#been thinking about hopping on this meme trend with them for so long
Note
YOOOO MODDLEE
yeah I did it again.
(Help I have a problem of disappearing into thin air)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PART THREE OF CUT CHAOS SHEBSJNSUH
you said you would write 500 chapters.. but like obviously exaggerating..? (Kiddinggg)
tho a few more couldn’t hurt..
juuuust saying if you ever feel like it I will eventually see it and it will eventually make my week. <3333
BUT THATS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE! (I’m sorry my requests are always so long and dramatic bro I just brain like that)
Actual request:
ok so like I knowww cut chaos started from rumours but like rumours are an easy way to start plot lines k? (Also I use she pronouns out of habit but they is pog too)
the friends in question: Tommyinnit (duh), Wilbur (moosic boi), Ranboo (generation loss trauma guy), Possibly Slimecicle?? I know he’s not someone you do requests for normally buttt if you’re okay with it that would be POG, or if slime is a no, tubbo!
SO a few months ago Y/N started working on an SMP with some minimal custom mods, some fancy texture packs, maybe some data packs, and its like this BIGGG project, BUT its not public and its taking a lot of her time, so she can only really do a few streams and most of the time because her schedule is so full its hard to work out streams with friends so, she is alone.
with the internet being the internet people started to think something was up, some annoyed viewers made a few rumours and people kept making things up and escalating things until people were saying she did all sorts of horrible things to “lose all her friends” but one of the most popular theories was that she was emotionally abusing them (??? Internet wildin ig) she ignored them while mostly finishing the stuff for the smp, but decided to address it in a very- y/n way. Getting four friends to come to her house and hide slightly off camera while she made a purposefully bad apology video only for them to jump out at the end and her to stand up and be like “YALL REALLY THOUGHT I WAS SOME MASTER MANIPULATOR?! I’M JUST A FUNKY LITTLE CHAOTIC MINECRAFT GOBLIN N’ I’VE BEEN WORKING ON AN SMP THIS WHOLE TIME!! ITS GONNA BE SUPER COOL AND THESE FOUR PLUS ALOOOOT MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE THERE I’M POSTING THE CREATORS SOON AND ITS LAUNCHING IN A MONTH!, SO STOP ASSUMING I’M A BAD PERSON AND GET PUMPED BITCHES!” something along those lines, maybe at the end a little peek at what people are responding with. (Obviously no pressure, but like id be cool) (thanks for considering deity of the busses and models.)
HOW WE LIKING THE SILLIES?!?
P.S I’m not always an angst gremlin (just most of the time..) - ✨🌌🌙 Annon
I DO BE LIKING THE SILLIES (and thank you for elevating me to the level of deity, my ego has been inflated)
Pairing: Cc! Wilbur, Tommy, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle x Gn!Reader (platonic)
Roaring Rumors
Life was all about sacrifices.
Or, that’s what you keep telling yourself when you’re up at 1AM working on your server. Putting together an SMP is harder than it sounds; texture packs, data packs, comparability, world-building, even the (seemingly) simply act of contacting people to play on it. For the amount of time you spent on your computer, your hands might as well be part of your keyboard.
Sleep wasn’t the only thing you sacrificed. Streaming, even just fun ones with your friends, had quickly became rare. Although you loved to hop on a call while coding still, your online presence had severely receded.
You just keep telling yourself that sacrifices are necessary. That the payoff would be worth it.
And it really would be, but you just had to get there first. Which was proving harder than you had thought.
At the very least, you still had your friends. Wilbur sitting silently on call with you while you work, Tommy dragging you out of your room, Ranboo always willing to get excited over your progress. Every day you woke up with a text from your groupchat—typically Charlie—just filling you in on the latest internet trend by a meme.
Today, your news comes from Wilbur and Tommy.
“I think they’re canceling you.” Wilbur says casually while you’re in the midst of detailing the hunger bar for a texture pack.
“Ooh, you’re a wrong’un!” Tommy yells in the background of Wilbur’s side of the call.
The three of you had been idly chatting while each doing your own thing. Wilbur and Tommy were engaged in some Twitter competition, as far as you know.
“Canceling me for what?” You ask, deciding to ignore Tommy’s shouting.
“Existing, I think.” Wilbur answers.
“So the normal.”
“The normal.”
Although the conversation stops there, you can’t help yourself. Later, during one of the few hours you dedicate to getting sleep to stay alive, you pull open Twitter on your phone. Your last tweet was nearly two weeks ago, so it’s been a minute.
But you just want to make sure nothing horrible happened while you were busy. You’re a content creator, this is normal. Definitely. You definitely aren’t just justifying this so you can do it.
You swipe through tweets, heading to trending and searching your name. Tweets load, making your mouth run dry. Wilbur wasn’t joking.
All you can do is scroll, reading as the messages get wilder and wilder. From people saying they were missing you to theories on why nobody was streaming you. Each one seemed considerably more implausible, and before you know it you’re glaring at your screen like it’s to fault.
Some thought you had grown apart.
Some thought you had a falling out.
And, apparently, a lot thought you were emotionally abusing them. Or, depending on the tweet, manipulating them.
Quite honestly, you didn’t even know how they got the idea. The long threads of explanations did nothing but send you into a spiral, biting your bottom lip so hard that it bleeds.
You were so close to finishing the SMP. It needed just a few things, then you'd be able to start scheduling to get it up and running. You didn't have the time nor mental capacity to deal with whatever the fuck is going on right now.
Is it a good choice? Maybe not. But do you still ignore the accusations? Hell yes.
-
By the time you get even closer to finishing the preparations for your SMP, you've come up with the perfect plan to address the (quite stupid) rumors. It'll be a two-in-one; you address the rumors and announce the SMP at the same time.
"How long do I have to lay on this floor?" Tommy asks, stretched out behind your chair.
"Nobody asked you to lay on the floor." Wilbur points out, standing next to your computer. Charlie, on the other side, laughs.
"Yeah man, you wanted to be down there."
"Besides, I'm doing great down here!" Ranboo chimes in.
You roll your eyes, grinning. "I'm about to start stream, so it won't be for much longer. Just wait for my cue, yeah?"
Tommy grumbles, but shuts up. You take that as your chance to start the stream, switching it off your waiting screen and waving to the camera. Your chosen stream title has brought in a bit more than your usual casual steam view number, "Talking about some serious stuff," leading people to believe there will be drama. And if it's drama they want, it's drama you'll give.
"Hello, hello!" You smile, leaning back. "So I've decided to talk about some things. Namely, the Twitter shit. I am so sorry for everything, and I mean that. A lot. Sincerely. There's meaning in it."
Tommy snorts, and from the corner of your eye you catch Wilbur kick him to shut him up.
"What am I sorry about?" You ask rhetorically, acting like you read it off of chat. "Oh, you know. People have been saying all types of stuff. The things about me manipulating my friends?" There's a pause while you let that sink in. "So, I'm sorry."
It's a purposefully shitty apology, but you sigh and act like its heartfelt for a few moments, nodding towards chat. Their messages are mostly confused, especially because it isn't one emote-only.
"Sorry you guys are so gullible!" You shout, and Tommy practically tackles you.
Wilbur's the one to fix your chair, Ranboo and Charlie appearing next to you within moments.
"You guys really thought this one could manipulate me? The master?" Charlie asks the stream, pointing at you.
"Yeah!" Tommy shouts, way too energetic for someone who complained five minutes ago about being on the floor. "We're the master manipulators! Get fooled!"
"I, for one, haven't manipulated anyone-" Ranboo starts, but Tommy slaps a hand over his mouth and nods empathetically.
"Yeah, I don't know what you guys were thinking, but I've just been playing fucking Minecraft for the past few months nonstop." You laugh.
"Nonstop. It's a problem." Wilbur nods.
"It is not a problem!" Pause. "Anyways, I made an SMP! And that's where I've been! Not because I've been manipulating my friends or some shit, stop being dumbasses."
"It'll be super cool!" Ranboo adds in helpfully.
"These four-"
"That's us!" Charlie points around at himself, Wilbur, Tommy, and Ranboo.
"-will be on it, plus a lot more. It'll be posting those people soon! As in, check your Twitter obsessively guys! The SMP will be in about a month, too, so get fucking excited! I want to see some hype!"
"WOO!" Tommy screams, making everyone cringe at having their eardrums ruptured.
"So that's all I wanted to talk about I think. Anything to add, guys?" You glance around at the four surrounding you with a grin.
"One thing." Charlie nods, leaning in really close. "I have a secret. This SMP, it's actually-" He hits your end stream button mid-sentence. "And that's how you keep 'em interested."
-
Ycgmaenthusist
NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP
Mammalianeighingreflecenthusiest
We are dumb as fuck aren’t we
Poabsenthusiest
i will RIOT IN THE STREETS if any of yall be mean to MY STREAMER
-> Cmwylenthusist
FR I GOT TWO FISTS AND A CAUSE
#dsmp#mcyt#mcyt imagine#tommyinnit x reader#tommyinnit x you#wilbur soot x reader#tommyinnit#wilbur soot x you#wilbur soot#ranboo x reader#ranboo imagine#ranboo mcyt#ranboo#ranboolive#charlie slimecicle#charlie slimesicle x reader
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Stitchy, How Do I Get Back into The Muppets?
Muppet memes are everywhere. They trend every time Brett Goldstein gets his hands on a microphone, or a British politician puts their foot in their mouth. Let the Muppets host the Oscars! Miss Piggy dumps Pete Davidson! Knives Out III! But, reader... it’s been a long time since you last hopped over to sip Lipton’s on Kermit’s lily pad, hasn’t it? And you kind of miss it.
I’m imagining you, dear reader. Not in a weird way or anything... I’m just being transparent about who I intend my audience to be, because I have Twitter poisoning. You know how it is, you rascal, you. I know, because I’m imagining you into existence! Let’s just go with it! Yeah, so- I bet you’re thirty something, low forties. You say ‘No worries!’ a lot, but you sure do have worries. How can you not? You’re way too online, but you hope to the Great Gazoo you’re pulling it off, looking merely casually plugged in, in public. You maybe don’t have kids, who've forced you to plumb the depths of Disney +, but you do have it, because you’re not immune to Baby Yoda and the bionic biceps of a one Bucky Barnes. Aside from that fatuous affair, you’re also in a ever evolving polycule with at least three streaming services, but they still aren’t *quite* delivering what you need from the relationship. You kind of miss being restricted to whatever 6 VHS tapes were in the TV hutch of your childhood home. If you’re too young for VHS, you at least remember having to mail actual disks back and forth with Netflix. You remember that once, practical effects were the only effects. You have taste! And curiosity! And heart! You tear up when you think about Mr. Rogers for too long, which is very sexy of you. Most importantly, dear reader, you appreciate a bit of cornball. You like a lil goof. A cheeky lil pun. A gag so cheap, the shopkeeper is looking the other way as you pocket it, secretly stoked to get it off the damn shelf already... Nobody’s looking, ya know. It’s okay to admit it! You like hokey jokes. In fact, you're spiritually wearing boxers with hearts on them right now, just in case. Not that I’m imagining you in your spiritual underwear.
Did I make it weird?
Shh, shh, it’s fine. I’m Stitchy, by the way! I am alllllll of these things too- it’s fine! Well, I’m not super into Bucky, if we’re being honest- which we are! Because we’re friends now! And you know, friends can ask each other embarrassing questions. Your question is the headline of this, so I won’t beat around the bush anymore. I’m gonna do you a solid. I’m gonna tell you.... How to get back into the Muppets.
Hey, wait! You sneak! You! That guy peeking over the shoulder of the reader I was just talking to. You’ve never seen any Muppets on purpose at all, and you’re hoping I can set you up, too? Ha! I knew it… Yeah, that’s okay. You can follow this list. I won’t rat you out, as long as you don’t tell Rizzo I said ‘rat’ in that context.
Muppet Immersion PART 1: The New Shit.
You’ve already seen the stuff that came down the pipeline in the 90’s. You Mnah Mnah’ed your butt off in your tender youth, and nowadays you still get a little confused when there’s only one Marley in non-Muppet Christmas Carols. You vaguely know that the good people at Henson Co. made post-Y2K projects, but you haven’t checked them out, because you had important, more grown up things to worry about, like curating your MySpace top eight. Then time got away from you. That’s okay, bud- because I’ve been on my muppetfrickin’ grind.
(One note: not all Muppet Materials are made with our age group in mind, and that’s okay! I’m sure Muppet Babies 2.0 has its moments, but we’re only looking at the slightly more mature pieces.)
1. The Muppets, 2011 (watch on Disney +)
They struck gold when tapping lifelong muppet freak Jason Segel to write and star in the Muppet’s comeback to the silver screen. With the expert musical-comedy midwifery of Flight of the Conchord’s James Bobin (director), and Bret McKenzie (music), a beautiful baby Muppet was born! It’s a classic tale of “We’ve gotta get the band back together and put on the best show this town has ever seen Or Else!”. The Or Else, if you’re wondering, is oil tycoon Chris Cooper’s plan to obliterate the Muppet Theater. Best work he’s ever done, I tell ya. Same goes for Amy Adams, who absolutely nails her role as the doting but levelheaded Mary, who’s fiancé is troublingly codependent with his Muppet brother, Walter. Oh, Walter. A wide eyed, whistling optimist, who deserves love and puppies and the whole entire world. In the words of Phil Spector (Yikes) to know know know him is to love love love him. A great entry point for returning, or newly budding Muppet enthusiasts. Highlights include the knock off ‘Moopets’, hostage Jack Black, and Muppet turned man Jim Parsons.
1.5 The sequel, Muppets Most Wanted, 2014 (also available on Disney +) doesn’t work for me. Seeing as it’s my guide to Muppet Immersion, I say you can skip it if you’re not feeling like another feature film, just now! My beef may not be your beef, though. (Too much Ricky Gervais, too much faux-Kermit, and not enough Walter... ((My soul will never be at rest until I understand why TPTB lost faith in Walter as the new audience surrogate. I can only hope Serial has plans to investigate.))) Maybe Muppets Most Wanted will work for you! Definitely DO NOT MISS the absolute feast of bops, again penned by Bret McKenzie:
1.5 a. “I’ll Give it To You”
1.5 b. The Interrogation Song, a thrilling double act by Ty Burrell and Sam the Eagle
1.5 c. We’re Doing a Sequel!
1.5 d. Something So Right featuring none other than powerhouse Celine Dion
1.5 e. Something So Right Demo Reel, because you need to have Bret’s Miss Piggy in your ears, too.
Whenever Piggy wears a hat with one lil’ ear out!? That’s the good stuff.
2. It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights, it’s time to fire up the Baby Yoda machine to watch The Muppets, 2015. Confusing, yeah... It’s the same-named, but sadly short lived series, spun out from the success of the new films. The docu-sitcom format is a natural fit for the fourth-wall breaking Muppets. For the first time since 1984’s Muppets Take Manhattan, Kermit is solidly the leading man. We find him back in the studio, producing Up Late With Miss Piggy, amidst a flurry of Muppet interpersonal problems. As a quintessential Will They, Won’t They couple of the last half a century- it’s kind of incredible that the Muppet media that best portrays why Kermit and Piggy love each other is the one where they are very emphatically Did, But Don’t Anymore. It’s a refreshingly grown-up main story line! Aside from that- we all know C is for Cookie, but B is for B-Plots and running gags that absolutely slap. Fozzie’s beleaguered love life, Uncle Deadly’s wrangling of Piggy’s vast wardrobe, Scooter’s ongoing beef with his mother’s boyfriend, the meddling network president June Diane Raphael... I truly can’t get enough! Because they canceled it! Hmmph! And a pink satin heeled kick, and a hiiiii-ya!!
Anyway, the cameos and needle drops are expertly deployed, as fitting and offbeat as ever. I’m especially fond of Christina Applegate, Ed Helms, and Josh Groban’s appearances.
My absolute favorite episode, if you watch only one, is “Swine Song”. The network saddles Up Late With Miss Piggy with a brand manager who’s dead set on giving the show a face lift. Key and Peele, now reduced to running an Etsy shop after their own fiasco with the brand manager, feature.
I don’t know what happened, that we didn’t get more of The Muppets. Perhaps the 30 Rock-ification of the Muppets might have been more at home on a different network, with a different pool of veteran talents and sensibilities? Were we as a society just not ready in 2015 for a story about workplace friends, grounded by such sincerity? Eh, maybe. It’s no surprise Ted Lasso’s Bret Goldstein is one of the most vocal proponents for a Muppet comeback, with that in mind. Same niche!
If there is any justice in this universe… [clenches fist]
3. The Muppets Haunted Mansion, 2021, on Disney + is a welcome return to form after the platform’s first “exclusive” but paltry offering of Muppets Now (Don’t even... Don’t even bother to look…). Gonzo and Pepe challenge themselves to face their fears and spend the night in the spookiest place on earth, inspired by the beloved Disneyland ride. It’s great. If you’ve taken my advice this far and you’re still in, just. Just go for it. It’s 52 minutes. What else you got goin’ on? You’re elbow deep in some internet weirdo’s ramblings about a fifty year old troupe of talking socks.
Can’t get enough? Need to soak in hours more of puppety perfection?
4. The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, 2019, Netflix. Not technically the Muppets TM, but absolutely a must see for a burgeoning Henson buff. Did you ever see the original 1982 film? Do! It’s rentable. The Dark Crystal is some high fantasy, live action, no humans, all puppet madness. It’s disturbing and strange and beautiful. An age old tale of corruption and ideals, told by some of the cutest, oddest little creatures you’ll ever see. (Deet and Hup!!!) And I mean. C’mon. The vocal talent! They didn’t even fit Bill Hader on the wiki cheat sheet, that’s how stacked it is!
5. Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock, 2022, Apple TV. This one’s definitely made for the kids, but it’s exactly as lovingly rebooted as you hoped.
We’re getting down to some slim, definitely non mandatory pickings, now. Uhhhh…
6. Miss Piggy made an appearance on Drag Race!
7. The creature workshop whipped up some puppets for Coldplay’s Biutyful music video!
8. And here’s a half hour supercut of a bunch of ads featuring the Muppets, in the last fifteen years or so. It’s not entertainment, per se, but at the very least, you’ll see the Kermit Sipping Tea origin.
PART 2: Outside Readings
The road to your Masters in Muppetfrickery has been paved by many scholars. Here are a few peers whose work you might like to check out, now that you’re no longer a tadpole, but a fully grown frog, with hard cover books and podcast subscriptions, and junk!
Jim Henson: The Biography, by Brian Jay Jones
This book is exactly the comprehensive, compassionate deep dive you hope it is. Watch out, though! It did make me cry in an airport.
I Am Big Bird: The Caroll Spinney Story, 2015.
A feel good documentary about the man under the bird. Available on Prime, Peacock, and others.
Muppet Guys Talking, 2017
Five of the original Muppet performers discuss their iconic characters. Muppetguystalking.com
Street Gang: How We Got to Sesame Street, 2021.
You guessed it! A doc about Sesame Street, on HBO.
Defunctland has also done some stellar coverage of the Muppets, Fraggle Rock, and more!
Follow ToughPigs.com for a survey of what's up and coming in the various Henson adjacent worlds, and top tier curation of Muppet history. They have a podcast, too!
If you are lucky enough to live in NYC or DC, you can even see some Muppets in person!
Museum of Moving Image
The Smithsonian
PART 3: The Oldies!
Whatever Muppet movies you had access to as a kid- there’s a good chance there’s one you missed! Good news is there’s still time to play catch up- whew!
Stitchy’s TOP TEN of the pre 2000 canon:
1. THE MUPPET MOVIE 1979 (Disney +)
2. MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND 1996 (Disney +)
3. THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL 1992 (Disney +)
4. THE DARK CRYSTAL 1982 (Rent Only?)
5. LABYRINTH 1986 (Netflix)
6. THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER 1981 (Disney +)
7. MUPPETS FROM SPACE 1999 (Rent Only?)
8. THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN 1984 (Prime)
9. THE MUPPET SHOW 1976-1981*** (Disney +)
10. EMMET OTTER’S JUGBAND CHRISTMAS 1977 (Prime, Peacock)
If you’ve missed any of the top 5, BOY HOWDY are you in for a treat. Especially if you’ve never seen the original Muppet movie. I am on my hands and Always Conveniently Off Screen Knees, begging you to give it a shot. If it’s been decades- give it a watch with fresh eyes. It’s a sweet, simple, silly story about a frog who dreams of making people happy. It’s about art, and integrity, and joy, and friendship, and it’s just about the only place you’re gonna get Hare Krishna jokes, nowadays.
Of course, this list is just a start. There were quite a few obscure TV specials and series besides, but as they are very hard to track down on streaming, I won’t insist on their viewing. I do highly recommend the series Jim Henson’s The Storyteller, 1987-1989, however. These episodes are all self contained if you can dig one up on Google, and they are exquisite pieces of art. John Hurt stars as the gruff old Storyteller, weaving fantastical yet tactile folk tales that have stuck with me for decades.
***Sheesh! The Muppet Show is like, 44 hours of television. I can do better than just point you at it in its totality! That brings us to:
PART 4: Going Right to the Source.
It’s the OG. THE Muppet Show.
By all means, crack open that laptop and follow your nose! There are legends aplenty to pick from, and just about every one of the 120 episodes has a classic moment, somewhere in there. As you scroll through the many guests, I’m sure you’ll be drawn to such greats as Rita Moreno (This appearance is The E in her EGOT!), John Cleese, Julie Andrews, Bernadette Peters, Steve Martin, Elton John, Madeline Khan, Gilda Radner, the cast of Star Wars, and Carol Burnette. They all put on fantastic shows that are essential viewing, but I must also put in a good word for some personal favorites.
Paul Williams, one of the great American songwriters, author of The Rainbow Connection and many other classics
Vincent Price, your favorite creepy uncle, and mine. (That’s right! We’re not just friends, we’re also cousins!)
Avery Schreiber, who never ever holds back, and whose episode features the fantastic Electric Mayhem rendition of “Tenderly”.
Sandy Duncan, who’s “Nice Girl Like Me” is an unforgettable, leggy revamp of the Manilow classic.
Mummenschanz, who are impossible to describe, but who would have ruled Tik Tok.
Leo Sayer, serving up three of my favorite 70’s tunes.
Pearl Bailey, bringing down the house with a pastiche sure to delight any musical theater nerd.
Harry Belafonte. “Turn the World Around” never fails to bring a tear to my googly eye.
Linda Ronstadt, lacerating the ONLY live vocals in the history of the show, and also crushing so so hard on Kermie. Relatable af
PART 4: Looking Forward
(video)
And you may ask yourself, "What Muppet Am I?"
And you may ask yourself, "Why are there so many songs about Rainbows?"
What should come next for the Muppets? I say, if Disney is gonna own everything and everypiggy, go whole hog! Make Kermit the Avenger’s new therapist. Maybe he’s outside their insurance network (and dimension) but they have great rapport! Give Piggy a real late night slot, and get Grogu on to host a remote segment! Keep making the kids their kid shows, but embrace the grown up Gen X and Millennial audience with their own fare. Get back to the Muppets Sex and Violence roots, I double dog dare ya! Make a Muppet dating sim! Reboot Statler and Waldorf: From the Balcony on Youtube! Hook up Lil Nas X with the Electric Mayhem! Stop dicking me around and get the Muppets to host the Oscars, for real! Bring back my best boy Walter, and take advantage of the Muppets’ unparalleled skill for literary adaptation. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Muppet is a story that demands to be told!
Well, we do know one new series on the way in 2023- The Muppets Mayhem. A junior record exec must wrangle the unwrangle-able Electric Mayhem through the modern music industry as they record an album. I don’t know about you, but I’m crossing my furry little fingers.
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Barbenheimer season: would the ROs watch Barbie, Oppenheimer, both or neither?
Aha, I've been gone so long that this answer might no longer be relevant by now. (；´∀｀) Apologies, truly.
Also, uh, admitting my bias here and now . . . I fell asleep during Oppenheimer. ( ;´д｀) But I also don't really remember what happened in Barbie all that well, so please take this answer with a grain of salt! Anyways . . .
Akil would prefer to watch Oppenheimer but is willing to watch Barbie if that's the preference of his company. He has no nostalgic sentiments about Barbie, but he does have an inclination towards the historical. Really though, neither movie would normally draw much of his interest on their own. Akil, being an absolute workaholic, is not one easily swayed by or much aware of pop culture trends.
Kamiko would defer the decision to whoever she was with. She has little interest in films, and less interest in the loud and stuffy environment of movie theaters. I don't think she would much enjoy either film, really. Any enjoyment from her would be derived from the joy / investment of whatever well-liked company that has managed to drag her to a theatre in the first place. And her enjoyment from their reaction would be more than enough to make the experience pleasant for her.
Sigmund would verbally suggest Oppenheimer, but he would have more enjoyment from the Barbie film due to the more comedic moments. And yet, it wouldn't really cross his mind to be the one to suggest Barbie if whoever was accompanying him didn't have some previously expressed nostalgia / interest in the film. Maybe if he saw some memes about the film, and knew they appealed to the taste of someone he knew and wanted to spend time with, he might come to the idea of recommending and watching it with them all on his own. Otherwise, it's a blip on his radar.
Imka would prefer to watch Barbie, enjoying the vibes and aesthetic of the film, and would most definitely have a far better experience than if she were to watch the more pensive and troubled mood of Oppenheimer. A viewing of Barbie would leave her pleased and charmed whereas a viewing of Oppenheimer would leave her thoughtful and quiet. She's open to either, however, and being such a people-pleaser, she'll likely feign an equal interest for both films if asked to pick which she'd prefer to watch / whether to watch both in order to direct the final decision onto someone else.
Elouan would suggest and prefer Barbie, not too keen on enduring a long and (to him) tedious film that takes such a serious and dour tone. I think he would enjoy Oppenheimer well enough if he were to watch it, though, and he'll have much to say on it in the hours after the film. If he really likes his company, he'll endure the "wasted time" of watching both and pretend that he's having a wonderful time through the whole experience. Movies, however, are a bit of a sore point for Elouan, so do expect some wistful nostalgia to distract him from whatever he's watching now and then.
Jae would push for Barbie right out the gate. The events in Oppenheimer do not interest her in the slightest, a fact further aggravated by the mere run time of the film. She doesn't have an intense personal attachment to Barbie dolls either (though she likes the fashion and messages she sees in the brand) but the trend of dressing up for the film would really catch her excitement. Expect her to go all-out for it and assist anyone who wants to join her for the movie with dressing the part as well.
Niccolò is down for whatever, whenever. He'll love Barbie as much as he'll love Oppenheimer, and he'll definitely want to hop on board the Barbenheimer trend the moment it comes to his attention. Dressing the part is a fun boon on top of it all, especially if he can coordinate his outfit with others to maximize the 'meme potential' (which is the phrase he will use without fully comprehending what it even means). He'll laugh and smile through Barbie. He'll watch with rapt attention all throughout Oppenheimer. The meme makes the entire experience a double win - one that becomes a triple win when it also gives the excuse of light-hearted goofing around with those he cares about for the sake of a mutually enjoyed meme / joke / trend.
Mutya would voice support for watching Oppenheimer if pushed into giving her opinion on which to watch and may just enjoy that more than the Barbie film. Mutya doesn't care much for the Barbie brand, but she would find the film to be serviceable as a piece of entertainment even if it's not quite to her tastes. Similarly, Oppenheimer would not leave a major impression on her, but she would leave the theatre with a nod of approval, nonetheless.
Fyodor would choose whatever seems the most lighthearted based on the promotional material outside the theatre, hence latching onto Barbie. Especially if people were partaking in the pink attire trend at the theatre which he would consider humorous and cute, thus assuming the film to be just that (humorous and cute) as well. Honestly, Oppenheimer would likely have one of two outcomes if he were to watch it: drag down his mood for the rest of the night (leaving him uncomfortable and a little lost as he watched it) or lulling him into a nap as it seems to drool on endlessly. Fyodor does not enjoy depictions of troubled homes and relationships, takes little interest in much anything academic or historical, and has a mind that is likely to wonder in a such a long conversation-heavy film.
Then again . . . The whole concept of a doll wishing to find her own human independence, and Ken’s struggle to find meaning beyond his blind devotion to someone he desperately wants to be loved by, might stir up more bad memories than it’s worth if he were to put much thought in it. It’s more than a little reminiscent of his former ties to Dollmaker and any current romantic prospects he may be pursuing (or even platonic ones, if romance is not applicable). Best to keep him distracted with snacks and comments during the movie so he doesn’t have an existential crises by the end of the night.
And as for the minor ROs . . .
Curadora would state that she'd prefer to watch Oppenheimer. She does enjoy historically based films and would hope that interest will translate to Oppenheimer as well. If she ended up watching Barbie, however, she would admit that she enjoyed that film experience more due to the tone and positive messages it attempts to convey.
Dearil would rather watch neither simply due to the public (and, in this case, crowded) nature of theatres that are prone to filthiness, incessant noise, and human eyes that seem to burn him with an unshakeable discomfort. If the films were to be available for an 'at-home' watch, he would much prefer Oppenheimer, not particularly keen on the aesthetics, humor, or brand of Barbie. Plus, as someone raised in deep isolation from the outer world for his entire upbringing, Dearil rarely passes up a chance to learn more about historical events and notable persons from the past.
Lempo would definitely push for Barbie, delighted with nostalgia, and would leave the theatre more elated than usual. She would urge everyone she knows to watch the film with her and partake in the trend of pink dress-up. She would absolutely adore the film from top-to-bottom and would be a bubbly ball of energy in the hours after from the great time she had while watching it.
Retriever would be down to view both, especially back-to-back for the meme alone. He doesn't have much nostalgia for Barbie, but he appreciates the often preppy and positive vibes of the Barbie brand as well as the nostalgia so many others have for it. On top of that, Retriever is the type to have a passive interest in American history which would make him keen on the depictions of historical events in Oppenheimer. Overall, though, he would have a better time watching Barbie, and would enjoy it most with others.
Mishka would have to be worn down by much insistence and coaxing to bother with either. Oppenheimer, however, would be a more enjoyable experience for them due to the historical nature of its events and the more complex, messy relationships it depicts. Might have a lot of questions after the showing. Maybe too many questions.
Thank you for the ask, and apologies again for the outdated response! （；^ω^）
#ro#c: akil#c: kamiko#c: elouan#c: jae#c: sigmund#c: imka#c: mutya#c: fyodor#c: curadora#c: dearil#c: lempo#c: retriever#c: bones#c: mishka
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3. whose writing has impacted your writing style the most? (you can choose anyone! famous writer or not.)
4. which muse of yours is your all time favorite? if you stopped writing them: why?
5. is there a muse you really want to try? if yes: what’s stopping you?
12. what roleplay trends do you remember from the year you started tumblr rp? how did you feel about those trends?
Mun questions: Accepting!
((Honestly there isn't one writer who has influenced me. In fact, I would say that all of my rp partners have influenced me one way or the other, whether it's been to go more in depth with my muses, or write longer replies, etc.))
((I think my favourite, to this day remains Will. He's the easiest for me to write, and he's stuck around quite a long time. Even when I take breaks from the pokemon rpc/breaks from Will, he'll come back sooner or later and be stronger than before ;u;))
((Tbh the muses I really wanted to try are on their own separate side blog, and at this moment I do not have any that I want to test out on this blog.
I do have muses I want to bring back, but I don't have the time/energy to devote to them ;-;
Of course this will probably change when I hop back onto my otome game bullshit.))
((So some of the popular trends I can remember from like 2011-2012 were:
Magic anons - I used to find these amusing until people started to use them for fetish mining, or doing the absolute weirdest shit that became uncomfortable.
Crack rp blogs - I remember seeing rp blogs for meme characters (Shrek) being in either rp groups or on indie and the rp's that followed were nothing short of crack filled, and it was fantastic.
Tinychats - These were popular with Pokemon rp groups back in the day and some of them got absolutely wild. I remember the ones from Edge of Glory...
Crack anons - These are rarer to come across now a days, but these anons would be super silly and it would be fun to answer them in character.
Fandom rp groups - I remember when fandoms had closed rp groups before indie blogs became popular. Some of them were really fun, and I have good memories from them. Pokemon had a good chunk, but I was also in Bleach ones (and later a Bleach + Naruto one). Good times.
An add on to this: I miss the days when MFRP (Multi fandom rp groups) were all the rage on Tumblr. Now there's like, two. I had a blast in ones like Tranche de Vie, Citta Alveare, the early days of Isola and many, many more ;u; ))
#ooc#dash games#experthiese#((Thank you for sending these in!))#((The last one is not an exhaustive list but they are some of the most memorable))
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Hello! If you don’t mind, can you answer 3, 16, and 21 for the ask game? I hope you have a wonderful day/night 💛
Of course, Sluggy! Thanks for the ask 💛
Under the cut because this ended up kind of long XD
Here is the ask game if you're interested!
3. Least favourite things to draw?
Hmmmm well. I always struggle with backgrounds and just like… inanimate objects. I think I find them boring to practice! Would much rather draw a cute face or a body in motion, so shockingly, that is 95% of my drawing output XD
6. Which artists inspire you right now?
Ooh, well, all of my digi-mutuals for sure! There is so much amazing fic and art on my dash. Y’all are constantly producing so much high-quality stuff that it’s a little overwhelming sometimes!! But don’t stop, this is a great problem to have (though it makes me slow to respond, particularly to long-form fic orz).
Here are some other (non-digimon) artists I follow who have been hugely inspiring to me recently:
Trungles (Gorgeous art-noveau style! I have their tarot card deck)
Umishima Senbon (Bought their artbook at a con recently. I WISH I could draw that many beautiful lived-in spaces and inanimate objects!!)
Popsicle-stick (Dracula art)
Marghen (Dracula art)
Professorcalculusstanaccount (Tintin art and animations)
21. Weirdest thing you’ve ever drawn?
HMMM. That is a REALLY difficult q. to answer, because I used to draw a LOT of stuff that is utterly incomprehensible out of context (and it's something I still kind of enjoy doing, hehe). So here are some sample "no context is the best context" drawings I have on my hard drive (they're all REALLY old; most involve Tai, and some could be considered a little racy/in poor taste, take that as you will):
(Daisuke gets the better of Goth TK; a pogo stick and a hippity-hop is involved. One poem and one mini-fanfic now lost to time may explain how we got here.)
(The oekaki board I used to be on had a Whole Thing about Dai being infatuated with Tai. This drawing was a response to someone else's drawing that happened at Halloween. The person in the Sailor Moon costume is Matt; Tai's hand is visible and he's dressed as Tuxedo Mask.)
(gOD I miss oekaki! I would kill for the ability to do that kind of screentone shading so easily again DX)
(Recreation of a dream I had, before the words "Fox" and "News" were quite as bad as they are today 🤮 Digimon used to air on the Fox channel in the US, and they did a LOT of weird promos. My subconscious made her own)
(Panel of a comic that is meant to look 0_0 but isn't really, I swear!!)
(Satirical commentary on certain digimon fanfiction trends circa 2010 and earlier, via Kate Beaton meme)
(Teen Girl Squad/Digimon crossover ft. the digigirls pre-Tri and Joe. Cheerleader! So-And-So! What's-Her-Face! The Ugly One!)
I'll be honest, there's probably a LOT more weird stuff in my sketchbooks. I don't really want to comb through years of old drawings for the most WTF-inducing ones, but suffice it to say, they're there, and the fact that the sample size is THIS big almost certainly says something about me :3
Phew. If you made it this far, thanks for letting me ramble and show you some weird stuff from the vault! I hope you have a great day/night as well!! 💛
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10 Q’s
Tagged By: @umbralrosa
Tagging: @strastnoye-ubiystvo @blood-driven @kejito @traumamade
1. When are you usually online? Depends on who’s fronting. We are online 24/7 on Discord and mutuals can ask for it, but not every one of us cares about writing or uses this blog.
2. What verses are you involved in? Main verse is an Isekai, the Kens are universe hopping travelers, so I can be involved in anything.
3. What is your biggest RP pet peeve? When someone follows me and we check their blog and they say they’re against the topics we write on the blog... like please read people’s rules, you’re not curating your experiences and then dare complain and make “callouts” for “problematic” behavior.
Also pisses me the fuck off when I try to approach someone with memes/a starter a few times over the course of months and they never reply to anything. Just let me know you’d rather something else or that you didn’t find it inspiring, I don’t care plotting something you like or unfollowing if you don’t see a way for our muses to interact.
I’m also avoidant of muses that look at the stronger alters (BR/One-Eyed King) and still try to one shot them. Like, it feels like one big power trip. Especially when neither of them got the chance to use their kakuja forms, you’re not going to floor the OEK Kaneki with a single magic blast like that.
4. Are you drawn to specific types of muses? As long as they’re not written like a mary sue I don’t care about types and tropes. Every muse is equal - male, female, oc, canon, fancharacter, whatever.
5. Are there reoccurring themes in your writing that people might not notice? Kaneki looks for people he can befriend/trust because he’s a sad lonely bitch, BR is edgy and suicidal and someone either makes him progressively worse and unhinged or actually stabilizes and comforts him, and the others didn’t really get enough spotlight for me to know yet.
6. What are your favourite RP trends? No idea what that is.
7. What is your process for starting a new story with someone? Personally I usually wait for them to reblog a meme and send it to them if I see a way of it turning into a thread. But I will try anything.
8. How do you feel about duplicates? Depends on the duplicates. Some interpretations offend me but that’s nobody’s problem but my own.
9. How long have you been involved in roleplaying? I think our experience goes all the way back to 2006~ish. Tumblr was only discovered at 2012~ish though.
10. Is there a muse or verse you could write in, but haven’t? Want to officially get into FFXIV but I really can’t find any active RPers in that universe so, tough luck.
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Gojo Satoru general headcanons
Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.
Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.
He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.
All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.
Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong.
This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.
That doesn't mean he did the work tho
Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work
Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him
A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone
Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman
Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because
He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further
He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.
Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop
Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay
He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys
He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight
It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?
He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically
He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it
He has really cold hands and feet
He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o
He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o
It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry
Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"
He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face
He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair
He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts
No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses
His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month
They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses
Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on
Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind
Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle.
He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know
He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.
So about his driver's license;
He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.
Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets
It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad
This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though
He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-
Gojo has a key
You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did
Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious
He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess
The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.
He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror
Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes
Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck
He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.
Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru
Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.
He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed
He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-
It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out.
Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.
He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral
Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in
Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it
Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it
Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine
Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"
I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there
As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco
He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever
He will literally just stare at you and giggle
It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why
Its because he respects women
He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.
The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one
He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art"
When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.
He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.
Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess
He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on
He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored
This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored
He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power
I canon him as being borderline sadistic
This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated
White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.
He is Sakata Gintoki
He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og
He's hella bilingual
Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine
He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan
Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months
Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week
Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality
Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.
Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o
Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn
#jjk#jjk spoilers#jjk headcanons#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#gojo headcanons#gojo satoru headcanons
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this is dumb but ive been haunted by the new warriors maps are like marvel movies post, im curious abt if theres any that suck in particular gfdjkgdf
*sits down* if any warriors fans decide to come after me know that i am not a kind person let’s get that out of the way. ok so anyway i don’t have like, specific examples of maps being bad (except for the racist ‘island scourge’ map that came out recently LAWL) but it’s the general culture of every single map having the same set of ultra talented artists all imitating the same style and just going for the ultra cinematographic look with the most complex animation and lighting and angles. and if you sit down and watch it, yeah it looks cool. and then you realize every single one looks like that. there’s also way more gimmicky maps nowadays because the aesthetic counts more than the actual substance just take a look at the one million horror maps LOL. it’s such a focus on a flashy and entertaining look that there is no emotional heart..
i mean if you take a look at older (5ish years) maps you really see the difference (you, the valley, meet me in the woods, buy the stars, etc) because yes they’re less professional but oh my god do they stick with you. everyone has different styles there aren’t set cohesive designs for every single background character and background for uniformity and theres actual emotion being portrayed.
a few more things below the cut cuz this is long and i have a lot of thoughts lol.
also last year i was involved in the animation community for some low/mid level projects and it is such a terrible culture.. all my closest freinds with such cool styles and ideas all ended up dropping out of the scene because of the tight timeframes, extreme expectations, and inability for any actual artistic creativity for their OWN ANIMATIONS. also i was like old enough to be like ‘this sucks lol i quit’ but so many people there are 12-15 which fucking sucks . there’s such a focus on prescription MAP parts and animation memes and hopping on the newest trend that it leaves no space for working on personal projects you actually want to do, and when you publish them they get way less views than the trends. this is not me being bitter about anything most of my videos are unlisted for a reason but across the book my freinds would get thousands of views on a lazy animation meme and then post an amv they’d worked on for MONTHS and get maybe a hundred views tops.
also another thing that fucking sucks is you literally have kids worshiping popular animators like they’re the fucking golden calf.. ‘popular’ animators in like 2015 would rarely share social media outside youtube and just posted their projects and left but now every big animator has a personal discord server and twitter and hundreds of thousands of subscribers and kids think they are personal friends with the creators (who encourage this!!) and it turns out a lot of them are not great people lol. anyway the point is if you want good content u either watch it from years ago or look for someone with like 50 subscribers because that’s where the gold is. also the orginal post made my molly my freind molly got deleted cuz it got reblogged by a huge animator who started shit and then all of their followers started shit so -_- proving everyone’s point.
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Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader Side Story
Word Count: 3898
Warnings: None
Main Story Part Links:
Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11
_________________________
“Lost In The Past” Side Story - The Missing Five Years
January 6th, 2014
You were nervous this morning. Today would be your first day at your new school. It had been about a month and a half since you arrived in the future and all of the people you were about to attend school with were kids technically younger than you. You had knowledge of times when they didn't even exist and you worried about saying something out of date and being the odd one out. You were already the new kid so you were at a disadvantage to start with. As you sat at the kitchen table for breakfast you went over your notes of what was popular during this period. You looked at top songs, popular bands, different media platforms, current fashion trends, things called memes, and anything else so you could fit in.
"Here's your breakfast! Are you excited for your first day of school?" Grace asks
"Kind of. I've only ever been to private school so going to a public school will be different." You explain "I just hope I can fit in."
"I'm sure you will! You're a wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to know you." Grace replies
Taking a break from your notes you eat some of the breakfast that Grace had made for you. Two eggs and bacon in the shape of a smile. As you finished you looked at the time and saw that you needed to head out and get to school. Grabbing your backpack you say,
"Bye Grace, I'll see you later."
"Have a good first day!" She calls out
You make your way upstairs and outside the front gates when you see a familiar face in front of you leaning on a car.
"Diego? What are you doing here?" You ask
"You thought I wasn't going to see you off on your first day of school?" He asks
"I just didn't expect it." You reply
"Well, here I am so hop in," Diego says getting in the driver's side of the car
You walk around to the other side and get in the front passenger seat. You and Diego make the drive over to your school and when you arrive he asks,
"You ready?"
"Yeah, I guess so." You reply unsure
"Hey look at me. You are smart and brave and more powerful than any of those kids. You're going to do great and if anyone bothers you" He says taking out a knife "you let me know and I will handle them."
"Don't kill them!" You exclaim
"I won't, I'll just rough them up a bit." He replies avoiding your gaze
"Okay, I'm going now." You say getting out of the car
Diego gets out of the car and says,
"Wait one second!"
"What?" You ask turning around
"Stand there so I can take a picture," He requests
"Oh my god, are you serious?" you complain
"Aw c'mon, please?" He asks
"Fine."
You put on a smile and Diego pulls out his phone to take a couple of pictures of you standing in front of your new school.
"Eudora is going to love these, I've been telling her all about you." He mentions looking at his phone
Once he puts his phone away he comes over to you and gives you a big hug before getting back in his car. Through his window, he tells you,
"Have a good day."
And with that, he drives off and you were on your own at this new school. Walking into the entrance you make your way to the front office and tell them who you are. The secretary, an older woman, then gets up from her seat and guides you to what would be your homeroom class. Since you were coming in the middle of the year the teacher introduces you to the rest of the students. To your surprise, they aren't rude or exclusionary and during your free period and lunch, you get to know a few of them. Using your knowledge of popular things that you studied you're able to get by talking about stuff outside your interests. The kids who talk to you seem pretty nice and you think you'll be able to become friends with them. Even though you were making friends you couldn't help but think of Five. None of these kids would ever compare to him no matter how much you got to know them but you at least needed to give them a chance. And so throughout your first day and the days after you were able to build a group of people you'd want to be around during school hours.
July 17th, 2015
"Again." Reginald commands
All-day with no breaks, you had been practicing to develop your powers. Ever since school finished Reginald had been pushing you harder to develop your powers. Day in and day out you would train. There were physical exercises, self-defense, power development, mental sharpness tests. It was excruciatingly long and you never stopped. At this moment you were practicing to detect slight disturbances before you could see them. Reginald had finished training you to do your powers without concentration being necessary. You were able to control your own molecules and that of other things without thinking. You could transport yourself and other objects with ease. You even improved to the point of being able to see the types of molecules around you and use them to create other things beyond, fire, water, and smoke. Now he wanted you to use that ability to see the molecules around you and make it instinctual to detect disturbances in them. So he had you geared up and blindfolded and had Pogo shoot paintballs at you. You didn't understand how blindfolding you was going to help you see the molecules since you didn't have your eyes but you went along with it anyway. You had been the same exercise for about a month and a half at this point and with each day you were starting to get better. When you first started you got hit with paintballs consistently but now you were able to feel the disturbances in the molecules around you and were able to dodge the paintballs. As much as you hated the way Reginald went about things you were impressed with the progress you were making. You kept going at this until you heard Grace call out,
"(Y/N), you need to get ready for your piano recital."
With that, you took your blindfold off and asked to be excused. Reginald let you go and you rushed off to get ready for your performance tonight. You had been practicing your piano and when you learned that there were auditions to represent the school in a summer music showcase you took it upon yourself to make sure you got the singular spot for your school. Every moment you had free you spent practicing and now came the day you were waiting for. You put on a nice white shirt and a black skirt before heading downstairs. You looked at the time on the clock and saw that if you didn't leave soon you would be late for roll call.
"Oh no, where's my sheet music?" You said frantically as you just remembered it
"Don't worry, I have it right here." Grace calls handing you the folder with your music
"Okay thank you! I better get going." You say quickly "Bye mom!"
And with that, you had rushed out the door and started making your way to the performance hall not too far from where you lived. You weren't there to see it but Grace became overwhelmed with feeling as no one had called her mom in a while. She was never going to make you call her that but for you to accept her as another mother to you meant the world. She stood in the foyer for a second staring at the door you had just left from taking in the moment. After a bit, she went off to her bench near all the paintings to start a new cross stitch hoping you would continue to call her that when you came back home.
You had made it to the hall just in time and when it came for your turn to play you made your way out on stage. Sitting right there in the front row was Diego. With a big smile on his face, he used his phone to take pictures as you made your way to the piano in the center of the stage. You gave him a small wave before sitting down to play. Placing your music on the stand you took a deep breath. You knew what you were doing, you had practiced for weeks. With the crowd dead silent, you started to play. You played your heart out, putting every ounce of emotion and effort into your performance. This was your moment and you made every second of it count. When you had finished the crowd gave you an overwhelming amount of applause. You stood up from the piano bench to take a bow and as you did you saw Diego standing up and cheering you on. You could tell from the way that he was looking at the people around him and point towards the stage that he was bragging about you, tell them all how you were his talented little sister. You took one more bow before walking off and when the showcase finished Diego walked you home.
"You did amazing! I'm so proud!" He exclaims
"Thanks. I'm proud of me too."
It was a short walk and before you knew it you were back home.
"I'll see you this weekend to train and box alright?" He says
"Alright Eggo, see you then."
Diego walks off as you make your way inside the house. When you get inside you go and find Grace calling out,
"Mom! Mom! I did so well tonight!"
Grace stops her cross-stitch. Turning her attention to you she says,
"I knew you would sweetie! Now, why don't we go get you ready for bed."
"Okay!" You reply running off
As you run off, a wide smile on Grace's face as she knew you calling her mom would most likely be a constant from now on.
May 14th, 2016
"Listen if you're nervous or worried about getting hurt then you don't have to do this. You can back out right now and I can take you back home." Diego says concerned
"Diego I think you're the worried one." You comment
Tonight was your first real boxing match. After two years of practicing with Diego, you felt that you were ready to get out there and fight. There were no other girls to fight you so you were going against a guy from a rival boxing club. You were excited to step in the ring and take this dude on but even after the years of training you've done Diego was still worried about your safety.
"Okay maybe, but I don't want to see you get hurt out there." He replies
"We've been training for this moment. I'm ready and if I take a few punches so be it. I'm not a helpless little princess." You explain
"But you are a little princess...to me. If you got hurt I would kill everyone and then myself for not doing a good job keeping you from harm." Diego explains back
"It worries me that I know you mean that sincerely," you reply
You were about to say more when you hear the announcer call you and your opponent to the ring. You nod at Diego and make your way over there. Entering the ring the announcer introduces you and the other guy to the crowd. The crowd cheers and the announcer gives to go-ahead to start. The two of you circle the ring for a bit before the guy throws a punch at you. You're able to dodge it and punch him right in the gut. When he doubles over you throw a couple of jabs at his head hoping to throw him off his rhythm. As he comes back up the guy you were fighting nails a hard blow on your jaw. You stumble back a bit but regain your balance and head back. The two of you go blow for blow, for the next couple of rounds landing solid hits on each other. The guy stumbles towards you and you know this could be it using all the strength you have you swing towards his jaw and hit him straight on. The guy you were fighting falls to the ground and is out cold. The ref comes and does the countdown and when it is evident that the guy was knocked out completely the ref raises your hand and declares you the winner. It took you a second to realize what you had done but when you do you exclaim,
"Holy shit I won!"
Diego and some of the other guys from your club lif you up into the air cheering for your victory. This win would be one to remember for a long time.
October 1st, 2016
Sunlight shined through your curtains as the sounds of the city outside you started to wake you. Slowly you sat up and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. When your eyes came into focus you took a look at the calendar you hung beside your bed. The date of it read October 1st, 2016. Today was your birthday. You got up from your bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen.
"Happy sixteenth birthday!" Grace exclaims "I made you some pancakes because it's like the cake of breakfast."
"Thank you, mom." You reply sitting down
She had put some strawberries as eyes and some whipped cream as a smile. Birthdays had always been a bit calmer ever since you arrived almost three years ago but you were grateful for what you did receive. Each birthday you spent the morning with Grace and the afternoon and evening Diego would take you to do something special. You looked forward to what he had in store this year.
"I almost forgot, I have a present for you!" Grace says handing you a box
You undo the ribbon on the box and take the lid off. Pulling the item out you see that it is a beautiful knee-length dress.
"This is wonderful, how did you get it?." You ask still in awe of the gift
"Well, I was going through some of Allison's old clothes and saw a couple of items that I thought I could sew together to make a more modern dress for you. I hope you like it."
"I love it Mom, thank you!" You say gently putting it back in the box.
Finishing your breakfast you give Grace a hug before taking the box and heading upstairs. You were absolutely going to wear this dress today. Putting it on you look at yourself in the mirror for a while. You really looked nice in the dress. You spent some time in your room writing in the diary that you had to tell Five about your day so far. When you finished writing for now you looked at the time and headed out to the curb. You knew Diego would be picking you up soon. You waited outside for a bit before seeing his car drive up.
"Happy birthday princess, hop in!" He says from his car window
You slide into the passenger seat of the car and Diego starts to drive away from the house.
"You look nice," He says
"Thanks, Mom made it for me." You reply "What are we doing today."
"Ah well that is a surprise, you'll see." He says
The two of you drive around for a while and do a couple of activities. He takes you to the movies and a nice bakery for lunch. A little less exciting than prior years but you were happy nonetheless. The two of you pull into a parking lot and Diego says,
"I ordered some food from this venue, can you come in and help me carry it out?"
"Sure!"
The two of you head inside but when Diego opens the doors to the venue there stood all your friends from school. Looking around you see decorations from wall to wall and a DJ in the corner. You turn to Diego and ask,
"What is all this?"
"You think I wasn't going to give the little princess a royal sweet sixteen party?" He replies with a smile "Now put this on and have a blast."
Diego hands you a tiara and you enter the venue to meet all of your friends. You were so surprised and extremely grateful for what he had done. He must've saved up a bunch of money form his janitor and boxing jobs to afford this. You and your friends ate, danced, and celebrated your big day all thanks to your older brother, Diego.
November 22nd, 2017
Today was exactly four years since you arrived in the future back in 2013 and started living in the Hargreeves house. Over those four years, you had done many things. You had gone to school, made some friends, became a stellar piano player, had a good boxing record, developed your powers further than you thought you ever could but there was one thing you still hadn't done. You still hadn't gone into Five's old room. Every day for the past four years you had passed it multiple times but you dared not to enter as you feared it would hurt you too much. And as you walked back to your room from dinner you passed the room once more but this time instead of just heading to your room you stopped in the hall. Turning around you stared at the door. Slowly you took steps towards it. Now as you stood in front of it you wondered why you were so compelled to do this, nevertheless, you slowly reached your hand out to the doorknob. Grabbing it you hesitantly turn it and hear the click of the door opening. You gently push the door open and turn on the light switch. And there it was, his room. You stepped into the room and looked around. Everything was just as it was the last time you saw it all those years ago. Desk in the same spot, closet still full of uniforms, the bed was perfectly made. The room was untouched. You remembered all the times you had in here. This is where you told him you had powers, this is where you two hung out, this is where you danced with him that one night. This wasn't just a room, this was where you two became best friends. As you walk further into the room you see his old domino mask laying on his desk. Gently, you blow the dust off of it. You always thought the mask looked good on him. Walking over to his bed you lay down on it. Holding the mask close to your chest, you close your eyes. You missed Five more than anything in the world. You wished day in and day out that he would come back. But he hadn't as of yet and you wondered if he ever would. You kept hoping though. You hoped that wherever he was he missed you just as much as you missed him and you hoped that one day he would come back to you. So as you laid there on his bed holding the domino mask you remembered all the good times with your best friend. And for the first time in a long time, you felt a bit more at peace.
March 17th, 2019
Your heart was racing with excitement as the night you had been looking forward to finally arrived. All school year you had been excitedly waiting for prom night and now here you were getting ready to go. You had spent all day getting ready with the help of Grace. You had been sitting in the bathroom for who knows how long as she did your hair and makeup to make sure that you looked perfect.
"What do you think sweetie?" She said getting you up to look in the bathroom mirror
"Oh my gosh, I look beautiful Mom!" You exclaim
"You were already beautiful sweetie, you just have some makeup on now." Grace replies
You quickly turn to her and give her a big hug.
"Thank you, Mom!"
"It's nothing, now you need to go put your dress on." Grace states
You nod to her and head to your room. You go to your closet and grab your prom dress from it. It had been sitting in there in its protective bag for months. Finally, the day had arrived for you to wear it. Taking the dress out of the bag you carefully slip it on. When you finally get the zipper of the dress up you put on your shoes and jewelry before you hear Grace call,
"(Y/N), come down here!"
Grabbing your purse and prom ticket you head out of your room and towards the foyer stairs. As you make your way down them you see Grace and Diego waiting at the bottom.
"Oh, honey you look beautiful." Grace compliments
"You look like a real-life princess," Diego adds
You can see tears forming in Diego's eyes. He is such an emotional person even if he wants to put out to the world that he is tough and strong.
"Diego, are you crying?" You ask
"No, it's just dust in my eyes." He replies wiping his face
"But I dusted yesterday," Grace says
"It's just d-d-dust..." he stutters "Here let me take some pictures."
"Diego you take way too many pictures." You comment
"Just keep quiet and take the pictures," He says
You roll your eyes before posing on the stairs and smiling so that he can take pictures of you in your dress. After he takes solo shots of you he takes some of you with Grace and then has Grace take some of you with him. He had to show her how to work the camera on his phone though before that could happen. After that, he was able to set up the timer on his phone and take a picture of the three of you together.
"Now that's a nice photo. Looks like I got a new lock screen." He says "Oh one more thing. I know you don't have a date for the prom, which is good because you're too young to date, but anyway I got you this."
Diego then pulls out a pretty corsage for you to wear to the prom and you put it on.
"Aww thank you Eggo," You say giving him a hug
From outside you can hear a car honking.
"Oh, that must be my friends. I'll be back later Mom and I'll see you soon Eggo."
"Have fun!" Grace replies
"Be safe." Diego states
Rushing out the front door you hop in the limo that you rented with your friends and head over to the venue hosting your prom. As the limo drives and you talk to your friends you feel like good things are going to happen this year and you couldn't wait to see what comes next.
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One
I don’t know what to say. What do you say when you feel like the world is ending? There are a million ways that life feels over. The pandemic. Climate change. Pollution. Lack of resources. Misinformation. Lack of values. Lack of morals. The list could stretch on.
I am not a scientist. I am just someone who started their existential crisis a few years ago, who now suspects that many others are caught up in their own crisis as well. How did I get there? That isn’t something I am ready to talk about, but I can tell you that I think it started for me the way it would start for most people. I lost my faith in humanity.
I had always been an optimist. Someone who always had hope for the future. I saw the good in people, but then again, don’t we all at some point? Yet life experience slowly erodes that youthful naivety that some of us are naturally imbibed with, and perhaps it was only a matter of time before that slipped away. It was like I had been stumbling around for years in some kind of haze that I can only liken to drug induced euphoria. And then they pulled out the rug and I was on my ass sober.
My perception grew sharper, and I tried to tune things out the way I had before but found myself unable to. I was noticing the people around me in ways I never had before.
Social media made me sick as I scrolled through my feed. Everyone carefully wording the things they shared to cast them in a positive light. The desperation for attention… Sharing countless memes to let the world know, Yeah, I’m funny. I’m a catch. You should know this. Everyone needs to make it known that they say what’s on their mind, consequences be damned. I mean, maybe they are blocking dear old Grandma from their stories, but everyone else is going to know exactly why you have a problem.
Maybe I am explaining it wrong. Let me just tell you exactly what I think.
People complain about the pandemic’s effect on mental health. Everyone feels cut off. Disconnected. But I’ve been feeling that way all along. I think people have been unaware of the great disconnection we are all experiencing and are just now realizing when confronted with social distancing alone we are all feeling.
Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just my age. My Mother told me one day I would have a family and disappear into it. She said when you have kids that slowly life becomes more about them than anything else, and friendships fall by the wayside. This was told to me when I asked her why her friends didn’t visit anymore. I didn’t believe her. I was just a child and there was nothing more important to me than my friendships. The thought that my best friends wouldn’t always be a part of my life was ludicrous. I vowed to prove her wrong. That would not be my life.
My Mother had a funny way of doing that. I always knew she was an intelligent woman, but there were so many pearls like this that she shared with me throughout my childhood that would make me react in disbelief. So many times she was right, and now it’s too late to say it to her… But let me digress.
That’s not my life, you might say. My friends still come around. They still call. We have a great relationship! I am happy for you then. But I am not talking to you. I am talking to those people who are curating their online profiles with a fine tooth comb in an attempt to get recognition. Bad self esteem is easier to handle when you get positive reacts to a selfie. Anxieties about parenthood are easier to handle when you share an inspirational quote about how you need your children more than they need you. Your marriage isn’t so toxic when people are fawning over pictures of your special anniversary dinner together and saying things like, “You guys are so lucky,” or, “Look how happy they are!” Maybe things aren’t as bad as you think they are. Everyone else sees how happy you two are together. As a matter of fact, people constantly say how happy your entire family looks. Maybe you are focusing on the negative too much. You’ve gotta work on that. You have to be less negative. So, you share some more inspirational bullshit to your friends and family online. You take lots of selfies and caption them that you are loving your life or that you are #blessed.
It makes you feel a bit better. The tightness in your chest lessens a bit when your friends and family hit that like button. They wish they had your life. You are lucky. You are grateful.
I feel bad for the children though.
They will never experience what life was like before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every old person says this. Things were better in my day. It is almost a cliche. Unfortunately most people tend to view the past through a nostalgia filter. My Mom didn’t do that. She constantly told my siblings and I how lucky we were to be around for such a wonderful period of human history. She marveled at video games and happily played them with us. She was jealous of us getting to experience what she called the Golden Era of Disney. She made sure we appreciated the time we were alive in. I am aware of my children’s luckiness too. They have a world of information at their fingertips. Pictures and videos can happen at the touch of a phone screen ready to preserve all those precious memories. That’s nice. It really is. I would have died for a video camera in my childhood. Plus, they are living through meme culture. Such hilarity. So many funny vloggers. So many silly trends… What a time to be alive!
My kids do not ride the school bus though. They are considered car riders. The week they are with me I drop them off at school and the week they spend with their Dad his Mother drops them off. My kids get sad about this sometimes. The thought of riding the bus with their friends seemed like an adventure. They had heard funny stories from friends and even from their family. They wanted to experience it. So, I made it happen.
Those young bright eyes were wide with excitement as they waited for the school bus. They had had to get up way earlier that morning since a bus route takes much longer than me driving them directly, but they didn’t mind. They were hopeful. Their morning held so many possibilities. Their joy at the novelty of it all made my chest swell with happiness. It lessened my nervousness about it. Yes, bus rides could be fun, but there is always potential for harassment or bullying. That morning I pushed my anxiety aside and focused on the moment, tried to live in it with them. We laughed as we said goodbye that morning. I could feel the excitement. For a moment I was transported back to my own childhood and that flood of adrenaline on the first day of school. I couldn’t wait for them to come home and tell me all about it.
That afternoon I picked them up from school. There wasn’t enough time for them to ride in the afternoon, not with homework and dinner prep. So, I waited in the car rider line at the school drumming my fingers on the steering wheel in anticipation. I kind of expected happy little hops towards my car when they came out the door, but when I saw them it was a bit more reserved. They looked sleepy and ready to put their long day behind them. I was kind of surprised, but it happens like that sometimes. School can be exhausting.
Immediately they relaxed when getting in the car, sinking down with exhaustion. I turned on the music and we drove. They said they were tired from getting up so early. I had forgotten about that. So, I asked the question I had been waiting all day to ask, “Well?”
They both gave me a shrug. I was confused. I expected to hear stories of them chatting with friends. Not the disinterested attitude they were displaying. It took the whole ride home to figure it out. Apparently they didn’t do much talking with their friends because everyone has a cell phone nowadays and there were sixty little faces glued to their phone screens the entire time. My children were feeling disappointment but also jealousy. They wanted phones too and didn’t understand why they weren’t allowed to have one yet. This wasn’t how I had expected the day to go. I sensed opportunity in that moment. Those pearls of wisdom my Mother gave me in my childhood? I was determined to do the same. Our car rides were where we had our most serious conversations because there are no distractions to the kids. It is one of the only times I have their undivided attention, so I spoke.
“Babies? I am really sorry for how the bus ride turned out. It wasn’t what you were expecting, and I know that you’re feeling frustrated, but this just shows why you don’t need a phone yet. You’ve just seen it yourselves.” My son looked angry at my words. He has been asking for a phone for several years and I sometimes wonder if he feels embarrassment at not having one like all of his other friends. I continued before I could be interrupted and lose my train of thought.
“My childhood has lots of happy memories. When I am sad sometimes I think back to other happy times in my life and it helps me to get through the day. I have so many memories with friends and family that I treasure-”
“But if I had a phone I could record those memories,” my daughter interrupted angrily from the back seat.
“You are missing my point, let me finish,” I admonished her. “Lots of people are missing out on good times and fun because of their phones. You all don’t see it that way but it’s the truth. People get addicted to their phones, and not just children. Adults are addicted too. They miss out on everything happening around them. When I go to visit Grandma I always feel frustrated because she isn’t paying any attention to me, her face is buried in her phone. Apps that you would use are MADE to be addictive. There are studies about this. You get a rush of dopamine, your happiness chemical, when you get things like reacts from your friends. People are becoming so dependent on it that they are creating any true happiness in their lives. They are slaves to their phones. It isn’t just social media, phone games are made the same way. They pay people big bucks to manufacture games in a way that leaves you coming back for more, over and over. It is how they make money. People pay to speed up the reward systems in these games, and it is like being manipulated.”
“I wouldn’t get addicted,” my son muttered angrily beside me.
“That’s what everyone thinks, but it happens slowly. You know how we do family dinner? Do you ever see me on my phone?”
“No,” they replied in unison.
“Exactly. I think it is the pinnacle of rude behavior to sit down to dinner and ignore everyone around you because you are playing on your phone. That isn’t how you create good memories. When you have a bad time you think back on the good times, right?”
“Yeah,” replied my son.
“And those good times involve your friends and family, right?”
“Yeah.”
“When you are going through something hard you are going to look back on times where you felt joy, or when you shared laughs with your friends over something funny that happened. You will never think back to hours spent on a video game, especially a phone game.”
“But I have had fun playing online with my friends! You’re wrong,” my son quickly pointed out.
“Yes, I can see some good memories happening in those instances, but for the most part you are playing alone. Those good times are few and far between. You might have had a laugh over something happening on the game, but how long will you hold that memory dear?”
What I should have said before we arrived home, and maybe it didn’t occur to me to say at the time, I love looking back on experiences with people where we had deep conversations. Where we were discussing important things. Where our young minds were filled with the wonder of infinite possibilities. Do I hear my children having conversations like that? I do not. There is hardly any depth. Before you say that this is me being old and being disconnected from the youth, let me say that I am not the only one who had deep conversations with their friends in childhood. You cannot say that you never pondered the meaning of life and what your role in it was.
Are children not having as many of these conversations because we are not teaching them that skill? Or are they more guarded because there are so many more ways to experience bullying these days? Do they feel unsafe to open up? I know that I am making mistakes as a parent myself. My son told me that he wanted to be a famous youtuber one day, and I couldn’t stop myself from showing that I was unimpressed with his aspiration. I asked my son why he no longer wanted to be a writer and said matter of factly that it was a terrible idea. I shut a door between us before it had even fully opened. I didn’t mean to, and have apologized, but I know that I will never get it back. How can he open up to me when I disregarded something so important to him? I didn’t mean to do it, and I regret it.
It wasn’t just the job itself though, it was my motherly instincts.
My children have not had to deal with online abuse yet. They have never been bullied in that way. They simply cannot fathom how nasty people can be when cloaked in anonymity. How many online influencers have killed themselves in the past year? Several that I have read about.
Eventually my son did ask why I had a problem with it, and I finally got to explain a little. I mentioned the nastiness of online comments, the suicides, and the depression that these people struggle with. My son assured me that he could just ignore nasty comments. I’m not so sure.
My son is definitely funny. He talks to himself while playing video games frequently and I can hear him from the other room. I am constantly chuckling at his antics and sound effects. Do I think people could appreciate his videos? Definitely. I love his commentary. Do I think people will be jerks to him anyway? Yep. That’s what people do. It is their outlet for their hate and rage in life. People take it out on others online, because when you act like a jerk online there are rarely any lasting consequences. Maybe a temporary ban or mute, but then these online bullies very often have multiple accounts so that they can continue their bad behavior unimpeded.
I try to reflect on my motives often. I find myself wondering about others motives all of the time, so I try to scrutinize myself in the same way. Because another big problem that I notice in life is that people are not searching for introspection and very often do not understand their own motivations. People lie to themselves constantly, and if there is one thing I am sure of it is this, if you cannot trust yourself, how can you trust anybody?
Am I being a terrible parent at this moment? I definitely feel I screwed up in my response to his aspiration that he shared with me. Is this me being overprotective and stopping him from pursuing his passions? How much damage have I done by my initial response? I want my child to feel he can talk to me, and I just made a common parent blunder. Every generation of children feels that parents just don’t understand. I want to do better.
Fame is fleeting and leaves you under the microscope of public scrutiny. I would never want that for myself, and cannot imagine my son dealing with those pressures. Way too much importance is placed upon external validation. Yes, it’s nice to have but I think it is much better to validate yourself. Don’t get me wrong, my Mother validated me constantly. She made me feel so intelligent, so witty, and so wise. I think she was the greatest for this, but it is necessary to validate one’s self as well. When you are dependent entirely on other people’s praise and all of your self worth comes from the attention of others you are destroying your own resilience. Sure, people preach self love constantly these days, but I don’t see it working too well in most cases. People are bashed for being prideful, or maybe they were prideful about the wrong things. Why are you so focused on loving yourself at any weight? Don’t you know that skinny shaming is a thing? Don’t you know that your outside is irrelevant? What matters is on the inside! Insert eyeroll. These aren’t my thoughts, but just an example. Everyone has an opinion and the internet gives them a place to share it. There will always be someone who is critical of your view. Preach self love all you want, but it is still so hard to come by.
Have I helped equip my children with resilience or self love? They seem to struggle with it. Have I praised them enough? Do I feel that they are mentally strong? Not as strong as I would like, but I fear the ways they could attain mental strength. I have experienced a lot of rough times in my life. I have overcome adversity. I have been at the bottom and drug myself back to the top. Is that the only way to build mental strength or resilience? Through pain? Everyone struggles in life. Will my children’s struggles help them to grow to be strong people or will it leave them a broken person constantly questioning their own validity?
No one knows the future. How do we know that our methods are right? We can only proceed based on our own life experiences and knowledge. It is so terrifying not to know what the future holds. What seemingly inconsequential things did you say or do that will reverberate through your child’s life and affect them in ways you cannot begin to imagine? Hindsight is easy. Staring into the unknown future is much harder. It is incredibly difficult to face. Every single person is capable of causing untold amounts of ripples that expand into society and spread throughout the word.
Do you ever think about your own ripples?
Some people are aware of it and try to send out good ones. They try to pay it forward whenever conceivable. Maybe they pay for the person behind them’s meal in line at a drive through restaurant. Maybe they bring donuts for their coworkers. Maybe they stop and help people alongside the road who need help changing a tire. There is plenty of good still in this world. It isn’t all bad. But are we as a society focusing enough on the bad ripples? The bad energy we are sending out into the world?
So few seem to care these days. Humanity as a whole is selfish. It isn’t your fault, that is our nature. It is how we survive. But deep down how many times have you made an exception for yourself because you are special, you are you? The pandemic has really opened my eyes to people’s inherent selfishness. How dare you try to inconvenience me by requiring me to wear a face mask? I don’t care that it is mandated, and that you are simply doing your job, I am going to harass and abuse you! You may not be in support of wearing a mask on a personal level, but I don’t care about that. I am not going to live my life in fear like all of you sheeple. So, be prepared, I will hit you. I will spit on you. I will shoot you. Seems dramatic, right? But this has happened over and over again in this past year.
I want to ask where is the humanity, but I am beginning to fear that this IS humanity.
So often I struggle with wondering, is humanity worth saving? If this is the end-times do we deserve another chance? What makes us redeemable? The only answer that I can come up with is love. We are redeemable because of love. Maybe you have a better answer than me. Love is the only thing that I can come up with at this moment, and even that is hard to hold on to. I feel myself spiral and losing faith in humanity on a daily basis almost, and I have to make a conscious effort to remember the good things. Those loving moments that we are capable of.
The animals that we rescue. The children that we pray for. The couples who still love each other after many trials or years. The art inspired by it, or the music. Love is a universal feeling. It can unite us, though we face the ever present danger of hate dividing us. I am so past hating stuff. I can tell you that I intensely dislike our former president, but do I wish his death like I have seen others do? I do not. I think we have a world full of damaged people searching for meaning, and there is no manual. We are all trying our best and are making decisions based on our own life experiences. What is right to you is wrong to someone else. It doesn’t mean anyone is wrong. It is just perspective. There is no other way to view it that I am aware of. We all have different perspectives, our own personal narratives of events. That is just what humanity does. We are not a collective consciousness. So many people try to make things black and white, when really there are nothing but varying shades of grey. Had I lived your life and been through the things you have been through I might feel very differently. This is just my opinion on the matter, based upon my own life experiences. I don’t hate you for feeling differently than me. I just get sad sometimes that we struggle to find common ground. I want us to succeed. I want humanity to persevere.
How do I explain everything that is on my mind lately without making you feel it is endless rambling? I know this started with a list of things that make it feel like the world is ending, and I could go on forever. Do I drone on and on, or should I find some semblance of structure? I do not mean to be a bore, but there is so much to address. Is this a diary? Is this to my children? I am unsure. Maybe it is just for me. Maybe I just need to find the words that can make a difference. I don’t know about you but for quite a while now I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that time is running out and there is something I must do. I hope that by trying to organize my thoughts I can figure out what it is.
#existential despair#diary#what does it all mean#is this the end?#unfiltered#not trying to start anything#deep conversations#disconnected#firsttimetumblr
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creator tag meme
Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
ty for the tag @waveydnp 🥰
(it was a long year and i wrote 100+ fics so to narrow it down i’m picking one per quarter! bc i’m that indecisive beetch)
“The Odd Uneven Time” this was my first, so far only (but not for long😌✌️) chaptered fic, and it has a lot of moments that i’m still really proud of — there’s a fair amount i’d have done different had she been written in the post coming out universe, but i still think a lot holds up
“Followed Me Home” just in case y’all doubt my abilities to spiral about dnp and cats at any time — this was written during a frenzied anxiety week where i pumped out like 16k+ words of fics as a coping mechanism for the anniversary of the loss of a loved one, and i’m just proud to 1) have a healthy outlet, and 2) that the grief didn’t bleed into this fic. i think it’s a nice fic even if i wasn’t feeling nice when i wrote it, and i’m really proud of that :)
“Dancing On My Own” i’m proud of all my wlw-dnp pieces but this one in particular was a long time coming! i’d had the idea for it months back but truly thought it was too niche to interest anyone but me: a genderswap outside POV about a v polarizing figure in phandom history? but i couldn’t get the idea out of my head and i’m so pleased with how it came out — i don’t normally go so melancholy, but i also think it works here
“Exhausted Parents Kiss” you may be noticing a trend here where i’m picking pieces where i’m distinctly proud of them in the circumstances of their production, and that’s absolutely the case with this little kiss prompt ficlet. i wrote this while still in the hospital, it was the first thing i wrote after my health scare began, after several days of really bad cognitive trouble where i couldn’t remember the year or how to hold a knitting needle, and i was just so deeply afraid that writing again was going to feel different or be awful and that i would lose this thing i love so much and that is such a big part of me. and being able to clack out these 300 words which still felt right and still felt like me just meant so fucking much, i can’t even say
and not a fic but i’m really proud of my @phanworkschallenge advent video— similar to the ficlet above, i did this shortly after the health crisis and it just marks for me the ability to keep living my life after something so drastic happened— i’d had the idea for the vid before my hospital stay and as my advent due date approached i was like “well..... i can’t do this from the hospital lol if i’m not out of here in time i’ll just make a funny blog post w the recipes” but i was discharged w a few days to spare and despite some lost footage hiccups the vid came out well, i think!
i second the tag on @ahappydnp bc i Need her thoughts on her first year of fic writing💞 i also tag @doineedtohaveawordwithyou @quercussp , @tortitabby , @tobieallison , @intoapuddle , @watergator , @det395 , and anyone who sees this and wants to hop in (i know i’m blanking on so many people here akskdjd it’s early and i’m dumb!)
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Hi, I have some questions of advice, because I too want to be a commission writer. First, I have a PayPal account, I have not used it because I plan on using it for tumblr, how do I easily link it with my Tumblr account so I can get paid? And how do you get noticed as a commission writer on tumbr? For the longest time I have been writing for free but now I need to make the extra money, so how do I get noticed on tumblr as a commission account?
Hello! I wasn’t at all expecting a question like this, but will be all too happy to answer! I will be putting a Read More under this answer since it’s quite long, but essentially I will be going over the basics of PayPal, Growing Your Audience, Marketing Yourself, Pricing and Terms, and Commission Alternatives.
First, a little backstory for those who don’t already know why I find myself qualified to discuss this. I’m a freelance commission writer, which means I take monetary commissions for writing very much like an artist would take commissions for art. In my case, I specialize in fanfiction and certain fandoms, but I do offer original work if anyone wishes for it.
(tl;dr - I write people what they want to read for money.)
Keep in mind this ‘guide’ is only so comprehensive where I’m still learning about all of this myself, but for further reading there are dozens of commissions artists who have put their own wisdom online and many of the same practices can be used (and you might be able to use this guide even if you’re an artist). So, let’s start with PayPal!
PayPal
First, to answer your original question, you cannot ‘link’ your PayPal to your Tumblr account, but there are a few other things you can do.
What most people do is that they have a ‘button’ on their Tumblr pages that allow for PayPal donations. This is where you’ll be able to click the button, which acts much like a subscribe button would on other websites, and you’ll be taken to a PayPal page where you’ll be able to donate however much you please. A guide on how to add a PayPal donation button to your Tumblr page can be found here: https://www.jessicamullen.com/2011/02/17/how-to-put-a-donate-button-on-your-tumblr-blog-or-website/
If you still find yourself confused, doing a Google search on ‘how to put paypal donate button on website’ or ‘on tumblr’ yields many more results.
Another thing you can do, that I personally do myself, is linking your accounts. What this means can apply to many different things, but let me take you over a few of the quick basics.
With PayPal, please keep in mind that it is not a bank but a money lending service. What this means is that you should not keep large amounts of money in your PayPal account at any one time as it is dangerously easy to lose that money. A good way to solve this is to link your bank account to your PayPal account.
Linking your bank account allows you to transfer your funds in PayPal to your bank account, the timing usually being 1-3 business days, but being completely free. If you send $54.21 to your bank, then $54.21 will appear in your bank. Here is a WikiHow article on how to link your bank account to your PayPal, but please keep in mind that a Google Search will turn up even more results: https://www.wikihow.com/Link-Your-Bank-Account-to-Your-PayPal-Account
Another link you could do, in a sense, is to use the same email for your Tumblr and your PayPal. While this does not need to be done, I personally do it to allow for easier correspondence between everything I do. No matter what, though, make sure the email you give to any potential customers or clients is the same email you use for your PayPal, as this helps make things easier in the long run.
The reason for this is due to PayPal Invoices.When doing commission work, you should always, if possible, use a PayPalInvoice to accept payments on what you do. This allows not only for a papertrail, but it’s a safer way to handle money and not unexpectedly lose it ifyou’re working with a rotten client (of which there can be many in today’sworld).
As this is a more complicated process, here is a YouTube video on how to create and send PayPal Invoices: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNr1_4vPY5c : but what you’re essentially doing is laying a paper trail andgetting a receipt, which allows you to keep track of any and all funds you makethrough your commission work (which proves useful for taxes if you make enough or fall within a certain bracket).
At the basics you will create an invoice, write down the price of what you are getting paid, leave any thank you notes or Terms of Service notes (such as giving refund information and so on), and then send it to the mail your client gives you. Please keep in mind that once the invoice is paid and the money appears in your account, you will need to do further steps.
When the money appears after a paid invoice it will have a blue notice on it that says NEEDS ATTENTION, although sometimes it doesn’t and this is where you will need to be vigilant, and this means you will click it and it will take you to a page asking for shipping information. If you are doing digital goods such as writing in this case, you will need to click a dropdown menu that will talk about your shipping options. You will need to click Order Processed and then accept the change which will allow PayPal to know that there will be no physical shipping done. Take a look at the picture below for an example.
This is very important as, if you do not do this, PayPal will think you are scamming your client and refund the money to them, so always be sure to do this step. If you’re uncertain, there are many PayPal help guides through a Google Search, or just on Tumblr. I have a few articles tagged on my own blog that have proven helpful: https://ibelieveinahappilyeverafter.tumblr.com/tagged/paypal
While PayPal can be difficult to work with, it helps in leaving an official and legal trail that allow you to track your funds, which is an excellent thing in today’s world. Hopefully, this section helped you get through at least the basics.
Growing Your Audience
Commissions are a wonderful way to interact with the community you’re a part of and make money at the same time, but it won’t prove as helpful if you don’t know how to grow the audience that will be after your work.
First, and most obvious I believe, is finding your audience. What this means is that if you plan to write fanfiction for commissions, then be active in the fandoms you hope to gain clients from. Post your writing of stories, headcanons, ideas, and get people’s attention on your work. It’s also a great idea to interact with people on your posts, get personal, and make a name for yourself.
For me, personally, I’ve been actively writing in fandoms for well over a decade of my life, primarily with Danny Phantom, Gravity Falls, and, these days, My Hero Academia. I have been attempting to do writing commissions since sometime in 2015, but it was not until this year that I began to see clients because of my involvement within My Hero Academia, which is a large, popular, and ongoing fandom.
If you don’t currently have any ties to the larger or higher traffic fandoms, then there are times where you will have to remove your feelings from the equation and get into fandoms that you didn’t think you would like. A large part of this is that you are now doing a job and this is a business, and that means you need to notice trends and follow the crowds.
What I mean by that is that if you see social media fixating around a new fandom, hop into it, start writing, and gather people’s attention. A new fandom, especially, is great because this means fanart and fanfiction is limited, and people will be searching for good stories for the characters they love.
A big reason I use Tumblr is because of the follower count. If I start posting for new fandoms, then I can watch my follower count to see if I’m gaining or losing an audience and whether the gain vs loss is worth it. Personally I’ve moved on from Danny Phantom in many ways because there is no one willing to pay to consume work there these days, but that’s not so in other fandoms.
If you think this advice is harsh or not something you’ll be able to do, then try to focus on growing an audience in what you do like, but keep in mind it might not be as profitable as you’re expecting.
Growing your audience is a long, involved, and on-going process. It won’t happen overnight, but just starting and noticing the trends of what is happening is a great place to begin.
Marketing Yourself
As I mentioned in the last section, you are now running a business that is you, yourself, and I, essentially, and that means you now need to think as a business owner. In today’s world that starts with social media.
Social media isn’t just a way to keep up on memes, but it’s a way to let people know what you do, what you can do, and what you’re willing to do. Tumblr is a great place for writers as it’s a blogging platform that allows for the sharing and expansion of ideas (even with all the flaws it has today), but there are other social media sites that will allow you to market yourself and what it is you can do.
Tumblr allows you to post large portions of your writing and entire stories in a way that’s easy to read and easy to share. It also allows you to monitor your following count and have an archive of past work you’ve done, one that’s easily taggable so people can see examples of your work whenever they wish. It’s also an easy way to always have your commissions information (such as prices) available by making it a page on your blog. For now, I’ve found this is the best place to have the core of your business and commissions (especially if you’re involved in fandom).
Twitter allows for quick thoughts, quick links, and quick information. This is a good site to use for updates on your commissions, links that will bring in traffic to your tumblr, and growing a user base that’s more personable with you. This has as many drawbacks as it does advantages, but remember that while you don’t want to share your life story, customer service is a big part of commissions. Put on your retail smile and speak softly.
Instagram is typically a better site for artists, but writers can use it either to showsnippets of stories as captions under relevant pictures, to network withartists who will be able to help you in the future, and even just posting inprogress shots of some of your stories if you wish.
Facebook is not a website I have much experience in, but you can use it to start a page and have your clients comment and talk about the stories you’ve done for them. It’s a good place for testimonials and local based work, but not as good for digital goods such as writing and art.
The goal of all of this is to brand yourself. What do you write? What do you want to be known for writing? Are you a writer whose easy to work and get along with? Have your clients been happy with the work you produce for them? Are you worth whatever prices you set?
A brand isn’t just a catchy logo that people remember, it’s what you’re known for best, like Payless being known for affordable footwear. What sort of writing do you want to be known for is the question you will be trying to answer when doing your commissions work, although this doesn’t mean you have to work alone.
Earlier I mentioned networking with artists who can help you in the future, and this is because artists and writers can work together. If you’re having a hard time pushing your commissions, consider approaching an artist you know, one who is doing their own commissions, and suggest a 50-50 split to team up together, writing for a client and then drawing an accompanying picture.
While this may not be as profitable as commissioning on your own, it will allow you to grow your audience and client base as you will be showing your work to the artists’ audience, which means they can become yours, too. It’s a great way to spread your audience, work with other artists, and be a bigger part of whatever community you become a part of.
Overall, remember to always have sample work and examples posted where your clients can find them easily, be personable and friendly when dealing with those who buy from you, and keep in mind what exactly it is you’re trying to sell.
Pricing and Terms
There is no one good way to price your art. Every writer and artist is different and every writer and artist will continue to be different. While you and your skills are worth money, it is good to keep in mind that this is now a business and your prices, while reflective of your skill, must also be affordable to the audience you cater to. If you tend to write for an audience that is mostly teeangers and young adults, it might do to start with lower prices and work your way up to higher prices as you gain experience and clients.
This section is short as, truly, there really is no clear and cut pricing guide for your work, but below is a sample of my commission prices that I have settled on for the time being if you wish for an example.
*500-999 words = $5
*1,000-1,999 words = $10
*2,000-2,999 words = $18
*3,000-3,999 words = $24
*4,000-4,999 words = $28
*5,000-5,999 words = $30
*6,000,6,999 words = $36
*7,000-7,999 words = $42
*8,000-8,999 words = $48
*9,000-9,999 words = $54
*10,000-10,999 words = $60
*Complete Story: 30,000 - 40,000 words = flat rate of $250
*Editing: flat rate of $10
When it comes to your ‘terms,’ this means that you need to decide what you will not write. A lot of writers who take commissions for subjects they’re not comfortable writing means they don’t write their best and, many times, say they regretted taking the commission at all. You don’t need to explicitly state what you will not write when you post your commission information, but be sure to have a list in mind so you can decline clients when they contact you. For an example of a commission page, here’s mine: https://ibelieveinahappilyeverafter.tumblr.com/commissions
Commission Alternatives
Now that we’ve gone through all of that, there is still the chance you will fail the first time you open your commissions. I have had commissions open for many years but, as I said, I did not start gaining business until this year. So, in case that happens to you, here are a few alternatives you can use; ones that I personally use myself.
Patreon is “a crowdfunding membership platform based in the United States that provides business tools for creators to run a subscription content service, with ways for artists to build relationships and provide exclusive experiences to their subscribers, or “patrons.”” What this means is that it allows you to provide exclusive content to those who pay you on a monthly basis.
In the case of writing this means you could post exclusive content behind a paywall, typically $3 to $5 per month, and those who enjoy your writing will pay to see it. Keep in mind that it takes hard work and some luck to do well on Patreon and I, personally, still only have a few Patrons to my name.
A good way to boost and advertise your patreon, however, is to place it on each story or long post you personally make and post, as this will give people an idea of what you write and allow them to check out your Patreon for good information. My typical tagline is:
⍣ I have a Patreon! Support me!⍣
Ko-Fi “allows creators like you to receive money from fans of your content. Create your page and button and share it anywhere on the web. Anyone who clicks your link can support you with a ‘Ko-fi’ (a small payment that is roughly equal to the price of a coffee).” What this means is that when you make a Ko-Fi anyone who ‘buys you a coffee’ is giving you $3, and they can stack the coffees so if they buy you 5 coffees then that’s $15.
A good thing I like about Ko-Fi is that they are automatically linked with PayPal, so when you sign up all the money you make goes directly into your account there. A thing to keep in mind, however, is that you must check order processed on all Ko-Fi payments on your PayPal like you would with an invoice. Each Ko-Fi you get must be individually attended to, but it’s a good, safe way to get one-time donations. You can also tag it on all your writing posts like so:
☪ I have a tip jar! Buy me a coffee!☪
There are a few other alternatives to Writing Commissions, but those are the two I use, trust, and know best, but if you see some other avenue don’t be afraid to explore it!
Last Advice
Let me begin by saying all the information in this guide is by no means comprehensive, but can apply to art and original work just as well as it can writing commission fanfictions. The point is to market yourself, find an audience who will buy your work, and keep churning out work as much as you can.
Another thing to keep in mind is that this will not be easy. For every writer I’ve seen offering commissions, there are a hundred more artists with their own commissions drowning it out (which is why I recommend teaming up with artists when and where possible).
I have been writing in online spaces since roughly 2009-2010, but I didn’t have the idea to start writing commissions until 2015. It’s only been this year that I have been contacted to write and have successfully made money off of my work.
A large part of this is finding the right following, but don’t be afraid to interact and be a part of a community. Writing is an expression of art and an amazing experience, especially in fandom circles where communities are forming everyday, but writing for money turns it into a business, and that means you need to learn how to market yourself and prove that your skills are worth the amount you ask for.
I hope you’re successful in whatever you choose to do and I further hope that this guide proved helpful. Write well and happy days!
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Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 9 Review
Consistently funny. The weak points do not drag this episode down.
The Set Up begins with a great cold open. Piccolo is drop-dead unconscious on the ground, Gohan is desperately trying to wake him up, and Krillin is anxiously awaiting for Goku to show up. After all, he’s their friend who would never let them down right? Meanwhile... Goku is busy eating at Jadoshin's palace. Even as a departure from the original series, I like the idea that the two of them made up and are friends now. Jadoshin, however, has to remind Goku about the Saiyans. Goku then runs out in a panic.
[Title Sequence]
Piccolo isn't getting up and Nappa needs a new toy. He chooses Gohan seemingly at random from the two remaining, and floors him in one kick.
"Wooo! Not me!"
When Krillin isn't being the resident Milhouse, he's the rimshot comedian. The joy doesn't last for much longer though, as Gohan stays down.
Nappa is about to tear Krillin a new one, when the bald monk suddenly screams out that it's his turn. And for some glorious reason, this actually works on Nappa. This is some straight up Looney Tunes, "Duck Season, Fire!" type tomfoolery.
Vegeta does not handle Nappa's stupidity very well, and in his anger does a fourth wall break where he references a timestamp in the video. This is kind of clever and a bit of a break from the other fourth wall jokes that they've done so far, but I feel like it could lose its charm if it's done more than once. As for the timestamp itself, which is at 9:18 in the video... we'll get to that later.
Krillin decides to use the Destructo-Kienzan, and Vegeta shouts a warning to Nappa that it's a trick.
"But Vegeta... tricks are for kids."
The tense background music just completely stops here, but you can still hear the vibrations of the kienzan in the background. Great sound design. The long pause afterwards is also well timed, and Vegeta takes up the "fuck it, you wanna die, then die." mentality with Nappa. This skit is succinct, well paced and well editied.
Nappa receives a deep cut to the face for his troubles, as it just nearly takes his head off. Nappa laments his modeling career, and the scene cuts to a photoshopped rendition of Nappa on Vogue magazine. The bald, beautiful Saiyan, and his 10 tips on being a better lover!
This might have been a joke before its time, or perhaps the intention was different while writing this in 2009, but Nappa shows us all what a "nice guy" he was trying to be during all of this, and now decides "okay, full ultra-violence it is!" and fades Krillin with a white sparkly angel dust attack. I'm sure it has an actual cool sounding name (Like "Galaxy Breaker" or something) but I'm going to keep calling it the white sparkly angel dust attack. The owned counter ticks up to 8 here, but it doesn't feel deserved.
Piccolo jumps up with an "I'm back" and shoots Nappa... in the back. He sees what you did there. Just as Piccolo and Nappa are about to throw down, Gohan appears out of nowhere and roundhouse kicks him through a boulder. More indication that Gohan has some incredible hidden power inside of him. This surprises Piccolo, and Gohan is initially apologetic, but Piccolo begs for him to stay angry before Nappa just as quickly hops back to his feet.
It turns out Gohan hit Nappa so hard that he turned Italian. Seems a little out of left field, but why not. The "I'm a firing my laser" reference is perhaps the most dated thing I've seen since Episode 1. Would this even count as a meme? Wasn't "Firin Mah Laser" something that came out before the word meme even became popular as a way of describing internet fads, jokes, templates and trends? Back when Demotivational Posters and I Can Haz Cheeseburger ruled the internet? Truthfully, I loved this joke when it came out, but now all it does is remind me of the proto-internet days. And part of me feels weird for being nostalgic about that, because I just know someone in their 30's is going to read this and roll their eyes saying "Oh God, I'm getting old", in much the same way I'll feel horrified when people start to become nostalgic for Fortnite in the next 10 or 20 years.
Back to the episode, Piccolo's sacrifice happens right about here, and the scene does a good job of pointing out a plot contrivance in the source material. Piccolo could have just grabbed Gohan and moved out of the way. Though the scene plays up the amount of time Piccolo had to work with, there was still nothing stopping him from just grabbing him and chucking him like a bag of potatoes out of the way, even in the original. However, if Piccolo doesn't die, there's no real reason to go to Namek. What I think might be a more practical reason is that, this is a turning point for Piccolo as a character where he starts thinking emotionally. It's no real secret across both the canon and the abridged material that Piccolo is actually a pretty decent parent. So this right here is the idea of Piccolo more or less abandoning rational thought and considered only protecting Gohan. That contrasts a little with the ruthless, methodical, cunning, intelligent character he's been shown to be, just to throw that all away to save him, but the contrivance definitely becomes less egregious when you consider these factors.
However you want to address it, then end result is that Piccolo sacrifices himself to protect Gohan. In the original this is capped off with Piccolo comparing Gohan to his son, which is what Gohan begins to explain before Piccolo calls him a nerd. In this series however, Piccolo laments one final time:
"Why... didn't you... DODGE!!!"
Bleh. And with Piccolo's death, Kami is soon to follow. He explains the Namekian Dragon Balls to Mr Popo, and the long (very long) journey that must be undertook in order to revive everyone, but Mr Popo outright refuses and simply reminds Kami of the pecking order. Kami dies, and thus the Dragon Balls become inert.
Back at the battlefield, Vegeta was busy reading an issue of that very same Vogue magazine with Nappa on the cover and thus didn't see him kill Piccolo, like a mother three sangria's deep at her kid's soccer practice.
I've never much cared for Gohan's exasperated expletives in this or any scene in DBZA. This one in particular doesn't sit well with me simply because they went to the effort of being purposefully verbose but then still chose to use the word "condom" over "contraceptive" - A condom is made of latex, whereas a contraceptive is any kind of device at all that prevents pregnancy. As an example, some of the first contraceptives in history were made from linen and animal intestines, while the condom itself wasn't invented until 1855. Gohan specifically saying he's going to use Nappa's intestines as a condom serves the same purpose either way, but “contraceptive” would’ve been more technically accurate, in a bit of dialogue that is purposefully trying to be technically accurate. I wouldn't be picking on the semantics so much if that weren't the express purpose of this entire scene. Also it has more syllables and therefore sounds more smarterer.
Nappa gives this scene the backhand and the "bitch please" it deserves and we're done with that.
"Everyone important to you is dead."
"Hey I'm still alive--"
"EVERYONE important."
"...Damn it."
See, this is where the Krillin Owned count should have gone up.
After Nappa doesn't smash, Goku appears on the battlefield. His reaction to showing up too late and everyone being dead is uncharacteristically deadpan, and it's hilarious. He asks where Chiaotzu is, and Krillin gives him the Achmed the Dead Terrorist explanation. Over there, over there, and up there. I'm not actually sure if this episode predates Jeff Dunham or not, but I enjoy both, both used the same joke at least once, and both make me laugh so I'm drawing the comparison anyways.
Goku asks why everyone is dead and Nappa immediately and without hesitation calls dibs. This leads into one of most famous and iconic scenes, if only for meme reasons, in all of DBZ.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?"
"It's... 1006."
"Wha-- Really?"
"Yeah. Kick his ass, Nappa!"
Not gonna lie, this genuinely made me burst into laughter the first time I saw it. I don't know if it was just shock value or what, but it doesn't have the same effect now that I know it's coming every time I rewatch this episode. I just love the idea of the scouter being upside-down and Vegeta not questioning it. An even better headcanon is that the scouter was never upside-down, Vegeta was just getting tired of Nappa's bullshit and just decided to send him into an ass-kicking anyways.
We're treated to a solid 15 seconds of Nappa getting completely curbstomped while the various characters look on in shock and awe, until Nappa gets dumped at Vegeta's feet.
It's also here that Vegeta finally learns that Piccolo's life is directly intertwined with the Dragon Balls. I believe this was already established in the original series, but no such conversation ever occurred here. Vegeta has quite simply lost his chance at immortality and it’s all because of Nappa.
I actually wonder how an immortal Saiyan would work. They receive a Zenkai boost, which makes them stronger when they almost die, but if you can't ever die, you can't ever “almost” die either, so you wouldn't get the Zenkai boost and your power wouldn't increase that way. Then again, most expectations of logic or consistency within Dragon Ball are pretty much always doomed.
Speaking of doomed, remember that timestamp at 9:18 that Vegeta referenced earlier? Because Vegeta certainly does, and with both the camel’s and Nappa's back having officially been broken, Nappa is sent to the shadow realm in a blinding flash of light and a massive explosion.
Vegeta's smirk is all we needed to close out this episode. There is no stinger.
Conclusion
Really good episode, actually. I wouldn't consider it as strong as Episode 7, but it definitely holds the same energy throughout. There are more high quality comedic moments in this episode than I could count on both hands. At worst some of the dialogue was uninteresting, pointless or overproduced, but the average pace of this episode rests rather highly compared to its valleys.
Microphone quality and sound mixing on some pieces of dialogue is still meh. Krillin's first line in this episode peaks the audio or something similar, because it takes me out for a hot second just because it's so sudden and emphatic.
We also see a slight evolution in the dynamic between Vegeta and Nappa which keeps things fresh. This is becoming less of a deadpan snarker and over the top clown, treads more into the ticking time bomb territory which is great for slowly building tension, and not unjustly as it has a satisfying payoff.
Plot holes in the original are addressed and lampooned here, creative jokes such as the Vogue Nappa and “1006″ are present and accounted for, and on the whole there's a lot of very on the mark humor, and only some of it is overdone. The story for this episode also holds significant weight and momentum, and it all blends together quite well with an above-average script and some great visual and audio edits.
Score: 77
Passing Thoughts
"Riiiiiicola!" - Oh hey, it's this again.
"Oh and I totally killed that guy. Oh well, at least we still had fun getting here, right Vegeta? Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vege-- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"
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The best songs of the 2010s: #25-1
#25: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott feat. Drake (2018)
When music historians look at hip-hop’s late-’10s dominance, I have no doubt that “SICKO MODE” will be viewed as the pinnacle of the era.
Let’s just go through a checklist of what makes “SICKO MODE” an instant classic: The weirdo multi-part structure. Travis Scott’s nearly two-minute long verse with quotable lines galore. Drake somehow managing to make falling asleep on an airplane sound cool. That spooky two-word Swae Lee refrain. Multiple Jamba Juice name-drops (inspiring a hilarious meme video). An iconic, striking music video with whacked-out imagery galore.
But most importantly, it’s a stone-cold banger that will get any dance floor moving. What more could you want?
#24: “Dance Yrself Clean” by LCD Soundsystem (2010)
You might have noticed that one of the decade’s biggest musical trends — EDM — hasn’t shown up much on this list. That’s because a majority of it has already aged badly, even just a few years later. Songs like “Don’t You Worry Child” or “Wake Me Up!” certainly have their charms, but unlike the more enjoyable, trashy electropop that preceded it, most EDM hits were plodding and self-serious. And its best artist, Calvin Harris, made his best work when he drifted away from the subgenre’s rigid structure and just made pure pop music.
But my passiveness towards EDM doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a great drop. There’s been plenty of songs on the list with incredible drops up to this point, and there’s still a couple more to come. Hell, I even halfway considered putting some Skrillex on the list just because some of his early stuff still can get your pulse pounding (even if these songs REEK of the early 10s). But there will never be a drop more bonkers than “Dance Yrself Clean.”
Indie legends LCD Soundsystem kicked off the decade with a bang with this song — but they made you wait for that bang. More than three minutes, to be exact. But those who were patient enough to sit through the quiet, drawn-out opening were treated to frontman James Murphy wailing like a madman over a shuffling beat, bouncy bass and a cascading, randomized symphony of analog synthesizers. Although I’m sure Murphy calculated every second of “Dance Yrself Clean,” it sounds like absolute anarchy. And in the moments when his screaming vocals go hoarse over the slamming synths, it’s unreal.
#23: “Born To Die” by Lana Del Rey (2011)
This was the first Lana Del Rey song I heard, back in my junior year of high school. I was immediately floored. The vocals, the cinematic orchestral sweep, the spaghetti western guitars, the tragically beautiful lyrics — it was an instant masterpiece. There was no way Lana wouldn’t be the world’s biggest popstar within a year.
A couple months later, Lana infamously bombed on Saturday Night Live, which some thought would derail her career entirely. Even after her career has survived and she’s become a critical darling with a cult fanbase, her debut album, Born To Die, and its title track still have a bit of the stink from that SNL performance. Well, no more.
“Born To Die” is a haunting gothic-pop masterpiece that’s aged much better than much early-’10s pop (although I love the corny club stuff from that era, don’t get me wrong). Lana’s smoky voice is unparalleled, the trip-hop production is untouchable.
And although her pinnacle wouldn’t come until 2014 with her sophomore album Ultraviolence, “Born To Die” is still Lana’s most perfect single to date.
#22: “Green Light” by Lorde (2017)
In 2013, Lorde completely upended the pop universe with “Royals,” a minimalist tune chastising radio hits for their un-relatable opulence. By 2017, the culture had fully gravitated towards Lorde’s moodier sound, with greyscale acts like Post Malone and Alessia Cara writing monster hits about being angsty and sad (and not in the artsy, brilliant way that worked for Kurt Cobain or Kanye). It was a far cry from the neon, bubbly world of Katy Perry and Carly Rae Jepsen from a few years prior.
The New Zealand prodigy could’ve cashed in on being ahead of the curve and continued down her minimalist moody path. But she did the opposite with the defiant and proudly energized “Green Light.” Yes, it’s a breakup anthem, but Lorde doesn’t wallow in her sadness here (she saves that for other Melodrama cuts). Instead, she wailed away into the night, playing off of the thundering drums and bouncing pianos of Jack Antonoff’s production (his best-ever).
With “Green Light,” Lorde let her ex, and the world, know that she isn’t going anywhere. She might not ever reach the commercial heights of “Royals” again, but she’ll be an icon as long as there’s heartbreak that needs overcoming.
#21: “If You Know You Know” by Pusha-T (2018)
Pusha-T’s magnum opus, “If You Know You Know,” is a masterclass in cocaine rap with its effortless wordplay, sinister-yet-charismatic flow and blaring Kanye West beat. It deserved to be the song of the summer in 2018, but the masses chose a C-tier Drake single instead (despite Push absolutely ENDING Drake that summer).
But that doesn’t diminish the achievement Push made with this song. It’s quite a feat to record your best-ever track 17 years after your breakout. It’s even more of an accomplishment when that track kicks as much ass as “If You Know You Know.”
#20: “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry (2010)
Teenage Dream-era Katy Perry is one of pop’s all-time juggernauts. The five consecutive #1 hit singles that album racked up is a feat matched only by Michael Jackson. Of those five singles, one stands out as the clear masterpiece of the group: the album’s title track (although “T.G.I.F” is also incredible).
I remember feeling a little underwhelmed by “Teenage Dream” when I first heard it in 2010. Her last single was a goofy, bombastic summer jam complete with a ridiculous video. “Teenage Dream” is a much more conventional, timeless pop jam. The chord structure is shockingly simple and the lyrics are lovestruck notes from a ‘50s ballad.
But that simplicity is what makes the song work. “Teenage Dream” has aged well because sometimes, all you need is three chords, a monster hook and yearning lyrics. This song will be Perry’s biggest legacy.
#19: “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” by Car Seat Headrest (2016)
“Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” has to be the only uplifting, U2/Nirvana-style power ballad about DUIs.
Landing smack in the middle of Car Seat Headrest’s indie rock concept album/instant-classic Teens of Denial, “Drunk Drivers” is about the main character taking stock of his entire life and emotional instability. And yes, it all centers around driving drunk — or in this case, refusing that temptation as an impetus to change one’s life.
Naturally, in the very next song on the album, it’s revealed that the narrator drove drunk and got arrested anyways. But for a cathartic six minutes, “Drunk Drivers” provides a fleeting escape from the constant loop of self-hate and depression. Not to mention that it’s a grinding ‘90s alt-rock throwback that probably makes Billy Corgan jealous.
#18: “Harmony Hall” by Vampire Weekend (2019)
I’d never guess that Vampire Weekend’s second-best song (after “Oxford Comma,” of course) would be a hippie-friendly tune combining the Grateful Dead and Screamadelica. But here we are. And awkward combination or no, Ezra Koenig knew exactly what he was doing.
In a very dark, uncertain year, Koenig decided to write a song that doubled both as a blissed-out reprieve and a nervous warning. The music is utopian, but the lyrics detail the anger, confusion and constant obstacles of life in the late ‘10s. Koenig takes a lyric from one of his previous songs — “I don’t want to live like this/but I don’t want to die” — and makes it a rallying cry for anxious Millennials around the world, paranoid that the world might not stick around much longer.
It’s a heavy topic, but the gorgeous instrumentals, breakbeat drums, lilting guitars and bouncy pianos certainly ease the stress. “Harmony Hall” is a late-career masterpiece for the ages.
#17: “Marvins Room” by Drake (2011)
Never before has a booty call sounded so sad.
Way before he ruled the pop universe, Drake was just hip-hop’s resident mope. And “Marvins Room” is peak sadboi Drake. Using a real voicemail message in the hook (that he was later sued for using), “Marvins Room” is a six-minute phone conversation in which Drake drunkenly begs his ex to come back.
On the surface, what Drake discusses are what most rappers brag about — sex, money, wealth. But in “Marvins Room,” Drake seems to view them as obstacles to his ex, who he clearly still isn’t over. When he said he had sex four times this week, he sounds disgusted with himself, not proud.
Drake doesn’t look remotely good in this song; it’s more than a little pathetic. But it feels real and raw and revealing in a way that few R&B ballads are willing to get.
#16: “Pedestrian At Best” by Courtney Barnett (2015)
Courtney Barnett’s grungy masterpiece, “Pedestrian At Best,” is appropriately angsty given its crunchy guitars and yell-y vocals. But the Melbourne singer-songwriter touches on a different kind of angst here than Pearl Jam usually tapped into: the pressure of living up to sky-high expectations.
In the early/mid ‘10s, Barnett was earning lots of hype after witty (and excellent!) early singles like “Avant Gardener” and “History Eraser.” She clearly assumed she’d screw up her debut album following up those breakout songs, as she declares herself “a fake” and “a phony” in “Pedestrian At Best.”
Arguably her generation’s best lyricist, Barnett nails her expectation to squander the public’s expectations: “Put me on a pedestal and I’ll only disappoint you/Tell me I’m exceptional, I promise to exploit you.” The ironic thing is, she did the opposite. “Pedestrian At Best” is one of the most successful songs about failing.
#15: “Ni**as in Paris” by Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011)
There was some close competition, but I don’t think there was a more quotable rap song this decade than Jay-Z and Kanye West’s crowning achievement from Watch The Throne, “Ni**as in Paris.”
The classic lines don’t stop coming throughout the minimalist banger. Jay’s verse is smooth braggadocio perfected: “I’m liable to go Michael, take your pick: Jackson, Tyson, Jordan, Game 6.” Then Kanye comes crashing in with some truly bizarre bars that are both the dumbest and greatest thing you’ve ever heard. After hearing the song, I never felt the same way about fish filets ever again.
And then, the piece de resistance — Kanye’s inspired Will Ferrell sample from Blades Of Glory. It’s one of the most left-field and iconic moments in hip-hop history, and perfectly described the song itself. “NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS. BUT IT’S PROVOCATIVE. IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING.” Amen.
#14: “Run Away With Me” by Carly Rae Jepsen (2015)
Carly Rae Jepsen deserved to be one of the biggest popstars of all time. She should be selling out the same arenas that Taylor Swift and Beyoncé fill. But, in what is a true tragedy, the British Columbia native is only remembered as being that singer with that one earth-shattering hit and a feverish cult following.
But despite how adorable and fun “Call Me Maybe” is, Jepsen’s true magnum opus is her 2015 album, EMOTION, and its bombastic opening track, “Run Away With Me.”
The single is a masterclass in blending ‘80s flourishes with modern production. On the thunderous chorus, the EDM synths and roaring saxophone riff work in harmony with Jepsen’s passionate vocals to create pure pop bliss. Combined with the intimate verses, the single perfectly encapsulates that butterfly-feeling of a relationship’s honeymoon stage.
“Run Away With Me” is only one of many, many Jepsen singles that would’ve been #1 smashes in a perfect world. But the lack of chart success for this one especially hurt.
#13: “Formation” by Beyoncé (2016)
Where were you when “Formation” dropped? I bet you probably remember (I was writing an essay in my college’s library).
Sure, Beyoncé’s self-titled 2013 album is the surprise drop that gets all the attention. But “Formation” came out of nowhere too a few years later, and let’s be honest — it was much better. (side note: 4 is also much better than the self-titled)
Mike Will Made It’s beat for “Formation” incorporated some Texas twang into his trap-pop production — a fitting match for a Houston legend like Beyoncé. And Bey takes heat-check shot after heat-check shot here: declaring herself the next Bill Gates; casually dropping a “swag” ad lib and magically not sounding corny as hell; making a trip to a mediocre chain seafood restaurant sound like a cool post-sex reward.
It all works. And that’s because on “Formation,” Beyoncé was as untouchable and fearless as her cutthroat stans had always proclaimed her to be. The fact that it was the triumphant coda to one of the decade’s best pop albums just cements its legend.
#12: “Old Town Road (Remix)” by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus (2019)
It’s the longest-running #1 hit in U.S. history. An unstoppable juggernaut that held titans like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and Drake from the top of the charts. And, oh yeah — it’s perfect.
There are probably a few party poopers out there who hate “Old Town Road.” I am not one of them. By 2019, pop’s grayscale, Post Malone-fueled gloom had gotten out of hand. Then out of nowhere, this teenage Nicki Minaj Twitter stan writes a goofy novelty song that’s both a parody of country clichés and a sincere celebration of the cowboy lifestyle. (It’s also the greatest country song ever written, and the entire city of Nashville can fight me on that.)
Lil Nas X has a pure charisma other artists would kill for, from his warbly, infectious chorus to his endlessly quotable verse (WRANGLER ON MY BOOTY!!). And pulling Billy Ray Cyrus away from Hannah Montana-funded retirement to drop a shockingly fire verse about living the luxury lifestyle in Beverly Hills? There’s no way this wouldn’t be one of my all-time favorites.
Sometimes, when it comes to predicting future classics, you’ve just got to trust the screaming elementary schoolers.
#11: “Midnight City” by M83 (2011)
“Midnight City” sounds like what Space Mountain feels like.
The decade’s best electronic song is so perfect as to be almost alien, yet also remarkably warm and human. And just when you thought the song couldn’t get better, the second-greatest sax solo of all time (only behind “Jungleland”) bursts out of the neon layers of synth.
M83 has a catalogue stuffed with stunning retro synthpop bangers. The fact that “Midnight City” towers above them all is a testament to the song’s sheer majesty.
#10: “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift (2012)
Yes, I’m aware that this is the obvious Taylor Swift pick for this list. But Swift’s literary masterwork, “All Too Well,” hits me too hard to deny it.
“All Too Well” is so packed with vivid details and intense emotional swings that it feels like more like a short story backed by arena-rock instrumentation more than a pop song. From her an abandoned scarf tucked in a drawer, to her ex’s mother embarrassing him with his dorky child photos, to the phone-call breakup that was “casually cruel in the name of being honest,” Swift didn’t leave anything out.
Coupled with her songwriting, Swift’s vocals also make “All Too Well” her pinnacle. She reaches into her upper register so rarely that it sends shivers whenever she does, like on the emphatic climax here.
If it catches me in the right mood, Swift’s performance, the lilting guitars and cutting lyrics in “All Too Well” brings a few tears to my eyes. (Yes, really.) It’s only fitting that one of the greatest breakup anthems of all time is sung by a master of the artform.
#9: “Ivy” by Frank Ocean (2016)
I was very tempted to put Frank Ocean’s 10-minute synthpop epic “Pyramids” on the list instead. Make no mistake — if it wasn’t for my self-imposed one-song-per-artist rule, both it and “Ivy” would’ve placed highly.
But “Ivy” is a heart-stopper. It’s a fairly simple song, with just Ocean’s raw vocals playing off the languid guitars. To pull a song like this off, you have to be a double-threat, a genius lyrically and a stunning singer. Ocean fits that bill.
“Ivy” is the decade’s greatest R&B song, a heartbreaking ode to a slowly crumbling relationship.
#8: “The Edge Of Glory” by Lady Gaga (2011)
Lady Gaga’s best songs hit you like a brick to the face. Gaga — the greatest pop star of the 21st century, don’t @ me — has plenty of pop bangers that do this, particularly on the wildly underrated Artpop (shoutout to the insane and insanely fun “G.U.Y.”). But arguably none of her singles provide as much maximalist pleasures as “The Edge Of Glory.”
The track reeks of trying too hard in the best way possible. Gaga reaches into her upper vocal register frequently, scratching her upper limits every time she reaches the chorus. The production is a messy-but-beautiful jumble of slamming synths and drum machines. And that Clarence Clemons sax solo — one of the last musical contributions he made before his death that same year — is just the icing on top of the gloriously sugary cake.
Gaga’s over-the-top synthpop from her early years isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But for someone like me, who wants pop to feel as massive and inescapable as humanly possible, “The Edge Of Glory” is still a towering high-water mark.
#7: “Pay No Mind” by Beach House (2018)
This spot could’ve been taken by any number of Beach House songs, the modern masters of dream-pop. “Space Song,” “Myth,” “Take Care” — the Baltimore duo honed in on a specific musical style and perfected it.
To me, “Pay No Mind” is the culmination of those years of Beach House subtly tinkering with their hazy, nocturnal sound. It’s like a gothic wedding slow-dance song: the right rhythm and with a romantic feel, but maybe a bit too gloomy for your grandparents. But regardless, “Pay No Mind” is breathtakingly beautiful, like seeing neon lights through the fog.
#6: “m.A.A.d. city” by Kendrick Lamar feat. MC Eiht (2012)
If you haven’t tried to memorize the nearly two-minute uninterrupted opening verse of “m.A.A.d. city,” were you even alive in the early ‘10s?
Kendrick Lamar has written many hip-hop epics in his career so far, but so far none have topped the semi-title track from his major label debut, good kid, m.A.A.d. city. In that concept album about Lamar’s teen years growing up amidst the gang warfare in Compton, “m.A.A.d city” marks the point where the gangsta dream shifts into a horrifying nightmare.
The song is a blur of murder, violence and police sirens. Lamar sounds positively terrified on the track, his voice cracking while he confesses. And bringing on old-school rapper MC Eiht to play a veteran gang member snapping Lamar out of his haze was a brilliant move. “m.A.A.d city” is an exhilarating tour-de-force that proved how much raw talent, in both flow and storytelling, Lamar had.
#5: “Somebody Else” by The 1975 (2016)
If Vampire Weekend is the most important band of the early ‘10s, then The 1975 is the most important band of the rest of the decade. Their transformation from (really good!) simple pop-rock to tacking incredibly dark subject matter while successfully taste-testing their way through nearly every musical genre was unexpected. And brilliant, seeing as they pulled it off.
But The 1975′s best track is much less capital-I important than most of their epics about Trump or suicide or heroin — it’s a synthpop song about complicated post-breakup emotions. But “Somebody Else” earns its keep as the band’s pinnacle through sheer relatability. It nails that complicated feeling of being over someone...but not really. Or as lead singer Matty Healy puts it bluntly: “I don’t want your body/but I’m picturing your body with somebody else.”
The shuffling drum machine groove and icy synths complete a perfect song for wandering aimlessly at night, longing for a lost love. And although The 1975 might switch sounds endlessly in their career, their sweet spot will always be this moody ‘80s update.
#4: “TiK ToK” by Ke$ha (2010)
“TiK ToK” is still easily the peak of the 2009-12 pop golden age. It has a bit of everything you’d want in a single from that era: Gloriously grimy synths! An uber-catchy chorus with plenty of demands to party! And of course, a charismatic and unforgettable star who can deliver the song. I don’t think anyone would argue Ke$ha fit that role to a T.
When “TiK ToK” first arrived around the turn of the decade, I couldn’t stand it. I thought it was too sleazy. Nearly 10 years later, Ke$ha’s performative sleaziness is exactly what makes this song so fun. Yeah, the hook is bulletproof and the production is buzzy. But Ke$ha’s slurred, drunken delivery and ridiculous lines are what have kept “TiK ToK” in the public consciousness. She single-handedly made P. Diddy and especially Mick Jagger relevant again. She made brushing your teeth with Jack Daniels seem cool (and not insanely nasty, like it actually is). Every single ridiculous line, sung through Ke$ha’s fake valley girl accent, is a gem.
I can understand how someone wouldn’t like the unfiltered debauchery and greasiness of “TiK ToK.” But to me, that’s the entire charm of it, and what makes it stand out amongst a sea of similarly-minded club jams from its era.
#3: “Runaway” by Kanye West feat. Pusha-T (2010)
I was going to ask all of you to forget about Kanye West’s recent stumbles, be it his association with Donald Trump or his insistence that slavery was a choice. But the power of “Runaway” is that it is a semi-apology from a man who knows he’s deeply flawed. Every one of Kanye’s gaffes and terrible decisions makes “Runaway” even more relevant today.
But “Runaway” was originally a response to Kanye’s infamous “Imma let you finish” rant at the 2009 VMAs, where he interrupted Taylor Swift. The song basically operates as a semi-apology to the world for being, as he puts it, a douchebag. An asshole. A scumbag. A jerkoff. He’s somewhat bragging about his misdeeds, while sheepishly asking for forgiveness.
And yet, it’s an extremely vulnerable song. The bridge — “I guess that you’re at an advantage/Cause you can blame me for everything/And I don’t know how Imma manage/If one day you just up and leave” — initially feels like something Kanye is saying to a lover. But really, he’s saying it to all of us. And it’s arguably the most moving moment in his whole career.
#2: “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk feat. Pharrell and Nile Rodgers (2013)
Don’t think about it too hard, folks.
Considering that Daft Punk are the greatest dance-music artists of all time, it only makes sense that they’d dip their toes into disco and absolutely KILL it. And that’s all “Get Lucky” is. Two French masters making their grand comeback by recruiting one of funk’s finest guitarists and one of the 2000s’ most charismatic vocal presences.
“Get Lucky” will be a wedding dance staple until the sun explodes. And it deserves that status. It’s a flawless dance track. Just embrace the groove.
#1: “Archie, Marry Me” by Alvvays (2014)
My favorite song of the 2010s wasn’t a part of some major trend. It wasn’t particularly influential. It doesn’t have any profound meaning, and it didn’t try to tackle a major event. “Archie, Marry Me” just happens to be the greatest indie pop song ever written.
Every little aspect of Toronto band Alvvays’ debut single works, from the surf-y guitars to lead singer Molly Rankin’s monotone-yet-yearning vocals. With its lo-fi ramshackle charm and monster hook, “Archie, Marry Me” is all you could want in a dream-pop single. It even has the nice touch of echoing a Neil Young classic in the chorus.
The whole intention of this list — as it is with any of my year-end lists — is simply to measure which songs made me the happiest; which songs never wore out on me. And no single this decade puts a bigger smile on my face than “Archie, Marry Me.” It’s simple, achingly romantic (in a Wes Anderson-esque half-ironic way, but still), and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
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tag meme!
Rules: Answer seventeen questions and tag some blogs. I was tagged by @fexiled!
Nickname: Rose or Rosalia!
Starsign: I’m a little paranoid about putting birth date-related information online, so I’ll put two bonus facts at the end to make up for the lack of an answer here.
Height: 5′8″
Last film I watched: oh man, I’m not sure I actually remember. I feel like there must have been something more recent than Into The Spider-Verse, but I can’t think of anything.
Favorite musician: Lord Huron and Lemon Demon!
Song stuck in my head: Right now I’m listening to Meet Me in the Woods, but earlier this morning and all of yesterday evening I couldn’t stop humming Lifetime Achievement Award.
Other blogs: A writing sideblog @anistarrosewrites that’s mostly for me to keep track of my fics (though you can of course follow if you want!), a couple dormant askblogs, and the time I hopped on the every[character] trend for April Fool’s with @everysadclownpainting!
Do I get asks?: Occasionally. Usually it’s a few different asks in one day, with long stretches of time in between.
Blogs following: 95
What am I wearing: A t-shirt and jeans. I had a jacket on earlier today because the basement gets freezing when the AC is on, but right now it’s upstairs so I’m not wearing it.
Dream job: Nonfiction writing about science! Maybe some science journalism, but mostly about the history of scientific discoveries and the people who made them!
Play any instruments?: I’m very out of practice with it now, but I played the clarinet for a while. I can also play very simple songs on the piano (like, Mary Had a Little Lamb simple).
Languages: English and a little Spanish (unfortunately I haven’t really used the latter lately, so my vocabulary isn’t what it used to be). I can recognize some names and common words in Caesar cipher, does that count?
Favorite food: Right now it’s probably macaroni and cheese, because there’s no mac and cheese ingredients in the house but I really want some.
Favorite song: This is a hard choice and it’ll probably change if you give me a few weeks, but Lifetime Achievement Award by Lemon Demon, Frozen Pines by Lord Huron, and Arms Outstretched from TAZ are some of my favorites right now! Honorable mention goes to basically every song from the soundtrack of any Pokemon game.
Random facts: 1. I finally got a copy of the first TAZ graphic novel not too long ago! When I mentioned it to my brother, he asked: “oh, is Barry Bluejeans in that one?” because that’s the one thing he knows about TAZ.
2. My memory leaves a lot to be desired, so my desk and the adjacent wall are covered in sticky notes displaying everything from fic outlines to IRL plans for the month of June to doodles of random characters.
I tag @yourbonesarenowmycoat, @apathetic-revenant, @fordtato, and anyone else who wants to do this!
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For the Unusual Inheritance meme, 8, 9, or 10?
10. “you died and left me on the hook for a hereditary marriage contract”
how could I not
The Evanuris family is based on @feynites writing.
Selenehesitates, standing still in the late afternoon heat before twoover-sized and over-decorated wooden doors. The imagery bears aresemblance to some of the stories she's grown up with, of gods andtricksters and cities in the sky, but it still feels just slightlyoff. Like some version of herpeoples pantheon has been bastardized for the sake of some weird formof propaganda.
Surely, asign of good things to come, shethinks sarcastically.
Shepresses the almost hilariously small in comparison doorbell, andwaits.
Herfather had been a pain in the ass in life; somehow it seems onlyfitting that he continue the trend after his death. Selene had nearlytrekked back to Var Bellanaris to dig him up and turn him to ashherself when they had uncovered his lingering debts. Some remnantfrom Elrogathes days before he joined clan Lavellan; when he wasstill young, and hot tempered, and impulsive. When he had promisedhis first born in some ridiculously long contract to what is, to thebest of her knowledge, some sort of mob-like family.
Notthat he had ever toldher about it.
Twentythree years and never so much as a 'hey, you should probably know Itraded you for an apprenticeship once, so that might come back aroundfor you one day. Sorry!'
Witha little luck, these people will see what a ridiculous idea ahereditary marriage contract is, and she can go on with her life.
Thedoors swing inward, revealing an older elven woman with bright yelloweyes and well-earned wrinkles in her brow, who looks at her asshrewdly as if she were some sort of unwelcome dog defecating on herporch.
“Hello,”Selene tries anyways. “I'm here because of a contract my fathersigned around thirty years ago. If I could just get the head of thefamily to sign off that it's forgiven, I can go ahead and get out ofyour hair.”
Thewoman's countenance changes immediately as she holds out a handexpectantly. Selene quickly rifles through her bag and pulls out theslightly crumpled bundle of papers to deposit them in theoutstretched palm. She shuffles awkwardly from foot to foot while theolder woman skims through the papers before clicking her tongue.
“You'reElrogathes child?”
“That'scorrect.”
“Youare late,” She tsks, motioning for Selene to finally enter themansion. She presses a button in the entryway, and moves further intothe house. “Half of my children are already married. You will haveto marry one of my sons. Do you have any siblings?”
“No,but-”
“Ashame, but one we will contend with.”
Selenecan hear the shuffling of footsteps as they come to a stop at thebase of a large staircase, the motifs from the door clearly carriedthrough to the interior decorations, and she turns to the olderwoman, with a slight note of panic in her voice. “So-here's thething, I don't want to marry any of your kids.”
Thewoman raises one perfectly groomed eyebrow up as she glances up at Selene, the look from theirfirst meeting bleeding back into her expression.
“Notthat I mean any disrespect,” Selene quickly backpedals. “I'm surethey're grea-er, fine.But I don't have anything to offer you. There's no money, my wholeinheritance was this ridiculous marriage contract so really, its abad business decision on yourend to carry it out, if you think about it. How about instead oftying one of them down to some unknown dalish girl, I just pay forlike, a year of membership to a professional dating service. What doyou say? IHarmony? OKMythal?” the sound of footsteps is gettinglouder now, whoever she called nearly upon them. Her voice cracks asshe continues her plea “...AndrastianMingle?”
Threemore elves descend down the stairs. One has arms covered in ornatelydone tattoos that resemble the wings of an owl, with thick rings laidover most of his fingers. Long blonde hair that is currently pulledover his shoulder, covering a part of his leather jacket andfake-faded band tee. His eyes remind Selene of the elven woman stillstanding beside her, though the lecherous feeling he leaves as theyrake over her form are more reminiscent of the wolves in the woodsback home. The next has shorter black hair, floofed up slightly ontop of his head, and has most of his skin hidden beneath what looks toher to be a suit jacket hastily thrown over a pair of high-endpajamas. The third is practically lounging over the shoulder of thesecond, his own hair long and sleek and black, skin peppered withfreckles and a slightly bent nose, staring at her expectantly.
Theolder woman next to her makes a shooing motion at the third man, whomakes a dramatic pout before skipping down the remaining stairs andstanding just behind Selene. She has the distinct impression thathe's staring at her ass and legs, but her already heightened anxietyin the situation is preventing her from speaking up about it.
“Selene,these are my sons,” the woman states, gesturing to the two elvenmen still on the staircase. “Falon'din, and Dirthamen. One of themwill be your husband.”
“I'lltake her,”The blonde one speaks, pretending to seem disinteresteddespite the fact that his eyes haven't left her since he entered. “I'm the oldest, and the old man keeps bitching about me settlingdown anyways. Those legs open, right?”
Selenesshoulders raise at his comments, her own impulsiveness finallybreaking through her wall of nerves. “Not for you! No one is'taking' me!” She turns to the woman beside her, glaring down infull fury. “This whole situation is ridiculous; I'm not marryingyour sons because of some awful contract my awful father signedbefore I was even conceived! I do not know them, and I will not bespending my life with someone whom I have never even had aconversation with! Whatever game you may think this is, I'm notplaying it!”
Theman behind her snickers, and she thinks for a moment she sees himgive a thumbs up to someone.
“...Isuppose it is unfair to make you choose when you have no priorknowledge of my children,” The woman relents. “Very well. Youwill stay with us for a month, and in that time you will get to knoweach of my sons. At the end of the month you will make your decision,or I will find another way for you to repay your fathers debts; wecould always use more 'helping hands' at the Tevinter estate.”
Thewoman dismisses herself without another word, leaving Selene alone atthe bottom of the staircase with the men of the family.
“I'mimpressed you got so much wiggle room,” The freckled man behind herspeaks up. “Mythal's not really known for leniency.”
“Sure,'wiggle room',” Selene gripes. “Marriage to a stranger orenslavement; such great options, really. Who could resist.”
Theman snickers again, tossing an arm over her shoulders. “You'regonna be fine,” he assures her. “My names Des, and I think we'regonna be great friends. Word of advice though? Try not to spend toomuch alone time with Falon'din; he really isthat bad.”
“Fuckyou!” The blonde yells, quickly hopping down the stairs andgrabbing Selenes ass through her pants before making an approving noise.
Sheslaps the hands of both men away, and starts walking backwardstowards the doorway she came in from; maybe if she just runs,they won't be able to follow her. But as she does, she finds herselfstopped by another form behind her, as two dark hands settle over herhips.
Shescreams, flames igniting around her as she spins to light up the newstranger. The shorter, older man grabs her wrist before she cansummon a true fireball and laughs, seemingly thrilled by this turn ofevents.
“SPLENDID!”He announces. “WHAT WONDERFUL FLAMES! AND CHILD BEARING HIPS-YOU'LL MAKE A FINE ADDITION TO THE FAMILY! PLEASE; IF THERE ISANYTHING I CAN DO TO ENDEAR YOU TO MY SONS, DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK!”
“...Youcould let me leave,” Selene tries, pulling her wrist out of hisgrip.
Hefrowns at that, and shakes his head before booming “YOU HAVE NOTEVEN SHARED DINNER WITH US! WE ARE NOT SO STRANGE; EXCEPT PERHAPSDIRTHAMEN, BUT YOU WILL COME TO LEARN OF SUCH THINGS YOURSELF! TELL ME SELENE;HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HOPE TO HAVE?”
Twosurprisingly strong hands grasp onto the sides of her shoulders, andguide her through the living room and towards the kitchen. She turnswith pleading eyes towards the only person still around who hasn'ttouched her against her will, and mouths a silent 'HELP ME'to the dark haired, silent elfstill standing on the stairs. His brow furrows, and a moment later heis gone, Des chasing after him.
Well,she thinks. This is hell. My father died and dragged me tohell with him.
Asshole.
#hereditary marriage contract au#dirthalene#(eventually if people want this continued)#selene internally during First Impressions; 'why are these 2 assholes wearing coats its 100 degrees outside fucking rich people...'#dirthamen ran off in a panic#he's trying to help but he's also very flustered and conflicted#'...maybe there is something upstairs that could help her. in my room. away from my brother and father. yes good'#des meanwhile like 'YO BUDDY I SAW U CHECKING HER OUT LETS HOOK IT UP'#Anonymous
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