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apollosgiftofprophecy · 6 months

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"Of Bridges Built and Burned" 👀

I really like the title

I think i'm a genius with titles haha

tagging @moodyseal because this is based off some clowning we did together

So. Moody had let slip about a certain "how Commodus could be redeemed" au and I slid into the ask box and we clowned out over it.

Anyway. It's Copollo (obviously- this is ME we're talking about haha) and begins with Apollo and Commodus conveniently being stuck in the same place in TDP and have to talk/scream their dirty laundry out.

This, of course, brings certain things to light. Because, if I recall correctly, Apollo was never the one to bring up The Assassination - Commodus was always the one doing that and getting angry about it.

However, Apollo never did- he only ever talked about it in detail to Jo, then gave the Sparknotes to Leo & Meg. He never actually talked about it, and therefore never spoke of what drove him to do it.

Which means, Commodus doesn't know the real reason(s) why Apollo killed him. He just assumes Apollo didn't love him as much as he thought- but that's where he's wrong! >:)

So imagine them stuck in that room, Commodus ranting and raving about how Apollo's such a traitor, and a lier, you gave me your blessings and then murdered me, you never cared did you? and Apollo's sitting there just taking it until- fuck this shit- and starts yelling back at Commodus, about how people were going to kill him anyway but Apollo couldn't bear to let anybody kill him but him (because that's very healthy, right?🤡) and when he's done they're both standing there in silence.

Oh yeah. While that's happening they've had to work together to get out of the place so when they do get out they just. awkwardly go separate ways.

BUT WE'RE NOT FINISHED YET!

Apollo and company are in a situation (probably because of Caligula) and lo and behold, Commodus does something to help 'em out.

Because reasons.

Then when everything's said and done- Nero's dead, Python's dead, all the fasces and fascists are destroyed...

Commodus is still alive. And now I, Alder, slap on my "start combining history and RRverse" hat and give u a small history lesson! :D

In Ancient Rome, emperors were deified by the Senate. Notable examples are Caesar Augustus, Marcus Aurelius, and...Commodus.

Nero and Caligula were not.

Interesting how Commodus is the only Triumvirate emperor who's been historically deified...

and if we factor that lil' history nugget into this AU...who's to say Copollo still can't prevail? (🤡)

Of course, now I must direct your attention to the "Burned" part of the title. As much as it pains my Copollo shipper heart, neither of them have to forgive/forget what the other has done, and therefore simply may not ever speak to each other ever again- Apollo would leave Commodus be, provide he doesn't go back onto more "end the world" things- and that would be the end of their story.

Painful. Tragic. I love it and them.

though i wouldn't be opposed to them getting back together eventually either...

and Meg dragging them to couples' therapy. and both of them to a therapist in general.

They both need to desperately sort out their own issues before anything, especially if they do reignite their relationship.

Because ah...they were both doing some heavy projecting-of-issues onto the other.

although that's part of the reason why i love them so much they're so toxic and entertaining it's so good

#the oracle speaks #of bridges built and burned #copollo #amiti-art #fic asks #ask and replies #asked and answered #apollo #commodus #the trials of apollo

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mikkokomori · 26 days

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Yes. I was once friends with Toaster and Oku. While in their server I not only met a member of a popular omori organization who tried to defend the fact that their organization doxxed a minor (which has way too many doccuments to link) but Oku has done and said many proship-like things. Once having their profile as the coffin of andy and leyley (I think thats it??) and also expressing an unhealthy romantic and sometimes even sexual attraction for their character Arsenic, which is an Basil who is incredibly obsessive to the point of abuse over their Sunny. I tried to empathize with them but every attempt was in vain as eventually I started to receive more and more harassment from Oku in various forms for things ranging from opinions to misunderstandings and finally what caused me to leave Toaster's server; a threat of a one-week ban for "venting" by trying to relate to an actual vent Toaster had made.

I don't think everyone in that server is problematic, but Toaster, Oku, and Arby's Meat Mountain are in the loop for people who actually need help. I have seen the cycle since I joined the server and was wary not to get too attached to anyone there because of it. What I saw was as follows: - Zet being incredibly impulsive due to gaslighting, then me being harassed lightly for my lack of social skills/issues im still dealing with as I am in therapy, Zet nearly killing themselves because of the server's lack of validation (They wouldnt even help Zet redirect somewhere else if he was having an episode despite me saying it wouldnt get better if they didnt), me having to tell them to leave so I can see if theyd try to ban me next, my harassment got worse (Oku starting fights about opinions I had often, Arbys with the ORG, Getting overposted by everyone, ignored/ostracized in the minecraft server, trying to ban my account, etc. ), Low and behold as soon as I seemed to get insecure about myself I almost got hit with a ban before I inevitably chose to leave myself. However I had noticed the new server member who was being harassed was none other than my friend Light, leading me to believe its a cycle.

Toaster at the start did in fact try to gaslight me by using my previous experiences against me into believing Mikko was the real mastermind but as I stayed there I saw more and more questionable things from Toaster which I tried not to judge. Such being an sexual under-toned drawing of Stranger and Sunny. Stranger as my perception of the game, was still a child and a manifestation of Sunny's guilt over not being able to fight his own depression and escape headspace. The deepest of his subconscious if you will which has all information stored, thus why stranger is more literate than the rest of headspace.

The server's neglect of a person who became suicidal is something that happened to me before, and I remember being the victim of a server like that. Half of the server actually hated me for " ruining their fun " by trying to connect with them on a personal level or needing support, and the other too scared to help because they didn't know what to do. This is psychological abuse, and when asked something as simple as to spam " go to Sunflower's dms " if Zet was panicking in chat wasn't enough for them. They blatantly refused to help a suicidal person.

I have little social skills, but I do have a very high moral compass and always try to treat everyone as best as I can- so when the rest of the server stood down and refused to help Zet, I stepped in to try and help them too. However, soon the server started to double down on me, keeping me busy or harassing me to the point I couldnt help Zet. At that moment I knew I had to let Zet go temporarily and wait for the next stage in my observations as clearly they could tell we were still talking and wanted to separate us. I took the next few days of calm to prepare myself for the real issues. Then I tried to resume being my normal self and just as I suspected; I'm the next one on the chopping block. It has to take a lot for me to harass someone, typically I would rather avoid pointless fighting and just make a small post if it was so bad I couldnt do anything else about it; aka whats happening now.

However, due to the psa posts and how my blog wasn't explicitly just the AU- Oku had pressured me into thinking that I should discontinue my AU. I was visibly stressed and agitated because they used my disdain against how far cancel culture goes against me. Yes, I dont like it when innocent people are taken advantage of with cancel culture, but Im not about to let the ones causing those issues grow.

I will be adding all images I have below, see image description for context.

Other proof must be found in the server.... https://discord.com/invite/7pSdBbh4 TW: Vent art, Venting, extreme suicidal idealization/complex suicidal thoughts, ableism, Sexualization of Minors

I'm running out of space for this so I will have to show my dms with Oku and Toaster some other time.

Mnmn....

#i dont have anything to add #my apologies. but the more ss the better.#sunnflower-chronicles asks #sunny talks #miko talks

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revserrayyu · 28 days

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2.1 Penacony thoughts [part5]

**BIG STORY SPOILERS** Chatting up until the end of the current story so if you haven’t finished it yet then I’d encourage you to do so before reading any further.

Before all the big reveals happen, I appreciate these few dialogue options we get right after the Aventurine fight. It sounds like they’re all asked in rapid succession and the last one is completely valid considering how often we actually switched viewpoints during this update.

Once Sam appeared, I knew it was finally going to be the moment where we learn who he truly is. As they list out the other hunter’s specialties and his own lack of one, he mentions “there is only one method that I use,” and I wanna say it’s deception..

..because lo and behold, everyone was completely right and the person beneath the armored suit is indeed Firefly herself. I’m not surprised, just interested in learning about her reasons. Was that death of hers planned and why? Has she always been Sam, even way back during the Jepella Rebellion trailer? Or does that device in her hand allow her to appear as Sam? Because didn’t we hear to talking to a “mecha” in that one dreamscape last patch? She just seems so out of place among the other Stellaron Hunters but I’m eager to learn more about her once we pick up here next update.

Also, I’m just gonna say it.. I wasn’t truly upset over her “death.” I feel like we were kinda forced to care for her after she gave us a tour of Penacony, but that alone wasn’t enough for me to get properly attached. That time was real brief and only took up a small section of the previous update. Not to mention the many weeks in between updates where I spent much time thinking about almost everyone else aside from her. Most other characters we’ve met on this planet received trailers, drip marketing and so much more to get me invested into learning about them while Firefly’s presence was short lived. I would genuinely be upset if anything bad happened to Black Swan, Acheron or Sparkle and I’m already emotional over Robin, Aventurine and maybe even Sunday. There’s stuff going on with Gallagher and Misha that I’m still curious about and we haven’t even properly met Boothill yet but I’m so excited to see him. Maybe my opinion on Firefly will change during the next update, but for now I really don’t have any strong feelings about her other than simple curiosity. I am pleased to see her still alive for the Trailblazer’s sake, but if she somehow survives this entire story and Aventurine doesn’t..hmpf.

All that aside, the scene with Gallagher and Sunday was.. a lot to take in, but once again we have someone else calling Sunday crazy. Perhaps he should go to therapy.

The framing of this scene is nice and sorta confirms those purple nightingales do in fact see everything happening on Penacony, acting as Sunday’s eyes and reporting back to him. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting.

This is quite unexpected? Honestly I feel like every time Sunday is involved there’s a new plot point that’s introduced into this giant story. Both sides definitely have it out for each other, that’s for sure.

What in the hell is this twist??

Sunday thinks Gallagher is in disguise, but after the hound tells him to take a closer look, Sunday starts to notices all these little details about him that seem reminiscent to 52 other members of the Family.

I wish I could say this idea is foreign to me, but it actually reminds me of Kamui from the second season of Psycho Pass and how his body is made up of 184 different people and 7 personalities. Kamui was also unable to be detected by any scanners and that also reminds me of Gallagher and how almost no other Bloodhound knows who he is.

And I haven’t the faintest idea on what Sunday means here but I noticed the voice over doesn’t even say “minion of the Enigmata” no matter how many times I tried to replay this line over.

It’s at this moment where I started to waiver with my distrust towards Sunday and actually start to feel bad for him a little bit solely because of the strong emotion in his voice when he questions why Robin had to be killed. It at least prevents me from thinking he had any part of it.

Then we head into a cutscene and dear god, things happen quick. This one shot of Gallagher reminds me of his light cone just because of the lighter.

This frame of Sunday looking down on him feels so intense and I kinda love it with both the intense shadows and harsh light.

And then..? Our angelic and handsome man gets killed?? Presumably by another memory zone meme I guess I dunno it happened in an instant and all I have to show for it is splatters of goo??

Oohhh my goodness.. this story took such a turn. Many of them actually. Seeing how Sunday is a puddle on the floor similar to what happened to Firefly, I wanna believe that he’s gonna be okay? If she could survive, surely he can too. Maybe? I’m still not to sure about Robin’s condition and I’m being so darn hopeful that Aventurine is alive somehow. That’s definitely the death that hurts most for me if true. Anyways, I’ll end it here and just say there’s many answers to look forward to with the next update. As always, I’m not trusting anyone! Astral Express family only!

(originally written on 3/30)

#honkai star rail #sam #firefly #gallagher #sunday #gameplay #revsposts

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consistencydotcom · 7 days

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That can bother a real variant teacher and take it around and you need to go back and evolve that a riddle of rain teenager and takes a rally out and take your right teacher completely out of here it's so much of couthey're out did you write Kendrick I'm pretty idiot some of the questions is that humor you're smart and intelligent I will continue to expect you to be smart and touch it at a time though it uses fsen's butts to procrastinate reasons no it's adults here because I could want yo and you've you want to use the brain and says I'll go gave you one slut it'll never go and keep on setting all of our gun and you'll get it right here I'm pretty Italian somebody

Getting together at best HB settings and we're around behind me background let's set the refrigeratory powder bless me your whole that house keep your hawk oil a little bit a little bit of a original opinion stands I'm going to show oh I'm not gonna keep your stand now and longed you're gone it's a procedure of return as an overturned horse mine is the dominant heroes there's the resource when you're in a hall so I can't be able to do that you can't be able to talk to us you can't be personal about taking that very personal posts and you definitely cannot do an internet search if you can't even learn you also surely sell up not behold me or spell it at a disposition therapy to Hutter it's my honor to contend it didn't mind she's doing with you

Keep doing what you're doing and you're going to have to stop and hear yourself to some self Terms & Conditions I have submitted a horrible letter by infollowing I Don't Know if She uses it's antibiotics in progressive and you're All In all out all the link like a white there isn't a shady Gray hair no worthlessness no being Butterfly like it or and not being brought up to Black in the next month She just likes to put it lossy evolved in the museum of Girls Don't Fall asleep with Teenagers like me Quiet on the internet you're kind of wearing become a wearing background welcome as your Girlfriend and my Girlfriend comes Here and therefore equally with your play

Umm

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penname-artist · 1 year

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It’s kind of hard to find any good source materials that I can pluck from in regards to discussing the “yays and nays” of writing convincing PTSD, but I’m gonna take the knowledge I do have - both from my experiences and from everything I’ve picked up and learned around that - and just leave a few key points lying around like crumbs for y’all. Mostly made with writing trauma in mind:

-Though there are exceptions, for the most part, your sex and horomones may determine how you respond to stress and trauma. Higher testosterone makes it much more likely to react to trauma in a more “stereotypical” way, fighting back with aggression, deflecting, sometimes turning to addictions as means of an escape. Some of that comes from toxic masculinity, but some of it is just from having less natural emotional depth or a harder time venturing that emotional depth. (In summary: men put off therapy. A lot.)

-Meanwhile, more estrogen-based people will more often feel the emotional wringing of depression or fear, and actually become more vulnerable to getting in toxic situations. When you’re at a low point, it may be difficult to make clearer judgements, and seeking comfort for the sake of comfort might end up taking a toll like any other negative outlets. (Again with “there are exceptions” because not everybody responds in these ways, there’s definitely a uniqueness to the brain’s stress responses)

-For ye writing people, here’s some ideas on not-so-good outlets one might turn to when facing trauma: alcoholism, painkillers and substance abuse, anger outbursts (towards people or things equally), emotional outbursts, self-isolation (can be anything from leaving a virtual chat to locking ones self in a bathroom - both of which I have done, *ahem*), self-harm (note that this also includes restricting yourself from things such as food, water, communication, sleep, etc), co-dependency (ie looking for whoever will pay attention to them regardless of what that might do in the long run)

-And here’s some better ones: hobbies, games (particularly ones that require focus), physical exercise, basic self-care (look we all should be taking care of ourselves anyways but lots of us just don’t so doing that actually really fucking helps. Dude sometimes a long hot bath and Epsom salt can just make me not want to unexist), m e d i c a t i o n, t h e r a p y, positive social groups or support groups (not specifically a therapy support group, but any group that is supportive towards healing from things like PTSD), meditation- and/or just sitting with your fucking feelings and acknowledging it’s a THING

-PTSD is oftentimes this tree that grows from a root problem (this can be something like family trauma, war, assault, abuse, emotional neglect, loss, literally any situation which made the person feel helpless, physically OR emotionally) and that tree branches into various symptoms and side effects. Some of these are bigger and broader terms, like depression (feeling hopeless about ones self and life, often becoming so emotionally overrun that you’re just numb and don’t care anymore) or anxiety (sometimes social, sometimes situational, or both, or all)

-In other ways, side effects are very specific things that comes from the same source. These can (but do NOT always) include: nightmares, flashbacks, bodily tremors, tics, headaches, bowel issues, heart palpitations, and a broad category called psychosis (a big fancy word that means you sense something that is not actually there)

-On that psychosis thing, because lo and behold I fucking have that problem, it’s usually not as “real” as it’s made out to be. Even we question ourselves for the realness of it, which if anything kinda adds to the fear because sometimes you really don’t know. Anyways you can experience psychosis in a lot of ways, from hearing things to seeing types of hallucinations, to believing in the higher meaning of things around you and having types of delusions (I struggle with those the most). It can also vary in frequency. Some people see shadowy figures all the time at night. Some people hear stuff only once every blue moon. Often, they come in episodes that only last for a short period of time (hours to days)

-Another vague category is dissociation, a feeling of “spacing out” that might be kinda frequent and kinda freaky. People can dissociate in different ways so it’s a little harder to pinpoint how to feel, but to an outsider it really just looks like your brain did an Error 404 on you. Some people feel paralyzed and cannot move. Some people feel out of their own bodies. And some feel like the world around them doesn’t really exist. Whatever the case, this is closely tied to the flashbacks thing and it can really take you outside of the present moment. It’s easy to get lost.

-Trauma does not have to be around 100% of the time. Sometimes people can heal from trauma and almost function like normal again. But it may still always exist, and while manageable, some things like triggers (I want to cover those but I don’t have the time at the moment to) will still be hard to deal with and take time and gentleness to get through. Some people can overcome PTSD in months to years. Others overcome it in decades. Some never overcome it, but it gets manageable with time and taking the efforts to process and heal.

Okay that’s all I got time for this morning :’)

#PTSD #writing ptsd #trauma #writing trauma #mental health #trauma talk with pen

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intrulogical · 1 year

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Soo!! I just rewatched wtit, youknow, as one does, and founf this in the description- i haven't really seen a lot of us talk about this but I feel like there's a LOT going on here

What do you think? Any thoughts king?

HII THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK!

i wasn't aware that the episode HAD a description before you sent me this, so genuinely, thank you for bringing this into my attention!

and you're right— there ARE some things going around in this desc.

the first one would be the fact that thomas ASKED logan to get his life in order. orb (@/orbmanson7, go follow them too for more meta) shed some light to me about how this fact mostly goes unnoticed within the fandom (even me!). to be fair, it was brushed aside really quickly in the opening, but yes, it is canon that thomas asked logan for help.

orb also informed me how, in an exclusive writer's room discussion with joan, joan mentioned that thomas particularly asked logan to get his life in order. and well, it's a little surprising, isn't it, that thomas would willingly ask logan for help? but it's also not, considering that thomas has been very open with logan's contributions... if and only if he deems them useful.

bottomline for this fact is, thomas only views logan as a utility. what's sad is, i think logan views this more as an opportunity to participate, rather than something backhanded. the end of WTIT shows him insisting that instilling this schedule would be beneficial for thomas. but deep down, we also know that he just feels ignored, because thomas wants logic as a function, not logan as a person.

and now the more interesting aspect of this description would be its last sentences. now, before i get into it, i want to make it clear: the contents of intrusive thoughts has no real substance. most of the time, they prey on our insecurities in order to make us anxious.

but intrusive thoughts may vary in terms of how personal they are. they can be something merely gruesome, but they can also become more specific if you are fixating on a certain situation. in cases like these, the intrusive thoughts STILL have no substance, but they are grounded in the idea that, there is something that is affecting you and you should probably get that checked out.

again, i am NOT saying intrusive thoughts is important. i have heavy compulsions which worsen my intrusive thoughts, and i would rather get rid of it. but the existence of persistent intrusive thoughts can be a warning that, you have some unresolved shit. and in these cases, you can't just stop relying on paying it no mind— you NEED to address the core issue that your intrusive thoughts reap on, or find therapy or a good friend so you can better deal with it.

and, while harsh, the importance of remus as a side is that he serves as an alarm bell or wake-up call for thomas. his methods are incredibly dark, as he uses intrusive thoughts, there's no buts i can provide for that. with how heavily the sides miscommunicate, remus relies on darker methods to make thomas less passive in his struggles, because my god is he struggling. you can read more about this from this post i found a few days ago.

so in a way, remus' contributions are not just Random LOL XD intrusive thoughts he feels thomas should experience. while there is no substance to his threats, i think what remus is trying to prove by using them is that thomas is extremely vulnerable and needs help.

another is, while the threats are empty, we have to acknowledge that the insecurities remus calls attention to are very much real. he does not make thomas' insecurities, just provokes them. another post i saw a few days ago mentions how remus is the beholder of forbidden knowledge. that's why remus is very in tune with not only the insecurities of thomas, but the insecurities of the other sides as well (i made a post talking about this!).

and well, remus isn't necessarily just abusing the fact that he knows what makes the others insecure. his importance, actually, is that he makes this "forbidden knowledge" come to light for others to acknowledge, whether they like it or not. that is remus' purpose, not as intrusive thoughts since i don't wanna give that shit any ounce of a compliment, but as his own side who cares for thomas in his own way. either that, or janus uses him as a tool to deploy his own scheme for thomas to acknowledge his mental health issues.

TLDR; WTIT proves thomas views logan as a convenient utility. another, while intrusive thoughts have no substance, in WTIT, remus specifically deploys them so thomas can acknolwedge his own insecurities about nico. it's harsh, but remus' purpose as a side is to shed light on topics that the sides would usually consider taboo, with taboos usually encompassing suppressed insecurities and concerns.

#sanders sides #sanders sides meta #remus sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #analysis

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chthonicgodling · 7 months

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okie dokie well as threatened over here, behold beneath the cut a quick - ok no. COMICALLY LARGE AND LONG summary of some choice events of Elysium!Loki’s past that had taken place not only long before his formal entrance into Elysium, but also long before [coughing fit] the events of uhhh 2012 - AND EVEN, ALSO, long before the events of [LONGER COUGHING FIT] 2011, if yyyaaaa knowwwww—

[tw I guess for. well a multitude of things but child death is a big one.,, also uh, regular murder, and. such.]** actually that’s all in part TWO?? yeah this ended up having to be TWO PARTS UHHHHHH—-

basically uwuwuwu the summary rundown of this entire post is that the ~*famous*~ stories of Norse mythy have very much taken place for Elysium!Loki, just like. all long beforehand!!

first! some additional background. we know that in the elysiumverse when Loki ended up down there fresh off his attempted world domination the agreement for him to be allowed to stay was if he was able to be rehabilitated and like. get fuckin therapy. no supervillains allowed;

we’ve done a similar sequence of events in Elysium a couple times, been calling it Dream Theater or Memory Theater where by recruiting the assistance of dream gods and sleep gods (Epi, Hypnos) and eventually some therapy gods (accessory background character Epione, literal therapist of Elysium, tho she wasn’t around in the beginning Loki era), the memories of events past can be “entered” and viewed like a movie, relived by an audience. okay yes the Loki show did a smaller scale version of this which is truly hilarious but we did it first in 2012 ahahh. Dream Theater is initiated if the owner of said memories finds it too difficult to talk about any of it and finds it easier to just Show™ (like Maci, flashbacking with Tory about Thanatos like 3 yes ago)….. or if the owner, again fresh off a streak of villainy, petulantly refuses to open his goddamn mouth about a single thing to try to fix himself and thus sends everyone forcibly spelunking (you know who. LOKI. AHHH).

this is maybe not the best of therapy methods. tbh. but it….. kinda worked I fuckin guess lmAO???? we love our dubious morality here in the palace!! Well anyway so collectively indeed, a decade ago Tory, Epi, and actually the Elysium!version of Thor too (plus some others?? idk some things have been retconned I think) did gather round to learn some interesting and horrifying things about Loki’s past prior to where he was then in that moment, via prying Loki’s memories open and just watching it all unfold! I’ve certainly discussed many of those events over the years but here is a cute compilation because my brain is in Loki mode lately and yknow what maybe some of you don’t know all this! BEHOLD-

firstly yyeahah that ye old actual m/cu fanon thing of “:(( aww thors friends hated Loki and always left him out and bullied him since childhood so of course he would snap” with no real textual evidence of that in the— okay whatever but that IS actually canon in Elysium lmao oops. per my Brand ™ this fits our trend of All Olympians Are Evil, samesies re the Aesir and Odin/frigga being actual assholes on purpose - so that’s first things first

(Worth mentioning I guess thor was oblivious to all of that and particularly how Loki FELT about all of it, as well as some events that will follow, until all these dream sessions)

next - sleipnir! all of loki’s kids very much exist in the Elysium!verse - although sleipnir is one of just two remaining who have NOT been freed in some capacity into Elysium by the modern day ;(( the story is basically mythologically accurate and idk, Loki as a late teen?? Just vanished off the face of the planet and then returned nine months later with a little spider foal. which Odin promptly was like…. Ok sick, free horse. confiscated! Cool dad very traumatizing!! sleipnir remains to this DAY imprisoned in odin’s stable, he IS fully sentient just. horse shaped. scream.

Loki’s choice rebellion to follow was flouncing off to hook up with random Jotunn giantess Angrboda whomst I have actually drawn one time somewhere in here - she was kindave a dick <3 but when Loki ended up pregnant he continued to secretly see her for his own ulterior motives (COLLECTING CHILDREN) - the three that angrboda sired were, in order; Hela, Fenris (Fen) and Jörmundgandr (Jör),,

Loki by that time had picked up the habit of just fuckin up and disappearing every time he ended up knocked up, traumatized by the loss of Sleipnir and hiding pregnancies/ the babies from his family who would prob whisk them away as well. yyyou might or should know the trio’s deal from Norse mythos?? hela, a regular little girl EXCEPT half of her body was deceased and decomposing away; Fen, giant wolf - Jör, giant sea serpent. they at least started small ;0; after Jör was born Angrboda was like holy shit can you stop with these fuckin KIDS what IS THIS and peaced out officially. Loki was fully hiding from the palace and kept and raised them “out of the eyes of” Odin and co.,, thor did eventually discover them and kept them secret too tho he was uh. alarmed and slightly grossed out but ok bet whatever Loki wanted to do he was supportive iggg

To keep up appearances once thor knew about the kids Loki would pop back up in Asgard again here and there just solely so no one else went out to look for him. also now since thor could babysit. lmao. around this time he met SIGYNNNN-

yes >:)) sigyn DOES exist in Elysium!! she has never made a real appearance in the elysiumverse other than in these flashbacks at the time. Sigyn was also a sorceress and befriended Loki when he caught her defending him to people being bitchy in the palace; he eventually snuck her out to his secret house and introduced her to the three kiddos whomst loved her <33 Hela was like seven or eight ish?? obv soon after Loki and Sigyn began hooking up and became a couple

aaand then around then Odin (who, knows everything, and of course had known about the three since. Day one.) Sent a notice of first warning to his son that the three Monsters were a direct threat to Asgard and needed to be peacefully surrendered for imprisonment or else be seized by force. bc that’s what great grandparents do 🙃 furious obv Loki went straight to Odin to plead his case and refuse to his face to give them up but that conversation went 💞badly💞

a second letter of warning was sent instead - Loki devoted all of his energy to convincing Odin that they were not a threat, recruiting thor to try and argue in his favor too. this also did not workkkk. a third letter - sent, shredded - as Loki began to plot a way to fully hide himself and the three forever IT WASSS TOO LATE and an ambush was orchestrated on their house~ the literal only thing that stopped Loki from slaughtering the guards sent to imprison them away was the looming threat of violence to the kids and to keep them physically safe Loki surrendered, though sigyn still had to hold him back. Hela was like 15 years oooldddd

So again, this is now Norse mythos, the fates of Loki’s children, literal children at that time - Hela was cast into isolation in Niflheim to become Queen of the Dead. she’s still there actually!! she’s the other one of Loki’s kids who have not moved into Elysium :(( Jör was thrown into Midgard where he resided in the oceans as an ouroboros circling the world; Fen was imprisoned in special chains in (god I don’t remember where and I don’t feel like looking it up) anyway. all scattered away. and taken--

for thefirst time literally ever i have RUN OUT OF SPACE IN A TUMBLR POST???? I MAXED MY CHARACTER LIMIT OUT?!!!!! this will be continued in a. Part two wtf!!

#A POST SO LONG THAT I MAXED OUT THMBLRS CHARACTER LIMIT???? did NOT KNOW IT EVEN HAD ONE #oc talk #YES I’m tagging this as ocs I. do not care. anyway teehee :/))#this is sssoooooo… aah!! Scream!!!!#filling up my own tags and….#ok.#eloki

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utilitycaster · 2 years

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I think my problem with FCG is that it feels less like a character and Sam wanting to just play a gimmick. I think he's kinda taking for granted that people are willing to wait 40 something sessions for the big emotional reveal but the problem is that at least last time he did that, Nott was engaging.

Yeah...watching the Colbert one-shot was a real reminder that early Nott was great. There was a twist, sure, but Nott/Veth always felt like a fully realized person, and had the reveal never happened, she still would have felt like a fully realized person. She developed a rapid rapport with Jester, she already had an existing strong relationship with Caleb, and she hit it off with Beau relatively early as well - even when she clashed with characters like Fjord that just made her more real.

I've talked with other people about it and the sense I have, and I'm not alone with this, is that FCG feels, pun unintended, hollow. Like, there's the shallow therapy attempts but that's it. Even their relationship with Ashton feels very surface level and more recent than it was - it's supposed to have been a few months but Nott and Caleb felt like a few months. Fearne and Orym feel like a few months. This feels like a few weeks at most. And it feels like FCG doesn't initiate anything. Like, Nott went out and disguised herself as a halfling to be normal, or tried to steal the letter for the Soltryce academy, or like...stole things in general, which led to scenes and development, and FCG just sometimes pops in during times when there's no chance to unpack something to try to do therapy and it never gets revisited.

If this effort was being made during downtime? I still wouldn't like it but at least he'd feel like a person, and some of the therapy moments would be still grating but at least feel a little more earned. Like, the Detect Thoughts moment would never have been great to me but if FCG had tried to get Imogen to open up a few times before, out of combat, when it was safe to do so, and she resisted, I'd be like "well, still a dick move but the groundwork has been laid". Or if FCG had a deity who was directing them to do these things I'd at least feel there was a hook. But honestly, with the reveal that Fearne also has a plot hook for Aeor? FCG just has absolutely nothing to offer even with a reveal. I mean, I don't want to say that I won't enjoy the post-reveal because I very well might, but there's truly nothing here for me in the meantime for them. I kind of want to know what happened to their companions but that's because Dancer, who has only been mentioned, feels like a more realized person than FCG. Also I want the party to fight a beholder or whatever because that's just fun.

Honestly I still really, really wonder if Sam wants to be playing this character. "Cleric" and "aeormaton" (and specifically "robot wondering about their own humanity or lack thereof") both have pretty heavy narrative history and requirements to do well and it's valid to not want to play them, it's just...then say that. You don't have to play them. For Nott, it felt like Sam was enjoying this character and happened to have a big twist to reveal, but for FCG I feel like Sam is sitting and waiting for the twist along with me.

#cr tag #ok to reblog i'm just not maintagging

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upagainstthesunset · 2 years

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Moving on to the next in my Flash Vol 2 readthrough with Issue 9 - The Chunk!

Okay so I know who Chunk is, and I’ve read a handful of issues that he’s in, but I’m excited to finally read his introduction. That’s what I get for reading stuff out of order, but what can I say, I’m impatient.

OH BLESS WALLY’S FINALLY GETTING THERAPY YES.

“I have feelings too you know” 🥺

Lol Wally calling the police clowns and then dipping before they can question him further.

Great so now his mom is staying at his huge mansion house, and so is Tina. And he’s calling Tina his old lady. Eyeroll lol. Tina looks great though. Gosh I like her so much, I really didn’t expect to.

Oh here’s the roast beef convo. A while back I had asked what foods Wally doesn’t like and was sent this scene. His mom’s so passive aggressive.

Ah there’s still trouble with him living in the community. They just really don’t want him there, do they. :/

OKAY SO I was just thinking earlier today about how Wally’s hair would look wet, and lo and behold here he is in the pool! Sadly the art isn’t that great. Maybe I’ll try to draw it later. (Also the next set of panels made me laugh)

Lol okay so first off, what are the chances that some random kid the psychiatrist heard about once is the same person stealing diamonds and gold? Guess I’ll have to suspend my disbelief on that one. But second off, wHY IS THE DOC ON ABOUT HIS SHOES? Ha ha ha.

Well sounds like they found some background info on Chunk. Meanwhile Tina wants everyone to go to therapy (she’s right and she should say it).

Uh oh, have fun in the void Wally.

Final thoughts:

I didn’t take as many screenshots of this one as the others, but I think it’s because I was more interested in what was going on. I really like that once Wally knows more about Chunk, he tries to reason with him. He was genuinely impressed at his accomplishments as a scientist, and he tries to understand him rather than just mowing him down. On the other hand, Chunk’s got some real weird stuff going on, but on top of whatever happened with the transmitter inside him, he seems real stuck on smooth, popular people. Bad history I guess. Anyway, looks like I’ll have to wait for the next one to really find out what’s going on!

#katereadscomics #wally west #the flash #flash vol 2

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the-weerdo · 1 year

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DBT in Action: Opposite Action Skill

Hi, I'm a therapist who mainly practices DBT and ACT based therapy, and I use DBT skills myself (along with individual therapy) to continue my recovery from complex PTSD, among other things. Sometimes, I have really skillful moments that I am very proud of and I think they would be good examples for others who may be wondering, "I've heard of that skill, but what does it actually look like to use it in real life?". So I am going to experiment with documenting those moments in a series I'll call "DBT in Action."

The DBT Opposite Action skill falls under the Emotion Regulation skills umbrella. It is meant to be used when our emotions are urging us to behave in ways that: 1) don't fit the facts of the present moment (either the emotion itself, or its intensity or duration), or 2) DO fit the facts, but aren't effective to act on in the moment.

The basic idea is that you act ALL THE WAY opposite to what your emotion is telling you to do. If it's urging you to hide, you approach; if it's urging you to apologize, you stand your ground, etc.

In the example I am about to share, the emotion I had was SHAME.

For those of you who grew up constantly shamed and criticized for your audacity to have a body that was not perfectly under control at all times, you may relate. These types of experiences growing up, combined with past experiences of gynecologists that were quite insensitive and made me feel even more ashamed of my body, make it nerve-wracking for me to get OB/GYN care. I also have moved around so it was not possible for me to have a consistent gynecologist I could build trust with.

It had been 5 years since I last got checked, and I finally got myself to schedule an exam and pap smear with someone new yesterday. I'd been feeling nervous that it would be another bad experience, and THEN, I woke up to starting my period the morning of the appointment. I didn't know what to do--should I cancel? could they even do an exam while I was on my period? could i tolerate the idea of getting this exam while actively bleeding on the provider?

Opposite Action #1: I had the urge to cancel, but it felt so important for me to make the appointment, that I told myself I was going to show up, even if they turned me away and couldn't do the exam. I decided it was not effective to let my shame keep me from following through on the appointment.

So I showed up, checked in, went to the room with the nurse. Then came the big opposite action moment--

Opposite Action #2: Even though I felt ashamed and embarrassed and self-conscious about the whole exam process and the fact that I was bleeding, I acted ALL THE WAY opposite. I talked to the nurse and gynecologist about my situation (and other shame-inducing medical concerns) directly, at the start, in a very matter-of-fact, no-big-deal tone of voice...

...And wouldn't you know it--my provider was FANTASTIC.

Me: "I started my period today, is that still okay for the exam?"

Her: "Oh yeah, the technology is way better now than it used to be. They mostly run it by DNA now."

Me: "I have a menstrual cup in. Should I go take that out before I undress?"

Her: "Yes, please do. Here's the bathroom. Do you need a bag for it? You can sit right here when you are done, it's fine if you're bleeding."

Me: "I wanted to keep my period underwear on until it was time for the exam."

Her: "No problem, we'll just turn around while you take them off. Let us know when you are ready."

She put me entirely at ease, and lo and behold, she ALSO treated it as the matter-of-fact, no big deal situation that it was! She didn't make any comments about my bleeding during the exam, and I don't know if this was intentional, but any swabs or devices that had blood on them were taken away before I could even see them. It was just a totally respectful, comfortable experience--and my mind got to learn a good lesson! That my shame DID NOT fit the facts! And I had a better experience because of my skillfulness.

#dbt #opposite action #emotion regulation #obgyn #shame #cptsd #body issues #menstruation #pelvic exam

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notharlow · 2 years

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hey everyone! i was planning on releasing a chapter every week, but i lost track of the days, so here’s the next chapter two days late.

i’m glad that i get to write for an audience no matter how small. i would love any criticism or any comments in general about whatever you’d like to say! i’m decently confident in my writing ability, but hearing it from others makes me feel even better!

now, i’d like to present you chapter two of “Purple Eyes”!

Chapter Two: A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

Grace gazed at the girl in complete awe. Her heart plummeted down into her stomach, and her breathing sped up to the point of her hardly taking in any air with each breath. The man behind her placed a hand on the middle of her back and began to speak.

“Grace, it’s okay,” he said with a soothing, smooth voice. He looked up at her face frozen in a perpetual state of disbelief magnified by the so wholly unreal look of those brilliant white wings holding rows and rows of feathers so perfectly aligned and kept in perfect shape.

“Grace, I understand that you’re shocked, but you need to breathe,” he so calmly stated as he gazed up at the majesty that was Grace’s ethereal purple eyes. She looked down at him with a gaze unlike any other in the entire world. Her eyes seemed to almost glow with her gaze. It was an inescapable glow, a glow so powerful that human eyes could not behold it for more than a moment's glance. The man promptly shut his eyes and wrapped his arms around her stomach while she was still crouched down in the doorway. Her breathing slowed, and tears soon began running down her cheeks and hitting the floor. She slowly wrapped her much larger arms around him and lightly squeezed.

“Papa, am I dreaming?” she quietly whispered to him.

“No, you’re not dreaming. This is as real as it could ever be,” he whispered back to her while they held each other in a passionate embrace.

The tears continued to flow and flow down her cheeks until she wiped them away and actually stepped inside of her room. Inside of this room, she could fully stand up with her impressive height. She walked up to the side of the bed that the sleeping girl was lying on and sat down on her knees. She passionately examined every detail of the girl from her scarred feet to her scraped knees. The girl wore black shorts too, but she had a t-shirt on that was ripped violently in half, exposing her extremely vacant stomach. Her arms and legs were small and delicate with no sign of muscle, and her hair was very thin. A portion of her hair seemed to have fallen out over a period of several years. Her lips were dry and cracked, and her left cheek had a large scar that ran from her cheekbone to her jaw. On both of her arms, she had badly scarred wrists; the skin around both her wrists were contorted and permanently mangled.

Yet, with all of her other strange and mysterious features, the one that drew Grace’s attention the most was the dirty white cloth tied around the girl’s eyes like a blindfold. Grace reached her hand out and nearly touched the cloth before her papa began to speak.

“After you left for therapy today, someone buzzed the front gate, and I went to check it out. I found this girl leant up against the gate. She looked like she was passed out, so I brought her inside and laid her down,” he said with an elated expression. He looked down at Grace as she stared intently at the girl. The girl never once looked away, even with the full glow of Grace’s gaze.

“I wonder how you do it papa,” she said with a wide grin on her face, “I wonder how you’ve become the magnet for so many winged girls.”

He chuckled and put a hand behind his head.

“I wonder too. Should I be worried?” he questioned jokingly. He nervously chuckled for a moment and then gazed back upon the sad sight of the girl before him.

“What with this thing around her face?” Grace asked while pointing to the dirty white cloth.

“I believe she may be blind,” he said, “and that cloth is meant to cover up an injury to the eyes. That’s my guess though. I’m sure you can ask her when she wakes up.” Grace nodded while her eyes stayed glued to the mysterious girl lying in front of her.

The mysterious girl began to thrash violently in her sleep. She muttered the word “no,” and then she said “stop, please” with a pleading voice and tears soaking the cloth around her eyes. In her tossing and turning, she managed to roll right off of the bed. Grace quickly caught her before she was able to impact with the ground, and the sudden touch frightened the girl awake. She jumped at the feeling of Grace’s hands on her body and instinctively threw a punch that landed right in the center of Grace’s abs. Grace accidentally dropped the girl as she reeled from being punched so hard. She put her hands over her stomach and crouched over while groaning in pain.

“W-what? Who are you?! Where am I?!” the girl shouted as she swiftly sprang to her feet.

“Why’d you…hit me,” she said with a breathy voice as she clenched her abs even more. Her wings came out and curved around to the front of her to act as a shield. A gust of wind caused by the wings moving hit the shorter girl in the face, and she immediately reached out and felt the wings with both of her hands.

“Grace! Are you okay?” her papa worriedly said as he put his hand on her back and crouched under her right wing in order to see her face.

The girl suddenly pulled her hands away in the blink of an eye, then she staggered backwards and fell back onto the bed. She sat up and plopped down onto the ground on her feet. She took meticulous care to make very slow and precise steps around Grace and her papa. Each of her footsteps were almost mute with how light each of them were and with how little she weighed.

“Hey, what’s your name?” Grace struggled to call out to the shorter girl who had nearly gotten to the door of her room by now.

“This isn’t funny! Go to hell!” she indignantly let out a nearly ear-piercing scream. She rushed forward and attacked Grace with a punch that shook the entire mansion with its impact. Photos came off walks, furniture was knocked down, and everyone in the mansion had fallen down. The only one left standing was the winged girl with her fist planted inside Grace’s palm. Grace stared up at the girl with a solemn expression.

“Why are you like this? We don’t have to fight. I’m not here to hurt you,” she said with her deep, yet tranquil, relaxing voice. “I’m Grace, and this is my Papa.” Grace grabbed his hand and helped him back up as the mysterious girl backed away with a bewhildered countenance. “And as for where you are, you’re in the United States of America. I don’t know where you come from, but we both have wings, so I probably came from wherever you came from. We can help each other find out, if you want to,” Grace said with a hopeful smile printed upon her face. She looked up at the girl and held out her hand.

“Of course,” the girl said as she reached out and took Grace’s hand “I will help you. In the meantime, please show me around this strange new place.” Her mood had seemingly changed in such a short amount of time that it nearly floored Grace’s papa, but Grace didn’t seem to notice any issue.

The taller girl’s papa stood up and glanced at the shorter girl for a moment. She was about the same height as him, but she looked so much more intimidating.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like! Just, please, go easy on the house!” he said with a hearty chuckle. “Before any of that though, what is your name miss?” She paused or maybe froze for a moment before answering.

“My name is Genesis. Thank you for allowing me into your home,” she said elegantly and did a one-handed curtsy. “Now, please, show me around your property. I’d love to pick a fresh tomato if you happen to have a garden.”

“Yeah, we have one! I’d love to show you!” Grace ecstatically exclaimed as she held the girl’s hand tight and rushed out the door.

“Here we are!” Grace said as she led Genesis through the rows of tomatoes, onions, and squash. Genesis bent down and picked out a tomato, and as she stood up, she took a bite out of it. She took another bite out of it and then other, and soon enough, she had finished the whole tomato within seconds. She then raised her hand up higher and yanked on the end of one of Grace’s braids hard enough to pull her down and be face to face. She pulled Grace’s head to where her mouth was almost up against the much taller girl’s ear.

“Ow, why are you!” Grace tried to say, but a rude interruption from Genesis stopped her words right in their tracks.

“Level with me; you’re not that crazy, right? Whats your real name? There’s no reason for this idiotic act. And where are we? Tell me the real answer this time,” she whispered softly into Grace’s ear with a seductive voice. Grace got hot and her face turned red for a moment.

“W-what? Hey, let go of me! Grace is my real name!” she said as she tried to push the girl away, but the girl grabbed her by the chin and pulled her back.

“Give it up you dolt! I’ve had enough of this ridiculous game! You’re no human, so stop playing pretend! Gardening, calling that fool ‘papa,’ taking on the name ‘Grace.’ You can’t be serious!” she shouted so indignantly in the face of Grace.

Grace winded up her fist and socked Genesis right in the cheek. Genesis stumbled backwards and fell flat on her ass. She ran her fingers across her lips and gathered some blood in her fingertips before she sprung back to her feet and lunged at Grace all in one motion. Grace sidestepped the obviously-telegraphed attack and swept Genesis’ legs out from under her in an instant. Grace sat on top of the girl’s stomach and pulled back her fist in preparation for another punch, but both she and Genesis quickly looked behind when a woman’s voice could be heard.

“Is this what you usually do in your free time?” a short woman remarked while looking upon the sight of the two girls at each other’s necks.

#literature #writing #lgbtwriter #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq representation #lgbtqplus #wlw books #female writers #fantasy

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balyena-lu · 4 months

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Trade for yanderechips [TH]

Apple fiddled the edges of her red sweater, her constant fiddling with it caused the ends to look worn. She looked around the cafe, enjoying the quiet atmosphere and the general lack of people in it. She looked at her barely sipped frappe, the condensation on the glass slowly sliding down it’s side.

She discovered this cafe because Erin told her about it while they were looking for cafe’s that served good (and cheap) coffee. Now she’s here because Vontanious asked her out. Well, she wasn’t sure if it was him per se, but she got asked via a text message from who she assumed was him. The text message was similar to how he would speak in real life when they interacted. Maybe it was wishful thinking that his socially awkward gestures meant that he liked her.

Maybe it was the chemicals in her brain telling her that to make her feel better. Regardless, she decided to put on a brave face and accept the offer of a not a date-date with who she hoped was him and not a creepy person she didn’t know.

The sound of the cafe’s doorbell and the cheery welcome by the staff indicated a new person on who just entered the cafe. Apple whirled her head around towards the sound and lo-and-behold it was him.

Unconsciously, Apple let out a sigh of relief. Her mind glad that it wasn’t a stranger and her cheeks flushed as red as the fruit she was named as when she realized that she was happy. ‘This can’t be me right?’ She was flustered that she became happy at the thought of Vontanious, her enemy not being a total asshole and standing her up.

Deciding to see what her nemesis would do, she waited.

And waited.

Annoyed, Apple looked back again to where he was and just stared at him. He had his arms hidden by a long sleeve gray sweater. ‘How come I didn’t notice him hiding his tentacle-arms?’ She pondered. Deciding that he wasn’t going to come to her, she decided to go to him. Her brain rationalizing it as taking pity on the guy who clearly was standing around waiting for her.

As her mind came to that conclusion, she blushed again. ‘Really? That was enough to make her blush’ She inwardly screeched, irritated that by merely being in his presence she began to act like a teenager with her first-ever crush.

She stood up, slowly but with purpose approached him. “Hey Vonny?” Inwardly Apple cringed, ‘Why did I call him Vonny?’ But whether he thought it weird she called him using a nickname, she couldn’t quite gleam it from his face. “Hello Apple.” He said warmly, a pinkish hue on his cheeks. “I apologize if I made you wait for too quite a while. I had an issue with my… projects.”

Apple shook her head, she told him that it was fine, she didn’t wait long. ‘Liar.’

“Why don’t we sit down? I got a seat and it’s kind of awkward to just stand here right?” He shuffled his feet, looking down and nodded in agreement. Apple noted that he still kept his hidden tentacle hands to the sides, not moving or using it for anything at all really.

He took a seat across from her, the atmosphere was a bit tense as none of them were talking. She could hear some people whispering but she wasn’t really sure as to what they were saying.

“So, um… how was your day?” He tentatively asked. It was unlike Vontanious to feel small in presence. She was used to him gesticulating how powerful his inventions are or how his plans were infallible. (Hint: They were not.) To see him this withdrawn was strange and unnerving.

“I’m fine, my therapy has been going great, Bitin tells me that she’s happy for me but I know she worries and sometimes I feel like I’m not doing the best I can for her.” She didn’t mean for those words to spill but they did and she couldn’t take it back.

As though moved by her bitter words, Vontanious slowly reached out, his long sleeves revealing a hint of his green tentacles. With an uncharacteristically soft smile, he replied.

“It’s hard to feel secure in life when you don’t feel secure in your own body.” A flash of regret, bitterness, and hate entered Vontanious eyes as he spoke, a quick glance towards his own hands. Apple would have missed it if it wasn’t for the fact that she was looking at him.

It occurred to Apple then that maybe, perhaps Vontanious was just as lonely as she was in life. Maybe this was a chance to find a friend in him, her supposed enemy?

“You know.” She mused, gathering the attention of Vontanious, who got snapped out of his inner thoughts. “You’re quite adorable when you smile Vonny, you should do that more often. I like seeing it.”

At her unexpectedly bold comment, Vontanious flushed a deep red, let go of her hand. He raised both of his hands towards his face, muttering.

“Apple, you’re a devious darling when you want to be, aren’t you?”

As she laughed the atmosphere became a little lighter, their topics straying towards more light-hearted and oftentimes funny conversations. As Apple and Vontanious talked, she came to a quiet understanding that even villains can fall in love too.

#trade writing

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moonlit-borderline · 6 months

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Hydra of a Person… A journey to Peer Support and acceptance

In the shadowed depths of my mind’s abode, A labyrinth of masks, a journey to unfold. I hide my true self, enigmatic and complex, BPD’s tempests a riddle, a profound text.

These masks protect but isolate in their shroud, Veils that conceal emotions held in a void unseen. Connection fragmented, locked in stony guise, A fractured self, buried beneath their lies.

In youth, a guardian’s role I’d bear, Shielding my sibling from life’s despair. Teaching him to hide, a necessity to survive, Guarding secrets and pains, as masks I’d contrive.

A therapist’s guise to aid my mother’s plight, A child playing the role, darkness turned to light. She deemed my life too sweet for wounds to carve, Parenting my parents, my inner world’s starving.

In solitude, the mask of emptiness I’d wear, A sanctuary for gender turmoil’s despair. Self-inflicted pain, a way to express the void, To fill the emptiness, my soul employed.

The stoner’s mask, an unwanted brand, A smoky haze, isolation’s demand. Stereotypes clung, my identity overthrown, Lost in the fog, seeking a truth of my own.

The cutter’s mask hidden in the night, A secret pain concealed from the light. A reflection of my soul, concealed by fear, Locked emotions, a veil of despair near.

The loving husband’s mask nearly broke my soul, A role imposed, exacting a heavy toll. Suffocated by expectations, my truth concealed, A cycle of pain, my real self kept concealed.

In the chaos of life, I stay occupied, thoughts repressed, Muzzling my voice, leaving emotions unexpressed. Reluctant to seek help, fearing to burden others’ days, Yet cruel to myself, in this silent, lonely maze.

Chasing an elusive golden goal through endless nights, In therapy, untruths, my genuine self takes flight. Fear starts to consume, my reflection a haunting dread, I’m becoming frightened of the thoughts in my head.

Past 3 a.m., as the world sleeps so sound, In bed, I’m haunted by thoughts profound. I claw at my skin, gripped by fear’s might, My reflection, a source of terror, haunts my night.

I yearn not to exist, to remain unseen, Fading and jaded, lost in a world so keen. Weighty words, like chains, confine me in my cell, Is it time to become someone else, my soul to quell?

Erasing, replacing, an internal longing grows, Seeking solace in the shadows where my emotion flows. In this dark moment, I seek a brand new start, Yearning to heal wounds, mend a broken heart.

The loving husband’s mask shattered, unveiling a hidden truth, Embracing my trans identity, the unveiling of my youth. Trans-femme emerged, a genuine identity bold, A step in self-discovery, my true self to behold.

Trans-femme (one mask), Stoner (a second face in life’s complex task), Trans-parent (the third mask, a daunting act), Three masks I wear, in this intricate masquerade’s act.

As life unfolds, these masks grow small and frail, They don’t define me, mere chapters of life’s grand tale. Stepping into a new role, as a peer supporter, I sail, The question persists, “Who am I beyond this veil?”

Guided by the Moon’s tender light, a Moonbeam’s grace, It reveals the many facets within, a dance in the darkness, an embrace. The Hydra of a person, I am she, she is I, I embrace with grace and finesse, BPD’s intricate layers, in the Moon’s glow, I confess.

Shall I be defined by my diagnosis, my fears, A chronic people-pleaser, hiding my inner tears? Perhaps I am all these masks, all diagnoses sincere, In the quest of self-discovery, I persevere.

I’m here to show others, the path of self, it may be slow, You can discover your true self, and let your true colors flow. Perfection’s not required, it’s okay not to know, In self-awareness and growth, your inner light will glow.

Keep learning, even when knowledge brings pain and fright, To know yourself is a treasure, worth the endless night, To understand your place in the world, to set things right, That’s the journey of self-discovery, a life’s guiding light.

#lesbian #transgender #elder emo #queer #Hydra #Moon #BPD #bpd poetry

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sarah-dipitous · 7 months

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 256

Alpha and Omega

Because I forgot to download today’s spn episode and because it’s Destiel’s 15th anniversary (of when they met), we’re just doing one episode today…and definitely not because I want to start the One Piece anime……….

“Alpha and Omega”

Plot Description: the team scrambles to form a plan that can stop Amara and preserve the universe, but one of them will have to make a big sacrifice

“Carry On Wayward Son” gets neglected again…fine. I’ll do it myself *opens Spotify*

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: no one died

Ok but why would Cas know where Lucifer went after Amara ripped him out? I didn’t know where my teeth went when I had to get a couple pulled as a kid. Frankly, I didn’t even know they’d been pulled, I thought the dentist had to go get bigger pliers

I have zero sympathy for god…..

Now might not be the time to ponder on canine eating schedules, but at least “I didn’t know dogs had breakfast” is the most solid proof that Castiel is in fact back

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be seeing in the sky there. It looks DIFFERENT, sure but I’ve literally seen worse. This year.

I swear if Cas never gets to confront god himself I’ll be so fucking mad

“If you got something for me to punch, shoot, or kill, lemme know, and I’ll do it. I’ll do it til I die, but how are we supposed to fix the friggin’ sun?” They really wanted me to take that line seriously and not laugh

Why are we in London all of a sudden?? Who is she?? And why is she after Sam and Dean??

Rowena and Chuck talking about parenting is a much needed moment of levity, especially paired with Crowley being thankful the world is ending, hearing about himself at one year old

I’m just confused what Sam wants them to ACTUALLY do. “Anything” is not a real counter

Where ARE Dean and Cas going?? Beer run? Joy ride?

Behold, the face of a man whose crush just told him “you’re our best friend” and “you’re our brother.”

What an interesting solution. And honestly, I should have seen it coming. You can’t have just either darkness or light. Both have to be in existence equally….but what if equally….meant none at all?

Rowena’s eye makeup is fucking gorgeous, but omg did she really just say “if you get me enough souls, I can build a bomb”??? I am equal parts “this is a ridiculous line” and “LET. HER. COOK!”

I can’t believe we’re gonna try to vacuum some ghosts out of an old mental hospital to get some souls

Oh I bet the person…….I was wrong. Omg. The Reaper that wants Sam and Dean dead. All she DOES is collect souls!

If this pigeon feeding old lady convinces Amara to not destroy all of existence, I’ll scream

I’m…unwell at the thought of Dean being the bomb. They’re gonna shove hundreds of thousands of souls into him……and half of what I’m thinking about is when Castiel took all the souls out of purgatory and the parallels and how they’ll be the only two with that kind of experience. The other half is don’t let Dean sacrifice himself!! Billie’s gonna take him to the Empty and he’s not the only one with a PERSONAL CONNECTION TO AMARA. Chuck is literally right there

One day, I’ll figure out how to put eyeshadow or more liner under my eye without it looking bad. I want to make this look work. It’s stunning

Oh are we getting the London lady again? For like ten seconds……

Take those souls out of Dean and do it yourself, you fucking coward

“I could go with you” CASSSSSSSSSSSS

Watching Dean say goodbye to Sam is so hard. After all the times they’ve fought tooth and nail to keep the other from dying…to have this air of acceptance because it’s for the sake of all existence

Why are all these family therapy sessions led by one or more Winchesters working so well??

Guess the sun’s back…so what does Dean do with all those souls now?

The way Cas’s first thought upon seeing the sun back was about Dean

So Amara heals Chuck, Chuck takes the souls out of Dean, and then Chuck leaves again

One, I can’t believe that lady just shot Sam, Two, I can’t believe Amara and Chuck just left Dean stranded……EXCUSE ME?!?! What I really am having trouble grasping is MARY’S BACK?!!

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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