on you come back here knowing that I’ll follow you because you have some kind of power over me, and it’s killing me,” he let out a frustrated sigh. “I can’t walk away, why can’t you do it? I think I deserve at least that.”

“What if I don’t want to walk away either?” she asked biting her lip.

“You got what you wanted. Magazines asking for interviews, brands wanting you to promote them on Instagram or whatever. You got what you wanted from me, please, walk away.”

“You know that you’ll come back eventually, right?” she said but Shawn stayed silent, only staring at the ceiling.

She got up of the bed slowly, revealing her naked body. Slowly, she started looking for her underwear and smirked when she saw the navy blue dress laying on the floor.

She didn’t need to turn back to check if Shawn was staring at her, because she knew that his eyes were fixed on her from the moment he smelled her perfume and saw her put the dress back on until she closed the door, leaving him on the cold hotel room, with more memories flooding his mind.

She had his full attention, even when she wasn’t there.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes one shot

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tangledfan · 7 years

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70 horrible questions … I’m bored and my tumblr messages won’t work

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Not at all, unfortunately.. I always wanted a healthy relationship with them. Things haven’t worked out but I’m ok about it now

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My best friends… Rosie and Rosie ahha. One is my cat and the other is a human being haha!!

03: Do you regret anything? I have a lot of regrets, I think regret is one of the worst feelings but.. I guess I wouldn’t be exactly what I am now without those choices I made back then- good and bad.

04: Are you insecure? I have my days if I’m honest.. but I’d say I love my mind and I love my personality and there are times I question my physical beauty but that’s nothing to do with me, that’s what society tries to push as beautiful. As a whole I love myself and you should love yourself too and give yourself what you deserve..

05: What is your relationship status? Relationship?? What is that??

06: How do you want to die? Oh wow, dramatically where no one else is hurt lmfao. If I’m going to be remembered let it be from choking on a sandwich.

07: What did you last eat? Rice and a cookie🔥😂

08: Played any sports? OMG a few years back I literally played every sport under the sun, Football, netball, rounders, tennis, athletics, dance, swimming, baseball, rugby… but yknow life hit love and then I died

09: Do you bite your nails? No I don’t! When I was 13 I did kind of but I mean I don’t ever do it now

10: When was your last physical fight? I don’t do physical fights but 6 years ago lol (me and my sister were arguing over food I think)

11: Do you like someone? Ugh… I don’t even really know what it feels like to like someone.. No one sticks around long enough for me to develop emotional and mental connection (For me that’s so important)

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Oh my gawd yes and you know what? I’m either really hyper because I’m so tired or I’m the biggest bore ever, there is no middle.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? All I’m going to say is.. this person is trash who shits on good people because they are bored with their own life. SORRY BUT I HATE BULLYING IN ANY FORM. Do I hate her? I don’t know.. do I have little respect for her? Yes.

14: Do you miss someone? I miss a lot of people, for different reasons. I miss my childhood best friend. I miss my all my ex’s who decided it wasn’t worth being friends with me.. do you know why? Because these people shaped me, I still think they are good people. I’d still invest time into them. I don’t just miss the memories, I miss the friendship.

15: Have any pets? A few! But only 3 that I could truly class as my pets, my best friends. Smokey my hamster (I miss you buddy, I miss carrying you on my shoulder and sharing cucumber with you while I watched Lizzie McGuire. I will always love you, you made me such a happy 10 year old, you were my first proper pet and I just loved you so much, you were my best friend and I was so weird with you) Spot my rabbit (ah you were so fluffy and cute and so bad, like you broke everyone’s things because I REFUSED to put you in a cage lol. I liked having you hop around and be a asshole to everyone but you were only ever nice to me. I love you and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you when you needed me, I regretted going to school that day, I came home and cried.. I didn’t know what death meant until then) Lastly Rosie… wow you are my child. I would protect you from everything and anything. I look at you and want to cry sometimes because your eyes are so expressive. You don’t need to talk because I feel you bro, I feel your presence and you know exactly when I need to have you around. When I can’t sleep in the night and you make sure I can hear you purring. I have spent the last 3 years revolving my life for you and everyone thinks I’m crazy mad for loving you so much because you are unfriendly- truth is, you are just friendly with me haha, I like the loyalty in you cat.. even when I don’t feed you, I’m still your mom. You came in my life just when I needed you and honestly it wasn’t a coincidence how I got you. You fixed a part in me that was slowly dying, my will to carry on.. it was nice to speak to someone who wouldn’t just tell me to “stop being silly” partly cause you couldn’t communicate with me 😉 but y'know you are my absolute best friend, I love you more than I ever have any human, no one comes close and thank you for helping my get back on the right path through my mental health and my bad habits.. knowing I had you to look after made me stop being selfish. (I had to write this shit out because I really love my animals deeply, they have been there for me when humans couldn’t.)

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? Lucky, passionate and yet somewhat disappointed.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? It was the best kiss I have ever had. Fire works. It was the kiss that mattered but didn’t last lmfao and it happened in a fucking bathroom and I’m so pressed over that 😂

18: Are you scared of spiders? I’m sorry for being scared of you spiders but I’d never hurt you

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? YES!! I want to look into history but also my own history. I want to maybe see myself from a distant.. to know what others see.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? In the middle of no where while the moon was high in the sky and your dimples were just about visible and I knew I had to kiss you then as you passionately spoke about music. You were such a puppy, man it was a good time but we are just friends now.

21: What are your plans for this weekend? Record- hopefully! Going to spend time with my best friend and her girlfriend yay! (Mom and dad TBH) Maybe if I have time I’ll do some writing and reading :)

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? It depends on my resources! I find it hard to share love out equally though and I wouldn’t want anyone I love to think I love one more than the other due to the attention I give. I’m game for however many. I have no set amount.. I kind of want a big family. I want to adopt as well! If the feelings right and mutual.

23: Do you have piercings? How many? Just ear piercings! Used to have my lips and nose done.. that being said I want my nose ring back but it’s difficult I want to work at Disneyland and I hate taking out studs and nose rings.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Drama, music, English, Art, Maths, History and PE!

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? Practically everyone. I have at least one thought of you a day.

26: What are you craving right now? Chocolate anything😍

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately yes.. but we are all very good friends now, in fact we are soulmates but in the platonic sense.

28: Have you ever been cheated on? Yes but it’s ok, we are soooo past that. I made terrible mistakes to begin with. Having gone through that.. I now realise how damaging cheating truly is haha! I needed it however to know what it felt like and how bad it truly was. Just because I don’t feel as deeply as the other doesn’t mean I should be irresponsible with someone’s feelings.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Good and bad tears, for all my past lovers that I hurt, I’m awful sorry, I was childish and unready to fully open up.

30: What’s irritating you right now? My eagerness to explore the past… I should leave it there and focus on the future. TRUMP. BREXIT. Dramatic fandoms.. it was fine to a certain point until y'all say horrible shit about eachother and drag down other humans who btw have feelings regardless of how many people look up to them, your comments still fucking hurt.

31: Does somebody love you? Yes someone loves me

32: What is your favourite color? I love all colours but dark purple and baby blue, pink and the shade black 😂

33: Do you have trust issues? I wish I didn’t but yes… It’s quite bad.

34: Who/what was your last dream about? Weird dream but I fell asleep reading a fan fic so it was to do with that. Gotta love the fluffy cuteness.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? Myself, I like to watch myself cry in the mirror lol (don’t ask me why, I’m a freak lol)

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? Those that know me think I do because I’m civil and don’t like to argue but nah, trust issues. I hate that about myself.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive. I forget nothing.

38: Is this year the best year of your life? No.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 6? Maybe 7? Proper kiss however was at 10!

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Yes and it was liberating

51: Favourite food? Mmmm… that’s so hard😔😭 I love all food if I’m honest. I do love the taste of delusions tho lmfao #Camren

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Mmmm… not everything but in a way sometimes….I guess yes.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Read a book and cuddled with Rosie (my equal, my baby cattttt).❤️

54: Is cheating ever okay? No. I’ve made mistakes and it’s not worth it hurting someone like that EVER.

55: Are you mean? Honestly I’d say I’m the complete opposite of mean.

56: How many people have you fist fought? Two, I don’t promote violence lol but yeah that happened (with siblings)

57: Do you believe in true love? Yes. I absolutely believe in true love but you have to accept the idea of it and be ready for it. Both of you do.

58: Favourite weather? I like all weather rain, sun, wind… but of lately I’ve just loved walking in the rain.

59: Do you like the snow? I love the snow!!! When the snow is fresh and everything looks beautiful and new.

60: Do you wanna get married? Eventually, yes. Once I know.. it will be magical and painful but worth it.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? I don’t mind it :)

62: What makes you happy? Freedom, laughter, kindness, deep conversations, music… passion.

63: Would you change your name? Yes, yes, yes.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? No they have soft lips and we are good friends, affection is best haha!

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I’d make sure they were OK and make them see that our friendship is worth more than a relationship between us could ever be.. plus I’m 99.9% gay

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Most of them :) I have a different array of personalities depending on the person and situation, I have 1 friend however who knows everything about me and she is my soulmate in every single way. I love her just as deeply as I love my cat. I’d do almost anything for them.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Dave who is saved as “caMEEEEELAAA” on my phone lmfao, I love when he rings me because it’s like “Camila is calling you” and I’m like “AYYYEEE SON DAMM RIGHT SHE IS”

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Lauren’s lover @goodgirlsbettergetbad (p.s thanks for the kind words.. I needed them💜) and my best friend Rosie who lives miles away😭 which by the way really freaking sucks, it's hard when we both work to get a hold of one another but I never fear for our friendship, she'll always be in my life plus we had a wonderful talk last night, voice of reason always. Also another best friend of mine @let-me-make-this-queer thank you for being there. Thank you for letting me annoyingly hug you all the time! @invisibleandmagicaalthank you for just being so kind and messaging me while I was sad and listening to me in the nights!

69: Do you believe in soulmates? Oh my goodness yes. I think you have more than 1 soulmate and I don’t always think it’s romantic btw. It’s beautiful when you click mentally and emotionally with someone it can be platonic but it’s a great feeling. Twin flames tho…. ah my heart races.

70: Is there anyone you would die for? Yes. I’d die for most, it depends on circumstance.

#personal #me #questions

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