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love-toxin · 1 year

Note

For the Halloween sentence starters could you do :

“What are you dressed as?” With billy please?

He’s pretty n I like to look at himmmm

ellie's halloween sentence starters!

x. "What are you dressed as?"

(cws: fake blood, teasing, alcohol, mostly flirting, a little neurodivergent reader for ya)

"So,"

The guy you've been sharing looks with for an hour has finally strolled on over, the party nothing but background noise as he leans over you and speaks softly. Being tall, handsome, and shredded--as you can see by the open leather jacket he's got on--was enough to catch your attention. But when he speaks, his charm is what inclines you to hang on his every word.

"What are you dressed as?"

He raises a brow, thumbing the thin strap of the white gown you've got on. The dress isn't really what most people have been eyeing with your costume--it's mostly the fake blood that you're drenched in, from your hair down your face to stain the long fabric that swishes about your feet.

"Carrie." Usually it's an easy guess, but you're not a perfect match, and you've seen a few other partygoers come and go all done up in blood like you. Most of them are Jasons and Michael Myers, though, to be fair.

"You're cute." He grins, his fingers drifting downwards until he lets his hand fall away. "I'm Billy."

It's your turn to quirk a brow, and your smirk seems to puzzle him for a moment, until you have the grace to fill him in to what he's missing.

"Stephen King Carrie. Not my name--but thanks." You don't want to make fun of him or make him feel like you are, but his little 'oh' of realization makes you giggle, and it only takes him snickering at his own ridicule for any tension to dissolve and your shared laughter to resonate off the party's energy. Having surveyed him for a while over the lip of your solo cup, you'd expected a brash guy like himself, who seems intent and happy on showing off, to roll his eyes and move along with his plan of getting into your pants. But Billy doesn't seem that way, and hey, you like a guy who's modest enough to laugh at himself. "Who are you? Guy-with-his-chest-out?"

Billy laughs out loud at that, and yet he seems not to draw any more attention to himself than he already has. As he does so, he reaches out to flick up the collar of his jacket, and leans on the wall you've got your back to to hover over you.

"Ever seen Lost Boys?"

"Course I have!" Vampires and bloody biker gangs. To say that's not something that piques your interest would be a big, fat lie. "Lemme guess! You're...."

You let your eyes drop to his belt but no further, roam up his chest, and back up to his eyes that haven't left you, his gaze fixated somewhere just below your nose--but when you catch a glimpse of those curly locks tucked over his shoulder, it all comes together and you snap your fingers in thought. "Paul!"

"Got me." Billy winks at you, unmoving and undisturbed as a couple people shuffle by him and you. The music has swelled and fallen to a soft hubbub of guitar from the host's stereo, which makes all the chatter, laughing, and cheering throughout the house sound that much louder in comparison. "Smart cookie. You know your stuff, huh?"

You just shrug, but the grin playing on your lips is unmistakable. You've been enjoying the game of watching and listening to the crowd rather than joining in, aside from a drink or two, but with a little liquid courage in your system and an hour of speaking very little, it's much more fun to entertain the likes of Billy with his pretty blue eyes and smooth, deep voice.

"So, Carrie--who's she? Prom queen by day, butcher by night?"

"You've never seen the movie?" You stand agape, half mocking shock and half real shock. You're struck practically speechless when he shakes his head, and informs you that he's never seen it nor read it. "Dude, you gotta get your life together! It's like--it's just--it's fuckin' awesome!"

Whoa, now you've really gotta pump the brakes. You're doing that thing again where you lose your shit the second someone mentions something you really like--you've nearly crushed the plastic cup in your hand and you're practically vibrating with excitement, plus you know those last few words came out way louder than intended. A couple heads turning to look your way is all it takes to give you that feeling of wanting to curl back into yourself, but it's so hard to help it. You just love horror so much, but it hadn't occurred to you that maybe your obsession is just a bit too weird for the people here.

"Fuckin' awesome, huh?" His tone is teasing, but not on the border of mockery or even close to it. He seems immune to your discomfort at first glance, but the way he moves a little closer, like he's subconsciously trying to shield you, might say otherwise. "What, you gonna leave me hanging? Tell me about it."

Oh. Your chest's tightening up, and your heart is knocking around inside it like a bouncy ball on linoleum. He's got no idea what he's just asked. Don't be too much. "Oh...it's, uh, it's okay. You don't have to, uh...w-we can talk about something else-"

"I wanna hear it." He interrupts, a smile working its way back across his face, and he leans in a little closer. "We can talk somewhere quiet. Get away from the crowd."

'Get away.' Code word for something else, you've been led to believe--this isn't your first party, and Billy isn't the first guy to come flirt with you. But you're not all that bothered, in fact....chatting a little bit about your favourite movies and getting some action with him doesn't sound like a bad deal. Cute, polite, and a little cheeky. Could definitely be worse, although you're not sure how long he'll be able to sit and listen to you talk when he's clearly got something more on his mind.

"I...yeah, that sounds fun. Uh, if I talk too much, you can stop me."

"I like listening to you. You've got a pretty voice." He's rubbing your arm, but keeping his hand level, keeping it away from anywhere else. Before he touched you, you had no idea how cold you were--and now that he is, you're shocked at how warm he is. "So I don't think it'll be a problem, sweetheart."

He whispers that into your ear, a strand of your blood-soaked hair caught in his fingers but not by accident. He pulls it back gently, tucks it out of the way of your face--and leaning in further, you suck in a breath so softly when he kisses you just below your ear. It's a soft spot nobody knows about, not that you ever realized it yourself....not until it's Billy that's teasing it with his teeth, and soothing the tender flesh with a flick of his tongue. All that escapes you is a soft hum, on the brink of a moan, but you manage to keep it in and keep it down to hold some modicum of decency.

"C'mon, Carrie," He draws his hand down the length of your arm, until he captures your wrist and delicately squeezes it while pulling you off the wall. Odds are you won't even notice the mark he left until tomorrow morning, when you're readying yourself in the mirror and gently prodding it with shaky fingers. "Let's go find somewhere to get to know each other."

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #st 4 #stranger things #ellie writes #ellie's halloween sentence starters #anons

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weridpersonhelp · 1 year

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Red Phone [7]

Previus - Next?

master list!

warning: slightly scary, first-time horror writer, stalking, confusion, gramma and spell mistakes, screaming, getting up a horrible hour of night, neurodivergent reader, slow burnish? , x reader, children, puppets, curse langue, music, be ready for cringe!

Ring-ring- ring- “Hello?”

“Hey is this Y/n?” Wally asks, I couldn’t help but chuckle at this guy’s stutter.

“The one and only,”

“Hello! Um, how was your day?”

“Good what about yours?”

“It was also good, though I didn’t do much I went to the store to get some more apples. Howdy had a sale, but he limited what I could buy.

“Oh, and why’s that?” “I may or may not like apples a little too much?” I raise an eyebrow at this but end up chuckling instead.

“Wait how many did you buy?” Wally was quite for a minute, leaving me suspect more than the usual.

“20.”

“You bought 20 apples?”

“Yes,”

“Are you going to make something with them?” I ask pushing myself on the bench now, I didn’t want my feet getting hurt. I was very curious of why he would by so many apples, that would last my family a while even made apples pie every day.

“No, I don’t really eat them.”

“Then why did you buy so many?”

“I like to just stare at them? I know it’s weird, but there just so shiny. They look very pretty; the red ones are my favourite honestly. But the green one’s are still alright, their also fun to draw and paint.”

“How long have you had this obsession with apples for?”

“Ever since I could remember? I know it’s weird but-“

…

“I know it’s weird but-“wally was cut off by the girls chuckles, he was currently in his Pj’s in his special red chair next to this phone. It was the only one that he could call her on, it was late at night for him so he had to remember to remain quite. But he was worried that she would consider his obsession with Apples weird.

“No, I don’t think it’s that weird, people can have things like that. I know I hyper fixate on Lego’s or movies!”

“What type of movies do you like?”

“I’m a sucker for romance and Comedy! But I do love a good horror!” Wally chuckles and pushes back his hair a little.

“those are complete different genre’s! how do you even watch a horror?” y/n gasps dramatically at him.

“Horrors are good! You need to give them a try okay! they’re not that bad.” She defends herself, Wally chuckles at how defensive she was over her precious movie genre.

“What’s your favourite then? Mr I’m too good for Horror’s”

“Hey now! I never said I was too good for them!”

“Oh? Then what’s so bad with them?”

“I never said they where bad, I just said how do you watch them! Their so creepy! My favourite genre is action and western! Though I also love myself a romance movie.”

“Ooh so your scared of them, are you? That it. And you’re a cowboy’s kind of guy huh?”

“Always have been, isn’t it cool how they ride their horses off into the sunset? With their true love.”

“Mmm, I guess, I never really watch many cowboy movies.”

“My favourite would have to be big jack! It’s good you should watch it sometime!” Wally suggests.

“Hmmm I’ve never heard of that movie before, I’ll have to watch it.” Just at the suggestion of her watching his favourite movie, just because he said it was his favourite movie. He kicks his feet a little out of excitement, what was going on with him? He never acts this way. Julie and Frank sometimes act this way! But not him! he was always to cool one! The calm, collected, charmer of the group!

“You’ll like it I promise!”

“I hope so, anyways. You never told me how old you where, or what you wanted to ask my- I mean Harrison and Maggie.” Wally eyes widen, what the heck was he meant to tell her? He was in puppet years 20, but in human years? Who knew! Hell, he didn’t even know what decade it was over their he could be 30! No maybe even 100! And what would he say about the question as well?

‘Oh yes! I just wanted to know if he we could complete the spell? To make us alive so we could continue the show! And why they were trapped in this world? Before all of this, they where in this world, but then Harrison completed a spell. One that made them come to life there was more to the story, but how the heck was he just going to info dump you like that? How could he?

He might scare you away, and he loves talking to you so far! Love it a strong but it truly it what he think this feeling was. a love of a friend? He wanted to get to know you more before he would say anything. Hell maybe even some how, some way bring you into his world? He didn’t know how it would work or how but it was something in his imagination.

“Wally you there?”

“Oh yes! Sorry I just dropped the phone HAHA! Um I’m 20, how old are you?”

“18 turning 19 soon”.

“Oh, when’s your birthday?” Wally asks, he was very glad you forgot the other question or had moved on from it.

“(date and month of birth) 1996! What about yours?”

… Wally didn’t have a birthday. Well, the year of his birth doesn’t count, but what would his birthday be?

“Oh I don’t really celebrate my birthday-““WHAT! YOU DON’T CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY?!” Wally pulls the phone away from his face as she shouts into the phone.

“No?” what he said was meant to be a statement, but really sounded like a question.

“I mean do what you want to do, but have you ever celebrated your birthday? Like in your life?” She asks more calmly, Wally pauses thinking back, they didn’t real do Birthdays here, no one had one. They Did Christmas, Halloween and easter! Heck even Saint Patrick’s Day. But never birthdays.

“No?” he whispers into the phone, it stayed quiet. The house was quiet, Home was asleep. So, Wally did not want to wake her up. Otherwise, he would have been sent to bed.

“Dam, Is it your religion?”

“What? Oh no! I just never have? Hehe sorry if that’s a little weird-“ “No it’s not weird! I just, well it just surprised me sorry.”

“Why are you apologising? you did nothing wrong.” Wally tries to comfort her. He honestly had no idea what he was doing though.

“I don’t know>” silence filled the call again. The air filled with so much tension you could cut it like a birthday cake. They both wanted to say something but what? Wally wants to say something, but what? He didn’t have much he could talk about with her; I mean it was different from talking with the neighbours.

“So, your 20 and own a house?”

“Oh! Yes, it’s small but nice a house. It has a decent yard.”

“that’s nice, I’m surprised you where able to get a house in this economy!”

“well I inherited it, from a great grandma?” Wally was lying, he knew it was never good to lie. But a little white lie wouldn’t do too much harm do?

“did you know her?”

Son of a-

“No, not really! But I kept the house the same. Nothing really changed haha!” He says he hears the girl chuckle a little, but then a small yawn escapes her lips.

“sorry, I’m just a little tired.”

“no it’s no problem. You should probably head to bed, you got plans tomorrow?”

“mum’s making me go shopping with my baby brother, so I’m most likely Going to be warn out. But I’ll tell you if anything interesting happens?” Wally smile grew, she was the one who wanted to call again. And he was very happy she was enjoying it so much she wanted to call again, maybe a little too happy?

“sure, would you like me to call you earlier?”

“I don’t mind, thanks for the chat it was really nice.”

“Same, you’re quite the interesting person Y/n.” he loved hearing her giggle into the phone, and how she yawned again into the phone. UGH!

“Okay then, good night, Wally~” her tired voice sang.

“Night Y/n, sleep well”. When she hangs up, wally instaintly stands up and runs around happily jumping around. Getting all of his excitement out, that was until home woke up thanks to the noises he was making and caught him with the curtains.

“CREEEK!!!”

“sorry home, I just got excited! I’ll be quieter! Sorry home"

Tag: @quittingfortgebetter @egg1sblog @ice-cream-writes-stuff @thealreadyunsteadyteddynewpaper @narucore

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spitdrunken · 30 days

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I’m busy as usual lately, and if you’re new here, my interests tends to change up pretty quickly and strongly because of my neurodivergency lolol I see all your hazbin requests, and I will try to get to them <33 In the meantime, my girlfriend has dragged me into Ace Attorney (so blame her), and I cleaned up this ‘discord fic’ we wrote together, haha.

notes: dick gumshoe x female!reader (reader is very explicitly female here; please don’t go in hoping for ambiguity!), age gap (gumshoe is early 30s, reader is early 20, inexperienced reader. other than that, this is just very consensual sex. enjoy!

essentially, the entire crux of the idea is that gumshoe has a hookup app he uses sometimes, and you meet through there. you haven’t had that much sex, or just not sex with guys, but you’re bored and you’re horny and you decide- why the hell not? you assume nothing will really come out of it, anyway.

maybe there's just a far higher number of guys on the app you were on, and most of them just sent you a picture of their ugly penis or the most horrendous, sexual pickup line in existence… you'd practically given up on both the app and the male population in general, when you encounter gumshoe. who just tells you how pretty you are and asks how your day has been. he is outrageously attractive himself, and so you have to wonder whether or not he’s even real… despite the different start,i feel like he still wouldn't take too long to ask if you want to come over to his place sometime, but that's only normal and expected- it's the very purpose of the app such as the one you're using, after all! he warns you beforehand that his apartment doesn’t look like the best of places on the outside, and agrees to do anything you want beforehand to verify his identity! like sending pics of himself in certain poses, or (video)calling.

and you show up and all of your nerves just crash into you at once. you’re standing in the parking lot and you get so nervous you might as well throw up. you don’t really do stuff like this, but you were lured here by his genuine compliments and his good looks. you are almost tempted to text him that you’re going home, something came up, or to be rude enough to ghost him entirely- but there’s a little bit of guilt welling up inside you, knowing that you agreed with all of this, and he’s waiting for you and got his hopes up.

the reason you initially do go up to the door is this guilt. at your hesitant knock at the door, it immediately swings open, as if he had been waiting right beyond. you’d guessed from his pics he’d be big, but he’s really tall, and the spitting image of the pics he uploaded, rather than some of the horror stories you’ve heard.

"h-hi!!" you squeak. "i'm from the, uh, thing." you give him a little wave, and immediately feel stupid, quickly lowering your hand. your face is already on fire, and you don’t quite know what else to say.

gumshoe, on the other hand, only needs to take one look at you to be able to see how nervous you are. (while people often consider him dumb, he’s at least got emotional intelligence to make up for it. not to mention, he’s been around this block plenty of times before.)

"pal, c'mon, sit down. you look like you're about to pass out," he says, though not unkindly, and leads you inside before pulling back a chair from his dinner table. you're pretty happy to do as he says. "are you okay?"

"yeah, um-" you wring your hands together on your lap, face flushed, not meeting his eye. "i'm sorry. i don't really do stuff like this…. ever. i-is that weird? i just, uh, well…" you laugh sheepishly and awkwardly. "you were- you are very handsome, what can i say?"

he laughs, louder than you think you deserve, but it's boisterous. not laughing at you. "you sure do know how to make a man feel special, huh? but… hey. look at me." he's sitting opposite you now, a kindly smile on your face. "we don't hav'ta do anything you don't want to. we don't have to do anything at all! i want you to have a good time. both of us should have a good time. 'course, i'm always happy to have such a pretty lady in my home.. but i'm not gonna make you do something you don't wanna."

after his little motivational speech, you've calmed enough that your breathing has slowed down to regular levels.

"thank you, i really do appreciate it… um. i wanna try, at least. i bought new lingerie 'n everything," you mumble, eyes averted.

"just for little old me? you shouldn't have." dick's smile is goofy and genuine and luring you closer, allowing him to reach out for your waist.

"would you mind if i take a look? i'd love to see your pretty new panties." you don’t trust your tongue to make any comprehensible noise right now, so you just rapidly nod. "that's my girl."

maybe he keeps sitting down at the table, and pats his knee, inviting you to sit down on his lap. not right over his crotch, he doesn’t want to push you that quick and that hard. maybe you're wearing a cute little dress so he just pulls the hem up, and without even thinking about it, you reach out and taking him from it, holding it up for him,, you're very very red in the face and looking anywhere except at him, but you can hear the smile in his voice when he says ‘thanks’.

he just places one of his big, warm hands on your thigh, rubbing circles on the skin on the inside, and with the other hand he just traces a single finger up the length of your thigh, closer and closer to your panties to see if you don't get spooked. even when he touches your underwear, he doesn't go for your clit or anything like that, just running the tip of his finger over the side of it. maybe it's pink n lacy and slightly see through.

"that's so adorable," he tells you, maybe even tugging a little at the pink little bow on top. "s'like you read my mind and you knew exactly what i wanted to see! special girl."

"i- i'm sure i'm not… mmm--" gumshoe just hums in response, question unspoken. "i'm sure you've had prettier girls over." and you immediately want to hit yourself over the head for saying something like that, but it was what you were thinking.

"hah!" he practically guffaws, entirely unfazed. "you'd be surprised, pal. all i ever seem to hook are skinny little guys. which is all fine and good, love ‘em, but there are plenty who are just- if they can't be bothered to just say 'hi' before starting to talk about my dick, i just block 'em."

you can't help but laugh a little, and look at his face for the first time, meeting with relaxed eyes and a kind smile. (if you're going to catch feelings for this man, you swear to god--) "i guess we're pretty similar, then. i only got, uh, dick pics and bad one liners… you were the first one to just ask how i was feeling." for a moment, you can forget you're sitting in a stranger's lap with your dress pulled up, and his fingers centimeters away from your clit. maybe this guy just has that effect on people.

"people can be weird," he sighs and shakes his head a little. "that, or they just ask for the strangest things. i had this one guy over once, and he just straight up asked for fisting, which, y’know, never mentioned that anywhere before! how do ya even think you want my damn fist inside you, when you can't even handle my cock?"

"o-oh yeah?" you stammer out, the unspoken question on your lips (are you THAT big???!!??) obvious to both people in the room, and you don't even think about it as your eyes shift a looot lower than his face.

there's a tangible shift in the air, and gumshoe chuckles. when he speaks again, his voice is about an octave lower. "eyes up here, sweetheart." you jolt, practically spit out an apology, and he laughs again, louder this time. "no, no, i'm sorry, was just messing with ya. but you got curious, didn't ya? c'mere."

he takes your wrist, grip loose enough that you could pull away at any moment, but you don't. he places your hand right on top of his crotch, and places his own hand over yours. he is… big, and your face is burning. "i can see that you're wet yourself, sweetheart, so i think ya should know i've been hard ever since you walked through that door."

#dick gumshoe x reader #ace attorney x reader #dick gumshoe #cha.gumshoe #cw.age gap #cw.agegap

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avisisisis · 2 years

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ROTTMNT Headcanons!

All the turtles are neurodivergent. All of them.

Casey didn't let Casey Jr steal her name, so now everyone calls him Junior or CJ. He doesn't mind, he's just glad to have his mom back.

April and Sunita actually knew eachother from when they were younger. There was a time where Sunita stole a cloacking broach? (I forgot its name), ran away for a while and went to kindergarten for a day. Her and April got along immediately. They can't remember meeting before now, but it did happen.

When he was younger, Raph was more... angry. A bit more like the 2012 version. He felt horrible when he accidentally hurt one of his brothers, so Splinter taught him how to channel his anger in a healthy way. He still snaps sometimes.

When he was younger, Leo decided that he didn't like himself. Like, at all. So he changed everything he was until he became what he is now, the face man (and later on the leader).

He still hates how he turned out to be sometimes though.

Mikey not only paints, but also makes sculptures! He uses Leo as a model because he loves making cool poses. A while after they met April, he started using her as a model too because he never saw a human up close and he wants to learn how their anatomy is so he can draw her in the family portraits he makes.

All the siblings have their own way of making art. Donnie's good a blueprints, Raph makes plushies, Leo designs clothes, Mikey draws and April reaaally good at music. Mostly singing.

Donnie made Raph a special knitting thingy because he can't hold the normal ones. His hands are too big.

Leo was bored, scrolling through the internet and saw a video about clothes and thought “huh. I could do something better than that” and it turned out that he could, in fact, design something better than what he saw.

April sings a lot. While baking (she sucks at cooking), when she's playing videogames, in home when there's no one around, etc.

April's mom isn't around much because she has a fulltime job, so April invites the turtles to hang out almost every week.

Casey is really good at strategizing. She's more of a blunt force person but she makes a plan, and a backup plan, as she rushes into battle. She's similar to Leo in that way, so they always play strategy games thing to beat eachother. Their matches last hours.

Leo once was really upset. He didn't know what was the exact reason, but he felt like he was just a liability. So, since most people complained about him always talking all the time, he decided to shut up. It didn't last even an hour, because when he went to get breakfast he realized that when his brothers say that he's annoying they don't mean it seriously. Really, they were so worried about him.

Leo, April and Sunita go to April's house to gossip. They also invite Mikey sometimes.

Leo's actually really good at cooking. He just adds whatever he wants whenever he wants, so sometimes what he makes tastes like a god made it, and sometimes they're so horrible Donnie faints at the sight of it (once. That happened once, and Donnie will never let it go).

Mikey cooks when he's upset. After the Shredder, and also after the movie, he started cooking a lot more. He disguised it as him wanting to let Casey Jr try as many stuff as he can (which is true), but no one really believes that that's the only reason. They don't talk about it though, and Mikey's grateful about it.

The boys have no healthy coping mechanisms. Only like two each one.

It took them a while (years. It took them years) to warm up to Draxum, but once they did, they started to think of him as Dad too. Mikey called him that from the start, but the others didn't. Leo almost cried when he found out.

Leo jokes about disowning Draxum because of the roof incident. Donnie jokes (kind of) about disowning Leo because of everything in his life.

We all know that Raph has separation anxiety, but it got a lot worse after the movie, to the point where he had to know where the others were going or else he'd worry himself sick. It took months for him to relax a bit, but it was still a huge issue.

Mind Raph is actually a manifestation of the boys mystic powers and they never realized it. It's a branch of the mind meld thing (we need more of that. Like the creators told us the boys can link their thoughts and they never talked about it ever again?? The potential it had was huge).

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loveylo · 1 year

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rottmnt!Raphael gets the comfort he deserves

hey gang i’m not feeling so great, so here’s me projecting onto my favorite turtles again!!!

(i am totally avoiding hw rn but shhhhh raph (me) needs the comfort)

TCEST DNI THIS IS FAMILIAL LOVE/AFFECTION!!! I HAVE A BAT!!!

No tws from what i can tell? Maybe just cws for depression and such. If any of yall think i need to add one, please tell me, ty!

Headcanons/Tags for this oneshot:

He/She Raphael

They/It Donnie

She/Her Mikey

He/Him Leo

They are all the big neurodivergent cuz idk how to write neurotypical people :skull:

Raph is 100% burnt out/depressed autism but she has the best support system ever frfr

FLUFF AND COMFORT SO SO SO MUCH FLUFF AND COMFORT

So it was one of these days huh?

Raph grumbles into his pillow, brows furrowing at the rough texture. He shakes out his heavy arms before flipping the pillow over. This does absolutely nothing to help alleviate the uncomfortable scratching.

She huffs, pushing the pillow away entirely, planning on using her arms as a replacement. They work decently (despite the spikey nature).

The lack of energy finally catches up, and he falls asleep.

...

And when he wakes up, there’s a warmth at his side. It’s warmer then his plushies, but still cold. It seems to have scales as well and- oh.

“So from there, I’ll finally be able to reset the router-” the warmth was Donnie, “and connect the files to, welcome to consciousness by the way, my device.”

It was a quick greeting, spoken under a hushed tone. From there Donnie continues to info dump, and Raph continues to listen.

She is lulled to sleep by Donnie’s voice, while it continues to explain it’s “Major Awesome Cool Particle Accelerator.”

...

The next time he comes to, the warmth has moved to the top of his shell.

Mikey.

Shockingly enough, the room is not filled with noise. There’s just a comforting blanket of silence that covers the room, with the only real noise coming from the switch in Mikey’s hands. It’s soft and fluffy, kind of like ice cream.

Raph’s stomach growls at the thought, and Mikey’s head shoots up from it’s resting spot. She smiles in understanding, before reaching at the bedside drawer. Raph raises a non-existent eyebrow in confusion, however, the feeling is smothered by the smell of butter on toast.

An easy texture to handle, and an even easier taste. Not too overwhelming, not too bland.

Raph tears up at all the thought that went into her meal. Mikey pretends not to notice, sliding off the spiked shell and landing criss-cross next to her. Raph doesn’t sit up, she doesn’t have the full strength to do so. Mikey’s smile softens, and she glances between Raph and the toast before them, a question.

He eats it all, before promptly passing out, holding Mikey in his arms.

...

She realizes that the plush in her arms isn’t Mikey first.

Consciousness flows back to her brain like an hourglass tilted sideways. When the top is finally free of sand, she feels a hand slowly scritching the back of her head. Based on the previous visits, she can assume it’s Leo.

Raph finally processes the soft flipping of pages, knowing Leo, it’s a Jupiter Jim comic that he’s read about 100 times by now. She huffs in amusement, throwing her arms around the turtle and pulling him down. He yelps in shock, clearly unaware of her awakening.

“So, what time is it?” The words jumble out of her mouth. Soft and quiet.

“Around dinner time,” Leo giggles out, shuffling closer to her plastron, “I’m pretty sure Mikey’s gonna come in with food soon.”

That sounds nice, Raph thinks to herself.

“That sounds nice,” Raph says aloud.

And it is.

He finally sits up when Mikey walks in. He eats the noodles laid out in front of him. He stretches, gets up, walks to the couch.

He got up today, and his sibling’s eyes grow wide and fluffy and soft and caring and loving.

He got up today, and it’s progress.

He got up today, and that’s enough.

That’s enough.

Raphael Hamato is loved, no matter what time of day she gets out of bed (if she even gets up at all).

He is not alone. He will never be alone.

Not when he has his amazing family by his side.

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tophat-cy · 4 months

Text

It's that time of the year again, huh?

Hello everyone! Here is TopHat_Cy with probably the last Tumblr post of this year. Since 2023 is coming to a close, I'll just put down a little summary of the experiences I had this year. Let's get started ^v^ ✨💗!

⚠️CW/TW since there may possibly be some ranting and/or venting at some points⚠️

To be honest here, 2023 was pretty rough, and I'm not talking about that I had the baccalaureate in June, oh no. I was honestly waiting for that time so I can just do myself after that, right after I supported 4 years in that hellpit people called it high-school (or pedagogic college...whatever 🙄), just to get like over 3 months later on a worse hellpit called college, where all my personal issues has awakened...and felt horrible and lonelier like I've never been.

Despite being in overall horrible, high-school was great because mostly because I wasn't feeling the loneliness and self misery I feel now. Now that I'm at college I get almost hit daily by the fact that 1) I'm lonely and I'll always remain lonely (since who tf wants a little antisocial freak who literally draws all day lmao??) 2) I'm worthless, mostly because my French skills (at least) suck, and a good amount of my marks suck as well in comparison with other students (and honestly I wouldn't be bothered that much about this fact if it wasn't for my mom who haves the great habit to remind me by times to make sure I take big marks only to get the scholarship, hahahaha shut up bitch), which guess what, it makes me feel ✨horrible✨, and 3) Your life is a pure lie. This is sooooooooooo great isn't it :D ??!

*sigh*

I realized within my current college experience that I'm lonely not only in society, but with my own mom. I realized I'm even more of a worst daughter than I ever thought...I realized that I'm getting more horrible as the time goes by, or at least this is how I feel. I feel like losing myself slowly, becoming into nothing but a setinent shell of the former self. With those realizations, I'm getting hit in the face once again by the most saddest fact that I've encountered so far in my life but I always tend to forget it to make myself feel better (but you know how life is...it needs to offer you some lemons in the eyes 👁️👁️)...

...the fact that my life is nothing but a pure LIE.

But hey! Can we look into the bright side of what this year offered for some hot minutes?? It's not all black and misery! I had part of wonderful and fun times with my boyfriend (we did Whiteboards and rambled about our silly stuff like two neurodivergents that we are 😁✨), I had part of several fanart moments from people, I had Art Fight (yeaaaaah, our old pal Art Fight, which kinda started to become a pain in the ass every year when I have to bring my REFs up to date for this event...mmmmmmm 😊/pure af hot sarcasm, but honestly here, do I really care :D ???), I even joined my first Original Characters Tournament, Ressurection, in which I met wonderful people which appreciate my skills and also willing to help and support. And most importantly, I had YOU! All of you! If it wasn't for you guys, I definitely wouldn't been here, sharing this thoughts with YOU. And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, once again ❤️!

As a mini conclusion to all of this speech, I'll admit that this year was still decent so far, with all it's ups and downs, along with the fact that I'm returning myself at being genderfluid (hence the Pic at the very beginning of the post lmao :')) )

The latest events from this year at least made me think that being feminine related makes me feel worthless about myself, and I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to be strong at its full and I want to feel and be free with who I am. I'm not the most social person, yes. I'm far off from being a great daughter, yes of course, and I'm definitely far from being the best person out alive, or at least a great one. But at least I want to do something about it, so I can have the right to say that I tried my best for real.

So, that's it. I'm genderfluid. I go by he/they/cee from now on (although cee/ceer pronouns are most likely optional, like if you want to use them, go ahead, although I'll still be ok if you used the he/they ones, just don't refer to me with she/her or any fem aligned pronouns).

🌙⭐Plans for 2024⭐🌙

(aka my favorite part from this post so far 🤓)

Just like everyone else, I have prepared some future plans for the next year and which I'd like to share with you. Here they are!

I want to make EITHER an OCT or a world-building RP server somewhere around February-March or later (I would've done it sooner, but I have to prepare for the exam session in January). The OCT thing may take a while though since I want it to be good, so this plan might get extended for 2025 as well. As for the world-building RP thing, with some effort, it could be done next year.

Returning on developing some miscellaneous projects - those being Insanity AU and a somewhat game-like concept that my boyfriend made plans about it in this year and which I'd like to develop on. Insanity AU is a thing that I've made with dustyisegg back in 2022 but discontinued it for 9 months due to [DATA EXPUNGED] and resumed it's development, by remaking the characters and their plot entirely. (Dusty if you see this tell me if you still want to work on this, yeah yeah I'm a huge procrastinator lawl 👾✨)

JToH, JToH, JToH projects - my dear and beloved JToH...(I've been in this Fandom for almost 3 years...more than I've been in the Doll Eye one, can you believe that?). Most of those projects will consist on simply designing new towerhumans, respectively redesigning the old ones. Along with that I have a comic project which I will start making it's script soon enough, other side projects that I have in my mind...and JToHVerse, which I don't know when it's that going to be started (earliest date will apparently be around 2025, but let's see how the comic project goes 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Putting some content in Toyhouse - a thing that I should worry about eventually ;v;

GET YOUR ARTFIGHT SPIRIT BACK PSYCHE 😩!!!

The last but not the least...To start developing at least one of my original storylines FOR FUCK'S SAKE 😂😂😂!!!!!! I've been waiting for this for years already hajshshdvbssb :')) I'm not sure which of them is going to come out tho. Definitely not PK though, that one will most likely get an extend to next year.

So...I guess that's it??

I'm going to assure you with two things before I finish. First of them is that, again I think, I'm fine. I'm not upset or anything. I had hard times like everyone else (maybe) this year and I had to left it out somehow. But in rest everything is alright, so don't worry about me. I will keep existing for you and for what I love ^v^.

The second thing that I will say is about this blog. Starting with January 1st, I do not allow anyone below the age of 15 to interact. I have an age now, and at this point I want to entertain people, not to babysit them. So don't get upset if you possibly get blocked, that would be one of the reasons (I hope to remember to unblock you after you get the age hhgjgjfjf 😅)

That's it guys! If you read til here, thank you very much for the attention and time spent on reading this. Hope everyone haves a wonderful 2024 and nice days! See ya around 💗💗💗!

#blog #blog post #2023 summary #damn this shit is looooooooooooooong #haha 😅#cw : ranting #cw : vent #tumblr post #2023

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gurorori · 9 months

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The Seed and Queendom were so powerful whwhwbwhsjjdd i'm🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love. Cure for me was also verrry fun i love her choreographies, she's such a skilled and fluid dancer !!!

And exist for life is so🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭 beautifulllll i'm wjqbwnnsns <333 in love. I love. A lot . Mwah thank you for all your recommendations it is. 3:15am and i have to call it a day but !!!!!! Wah

da seed always gimme chills cuz i love da message & its nawt jus a figure of speech either, aurora fun fact is dat shes grown up in very close proximity 2 nature n clearly has so so much love n respect 4 it an i think it show wonderfully nawt only thru her music but thru her entire energy. she bcome one with it!! there a reason every1 calls her a forest nymph / elf n so much more in da comments aha

tho i think 2 call her anythin but human is a bit unfair, i think shes very human in da most beautiful of ways. unironically

queendom is suhc an anthemmmm... n it warms my heart when i see live performances of it cuz it really feel like one big hug with every1 given da lyrics n jus da vibes it creates. luv it so much, n i love da music video n_n women....

cure 4 me is very special 2 me even tho it a bit sillier soundin than most of her songs (along w the chorus blowin up on tt) readin more ab it from aurora herself tho, it turn out da inspiration came from sumthin dats a very loaded topic & after dat i cudn look at it da same & grew even closer 2.. THE SONG? idk why im talkin ab it lik a human but. word from miss aurora:

"Like always, I got inspired by a really huge, dark and horrible thing that happens in the world. The first seed of inspiration came from thinking about the countries where it’s still legal to do conversion therapy for gay people and lesbians. I just thought that’s so pointless. The first idea was me saying, ‘I don’t need a cure for me – just let me live, man!’”

“Why is it so difficult for people to just let others be themselves? Then I thought that it could mean many other things. People tend to believe quite quickly that something is wrong with them if they’re not like the people they see in front of them. It’s so sad that it doesn’t take much for us to really doubt ourselves.”

^ lil context 4 dat is, aurora is definitely queer as shes talkd ab her attraction 2 ppl in da past & shes had a girlfriend be4 too. i think she mentions dat she feels different romantically in regards 2 men n women. but also she doesn label herself really, but i think this gives more insight into this song. as well as ive noticed ppl talkin ab her includin some of her own more 'weird' mannerisms n well. the dance is weird n silly too (/affectionate!!! its gettin added 2 sky soon like i talkd abt in dms, n im boutta spam it everywhere) n i think it an incredible move too.

i think cure 4 me can also b related back 2 auroras neurodivergence, which she has talkd ab before. she mentioned bein made fun of @ school 4 bein autistic (altho i don think she was ever diagnosed w it) n also bein put on adhd medication in da past - pretty sure dats her official diagnosis. but yeah. honesly, jus from watchin the way she carries herself n moves n talks in interviews & lives, she was always so clearly different & felt closer than other artists 2 me. like nawt in a 'wow shes so weird' way like sum ppl say. idk theres an inherent sense of belongin w dat person cuz shes so much like us too. man i started cryin but anyway i luv her lots she really mean lots 2 me.

exist 4 love is very beautiful too.. i luv da reference 2 the birth of venus, i love da influence of 1920/30s music too like many mentioned.. it make me melt into a puddle sumtime. we rly do exist 4 it huh.!!!!

but yah n_n thank 4 goin on this aurora journey wit me!!! am glad it was fun & am glad 2 infect ya so @/meowyoi, ya n i can all grow a bit more insane togethr <3

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sleepydrabbles · 8 months

Text

A question I get a lot as someone who’s neurodivergent and painfully shy is, shocker of shockers, ‘do you hate me?’

Lovely question to answer when you spend half your life stressing about the effect your presence has on those in your social circle, by the way. /sarcasm

Because the fact is, I don’t generally hate people. I can dislike them, of course, based on repeated patterns of behavior and their own attitudes towards me and other people around me (please tell me I’m not the only one who has to fight back resent and frustration when other people just bulldoze through the social rules I’ve spent years learning and suffer no negative consequences for it). I think I’ve only truly hated one person, and that was because my relationship with them revolved around their suffering, dropped off the moment I suggested they get actually professional help, and then started back up again four years later like nothing was wrong, WHILE STANDING IN THE WAY OF OTHER POTENTIALLY POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS. When I learned people had avoided me because they didn’t want to talk to this person I was furious.

The people who ask have usually accidentally overwhelmed me, and, much as I hate it, I do get snappy when I’m overwhelmed. Word to the wise: if you like to amble and explore, don’t go to a big city with three girls intent on visiting every shop in the goddamn shopping district within an hour. For people who are emotionally attuned this switch from fairly mild and/or excited to clearly upset and near-nonverbal can be incredibly unsettling. How do I know this? I have a nasty talent for attracting empaths. I don’t know what the fuck they’re thinking and I’m very worried. Do you know how stressful it is to try to manage your emotional output because it could potentially overwhelm someone? I sure as hell hope not because it’s impossible to do and always ends with this exact conversation:

“Are you okay?”

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

“You don’t look okay.”

“(Awkward laughter)”

“It’s okay if you want to do something el-”

“Look. Yes, I’m not feeling so hot. But it’s not you, and I don’t want to leave, and I promise you I’m gonna be okay!”

Dear fucking god. Empaths are so sweet. And so fucking scary. If you know an empath in your life please make sure they are well taken care of because dear. Fucking. God. Fucking terrifying.

Anyways.

I genuinely don’t hate people, though I will often avoid those who are overwhelming, loud, or who quickly attempt to take charge without having prior authority. And, darned perceptive human beings with feelings that they are, they will often notice this, especially if when I got to know them they weren’t like this, and the switch results in new distance. People don’t like new distance. It scares the shit out of them. They always think they’ve done something wrong when it’s got more to do with the person doing the distancing. Why I can’t tell you. I have one off day where, frazzled in the middle of a convenience store, I shoot someone a quick smile and then turn around to talk to someone else I’m already socializing with, and suddenly I hate people. Nevermind that there are five people squished into three square feet of space and that wasn’t healthy BEFORE covid, nevermind that we’re all in a new country and I’ve got a basket on my arm and two other people talking in my ear, oh no. I must be snubbing them. Whatever did they do wrong?

The answer is nothing, you twits, and I say that with all the affection my exhausted heart can manage at the moment.

I will continue to get these questions for as long as I live because, despite all attempts to the contrary, I happen to be imperfect, temperamental, and easily overwhelmed. And as alarming as it is to be an extroverted kid but an introverted adult (can someone explain to my relatives how hard it is to perform in these conditions), like I said, I don’t hate people. And if anyone is patient enough to afford me the absolute privilege of listening in on a conversation and chirping in with my awkward half-slur accent thing and mangled grammar with no expectation of further contributions, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you.

#I’m whining again #this place is just my whiny spot #That’s okay #that’s why I have a separate space for art #so if people want to avoid the whining #it’s no problem #introvert problems #I hate to admit that I’m an introvert #I can still talk someone’s ear off #for the record #my anxiety has just made me shy #if you relate I’m sorry #we can be awkward not-really-haters-of-humans together

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frostbite-the-bat · 1 year

Note

What's a datapack au

It's a world building and oc specific Deltarune AU I made, this other ask post is a good starting point,

it's also a lie and not just the basics and is too complicated even when it is TECHNICALLY just the basics - just overexplained ! enjoy my two writing styles on these two posts, by the way !

for stuff i havent explained there, i can go briefly over the main story (tho there's side stories, characters unrelated to the main story etc.)

it follows blank, an addison who lives with his best friend and adoptive sibling, berry. together they co-own a library/bookstore/movie stuff store! it's a chill place, and stands out from the rest of the cyber city aesthetic by being.. well.. more chilled out! it is a safe place that berry wants to keep that way for anyone who may need it. they're also next to a cafe, owned by a swatcling named mocha (owned by a friend). she is their adoptive sister.

maddison is another important character, he's the adoptive gamer bro to all of them. they grew up raised by mocha's parents, alongside with mocha's sibling, tired swatchling. yes. their name is "tired". are they tired? yes. but they're in the background, back to the main point

blank is.... more outgoing and has bigger dreams, and berry is comfortable where they are at and... well... severely neurodivergent coded after yours truly (so is blank. you fool. all of the 3 main addisons are just different parts of me projected on advertisement people)

he goes out to cafes, and he even performs stand up comedy! he always had dreams working in theater, but he's an addison. they sell things and have a natural urge to do it. (berry lacks it)

he becomes besties with spamton! they promised to each other that they'd be by each other's side together, as the underdogs. they'd help each other out... and one day they will be BIG! Together! and together they can help those around them!

well.. that's not what happened, did it?! not gonna go into detail, but hee hoo, spamton and the addisons mutually pretty much abandon each other and. blank has a mental breakdown. slowly! over time! one day he snaps at berry and... UH OH! turns out he has friends tied to the cyber city black market, and mafia, essentially! he goes on to buddy ol' clambert, the big bad boss of it all, and requests to buy a swatchling mask. maybe that will make him great, right? if spamton can cheat it, SO CAN HE!

well clambert is an asshole and sold him one thats badly corrupted on purpose! he literally wanted to kill blank with it! while walking back, in the middle of the street near to the library, blank puts it on and passes out, glitching and transforming as the fucked up mask does it's job. berry happens to walk by and sees it, and does te number one no-no of datapacks/swatchling masks - never EVER take it off from someone who's undergoing "installation". they tried that and it made things worse! they run off for help... but when they come back, blank is gone. he retreated back into deep dark cyber city to live there alone, to not let anyone especially berry see him like this. also going even wackier over spamton's fame, because this happens while spamton is still famous, before his own downfall

looksie where blank's own greed and disregard for others brought him, huh ? well. this isnt forever ! things happen afterwards. years later he is "found again" and theres a process of him meeting his old friends (and new ones as well)

together they plan tot ake clambert down, as he is genuinely pure filth and only cares for money and power. he ENJOYS bringing people down to make himself feel better and more powerful. he wants people under his control, and he wants to see them suffer. he keeps selling out these horrible corrupted masks and other things. . also blank just wants revenge he is angry and rage-filled basically 24/7. if it werent for the rules of the au, he WOULD have a body count

so that's ! a short view on the story

oh yeah also spamton gets the fanfic treatment and does not go with kris after the neo fight, he stays and is found and taken out of the basement. and so begins his very, very painful path to recovery and eventually meeting his old friends.

after all these years, him and blank are not that different are they? very different, yet the same in many ways

but also blank is now a 8'7 tall monster that wants to attack everything on sight and has pet rats in his hair. would you believe me that even that beast of a guy is still based on me ? yeah !

so um yes. datapack au. can always ask me for more details !

#guz ask #dpau #datapack au

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asexual-abomination · 3 years

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Hi 🥺 I saw requests were open? Could you maybe do platonic Phantom Troupe with the reader having echolalia? If the troupe is too much, maybe just Chrollo and Feitan? Thank you in advance 🥺

Thank you so much for this request! I had a lot of fun writing it!

I know that echolalia and a lot of other symptoms show up differently in different people, so I had to base this on my own experience, and I have a tendency to echo literally anything, words, sounds, rhythms, anything.

I decided to have this take place in a scenario where reader copies each member individually!

Chrollo

Probably the one who has read up on any and all of your symptoms, since he considers it his responsibility to be educated on your needs

When, after you happened to be sat in a meeting with the Troupe, you began muttering to yourself, he wanted to see if you were alright

As he walked up to after, hoping to speak with you, he was surprised to see you repeating a seemingly innocuous phrase from somewhere in the middle of the meeting

Chrollo would recognize this as a stim, but he wouldn’t understand immediately why you would be stimming something he randomly said

He would be a bit thrown off when your explanation is very simple, telling him that it just sounded right, felt right in your brain

He wouldn’t tell a soul, but a little part of him was proud that you found his voice that nice to listen to that you’d imitate it for fun

He definitely doesn’t mind, and even encourages any stimming in general, since he can see that it makes you happy

Machi

While most of her medical training is in more physical things, after it was mentioned that you were autistic, she decided to go and top up her knowledge of neurodivergency.

At one point during a mission, she murmured to herself to remember a safe’s code, not realizing that she was within earshot of you

Several hours after the mission was over and everyone was celebrating the spoils of victory, she overheard you repeating the code to yourself over and over again

She expressed her confusion to you, reminding you that the mission was over and there was no need for the code anymore

When your response was to tell her that the code simply sounded nice, she would probably get confused for a moment

Machi doesn’t quite understand how some random string of numbers can ‘sound nice’ but she also knows that your brain functions differently from hers

I don’t see her making too big a deal out of it, but she’d actually make a sly comment about how much you listen to her

Other than that, she happy to let you stim as you please!

Phinks

Probably not educated at all about the intricacies of your stimming or any symptoms in general, but he'll never get upset with you, since he understands on some level that it's just how you are

I'd imagine that the way you'd echo from him miiight come from overhearing him death threatening a scared hostage

Definitely spooks him when he hears you mumbling the harshest and longest string of curses he's ever heard

Mostly because you're spitting the words with the exact same tone as he did, and he thinks that you're trying to threaten him

(He doesn't wanna mess with you 😆)

When he finally figures out that you're copying him, he jumps to the next conclusion that you're mocking him

"What? Am I not intimidating to you? I sure scared that scum back there!"

"What are you talking about?"

His face when you explain yourself to him is nothing short of flustered, and he begins profusely apologizing

He gets super caught up whenever he's accidentally ableist, since he wants you to feel safe around him

Once you've cleared up the situation, he actually takes joy in seeing you copy him, and if he gets the chance he'll want to teach you how to be more intimidating

Uvogin

Another case of not really knowing what stims are, but being respectful of them anyway

I mean, man is literally eight feet tall, he doesn't care about whatever weird things anyone else might do

He roars at the back of his throat once, and that's it

When he's walking past you after a mission, Uvo's almost shocked to hear you making a vague growling noise constantly

Since he likes to lean into his animal side a bit more than others, he'll jokingly ask if you're trying to intimidate him, much like Phinks

When you explain to him to you thought that his roar was fun enough to copy, he also takes an odd sense of pride in it

He's not normally a man for any kind of subtlety, but if you actually found his roars pleasing to listen to, he'll see if he can roar at a volume that won't immediately burst your eardrums without protection or distance

If you do a lot of vocal stimming in general, especially imitation of his roars, I can see him taking you out to some mountain or cave or whatever to practice your roar for some fun bonding

Nobunaga

Okay so we know that he spends plenty of time around Machi, so she's probably explained some of the main symptoms of your autism at some point when he asked

But when he sits next to you and hears you trying to imitate the sounds that his sword makes when he charges it with his Nen, he looks at you incredulously for a moment

You may not have even noticed that you were echoing at first, so you'll probably be confused when you see him looking at you

"Oh, sorry, your sword just sounds nice!"

*Cue even further confusion from him*

Completely doesn't get how a sword sounds nice, but kind of has this "You do you, kid" attitude about it

May or may not invite you to listen to his practice and then wait until afterwards to listen for your echoes because he finds it cute

Shizuku

Okay I'm gonna be honest, when Blinky first appeared in show and made that noise, I was taken and kept trying to make the same noise for hours whenever it appeared

"Shizuku, why did you summon Blinky? Is something wrong?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't summon them?"

"Oh that was me, sorry."

Definitely has a giggle about it when she finds that you enjoy echoing her Nen ability

Will summon Blinky whenever you want to 'have a chat' with them

Very openly thinks you're absolutely adorable with it, and it's one of the first things she'll do every time she gets to see you

Shalnark

Honestly, he says everything with such a happy, upbeat tone, anything he says can be copied for fun

His laugh is the best, so you're probably echoing that

He's probably not too shocked when he hears an attempt his own laugh coming from down the hallway, thinking someone's trying to play a prank on him

But he'll be a little confused when he finds you

When you reveal the truth of what you were doing, oh god, be prepared

"Aww, you like my voice that much??"

"You do a pretty good impression of me, must spend a lot of time listening, huh?"

He WILL NOT stop until he gets to see you blush, though if he does overstep and upset you, he'll tone it back down immediately

Might not change anything especially big with his usual way of talking, but will take a moment to appreciate his own voice whenever he catches you imitating him

Bonolenov

THE MUSIC!!

Okay I know that they're mainly used for battle and injuring people's ears, but he definitely has more calm songs that he plays for his friends

When you first hear it, the tunes are so enchanting that you will be humming or whistling it for weeks afterwards

He's sitting and relaxing when he hears you attempting to hum the tune of a sweet lullaby he had once played for the Troupe

It's probably not a perfect replication, since it takes a while to learn the songs he makes, but it makes his heart melt to think that you want to try your hand at his beloved music

When he overhears you, he jumps in to begin gushing about the song you found so lovely

Asking if you'd like to hear it again - he'd certainly love to play it for you again!

He might seem really overexcited, but he's genuinely happy that he can bring you joy with his ability

Franklin

Took me a moment to think of something for him, but after a while of thinking:

He speaks slowly and calmly quite often, so I can imagine that he can sometimes say things in very rhythmic fashion, which will catch on very quick

You're walking away from a quick chat with him, when he hears you whispering under your breath

Normally wouldn't even make a note of it, but he wants to make sure you're okay

(Definitely isn't worried about you and wanting to keep you safe)

His reaction when you tell him that you liked the way that he said something is a mix between "Oh, that's nice" and "What are you on about"

Has probably the least amount of education on stimming, but also one of the most open to learning, since he wants to do what he can to keep those he cares about safe and happy

Will be a bit put off by the way you seem to copy him at first, but definitely doesn't mind after a while

Silently thanks you for making him take a moment to appreciate his own voice

Pakunoda

Sweetheart hums a meteor city anthem one day, and isn't really shocked when she comes upon you humming it yourself

Since she's looked into your mind with her ability, she knows the way that you like to echo certain sounds, and doesn't mind at all

If she's listening from around a corner or such, she will smile joyfully and quietly wait out of your sight

Unless you catch her in the act, she's actually quite happy to not let you know of presence while she enjoys the thought of you enjoying her culture

But, if you do catch her, she'll probably start gushing to you about the origin of whichever song you wanted to imitate

She wants you to feel happy, however you wish to pursue that, and will absolutely hype you up in any sort of stimming you need to do

Whether you want her to ignore your echoing, or to join in whenever she hears, she's happy to do whatever you ask to keep you happy

Feitan

If he catches you copying something he said in broken language, at first he will assume that you were making fun of him

Not because he thinks that you're mean spirited, just because he's used to people mocking

With most members of the Troupe, he would show no mercy at this point, but since he actually likes you, you get one chance to explain yourself

Once you tell him about why you're copying him, he'll be seriously confused for a moment

Yeah he's never heard the word echolalia before

So you'll have to explain it to him

Probably doesn't immediately get it, but he lets you off the hook for it, since he does understand that you're very different from him and the others

Doesn't really think too much of it once you've cleared up that you aren't mocking him, although he finds it interesting to listen to you talking about how stimming works, even when he doesn't understand half of it

Kortopi

Actually another case that assumes that you're mocking him

He's used to being acknowledged as a weak link in the Troupe, and would get quite internally upset if he thought you were also in on the joke

I can't explain why I think this, but I actually see him as one of the most educated members of the group when it comes to any sort of neurodiversity, since I think he's neurodivergent himself, but he probably doesn't catch on immediately that this stems from your own autism

Wouldn't confront you straight away, but when he does, he tries to be as professional as possible about it

Cue a string of quiet apologies when you explain yourself

Quickly tries to explain himself to you, and you probably bond over how annoying it can be to have stimming misunderstood

Tries his best to let you know from then on that any symptoms you need to express are accepted around him, since he knows that you accept him as well

-----

Thanks for reading!

198 notes · View notes

dallonm-archive · 3 years

Photo

[image description: three monstera leaves. The leaves and wall are tinted purple by string lights behind the plant. In the middle, in a white serif font and all caps, reads “LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS”. At the bottom, in the same font but smaller, reads “update #1″ /end id]

LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS | UPDATE #1

Before I start, this is an autistic OwnVoices novel and it’s Autism Acceptance Month! Remember that awareness is passive and acceptance is active. And whilst this book is autistic OwnVoices I want to stress that it doesn’t cover the full autistic experience; autism is so individualistic and this story only stems from my experience. Make sure you to listen to all autistics, not just those who can speak and live independently and present in a way that suits neurotypical society. Support autistic creatives and if you’re also a creative, include autistic characters in your work! Autism is not a disease. It does not need to be cured.

Hey y’all! This has sure been a week! I gave myself the goal of 15,000 words for Camp Nano and somehow hit that in 5 days? I have literally never written at that pace before so I’m a little shocked lol. I don’t intend to keep that pace but the momentum has made drafting very fun and? drafting this has been a literal dream. I was really worried because March was a month long slump I expected to carry into April. I want to disclaim that I’m currently out of school and work because of the pandemic so I have all the free time to write and that definitely contributed! But also as a neurodivergent and disabled writer, free time does not always equal writing, so to know that I am capable of writing like this, even if not always, it is Such a gamechanger. Also this story makes me miss University so much I actually can’t take it :(

LCOMS has been a dream so far because the protagonists are all characters I’ve had for 5-8 years, and | spent those years struggling to figure out their stories. Even when I settled on this story, originally Patchwork, there was like 4 versions of it before I landed on this - none ever drafted beyond a couple thousand words because they just Never Worked. But the wait was worth it because holy shit I feel like I struck gold. This story feels so me, it’s so much fun to write, and I don’t think a story has come to me this easy before. It’s given me such a zest for storytelling again that I didn’t realise was missing. I’m slowing things down now because creative boundaries and self care >>>>, but I just passed 19k words - though some of the chapters are very unfinished because my priority has been mapping out the story’s skeleton as far as I can, then filling in the gaps based off what I learnt. I wanna put a passage before the cut so it’s not just me rambling about bullshit and no content, but it’s hard to pick just one, so here’s a non-linear scene that I :) cannot elaborate on :)

(CW: alcohol)

[image description: the side of a ferris wheel against black sky. The wheel is lit white, but at the bottom it’s coloured a mix of pink, blue and green. At the top, in a white serif font, reads “The ferris wheel lights blur between turquoise, magenta, mint, lavender, casts the puddles into technicolour. “ /end id]

Picture this: December 17th. End of term. End of year. Cloudless night, stars winking. Fargate glows, market stalls lit by yellow fairy lights line the street like candle stubs, gently burning. It’s raining. It has all day. Dampened your new beanie and scarf but you’re not mad, even if you’ll cringe at the texture when you take them off later. The ferris wheel lights blur between turquoise, magenta, mint, lavender, casts the puddles into technicolour. Your eyes and feet ache, but you’re not mad. And the mulled wine that buzzed warm in your bloodstream now coils in your stomach, but you’re not mad. You’re queuing for the technicolour wheel, even though you know it’ll be underwhelming and a waste of £4, but you’re not mad. Chocolate is usually too sweet for you, but he bought a pack of snowflake shaped ones - each carved with their own design - and when he passes the paper bag over you don’t say no. They taste like raspberry. He grins at you.

I have once again written a long update because I am autistic and have no self control; more excerpts and chapter-by-chapter rambles are as usual under the cut!

(content warnings are specific to the respective excerpt, but as a general warning there’s a lot of alcohol mentions!)

Originally I wanted 3 parts for 3 semesters, but I might do 2? Especially because in the UK at least the spring and summer semester kinda blend into one. The chapters are grouped by 3 - one for every POV character - but that’s more to help with writing because I get more done if I break it down like that, but I also like how it’s shaped the story structurally.

Sometimes the three chapters will be each of the character’s POV on a single event, sometimes they’re more individual but still follow a general idea (for example, one of them is how each character’s first three weeks of the semester goes). As usual for me the plot here is ~non-existent, especially at this stage, but everything is still connected and threaded together and thats all we really need. The chapters are also pretty short at the moment, none of them are over 3k and only tackle 1-3 scenes. This is something I feel is working really nicely now but I’m not gonna commit to it for the entire novel. I like chapter length variety! But right now we are just going with the flow :)

The most unexpected part is this being in second person, which I decided impulsively the night before Nano because I have :) zero self control :). I was unsure if it’d work in Multi POV, but it’s created such a unique tone that I can’t imagine the story without anymore, even if it’ll need tweaking over drafts. I think it suits the story so well! I’m just torn about it being in past or present, so if you see tense jumps in the excerpts no you did not <3 I’m not naming chapters right now beyond the character’s name, but part one is titled Growing Pains.

[image description: photo of a city at night. To the left are skyscrapers with lots of lit up windows behind a chain-link fence. To the right is an unlit building. Near the middle is a bright streetlight. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “growing pains”. /end id]

1: Tomas

We start in the most overrated part of Uni, fresher’s week <3 The drinking and clubbing culture of UK university is a big part of this novel but in a way that’s like “hey this can be fun sometimes but sometimes it’s really not and it’s also really not for everyone.” Our three POVs go to a club night and really don’t care for it. Tomas does not want to be here, is in a weird as shit mood, and instead of looking for his friends he goes to the smoking area with a man he just met called Damiano. I really wanna rewrite this because I wrote it with Zero Idea of where the story was going, so here’s the one part of it that I consider salvageable <3

Damiano shoves his phone in your hands, brightness puncturing darkness. You hadn’t noticed the dimmed lights until then, but the room blued, music and time slowed. Though his notes are on dark mode, his phone brightness is on two fucking high. Your eyes sting. Cracks travel up the screen like veins.

Each character also has a specific image they keep seeing in things that are never actually there and they all make me like 🤠 hey besties what do these mean are you okay?? I Do Not know what they mean yet, but Tomas’ is veins. (Also shout out to me for finally settling on a spelling for his name after 5 years and by that I mean thank you to my friends for peer pressuring me into choosing Tomas lol)

My absolute favourite part of this story is the character voices. They are all SO fun to write, and I feel like I settled into a good combo of My Literary Prose Bullshit and they’re very specific, often very sarcastic voices. They also say fuck like, so many fucking times. RIP to me if I decide to query this <3

2: Kristen

Okay first off Kristen is THE funniest character I’ve written. He is SO fun. I wish I was his bestie but he’s also been my bestie since 2013. We meet him in the gender neutral bathrooms being annoyed by a very rich and very tone deaf girl. Classism and the UK class divide is one of the biggest themes of this novel, and Kristen is a very proud working class Northerner (the North is massively underfunded and unsupported by the Gov compared to the South) and cannot stand the Tories (Conservative Party). Extremely fucking valid of him

(CW: blood)

“I’m Floss. Florence.” Of course she was. Fucking Florence. “Where are you from?”

You don’t look at her. Eyes on your reflection, the glittered cheekbones. You busy yourself with your eyeliner, gliding the pen over gaps and smudges that don’t exist. “Barnsley, babe.” It’s only a half lie this time - if you tell her you were born in Liverpool she’d probably look at you like you’re a dead rat on the side of a dodgy alleyway. But maybe that’d be better because then she’d leave you the fuck alone.

“Oh! That’s like well close isn’t it. I’m from Reigate.” Her voice breathes trust fund and Waitrose, tries to speak like it doesn’t. You try not to laugh.

“Reigate! I bet your parents are right little Tories, aren’t they?”

She playfully slapped your shoulder. She thinks you’re friends. "Not every rich person is a Tory!” Don’t roll your eyes don’t roll your eyes don’t roll your eyes. “Is that blood on your hands?”

“Huh?” You look: faded red dye dried to your palm, blotted on your fingertips. It is dye, because your hair is as of four hours ago a fierce “Real Red”. But it could be blood. “No, it’s hair dye.”

If you think he’s being harsh, she literally calls him a slur like 3 lines after this <3 Fuck rich people half of this book is me clowning on them.

Kristen’s recurring Imagery is blood, except sometimes it’s less clear if it’s actually blood or not. Once again, besties are you okay ????

3: Junie

Junie my beloved <3 love her so much. She finds Kristen in the bathroom, and they agree to look for Tomas, until Tomas texts to say he already left. But the biggest part of this chapter is the absolute crisis she has over kissing for a girl for the first time to ABBA :)

(CW: alcohol)

[image description: a disco ball against a red-purple background. The disco ball casts dots of light against the across the ceiling. At the bottom, in a white serif font, reads: “Dancing Queen bounces against the walls. The disco ball casts specks over the ceiling, floor, walls, your skin, hair, eyes like broken glass.” /end id]

You don’t listen to 80s music, or 70s, but this room is smaller than the main floor, not claustrophobic, less freshers. Yet, even without the mask of a crowd, nobody notices the girl in the corner kissing the other girl. A girl you don’t know. You’d only gone up to her because she has purple hair and you had to tell her how much you love it - what dye is it? Professional or homemade? Did you have to bleach your hair? Professional or homemade? Will your hair fall out if you bleach it at home? If you dye your hair purple, do you become part of the Milky Way or part of Andromeda? She turns and sticks her tongue out to display her fresh tongue piercing, like a silver bullet lodged in flesh. “Dance with me, you look lost.” She has an allure to her, the Andromeda hair, the bullet in the tongue - do you want to pull it out with your teeth, or lodge it in your own skin? But she asks you to dance, and you fall into her orbit, if only for a few songs. Dancing Queen bounces against the walls. The disco ball casts specks over the ceiling, floor, walls, your skin, hair, eyes like broken glass. Her tongue in your mouth, yours in hers, bullet grazing against your lips. She tastes of vodka and cherries and metal.

I really, really feel for Junie. She’s recently out, and she’s only just navigating what it means to exist as a lesbian. She kisses a girl and immediately regrets it, because she’s a hopeless romantic and was hoping her first kiss with a girl wouldn’t be in the back of a club, but she also doesn’t regret it because it was a good kiss and they’ll never see each other again lol. Junie’s recurring imagery is glass and once again, besties are you okay

4: Junie

I don’t know how I feel about back to back POV chapters but that’s just how this set worked. The next 3 are immediately after the events of the first 3, after they’ve all left the club. Kristen and Junie walk home together, and most of this and his subsequent chapter is establishing relationship dynamics and <3 this story made me love writing dialogue y’all. This story has a lot of dark elements, so it’s really refreshing to be able to have the light-hearted moments as well. Like these characters are all going through it but they’re also Gen Z 20 year olds who grew up using humour to cope like what else are they meant to do

“We should’ve got that flat on Brunswick. It’s literally down the street from the SU - we’d just have to walk down a hill and then we’d be home.” He complains.

“Kristen, that flat had a rat problem. I saw one scurrying behind the oven.”

“Yeah, and we live with Tomas Meijer now, so what’s the difference?” He faces you, walks backwards, grin plastered on his face.

“That was mean.” You feign annoyance. You sound like a schoolteacher.

“It’s just how we are, you know. The love hate relationship. Like night and day or some shit. I’d kill for that boy but like, he’s still a rat. He’s the same to me - did he tell you he called me a malnourished ferret once in first year? In English and Dutch. Don’t even remember what it is in Dutch but he really came at me with two knives like that.”

Kristen and Junie don’t really know each other well - Junie is Tomas’ friend from class and Kristen and Tomas met in dorms, and a series of shitty housemates in second year brought them all together. It’s funny because I really worried Junie would end up with no clear place in the group and more like a third wheel to Kristen and Tomas but as I started writing I realised that her and Kristen are gonna become besties like. Instantaneously. Love this for them <3

5: Kristen

Essentially mirrors the last chapter. Him and Junie arrive home and have a heart to heart in the living room about gender <3 I love this for them <3

6: Tomas

Tomas goes home with Damiano and they hook up, which is very out of character for Tomas so it’s like his I Am So Random. I Can’t Believe I Just Did That moment. Damiano is a really sweet dude though it’s all good, but he’s here to stay and I can just tell it’s gonna get messy :/ I actually really love how this chapter came out but whilst I have no problem with reading or writing non-explicit sex scenes I’m also like a would rather die than put that on tumblr dot com oops

7: Kristen

we’ve skipped a week ahead to the day before semester starts, and the next three chapters are basically like a character study of where each of them are mentally. It’s not the best :/ This is also the point where Day 1 Of Camp me had literally no idea what I was doing. LCOMS is different from the way I pants Revelations, Revelations because with the latter I find it much easier to brainstorm scenes in my head but with this one, it really is a surprise until I open the doc. It’s created some really interesting moments though.

Kristen visits an amateur photographer friend named Kasia to model for her. I struggled to find anything that included info I’m fine with sharing, but I learnt a LOT about Kristen and his mental state, which was surprising since he’s lived in my head rent free for 8 years now. It’s messy <3 The summary: he sees himself as a mannequin, and he decides that he likes it that way, but he also doesn’t know who’s moving his joints into poses. Bestie???

8: Junie

Junie unpacks her room a week after moving in. Autistic queen <3 This is one of the unfinished chapters, and I have zero motivation to finish it because there’s a scene missing and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. The gist of it though is she FaceTimes a friend from secondary school that definitely was her gay awakening that she only realised was her gay awakening in the last year. Messy <3

9: Tomas

One of my favourite chapters. It’s split into two halves, a light-hearted moment of all three housemates at a superstore because <3 grocery store scenes my beloved <3 and then Tomas’ Everything Is Bad exploration at the end. There’s a moment in the first half where Tomas and Kristen have a heart to heart in the candle aisle, and Tomas asks Kristen where he thinks they’ll be in their thirties. I winged this in a sprint and I’m obsessed with it, it’s all about the ~dynamic~

“Well, he has student debt for one. But that’s not on him. That’s on the Tories. But I like to think they’ll be out of power by then. Boris might even be dead, if we’re lucky. But again, not on me.” He’s quiet again. You watch him think. “He’d be a music teacher probably, or an English teacher. But like, a cool one. He doesn’t teach secondary school because he doesn’t hate himself. Maybe a Sixth Form, or even better a Uni. His students would love him because he’d be able to take a joke and also like, not hound on them for having mental illnesses or life struggles?” Neither of you look at the aisles anymore, just circle the home section of Big Tesco. “He’d also do a lot of charity work. He has a foundation-charity-thing for queer and autistic kids to get accessible music lessons, because creative therapy is like, the best thing - besides Prozac but I digress - and it’d be better than the old white men from CAMHs who act like you don’t exist by your eighteenth birthday. And he’d have a cool little flat in Sheffield where the landlord lets him paint the walls so every room is a different colour. Turquoise kitchen. Magenta Living room. Lavender bedroom. Mint bathroom.” He looks at you like he forgot you were there. “You really let me ramble like that in the middle of Big Tesco, huh? That felt like a fucking therapy moment.” He laughs a little, like he’s nervous.

“Nah, it was a good answer. Maybe if Tomas-in-his-thirties doesn’t move back to the Netherlands, he’ll rent the apartment next to Kristen-in-his-thirties.”

Kristen pouts. “Aw, you don’t wanna be my roomie anymore?”

“No, you called me an animal for eating pineapple on pizza.”

“Deserved. And you called me a malnourished ferret.”

You smile. “You’re not gonna let that down, are you?”

He smiles. “Of course not.”

Kristen tells Tomas he knows Something Happened to him over summer, and gets him to promise to tell him when he’s ready. The second half of the chapter takes place back at the house. Tomas is grieving, and it’s starting to creep into all elements of his thought. In this one specifically, he’s reminded of his top surgery and his memories in the hospital for that starts to blend with his memory of being in the hospital to grieve. Tomas is interesting as trans rep because like, he is trans rep curated for me specifically <3 Tomas was a huge comfort character for me when I was younger and when I realised I was trans, I looked at him and was like oh. He had a very smooth coming out and transitioning process (bc mine is the opposite and I need to project :) ), but right now he views his transness as like, a chapter of his life that was important but is now closed, so he doesn’t think about it a lot anymore, but the combo of grief and its mental impacts causes him to think about it more and he realises he has a very unhealthy internal relationship with his transness. Whilst the big idea at the start of Tomas’ arc is to show trans peace, I really wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the grieving process that comes with being trans. Literally the moment that made me realise “oh god, this is real and I can’t ignore it” was googling “im scared i might be trans” and realising how normal those tangled feelings are. Tomas’ experience of it is only fleeting, but I wanted to show that it’s normal. That being said, there’s no transphobia in this story. It is ultimately a Trans Peace story but also a trans story that, for me at least, is realistic. And the thoughts don’t last long, because his mind circles back to the grieving process.

(CW: graphic surgery and hospital imagery, vomit mention, death)

[image description: a darkened picture of an empty hospital room. The only light comes in through the window through thin white curtains. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “ Scalpel gliding across the chest; were the cuts they made as thin as the line between surgery and autopsy? “ /end id]

Picture this: The hospital room. Clinical lights like exit wounds in the ceiling. Everything hurts. Haven’t slept properly in weeks. Can barely eat without it coiling and tangling in your stomach only for nothing to come up when you heave over the toilet. Messy hair, sunken eye bags. Dull eyes. The hospital room. The hospital halls. The hospital waiting room. The hospital car park. The drive to the hospital. The sleepless night before the hospital visit. The locked in the armchair next to the phone waiting for the hospital to call. The silence shrills harsher than the phone’s ring. But ask yourself this: who’s in the bed? You or him? The memories are different but the same. Oil and water. Shouldn’t be mixed. But it’s hard not to. Picture the two of you on the operating table and on the metal slab. Too far from reality to feel skin slice. Scalpel gliding across the chest; were the cuts they made as thin as the line between surgery and autopsy?

There’s a lot of paragraphs in the story that start with Picture This:. I have no idea what it means, it just reads cool lmao

10: Junie

we skip around 3 weeks now to see how the kids are dealing with the start of semester and well. They’re managing! Junie actually has a good chapter here, because she experiences Baby’s First Queer Class Crush

[image description: a purple sunset with a large pink cloud. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads you notice her background is of a purple sunset. You wonder if purple is her favourite colour like you and if she took it and if she likes photography and if she’d take photos of you “ /end id]

You listen, touch type your notes without properly processing the words yet, but instead of studying the PowerPoint, you study her: how she tucks a strand of black hair - free from her messy bun - behind her ear. The three studs in her earlobe, three little gold stars. The way her eyebrows furrow when she’s confused, and the way her face relaxes when she figures it out. How she touch types like you, how her two brass bracelets jangle and how you’re the only one that hears it. She minimises Word briefly, and you notice her background is of a purple sunset. You wonder if purple is her favourite colour like you and if she took it and if she likes photography and if she’d take photos of you. Lavender polo shirt, lavender perfume. She doesn’t wear make-up, but a tiny black heart sits under left eye.

Junie’s dreams of a photographer girlfriend are quickly shattered when she admits the photo’s from Pinterest, but otherwise this is so <3 the sapphic crisis of it all.

You walk out together, and she tells you she only got into Sheffield that weekend, and it was a nightmare to explain to the tutors why. “It’s like, they forget we have lives sometimes. Lives we can’t control.” She shakes her head. “It’s okay now though, I’m here now.”

You almost trip on the stairs up to the main floor, and her hand is warm against your wrist. Your cheeks redden, but she just asks if you’re okay, smiles when you are. Tells you she’s late for a seminar, but it was lovely to meet you. Thanks again for the lecture notes. Calls you a lifesaver. Fades into the between-classes rush. You’re glad she’s here now.

again she is so <3 i get it babes i get it <3

In other news, at the end of the chapter Kristen drops the most relatable line of the entire fucking book:

“You know how like, when it rains, all the worms come out and do a funky little dance? Yeah so basically: the rain is LIT3001 right. And the worms are all of my mental illnesses.”

11: Tomas

Tomas turns 21 on October 13th so naturally like anyone in his early 20s he has multiple crisis’ about it. I still haven’t figured this chapter ~out yet but it sure exists! It just sucks the same way it sucks to be a young adult in the late 2010s. But here’s Kristen being the most relatable character in the book again and getting bullied for it :/

(CW: alcohol)

"I still can't believe you both do a science. Like, it actually baffles me - I could not be more further from that." Kristen refills his glass, measures the vodka level with his index. "Just a babe and his silly little BA against the world."

"You know if you wanna be a BA babe you have to actually, like, graduate."

12: Kristen

Kristen is personally like I will pretend my degree does not exist and honestly? I get it King. He visits his Dad, since he only lives 30 minutes away, but most of the chapter is him thinking about Tomas and their messy friendship and the fact that Tomas is kinda ghosting him despite literally living together :/ Anyway here’s Kristen’s cat :)

Mar snoozes on your pillow, half curled like a croissant. Orange fluff against grey sheets, and you’re not mad at the fur debris she’ll inevitably leave. Her head pops up when you sit next to her, “you forget about me yet?”. You scratch her head and it’s like you’re 12 again and you don’t have to worry about rent or degrees or masters applications or careers or groceries or housemates and you haze through Sundays snoozing in bed with your new kitten. Technically she was a birthday present, but dad couldn’t wait an extra month to adopt her. Said he saw it in her eyes at the shelter, that she belonged here. You named her Marmalade because you were a dumbass eleven year old and also thought marmalade was the shit back then. She stretches her legs and yawns. Plops her head back down, back to sleep. “Yeah, me too.”

13: Tomas

The next three chapters centre around each character’s Halloween, because <3 Halloween my beloved <3. Tomas’ starts off with him and Kristen being ~homoerotic and him being a ~disaster about it.��

w[image description: a photo of a blue planet - Neptune - against a black background. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “You don’t know which palette he’s using, but you remember his favourite is space themed: Mars red, Neptune blue, Jupiter orange - you try to guess which planet he thinks looks best against olive. He taps the brush against the palette. Imagine the planets. How they dandelion in the air.” /end id]

When you sit in front of him, your knees press together. When he tilts your head up, thumb on chin, nail grazing the curve of your lip, his hand is ice on your skin. He studies your face, you close your eyes. When he pulls back, you swear you still feel his thumbprint on your skin. You don’t know which palette he’s using, but you remember his favourite is space themed: Mars red, Neptune blue, Jupiter orange - you try to guess which planet he thinks looks best against olive. He taps the brush against the palette. Imagine the planets. How they dandelion in the air. He holds your head in place, hand sprawls over you cheek like veins. Brushes colour into your eye socket. Underneath the radiator, your phone buzzes twice. Don’t say anything. Ignore your heartbeat.

(before this Tomas threw his phone at the radiator because someone texted him :) yeah okay mood :) )

this story is really about the ~gay disasters and also the ~dialogue

You flop onto your bed, arms crossed over your face. “I dunno. I might just print off all the emails Uni's sent me about my dissertation. Staple them to a jacket and tell people I'm going as mental illness."

"Tomas, if you want to go as mental illness then you don't need a costume at all."

Unfortunately the rest of the chapter is not as fun because plot had to happen but this first scene was :)

14: Junie

Junie is not a fan of Halloween so she gives up halfway through the night and invites the girl she met in her lecture over to bake cookies at 1am instead. Fellas is this gay?

(CW: alcohol)

The girl in the kitchen brought cookie cutters in pink Tupperware. She explains she’s had them since she was eight, but she hasn’t had a chance to use them this Autumn. She has seven: cat, butterfly, crescent moon, heart, three stars matryoshka’d together. “I have more, these are just my go to ones. I’m a bit of a collector.” She lines them up on the counter, you trace the outline of the cat. She says she didn’t want to bring too many, but she likes having the options with no plan, the potential. You want to tell her that, after you invited her over, you spritzed the counters with lavender surface cleaner twice and tucked the discarded vodka and raspberry liqueur bottles in the cabinet you can barely reach. You piled unfolded laundry into your closet and hid drooping plants behind your closed curtains when you had zero intention of her inviting her to your room. You want to ask her why she said yes, why she replied in two minutes at one in the morning, and you want to ask her why people feel the need to cookie cutter themselves into a false potential. She asks if you want to bake with coconut or chocolate chip.

she is actually such a disaster around girls i love her so much

The girl in your kitchen clears up glass that isn’t hers. You drop the measuring jug and it fireworks against tile. No shards lodge in your skin. Whilst she cleans, insists that it’s okay, you brew peppermint tea because you insist it’s the least you can do. The girl tells you a story about how she did the exact same thing, when she was nine, and her mother shrieked so loud the neighbours banged at the door a minute later. She laughs, muted. You apologise again. She insists it’s okay again. Rain hardens against the window, looks like TV static. You breathe in the peppermint steam.

The biggest thing I’ve learnt since drafting is that, at it’s core, this is a love story. And that makes me so excited because so many people, especially in mainstream media, still think that autistic people are incapable of love - or even worse, undeserving.

15: Kristen

Kristen’s favourite holiday is Halloween so naturally on his special day I had to make him go through it :) I can’t share a lot of this, but it feels right to end this beast of an update on this beast of an excerpt because it came to me out of absolutely nowhere and it is one of my favourite passages I’ve ever written OOPS

(CW: death, parental death)

[image description: a cluster of stars against a dark blue, almost black sky. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “You want to ask your dad how something can end if for you it never began, but he’s asleep in his armchair back home. You look at the stars. You wonder if any of them are her.“ /end id]

You’ve mapped Sheffield’s streets since 13 so you know you’re walking the wrong way. This isn’t the way to Crookes. This isn’t the way out the city centre. You should order an Uber. You keep walking. You stop at a crossing. There’s no cars. You don’t cross. The traffic light flashes red and bleeds on your face. The stars are out tonight, and now it’s 2004 and you’re in the lounge with Lion King in the VHS. You’re off sick and your neighbour - Mel, recently retired, recently widowed - nurses a glass of brandy in your dad’s armchair because you don’t know it yet, but he can’t afford to miss work. You’re sprawled on the dusty-red rug when Simba and Mufasa sprawl in the grass and Mufasa tells Simba that all the stars are the Kings of the past and they are watching over him. You ask recently retired, recently widowed Mel if that’s true; her smile is happy but her eyes are sad and she says “yes, and not just Kings. Nobody leaves Earth, they just move to the stars.”

Ten minutes later, Mufasa is flung off a gorge’s edge; you haven’t studied storytelling yet, but you understand those two moments are connected. And when you relay this to dad over ready made pasta that evening, you ask him if people really live in the stars: Sometimes, when they can’t live here anymore. Then you ask if they can come back from the stars: No, but people remember them. They’ll tell stories about them, so people don’t forget. Then you ask if memories and stories are like stars: A little. Then you ask why they can’t live here anymore: It’s hard to explain, Kris.

After dinner, he lets you play on the plastic slide in the garden as he scrubs the dishes. You climb to the top and try to see faces in the stars, but it’s too cloudy. And after that but before bedtime, you’re sprawled on the dusty-red rug again, and Lion King is in the VHS again, and as Simba and Nala are bathed by their mothers again, your five year old mind connects what’s different about you. You go to ask dad about it, but he’s asleep in his armchair. It’s 2018, you’re stood on a phantom street in Sheffield. You want to ask your dad how something can end if for you it never began, but he’s asleep in his armchair back home. You look at the stars. You wonder if any of them are her.

And I usually don’t do this, but I think the playlist for this wip is absolutely fucking elite, so here’s a handful of the songs that I think encapsulate the story the best:

The Wombats – Greek Tragedy

Duncan Laurence – Arcade

FKA Twigs – Two Weeks

Peach Pit – Alrighty Aphrodite

Khalid – Saturday Nights

Alfie Templeman – Stop Thinking (About Me)

Rina Sawayama – 10-20-40

If you read this far, then I love you and we shall have a platonic wedding this summer. But I cannot express how excited I am about this story and to see where it goes!

#atlastracking #LCOMS #writing update #amwriting #seriously though i have had the best week but also my brain? a fried egg #sfoidhfsdf even before the cut this post is long i hate it here #long post

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bokutoslittlebird · 3 years

Note

can u do kuroo x neurodivergent reader w stims (happy stims!!) fluff!! Thanks and have a good day<3

Please don’t cancel me for this but I am going to put a note beforehand. I am not part of the Neurodiversity movement nor do I regularly engage in stimming; however, I did do some research on Neurodiversity as well as stimming and how it makes those affected feel better, e.g. calm them down. As a personal rule, I won’t turn down a request if it involves something specific or to do with a mental disorder, regardless of whether I have it or not. I can research and go through sources to get a better understanding of the topic at hand. Even after all that, I can only hope that I can give life to your request and have it live up to your expectations, but all of my information is through researching available websites through Google. If it seems offensive, infantilizing, mocking, or even just sets you off a bit, please let me know and I will either redo it (if you choose to send in something to help me) or I will completely delete the post. You didn’t specify the stimming action, so I apologize if this isn’t what you had expected.

Mmm due to the fact my family is currently putting out the Christmas decorations, let’s make this a big Christmas/winter holidays themed! 🎄��️

Stimming s/o with Kuroo

With the bitter nipping on your nose and the puffs of breath coming from your mouth, it was clear Winter had finally arrived. It was cold enough to warrant a large coat, but it wasn’t cold enough to settle deep in your bones to have uncontrollable shivers. It was cold enough to have your boyfriend rubbing his hands together, cursing under his breath as puffs left his lips. You looked at him, curiosity sending your head cocking to the side as you looked at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Should’ve brought gloves. Who’d have thought it’d be so cold, huh?” He chuckles. You smile and raise an eyebrow.

“I thought it’d be. That’s why I brought gloves,” you wiggle your fingers as you point at him, showing off the fabric covering the skin. Even inside the small shop, it’s cold as people constantly enter and leave, buying gifts for loved ones or browsing the wares. A small shop that happens to be well-known for having nicknacks that tickled anyone’s fancy was where you were.

“Hm, maybe I should buy gloves,” he murmurs, rubbing his chin in thought as you giggle. “Maybe I should find some really weird gloves that say something like ‘Hot Mama’,” he continues. Your hands started to move as you keep giggling, only to stop and put your hands in your pockets. “Maybe I should look for some that say some cool chemistry stuff, or like ‘Mad Scientist’. Would that be too long?”

“You’re very serious about this, aren’t you?” You giggle some more, hand coming to cover your mouth. It’s a cute scene in the store, him joking about gloves he can get while you giggle with your hands flapping every now and then. When you put them back in your pockets, Kuroo steps closer.

“Stop doing that, you don’t need to be so self-conscious with me. I love when you show me you’re happy. It lets me know I’m actually funny,” he chuckles, you giggling in response. “How about you pick out some gloves for me? I’ll meet you outside,”

“It’s cold!”

“I’ll be fine. I’m a strong man who can handle some coldness,” he huffs, putting his hands on his hips. “I’ll be waiting, kitten,”

It’s a bit of time before you’re exiting the store, skipping to where Kuroo is, hands behind his back. “What’s got you so excited?”

“I got you a present, that’s why!” You giggle, bouncing on the balls of your feet. “C’mon, open it!”

“It’s not Christmas, you know? Just a little gift,” it isn’t meant to hurt your feelings, him chuckling a bit as he takes the top off the box. He expects the gloves, of course, but he doesn’t expect the little card at the bottom. “Oh?” Opening the card, it’s a pre-written note about how much he’s loved by you. Smiling, he presses a kiss to your temple. “That’s sweet. Wanna know what I got you?”

A gasp escapes you as he pulls out a box, your hands moving excitedly as he hands it to you. He opens it for you as you peer in the box, seeing a glass orb. It’s a snow globe! You let out a little squeal of cheer as he takes it out of the box, showing it to you.

“It’s not very specific or special like yours but it’s something that reminded me of you. Since, you know, we met a year ago in the snow. Here’s a snow globe with snow,” he rubs the back of his neck, eyes downcast as a single fleck of snow lands on his nose.

You pull him down to place a sweet kiss over top the cold snowflake, showing you appreciate the gift.

#haikyuu x reader #kuroo x reader #Mr. Tetsurō #Kuroo.Floof #BB.Requests #ameijv-chan #cw.stimming #cw.neurodiversity #BB.Floof

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watermelonselfship · 3 years

Text

Self Ship Dialogue Prompt #2!

Requested by @abandonedhearts ! The second one is in another post!

Prompt: “I love you, but please stop whatever it is that you’re doing.”

Click. Click click. Click. Click click click.

Raymond looked up from where he was reading, cozy in a pillow pile on the corner of his bed. His first, and irrational, instinct was that he was under attack somehow, but a quick glance around proved that definitely wrong. Barney would have looked up from his spot reading at the desk, his senses more sharp than Raymond's.

Probably someone walking down the hallway, he figured, and went back to reading.

Click. Click. Click click click.

This time, as Raymond's train of thought was interrupted, he didn't look up, instead trying to see if the sound was coming closer or farther down the hallway.

Click. Click. Click.

It wasn't actually moving, Raymond realized, and furrowed his brow. Now he wasn't going to be able to get back to his book at all with this sound driving him crazy. It was going off in sporadic intervals, random rhythms, and not in a large enough frequency for him to pinpoint it right away. Most infuriatingly of all, Barney didn't seem to notice the sound at all.

That's when it, well, clicked. Barney didn't notice the sound because he was making the sound.

"Hey babe," Raymond called, sitting up a bit from his cozy pillow corner. "“I love you, but please stop whatever it is that you’re doing.”

Barney stopped mid-click and looked back at Raymond, confused. "I'm reading?" That's when Raymond noticed the pen in Barney's left hand.

"Yeah babe no, that's fine," Raymond clarified, and pointed at the pen, "You've been clicking that pen the whole time while you were doing it.

Barney looked, a little surprized at the pen in his hand. "Oh huh, my bad." He set the pen down, out of his reach, and went back to reading.

"Thanks babe, I love you!" Raymond chimed, turning back to his book.

That lasted about five minutes.

Tap. Tap tap. Tap. Tap.

Raymond paused, and listened for the sound to repeat itself, then sighed.

"Barn."

"Huh?" Barney asked, turning again.

"Do you know you're tapping?"

"Tapping?"

Raymond sat up, and crawled to the edge of the bed closest to Barney. "Yeah love you're tapping. Do you even notice?"

Barney gave a half hearted shrug. "I mean, I think I kind of did, but I didn't think I was bein' too loud. Sorry." He sounded pretty guilty, and looked a little stress. That worried Raymond, and he took his boyfriend's hand in his.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?"

"It's not that big a deal," Barney tried deflecting, but Raymond's gaze said he was going to push if he didn't elaborate. "I just uh. It feels real bad not to do something with my hands? When I'm reading. I get real stressed out, like I've got an energy stuck in me that I gotta let out. But I don't wanna bother you any, so..." He trailed off.

"So," Raymond began, "You're stimming? If that's the case babe I can help you find something that works for both of us."

Barney tipped his head slightly. "What's stimming?"

Raymond had to blink a few times to process the question. How in the absolute hell had Barney spent all his time with him, Alyx and Gordon and not figured out what stimming was.

"It's like..." Raymond began, trying to find the best words to explain it. "You know how when Alyx has two band-aids on her hands, she'll rub 'em together over and over? Or how Gordon will do that thing where he takes a string in his mouth and pulls it, then like, plucks it like a harp? Or taps his knuckles on the side of his head when frustrated? Or like, you know when I get real excited I flap my hands real fast, sometimes my whole arms?"

Barney nodded, and smiled. "Yeah, it's real cute when you do that."

Raymond stuck his tongue out bashfully for a second, then continued. "It's all types of stimming. It's a sensory-seeking thing, really common in neurodivergent people, but I think neurotypicals do it too? But if you're doing it because it sounds good, or feels nice to do, and it feels real bad if you don't, that's probably stimming."

Barney paused for a second, thinking. "Does ADHD count as neurodivergent?"

"...Yeah, absolutely Barn. Like, one of the big two that people tend to think of when they think about neurodivergency, though they're for SURE not the only ones. The other one's autism- that's me and Gordon, probably Alyx too but I don't know if she's said so or not so I don't wanna assume. I just know that me and Gordon have talked about it before, so I know for sure with him."

Barney nodded slowly, as if some pieces were clicking into place. "Have I ever told you about the time I went to college?"

Raymond also started putting together the pieces, and grinned. "Yeah, you said you suddenly couldn't manage anything going on and had to drop out your second year. Are you about to tell me you got a diagnosis."

Barney laughed, and grinned bashfully. "Yeah, I sure am! I didn't know that was part of the whole deal! They weren't very clear.... An' I never bothered doin' the research because all of it was in these. Impossible to read huge blocks of text with a bunch of technical bullshit, and it always talked about kids?"

Raymond rolled his eyes dramatically, not at Barney but the situation, and nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, a lot of texts like that are really... just inaccessible to the people who need 'em most! It's crazy frustrating, and I don't have the focus problem. God, Barney this legitimately explains so much about you right now, I love you so much."

Barney went red and chuckled softly. "It that noticeable?" He asked, a bit insecure suddenly.

"Only if you know what you're looking for," Raymond admitted. "I sort of have a special interest in mental health stuff, specifically neurodiversity, remember? And I know you real well, and it like... explains so much. I cant believe this never came up before!"

"Well," Barney admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, "I didn't think it mattered any. I was good at my job and I've managed, so why bring it up? Didn't wanna trouble anyone with it..."

Raymond shook his head. "It's not trouble babe, I promise!" he insisted. "Just like Gordon being nonspeaking isn't trouble, any symptoms you've got going aren't going to be any trouble."

Barney shrugged. "Guess I don't know what my symptoms are? It's been so long since I read anything about it, an like I said, it was really too dense for me to work through..."

Raymond nodded. "That's fine babe! Step one, for sure, you stim, and thinking about it I can think of other examples, but the clicking tonight for sure. Step two, what I'll do is see if I've got any books on ADHD, especially in adults, and I'll run through it and help you get some info." He was beaming, doing his slightly excited wiggles at the prospect of helping his boyfriend along with something that related directly to his special interest.

"I'd like that," Barney replied with a smile, then shrugged halfheartedly. "Sorry for bugging you with the stimming thing though."

Raymond shook his head again, emphatically. "No babe! It's not the fact you stim that was bugging me, it was that it was getting distracting for sensory reasons. But that just means I gotta find you like, one of those buttons that you can push but its quiet? But still gives the satisfying give. Like a remote! Or some other way to stim. You shouldn't suppress that sort of thing, yknow? It's normal, and also good for you."

Barney thought for a moment, before marking his place in his book and closing it. "Thanks, Ray," he replied with a grin. "You're so damn good to me."

Raymond stuck his tongue out again and chuckled. "You're good to me first."

"Nah, that's you. Can we cuddle a bit?"

Raymond grinned. "Absolutely, so yes."

Over the next few days, Raymond found Barney starting to cautiously stim more openly, and while he didn't directly address it, he could tell that Gordon and Alyx were excited by the prospect in turn. The group took turns showing their favorite sensory seeking behavior, and gradually Barney settled into a comfortable routine of a few core stims, even if he didn't always display them as publically as the rest.

After a while, Raymond started falling asleep to a soft click click click.

#self ship ask game #self ship writing #canon x oc #writing promt #my writing #Good Books Good Beer #a little long I think and dialogue heavy but MAN #it is time for that good neurodivergent heacanons in MY fucking chilis

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