#fuck me i guess lmaooooo
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i love my dick even if it doesn't exist, pretending it does is self care i think. just like i started taking care of myself so i look nice for a boyfriend that doesn't exist. imagining what Could be helps me in the present i guess. even though i know it's not going to happen
#i got my teeth fixed and started taking care of myself for a hypothetical boyfriend#i don't think doing any of those things is going to make it More Likely that somebody will love me#because it's just kind of a given that i'm not going to have someone no matter what i do#but taking care of myself makes me feel less silly for imagining it#yknow#the idea of someone being attracted to me. it makes the notion feel a little less ridiculous#and sometimes that's all i need#so in a way i guess despite it being for a hypothetical boy it's still for Me in a way?#makes me feel a little better somehow#wow damn marshal crying in the club tonight#i just wish i had a dick and i wish i had a boyfriend#and i wish nobody would ever see me as anything other than a man#no matter how i looked#is it so bad to want to be cute and pretty and small but still be man?#is it so stupid to dream abt a world where i could be that?#i know it's not happening because the world just isn't meant for people like me#but yknow!!#i do wish i could think about it without feeling like an idiot even in the privacy of my own thoughts#like damn stupid dumbfuck marshal thinking he can be a pretty boy and someone could love him#fuck me i guess lmaooooo#anyway sorry marshal seems to be having a Moment™️#marshal gets harshal#i guess
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Looks Like Lingerie to Me - Part Two
Word Count: 1.4k
Part 1
A belated and awkward part 2. I’ll start writing part 3 in the morning (it’s like 1am lmao)
For those who need a visual aid, here. (oof feels like wattpad or quotev but girlypops i am cringe but i am free. it isnt a perfect representation, but its pretty accurate. titilating, no? ;) )
Warnings: Lingerie lmao…this is pretty short, and is just a set-up for part 3. A lot of this is my own feelings surrounding cis men in lingerie. As with part 1 gender neutral reader. Yeah! Hope you enjoy!
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Sanji couldn't stop thinking about it. You thought he'd look hot in lingerie? You thought he looked slutty?
It had overtaken every waking moment. Any time he wasn't focused on a task all he could see was the dumb stare you gave him, eyes focused on his thighs.
He'd love to wear lingerie for you if it meant you'd stare at him like that.
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The Going Merry was docked, the Straw Hats carrying out their duties, and Sanji had a plan.
"I'm gonna go shopping. You coming (Name)? Sanji can carry our bags." Nami preened, looking absolutely glowing at the prospect of new clothes. Sanji bit his lip. He wanted to go with Nami and you, really he did, but if either of you caught on he'd die of embarrassment.
"You okay, Ji?"
Huh?
You were asking something.
"What? Oh, yeah, love. I'm fine. I'm afraid I have business to attend to on the island."
You blinked at him before smiling that dazzling smile up at him. He was smitten, his fortitude nearly wavering. "Of course. You do what you gotta do!"
Business his ass. Instead he hurried to check out the town.
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A small, seedy shop tucked away in an alley. Sanji entered the store warily. A small, old woman trotted out from the back. Sanji blanched. He didn't want to discuss this with a grandma!
"Hello young man, here for something for your wife?"
Sanji felt himself flush. He tried to wander around the store. "No, no-"
"Your girlfriend then?"
Ah. This grandmother didn't know when to quit.
"Not exactly?"
The old lady grabbed his arm. Sanji raised a brow, turning back to her. She was grinning at him, eyes narrowed and sparkling with something he couldn't place.
"Is it for you? Such a handsome young man as yourself."
What? Sanji's face was on fire. He was flustered beyond belief. His hands were lightly shaking, eyes darting around for anyone else in the store.
"Come with me darling. My name's Bea." The old lady chimed, dragging Sanji with her. "What colour were you thinking?"
"Oh, um." Sanji was panicking, voice high. Did she even have lingerie for men? "Blue?"
Bea hummed. "I do have blue, but I have a lovely pink set that would just make your skin pop."
Pink? Sanji didn't think it was possible to flush darker, and yet here he was. "I, uh, would it even fit me?"
"Of course sonny! You're quite slim." Bea swatted at his arm, patting his biceps for good measure as she led him through the store. "So, tell me about the lucky one."
"They're beautiful." Sanji began dreamily. Where should he even start? "The most gorgeous creature I've ever laid my eyes on. They have this laugh that just brightens up any room, and such a sense of humour. I’ve been smitten with them since I met them.”
“You two aren’t together?”
Sanji shook his head sadly. “No, no. We’re just good friends. They, uh… Do you know what shirt stays are?”
Bea laughed, patting the cook on the arm. “Say no more.”
She let go of him when they reached the back of the store. Sanji watched nervously as she carded through a rack of, well, did it really constitute clothing? Skimpy piece after skimpy piece were revealed.
And then he saw it.
It was a gorgeous baby pink. Bea ahhed as she removed it from the rack, holding it up to inspect it. She turned to face him, sizing him up next to the set. Sanji felt his throat go dry as he really took it in.
The set was a simple baby pink bralette, made from some kind of sheer lacy material with a flower motif. The plunging neckline was created to draw attention to the cleavage, and it was adorned with some delicate string of pearl-like decoration to highlight the collarbones. The panties were the same sheer material, clear that they weren’t to hide much. The sides of it were accentuated with cute ruffles that further added a feminine touch. Sanji felt lightheaded.
Finally, it was a beautiful pastel garter belt that sat in the middle, completing the look. It too was made from the same stretchy, sheer lace. It would wrap around the waist, strategic cutouts to accentuate the waist, hips, and the bellybutton. The central cutout had a simple chain of pearls to add interest and movement. Four satin-looking ribbons led from bottom front and back, with clips attached to hold up stockings.
Oh, maybe his shirt stays were kinda…
Nonetheless, it was breathtaking. Sanji had clearly marvelled at it for too long, as Bea chuckled, causing him to flush red. The old woman, lingerie in hand, led him to a mirror.
“I’m…I can’t.”
Bea just chuckled, holding the hanger up against him. “Look in the mirror boy, I’ve been making lingerie for fifty years. This suits you.”
Sanji obeyed her, staring at himself in the mirror. What he saw took his breath away. He looked a mess, face red and hair messy. He had to hand it to the old woman, the colour was flattering against him. Even the cut looked good. Sanji shifted from foot to foot, anxiety creeping in. He wasn’t really sure how he felt about looking so…so feminine.
Sanji was a man. It wouldn’t be right for him to wear something so delicate and gorgeous. Right? Of course women’s clothing was beautiful, the fabrics they used, the stylish designs he’d seen the girls on the ship sport. Men’s clothing just, well it was meant to be masculine and boring. Right? He couldn’t let himself give in to that want to feel pretty, that would be wrong.
Right?
Bea, clearly noticing his inner struggle, scoffed.
“Sonny.”
“Sanji.”
“Right. Sonny, I’ve been doing this for a long time.”
“You, uh, you already said that.”
“I know that!” Bea snapped, swatting at him. Sanji’s gaze drifted back to the pink lace. “I’ve been doing this for a long time. When I started, well, I made boring beige bras and the same lacy black underwear again, and again, and again. I got bored. I got creative! And when I got creative, I became determined to make people feel pretty. People, Sonny, not women.”
Sanji went rigid, his throat was so dry. Was he that obvious? All he could make out was a simple, “Oh?”
Bea grinned. “Everyone deserves the right to feel pretty.” Sanji opened his mouth to speak but the old woman just held up a wrinkled hand. “Nope. Don’t care if you’re a ‘man’. Everyone. Sonny, one day you’ll realise that being a ‘man’ is more than just grunting like an ape, or never showing any vulnerability, or even having a penis. Man is a state of mind, and Sonny, the sooner you feel comfortable in who you are, the more beautiful life is going to be for you.”
Sanji felt breathless. “Really?”
“Really.” Bea nodded, a fondness in her eyes. “Come, we’ll get you a choker to go with it, I have just the one.”
Sanji felt a million miles away as Bea led him to the shop counter. She handled a delicate pink satin choker with care, presenting it to him. It was a giant bow, a simple snap holding it in place around the neck. Simple, but delicate. If Sanji was honest with himself, he liked it.
“Like a million berry! Your precious one will love you in it!” Bea smiled fondly at him. “So, Sonny, you buying?”
Sanji sucked in a deep breath. When he spoke his voice was foreign to him, a shakiness underlying the wispiness. Sanji felt like he was treading water, unsure and scared of the newness of it all. He could drown at any moment.
“Yeah.”
“Good, good!”
So Sanji paid. Bea took extra care to wrap the lingerie up in a delicate pink tissue paper. His own little present. She then promptly put it in an unmarked bag. She understood, shooting him a wink.
“So, anyone, huh?”
“Oh yes, yes. You see, originally I made them for my girlfriend when I was a much younger lady. She was a farmer’s daughter, wonderful girl, shared many a kiss with her, and then some! Now I make these lovely ones for my current husband. You remind me a lot of him, Sonny. You see he lets me wear this harness thing that I put in his a-”
“Thank you grandma, I’ll be out of here now!”
“Yes, yes. Good luck, Sonny! Stop by with your sweetie and get something nice one day, okay?” Bea waved her goodbyes from the doorway, smiling that same sweet old woman smile. Sanji clutched the bag to his chest tightly.
Right. Time to put the plan into place.
#one piece x reader#opla sanji x reader#sanji x reader#black leg sanji x reader#opla x reader#vinsmoke sanji x reader#zeff didnt eat his own fucking leg for sanji to be called a vinsmoke but for tagging purposes i must#DONT START ME ON HOW MUCH I WANNA BEAT THE TOXIC MASCULINITY OUTTA THIS MAN.#me to judge: look what youve done. you fucked up a perfectly good babygirl thats what youve done#anyway....guess i need to actually make a masterlist lmAOOOOO#if you read all the tags: you think its gonna fit him like a glove??#lmao maybe one of those disposable gloves you pull on too tight ant one of the fingers rips and now your pinky is just hanging out? yeah
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and another thing! taigen is SUCH a fucking libra on the main like we gotta fight FAIR and i'm gonna help you HEAL so we can be in a FAIR fight and don't even THINK this means ANYTHING because hello MY HAIR and you fucking IDIOT I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL omfg you are such a dumbass and i am being punished for past sins i do not remember from another life i know i am WHY DO YOU HAVE MY SCARF? you STOLE it?! FROM ME?! YOU STOLE MY SCARF?! MY scarf?! and you KEPT IT IN GOOD CONDITION?!
bro...
what the fuck does that even mean? bro? bro fr bro? what the fuck? MY SCARF? i know i wash all my clothes in one pile i know that but MY SCARF?
it's the audacity of it all. stealing is frowned upon like hello i thought we had a TRUCE until we FOUGHT FAIR and you out here being fucking swiper the fox like grow up. do better.
i am struggling with this fucked up haircut and you're out here stealing scarves? loser like habits i am disgusted and oddly disappointed in you bro i am. i am disgusted 🤮
you're pretending to like me and i'm disgusted you would sink so low i thought we were equal in not liking each other and your bitch ass caught feelings and now i am questioning my quest 😩 all because of my HAIR 😔 i just wanted a messy bun and you did me so dirty 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#taigen x mizu#blue eye samurai#taigen#mizu#libra antics#duh i am a libra#will be in my own lil world just coasting on by and then see a piece of fabric and i'm like HOLD UP#it LOOKS familiar... and i dunno why...#because if you have my stuff that means it meant something to you and bro#you could have just asked and i would have given it to your bitch ass like omfg you're so fucking weird#out here stealing shit that i thought i lost but you have it like you a triflin ass hoe but i forgive you i guess#taigen is asexual in this like me lmaooooo
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who the fuck thought it was a good idea to do performance evaluations at the end/beginning of the year, it is fucking Winter and i am simply Not in the headspace to think about a ~career~ lmao
#text#personal#job#whine whine whine#anyway got desk bombed LITERALLY FOUR TIMES TODAY#AND A BUNCH OF THAT SHIT WAS ABOUT CAREER STUFF#LEAF ME ALONE I DON'T WANT A JOB I JUST WANT MONEY#but also i'm bored to tears so i guess i should like. address that. in my eval meeting.#no i DON'T know what i want besides a book deal#i just know i'm not doing what i was told i'd be doing in the interview lmaooooo#(i say not in the headspace to think about a career in winter like i'm EVER fucking in headspace for that)#(reader i assure you: I Am Not)#(see: i just want money not a job)#(unless that job is Write Fiction)#(in which case GRABBY HANDS)
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The way we look up and whisper sorry to each other, the boy and I, when there’s teeth.
When there’s always teeth, on purpose.
When I threw myself into gravity and made it work. Ha.
I made it out by the skin of my griefs.
I used to be a fag now I’m lit. Ha.
Once, at a party set on a rooftop in Brooklyn for an “artsy vibe,” a young woman said, sipping her drink, You’re so lucky. You’re gay plus you get to write about war and stuff. I’m just white. [Pause.] I got nothing. [Laughter, glasses clinking.]
Unlike feelings, blood gets realer when you feel it.
Because everyone knows yellow pain, pressed into American letters, turns to gold.
Our sorrow Midas-touched. Napalm with a rainbow afterglow.
#ocean vuong#good words#brother the way i was moaning and groaning at my friend's dining room table bc of this poem#also i feel like this was the most Siken Ocean Vuong poem I've read#yes it might entirely be bc of that rooftop in Brooklyn line#lmaooooo#look 99 times out of 100 i cannot vibe with writing that uses 'yellow'#but this is the 1 i guess#turn it to gold babe fuck me up
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i need to wash my hair but oh my god i'm freezing in my sweats under two blankets rn i don't know how i do this every year HOWWWW
#it's so cold ..........#what the fuck.....#i have lived through this every year and i survive but how#how#HOWWWW#it's so fucking cold#also i can't find my bathrobe anywhere it's stressing me out#i'm just chilly#and guess what it's only getting worse.#i'm not having a good time lately LMAOOOOO#when i start getting distraught over the weather i know i'm in a bad place mentally#like... girl it's 50 degrees outside you'll be fine..........#just put on another blanket tf ...
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this latest research app has me at almost twelve dollars earned in the few hours I've been using it last night into today like. what
but also. thank fuck. pls send all the surveys and studies my way, make it rain in small increments all over me lmaoooo
#text post#doing a teeny bit better on the work anxiety for tonight but i am also v much still the I Simply Don't Wolf abt it#but i need to at least try even if i struggle even if i don't do well i just have to show up and try#and if they let me keep working even then great if they get sick of me and toss me out for good also fine#im gonna take whatever happens next and focus on keeping myself as calm not scared and stressed as possible#and if my work suffers as a result of my feeling better well then that's just how it's gonna fucking be i guess aksjdkfnfn#fr tho cloud research has been amazing thus far and i got to put 9 bucks into my overdrawn checking as of today thanks to them so#this is where I'd say i love them but it aint like that. more like if they had a dick I'd suck it lmaooooo#love doesn't have a place in the workplace/research website lol
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i'm in my taking-quizes-from-the-perspective-of-my-ocs era so here's what theo and matthias got when taking the "are you a soldier, a poet, or a king?" quiz
#river dipping#echthroi#theodore doe#theodore core#matthias evanoff#matthias core#matthias getting the poet made me role my eyes JUST because i know his little bibliophile ass would be soooo smug about it#especially because he could never picture himself to be beholden to responsibilities and birth titles (a king)#nor could he see himself becoming subservient to causes that aren't his own and plights he views as constricting (a soldier)#and theo....... i knew the second i saw this quiz that theo would wind up in the place of a king#albeit a puppet king but yes. i knew there was no other road for him to travel on...#reading the king's description i'm immediately hit by how right it feels for theo... like this one hits soooo fucking good#but the poet for matthias reads um... as a little off for him... is he powerful? yes. does he believe it? yeah lmaooooo#he thinks he's enough and then some#pain is art to him but only in a perverse way there's certainly nothing righteous like creation about it#i double checked what soldier would result in and can safely say that that wouldn't have been right for matthias either lmao#guess he's just Quirky
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feel like shit just wanna go off on a screaming yelling rambling rampage abt dingus
#pacing around my apartment just talking to myself abt him hfjkdlsgiuehuisldjgklhfds#i fuckingnggggggg Love him URGHHHH#been thinking so much abt the intricacies of his character and the depth and tragedy MWAH MWAH#idc what anyone says i fuckin love character analyses and i could and probably would give one if prompted#his depth is like 80% of why i wanna fuck him LMAOOOOO nothing gets me goin like interesting and complicated bundles of character traits#it's the demisexual in me i guess
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i do wish this bus stop had a bench
#i left a tad earlier then i needed to and its still fuckin cold out#the bus stop is in front of my high school. walking to the stop in all black hood up looking like [REDACTED] and listening to queen#i guess part of me will always be 16 LMAOOOOO#adventures#also i walked past a condom on the way here. god this place is fucking trashy
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i'm cackling
#i never wanted to admit i liked this 'romantic' movie bc of the romantic themes#but also bc its super fucking sad#but i loved that it was sad#and its not normal to like sad things#and i was intrigued#and i finally googled the movie like 20 years later#and i read that the girl in it was obsessed with death#and i'm like wow#that's why it was so relatable to me#lmaooooo#ignore me#mind fucking blown#i thought i was a 100% happy kid back then#GUESS AGAIN
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finally finally FINALLY started actually playing this town. i'm working out some issues with some mods but it's fineeee. kinda just treating this first rotation like a trial run as i work out those issues lmao. i named this town starkhaven and it is very vaguely dragon age inspired (mainly me popping statues of andraste in a few households, using chantry sister outfits for the ""clergy"" required by the medieval charter challenge, also elves. and magic. witches/warlocks + werewolves are the only occult types i plan on allowing i think?)
either way, i digress! i've been kinda obsessed now that i finally started playing and considering all the work i've put into downloading cc/mods and Building this town, i am very proud of myself :+)
#literally the only lot so far that i didn't build/furnish myself is the castle. Everything Else i did myself.#like i downloaded lots?? but they just didn't fit what i had in mind so i was like. L. whatever. and built them myself#i'm a pretty shit builder tho so they're not great but it is what it is#summer's gaming tag#also cedric (guy talking to the chantry sister) IMMEDIATELY woohoo'd with said chantry sister after knowing her for liek 5 hours.#shout out to ACR i guess lmaooooo.#FUCK THO I JUST REALIZED I GAVE THE TAVERN OWNER AND RANDOM CHANTRY SISTER 5 THE SAME HAIR.......#i'll give tavern owner new hair when i get to playing her. massive F for me
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Not a freaking 20€ cruiser available but an older model that doesn't have the little curves on the bottom part to avoid wheel bites......
#It's not a great board but good enough#But the absence of those makes me go meh bc the other board I also bought for 20€also didn't have those so you fucking take turns and#having a cruiser who can't turn is extremely annoying#So yeah lmaooooo#Guess I'll have to wait till I'm paid but by then it won't be the right season to skate anymore
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but yeah. of the ways to be outed to my grandmother this one was. not on the list.
#gods I hope my cousins are right with her current views#because ten years back we would have raging arguments on if my best friend's gender was Right or Not#(since 'grammar'. despite singular they being literally perfectly grammatically correct and also why the fuck would it even MATTER#what 'grammar says' when someone has plainly stated their gender to you fucking hell go shove that dictionary up your uM AKTUALLY ass)#TECHNICALLY I did give my cousins free reign to tell her last summer because honestly outsourcing my coming out#to four very vocally supportive 8-12yos was honestly so much easier for me lmaooooo#but yeah idk if they ever actually did anything on that end so I GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT TOMORROW LMAO#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#answrs is queer
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@northliights: ❝ i’m so angry. it’s always there. but if i let it out i’m afraid i’ll never stop.
She’s standing in front of him, shoulders rigid and fingers clenching against the curve of counter and sink, every word a quiet confession that seems to echo in the otherwise silent room. Lucas watches, listens, gaze tracing the familiar outline of her expression and brows furrowing at the way her own stays so trained on the bottom of the basin.
Where are you?
He wants to ask, wants to uncover the wound in order to understand how to fix it, but instead he simply cocks his head, a silent rock in a tumult of waves. Anger. He thinks of that word, latches onto it, remembers... Clenched fists and broken bones, smears of blood left on barren white walls, the scream of battle in his throat, leaving nothing but searing pain and a rasping voice in its wake... No doubt she expects him to comfort her, to offer some learned advice from hours spent forced sitting across from a woman with letters after her name, but instead Lucas turns, shrugging his jacket back on and disappearing out the front door and into the night.
Twenty minutes later and he’s back, boots stamping snow onto the floor and cheeks reddened by the wind. Lips twitch at his girlfriend’s expression, fingers curling around her wrist and tugging gently in an effort to convince her to follow. In the barest of minutes they’re bundled up in jackets and scarves, and he’s leading her outside, words a breath of steam in the air.
“When I got back, they told me that my anger wasn’t healthy. That it wouldn’t solve anything.” He leads her down the short steps, slowing once the impromptu snowman comes into view. It’s not his best work, but it’s crooked body and slightly smashed head will serve their purpose well enough. A tie from his car has been placed around its neck and two different sized pebbles serve as eyes.. and Lucas shifts his weight, wondering if he’s gone absolutely mad. Gloved fingers pick up a small branch, breaking off a few twigs and then pressing it into Aurora’s hand. Easy to wield, but thick .. the perfect weapon of choice.
Snow falls around them, each flake drifting on a lazy dance until it settles on their shoulders and the grown of their heads... and when he speaks, the words are a thunder to match her storm, breath warm against her ear. “I always thought that was bullshit.”
#northliights#*v. you can only go through hell a handful of times before you bring pieces home.#* arc 2: the past stays on you like powdered sugar stays on your fingers. some people can get rid of it but it's still there.#sjhfjfhjf he took a gamble. he's guessing its her dad.#if its not her dad ... a snow made rendition of her dad still might serve as something to take stuff out on.#most people: honey you cant let it affect you like this. fuck them.#lucas: come on babe. grab your stick. lets go lord of the flies on this bitch.#am i weird for thinking this is fluff lmaooooo#this is so soft to me omg.
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@smokedanced asked:
Would your muse ever tempt their partner, e.g. flirting, wearing tight/sexy clothing?
Admittedly, I'd say this depends with Miranda. I feel like with the fact that she's aware she's genetically perfect (which makes her attractive), she's not as likely to intentionally flaunt herself wearing tight or sexy clothing. She does already do this on her own (given her outfit choices), but I think it would take her some time to come around to the idea of doing it on purpose because the outfit would be attractive, not necessarily her (not that it diminishes her attractiveness; she'd simply attribute it more to her genetic makeup as opposed to her as Miranda being attractive in a particular outfit). It's definitely a strange disconnect that she has with outfits.
Now, for flirting? Absolutely. Other means are possible as well, and definitely something Miranda would do if she felt the situation were right. Miranda's quite bold, so there isn't much that will stop her in that respect.
#smokedanced#i swear to fucking god i tried to answer this like THREE TIMES#first time? page refreshed.#second time (earlier)? walrus tried to turn off my f-ing computer lmao#life hates me i guess lmaooooo#answered. ❖﹙ i've got a list of names ⋄ and yours is in red underlined. ﹚
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