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love-fireflysong · 2 years

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Hi. I would love to see #65 for Chrashley 🥺❤️

65. One Small Kiss, Pulling Away For An Instant, Then Devouring Each Other

(ao3 link)

It had been a little over a week since the events on Blackwood Mountain. A little over a week since she had watched Josh (or what she had believed to be Josh) cut in half no more than two feet away from her and had become drenched in (what she had also believed to be) his blood. A little over a week since she had scoured all the many basements of the lodge with Chris for any trace of Sam. A little over a week since she watched the same lodge burn to cinders and ash in the early morning dawn, her fingers frozen in the snow and her ears ringing painfully from the sound of the explosion.

A little over a week and she hadn’t felt safe again since. Not when she was unable to leave the horrors of that night behind.

Horrors she still relived every night in her nightmares, as the deep, dark shadows under her eyes proved. Or at least, during the times when she was even able to fall asleep in the first place. According to the doctors who had looked over Ashley, while she was fine physically (aside from the angry black eye of course), her head was another thing entirely. The head trauma she had been left with had ended up being one monster of a concussion. Leaving her nauseous and unable to fall asleep most nights, tossing and turning in the dim light of her room as her ears still continued to ring.

But despite the heavy bags under her eyes, today was already shaping up to be a good day. While she'd certainly had nightmares, she had only woken up screaming twice instead of the usual four or five. Plus, she'd been able to fall asleep after each of them fairly quickly so she'd actually managed a combined few hours of sleep for the first time all week.

All of which was only improved by the fact that she'd actually been able to eat something this morning for breakfast. Which her mother seemed relieved about if nothing else, Saundra had made nearly all of Ashley's favourites to try and entice her to eat something after all. The issue had never been in keeping the food down though, but in getting Ashley to eat any of it in the first place. It was a vicious cycle: the concussion made her too nauseous to eat more than a couple of bites, and the resulting hunger would just make her more nauseous than before, and on and on. And yet, she had eaten a fairly large amount this morning. Almost a full plate of homemade belgian waffles—topped with berries, whipped cream, and actual maple syrup—with a side of seasoned hashbrowns, and a large glass of orange juice to wash it all down.

There had been some breakfast sausages as well—the big maple flavoured farmer's sausage even—but those had gone untouched. While they were an expensive treat that they could rarely get and she had always loved them growing up, she couldn't even look at them without almost hyperventilating now; not with her brain being flooded with images of pig carcass's strung up by chains and the fresh scent of blood filling her nose and mouth.

And yet, despite the near-panic with the pork, the rest of the morning had gone well enough that Ashley actually felt brave enough to leave the relative safety of her home for the first time since the mountain. It had taken a not insubstantial amount of time to try and convince Saundra of that fact though, almost an hour of begging and pleading and even then her mother had only barely relented. The fact that the place in question would be the Hartley residence meant very little to her, only agreeing after Ashley swore that they would turn around or leave the second it looked like she was about to start freaking out.

And yet, while she had agreed to any and all stipulations in a heartbeat, Ashley almost hadn't been able to even make out the threshold of her own front door. The second she had left the building, the sight of the thick and heavy layer of freshly fallen snow was nearly enough to make her want nothing more than turn right back around so she could bury herself under the protection of her blankets. Involuntarily, her body froze on the front step as she held her breath. The only reason she was able to move again after that was the realization that although the sky was fairly overcast, they didn't come out to hunt during the day and she was safe. Still, she tucked her head down onto her chest and all but ran to the idling car at the end of the sidewalk. Just in case.

The second she opened the passenger-side door, the warm air buffeted against Ashley as she practically threw herself in the vehicle. The warm air was like a wall, strong and thick enough that it made her feel at least marginally safe again and she let out a sigh of relief and was brought back to her senses just in time to see the suspicious and worried frown on Saundra's face.

"I'm fine," she tried to reassure her mother, and when the frown only deepened she doubled down. "Really Mom, I'm okay."

Clearly, Saundra didn't believe her or her shaky voice. "I just watched you freeze on that step with my own eyes. You looked like you were about to pass out until you suddenly bolted out of there. And not only were you acting like you were being chased the entire time, you were in such a hurry to get in here that you nearly landed in my lap. That's what I call the exact opposite of okay Ashley." She punctuated the statement by turning off the engine. "We're going back inside right now. I knew this was going to be too much for you."

Faster than even Ashley had thought possible, her hand had covered her mother's to prevent her from removing the key from the ignition. "Please Mom, don't make me go back inside. It was just a stupid moment of panic and it won't happen again. But I promised Chris that I would go over to see him today. I promised Mom! Just like you promised me that it was okay for me to go."

"No, I only promised it would be fine if you were truly okay, and you're very clearly not."

"Please Mom! I swear that I'm okay now and it won't happen again! Please!"

Saundra sighed. "I still don't think it's a good idea. Why can't he just come over here to see you instead?"

"Cause the doctor's said that he isn't supposed to leave his house for at least another week. He's not supposed to put any weight on his leg at all, and it's still too icy out for him to chance it even with his crutches." She was lying, but only just a little bit so she hoped that her mother wouldn't catch on. If Chris truly was housebound until further notice then he had never mentioned it to her.

Thankfully, Saundra saw only Ashley's desperation to go and see her best friend for the first time in nearly a week, and not the little white lie as she once again turned the key in the ignition and the car came back to life. "Fine. But I'm not happy with it, and I will turn the car around the next time I see you freak out like that again. And I mean it this time."

Ashley knew better than to fight her, so she only nodded gratefully in understanding. Until the act made the inside of her head feel like her brain was being tossed around her skull. Acting quickly to try and hide how nauseous the movement made her feel, she quickly threw her arms around her mother in a tight hug and repeated 'thank you' over and over again in increasing tones of relief.

Thankfully, the drive over to Chris's house was relatively short, if uneventful and quiet. In a few short minutes Saundra had parked in front of the house, and had quickly followed behind her daughter. Likely to see if Ashley would freeze yet again, but she needn't have worried. As they had gotten closer and closer with every minute on the drive over, it had been hitting Ashley that while it had been nearly a week since the horror on Blackwood Mountain, it had thus also been nearly a week since she had seen Chris. So the moment she had exited the vehicle, she had been so hyper focused on the door that would be the final barrier to seeing him again that she had managed to completely block out not only the snow, but all the long, spindly shadows cast onto it as well.

Ashley doesn't even hesitate once she reaches the Hartley residence's front steps, her finger darting towards the doorbell and pressing the button firmly. The quiet little melodiac chime she could easily hear even standing outside was so familiar that it set her even more at ease. Ease that was starting to fade the longer and longer she had to wait on the steps though.

The longer no one came to the door though, the more aware she became of the leafless tree just outside the house. The shadow being cast from its empty branches onto the snow below looked terrifyingly similar to long, razor sharp claws that could tear through skin as though it was paper. Only becoming more heightened of the wind whistling through the same tree, a sharp shriek that had the hairs on the back of her neck rising in terror. The sharp, bitter cold around her becomes a hand in her chest, wrapping its long, spindly fingers around her heart and squeezing the air from her lungs. Her blood had turned to ice and she was finding it harder and harder to breathe as the once familiar and idyllic view of the Hartley home turned into that of a burned out husk.

The only thing that kept Ashley rooted to the front steps and stopped her from panicking and running back to the safety of the car, was the tight grip on her phone in her pocket and, more importantly, the promise she made on it. So swallowing down the terror that's filling every inch of her, she does her best to remember that the burning building in front of her isn't real and hastily aims for where she knows the doorbell is to ring it once again.

She promised him. She promised, she promised, she promised, she promised—

Ashley's broken out of her thoughts by the sound of an unsteady gait on the other side of the door and then the click of the lock disengaging so it can be opened, and she doesn't think she's ever heard a more beautiful combination of sounds in her whole entire life.

"Oh, well this is certainly a pleasant surprise! It's wonderful as always to see you Ashley."

Even though Chris's father was smiling down at her with a wide, pleased grin, all Ashley could feel was confusion at Gabriel's words. Confusion that only made her feel small and her voice reflected it easily. "Chris didn't mention that I was going to be coming over today? He really didn't say anything about it?"

Immediately, the smile drops slightly. The already heavily wrinkled skin on Gabriel's face becomes even deeper as his brow furrows, leaning heavily onto his cane so he could look over his shoulder back into the house. "No," he finally admits slowly, "he never said a word."

Feeling like her heart is being slowly ripped to pieces in her chest, the sensation is only made worse by the fact that Ashley can feel her mother staring suspicious and mistrustful daggers into the back of her head.

"Ashley..." the warning in Saundra's voice would have normally had Ashley spinning to confront her mother in desperation (and likely sending her vision swimming until she blacked out right here on the Hartley's front steps), but instead she found her body locking up. Standing frozen stiff on the front steps as a primal sort of terror gripped her mind before she even knew it had happened, breath frozen in her lungs in her attempt to keep perfectly still and silent.

To protect herself from a monster that would tear her from limb to limb otherwise.

"You didn't lie to me about this, did you?"

And just like that, that terror from before was over. Replaced with something much more deep set and emotional as she finally (and slowly) turned to face Saundra with wild, desperate eyes. The already white-knuckled grip on the phone in her pocket is only becoming tighter. "I didn't! I didn't lie! I-I-I don't know why Chris didn't mention it, but I swear I didn't lie!"

Upon seeing the suspicion on Saundra's face only deepen, Ashley pulled out her phone with shaking hands and voice alike. Despite the frantic movements of her shaking hands though, it is with well-practiced ease that she turns on her phone and then taps onto the messenger app so she can show her mother her text thread with Chris. "I-I can prove it! Look, I got all of texts from last night here and—"

Her words and voice stop abruptly when she stares down at the text thread between her and Chris and sees and reads what's there, or rather, what isn't there. The hours-long conversation between them that had ended with her promising to go over and see him is completely gone. Instead, all she sees as the most recent text was a short message from Chris bemoaning the terrible cell and data service in the Pines and that he could already feel the withdrawals coming on.

A text he had sent a full week ago now, just after he had gotten off the bus that had stopped at the base of Blackwood Mountain. A text that she had received only a few short hours before her once planned night of sitting all snuggled up in front of the fire with a warm mug of hot chocolate in hand had turned into a night filled with nothing but showers of blood and screaming over the sharp mechanical shrill of buzzsaws.

"I don't... I don't understand." Just to make sure, Ashley shut down the app and reopened it and the text thread alike, but there was no change. The grey text bubble almost mocking her as she once again closed and reopened the text messenger, as though expecting that continuing to do so would deliver a different outcome to no avail. "I-I swear that they were there just last night."

A heavy weight of a hand on her shoulder has Ashley visibly flinching away with a startled gasp from whoever (or whatever) it was was that touched her, but it does at least break her out of the hopeless and repetitive wishes that maybe now would be different, that the texts that she still remembered so clearly would finally appear. Instead, she slowly turns with wide, scared eyes to see Gabriel still standing just inside the threshold of the door with his hand outstretched and hanging in the air.

She thinks that the smile he gives her was supposed to come out warm and reassuring, but there's far too much worry everywhere else on his face to make it believable. "Come on, what do you say we continue this conversation inside where it's warm?"

Saundra hurridly interjects before Ashley can even think of agreeing. "Absolutely not. We clearly shouldn't have even come in the first place. The only place that Ashley should be right now is home."

"Exactly. I couldn't agree more. And seeing as our home is her home as well, she'll be completely safe here." Gabriel takes a step to the side and places even more of his weight onto his cane as he loosely gestures to the inside of his house with his hand. An invitation for Ashley—if not both of them—to come inside as clear as day.

Saundra sputters indignantly. "Gabe! My daughter's concussion has apparently worsened to the point that she's started hallucinating!"

"Oh come now Saundra, you know just as well as I do exactly how bright and imaginative Ashley is. Better even! It was more than likely just a dream and she woke up convinced that the conversation had actually happened. And if she missed Chris enough to even dream about texting him of all things, then I see no harm in letting her stay."

"You really mean it?" Ashley whispered hopefully, successfully interrupting her mother before she could make another argument against the point. "I can still come in? Even though I didn't..."

Gabriel actually looks a little startled at her words, but it quickly morphs into a warm, paternal smile that manages to stop her right in her tracks. "Of course. I meant what I said earlier, just because we didn't expect to see you today doesn't mean that the surprise wasn't a wonderful one. No matter what happens, you'll always be welcome in our home Ashley." His expression falls as he turns just enough to look crestfallen inside the house. When he speaks again, it's with his voice so sad and low that she doesn't think she was supposed to hear it in the first place. "And honestly, I think that even just the sight of you would Chris a world of good alone."

That alone proves to Ashley that coming here was the correct choice. Whether or not it was because of a dream or a hallucination or whatever, this was absolutely, one hundred percent the right thing to do today. No matter what her mother thinks, Ashley refuses to leave until she can at least see and speak to Chris.

The second that she crosses the threshold of the door and into the Hartley home entryway, she can feel herself finally relax. The house is warm, almost insufferably so as per the usual, and she can easily hear what sounds like Lilith doing the dishes in the kitchen just down the hall. The old-fashioned wallpaper that adorns the walls and the well-worn rug beneath her feet fills her with a sense of security and calm. With almost no hesitation, she's toeing off her winter boots and placing them on the nearby shoe rack and shrugs off her jacket to hang it on her peg right next to Chris's coat.

Gabriel hadn't been wrong, walking into the house felt almost like coming home again. And yet, no matter how familiar and inviting the interior, Ashley couldn't help but still feel a little on edge. Like something was going to jump out at her at any second.

Behind her, she can hear Saundra grumbling under her breath even as she hands Gabriel her own coat, clearly not happy with how events had proceeded thus far. Ashley watches Gabe hang her mother's coat onto an empty peg as well, but noticeably not the one right after her own, not the one that had been Josh's peg. She tries to ignore the action as best she can, but still can't help how her heart sinks just a little in guilt at the sight, can't help the low boil of anger and hate that's starting to boil up either.

To try and ignore that as well, Ashley shifts her attention to Gabriel's cane. Ever since Ashley had first seen both it and him when he had opened the door, something had seemed wrong and out of place for some reason. A reason that Ashley knows, and knows that she should know, but it's information that is unavailable to her right now. Just like a bunch of other knowledge and memories that she hasn't been able to access for a week now, the info itself is at the tip of her fingers but thanks to the effects of her concussion, hasn't been able to access again.

It's like her brain was filled with a thick fog that was hard for her to navigate, and the few times she had found the spot where the information she wanted was stored, it had been all but destroyed completely. Leaving behind the basic shape of a jigsaw puzzle that she recognized and knew what the finished picture would look like, but nearly all the pieces had been scattered to the floor. And every time she tried to put the puzzle back together again, would realize that she was not only missing important, core pieces but also found that pieces from other, random puzzles had been mixed in as well.

Ashley's stare must have been more intense than she had originally thought, because Gabriel notices it almost right away and follows her gaze down to his cane with a sad smile.

"Lil and I agreed that it would be best to postpone the surgery," he explains. "Our son's well being is far more important right now than this old man's health. Pain isn't too bad anyway as long as I keep taking my steroids. I'm used to it at this point so I can live with it a while yet."

Just like that, the thick, syrupy fog in Ashley's mind cleared for but a moment and the picture that lay behind it was whole and complete once again. She couldn't believe that she had ever forgotten about Gabe's upcoming hip replacement, and that the surgery for it had originally been scheduled for just yesterday morning in fact. Chris had been so worried about it that she couldn't even count the number of times that he had called her late at night to talk about the upcoming operation.

About how relieved he was that his dad was finally getting the operation he had sorely needed, but also how Chris felt bad he wasn't going to be able to help out with the recovery back home. He was stuck in his own dorm a nearly three-hour drive away after all, meaning that his mom was going to have to take on nearly the full brunt of the workload herself. Being the sole caretaker for the next six weeks at most when she was dealing with her arthritis.

"I'm sorry," Ashley whispers ashamed. Ashamed at forgetting something as important as this. Ashamed for being a part of the reason that Gabe had had to postpone the surgery in the first place. Ashamed that he had to postpone when he had been waiting almost a year and a half for the operation. Ashamed that he would now likely have to wait at least another six months on the waiting list until a spot opened up again.

Gabriel just waves off her apology with another one of his paternal smiles as he leads Ashley and her mother down the hall and into the kitchen. "There's absolutely no reason for you to apologize Ashley, no one could have expected what happened to you all on your trip. And I was the one to bring up cancelling the surgery anyways the second that Chris came back home. It was my decision to make and I don't regret making it in the slightest."

"Who was that at the door Gabe? Oh, it better not have been that nosy Shannon Bluman from next door again! If it was I do hope you gave her what for—oh my goodness! Ashley?!"

Ashley hears the crackly voice of Chris's mother before she even see's her. And even then, all she gets is a glimpse of Lilith once she turns the corner into the kitchen proper. His mother is drying her hands on a floral patterned towel that she immediately drops in shock before she's wrapping Ashley up in a warm hug.

Just like always, Ashley is reminded of how different, yet similar hugging Chris's mother is when compared to her own. Lilith's hugs are always over quick, but it's a tight, sure squeeze with hands that are shaky from age on her back. So different when compared to the loose yet long embrace that Saundra always gives, grip firm and steady the whole time.

And yet, while the actions may be at odds, the feelings behind the embrace itself are always the exact same. It's the same warmth and familial love that she's always felt from her own mother. So while Ashley may have been taken a little aback at the unexpectedness of the hug, she nonetheless returns it easily and gratefully.

When Lilith stepped back from the hug a short moment later, it was originally with a warm, bright smile that quickly vanished with a shocked gasp. Her blue eyes (the same exact blue eyes as her son in fact) widening in horror behind the thick lens of her glasses as she got her first good look at the condition of Ashley's face, and Ashley can't blame her.

Not when nearly the entire left side of her face is covered in ugly yellow-brown bruises, her eye still puffy and swollen from where Josh had punched her. The only colour in her pale face was from the deep, dark bags under her eyes from countless nights of waking up screaming from nightmares about long, sharp claws and the high-pitched whir of sawblades and blood. Her eyes themselves were no longer bright and clear, but almost dull and glassy from the concussion she had received and was still fighting the effects of even now. And even as she stands in the warmly lit and spice-scented air of the kitchen, Ashley's hunched in on herself, trying to make herself as small a target as possible to whatever may be out there.

Slowly, Lilith takes Ashley's face into her trembling, wrinkled hands. "Oh sweetheart," she whispered out horrified, "what happened to you?"

You should see the other guy, Ashley's mind mockingly answers back in a voice that sounds hurtfully like Josh's, cause oh man he really got his shit wrecked. Not that she can deny it of course, Josh had gotten off way worse than she ever did, and her stabbing him in the shoulder with a pair of sewing scissors had been the least of his problems. He had ended up being tied up and locked away in the shed in the freezing cold for everyone's 'safety', and that had all been before he had gotten dragged off by the cannibalistic monster that had once been his own sister. She didn't even know if he was still alive or not, but she hoped he was dead. For his own sake if nothing else.

No matter what he had done to her (and Chris) that night, no one deserved what had happened to Hannah.

Ashley says none of this obviously. She doesn't know if Lilith or Gabriel have been told the full story of what actually happened, and she doesn't want to be the one to tell them. "Where is he?" She asks instead, her voice shaking just a little as she does. "I just... I just want to see Chris if that's alright."

Immediately, the horrified look on Lilith's face changes to something much more sympathetic. "Of course, dear. He's just downstairs in the basement watching a movie right now—" there must have been something that crossed Ashley's face at that revelation because without even a pause Lilith is adding "—but I'll go with you if you don't mind waiting just another minute or two. I could use the help in bringing down some snacks for the two of you."

Lilith doesn't even wait for her answer, already rifling through the pantry until she brings out an ever familiar tupperware of cookies and hands it to Ashley with a motherly smile before turning around and digging through the cupboard by the stove and removing a plate. "That should hopefully do for now, but I can bring down some of my hot chocolate later on if you'd like as well."

Ashley can't help but smile wistfully at that. Lilith's personal hot chocolate was to die for, even if it took nearly thirty minutes to make. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

Saundra, it seems, has other ideas. "That won't be necessary Lilith. We only plan on staying for a few minutes anyways, just long enough for Ashley to say hi to Chris and then we'll be out of your hair."

"Nonsense," Lilith scoffs as she takes the plate and cookies back from Ashley to carry downstairs herself. "The two of you will be staying for dinner of course. It's not like we're not used to setting out an extra two plates every now and again, as I'm sure you're familiar with yourself."

"Lilith, please. I really don't think—"

Lilith ignores her. "Gabe? Do be a dear and put on a fresh pot of coffee would you? Oh, and there should even be some scones left over from what the Devon's brought over just the other day in the fridge as well. So if you could just pop those into the oven to warm them up for me I would appreciate it. I'll be back once I drop off Ashley and these cookies." She gave a deep sigh. "The three of us need to have a talk of our own and compare notes I think."

With that, she marches confidently from the kitchen to the stairs that lead to the basement, Ashley following closely on her heels. Ashley knows the way herself easily of course—knows the layout of Chris's house like the back of her hand truthfully—but her last experience in a basement has left her needing the escort as she does her best to psych herself up for the quick walk down the stairs.

She knows full well that her nerves and trepidation for this are completely stupid and nonsensical, and yet she can't help but hold her breath as she tightly grips the stairwell railing with a shaking hand, feeling the smoothly worn wood gliding underneath her fingers as she takes that first shaky step down. Can't help but feel relief when she feels not cold and cracked concrete that crumbles just slightly under boots, but soft, well-worn carpet through socked feet.

The warm air of the Hartley's basement is slightly cooler than that of upstairs, but is nothing like dry, stale air beneath the lodge. And when she can't stand to hold her breath any longer, the exhale doesn't appear as a warm fog as it condenses in the air. This basement isn't quiet and still with only the ominous rumbling of the water heater as it runs, instead she can hear the voices and music from a movie that Ashley can't place right away but familiar enough that it tugs at her brain in recognition. The basement is brightly and warmly lit, not so dark that it had nearly swallowed up the beams of light from her and Chris's flashlights, illuminating nothing except rotten fixtures and all the dust that floated around in the air.

By the time that Ashley finally reaches the bottom of the stairs, while her grip on the handrail is still tight, she isn't quite as scared as she had once been.

Right away, her eyes lock onto Chris lounging on the couch—seeing him before he notices her own arrival—and her heart can't help but ache at the sight of him. He's sitting stiffly in the corner of the couch, his bad ankle now protected by a thick cast and propped up on the cushion on the coffee table in front of him. He's still wearing his pajamas, wrinkled to the point that she can't help but think he's been spending most of his time down here napping on the couch in question. Despite that though, his eyes are almost sunken in his face and the bags underneath as dark as her own. His hair is such a mess that she gets the idea that he hasn’t looked in a mirror in sometime, and the uncharacteristic stubble across his jaw only confirms it.

Ashley's never been so happy to Chris in her life.

"I brought you a couple of treats, sweetheart. Thought you might actually enjoy these ones this time." It's hard not to notice the hope in her voice as she announces it.

Chris gives a tired and almost pained groan as he finally takes his attention off the television to respond. Only to watch as his eyes widened behind his glasses in shock as he finally notices Ashley standing meekly behind his mother. Immediately, he's grabbing at the nearby crutch and jumping awkwardly to his feet. "Ash?! What are you—"

Ashley isn't aware that she had even moved until she's already on the other side of the basement hugging him like it's the last thing she's ever going to do. Her arms are wrapped tightly around his neck and she's standing as high as the tips of her toes will allow her so she can hook her head over his shoulder. She's pressed against him as close as she possibly can, holding him tightly with her eyes squeezed shut so she can pay close attention to the feeling of his heart beating frantically against her own.

The thought that maybe she had acted rashly and that this was a bad idea doesn't even get the chance to form before there's a dull clatter of the crutch falling to the floor below. The next second Chris's arms are wrapped just as firmly around her back, his fingers clutching desperately at the back of her sweater as he somehow manages to hold her even closer. His own head tucks into the hair in the space where her shoulder and neck meet, stubble scratching lightly against her skin. The frames of his glasses are digging almost uncomfortably into her skin, but she can't bring herself to care when all she can focus on is his hot, shaky breaths against her neck.

And—for the first time since she came down from that mountain a week ago—standing in Chris's arms just like this, Ashley finally feels safe again.

"Are you...are you actually here right now?"

Despite the way that Chris's voice had trembled against her throat (or maybe even because of it), Ashley can't bring herself to speak. Instead, all she can manage is a shaky nod as she squeezes her eyes shut harder and only tightens the grip of her arms around his neck.

"Oh thank god," he mumbles back, and it sounds so close to a sob that Ashley nearly starts crying herself, "oh thank god." His own hold on her tightens as well in response, and she gets the feeling that Chris is scared that if he loosens his grip for even a moment then she's gonna vanish from right in front of him. It's a feeling that Ashley understands and agrees with wholeheartedly.

She's not sure how long the two of them continue to stand there holding each other, but she does know that it doesn't feel like long enough anyways. But, in the end, she can feel Chris starting to shake just from the exertion of trying to keep as much weight as possible off of his bad leg and Ashley herself is starting to feel sore from standing on her tiptoes for so long.

So, with great reluctance, she slowly unwraps her arms from around his neck and steps back, but only far enough so she can slide her arms down until her palms are placed flat against his chest. Chris, in turn, lets go of her sweater so he can move his hands and grip tightly onto sides of her shoulders—more in an attempt to keep himself upright than anything else—placing nearly all of his weight on her. Ashley doesn't mind though, not when it means that she can rest her forehead against the center of his chest and just breathe him in. She feels him gently rest his own head atop of hers.

Lilith is long gone by now unsurprisingly, having placed the cookies and lone plate on the table and left without a word. Ashley hadn't even noticed she had left.

"Why didn't you text, or even call? If I had known that you were coming..."

The laugh that Ashley tried to let out sounded too much like a wet hiccup to her liking. "Would you believe me if I said that I thought I did? That I apparently had a dream or something so convincing that I still don't believe that it didn't actually happen?"

"Well, sure wish that dream me had let me know that. Would have at least changed my clothes for you then. Maybe even showered…or shaved."

This time, the laugh that Ashley lets out sounds much more natural. "Oh wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special, huh."

She feels one of Chris's hands leave her shoulder—still making sure to keep most of his weight on her though—and place that hand overtop of her own that she's got placed over his heart, cautiously curling his fingers around it. Slowly, she backs off just enough so she can lift her head and look up into his face and at all of the relief and desperate joy that's openly broadcast for her to see.

She opens her mouth, though whether to apologize or say something else she isn't sure just yet. It doesn't matter in the end though, not when something has seen fit to jam itself into the side of her waist. And whatever that something is, it's alive and moving.

Immediately, Ashley jumps away with a scream and she finds herself tripping over her own feet as she falls to the floor with a flail of limbs. Scrambling backwards to hopefully try and escape whatever it is that had touched her. It doesn't work, not when she can see something white and grey out of the corner of her eyes as something wet and cold brushes against her cheek a moment later, and it only causes her to scream louder. By the time that Chris appears in front of her to calm her down, his hands carefully cupping her face and his eyes wide as he does his best to wipe away her tears, she's openly sobbing out nonsensical apologies in between screams.

"You're fine Ash. It's okay, it was just Toby. It's just Toby. You're okay I promise you it's okay. There's nothing down here that's gonna hurt you. It's just Toby, you're safe."

"What—? T-Toby?"

"Yeah, Toby. He wanted to say hi that's all. He didn't mean to scare you. See?"

True to his word, sitting between them is the Hartley family's German Shepherd. White and grey fur dotted across his dark furred muzzle and ears down low as he whines sadly, warm brown eyes staring at her even as he hangs his head low contritely. Hesitatingly, Ashley lifts a hand and Toby doesn't hesitate to stick his face into it, feeling his cold, wet nose before he starts licking her fingers.

Upstairs, there's a loud crash quickly followed by the sound of Saundra's frantic voice. "Ashley?! Ashley?! Are you okay?! Answer me Ashley!"

Chris is the one to respond, his hands still firm albeit gentle on her face as he turns his head to yell up the stairs. "She's fine, Saundra! Toby just spooked her, that's all. She's fine!"

"I'm coming down," she calls back. "I'm coming right down and then—what do you mean to just leave her?! You both heard her screams just as clearly as I did, I'm going down to get her and then I'm taking her directly home!"

That breaks Ashley out of what little panic from earlier that still remained, though it manages to send her into a completely different one; the exact same panic that Chris is currently experiencing as well if she has to go by what's reflected on his face. She can't leave now, not when she just got here. Not when they both know that her leaving would be the absolute worst thing either of them can think of.

"I'm fine Mom, really." Ashley hopes that her mother is far enough away that she can't hear the tears still in her voice. "Toby just wanted to say hi and I wasn't expecting it. I'm fine, I promise!" Please don't make me leave, she pleads in her own head. Please, please, please don't make me leave.

What answers back at first is nothing but silence from upstairs—which Ashley assumes to be because of an argument that Saundra and Chris's own parents are having—but then there's the thump of someone coming down the stairs to them. Her heart immediately drops straight down into her stomach.

A short moment later, Saundra appears at the bottom of the steps, taking in the sight of Chris sitting awkwardly with his bum leg out to the side and holding her daughter's face carefully in his hands, thumbs still wiping away any of Ashley's tears that might still be falling. Toby with his head now in Ashley's lap, whining in pitiful apology as she weakly scratches him behind his ears.

Ashley does her best to give her mom a smile to convince her that she's alright, but even she can tell that it's a weak, pitiful imitation of one at best. "See? I'm fine. I didn't mean to scare you Mom. I'm fine now, so please let me stay." Don't make me leave.

Saundra just continues to stare, eyes darting suspiciously between her and Chris, a frown starting to appear on her face. "...Fine," she eventually agrees, and both Ashley and Chris's shoulders sag in relief. "But this is your last chance Ashley. I mean it this time, one more strike and that's it. Anymore freak outs like that and we are gone, do you understand?"

Both Chris and Ashley are nodding their heads in agreement, more thankful than words could ever say. And Saundra must see how relieved and thankful they are, because all she does is give one last furrowed brow of contemplation before turning around and going back up the stairs.

The second that neither of them can hear her footsteps anymore, Chris turns back to her. "I'm sorry," he blurts out, "I should have warned you. I forgot that he was down here with me and I'm so fucking sorry."

Ashley doesn't say anything for a minute, just taking comfort in Toby's head in her lap as she continues to scratch at his heavily greyed muzzle. "I wasn't expecting to see him down here," she finally says, "I didn't even know that he could still take the stairs."

"He can't," Chris admits and Ashley isn't surprised. Toby is an old dog after all—a very, very old dog in fact—only a few years younger than her. “Dad got a couple of the kids from down the block to help him down, and they come back every few hours to let him out before helping him back down here again. Dad gives them a few bucks I think every time for it, but between you and me I think they're really in it for the cookies that Mom gives ‘em."

Ashley can't help but smile at that. Lilith's cookies are pretty great after all, she would know. "But why let him keep coming down here then? Wouldn't it just be easier to keep him upstairs?"

Chris just sighs. "Yeah, that's my fault. Ever since I got back home Toby's been super clingy, he doesn't like to leave my side if he can help it. But every time I was in the living room upstairs all I could feel was Mom and Dad’s eyes on me. And while I don't blame them for it, it just...it made me feel like something else was watching me too. It was making me jumpy and I was starting to freak out at every little thing, but my room just felt too small and stifling and I couldn't breathe so..."

"The basement," Ashley finishes for him. "The basement felt like the only place where you could be safe."

"I wouldn't say 'safe' exactly. I hadn't actually felt safe down here until—" his ears go red and he quickly drops his hands from her face. "I'm really sorry about what happened with Toby though. I knew he was being clingy with me and I should have expected that he would act the same way with you."

"It's fine. I understand completely, really." Ashley gently shoves Toby's head from off her lap (who whines in disappointment at the action) and stands up, walking over to where Chris's crutch had fallen to the floor. After clumsily helping Chris back to his feet, she hand it back to him without making any eye contact, her words coming out mumbled under her breath. "And I hadn't felt safe either until then."

Too embarrassed to even look at Chris anymore or see what expression he has on his face, she quickly walked over to the couch where he had been sitting earlier and sat down in the opposite corner. Looking directly at the TV and still not at Chris, Ashley finally gets a good look at exactly what he had been watching earlier. He hadn't bothered to pause the movie when she had come in so it took very little trouble for her to identify the movie in question. Especially when the scene that was playing was everyone, sans Cera of course, covered in tar from The Land Before Time.

Wordlessly, Chris joins her on the couch and once again elevates his leg onto the coffee table with a grunt. "Um, I can change the movie if you want? Or we can play a game or something? I wasn't really paying much attention to the movie anyways, I just...I just needed something, um, easy to watch, you know?"

She does, Ashley understands completely. He needed something easy to watch that didn't come packed with blood or screams. The type of films that Josh would make them watch.

The type of films that would remind him of not only Josh, but what he made Chris go through.

"Actually, can you restart the movie if you don't mind?"

Ashley hasn't even started explaining why she wants to watch a children's movie from nearly thirty years ago (not that she's even sure why honestly), but Chris doesn't even hesitate. Reaching out for the remote that rests on the arm of the couch and starting the movie over from the beginning for her.

As the movie runs through its opening story narration, Ashley finds herself making her body small again. Curling up her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She even tucks her chin into her chest so only her eyes are peeking out over her knees.

On the other side of the couch, Chris resumes his previous position easily enough, except he’s sitting much more stiffly than before. He's also firmly keeping his eyes on the movie as the narrator talks about the ‘search for the Great Valley'. Firm enough that it's obvious even to Ashley that he's clearly forcing himself to watch the movie and not let his eyes drift over to her.

As all of this is going on as well, Toby keeps wandering between them, whining as he stares imploringly at the empty couch cushion in the middle. It's clear that he wants up, wants to join and sit with them to offer some comfort, but he'd been too old to jump up on the couch two years ago and Chris too injured to help him up right now. And Ashley’s too worried about injuring the geriatric German Shepherd to even try. So instead, with a tired groan of old joints, Toby just curls up on the floor directly between them. Head resting on crossed paws so he can watch them both.

Chris and Ashley both sit in silence as they watch the movie play on. Watching the hatching of Littlefoot and his introduction to his mom and grandparents. It isn't until Littlefoot's mother grabs at the lone treestar that remains high up in the treetops that Ashley finally finds it in her to speak again.

"Your mom brought down some cookies," she says, gesturing towards the tupperware on the coffee table with a weak nod of the head. "She said she might even bring down some hot chocolate later too. The good stuff even."

Chris doesn't even smile. "Yeah, I'm not..." he sighs, then changes courses. "I haven't really been eating a whole lot Ash," he finally admits. "I know I should, but I don’t want to. Everything I eat I keep throwing back up later, and it all looks the same coming back up. It all looks way too similar to what came out of that old guy when he... when I saw him..."

Chris swallows roughly, squeezing his eyes shut as his breathing grows shaky for a moment. Well, that certainly explained why Lilith had only grabbed one plate and not two to bring down. "Don't worry about me though, you can have some if you'd like. I'll definitely eat something later at supper though, I just...prefer not to eat unless I absolutely have to right now."

"Yeah, I'll probably just skip out on the cookies too. It's probably for the best anyways. This is most likely what your mom's been paying those kids I think, and the last thing I want to do is deny any of them their hard earned wages."

Ashley's terrible attempt at a joking smile dropped. "And, well, I haven't been all that hungry either to be honest. I know I should eat and all, but with the way that my head is right now the sight of food just makes me feel so nauseous that I haven't been able to eat much in the first place. Was really starting to scare Mom, I think. Only reason she even agreed to let me come over today was solely because she watched me actually eat breakfast this morning. I don't think she would have let me leave home otherwise."

Chris gave a forced laugh. "Yeah, that sounds like Saundra all right. Think my own parents would be over the moon if I even tried to leave the basement right now, let alone the entire house."

Ashley laughs weakly along with him, but then the two of them fall into that awkward silence again. Watching the movie play out as Toby continues to sleep between them and letting out the occasional soft sore and grunt.

When the earth starts cracking after the earthshake, separating Littlefoot from his grandparents, Ashley starts to hear the telltale soft tap tap tap of Chris tapping his finger against the arm of the couch. She doesn't mention it, more than patient enough to let him figure out the proper words to say and work up the courage to ask whatever it is in the first place.

It isn't until they're both watching Littlefoot's mother explain exactly how to find the Great Valley and that she'll always be with him before dying, that he finally asks.

"Hey, Ash?" She gives him a slight hum of acknowledgment to let him know that she's listening. "Why didn't you ever call? Or even text?"

"I already told you," she weakly chuckles, "the dream I had was so convincing that I honestly thought I did."

Chris shakes his head firmly. "No Ash, that's not what I meant. You didn't text me at all over the last week. Why?" His voice goes small and broken, and it makes her feel small and broken in turn. "Did I...did I do something wrong?"

Ashley wants to do nothing more than reach out to him, but she doesn't. Instead, all she does is tighten her arms around her knees. "You didn't do anything wrong, I swear. It was just...you lost your best friend, Chris. I thought that I should maybe give you some space to grieve."

For the first time since they sat on the couch to watch the movie, Chris finally turns to look at her. "What? But Josh was your best friend too—"

She interrupts him with a firm shake of her head. Firm and fierce enough that she has to grip her head in her hands as the world seems to swim around her. It feels like her brain is sloshing around inside so her laugh comes out sounding more wet and far closer to a sob than she had originally intended. "I don't think he was anymore though Chris. I don't think he thought so for a while now."

"Ash—"

"No, you don't understand Chris. The things that Josh did to us that night? Did to me? He tied me up in a shed Chris! Hung me up and forced me to watch as he made you choose who to kill. He made me try and convince you that I was worth more to you than your best friend since elementary school! Made sure that I would be covered in his blood after he was cut right in half only a couple of feet away from me, and leaving me with the constant, horrible reminder that that was almost me. That it could have easily been me.

“And then he did it again! Knocking us both out and daring you to point that gun at me and shoot if you wanted to live. It doesn't even matter that the traps were supposed to be completely harmless and that no one was supposed to get hurt. He made me be the bait twice Chris. Twice!

"Those aren’t the kind of things you do to your best friend Chris, those are the kind of things you do to the person you hate with every fibre of your being."

On the other side of the couch, Ashley catches his absolutely distraught expression as he weakly tries to reach out for her. She ignores him, now that she's started she can't seem to stop. Finally getting out what feels like every nasty thing she'd been unable to tell anyone else.

"And to make matters even worse, he hit me so hard that I haven't even been able to read or write anymore Chris! And I've tried—I've tried so fucking hard, I promise!—but reading just leaves me wanting to puke and trying to write is even worse. It's like I forgot how to even hold a pen or pencil, and the words are such a jumbled mess in my head anyways that it doesn't even matter! The couple of times I managed to actually just copy a few words down, my penmanship was so bad that I couldn't even read what they were supposed to be. And the couple that I could read I had misspelled so horribly even with the guide that I almost broke down screaming. I forgot how to spell 'of' Chris! Of! It's the most simple and basic word in the whole world and I couldn't even remember how it was supposed to be spelt!

"Josh tried to take you away from me Chris, and when that didn't work he took away the only other two things that I've ever been good at or loved in revenge."

"Josh didn't...Josh didn't take me away Ash. I'm right here, I'm still right here."

"But he did! Even though he did such horrible, awful, mean things to us, you still demanded to go back and save him anyways. And I love that about you, Chris. I love that about you so, so much but you almost died Chris! You had to watch another person die right in front of you and now you can't eat or leave the basement or-or-or—"

Ashley turns to look at Chris in desperation, tears pouring down her cheeks as she chokes out "I almost watched you die trying to save Josh, and that alone makes me think that he didn't deserve it. And I hate that I think that! I hate, hate, hate it so much but you coming back alive was so much more important than anything else in the whole entire world."

Next to her, Chris is silent. Staring at her with so much heartbreak in his eyes as the movie continues to play on forgotten.

"But the worst thing? The absolute worst thing? I miss him so, so much Chris and I hate that I do. And I hate that I hate that."

"Yeah," Chris finally says, admitting to the air as he looks not at her but at the cast on his ankle. 'Yeah I hate him a little bit too. I miss my—our best friend even after all that shit he pulled and I hate myself for that.

"Because I think that most of all, I hate myself. I hate that I hope he's dead because the alternative is so much worse. That death would be a mercy compared to living on those...those things. I hate myself for not noticing that Josh had gone so far off the deep end that he thought he had to pull that prank on us. He was my best friend—our best friend—and I didn't even notice! Some friend I was, huh?"

Ashley's ready to bring up that that wasn't his fault. That no one, not even his parents or his therapist, had noticed Josh's downward spiral until it was too late. But before she can Chris is already continuing.

"And now, I even hate myself for letting you through all of that alone this week, because I should have reached out to you too. But I was too scared thinking that the reason you hadn't spoken to me since we got back was because you had regretted everything that happened between us at the lodge after all."

Finally, Ashley does reach over all that empty space between them, cautiously placing a hand over his forearm. "No, Chris, no. I-I..." she took a breath. "I regret a lot of things from that night, but I regret how it happened, not that it did. I regret that it took me so long to tell you how I really felt, and that it happened during that awful trap. That it would have been so, so easy for you to think that I had only said all that in order to try and save my own skin, that you didn't think I was being genuine. I regretted kissing you when I did because I had only done so out of pure selfishness. All so I could know what it would have been like to kiss you even once, just in case the absolute worst came to pass and you never came back."

Slowly, cautiously, Ashley shifts from her corner of the couch to the middle (careful not to disturb or accidentally kick Toby at all as she does so), all so she could be closer to Chris. And just as cautiously, she moved her hand from his arm so she could cup his face in both hands—his stubble scratchy against her palms—angling his head so he was looking right at her. She feels his own hands rest lightly on the curve of her waist at the same time. "So I want to do a do over if that's okay."

She doesn't even bother to wait for his acceptance, she takes the fact that he had almost immediately leaned into her hands as confirmation anyways. "Chris, you're my best friend, have been for years now. There's no one else in the whole entire world that I trust as much as you. There's no one else that I wanted to spend nearly every second of every day with. I've liked you almost since the day we first met, and I kissed you because I was selfish and had wanted to for years. I really, really like you Chris Hartley. I always have."

Already close enough that their noses are nearly brushing, Ashley just decides to close the remaining distance between them. Not even giving Chris the time to respond back before she’s kissing him softly. The kiss itself is gentle, with her palms warm on his cheeks and him leaning in to kiss her back just as gently. It's everything she had ever imagined kissing Chris would be like and it's perfect.

She hates it.

She hates it because this is what their first kiss should have been. Shared shyly in his basement as a nearly thirty year-old children's movie played in the background. Kissing almost sweetly now that their true feelings had finally been revealed after all this time. This is exactly what they had deserved their first kiss to be like, but instead what they had gotten was a kiss shared in desperation.

Terrified that he wouldn't be able to come back to her while a confession that neither had intended or wanted lay heavily between them. Both their faces covered in so many bruises that it had made the kiss almost painful. Both her wrists encircled by a thick friction burn and the small, angry burn on Chris's jaw from holding that gun resolutely to his skin still bright red and shiny. The air around them smelling of nothing but blood and fear.

Ashley knows that in time she'll forgive Josh for a great many things. That he had been sick and if he had been in his right mind then he never would have thought he'd had to pull that prank in the first place. But this? This she knows is never going to be one of them.

After only a couple of seconds she pulls away from the kiss, her heart aching for what she had unknowingly lost. At the one last thing Josh had seen fit to take away from the both of them. And when Chris finally opens his eyes to look at her, all Ashley can see in his eyes is the exact same heartbreak that she feels now.

Neither hesitate. The second that Chris's eyes had caught hers, the two of them are kissing again with a frantic desperation. Ashley's arms are wrapped tightly around his neck once again and his around her waist, holding each other as close as they possibly can.

It isn't long until she lets out a sob into his mouth—mourning what she'll never be able to get—but neither of them stop. If anything, the kiss has only gotten more desperate than ever as Chris has got one hand buried into her hair and she's clutching fervently at him. Both are crying now; hot, bitter tears that pour down their cheeks and make the kiss wet and sloppy, but neither care.

They're both too desperate to overwrite that awful kiss that never should have happened. Desperate to make themselves a kiss that wouldn't come stained with the memories of Josh in every crevice.

The two of them continue to kiss like that until they can't anymore, until they're crying so much that kissing becomes impossible. Until all that they're left with is Ashley with her mouth against the burn on Chris's jaw so she can feel his pulse thrum loudly underneath her lips, sobbing out "it's not fair" over and over again as they continue to clutch each other close. Until she can feel his hands fumble underneath her shirt so he can feel her shaky breaths as she continues to inhale and exhale with every sob, can feel the bare skin of her waist underneath his own trembling hands as he holds her closer and closer to him.

They hold each other just like that until exhaustion sets in and they fall asleep, long after the movie had finally ended.

---

When Ashley awakes later on, she doesn't know how long she's been asleep for. The sky outside the small basement window is dark, but that means little. It being the middle of winter means it could be anywhere from 6:00 PM to 7:00 AM for all she knows, but she thinks it's only been a couple of hours at most with how she's feeling. Her head is heavy and eyes sore from crying, but her body is sluggish as well and doesn't want to move just yet.

It's an idea she can get behind wholeheartedly right now, what with the way she had fallen asleep cuddled up to Chris's chest. He was still sleeping as well, his breathing steady as soft and warm puffs of air continued to slightly brush her hair as he held her close.

Blearily, she noticed that someone at some point had come downstairs, turning the television off and draping a heavy quilt over the two of them. She appreciated it, pulling the blanket up higher so it covered them both once again even as she knew what their position would have looked like. What with her face tucked into his shoulder and her lips on his jaw, his hands tucked firmly underneath his shirt and fingers resting heavily onto her waist.

But even despite the uncomfortable position that they had both fallen asleep in, Ashley didn't want to leave it. She hadn't felt this safe and slept so easily in what felt like ages. She would have gladly spent the rest of her life crammed onto the couch with him like this if she could.

And Ashley realized that she did, that she didn't want to be anywhere else tonight. It would take quite the fight with her mother—and she wasn't even sure if Chris's own parents would go for it either—but she refused to go back home unless he was coming with her. Either she stayed here with him for the night, or he stayed the night with her, and she knew without even asking that Chris would be fighting for it just as hard.

But that was a problem for later. Right now, with Chris's heart steadily thumping against her own, all she wanted was to fall back into that sweet, blissfully dreamless sleep from before. Placing her lips back over the burn so she could feel the slow, steady thrum of his pulse that matched in time with his heart, she curls back up into him. She feels Chris's hands tighten around her waist for just a moment, drawing her in closer to him with a low mumble into her hair.

Almost right away, Ashley falls back asleep feeling the safest and soundest she's ever felt in her life.