Tumgik
#bc thats what i do with everything else i just go well if i think about it from a medical standpoint its not that bad!
ciderjacks · 4 months
Text
hey if u guys r sad about ofmd and want another show with gay people to watch you should consider watching Deadloch. It’s really good it’s really really good uh it might get a second season if the creators decide to do that.
if you watch good omens you’ll be able to watch Deadloch they’re on the same service. Uhhhh One of the actors from ofmd is there shes one half of the main duo (the other half is played by Kate Box who’s an amazing actor and Dulcie is now one of my fav characters ever) gets to wear an open Hawaiian shirt for like 3 of the 8 episodes which is a bonus. It’s extremely gay and it’s fun and beautifully written and no queer characters die and it’s satisfying and funny and Please watch it I’m begging you please watch itPLEASE
50 notes · View notes
lobotomyladylives · 20 days
Text
I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck
#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i#in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where#i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever#i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at#and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like#everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd .#just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up#not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until#i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg#the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was#i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different#well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl#i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool
24 notes · View notes
sillybouquetoflillies · 3 months
Text
i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
7 notes · View notes
starlooove · 14 days
Text
I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.
#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’#the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad#and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can#and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN#that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed#that’s like the crux of him I think#lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works#and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work#he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood#which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to#make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case#his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but#nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD#as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for#themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin.#THATS whats fun about tim#the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that#tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this#permanent before (<-LYING!)#but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.
5 notes · View notes
definitelynotshouting · 9 months
Note
heya i just wanted to tell you how genuinely important your arospec scarian thing is to me
the line "He's not sure what he wants, what's expected of him here" has just helped me solve a tiny crisis i've been having for the past month+ and on one hand i can't believe a fic about blockmen kissing is helping me figure this out but on the other hand im thinking of course it was your writing that helped me realize what is happening in my little feelings hole
anyway, just wanted to say thank you for how real and beautiful your writing is
sincerely, an aro/ace person who's feeling a little more okay about their crisis because you're an awesome human
Tumblr media
HEY ANON,,,,, THIS IS SO SWEET WTF..... holy shit im literally speechless. I dont even remotely know what to say to such a genuine and heartfelt message, except that i am so, so happy ive managed to help you like this with my writing
Writing the arospec stuff was really interesting for me, personally, because thats an aspect of myself ive never really... set out much space to think about??? Ive known for a while that im probably demiromantic, considering how close i have to be with people before i can even begin to catch feelings, but ive never truly and consciously explored that within my writing before until now. And the fact that finally doing so has helped someone with a personal crisis really makes me so teary-eyed like hello...... oh my gods.
Thank you for taking the time to tell me this, and im so glad ive managed to help out despite being a virtual stranger. That novelty is never gonna wear off for me. I hope you're having a good day, anon❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ take care of yourself!! :]
18 notes · View notes
needylittlegirl · 3 months
Text
now i have not ever been in labor before but i genuinely think im experiencing pains at the same or very close level which is crazy
2 notes · View notes
dandyshucks · 5 months
Text
going to cry because i am worried i won't finish all the crochet gifts in time :''")
#okay wait time to decide on a vent tag sjdkskl UHHHHH#can i just... tag it with ... ''vent //'' or is that annoying to add to a the tumblr filtering system fhdkdl#thats how old school tumblr cw/tw tagging worked fjdkl they'd just put slashes in so thats what im used to#vent //#we'll go with that ig? lmk if that doesnt work for anybody for any reason and u want smth else and I'll accomodate!!!#okay. um. anyways yeah idk fjdkdl i have been crocheting pretty much all day? i havent done anything else other than eat meals fjdksl#just... crocheting. my wrist hurts sm fjfkdl#i would still be crocheting but after messing up three times on this wing and frogging it all the way back i gave uo#up*#decided to just call it a night bc damn thats frustrating! idk what i was doing wrong but i kept ending up w the wrong amount of stitches!!#i think theres a possibility i can finish everything but im rly not sure fhdkdl tomorrow is already the 17th#im just. afraid fhdkdl i rly want this to work out !!! agh!!#I cant tell if my current chest pain is from anxiety or from medication (which i take for heart pounding from anxiety) wearing off djdkdl#ough. uncomfortable. I'll go draw and hopefully i can calm down bc im just sbdhdkl so afraid rn#IT ALSO DOESNT HELP that im the only one besides Kam in the system who knows how to crochet well fsbdhdkl#so the others cannot take over bc they cannot crochet either at all or as fast as i can :') i am stuck! in front!! AGGHH#i want a break man djsksl this season is so bad for me mentally fbjfdkl but by god i am getting thru it#okay off to go draw now fhdksl i have several ideas for drawing yay
3 notes · View notes
gloopdimension · 7 months
Note
hgoo.ii dont have any new thoughts but ummm.Leo & orion ........ smile
:) leo and orion
#let me see if ive got any new thots on em in my noggin......#I think leo does have some trauma w losing people he cares about. so instead of preventing connections he does allow them to happen. him#being a pretty well known mob boss and a pretty dangerous one at that[hes also got guys ALL over the city]#he can totaly have u watched out for if ur his buddy :)#if it was up to leo he would have orion GONE. he doesnt like 'im. he just tolerates his presence bc hes learned orion is MORE than an equal#match.#theyre only equals in terms of confidence and thats what leo really has going for him. leo is at the very least 3 ft [or more] shorter than#orion but he makes up for that in yeah! his confidence#also strength.this guy packsa punch#a detail i remembered in the sauna image aswell was his knuckles being bandaged up. he enjoys hand-to-hand combat the most:)#also orion can form rifts. any size any shape [primarily wide-ish ovals for him specifically to step thru]#and anywhere leading to anywhere else!#he can form a rift right beneath you that leads to a timeline thats actively falling apart and reality can collapse around ur very eyes. Bu#he enjoys doing that himself and seeing what happens to the folks who are doomed#he'd also use this power to make a rift. tap someones shoulder. pull his hand back. and the person looks around confused like I Know Someon#Tapped My Shoulder. Who Was It#also orion got that biig scar on his face bc his arm blew up! he tried to inspect it himself like years ago but he didnt use his foresight#and paid for it.#he is nearly wholly deaf if not entirely in his left ear#withuot his prosthetics hed be missingggg his entire arm anddd everything below the middle of his left thigh :)#asks#my ocs#ive DEFINITELY got more on em but umm well i want a dink.
3 notes · View notes
ivyglow · 1 year
Text
It’s been forever, I miss hockeyblr and tumblr in general 🥺
7 notes · View notes
thecherrygod · 8 months
Text
Man I need to either fuck around or research how some mixed media would work bc I'll be sitting down thinking "what would be the best way to work pastels and watercolors in a same piece" and not even try to test it out
2 notes · View notes
nomaishuttle · 9 months
Text
okay saur when i get home im gonna try and fill out the insurance form since well im stuck here. once thats through and ive got insurance set up im gonna try and do a proper psych eval bc i reakized ive bever actually had one. and i think itd be very very useful
2 notes · View notes
homophyte · 1 year
Text
okay this has been bugging me for a few days so im outsourcing to tumblr to see if anyone here has talked about it/is talking about it even though the book is a few years old. is there a consensus on morgan from bernardine evaristo’s girl woman other? ive been reading it for a class and it just screamed borderline transphobic character written by a well meaning cis author who has “concerns”. idk is there some 5d chess im missing? am i reading it too literally? whats the deal with it
6 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
Text
...
#i am back to lementing the phd hunting process#also hate watching mountain climbing documentaries. but thats not the point rn#its just. i know where i want to go. i have 2 options that would be idea and maybe a 3rd. maybe#one of those options is dependent upon me getting a scholarship that doesnt seem likely. but still an option#so i dont think ill really find anything else thats perfect. so i should just focus on applications#but thats so terrifying. bc like what if they dont want me :'( im tempted to apply to 2 programs at the same school just bc i kinda really#want to get in there. but also i havent looked at the application fee yet and i dont wanna spend like an extra fee if i can get into the#program i actually want. ugh. and then theres actually writing thr statement of purpose rip#like idk what it is abt writing abt myself but its so exhausting. i think maybe its bc i lived it so im just like. ugh. boring! let me#blabber on abt things i like. let me be weird. let me break the format of what im supposed to do#let me be a freak >:-[ and obviously its all gotta be done in non work hours. so thst extends the hours im doing productive stuff in a way#thats exhausting. blah and i have to have 2 Manuscripts ready to submit by November 1. ugh. it would b easier#if i could just sit down and write and not just bounce around between tasks and not get things done#annoying. but allas. here we r. by December 1 everything should be submitted and then i just have to hope and prey they want me#then i just have to fugure out how and when im moving across either the country or to a different country#rip. at least ill have the summer to maybe chill? bc my employment ends after spring and my parents said i coulf hang with them#and maybe take a trip to Greece? Maybe? that'd be pretty sweet. idk well see whst happens#ugh. academia why!#i need to pray to the writing gods to grant me strength and focus. or the writing demons. whoever is more willing to help#unrelated
8 notes · View notes
perenlop · 1 year
Text
man i do not feel like doing my final project for my animal literature class and the reason why makes me feel like a bad person
#so i took this class thinking it was going to be a mix of like animal symbolism and animal rights#as well as how people end up doing animal xenofiction which do or dont play on animal tropes and where they come from#which is interesting to me#but there was only that last thing in like the first thing we read and in some lecture related homework#and pretty much everything else is about whether or not this portrayal of an animal is cruelty for not putting it on the same level#as a person#and ngl a lot of the stuff just sounds like a reach to me like one was like#''omg this man doesnt REALLY care. he FAILS at his analysis of his cat that saw him naked bc he thinks abt what the cat thinks abt clothes#but he doesnt consider how it would LOGICALLY feel he only cares abt HIMSELF''#and professor also kinda lowkey implied the college students were being derogatory in what we named the campus cat#(literally like a goofy food name bc apparently we dont respect it?)#anyways usually our finals are like ''pick anything we've discussed and narrow down into a thesis''#but she wants us to ONLY have our papers be about animal cruelty and if like idk the lion king is ethical or not#and i was like ''eh i can do pokemon maybe bc that has interesting things to say about animal and human relations sometimes''#but her response was like ''ok but how SHOULD we treat animals in that context tho. are they saying animals have to fight? thats weirdddd''#''are they like saying the creator wants animals to beat each other up are they saying animals inherently hate and fight each other and need#humans to survive? thats kinda weird????'' and im just like. ok the series literally does go into that and its a video game but ok#echoed voice#and i wanna do my final abt symbolism and such in shows that i like but she keeps nitpicking them#and its like she doesnt even want a NEGATIVE portrayal for us to explain why its bad at conveying its message#bc i was like ''hey livestock is used as a dehumanizing thing here and also says something abt how cruel meat factories can be how abt that'#and she was like ''um but if its used to be dehumanizing then theyre implying its bad to compare humans to animals and thats not fair to#to animals''#like i SORTA see where shes coming from but it feels more exhausting than anything
5 notes · View notes
pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
Text
...somedays are just so much worse than others. Lately, I've been caught up in thinking, yet again, what if I'm faking everything. Well. Not that persay. More like. What if everything I think is going on is actually based on something false. And it sucks. Bc. I just start to worry that I cannot fix anything. Idk. Its just. Its nice to have an answer to things. And it'd hurt if my answer is wrong I suppose. You could show me all the evidence in the world and in the end I still won't believe it. I'll still think im wrong somehow. But at the same time I believe I'm right. How odd is that?
Ever since ive been young I've always questioned myself like that. I used to question who I am and what makes up me. And I never rly had an answer. I always just felt hollow and out of place. Even now that's all I feel.
Sometimes I can tell my thinking is heavily distorted. And honestly sometimes I question if it's ever not.
#diary#personal#its a little ramble-y i guess. idk if anyone but me can understand this. but its hard to put into words...#more and more i just feel this giant glass wall between me and everything else.#sometimes ive been thinking if anything is real. just. idk.#but even more than that i just keep doubting everything i think. maybe if i just tried harder. mayber if i was a better person...#maybe then that wouldntve happened. maybe if i just did more id be functional.#and. its just been a really hard day today. mn. really bad.#i dont rly eanna go into details tbh. but me and my dad fought again and everythings changed again and i dont like it.#mn. but in the end. the reason why im going to therapy is bc ive tried just working harder.#just. ignoring everything. and unfortunately it doesnt seem like everything is all in my head#well. i mean some of it LITTERALLY is all in my head. well i mean really the whole human experience is kinda sorta.#but. the things i get exhausted for. the things i just feel like i cant do anymore. theyre real#i guess thats a comfort at least. i may not know why i cannot function. but at least the pain i feel is real i suppose#haha. but what if thats like. just malfunctioning hardware. haha. ha.#i hate this loop. its probably like an ocd obsesive thought spiral. i do this a lot.#bc in the end this is probably one thing i cant actually prove or think my way out of.#bc i know the human experience is innately flawed. we easily could be in a simulation. and bc of that i discount nothing.#mn. its. getting sorta dissociatey or depersonalizationy now. i should stop n sleep.#im just rly sad. i was a bit too honest with mom today about dad and everything hurts now.#...somedays i rly dont wanna be alive. not bc i wanna die. just. im really really tired. its easier when things are laid out for me#when i know that if x happens i do y. and i dont like this autonomy i have sometimes. sometime i wish i didnt have it. haha.#suicidal ideation#...i dont know how the fuck i can talk to a therapist about all of this. or how useful itd even be. in the end it feels like im not me.#im. sorta scared of myself. and tired of it. i dont like the way i react. the way i am. im so scared.#i have to deliberate so long on something thatd take someone else no time. and its pitiful sometimes#trying to keep up with everything like this is exhausting.#i. sometimes i wonder what id actually be like if so many things were different. but its a useless question. bc they arent#in the end all you can do is move forward with the current you. nothing more. nothing less.#even if i dont rememebr the past or its different from what i recal. i suppose its okay. bc the now is my truth in the end.
2 notes · View notes
strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
Text
literalyl insane if my dumb feelings don't go away I'll have to start a normal normal rant tag for him I think –_–
#mine#i feel so bad i havent talked to anyone except my group thats involved in my hyperfixation recently uwagh#i will try to take a break tomorrow. hyperfixation doubled with guy im kind of obsessed with creates literally no time for anything else#im still taking care of myself while being so fixated i cant move for several hours. good on me for that#anyways anyways i tried not to be deranged today. not even fathoming romance atm im just happy i get to be around him teehee#made me rly think about how hes been very chill with everything ive ever said to him even tho i am a little freak . which is uncommon#i am not daydreaming about it because itll break my fucking heart but im content for now i think :) i like hanging out with him#'im normal about him' proceeds to talk abt him on my yandere blog.#im not feeling yanderish i just dont have another place to talk abt this stuff so here it is! bon appetite#im not rly freaking out as much and im good at distancing myself from him. even tho idk if anything will happen im trying to#practice controlling my insane person feelings when around him ;-; im doing good i THINK i havent been as weird#my thoughts around him are all weird and distorted and not quite romantic (yet?) but i know that i just feel comfortable w him#im:) im happy im enjoying. watch him get a partner immediately after this and i go batshit bc that is my freakin luck#well it doesnt matter i had a good time while i could and thats what counts ig . had only a smidgen of hope anyways! but its ok#i am so jaded to romance i am going to accept whatever happens and hope its atleast funny . and he finds humor in it#n i would get to hear his horrid laugh. itd be nice. i like it its very contagious. his voice maxes my brain out in serotonin#he was messing around w me in [hyperfixation] and i really enjoyed the attention hwuwhidhekfn made me flustered#i was saying like Romantic CodedTM things to him and he was just giving indecisive responses but not elaborating . so who knows#im not fretting or anything like its fun its chill i feel relaxed !! very casual stuff am having a good time. he has beautiful eyes also.#hes so talented and knows what hes doing. and hes so freaking smart he knows so much stuff oh my god.#i keep having repeated dreams abt him its weird fjdjfjdk. normal things to say abt ur friend btw. normal#i think his fascination w [redacted] is so beautiful his memory is rly good too. im NORMAL i swear#i like to cause spectacles that are memorable and funny so he pays attention to me more. i like attention from everyone but his is esp. fun#i love my friends so much i tell them that i appreciate them everyday. i hope they know they are loved so much#i probably just love the side of himself he chooses to show n not his authentic true self bc online stuff oh well#tho i do feel if you spend an ungodly amnt of hrs straight with someone then you are bound to know them more intimately#i love doing absolutely nothing with my friends and make our own fun in boredom. reminds me of my childhood#maybe i am allowed to think abt him awkwardly patting me on the head. as a treat#this guy reminds me of a previous love interest too except he doesnt emotionally abuse me or himself and has a freaking soul#💿
3 notes · View notes