you always on that damn 'Untitled Document'!

I made fanart of Steven and Ethan Universe from @pogostikk's su twin au (also adding some of my own headcannons) :3

Please click the image for better quality!

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God damnit I hate it here- the ONE time I try to fall asleep ON PURPOSE to get at least SIX HOURS of sleep and do EVERYTHING RIGHT RO SCHOOL TMR, I turn on my sleepy playlist and around two hours of light ‘napping’ I hear a huge THUD and suddenly my phone is just. Gone.

Where is it, you might ask? Behind the bed, ofc-BUT get this. It’s not behind the bed where I call just reach down and grab it from the side where I’m at. After listening to the sound I discover that it is behind the head board.

The fucking head board. How did it fail there??? I DONT KNOW. 😭😭🙏

But since my sleepy time playlist is still playing and I’m rlly tired, I end up just falling asleep for a couple hours but then suddenly, for no reason at all, I JOLT awake in a PANIC.

Like my eyes fly open and I’m suddenly just. WIDE awake. As if I never fell asleep in the first place. Cue me trying to get my phone out from it being WEDGED between the head board and wall for a fucking hour 💀

I ended up having to grab one of my drum sticks, taping a piece of card stock paper to the end of it and putting a bunch of tape on the end of that.

Yes I walked around my house like a bird looking for things for its nests.

No bc seriously it was a long, long hour of trial and error using the most random household objects you can imagine 💀AND I had to try to be quiet bc guess what??

MY SISTER SHARES MY ROOM. so not only was I trying to do this quickly as possible, but as QUIET as possible and it literally was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced 💀🙏

Now it’s 5 am, I’m not tired despite at ALL (but I know I will be bc it’s not the insomnia type of awake but the adrenaline type) I have school in less than 3 hours, and I’m debating wether I should go back to bed or do my homework or AAAAHDHDJ THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE ANYTHING NICE 😭🙏

hot take: the rise movie got leo's character arc completely wrong.

rewatching the movie from a critical lense (and tucking my fangirling persona away, neatly folded in a drawer somewhere), I feel as if the writers kind of failed Leo's arc, in a way.

i know the show got cancelled and if it hadn't they would have had more time to flesh leo out but hear me out

for the majority of the film, it was pushed on the audience for Leo's attitude about the whole Kraang situation to be explained by pride and carelessness. Leo was meant to be interpreted as some impulsive douchebag who didn't know how to take things seriously or listen to his family's advice (which, by the way, felt like a lesson that was a bit shoehorned in there but i'll get to that). Raph expresses his frustration about this at the beginning of the movie, telling Leo that it's "not all about him" (a phrase that is echoed throughout the movie, which i also kind of have beef with), and even Casey confronts him for being unwilling to listen to his family's advice in the subway scene (that confrontation wasn't well done imo but i'll get to it in a sec). However, upon closer inspection, I feel as if that's not the case.

I don't think Leo's problem was his pride, or his inability to listen; rather, those things that we've seen and associate with Leo aren't Leo.

let me explain.

I believe that charismatic, impulsive, laid-back Leo we see not only in the movie, but in the show, is a persona Leo has created for himself to compensate for his self-loathing. In "Portal Jacked", we see this mask crumble just a slight amount. Leo tells Hueso (after his brothers are sent somewhere after being portalled) that he's "nothing without them" and doesn't operate being "just a face man" alone. This implies Leo, while sharing some of those qualities listed earlier, exaggerates them in order to create a version of himself he likes. This would explain why in "Minotaur Maze" Leo is so adamant on proving to his brothers he's a "champion": to confirm that he is the persona he so desperately wants to be. Leo’s pride stems from self-loathing–a cover-up, if anything. To him, appearing to be put together gets rid of the possibility of people offering to help him, something Leo doesn’t feel like he deserves. Constantly, he’s in a battle of trying to convince himself that he truly is the persona he puts on.

However, Leo’s persona (that compensates for his self-hatred) inadvertently ends up pushing people away from him on account of what they interpret as real pride, confirming those biases Leo has about himself that he’s not enough, which devolves into hopelessness that he’ll never improve or make anyone proud of him. This would explain why throughout the movie, Leo is constantly berated for the way he acts, when in actuality, it's the way he copes. (it's a cry for help, if anything.)

it gets even worse when you think about how Leo becomes the leader in the bad future, meaning that persona he put on needed to be increased tenfold. His position as leader requires those under him to have faith and confidence in their leader’s abilities. This means that absolutely no weaknesses can show, causing him to likely internalize his feelings even more.

and yet, despite all of this, Leo is still the best equipped to be leader out of all his brothers.

think about it: Donnie constantly doubts himself with far too many "what-if" scenarios that fester doubt, which end up killing his ideas in the end, and Raph only ever makes his judgments and or plans based on the present moment and what he and sees or is used to, which doesn't leave much room for innovation in differing scenarios. And Mikey is, let's be honest, more of a follower than a leader; he responds better to instructions because it feels safe for him.

But Leo's the only one out of the three who is perceptive enough to analyze their enemy and manipulate them based on the situation as well as previous scenarios (as beautifully orchestrated in "Many Unhappy Returns"), but also encourage his team and get them to use their strengths to the best of their ability (seen in "Origami Tsunami"), and prevent them from rushing into things (basically "Bug Busters").

Leo's problem lies in his lack of confidence. If he truly had confidence in himself, he wouldn't have to pretend he did. The main issue in the movie arises when Leo, given this new leadership role with little experience or guidance, causes Leo to develop a linear worldview of letting himself only see his successes instead of failures, making his judgment snowball. We see this in the movie when, after Raph gets captured by the Kraang, Leo is set on finding him. Leo is determined to "ninja in, ninja out", which isn't exactly a "plan", but it mainly stems from that lack of confidence. If Leo lets himself think critically about the situation, he might recognize the chance he might fail, which would only amplify his guilt about the situation. He is being driven by his emotions to fix the issue. So in Leo's mind, it goes as follows: get in, save Raph, and then everything will be fixed (which is not how it works).

Casey yelling at Leo in a subway that his entire family dies in the future and he should stop being an asshole was not the right approach. Raph constantly berating Leo and Donnie dismissing each and every idea Leo presented as a plan wasn't good either. Instead, I think (and this is my opinion y'all), Leo's family should bounce off his ideas and improve them instead of shutting them down completely or overwhelming him with the possibility of failure (donnie and raph respectively).

Of course, I do feel like the writers overexaggerated Leo's persona in the movie to shoehorn in the whole "listen to your family" message, as he came across as a bit too much in the movie imo compared to the show. The writers could have used the film instead to address Leo's emotional response to being basically ignored by his family (classic middle child complex, i should know) and being thrusted into the leadership role far before he was ready.

In a way, I suppose Leo could also is representative of the way Rise itself was treated: ignored by the network and cancelled before it could have a chance to redeem itself and tell its story, leaving the vast majority of the TMNT fandom's impression of the show as slander to the franchise itself.

anyways the blue one is just like me fr :3c

Just realised I don't want relationship but I need somebody to love me , listens to my Kaccha chittas and don't judge me at all . I need to feel safe , and prioritised . I need someone to be gentle with me yet strict. I need someone to love me by the corner of the eyes . I don't need to be up halded by pretty poetries yet you give me the worst nightmares. It just doesn't worth it . I used to think I love big brains , people with interest are perfect for me but found out it's not worth it . The warmth, the sunshine that's I need even if you don't know about von Trier'e movies or Kafka's crisis or Dazai's scandalous life ended up in void .

one of the funniest things relating to owning a fan account on this hellsite is jumping to another platform like ao3 or insta etc. and seeing one of your mutuals (only slightly disguised) in comment section and going “hey… i know that bitch!”

sometimes i feel like a degenerate. i used to love reading stories, but now all i need is a pic with the caption "good girl" and a pat on the head and i j u s t a h g h g hgh

something people don't utilize in character design enough is the the teeth. And i'm not talking about vampire fangs or monster teeth, but more about crooked teeth, chipped teeth, missing teeth, yellow teeth, retainers, braces, teeth jewels, grills and stuff of the like. not everyone has a perfect array of teeth

Can I be a Texas adjacent girl for a minute? It's been 9 years since I've been to Texas. I still have people there? I guess? Texas is a weird place. In the summer it's dryer than dry and you'll get dust bowls from walking out in the heat. You need a hat. You mow when the sun goes down. You will meet a snake. You'll probably go to a farm that you never knew existed before. No matter where I travel, people always ask me where I'm from but I'm guessing people will ask you where you are from. You will listen to bluegrass at least once. You will probably be drug to a honkey tonk, even if you are an introvert.

I can't help but have complicated feelings about Texas. But fictional Texas, I'm proud of you.

Hey is it just me or do you also get caught off guard-

-Thinking about there’s so much beautiful art in world. Like I complain about having a inconsistent art style, but honestly I’ve been thinking -

I wish that my art style (if I even have one smh) never changes from its malleable nature.

Bc I look at different artists and see how unique their shape theory is, the way the characters seem so alive and vibrant and easy to look at- I love those kinds of art styles. I love drawing with wide, crazy exaggerated expressions and poses that grab people’s attention. I want to draw like that. And it’s beautiful.

And then I look at different artists and basically cry about how soft their rendering is, how their characters look like their melting in their sun burst environments, with so many minor details and just little things that add up. It’s so, so pretty and soft and makes you feel gooey inside and when I look at it all I can think about how amazingly gorgeous it is. I want to draw like that. And it’s beautiful.

But of course, it doesn’t end there. Bc then I look at artists that depict their world through understanding the beauty in the mundane, how they paint the sky, sub ways, bike rides and parks and stores and everything in between. Their lineless styles telling a story with vibrant colors, small touches and grand lighting, displaying the softness of life through people just. Experiencing it. I want to do that. And it’s beautiful.

And there’s more. There’s always more- I could literally go on about this for hours but I think you get the point. Everyone has this unique style that sticks out and really pronounces who they are as a person, and as much as I want to have such a special way of displaying how I see the world, something that you look at and just say “yeah, that’s Skillz,”

I just. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do you know? I want to do all of these things at once. I want to study these different artists and interpret them in my own ways, make those strong emotional expressions and those soft spoken moments and those wide open backgrounds.

But I can’t do it all. There’s a reason why each person has their own style. Can I do it all? Can I? Is there enough time in the world? I have so many thoughts and sometimes I need the right brush to speak them.

PLEASE I needed to have 15 fucking art styles yesterday ONG 😭😭🙏

…

Just me?

seriously guys: why do I feel like there are absolutely zero mikey oriented stories?? it’s always “leo this” and “donnie that” and don’t get me wrong, they’re cool asf come ON—

like no hate to anyone, but when I’m searching for fics to read, i see no mikey stuff?? There’s a crazy amount of potential with him for a story and NOBODY is seeing it?? HUH??? like casey literally said he was the greatest mystic warrior that EVER LIVED and yo ass out here telling me that’s not the best prompt you’ve ever heard? Leo said he was a, and i QUOTE “badass mystic warrior”, like, he said that to nobody else. maybe I’m reaching on that one but hear me OUT—

Leo didn’t even USE his powers for the entirety of the beginning of the Rise movie, and there were plenty of times where leo could slice open a portal but nooooooo, he didn’t. So why is nobody asking??? Hm??? HM???? Just me?? Just me picking up on le vibes?? Le questiones??? NOBODY ELSE thinks there might be a reason why, idk, Mikey could use his powers but Leo couldn’t???HELLO??? Knock knock??? Mikey literally opened a whole ass portal (repeat: PORTAL, smth that’s supposed to be LEO’S thing) through time and space and you don’t think he could rival some godly power or, better yet, be a target of some higher power?? We’re just going to ignore the fact that he could very well be on his way to nirvana?? No?? NO?? Y’all just gonna close your ears and go “NUH UH??” is that how it’s gon be??? HM??? IS IT??? OK, OK! I SEE HOW IT IS! F*cking FIGHT me in the comments you—*aggressively pulls hair your hair bc girl fight idk ive never been in one*

in short

we should all write more mikey stuff bc he’s cool and actually has hair

what does your google doc look like? because mine is a bunch of "Untitled File"s and it's getting on my nerves. not that i'll do something about it besides complaining ofc

I'm getting so annoyed with chat gpt and ppl relying on it to create or write endings for unfinished works

It's been a while since I did a local off leash hike with the dogs and this weekend is looking to be fairly quiet so I figured we were due. Checked my favorite, and one of the only, places and it's now no dogs allowed.

One of those 'we take your dog hiking' companies started using it and unsurprisingly dog fights and human bites became an issue. I encountered them on my last hike there. Two people with about 20 off leash dogs that they had little to no control over. Sounds great in theory but quickly falls on it's face in reality. So that sucks.

Did some interwebs poking around and my only local alternative is SniffSpot (aka air bnb for dogs). Booked a place with 4 acres, a creek, and some trails for an hour and a half. Not thrilled to have to pay for something we used to get for free. But at the same time it's less than $35 for a guarantee that my dogs will be the only dogs there and can safely enjoy the space.

Fingers crossed it's as advertised and we get to have good, safe, fun.

Whoever came up with the phrase "once something's on the internet, it's there forever" has CLEARLY never tried to find one specific Austin powers cosplay TikTok that they saw forever ago and apparently got taken down or something