#...i dont know how the fuck i can talk to a therapist about all of this. or how useful itd even be. in the end it feels like im not me.
Note
in re your post about therapy speak and ship wars, i THINK i agree from what I do understand, but i also dont know what therapy speak means? I looked it up and got this definition "Therapy speak is a colloquial term that refers to the use of psychological, therapeutic, or mental health language in everyday conversation. It can include terms like "boundaries," "abuse," "psychopath," and "trauma"."
So would an example of such be, "X ship is better than Y ship because X ship respects each others boundaries, but in Y ship they're a psychopath"? And then you know probably some added death/doxxing threats cuz ship wars.
Either way, yeah, ship wars dumb af, I just am dumb af too so I don't know what the post means. I also, fortunately, don't encounter much of therapy speak in my fandom spaces or online in general (proven by the fact that I had to look it up) as I just talk to people that I know and avoid the For You pages (which, plot note, are very often not For Me) so I'm lucky to avoid stupid opinions.
Thanks for answering if you do choose to, I know that at least several of the replies/responses to that post are likely stupid af, so I hope that my stupid af question is at least stupid af in a different way :) If I somehow have the wrong definition feel free to just link me to something that explains it better, because regardless it seems like a useful term to know!
not a stupid question at all.
so in the context of that post, abusing therapy speak refers to people who misuse terms like "narcissist" and "bipolar disorder" and "gaslighting" to suit their own personal tastes.
say for example, a character is arrogant and kind of haughty. if you don't like that character because people ship him with the character you like to ship with someone else, you insist he's a "narcissist" when he's you know. just arrogant.
and you say he can't be with her, because he's a narcissist and he has problems. that's problematic.
or say there's a female character you hate for having genuine human reactions to traumatic things. you'd say well I don't like her because she lets her obvious bpd hurt people instead of trying to fix her issues, she's so messy :(
and then if someone lies to another character, say their enemy, because they're fucking enemies, then you'd say oh he GASLIGHTS him, how could you guys ship this??? toxic ship???
so that's what that post refers to.
therapy speak as a whole, by definition, is fine because PTSD and depression and trauma do exist.
but in certain spaces, especially Twitter and TikTok and Tumblr of course, it's been weaponized as a tool to harass people who are fans of characters or ships that they themselves do not like.
which is ridiculous.
like you can say you don't like a ship without feeling the need to diagnose the two characters with whatever fun term your gen z therapist tossed at you that week.
you can say oh I simply do not like this character instead of oh he has an obvious mental illness and that's why I don't like him.
or you know.
he's a terrible representative of (insert illness) and that's why I don't like him-
bitch, we used to just not like things.
now it's like... oh this character is a psychopath.
let me read you a Wikipedia page on dsm-5 and explain that my personal preference is morally correct while yours is amoral.
that's why that post meant.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing they dont tell you abt not expecting to make it to this point is how it fucks up your plans for the foreseeable future
#sorry for getting depressing i just need it out because i dont want to talk with my therapist about it yet and i cant tell my mom#but like.... i was never expecting to make it to my birthday. for the the lasr#2?#maybe even 3 years#especially last year and now and like#now its like 2 months away and i. dont know what i want again#we just go to ihop because my sister likes it#like i tried to get ideas with my mom and i. dont have any#i cant do anything i used to think was fun and i dont have anything i. Want now#i can do presents. just give me a budget and i can work that out#but fucking. plans? i just. i just. i dont want anything. nothing seems special or important anymore#it all feels like another day. and i just. god i dont even know what cake i want.#can i even have cake? it'll just give me a headache anyway#and like..i guess its in part to how i can barely visualize anything in the future nowadays#i cant be happy for something a month ahead anymore. not even something in a week#and i just. god#personal posts and stuff idk#aethers rants#cw vent#tw vent#cw sui ideation#alluded to. i guess
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow
The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess. i Am complaining.#i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas.#but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now.#ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even#like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh#even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time#something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope#i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them#like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right?#but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me.#because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for#and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.#she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything.#no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that?#so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around.#but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her#really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long.#and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time#so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully.#what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her.#either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all.#or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is.#i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her#so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
#personal#i just want to make things so bad#it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it#i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life#if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art#if im making something im spending less time with them#and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences#but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that#and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends#but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas#i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors#all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick#so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included#but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad#i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum#maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes#for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult#and not spend to much time thinking about this
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
starting to panic abt the move. im under so much stress.
#.txt#its been coming for years. weve been planning it for years. but now its 4 months away and its reslly starting to set in#being in wa feels right. when we went in oct it was the most 'right' ive felt in years.#seeing the mountain felt right. being in the rainforest felt right. i felt like i was exactly where i was supposed to be for the first time#since i was a kid. i know this will be good for me. i just dont know how im going to handle such a big task.#i was 12 when we moved to mn so i didnt have to deal with any of the moving process besides packing my room#so this is really big for me and its super overwhelming and i just want to shut down#but i CANT#its such a huge mental task and i know its going to be super stressful but i dont have the capacity to fully actualize everything until its#really happening. i need to talk to a therapist i need someone else to make sense of all the shit going on right now#i need someone to just take the fucking wheel for ONCE and tell me everything is going to be okay but so far every single adult in my life#who ive talked to is telling me its a stupid idea and we wont make it and its going to fail#i need someone on my side for ONE MINUTE#for the love of god can i please just have an actual support system for five minutes#can someone please just actually fucking support me for once instead of talking bad about every fucking decision ive made in my adult life#can someone please just fucking be my parent for once. i want my mom. i want my mom to tell me everything is going to be okay.#vent#vent in tags#i am so close to a breakdown but i cant fucking afford one. this cant happen rigjt now i need to hold it together for a little bit longer.#just a little bit longer
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i dont know why im shocked my cop family supports israel#for fucks sake. my mom is a therapist now. a children’s counselor. she used to be a cop and is married to one and my brother is a cop#but i had faith in at least my mom. she always claimed to be open minded and yet whenever i attempt to tell her things she says she#understands but does nothing !! she changes nothing !!! how can i not be angry at her ! she changed her instagram pfp after we talked about#gaza. she had it as ‘i stand with israel’ and then changed it to herself and now its back to the israel pfp. im angry at her !#im angry at my brother ! who i cant argue with because he thinks im a fucking idiot !!! its so patronizing it makes me feel so small.#they dont respect me or my opinions at all ! it fucking sucks ! but what sucks more is whats happening in palestine obviously#im not a victim in this i just want to complain about my cop family i guess#i havent even tried speaking to my stepdad and i never will. if that makes me a coward im sorry
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
m.
#This will be deleted in a lil bit probably#but m. am i allowed to use mobility aids at like grocery stores-#because i feel like. i need them. but then i tell myself that i'm just lazy and dont need them and shouldn't#take it from someone who actually needs it-#like if i am Completely honest i never leave my house or go anywhere because I know I cannot handle#the walking at all. and its probably because of my weight but also because of my back always fucking hurting#but mm. dont like people staring at me and looking at me and the few times i Have#dared to use one of the scooters i've had people give me Pissed off Looks or even laugh at me.#and I hate having people stare at me and look at me and it freaks me out so i just kinda don't do anything or go anywhere anymore.#not sure if I am allowed to call myself disabled because i Dont Want to Piss people off who look at me#and tell me I'm Not because maybe i am Just Wrong.#chocking this up to more things I need to talk to a therapist about#but thats if i can ever get one which is seeming less and less likely.#not to mention how i havent seen a doctor in probbly like. 2 years? maybe 3. idk im not good w time.#i still think 2019 was a year ago sometimes.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
vent in tags. sorry.
#i need to get a therapist so i can say this all to them instead of whining to myself in the tags#but i dont have one. so.#im not a suicidal person but seeing how uncaring or hateful or indifferent everyone is#to doing the bare minimum of not playing that hogwarts game#it makes me want to kms. it feels like no one cares at all#and i know that isnt true but you know how the brain works. it only remembers and thinks about the bad stuff#or at least thats what my brain does#i cant even talk about this to my mom because she loves hp#maybe once i tell her about the shofar she'll change her mind#but. yeah!!! the fact that so many people are jumping to defend this stupid game#and make excuses just to play it#or play it because it has those anti semetic things in it#it really hurts#screw jkr screw the devs who put the anti semetic plotline in i hope they fucking die#you CANNOT deny they added more tropes to make it more anti semetic#the fucking shofar. are you KIDDING me!#and people are still planning to play it#i want to throw up#tw suicide#jic#delete later
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don't know if i'll be able to post on here or ao3 much at all in the coming months. vent in the tags
#like real vent#i honestly think this is the worst i've ever felt#bordering on a fucking mental breakdown#i hate myself because my thoughts are so violent right now and i already snapped and talked back when i didnt mean to im scared im going to#hurt someone i fucking hate myself so much im geniunely such a stupid retard i cant even fucking do my schoolwork#i overheard my parents talking about how they might consider deleting all my writing because apparently i spend too much time on it#when i barely ever even get to touch it recently#if they do that i dont even know what ill fucking do that will geniunely be the last straw#my mother always talked about how she moved out young and how much it hurt her but she is not fucking helping right now#i dont even know anymore#im scared#i dont want to be here anymore#i shouldn't be this upset all the time#i shouldn't post this with all the tags and i know that but fuck i don't care anymore. i love you all so much and im sorry#im sorry that this shit is on your dash im sorry i made false promises about long fics im sorry i never update im sorry my writing is never#even any fucking good im sorry#i hope you're all having a better day than i am. you all deserve it#im sorry theres literally no other place i can vent and my therapist sides with my parents regardless#i love you all platonically. gonna go crawl up in a corner and fucking die
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ngl besties but i am not doing so great right now. anyone else not able to function because of constant thoughts of hurting yourself and crushing depression?
#im good dont worry#i don't even know how to feel better#all i do is try to keep myself distracted 100% of the time but that means I can't do things that i need to do#im in a therapy program 25 hours a week#but i don't know what to share during process group because there was no trigger for all of this. i just feel so shitty for no reason#i did a lot of cbt and dbt when i was younger so the skills aren't very useful to me even if i wanted to use them#when i talk to the therapist one on one i just tell her about how i want to kill myself and stuff#i don't even really want to get better because that means that i won't kill myself and have to be alive#but i know that i can't kill myself so i need to get better. i don't want to though.#i feel like no one can help me including myself even if i tried really hard because i just can't stop these thoughts#i can't go on like this. when you feel like this and don't feel safe then you're supposed to go to the emergency room#and they will probably send you to the psych ward. but i was just there and they barely helped me.#i know that i have a bright future ahead of me and i will get my degree next year from a good university in an employable field#i know i have such a good life and a bright future but i don't want it#i feel like a horrible person and so ungrateful for saying that#anyways i guess i just need to keep trying to get through each day even though i don't want to and it's so fucking hard#my suicidal thoughts are actually getting a little better but they are still almost constant and overwhelming#and sometimes i can't help but make suicide plans which i know if concerning but i haven't actually taken any steps towards carrying out#those plans#i just wish that that i could be dead. it would solve all my problems. but my family and ffriends would be sad.#if i can't kill myself and i always feel so bad how do i keep getting through each day?#i don't know how much longer i can live like this. ive already lived longer than i thought i would before i was hospitalized#but if i can't die and i can't feel better then what do i do? i can't function like this or do the things i need to do#and each day it gets harder and harder#i think i need to share some of this shit during process group tomorrow lol#i guess just about feeling stuck and like i'll never feel better and not being sure if i want to get better?
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Getting really anxious about romance. I just can't cope with it right now. Its just. I feel like everything is so hopeless and I'll never find anyone or anything. I thought moving here was my chance to meet likeminded people but it almost feels like everyone here is worse and its only just so much more pressure now that I'm living in the real world and I still struggle so hard to date. I just want to find myself a person but who could love this. Who is going to meet me and we click and I'm able to be all of me and they still love me. And i still love them. And its not complicated. Its always going to be complicated. Because how does someone just simply love this??? Fuck. I just dont know how to deal with this. How do people just find love?? Everywhere I go I'm more and more alone. What do I do?? How do I do this??
#fucking. panic writing. so fasf bc like. i cant deal#its all crashing down on me#I should really stop listening to this album to be fair#but like. its all just crashing down on me#I feel like it'll never be okay. I'll never find a person.#everything ive made love out to be in my head cant be real because I still dont have any idea who the fuck I am.#I'm so tired.#and watching all of these failing relationships around me and listening to them try so hard to convince me this is how it should be#its like. really fucking with me.#is love even real?? and if it is can I ever have it?? did I miss my one shot by not knowing who I was?#I still dont even know who I am#I will keep missing every chance I get#theres nothing I can do.#I need to find myself a therapist here#one I can talk to about system stuff too bc like. I'm so fucking tired of navigating this alone. its so hard.#sad posting#idk... I'm just freaking out right now. i need to be less alone. i need someone. i need someone.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
somehow i have reached enlightenment where i am free of anger. all it took is for my mom to be so so mad at my dad and everyone and everything else in the world all the time to do it
#like. my moms making a HUGE cake and a bunch of cupcakes for her coworkers husbands birthday or whatever#and i usually help her with baking bc we both really enjoy it#so yesterday we made all the frosting and i made soft pretzels bc we thought it would be fun to use to make the handle on the beer mug cake#instead of using gum paste so i made like 10 or so normal pretzels and two that we could try and use for that#so we all didnt want to cook dinner and left to pick something up. and when we come back i saw my dad had eaten one of the fucking#specifially shaped ones. i was like im not even dealing with this now im fucking hungry and ate#then after we were all done my mom finally saw and was like did you fucking eat the differently shaped one#and my dad was like lol yeah 🤪 and she was like we were fucking using that for the cake#and my dad isnt even like oh im so sorry or anything he literally just. oh lol if it makes you feel better i gave half to the dog 🤪🤪😋!!!#usually i would be so fucking angry bc /I/ was the one who made all the pretzels in the first place but my body was like no girl we have to#shield ourselves from how upset your moms about to be#anyways. my dad just came in to my room be like ughhhh should i make another batch. and i was like well you dont have to bc i made two#so i guess we can go with that and hes like ughhhhh no i guess i will so your mom wont be mad at me 🙄#im just. im just so fucking tired of my dad doing all this shit to either intentionally or unintentionally irritate me and my mom and then#acting like hes being fucking crucified bc EVERYONE IS AGAINST HIM!!!! when he refuses to apologize or even acknowledge that hes done#anything wrong. like i get nobody in this fucking family is good at talking abt anything but he just is so avoidant things have been piling#up for YEARS.#ugh. okay. done i guess i dont know im just so tired. i feel like i have to play fucking marriage therapist to these two bc he refuses to do#anything to try and make their lives not miserable
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.
#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real.#where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct.#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else#it is just garbage. utter garbage.#i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m#doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself.#or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school#to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere!#i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive#they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant.#i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor#in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure.#im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste.#i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money.#im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks#it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering#oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all.#man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks.#vent.txt
0 notes
Text
you know when youre autistic and you always have been and you always will be because you know thats how autism works but god you wish it wasn’t because you so unlikeable and irritating and off-putting even though you’re trying so hard. you are trying so hard to be normal or at the very least palatable but it doesn’t matter because you will always be autistic and you are trying with everything you have but it is not enough and it will never be enough. so now you are sitting at a bus stop waiting for your bus home and you cannot stop crying and you cannot stop thinking about how nice it would be to just step into the road because you dont know how to connect with people but you do know how to kill yourself and it sounds so appealing because dead people dont cry at bus stops because people don’t like them
#suicide tw#suicide mention tw#suicidal ideation tw#so today is going really well im so glad you asked#idk im just so tired and i feel very hopeless and i feel lonely#its not so bad at college because i can reason with myself that theyre a couple years younger and we have nothing in common#but at group it hurts so much to hear them talk about their group chat and how they all meet up at the weekend#because these are people that are my age and i do have things in common with - and i am still unable to#i dont know just be fucking friends with them#and i try to explain it to my therapist but they dont get it so i end up looking stupid#idk im 20yrs old crying at a bus stop because i still cant make friends and i feel so pathetic
1 note
·
View note
Text
venting :-) sorry
#sh tw !!#i am so tired of my mother#last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she#has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted#she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep#help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all#she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and#only made me food herself once (1) in over a week#and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it#i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin#i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into#pieces and stitched back together#and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the#audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet#when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait#because she was gonna do it instead#like ???????#and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn#make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh#does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful#and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling#it is ingrained into my brain#i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling#im so tired#and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not#allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again
1 note
·
View note
Text
also. sometimes my friends make me go insane
#i am not your mothers!! stop making me make decisions for you and reassure you about everything!#yes we love you no we arent mad at you yes you are invited to the thing that we are all talking about with you right here#in fact in addition i am not your therapist and i do not want everyone's problems! i do not want to hear about intra friend beef#or how you told him you liked him and he said he didnt and now u dont know what to do!#we do not live in the same world i could not care less i am friends with you both this is your issue.#and god. jesus. tell me why i got yelled at last week by my friend because i didnt 'invite' their twin (my best friend) to senior skip day#when they were right fucking there. the whole time. while we were planning it.#im done! same thing happened today they asked in this little timid voice as we were planning where we can go for lunch “can i come” YES. YE#i already care so little but i need to care even less. literally all that goes thru my head should be joy and fun.#everyone can get my love in the form of cupcakes and not verbally#that being said this only applies to my irl friends love yall yall r fucking fantastic. and even then ***** is exempt.#because i love her and because she is always right every time. and she hugs me when i need it <33
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
hoofclid
Hoofclid and Friends
lunats4
Luna pra vocês
7beauty-isinthe-blush7
Beauty is in the Blush
vjwong
Josué Wong
riko
sync.