*scratching at the walls thinking about how no one has adapted Peter’s college arcs in a consistent and satisfying way.*

so apparently my brain will not let me rest until I figure out the Prue/Roger dynamic, so: Prue's right out of college when she gets hired at the museum and she gets partnered with a senior curator, Roger. Roger flatters Prue first professionally, then personally, and when Prue is hesitant because he's married, he spins some line about how his marriage is over in everything but name. Prue, young and only having one real relationship before, falls for his charm and they start sneaking around 1/?

at the office. at some point Roger does divorce his wife, he and Prue are together publicly, and then he proposes. somewhere in there, he makes a move on Phoebe, who rejects him. Phoebe immediately goes to Prue, but Roger insists that she's lying, "Prue, don't you think I love you, I left my wife for you." Prue, habituated by years of this kind of emotional manipulation, chooses Roger over Phoebe. This pretty much destroys her relationship with her sister. Prue and Roger continue plans for the wedding until Grams dies, at which point Roger calls off the wedding because he didn't sign up to be anyone else's emotional support. Prue, spends her days angry at Roger, Grams, and Phoebe for abandoning her, and spends her nights secretly wondering if there was anything she could have done to keep any of them with her.   

hmm an inch resting yarn you have spun here but i’m gonna offer you another one: pure was popular in high school she was like really fuckin cool and she could very easily have been any man of her choosing. there was no settling for her, she was prue motherfuckin halliwell. so she went for what her heart always wanted and dated her childhood sweetheart andy trudeau. and like,, they were the It Couple in their heyday and it was definitely that passion head first our love will never die dramatic but also just kinda silly love. and that sorta sets the bar. then she’s off to college presumably at this point still trying to pursue a career in photography and she’s like having fun she hangs out with the artists and free spirits and people who were misfits in high school and draws them in with her undeniable queen bee energy but like. she knows her stuff. she doesn’t get by on looks and popularity, she’s really good at what she does. so now we bring in college boyfriend no. 1 who cupid name checked as alan, and we’ll say this really is a relationship of two artists and they’re both amazed by each other’s work and the soul and heart and spirit in it and in them it’s definitely the most pretentious of prue’s relationships but it’s like the kind where they “break into” the local art gallery after hours (alan works there and has a key, so it’s not like it took a lot of masterminding) and like slide around polished hardwood floors until they fall down laughing that type of vibe. but now we’re encroaching on prue’s blue period. for starters, piper’s get ready to y’know apply for college this that and the other and like grams is all concerned about how much college costs blah blah blah with paying for both prue and piper and the same time yada yada yada and prue sorta realizes how sorta tight the money situation is what with the cost of education and the house and this that and the other and she’s starting to realize that this photography career is Not the move bc like this house needs a breadwinner if they want to keep it blah blah blah so life already blows when she has to go pick up phoebe from a party which she’s not like happy about but like you know at least phoebe isn’t drunk driving maybe this is a chance for them to bond as sisters for prue to impart some wisdom on her chaotic younger sister but no of course not of course they have to get in a huge argument and prue doesn’t hit the breaks in time and the car gets totalled and phoebe lands in the hospital and like now prue’s sorta spiralling and she like wants to quit photography and she feels horrible about everything and alan who is again i must harp on pretty pretentious is like no u can’t quit ur family doesn’t understand you it’s not about the money it’s about the art use this pain to make something amazing to which like sorry king,,, but it is about the money. the manor has been in the family for decades and prue can’t lose it. and with piper’s college, phoebe’s hospital bills, and grams’s failing health... it’s 100% about the money dude. and fuck turning your pain into art fuck glorifying suffering and fuck you. so now prue’s p cut off she’s pretty isolated she’s all down in the dumps blah blah blah she changed majors to whatever major it was she needed for like museum jobs bc at least this way she can make bank but she’ll still hold a piece of art close to her and she like drowns herself in her work like she’s not just gonna be this major (art history?) she’s gonna be the fuckin best she’s gonna be the top of her class blah blah blah yada yada yada. but y’know flash forward an amount of time and her roommate’s like hey babe. i get like life’s shit i get u got to be the very best like no one ever was but like. you have not left the apartment in four months. you haven’t smiled in probably twice as long so like. idk do something?? that makes you happy maybe???? and prue’s just like :/ bc what made her happy was like photography but now she has very mixed emotions around that and her roommate’s like what did you do for fun in high school like what did you do after school and prue’s like idk cheerleading practice and her roommate’s like word well then go to cheerleading tryouts time skip we really see prue return to all her old glory and climb up the lil cheerleading ladder blah blah blah and in this renaissance of hers she also scores a new love interest who’s basically the opposite of alan enter tom peters the star wide receiver. and i think this relationship for prue was really just like fun it was tipping her toes back into the water it was learning to smile again it was just like a good time fun simple no concerns about the future just like vibing right then and there and then that ended just sorta naturally and they both graduated and it’s time for prue to leap into the professional world and she’s never left california so when she gets a job offer in london she jumps at the chance blah blah blah she’s working she’s having fun she’s defining herself enter eric from london who i’ll say is like a Business Man he’s like a this that or the other idk maybe a museum investor like the young son who just took over his dad’s business that sorta vibe and like eyes meet breath catches there was just this click but it like took them months to get together it was just this dance this game of cat and mouse until prue finally like took the bull by the horns and just like went for it and i think that would be her like most “adult” relationship like dates were going out to fancy dinners not breaking and entering or picnics on the empty football field these were like two professional adults like dating but you know they hit a year and then some and we’ll say like prue is maybe like 24 25 and this guy’s maybe 29 or whatever and they’ve attended friend’s weddings bs they’ve hit that era where everyone’s getting married and suddenly this cloud’s hanging in the air like baby are you my forever girl like is this it fifty years from now to i still come home to you put you know what let’s push that to the back of our minds but now eric’s like 30 and his family’s like dawg,,,, r u gonna be like a spinster or something are you gonna put a ring on it or not and prue (after many many international phone calls to piper) has decided yes she’d do it she’d stay her and be with this man she loves and eric decides prue’s just not the girl for her. so uh. ouch. blah blah blah prue’s had her fun in the uk but it’s like time to return home piper’s just graduates college or whatever and found a job in the city if prue follows suit they could room together which is when she gets the job at the museum where roger works at. and blah blah blah prue’s like amazing as always and of course she catches roger’s attention bc how could she not and he’s constantly pursuing her and prue keeps turning him down at first bc she’s not really interested and then like he’s her boss and then like it becomes a sort of game but now all her friends from high school are getting married and marcia from homeroom has a baby look and the lil pumpkin on her christmas card and fuck what am i doing so you know what yes roger i’ll be your date to the new years party and here’s the thing roger knows prue is really impressive like she’s amazing at her job and she’s a total babe like he shows her off all the time and prue’s like you know receiving this really high praise and you know roger also has cash to spare so it’s like it’s not bad and she doesn’t well love him but he clearly loves her so she can be satisfied and you know her high school reunion is this year and if there’s one thing she would love it would be to write (nee halliwell) on her nametag, to show she got the job, she got the guy, and she’s living pretty in pac heights. so when roger proposes, she says yes. and piper’s happy for her and phoebe thinks roger’s a sleaze and grams is lukewarm but what does grams know about a long lasting marriage and what does phoebe know about anything so blah blah blah she goes to that high school reunion with a big ol rock on her finger and this that and the other and like to be perfectly frank coming home to roger is not like the highlight of her day there’s not this comforting glow when she falls asleep next to him but it’s like. she’s committed. she’s gonna see this through. besides, they’re already working on the guest list and venue and everything like she’s in it now there’s no turning back now and it’s fine like roger’s fine he’s perfectly palatable and she’s encroaching on 30 so. well whatever prue and roger host an easter party and it’s so cute she’s in a darling floral dress dazzling roger’s stuck up parents and eating finger sandwiches when she hears voices coming from the bedroom and is like gonna pretend to ignore it when she catches piper’s eye and piper has that uncomfortable look on her face and she realizes she can’t find phoebe anywhere and Where Is Roger and she busts in on the two of them looking disheveled and phoebe’s like prue- and prue’s like i don’t want to hear it and roger’s like baby- and prue’s like not now and she turns to phoebe like i think it’s best you go and she looks at roger like we’ll talk about this later your parents are wondering where you are so piper drives phoebe home and phoebe’s telling her about how she went to confront roger on being a whore and also like a spineless sleazebag and she was gonna tell prue when he totally started hitting on her and trying to kiss her and then prue broke in and piper’s like uh huh uh huh bc like. she doesn’t like roger all that much. and she agrees with phoebe. but still this thought sorta lingers at the back of her mind like could phoebe have done something? purely to get back at prue? no she wouldn’t. probably. meanwhile roger’s like your sister was totally hitting on me blah blah blah and prue’s like we can talk about it later right now we’re hosting a very nice party and i’m not going to have you ruin in and roger’s like see that’s what i love about you and prue’s like yeah cool and now whenever she comes home to roger she’s just like 🙄 and she’s like complaining to piper about how like she like doesn’t really want to marry him but it’s like too late now the venue’s booked and the save-the-dates have been sent out and piper’s like it’s not too late until you say i do. do you really want to be married to that sleazebag? and prue’s like :| and piper’s like you can call off the wedding and prue’s like :| and piper’s like i’m just saying and prue’s like does he remind you of dad? and piper’s like what? and prue’s like i think roger’s just like victor. i think i’m about to make the same mistake mom made. god, i always wondered how she could have married such a douchebag and here i am about to do the exact same thing! and piper’s not really commenting bc she doesn’t really remember dad but what she does say is you haven’t made that mistake yet so prue’s like you’re right. and that night she calls of the engagement.

Open Up

summary: college neighbour daniel (tbh the college aspect of this is almost nonexistent but heh) a/n: requested; i combined two asks for this bc they were pretty similar haha also to anyone else who has sent me a request, i’m still trying to figure them out + i’m busy rn so it might take a while ;; thank you for waiting <3

it is a tired afternoon

you’ve just submitted one major mid term assignment and you have another huge written test looming ahead in 2 days so you drag yourself as fast as possible to your dorm room and decide to crash for a few hours before getting up to work again

you draw the curtains, set an alarm for exactly 1.5 hours later, settle comfortably into your bed with the blankets snug around you, and are just about to drift off into a much needed sleep when suddenly 

THUD

...

“CAN YOU BE A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL WHAT THE FUK”

“YO I’M TRYING BUT THIS SHIT IS HEAVY”

ANOTHER THUD

“JAEHWAN I SWEAR TO GO-”

seriously all you want is just a little bit of quality sleep time is that too much to ask @ god??

you barge towards your door and swing it open to see what’s going on only to find the whole corridor outside your flat filled with 2809349283 boxes and 2 guys trying very hard to get all of that stuff up the stairs and into the room next to yours

they freeze and look up at you 

your 1st thought is: what the fuk is going on

your 2nd thought is: damn that boy is kinda cute 

so you’re just standing there kinda glaring and kinda staring at them unsure of what to do next when the cute guy finally unfreezes and comes up to you and offers you his hand for a handshake or smth

“hey, my name is daniel! and that’s jaehwan. we’re moving into this flat and i guess you live in this one so,, hi new neighbour?”

you just take his hand and and go “uhh yeah hi i’m y/n”

this boy is really cute wow 

(imagine daniel looking like this)

he kinda awkwardly scratches the back of his neck and says “sorry for all the noise i think we disturbed you”

and somehow, instead of what you actually meant to say you go “it’s fine, you guys need help with that?”

“omg if it isn’t a bother we would love the help pleasesdd”

that’s how you give up your much needed nap to help them move their stuff in instead

and you find out more about them

so apparently jaehwan is a vocal major and daniel is a dance major and they’re both a year above you

you find out daniel has 2 cats and you’re like wtf bc that’s against campus dorm rules but you agree to keep the secret

jaehwan is a super loud boy and you’re wondering how you’re gonna ever get peaceful time in your own dorm ever again

anyways by the time you’re all done with everything you find yourself inviting them two over to your dorm the next day for like dinner or smth yknow just to get to know your neighbours better lol

but the thing is you actually share your room with your older sister, and you can’t actually cook, so when you tell her she’s like wtf now i have to cook for 4 people???? bitch

alas she does 

the next day the four of yall are having a super good time but jaehwan has to leave early so it ends up with just you your sis and daniel

and he brings over his cats at some point bc your sis tells him that she absolutely loves cats which she does

you three are playing with the cats and you find out daniel is just a big baby like he’s eating ice cream and cooing at his cat and he tells y’all the story of how he named both of his cats guy names bc he only found out recently that they’re both females

like wtf

anyway since that day daniel starts coming over with his cats more often and bc your sister has a super busy schedule you are the one who ends up spending a lot more time with him

you 2 often have dinner together on the days in which both jaehwan and your sis are out

sometimes you watch movies together

inevitably there are times when dan wants to come over but you’re out so he hangs out with your sis alone and on those days you’re always really kshdfskjfkdj

one time daniel has this dance showcase and he invites both you and your sis to go watch but your sis can’t bc she has smth else on so you end up going alone with jaehwan and some of dan’s other friends and omg

your heart flutters so much watching him dance that you think you’re gonna pass out

after the showcase you go up to him to give him the flowers you’ve brought and you almost combust right there and then at the smile and hug he gives you

you have an amazingly huge crush on him it’s painful

you develop this habit of calling him whenever you’re having a bad day or something and he’ll come over with his cats to cheer you up

he thinks the cats are doing the job but lmao it’s him

one day you are out and about having lunch with two of your friends when you get a call from daniel

when you pick up his voice sounds all glum and quiet

“daniel? what’s up what’s wrong”

“it’s peter, i don’t know for sure but i think she’s sick?”

“oh my,, are you bringing her to the vet or somewhere?”

“yeah that’s the thing, i’m gonna go in about an hour and i was wondering... if you’re free could you come along? it’s just i don’t wanna go alone yknow it’s a little scary”

needless to say your heart melts and you’re about to cry but you tell him of course and ditch your friends and run back home

when he opens the door to his room he looks bad

like he’s been worried sick and on the verge of tears so you follow your instincts and give him a hug and he buries his head into your neck and you’re a puddle of goo

poor baby ;;;;

you bring poor peter to the vet, and you actually have to hold on to dan as she’s getting examined bc that’s how anxious and upset he is

tbh you’re worried for her too but you’re even more worried about daniel

thankfully the vet says there’s nothing to worry about and that she’ll get better in a few days and the relief on daniel’s face makes u wanna cry

you two decide to stop by this ice cream place on the way home to celebrate 

and as you’re sitting across him and watching him eat his ice cream, you realise how much you like him, and also how clueless you are about whether he feels the same way

as a spur of the moment kind of thing suddenly you ask him whether he likes someone

he looks up at you kinda surprised 

“why are you suddenly asking me that?”

“nothing i’m just curious”

“...well, yeah actually”

wtf???? your heart is beating fast

“what really???!! tell me who!!”

“wait you really don’t know? i thought it was obvious”

now you’re getting even more anxious bc if it was obvious then it was someone you knew and you know yourself very well lmao

“no omg i really don’t know who ok give me hints i’ll guess”

“um well i’ve been over to her dorm a lot”

“ok,, gimme more”

“she’s really close with my cats”

.. at this point you’re getting your hopes up because you’re literally on the way back from the vet

you’re silent for a few nervous moment debating on what to say next when he speaks first

“she has the same last name as you”

could he make it any more obvious at this point he could just confess directly to you

“c’mon i made it so obvious and you still don’t know? it’s your sister duh!”

wait what

your heart drops right down to your feet and in that moment of pure shock and disbelief you actually start laughing

“see? it was obvious right?”

oh god

so....... it’s not you?

this is stupid... you should have known 

he literally said she has the same last name as you wtdfksjfksd

come to think about it, all those times he had called you to ask whether your sis was home before coming over should have made it obvious to you

and every time when he was together with you and your sis he had always been more comfortable around you but you guess that’s because he was... shy around ur sis

oh god

you don’t even remember the rest of what happened on the way home, you’re heckin traumatised

when your sis comes home that day and you watch her clean up the mess in the dorm and start settling dinner it kind of hits you

like of course daniel is gonna like your sister?? look at her she’s cleaning up the mess you made and cooking the dinner which you can’t make for yourself

she’s got her life together and you’re here just being a child

sigh

you decide in that moment that things have got to change

the next day when daniel calls you to ask if you wanna go grab lunch you tell him you can’t bc you have to work on a project

which you don’t actually 

it starts like that

after several instances of you turning down daniel’s invitations to do something with him he kind of just gives up

you’re glad but deep down you also secretly have this thought of why can’t he try harder to get me to hang out with him

it’s hard to get over feelings but you’re trying

before you know it your life is almost back to how it was before he moved in beside you

and you’re starting to settle into a new rhythm

but little do you know that as you go to sleep every night increasingly content with the new lifestyle you’ve built, daniel is suffering on the other side of the wall

suddenly he has no one who is always up to do stuff with him

when he goes to watch a new romcom film with his friends he realises none of them joke about the plot with him the same way you would

no one to listen to his silly worries and his even sillier jokes

he thinks even his cats miss you

one day you’re in your room working on an assignment when you hear super loud knocking sounds coming from outside

you wait for it to go away but it doesn’t

in fact it only gets louder and after a few minutes there’s angry shouting accompanying it

so you open your door to peek out and see what the heck is going on when you see a clearly drunk daniel banging at his own door and shouting at jaehwan to open up 

you freeze for a second and consider just leaving him to it but ,,,, this is daniel and you know for a fact that jaehwan isn’t even home

it’s funny how life works - after all these months here you are out in the corridor trying to help daniel again

you approach him slowly and try to tell him that jaehwan isn’t in

and the hand that he was using to bang at the door drops limply to his side and he just stands there in front of his door looking down at the floor

“do you have your key?”

he just shakes his head slowly before looking up at you 

and you kinda panic for a moment bc of how long it’s been since you’ve last seen him 

and he looks kind of... sad

“then do you want to come in and wait in my flat?”

you hesitate for a second before adding “my sister isn’t home”

he just nods and follows you in

there’s nothing but awkward silence between you two as he sits there on the chair beside you and you’re contemplating just telling him to go to sleep or something when he mumbles something

“what was that?”

“i miss you, y/n. why don’t you wanna see me anymore?”

you just sit there not knowing what to say and he uses the silence to continue 

“i said i miss you. don’t you miss me too? you know i’ve been thinking about it and... i don’t even know your sister well”

you’re thinking maybe you should say something but he doesn’t give you time to talk

“i want to be with you more but you don’t want to spend time with me anymore. i don’t know what i did wrong but y/n, i miss you”

he looks like he’s gonna start crying and you are in pure conflict because everything you’ve tried so hard to bury for the past month is coming back

“in fact i think i don’t even like your sister. i really don’t know her well. i miss you”

he is just drunk and repeating the same things again and again and you have no idea what to do bc you’re starting to realise that maybe you never stopped liking him at all

“y/n, i’m saying that i miss you. why don’t you want t-”

“daniel, what are you trying to say?”

“that i like you”

and just like that you’re moving forward and kissing him

it takes him a moment but he kisses you back

and maybe he’s only saying all this bc he’s drunk, maybe he will wake up in the morning and change his mind

maybe you’ll regret giving in so easily after the struggle of the past month

and maybe this was not the circumstances under which you’d dreamt and wished for this to happen

but it was happening, and maybe that’s all that matters for now 

a/n: DEEP SIGHS i have no idea whether this was any good aaah please either drop me an ask or message me to tell me what you think!!!! i’d really appreciate any type of feedback/comments ;;;; also feel free to send me a request if you want but it might take me a while to get to it so yeah lol thank you for reading!!!

Spideychelle Headcanon: In Which MJ Gets Chunky in College & Peter LOVES IT

In response to the warm reception to my earlier HC! Also partially inspired by the tags of the lovely @aqhrodites !!!

So like MJ has never really skipped meals nor has she been one to constantly stuff her face but she likes to eat like any human being

Her favorite foods are the snacks like cookies or a Poptart or apple that Peter would bring her but hey Peter could bring her two day old burgers and she'd gush about it

As college starts they're thankfully not far from each other, but they're still pressed for time thanks to schoolwork

MJ is secretly terrified of losing contact with this boy before she can tell him that she's in love with him finally ask him out for coffee so she makes a vow that she WILL ask him out before the end of freshman year

And well they FaceTime, text, call each other constantly, and for now MJ's fears are slightly alleviated

But stress from the fear of losing Peter and schoolwork causes MJ to snack more often

She doesn't even notice it, she just enjoys the freedom of getting to buy multiple kinds of Oreos at the dollar store that college grants her

Snack trips to the dollar store become more frequent as do vending machine runs (honey buns are amazing), fast food stops, and afternoons spent in the dining halls which are unlimited buffets as many times you want a day with her meal plan

And one day her jeans are difficult to pull up over her hips which is odd

They're also a pain to button, and they feel like a second skin but in a constraining way

MJ doesn't think much of it as she appraises how they seem to hug her booty. It gives her warm fuzzy flashbacks to that time she caught Peter checking out her ass and so she decides to wear these jeans for him at some point

Fall turns to winter and Peter notices that MJ's beautiful beautiful beautiful face seems a little.. different? Softer or something. All he knows for sure is that MJ is cuter than ever ooh

It's not until Thanksgiving break when MJ is reunited with family that she finally really notices she gained weight

After the second or third overheard whisper of "Michelle gained weight" she went to the bathroom and pulled up her shirt. Soft love handles greeted her in the mirror. Her thighs, her hips were chunkier, her booty was bigger.

MJ was certainly surprised, since weight gain can really sneak up on anyone, especially someone who's been fit and wispy her whole life

But MJ responded with a "eh"

And went to town at the Thanksgiving table

Circumstances prevented Peter and MJ from getting to see each other and hang out until towards the end of winter break, the early weeks of January

They met up at Peter's dorm which was mostly empty, and MJ knocked on Peter's door

And Peter is shook

Oh my

Because not only is the girl he likes right there in front of him at last after a semester of missing her

She's definitely fuller

MJ's cheeks are puffier, her jeans look painted on and whooooooaaaa the way her curves are just jutting out of them

"You gonna let me in or what, Parker?"

Peter just gave her a bittersweet smile and suddenly he's squeezing her like a python

And oh man has MJ missed this

She notes that he's still solid as a rock, and even bigger than he was last summer? MJ approves and is amused that he got more swole and she got more full

And it's just like old times

They crash on his small sofa and talk the day away and MJ really really loves how he puts his hand on hers it's making her want to do things

And soon they're exchanging the music they've discovered the past semester, Peter's is a lot of classic Disney songs he's put on his iPod for the first time the dork

MJ being cheeky AF is about to put her cheeks to good use

She pretends to have dropped something and bends over slowly, really slowly and really sticks out her rump and just when she feels his eyes on her, she quickly turns her head to him

"See something you like?"

And success! He's caught red handed and his puppy dog eyes bug out and he's stammering an apology

MJ smirks as she slowly walks over to him, swaying her bigger hips way more than necessary

"MJ IM SO SORRY I UM OH GOD I DIDNT OH NO"

She's standing over him, and pulling off her hoodie and she's got on a rather fitting tank top (it used to be looser)

And then she hops into his lap to straddle him

And she wants to squeal bc he's still stammering an apology as he puts his hands on her waist and oooooh

"MJ I mean shouldn't we stop this I-"

"Why?" MJ asks with an eyebrow raised

"Well bc..." MJ notices him glance quickly at her stomach

"Peter Parker," MJ says, "is this bc I got fat?"

Peter gapes at her

And then laughs his ass off

"DEFINITELY not" and he keeps guffawing and MJ is confused

"MJ I.. look. I noticed you were gaining weight and honestly.. I kinda like it"

MJ looks at him, surprised and impressed "really?"

"I... oh god this is really happening isn't it?" Peter laughs with a hand on his forehead

"I like you, MJ. And I know it's cliche but I like you whether you're skinny or fat. But I'm not gonna lie you're like really really alluring with the freshman 15"

"21," MJ corrects, a smug grin slowly appearing on her puffier face, "it was the freshman 21"

"You gotta stop that," Peter bit his lip, "that grin, it makes me wanna.."

"Do things?" MJ just grinned harder and narrowed her eyes

"I don't have any... um... well.." Peter mumbles

MJ smirks even harder if that's possible and pulls out a condom from her purse

Peter stares at her

"You sly dog," Peter mumbles

"I hope you can handle the new, more spacious MJ, Parker," MJ hands him the condom

Peter can't even bc they just confessed their feelings sort of and now he's about to get in the pants of the girl of his dreams what the fuck

But it's an eventful night

MJ relishes the effect she has on him and the effect he has on her

The way his hands feel on her fuller thighs, or how he grabs her bigger hips and her softer body on his rock hard one just feels right dammit

"You're so damn beautiful," he moans as he grabs at her hungrily and oh my god

Both of them are just over the moon

MJ hardly needed validation from anyone about her body least of all post weight gain

But damn does it feel good that Peter is perhaps even more crazy about her now

In the morning she wakes up to find him sleepily rubbing her pudge, and those slow hands(WOO) are already starting to get her excited even though she's exhausted

"If is known you'd like it this much," MJ murmurs, "I'd have been eating everything for years"

Peter smiles, his eyes still closed as he laps up her sleepy voice "I can't help it you're so freaking beautiful"

"Stoooop" MJ gently shoves him a little. "Too much dorkiness for me"

"We're in bed naked together, apparently it wasn't," Peter pouts, and he gently smacks her hips and loves the tiny little "fwoom" he hears after smacking MJ's pudge like that

After that MJ can't deny loving when her new boyfriend has pizza or baskets of her favorite cookies delivered to her dorm

And she loves the awed look Peter has when seeing her in a bikini the following summer

And she loves how he keeps calling her beautiful and checking her out even as she puts on more weight

And she loves it so much when Peter calls her his little muffin that her response is usually to drag him straight to bed

Look she loves this boy okay? And Peter loves having more MJ to love too

Are you interested in any oyher Spiderman characters? (Homecoming and/or not?)

oh hello!! honestly, i really loved all the characters in spiderman: homecoming. and i’m gonna be so extra right now and like…give mini headcanons for all my babes. so i’m sorry in advance. but like…

we have our decathlon team babies

so like…liz is totally the mama bear. she’s the only senior on the team because she was one of the founding members her junior year and her friends were all too busy focusing on their other extracurriculars and college apps so it was just a bunch of little freshman she’d managed to convince to join the team

and liz did so much research and trained the team and asked her cousin who won a decathlon competition when he was in high school what was helpful for their team

so she takes over and gets mr. harrington to work with the team and she shapes the team into one that could win

and they’re all her babies like let’s be honest

charles and abraham are the twins that are attached at the hip but never stop fighting. they’re the dynamic duo and what abraham doesn’t know, charles does. they’re best friends and they hang out all the time and they obsess over star trek and have a secret rivalry going on with ned and peter because they are the star wars kids. and they’re sworn to hate each other until the end of time. (but also charles and abraham will freak out when the trailer for the last jedi gets released and immediately text the group chat nerds in space to ask peter and ned what they thought.) and abraham has to smack charles on the head when the boy catches his friend staring at sally for too long and charles just mumbles something about how she had something on her shirt and it’s fine.

and then you have sally and cindy. who are just like…so done with the team half the time. like, you’ve got peter, ned, charles, and abraham who just spend all their time obsessing over space themed movies. and flash just constantly berates everyone. michelle is lowkey kinda scary. (they are also lowkey in love with her but shhh.) and liz is like…well, liz is their mom so they love liz. but even mr. harrington is a mess. but sally and cindy make the best of it because they love each other and they love decathlon and they watch a week’s worth of jeopardy together every sunday and they quiz each other in cindy’s mom’s car on the way to school. and they talk about sally’s small, minuscule crush on charles (”really, sally? charles??? he’s a nerd!!” “you think i don’t know that and am also disappointed in myself!!” “oh my goodness but you guys would be so cute who am i kidding”) and they talk about cindy’s very large crush on betty brant (”cindy, she totally checked you out just now!!” “wHAT? omg, how is my hair??”). and they talk about which classes they’re taking so they can be in most of the same classes and they talk about college and their hearts lowkey break when they think about how cindy wants to stay in new york and sally wants to go to the west coast but they’ll be bffs forever so they have hope. (”we have skype, it’ll be okay, yeah?”)

and then you have flash. and flash has got so much shit going on like wtf dude. his parents are super wealthy and try to support him and try to be there but they’re always traveling for work and he’s basically been raised by his nanny. so it’s his nanny who pesters him about this massive crush he has on someone on the decathlon team because each day she picks him up from decathlon practice he’s always raging and sighing and looking sad. and flash just vehemently denies this. because that’s ridiculous, please don’t suggest something like that. but she knows him so well. she’s raised him. she just doesn’t realize that it’s fucking peter parker. peter parker who he terrorizes because he doesn’t want to deal with how he’s feeling. peter parker who has a great ass that he couldn’t help but slap that one time before nationals on the way to the pool. peter parker, who’s a dork and definitely not worthy of flash’s attention but has it anyway. so, maybe he’s not dealing healthily. but he’s got a silent war raging in his head and he doesn’t want to have to tell his parents that he’s bi because once his dad had made an offhand comment and it decided things for him. so flash just…rages and hides behind his wealth and intelligence and snaky comments. because he doesn’t wanna deal with anything

and omg i’ve talked about peter and mj and even ned a bit so i won’t write about them here but i love my babies so much okay???

we also have our peter parker protection squad

may parker, the loml. who’s characterization i can never get bc we have civil war may and then also homecoming may. but may parker who is a hero in her own right because we all know about that scene where she saves a little girl and doesn’t mention it that got cut from the movie. (rip me, honestly.) and like…can we talk about may?? because she seems like such a groovy, fun loving person. and she was married to her husband ben. they were totally wild in college or something. just…always doing crazy shit and laughing and having sex and just enjoying being with each other. and then they get married and get jobs and live together, being happy little hippies. (maybe they partake in some substances, idk, you never know.) and then her husband’s brother and wife die and they’re taking in peter parker. and may falls in love with this little boy because he’s so…good. and she and ben raise him as their own and try to give him an exciting and happy childhood and encourage his interests in science and his friendship with ned. and then he tells them he’s joining the decathlon team and there’s a field trip and he’s so excited about life. and then he acts all dodgy and then ben dies. and like…may is heartbroken. because ben was her person. and peter’s stopped talking to her. but then he gets the stark internship (which he didn’t tell her about, so rude) and then he’s happy and if he’s happy then she’s happy because she takes every good thing she can these days because they are so far and few between. so she takes every little piece of happiness she can find in life. like talking to mr. delmar and chatting with his daughter she’s she in the shop. like the woman who sells flowers on the corner on her way to work. like the cute couple that works at the supermarket by the apartment who give her recipes like ones for walnut date bread. and even like tony stark, who for whatever reason has become peter’s mentor of sorts and who makes him happy. and if someone makes her nephew happy, they make her happy

and dad!tony. who gives his spider son anything he wants and invites him upstate every so often so he can train with the avengers and learn to control his powers. because even if he isn’t going to be an avenger, he’s still going to be your friendly neighborhood spiderman. and he throws peter parker a birthday party in the summer at a fancy restaurant he’s bought out for the night. and all of peter’s little high school friends come and tony’s happy to give this to peter because the kid just needs to be a kid and needs to be happy. and don’t think tony doesn’t notice the way peter’s eyes follow that girl michelle all night. the girl who’s also asking him all these questions about the sokovia accords and his decision to move upstate and how he almost let a bunch of avenger and alien tech get stolen and about wakanda and if he’s ever been. and tony just wishes peter good luck at the end of the night and smiles because the boy is so confused. (if peter doesn’t realize it yet, oh goodness, good luck to this boy, honestly.) and tony pulls some strings to make sure that peter gets into mit and then finds out that he didn’t even need to because peter’s already a great candidate. and when he helps peter move into his dorm and sees michelle there, who just so happens to go to harvard down the block, well, peter just smiles and wishes peter good luck again

happy hogan disappointed me and doesn’t get to have a whole paragraph. but he can REDEEM HIMSELF later on because peter is a smol bean and needs protection and happy starts answering his calls and listening to his voicemails. and maybe happy laughs occasionally at the lame jokes peter makes, but that’s bESIDE THE POINT

and then just like...our small mentions

aaron davis exists in mcu and mentioned his nephew MILES MORALES. like, dude, idek what they’re gonna do with miles morales but i am soooo hype. idek. i am just so excited. bc donald glover was inspired as aaron davis. (“i like bread!) he was such a cool character and i wanna know if he becomes the prowler. and i wanna see him with his family and talking to his little nephew about how he met spiderman twice and he was like…a chill dude and he’s doing his part to keep their home safe. and miles morales is probably like…the biggest fan of spiderman and dresses up as him for halloween and then one day he gets bitten by this crazy huge spider while visiting his favorite uncle aaron and he starts developing superpowers? like omg this is his greatest dream come true? and then he starts going out in hopes of finding spiderman so he can team up with the dude that once saved his uncle. and then one day he’s trying to stop a mugging and spiderman comes and is just like…”what??” so they stop the muggers and then they go to a rooftop and spiderman is super confused like, “what? you have my powers?? how did this happen?” and miles is just like, “omg! you’re the spiderman! you’re my hero! omg! hi, i just want to help!!” and then maybe we get an older and younger brother dynamic between the two? idk i’m just excited to see what happens because they have to put miles morales in mcu. it’s decided

also i don’t think she’s gonna be in mcu but i love my baby gwen stacy. my smart beautiful dorky bean gwen. and i love when she’s put into fics. and she was put into this fic as liz allan’s love interest and it was inspired and i fell in love. so. yes. #putgweninfic2k17

not sure if this is what you were asking for but here it is anyway!

Hi love! What would you say the top ten sterek fics you've ever read are?

This was REALLY HARD. Mainly bc it’s hard to choose only 10. Because I’m leaving off some great fics (which is why there are more than 10 on here :3)! And some I get mixed up bc I read them so long ago and near each other. (You can always browse my fave fic list here) But I’ve narrowed it to this list. These are the fics that really left impressions on me. They’re all amazing and deserve to be read and loved!!! So…have a TOP 27 FAVE STEREK FICS list :DDDD

1. Cry Havoc by ladyblahblah

In Beacon Hills, the two-year war that’s been raging between werewolves and hunters has begun spilling over onto the civilian population. Meanwhile, in Boston, when the tattoo on Stiles Stilinski’s back is damaged on a late-night hunt he begins to have dreams that lead him across the country, drawn by an inexplicable conviction that he’s needed there. When he discovers that Derek Hale began the war after his mate was killed, Stiles finds himself being offered a strange deal: figure out how to bring the alpha’s mate back, and peace talks can begin.

2. Where the Inevitable Isn’t by Survivah

Stiles has a magical thingamajig that’s supposed to get him out of danger. Trouble is, it took him really, really far out of danger. Like, to the point where he isn’t in the same universe anymore.

“A part of Stiles had been thinking that he’d come home, and just go, ‘hey, Derek, are we mates and you just haven’t said anything about it?’ and Derek would reply, 'now you mention it, we are indeed! Now come to my bedchamber, where we will have super hot sex and then cuddle after!’”

3. Pack Up; Don’t Stray by the_deep_magic

AU – Werewolves are an enslaved underclass, collared and tagged by human masters. Detective Stilinski’s on duty the night they bring in an untagged stray.

4. Our Memories Are Numbered by rufflefeather

Stiles’ Jeep grinds to a halt, he sees someone running through the rain, he’s not expecting it to be Derek. He’s not expecting a Derek without any memories either, or an Alpha pack that’s coming for all of them. He probably should’ve, because lately nothing goes the way he expects.

5. Ad Astra Per Tentaculum by morganoconner

Space contains a multitude of different species, and Derek has seen and helped a lot of them in his time taking down branches of the slave-trade organization. But this is the first time he’s seen an Aloshrivnik. It’s not the tentacles that draw him in; it’s the goddamn eyes that stare at him without backing down.

“Stiles,” it says to him. “My name is Stiles.”

6. Part of My Melody by hayesgeneration

Derek is a professional classical musician who has found himself lost without a muse, without goal and without even a hint of spark. He’s almost settled nearly contently (if not slightly unwillingly) on having to live his life as a recluse, when his sister finally grows tired of his antics, giving him a Christmas ultimatum.

7. Littlest Alpha by triedunture

Derek and Stiles have taken out the Alpha Pack and pretty much saved the world. Okay, the town. Okay, their remaining friends. But the Alphas left something behind: a baby. And this baby is an Alpha too. Derek is determined to take care of the abandoned child, and Stiles is stuck going along for the ride.

But Stiles doesn’t expect the ride to include seeing another side of Derek, or to find another way to say “family.”

8. Holding Your Own Weight by zjofierose

Stiles Stilinski is the best trapeze artist west of the Mississippi, but that doesn’t do him much good without a catcher. Enter one quiet roughneck who calls himself Derek and knows maybe a little too much about circus arts for someone who was hired to schlep tents. But Derek has his secrets, and so does the new girl, Allison. Who’s being hunted and who’s being haunted, and will Stiles ever be able to convince Derek to help him fly again?

9. And You Say You’re Alone by taelynhawker

Between the kanima, the Argents, and Peter’s untimely return from the dead, everything has fallen apart. Stiles and Derek try to put their lives back together once the crisis has passed. Stiles deals with the aftermath of being tortured, and the distance growing between he and Scott. Derek attempts to become a stronger alpha and keep his pack safe, and that includes Stiles.

10. DILF by twentysomething

“Today is Scott’s first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified.”

Okay - so here are some other favorites that I COULDN’T LEAVE OFF because they’re also my faves I just have more than 10???

11. Make us laugh (or nothing will) by rohkeutta

When Derek Hale left Beacon Hills at 18 to become a kickboxing champion, he thought he would never return. But here he is, seven years later: trying to salvage something from the ruins of his life, eighteen months after the house fire that killed his parents and left him limping and without a future. Enter Stiles, a college dropout Derek might or might not have been friends with in high school, and the unexpected interest he manifests towards the love of Derek’s life. 

12. Caged Humanity by ember

The other factors sounded like complete bullshit. Like about Companions having certain dispositions for submission, and a personality built around wanting to please. Fuck that, Stiles was a strong independent man who didn’t need no wolf. Submitting was straight up taught in classes. Don’t talk back, try to reason not argue, never run away when your Mate was in heat. Mate? More like owner. There was a reason Companions were called pets. God Stiles hated it all, the hypocrisy. It was an honor? More like a life sentence.

An AU where werewolves are given humans as pets called Companions, and a very begrudging Stiles is taken in by Derek Hale, much to both their displeasure. And then pleasure. Very, very sexual pleasure.

13. Ain’t Nothing So Good  as the Cake and Eating it by sofonisba_found

Derek thinks he’s doing alright in life, with his family at his side and a job he loves. Despite his family’s concerns he remains adamant that he doesn’t need a mate, afraid to take the risk of letting anyone close enough to try to hurt his family again. That is until he realizes that his true mate has been right under his nose for years, and that now through his inaction he may lose him.

14. The Boy and the Beast by dsudis

In which events in Beacon Hills go rather differently from the start, and a Beauty and the Beast (ish) story ensues. (Scott is not a teacup and no one sings about their feelings.)

15. The Moon’s Gonna Follow Me Home by turningterrific

Derek doesn’t want to call the window repair guy. He doesn’t want to sweep up the glass. He’ll inevitably miss a few shards and pull them out of the bottom of his bare feet for weeks.

He doesn’t want to try to make this place feel like home when it isn’t.

Derek stayed in Beacon Hills and tried to make it work because he wanted pack, wanted purpose. He gave his best effort and found himself back where he started: alone, with a few begrudging allies. He’s tired, and even though his werewolf body heals quickly, he feels the weary ache down to his center.

He packs his car with the few things he cares about enough to drag them from place to place. He locks the loft and calls a realtor about listing the building he’d bought in a misguided attempt to secure a future.

And then he leaves.

16. Sell Your Body to the Night by dsudis

“No,” he repeated impatiently. “I’m not a cop. I’m someone who wants to exchange my money for your sexual services. I was told you were in that line of work.”

“I, uh, yeah, sorry,” Stiles said. He glanced around again and then up–the full moon was almost directly overhead. Just one of those nights, maybe. “Yeah, I am. I do that.”

17. Constantly on the Cusp by alisvolatpropiis

Stiles is gay, out and proud, and a Beacon Hills deputy. Derek is a firefighter and war veteran who thinks he’s straight; or, Derek and Stiles have lots of semi-public hatesex on the road to Love.

18. Now as Ever (All That Is and Has Been) by venis_envy

Stiles can’t remember what happened to rearrange the time-space continuum, or how he ended up being pulled into the past. All he knows is that he’s there now, in 2003 Beacon Hills, with a teenage werewolf and a possibly-crazy veterinarian as his only allies.

19. Important Things by suzvoy

Stiles learns that even with werewolves, giant lizards and psychopathic hunters on the loose, life can still find other ways to screw with you. Case in point: everyone keeps assuming he and Derek are a couple. What the hell?

20. According to Plans by eldee

Five times Stiles and Derek pretend to be boyfriends, and the one time they didn’t have to pretend at all. (Or: in which Stiles’ plan for senior year is completely ruined by a supernatural creature stalking him.)

21. The Road to Self-Actualization is Littered with F-Bombs by blue_fjords

It’s Stiles’s final Spring Break of his college career, and he’s got plans to do a whole lot of nothing. But Derek has other plans for him, and before he knows it, Stiles is joining Derek to go undercover at a couples’ retreat in a bid to catch a ring of thieves. It’s the world’s most perfect plan! Nothing could possibly go wrong!

22. In This Twilight How Dare You Speak of Grace by secondstar

Zombies. Stiles always knew the world would end this way.

23. Time to Begin by triedunture

Stiles learns some heavy-duty magic, and Derek convinces him to send him back in time to fix all the mistakes he’s made. But Derek ends up making things worse, and Stiles has to think creatively to save him. And everyone else, including their younger selves.

24. Losers by stilinskisparkles

Where Derek is new to college, eager to spend his time learning, and Stiles is everything he didn’t want in a room mate. He’s loud, he’s into sports, and he keeps trying to make Derek do things.

Or, the one where Derek falls for a jock, Erica will cut you if you disturb her studying, and Jackson is a closeted romantic who pretends to hate everything.

25. That Unfortunate Situation by 74days

Derek Hale, 3rd Duke of that name has an unfortunate run in with the young Baron of Stiles - accusing the young man of being a fortune hunter. Regency Romance meets Sterek.

26. Reach Out by weathervaanes

Or, In Which Stiles Falls in Love Twice…With the Same Person

-0-

Stiles sees the flyer on his very last day at Beacon Hills High School. It’s hanging, unassuming, in the hall near the front entrance along with bulletins and other flyers, advertisements, posters for free student concerts, but the fact that the word “sex” is written in a font two times larger than the rest of the page catches his attention.

It’s an advice hotline for a whole range of things, from teenage angst to how to deal with your parents telling you you’re adopted and a whole mess in the middle. Stiles thinks it’s funny, though, that they offer advice on sexuality and sex education. It makes sense on the one hand, since high school sex ed does jack shit for actual learning, but anyone who really wants to know stuff has an infinite source of knowledge right on their phone—the internet.

So it starts off as a joke.

27. Between Men and Lions by standinginanicedress

“I thought we could be friends,” Derek offers, to which Stiles gets an odd smile on his face.

“Friends,” he repeats, an odd inflection.

“Yes, friends.”

Stiles laughs, just barely. It’s more of an exhalation of breath than it is genuine mirth or anything else, and then he smiles. “I’m pretty good at friends,” he says with a tilt to his head, and Derek clears his throat and has to look away.

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi. 

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly. 

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity. 

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.

Imagine #18 Charles Xavier - Part 2 (Request)

Requested by Anon: hi! so can i request a charles x reader one shot that ive been thinking of? ok so first of all y/n and charles were super close as teens but y/n died at around 19(got mixed up in smth), charles was devastated and hes still not 100% over it as an adult so when the xmen find a mutant who can control time he ends up asking them to go back and try to save y/n? and they try and they have to convince her to stay safe bcs ‘theres some1 who needs her’ or some cute shit like that?..but if u do this thx!

Not my gif

Words: 1552

Warnings: typos, fem!reader, time travel (?)

A/N: This is part 2 out of 3, the last one will probably be up some time next week. Enjoy! xoxo

Part 1 - Part 3

“Y’know, I wonder”, Peter said in a singing voice, skipping down the sidewalk next to a way more serious Jean. “I wonder, why they picked us.”

“Probably, because they know, how much we care about Charles.” “And you do care a lot for him, don’t you?”, Peter teased and shoved his elbow into her side. Jean blushed slightly. “Don’t be absurd, you know that I’m with Scott, you jerk!” “Oh, this isn’t about Scott or no Scott, I don’t know a single person, who doesn’t have a crush on the professor. And I’m not even gay! Or am I?”, he laughed out loud.

“Yeah, sure. So, about the plan.”, Jean interrupted. “We need to find y/n. Raven said, if not on campus, she’d probably be at the library, but I think know that we can get in without any kind of identification. I don’t know, how thrilled they would be, if we showed them two IDs from the future.”

“See, that’s why you have me!”, Peter cheered. “I’ll be in and back out before anyone notices anything. Damn, good thing y/n is a mutant as well, or else she would be in for the shock of a lifetime.” He didn’t sound concerned at all.

In front of an impressively huge stone building, complete with pillars and ornaments, they came to a halt. “Wow! I didn’t even know that was here. Does that exist in the future as well?” Jean shot him a glance from the side. “Maybe you should slow down once in awhile to appreciate things like architecture. It’s all about general knowledge.” “Yeah, but what do I need that for, if I can just look anything up in a split second? It’s not like anyone would ever know!”

“You’re really fidgety today.”, Jean commented. “Yeah I had a coffee.” An expectant silence formed between them, before she added: “So, are you gonna get her?” “Oh, yeah.” And with that, Peter disappeared, only to return moments later and, much to Jean’s dismay, empty-handedly.

“She wasn’t there.” He sounded slightly disappointed. “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m sure, I checked every room twice. What’d you think, took me so long, huh?” “O-kay. So now what?”

“In hindsight, it probably would have been a good idea for Raven to just give us her address. I mean, we don’t really have the time to search every building in the city, not even you could do that.” “Try me.”, Peter grinned. The sun was going down already, Jean realized nervously, which meant that they only had about a day left, until Sammy would get them back. “Well, given our current success rate, we might actually not have a choice.” “Oh, come on, we’ve only tried the library, the college and two cafés.”

“Whatever. Let’s get some food.”, Jean murmured. It’s not like she had expected this to be easy, mainly because she had never time-travelled before, but also because the professor was usually the one organizing any kind of mission. They probably would have found you by now, if the professor had been involved, Jean thought. She couldn’t help but smile, as Peter opened the diner door for her, greeting her with an exaggerated bow.

There was only one free table and Jean accepted it thankfully. Only seconds later, a waitress appeared, offering them breadsticks and the menu. “So, where else could we look? There are some other cafés and restaurants.”, she started listing her suggestions and trying to pull Peter’s attention away from the menu, only to once again lose it to something seemingly very interesting behind her back. “Peter!”, she hissed, immediately regretting it. She tended to get a little curt when hungry and tired. But Peter simply shot her a meaningful grin before placing his eyes back on the object of his attention.

“I don’t think, we’ll have any difficulties finding her.”, he stated in a tone that seemed almost dreamy, just as Jean turned around and met the eyes of a truly incredible figure at the table by one of the windows. Shimmering, almost glowing white hair ran down your back like a waterfall, your skin just as indefinably beautiful as your whole form. Even sitting down, your figure emitted a most fundamental kind of elegance, as if your body was constantly being touched by the lightest of breezes.

It had to be you, Jean thought. There was no way that Raven couldn’t have been talking about that girl by the window. You were unmistakably beautiful in the strangest, but also most obvious way that Jean had ever seen.

“Wow.”, Peter murmured and Jean couldn’t help but nod. So you were the person Charles still couldn’t forget, even after almost 25 years of being apart. Subconsciously, Jean stretched out her mind, touching yours, trying to… she didn’t even know why. To see, if your mind was just as extraordinary as everything else about you, maybe.

Charles, please! I asked you not to get into my head., a gentle hum wavered through Jean’s mind and she immediately retreated. Only now she noticed the person sitting opposite of you at the table.

“Looking good.”, Peter commented. Jean had to agree. This was a very different kind of Charles, younger, of course, but also… happier? Less settled, less perfect. Less of a professor, more of a young man. Neither Jean nor Peter had ever known him like this.

“Let’s do this.”, Peter interrupted Jean’s thoughts by getting up, aiming for the table by the window. She grabbed his hand. “Peter, no! You can’t talk to her in front of him!” “Why not? He know that she’s a mutant, how couldn’t he?” Peter gestured towards you. “He mustn’t know! It might ruin everything, change everything.”, Jean insisted. Peter furrowed his brows and sat back down. “Isn’t that our job, though?”, he asked. “Aren’t we here to change everything?”

“Yes, but we need to talk to her alone, we don’t know…” Jean was interrupted by the professor und you, standing up and walking towards the diner door whilst continuing a seemingly rather heated discussion. She could only hear snippets of what you said, but you didn’t look happy and the professor’s eyes bore the kind of expression, that they only showed, whenever a student hadn’t done his papers in class for like the thousandth time. “Oh no, this isn’t good.”, Jean murmured, trying to pick up, whatever your discussion was about, without you or Charles noticing her presence again. Conveniently, telepathy turned out to be unnecessary, as your disagreement got even more heated and loud enough for Jean to hear every word.

“You know what I mean.”, Charles said, his voice sounding urgent, like he was desperately trying to convince you of something. “Yes, I know, but I don’t agree. What do you think will happen, if we don’t do anything, Charles? Who is supposed to stand up for us? People don’t change all by themselves!” “And what if you…” “What if I get hurt? As oppose to countless others getting hurt, because we are too scared to fight? I don’t get it, Charles!” And with that, you stormed out of the door, leaving behind a dumbfounded Charles, who was tiredly rubbing his face, and a dining room full of silent, nosy people.

“Is this my queue to run after her?”, Peter asked, shoving a whole breadstick in his mouth before disappearing without waiting for an answer. Jean dropped a few dollars on the table, for their drinks, before running after him, but not without stealing a last glance at the desperate professor. Seeing him like this, with you, and hearing what you had to say, she suddenly realized, how important it was not to fail this mission.

Raven had said, that you could change everything for the mutant community, that it had always been your dream to fight for equal rights and to someday change the fate of all of you. And hearing what you had said to Charles, Jean actually believed her. Yes, in her time, mutants lived out in the open, but what they had still wasn’t anywhere close to equality. To maybe change history, to save you and give you the chance to fight for what was right, for what you believed in… Up to this point, Jean had only wanted to save you because of Charles and because of the fact, that you had been her age, when these men had killed you and that nobody deserved to practically die a child. But this was more and suddenly, Jean thought, as she hasted down the street, following the direction, in which you had disappeared, suddenly, she was so thankful to have this opportunity, to be able to make a difference.

With a sudden gust of wind and a wide grin, Peter reappeared in front of her and made her jump. “Jesus, Peter!”, she cursed, placing on hand on her racing heart. “Where is she?” Jean looked behind him.

“I followed her home. It’s only a few blocks from here, but I thought, it might be weird, if a total stranger just jumped her in the dark, you know?” Jean nodded, though slightly disappointed. “We can just go to her house tomorrow morning. Slightly less creepy, if you ask me.”, Peter grinned. “We should probably find a place to stay for the night.”

chapter one - healing

(so yeah ur dr. romanoff bc ur nat's sister if u haven't realized! 3.2k+ words phew!)

peter was your patient. he always has been. from the minute he first crawled to your bedroom in the avengers tower after a late night brawl when you were 16, he has been your patient. and you vowed to make sure he was safe and healthy since then. a doctors word: you solemnly promised to care for the sick and wounded, promote good health and alleviate pain and suffering to the best of your ability. peter was your first patient, and you promised to care for him since.

last night he barely stirred in his sleep. he was obviously in pain and uncomfortable, he didn't even snore. you let him be all the way until it was time for you to be out the door and headed to the hospital.

"pete, love, i'm on my way out are you okay?"

"what," he rubbed his eyes and spoke in his deep morning voice, "oh i'm fine babe, go to work. i'm going back to sleep. thank you for waking me though."

you leaned down to give him a sweet kiss, which he obviously was waiting for, and he smiled, watching you walk out of your shared room. once he heard the front door click and lock he went back to sleep.

during your shift you made sure to check your phone frequently in case of emergency. after all, peter was your patient, but you didn't let the phone get in the way of hospital duties. you never would, but peter was also important. you figured peter would probably sleep most of the day, and he did promise you he wouldn't go out today so he could heal.

after doing rounds with your interns, you sent them off, checking up on them frequently. today was different, you had no scheduled surgeries, that is unless and emergency came in that needed you. but hey maybe it wouldn't be too hectic of a day. you could check on peter, check on your patients, and your interns. and of course, argue with your attending, rick.

now, rick was something else. he was the most arrogant surgeon and man in the entire hospital, and of course you were assigned to him. he was young, and flirty and according to several nurses, 'devilishly handsome.' ha, devilish is right. he bothered you, he teased you, made your internship miserable. yet it somehow made you stronger. you were more focused and self disciplined, not because of rick's actions, but because of your ability to not let him push you around. and lastly, he was known for trying to get in everyone's pants. he disgusted you. but he was on top of you on the professional scale, no pun intended. you wouldn't sink to his level. speaking of rick, he sauntered over to you and two of your interns, carly and ray.

"i'll be back, i gotta make a call," you said, referring to peter.

"oh dr. romanoff, i think you wanna hear this," rick bellowed.

"i really don't think i do."

"just wait up, please," he held out his hand.

"what?"

"so rachel and i," he said, gesturing over to rachel, a naïve nurse, "totally hit it off last night, if you know what i mean."

you scoffed, while carly and ray just looked disgusted, "really? that's what was so important? how bout your damn job, rick."

he laughed, that arrogant laugh, "i'm just messing with you sweet heart."

you shook your head, grabbing your phone from your pocket and started over to the on call room telling carly and ray you'd be back.

"jeez what's got her in a bunch?" rick asked.

"um i don't know maybe you?" ray snapped.

"whatever," rick said and followed behind you.

meanwhile in the on call room, you had peter on the phone, making sure your boy was okay.

"yeah, no, it stings a bit but, i'm feeling better."

"are you sure you're not lying," you said, genuinely worried about his well-being.

"yes sweets, i'm okay, i love you."

"i love you too pete, promise me you'll stay in?"

"i promise. so how's work?"

you were cut off by rick entering the on call room, crossing his arms and staring at you.

"um it's good, but hey i gotta go, call you later."

"love you!" peter said as you hung up.

"what," you snapped at rick.

"gosh, you're so tense."

"you make me tense."

"need some help with that?"

"not from you," you scoffed, heading towards the door to get back to carly and ray.

"wait up," rick said grabbing your hand, "look, i've got a patient, really complex case concerning the brain and i think you should take it."

"why not neuro?" you asked confused.

"because neuro is busy, i don't know. just please work with the family. you'll be good for them. no one else here is truly as calm and collected and makes a patient feel more safe than you. i swear, everyone falls in love with you by the time they are seen by you."

you smiled, for once rick had actually given you a genuine compliment, "thanks. so what's the case?"

"i know you like the brain, which is why you should go into neuro, but, it's a tumour. it's bad, they just came in today and i'm hoping you can do surgery within this week. it's urgent but we need to do scans and bloods before we can go through. we have to find out if it's even safe, and what type. they come from out of state, a small practice said he had a tumour."

"of course i'll take it. where is he?"

"peds wing."

"peds?"

"yeah, nine years old and terrified. you'll be the best for him."

you were shocked to say the least. NY Central Hospital didn't get many pediatric tumour cases. many went farther to other specialised hospitals. but you were willing to fight if it meant saving a helpless nine year olds life.

"okay. okay," you repeated yourself.

"thank you y/n. head up there asap."

rick dropped your hand finally and left. you took a moment to compose yourself before going to grab carly and ray.

"get ready kids, we're going to peds."

meanwhile, peter was at home, in bed, watching tv. he was so stiff and in more pain than he thought. but the last thing he wanted to do was worry you when you're already working a stressful job. he laid there in his boxers all morning so far after waking up. he managed to make some toast, though a little burnt. he wasn't hungry. he was in pain. his wound was a mess, constantly having to clean it and limping from room to room. he'd be fine though, he always was, right?

he was glad to talk to you though. when he saw your name appear on his phone, he smiled so big. he knew you'd call, he knew you'd worry. but he let you, a little. it was so good to hear your voice. he so wished you were here to just cuddle with him and make him feel good and make him great toast, but it was okay. you'd be home earlier than normal today. and he listened to you. and vowed to himself and to you that he wouldn't go out and possibly get more hurt.

he thought of you a lot when you weren't around. how he loved you so, so, so much. he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. he felt like he already had. he would sleep and dream of you. he'd think about all the times that day he kissed or hugged you and how he just couldn't wait to do it again when you got home. he was passionate about you. he was proud of you. and again, he loved you so much. that was peter, a lover boy. ever since junior year of high school. still so whipped for you.

he decided to text you a sweet little message. he knew you were busy, but loved to do this so you'd have something to smile about on break. he smiled, grabbing his cracked phone off his nightstand and typed you a message.

'hey sweets. just thought i'd text you and say i love you. i cant wait to see you tonight and i wanna give u a big hug. i love you! oh and i'm gonna make us salads for dinner! or at least try! anyways did i say i love you? well, i love you.'

he put down his phone and tried to run to the kitchen, but in reality looked like a limping zombie, and grabbed some fresh lemonade out of the fridge. he was like a teenage boy, scared of your response, but you were literally living together. you loved him so much and he knew it. he brought his lemonade and his camera to the balcony in your apartment. it was such a beautiful day outside, warm and sunny. peter sat in just a pair of shorts because why not. he took pictures every now and then of helicopters or people on their roofs.

"hiya peter! how are ya?"

peter turned to the left to spot his elderly neighbor, mrs. dawson, on her balcony, about 5 yards away.

"morning mrs. dawson! i'm great, it's a lovely day!"

"sure is! where's the wife?"

"oh y/n? she's at work, and you know we're not married yet."

mrs. dawson just waved her hand at peter, "well you better get on with it, i'm waiting."

"i know, i know...i will."

this made peter think about the first time you met, tony jokingly telling you to go get married already, since you hit it off so well.

"y/n! come meet spider-man!" your sister yelled to you in the living room of the compound.

you jumped up, fully expecting a dorky grown man like the rest of the avengers, yet were shocked when you saw peter, your age.

"hi! i'm y/n romanoff, it's so nice to meet you! i wasn't expecting you to be a kid like me," you laughed, pulling him in for a hug. hugs were always your thing.

"i'm peter, parker peter. i mean, uh, peter parker. it's nice to meet you too. natasha has told me lots about you," he replied, blushing.

"awe, you're sweet," you said grabbing his hand, "lemme shoe you around some!"

"okay kids when's the wedding?" tony asked, causing natasha to laugh and you and peter to blush.

from that moment of junior year of high school, you and peter spent all your time together. he would come to your room at night if he needed to be patched up, or just for a hug, or cuddle. you would have sleepovers all the time it was almost obnoxious to the rest of the avengers. you started dating nine months after you meant. and though, you weren't an avenger. you didn't have powers or super strength, but you were family, so in a way you were an avenger. nat was all you had. no mom, no dad, just an older sister. what you didn't know was in your sophomore year of college, your sister would be gone. down at the bottom of a cliff on some planet called vormir, never to be seen again. that was when you decided to become a doctor.

"carly, ray, this is the peds wing. we have a brain tumour case, nine years old. let's go in and meet him."

you walked into the room where a young boy and his parents sat, worrisome looks plastered on their faces.

"hi, i'm dr. romanoff," you shook the parents hands, "and you must be benjamin?"

the boy nodded his head and shied away from you and your interns. you held out your hand for him to shake, and he did, softly.

"ray? would you?" you asked, gesturing to his chart.

"benjamin wallace, nine years old, from new jersey. pronounced tumour in the brain by a private practice, undiagnosed, but appearing to affect him at large, that's all we got."

"okay, thank you," you said, sitting down on the bed next to benjamin.

"hi buddy, first thing we are gonna do is pretty cool! you're gonna lay on a bed and we will give you headphones to watch a movie while we take pictures of your brain, and i can show you them afterwards if you want," you smiled and the boy nodded.

you looked to the parents, who looked a little calmer now, "we will do an mri and maybe a cat scan. we will find out what's wrong."

you stood up, while the parents agreed that was a good plan, "this is carly and ray, my interns, they will be helping out a lot. carly, wanna order the mri, urgent please?"

"of course," carly smiled and waved to benjamin and walked out to the nurses station.

again, you turned to the parents, "so how do you know he has a tumour? or moreso the doctor you saw?"

"this jersey doctor did an x-ray," the mom explained, "and he said he saw something bad and it was a tumour. he told us to come here or go to a hospital in maryland so we can here. we honestly don't know what to do now, or what to believe, it was all sudden, but he has a lot of symptoms."

you thought for a moment, biting your lip, "interesting...well you and benjamin are in good hands. we are gonna take care of him and find out what's wrong."

"thank you, thank you so much."

"of course mr. wallace. nurses will be in shortly."

you walked out of the room, ray following close behind, "this is weird right?"

"sure is. it's hard to tell a tumour is there on an x-ray, unless there's severe skull deformity, but, we are gonna figure it out."

all of a sudden you were paged to the ER as well as carly. you two rushed there, and found a car crash victim on a gurney.

"what am i seeing," you asked.

the paramedic just said, "crash victim, he's obviously drunk, asked for your carly and saw she's under you."

"dad?"

"what?" you asked turning to carly.

"hey! i knew you'd be here. wanna operate on me carly?" the man asked, drunkenly slurring his words.

"sir, i don't think you need to be operated on," you said.

"dad what happened?"

"well i got in a car crash, fix me up already. i think i'm getting feverish and i could use another drink."

"carly, you cant be here, go back upstairs please, i've got this."

"but it's my dad."

"and you know the rules. go."

carly took a last look at her dad before storming away.

"let's get ortho down here!" you yelled.

you came home later than expected that night, you did however receive peter's lovely text and it made your day a little better, especially having to operate on a pedestrian that carly's intoxicated dad hit, as well as a bike accident victim later in the day. benjamin's scans were delayed due to carly's reaction to her father, you didn't get to read them and would have to wait till the morning due to the scans being rescheduled. but coming home to peter at 7 pm made you feel a little better.

you walked in your apartment dropping your things off at the door and hanging up your white coat. peter was in the living room laying on the couch in nothing but his shorts, as he was all day. he peeked his head up when you walked in however. he got up and limped over to you with outstretched arms.

you tilted your head at him, "pete, what's going on with the leg? you limping?"

"what no," he stood in front of you, arms still up, "hug please, i missed you sweets."

you obliged and hugged him tightly, glad he was still okay and in your arms, but worried about the limp.

"i missed you too. how was your day?"

"oh just sat outside and talked to mrs. dawson and watched lots of tv, made burnt toast and missed you."

you kissed the side of his head, "i can tell."

"so dr. romanoff how was your day? you feel tense."

"i am, and gosh it was a long, stressful day."

"then let's not talk about it," he said pulling back from the hug, "c'mon let's go eat salad in bed, watch some tv, and i'll give you a massage just because we can."

you grinned, "okay, but let me get the salad ready, i'm supposed to be taking care of you my stab victim."

"hey!"

you laughed, "just go."

peter waved you off and limped away, turning on the tv and jumped into bed. you kicked off your shoes and got the premade salads out of the fridge, bringing them to the bedroom.

"mmmm, thank you babe," peter groaned. he leaned up to give you a nice kiss on the lips.

you nodded, placing yours down on the nightstand and going into your wardrobe to get a tank top and sleep shorts then took a quick shower to wash away the day. you got changed and joined peter in bed to eat your salads.

"you look so pretty."

you scoffed, "i'm wearing a white tank top with a ketchup stain on it from last month and my hair is tangled and i'm sore and have bags under my eyes."

"still beautiful. or should i say insanely hot?"

you flicked him on the shoulder, "such a tease."

you two ate your salads in bed while watching tv and it was honestly so relaxing. you didn't rerun through your day and stress yourself out more. you were just with your love. and when you finished eating, peter offered to take the dishes to the kitchen, much to your dismay. but when he got up, he seemed to be limping a lot less. and you would definitely take a look at that wound later. he came back in with a smile on his face.

"sit up sweets, i'll give you a massage."

you did what he said and he crawled into bed just behind you and put his hand on your shoulders gently. he started to rub out all the knots and stress. you were so tense today, from worrying about him, to your new patient, to your surgeries.

"that feels great," you sighed.

"good, you deserve it."

he continued rubbing your shoulders and traced his fingers down your back, leaning in to give you a kiss on the neck. it was unexpected and made you shudder, but eventually you melted into him.

"pete be careful."

he pulled back, "don't worry i am, not gonna leave any noticeable marks."

"pete," you demanded.

"i'm kidding, i love you. go to sleep babe."

"m'kay. love you too, so much."

you leaned into him and flopped over onto your side of the bed. he enveloped himself around you, making you warm and cozy and you instantly dozed off. peter loved you insanely much. he dozed off with a smile on his face, arms around you, after kissing your head.

November 24, 2018 6:57 pm

Well, I think this is the first time that I’ve written some big plan in a journal and actually followed through with it. So yeah, I did do a lot of apartment hunting. I first tried my college’s (and the local art college’s shared) sublease facebook page for students. And it was hell, I mean someone would post about a room for rent for $700 and within 15 minutes, 4 people would have already said “I pm’d you!” Like damn. There’s no way I’d be able to find a place in my budget that isn’t gone already. I was about to lose hope and just look at my college’s affiliated apartments and hope for next academic year, but then I found a page, on my college’s website, that allows you to post a sublease for others. And this website was hidden so well, I’ve never seen it in my entire year of apartment hunting. A lot of them were in my budget (less than 600), and one stood out in particular, it said “my girlfriend and i are looking for a roommate for our 2/2 apt, etc etc” but then at the end it said “must be lgbt friendly because we are very much lesbians” and i was like sign me the fuck up. I messaged them on a wednesday, thursday rolled around and no reply (i was like, they have an android, maybe they just don’t check their phones as much as iphones do), but then it was friday and I gave up. I went back to the listings, messaged another couple in a 2/2, but on saturday still hadn’t gotten a response. Sunday I became a little more frantic. I messaged a third listing, waited ten (10) minutes before deciding that they also were unavailable, and messaged 3 more all at once. and then i laid on my bed and lamented about how I would never be able to move out. And then I got a reply from one of them!!! she said it was still available, roommates are two other sophomore girls at ucf, it’s unfurnished, etc. I was pretty down to take it but then, about 30 mins later, another person replied. And suddenly I remembered why, when I used Tinder, I only messaged one person at a time. The second person to answer me was in the same complex, but $100/mo cheaper. It’s like, I already got pretty far in talking to the other girl, I felt like even if it were cheaper I couldn’t go back on it. So I hit up rose and asked if she wanted to smoke. Her me and peter looked at the places online, and they both said go with the cheaper one, but another issue was how they texted. The first girl was pretty warm, using exclamation points and emojis, but the other girl was just “yes, it’s still available. when are you looking to move?” like such a cold vibe. (yes I know it’s stupid because 100 is 100 and I wouldn’t even be moving in with her, I’d be taking her room but still.) Even though both of them said go with the cheaper place, I felt that I should go with the other.

But then the next day in bio, I was asking for more details and I felt like she did seem kind of cold, like saying “ask the leasing office” and not really offering a time for me to see the place. So I texted the other girl saying I wanted to move in around early december and she became super enthusiastic. Like she sent me a good 20 pictures of the place, and even said I could come over that day to look at the place (this was last monday). I did, around 5:30 (well I came at 5:15, then left to go to the boba shop next door, then came back). She was waiting for me in the parking lot bc I got super lost (I forgot that the numbers outside of the building is the ADDRESS. I didn’t look at the listing’s address I just read the name of the complex and went there. oops.) She seemed to be south asian, like from there but have been living in america for at least a few years, she said she’s moving out because she just got married, etc. The apartment had a style that I would probably describe as oatmeal- light brown carpets, cream walls, very bland, very 2000′s low-income apartment. But hey! I love it! It’s got its own bathroom, walk-in closet, and a huge window facing the back of the property so when I want to smoke I’m gucci. (off topic: I haven’t listened to cherry bomb by nct since feb 5th. wow. That was prob around the time when ami showed it to me in chem in spring.) I told her that I would apply for the sublease the next day, and I did. Despite not having any classes or any reason to go to the east side.

They said that they check 3 things: a credit score of at least 650 (i have a 695), 3x the rent in income (rent is 535, I have 700 from work and 1000 in scholarships per month), and rental history (yeet). They said if you don’t have one of the requirements you can make up for it with either a guarantor, “like a parent cosigning” (YEET) or a larger security deposit. The girl subleasing the place said she was fine with giving up her security deposit, like she didn’t even want me to pay her for it, so I’m going to see if I can add another 300 onto it so they might let me sign. They told me they’d let me know likely on Monday or Tuesday. Also on Tuesday I’ll be going to a meeting for the pride association with a friendsgiving theme, since obvs not every gay kid can go home to a loving family. Maybe I’ll find someone there. Recently I’ve just been becoming so damn bitter about being single, ugh. Like, not bitter enough to identify as an incel, but like, bitter enough to spend all of my time self-loathing.

So I haven’t been able to tell if things have gotten better or worse between me and rose, or if it’s just my period coming up that is making me act like this. In one of the low points of self-loathing (I’m still single, I have no friends, rose is the golden child in the family while I’m hated, rose’s stupid boyfriend comes over for dinner 6 days a week when I could NEVER be afforded that luxury, I’m ugly, etc), I was isolating myself in my room, scrolling down the homepage of reddit, when I saw a post on r/lgbt that was cross-posted from r/gaming or something similar. It said “in the new pokemon games, professor oak doesn’t ask if you’re a girl or a boy, he just says “what do you look like” with different options. Before I could be like “yea fuck the gender binary” i had to be like “there are new pokemon games????” And I looked it up and there were. But it was on the switch, not the 3ds. I messaged rose about it, but she was off on her 6-month anniversary with peter so she wasn’t super interested (she did say “oh don’t buy it” bc it was 350). Let me tell you, when you feel like nobody loves you, the one sure source of love is a credit card with a $2,500 line. I got out of bed, got dressed, and went to target and bought a switch, with the new game. And I played it all night. It was better than any other pokemon game, because it was a revamp of the original game, and I grew up playing pokemon leafgreen, the first revamp of the original. I was reliving my childhood. Of course, when I posted it on my story, rose messaged me, saying “did you seriously buy it?” Like yes, I seriously bought it, because my parents never bought me anything other than the legal bare minimum as a kid, because unlike rose, I have disposable income and aren’t burdened with creditors, because I want something fun to occupy the time so I don’t spend every waking minute wanting to kill myself. Is that so bad, that I spent $350 on something that gave me more happiness than anyone else ever would?

Another thing that pissed me off: after I said yea I bought it, her first reaction was “are there two player games?” when I said it’s mine, I bought it, she said “what if I bought one too?” Why can’t I ever have something to myself? She has her own life, her own personality, her own friends, but whenever I have something, she HAS to have it too, or at least put her hands all over it. I buy a video game? She has to play it too. I listen to a new band? She has to listen to them too. I say I’m queer? She cheats on her (now ex) boyfriend with a girl to experiment and say she’s 1% bi (and then promptly never touches a girl again. and doesn’t come to pride. and doesn’t participate at all in anything related to the lgbt community.) It never ends, she yanks every interest out of my hand, parades it around, before tossing it back to me, all crumpled up and gross.

Two days after I bought it, I had begun to stabilize. Was my mood improving because of pokemon, or because I’m getting closer to my period and my hormones are balancing out? The world may never know. 

My mom finally enrolled in healthcare. One day, I told rose that I wanted to go hang with peter, and she said “after dinner.” I was like, I literally want to avoid dinner because of our parents, that’s the point of us hanging out, they don’t love me. And she, being the centrist she is, gave her whole “yes they do love you, at least mom” spiel, at which point I brought up that neither of us have healthcare. From when I was 12 all the way to adulthood, everyone in my family knew that I needed braces, not just for cosmetic reasons but medical too. And every time I asked my parents, they’d say they would be getting around to it soon. Which is the exact same rhetoric I heard about my healthcare, now as an adult. But I knew that mom had already enrolled dad in his healthcare, so why are rose and I still left in the dark? After saying this, rose spent the next week twisting mom’s arm, and since everyone loves rose, she got around to it. It’s gonna be 134 per month, but I’m paying for it via scholarship in january. I still haven’t told my parents I plan on moving out, I probably won’t until I get approved for sure. Just gotta wait for Monday/Tuesday/whenever.

So, I’m being stalked. (okay i feel like this update is jumping all over the place, but I’m just trying to go from one complete topic to another, not chonologically bc then I’d miss something.) One day I was walking from the library to visual arts, when I saw out of my periphery walking towards me was what looked like savon. We didn’t make eye contact, and right then peter replied to our game of cup pong so I looked down at my phone as I responded with my move. As I walked past him, I heard him mumbling something to himself (something he often did if he wanted to get my attention without making it look like he was trying to get my attention). I felt like I wanted to die, just being within a 10 foot radius of him. 

And it got worse. The next time I had to go to that class (maybe monday? idk), I didn’t see him on the sidewalk, but as I walked into the building through one door I saw him going out the other door, as in the one next to me. He was wearing sunglasses (indoors?) and carrying one of those first-year engineering student boxes, and looking in my direction. I was looking at the door, of course. It doesn’t take a detective to figure out his m.o.- stand around the entrance of the building (that he saw me go in at 2:25 pm on a mwf day), where the windows are tinted, so he would be able to see me going in but I wouldn’t be able to see him inside. After class I hid in the bathroom for 45 minutes, because I was so afraid that he was waiting outside of the building or something. UGH. why do I have to live in fear on my own damn campus. Luckily, I only have one more class meeting in that room for this semester, and I’m probably gonna come a whole lot earlier, and from the other entrance. What scares me is that I posted my schedule on snap, and spriley saw it. I mean, it was at an angle and kind of blurry (caption was more important, just me bitching about how I’m gonna be on campus from 7am to 7pm). And I don’t think that spriley would take the time to watch my 6-second story a million times to copy down the classrooms and times. He just outright doesn’t like me, nothing like savon’s weird obsession with me, a girl he knew in high school but otherwise hasn’t spoken to in almost 2 years. I’m calling it now, if anyone shoots up ucf, it’s gonna be savon.

So let’s lighten the subject a little: we’re almost to the end of the semster!!!! It’s this week, then finals week, then that’s it. And as a matter of fact, this week is the online exam for sociology, and the roundtable discussion for composition (and the video I’m gonna knock out real quick, so I’ll be done soon.) My last three exams are all going to be done on Wednesday and Thursday of finals week. So Monday and Tuesday I don’t have any classes, so those are the days that I’m looking at moving out on. It’s lit.

Last week I posted on my snap how someone parked a limebike in a motorcycle parking spot, and heather messaged me saying “girl where have you been.” I mean, she made no attempt to contact me for the last month, but whatever we’re living our own lives. I told her I was focusing on school and stuff, and she said we should meet up. I was like yea sure, but the next day she didn’t show lol. She later said she was taking an exam and it was way longer than she expected, but we never made plans to meet up again. I guess that’s just the way most high school friendships go.

Okay I think I’m gonna end the update here, I’ve covered almost everything important. Tomorrow, Sunday, I work at cinnabon closing 2-9. I’m gonna grind to finish this econ homework tonight, then monday I’m gonna start rehearsing my presentation for comp or whatever. Start studying for finals, maybe take my final in sociology, ya know, just play it by ear.

(wow it’s 8:46 now. this update almost took 2 hours.)