#because idk if anyone else will laugh at these
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LATE NIGHT SNACK RUNS WITH SHIDOU
Notes: lmao I was bored so I wrote this Ig- trying to make myself like writing again 💀
wc: 750
warnings: shidou, I wrote this tired so idk how it is
Your boyfriend is 'special,' you could say. He's got a big personality and an even bigger ego. He's prone to getting into fights and has zero shame about it. But, you love him nonetheless. You are the most important person in his life, and he makes sure you damn well know it.
But right now, you honestly feel like throttling him. It's 3 AM, and he's spammed your phone with calls more times than you can count. You responded with a kind, "Fuck off, I'm sleeping," and turned on DND. You managed to slip back into sleep, if only for a brief moment.
Your rest is interrupted again, this time by the uncomfortable sensation of being watched. Groggily, you blink your eyes open to find a dark figure towering over you.
You let out a shriek and start flailing at the figure.
"Ow, stop—it's me! Stop—IT'S ME!!" a familiar voice urgently whispers. You squint in the darkness, heart hammering. You soon realize the so-called intruder is actually your stupid boyfriend, Ryusei.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU- WHAT- WHY?? HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE???" you hiss, smacking his arm as he scoffs.
"uh- I called you like a gazillion times, and I threw rocks at your window, but you didn't wake up" Ryusei explains nonchalantly, glancing from the window back to you with a smirk beginning to form. "You know, you really should lock your window, babe. Someone could sneak in."
You smack his arm again, harder this time, receiving a small 'ouch' from him.
"What do you want, Ryusei?" you grumble, massaging your temples.
He grins, grabbing your shoulders. "Well, I was bored, so I thought we should totally hit up 7-11, yeah?"
With a deep sigh, you accepted defeat. "Fine. I'll go with you. But God so help me, if you pull another stunt like this again, I will break up with your insufferable ass- you hear me?"
His grin widens, and he starts climbing out the window. "Yes, ma'am," he replies cheerfully.
You grab a hoodie and peek out of your room to make sure no one was awakened by your earlier scream of terror.
Stepping out the window, you slide down to the ground below. Ryusei offers his hand, which you take, and together you start jogging down the street.
The night air is chilly but refreshing, not cold. The streets are deserted, as expected at 3 AM. Ryusei is dressed down in sweats and an oversized hoodie, his hair flatter without his usual styling, and his face bare without the iconic eyeliner. Under the yellow hue of the streetlights, his skin seems to glisten. Sometimes you think, he could have been a model in another life.
You and Ryusei chat aimlessly and stumble over each other's feet as you walk. Arriving at the 7-11, you grab snacks that you both know are unhealthy. You both get Slurpees and head to the checkout.
You both share your snacks, and show each other your colored tongues.
Ryusei takes a sip of his drink and looks over at you. "Y’know, we should do this more often," he suggests.
You playfully roll your eyes. "Oh yeah? Why?"
Ryusei grins, looking around at the empty streets. "Because, let's be honest, when else are we going to run around like this without anyone else in our way? It’s like the world’s ours for the taking."
You laugh, shaking your head at his straightforward reasoning. "Only Shidou Ryusei would think a run to 7-11 at 3 AM is a grand adventure" you respond, amused by his enthusiasm.
He snorts, slinging the 7-11 bag kver his shoulders. "Admit it, you’re kinda loving the freedom too," he says, nudging you gently with his elbow.
You sigh but can't hide your smile. "Maybe a bit. But let’s aim for the daylight hours next time, okay?"
"Can’t promise that," he shoots back with a mischievous smirk.
As you finish up your late night snack run and head back and the first hints of dawn start to light the sky.
You climb up to the window, you wave your boyfriend goodnight as he sends you kisses. You returned them as he runs off into the street. you both crawl back into bed, content and a bit exhausted.
You never know what to expect with Ryusei, but that what’s makes being with him fun right?
I SWEAR I WILL DO THE REQS OKAY??
made April 8th 2024
#merlucide#blue lock#bllk#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#blue lock x you#shidou x reader#blue lock shidou#shidou ryuusei#ryusei shidou#shidou#bllk shidou#bllk shidou x reader#blue lock fanfiction#fanfiction#fanfic
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This isn’t a request but like I had a thought and just wanted to share it because yes- imagine being like Tyler’s s/o and going over to his house. He thinks you’re here to spend time with him but nope, you’re here for Taylor and proceed to spend time with her. And like him unintentionally getting jealous of his sister because he wants attention (and hugs but he won’t admit that) but is being ignored for his twin sister- like he’s happy you get along so well but he wants attention! He exists you know! And like you and Taylor can clearly see he’s jealous but do nothing just to mess with him. Which makes him all salty and have a grumpy look on his face. And when you finally do give him attention, he may “unintentionally” be hugging you tight enough you can’t move away when Taylor asks if you want to do smt with her. Idk was just a thought I randomly had lmao-
Replaced!?
Tyler Hernández x gn!reader
warnings: swearing
A/N: I know this wasn’t a request, but I loved the idea so I just HAD to write it!
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It’s been 3 fucking hours. 3 HOURS!!!! Tyler was laying on his bed in his room, looking at the wall, bored out of his mind. He thought after seeing your beautiful smile when he opened the front door that he would spend the day with you, cuddling or just doing ANYTHING! But instead you went to do fun activities with his twin in stead. He glared through the gap between his door, watching you and Taylor laugh at something Taylor said. He was fuming. He was the one that should be making you laugh. He should be the one that you should be spending time with. He loved you and his sister, but he just couldn’t help the jealousy that was slowly kicking in. He was happy to see you both having a good time, but 3 hours without giving your boyfriend attention is too long! He wanted your hugs, your gentle kisses. Anything to hear your sweet voice, your laughter. He couldn’t help the thought of just bursting into his sister’s room and carrying you away from her and caging you in his arms.
Meanwhile you and Taylor, unbeknownst to Tyler, you were laughing at him. Of course you noticed his cold stare, who wouldn’t have since his narrowed eyes were practically burning holes into your back. He looked like an angry kid who wanted to play with his friend at the playground but his mother didn’t let him so he was forced to just watch. You felt bad, but messing with him once in a while couldn’t hurt, so you decided to ignore his killer stare. If looks could kill, you and Taylor would be currently getting buried 6 feet under the ground.
Taylor decided to go get you both some more snacks, asking if you wanted to come with to the convenience store just at the end of the neighbourhood, but you decided to stay. You laid there in her bed, checking your phone when you suddenly feel a weight on your chest. You knew it was Tyler, who else would it be. Dark brown curls tickled your neck as he buried his face into your chest, mumbling incoherent things, probably complaining about the lack of attention he got the whole day. You decide to give in and give him some attention, making the boy smile against your neck, which didn’t go unnoticed by you. He slid his arms under you so he was basically clinging to you, whining for more. You wouldn’t catch him dead whining if anyone was in the room other than you, making you giggle at the thought of him being all embarrassed if Taylor just randomly showed up right now. You rub his back, his whole body relaxing and his arms visibly getting goosebumps from just your touch.
As if on cue, Taylor shows up and stops dead in her tracks after seeing the scene in front of her. She stifles a laugh and walks over to her bed, sitting down next to you. She giggles, watching the scene unfold. “So now that I’m here, could we do that thing I showed you earlier? I bought the things needed for it!” She asks and you smile, running your hand through Tylers hair. “Ty, can you let go now? Me and Taylor are still hanging out you know?” You say and he stands up, but just before you could even properly sit up, he lifts you up and carries you to his room. You glare at him, kicking your feet; “Hey!? What was that for?” You say and he lays you down on his bed, shutting his door and locks it behind him as Taylor tried to get in to help you out of this situation. He walks to his bed and lays down on top of you again, nuzzling into your neck. You go to complain but shut your mouth when he looks at you with hooded eyes, eyebrows furrowed, a face that made your knees go weak in just a second.
“She had you all day, it’s my turn to have some quality time with MY s/o!” He says and kisses your whole face then down your neck, making you squeal. “Okay, okay.. Fine.” You say with a smile and cup his cheek, kissing his soft lips. “Being replaced by my own twin is NOT fun.” He says and you giggle, accepting you’re probably spending the night to make up for the little mischief you caused.
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#tyler hernandez x you#tyler hernandez x y/n#tyler sbg x reader#sbg tyler x reader#sbg tyler#school bus graveyard tyler#tyler hernandez x reader#tyler hernandez#sbg x reader#sbg#sbg fanfic#sbg (webtoon)#sbg webtoon#school bus graveyard x y/n#school bus graveyard fanfiction#school bus graveyard x reader#school bus graveyard#webtoon#tyler sbg
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I-NOOOOO
#i-no#ino guilty gear#guilty gear#ggxrd#my art#her xrd design is so much easier to draw that’s like the only reason i draw it#or her pre-strive design in general because there were very minimal design changes between games#for her at least idk ab anyone else lol#as always live laugh love i-no
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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"Haze, where have you been?"
1. my pen broke 2. actually i have no excuses. umn. hi
#prelude to foundation#forward the foundation#demerzel laughing makes my heart hurt#r. daneel olivaw#eto demerzel#should I tag this for spoilers??#i think a lot about gladia's robot clothes being vaguely butler-esque#like. do you think she'd dress Daneel like that. after it all. because Fastolfe just had him made up like an Auroran. but I think she would#sorry this post is supposed to be about demerzel I LOVE YOU DEMERZEL!!!!#the way i call this in my brain is um#asimov chronology#so that is my catch-all tag but I'm unsure if anyone else uses it#queue#visual#doodle#idk why I'm getting embarrassed about talking too much this is the talking too much about stupid shit no one cares about website haze#robots and empire#yes I forgot that one. ah.
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i will never ever ever ever ever EVER be over dabi’s laugh <3333333333333
#it’s so CUTEEEEE AND SQUEAKY#but also something that you’d hear echoing down the halls of the psych ward#with dabi’s favourite nurse going ‘ooh! sounds like dabi’s awake’#just mr touya giggling manically to himself in his room#probably strapped to his bed or in a straight jacket because he is way too smart and strong and clever to be out of one#to have his arms free#because he can and will find a way to murder you#joker vibes fr#so miss nurse comes in to give him his pills#like ‘good morning touya’ and he’s still gm just giggling away#stops to make a borderline snarky yet flirty pass at her and then begins giggling again#will only take his pills from her for some unknown reason#if anyone else tries to give them to him he spits them right back in their face#and giggles#bad boy!!!!!!!#where am i going with this idk#i love him#and i love the joker#so i think this is influcing that a little#anyway the POINT is i love his laugh and i am going to make it my ringtone#because really what’s more romantic than having your boyfriend’s maniacal laughter as ur ringtone am i right??????? <333#clari chatters
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I put a Pomade Wig on Nick. I didn’t even know you could do this.
Please excuse me while I go die of laughter in the corner.
#Jasmine had to have put him up to this.#I don’t think he’d do it for anyone else willingly.#Those puppy eyes can get him to do almost anything.#Worth it though because she’s also dying of laughter and her laugh is cute.#Deacon has a slight smirk in the first photo. He’s probably in on it too.#Actually please do send help I haven’t laughed this hard in so long I think I broke myself.#My face is red and my nose and head and stomach hurt from how hard I’m still laughing.#I buried my face in my pillow because I was laughing too loud.#Bro I was like coughing while crying tears of joy and falling off my bed idk why this is hilarious to me.#Oh no. I’m probably gonna think of this at night or while I’m in public and start laughing.#Welp. It is what it is I suppose.#fallout 4#fo4#fallout#nick valentine#deacon fallout 4#deacon#deacon fo4#john hancock
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i have a lot of Thoughts about the chicago situation and im going to put them under the cut cause i know no one cares but i have no one to talk to so they're going here anyway
tw: sexual assault, r*pe, hazing ?
okay so like... what happened?? i watched that press conference (yay being unemployed, we love it here and we are NOT going insane) and i am now convinced that perry probably didnt have sex with bedards mom but actually did something really, really, very much so worse.
im not convinced nothing happened between perry and any bedard though. its such a specific rumor. and the gm and all these reporters being like iTS DISGUSTING TO EVEN SUGGEST- okay so where did it come from then?? can you show me the tweet from rangersfan420 who hates the hawks and started a rumor for fun?? can you find the source to PROVE its just a stupid internet lie?? i know its hard but if im chicago, im putting someone on it. if im a reporter (i know its a hard job, its a lot of work, etc but i have very little sympathy for most hockey reporters specifically because of, well- name any incident) im SCOURING the web for the source of that rumor to either ask how they know, or embed the link in my pay-wall blocked article for clicks!! you KNOW it would work, at least a few times. theyve had two days, has anyone even attempted this? (someone who's job it is, who's getting paid literally to either create news or to kill the rumor more effectively than whatever the hell the hawks are trying right now)
i might believe something sexual assult-y happened between perry and a player's family or player even except we KNOW for a FACT that the nhl and the hawks specifically do not care about that. they can "we're committed to change" all they want (clearly that's not working) but what motive would they have for kicking perry off the team? when has the NHL, or NHL fans (the loud, obnoxious majority, anyway) cared when a player has assaulted anyone?? we have seen sex crime after sex crime against women (and men!) committed by these players who are STILL PLAYING. no consequences enforced by their team, by the league, or by the media or fans (generally. there are good fans and there are some media outlets that care). so really, the hawks have no reason to kick perry off the team, or address the media, or make this into A Thing at all if that were the case. I know its hard to quash a rumor once it starts, but i honestly think if they had just been like "perry did *insert sex crime here* and thats bad, sooweee" people would be like BUT HES A GREAT PLAYER and people would be liek THAT SUCKS KICK HIM OFF THE TEAM and then in 30 hours there would be something new to yell about. (because being the moral police for this FUCKING LEAGUE is exhausting. where my red wings girlies who are dead inside at?? let me hear you scream into the void!)
so let's take a sexual encounter/assault off the table. what the hell was it?? probably not a racist thing. the chicago hockey team for sure doesn't care about that (See: their logo). its probably not a straight up and down illegal thing because the cops aren't involved as far as we know. (not that that really matters to this league either. remember the val nichushkin thing?? or the lucic thing?? {im assuming he'll be playing again soon} or like a million other things?? god this league is exhausting)
i saw someone say a hazing thing and that i might believe, esp bc of how their gm looked on the brink of tears. but then... say that?? or then why say no one else in the locker room knows about it?? are we keeping them in the dark or are we covering their asses legally??
this league is so fucked up, that there's honestly not much i can imagine that a hockey player could do that would warrant THIS from his team and the NHL.
(unless of course he's claimed off waivers or signed in like three months, then it's probably your garden variety assault/hazing/drunk/racist incident)
UGH i hate it here sometimes
#corey perry#chicago blackhawks#idk if anyone has any thoughts... i mean i dont expect anyone to read this but is anyone else kind of going insane??#like hockey was supposed to be my fun escape and then this happens over and over and over and over and over#really i make jokes#mostly on twitter#but about bedard's mom because... before that press conference it was funny!#and now i feel sick!!#i wish whoever was a victim of this incident#i assume there is at least one#is okay and not deeply re-truamatized by idiots like me speculating#and i wish bedard didnt go there because this sucks for him hes just a kid#i bet he could laugh off the jokes but if its something worse...#and i wish the chicago blackhawks orginzation a very fuck you die
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Anyone else thought about Ryuji and Aoki kissing?? I can see Ryuji just not taking any of Aokis shit... Fellow Aoki enjoyers.. plz tell me someone else thought about this
anon i think youre flying solo on this one. Respectfully. But maybe im wrong who’s to say Not Me
#snap chats#aoki would hate ryuji Because ryuji doesnt care LMAO#aoki didnt even like tendo they were just able to work together long enough#aoki promised tendo some power and tendo was willing to play ball until he got it#ryuji coulda just told aoki to suck his nuts before going off to do his own thing#ryuji’s plentiful more reckless than the other omi aoki had under his thumb#In An Ironic Sense maybe its cause they were older: aoki got beef with geezers lol#meanwhile ryuji’s his age. fucked up to think bout but Yeah#oh my god hang on laughing at everyone in this franchise having parental issues#yall think ryuji would be cross at aoki being a bitch to his dad/s cause on one hand ryuji hate HIS dad#but he do love his mama… and his lil sis.. for the five seconds he knew her..#he a family man. while aoki is not. let violence ensue LOL#anyway maybe im wrong idk anyone else in the crowd wanna step up on this one
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Idk who it was but whoever said smthn along the lines of "Ekurei would be just as (if not more) popular as Serirei if Ekubo were human", I feel that more and more every day.
#ramblings#idk half tempted to not speak on this bc i tend to just stay in my personal bubble when it comes to making fanstuff and like#keep away from negativity surrounding my interests esp shipping-wise as this site grows more and more fond of like#giving takes like `if the media was truly good you wouldnt ship anyone from it` or whatever (may be misremembering the take#here a tad but i digress) but also liiiiike. sometimes i will see negative ekurei takes and genuinely like.#yall would not care if ekubo had been human its liiiiterally because hes usually in that smaller spirit form#IM ON MY OWN POST SO IM GONNA BRING IT UP i literally laughed so hard reading someone say `ekurei is weird ekubo is-#-literally dead and a different species` GIRL WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT LMFAOOOOOOOO#if he usually took on a more humanoid form (like mogami) you would noooottt be saying that#ok this is my one personal post on the subject bc i have thoughts ! i did not react to that `worst ship` ekurei jumpscare#when it was going on bc i was like no. do not need to go off abt that. but seeing someone else do so spurred me to type
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Absolutely wheezing at the idea that a writer ~might not know~ that what they're writing is ~bad irl~. How fucking condescending is that? As someone who mostly creates and consumes horror media, my perspective might be a little skewed- but c'mon, people KNOW that dubcon/gaslighting/torture/murder/&c is not okay in real life. Inadequately tagged fic (& media which deals with these topics poorly) might well be a problem, but people still know the TOPICS are morally bad (& illegal) & not ok irl
I really weighed whether to give your mockery a platform on my blog, so I might still delete this response later, but I'm just going to say a few things.
Firstly, my post was around people having irrational emotoinal responses and having subsequent thoughts that try to make sense of those emotional responses. This isn't really about what the author knows, it's about the emotional response. (But even then, anon, abusers exist in fandom, abusers write fic, and it's very naive to not know this). At any rate, my whole point was that if an author is tagging or warning, they generally know, lol. But there's reasons readers might not know that.
Since my post was solely about reader response I'm going to address the readers who don't know or realise something in the moment, because they're having an irrational emotional response.
Readers having emotional responses to something that squicks them or hits them the wrong way are rarely rational and based in what people 'know.' You might want to research emotions and emotional responses in order to understand this better.
Secondly, there are actually some fairly prevalent reasons why people may be unable to give others the benefit of the doubt in the moment and assume that the author knows what they know (not least: fic authors are often complete strangers). Some of those reasons are as simple as 'I've been raised to be wary of other people and what they believe.' But others include having been abused themselves, or alternatively, knowing that abusers and rapists write fiction and live in the world among us, and sometimes having a moment where they're just not sure based off what they've just read. (It's nice to assume that not everyone thinks abuse is okay, but it's a lot harder to assume that once you've been abused by someone you know, you might want to apply some compassion to other people on this - folks who are paranoid of others often have reasons for doing so, even though that never excuses abuse or bullying in turn).
At any rate, I can think of a lot of reasons why someone wouldn't automatically just 'know' something in the moment, especially if they've been triggered or squicked (which I mention in my post). It doesn't excuse bullying or abuse, which I say in my post, but the emotions themselves and the irrational thoughts they can lead to aren't bad by default - that's part of the normal human experience, you're having it yourself right now anon - that's an attempt the brain makes to protect the person who's just had that experience. After that, we make a choice re: our behaviours.
Your perspective is a little skewed, anon, simply because you've made the mistake of assuming everyone must think the same way you do - but not everyone has had the same experiences, upbringing and education you've had. And vice versa. Someone who has been abused by someone in fandom, for example, may struggle to assume benefit of the doubt in certain circumstances where something - the person or product - reminds them of that abuse.
You might want to research the cognitive impacts that abuse and interpersonal trauma have on people, anon, especially if you mostly create and consume horror media, because that is pretty important in the understanding of some horror. This struggle doesn't make their behaviours right if they're hurting others, but judging folks for not knowing what you do, or for the things that make them uncomfortable is rude and patronising.
It bothers me that you can't conceive of a world where folks might have frankly understandable but strong and irrational emotional responses to fictional content. If you can accept that for example, some horror will make people scared or too unable to engage with it (can you accept this?), even if they do know it's not real, then I think this is a concept you do foundationally understand, and are just not applying to this situation, perhaps because it disturbs you to think that some people don't just know this by default. I don't know.
Finally, given you felt the urge to come into a complete stranger's inbox and speak derisively and with open mockery towards a bunch of folks who don't make the same assumptions you do, or have the same knowledge base that you do, it's fairly obvious that you yourself know exactly what it's like to engage in behaviours based off irrational emotional responses. So maybe you have more in common with the people you're mocking than you think? Food for thought.
You probably know - when you stop and think about it - that there are many reasons why people may not 'know' or be able to assume what you know in this circumstance, but if you don't:
Highly recommend you do deeper dives into aversive emotional responses and emotions, and also look into how abuse and trauma can cognitively affect some people.
#asks and answers#trolls in the house tonight folks#at the end of the day#the behaviour of many bullies under the anti flag is completely inexcusable#my post wasn't actually for them#it's for the people who engage in fancop behaviour without realising it#because they've been triggered or squicked#and only do it with the thing they've been triggered by#i'm just pointing out the kind of thoughts a person might have#which are more likely to come from an irrational place than a rational one#it's dangerous to assume people know how to be self-reflective like this frankly#laughing and going 'of course all authors know lmao'#is not really helpful anon and i'm not sure what you were trying to achieve#and it still bothers me to give this ask a platform but eh#i feel like anyone else who thinks this way should give some time into just...#idk learning how emotions work#esp because you're clearly having some yourself anon#administrator gwyn wants this in the queue
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Happy valley episode 4 has given me full on palpitations I need to yell about it to someone
#I'll just have to wait until the weekend when the consultant that also watches it is working#because idk anyone else that watches it#i just really fricking love this show#also bbc iplayer calls it a northern noir and it makes me laugh a lot#happy valley
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realising that almost every time i’ve written a benson/pam hug i’ve described him standing on the “tips of his feet” because bro doesn’t have toes 😭
#btw not crying because benson doesn’t have toes. i think that’s a good design choice.#the 😭 is me crying laughing because of the realisation that that’s why i’ve used that wording so many times#idk it’s a tiny bit funny to me. probably not to anyone else#regular show#benson#mytext
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idk. the overwhelming feeling i cld count the people that'd give a shit if we did on one hand.
#lane hunter irl#i'd assume khi at least for nur. and idk if the news ever got to her maybe ren. i'd hope she'd care at least.#but. we alr know how fast she changes. ready to discard her 'best friend' the moment she gets a new person to fixate on#ugh#i feel bad#two suicide scares in one relationship#... do i exist to anyone else#i don't think. anyone else thinks of us outside when they see us#and yeah ik quality over quantity but i wish people would! care. i guess.#stuck between i wish people would care a bit more and i don't want to needlessly worry anyone#...#idk. maybe i use people as an escape bc i can just. be happy around them. bc i always am. and no one will think anything of it#because that's weird to assume the person that's always smiling and laughing and making easy conversation is suicidal !!!!!#it's not impossible but just. not something you'd assume#if you barely know the person#i think my relatives that i've never met would be more devastated than my parents actually lmao#my relatives that i'm probably going to be meeting !! next summer#//#the fact is that no one would know about the rest of us#no one would know that with ash#7 other people would follow#some willingly some not some indifferent#no one will mourn us#which hurts less if you dont have a social circle outside of the system. but unfortunately i do#stings a bit#🦴 > rex speaking !!
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so upset and disgusted my stomach hurty </3
#mine#💿#im not upset bc of him im upset bc of something else but i wanna rant abt him anyways#he isnt good at holding conversations w me but tried to cheer me up which is nice. an attempt was made#im being less of a weirdo freak around him and distancing more ?? which is good i suppose#i love yandere culture and everything but i only want a yandere relationship thats not based on exploiting weaknesses#like a thing where each partner consents to whatever non traditional act etc. none of this weird stuff#the thing im upset about is sort of regarding my views abt it but not a ref to anything on here ugugugghrg#i dont understand why thered be people who want to see the light of their life in pain and hurting. its about worship and adoration#and treating your love like the object nearest to your heart. like an extension of you. not fucking abusing them#not abusing those who cant do anything for themselves. who cant fight back. who dont have the slightest idea#dont drag people into your sick fantasy just because it gets you off usdhwkffjdkgke im seething rn#anyway i tagged this abt my cd guy so i will continue to talk abt him. when he was messaging me i was very happy#i was so happy i could make him laugh and his happiness made me happy<3 but like literally i cant trust anyone anymore#i know one person cant take care of all my problems but i feel like they could contribute a little more. instead of ignoring me#idk maybe im being weird and everyone acknowledges me a normal amount.. i have irreversible damage in my brain<3#im being good about not obsessing. having other interests and goals. having a LIFE on my own without craving him everyday#i dont know if im doing it purposefully though or im just afraid. i know i am afraid but is that the only reason? i really am trying#i feel so heartbroken the way i felt more love when a cashier was being nicer to me than almost any of my friends#im like oh ill get doxxed writing that. but i dont think anyone is paying enough attention or cares enough to find me out anyway.#i will settle for second best even if it means they simply regard me positively :( i want to be liked so so badly. just for who i am#not anything like talents or appearance. just me. why doesnt anyone desire me for who i am? maybe its because who i am isnt the best yet#but i want to be loved even if im not the greatest and i dont think thats too much to ask. i want to be loved the way all humans love#but there isnt much of that any more. or if there is they sure have a funny way of showing it. im not supposed to rely on people for things#like this. but i cant just keep telling MYSELF i accept me. that i love me. because i know this already. im fine with me. but no one else#is. ive submitted to the ordeal of being known. to being vulnerable. to pouring my heart out. but everyone who touches it is filthy.#ive fixed myself to the best of my ability yet why am i not being taken notice of. i make myself look nice everyday. what does it take#its so sickening that its hard to find a kind person in the world. you ignore me. i was going to go great lengths to get you a present too#i was gna try so hard but its so easy for you to not try at all. oh well i cant cntrol others i can only sit being tormented by thr actions#i cant work hard enough to make you care about persevering. to not be indifferent. to not be boring. to not be neglectful
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Ok horns brain cancelled I’m thinking abt millen and resile and their alternate ways to deal with the stress that comes with the certainty that they’re staring their mortality in the face and ending their days to hold onto each other because they’re a remnant of home and-
#resile distracts himself. always. and sometimes he’s overly careless with his own well being#and millen tries to plan and plan again and go over the details where he can and#holds them gently#also overanalyzes them but. it’s a lot of topic revolving around death so I’m just gonna sit on it for the time being Bc. idk if that’s a#bit too grim rn. but. thinks about them so much#thinks abt how they grew up together and their matron kept resile tucked away in the caverns and he and millen would look out at the stars#sometimes and resile would get so excited that millen had to get excited too and she didn’t even think twice about it until he said that he#was going to join the fleet and their little bubble that had lived in that room where resile was just as jade as anyone else living there#came crashing down and she was panicking by the time he left and he wasn’t going to do anything yet but she didn’t know what to do for a lon#time and it was an impulse decision to stow away on a smuggler’s ship anf it was pure fucking luck that they got away with it and the troll#heard them out and laughed and sent them off to another ship because the captain there seemed determined enough to make sure folks would be#as prepared as they could be and when millen found out that nearly the entire crew had been fleet he panicked and a couple folks got scars#out of it but things got settled down easy enough and now when millen stresses they pace the ship looking for flaws and they run through#routines and they check in on the crew and it’s the details that can be ones undoing so he focuses on the details where he can and she#trusts her crew where she can’t and it’s a small ship and it’s a small crew and it’s just enough to be able to handle without getting#overwhelmed and resile has reached the point where it’s simply just easier to let the universe carry him more than not so he’s more than#happy to (mostly) just do what he’s told and ignore the why because that’s for somebody else to figure out and#millen fisvet#resile argent#gnaws on them like rock candy
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