ashiqui
what i know about living is the pain is never just ours.
if the train comes please move
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my skin exhaling your scent.
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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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the sadness will last forever.
richard siken, boot theory / little women (2019), dir. greta gerwig / lily king, writers & lovers / kate baer, and yet: poems / gracie abrams, block me out / tim kavanagh (x) / anne boyer, what resembles the grave but isn’t / molly brodak, a little middle of the night / phoebe bridgers, funeral / 9-1-1, 5x13 / ingmar bergman / james baldwin, giovanni’s room / the national, sorrow / house, 5x24 / fortesa latifi
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Infinite in Both Directions
@sketiana // cells undergoing mitosis // neutron stars colliding // 'saturn', sleeping at last // voyager golden records // diagram of an atom // diagram of the solar system // 'a toast to the alchemists', laura giplin // neural stem cells // ciliated ventral epithelium // 'constellations', the oh hellos // jwst deep field // 'singularity', marie howe // heart of the phantom galaxy // 'zephyrus', the oh hellos // apoferritin // aerial view of a forest // a graph me and my project co-chair made to model angle over time of our payload // molybdenum and sulfur atoms // unknown // pillars of creation
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i think love is when i put myself to bed even when im tired, and i carry myself up the stairs even though my knees ache. and i think love is when i buy myself a coffee when im broke, and i know that ill get myself back later. and i think love is letting myself love someone, even though i am so scared. love is a heavy thing that carries you as much as you carry it.
nothing to add to this you said it all..
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traveling to see a long distance lover in a few months and we're both about 5'4.. its symmetry of the heart! its completing a matching set after 20 years! its fitting over each other like milkcrates! its our shadows lining up! its picking same-sized clothes to exchange so we can still hold each other after i go! im in love and its my scariest secret! i am in love!!!!!
anon this is..........i am..............oh my godddd 😭
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'Rainbow pool' at Congaree National Park - result of decaying vegetation, especially cypress cones and needles, that release their natural oils
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im so enamored with stories that portray love as something soft and kind because i do think that love at its core is an act of kindness. its part of the reason i prefer the idea of growing into love instead of falling in love because when i think of growing into love i think of a garden, like love is something to cultivate, to tend to daily, a steady progression of growth with some setbacks, a few dying leaves here and there, having to move to a bigger pot and a spot with more sunshine, but it’s still something that at the end of the month, or a year, or a decade, or a lifetime you can look at and see the product of your dedication, see exactly what it means to pour your heart into something. i just! love reading about kind love!
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sergiu ciochină childhood home #51 (2023)
kofi
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Michael Cunningham, "The Hours" // Anne Sexton, "The Touch" // Charles M. Schulz, Peanuts and Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me—The Smiths // F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night // Kelsey Landsgaard, A Soft Wrongness // J. D. McClatchy, "THE DIALOGUE OF DESIRE AND GUILT" // Marina Tsvetaeva, from notes // Yves Olade, Belovéd
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the sadness will last forever.
richard siken, boot theory / little women (2019), dir. greta gerwig / lily king, writers & lovers / kate baer, and yet: poems / gracie abrams, block me out / tim kavanagh (x) / anne boyer, what resembles the grave but isn’t / molly brodak, a little middle of the night / phoebe bridgers, funeral / 9-1-1, 5x13 / ingmar bergman / james baldwin, giovanni’s room / the national, sorrow / house, 5x24 / fortesa latifi
#*#parallels#webs#web weaving#compilation#comparatives#word collage#on sadness#on depression#depression tw#suicide tw#richard siken#little women#phoebe bridgers#911#house md#useraish#svenjalook#userabs#tuserabbie#usersalty#userhella#tuserambs#tusersimone#usernivi#tuserkaren#tuserella#userhann#oneawkwardcookie#leothil
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Flipping the narrative here i love small talk and i’m very good at it. I love saying “thank god we had that rain!” And “the construction downtown is CRAZY” it gives me a rush
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? // marathon, louise glück // ancedote of the pig, tory adkisson // i'm not calling you a liar, florence + the machine // #6, aroarA // the love of the wolf, hélène cixous
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Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.
@dog-teeth/nobody - mitski/@ lilrainpoety on instagram/little weirds - jenny slate/@blossomfully/@chaandajaan/strawberry blond - mitski/wishbone - richard siken/salt - salma deera/unable to find a source/mia hollow/the unabridged journals of sylvia plath/nobody - mitski/crush - richard siken
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@/coffee-cosmos // ? // blasted, sarah kane // ? // henry and june, anais nin // ? // a poem for haruko, june jordan // cassandra: a novel and four essays, christa wolf // a little life, hanya yanagihara
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unrequited yearning
hanya yanagihara / iain s. thomas / sue zhao / marie rutkoski / u.k / a.k ramanujan / u.k / buffy the vampire slayer
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