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#bell peppers are evil
birdkeeperklink · 2 years
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Taco Bell hiding fucking bell peppers in my burrito
I can't eat them, you dickheads, that's why I put "no bell peppers" in the notes every time I order online
No lunch for me
My eyes haven't stopped watering and stinging just from that one bite
Why do people like these vegetables from hell?
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assortment of doodles , the bottom two are from earlier today layz in the plane can be a real funny thought trust me
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firespirited · 2 years
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Today i got a bunch of stuff done. Groceries, meds, dog paw cleaning, minor filing. One annoying thing, i carefully refilled the printer yellow ink with a syringe only to find out that this firmware or chip won't allow you to do that. Whole thing is locked, won't update the latest firmware and unwilling to print greyscale until we get legit liquid platinum by brotherTM. They change it up faster than youtube can give us hacks. Bastards.
Oh and apparently I have a parasocial relationship with Lindy West because a recent video she did really did a number on me. I'm usually ok with unusual couplings but this felt so wrong because of how it started (don't ask don't tell is not how you poly) and given how she's written about past relationships and how over the moon she was to get a proper staged, public and celebrated marriage proposal despite them already agreeing to wed in conversation. How she wrote about her wedding and being chosen. How she wrote about married life and it's ups and downs and she thought she'd never be loved enough. None of my biznis and yet big oof.
I was in the middle of a task and randomly remembered that Sherlock BBC did John Watson's psychosomatic 'need' for a cane horribly when DS9 did it tactfully. Like for real, it's a social and personal signifier that you're injured, you're not the same as before, this man's limp is gone but not his psychic wounds and it costs no-one anything if someone has a cane that's just for stability, emotional support or plain swag. We were robbed of cool walking stick fighting and Sherlock constantly adding GPS or a signal scrambler and of course stealing it from Watson during a fight to pull out a whole surprise sword. Robbed for a quick dirty punchline (Like everyone who struggles to get the charger cable in their phone and feels insulted from afar).
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90363462 · 17 days
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nutelloona · 6 months
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Y'all wanna see something cool?
Of course you do
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This is my bunny Ferdinando after munching on some juicy green bell pepper
Wanna see something even cooler?
There's a video!!!! Look at his little green mouth and adorable teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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cyarskj1899 · 2 years
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He is cold as ice, took a life for money. And not just anybody life, his own nephew.
speechless really, that poor mother and grandmother. how can you be so evil? you have a restaurant and reality TV show what more could you want?
Very sad but not at all surprising especially if you look at from hindsight
all i can think about is Jen from basketball wives and what she went through with him and how nobody listened until this point .
A lot of y'all still owe Jennifer Williams an apology. She tried to tell y'all about this man and y'all called her an overdramatic liar . I know that I’m sorry for doubting her
I can’t help but to think about how miss robbie, Williams and anyone else in his life had literally dodged a bullet because if he and his baby bearing hips could be able to kill his own nephew, God knows what else he could have been capable of
There’s alot of Tims in The world. They will cross they family for money when they literally had it all. He fucked his mom over, her business, and the entire family by setting up his nephew.
Them hips don’t stand a chance in prison LMAO his fellow prisoners are going out his wide hips, legs and body in good use
But seriously This is really so damn evil. Setup the murder of his nephew, his own brother’s son, to cash in on a life insurance policy. I also feel like he was the one who stole $200k from his mother and set Andre up to take the fall for it, that’s likely the catalyst of all of this
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the-froschamethyst4 · 3 months
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Making the Biscuits
𖤐Pairing: König x F!Reader
𖤐Pronouns: She/Her
𖤐Warnings: EXTERNE FLUFF, language, some slight jealously,
𖤐Summary: Y/n was a black cat she named King. She got the cat before she met König, she jokes saying it was fate but King hates König and vice versa but what happens when König has to watch King for the first time??
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König stared at the black cat that hated him with a passion, the cat carried an evil look on his face, but right when Y/n pets his head he looks so happy.
"So the directions on how much food to give King is on his cat food, scoops in the bag...that should be it, for now, anything else I'll probably call me or text," she says, looking at her boyfriend König.
"Of course, Liebe," he says, standing up from the couch and placing his hands on her waist. He looks over her shoulder seeing the black cat, discreetly flipping the cat off, earning a hiss from King, and a quick bat at his finger.
Y/n didn't believe her King was a bad cat, she loves her cat with a passion, König just picks on the poor cat, calling him names and batting at the cat like he does to König.
"Behave, I'll be back in a few days," she tells König and kissed his lips. She turns to her cat, squishing his face in her hands and peppering his head and face in kisses. "I'll be back," she tells him.
"Damn cat," König mumbles under his breath.
"Okay, have fun, bye," Y/n says, leaving her house.
And immediately King hissed at König and ran off into Y/n's home office.
"STUPID CAT!" König yells at the cat, like he could understand him.
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12:00PM
König sat on the couch turning on the TV and King had come out from the home office, he perched himself on his cat tree just next to the TV, batting at the ball that was hanging, there was a bell inside, a very annoying bell inside the ball.
King was doing it to annoy König, but König had the patience of a saint and that a loud high pitched bell wasn't going to break him.
When King realized that König wasn't going to break, he jumps off his cat tree and went to the dark brown leather couch where König was sitting, rubbing his head and back on the leather couch and then deciding to sharpen his claws.
König turns and shoos the cat away.
"Stop that," he says, pushing the cat away, King swatted at König's hand drawing a bit of blood on his hand, but that didn't bother König, he's had worse happen to him.
König had gotten off the couch and grabbed a squirt bottle filled it with water, and he would spread it at King if he did it again, which wasn't long, King started to do it again and König sprayed him.
King went crazy and headed to his cat tree. He's never been sprayed before, so it made him go a bit insane.
König leaned back against the couch again, King was off his cat tree again and headed to the front door, he jumps at the handle getting König's attention.
"Do you need to go out?" A low gruff meow came from King as he bats at the door handle again, König gets off the couch and opens the front door for King, who took off immediately, then it hit König.
"Wait...KING YOU'RE NOT AN OUTDOOR CAT!!" König can't afford to lose his girlfriend cat on his first day of watching him. König grabs his shoes and starts running after King.
"KING!!"
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3:00PM
3 Hours later and König was walking back home with King in his arms. King was trying to break free from König's arms but he wasn't going to put King down.
König opens the door and drops King on the tile just in front of the door and he runs to his cat tree.
König sits on the couch, head back against the window and his arms fell at his side.
If it wasn't for the little girl who found King, König would be 6 feet under, with a headstone saying Dead: lost his girlfriends cat.
"Cat...I hate you, and I know you hate me...but...we need to get along...for Y/n, anyways," King's head jumped up hearing Y/n's name but of course didn't see Y/n.
König gets off the couch and heads to the kitchen seeing King's cat food, it was close enough for King to be fed. König grabbed King's cat dish that was a matte black with gold lettering of his name, he grabs the scoop from inside the bag and pours his one cup of food.
Once King heard his food hit his dish, he comes running into the kitchen with his gruff meow, he looks up at König pawing at him to drop his bowl.
König placed his bowl back on his mat next to his water dish looking like his food dish, König then grabs his water dish refilling it with water and placing it back next to his food bowl.
King was eating and König was finding something to eat. He opens the fridge and pulled out some leftover spaghetti and reheated it in the microwave and taking it to the living room.
King came waltzing in licking his lips and jumping on the couch sitting next to König who popped open a can of beer. King then meowed and pawed at a lose noodle hanging off the plate.
"HEY!" König moved his plate away from King. "You just ate, it's my turn."
King just meows and climbs on König's lap, he holds his plate up higher from King's reach and König had to eat by stretching his neck and eating, King would meow and try to stretch to reach the plate.
"Cat...get...off..." König was saying in between chewing his food.
Meow! He says loudly.
"Knock it off...I'll spray you with the bottle again," he threatens but King still keeps trying to get at König's food.
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10:14PM
König was getting ready for bed now, he was only in sweatpants and was drying off his face, he steps into the bedroom he shared with Y/n and her dumb cat.
King was stretched out on König's side of the bed, like usual.
"Sucks for you bud, but I like Y/n's side better," he yanks up the covers disturbing King's sleep and getting under the covers on Y/n's side of the bed.
King hissed at him and fell on König's pillow. Clawing at the pillow, König swats at King making him stop.
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6:30AM
The sun was peaking into the bedroom. König still asleep letting out his usual low snores. King had made himself comfortable on König's eyes, his soft body blocked out the sunlight.
König's snores were cut off and was waking up, his hands went to the soft body over his eyes, and started to pet King's soft body.
King hisses at König and got off of him.
"You're the dumb cat who was sleeping on me," König says, getting off the bed and heading to the shower. He had work today.
After his shower and giving King his usual scoop of food before he leaves for work.
King walks around the house meowing for someone. He goes to the living room and didn't see anyone. He heads to the window that was behind the couch and perched himself there.
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"König, how's babysitting your girls, cat?" Soap teased him.
"That damn cat hates me. I wake up and he's on my face, I pet him and he still fucking hisses at me."
"He laid on you?" Price asked, coming in and sitting next to him.
"Yeah, surprised me too, he's never laid on me, last night after I fed him and I was eating, he was trying to eat my food, something he's also never done before, he doesn't even do that with Y/n. King is ALWAYS with Y/n, so he's acting a bit different," König says.
"Maybe he's finally warming up to you?"
"Maybe, Y/n should leave you two more offend," everyone laughs.
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4:00PM
King laid on the window seal still looking outside, he was waiting for someone, but who exactly? King yawns and when he does, König pulls into the driveway.
King stretches up and heads to the front door, he hears the door knob turn and he starts meowing and clawing at his pants.
"Bud," König bends down and pets King's head, he stands on König's knee and paws at his mask. König puts his hands on King's waist picking him up. King didn't hiss, didn't fight König but instead rubs his head on König's mask.
"What do you want?" König asked, King who just meowed at him.
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König hasn't put down King since he's been home, King won't let him put him down. König tried to change out of his uniform and King would just meow, meow, and meow till König picked him back up.
He sits on the couch with King next to him, his arm on King's side as König was watching his usual Crime fighting show. King paws at König's leg then King started to make biscuits on König's thigh.
King never makes biscuits on König, he's seen King make biscuits on Y/n before, this felt like an honor that King was doing this.
King then made biscuits on König's stomach.
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A few days Later
Y/n had walked through her home calling out to her boyfriend and cat. She walks to the kitchen seeing König dance around shirtless and in sweatpants, King sitting on the counter watching him make lunch.
King then looks and saw Y/n and let out a soft meow, making König turn and look at Y/n.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi," she smiles, walking to them both, kissing König's lips and petting King's head and kissing between his ears. "How was everything?" She asked.
King and König looked at each other.
"Good," König smiles and King meows rubbing his head on Y/n's palm.
"Well, that's good, I'm glad you two are getting along," she says, kissing König's cheek.
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visionarymode · 8 months
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Acknowledgement
✧ warnings: smut, language, 18+
✧ pairing: roman reigns x female reader
✧ word count: 2,397
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“Y-yes my tribal chief.” Paul fearfully stuttered as he got up in a hurry and left the room as he obeyed the tribal chief’s orders. Roman let out an annoyed and impatient sigh as he glared at Paul with those piercing evil eyes. The screen transitioned into the crowd as AJ Styles’ entrance music hit with the bell ringing to indicate the start of a new match segment. was sitting at the mini table backstage as she just finished watching Roman on TV in his backstage segment for the night. She loved watching him in character because he was so damn brilliant at what he does. There was truly no one like him. Not to mention his incredible dedication and sexy execution of his character…the tribal chief. Roman was the perfect man but my god, something about the tribal chief just made her want to jump through the screen and as he always says, acknowledge him, in many different explicit ways she could imagine. She sat there as her sexual frustration built up not being able to forget that segment or his fine self. you know what? She thought to herself. She grabbed her phone and got up to walk down the hallway. She was about to send him a text before she abruptly bumped into someone.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry-“ she stopped to notice who it was. Paul Heyman. 
“Someone’s eager to get to her destination.” he joked as he crossed his arms raising his eyebrow. Oh, he has no idea…
“I just tend to walk fast Paul that’s all!” she giggled as she crossed her arms as well. “Is he still in his locker room?” she questioned as if he’d know the answer. 
“Yes he is. he has some free time before our next segment in about half an hour.” he patted my shoulder as he continued to walk past her. 
“Thank you Wiseman!” she called out jokingly. She continued her walk until she stopped to read what was in front of the door to her right. Roman Reigns. finally. 
She left two quick little knocks on the door before opening it to see him lying up comfortably on the black leather couch scrolling through his phone. He looked up and immediately put his phone down as he flashed his pearly whites smiling in response to her presence. 
“Hey baby.” he greeted her as he got up from the couch.
She locked the door behind her and she started walking towards him to embrace him. He picked her up as she wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. She giggled as she broke away to look at him. He looked so fucking sexy. When did he not though? His hair was slicked back in his usual bun, and his thick salt and pepper beard glistened from the oil he put on it to make it shine. He was wearing his 1000 days t-shirt with his track jacket over it zipped down.
“What?” he chucked. 
“Nothing you just look so…fucking…sexy.” she paused after each word to peck his lips. 
“Yeah?” he seductively mumbled against her lips trying to slide his tongue into her mouth. She granted access as she sucked on it. she broke the kiss for a split second to respond. 
“Yeah…”  
“You’re so…fucking….beautiful.” He mimicked her actions pausing after each word to leave sloppy kisses on each side of her neck. 
“Mmm I was watching your backstage segment and I don’t know. Something about the tribal chief makes me so horny…” she whispered in his ear. 
“Ahhh I see. You wanted to pay the tribal chief a visit huh?” he asked as he moved his hands from her waist down to her ass and grabbed a handful. 
“I just wanted to stop by & acknowledge you properly…” 
He lifted his face from her neck to look at her and smirked. Before she had a chance to say anything else, he sat her down on the leather couch. He leaned in to lift her chin and kissed her slowly and passionately. He rubbed her thighs up & down without breaking eye contact as he licked his lips admiring how beautiful she was. 
She could feel her panties get more and more damp with each motion of his hands. 
“The tribal chief really appreciates you putting time aside for him.” he professed. 
His rubbing turned into massages as he slowly moved his way up to her thighs spreading them slowly apart. 
“Oh does he now?” she asked playfully, but was screaming on the inside as her breath hitched in her throat. 
He left sloppy kisses all over her inner thighs before he stopped abruptly and noticed how wet she already was.
“Mmm look at you…” he muttered under his breath as he swiftly ran two fingers down her panties. 
“I haven’t even touched you yet…” he stopped mid-sentence to run his tongue over her damp panties. 
“…and you’re already dripping wet for daddy.” His eyes remained on hers as he grabbed her panties with his teeth & slowly ripped them off of her. If she could, she could cum right this second. 
“Tell me how much…” he spread her folds apart as she felt his breath on her wet pussy.
“…you acknowledge me.” 
“I acknow-“ Before she could finish her sentence she gasped as she felt his thick tongue swirl over her clit. 
“What was that baby?” he mumbled as he lapped his tongue up and down steadily yet slowly as he stared her down. She let out a moan that couldn’t be prevented and that was his cue to cover her mouth with his hand as the other pulled her right thigh over his shoulder to pull her closer. She managed to moan louder than before despite his hand being over her mouth as he ate her out like it was his last meal on earth. She suddenly felt him pull away which caused her to drop her jaw as she panted in frustration. 
“Wh- why’d you sto-“ 
“Shhhh. Who told you you could question the tribal chief huh?” he glared at her not to the point where she felt hurt but to the point where she was heavily turned on. She shook her head as she understood what he was doing. he wasn’t gonna break character. damn, he’s so good. 
“Or are you gonna be a good girl and do what daddy says?” he asked raising his eyebrows. She nodded her head eagerly so he could just put his mouth back on her needy and aching pussy. He set her thigh back down on the couch as he pulled his shirt over his head exposing his chiseled and tanned body. His tattoos on his pec & right arm were in full view as she bit her lip yearning for him. He grabbed her hand to pull her upwards in a seated position inches away from his face. He rolled up the shirt and stuffed it in her mouth. 
“Since you can’t control yourself this is what we gon' have to do huh?” 
Their eyes stayed locked for what felt like an eternity before he gently grabbed her by the throat and pushed her back on the couch.
“Now be a good girl and let daddy eat his pussy.” He dragged her legs towards him in the quickest motion and folded her so her knees were touching her shoulders. He kept his eyes on her as he let a long drop of spit slowly fall into her pussy. She was holding onto the back of her knees whimpering into the shirt that was stuffed into her mouth just moments ago so he could work on her. He used two of his fingers to spread the saliva along her entrance before he slowly slipped those same two fingers inside of her. They both moaned in unison as she was falling apart from pure pleasure. He started pumping his fingers in and out at a faster pace. Her muffled moans were growing louder and practically matched the same speed of his fingers. He licked her clit before he started sucking on it as she was on the verge of her climax. 
“Look at your pretty pussy soaking for me. you gon’ cum baby?” he asked licking his lips as he continued to finger fuck her. Her eyes were shut and her head fell back on the head of the couch as she struggled to form any words. He removed his shirt from her mouth and questioned her again. 
“Speak up baby. what’s my name?” 
“Ro-roman…” she was seconds away from releasing as she felt his fingers slow down the pace and tease their removal from inside her. 
“Nah…try that shit again.” he softly demanded. Then the lightbulb popped in her head. 
“my- my tribal chief…oh fuuuuuuuck…” she cried out as she came all up in his face as he sucked and licked every ounce of her juices making sure there wasn’t a drop left. That earth-shattering orgasm made her moan so loud that he had to bring his hand back up to clasp her mouth while he cleaned her up with his tongue. She was panting heavily as he lifted his face from in between her thighs licking his wet lips with the biggest smirk on his face. His beard was glistening but this time it wasn’t from the beard oil, it was from her. 
“Mmm there you go baby.” he praised as he winked at her. this majestic motherfucker. holy shit. 
“Now…” he started to say as he wiped her leftover cum off the corners of his mouth and sucked it off his thumb. He got up from the floor and took a seat next to her. He spread open his legs and rested his arms on opposite sides of the couch. 
“Your turn baby.” he winked while flashing his smug grin. 
She felt like she needed a breather after he just completely wore her out. She expected to come in here and finally pleasure him first for a change but he was never one to not pleasure his girl first. It was always his main priority whenever they got intimate. Making her cum before she could return the favor for daddy. 
She slid off the couch and got on her knees struggling to make eye contact because of how flushed and nervous she felt not only by his presence but by that insane fucking orgasm. His sweats and boxers slid off together as his long, hard, and pretty dick sprung up ready to be devoured. She felt her inner thighs getting hot once again as she prepared to take him all in & pleasure the fuck out of the tribal chief. He cupped her jaw as she was forced to meet his gaze. 
“Now be a good girl. open that pretty mouth and acknowledge me,” he ordered in a low voice. She quickly obeyed and started slowly stroking his shaft with one hand. Her tongue met his tip with a slow lick before swirling around it savoring his pre cum as he let out a low groan from her captivating eye contact. 
“Mmm say it…” 
“I acknowledge you, daddy,” she whispered before wrapping her lips around his tip and putting as much of him in her mouth as she could. She kept her eyes on him while sucking as his mouth slightly fell open with his head falling back. He was holding up her hair with his right hand in a slightly tight grip but she didn’t even care. She loved that he was in this vulnerable state as she had all the control to make him completely convulse and let go in her mouth. 
“Fuck baby just like that…take daddy’s dick like the good girl you are…” he struggled to finish his sentence as he groaned in pure satisfaction.
She studied him as he let out shaky pants while his left arm gripped the back arm of the couch so tight that his knuckles were turned white. She liked seeing him completely fall apart slipping out of character due to her mouth driving him completely fucking insane. Her mouth & tongue quickened the pace as she moaned around his length. He struggled to stay still and bucked his hips forward wanting her to take it all. His dick was so thick and big that she started gagging because of the struggle to fit it all in her mouth…but she didn’t give a fuck. She was enjoying this. She was enjoying fulfilling the tribal chief’s desires. 
“fuuuuck I’m cumming baby…” he groaned as she felt him getting close with tears prickling in her eyes from gagging on his dick. He gently pulled her hair back to take her off him and he let out a low moan as her tongue flicked on his tip once again. He quickly came down from his high to recover and immediately channeled his dominance. 
“Open that pretty mouth for me baby girl,” he ordered as he jerked himself with his left hand. 
She obeyed as she opened her mouth & stuck out her tongue keeping her eyes locked with his. He hummed and licked his lips and came all on her tongue as it dropped to the back of her throat. Droplets of his cum landed on her chest as they started swirling down to her breasts. He smirked at the sight of his mess all over his princess. 
“Swallow for daddy…” he instructed in a deep whisper. 
She obeyed swallowing every last drop of his seed. He wiped the leftovers on the corner of her mouth with his thumb and grazed it over her lips. 
“Say it,” he whispered slowly sticking his thumb in her mouth not taking his eyes off hers as she sucked it off and removed her mouth from his touch with a final slow lick.
“I acknowledge you…my tribal chief,” she responded with a raspy voice. He gestured for her to come sit on his lap with the flick of his finger. She was face to face with her man as he pressed his tongue flat on her chest licking up what was left of her neck and leaving soft kisses. He cupped her face as their lips were inches away before he praised her with the words she melted for once again. 
“Mhm. that’s my good girl.” 
---- thank you for reading! this is the first fanfic i’ve written so i hope y'all liked it :)
you can read more of my fics here ❤️‍🔥
tag list: @harmshake @cyberdejos2
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fushipurro · 5 months
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In the Shadows of Love
Chapter 2 - Rabbit
<- Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter ->
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☆ Content: 18+ MDNI, domestic fluff, depression, mentions of blood (small cut), angst
☆ Word Count: 4.1k
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It’s been a few weeks since Toji moved in next-door, and you haven’t spoken or seen much of him since the night you met his son, only hearing the typical noise of their coming and goings. Compared to your first impression, they’ve been better neighbors than you hoped they’d be. Aka, they’re quiet.
Tonight, you decided it was time for some real food, and so, you made your way out to the grocery store to grab all the necessities needed to restock your home.
Little are you aware, Toji had the same idea.
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“Do you always go shopping this late?”
You turn around to see not only Toji, but Megumi as well, positioned right at his side. His features are covered up by both a frog plushie he holds close to his face as well as Toji’s leg, but you’re still able to make out one green eye staring right at you.
“Hey Toji.” You smile, moving your head to get a better look at the boy. “Hi Megumi.” He mumbles the word “rabbit” into his stuffed animal, sucking in his lips.
“Megs, what did we talk about?” Toji lightly scolds, reminding his son of your name after. Megumi looks down at the ground with a now saddened look, mumbling an apology.
“No worries, it’s all good,” you assure the young boy with a lighthearted chuckle to ease the tension. “Call me whatever you would like, ‘Gumi.” You wink.
He seems to enjoy the new nickname for him, and you don’t miss the blush that creeps up over his cheeks. Toji softens up, turning his attention back to you. “Tough day at work?” he asks, and it’s only then you realize you must’ve missed a dot of concealer under your eyes.
“Eh, sort of.” You pause, finding the right words to use to not come off like you’re dumping your woes onto him. “Had a lot of meetings today for an upcoming project, and not nearly enough sleep,” you give a weak laugh after, fiddling with the fabric of your sleeves with your free hand.
“Why don’t I drive you home then when you’re done shopping?” he offers.
You look at him surprised, needing to swallow first before you respond, “Oh, no, that’s okay ─ I don’t want to be a burden. We’re not that far from home anyways.”
His eyebrows furrow slightly. “It’s no big deal,” he insists, “I’d feel better taking you home than leavin’ you to walk home at this hour all alone.”
“R-really Toji, it’s okay,” you try to reassure him, adding a forced smile to top it off. You catch Megumi’s eyes moving between both you and his father. “I’m sure you two would rather get home than wait around for me.”
Toji drops one hand over the crown of Megumi’s head, roughing up his already unruly hair. “We’re fine, right kid?” The boy flashes him a glance, seemingly softening up to your presence. “Yeah, we’re fine,” he croons. “It’s not like I’m dropping you off on the other side of town,” he chuckles, the sound rolling off his gravelly voice in such a way even you can’t resist any further.
The two begin to idly follow you around, occasionally picking up their own desires here and there, but mainly curious over your selections. It’s kind of fun ─ even for you, to see what food others are interested in or getting to share your own favorites.
You spend some time as you walk trying to plan meals for the week. You hope to come up with something that can be utilized as leftovers, that way you have more time to focus on work. Eventually, you settle on making vegetable soup, at least for tonight.
It’s easy enough to make, plenty bit healthy, and you can leave it to simmer on the stove giving you time to wind down after all your hard work today. You can’t help but laugh when Megumi recoils at the sight of the bell peppers you add to your cart for the recipe.
“Not a fan, I take it?” you ask, and he shakes his head multiple times, even putting up his stuffed animal in front of his face as though it’ll save him from the evil vegetable that threatens his life.
“I keep tellin’ him to not be picky over his food,” Toji grunts, grabbing one of the peppers and teasing it in front of Megumi’s face. He simpers but avoids overdoing it so his son doesn’t leave here today traumatized.
Megumi decides he would be safer stepping away from his father to hide behind your leg this time, making you smile at the gesture.
“I wasn’t always a fan either, but once I grew up more, I came to love them,” you say, exaggerating ever so slightly to make a point. It isn’t a lie, but it does have Megumi looking up at you with a skeptic look ─ maybe a bit of intrigue as well. “But we all have things we don’t like, and that’s okay too,” you say to appease his worried thoughts.
“I think we should do that for dinner then,” Toji muses, mischief lacing his words. “He can watch you eat them and see what he’s missing out on.”
Both you and Megumi stare at the man like a doe and her fawn caught in the headlights. Smooth move inviting you to dinner with his son present. Now you’re can hardly refuse his offer, but would it be so bad just to accept? That thought continues in your mind as you finish up your shopping, fixing to head into the checkout aisle.
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t interested, especially considering how much more relaxed you’re becoming around them. It’s nice not feeling the need to make yourself smaller or stutter every sentence, but it doesn’t make your thoughts any less so overwhelming at times. While it’s true he’s the one inviting you, that could also be out of courtesy as opposed to any actual interest. It wouldn’t shock you either way knowing how people are.
While lost in the onslaught of your reverie, you carelessly forgot to place a divider between yours and Toji’s groceries. You tense up, seeing that the cashier has already scanned a few of your items before you muster the courage to speak up, “I’m so sorry, but uh ─ we’re…not together.”
“You’re not?” the older woman responds with an “Oh my” gesture with a hand in front of her mouth to match. “I’m sorry, Miss. I thought you two were married. You sure do look the part!” she giggles innocently.
You can’t help the warm glow that bubbles of. Because of Megumi, no doubt. It does remind you however that you’ve not seen or heard his mother in the week since they moved in. It makes you wonder where she even is or if she’s still in the picture. At the end of the day, you feel that that’s his business, and yours not to ask. You wouldn’t appreciate others prodding at you for your life’s history, so you don’t plan on asking unless you absolutely need to.
Toji intervenes with a credit card neatly between his fingers like a game of cards. “All good, I’ll pay for everything,” he declares.
“Toji, I can’t let you do this, that’s too much!” you argue.
“I can if I want to have you over for dinner tonight,” he refutes, “We’ll be taking from each other’s ingredients anyways.”
“So then let me pay for half,” you try and offer up, shifting your hand to reach inside your purse to find your wallet.
Toji shakes his head, stopping you with his free hand. “No need, you can buy something nicer that money now.” His grin drips with satisfaction, already savoring an early victory. Megumi can’t help but look up from between you both again, raising an eyebrow curiously.
After successfully paying, Toji takes all the bags into his arms leaving you with just your purse in one hand, and Megumi’s palm in the other. He was the first to initiate it, and you’re more than happy to accept.
“Thank you for shopping with us,” the cashier waves as the three of you step away to leave, her eyes drifting to yours with a knowing smile. “And good luck, Miss!” she whispers and winks, hoping only you would hear (plot twist: he hear it too).
Thankfully, Toji’s car is parked close enough, but in no way did you expect to see a sleek black sports car turn on with the click of his key fob.
You make enough as a bartender to afford this?
One might argue that you should be the one driving luxury cars when your job description includes modeling as a key component. But as life is right now, you merely earn enough to pay the bills and then some. Your apartment isn’t anything grandiose either; if he can afford this sweet ride, then why not his own house?
His trunk opens with another press of the button, and Toji effortlessly places the bags down inside. Meanwhile, you assist Megumi with getting him into his car seat. He proves to be reliable enough to do it himself, so your main job is to hold his plush until he’s situated properly.
The interior of the car is just as pleasing to the eye as the outside with perfectly stitched leather seats and a clean floor to match. Your fingers make a beeline for the seat warmers to stave off the cold from your body. It’s early enough in the fall season still to have warmth during the day, but nights like tonight were chilly.
As you make yourself comfortable, you take notice to a jitte-styled weapon hanging off his rearview mirror in the form of a silver charm with a chain connecting to the pommel. It’s very unique, but you find it to be fitting for someone like Toji to have.
Toji comes down into the driver’s side a moment later and you’re hit with a sudden realization that you’re in his car. It’s more nerve-wracking now to be closed off in such a way with someone so new in your life. It doesn’t help that there isn’t any music playing to distract you either, but you feel more at ease with Megumi in the back. His car, his rules, not that it takes all that long to get home driving as opposed if you walked. His phone goes off a couple times along the way, but ultimately, he decides to let it run through to voicemail.
He parks his car in the building’s designated lot, tossing you his keys once outside without so much as a warning. You nearly fumble trying not to drop them, and thankfully you don’t, saving you the embarrassment.
“You mind taking Megs up first? I gotta make a call,” he asks.
“Yeah, no problem,” you reply, opening the door for the child in question. Megumi hands you his plushie once more so he can get out, wordlessly handing it back as you take his free hand into yours.
“Thanks, doll. I’ll be right behind you.”
You take your time heading up to the fourth floor at Megumi’s pace. You don’t mind given that it’s a school day, so he’s most likely as tuckered out as you are from working overtime.
Despite the fact that all the apartments in your building have the same floorplan, it still comes as a shock to you as you enter their home. Your sense of style comes easy to you with everything elaborately placed in all the colors you enjoy as well as trinkets on the walls to decorate the place. But Toji’s place? It’s simple, minimalistic, and true to what you know of him.
It's hard to tell what kind of things he enjoys when the personality you do see comes in the form of toys intended for Megumi’s usage. His other décor is scarce, the walls especially. Not a single shelf, artwork, or picture frame is to be found. He does however have a bookshelf but before you can think to read the titles, Megumi pulls on your hand, leading you over to the couch.
He turns the TV on easily enough, flipping channels until coming across some documentary about wolves that piques his interest. You don’t say anything for the sake of conversation, instead opting to take the win with how much he’s relaxing around you. The two of you may be more alike than you realize.
The front door opens after a short while with the sound of bags to follow. You leave your spot ─ much to Megumi’s discontent ─ to help his father with the door and getting to the kitchen area.
“I’m glad you accepted my offer,” he tells you while starting to unpack the groceries. You notice he puts aside most of your purchases, save for the assortment of peppers and a few other basic ingredients. “I’m not much of a cook as I am a barkeep but what are you hungry for?”
Taking into account everything laying out on the counters and what might be suitable for Megumi to eat, you come up with a few options in your head, one of which would take no time at all to whip up. So, you end up suggesting to the man, “Hmm, how about a stir fry?”
“Works for me,” He answers, pushing aside everything he’s certain to not need. There’s a good amount of ginger between the two of you which inadvertently gives you an idea in your head.
“Would it be alright if I help you cook?” you plead, “I have something I’d like to try for Megumi.”
“Sure, knock yourself out.” He winks.
Toji tasks himself with handling the meat, ensuring there’s plenty to go around. You on the other hand start your work with the vegetables, making sure to use a few peppers but also focusing on the ginger. The goal in mind ─ a ginger sauce. The flavor might be enough to distract Megumi from the taste of peppers, ensuring he gets a balanced meal.
You look over the counter into the living room where the boy sits, still engrossed in the documentary now showing off a pair of black and white wolves glued to each other’s side. It reminds you of a time when you were younger when Animal Planet or Discovery had better shows to watch compared to some of the cartoons airing. You’ll never forget the joy of catching an episode with Steve Irwin and whatever he was up to, making a mental note to see if Megumi would enjoy it too.
You soon finish up making the sauce, moving onto the rest of the vegetables to work on. While cutting them up to perfection, you can’t help but auto-pilot as your thoughts take over, wondering what the meaning behind tonight is.
Megumi’s mother doesn’t appear to be here currently. What would she think if she knew you were making dinner to enjoy with Toji and her son? The two of you have yet to meet, so in a way, it feels wrong.
A casual dinner between neighbors is one thing, but then comes a darker thought from the back of your mind that begs the question: is there some ulterior motive?
Being someone’s mistress is nowhere to be found on your bucket list. And while Toji hasn’t shown you any obvious red flags… how much do you really know about someone?
You hate that you think the worst of any given situation, but it’s not like you’re able to control it, at least right now. You’ve been through too much in life to not be this way to protect yourself from the cruelty of others. It doesn’t matter how detrimental it can be.
All you can hope at the end of the day is that Toji is different, unlike all that have come before. In time maybe you’ll get the answers to all the questions you have, or at least be able to come out unscathed.
“Shit.”
So long as you don’t forget that you’re the only one holding the knife.
Toji turns to you in a heartbeat at the sound of your hiss. “You alright?”
“Y-yeah,” you mumble, pulling your hand away to see fresh blood trickling down your finger. It makes your stomach turn upside down and you’re quick to look away, feeling the burning sensation come on. “It’s nothing,” you assure the man.
He gently scoops your hand into his own, examining the injury with a focused expression. If you were of a sound mind, you might’ve noticed how your heart fluttered in this moment, but the painful sensation from your finger is too distracting.
“I can finish up here if you wanna get that cleaned up. I got a kit in the bathroom you can help yourself to.” He pauses, glancing up to your glossy expression. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m okay, thanks.” You nod and he hesitantly releases his hold on you with a noticeable exhale.
You leave the room, heading down the empty hallway to where you know the bathroom to be. The kit is easy to find underneath the sink, surprisingly stocked with more than enough supplies ─ save for any bandages not designed for kids. The thought of Toji wearing these little animal faces over a wound brings a smile back to your face as you rinse off the cut under the sink with soap and water.
In the reflection of the mirror, you spot Megumi standing in the doorway with his eyes on you. “Hi ‘Gumi.” You turn to face him, starting to apply the bandage to your finger.
He enters the bathroom, staring up with a worried look. “Are you okay?” he asks with a low voice; his eyes appearing to gloss over slightly.
“I’ll be fine, just had a little accident is all,” you try and say to make him feel better.
“Are you going to leave me?”
Huh? Leave?
“No, why would I leave you?” you ask with a gentle voice, but he doesn’t reply. Instead, you hear a muffled sniffle as he lowers his head. It breaks your heart to see him like this. You crouch down, pulling him into a tight embrace. “I’m not going anywhere, ‘Gumi,” you promise.
Now you really hope Tsumiki’s right about Toji.
Megumi returns the hug and after a minute you both pull away and return to the living room together, hand in hand. It’s not long after that Toji declares dinner to be ready, and the three of you settle around the dining table, ready to eat up.
The first bite has your eyes widening out of surprise. You may have handled some of the sauce and seasonings, but Toji cooked the rest to perfection despite his claim about not being a good cook.
“Toji, this is really good.” You beam to the man, and he grins back confidently.
“Yeah? I think that’s just your work speaking,” he chuckles. “How ‘bout you, Megs?”
Megumi takes a cautious bite that includes one of the red peppers mixed in. His chewing is slow at first, but eventually relaxes and he moves to take another bite. “I like it,” he says, simple as that, and you’re glad it’s another win for you.
Toji was right earlier about Megumi watching you eat. The boy almost tries to make it a competition to keep up with you, but neither of you can beat out the large bites Toji takes of his plate. As much as grocery shopping can tell you of someone’s interests, so can the way they eat.
In this instance, Toji’s plate is adorned with large portions of meat, equally large in size so you know that’s his favorite. Megumi on the other hand seems more intent on getting as much of the sauce as he can get onto every single bite; perhaps he’s a fan of the ginger? He doesn’t finish all his peppers, but you’re happy he’s making the effort to try, nonetheless.
In the effort of making conversation this time, you start to ask, “So… Megumi, how old are you?”
His reply comes in the form of a mumble between bites, “Five.”
“Are you in kindergarten then?” He nods his head, taking a sip of his drink of choice from a pink elephant themed cup.
Toji chimes in, “Yeah, he just started it this season. Part of why we moved here.”
“Oh yeah?” You redirect your gaze to Megumi. “How do you like it so far?”
He seems unsure on how to reply with his typical quiet nature. You hope you aren’t pressing him too much with the questioning, despite your best intentions. Toji ends up answering for him, “He seems to like it.” He starts, taking another bite. “Kid’s got a few friends ─ what are their names again? Yuji, Nobara?” Megumi nods in turn, looking embarrassed like his biggest secret was just revealed. Toji turns back to you. “How about you, have you lived here long?”
“A few years now, I think…” your voice trails off as your eyes wander to the cityscape view beyond the windows. Nighttime has come and the moon is shining overtop the lights of the city, gleaming into the apartment. “I moved here as soon as I was able to and haven’t looked back.”
He hums with acknowledgement, standing from his seat, taking your dishes in the process.
“Oh, please, let me help clean,” you offer. “It’s the least I can do for everything tonight.”
He declines with a “Nope”, putting an emphasis on the P by way of a pop. “You already helped with the cooking, why don’t you relax with Megs till I finish up?”
You’re quickly starting to see that there is no such thing as winning in arguments when pitted against Toji. You’ll just have to find some other way to show your appreciation at a later date.
Megumi leads you over to the coffee table where he pulls out some paper and crayons to draw with. You decide to sit at the edge of the couch next to him, letting yourself relax as Toji suggested. This wasn’t the night of vegetable soup in bed that you originally planned for, but this unexpected event turned out to not be so bad, earlier thoughts aside.
Toji soon finishes up, making his way into the living room, where he leans himself over the back of the couch close to you both. At that point, Megumi’s drawing is complete, and he holds it up for you to take.
“For me?” You accept the sheet of paper and on it is Megumi’s best attempt at some rabbits he’s outlined in pink with red circles for eyes. It has your name written in the corner with as close a match to the color of your shirt, which also happens to be your favorite color. “Thank you, ‘Gumi, I love it!”
You ruffle his hair in appreciation which turns his face a bright red color. He goes back to coloring while you stand up from your seat, turning to Toji whose own face conveys a myriad of emotions you can’t quite read.
He snaps back to reality, nudging his head in the direction of the kitchen. “I’ve got your groceries bagged up on the counter for you, if you’re ready to get going.”
“Oh, thank you,” you reply, walking in that direction with the man.
“Hey.” He pauses for a brief second. “I’m glad you came over, and I hope you’ll come back. I’m sure Megs would love that too.”
You listen to his words while taking your bags in hand. “Of course, I’d be happy to,” you tell him, and honestly? You don’t even believe you’re lying. This was the nice, casual dinner you were hoping for.
Being around Toji forces you out of your comfort zone, but so far, it’s not been bad. Megumi is such a sweetheart too that you almost hate even thinking of his father in a lesser light. You just need to work through your trust issues and hope for the best. Hope that in whatever this is, that only something good will come of it.
“I’ll see you around sometime, Toji. Bye, Megumi!” you call out to the latter who gives you a quick wave in return.
“See you, neighbor.” Toji says, standing in the threshold of his apartment, long enough to watch you enter your own before returning back to his.
You sigh in relief once all your groceries are unpacked and put away. After a long day of meetings and the dinner next-door, the only thing on your mind now is catching up on sleep with Tsumiki resting happily in your arms.
You’ll need all the energy you can get to prepare for what’s to come.
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☆ Notes: this chapter had i believe the most revision done for it cause boy was it messy originally lol. i still worry if there's enough of a balance between dialogue and descriptive text so i hope it's fine!
megumi is a tad bit hard for me to write at times cause honestly i'm not very interested in kids, especially younger ones plus i'm an aunt to an autistic child so my experiences are a lot different from others. HOWEVER i would mother megumi so hard if given the chance (tsumiki too)
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shapelytimber · 5 months
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It's *definitely* not a date
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[COMMISSIONS] - [PRINT] (Promo code UJABTZ still available until 11/19)
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I love these two glhohkgkgjgk the silly 60s spies are cute ok ;; (and there is something about an american man and a russian man romancing each other during the cold war-)
Process (+ a long ass rant about what they are eating (with pics)) below vvv
For this one I wanted to challenge myself by drawing something that's really challenging for me : food ! It's really hard for me to make it look appetizing- I don't really like eating, and I don't usually bother to cook (why cook when I could just grab a baguette, a piece of cheese that could kill an american on sight, and combine the two to create easely one of the top 5 dish france has to offer ?), so I really struggle with making it look good lgkglflfofi but I'm very happy with how it turned out !!!
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Welcome to my long ass rent on a very specific type of french food :
So the plan for this was always to have them eat at a french restaurant, but I could not resist doing something really personal and extremely specific to my hometown- so they are eating in Nice ! And Nissart cuisine is very different from the rest of France. Why ? Quick history (I swear this has something to do with food), Nice was a very late addition to France, only becoming french in 1860, before that point it was part of the kingdom of Sardinia (so not Italian, but pretty close). It mostly translate to it having it's own dead language "Niçois" (a derivation of "Provençal", the old french language of the south), it's own anthem "Nissa la bella" and a very distinct cuisine.
So what are they eating ? First, you'll notice they have a little plate of Pissaladière ! It's flatbread with caramelized onions, anchovy (this is a crucial part of the dish, if you exclude them your just eating onion pie (/neg)), and black olive (btw I checked the english wikipedia page for pissaladière- it's so shit omg nooo)
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It's commonly free in restaurants, and served while you wait for your order (not all restaurants do that, but it's always so nice when they do fkfjkf). It's a pain in the ass to make, and all the ones you buy in boulangeries or stores are dogshit-
Ok for the actual dishes (It was hard to find something that would go well with red wine kgkgfjlfk because that means no fish-) ! Napoleon is eating roasted rabbit a la Niçoise ! The rabbit is flavored with olive oil, onions, garlic, lard and white wine (quick note, nearly everything we cook in Nice is in olive oil, not a big fan of butter). It's served with cooked tomatoes, rosemary, potatoes and black olive.
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And Illya is eating two distinct things, 1) zucchini flower fritters ('beignets de fleurs de courgette' in french) ! More specifically, the flatter version (it taste more like the flower. The more crispy version tastes more like just oil (in my opinion)).
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And 2) stuffed vegetable a la niçoise ('farcis niçois' in french) ! Just empty a tomato/zucchini/eggplant/bell pepper, stuff it with a mixture of meat, garlic, thyme, parsley and parmesan, then put bread crumbs on top.
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PS : just wanted to share a quote from my evil advisor (@quijicroix) : "I'm glad the waiter brought their F cups" (this is my best attempt to translate : "damn le serveur de genre indéterminé qui ramene les miches !")
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Photo
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Bell Pepper keeps beating MPC at Tic-tac-toe!
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rustingcat · 6 months
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Lena
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Kara felt disoriented waking up. It wasn't because the place she woke up to was new to her, which it was. No, it was because of the feeling in her chest that hadn't left her since her dance with Lena. 
Kara stared into the ceiling trying to find an answer, a name for it, to no avail. She felt lost and confused, with no clear idea of what to think and how to proceed. 
Kara took a deep breath, if there was something she reminded herself of recently, it’s that she was a scientist, and a scientist knows how to do their research. With determination she rose up from her bed and headed to face the new day. She would figure it out, she must.
The feeling came back all at once when she first spotted Lena after waking up. Just knowing she could see her first thing each morning already brought her so much joy. The oversized shirt she was wearing looked so good on her, she wondered why Lena even bothered with all those fancy clothes. Then again she looked really good in all of them as well. Really, Lena just looked good in everything, she can really pull anything off.
The feeling intensified when she learned Lena had been up longer than she realised, busing herself making breakfast for her so she would feel more at home. Kara nearly cried and went to hug her from behind. Letting herself bask in her smell as she buried herself in her neck.
"Not that I'm not enjoying it Kara, but I do need to get back to the eggs if you don't want them burned." Lena said after a short while.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Kara asked as she pulled back.
"It's eggs and bacon, there's not much to be done. Plates."
"Okay." Kara nodded and took out two plates to put next to Lena.
"Thanks. Plus I already cut all the vegetables and put them in the mixture, so it's all pretty much done."
"Lena Luthor, did you put vegetables in my eggs?"
"I did." She smiled with a raised brow.
"That is evil."
"I even put two different kinds of bell pepper."
"That is very evil. I might have to stop you."
"Oh, is that right?" Lena asked as she plated the food.
"Yeah, I'm not sure if you know, but I'm actually a superhero."
"Are you now? Prey tell, what kind of superhero are you?"
"The heroic kind."
"Well, I am quite evil. So you might have to stop me." Lena smiled and bit into her eggs.
"I will." Kara really couldn't take her eyes off of her.
"Kara," she bit her smiling lip."You might want to eat your evil eggs before they get cold." She said and lightly shoved Kara's Plate in her direction.
She spent most of her day unpacking the rest of her things. Lena joined her after a few hours of working in her home office. She said she came to help get it done faster, even though it had the opposite effect. Kara ended up spending most of her time trying her best to find the most ridiculous puns and jokes in the hopes to make Lena smile, it was worth it every time. 
It was evening and she hadn't gotten closer to figuring out the feeling in her chest. She knew it had to do with Lena, not that she had any doubt about it. But then again Lena was magical, beside the fact that she was literally magical, she had this magnetic aura. Kara couldn't take her eyes off of her whenever she was in the room.
They were best friends, of course, it could be that. They were also about to raise children together, it could be related to that. She thought about asking Alex or Eliza about it, but then again they only raised children with their romantic partner. She wasn't sure if it was that thought or the romantic comedy they were watching that made her wonder about the future, would Lena seek out a romantic partner?
The thought made her stomach twist.
Selfish as it sounded, she wanted to be the only partner in Lena's life. She hated herself for thinking that, but she promised herself that if Lena wanted to find someone she would never stop her. 
Images of a faceless man and Lena appeared in her mind; walking hand in hand on the street, making Lena laugh over dinner instead of her, taking her spot on the couch to snuggle Lena close like she did, caressing her hair like she was doing now, making her know that she was the most important person in your world, getting to stare into her bright green eyes for as long as they wanted, kiss her…
She saw that shadowy faceless person kissing Lena, holding her gently in his arms, their lips dancing in a swirl of passion. She felt the hint of her heat vision burning around her eyes, trying to close them only made the vision more vivid, more real. She tried to forget about him. Maybe Lena would be content without him, she was already making her laugh over any meal, snuggled her close at every opportunity, held her hand sometimes as they walked, sure they didn't–
It was the thought of the kiss that sparked a new image for her, the same intense kiss from before only the faceless man was nowhere in sight, she was kissing Lena in his stead. She could almost feel the heat of her tongue and the softness of her cheek as she let her thumb slowly caress it. She felt her body getting hotter along with a new feeling in her lower abdomen. She shifted abruptly in her seat, making her break out of her day dream as Lena's face turned to her.
"Are you okay?" She asked in a gentle voice and Kara was stunned by it. Her heartbeat skyrocketed as she stared at the lips she just imagined ravishing.
"Yes," she lied. Her voice came out in a much higher pitch than usual tone.
"Are you sure?" Lena put her hand on Kara’s. Kara could feel each point of contact burning into her skin. 
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Just tired."
"You want to go to sleep?"
"No, it's okay. We can finish the movie first," she assured her.
"Okay." Lena nodded. Squeezing her hand briefly before turning back to the film.
Kara had no clue what happened in the rest of the movie, she wasn't even sure what they were watching. All her thoughts were directed to the woman laying in her arms.
She didn't want a shadowy faceless man to date Lena. Not because she was afraid to lose some best friend's moments, no. She realised that all the facts pointed at one conclusion. 
She wanted Lena.
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antimony-medusa · 4 months
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And It's Alright (Hey)
Ao3 cleared her throat. “Sorry?” She looked up as the bell over the shop door rang, and then looked down with widened eyes where Tumblr had curled into her side. “Huh?” Tumblr turned the collar of her jacket up, huddling down into the side of the other woman. “Don’t let him see me.” Two men had walked into the shop. One was glancing in each booth, while the other had whipped out a selfie stick and was adjusting the angles. “I’m sure I saw her come in here,” the shorter man said. Ao3 was sure she recognized him from some truly mind-numbing parties last winter. That was Reddit, looking closely at each person in the shop. Ao3 tried to emanate uninteresting and unfamiliar vibes in his general direction. OR: Ao3 saves Tumblr from her evil ex Reddit. And then they have sex. It doesn't go as planned.
Status: 1/1 chapters, updated 12 January, 3,336 words
Fandom: Internet & Social Media (Anthropomorphic)
Rating: Explicit
Characters: AO3 (Anthropomorphic), Tumblr (Anthropomorphic), Youtube (Anthropomorphic), Reddit (Anthropomorphic), Wattpad (Anthropomorphic)
Relationships: Ao3/Tumblr (Anthropomorphic)
Tags: crackfic, Comedy, Sexism, Mentions of Jordan Peterson, Fingering, Unorthodox Use Of Heavy Cream, milk as lube, Unadvisable Use Of Hot Peppers, Reddit Wasp Man, Firefox - Freeform, Reasonably Explicit Sex, Spice (BB Theme)
STARTING OFF THE NEW YEAR WITH A BANG WITH AN E-RATED CRACKFIC ON MAIN. LETS GO.
Can you believe I got assigned Anthropomorphic websites in an exchange AGAIN? In a 48-hour crackfic exchange, non the less? With the assignment "Ao3/Tumblr but they fuck" and  "Ao3 protecting tumblr from her evil ex reddit" and "spice"? What a time to be alive.
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90363462 · 17 days
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They about to make him the prison chef and have them hips out with him wearing just an apron 😂😂 #TimNorman
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viperrot · 1 year
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⇁high school sweethearts | leon kennedy | pt. 3
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resident evil 4 remake leon s. kennedy x fem!band-student!reader high school au
you and your brother spend time together at a local diner. of course, you see leon there—with a pretty girl no less!
pt. 1 pt.2 pt.4
content contains: mild angst, mild enemies to lovers, mean leon, cliches, story is told in first person, reader is a bit shy and is an oboe and trumpet player!, leon and reader are in their juniour year, fictional town set around 1980!
not proofread i am sleepy
2252 words
song rec: "little nocturne" by hiroshi takaki
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The little bell above the shop's wooden, yellow door jingles as Damien and I enter, and the smell of carpet and fresh paper fills my senses. The music shop is painted in a warm light, the wooden walls lined with an assortment of instruments ranging from guitars, drums, and a few brass, although very few. There's a few pianos tucked into corners, and shelves of lesson books and other arrangements are shoved into them. I've been here many times before, and the shop owner often gives me discounts with how frequently I visit. There's no one behind the register, so I assume whoever's working today is in the back.
"Mrs. Conaway?" I call out, eyes darting around the shop. From behind a shelf, a little head peeps out, revealing a frail woman in her late fifties. Her glasses make her eyes bubble, and her salt-n-pepper hair is tied up in a chaotic mess atop her head.
"Ah, good morning, you two!" Mrs. Conaway smiles goofily, waddling out from behind the wooden shelf. "I assume you're here for your oboe?"
"That 'n some slide grease. I'm running a bit low," I chuckle dryly, walking with the elderly woman to the register. To the left of the register is a glass case showing off a variety of wind instruments. There's flutes, a few piccolos, a trumpet mouthpieces, a single trombone, and finally...
The F. Lorée classic oboe.
My dream instrument since beginning junior high. A professional level oboe going for over three-thousand dollars, the Lorée company has been making them for almost a century, known famously for their beautifully crafted instruments. I had been saving up for one post-high school since my freshman year.
"Y'think daddy's money can afford that?" Damien nudges me with a joking smile, referring to the extra cash I'll be getting from tutoring the girls. I roll my eyes.
"Maybe," I chuckle. Mrs. Conaway pulls out a beat-up looking case from behind the register as Damien and I banter, setting it on top of the instrument display case to show it to me.
"It's an intermediate brand. I hope it isn't too bad," she gives me a sheepish grin.
"Don't worry!" I mirror her smile, popping open the case to give the double reed instrument a look. It's a little dirty and the corks look drier than a desert, but it was nothing I couldn't fix. "It's perfect, Mrs. Conaway. Thank you so much," I nod at her, clicking the oboe case shut carefully. She clasps her hands together happily.
"I'm so glad to hear that! And remember, you don't have'ta pay me for it. It's the least I can do for my sweetest customer!" The elderly woman says giddily.
"Agh, even so... I really appreciate it, Mrs. Conaway. I'll return it as soon as I get a new one," I promise her. She pushes the case toward me, eager for me to get on with playing it and also for me to leave so she can keep working. Damien and I walk out of the shop, stepping out into the sun that shun down onto the busy town centre.
"So...?" Damien looks at me with a wicked smirk. "We got the car for the day... are ya thinkin' what I'm thinkin', thumper?" He swings his arm over my shoulders. I eye him with a quirked brow. As if reading each other's mind, we shout in unison,
"ICE CREAM 'N JOYRIDES!"
Our cheer echoes down the street, but we giggle as if there's nothing wrong in the world. We jog over to the Impala, hopping in quickly before driving off to the best restaurant in the world—Hattie's. A local favourite, and everyone here swears that it sells the best shakes you could possibly imagine. Mrs. Hattie L. Parker started the old shoppe when Everglade was first founded in 1957 at the age of 22, and it's been a staple ever since in this old town. I can't name a single person here that doesn't frequent the place.
We pull into an empty spot with "Come On Eileen" playing lowly from the radio. As soon as we park, we throw ourselves out of the car, racing each other to the door of the diner while giggling all the way. I decide to bring my hand-me-down oboe with me, wanting to get some repair as soon as possible.
"You're cheating!" Damien yelps when he sees me get to the glass door faster than him.
"Nuh uh?! It's not my fault I'm just a lil closer to the door compared to you!" I cackle, pushing the door open with my back as I hug my case to my chest. My older brother gives me a rough pat on the head, jostling my hair around with his palm. I grunt at the affection, trying to pull him off of me as we stumbled into the bustling diner. It's almost packed, most of the booths and counter seats taken up. As Damien and I look around for a seat, I lock eyes with him.
In a booth is Leon Scott Kennedy, sitting with three other people. Next to him is the famous Ada Wong, known across the school for being the one of best lacrosse players in the county, as well as my graduate year's class president. I can't see the other two he's sitting with from where I'm standing, but I'm assuming it's someone from her little posse that's been at her feet since freshman year.
I feel myself shrink as I make eye contact with him, unconsciously drifting to stand behind my brother. Leon's got the same glare I saw him give me before Damien and I left to get my new oboe, which was clutched tightly to my front. I notice he changed his clothes, sporting a deep blue sweater with a white collared shirt beneath it.
Damien notices how quiet I'm being and follows my gaze.
"You good, thump- Oh..." The boy sneers at the sight of the ace. He squeezes my shoulder softly. "Ignore 'em, sis. Let's sit over here," he grunts, spinning me toward an empty booth at the opposite end of the diner. We settle into the red, leather seats, immediately ordering a sodapop and a banana-split to share between us. I keep my head down, eyes trained on the oboe case on the table.
Carefully, I open it to reveal the old thing. Rummaging through the case, I pull out a tube of cork grease and get to work. I'm careful as I apply the lubricant onto the dry corks, trying not to put too much on to avoid them get soft and even more flakey. All the while, I can feel the stares on me.
I look up hesitantly, eyes immediately settling on Leon. His arm is wrapped around Ada Wong's shoulder, fingers playing with the threads of her black cardigan. My fingers tighten around the lower piece of my oboe, an odd feeling in my chest as I watch the blonde be so casual with someone I assume he's only known for a day. Suddenly, he looks up at me, seeming just as confused as I am. I quickly look back down at the parts in my case, praying he didn't catch me staring.
"Can't believe he's hangin' out with Wong and her best friend," Damien huffs, fiddling with the turkey feather for my oboe. I remember that he and Ada had a thing going on before the summer. He never told me what happened—all I knew is that one night, he came home crying, and he sobbed about how much he loved her. I never brought it up since then, but tt finally occurs to me that Leon was most likely on a double date of sorts, and the ache in my chest worsens. Ada isn't really seen with boys outside of school unless she had some romantic interest in them...
"Are you really surprised, though? I mean, they're both heartless assholes with no personality," I sigh, setting the lower piece back into the case. I snag the feather out of Damien's fingers, stuffing it into velvet-lined container before closing it.
"Heh, I guess you're right," he chuckles.
Our order finally arrives, and I set my oboe in the booth next to me, making sure it won't fall again. Immediately, Damien tears apart the sweet treat we got, and I fear he won't spare me a bite. I laugh softly at his messy eating, the neapolitan ice cream smearing across his lips as he chowed down.
From the corner of my eye, I see my tormentor staring at me from his seat, and he's got this look in his eyes I can't quite place. His plump lips are pursed a little, and there's a small crease between his brows. I can't tell if he's looking here to judge me or if he's trying to brew up new ways to harass me. My heart pounds and I can feel a thin layer of sweat form at the top of my neck as I stress.
"Do you want to leave, (Y/n)?" My brother asks, looking up from the bowl of ice cream. His voice is stern, and I can tell he isn't playing around.
"Uhm..." I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking of what to do. "I... I think I'll be okay," I swallow dryly, reaching out for the glass of sodapop to take a sip. Damien seems unconvinced with the way he's narrowing his eyes at me.
"M'kay..." he grunts, going back to eating the sundae. I take a few nibbles as well, trying my best to ignore the way Leon watched me from his seat across the room.
He's on a date with someone... Why is he so focused on me?
Thankfully, Damien finishes off the ice cream quickly. With the way he's so jittery, I can tell he wants to leave, too. We stack our plates close to the end of the table so it's easier to clean up before we head to the register, wanting to pay and leave as soon as possible. I carry my oboe case behind my back, swaying back and forth on my heels as my brother pays for our treat. When we turn around to leave, we're face to face with the people we wanted to avoid.
"Dami, it's good to see you again. Couldn't you bother to say hello?" The girl in red smiled up at my big brother. Finally, I have a good look of the group.
Ada's dressed in her classic colours, the scarlet sweater-dress tight against her bosom that's accentuated by the cross hanging by her neck. Her ebony cardigan is kept over her arm as she stands with her hip popped out a bit, making her hourglass figure apparent.
Leon's sweater-collared combo was paired with mocha coloured dress pants, the sleeves of his shirts rolled up to his elbows to show off his muscle.
The other couple accompanying them, I gave no attention to, instead tugging at Damien's shirt in attempt to ground him
"That's rich coming from someone who didn't have the balls to say goodbye to me," my brother says through gritted teeth, his eye twitching lightly as his knuckles turned white. Ada gave him a hearty laugh.
"Oh, Dami, that was so long ago. I'm surprised you even remembered with how drunk you were," she chuckles, wiping a tear from her eye. This comment concerned me. My brother was drinking...?
"Don't fuckin' call me that," he seethed. I clutch the fabric of his t-shirt, pulling on it lightly.
"Damien, let's just go," I plead, not wanting the situation to get worse.
"You got a new clarinet, huh?" Leon states, pointing at the case I held at my side. I look at him, terrified that he'll snatch it out of my hands and shatter it just like the last. I hide it behind my back cautiously.
"Y-yes..." I squint at the blonde man. "Now, if you'll just... excuse us," I coughed, dragging Damien by his shirt as I tugged him behind me, squeezing between Ada and Leon to get through.
My side bumps into Leon's, and something within me feels... uneasy. The contact was quick, but I felt like I was burning up when I felt the skin of his arm graze against my own. I mumble a quick "excuse me" as we pass the two brats, my oboe case clutched tightly in my hands. Damien and I walk out the door, and I try my best not to look back.
I can feel Leon's piercing stare on the back of my head, following me as if I was some sort of prey.
What does he want from me?
"Are you okay, Dami?" I worry, my hand rubbing his arm comfortingly the moment we're out of the diner. His eyes are clearly droopy, and I just know he wants to go home now when he flashes a tired smile.
"M'okay, sis... Just... Didn't think she'd talk to me, y'know?" He chortles humourlessly. I hum in understanding, helping him to the driver side of the Impala.
"Let's go home, Dami," I say, sad that our day of fun was so quickly soured.
There was one thing on my mind on the drive home. Thoughts of Leon's odd behaviour threw me into a dizzy. Why does he hate me so much that he's willing to glare at me across the room? Why does he even care?
High schoolers are so weird...
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is he actually dating ada? hmm... guess we'll find out :p pt.4
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miniaturedreamharmony · 8 months
Text
Villain x civilian where civilian was abandoned by the hero.
Hero knew there would be injured innocent, but they insisted on the plan. Maybe it was easier for them to think it's a necessary sacrifice to make if they can catch the villain. Hero closed their eyes tight as they left a single civilian inside the ruined building. This would lure villain for sure.
What they didn't expect was the villain not harming the civilian. They thought that once the villain harms the civilian, they can jump in and save them, and also capture the proof of villain actually being a harm to this city. However, they were proved otherwise.
The villain took the civilian under their cape ever so gently and held them up. With a graceful yet menacing smile, they disappeared out of sight.
Hero would be surprised to learn that the villain actually loved the civilian for so long. Well, even the civilian would be surprised to hear it. But whether civilian knew this or not, they were determined to fuck the hero back.
C: ...Are you going to kill me now? To show hero what an evil creature you can be?
V: No, I am not going to—
C: Don't kill me. I can be useful. I'll act as your assistant, I know everything about marketing and how to flip citizens' opinions about you. Use me to fuck the hero.
V: Wait, listen to me, they aren't the one I want to fuc— oh wait, you mean like fuck fuck.
C: I can promise you, I am a useful person. You will be soon watching hero fall on their own misery.
V, tired of arguing: Okay, you know what? Fine. I'll work with you, but first you gotta eat something. Do you like sandwich?
C, blinks, confused of V feeding them: ...I don't hate it.
V: Great, I am going to go buy some Subways, you stay here. Ring the bell here to call my workers for anything you need.
C: ...I don't want tomatoes and peppers in it.
V: God, you are a picky eater...
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