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splendidlyimperfect · 5 years

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Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough.

Chapter Summary: The holidays are stressful, but Gray's learning how to cope.

Chapters (23/24): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11| 12| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise Series: Part 1 of i'm still standing

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love is a game we deserve to play out loud

be·lief | \ bə-ˈlēf noun : a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing

xxii december

Some things get better, some things get worse, and some things stay the same.

Gray and Natsu are both still staying with Sting and Rogue, which is more comfortable than Gray expected it to be. He’d planned on going back with Natsu after Joel’s trial, but the idea of being alone in an apartment with someone – even if that someone is Natsu – is terrifying. Here, Gray’s never alone, and for now, that’s what he needs.

He tries to go back to work. Lucy cries with relief when she sees him, and when they hug, Gray suddenly realizes how much he’d missed her. It’s nice to spend time with her in the break room – even if they don’t talk about what happened – but the work is too much. There are too many loud noises and too many people accidentally touching him, and when Gray calls Natsu to pick him up halfway through the shift, he wants to cry.

Everyone tells him that it’s okay, that he’s healing and can take all the time he needs. They’re so patient with him that he wants to scream.

“I don’t understand,” he tells his therapist when he’s curled up on her couch with a cushion pressed to his chest. “I should… I feel like I should be happy that they’re so nice, but I just get angry.”

He’s angry so often that it scares him. Sometimes he screams into the pillow and cries until he falls asleep. Other times he digs his fingernails into his palms or bites the inside of his lip until it bleeds. More often than he’d like, he yells at people – snapping in frustration and then locking himself away when the guilt hits him like a wave.

Nobody ever yells back, and sometimes he wants them to.

Continue reading on AO3

“You’re pushing,” his therapist says. “You want to see how much it will take for them to snap and hurt you, because that’s what you’re used to.”

Gray’s cheeks burn with shame because she’s right. He should be thanking them, should be grateful, but instead he tests the waters.

Sometimes he doesn’t do the dishes when he says he will, but Rogue just does them instead, or gently asks Gray to help while he’s making supper. Other times he leaves his clothes on the floor, and instead of yelling, Natsu just piles them on his pillow and teases him about it when he tries to go to bed. One time, when Gray is making breakfast, he burns the toast on purpose, but Natsu eats it as if nothing’s wrong, even thanking Gray and kissing him on the forehead.

“You’re re-learning boundaries,” his therapist tells him. “It takes time.”

And everyone else is trying, so Gray does too. On good days he goes for walks with Natsu and Bella, or plays chess with Rogue, or helps Sting with shoveling and cleaning the garage and hanging the Christmas lights. It feels good to be useful – like he’s doing something right instead of wasting everyone’s efforts on him.

The holidays are chaotic and a bit overwhelming. Erza and Jellal visit for Hanukkah, and then Sting invites Lucy and the twins for Christmas dinner. Gray tries his best – he wants to be okay, wants to feel like everything is fine – but he ends up spending a lot of the time holed up in the guest room with Bella.

“You’re surviving,” Rogue says one afternoon. It’s the day after Christmas, and the two of them are sitting on the steps of the front porch, drinking hot chocolate while Sting and Natsu wrestle each other in the snow.

“Yeah,” Gray says quietly. He watches Natsu shove a handful of snow down the back of Sting’s shirt, laughing as Sting retaliates by pushing Natsu’s head into the snowbank. Bella barks at them, dancing around their battle and wagging her tail enthusiastically.

“You being here…” Rogue runs his finger around the rim of his mug. “It’s helping Sting.”

Gray frowns, looking over at Rogue. “Helping?”

“Mm.” Rogue’s knee bumps Gray’s. “He deals pretty well, but sometimes it gets to him – especially around the holidays. Having you here makes it a bit easier because he knows you understand. And I think that… for him, helping other people makes him feel like he’s in control of how he’s feeling, even just a little bit.”

“Oh.” The words wash over Gray, turning his cheeks pink and making something spark inside of him – something he hasn’t felt in a while. He’s pretty sure it’s pride.

Maybe he can do more than be a burden after all.

-----

Gray kisses Natsu on New Year’s Eve.

It’s been a good day – Gray helped Rogue make waffles for breakfast, and then the four of them spent the day on the couch watching the ‘Doctor Who’ Christmas Special. Sting and Rogue left not long ago to watch the fireworks downtown, so Natsu and Gray are lying on the couch, facing each other while the countdown to the new year plays on the TV in the background.

There’s something about it that makes Gray feel hopeful.

“I feel like…” Gray hesitates. “It’s stupid because it’s so fucking arbitrary, like it’s just this day, nothing special, but… I want it to be different?”

“That’s not stupid,” Natsu says, propping himself up on one elbow and studying Gray’s face. Over Natsu’s shoulder, Gray can see the announcer getting ready to count down the seconds until midnight.

Maybe nothing will change, he thinks. But maybe everything can.

“I want to be better,” he says, reaching out and playing with the strings on Natsu’s hoodie. “I’m sorry I’m angry all the time.”

“It’s okay,” Natsu says, ducking his head until Gray looks into his eyes. He’s grinning at Gray and has a little bit of icing from the cake they’d eaten earlier smeared on his bottom lip. He’s so close, and Gray reaches out, swiping his thumb over Natsu’s it.

“You… had s-some—”

Gray’s stammering is cut short by the countdown that starts on the TV. He sees it from the corner of his eye – thousands of people crowded outside in mittens and toques, dusted with snow, taking a breath in anticipation of something new.

“…three …two … one – Happy New Year!”

Gray’s hand is still on Natsu’s cheek, and it seems perfectly natural to lean in and kiss him.

Natsu melts against Gray’s lips and it feels just like they did when they were sixteen, sitting at the lake under the stars, tiny fireworks exploding in Gray’s chest. Gray slides his fingers up into Natsu’s hair, pulling him closer until they’re touching everywhere – chest, thighs, knees, ankles. Natsu makes a quiet sound that’s almost pleading as he runs his hand down Gray’s arm, and Gray tips his head, breathing Natsu in as he kisses him harder, running his tongue along Natsu’s bottom lip.

Then Natsu’s hand moves to Gray’s hip and suddenly he’s pinned to the bed, hands tugging at his jeans, heart pounding and feeling like he’s going to die. His fingers tighten in Natsu’s hair as he flinches, pulling away from the kiss and wrapping his other arm around himself.

“Shit, Gray, I’m so sorry,” Natsu says, immediately moving his hand away and pushing himself up until he’s sitting. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha—”

“Fuck,” Gray whispers, pulling away from Natsu and pushing himself back into the corner of the couch where he can pull his legs up against his chest and hide his burning cheeks. The panic is quickly boiling into an overwhelming mix of frustration and embarrassment that makes Gray feel sick.

Natsu isn’t Joel. Natsu is sweet and kind and so fucking patient, and he deserves better than the broken pieces Gray has to offer.

“Gray, look at me.” Natsu’s whispered plea breaks through the racing thoughts and Gray shakes his head, keeping his face buried in his arms. “I’m so sorry, I—”

“No, I…” Gray’s crying again and he can’t fucking stop. “That was st-stupid, I’m—I didn’t—” His chest is tight and he can’t quite breathe; mind stuck between being pinned against the wall and behind held gently in Natsu’s arms. “I… I…”

“Gray, take a deep breath with me, okay?” Natsu’s hands move to rest lightly over Gray’s and he tenses but doesn’t push Natsu away. “It’s okay. Nobody’s angr—”

“I’m angry!” Gray shouts, pushing Natsu’s hands away and rubbing his face. “I hate this, I hate myself, I c-can’t—it’s never going to be better and I’m so fucking sick of, of…”

He runs out of breath and inhales shakily, expecting Natsu to interrupt him – to disagree, to comfort, to tell him he’s wrong and everything will be okay. But Natsu doesn’t say anything. He just sits across from Gray with his hand out between them, letting Gray decide what he wants.

“I’m sorry,” Gray whispers as the anger dissipates again. The hot flush has moved from his cheeks down to the back of his neck and across his chest.

“Gray,” Natsu says gently. “Don’t be sorry. Please don’t be sorry.” Gray rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms and curls up tighter against himself. “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want it.”

Gray peeks up at Natsu, and the familiar smile on Natsu’s face melts a bit of the frustration. “You…”

Natsu reaches out his hand again, and this time Gray takes it. “I’m…” Natsu hesitates, licking his lips. “God, I’m trying so hard to do the rights things and say the right things, and I just—I never want you to feel like you have to do anything with me.” He stares down at their joined hands. “I don’t know if it’s… right? Or if I should tell you these things, but I want to be honest, okay?”

Gray nods, squeezing Natsu’s hand tightly.

“I love you, Gray.” Natsu looks up at him, eyes wet with tears. “I have for a long, long time and I never stopped. And I want to be here for you in whatever way you need, okay?” Gray gives him a tiny nod. “But… I do want to kiss you. I want—god, I want that, I want to be with you, but I don’t want to push you, and… I don’t think you’re ready.”

Gray reaches out and wipes away the tears that are spilling from Natsu’s eyes, trying to push down the guilt in his chest that says, you did this, you made him cry.

“I’m not ready,” Gray says softly. “I… I want to, w-want you, but I…”

“That’s okay,” Natsu says, shifting a bit closer, body open like a question until Gray gives him an answer and curls up under his arm. “It’s only been a month, and… Gray, what he did to you was horrible. Not just…” He stumbles a bit over the words, and Gray can see the uncertainty on his face.

“I know,” Gray says. He’s starting to know, anyway.

Natsu sighs, pulling Gray close and kissing the top of his head. “He hurt you—abused you—for a really long time, and that doesn’t mean that you’re… broken, or anything stupid like that. But you need time to heal. And I’m gonna be here for that, for as much or as little as you want.”

Gray nods, and they lapse into a comfortable silence. There’s a jingling sound and then Bella hops up onto the couch beside Gray, worming her way under his arm and resting her head on his lap.

“When…” Gray strokes the soft fur over Bella’s nose as he tries to figure out what he wants to say. “Later, when… things are better. Do you want…”

“Yeah,” Natsu says, and there’s a tiny explosion in Gray’s chest – relief and joy and fear and a hundred other things that he’s learning to name. “When you’re ready, yeah, I do.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #ftlgbtpride2019 #day 29 #gratsu #natray #gray x natsu #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #update #new chapter #prompt #my fic

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independentartistbuzz · 3 years

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Indie 5-0: 5 Questions with Zach and Melissa Walker (Holiday Edition)

Zach and Melissa Walker’s "There's Snow-One Like You" is a powerful and moving release that will have you head over heels for the group....and it will get you into the holiday spirit as well!

Zach and Melissa Walker breathe new lives into the tracks, providing the perfect foundation into the record as a whole. "There's Snow-One Like You," is filled with holiday classics as Zach and Melissa put their own special ingredients into the mix. The result is a charming and joyful collection of songs that will have you glowing into the New Year, and beyond! We had the chance to catch up with Zach and Melissa Walker for a very special holiday edition of Indie 5-0; dive in below!

Listen to “There’s Snow-One Like You” here:

https://open.spotify.com/album/3y2xdcr43xeYe2X8R2CkIa

1.What's your favorite Holiday song and why? Melissa: For me, it's not Christmas until I have heard Nat "King" Cole's "The Christmas Song". The warmth of his in-imitable voice washes over me and I'm transported to my childhood spending Christmas with all my family, it is timeless. That song is part of the soundtrack of my life, and the memories it brings to mind every time I hear it are very special to me. Zach: I am partial to "O Holy Night". It is a great song that really builds dynamically and is quite difficult to sing. To hear a great vocalist tackle this one really gets me excited. When it is performed well it is very impressive to me. The lyrics are important to me as well, being a Christian, and I appreciate a song that brings to mind the reason we celebrate and call it Christmas. I have 2 favorite versions: one by David Phelps and one by Faith Hill. 2. What were the traditions around the holidays in your house growing up? Melissa: We always watched "White Christmas". As a little girl I had a crush on Danny Kaye. My older sister and I would always have to perform the duet "Sisters" from the movie in the living room for family.

Zach: My family always got together for a big dinner on Christmas Eve. Multiple generations of us usually packed in too small of a space, but there was so much joy and laughter in that place. I looked forward to it every year, just getting together and spending that precious time with each other that I have come to cherish more the older I get it seems. I didn't have a big family, but we were all very close, and I sure miss those times and I miss the ones that are no longer with us. Those memories will live in my mind the rest of my days.

3.If you could record your dream holiday duet with anyone dead or alive what would it be?

Melissa: I would want to do a duet with James Taylor. "Silent Night" with just our voices and him playing an acoustic guitar. Songs like that do not need much else.

Zach: I would love to get to perform something with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. They rock some great Christmas songs and it must be a blast playing up there on stage in one of their shows. I did a version of their song "Nutrocker" on our previous Christmas album, and it was so much fun to record. I would love to do something like that - but I wouldn't want to just record it, I would want to play it live up there on stage with the whole production! 4. What's the first holiday track you ever learned? Melissa: O Holy Night was probably the first Christmas song I ever learned and performed in church.

Zach: The first I remember was a simple version of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" that I had to learn for a piano recital as a young kid. God bless all the parents for sitting through those recitals. I don't know how they did it. I'm sure there is nothing like thirty 6 year old's playing through the same 6 songs poorly to get you in the holiday spirit.

5. What is the inspiration behind your upcoming holiday release "There's Snow-One Like You"?

We were inspired to make this album primarily because we simply love Christmas music and the whole holiday season. We love getting to make music together as husband and wife in this duo, and our primary outlet for this project has been Christmas music so far. There are so many holiday songs that we both love, and it is easy to find common ground in our taste. We both have other things we do a lot of the year and other music projects that we work on independently, but this has been a great opportunity to come together and share something we both love. The songs on this album are all covers of popular Christmas songs, there is nothing necessarily new within it, but that's the great thing about Christmas music. We get to put our own spin on songs that have been around for years and sung by many of our favorite artists, and yet we also draw from those songs and get to pay tribute to those that have helped stamp this music into our minds over the years. We hope to continue making Christmas music together for a long time, and this album may also lead to some other music down the road from us that isn't specifically holiday music as we really have enjoyed recording together as Zach and Melissa Walker.

#zach and melissa walker

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luke-jace · 6 years

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🎵 for the writers meme

WOWZA, I FINALLY ANSWERED THIS OMG

Warnings: Uh, deadnaming, misgendering, etc. The typical. Not too bad but a little bit.

Song: The Village by Wrabel

Christmas 2013, an unforgettable Christmas. Bryan and Flynn were sat in their room, getting ready for the Christmas dinner that never got easier.

“Bry, I can’t wear a dumb dress. I just can’t do it,” Flynn said, sitting on the bottom bunk, still in his pajamas.

“Then wear one of my suits. Fuck it, Fi-Flynn. Sorry,” Bryan said, buttoning up his shirt.

“It’s fine, I get it, you’ve heard that name nearly the same amount I have for the past fifteen years. Also, mom will kill me if I wear a suit.”

“Oh well, she’ll get over it. C'mon, I have the perfect clothes.”

Thirty minutes later, Flynn’s medium length long hair was pulled back into a short ponytail. He was wearing a red button up shirt with a dark green tie and black pants. The grin on his face spoke volumes.

Bryan held his phone up, pointing it at himself, “I would like to introduce you to my only competition, the only man who could possibly beat me at being stunning. My twin brother, Flynn.”

He turned the camera to Flynn, who was shaking his head, “Today’s outfit includes a red button up stolen from his brothers closet, along with the tie and pants. Actually, the only part of his actual outfit is his shoes.”

“Thanks, Bry,” Flynn said, smiling, “especially for making this mop on my head look good.”

“You’re welcome bro.”

They heard a knock on their door and Bryan sighed, turning off his camera.

“Ready to face that like this?”

Flynn shrugged, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Bryan got up and they headed out of the room.

“There you are, finally- Fiona, what the hell?”

Flynn winced, looking down.

“Fiona and her friends are having an ongoing bet system, the last one was if Cas failed a test Fiona helped them with, she would wear this at Christmas. Obviously, Cas failed,” Bryan explained.

“Well, that wasn’t a smart idea,” the boy’s mother said.

“I didn’t think Cas would fail, so.”

Their mother rolled her eyes, “Whatever, just don’t do that again.”

Flynn smiled at Bryan when their mother walked off to get the door.

“Thanks, bro.”

“Of course, bro,” Bryan said, emphasizing the bro.

“Is your daughter finally coming out as a lesbian?” they heard across the house.

“Ah, our favorite uncle,” Flynn and Bryan both mumbled out.

“No, she apparently lost some bet, you know kids.”

“Sure, ‘lost a bet.’ It’s probably that gay kid she hangs out with.”

Bryan shook his head, “Yeah, Flynn, stop hanging out with that gay kid. He’s making you really masculine.”

“Ah yeah totally.”

“Bryan, my favorite grandson!” The two of them heard behind them, both of them practically jumping.

“Oh, hey grandma,” Bryan said, turning around.

“Woah, Fiona, what happened to you?” their grandmother asked.

“I’m literally wearing basically the same thing I wear normally.”

“Is that a boy’s shirt?”

“It’s Bryan’s, it was the only dress shirt either one of us owned.”

“But why?”

Bryan rolled his eyes, “Fly-Fiona just wanted to.”

“It’s a part of a bet, my friend told me if they failed a test, I had to wear men’s clothes at Christmas. That’s all, grandma.”

She gave the two boys a weird look, “Okay. So, Bryan. Tell me, you meet any cute girls this year in your classes?”

“No, I actually don’t-”

“He doesn’t have any girls in his classes who are looking to date anyone,” Flynn cut Bryan off, “Which really means that no girl wants to date him. But he hates admitting that.”

Bryan glanced at Flynn, Flynn shooting him a look back.

Their grandmother was called away by their mother to help in the kitchen.

“Let me come out if I want to,” Bryan said to Flynn.

“Her grandson she doesn’t know is her grandson is wearing a male outfit and you want to try and come out to her? I’m not even going to try and I am one day going to be taking T.”

“I’m just tired of having to lie, that’s all Flynn. You’re my brother, and I’m bisexual. I don’t want to have to hide that.”

“I know. Neither do I.”

—————————————————————————

2010, the boys had just turned twelve.

“Bryan, I can’t deal with this hair anymore.”

“Then cut it off, nobody will notice anyway. You always shove it in caps anyways,” Bryan responded, staring at his Gameboy.

“Easy for you to say, mom wouldn’t kill you for cutting your hair. Boys are supposed to have short hair, girls aren’t.”

“Then I’ll cut it for you, then it can be my fault.”

Flynn laughed, “Yeah, you cutting my hair. Be real.”

“No, seriously I’ll cut it if it shuts you up about your damn hair,” Bryan said, setting down his Gameboy.

“Seriously?”

Bryan nodded, “C'mon, I’ve paid attention when I got my haircut. I can do it.”

They headed into the bathroom, Bryan wrapping a towel around Flynn.

“Alright, ma'am, sir, whatever you are, what would you like today?” He asked as he started grabbing his tools.

“Aren’t we going to like, maybe need a chair?”

“The toilet will work. You don’t need to see yourself.”

Flynn rolled his eyes as he sat down on the lid, “I’d like to get rid of this all.”

“Oh, going dramatic today? How short are you looking to go? Are you looking to look like you just wanted to try a little shorter, or are you going full-on 'I just broke up with my boyfriend or girlfriend and need to just shave it all off?’”

“Bryan, you worry me.”

“Or do you want my hairstyle? Short on the sides, long on the top but not too long?”

“Uh, just… do yours.”

“Good choice.”

Bryan grabbed a hair tie, pulling his hair into a ponytail.

“Alright, you ready? I’m going to cut off a bunch and then work with what’s left, alright?”

“Just, do it.”

Bryan took the scissors to his hair, trying to cut through the thick ponytail.

“Jesus, there’s a lot of hair here.”

“No shit, my hair is thick.”

Bryan rolled his eyes and kept cutting at the hair. Finally, it had cut all off and Bryan held up what he cut off, “This is enough that you could give hair to every bald person in the world.”

Flynn rolled his eyes, “Whatever.”

Bryan took the razor and plugged it in, starting to shave the sides.

“Hold on, you might want to, I don’t know, find what’s going to be the top and section it off so you don’t shave it off. I don’t want a buzzcut.”

“Oh, yea.”

Flynn facepalmed while Bryan began to section it off and tie it up with another hair tie. Then he began shaving the sides and back.

“I need to be honest with you, I don’t know how to do the top,” Bryan said, as he was finishing up the shaving, “Also I don’t know how to do like. Details. Usually, they clean up the sides but uh, I don’t actually know how to do that.”

“Wow, thanks, bro.”

They heard a knock at the door and both of their eyes widen.

“Hide in the shower,” Bryan mouthed.

“What are you doing in there?” They heard their mother yell.

Flynn jumped up and climbed into the shower, quickly pulling the curtain over.

“Just, using the bathroom, mom!”

“I hear the razor though.”

“I’m just… Practicing my shaving.”

“Bryan Franklin Perry, open this door this instance.”

Bryan unlocked the door and opened the door, “See, nothing to worry-”

Her eyes fell to the black locks of hair lying on the ground.

“Why is there hair on the floor?!”

She began inspecting his hair but didn’t notice any missing hair.

“Where’s your sister?”

Bryan shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Fiona Barbara Perry, where the hell are you?”

Her eyes locked onto the curtain and she pulled it back.

“What the hell did you do to your hair?!”

“Uh, uh.”

“I did it,” Bryan said, “I made her let me shave her hair.”

“No, I made him do it to me.”

“No, I made her let me do it.”

The two went back and forth for taking the blame.

Ten minutes later, they were sat on the bottom bunk, their faces red as their mother threw things out of the room.

“I don’t know why you two thought that was a good idea. You know girls aren’t supposed to have short hair.”

Flynn rolled his eyes, staring at the floor, a hole nearly burning itself in the floor from the stare.

“I know girls with short hair,” Bryan said.

“Then they’re dykes, Bryan. Now shut up.”

Bryan stood up, “Well, my sister isn’t one. And I think her hair looks amazing. Because she loves it.”

His entire cheek began to sting as his mother was glaring down at him, “Shut up, Bryan.”

He felt himself being dragged back down on the bed by his brother.

“Give it up, it’s okay,” his brother whispered as their mother turned away.

When she was gone, for hopefully a while, Flynn turned to his brother.

“Thanks.”

“Anything for you, 'bro’” Bryan said, smirking.

“You’re a great hairstylist, 'sis’” Flynn responded, smirking.

“There are plenty of men hairstylists.”

“Yeah, because they like men.”

“So?”

—————————————————————————————–

“I don’t know, sometimes I feel like… I don’t know. I’m not religious, but my family was. So,” Flynn mumbled out.

It was 2017, and Flynn had just graduated, dealing with the mess that was his family.

“So you asked the God you don’t believe in why he made you this way? Asked him to make you normal?” Rodney asked.

“Yeah, you know how that is?”

“Of course, my grandparents are very religious. And I was already the kid that was born out of wedlock to their dead daughter. Being bisexual really put a strain on our relationship, especially when I showed up to Thanksgiving dinner with not one but two boys who loved me? Maybe not the best. Especially when my aunt’s parents were just as bad. That Thanksgiving, on the car ride home, I asked why God made me bisexual. I broke down in tears, by the way. But my uncle, he just shook his head and said 'God doesn’t make mistakes, he made you bisexual on purpose, if it was wrong, he wouldn’t have made you the way you are. God knows what he’s doing, even in times where it doesn’t seem like he does. You love John, he loves you. God meant for that to happen, for whatever reason.’ Or, something like that.”

Flynn chuckled, “My parents used that 'God doesn’t make mistakes’ line before.”

“If he doesn’t make mistakes, then he meant for you to be trans. Or God doesn’t exist, but. Using their logic, God meant for you to be this way. I mean, he has all this power and he can’t control whether people are gay, straight, trans or cis? C'mon, I mean, you think he’d be stepping in if he was really against that.”

“Thanks, for an atheist, you’re good at this.”

#original #writing #codenamedme273

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storiebookproductions · 6 years

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April Showers

The tag drabble today is postponed to tomorrow orz....but I have this that I forgot about until like 20 minutes ago

Arthrit, Marc, and Riko are friends.

Arthrit and Riko being friends never surprised him - he’s known Riko forever, before he could even think they couldn’t be friends. Their parents knew each other and Kanda is Riko’s older sister just as much as she’s Arthrit’s.

They’ve been through a lot. Together and apart.

And Marc - he’s been easy to be friends with too. Marc wants to be friendly. Doesn’t believe in not being kind, just for the sake of it. And despite not knowing each other as long as he’s known Riko, they’re still close - able to sit for hours and not be bored of each other or conversation.

Arthrit’s just surprised at how all three of them are friends. Marc slots so easily into their sudden trio, the inside jokes, and keeping up with Riko’s snark and actually talking to her when she takes it too far.

Arthrit, Marc, and Riko are friends.

They’ve been through a lot. Together and apart.

And it isn’t like Marc is inserting himself between them. He isn’t taking Arthrit from Riko or from Kanda. He and Riko talk at length about whether Star Wars or Star Trek is better, they do each other’s biology and english homework, and they have their own inside jokes that Arthrit can’t keep up with. Riko paints Marc’s fingernails, despite him working in a bakery. She gives him colors that match his eyes, murmuring empty threats for when he chips the polish.

Marc sits at their bookstore, Rising Phoenix when Kanda asks him to. She invites him to dinner and lets him help in the kitchen, cuing him in on the recipes their parents used to make with each other. Kanda looks after him, invites him to movies, and makes sure Marc knows that if he ever needs it, there’s a place in their small apartment for him.

Marc, after the five years he’s known him, is more family than anything. They go to lunch with his adoptive father, Dean. They can always expect a present from him on Christmas and Birthdays and arbitrary holidays Marc just makes up. Just so he can give gifts. Him, Marc, and Riko parade around the sidewalks of Ashland, playing Arthrit’s guitar and violin, singing and laughing, accepting bills and pocket change from the people entertained by the way they have fun.

April comes with rain, all three of them, in Rising Phoenix, squished on the backroom’s loveseat, ignoring the lumpy books underneath the cushion. They read trashy romance novels out loud to each other, doing the strangest accents and voices, trying not to burst out laughing before another sentence starts.

Arthrit is pressed against the arm of the couch, knees drawn up so Riko can lay her back on them, and her legs tangle with Marc’s, pressed against the other arm of the couch. It’s been raining for the last several days, everything damp and a chill that’s carried over from winter still clinging to the mornings and nights. But pushed against his best friends, Arthrit is warm, spreading from his heart and spreading outward. He smiles just a bit wider from his novel and the rumbling from Riko’s ugly cackling and the cadence of Marc’s broken laughs as he tries to catch his breath puts him at an ease he wasn’t in before.

He’s in love with the feeling. Never wants to let it go.

When the rains stop, all three of them go out. Ashland, Nebraska is by no means a big town, but they manage to find an abandoned field, prairie grasses waist high except under a large sprawling tree where they lay an old downy blanket on the softer trodden grass and set up.

Marc shrugs off his bookbag, Riko doing the same, more mindful, and from his book bag Arthrit pulls out his violin case, handing it to Marc.

He climbs the lower branches of the large planetree, the sun dappling over the exfoliating branches. Marc opens up the case and passes him his violin, Inquiéter. They’re a standard violin - nothing like his guitar H̄wān - and Kanda saved up for the better part of eight months to make sure he had it by the time Christmas rolled around.

And Arthrit begins to play. The song is slow and graceful, not anything he’s learned and the composition is rough, but he likes it that way. The measures fall and wind, not really speeding up at all, but he doesn’t think it needs to be any faster, no especially noteworthy crescendos. Lean against the trunk, on the branch of the tree, blue sky above him, and smooth powdery bark at his back Arthrit is willing to bask and soak in this. His friends - best friends - in the shared space they’ve all had to make for themselves and each other.

The song doesn’t s much as finish but quietly fades away. When he finishes, and opens his eyes and looks down at Riko and Marc. They’re both looking up at him, Marc his blue eye crinkling from how he outright beams and Riko giving him the same blinding smile.

He hands Inquiéter to Marc and scrambles down the tree, plopping down between Riko and Marc.

“So what’s the agenda for today?” He asks and lays himself between the two of them.

Riko flicks his head, not hard and not unkind. “Nothing.” She says. “You already know that.”

Arthrit smiles, looking up at her through his glasses. Riko’s round, pale face looks down at him, her almond eyes a light brown he’s always loved. Her smile is more of a smirk and dotted against her face are freckles that Arthrit was jealous of growing up. Riko always looks like she’s up to something - a quality she inherited from her dad. Her dad - who she looks the most like which Arthrit has always hated considering he was willing to divorce his wife because his daughter was trans.

He takes her hand. Her fingers are just as lithe as his, but pale, whereas his are a deep tan and callus from playing Inquiéter and H̄wān. Her nails are painted her favorite fox orange and Arthrit huffs.

“I know, but Riko, you always have a plan.” He looks at Marc. “Doesn’t she?”

Marc lays down next to him, an arm pillowing his head. “She does.” He agrees and grins at Riko in the way that always makes him feel a little breathless.

It’s been gradual, but lately everything Marc does make Arthrit feel a little breathless.

His laugh and his voice - the way he’s selfless. Marc wants to help people and strangers are nice to him, flock to him even. His lilting french accent, the way he sometimes forget what words are in english.

Marc with his one blue eye and other grey, blind one. His hands that are dry from constant washing and tough from kneading doughs. His skin is a few shades lighter than Arthrit’s but isn’t anything near Riko’s and there are odd-ended scars scattered against his body.

Circular burns on his fingers and palms from baking. Short, shallow ones on his knuckles from fist fights. Thin scars from kitchen mishaps, criss-crossed scars from tripping up the stairs. And one, medium, vertical scar, underneath his blind eye.

The way he smiles and it’s crooked, but still perfect to Arthrit in every way. His hair the color of polished ebony and onyx, falling just above the tips of his ears. He feels a hopeless sometimes when it comes to Marc, but he’s learning to deal with it.

Riko rolls her eyes and sets to her and Marc’s bookbags, sliding her hand out of Arthrit’s.

“Of course I have a plan.” She says. “No one skips school on a Tuesday, just to not do anything.”

“Don’t regular people go and smoke and do drugs when they skip school?” Arthrit asks. There’s an ant on his fingers and it tickles.

“That and petty theft.” Marc intones and Riko snorts.

“When have we ever been considered normal?” She says and Arthrit actually laughs out loud. He believes they’re all normal, but he knows every kid in their highschool wouldn’t. They’re their own brand of people.

“I think that concept of normal is reserved for straight people.” Marc chuckles. “I think as far as other gay people are concerned we’re pretty ordinary.”

“Kanda thinks we’re all pretty good kids so I guess that’s true.” Arthrit says and sits up. “I mean, good kids probably wouldn’t tell their parents they’re skipping school.”

“They definitely wouldn’t.” Marc grimaces and Riko turns from their bags, pulling out bottles of nail polish and a deck of neon stained cards.

“Okay, so Marc you deal,” Riko tosses the deck to Marc who fumbles to catch it. “And Arthrit you get black.”

“What? Black again?” He complains, but slides next to Riko, already picking at his nails. “Kanda’s going think I’m going emo.”

Marc shuffles the deck of cards. “Does she even know what that means?”

“She knows what it means from the books she reads.” Arthrit grumbles.

“So, no.” Riko laughs and paints Arthrit’s nails a deep black, flicked with specks of glitter. When she finishes his nails, it reminds him of space, the universe. If the universe could be held at the tips of his fingers, in the palm of a calloused hand.

Marc deals their game of Bullshit and they spend the day hidden from the world. Under the boughs of the sprawling tree, Arthrit feels light. He’s needed this break, away from school and teachers and stress.

When Riko told him, they weren’t going to school today, he didn’t protest. He didn’t have to ask if Marc was coming, because at this point, it wasn’t a question of if he was coming, just what was he bringing. She always has the best plans, even if they don’t seem like they are. Riko, when it comes to the two of them, doesn’t think, she just acts and Arthrit is relieved to have both of them in his life.

Just his two best friends and his violin.

Right now, this is all he needs.

#my writing #my characters #marc//#arthrit//#riko//#riko used to be kimiko #but i changed her name #this is so soft #it's also an alternate version of something else i wrote with Kanda and Sawyr #tag drabbles

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bassclarinetprincess · 6 years

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I’ve seen like one ask meme full of year-end asks going around, but I didn’t really like the questions on it and also it’s not the one I’ve been doing for the past three years. So, despite the fact that no one asked for this, here is a wrap-up of 2017! Answers under the cut, as always.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you had never done before? This year wasn’t as full of exciting firsts as last, but let’s see what I can come up with. I stayed at a hospital (twice), I visited the state of West Virginia (for spring break), I wore my binder at home, I participated in a Secret Santa gift exchange (three to be exact), I attended group therapy, I got a couple new diagnoses and tried new medications, I met David Sedaris, I saw John and Hank Green, I went to New York City, I tried sangria, I went to a brewery, I went to a film festival, I developed a crush on a boy, I went to a Classics conference, I won an award for a podcast I produced, I spoke at my school’s chapel, and I met Peter Staley.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My New Year’s resolution was to make more media than I consume and to Tweet more. I definitely do not Tweet more, and I’ve been working on the media thing (my job at the school newspaper ensures I do) but I would argue I definitely haven’t upheld that one either. My only resolution for the next year is to get through graduation, and to find something to do this summer that will enable me to eat/pay rent for an apartment and focus on my mental health.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nobody I feel super close to, no.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit? I stayed in the US of A.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? Stability. Peace and quiet. A brain that remembers to pick up my medication when I need to.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched in your memory, and why? January 20 -- Inauguration and the protests surrounding it. February 18 -- the day I met ACTUP activist Peter Staley at a Chicago art museum. March 9 -- the day my LGBT alliance’s spring speaker came to campus (and all the ruckus surrounding that). May 1 -- protests at my school and the class shut-down, and the day I spent so many waking hours in the school newsroom producing a podcast about it. May 5 -- Dylan’s second birthday, and the day I was admitted to the hospital for the first time. May 15 -- the Classics department BACCHANALIA, the thought of which got me through my first hospital stay. June 11 -- the day I began a relationship with my second girlfriend. June 18 -- the day my second relationship ended (shut up). June 21 -- the day of my second hospital admittance. August 19 -- Hannah’s 21st birthday, for which I flew into Chicago (we had a fantastic time). October 14 -- the day Kit and I visited Stonewall and got Big Gay Ice Cream. October 20 -- my 22nd birthday dinner, which was an excuse to eat calamari and cake with friends. October 21 -- the day Hannah, Kit, and me made Halloween cookies and watched Sense8. October 22 -- the day I saw John and Hank Green. November 3 -- the day I saw Tegan and Sara for the second time! November 5 -- the day Kit and I went to a David Sedaris reading. November 10 -- the day Katie and I saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch. November 20 -- my chapel talk. December 23 -- the day I wore my binder to my Grandma’s house and faced my fears! (Yes, most of this is off the top of my head.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being alive, getting all A’s and a B+ for the fall semester, FINISHING all of my coursework for the spring semester and my summer class after the two hospitalizations, giving my incredibly vulnerable chapel talk.

9. What was your biggest failure? Hard to say. I’m really not proud of the B+, though, since it was a class that I found easy and that I should have blown out of the water. Oh well. I’m also learning not to consider the hospitalizations a failure. I might have a few months ago. But I didn’t go to the hospital because I messed anything up (for example, I was taking all of my medications! both times!!!), I went because I was sick and couldn’t manage it by myself. Not my fault.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was deeply depressed for six months and low-grade depressed for four more. So that sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A button-down shirt with cats on it from Wildfang, a green hat with a very wide brim, all the various bath bombs I got, a Tegan and Sara baseball cap, these mussels during my vacation in Portland.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All the nurses and doctors in the hospital, and my therapists outside the hospital. My academic adviser for keeping me on track academically, giving me life advice, and visiting me in the hospital and bringing me books (especially American Gods). And all my friends, once again, that stuck around in the spring, visited me in the hospital in the summer, and have driven me to therapy in the fall and winter (in no particular order that would be both Josephs, Maggie, Mickey, Katie, Kit, Athena, Emma, Becky, Spencer, Hannah, Ella, Jacob, and everyone else in Aquifer Pod). Plus my campus pastors for letting me crash in their office when I was dissociating, and for helping me with my confirmation.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? It’s always our president, isn’t it? Ajit Pai also goes on the list this year. And the bastards that murdered a trans girl who lived in my county. Fuck those assholes.

14. Where did most of your money go? I spent a good chunk of it at the end of the year on film festival entrance fees for the documentary I produced in the fall. I also did buy way too many bath bombs. Otherwise, probably food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing Tegan and Sara, David Sedaris, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Also my birthday! I was so excited I woke up at 5 in the morning. Oh, and of course going to New York City!

16. What song will always remind you of 2017? "Feel It Still” -- Portugal. the Man “1-800-273-8255″ -- Logic ft. Alessia Cara and Khalid “Young, Dumb and Broke” -- Khalid “The Cure” -- Lady Gaga “Yet Another Dig” -- Bob the Drag Queen ft. Alaska Thunderfuck “Sissy That Walk” -- RuPaul “Green Light” -- Lorde “I Miss Those Days” -- Bleachers “Praying” -- Kesha “Humble” -- Kendrick Lamar

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? a. DEFINITELY HAPPIER, DEFINITELY HAPPIER. b. Like twenty pounds fatter. I don’t want to talk about it. c. The same, probably?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Stayed present and mindful in all my activities.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sleeping. There was so much sleeping. Also self-harming. I’d have liked less self-harming.

20. How did you spend Christmas? On the 23rd, my grandma hosted the big family ordeal. We ate food and opened presents, and played this gift card swap game that turned out to be pretty fun. On Christmas Day, I woke up at 9. We ate French toast, opened presents, watched Christmas specials and Stranger Things 2, and for dinner Dad made steak and potatoes.

21. Did you fall in love in 2016? Nope.

22. What was your favourite TV program? Bojack Horseman, Please Like Me, Stranger Things, Great British Baking Show, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m a bit pissed off at the doctor at the hospital when I went in April who said I was seeking attention and didn’t think I was “bad” enough to be admitted. Fuck him. But I don’t hate him, you know? I don’t think I hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read? Columbine by Dave Cullen. I devoured it in three days. Also Turtles All the Way Down by John Green.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? The song “Material Girl” by Madonna! Also music by drag queens (I’m a fan of Adore Delano, Trixie Mattel, and Bob the Drag Queen). 26. What did you want and get? A shit ton of lavender products, a new audio recorder, a graphic novel called The Fifth Beatle, that zine about mental health featuring a contribution from Sara Quin, fancy Oxford shoes.

27. What did you want and not get? My family to use my name and pronouns. *whomp whomp*

28. What was your favourite film of this year? Time to consult the movie list. New movies: Moonlight, Get Out, Moana, Rogue One, Fences, Hidden Figures, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Baby Driver. Old movies: The Blue Angel, M, The 400 Blows, Finding Vivian Maier, Matilda (no, I had not seen it before 2017), Paris Is Burning. (Yes, some of the new movies I have on here were made in 2016. That’s how my school’s movie theater works.)

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Friendship, music.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Depression chic. Lots of gray monochrome outfits.

31. What kept you sane? YouTube and Spotify, mood stabilizers, about thirty mental health professionals, my podmates.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy most? The answer is always Tegan and Sara. Janelle Monae and Annie Clark are in a battle for second and third. I’m also really into that video of Tom Holland and Zendaya doing a lip sync battle. Also, can I put RuPaul on here?

33. What political issue stirred you most? Hoo boy. This was a very politically stirring year. I feel like I was often pushed into a box of being only a spokesperson for trans issues, especially when the military ban came about. I also got pissed about Russian influences on the election, the Roy Moore election, the events in Charlottesville, the attempt to repeal healthcare, Sean Spicer drama, and the Muslim ban. (This I did not get off the top of my head, I consulted my Twitter.)

34. Who did you miss? For some reason I missed my grandparents a lot this year -- I think it’s because I’m starting to become more and more aware of their mortality, and any moment I’m away from them makes me anxious that they’re going to die. Also, the death of Tom Petty really got to me.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. I feel like I didn’t learn a whole lot. I learned a lot about myself and how much I can handle, and I learned for sure who is in my corner. I learned about the importance of faith, at least in my life. And I learned firsthand through the process of giving my chapel talk how important sharing your story and being vulnerable is. There’s zero good in keeping secrets and staying silent if you have something to say. Also, like, being alive is pretty OK I guess.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I’ve been on the low, I’ve been taking my time / I feel like I’m out of my mind, it feel like my life ain’t mine” -- “1-800-273-8255,” Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid “Come on motherfucker, you survived, you’ve gotta give yourself a break (hey!)” -- “Everybody Lost Somebody,” Bleachers

TL;DR: If my life were a book, 2016 would be a chapter where a ton of shit happened to advance the plot while 2017 was the following chapter where it looked kinda stagnant plot-wise but the character’s internal life went from being an absolute mess to -- well, it’s still kind of a mess but he’s doing better at the end of the year than he was in the beginning or the middle. I’m tempted to write it off as just another year, and in fact a pretty shitty one, but there have been good things too and overall I’d call it a very important year in my development. I really can’t wait for 2018 though!

Here’s 2016′s.

Same thing for 2015…

And 2014.

Feel free to read others if you want.

#d rants #about me #end of the year 2017

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sheepydraws · 7 years

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I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass! (6/11)

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

Thanksgiving Break

FaceBook Messenger:

Shampoo: Ukyo!

Shampoo: Ukyo!!!!!!!

Shampoo: UKYO!!!!!!!

Ukyo: Hey. I just got home. What’s wrong?

Shampoo: EVERYTHING. Why didn’t you message me back?

Ukyo: I turned off my phone in the car. I wanted to talk to my dad. And I was reading him Good Omens.

Shampoo: Oh, isn’t that nice, you got to bond with your father and I gOT SEX TIPS FROM MY GRANDMA!

Ukyo: Explain.

Shampoo: You’re never gonna believe this shit.

Ukyo: Don’t have much of a choice.

Shampoo: Last month Mousse kept asking me when I was going to come home, and I said not till Thanksgiving break

Ukyo: You live like an hour away, tho

Shampoo: That is why I had to come up with a good excuse!!! I told him I had a boyfriend and I wanted to spend my weekends with him.

Shampoo: Mousse said, bullshit, so I told Ryoga to text him and tell him he couldn’t come over for Thanksgiving break so he would believe me.

Ukyo: Could you get to the point?

Shampoo: I am! So Mousse came to pick me up this afternoon, and we’re chit-chatting in the parking lot, and who should roll up?

Shampoo: RYOGA. WITH A PACKED BAG.

Shampoo: HE TOLD MOUSSE HE WAS GOING TO SPEND THE WEEK WITH US

Ukyo: That’s so nice of him!

Shampoo: HE’S SLEEPING IN MY ROOM, UKYO.

Ukyo: Uh…

Shampoo: We don’t have a guest room. I said he could sleep on the couch, but grandma was like, “What? He’s your friend and you’d have him sleep on the couch like a dog?” So I said, “Okay, I’ll sleep on the couch.” and grandma said, well, it sounds better in chinese, okay? Less blunt.

Shampoo: She said I’m in college now, so it’s cool, cause we must be…

Shampoo: AND MA JUST SAT THERE DRINKING COFFEE AND NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT.

Ukyo: What’s Ryoga doing?

Shampoo: He’s in the bathroom. He was really excited to take a shower without worrying someone is going to walk in on him. He mentioned it in the car.

Ukyo: I probably shouldn’t think that’s cute, but it is.

Shampoo: It is.

Shampoo: Not helping.

Ukyo: Shampoo. Hun. Honey.

Ukyo: Chill.

Ukyo: All I’m hearing is, ‘I get to hang out with my friend Ryoga over the break, and don’t have to worry about my ex hitting on me’.

Shampoo: But we’re going to share a bed. Have you ever shared a bed with a guy? Two words:

Shampoo: Morning. Wood.

Ukyo: He didn’t offer to sleep on the floor?

Shampoo: What floor? With my full size in here there is functional space only. It’s the bed or pressed up between the bookcase and the wall.

Ukyo: Just talk to him. Or sleep feet to head. Or with your heads in the middle. Or whatever. It’ll be fine. You are not going to slip, fall over, and accidentally have sex with Ryoga. I promise.

Ukyo: I have to go get dinner with my dad. You okay now?

Shampoo: I guess. We’ll talk soon?

Ukyo: Promise. <3

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. Dancing turkey gifset

4. Long post about native american culture, vis-a-vis Thanksgiving + charities to donate to.

3. A blurry photo of the tops of someone’s shoes, just under a shelf of canned cranberry sauce at what looks to be a grocery store

2. Shit, did that just post? Fuck. Why meeeeeeeeee

1. I don’t want to tell any of my friends about what happened because I told them to stop whining about Thanksgiving stuff, and I think I’m fine. He didn’t see me, and by the time my father found me he was gone.

Ranma’s Diary

I saw Ukyo yesterday. He looked pretty good for someone crouching behind a display of cranberry sauce.

I think he was hiding from me.

I thought that was kind of funny, because shouldn’t I be hiding from him? And his dad? Don’t they both want to kill me?

I haven’t thought about Ukyo in a while. I try not to. Well, I tried not to, and then I got really good at it, which I think they call forgetting.

I really liked Ukyo. They were cool. Really cool. Normal, too. Their house was always clean enough, and they had lots of different kinds of food all the time. Dad usually just eats whatever I’m supposed to be eating, so a lot of pork chops and hard boiled eggs and protein powder. Somedays I’d go over to Ukyo’s and there would be mexican leftovers, or tuna noodle casserole, or five different lunch meats, and I could eat anything I wanted.

Okay, the best thing about going out with Ukyo wasn’t the food, although the food was great. And it wasn’t the making out, or just lying on their bed and chilling, either.

And it wasn’t hanging out during lunch, or buying gifts for each other on christmas or

There were a lot of really great things about dating Ukyo.

I remember the first time I saw Akane, all I could think was: “He’s not Ukyo.” I was mad enough he was a guy (well, you know, I thought so at the time) but it just seemed so wrong that he wasn’t Ukyo. Like they should have found a male Ukyo or something and that’s who my dad should have been trying to marry me off to.

The Tendos have good food too. Lots and lots of rice. I think Kasumi likes rice cause it’s cheap, and it’s easy to make and she never seems to run out. I mean, she told me that, while she was cooking once. I was sitting on the floor while she wandered around the kitchen. She was making a big ole pot of curry, just a huge tureen of the stuff, and she was going back and forth from the stove to the counter checking the rice and the curry, and poking at something she made for dessert, cause I think she liked to make dessert when I came over. I mean, she told me that.

Kasumi reminds me of Ukyo a little. Not just because they’re both good cooks, but because they both make you feel really calm. Kasumi never seems to talk. You just sit next to her and you learn things. I’m sure she talks, she’s just so…soft. I don’t know. Like you know how when you know someone really well, and you hangout with them a lot, you stop noticing them? Like they’re a chair? I mean, in a good way. You don’t have that, ‘strange person’ alert going off in the back of your head all the time, you just feel totally relaxed like you would if you were alone.

That’s Kasumi.

Anyway, I was on the floor, watching her feet, and I think I had asked her what she thought about Akane and me, and she said,

“I think that mom and dad wanted to raise the perfect woman. Someone who has beautiful children and runs a successful business and marries into a good family that can help with the dojo. Between the three of us they’re going to get her.” that’s how I found out Akane was trans. I mean, I had this weird feeling, the way Nabiki joked about having two sisters, but they didn’t really sound like jokes? She would tease Akane about being feminine, but it seemed more like gushing. Like when one of your friends gets super obsessed with something and you call them a nerd because you’re crazy about that thing too. Like that.

Okay, so I’ve just written this long character study thing, but I don’t feel much better about seeing my old bae hiding from me in the supermarket with the ‘seasons greetings’ and ‘goodwill to all’ signs already up.

I think, the point I was trying to make, somewhere in here, was that I miss Ukyo, and I want to talk to them, but what am I going to say? I miss them because of what I did, and even if they feel the same, it’ll probably be just like finding out Akane is trans.

“Hey, we have this thing in common! Maybe we can use it to build a bridge over this huge chasm of anger and resentment between—nope, it all fell in.”

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Hey Akari, not sure if it’s been a long time since we’ve talked, or it feels that way because I’m on break. I’ll be home soon though! It’s going to be great. A proper slushy christmas. The weather over here is a little strange. It’s just cold and bright. Not warm, but everything seems to glitter, even though there’s no snow yet.

It is very strange sharing a bed wi[deleted]

Thanksgiving is very interesting this year. I’m used to the tradition since this is usually when I would go visit mom, but it’s very different to go for a week and to actually live here and see how desperately everyone is using Thanksgiving to stave off christmas.

It’s also very interesting sharing a bed with a girl. I mean it’s not bad it’s just really really intimate and I never even did this with you and I’m waking up wrapped up in the way she smells and the warmth of her and [delete]

So far things have been pretty relaxing, here’s hoping that continues so I’m all rested up for finals. I’ve been studying very hard for my calc final because it’s my last one, and the sooner I finish it the sooner I’m on my way home,

Can’t wait to see you.

Ryoga.

The Tendo House

Kasumi’s recipes: Moussaka!

The video opens on the familiar view of Kasumi’s kitchen and an unfamiliar guest.

Kasumi: So, I don’t actually have the money, or the fridge space or literally anything that would make making an extra Thanksgiving dinner worth it.

Akane: I mean, you could have done it in August and—

Kasumi: (Throwing her arms around her sister in an effort to startle her. It works) So I’m here with my sister, Akane, and we’re going to make something that, while not a traditional Thanksgiving dish, is delicious, warm, and perfect for sharing.

Akane: And then Kasumi is going to start on the actual Thanksgiving stuff, and she’s going to post videos of her two best dishes so you have them for next year, or whenever.

Kasumi: (Releasing her sister) It’s going to be brisket, and a cranberry sauce recipe that you will actually want to eat. But for now (she claps her hands together) Moussaka!

Wide shots of fresh produce occur, as well as plenty of slicing and drizzling with oil. The moussaka comes together, layer by layer.

Abruptly Kasumi’s voice over and impersonal shots of her and Akane’s hands are replaced by another wide shot of the kitchen.

“Kasumi, I’m going to the store, do you—“ A boy appears on screen, roughly Akane’s age. There is a rather criminal amount of swagger in his walk for someone whose white gi pants are sticking out under a puffy, flourescent orange winter coat. He stops abruptly when he notices Akane.

Kasumi: (finishes layering zucchini in the huge black pot the moussaka is going into and walks past Akane to rinse her hands in the sink). I think I’ve got everything I need. Wait—Do we have pickles?

Akane: No, I finished them last night.

Kasumi: Pickles then. The sour, garlicky kind. Strips, not chips or squewers or whatever else they have. Strips. Here, I think I have a few dollars in my purse.

Boy: Oh, no, I’ll pay for it. What’s a couple of bucks between-(he fumbles and takes a different track) I mean, you’re doing thanksgiving for us. It’s the least I could do.

Kasumi: Speaking of feeding you, what kind of food do you like? I’ve got a good sewing video, and one about fixing pipes in the making, but after thanksgiving I’m going to be clean out of food video ideas.

Boy: (Clearly just wanting to get out of the kitchen) Christmas is coming up, right? What about cookies. A bunch a different cookies, in, like, gift baskets. That seems like your sort of thing.

Kasumi considers this for a minute, hands on her hips. She seems to evoke a certain gravity on this boy. He looks like he wants to leave, but a certain force is keeping him rooted to the spot.

Kasumi: (With a decisive nod) Then I’ll need more flour, sugar, butter…You know what, I’ll write up a list. Akane, are you okay going with him? He might need a little help with all that stuff.

Akane: (Looking very similar to the boy, in that she would love to say no, but finds it impossible in front of Kasumi). Okay. I’ll help.

And, in a voice over that follows a seamless transition back to Moussaka layering, Kasumi explains: And that is why Akane is not in the rest of this video, as well as a sneak peak at what I’ll be doing soon!

The three most important posts from timetoddddie.tumblr.com:

3. A post reblogged from fuckboisgetmoney: Ryoga’s battered face and the caption about possibly starting a guro blog. #not a guro blog exactly #documenting the strange goings on at a small college out in the sticks of the east coast #jk #it’s people dueling over a girl #what is my life

2. A photo of the top of Kuno’s head, from the time Nabiki stayed with him at health services for a minute. It’s the crown of his head, a splotchy bruise extending from the top of his forehead to his perfectly tousled side part, looking almost like a miscolored extension of the latter. #can you believe he’s our kendo team’s star player? #school spirit #fuck you nsj

1. A picture of the head of the girl’s gymnastic’s team with a spread of bruises over her torso, the vibrant colors broken up by a grey sports bra for modesty’s sake. Nabiki payed for this photo with a bag of jelly beans and five RedBull. She wanted to see how the purple and green flesh played with the rock hard muscles of the girl’s core, and she wasn’t disappointed. #my sister totally isn’t worth this #i love the girl #but doesn’t this look painful? #glad all I gotta do to get a guy is put on some sheer tights

Not Anal

At least he waited till black Friday. At least he had the decency.

Look, sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and you realize you left your bra on because you fell asleep while watching movies with your friend in a post feast stupor. (We always eat late cause the restaurant is usually open. Thanksgiving has never been a big deal at our house because Grandma is in charge around here and she never cared, so she doesn’t really expect us to, but ever since I was about nine and could ask for it we would eat a nice meal on Thanksgiving. Grandma kind of likes an excuse for a big meal, so she lets it happen).

So, anyway, like I was saying, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was half asleep and too clumsy to get at my bra without taking my shirt off. Once underwire was no longer digging into my ribs I rolled over and fell back asleep.

Which, and I swear on my grandmother’s soon to be dug grave, is why I was topless when Mousse decided to come barging into my room and announce that he was going to fight Ryoga for me.

So I’m sitting there trying to cover my chest and screaming at him to get out, and he’s screaming right back that this has nothing to do with me and that he just wants Ryoga, which of course sends mom and Grandma running, because now he’s woken them up, and then I really started howling at everyone to GET OUT and I think grandma implied that it looked like Ryoga and I had been having sex in my room, which is such bullshit, because she never said anything when Mousse and I had been fucking in there, but once Ryoga and I are being total slobs and leaving our clothes and junk food everywhere, then we MUST be having sex, so then I was screaming at her about that—

That is when Ryoga decided to slowly, slowly, sllooooowwlly wake up. I’m serious, his eyelids fluttered, and he stretched his arms over his head, and he propped himself up on an elbow and cracked his jaw, and then, and only then, did he say,

“What the fuck is going on?”

At which point I wacked him with a pillow because everyone else in the room had already seen my breasts and I was more pissed than modest.

“You’re fighting Mousse in the alley behind the restaurant in ten minutes.” I told him, and that seemed to satisfy Mousse, because he nodded and left. Mom and grandma went with him, chatting about who should referee. They seemed to think this was going to be like the little sparring matches Mousse and I used to have when we were still doing martial arts, and not a knock-down, drag-out kind of fight.

“Why am I going to fight Mousse?” Ryoga asked once they were gone.

“For the grand privilege of fucking me, of course.” I said, getting out of bed to figure out where I had thrown my bra.

“But, uh, we…”

“Yeah, I know.”

That is when I got this really awful idea. I swear, my face should have done that grinch thing where his whole face curls in on itself.

I turned around, kicked off my sweatpants-said a little prayer of thanks that I had run out of comfortable undies and was wearing a pink thong- and got back on to the bed so I could start crawling toward Ryoga, basically everything I have on display.

“Maybe I’ll do it, too, if you beat the shit out of Mousse.”

Ryoga’s eyes were enormous. Almost bigger than his head.

“I-I have—you know that I—“

Have you ever tried to crawl sexily? Not easy, but by the time I was close enough to Ryoga to put my hand on his thigh it didn’t matter.

“I know you have a girlfriend, and you’re trying to reel in, like, five more,”

“Just Akane. I mean, Akari. I mean, I’m going to tell Akari to her face.”

By then we were face to face, maybe an inch apart, my breasts just brushing his t-shirt, and I said, “That’s the best part. I already know all that, so I’m not going to get sloppy and tell them, and you aren’t going to have to worry about me expecting you to marry me like my grandmother might.”

There wasn’t an inch between us. I couldn’t even look in his eyes anymore, that’s how close we were. I could feel his breath on my lips, and I could feel that he was hesitating, but I didn’t know if that meant he was holding himself back or if he was trying to force himself to do something.

That was when he threw his arms around me and crushed me against him. Ryoga Hibiki kisses like he’s never going to get the chance again. Like he’s been out in the woods for weeks on end and he’s so desperate for human contact that he’ll wring it out of you.

And this after sharing a bed with me for almost a week. I wonder what his girlfriend is going to get at the airport.

I’m pretty sure that’s the thought that woke me up enough to punch him in the chest(there just wasn’t space for me to do anything else. I couldn’t get his lips off mine to say something) knocking him back enough that I could say, “You should put some shoes on. That alley is all gravel.”

That killed the mood.

So I’m standing out in the back alley, my mother doing a little count down, my lips still tingling—I mean, jesus. No wonder this girl was willing to do long distance. Jesus.— and I know that there is no way Ryoga can take Mousse. Maybe in a kissing contest, but Mousse has years of martial arts training. Ryoga has mass. You can do that math.

Except Ryoga, while he might be big and muscley, has that charming british accent so you know he’s not an idiot. He stayed defensive, which was good. I probably should have told him that Mousse is a cheat, rather than that thing about the gravel.

Okay, Mousse doesn’t exactly cheat, but he’s underhanded. He likes to strike lots of little blows and wear you down, rather than straight up beating the shit out of you.

He does that after you’re worn down.

So Ryoga is staying defensive, feinting here and there, but he’s not giving Mousse enough room to make the little blows he likes. So Mousse starts hitting Ryoga when his guard is up. Hits that glance off his forearms, but hits all the same. Trying to rile Ryoga up, I don’t know.

Mousse went in for another quick punch, and Ryoga rammed him. Arms up, he absorbed Mousse’s blow and ran forward, sending Mousse skidding on the gravel, and slammed him into the back wall of the restaurant.

You know, I didn’t actually see the knife. Just the movement of Mousse’s hands. I didn’t need to see the knife. I knew it was the nice one with the pearl handle. Christ, I saw it when mum was doing the count down, but I didn’t think for a second he would take it out.

But there it was. I knew that movement. I had watched Mousse practice it over and over with his first switch blade, a small black one he found in the tool box under the kitchen sink, until her could whip it out in a second, with a motion like flicking dust away.

But I didn’t actually see the blade flash. I didn’t feel Ryoga’s collar in my hand, but that’s the only thing I could have grabbed to send him flying backwards.

All I felt was the impact of the punch I landed on Mousse’s nose. The crunch of cartilage. His glasses broke, cutting both of us.

I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

Akane’s Diary

I didn’t realize Ranma used to date. I mean, like he actually had a significant other, not just messing around at parties like me.

I was sort of waiting for something to happen that I would want to write about more than this, but so far things have been pretty calm and it’s between writing about this and considering a personal ad in the school newsletter asking for a dude who dressed up as batman for halloween and met a girl dressed as Zelda. This is the healthier option. I’ve got to forget about that stuff.

Okay, so, two days before thanksgivng Kasumi has me doing a video with her. Actually, I asked if I could be in one. Never mind. We’re making moussaka.

Suddenly Ranma shows up wanting to know if Kasumi wants anything from the store. Long story short, I wind up in the car with him. It was a nice car. Not the luxury kind people who actually know things about cars whistle over, but the seats were comfy and the heater was good.

I said that to him. Since the silence was kind of awkward. Which maybe made him think I wanted to have a conversation, even though all I wanted was to stop feeling like we really should be trying to have a conversation.

“Was that apron your mother’s?” He asked, “The one Kasumi was wearing.”

It took me a minute to remember that the apron Kasumi was wearing had ‘Tomoko’ embroidered over the heart.

“Yes. Kasumi made it as a gift.”

“I see.”

The silence resumed, and felt even worse because I could feel the topic of mom looming before us.

Have you ever been in a situation so awkward you said something that would normally plunge you into an awkward situation, but you’re so strung out on having absolutely nothing to say that you sort of hope this will circle things back to a normal conversation? Of course not. Because you’re normal.

But me, I say to him, “So where is your mom, anyway? Your parents divorced?”

He doesn’t answer, and I think it’s too personal a question until he finally says, “Huh. I guess I have a mom…”

I burst out laughing. “What kind of answer is that?”

He shrugged, but he was smiling a little. “I don’t know. I’d believe dad had me himself if he could. I never had a mom, and he never talked about her.”

“Why?”

“What did I just say?” Ranma said, but he said it in a nice way, like we were sharing a joke.

And thus, thanks to Ranma’s non-existent, though theoretically probable mother, the awkwardness lifted for a minute, and we managed to talk about school, and food we like, and other normal things, until we were walking through the pickle aisle, and he suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me in another direction.

“Don’t look,” He whispered, “My ex is behind the cranberry sauce.”

What else was I going to do? I looked. Ranma Saotome isn’t the boss of me. And I really wanted to know what a person who not only put up with him but made out with him looked like.

Their gender was kind of indeterminate, and I couldn’t get a great look at them except to say that they had long hair and were wearing a really cute sweater.

“I told you not to look!” Ranma dragged me clear over to the milk, this weird back corner where it’s a little quieter than the rest of the store.

“Let’s just stay here.” He said, like that was a great plan.

“Ranma, we came here for groceries, not to play chicken with someone you used to date.”

“You don’t understand. Ukyo hates me.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, then did it anyway. “Gee, what a surprise. Another person who hates you.”

“Hey, Ukyo used to like me.” For a split second I thought Ranma was going to show a serious emotion, forlorn, maybe, or longing, but instead he got angry, “And they still would if it wasn’t for you. I don’t want them seeing you.”

“Don’t you dare make this my fault.” I hissed at him.

Wait, I think he did manage a serious emotion: panic.“I didn’t mean it like that, I mean they might blame you, and—”

“Sure. I’ll be by the register whenever you think it’s safe to come out.” I marched off with my little basket swinging, thinking that I wouldn’t mind never seeing Ranma again.

But, since I knew that wasn’t going to happen, I wonder if I should have found Ukyo and asked them what they saw in Ranma. They dated for a long time, I think, so there must have been something they liked about him. Maybe I should have asked them what it was, instead of standing there in front of the checkout aisle, getting madder and madder until Ranma finally showed up with the car keys, outstretched a little sheepishly, like he knew he was being an idiot, but was really hoping i wasn’t going to say anything about it.

I didn’t say anything at all.

#Ranma 1/2 #rankane #fanfiction #ranma saotome #akane tendo #personal #shampoo #ryoga hibiki #ukyo kuonji #kasumi tendo #sex ment #kissing

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dantecrtm133-blog · 5 years

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How To Find The Right Weight Loss & Control For Your Specific Product(Service).

There are a few handy damage control diet strategies that you need to employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it on the dinning table this christmas season. Use the tips below to allow yourself to stay social also to have the ability to have pleasure in moderation without splitting your pants prior to New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I just can't go without recommending some activity. Your is most receptive to raised calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within a half-hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you would want to workout out before AND after a big meal, however, if you can only do one, that will suffice. It is less important if you undertake it and more important which you undertake it. Your best options will probably be 20 minutes of circuit strength training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk a couple of hours afterward can serve like a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for any Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for the free meal will not only bring about overeating, but worse: overeating foods which might be extremely high in sugar, fat, or both! Your body is often a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food for a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that the very next time that you just eat your system use as much of the incoming food as possible to keep as extra fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it certainly can't see food again for one more long period. Do yourself and the body a favor by eating every a couple of hours because you normally should prevent yourself from becoming a ravenous, fat-storing beast this holidays!

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3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat before the point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating is just not the habit of lean individuals. It is vital to understand that those holiday meals is not just a ticket to eat up to you can in as little time as you possibly can. However, pay attention to the body and ensure to enjoy the foods you are craving moderately in support of eat when you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal loaded with fiber and protein before a major holiday meal might help prevent overeating by making you really feel more full which in turn means fewer calories consumed through the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is to drink a protein shake with an added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before this type of meal to keep me nice and full upon arrival. This way you won't lose any friends by consuming all of their dinner platter and you will probably useful midsection from the fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it is a holiday meal doesn't mean you can't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to bunch on healthier food choices first and attempt to eat as much lean meat, fish, and fruits and vegetables as you possibly can in the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room for your unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least by doing this you realize your body is becoming in some good nutrition and you're not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health conditions.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

Water competes for space with your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, you take in, try and drink no less than 1-2 portions of water. After that second plate, once you have 1 full liter of water in your stomach, I bet you could possibly just throw inside the towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already stated you can eat every 2-4 hours, but there is one exception to the. If you have a huge meal, it is important not to eat again until you happen to be hungry and/or will no longer full. If the body isn't utilized to eating such a big meal, that will require an extremely extended period to digest everything that food and the worst thing you'll be able to do is put more food into an already full stomach, unless your ultimate goal is to perform stop, drop and roll drill. Only if you are hungry again when you resume your normal eating plan following a big holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule with the Next Meal

What's done is done. Now it really is time for it to make contact with your normal eating plan. Remember weekly calorie consumption is far more important than daily calorie consumption. For example, let's say that you just need 3,000 calories per day to maintain your current body weight. Well, all of that you'll want to do is make certain the average daily calorie intake weekly is 3,000 calories each day. This means that you'll be able to fluctuate your evryday calorie consumption and yield a similar results as if you ate that same amount every day. So if you have 1 day of big eating where you take in 9,000 calories (just a good example, not just a recommendation), nevertheless, you only eat 2,000 calories per day the rest of the week, you will still find yourself on the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending which you eat in these a serious manner, rather I am suggesting which you do not must obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging sparingly your various holiday festivities if you know the week in review trumps a day, even if you are particularly naughty on any given day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating a highly refined carbohydrate meal very first thing inside morning is likely to make your blood sugar levels add too much throughout the day resulting in greater processed foods cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a big meal before going to bed will result in a few unused energy which will be stored as extra fat and you adequately may have sleep disorders with all of that extra food volume within your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try to eat only 1 / 2 of all of the servings of unhealthy food that you choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can readily consume over 1,000 calories every day from liquid calories alone. This means that in one week, you will gain 2 lbs of unwanted fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and soda pops), for at least the meals will satiate and provide some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, haven't any such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks make you hungrier generally speaking and sometimes hungrier for processed foods in particular. Furthermore, your system cannot burn up fat before alcohol is processed out of the body in addition to the fact that drinking lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of the many purposes with this flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases your body's using fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can steer clear of the weight loss process from resuming until a few days later and/or even cause unwanted fat gain and so cost you as little being a few days to as long being a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead utilizing sugar, select zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver much the same taste without all the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder whenever you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates will lead to a slimmer you while still providing some great tasting treats! Your goal should be to find the minimal amount of calories that can provide the identical great taste that makes the holiday treats enjoyable rather than simply overdoing it because you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals which might be High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that you can do is usually to follow a meal which is full of both fat and carbs. The high level of carbs will bring about a rapid surge in glucose levels and therefore large increases inside potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high amount of fat will bring about a large boost in free efas in your bloodstream. Since Insulin is already present in huge amounts, in addition to there as being a large volume of free essential fatty acids now available in your blood, happens is defined for those free essential fatty acids being gobbled up and stored through your fat cells. This will be the same in principle as becoming another Goodyear blimp, so it's imperative to be cautious for your holiday meals in terms of combining fat (particularly saturated and trans fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it can be best to pick one over the other. But since many people crave carbs at their free meals, it's essential to keep the fat low at this meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for any marinara sauce with wholegrain pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then make sure you skip the gravy and go easy on the butter. These small changes could help you save hundreds, even a large number of calories, and more importantly may prevent your holiday feasts from creating the perfect fat-storing environment that may run you from achieving your quality of life and fitness goals.

#weight loss #diet #slim

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