#because it's just kind of a given that i'm not going to have someone no matter what i do
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If someone wanted to make a remake of wizard of oz or willy wonka or snow white and the seven dwarves, what would you say would be the best way to fix the stereotypical depictions of magical or inhuman little people?
Would it be to just make them Not little people anymore, make them another creature, or to make them like, people with dwarfism?
I've heard some ppl bring up the idea of having dwarves in snow white be actual in-world little people as opposed to a mythical race of 'dwarves', but it seems that would carry its own problematic connotations to extend that to what is clearly a race (munchkins) or a pseudo enslaved/servant populace (oompa loompas)
would it be better to just remove these characters entirely or have their roles reprised by non-little people? On the one hand, it seems that many of them do not need to be little people, but on the other hand it seems a shame to remove roles for little people.
(i kind of feel oompa loompas are a bit hard to make work at all given they are explicitely black slaves in the original and clearly carry a sort of enslaved populace connotation in most adaptations, but I'm legitimately curious about munchkins, whose size doesn't seem to matter very much in most stories.)
Hello! My answer is to simply stop retelling these stories. The very fact that we hold onto them so dearly when they're as harmful as they are is a huge problem. We need new stories! Depicting real, complex dwarfism. We need a wide range of disabled characters and better representation for little people - and Snow White is not going to be who saves us. Fixing these stores will not undo the harm they've done. We need to leave them behind and write better pieces.
And we as consumers have done that with so many other pieces of media. We've discovered that they're harmful to a certain group, no longer supported it, and moved on. So why not with little people? Why can't folks give us the same respect?
If you can understand that the oompa loompas are problematic because they were based off black slaves, you can also understand that they were problematic because they were dwarf slaves. The two intersect in the films, and they shouldn't be so beloved in my opinion.
And the answer is not to just recreate these stories without us in them - they were built on our backs and that is their legacy. Sweeping it under the rug wouldn't change the decades of harm they've done and the oppression they're a result of.
Just 👏 stop 👏 making 👏 more 👏 of 👏 them
Leave them behind and make better pieces with LP characters!!! Make them complex and loved and diverse and human!!!
#faq#dwarfism#disability#ableism#charlie and the chocolate factory#oompa loompa#snow white and the seven dwarfs#dwarfism in media
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Weekly thoughts!
Hooboy, the big episode! First off, I think everyone knows by now that you probably shouldn't read these if you haven't read the latest episode, but I ESPECIALLY mean that this week! Talking about some way bigger than usual spoilers.
Phew, this was a big one, both from a writing and drawing perspective. I actually spent a full day on that last panel alone, but writing it took way longer than usual too. Going back and forth between Bell's speech and Jericho's backstory played perfectly like a movie in my head, but it was really hard to portray it as a comic and it was one of the few times I was struggling with the limitations of the format. I think I pulled it off though, since everyone seemed to follow along fine! So while it was probably just a neat scene to everyone else, I'm rather proud of that haha.
As for the actual contents of the episode, I'm also glad everything hit w/ the majority of the audience for the most part. I know a handful were confused about if that was Bell or Jericho who did that, but to those people, I remind you it's been loooong established Jericho can control his extensions (Bell, Charlie, and Claude. Remember, they all took injections of Jericho's blank space?). Also on that note, Bell does not have her own scion... Only Rex and Jericho do. Bell, Charlie and Claude all took injections of Jericho's blank space, thus get to borrow some of his power. I recommend re-reading ep 80 if you need a refresher.
I do consider this ep kind of a big reveal of Jericho's true colors. I mean, you guys have known he's the main villain for ages now, but this is the ep that reveals his "better world for blanks" act is kind of a façade and what he's really seeking is a worse world for humans. The fall of humans benefitting blanks is just kind of a bonus. I'm glad a few people caught onto this with the fact that one of the worst horrors he experienced was having his autonomy taken away from him, then he proceeds to do just that to Bell.
And speaking of Jericho's horrors- Before this season launched, I dropped a bunch of hints about upcoming things. One of them was that the most disturbing scene (in my opinion) was coming up. I was actually referring to what happened to Kallie. I'm not sure if it was as disturbing to everyone else (I totally get like if Claude's leg thing fucked people up more), but being evaporated into nothingness but not dying was an existential dread that really fucks me up haha. If it fucked even a couple of other people up, then I did my job.
I don't have too much else to say about the contents of the episode. It was so hard to bite my tongue for weeks as everyone predicted pretty much every character but Desmond was gonna get it. I'm sorry I don't have too much else to say about him right now given what happened, but I definitely will in the upcoming weeks.
I guess the only other note I have is I might as well address something that bugs me slightly- It's definitely a minority but there's a handful of people who seem done with the series because "too many things go wrong." To which... I'm not sure what to tell ya. I'm fine with critique and criticism to be clear, but honestly, this is one thing I'm actually really confident I'm good at balancing. I'm not sure where people are coming from with "nothing good ever happens in this series" when this season alone has had probably the cutest and fluffiest scenes. Rex has a canon girlfriend, he had his first kiss with her, Desmond was reunited with his sister and learned to accept himself, Lyss learned to move past her trauma and accept blanks, Rex was reunited with Shnee, Rex's scion turns out to be a puppy dog w/ a crush. I'm aware a lot of these got kind of crushed with this latest ep...but that's.. kind of. the. point??? That's how you write tragedy and impactful scenes??
I dunno, maybe this is personal to me because it's ALWAYS bugged me when someone tells me they think a show is bad because it's "too dark." Like no... It's not *bad* because it's too dark, you just don't like dark themes, and that's okay. I TOTALLY get if CoB has gotten too dark for some people- it's definitely hit some hard themes and subjects, but I don't like to accept that as a critique. It just means it's not for you and that's okay. There's a ton of other great comics that are more light-hearted! I think the TLDR of this is it will always annoy me when people say something is bad just because it's not their taste.
Now. That said... everyone is completely valid in their hate of Jericho. I, however, still love him.
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I like the potential of elucien but they currently have no chemistry. How do you think Sarah will go about their story?
For Elucien it's really as simple as forced proximity. Put them in a situation where they're forced to spend "two weeks alone together" (quote from ACOMAF) and I'm 100% certain that we're going to see exactly why SJM mated them. Heck, give me a day with them alone together, no sisters hovering near by, Elain having no choice but to speak directly too him without the heavy shadow of recent loss hovering over it and we'll see it.
I think some in the fandom are confusing Elain's physical attraction to Az as proof that she has chemistry with him but when physical attraction is used to build romantic chemistry between characters it will always result in a shallow love story. Lucien did find Elain to be the most beautiful female he'd ever seen so I'm not saying attraction can't be there but when you have characters giving into that attraction before something deeper has been established, true chemistry is going to fall flat. Having Az tell us he's avoided Elain for a year while she's still recovering from trauma doesn't call to mind that he's someone she was able to lean on, it doesn't make me believe that he feels anything for her because she could have used his friendship during that time (since she wasn't asking for distance) but he chose to stay away.
It calls to mind desperately crushing on someone in high school, where you watch them from afar, hoping for the day you can be together, and then finally you get your wish but you realize you actually don't know this person at all. You're infatuated with the idea of them rather than the real them.
I'm not saying Elain and Lucien have any sort of wild on page chemistry right now but it was kind of difficult for there to be any while she was mourning the loss of her humanity and Graysen. And though there was a little bit of hope that she was ready to move past that by the end of ACOWAR, she regressed in the novella Likewise was zero chemistry on page between Nesta and Cassian in ACOFAS, when she chose to push him away after the war.
Characters can't have chemistry when they are ignoring their possible love interest, you actually have to see them talking.
As far as how Sarah will go about their story, I think there are a few options.
Right now we have already had Elain volunteering to help with the Trove, Rhys saying that Elain is capable of more than they've given her credit for, that gardening results in something pretty but involves one getting their hands dirty along the way, and Elain saying she'll do whatever is needed.
The options are limitless because of the above.
The issues they currently face are:
Beron allying with Koschei and setting his sights on Spring.
The NC reminding us that they need Springs army as an ally but that Tamlin is even worse after the announcement of Feyre's pregnancy.
Koschei preparing to call Vassa back.
Koschei trying to get his hands on the Trove to free himself so he might rule their world.
The NC could decide they need to utilize Elain's Seer powers and send her to Day Court to help her train her powers. They don't seem very knowledgeable on Seers so Helion's library's might be the best place for her to learn how to train her powers.
The could decide a marriage alliance between themselves and other courts might benefit them and Elain could volunteer to marry Lucien because she's so over the concept of love and men after Graysen and Az's rejection that she's decided she'll simply focus on helping the courts rather than marrying for love (the concept was introduced in SF after all and SJM carried it out an arranged marriage trope in HOFAS).
They could send Elain as an emissary "spy" to the Spring Court. Not in the shadows or anything, just acting as their courtier, where she would gather information on the situation there, to be sure Lucien's reporting has been unbiased.
Elain could end up dreaming of the drums of Calanmai and find herself pulled to Spring on her own.
They could send Elain to the continent to retrieve Mor since Feysands daemati range does not work that far and have Lucien accompany her.
Or something SJM imagines up! I don't think any of us guessed how Nessian would end up being forced together in SF.
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Something something brain is tired but I'm in a First mood so let's try snapping the writing mood itself into gear.
First, still held by the lord who imprisoned him, who hasn't seen the sun or the sky in goddesses knows how long.
First, the one who didn't even hold full faith in Hylia, who disdained the gods even for not doing much for humanity and even dragging them into their conflicts. Who still had visions of divinity and ruin, who tried to warn his people of a calamity soon to come and was imprisoned for it.
First, who is alone and isolated in the one cell block of the dungeon with the least amount of prisoners and so so tired of it all. But suddenly perks up because a new inmate is brought in, cursing and spitting and biting like a wounded wolf but who seems to have had similar visions as him.
First, who can hear them from between the cracks in the wall, and one day tentatively initiates contact, because they are a connection to the outside world, they are someone to talk to, someone who understands and brings some light back to his eyes through each and every single conversation and story and songs and curses towards the lord.
They never see each other, but he knows they're there. And the fact that they know and they believe and they treat him with some modicum of kindness and they want to go see the fields of Hyrule with him once they're both out one day and to thank him for always caring about Hyrule and it's people even if they forsake scorn and shun him.
First, who is one day released. The lord is dead, Orville has preserved his sword, he is a freed lion, given back his fangs-
And he catches a glimpse of the one person who was on his side through it all from within the other cell on the way out, smiling lightly at him before looking away.
And he refuses to leave them behind.
(They never do get to do it, to enjoy that one day under a clear hylian sky in their lifetime.
Though thousands upon thousands of years later, through the branching of the roots of time and chance and causality and maybe divine intervention or through the power held in promises unsaid and unfulfilled-
A Champion, a wolf and a wanderer with peculiar scars on their arms get to walk side by side under a clear hylian sky.)
Aka First is more akin to his manga self in terms of skepticism of the divine, so Hylia decides to just drop an isekaied Reader onto his situation and call it a day in a "That enough divine intervention for ya?" manner alongside both Fi and Crimson to sweeten the deal.
Anyway I'll be leaving now before I get tomatoes throw at me-
#lu first x reader#linked universe x reader#Summer's Sleep Deprived Rambles#*squints at the finished product of the cooking session* Is this anything?#I dunno. Maybe I'll write this eventually once irl settles down.
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(This may be uncomfortable for some people. Please be very careful and proceed with discretion. Hugs and kisses for everyone)
I really don't think you guys understand how obsessed I am with BuckTommy. A month ago I had no more than 100 9-1-1 bookmarks in ao3 and now I'm over 350, all the new ones being about them.
I'm autistic, I have ADHD, I'm asexual and coming to that realization was one of the most precious and liberating moments of my life. Lists are everything to me, they are the definers of my life. I have a hard time understanding social subtleties and metaphorical language, and my biggest drawback that autism brought me was my incompetence to regulate and understand emotions. Mine or others. So I had this huge list of what emotional attraction and/or interest is supposed to feel like, and how my body is supposed to react around those I'm attracted to or like or love, so it was such a mess and an absolute pain that every time someone touched me intimately it felt like ants were running across my skin and biting into my flesh. And I cried a lot about it, and I screamed and I had fits of anger that I didn't understand at all and my parents hugged me to calm me down but that only made it worse because, tact. Touch. Awful. I made myself do things I hated because I thought it was normal and I hated myself for feeling bad about it. Those were hard times.
A couple years ago I went on a sexualities research binge and went down an ADHD rabbit hole trying to learn everything I could because I was so tired of feeling that way, and that's when I found out.
Learning about asexuality felt like magic, it felt like freedom. It felt like crying after years of putting up with it all. It felt like relief. It all made sense and the world opened up to me, and I felt like I was meeting myself for the first time. It was beautiful.
Of course, then came the moments of panic because, how was I going to tell my mom that I am asexual? Or, am I even asexual or do I just want attention? And then the famous "so how do I know I love someone romantically if I don't really want anything physical with them?"
Where am I going with all this? Well, I'm obsessed with the way the series and Oliver have portrayed the realization. The idea that discovering something completely new, and it's actually not as new as you thought, brings more than just fear. Bring freedom. Bring understanding. Brings an "Oh" moment that feels down to your bones and penetrates your soul, and you can never come back from that moment because everything feels like you finally woke up and the whole world opened its arms to you.
And it's something sweet. It is something very delicate, soft, hopeful and so, so precious. And Buck, Evan, is experiencing it all for the first time with a man who is soft to him, sweet, considerate. He is learning about himself from someone kind, so he has the opportunity to have his "Oh" moment and feel freedom, because that freedom is being given to him by someone who knows what it's like to feel imprisoned. So nothing is rushed. So everything is calm and full of understanding. So Evan can feel emotions. And feel good throughout the entire process.
So yes, I am obsessed with them both and I love them and I want them so much that they last a long time and that Tommy stays.
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So this whole 'if rhaenyra insisted on having bastards then she should at least have chosen someone who looked more targaryen/velaryon' argument actually doesn't make much sense when you think more about it. This idea that the problem with rhaenyra having bastards was that they had dark hair, like if they didn't there wouldn't be a problem, it was the dark hair that gave them away and caused suspicion etc. I feel like some in the fandom, and I also think the show can be a bit guilty of this too, assume that the white hair and purple eyes of the targaryens are a dominant trait like the baratheons black hair, but actually it's not. There are several targaryens who don't have the white hair, baelor breakspear targaryen had his dornish mother's dark hair which he in turn passed on to his son valarr, elia martell's daughter with rhaegar targaryen, rhaenys, also had dark hair as did jon snow. Another rhaenys that had dark hair, at least in the book, is the rhaenys from hotd, and I'm sure there are others too. In fact the only reason these 'targaryen' features were common amongst targaryens was because of the inbreeding.
This is where I think hotd messed up with the character design of rhaenys because, as I said above, in the book she has dark hair on account of her mother being a baratheon. If they had kept rhaenys dark hair then whenever anyone questioned jace, luke or joffrey's dark hair, rhaenyra could just shrug and go they get it from their grandmother. Even though they changed how rhaenys looked I do still wish that we had seen rhaenyra play the 'it's their baratheon genes coming through' angle in the show because it's the most logical explanation she could have given.
Another thing that I find kind of amusing about the assumption that the targaryen genes are dominant like the baratheon genes is that the founder of house baratheon, the very first baratheon, was orys baratheon who was actually a targaryen bastard himself, born from the same targaryen father as aegon the conqueror. So dark-haired targaryen bastards have existed since aegon the conqueror came to westeros and baratheon dark hair genes have been cancelling out the white hair of targaryens from the very first time a targaryen and baratheon crossed bloodlines.
So I don't think rhaenyra having dark haired children should be that big of a deal when they have close baratheon relatives and again I really wish the show had played into that more. I think the suspicion should have more been centered around maybe their facial features looked like harwin strong's, they had the same nose or the same mouth shape, but them merely having dark hair should have been a non issue in my opinion. Also where exactly would rhaenyra have found someone with targaryen/velaryon features who she could also trust to keep quiet about it afterwards? Just practically I don't think that makes sense nor would it have been safe for her or her children, so choosing someone who had similar features, ie dark hair, like a baratheon which could be explained away due to her sons having baratheon blood through rhaenys, was the most logical next step.
#hotd#house of the dragon#pro rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenys targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#team black#anti team green
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So I was in an argument with someone (don't ask how it started, it just happened) about whether or not consensual incest is wrong, and I kept saying that it doesn't really exist and that there's always some form of abuse or coercion going on. They got annoyed with me and kept saying I was changing the subject. Is this a bad argument? And if not, what's a better one?
I'm reminded of discussions about the Death Penalty where people who often argue against it argue that the person executed could later be found innocent. And this is a poor argument because the ethics of the Death Penalty isn't about whether we should be executing the innocent. It's about whether we should be executing the guilty.
And the truth is most people make that evasive non-argument because they don't have any empathy for criminals and if pressed would say the guilty deserve everything they get. But that's not something that makes you feel like a good person.
Your "actually there's no such thing" response goes the same way. This kind of discussion is hypothetical by nature, so bringing up statistics is a waste of time and is avoiding making a real point.
And given the fact that you asked
And if not, what's a better one?
...You don't have one do you? And the dirty truth is most people don't. Most people haven't thought about it beyond "it's gross" and if I'm being honest you don't really need a reason stronger than "it's gross" because it's already illegal in like 50% of the world and that ain't changing any time soon so we don't need to get philosophical about it.
The only people making these arguments are teenagers who have someone in their life they really want to make uncomfortable in the pettiest way possible.
AKA: You, anon. Thanks for that /s
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Because I have just seen this specific thing for the second time, I would like to say:
If I reblog your art, I do not expect you to reblog (or share!) my fic in return
If I comment on your fic, I do not expect you to comment on (or read!) mine in return
My enjoyment of anyone's work does not come with strings or expectations
My friendship is not a bill that you will have to pay later
That's it!
#the fucking obsession with fandom becoming ~content creation~ has got to stop. this is not a business.#i don't like it when someone acts like i owe them because they complimented my work#and i will never do that to someone else#kindness has to be freely given or it isn't kindness; it's manipulation#this just. makes me feel super gross and it upsets me that it's happened twice#and that both people explicitly stated in their profiles that this is an expectation they have of fandom#you can't form a community by force. that's not how it works.#anyways. rant over. i just want it to be known that i'm not expecting anything from anyone lol#if i talk to you or hang out it's because i want to. i don't want anything from you except you know#kindness and companionship or w/e#bleargh. gonna go play a game or something.#dixeram
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Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.
They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.
Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.
#i know i ramble sometimes and i'm extremely grateful that my best friend puts up with it :')#but see then in return i do the same for her because it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to act like a wall for me to talk a#or when i wanna show her something and i can tell she's being polite and it doesn't personally strike her fancy I MOVE ON#and she does the same for me and we have way frickin better communication and we have a frickin rad friendship#it's give and take#and also can we bring back the idea of being able to work through some things on your own?#like i am ALL FOR having a support system that can encourage you when things go wrong but some things can be solved on your own#i shouldn't be bearing the burden of figuring out your life for you you know?#i'm absolutely willing to help but if you're just going to spend all your time complaining to me and never ever take my advice#then there comes a point at which i'm literally just acting as your therapist and that's not how friendships are supposed to work#i've become kind of the designated therapist in a lot of friendships throughout my life#and it is exhausting constantly being complained at (sometimes over very minor things)#only to have that person or people COMPLETELY ignore your advice every single time you try to give it#that's not friendship my dude that's using me because you just want someone to complain to#like i said. support system good. treating your friend like an emotional punching bag to let out your problems 24/7 very very bad.#like when i was feeling completely unlike myself and irritated and frustrated for three dang years straight#i didn't really talk about it much because i knew it wasn't the kind of thing advice was going to fix#so i wasn't in the discord servers every two seconds “MAN I REALLY JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD :///”#because when other people do this to me there comes a point at which i'm like “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT”#like i've given you all the advice i have and you have taken absolutely none of it nor have you taken any action on your own#so now i'm just here to make you feel better about yourself and that's really not my job#emotional support is necessary. patting you on the head when you refuse to do anything to better your situation is not.#tl;dr people who refuse to do anything to better their situation other than complain to ME about it 24/7 drive me nuts#and it drives other people nuts so please don't do it to anyone#don't bottle up your emotions but also don't let them come crashing down and drown everyone you know#just because you can't be bothered to put ANY effort forth to contain them#emotional regulation is attractive~~~#society today has built such a culture of “it's not YOUR fault and if you cry about it hard enough someone will fix it for you” like no sir#sometimes it IS your fault and sometimes you DO need to take responsibility#and if it is your fault then absolutely no one but you is obligated to fix it
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Again, always very confusing to me when people suffering from The Obsessive Compulsives are Antis™, like these people will not protect you. They believe thought crimes are real. They inherently hate you and WILL throw you to the wolves if they ever come to know about anything related to your intrusive thoughts or the """""weird""""" things they ask you to do in therapy to manage/cope with them.
#you know how in erp a big part of it is writing down/thinking about the actual worst case scenario? you know the scenario that#often leads to people being harmed in a permanent way? you know creating a fictional scenario where bad things happen to good#people and you are the cause of them? THE VERY KIND OF FICTION THESE PEOPLE ARE AGAINST EXISTING IN ANY FORM BECAUSE IT#'NORMALIZES' WHATEVER TF THEY'RE ON A CRUSADE ABOUT ON ANY GIVEN DAY#THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. THIS WAY OF THINKING IS /ACTIVELY ANTITHETICAL/ TO RECOVERY FROM THIS DISORDER#this is related to the 'does anyone else get Themes™ about writing' question I posed a while back and some of these people..........#if you knew the specifics of what I was writing about you would COMMIT ARSON#IT'S NOT REAL! NONE OF THIS IS REAL!! YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF BY MORALIZING FICTION IN THIS WAY#I USED TO HAVE CRISES OVER SYMPATHIZING WITH AND ENJOYING VARIOUS HORRIBLE FICTIONAL WOMEN TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS DIRECTLY!!!!!!!#and ngl a lot of these arguments about why xyz is Irredeemable™ sound a LOT like my disorder.#(especially in the way they try to like...twist things into fitting into a definition of [insert type of problematic dynamic here] a la#'character raising their voice at someone one time during a high-stakes situation is abuse' or 'people who were friends as children#are Related Actually')#like. you get why. you get why this VERY disorder would think in similar ways to that right. because it tries to convince you that#everything you do is violating various human rights correct? you get why this would be unhelpful right?#IF YOU SOUND LIKE MY FUCKING DISORDER!!! YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!#In the Vents#okay I'm done. this just. It BUGS me.
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it's kind of like amazing what being properly medicated and like leaving ur house and doing things with other people and like being a part of ur community can do for ur mental health.....
#the wretched gremlin strikes again#like i went on the group outing for the mental health centre club house yesterday and i had group therapy today#and i go to events at the cinema and like the guys at the cinema know me by name#and the people at the pharmacy know me and always ask how i'm doing when i'm in there even when i'm not getting my prescriptions#and like i used to have pretty bad social anxiety and i've noticed since i was put on the zoloft my social anxiety is basically like gone#and like i talk to my neighbours and stuff when i'm out with my dad and the dog#it's kind of wild just how much better i'm doing now compared to like last year#also like i'm being given access to like resources#like the mental health centre club house can help me access housing support and like job support and other supports#like learning how to cook and other programs like the social things and the exercise program and music therapy and mindfulness programs!!#and like i actually have a case manager and psychiatrist#and i have regular appointments and i go to group therapy now too!!!#lots of people are like living in a small town sucks so bad#and like yeah there isn't too much to do here but i'm actually doing a lot better in a smaller town than i did in the city#in the city like i was not given any kind of resources or support because there's so many people who also need it#and there's only so many resources available and often times i'm not considered someone who should get resources#because there were people who were worse off than me and considered people who needed it more than i did#idk it's just nice that i'm actually getting help instead of falling through the cracks like i normally would#and it's nice to be doing better
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when someone prefaces whatever they're about to say by "as a *minority they are*" it's genuinely so hard for me to take what they end up saying seriously however good their point may be
#this is conservative coded i'm very sorry. i should've said as a lesbian or as a biracial woman or something. i'm not making fun or well i#am but yk#saying it in the middle of whatever they're saying doesn't hit the same at all and it's like i get wanting people to have the information#but i really can't idk#it's like it makes it sound like it's not up to debate at all which yk it's fine to not want to debate but it's annoying to me in a very#specific way. and it's also a way to say i'm a *thing* so i can say this that makes me go if what you're saying is smart why do you need to#make sure people won't feel like they can argue with you because you said you were a *whatever* right at the beginning#like i honestly get it i just said i did i know why people do it and obviously sometimes it's very relevant.#but it's kind of a pet peeve like literally if someone says it at the end of the sentence i don't feel like this even though it's the same#information being given😭#but yeah#and like i say: brf slt
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also i just need to be fucking angry about the American healthcare system because holy shit i should not be forced to fucking GOOGLE how to take care of myself after a SURGICAL PROCEDURE
#doctor moment#idk what this specific kind of bad medical practice would be called so#ask to tag#vent#i guess#but HOLY SHIT I'M SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT THAT#THEY DID NOT TELL ME A SINGLE THING AT THE END OF THE PROCEDURE THEY LITERALLY JUST SHOOED ME OUT#I DID NOT GET FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW LONG TO LEAVE THESE BANDAGES ON#I GOT ABSOLUTELY NEGLIGENT AND HORRIBLY WRITTEN INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO CARE FOR IT#ONES THAT MY MOM HAD TO GO THROUGH AND SIMPLIFY FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS TOO OUT OF IT FROM TOO MUCH ANESTHETIC#BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW I WEIGH 95 POUNDS AND REQUIRE A CHILDREN'S DOSE THEY GAVE ME THE FULL DOSE#AND REGARDING THOSE INSTRUCTIONS EVEN MY MOM HAD TROUBLE WITH FIGURING THEM OUT#AND SHE'S MENTALLY ABLED AND WASN'T DRUGGED UP ON WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE LOCAL ANESTHETIC#not to mention I WAS NEVER FUCKING TOLD THERE WOULD BE A RECOVERY PERIOD FOR THIS#IT WAS TREATED SO CASUALLY BY EVERY DOCTOR AND TREATED AS IF I COULD JUST WALK IN AND OUT#AT NO POINT WAS I TOLD I WOULD BE RECOVERING FOR TWO WEEKS.#AT NO POINT WAS I TOLD I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WALK.#NO DOCTORS TOLD ME ANYTHING EVEN WHEN THE ONES DOING THE PROCEDURE ASKED ME SEVERAL TIMES IF I HAD IT DONE BEFORE#AND I TOLD THEM NO SEVERAL TIMES AND THAT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING#I WAS GIVEN ZERO INSTRUCTION AND ZERO WARNING#AND I SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO ACTIVELY ASK FOR THIS INFORMATION#THAT SHOULD BE FUCKING BASIC TO TELL SOMEONE *GOING THROUGH A MOTHERFUCKING SURGICAL PROCEDURE*#I'm fucking pissed about this. i fucking hate doctors.
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i love my dick even if it doesn't exist, pretending it does is self care i think. just like i started taking care of myself so i look nice for a boyfriend that doesn't exist. imagining what Could be helps me in the present i guess. even though i know it's not going to happen
#i got my teeth fixed and started taking care of myself for a hypothetical boyfriend#i don't think doing any of those things is going to make it More Likely that somebody will love me#because it's just kind of a given that i'm not going to have someone no matter what i do#but taking care of myself makes me feel less silly for imagining it#yknow#the idea of someone being attracted to me. it makes the notion feel a little less ridiculous#and sometimes that's all i need#so in a way i guess despite it being for a hypothetical boy it's still for Me in a way?#makes me feel a little better somehow#wow damn marshal crying in the club tonight#i just wish i had a dick and i wish i had a boyfriend#and i wish nobody would ever see me as anything other than a man#no matter how i looked#is it so bad to want to be cute and pretty and small but still be man?#is it so stupid to dream abt a world where i could be that?#i know it's not happening because the world just isn't meant for people like me#but yknow!!#i do wish i could think about it without feeling like an idiot even in the privacy of my own thoughts#like damn stupid dumbfuck marshal thinking he can be a pretty boy and someone could love him#fuck me i guess lmaooooo#anyway sorry marshal seems to be having a Moment™️#marshal gets harshal#i guess
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getting anything written has been a struggle and a half recently, so i doubt it’s going to happen any time soon, but one day i do actually want to write a fic about amy being a canon-compliant, prominent member of totheark
#N posts stuff#it's Implied that alex killed her but it's not like we're given any actual proof#and the only one who says it out loud is tim who would have no way of knowing#alex doesn't Deny it but it's not like he's a reliable narrator. especially since he's trying to convince tim to kill everyone and himself#it makes sense that if he Hadn't killed amy because he didn't want her to die that he wouldn't let anyone know that#but even if he Thinks he killed her it's not like we don't have time and time again proof that alex is either Really Bad at successfully#killing people. or they just wander their way back to life (either could be canon after that interlude comic)#either way. amy who is now on her own and confused as hell. if tim could go looking why couldn't she?#and she Knows that rosswood area well because it's where she went to college; she could find her way into wherever brian was hiding#and situate herself right in the middle of everything; whether she's also pissed at alex for leaving/attemping to kill her#or if she has her own motives the others don't know about. all i'm saying is that it's both Possible and Interesting#and IF there ARE other members of totheark (this is not conclusively proven btw) then i think it's way more interesting that it's someone#with a clear and intimately personal connection to alex rather than someone he kind of knew a long time ago#mh lb
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Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me
#I am so fucking tired of my parents#if I don't find a full time job soon (which i haven't been able to find for the past six months)#it's possible that my dad will be given the opportunity to live in our house by the state#apparently it can be done in around ten days once it's decided#can i trust my mother with these kinds of informations? absolutely not. but there is a 50/50 chances that it's true#i have saved as much as i could all my life in preparation of this moment and i do have enough money to move but it takes time#every other week my mother comes home with similar kinds of insane informations for me to process#one week she reassures me everything is fine and i have like a couple of years before leaving this house#the week after. this.#i have no idea of what's real or not#i am so stressed that last week i lost the ability to finction for three days straight#i am going insane#and i am in no condition to find jobs i've applied to very little positions in this timeframe also because of this stress that paralyzes me#i am not depressed but god i am indeed exausted#i also have surgery planned (do not know the date yet it's not a difficult one but i never had one and i am scared shitless)#and technically i am in a promising job selection but it's a public one so no one tells you nothing and it can take up to six months before#someone calls you back#so i am inside a limbo on every aspect of my life and it's unreal#i can't even see my psychologist because she's getting surgery next week so i'll see her the week after#i don't have the streight to write this new developement to friends#i think i'll just deadscroll for a while and then go to bed#i don't know. i'm so tired and at the same time not at all tired#i'm doing nothing with my days but i still need everything to stop#i don't know#stuff
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