#bc our manager is watching me like a fucking hawk
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MY MANAGER PISSES ME THE FUCK OFFF at work today and she pulls me aside and is like You and other coworker walked right past a customer and i was on the phone and we made eye contact and kind of just laughed about it So please dont do that LIKE GIRL ? WHY R U ACTING LIKE THERES NOT 4 OTHER PEOPLE AROUND MEEE who can serve & also its literally not my fault if i didnt see ONE fucking customer & PEOPLE HAVE VOICES LIKE speak the FUCK up if you want to be served i swear to god they want me to have eyes in the back of my fucking head i dont think any regular human being could work a deli job because its the most stressful fucking thing in the world i am so tired of customers being like you must really get your steps in mf i walk to the bus stop at 6 in the morning to work an 8hr shift which i will be entirely on my feet for and then i walk back to the bus stop and then get on the bus and then walk home like i literally am living a type of hell u Could never comprehend because you cannot comprehend a customer service job .
#text#and AURR IM SICK OF REDACTED WHO IS JUST LIke hehe let me do dishes my whole shift like why not come around the front#bc our manager is watching me like a fucking hawk#im literally soo wish there was some malicious compliance i could play into#but i swear sometimes she goes to ask me to serve AND I AM ALREADY SERVING !#its just constant serving one customer after the other i cannot fucking wait#to quit this motherfucking job and kill myself because i cant take another day of her telling me serve customers or Like#keep my eye out IM SO STRESSED OUT AT THIS JOB ALL THE TIMEEEE#and this man today was trying to play jokes with me but they werent funny so i just kept saying okay#and he was like im just messing with you haha#and ik he felt damn awkward after like yeah u should feel fucking awkward IT WASNT FUNNY & DONT TRY TO JOKE AROUND WITH ME#the way that customers say things to me they think r funny or quirky or cute and im just like okay so what were you after#and then they dont know what to do w me im not here to play arounnd Brother do u want ham or fucking not#valkyrie.txt#also i need to clarify bc apparently in america a deli is something different to in australia#which americans literlaly dont fucking say shit abt it im not in the mood 4 it#its a delicatessen
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and i’ve gotta crow | takami keigo
hawks x pro-hero! reader. quirk unspecified.
summary: “You’re suffering from amnesia,” says Hawks to you, in your hospital bed.
No, you are not.
“We’re engaged to be married.”
No, you are not.
After an accident that was that bastard Hawks’s fault, you decide to play along with your diagnosis of amnesia, among other things, because how far can you make your former bully bend over backwards for you?
fluff/trickery??? completely avoidable angst, bc reader is a little shit. hawks is a scumbag bully at first. reader is honestly kind of violent. dealing with acne in a scene.
When the first things you saw after groggily blinking your eyes open were multiple IVs in the back of your hand, you flipped over and snuggled farther into your hospital bed to deal with it later, but against your will you were forced to lie flat on your back to stare into the hospital fluorescents.
When the nurse fiddling with your IVs came into focus, he said, “You need to lie on your back. You have deep gashes on your lower abdomen, and tossing about too much could open the stitches.”
That sounded like bullshit, but you were too out of it to care. “Yeah, okay,” you said through a croak, “Oh, fuck.” You wrestled a hand to your throat, massaging it. “Am I waking up from a coma? Don’t let anyone see me until I’ve done my eyebrows.”
The nurse laughed through his nose. “No, don’t worry. You’ve barely been—” He cut himself off and frowned. “The news should probably be broken to you when you have emotional support. I’ll be back soon.”
He left.
Emotional support? Wouldn’t that fucking gash on your stomach be—ooh, ouch, don’t move.
Where’s your phone? Where’s your goddamn phone; where’s any of your personal belongings? If they got crushed, you’re killing Hawks on sight.
Hawks, oh, my God. Where is he? He’s dead. If he still has the audacity to bully you professionally—fuck.
He’d cornered you on patrol earlier—whenever that was—and cut into you in that casually, negging-type way that wasn’t enough to report but enough to make you stay up late and freak out about being good enough. It hurt your chest whenever you thought about it.
But this was the first time he’d gotten seriously physical.
He’d alit on the top of the warehouse next to you, landing what would have been haphazardly for anyone else (the arch of his feet against the edge, his toes barely touching roof) and had crouched next to you, his scarlet wings completely blowing your cover as they stretched and shuddered.
“What’s a little girl like you doing in this part of town?” Hawks had propped his chin on both his fists. “Thought shoplifters were more your calibre.”
“Hawks, this is actually really important to me, so please, please leave,” you’d said, keeping your eyes on the group you could barely make out through the skylight. They’d already been partially concealed by crates, so they were hard to see.
“Someone else give you a tip for their location?” He’d tapped your opposite shoulder with the end of his wing, but you hadn’t even flinched.
“Bruh, you know I’ve been on this for weeks,” you’d said, shifting away from him, “I even shared intel at your last briefing.”
“Is that what you were talking about?” Hawks had scratched his chin. “I zoned out. Usually the little cases female heroes present aren’t in my circle, and I like to unwind when brain power isn’t needed.”
You’d planned to rip his wings out feather by feather while you’d gritted your teeth. “You can’t talk to me like that, Hawks.”
He’d laughed, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. “C’mon, babygirl, have a slice of chill, won’t you? I thought you were one of the cool girls. Relax. I don’t mean anything by it.”
“Leave me alone, Hawks. You’re not gonna bully me into joining your agency. You’re not gonna bully me into quitting being a hero,” you’d said, inwardly screaming, “I’d tell you to go talk to someone who’d fall for your shit, but then, she’d have to suffer, too. So, fuck off into a sewer, jackass.”
“Oof,” Hawks had said, placing a hand over his heart and shaking his head, “You don’t have to be such a bitch, sweetheart. I’m only looking for my better half. Didn’t think it could be you, but I’d thought I’d give you a chance to prove me wrong. Don’t take yourself too seriously; just be along for the ride like the rest of us.”
“Huh,” you had said, and you’d stood and strode to the edge of the warehouse to your harness and rope, and you rappelled down the side of it as stealthily as you came up.
“I’ve been watching you all these years, sweetness, and I know you by now; I know how you really feel,” Hawks had said a bit too loudly while he flew downwards at your speed (braggart). “Strip away all of your busy work, your so-called hero trappings, and we’d mesh together just fine. We may be rough around the edges, but we clean up really nicely, don’t we?”
You’d unclipped your carabiner and stepped out of your harness, stashing it in your pack. “Fuck off.”
You’d moved towards the back entrance, but Hawks had slammed a hand against the concrete wall in front of you. You’d ducked under it and carried on, and he’d grabbed the back of your shirt.
“C’mon, if we didn’t know each other, and our eyes met from across the room at some hero gala, you’d be all over me, wouldn’t you?”
You had swiped his hand away. “I’d be putting a lid on my drink.”
His arms behind his back, Hawks had followed you through the door and behind the exposed pipes and closer to your targets. “Saw you coming onto Todoroki at the last one. You looked fine in his colours, but you would’ve looked better in mine.”
Don’t grace him with an answer; don’t grace him with an ans— “I wasn’t coming onto Shoto,” you’d said, pulling yourself up a couple of pipes for a better view—and you’d hit him when he flapped his wings to hover the few feet you’d ascended, because the noise might alert them.
“Yeah, you just simp for him, right? Then you didn’t step outside your comfortable ice queen act?” Hawks had gripped onto a pipe just underneath your ass. “You’re too much of a natural tease for that.”
How can you report him when he’s the head of his own agency? You guess the commission might listen, but what can they do besides slap his wrist? There’s really no one who can stop him, is there?
You hadn’t replied but instead crawled onto the iron catwalk. If you could position yourself about three-quarters of the way across, you’d be able to effectively activate your quirk and get this over with—wait, why would you think like that? You’d been waiting for this for ages.
A hand spreading across the small of your back had reminded you.
You’d flipped over with fire in your eyes and kicked him away as quietly as you could, but all he’d done was sit back on his knees to grin down at you, army-crawling your way through a dirty warehouse.
Would he take credit for your work again?
You’d shaken yourself. Eat my entire ass, Hawks. And with that, you’d continued inching towards your targets. When you’d gotten into position to watch them, Hawks had merely watched you.
You had scowled. “I’m gonna tear you a—”
“You had a hard childhood, didn’t you?”
A chill had unfurled up your spine, simple as that. Hawks now not only had the annoying air of an arrogant pick-up artist but also gave you an intense sense of danger. You’d moved away from him, regrettably away from your target, but Hawks had followed you, getting closer until his body heat had seeped into yours, a self-satisfied smirk plastered across his dumb face.
“I could take suuuuch good care of you, little girl,” he’d said under his breath, “if only you’d let me. No one else is crazy enough to call me out or want more than the bare minimum.” His wings had folded in on his back, making themselves as small as possible to get closer to you. “If you give in, tell me yes, say please, you wouldn’t have to let any worries cross your pretty little mind. All you have to do is let me in.”
“Yikes,” you had said, sucking in through your teeth, “God, you’re a creep.”
Hawks had slammed you down onto the catwalk, iron reverberating through the warehouse as it struck your head, and your targets had looked up by the time the catwalk hinges had loosened and had come crashing down in the midst of their meeting.
You’re really not supposed to shoot guns inside. Don’t they know that’ll ruin their ears? No matter, really. You had fought them anyway, amidst crates splintering open from whatever they were shooting at you—fuck, that was a big hole. What’s oozing out of that? Gross, don’t step in it.
One with a normal revolver—his arm had given a woody crack when you’d bent it backwards—God, that was nice. Good sounds. If you could sample them into a rap track, you would.
You’d been planning a collab with a popular rapper while you’d hurled yourself at another villain, sawdust flying—just to keep your mind busy, really, but fucking—fucking Hawks had bested whoever he’d half-assed to the ground and had shouted your way.
“C’mere, you little shit—”
He’d scooped you up while you’d been taking care of it by yourself, and he had pinned you down behind a stack of crates that reached the remains of the catwalk, straddling you but keeping most of his weight off, his wings outstretched yet still hidden from the cloud of sawdust rising with deep gurgling on the far side.
“What the fuck is wrong with you,” he’d said over the chaos, spit flying, “You can’t handle this; you’re gonna get fucking killed. I can’t babysit you all the time.”
“Get fucked; I’m the number fourteen hero,” you’d said, deadly still, but twitching in fury, “I can handle anyth—”
“Aww, fourteen. And one day babygirl might reach the single digits.” Hawks had sneered in your face. “If she manages to fuck her way through them.”
Your jaw had dropped, and you pretended to cough on sawdust and kicked him off in the confusion. Hawks had grabbed a hold of your calf, grappling for your thigh, while you’d scrambled to climb over crates to the gurgling mess on the other side; you could handle it, and you would.
You’d slapped his hands away, wrestled out of his grasp again and again, and you’d launched yourself into the dust—
Yeah.
While the fluorescent lights flickered overhead, you picked at a hangnail. You hadn’t braced yourself for the explosion, so, you guessed you deserved whatever was wrong with you now. Big-ass gashes on your stomach. Probably broken ribs. Something felt off in your left leg, besides—oh, ho, what had the doctors thought when they’d seen Hawks’s scratches?
What an idiot.
When the door creaked open, the nurse returned with a mug of water for you, but—what? Who’s that bitch following him?
You blinked, twice. With his hands in his pockets and his nasty little wings tucked in behind him, Hawks meandered to your bedside, his gaze on your throat as you swallowed down water.
God, you’re too tired to deal with him. Let’s get this over with.
The nurse glanced over his clipboard. “I’ve already told your partner this, but I thought you would want him here.”
Maybe if you ignore Hawks, he’ll leave.
“You were very brave today,” said the nurse, “Your work as a hero is greatly appreciated. You’re on temporary leave to heal, though. Like I said, you’ve got three, major gashes on your stomach, and your leg’s broken—the fibula split, if you want to know. You’ll be on crutches for a while. You have four broken ribs, and—” The nurse bit his lip and softened his voice. “You hit your head pretty hard. Nothing’s broken, but you should have amnesia, with the trauma you’ve endured.”
Should have? They don’t know? You sure as hell don’t fucking have amnesia. It barely happens in real life, and it definitely hasn’t happened to you. You remembered every fucking infuriating thing Hawks did to ruin your mission, and if he doesn’t square up—
“I’m so sorry, baby,” said Hawks, grabbing your hand. He stroked the back of it with his thumb, and then he took his glove off to hold you skin-to-skin. “You remember who I am?”
You just stared at him.
“Your fiancé’s been a real presence in the waiting room,” said the nurse, “He hardly stopped pacing the entire time you were in surgery. He wouldn’t even talk to fans.”
Oh, my God.
Holy fucking shit.
“Oops, sorry,” said the nurse, covering his mouth, “I know you were keeping it a secret. Don’t blame him, please; he only told me to be able to see you immediately.”
Shutting your eyes, you took a deep, deep breath. You have been handed a golden opportunity on a fucking Hawks-shaped platter, holy fuck, and by God are you going to take advantage of it. Imagine how much you can fucking humiliate him, how far you can take it. How much you can make him pay for how he treated you, and now, if he says he’s your fiancé, then he’s gonna fucking worship you. You’re going to mould him into your little bitch, and he’s going to thank you for it. And you’ll get endless dirt on him just by seeing his place.
Don’t fuck this up.
Exhaling, you opened your eyes, blinking a bit. You curled your lips into your mouth, biting the lower one. “I remember you’re Hawks,” you said in a nervous voice, “and I remember, uh.”
“Don’t hurt yourself, sweetheart.” Hawks squeezed your hand, his tone kind. “It’ll come back in time.”
You clutched Hawks’s hand while the nurse rattled off instructions and gave you your crutches, and Hawks squeezed your hand back, softly smiling at you.
When the nurse left, you turned to Hawks and said, “I’m so, so sorry, but I—I feel like there’s something big missing that I can’t remember.” You scratched your forehead with your free hand, dragging the IVs with you.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Hawks tilted his head, still gazing decidedly down at you.
“Oh, God,” you said, “Oh, fuck. I don’t know. Um.” Take it back. Take it way back. That way he’ll dig himself into a deeper hole. The more lies he has to create, the funnier it’ll be. “Let’s see, I, hm.” You already weren’t speaking like yourself, but you looked upward as you faked combing through memories. “I don’t know how things work chronologically, but the most recent memory I have of you is—it’s after a press conference, and I’ve never been in the building before,” you said slowly, “And I can’t find the bathroom, but some press keeps following me, and I—I faceplant in between your shoulder blades, right between your wings. You—” You lowered your voice, shrinking a little in the hospital bed, “You got rid of them so easily, with just a gesture, and you put your arm around me. You were—” You shook your head, staring at both of your hands. “—so warm.”
Was that too thick? That was too thick, wasn’t it?
His free hand shot to his mouth, and he bit his knuckle. “But sweetheart, that’s,” said Hawks, his eyes watering, “That’s only around the third time we met.”
You know.
“Shit,” you said, widening your eyes, “How long ago was that?”
“Three years.” Hawks squeezed your hand and kept the pressure longer than was necessary. “Three fucking years. You don’t remember anything past that?”
You pretended to be scared to look at him. “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry—”
“No, no, you don’t have to be,” said Hawks, and he leant towards you to lift your chin, rubbing his thumb against it, “It’s not your fault.”
You had to hand it to him: Hawks was a good actor.
But so were you.
***
Hawks disappeared for a while after that, but he manifested the day you were loosed from the hospital, more than giddy to carry all of your shit all the way to your flat. He was probably getting some sick pleasure from watching you hobble on your crutches.
“I can help you, if you lean on me,” said Hawks, giving you an easy grin, “I don’t want you to be in any more pain than you have to.”
“This is something I should do myself,” you said in what was hopefully a tough-it-out voice, “I’d like to be able to walk without depending on anyone.”
“I honestly think you ought to be in a wheelchair.” His wings bristled. “But what do I know? I could fly us to your place, if you like.”
“I don’t like. I’ve gotta concentrate on limping. Stop talking, Hawks.”
You got to your flat, and Hawks had guessed which key opened the door on the first try. Drat! He was already doing a good job of acting like he’d been here before, like he’s not surprised that the number fourteen hero lives in a pretty shitty apartment (you started living here as a student and got too damn comfortable for your own good—plus, you didn’t want your cat to endure the trauma of moving).
Hawks plopped your keys in the bowl by the door with a clatter, and he shut the front door behind you, flipping one of the locks.
He set your stuff neatly on the kitchen table—your purse, your tactical pack, your ropes—and lay your dry-cleaned hero suit over the back of a kitchen chair, and his hands were on you the next moment to guide you to your tacky, sunflower couch. Removing one crutch, he put your arm over his shoulder instead, one hand planted on your lower back above your bandages, and he eased you down onto the cushions.
Hawks then stepped over your legs to sit on your opposite side, and he brought your legs to rest in his lap, his hand gripping your non-casted leg. “Gotta keep it elevated, chickadee.”
You let yourself giggle. Time to get this shitshow started. “Thank you so much for helping me, Hawks; I know I’ve been a real hassle these past few days, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that sort of stress. You’re already under so much. I don’t understand how the commission would let you date anyone, let alone propose.”
“Oh, I know,” said Hawks, spreading himself out on the couch. He shifted himself to face you in addition to accommodate his wings—he was now positioned so that they’d drape over the arm of the couch instead of being squished against the back cushions. That bitch, he probably wasn’t used to couches that weren’t custom made to his special body requirements. Spoiled fuck.
“The commission was really pissed when they found out. Do you remember how, sweetness? Right, I’ll tell you,” said Hawks, running an ungloved hand through his hair before shaking it loose. “You remember up to the press conference with the faceplant. Short version is that you hated me for a good year before something clicked. You started acting awkward whenever I was around, avoiding me, and stuff. Sometimes getting red. I thought it was cute.”
You ducked your head. Flustered. He probably likes easily flustered women.
Wait. That’s not who you are. And he’d like you for who you are, if you’re engaged.
But at the same time, if you’re (gag) in love with him, wouldn’t you be flustered by some of the things he says?
Easy, baby. Take it as it comes. Pick your battles. Go with your gut.
And gut says make Hawks eat shit.
“You think I’m cute?”
“I know you’re cute.”
You’re going to stuff his own feathers down his throat.
“We got together at that dinner Endeavor’s agency sponsored. Do you remember that at all? That place with the purple lights. You’d gotten nervous from the crowd and had gone to take some of your anxiety meds. I caught you in the hall back from the bathroom and talked you down before going back out there.” He grinned sheepishly. “I’d like to say I’m the one who kissed you, but you took initiative before I had the guts.”
Funny. Hilarious, in fact. That was the night Hawks had solidified himself as the Biggest Dick in the World, because yeah, he’d caught you in the purple-lit hallway, but he’d caught you on the way to take your meds, not on the way back. You were talking yourself down from a panic attack and couldn’t argue him away, so he’d followed you into the bathroom, running his mouth and acting like it was an accident when the tip of his wing had knocked your two capsules down the sink.
He’d told you that if you’re a big girl, you’d be able to handle the rest of the night. Or you could leave at any time with him, and he’d make excuses that everyone would have to accept.
Honestly, you’d love to let his fake memory be true, because then, you’d be able to wear purple again without feeling queasy.
Cocking your head, you smiled. “That doesn’t sound like something I would do.”
Hawks let out a light laugh, craning his neck to rest his head on the back of the sofa. “That’s what you said that night, too. About how it felt out of character.”
“Was I good?”
Lifting his head, he raised an eyebrow at you: probably the first genuine emotion he’s shown you the whole time he’s been here. “Hm?”
“When I kissed you. Was it good,” you asked flatly.
“Oh,” Hawks said, his wings puffing out just barely, “Oh, sweetheart, you were amazing. Groundbreaking. Show-stopping.” His tongue flicked over his lower lip, and he shifted underneath your legs, leaning slightly towards you but holding eye contact before carrying on.
You shook your head. “I don’t have the energy to give you the makeout session you deserve,” you said, envisioning drowning him in the bathtub, “I’m exhausted. Forgive me.”
“Always,” said Hawks, “Want me to keep going?”
“You can hardly eat me out when we haven’t kissed yet.”
“I meant,” said Hawks, pausing to visibly swallow (was it real?), “about our relationship, but if you wanna eat—”
“Nah, keep going. So, I started the relationship? I must be crazy. Neither of us have fucking time to sleep, let alone be in a relationship.”
Hawks never shut up about how he was taking time out of his endlessly packed days to spend time with you, how time was precious to him, and if he’s spending time with you, why, then, you’d better pay up, bitch (always accompanied with his hands on his belt, subtly pointing his thumbs towards his cock).
Hawks shrugged with his wings instead of his shoulders. Interesting. Has he ever done that before? “The commission said that, but after I insisted we’d make time, they relented. Eventually,” said Hawks, jerking his head to the side, “Our quirks don’t exactly fit well, so we haven’t worked with each other professionally too often, and, of course, we’ve had to hide our relationship so that we can’t be a public weak spot to each other. Plus, we’re more marketable as eligible, young heroes.”
“Fuck the market,” you said, slumping into the pillows.
“There’s my girl,” said Hawks, grinning with his tongue caught between his teeth, “There’s her spark. I know, baby. I feel the same way, but being made into libidinous body pillows pays the bills, y’know?”
Nodding, you brought one of the couch pillows around for you to hug, and you smushed your chin into it. “Hawks,” you said, so quietly you almost couldn’t be heard over the A/C kicking on, “How long have we been engaged?”
“Four months,” he said, his grin unconsciously fading until he was essentially baring his teeth, “Since the twentieth.”
Taking a moment, you said, “I can’t remember anything at all.”
“That’s okay. It’ll come back.”
“No, I can’t—” You slid your hands through your hair, pulling at it, and you heaved a sigh. “Goddammit, Hawks. I wish I could—fuck. I’m missing something huge. I know I am.” Make him nervous. Make him lie awake at night. “I’m sorry, Hawks. It’s probably something really important, and I—”
“Shh, shh, shh, shh, it’s all right,” said Hawks, and he stood to lean over you, his hands rising to cup your face, and holy shit, his hands cover so much of your skin; is that legal? He’s got hands. “Don’t worry, baby. You’ve had a big day. Turn your brain off. I’ll take care of you.”
Red flag! Big, red flag! Creep! He’s a creep!
Your gaze fell to his jacket pockets. Does he carry date rape drugs on his person?
“Hawks, I don’t wanna inconvenience you any more than I have.”
“I’m your fiancé,” said Hawks, actually looking you straight in the eyes and not breaking, “I want to take care of you.”
“Sure, in the way the mob takes care of people.”
Hawks’s mouth opened slightly, and his eyes narrowed.
Cover it up. “I’m not sorry. I don’t trust your cooking. You’ll poison my spaghetti!” You made a dumb gesture, pinching your fingers together. “Have you seen The Godfather? There’s actually a pretty legit spaghetti recipe in it; it’s not too bad, but it’s kind of watery—”
Hawks brought your hand to his mouth to kiss your knuckles and let his lips linger. “Watch it with me?”
You shook your head. “I’m too tired. I’m going to bed.”
“I’ll join you.”
“No,” you said, “My bed’s not made with your wings in mind.” Fuck off to your own little sex next, Hawks. Get out of here. “If they got hurt, it’d be my fault. Go sleep in your own bed, all right?” Go home. Get mugged on the way.
Hawks sighed, blowing his hair out of his eyes. “If you insist. But you’ve gotta reach out to me for anything you have trouble with, yeah? Memories, opening jars, orgasms, you know.”
“I’m leaving,” you said, reaching for your crutches, “Ten minutes ago.”
***
“You didn’t tell me how you proposed.”
Hawks froze mid-bite of his ramen, but after a quick beat, he slurped the rest of the noodle up. “I was hoping you’d recall that on your own, baby. Get your own feelings about it, instead of me telling you how to feel.”
If you weren’t faking amnesia, you’d fucking break his nose for that. Bastard.
“I imagine once you tell me, the feelings will rush in,” you said, clicking your chopsticks twice for emphasis, “I want to remember everything, and if I don’t, well, I want to fall in love with you again.”
Hawks’s gaze glazed over for an infinitesimal moment. Score.
“It’ll sound goofy once I describe it.” With his wings cramped against the back of the booth, Hawks scratched the back of his neck—a classic move for pretending to be embarrassed. “I’m not exactly known for being romantic.”
Yeah, he’s known for fooling around with anyone who’s glittery, like a goddamn crow. If you’re paying attention.
“Aw, but Hawks, you’ve been nothing but so effortlessly romantic to me since I’ve been convalescing,” you said, rolling up the paper wrapper of your straw and soaking it in the ring your cup left on the table.
“Right, well. I flew us out to the countryside, to this overlook halfway up a mountain. You liked going rappelling there a lot. To practise for missions.” Hawks had some of your habits down, at least. Bet he gets the location wrong, though. “We watched the sunrise. We shared a thermos of tea. I asked you once the sun had risen, but you didn’t say yes right away,” said Hawks, “You jumped off the overlook without your gear, and I caught you. You were furious about it—you didn’t want me to see you overwhelmed. But you said yes.”
Ugh. That sounded about right. That sounded pretty realistic. Hawks was a fucking stalker.
“Fuck,” you said, burying your face in your hands, “That’s cute.” You stretched the skin of your cheeks before releasing, and you returned to your ramen. “Question: did we put the ring into storage, or something? I don’t have the little indent on my ring finger from wearing a ring too long, and I haven’t found anything at home.” Make him sweat. Make him stumble. Where’s the ring, Hawks?
With a flash of his eyebrows, Hawks maneuvered his straw to his mouth using only his lips, looking quite stupid, in your opinion. “Figured you’d ask that at some point. I’m so overjoyed to see you every time that I forget to bring it up. The ring’s been sent off to a high-level, government-backed, support company. I’ve pulled in a favour from the higher-ups. I wanted to turn your ring into something a little more personal and incorporate one of my feathers into it,” said Hawks, taking a moment to slurp his drink noisily, “Depending on how well it goes, I’d be able to help you if we’re separated and know where you are. At the very least—” Hawks ducked his head to give the illusion of staring up at you with wide eyes, his blond eyelashes light against his skin. “—I’d be able to feel your heartbeat. It would bring me great comfort.”
Great, so he’d have a GPS on you at all times, knowing whether or not you went somewhere he didn’t want you to. He’d be able to tell if you went somewhere your non-amnesia self would know about. Great. Phenomenal.
“Hawks, that’s very sweet,” you said, fiddling with the remnants of your straw wrapper, now fizzled out of its snake shape, “Wouldn’t the process hurt you, though? Since you can feel it.”
“Nothing more than a twinge, sweetheart,” said Hawks, holding up his hands, “And I’d bear any amount of pain for your sake.”
You fantasised about beating his head in with the back end of a rifle.
***
When you were told Hawks was waiting for you outside of the recording booth, you told the messenger that Hawks could wait until you were finished with five more takes. You could picture Hawks’s little pout at the news, his feathers bristling despite the closed space, and resigning himself to sit in one of those clangy, metal chairs out front, having to hunch forward so that he didn’t crush his wings.
The idol group adored the ingenuity of bone-crunching as percussion in a song, and along with that and some other combat foley, you were singing the bridge with the rapper of the group (the dance captain would sing your part for live shows). It’d be a good promo for the girl group and for you, and the song, “Spine,” was going to be released as a single as soon as it was polished.
Hawks perked up the moment you stepped through the secondary door to the booth, his eyes brightening and wings spreading to take up more space. “I didn’t think I’d catch you,” said Hawks, standing to take your hands (the cold leather gloves sucked the heat out of your hands), “I’ve got to fly, soon, but I wanted to tell you personally.”
“You’re not pregnant,” you said, fighting the urge to break his goggles/visor/hat thing.
His lopsided grin widened. “Not yet, baby. There’s gonna be a heroes’ gala held at the end of the month, and I wanted to let you know that I’m doing everything in my power to make it a positive experience for you. Here, I’ve got this woman’s phone number,” he said, fishing a slip of paper out of his jacket, “She’ll help accommodate the venue for your leg.”
Stupid fucking bastard man. He probably wanted to pick out your clothes himself, infantilise you and dress you up like a goddamn doll. Deny you your personhood. “I’ll be out of the cast by then.” You slid the paper into your back pocket.
“I know,” Hawks said in a way that was a fucking lie, “I just don’t want there to be any accidents. I can’t have my babygirl any more hurt than she is.” Hawks placed his cold, gloved hand against your cheek, and you, shutting your eyes, made yourself lean into it. “But contact her. She’ll make it the safest place it can be for you, even when I have to leave your side.”
God, galas were great. Big events for villains to ruin. You licked your lips thinking about using a new move you’ve learnt to take a villain down (involving clamping your legs around the villain’s neck to choke him as he crumpled to the floor—your combat coach had banned you from the move after you made her pass out). “Are we announcing our engagement, then? If we’re going together?”
“I’d love to,” said Hawks, “but only if you want to. The ring could be ready by then, if I ask them to rush it—”
“Let’s do it.” If you plunged the ring into icy water, would he start to shiver? Ooh, your ring’s going to act as a fucking bay leaf in your soups for a while.
“Oh,” said Hawks, sighing lightly with his eyes fluttering shut. He pressed his forehead to yours and rubbed his thumb over your cheek. “You have no idea how much that means to me, sweetheart. You are so dear to me, and I want everyone to know it. The best damn thing in my life. Thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you said, placing your hand on his face to push him away, “Don’t you have work to do, screw boy?”
***
“Did we have a date?” you asked from the edge of the bathtub.
Hawks dipped the razor in the water, washing off the hair and shaving cream. “We’ve gone on so many, darling; you’ll have to specify.”
“No, I meant for the wedding.” Let’s once again play: Can Hawks Cover His Own Ass?
Hawks dragged the razor down your freshly exfoliated, freshly-un-casted, freshly not-broken leg, starting at your knee. “Nope!”
“No explanation?”
“You wanna get married tomorrow? A six-month engagement is rather short, don’t you think?” His nose twitched. He’d said the scent of your shaving cream irritated his nose. Good.
“I don’t. Why didn’t we have a date for the wedding?” You eyed the actual and literal pile of your dead skin on the towel. Maybe you should make Hawks snort it.
“We were too busy working; you’d said you didn’t mind having a long engagement, so long as I was yours. Then, uh, you know. The accident,” Hawks said with a shrug—with his shoulders this time, because if he moved his wings while he was crouched in your bathtub, he’d soak them, and they were a bitch to dry, apparently. Suffer, you rat bastard.
“The commission isn’t involved in that decision?”
“I thought that was implied,” said Hawks, gripping your ankle to turn your calf to the side, “They don’t want it to be a huge spectacle, so even I don’t know how much of a wedding wedding they’d let us have.”
He’s too damn good at this. If he weren’t a pro-hero, he’d fit right along in a theatre troupe.
You’re going to wring his neck.
You caught him staring at the crotch of your underwear (bone-dry, you might add) while he shaved your thighs, and he spent more time rubbing lotion into your inner thighs than anywhere else. He tossed your dead skin before you could make him eat it, and he scooped you up against your protestations about your weight and capability, humming while he carried you to your bed.
The fucker tucked you in and rounded up your cat to place in your arms (your cat disagreed with him and promptly leapt off the bed).
“Let me stay with you,” said Hawks, kissing each of your fingertips. It’s an order.
Yet you shook your head.
***
“The doctors said you shouldn’t drink,” Hawks said under his breath, taking the champagne flute gently from your grasp.
“But I want to,” you said, sticking out your lower lip, “I’m wearing goddamn heels and a fucking dress. I’ve got on makeup, for Christ’s sake. I’ve done my time; let me drink.”
“Baby, you’ve got to stay safe,” he said, and he set the glass next to some 40s-level hero’s place at the long, white tablecloth. “There’s already press paying more attention to us than usual. You wanna make a fool of yourself?”
“Yes,” you said, lifting another champagne flute from a passing gala waiter, “Who gives a shit about the press.”
Hawks laughed too loudly to be natural before lowering his voice. “Baby, you are gonna be the death of me.”
“Promise?”
***
When “Spine” was released on a cool, spring morning to an excitable audience, you were lurking in alleyways by the docks, searching for a fight. When the music video dropped, you were smashing some guy’s face into a concrete wall. While more and more citizens recognised you and your talent, your work for the community, your connections, your popularity—with your rank steadily rising—you were rappelling down a port sewer to pummel a slime villain into dust.
You wiped his blood off on your pants, hands devoid of anything that could taint. You’d left the ring at home.
***
“You tricked me,” you said, scowling as Hawks pushed you forward, “This isn’t the rock climbing park.”
Once you deliberately smashed your face into the glass door and crossed your arms, Hawks held the door open for you. “Would you have dressed up so nicely for rock climbing?”
“A meta-game challenge,” you said, “to rock-climb in a long skirt.”
You glowered about the restaurant while you and Hawks stood in the lobby, his hand low on your back, suspiciously respectfully. You made no effort to hide your distaste: it was the place with the purple lights.
Over there at the absurdly long bar, Endeavor had drunk flat whisky without so much of a growl at anyone, despite it being his event. Hexagonal tables with lilac tablecloths dotted the floor—you’d hidden in one of the few booths, up against the exposed brick wall—but your hiding place had been ruined once a violet disco ball had emerged from the ceiling. Shiny, wooden floor that had reflected your post-panic attack face right back at you and let every shoe strike it with a clatter. No silence allowed.
The whole restaurant had lavender LED lights running around the walls, swathing the place in a distorted sort of purple haze, and any candles lit on the centre tables had indigo flames—you’d focused on how those might have been made in the process of coming down from your panic attack.
God. You’re going to throw up.
The hostess escorted you and Hawks to a farther back room, this one with booths separated by small, brick walls that didn’t reach the ceiling yet concealed the booths’ occupants from each other—unless you were passing directly in front of one.
Hawks made you sit in the booth first, trapping you in as he settled. He had to be on the edge, anyway, he told you, because of his wings. You’re going to rip them off and boil them in the soup.
The two of you ordered. You don’t remember what. You can only channel so much of your nerves into jostling your leg. This is not cool. This place is not cool. You need to get out.
“Hey, let me through,” you said, nudging Hawks, “Bathroom.”
Once there, you lightly slapped your cheeks a couple of times, trying to ground yourself through physical sensation. No use. Can’t they fucking use normal lights in this place?
You didn’t have your panic meds, because you’ve never needed them rock climbing. You can do it. You’re fine. You’re fine. Your tongue is too big for your mouth.
You took your time meandering back to the booth, coming to a halt at the end of the narrow hallway and ducking behind the corner.
Endeavor stood by your booth, his arms crossed over a flaming chest. You caught your breath at the sight of his orange fire, a comforting contrast to all the damn purple, but still—Endeavor. Talking to your (gag) fiancé.
Without the courage to interact with Endeavor, you listened at the corner for his departure.
“Nah, she can handle her bladder just fine. It’s her nerves,” Hawks was saying, hidden by the bricks, “She likes hiding. She doesn’t necessarily like being in the spotlight.”
“Yet she hasn’t completely withdrawn as Eraserhead has. You’ve picked a strange one to marry.”
From the angle Endeavor glared at him, Hawks must be slumping in his seat. “But that’s what so great about her. And it’s hard to process, y’know, like, she’s finally mine. You follow?”
“Regrettably,” said Endeavor, “Regardless, I offer my congratulations that your courtship finally worked out in your favour. You should have told me sooner.”
Courtship. That’s a funny way to pronounce bullying.
“Eh, I’ve gotta have some secrets, don’t I? Can’t betray my otherwise cool exterior.” Hawks laughed. “I can’t believe I’ve been allowed such happiness. The woman I’ve loved for years is gonna be waking up to me every day soon, y’know?”
Hawks has got to know you can hear him, otherwise he wouldn’t be saying those things. Endeavor must be in on Hawks’s ruse, since Endeavor is Hawks’s closest—actually, Endeavor isn’t the type to revel in romantic shit. Endeavor straight-up isn’t the type to revel. To the best of your knowledge, Endeavor doesn’t genuinely like Hawks as so much as tolerates him; when did they get so close? It must have taken a long time—
Time.
You could feel your IQ dropping as you actually considered: had you been in a legitimate coma? Had you (fuck) genuinely had amnesia?
No, no. You don’t live in Crazytown. Your eyebrows hadn’t been overgrown when you’d woken up in the hospital. You’d only been there a day.
Of course, Hawks is a vain piece of shit and does his own eyebrows, so he might have considered that yours were a piece of pride/insecurity for you and may have done them while you were—did Hawks do his own eyebrows? That spoiled fuck probably had someone else to do them for him. If they were naturally like that, you were going to throttle his ass.
You didn’t fucking have amnesia. Hawks is and always has been a stupid, clammy birdbrain. He’s always been cruel to you. He didn’t fucking like you.
He sure as hell wasn’t in fucking love with you.
Oh, my fuck, what if your memories of Hawks have been fabricated by a coma-addled mind and that—
“Hey, there,” said—said someone, some pale-ass, sleep-deprived freak who startled you out of your head, “Are you all right? You look—I mean, do you need some water? A chair?”
You blinked, yet he wouldn’t come into focus—you were taking in details about him, ones that didn’t fucking matter (chain on his wallet, three rings all on the left hand, a button-down missing the last button, a cloud of axe body spray), but he didn’t register as a human person. He couldn’t; you hadn’t grounded yourself yet. You yourself still had a frazzled, cartoon scribble buzzing inside of your chest, and until you vomited it up, a panic attack may yet still happen.
You can’t deal with anyone new right now.
A spark of recognition crossed the new guy’s face, and he, through a smirk, asked if you were your hero name.
Oh god oh fuck not now
“Sweetheart,” came Hawks’s melodious drawl (registering first his voice, then bodily warmth, then the wingtip covering your ass), “You were taking so long that I came to check on you.” He pulled you by the waist towards him, blocking the guy from seeing your face by pressing it into his chest. “Who’s this?”
Who cares. All you could focus on (sharp and overwhelming, nothing else but) was how fucking incredible Hawks smelled, and at this point, you’d use anything to bring yourself back down to earth. A small voice in the back of your head told you that freaking out to this degree in this particular situation was leaning towards pathetic, since basically nothing happened, besides being in an uncomfortable environment and being accosted by a fan at the wrong time, but you? You did not control the rate at which your brain panicked.
And really, no rhyme or reason played into why your grabby little hands itched for human contact once safe in the booth again, why Hawks’s scent lay on your tongue more heavily than your soup, why the overwhelming sensation of being so fucking spaced out of it threw its entire weight upon your shoulders—you couldn’t find yourself. You were lost.
And in this horrible, purple place, the only thing that’s familiar was Hawks.
When you scooted as closely as you could to him in the booth, keeping your glare towards your lap while you looped your arm under his to snuggle into it, Hawks cleared his throat to say, “What’s this?”
You scowled into his jacket, both hands gripping his forearm.
He set his chopsticks down. “How can I help, darling?”
Growling, you bonked your forehead against his shoulder, dragging your hands down to his.
“Hey,” said Hawks, and he guided your face towards his and stroked your cheek with his thumb, “Did that guy bother you too much before I got there?”
Turning your mouth towards the hand cupping your cheek, you kissed his palm, bit the leather, and kissed it again before burying yourself in his shoulder again.
He rested his hand on the crown of your head. “What’s the matter? Can you tell me?”
“Not sure I can put it into words,” you said, “I think I wanna go home.” You bit the fabric of his jacket and gnashed it between your teeth.
“I can handle that,” said Hawks, “Gimme a moment to get takeaway boxes, yeah? Then we’ll leave, and you’ll be safe. Don’t worry.”
Unfortunately, you were still clutching onto his arm by the time he unlocked his darkened penthouse (because you’re not gonna hold his hand. God), but you slapped his hand away from the light switches.
“Turning them on would be too much stimulation,” you said, “Please don’t.”
Hawks hummed against the top of your head, placing keys and both of your phones on the kitchen counter. “Bed or couch?”
“Window,” you said.
“Window?”
“I’m assuming you’ve got one.”
“I do,” said Hawks, guiding you through his dark apartment, probably past scarily expensive, posh shit. He led you to what was most likely his living room, with the cool, dim light of the night sky through a vast, single-frame, wall-to-floor window illuminating furniture custom built for his wings, but he eased you down onto the carpet, tugging your shirt upwards so that the window would be touching your bare skin on the small of your back.
Hawks yanked his boots off, late, instead of at the door, and he tossed them over his shoulder. He took yours off, too, and once he’d set them aside, he sat next to you against the window, a hand on your thigh.
“Better?”
“Probably,” you said, staring at the triangle of light beige carpet between your crossed legs.
“Need me to talk? You need to talk?”
“Not right now.”
Hawks was a dumbass. He’s such a fucking dumbass. But he’s a dumbass who’s here right now, and he’s interested (?) in you, interested in helping you. And good golly, you have to be touched. Hawks’s offering warmth, freely, potentially lovingly, and all you had to do was reach out to take it, even if you didn’t reciprocate whatever sentiment was motivating him yourself.
Do you really want to take what you have no feelings for?
Hawks lies a lot to Endeavor. To everyone. He might not have been lying earlier. What reason had he to lie?
Guess it didn’t matter, because you were lying.
But good God, you haven’t been kissed in a long time. Haven’t felt safe or loved. You could…you could indulge for a few hours in order to calm down. You could pretend.
The last ten months had proved that.
“Hey,” you said idly, reaching out to grab the inner fleece lining of his jacket to rub it between your fingers, “Hawks, I’m gonna—I’m gonna put my mouth on your mouth. Okay?”
Hawks’s wings ruffled and constricted themselves so that he could move closer to you, and his hand has migrated from your thigh to grip your hip—how could anyone’s hands encompass that much of you? Your fucking hands couldn’t, not in the way his does.
(Bird man big and safe.)
([No, fuck you, don’t think that.])
(BIRD MAN SAFE—)
Shoved is how you’d describe the first few seconds of the kiss, followed closely by wet and you’d think his teeth would be sharper. Your lips didn’t line up with his completely until he adjusted your chin with two of his fingers, guiding it open just barely, as well, so that his tongue could graze your teeth—it took you a moment of processing before parting them, with a final don’t think! shouted to your neocortex.
Birds have a higher body temperature than other animals, on average having a body temperature of 105 degrees Fahrenheit (40 degrees Celsius). The colour of their feathers, of course, affects how much light and heat they absorb, with the lighter coloured feathers—say, red—reflecting more, rejecting outside heat sources.
Yet Hawks gripped you like he’d fucking freeze if he weren’t clutching you, if he weren’t straddling your legs, one palm flat against the cool of the window by your head. The other snaked around you, his forearm lying almost vertically up your back to press down between your shoulder blades, keeping you as near to his chest (he probably didn’t realise it, but his fingers ran across the curve of your shoulder blades where his wings were on his own body.
For some reason, the thought crossed your mind that you weren’t enough for him, because you were too dissimilar.)
Don’t think!
When he massaged your tongue with his, applying pressure sporadically, you returned the action—have you ever seen a bird tongue up close? They’re fucking nasty little things, looking more like a grub than anything else. Thank God Hawks had a normal, human tongue that performed particularly delightful, normal things, like drag across the roof of your mouth and aid in sucking phenomenal hickeys onto your jawline, licking over where he’s bitten and kissed.
Stop thinking about bird anatomy. Hawks has no discernible bird traits except for his fucking wings. He’s not a fucking bird man. He’s just some dude with wings. And not all birds have functional wings; for example, the ostrich and the penguin do not have wings to be used in flight—
Oh, my fuck. Turn your brain off.
Your stomach lurched. That had been something Hawks had told you too often, back before your accident.
It’s what he wants.
Hawks fucking whimpered when you pulled the shorter hairs at the back of his neck, prying him away from your skin with great difficulty—he kept trying to touch you with his mouth and tongue in the process.
“Let me have more,” he said, panting, his breath heavy and just below your ear, “Please.” He pressed his lips to the spot in front of your ear in a weak kiss, having spent himself for the most part. “I’ve missed you so much, baby. I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me for so long.”
“I don’t—” You fake-stuttered, but it turned out you needed the time to put your thoughts into words. “I don’t think I’m back yet. I’m,” you said, taking as deep a breath as you could with Hawks smushed against your chest, “Something’s missing. Something big.” That’s right. Steer it back in his direction. Make the bird man sweat. “I don’t—something doesn’t feel right.”
It took a moment, but Hawks nodded fervently, shutting his eyes. “Of course. Yeah. Yeah, I get it, sweetheart. Can’t do anything when your heart’s not in it.”
Your heart’s not the problem. “Thank you for being so understanding, Hawks,” you said, untangling yourself from underneath him, “Would you just, uh, hold me for a while?”
His wings wrapped around the both of you on his enormous bed, still fluttering with each slow breath he took. Hawks almost looked genuine while he slept, and probably for the best—at least he was getting rest; at least his guard might be down.
You couldn’t sleep. Your mind was racing.
***
“Rank speculation is out,” you said, scrubbing the pumice stone over a patch of dry skin on Hawks’s back and scrolling through the twitter with your other hand, “Take a look.”
He opened the link you sent once he’d safely removed a dead feather that had been lodged in an odd spot in a wing. “Huh. Think I could truly take on Endeavor?”
“Well, he’s got that abusive-to-his-family thing, while you’re rocking the preparing-for-my-wedding look, and he can’t network non-aggressively to save his life.”
“Nor can you.” Hawks shot you a smirk over his shoulder.
“Zoom in on my speculated nine, baby,” you said, flicking away some dead skin with a satisfied/disgusted sneer, “And I didn’t have to sleep my way there.”
“Ah, ha, ha,” said Hawks, “Knew you could do it. Whoever’s told you that is gonna have to deal with my foot up their ass. You’re more than capable of getting there on your own.”
“Which I did. I have.” Wait. Hawks told you that. No, it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s a commonly said, misogynistic comment towards women heroes. Hawks isn’t special. “But having your foot up someone’s ass wouldn’t be good for PR, unless you wanted to advertise that you’re a kinky son of a bitch who’s cheating on his fiancée.”
“I would never,” said Hawks, and, contorting his arm, he grabbed your hand with the pumice stone to kiss the back of it, “But my PR is solid, regardless.”
“If the public knew how much time you had to spend preening these fucking wings, they’d probably appreciate you more. Or call you conceited.”
Hawks hummed. “It’s a necessary evil,” he said, returning to his wingtip to search for dead feathers. “Thank you for helping.”
“No problem. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t get to see how—Hawks, holy fuck. Do you feel that?” You ran a finger near the base of a wing.
“It’s your finger?”
“No, this,” you said, tapping the spot.
“No?”
“My God. It’s a dilated pore of a winer,” you said, already reaching for the tweezers, “Right at the base of your wing. It’s basically an enormous fucking blackhead. I’m popping it. Oh, my God. I’ve never seen one in real life.”
“You’re popping it?”
“You didn’t have a problem with my getting the ones where your costume sits.”
“No,” said Hawks, rolling back his shoulders, his wings spreading with them, “Gotcha. Get on with it.”
“Can I film it?”
“What? No,” said Hawks, “No one can see me preening, let alone dealing with acne.”
“There’s sure to be another hero out there with a wing quirk, right? I don’t know how you can’t feel it.”
“Yeah,” Hawks said slowly, “Since my feathers can feel—I suppose where the wings merge with my skin is pretty numb. I haven’t ever had to think about it.” He licked his lips. “Funny.”
He continued to scroll through his feed and tend to his feathers while you worked at his back. “Bad news: the tabloids got a hold of our grocery list from the last time we went to the shops. I must have dropped it at some point in the store.”
“Oh, so do they know what kind of ice cream we prefer? The horror.”
“No, but they’ve brought in some hack handwriting analyst. Talking about our annotations for each other on the list. Something about how you’re logical and I’m a romantic. The writer of the article is practically swooning.” Hawks pulled out a clot of feathers with his teeth and spat them aside. “With good reason, though. The trashy pictures they snapped of us are hot.”
“Describe them to me.”
“I can show you—”
“No,” you said, concentrating on your work, “I don’t want the image imprinted on my brain. Describe them in your own words.”
“All right,” said Hawks, crossing his legs and placing his phone on the coffee table in front of him, “To start, the flash is on.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Yeah. We’ve got that distantly surprised look going on. It looks like we’re near the eggs and cheese. You’re not looking at the camera, but I believe it’s in the moment I caught it.” Hawks flicked away a feather and let it fall to the carpet. “My hand’s on your waist. The other’s on the cart. You’ve scrunched your face up in concentration; it’s really cute.”
“Aw, we should get it framed,” you said, wiping away the gunk with a tissue and wadding it up so that no one will ever have to see or touch it ever again.
“Never,” said Hawks, “The first picture of us I wanna get framed should be on our wedding day.”
“It’s coming along quickly,” you said, setting aside the tweezers, “Bit more quickly than I’d thought it would.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait,” said Hawks with a light laugh, and you ducked to rest your head against his shoulder, straining your neck to reach him over his wing.
Hawks clicked his non-nasty, non-bird tongue. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
Sighing, you said, “Turn your head this way.”
He did you one better, since he anticipated your plan. He twisted around, keeping his legs crossed as he pulled you into his lap. His wings initially bristled but wrapped around you when his arms did, and Hawks kissed your cheek, once, twice, until he arrived at your mouth, where he barely grazed your lips, rather letting his hot breath spread over your face—and he grinned up at you with half-lidded eyes (he’d left off his eyeliner today, but the natural marks below his waterline kept his eyes sharp, anyway).
“Kiss me, you fucking idiot,” you said, overriding whatever he was about to do by kissing him yourself, hard and open-mouthed, almost violent in its fervent. Yet Hawks held you lightly, delicately, but still close enough to freeze.
You ran your cold, cold hands over his bare abdomen, pressing your thumb down with considerable force to trace his muscles (he grunted at that, and that’s it; that’s right—make him squirm; make him sweat; make him yours). His finger only toyed with the hem of his shirt that you were wearing, as if waiting for you, which didn’t line up with what you had garnered about Hawks at all, but c’mon, man, come on; didn’t you want this all those months ago? Almost a year, now? Years, if what he said to Endeavor is true? But when he flinched away with a shaky breath once your cold fingers circled his nipple, you knew this was where you were supposed to be: right here, in Hawks’s lap, completely destroying him with hardly anything at all. Nothing but light touches and a strategic flick of your tongue. Idiot man. He must really like you if this is doing it for him.
You slowed and opened your eyes at that thought, frowning, and you pulled away. With the back of his hand, Hawks wiped saliva off of both of your mouths, yours first.
He waited for you.
“If you can’t take all of me, then what’s the point?”
He tilted his head. “I’ll take whatever part of you you’re willing to share.”
“I’m missing something.”
“I know.”
“I want to find it before we get married.” You laid your palm flat on his chest, and he grinned at the cold.
“You can find it,” he said, “I know you can.”
“I don’t know what I’m blocking out,” you said, lying—or maybe you weren’t? Fuck it. “Whatever I’m repressing is really fucking with me.”
“Take your time,” said Hawks, running his tongue over his lower lip. “I’m here for—”
“Hawks,” you said, faking the light of realisation in your eyes, accompanied with a sharp inhale, “I can’t remember your name.”
Hawks’s mouth snapped shut.
“You told me once. I know you did,” you said, moving to cup his cheek after tapping the mark underneath his eye, “but the memory—there’s a blur where you spoke. I—” You cut yourself off, biting your lip. “That, that might be it. I don’t know. Everything else about the scene is in perfect detail. I remember what fucking socks I was wearing, for Christ’s sake. But you. What you said. Maybe it’s something so personal, so intimate, that I’ve repressed it. Maybe it was too much for me to handle.” You cupped his face with both hands now, forcing him to look at you. If you hadn’t been scrutinising him for some evidence of breaking character, you wouldn’t’ve seen the minute quivering of his upper lip. Hardly there, but it was there. “It’s a part of you that I want. Even if I couldn’t handle it before, I want to try now.”
Hawks averted his gaze, even though he couldn’t move his head. And bang, you’ve got him. Hawks’s name was still strictly secret, hidden by the commission, but if he’s genuinely in this dumbass situation for the long haul, if he’s truly in it for you, then he would have told you. Even if he wanted you to continue to call him Hawks, your own fiancé would have told you his damn name.
So, this is it. The way out.
Hawks was going to feel so stupid when he found out you’ve been faking all this time. Good. Let each feather burn.
“Keigo,” he said, staring into your eyes with a newfound determination, “My name is Takami Keigo.”
Oh, shit—you clapped a hand over your heart, your eyes widening. Maybe you could play this off as memory recovery instead of absolute shock? But you hadn’t any memories to recover, probably. Holy fuck.
Where do you go from here?
You tried to say his name but ended up simply mouthing it, and after clearing your throat and coughing a bit, you managed to say it aloud. “Keigo,” you said softly, reaching for his hand, “Keigo, I fucking love you.”
You’d only been kissing him for a few moments before his wings shuddered in a muscle spasm and flung you off to the side.
***
Only a commission higher-up witnessed your wedding. She stood silently to the side the entire ceremony in the courthouse and only shook Hawks’s hand afterwards.
You and your cat essentially moved into his penthouse and adjusted. Your mostly empty apartment stayed leased under your name.
Sometimes, you’d note that you turned your brain off and instantly be hit with a lightning strike of self-loathing—but you didn’t have to consciously decide to be affectionate with Hawks. Being with him came naturally and easily. Probably for the best, since if you had to think about it, you’d screw it up.
You stayed together. Supported each other. Sneaked out to see the other on patrol. Took care, listened to each other. Defended each other. Worked it out.
And now, you stared up at the ceiling fan whirling in your darkened bedroom, Keigo lying on his stomach next to you in the bed as he slept. Your cat catloafed between his wings and nestled into them, rising and falling with each breath he took. Hawks was perfect, always saving the day, working up a routine to mesh with your fighting style and quirk, always charming and easygoing with the people he rescued, indulging you in your ferocity, and Keigo, Keigo whispered sweet and dirty things into your ear when he spotted you in public, made you laugh, worked wonders with his cock, helped you clean up before he even thought of preening himself, held you, and made you feel held. He’s got it bad.
And maybe you do, too.
Hawks was going to feel so stupid when he found out.
#bnha#mha#hawks#keigo takami#takami keigo#hawks x reader#hawks/reader#hawks imagine#hawks fic#hawks headcanons#hawks fanfic#hawks fanfiction#takami keigo x reader#takami keigo/reader#takami keigo imagine#takami keigo fic#takami keigo headcanons#takami keigo fanfiction#takami keigo fanfic
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today has literally been international kat day:
- security guards pulling me aside when i walked into work and solemnly wished me a happy womens day and then one of them ??? bowed ??????? IT WAS SO FUNNY I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO REACT i thought i was in trouble when they called me over at first lmfao i was so stressed
- luke came by asking if i wanted coffee and i was like duh bc we usually stopped by the exec suite and used the nespresso machine there but instead he gave me a $10 starbucks gift card :0! we walked over to a local bookstore during our break and i made him carry everything for me on the way back hehe >:3
- nick treated me to lunch (fried pierogis and half a calzone each… soooo yurmy)
- I WAS ON TV!!! TWICE!!! IN ONE NIGHT??? AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH IM STILL NOT OVER THIS
- sam :’) recorded my tv appearance so my parents can watch bc i was working at the time :’)
- also re: tv — ron and mike both shouted me out on twitter which always blows my mind that mike knows me by name like he’s literally the [redacted of redacted] and he KNOWS ME
- hawks scored 5 goals in the first period for me :) if they still manage to lose i might kms but :)) jtoews shortie AND kaner 5 point night that’s my MAN
- KC and J called and said they’re coming to visit me sooooon <3 sooo excited *the national voice* iiiii need my girl
- my los campesinos! merch finally came <3 and they’re sexy as FUCK
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Reading Bnha 302
Ok, let’s try to dig and find gold.
So here I was, wondering for a whole week who’s gonna be the one to kick little Toyua’s ass. Rei??? Enji? Miraculously summoning his quirk Shouto? I’m putting off my clown wig bc no such scene. Is it a burned sleeve, Enji? Is it the answer I’m seeking? 👀
Um, kids are banned from the privilege to laugh at little Shou-Shou snot bubbles. Sorry, Natsu, Fuyumi, blame your big bro over there.
What caught my eye immediately was that the chapter has a very dark vibe. Enji’s face are hidden in the shadows almost everywhere. Man, it gives you chills, just look at this. Yikes.
Sorry, but let’s stare at this some more
Couldn’t resist. Sleeping with no care in the world, imitating Kageyama Tobio cute scowl. What? Someone tried to kill me? Nah.
Is this ice? Todo had his quirk this early? *Proud mama sobbing*
Anyhow, moving on.
Right in you face! Hero? You? Pfffffft, yeah, k.
Rei is a queen, and her expression here!!!she’s mad and has every right to be mad.
Rei “maybe just pay attention to your son? Pls? Bc ya know, he just attacked our other son and if you run away now, it’ll end bad”. Enji “woman, I have more important stuff to do, I’m a hero. do it yourself”. Again his face is lurking in the dark. Scary.
And we are at the beginning of the circle again. Same scene but now we have two perspectives. Touya’s eyes are so sad... “I want to be on his place, if only I could...” after all this years he still hasn’t given up here. Playing with his siblings is never gonna be enough. If only they could switch places. Again- shadoooooows.
Poor Natsu, he just wants his sleep back. Ugh, go bother Fuyumi, damn it.
The last person Toyua believed would stay by his side, would understand him, would be there for him currently doesn’t give a fuck, bc sleep is important, duh. He’s utterly alone. Can we start crying already? Yeah? Ok.
it’s time for Mom to try too. “Touya, go play with your friends?please?” “No!”
Well he didn’t listen to his father, and he had a great amount of respect for the man. So kinda an obvious outcome. The thing that got me is that from the early age Touya knows the whole shit ton of dirt. A kid. Thinks that he’s just a flawed experiment, and his mom went along with that. Producing kids. For money. I’d go crazy too.
Ok, this is the reason Rei blames herself too. But what she could have done at this point?
Ok. Fuck. After all these years. After being clearly thrown aside. After watching Enji spending all his time with Shouto. HE IS STILL TRYING TO IMPRESS HIM!!! Smiling at him. “Dad pls, just look at me. I’m here too!”
Tears are covering the whole floor now. Damn it, Hori.
But apparently you burning yourself in hopes of getting a spare glance is not enough. Think of the better strategy next time, bro
MY BABY HERO!!!
Like he’s not even scared? Just determined to stop Enji from bullying his mommy. Did I say “my baby hero”already?
Also we see Endeavor again hidden in the darkness. He looks like a scary fairytale monster, waiting to drag you in hell. He’s too far gone, the light can’t reach him anymore.
Fuyumi and Natsu, hugging and crying? They too knew what was happening, navigating in this neglect and screams...how did they manage to grow up and be normal functioning human being again?
And the saddest frame award goes to...
It’s just devastating. Touya sitting alone, crying bc his dad doesn’t care. No matter how hard he tries, no matter now much pain he’s endures, nothing works, and he’s alone. Always alone.
Oh wtf Enji. Stop, or I’m gonna have nightmares!
My favorite frame. Every member of Todoroki family, reflecting, acknowledging where they could face it defferently, how could they save him...
And now they’re finally ready to face it. Together. As a family, standing side by side.
Rei, calling Shouto their family hero? Shouto acting mature, not going solo but sharing his plan, asking advice, considering his family opinions? I’m.. it’s... I’m so proud, I can’t find words to express it, sorry.
MIDORYIA!!!!
One more completed circle. Shouto’s first step to become a hero was saving his mom. And now she’s here, standing tall, telling him “you’re a hero, son” 🥲 and Todo is thankful to Deku for that. For showing him the way out of his resentment and pain. Deku was there in time, while nobody showed up for Touya...
Tododeku stans, how’re you doing? Seeing their precious friendship?
Ok. I need to say it again. Todoroki Shouto is the kindest, most selfless soul alive. Bite me.
He’s here to give Enji a chance to make it right this time. Give him a hand. He was saving ppl from the age of five. I’ll fight every civilian who’ll dare to say shit about him
And after my tears’ve filled my entire room, I see the eavesdropping blonde and I lose it.
Bj, Hawks and Bakugou. Trio blondies eavesdropping brigade. It was part of that internship.
Btw where is Bakugou? It’s time for him to show up and scream some profanities to diffuse the tension.
I was thinking it was Natsu who wanted to treat his baby bro with soba, but here it’s says Touya. Anyhow, anyone will do. Just give that boy his comfort food, he deserves it. I deserve it too after all of this emotional whirlwind of never ending pain.
Now we’ve discovered almost everything, the last question is Touya’s death. I wonder, if it was Ujiko, the doc who spoke with Todo parents about Touya and his quirk, could he pass this info to someone? Or could he help the boy himself to escape?
#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#manga spoilers#todoroki shouto#katsuki bakugou#kacchan#hawks#bnha meta#mha meta#bnha speculation#bnha thoughts#bnha 302#mha 302#keeping up with the todorokis
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Unfortunately, I Think I Love You Too Part 2
A/n: I should mention bcs I seemed to have forgotten to put it. Y/n does go out. Ya know food is necessary for living. But she does not go out with Heros. Like her off duty self blocks off any connection to heros. Except for like three of them, technically now four, which I'll slightly get into today and it's the only spoiler you're getting. Also I just wanted to put again this is dedicated to @traqicalromance the girl who's got all my uwus!! I was debating about posting this first but ya'll know how it goes 😁 Hope you enjoy!
Summary: Hawks is gonna be more into, well your life now. And oof, you are not happy about that.
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A couple days had passed since that fatal day you decided to work with Hawks. You were being followed, no big deal. It was only when you decided to go out as a civilian that you were being followed. No one knew you were a pro-hero after all, Hawks had kept his promise of not telling anyone what you looked like, it was the one thing you felt grateful for at the moment. But this was too much. You literally had to walk where heros patrolled now. But of course it couldn't be just any hero oh no. It had to be him. It just had to be where Hawks and his sidekicks patrolled. And wouldn't you know it he fucking preened at the fact you walked through where he was patrolling. You knew he was.
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He wasn't. It was concerning how you were walking through where he patrolled now. And he knew for a fact you thought he didn't notice the same thing you did. You were being followed. He could see it the moment you ended up walking through his patrol the first time. Knowing your face helped a lot in that sense. You never walked through his areas before, especially not when he patrolled. He always made sure to fly down to where you were when you walked through, it seemed like when he did that the person following you would stop. You wouldn't scowl at him, when he'd do it but he could see the thinly veiled irritation in your eyes. You probably thought he was goading you into doing something. He wasn't trying to do that per say, but damn did you look pretty when you got angry at him. It's why he liked you so much when you'd first met at that charity event. It was pretty cool how you somehow managed to avoid having other heros know what you looked like. The few being a former pro, Sir Nighteye and Nezu. Although your relationship with Nighteye seemed to be a bit off. Not in a bad way necessarily but your interactions with each other were strained. In your hero garb you had no problem talking with All Might or Nezu, but Nighteye was different. Anyone who paid attention could see it. And Hawks paid a lot of attention to you.
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When you got home there was a note on your door.
"Don't think that hero can hide you."
You quickly went inside your home and prepared for your patrol that night. Taking great care to put the note in a safe place with all your other files concerning that. You wished you could remember a time you weren't worried about being ambushed by them. You missed feeling safe. You had to get some help.
You went to the police station that night, dressed in your hero garb. You sent a quick text to Naomasa, had all the files you were able to collect over the years when you kept being found and had them stuffed in a bag. You were really tired of moving as a civilian, you wanted to settle down. You wanted to enjoy your life and go out. This was going to stop. Whether they wanted it to or not.
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He said he'd leave you alone but honestly you were just too interesting to let go of. You had your entire life shrouded in mystery. Even the Hero Committee barely had information on you. Just that you were collected as a child by All Might and Sir Nighteye from some dangerous living arrangement and preferred to live a life as a civilian after you reached that age. But obviously you didn't do that. How you'd managed to convince them of that was shocking. Why he didn't tell them the truth was even more shocking. Now he was watching you, dressed in your hero outfit walking to the police station that that one detective worked at. What was his quirk again? Ah yes, True Man worked here didn't he? He couldn't just walk in without a reason though, Hawks didn't patrol in this area. Certainly not at night either. Spotlight hero and all. Why were you here? Then he got a call from the Hero Committee.
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"I'm not some civilian Naomasa! I can defend myself!" You yelled.
"We weren't saying that you can't handle yourself y/n. But they got bold with this. They found out where you lived in no time." He said, you sighed. This was going to be stressful. Interacting with the Hero Committee was always stressful, having to interact with them because All Might literally can't help you right now and it sucked. "We already contacted them anyways. We had to follow procedure since you still live here and they were connected to the original case." He moved closer to you. "I'm sorry… that it's like this. But we'll catch them this time." You wanted to believe it, you really hoped it was going to be true this time. You made sure you were dressed in your hero garb when you left, you patrolled your area quickly, and then you went back to what was supposed to be your safe haven, if it could ever be that again.
Naomasa called you the next day when he knew for a fact you'd be awake. You had to go to the Hero Committee today, and they'd let one of their heros go to protect you. You tried to not let that affect you. You weren't a regular civilian, but you also weren't a known hero for the committee. Unfortunate really, but you didn't want there to be any connection between your two lifestyles. You'd seen first hand how quickly it would quite literally fuck everything up for you. It was why you mainly fought without your quirk, and endured the insulting jabs. The less the connection there was the better.
When you walked in the Hero Committee building, you wanted to scream. You wanted to leave and run away. That wasn't who you were though. You were strong, you were a hero. You felt terribly small when off duty though. Like you were that small child All Might and Nighteye saved years ago. But you stayed, you followed them to a quiet room and sat down at the table. You waited until they told you what was going to be done.
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Hawks had to meet with the Hero Committee today. Something about them choosing a protection detail for a witness. He'd rather not do this when you were in danger. Rude yeah, especially since this was an actual civilian and not a coworker. But seeing you get that shaken by a case, when he knew for a fact you'd seen and heard much worse so in his opinion it was not a good sign. But then he saw you, sitting at table for their conference looking so lost. "What?" He thought. But your head jerked up in response, eyes wide. Oh, he said it aloud. "Hey sweetheart."
"Please do not tell me they chose you for this." You said, looking back down.
"They haven't chosen anyone as far as I know." He responded, watching how your shoulders seemed to slump in relief. Ouch that hurt. "I didn't know you'd be the civilian." He said quietly, watching how you'd respond. You scowled at him. God you were so pretty when you were angry. It was nice to be able to put a face behind all those exchanges you two had.
"Hawks I swear to fucking god-" you began but you were immediately cut off from continuing with two pro-heros walking in. Along with the head of the board.
"Y/n! Its good to see you again!" He said, smirking at you. Your scowl was momentarily forgotten but Hawks could see the contempt in your eyes.
"S'not very good for me to be seeing you." You said, not even flinching at the scathing looks you were given by the other heros that walked in the room. You were definitely pissed then. Hawks let out a low whistle.
"Why would she be happy seeing us? We're here to discuss a protection detail for a civilian. A civilian who's been through this before." Hawks said calmly. He could bluff his way for more information on you during this. You had a blank look on your face before you turned to look at him, but now that you were you looked the way you felt at that moment.
"Shut the fuck up Hawks." You snarled out.
"We are here to talk about your protection detail. But if you cannot conduct yourself in an appropriate manner you will be escorted from the room while we make our decision." A voice rang out, the two other heros you didn't know were shocked, you were still obviously pissed and it was not going to be acknowledged by the hero committee, like always they would dismiss whatever you would request. It was why they didn't know you were a hero. Then it hit you. Hawks knew you were a hero. Hawks followed orders from the hero committee. Hawks could tell them. Your face paled a bit, startling the others. The head of the committee smirked thinking he intimidated you, the two other heros looked mildly uncomfortable and Hawks had his little revelation that you thought that he told them about what you do. "Since you've acted like a child time and time again, why don't you leave the room and let us handle this." The head said, breaking you out of your trance.
"Call Sir Nighteye." You said, you refused to move from where you were sitting. "I'm not joking. You're going to call Nighteye and fucking talk to him. I'm not going to be treated like a child who just discovered they have a 'scary' quirk."
The committee decided to call Nighteye and when he walked in your shoulders slumped in relief. He quickly pulled you aside and had a heated discussion before he even spoke to the head of the committee, there wasn't a sign of any conflict between you two either. Although only Hawks would know about any indication of that between you two. You walked out and Nighteye finally spoke to the head. Hawks was going to be the one to watch you, and Nighteye made sure there could be no argument against it. He was the number 2 pro-hero, he could handle it and he was the fastest one they had. He was going to be protecting you. All Hawks could think was that he didn't expect to be able to find out what happened to you like this.
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Tag list: @onyxiana-is-obsessed, @neon-tries-writing, @shiggi-trash, @jqnposts, @notmykirk, @crackhead1-800, @sinclairsamess, @takmikig, @ewok-things
#bnha#hawks x reader#reader may be a little traumatized but itll be all good bcs our fav bird is there to help
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hxh....MUSICAL
as soon as i saw that a hunter x hunter musical from the year 2002 starring the OG 99 VAs existed, i knew i has to see this...so i set out and watched the nightmare of zoldyck (i would later find out that theres ANOTHER musical, which i plan to watch too)
luckily its all on youtube subbed! in 360 quality...oh hell yes lmao
ok i logically knew this was gonna be a musical but seeing the characters singing is like. a lot. THIS IS SO STRANGE
musical illumi is played by a woman which is interesting. shes got a good voice
i think they just panned to killua but it was so pixelated that i legitimately could not tell hvbadjkfbjkdsf
i have no idea whats going on vhbajdfhhajsdf theres a bunch of people falling over on stage...i think theyre dying? who are yall
oh shit backup dancers?
lmao illumi killed the backup dancers rip.
oh that IS killua lol. s/o to the 3 pixels that are visible
is this gonna be the zoldyck arc but a musical? lmao
OH WAIT IS THAT KURAPIKA AND LEORIO? i cant even tell lmaoooo
i can 100% tell these are fan subs lmaooo i love bad fan subs SO MUCH it makes a viewing experience even better
this is p much just a musical version of the manga/anime so far lmao i love it
the way theyre spelling zoldyck is. a lot
is every character gonna get an intro song. how much of this musical is singing and how much of it is dialogue cause theres defs a range w/musicals
lmao i love gon leorio and kurapikas interactions even here, they rlly feel like two parents being dragged around by their energetic kid
i cant even see the set at all so im just gonna assume theres like, the gate and all that behind them, but it all just looks like a dark wall to me lmao
i love singing exposition
HISOKAS IN THIS???????????????????? oh my lorddddd
OH i see now in the description that hes played by the 99 VA too lmao i love it
wow musical hisoka rlly b like [writes himself into the zoldyck family arc]
oh here we go w/the song introducing the zoldycks
damn grandpa got mad flips
this is. wild
its especially wild that alluka isnt here bc she like...didnt even exist yet at this point in the story
zoldyck family sitcom wow
i see the gon/killua romance is still going strong in the musical
oh so they did all the training and goin thru the door stuff offscreen lol
this is actually doing a pretty good job expanding on the canon stuff from this arc lol so props. espec w/showing more of killua being scared of illumi
oooh this is interesting actually, this is like....an AU where illumi is present during this arc, and how that would change things. And Also They Sing
the zoldycks are so fucked up lmao
also i feel like theres some ‘early adaptation’ character weirdness going on, like w/the grandpa, who seems much less intense here than in the anime (at least after seeing him in the yorknew arc), and milluki, who seems like a gag character here lmao
oh my god lmao is hisoka here to visit illumi?
the hilarious irony of illumi telling killua that assassins cant have friends, then going to hang out with his good buddy hisoka
kurapika is the only one here with a brain cell (for now)
ah yes hisoka and illumi doing their nasty murder flirting thing
HISOKA IS SO NASTYYYY I HATE HIM tho his actor is very good and smarmy
OH its canary!! is there uh. blackface goin on there. i cant actually tell, what with there being only 3 pixels present at any given time
really love how half of this is just the regular arc but with the characters singing abt stuff during it
the lady playing killuas mom has a rlly good screeching voice jesus lmao
ohh i love musical fighting so much
the sound fx on kurapikas sticks are cracking me up
butlers got mad cartwheels
oh theyre doing the coin thing! this is so out of order lmao
oh my god i love that theyre doing like, sick dance moves while coin flipping
ah the zoldyck messenger hawk makes an appearance. i love that thats canon and real
the 12 yr old gay romance is REAL even here
the subs seems to be translated very literally, especially in the songs, so its honestly not clear what theyre even singing about vbsjkdjhfskjfd
gon and killua singing about each other is adorable tbh. also i love how silva asks killua abt his friends and killua is like yeah i made some friends. and then only talks abt gon ahjsduhfabhskdf gayboy
ok so the zoldyck arc is like, ending, but theres still an hr of musical left so whats even gonna happen lmao. also where did hisoka go
oh no the audio and video arent synced anymore huvbhjadfbhjsakdf
oooh they asked canary to come w/them, thats cool
theyre having a party??? hvbajdsfbhasjkdf
oh shit??? what did zeburo just do to killua??? WHATS GOING ONNN lol this is UNCHARTED TERRITORY
OH GOD IT WAS ILLUMI. SHOULDVE KNOWNNN
omggg all their formal outfits....everyone cheering wildly at kurapika is cute
LEORIO AND KURAPIKA DANCING.....
the fact that both killua and gon are taller than kurapika in this is rlly funny
the idea that the zoldycks are also highly trained ballroom dancers is super hilarious to think about, even moreso when you consider how isolationist they are
seriously grandpas got mad flips
also i love leorios outfit
this feels like a filler arc tbh. and i dont mean that in a bad way!
leorio trying to get kurapika to go to the hot springs with him lmaoooo
HVDSJBJFSBFJHS HISOKAS BACK. IN DISGUISE. OH MY GOD
hisokas stage presence is fantastic gotta say
damnnnn dad zoldycks got mad flips too. guess it runs in the family
props to the actors for managing to keep their wigs on while flipping around like that
its so fuckgin funny thats hisoka just introduces himself as illumis friend, when this whole arc is all about how assassins Cannot Have Friends
so hisoka is just here trying to get family approval too huh
gon miming a fishing trip was adorable and realistic...sometimes u get skunked and It Just Be Like That
leorio is rlly tryin to shoot his shot w/kurapika and kp is just Not Realizing huh vbjsdufjbsaukjf
wow leorio breakin the fourth wall like that lmao
wow so illumi hacked killua. rude
hisoka and illumi are lowkey hilarious in this
leorio is rlly sending every signal possible to kurapika and kp is like. No
leorio: killua is a scary murder baby, but also im adopting him
kurapika singing abt how weird it is having friends after dedicating their life to Revenge(tm) is v on brand
HISOKA OH BOY
LMAOOOO HISOKA IS SUCH A FUCKING SNITCH I CANT
no wonder illumi didnt wanna tell him abt his evil plan lmaoooo he fucked up even telling hisoka that much clearly
the zoldyck siblings just staring at hisoka in confusion bc How The Fuck Did This Clown Get In Our House hvbhjdksfnjksdf
you can tell the subs are off when the audience is cracking up but you dont even see a joke there lmao
oh my goddd hisoka using bungee gum to make everyone dance is. hilarious
oh my god synchronized dancing
HVBSHDJFBJDSKFHBSJ illumi doing a dance routine independent of hisoka and hisoka being like ????? vhbjsdkhfjkjsdnfkj THIS IS HILARIOUS
supremely funny to me how illumi makes such a big point abt assassins not having friends, yet hisoka is announcing himself as illumis friend w/every given opportunity hvbhajdkdfhjskf
this feels so filler arc i love it. thats so charming to me since the 2011 anime doesnt have any filler (from what i can tell?)
kurapika and leorio rlly feel like killuas parents here lmaooo
this is all dramatic but kurapika keeps repeating what leorio says and its cracking me up hvbajhkdhfbjsk
i lov this fambly
ah, even in the musical illumi is still such a manipulative bastard
i feel like the quality just went down EVEN MORE, which i didnt think was even possible hvbhjkdsfskf. at least the audio is synced w/the video again
illumis got a good evil laugh
this is the exact brand of dramatic angsty filler content that i was hoping for in this lmao i love it
oooh more zoldycks
honestly this is more how i expected the zoldyck arc to go in canon hbshjdkujfkjsfdas
dramatic gay filler angst + somewhat incorrect fansubs = perfection
OH SHIT CANARY
BRO DID SHE JUST DIE???? OMFG
the subs keep calling illumis power ‘spells’ which seems to imply that illumi is some sort of assassin wizard rather than a nen user hvbsudhfkjsdjgf
come to think of it, what point was the manga at when this musical was written? it has to be pretty early on, maybe just as nen was being introduced
gon boutta go ham on illumi...Get His Ass
OHHHH GON DOING THE ICONIC ARM GRAB....ARM GRAB REPRISE
gon doin the good ole reliable shounen ‘punch your friend and yell at them so they snap out of a funk’ lol
i do love how typically shounen this is. friendship speeches! but delivered by SONG!
illumis main hobby is butting in at the worst possible moments
HISOKAS BACK OH BOY
hisokas playing card blocked killuas hit hvbhjakdhsfjnakdsf thats like in jojo when those manga blocked dios knives
wow the whole zoldyck squad is here
ooh forbidden zoldyck lore lmao
killua: mom u guys are lame im joining this much cooler family now. bye
i love how hisoka is just weirdly lurking around for all this zoldyck drama lmao
silva seems like such a bro in this but i feel like hes rlly not like that in canon vhauidfhbsjhdkjfk
oh nope there he goes w/the evil laugh lmaooooo
sorry dude but leorio is his dad now
gon sniffing zeburo hgbajkdfshbjkdfjnsjdk oh my god
oh hell yeah some synchronized main character finale dancing
actor showcase! everyone loves kurapika which, same
ah so the director of this musical also directed the sailor moon musicals, which i didnt know existed but of course that exists...thats funny considering the hxh mangaka is married to the sailor moon mangaka
anyways that was fun honestly!!!! i fuckgin love musicals, and musical adaptations of non-musical source materials can be like, SO different tonally, but this honestly felt like a fun filler
it was really interesting seeing something based on the canon from this early on - as i said above, some of the characterizations (like the zoldycks) seems a bit different than we’re used to, but others were spot on - like hisoka only showing up intermittently to sow chaos and do nothing else vhjkadhbfhkjdsfnj im assuming the yorknew arc hadnt happened at this point, but hisokas actions in this musical were hilariously similar to how he acted in the yorknew arc, so, props.
plus it was cool to see the ‘what if’ factor w/hisoka and illumi also being there, espec illumi interacting w/killua bc its so wildly different from how killua reacts to any of his other family members - hes clearly scared of illumi, in a way he isnt w/anyone else, and that was done well here w/the scene where illumi threatens killua’s friends to get killua to listen to him
also the angst was honestly great, and there was some REALLY sweet wholesome parts that i loved. and the music wasnt half bad either!!
i think the VAs did a great job playing the characters - hisokas VA was especially great (and i really loved kurapika too). gons hair was not very similar to how it looks in the show so it was a little more obvious that he was being played by a grown woman, but still a great performance.
anyways fun times, i love musicals and this was a fun ole 2000s filler shounen musical adaptation
#lj watches hxh#well. hxh ancillary material#also we're almost done w/the chimera ant arc but i still gotta edit up my heavens arena stuff hvbhjsdfbjdskgs epic fails#i have all my chimera ant liveblogs ready to go but i dont wanna post things outta order Ls#hxh
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((Session #5 highlights, GO!))
Our DM admitted to me the night before that this session was going to be “plot and C H A O S” and honestly I am sO excited.
We start off with Matthias telling the party that he’d gone back to the bazaar and stolen a forged ledger. We’re uncovering organized crime today.
Recap: We still need to return Von Trikona’s books, as well as investigate/avenge the death of Clarissa Rose.
There are two new country names on the map - Croyden and Iandow!
New non-country locations listed include: Red Hawk, Caister, Alenwik, Aynor, Leeside, Dewsbary, Peinrith, Farenfros, Veritas, and Westwend.
Also ‘Fwee’ is actually spelled ‘Phwie’ and I need to adjust my notes.
We stumbled across a hungover wizard being harassed by a goblin. I immediately tried to scare it away, and rolled REALLY high intimidation.
“The goblin is intimidated af, and fucks off into the wilds.”
The wizard - Renaldo Ladboy - admitted that he’d ‘partied too hard’ the night before, and didn’t remember WHY he’d pitched his camp out in the woods.
Renaldo perks up when he hears that we are travelers, and heading in the same direction he is. He offers to take us there, but since a teleport spell has a limit on how many it can carry, and we are five people + five horses, he basically wants to put us in a Bag of Holding.
I imagined Renaldo pulling Udaji out by her horns and burst out laughing bc she’s sEVEN FEET TALL IT’D BE LIKE THE ENDLESS HANDKERCHIEF TRICK BUT WITH A BARD-
“Get in the fucking bag, Mountain!”
“What was the price of your freedom?”/”A Pringle.”
The interior of a Bag of Holding is - in the DM’s words - ‘a dumpster fire’. There’s everything from random treasure to books to laundry just thrown about in piles....and also there’s another person.
This is Helena (played by the DM’s mom), and she has been in here for a long time, apparently.
There is also Theo, a mysterious voice hidden in the laundry. They warn us to be wary of ‘skittering sounds’, and to hide when we hear them.
I think we were tricked.
Matthias knelt down specifically to slap Claus, who had rolled the highest on the insight check and found nothing suspicious.
Theo came out of hiding to once more warn us to be careful what we touched, and be wary of ‘the Guardians’.
Theo has been in here too long, though, and has a very small reservoir of spoons, so after this final warning, he disappeared back into hiding.
It is DEAFENINGLY quiet inside the Bag of Holding.
Udaji nervously strummed her lute, and the echo took a long time to come back…..and then we heard a flutter.
While Matthias tried to loot some potions and Mountain tried to take a nap, I strummed again to try and recreate the flutter….and I heard more fluttering. It was loud enough to actually wake up Mountain.
Udaji immediately ran off to investigate one of the sources of the fluttering, and then the fluttering turned into skittering. Oh no.
“Udaji, roll for initiative.”
I roared into the darkness and managed to intimidate away one of the gargoyles that were stalking me.
I also apparently terrified Theo with my ‘I Am A Mighty Dragon’ roar. Whoops.
I shouted back to the party “I FOUND THE SKITTERING THINGS!” and retreated one square, but Udaji is simultaneously too stubborn to completely run away and too afraid to run off into the darkness (again).
I TOOK “ZONE OF TRUTH” AS A SPELL LAST LEVEL UP I COULD HAVE CAST IT ON RENALDO-
Helena temporarily lit up our little corner of Hell, and I cast Heroism on Mountain because I have no ranged weaponry/spells.
Mountain could gain a max of 40 temporary hp from this spell if A) he doesn’t get hit and B) I don’t get hit and lose concentration.
Aaaaand one gargoyle promptly flew 60 feet and bit me, shattering my concentration. Heck.
Mountain tried to do a trick shot with his bow and accidentally shot Matthias.
Gargoyle #1 tried to bite Claus, but missed because Claus was too short for it to hit.
I desperately want to test out my Earth Tremor spell but my teammates are tOO CLOSE-
Honestly sessions with the DM’s mom are always a little bit awkward bc it sometimes becomes the mom and three sisters arguing and me just sitting there in awkward silence but I know she means well.
Theo ran up and hit behind the Dragonborn for safety when a THIRD gargoyle came out of hiding. This may prove to be a mistake
Gargoyle #1 hit Claus and I’m starting to wish I’d made Udaji a barbarian bECAUSE I’M READY TO RAGE-
All anger aside I’m actually having a very hard time not envisioning these gargoyles as THE Gargoyles from the Disney show, and I feel bad every time I stab them.
THEO KNOWS DIVINE SMITE?!
“It’s a very, very high pile of laundry, so we’re going to classify it as difficult terrain.”
I lost almost half my hit points in one turn and then got healed half of THAT back in the next what a roller coaster.
I FINALLY GOT TO USE EARTH TREMOR AND KNOCKED GARGOYLE #1 PRONE!
Two gargoyles down, one to go!
Helena coming in with the killing blow on gargoyle #1!
With the battle over, Helena picked up some of the gold off the ground.
Poor Theo was being harassed by those three gargoyles for at least a month, maybe more (it’s hard to keep track of time in a dark, sunless void).
Theo admits that he got tricked into entering the bag after getting injured fighting ghouls, and the wizard came along and offered to carry him to safety.
Renaldo has now kidnapped seven people with his Bag of Holding, and has four people lined up to punch him (the other three advocate for murder).
Theo gives us a much clearer warning now about ‘the Guardians’ - two suits of armor that guard Renaldo’s stuff, and attack people who try to steal it.
Matthias immediately disappears to try and steal things.
Udaji sat down and started filling the silence with lute music because she is realizing that she does NOT like this kind of heavy silence.
Astrid stole a few potions, and Mountain realized we could switch out our suspicious, fake gold for real gold.
Theo watched us in visible confusion as we poured gold out onto the ground, only to then pick up equal amounts of seemingly identical gold.
“This man has kidnapped seven people! Seven people and presumably five horses!”
Astrid has a crush on Mountain, and tries to snuggle up to him, but Matthias literally flung himself between them in protest, so Astrid snuggled up with Udaji instead.
We took a long rest, and at the end of it, Renaldo actually remembered to pull us all out.
The only reason he remembered was because he’d teleported with our party’s horses, and landed surrounded by equines.
Theo punched him square in the nose.
“Claus is old enough to drink, but Udaji is not. Do not let the Dragonborn order beer.”
We hadn’t eaten in two and a half days, so we all ordered double meals and chowed down.
While eating on the mostly empty inn floor, we overhear two women whispering across the floor.
Eventually, one of the women raises her voice and says “We are not having this discussion! You are marrying Hassan, and that’s final!”
Marrying the Lord who was supposedly betrothed to the young Lady Rose? So soon? How scandalous…
Matthias sidled up to try and talk to them, and finds out that they are, in fact, talking about the same Lord Hassan who was betrothed to Clarissa Rose.
The older woman demanded to know how we knew of this supposed ‘other prospect’, and Matthias lied - saying that we had been hired by Clarissa’s mother to retrieve her daughter’s body.
This, predictably, did not endear him to the two women, so Astrid had to saunter over and try to assist.
The women are Amelia (younger) and Charlotte (older) Ulsten.
They asked when this previous engagement had been made, and we said that it had been a month. Charlotte got very pale and very still, and Amelia immediately told her “I told you something was wrong!”
Charlotte tells us that they had received the marriage proposal around the same time.
Matthias asked if they had heard the rumors of ‘accidents’ and stolen dowries. They said no.
The two women were traveling from Westwend, in Croyden.
“Charlotte sort of blubbers, like a Karen who’s been confronted by a manager and isn’t getting her free Frostie from Wendy’s.”
I traded places with Matthias to try and smooth things over, and Amelia - who has never seen a Dragonborn before - can’t stop staring.
Charlotte unbristled, and explained that they hadn’t heard of Lord Hassan before the proposal, so they’d hired a private investigator to look into him.
Their PI found that Lord Hassan WAS a legitimate bachelor and Lord in Kenkilly, but they hadn’t heard of this potential scam.
“But we DO have guards!”/”So did Miss Rose…”
Amelia begs her mother not to make her see this through, and Charlotte agrees that this scenario is too weird for her, and that they will seek a marriage prospect elsewhere.
Matthias speed-ate all his cake purely to avoid sharing with anyone.
Astrid gave her father puppy eyes, and he eventually caved, and bought her a slice of cake.
Amelia was still staring at Udaji as everyone settled back down to finish eating.
Claus and Astrid may or may not be leaving the party for a time bc the DM doesn’t want to end up playing too many NPCs, and while I understand that, I am going to dearly miss my best halfling friend and only female companion.
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Landslide
Summary: Henderson sister reader. That’s all I’m gonna say bc it’s just a mess.
Authors Note: Holy fucking shit this took me FOREVER to write. Like a month. I’ve really been hating my work lately, and I don't know how I feel about this one. I can’t tell if I don’t like it because I’ve read it too many times, or if it’s not good. I’m really scared to post this. Kinda wanna vomit, kinda wanna cry. This baby is 12k word because I couldn’t make myself shut up.
LET THE SHIT SHOW BEGIN
“We’ve got a few minutes to kill,” Billy smirked as he glanced up from his watch.
“Yeah, and what do you suggest we do?”
His reaction was simply to unbuckle my seatbelt, yank me from my spot in the passenger seat and onto his lap. His lips were on mine in an instant, still curled into a grin as he drew my bottom lip between his teeth.
I wiggled my hips, making him let out a grunt as his hands shot to my waist to still me,
“Stop it.” He grumbled against my lips, his tone firm as his fingertips sank into my midriff.
“I’m not doing anything,” I replied sweetly, shifting my weight slightly. Once again, pushing my hips against his,
“Seriously, stop it.” He cautioned, his grip tightening.”
“Or what, Hargrove?” I purred, “You gonna punish me?”
He growled, hands grasping for the top buttons on my blouse as he fervently kissed me, his teeth clashing with mine. He launched off the back of his seat, leaning me backward against the steering wheel. I let out a laugh as I bumped the horn. He welcomed the opportunity to shove his tongue in my mouth. Without catching my attention, he had managed to unbutton my top and was running his hands over my bra.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” I murmured between kisses, bringing my hands to rest on his wrists.
“Mmm not done, though” he countered, knitting his hands in my hair and tugging my head back to suck on my neck, his lips trailing down to my collarbone,
“The kids are gonna come out soon.” I gasped as he nipped at me.
“When do they ever come out on time?” He replied, lips lingering against my skin.
“Since you berated them last time.” I quipped,
Despite the firmness in my tone, I couldn’t bring myself to pull away. The boy knew how tantalizing his touch was, invariably providing me just little enough to make me plead for more. I planted my hand on his neck, softly raking my nails down his chest in a way that always made him writhe. And writhe he did, sinking his teeth into my collar as I did so. I dared not move my hips another time, for fear of being arrested for public indecency.
“When we get home I’m gonna-”
His threat was interrupted by knocking on the car window,
“Hey, pervert! Get your tongue out of my sister’s throat!” Dustin shouted, his voice distorted by the glass that was between us.
I let out a bubbly laugh as I climbed off Billy, much to his chagrin. He clicked the doors unlocked and stepped out to let the kids climb in behind his seat. I hastily buttoned up my blouse before they could get in. Lucas, Dustin, Max, and Mike climbed in and fastened their seatbelts. Dustin had perched himself on Mike’s lap since there wasn’t sufficient room for all four of them back there. I had offered Ms. Byers to drive Will to and from the arcade, but she was too paranoid for her own good after what happened last year.
“Ew, you guys fogged up the windows!” Mike exclaimed, passing his sleeve over the glass, squeaking as the condensation was wiped away. Billy let out a chuckle, shooting me a wink as he started the Camaro.
Come to think of it, I couldn’t blame Ms. Byers for not wanting Will to be in the car with Billy behind the wheel. He was an erratic driver to say the least, but he had never gotten us into an accident. Despite many many close calls.
We all sat in tense silence for a few moments, until Max shattered it,
“I was wondering if you could drop Lucas and I off at the movies tomorrow,” Max asked delicately.
“No.” Billy barked, without even asking for more detail.
I threw him a glare telling him to be nice. Billy had good intentions, he just buried them under a guise of hostility. He was protective of Max, actually cared about her. Although, you wouldn’t be able to see that by watching them interact. Every conversation involved at least one of them yelling and cursing. And even if you couldn’t tell what they were saying, even if they were only talking about something mundane, Max was on edge. Billy hovered over her like a storm cloud threatening to erupt with thunder at any moment. His frustration didn’t come without cause. Whether or not Max knew it, she was in control over if Billy took a beating or not. Hell, I wasn’t convinced that Max knew about what Neil did to Billy. Despite Billy thinking she knew and misbehaved just to get him in trouble.
“What time?” Billy grumbled, eyes glued to the pavement in front of him.
“Three.”
“What movie?”
“They’re doing a screening of Star Wars at The Hawk,” Max replied.
“Just you and Lucas?” Billy pressed, his tone lowering as he did so.
Max didn’t answer, she merely looked to her feet,
“Max.” Billy demanded, “Answer me.”
“Yeah.” She whispered, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“No. You’re not going.” Billy asserted, peering at her in the rear-view mirror.
“But Bi-”
“I said no!” Billy snapped.
Despite their improving relationship, Billy still wouldn’t let Max and Lucas be alone together. He was already pissed enough about her hanging out with a bunch of boys, let alone going to sleepovers at their houses.
I turned to Max, resting my hand on her knee,
“I can take you, kiddos.” I offered.
“Y/N!” Billy blurted, shooting me a disapproving glance.
“Come on, Billy. What kind of trouble do you think they’re going to get into?”
“The same kind of trouble we were just getting into!” He retorted, throwing his hand up in the air in frustration.
I rolled my eyes,
“Lucas isn’t a perv like you are.” I defended the boy, causing the back seat to erupt with laughter.
“Can it!” Billy growled as we pulled into the Wheeler’s driveway.
Mike let out a groan as he squirmed out from under Dustin’s lap,
“Bye!” Dustin hollered
As we pulled out of the driveway, Max continued to beg,
“Please, Billy!?”
“What’s in it for me?”
“The rewarding feeling of being a good big brother,” I interjected.
Max and Lucas batted their eyelashes at Billy. He let out a defeated groan,
“Fine.” He grunted.
“Thank you!” Max burst, throwing her arms around the back of Billy’s seat to engulf him in a hug. Lucas smiled to himself, but sat with his hands politely folded in his lap. Dustin playfully bumped shoulders with him,
“Max and Lucas sitting in a tree, K-I-S- oof!” He was cut off by Lucas’ elbow colliding with his gut. I shook my head, reaching for Billy’s hand where it sat on the gear shift. I presented him a smile as he intertwined our fingers.
He dropped Max at home before driving back over to Dustin and I’s place. We all climbed out and made our way to the door. Dustin slid the glass open, trudging in and setting his backpack on the counter before getting into the fridge.
“Don’t give yourself a sugar rush.” I cautioned as I watched him pluck out a couple of pudding cups and a can of soda.
He stuck his tongue out at me as he retreated to his bedroom. I followed behind him, going into the door on the opposite side of the hall. Billy trailed not far behind, closing the door once he came in.
Tews let out a chirp when he realized I was home. He got up from his spot on the bed and stretched out. Billy sat on the edge of the bed, baiting the cat to move over and sit on his lap. I unbuttoned my blouse, taking it off and putting it on a hanger. Billy let out a whistle from behind me. I rolled my eyes, pulling out my old Hawkins Middle School AV club shirt.
“That’s my seat, Tews.” I cooed as I scratched his chin.
Billy gave him the boot when I said those words, seizing me by the hips and hauling me to stand between his legs.
“You’re a tease, you know that?” Billy murmured, staring up at me with eyes that held a mischievous glint as his palms drifted up my waist and to the hem of my shirt.
“Don’t even think about it, Hargrove,” I replied, stepping from his clutch to sit down beside him. I flopped backward, head landing on my pillows as I threw my legs over Billy’s lap. I reached over to my nightstand, picking up the fortune cookie that came with our Chinese takeout earlier in the day.
I unwrapped it, breaking it in half. I handed Billy the half that didn’t have the fortune in it. I removed the white strip from my half, reading it over as I popped the wafer in my mouth.
“You will receive a gift from somebody who cares about you.” I read between crunches, “Babe, what d'you get me? A new El Camino?” I joked.
He caressed my legs with his calloused hands, letting out a nervous chuckle as he drew something from his pocket.
“I uh… That’s kinda creepy actually… because I do have a present for you.”
I raised my eyebrow at him, giving him grabby hands,
He shifted so he was laying on his side next to me, his head propped on his hand as he gave me a red and white Marlboro box.
“Is my present a disgusting habit?” I questioned, cocking my eyebrows at him.
“No.”
“Your garbage, then?” I teased.
“No, just open it!” He pleaded without the same hint of playfulness that I had.
I flipped the top of the pack, tipping it over. Something spilled out and into my hand,
A silver necklace chain with a ring dangling from it. The ring had a red jewel on it and a skinny band, it certainly looked like it belonged to a woman. I held it up in front of me, observing the light from the lamp on my bedside table shone through the stone.
“It’s… Uh… it belonged to my mom.” He stuttered, staring down at the mattress instead of at me.
I reached out and tilted his chin up to look at me, giving him a softened smile to encourage him to speak,
“I just… I feel like she would’ve loved you… and I love you… and I… I don’t know… I didn’t want to give you just a ring? You know.... Like… I didn’t want you to… be uncomfortable or like… think I was proposing or something. I mean, not that I don’t ever want that but I didn’t want to scare you by making you think I was proposin-
“B.” I cut off, capturing his hand as he gestured wildly while he babbled.
I leaned over and kissed him gingerly. He let out a breath of relief against my lips, hand coming up to caress my cheek. When I pulled away, he studied my face for a moment before relaxing his forehead on mine.
“It’s beautiful. I love it. I love you.” I reassured, pecking him on the lips once more before I unclasped the necklace, wrapping it around my neck and fastening it.
The ring hung just below my collarbone, peering out of the v neck of my tee shirt. I took his hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. My other hand reached around behind his neck, twirling his curls around my finger.
It was rare to see Billy vulnerable. Every breath he took, every word he said, every move he made dripped with confidence and he was reduced to a stuttering mess when he gave me this gift.
Billy hadn’t spoken much of his mother, not until I found the picture of her he kept tucked in the visor of the Camaro. The photo fluttered down into my lap. The blue California sky shone in the background. The woman in the photo wore a white bathing suit and a sun hat with flowers on the brim. Her dirty blonde, curly hair blew in the beach breeze. Her hand rested on the top of her head to keep her hat from flying off. A small boy wearing a pair of yellow corduroy overalls sat in her lap with the same mop of curly hair and bright blue eyes, a daisy tucked behind his ear as he beamed up at her.
I had to beg him to start talking about her, but once he started talking, he couldn’t stop. How they would always go to the ice cream parlor after school on Friday. She got vanilla, and he got chocolate and they would mix them together. How they ran from the waves on the beach as the tide rolled in. How they would go to the bay and look for crabs and starfish.
How she would sing Fleetwood Mac at the top of her lungs while she made breakfast in the morning, and that's how he woke up every day. The sound of his mother’s voice echoing through the hallway to his bedroom. The first time I sang ‘Landslide’ to myself when I was studying, I glanced up to see Billy staring at me with wide, teary eyes.
How she always read Where the Sidewalk Ends or The Giving Tree. I couldn’t help but think that was what happened to Billy. He gave and gave and gave until he didn’t have anything left to give. That’s when he changed from the boy in corduroy overalls with a daisy tucked behind his ear to the boy in leather jackets with a cigarette between his lips.
I rested my head against Billy’s chest,
“I know how important she is to you.” I whispered to him, “It means so much to me that you’re comfortable sharing her with me.”
I could hear his heart start to race as he swallowed a lump in his throat. He didn’t get to talk about his mom very often. He couldn’t talk to his dad, he had stopped caring about his mother long before she passed away. He could talk to Max if only the two of them could stop going at each other’s throats for more than two seconds at a time.
Billy traced his hand around the back of my neck and down the chain, wrapping it slightly around his finger,
“She got this when she was sixteen,” Billy whispered, “Said she shoplifted it when she found out the manager of the store was screwing her best friend’s mom… who was married…”
“Wow, mama Hargrove was a troublemaker, wasn’t she?” I beamed, “Now I understand where you get it from.”
“She only did things when she thought somebody deserved some payback.”
“Ah. A little vigilante justice?” I smiled.
“Exactly.” He grinned, the chuckle that escaped his lips made his chest vibrate.
“Like Daredevil.” I murmured, mostly to myself.
“Like what?”
“Daredevil. He’s a character in one of Dusty’s comics.” I clarified. Dustin suggested that I read it, considering I never much liked the X Men anyway, especially not after the situation with the Demogorgon. But this was different, it was about somebody taking down human villains rather than monsters.
“You aren’t turning into a nerd on me, are you?” He asked, glancing down at me with a brow raised,
“Maybe.” I rebutted, reaching over and taking out the comic book from under my pillow.
“No!” Billy gasped, “Aww, come on!”
I laughed as I brandished it in his face teasingly while he pretended to be horrified. We rolled over so he was leaning on my chest. He took the comic from my grasp and dropped it to the floor before kissing me. It was sweeter than earlier in the night in the Camaro, his hand settled on my cheek instead of trying to undo my shirt. It lacked the desperation but strengthened the intimacy. His thumb brushed my cheek before he trailed his hand to the back of my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair.
He drew away with a gasp, his eyes scanning me up and down. They trained on the collar of my shirt. He hooked his finger into it, stretching it aside and brushing his thumb over my skin.
“Oops.” He murmured, although the smirk on his face told me that it probably wasn’t an accident.
“Did you give me another hickey?” I fussed.
His reply was to dip his head back into my neck and press a delicate kiss on the spot,
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.” I retorted, playfully smacking his arm, “Get off me, you oaf.”
He rolled over onto his back. I tucked myself under his arm, leaning against his shoulder.
Tews let out a trill before hopping back up on the bed, the bell on his collar jingling as he settled on Billy’s belly.
“Guess I’m staying the night then.” Billy smirked, “Can’t disturb the cat.”
I rolled my eyes, reaching over to turn off my lamp.
When I awoke, Billy wasn’t there. It was how it usually worked when he spent the night. I would never hear the end of it from Dustin if he found out Billy had stayed overnight. I threw my covers off, pulling myself out of bed and into the kitchen, enticed by the smell of breakfast cooking.
“Morning, mama.” I greeted, pecking her on the cheek before reaching for a glass from the cabinet. I poured myself some orange juice before hopping up on the counter beside the stove.
“What’s that?” She inquired, reaching for my necklace.
I had forgotten I was wearing it until she mentioned it.
“Oh, uh. It’s from my boyfriend.” I told her.
She knew I had a boyfriend, but that was about it. She had become more distant since dad left almost 6 years ago. The goings on of Dustin and I’s lives were far from the first thing on her mind.
He did it without warning. We woke up one morning to discover his dresser and closet empty. The drawers had been neatly closed, hangers put back up on the rod. And his wedding band lying on top of his nightstand.
I was silently thankful that Dustin had been so young when it happened, he didn’t remember the panic we went through. The suffering that came along with being left without an explanation. Without a goodbye. But the downside to him forgetting was that he now talked to dad once a week on the phone. Still talked to the man who betrayed us and left us without enough income and without a car.
“That’s nice, baby.” She smiled, going back to scrambling the eggs.
Dustin soon came scrabbling into the kitchen, snatching his backpack from its hook and flinging the front door open,
“Dusty! You didn’t eat breakfast!” Mom called after him.
“Not hungry! Bye!” He hollered, slamming the door shut behind him.
I didn’t think anything of it, he was probably off going on his usual Saturday morning adventures with the party. Mom scooped a spoonful of eggs onto a plate and handed it to me,
“Thanks.” I smiled, pulling a fork from the drawer and shoveling them into my mouth.
A honk from the driveway made us both jump,
“Who could that be?” Mom questioned, peering out the window, “Wow, fancy car.”
I set my plate aside, hopping off the counter and running to the door,
“That’s my boyfriend,” I replied, a hint of apprehension in my voice.
He hadn’t told me he was coming over, which generally meant only one thing.
“Oh, can I meet him?”
“I- uh… I don’t think now is a good time, mom.” I murmured, swinging the front door open and abruptly closing it behind me.
He didn’t even have to get out of the car for me to see his blackened eye and bloodied nose. I hurried across the frost covered pavement barefooted and yanked his car door open, tugging him out and into my arms. He wrapped his arms around me, pressing me against his body with all his might.
“You’re okay.” I murmured, “I got you.”
I stepped up onto the toes of his boots, mostly to take my bare feet out of the frosty sheen that covered the driveway, but also to pull myself closer to him.
He let a shaking breath out into my shoulder before inhaling, taking in my scent as I gently swayed him back and forth.
“Let me go get some shoes and we’ll go where ever you want, yeah?” I proposed, sweeping the curls from his face.
He nodded, getting back into the car while he waited for me. I hurried inside, grabbing my hole-riddled converse and slipping them on my feet.
“Thanks for breakfast mom, love you! Be back later!” I called before quickly sliding back out the door. She hollered something behind me but it was lost when I slammed the door shut and climbed into the car with Billy.
“Benny’s?” I suggested, glancing over at him as he wiped a tear from his cheek and let out a sniffle.
I pouted, once again reaching out to brush his hair from his face, running my fingers softly over his bruised skin. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh.
“I… uh… I’m not… I’m not hungry.” He stammered.
“Okay. Wanna go to our spot?”
He nodded, putting the car in gear and pulling out of the driveway. We cruised in silence, our fingers entwined and resting beside the gear shift. The gray sky told us that snow was threatening to fall, one of the many flurries of this winter so far. Billy wouldn’t admit it, but I think he was starting to enjoy the weather. It gave us an excuse to spend our time together wrapped up in each other.
The edge of Sattler’s Quarry was the conventional lover’s lane destination for Hawkins’ students, but Billy and I had found a clearing through the trees that overlooked the quarry. Much more secluded from the designated make-out spot.
The gravel crunched under the Camaro’s tires as Billy got off the main road and to our spot. He put the car in park, glancing over at me with bloodshot eyes. I unbuckled my seatbelt, clambering into the backseat and patting the space beside me on the bench. The broad-shouldered boy followed behind me, struggling to squirm his way into the back the same way I had. He awkwardly threw himself down beside me, his legs draped over my lap and his back against the door.
“Spill,” I instructed, passing my hand up and down his calf.
His breaths came out shallow and shaking,
“Max… She… She snuck out when I was with you last night… Ended up spending the night at the Wheeler’s… Susan and Dad got back before she came home this morning and…” He pointed to his face.
�� “Billy, you have to tell Max what’s going on.” I urged, “You can’t keep getting blamed for what she does.”
“I can’t.” He whispered.
“Billy-”
“I can’t!” He bellowed, his voice breaking.
“She’ll understand, Billy.” I assured, “She’s wise beyond her years, you know.”
“I know. And that’ll be the death of me.”
“Literally, if you don’t talk to her.” I murmured, leaning over to rest on his shoulder.
“I got really mad at her last night…. I… I think I actually scared her.” He uttered, “I just…. God. It was a punch in the gut.”
“Did you apologize?”
“I tried… I just… I couldn’t make myself look at her. She was just… her eyes were huge and I… I tried to step towards her and she flinched and I just…” He croaked, pressing his lips together in an effort to not start crying again.
“Hey, hey.” I soothed, “It’s okay… Try again later.”
He set his head on top of mine, wrapping his arms around me tightly. His hand ran down my collar bone and clutched the necklace, twirling the ring around on its chain.
“You get any sleep last night?” I whispered, propping my hand on his chest and giving it a couple of pats.
He scoffed,
“I’ll take that as a no.” I came back, “Go to sleep. We can talk more when you wake up.”
It didn’t take much after I stopped talking for the weight of his head to become heavier on top of mine, for his chest to rise and fall at a steady rate.
I let out a sigh as I came through the front door, kicking off my shoes. Before I could take another step, Dustin was in front of me with his crossed over his chest.
“Max said Billy got really pissed at her last night.” He told me.
“Yeah. I know.” I exhaled, driving past him to go into the kitchen. I took out a glass from the cabinet,
“You know and you still put up with him?” He exclaimed.
"Dustin, trust me, there’s a lot more going on there than you think,” I told him, filling up my glass with water from the tap.
“Like what?” He interrogated.
“I can’t tell you.” I countered, taking a sip of my water. Dustin didn’t know about Neil, no matter how much I craved to tell him about it. The two of us told each other everything. How when he was five, he broke Mom’s favorite vase and buried it in the backyard. When I asked him why he buried it, he said: “Maybe one day an arcadeologist will find it!” “You mean an archaeologist?” “Yeah, an arcadeologist!”
How when I first got my heart broken when I was 15 and he was 11, he got all of his friends to let me play dungeons and dragons with them. They didn’t tell me, but they had rigged the entire campaign based on me being the winner and slaying a prince who stole gold from my castle.
He told me all about Will and El and the upside down and the Demogorgon and the demodogs and Hawkins Lab and Dr. Brenner. What happened to Barb and Bob Newby.
But this was the one thing I couldn’t tell him about. And he had only found out about Billy and I when Billy let it spill to Max and she passed it on.
“Why not!?”
“Because you’re a blabbermouth!”
“Am not!”
“You are.” I rebutted, turning away from him to go to my bedroom. As I started to close the door, Dustin began to shout again,
“What happens when he gets pissed at you like that?” Dustin threw out, “Is he gonna hit you!?”
“Did he hit Max?” I gasped, spinning around to face him. My heart jumped into my throat at his words. Billy had never raised a hand at me, or Max that I knew of.
“No, not yet, anyway.” Dustin grumbled, putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head.
“He wouldn’t hit her.”
Despite his ‘tough love’ approach, he really did care for Max. Want to keep her safe, but it was hard for him to explain to her what happens when she doesn’t listen to his instructions, what Neil does. He felt like she could never understand anyway, so why bother to tell her?
“And you? What about you?” Dustin pressed,
“Dustin-”
“No, what if he hit you, Y/N!?” He screamed.
“I’m not having a conversation about this based on ‘what ifs’, Dustin!” I shouted, “But you can be damn sure the second he lays and hand on Max or I is the second he’s gone.”
I slammed my bedroom door shut in his face, letting out a groan as I threw myself face first onto my bed. I pulled the framed picture I had of the two of us from its spot on my bedside table. It was from when we got Yertle. Dustin held him up for the camera with a toothless grin, I was in the background giving him bunny ears and sticking my tongue out at him. I prayed to myself that we wouldn’t let this ruin our relationship. I paused for a couple moments, glancing back towards the door.
I swallowed my pride and got off the bed, glancing around the corner to find Dustin to apologize for shouting at him. I found him in the kitchen, as usual.
“Hey, Dusty.” I alerted.
He held his finger up to me as he had the phone pressed to his ear. He listened for a couple seconds,
“Son of a bitch!” Dustin screamed as he slammed the phone down on the receiver.
I jolted slightly, blinking at him,
“What the hell was that?”
“Dad isn’t picking up.”
I let out a scoff, rolling my eyes.
“Figures.”
“What does that mean?”
“It was only a matter of time before he forgot about us, Dustin.”
“He didn’t forget. He talks about you all the time.”
“Tell him to keep my name out of his filthy mouth.” I snarled. He had no right to talk about me, not after what he did to mom, to our family. I had to get a job at fourteen just to support us until mom could get back on her feet after being completely shattered by him leaving us like that.
I let out a sigh as I looked at Dustin,
“Sorry for getting mad at you, kid.” I breathed, throwing my arm around his shoulder and pulling him against me. He rested his head on my shoulder,
“I’m just worried about you.”
“I know, bud. Tell you what, I order pizza, you go get it on your bike on the way home from the Wheeler’s place?”
“Star Wars marathon when I get back?” He exclaimed, looking at me with a bright smile.
“Of course.”
He snagged his backpack and his walkie and was out the door. I was just getting ready to relax down on the couch when the phone rang. I straightened myself up and trotted over to the phone,
“Henderson house,” I answered, mindlessly twirling the cord around my finger.
“Mrs. Henderson?”
“Uh, no. This is her daughter. Can I take a message?”
People always told me I sounded just like my mom, so I was never surprised when somebody mistook us for each other on the phone,
“Miss Henderson, I regret to inform you that there was an accident.”
My heart vaulted into my throat, my mind instantly jumping to the conclusion that something happened to Dustin. I tucked the phone under my ear, stretching the cord as I stumbled over to put on my boots
“Is everything okay?” I hollered, staggering on one foot while I crammed the other into my shoe. I was about to grab my coat when she replied,
“Greg Henderson was in an accident. He passed away from his injuries.”
“Greg Henderson?” I breathed, “Greg?”
“Yes. This number was one of his emergency contacts. Is it not correct?”
“No… uh… I mean… Yeah, it’s the right number. I just…. Uh… hadn’t heard from him in a while.” I sputtered, my mind reeling, “An- a- an accident? You said it was an accident? What happened?”
“He was in his car, driving on an icy road. He was t-boned by a semi-truck. The car rolled several times and ended up in a ditch.”
I drew in a sharp gasp, sticking my hand over my mouth in dismay,
“Oh my god… Was… did he… make it to the hospital?” I sputtered.
“Doctor said he died on impact. I’m terribly sorry, ma’am.” She murmured.
“What about passengers? The truck driver? Is everybody else okay?” I inquired.
“The truck driver was fine, there was a middle-aged female passenger with your father. She’s alive but in critical condition.”
“I-uh-um. Thanks for… thanks for calling… Is there anything…. Anything I need to do?”
“Not at this time, ma’am. We’ve contacted your father’s mother who is making arrangements for him.”
“Okay… Thank you… Wait… wait… wait… Where was the accident?”
“It was on I-80.”
“I-80? What… what state is that?”
“Utah.”
“Utah…” I muttered under my breath, “Thanks…. again...Bye.”
I hung the phone up, letting out a shuddering breath. Utah. He had been telling Dustin that he was still in Indiana, he talked about coming to visit all the time. I convinced Dustin that it wasn’t good for mom to see him again, so they never arranged a time.
A woman was in the car with him.
I trudged into my bedroom, laying down and bringing my teddy bear to my chest. It was one that he bought me when he traveled to Montana on a business trip. It wore a little red tee shirt that said, ‘somebody I love went to Montana and all I got was this lousy bear’. That was what I named him, Louis the Lousy Bear. His aftershave spilled in his suitcase on the way home, got all over his clothes and the bear. So it still smelled like him, even ten years later.
It transported me back to when he taught me how to tie a tie when I was 7. I would sit on the bathroom counter while he did his hair and practice tying and untying his tie before he left for work.
“You gotta go under and then over, sunshine.” He’d remind me, his patience never wavering.
I couldn’t even begin to count all of the days he was late because of this routine. I wouldn’t let him leave until I was satisfied that the tie looked perfect.
When he got home from work, I would sprint into the kitchen to greet him. When Dustin was old enough to walk, I would hold his hand and we both dashed into the kitchen together. He’d pick us both up, one under each arm and give us kisses on the cheek.
He’d run into his bedroom and tear off his suit before following us into the backyard to play on the rickety old swing set. He’d push us as high as he could, leaving us both squealing as the swings nearly flew over the top of the set. He’d always play with us first, no matter how much paperwork he had to do. When mom would tell us it was time to come in for dinner, he’d always join in when Dustin and I whined “five more minutes?”
I hadn’t appreciated those memories the past few years. And now he was gone. And I couldn’t tell him how much I missed that. But the memories only made me wonder more what drove him to leave. He may as well have put the sun in the sky, that’s how much Dustin and I looked up to him. And he just up and left us. With no warning. No goodbye.
“Hey, I brought home pizza!” Dustin shouted,
His voice sounded like it was underwater as I peered up at the clock. I had somehow managed to zone out for the past two hours, just thinking about dad. The sun had gone down since then, leaving me to sit in the dark. I hadn’t even begun to consider what to tell Dustin or my mom.
“Y/N!? Pizza!” He shrieked, stomping into the house and slamming the front door behind him.
His shadow appeared in the doorway of my bedroom, backlit by the hall light.
“Y/N? Come on. Get your lazy ass up, let’s go!”
He flipped the lights on. I threw my arm over my eyes,
“Dusty….” I began, my heart pounding in my chest as the dread of telling him about the phone call intensified.
“What?” He questioned.
“I… I’ve got a headache.” I lied,
“Girl problems? Do you need some more tampons? I can go get some from the store!”
“No… Not girl problems, Dusty. I just have a headache. Eat without me, bud.” I breathed, closing my eyes.
“Are you okay?” He murmured, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, “Did Billy do something? Because I swear to god I will beat that shitlord into a pulp if he-”
“Dustin. Billy didn’t do anything. Please, just go.” I uttered, struggling to keep my voice from quivering.
“Okay.” He whispered, getting up and heading back out to the living room, closing my bedroom door behind him.
I awoke again even later, the sun now starting to peer over the horizon. Mom had just come into the room, yanking the curtains open. I groaned and tugged the blankets over my head. I still wore my jeans from yesterday, my boots still on.
“Come on, sunshine!” She cooed, giving me a nudge, “Time for school.”
My heart plummeted at the phrase, the same one my father always used for me in the mornings before he headed to work.
“Mom.” I whimpered, “I don’t feel well.”
She shuffled over to the side of the bed, sitting down beside me and drawing the blankets back. I let out a groan as she placed her hand on my forehead.
“You don’t feel like you have a fever, sweetheart.” She told me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Can I stay home?” I whimpered.
“Of course. Dusty’s friend is picking him up for school today anyway.”
“Thanks, mom.”
The next two days were the same. Lying in bed, thinking over every memory of my father. Every last detail of him that I hadn’t appreciated over the past few years. I had managed to eat some toast, but it still made my stomach turn. My mom constantly begged for me to get out of bed, her worry only growing the more I laid around. She left food on my bedside table for me, only to come in and replace it with something different when I didn’t eat it.
She told me that Billy had been calling. That he sounded worried and that he missed me. He even came over and brought flowers for me, probably thinking that he had done something wrong. I couldn’t see him right now, I didn’t want him to see me like this, broken down. I was his rock, he told me that so many times. But I couldn’t even be strong for myself, let alone for the sake of another person.
Dustin came in too. He sat beside me and read his comics out loud to me, told me all about his day and tried to add extra jokes to make me laugh. But not even he could cheer me up.
A soft knock on my door pulled me from my state. It wasn’t the frantic knocking I was used to from Dustin, it wasn’t the pleading whispers from my mother, either.
Without waiting for my reply, the door opened, a sliver of light shining onto where I laid on the bed. Based on the footsteps alone, I could tell it was Billy. Before his signature scent of cologne and smoke hit my nose, before the smooth cadence of his voice, before the gentle touch he laid on my back as he kneeled on the bed behind me.
“You awake?” He murmured.
“No.” I breathed, closing my eyes tighter.
He was the last person I wanted to see me like this, yet the only person I wanted to talk to.
“Okay. Me neither.” He sighed, pulling back the covers and sliding under them with me. The cool denim of his jeans brushed against the back of my bare thighs as he scooted up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pressed a kiss to the back of my head and another on my bare shoulder before letting out a sigh.
I savored his warmth as he laid beside me. He didn’t want me to talk, he didn’t want me to get up, he wasn’t asking anything of me, he just laid with me. I drifted off to sleep a little while longer, turning over to face him when I started to stir.
“Hey,” Billy breathed,
He brought his hand up to caress my cheek, gliding it up and over my hair before kissing the tip of my nose. It was entirely dark outside now, but the streetlights reflected off the snow, giving me just enough light to make out his furrowed brows in the dark.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
I had nearly forgotten the reason he had come over in the first place. The thought still crippled me. To me, dad had essentially been dead for years. He stopped being my father the second he left. But Dustin fought to maintain contact with him, to form a relationship even though he abandoned us. And I couldn’t bear to tell him what happened.
“I- I-... I can’t… I’m not… I’m not ready to talk about it.” I stuttered.
“Dustin said you haven’t been out of bed in a couple of days.”
“Yeah… I uh… I haven’t really.” I replied.
He sat up at that moment, getting to his feet and coming over to my side of the bed. He grabbed my arms to help me sit up,
“Let’s go.” He ordered, dragging the blankets off my legs,
“Go where?” I whined.
“Shower.”
I let out a groan, rubbing my eyes.
“It’ll make you feel better, I promise. Come on, you smell like a dog rolled in road kill.”
“Thanks, honey.” I retorted, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.
“Like… A cute dog though… You know… one of those little annoying fluffy ones.”
“Oh, I’m annoying and I smell like roadkill.” I giggled, rolling my eyes as I stared up at him.
He didn’t try to fix his misstep this time, he just wore a goofy grin.
“What?”
“There’s your smile.”
Billy helped me step out of my clothes and adjusted the temperature before helping me step in the shower. I sighed in relief as the hot water hit my muscles, sore from lying in bed for so long.
“See? Feels better already, doesn’t it?” He hollered over the sound of the water. The clang of his belt buckle on the tile floor told me he was about to step in as well.
I stood in the shower facing the stream. Billy stood behind me, arms wrapped around my waist and head tucked into my shoulder. He rubbed reassuring circles on my stomach, occasionally pressing a kiss to my neck.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on now?” He whispered, barely audible over the sound of the water hitting the tile floor of the shower.
“My dad is dead,” I whispered, finally saying the words out loud for the first time.
Billy spun me in his arms,
“What? When? What happened?”
“Car accident.”
“Jeez.” He exhaled.
“I haven’t talked to him in five years, Billy.” I breathed, “I’m still mad as hell at him but…
“He’s your dad.”
“Yeah… I… I haven’t told Dusty yet. Or mom.”
“Don’t worry about it right now, okay? Just… relax for a bit.”
“I’ve been relaxing for the past three days, Billy.”
He shushed me, reaching for the bottle of shampoo before massaging it into my hair. I leaned into his touch, his fingers glided over my scalp, letting out a satisfied hum. He turned me around to hose off the suds, running his fingers through my hair as the soap washed down the drain. He picked up a washcloth, running it over my face and gently wiping the days old smeared makeup off. He wordlessly scrubbed his own hair while I stepped out and toweled off, grabbing my toothbrush and wetting it.
He got out a couple moments later, just as I spat toothpaste into the sink. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his chin in the crook of my neck. I leaned my head against his, closing my eyes and savoring the peaceful moment, despite my mind sounding like a raging storm. He gave me one last peck on my cheek before stepping away from me. He dropped his towel and tugged his jeans on,
“Hey, B.” I murmured, looking at him in the mirror.
He turned to face me, belt still unbuckled and his wet hair stuck to his skin,
“Thanks.”
He shook his head, turning me around to face him and pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.
“You do the same for me.” He breathed. We stood with our arms around each other in silence for a few seconds,
“Plus, I’ll use any excuse to get you naked.”
“You always gotta ruin a nice moment, don’t you?” I scoffed, playfully punching him in the stomach, “I still gotta tell Dustin.”
“I can tell him.” He offered.
“No… He’s gotta hear it from me.” I sighed, looking at the bathroom door with dread.
I emerged from the bathroom with Billy in tow. I expected Dustin to start screaming about how gross it was that we had taken a shower together, but instead he came sprinting over and threw his arms around my middle. The bill of his hat hit me in the middle of my chest. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and resting my chin on it.
“You had me worried!” He exclaimed.
“I figured since you called Billy.” I teased, offering him a meek smile as he glanced up at me, “Hey. I gotta talk to you about something. Let me get some clothes on, okay?”
He nodded, eyes following me as I returned to my bedroom, “So, do you just… not know how to wear shirts or…?” Dustin asked Billy just as I shut the door behind me. I smiled to myself as I pulled on my jeans, fighting friction with damp skin against denim. I pulled on the flannel I had borrowed from Billy before snagging my coat from the hook and opening the bedroom door,
“Look, all I’m saying is that you don’t ever have them buttoned all the way, so I was just wondering if you didn’t know how to button them or something.” Dustin defended, looking up at Billy who was bristling with annoyance towards my little brother.
“Dusty. Leave him alone.” I ordered, “Come outside with me.”
“It’s freezing!” He exclaimed.
“Then go get your coat and meet me out there!”
I slid my jacket on and zipped it up, looking to Billy for support. He gave me a peck on the lips before giving me a push towards the door. I stepped outside into the frigid night, Dustin not too far behind me. I trekked through the snow to the old swing set. Rust had begun to form on it as the years passed by, but dad had it so overbuilt, we joked that after a nuclear war, it would survive alongside the cockroaches and the tomato plants. I sat in the swing beside Dustin, swaying to the side so my swing bumped into his.
“Dusty… You… you know how dad didn’t answer the phone the other day?” I began,
“Yeah.”
“Well… It’s… it’s because he got in a car accident an-”
“Is he okay!?” Dustin interrupted, looking at me with wild eyes.
I drew my lip between my teeth as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I didn’t even have to say the words and Dustin knew what had happened. He turned away from me, bringing his hands up over his face.
“Dusty. I’m so, so, sorry.” I breathed, vapor from my breath forming in front of me.
I pulled him up off the swing and into my arms.
He wasn’t crying, not out loud, at least. But his breaths came out shallow and shaking.
“What happened?”
“His car got hit by a semi….”
“Was anybody else hurt?”
“The truck driver was fine…. But... There…. Dustin…. Dad was with a woman…”
He looked up at me with watery eyes,
“A woman.” He repeated.
“She’s hurt, but alive.”
He pondered it for a moment,
“We can’t tell mom.” He uttered.
“About the woman?”
“About him.” He clarified, his blue eyes piercing into mine.
“We can’t just not tell her!” I exclaimed.
“Think about it! You know how upset she was when Mews got lost.”
“When your pet lizard ate Mews.” I corrected.
“You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?”
“That’s not the point! We can’t just keep something like that from her!” I reasoned.
But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to not tell her. When dad left, she fell into a depressive state for a couple of weeks. Only eating enough to keep herself alive, staying in bed most of the day. We had to go live with our aunt until she convinced our mom to go get help. The antidepressants didn’t do much but exhaust her more, so she stopped taking them. Then she got withdrawal symptoms, even ended up in the hospital for a few days after she passed out at work.
And that was just from him leaving. God knows what would happen if we told her he was dead.
It was easy to see that she still held onto the hope that he would come back. She always wanted to talk to him on the phone when Dustin had his calls, she kept looking for a card from him on holidays and birthdays, despite the years that passed without so much as a generic Christmas card.
“You’re right.” I murmured, “We can’t.”
Dustin and I both fell asleep on the couch that night, leaning on each other while the lights from the TV danced on our faces. Billy had gone home once I assured him that Dustin and I were okay.
When I woke up, I decided to give him a call to thank him again for comforting me and to ask if he wanted to go grab breakfast.
I called the Hargrove’s house for what seemed like the dozenth time, but the phone still rang until the answering machine picked up. It was Susan’s sickeningly sweet voice as usual. I let out a sigh, hanging up.
“Dusty!” I called.
He emerged from his bedroom, finger stuck in his place in the book he was reading,
“Have you talked to Max recently?” I questioned
Worries flew around my head like a twister. Billy never ignored my calls unless he was busy, and if he was ever going to be busy, he told me what he was doing. Not that I expected him to, he was entitled to his privacy same as me. But he knew that I worried far too much about him.
Not only was he not picking up the phone, but he stood me up for our lunch date. He was supposed to pick me up two hours ago.
“Uh, yeah. Why?”
“I can’t get ahold of Billy.”
“Max said something about Susan and Neil getting into a fight the other night.”
I felt a knot form in my chest. Billy and I practically took bets on how long it would take for Neil to turn his aggression off Billy and onto his stepmother. It was a morbid thought, but we both knew it was coming. I couldn’t help but think the worst had happened. Billy told me of the first time Neil hit his mother, how it seemed like time stopped for a minute. They all stood in stunned silence before his mother scooped him up off the floor and locked the two of them in Billy’s bedroom while Neil stormed around smashing things down the hall.
I decided to jump in the car and drive over to see him. He lived hardly two blocks over, if it weren’t for the cold, I would’ve just walked. I snuck around behind the Hargrove’s house, hearing Billy’s stereo blasting from his bedroom. The glass window was rattling from the bass beat as I tapped on it. Billy sat on the bed with a cigarette between his lips and a scowl etched into his brow.
I tapped a little bit harder, finally catching his attention. I offered a small wave and smile,
He let out a puff of smoke before coming over to the window and sliding it open. He didn’t say anything, just turned away and retreated back to his seat on the bed. He normally helped me climb through, pulled me into his arms and pressed kisses all over my face.
The green drapery blew in the cool fall air that rushed through the open window and the overwhelming smell of smoke hit me in the nose.
I scrambled in, knocking a couple things off of his makeshift vanity before my boots hit the hardwood floor. I shuffled over to the bed, sitting beside him and waving the smoke from my face. I scooted close to him, our thighs touching. He refused to look at me, eyes fixed on the half-naked playboy poster across the room.
I couldn’t ignore the fresh purple bruise across his jawline,
“B?” I whispered, cupping his cheek to turn his head toward me.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” He spat, swatting my hand aside.
I blinked in confusion and shock as I glanced up at him,
“What happened?”
“It’s none of your fucking business.” He growled, stamping out his cigarette only to immediately light another one.
“I thought we were past you keeping shit from me.” I pressed.
“Things change.”
“Billy.” I breathed, studying his face. The muscles in his jaw clenched and unclenched, his temples bulging as he did so.
“What?” He barked, finally looking at me with a burning intensity that I had never seen from him. At least not directed towards me.
I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. Things change. What changed? Did I do something wrong?
“Forget it.” I hissed, getting up from the bed and heading back towards the window, this time purposely knocking a couple of things to the ground as I wiggled out into the yard. He didn’t so much as look out the window after me as I left.
I had a plan to take Billy out to his favorite diner after talking to him. But seeing as the conversation appeared to be one-sided, I was going to go by myself. There was no way in hell I was going to miss the waffles that I had been craving all week just because Billy wanted to act like an asshole.
I shoved the keys into the ignition only for the engine to turn over and make a pathetic rumbling sound.
“Fuck!” I screamed, laying on the horn.
I climbed out of the car and kicked the tires a few times,
“Fuck, this, shit!” I shouted between kicks before slamming my hands down on the hood.
“You okay there?” A male voice called from behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder to see a boy I recognized from school, but whose name I couldn’t place.
“Oh… uh… yeah. I think my battery is dead.” I grumbled.
“Need a jump?” He asked, “I can pull my car out of the garage.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” I breathed.
I would rather take a bullet right now than swallow my pride and trudge back over to the Hargrove’s house to ask Billy for a jump. The boy pulled his car around beside mine, climbing out and pulling the cables from his trunk,
“Name’s Craig, by the way.” He smiled, holding his hand out for me to shake.
“Y/N.” I returned a halfhearted grin.
He lifted the hood of his car as I did the same. I watched for a minute as he fumbled with the cords,
“Need help?” I questioned.
“Uh… Yeah… I… have no clue what I’m doing.” He smiled sheepishly, chuckling as he did so.
“I’ll show you.” I took the cables from him, leaning over the hood of his car and pointed to the parts of the battery, “You put the red clips on the positive, and the black on the negative. Super easy.”
He did as I told him,
“Then you put the other black clip on the little stand thingy.” I pointed to the metal rod that held the hood open, “And on my car…. You put the red on the positive.” I turned and clipped the last clamp on.
“Now you just start your car and we wait a minute.”
He did as I told him, starting up his car and letting it idle.
“Ohh… Now I know why I recognize you.” Craig blurted, pointing his finger at me, “You’re Billy Hargrove’s girl.”
“Guilty as charged.” I held up my hand, rolling my eyes slightly, Billy being the last thing I wanted to talk about at the moment.
“Why didn’t you park out front?”
“Huh?”
“Out front of Billy’s house.”
I let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. Billy’s parents didn’t know about me, and that’s the way Billy wanted it to stay. He didn’t want me getting wrapped up in his family’s drama or becoming yet another target for Neil’s unchecked rage. And there was no way in hell I wanted to explain that to a stranger.
“I wanted to surprise him.” I lied, “Thanks for the jump.”
He shut off his car and unhooked it, allowing me to head back home.
My first day back at school in nearly a week was anything but routine. Billy didn’t bother to pick me up from school, I hitched a ride with Steve and Dustin instead. Steve greeted me with a silent hug. I assumed that Dustin had told him what happened. To say I was glad that Dustin had a good male figure in his life. Despite how much I loved Billy, he was far from a role model and he and Dustin bickered like cats and dogs.
Eyes from every corner of the halls were glued to me. It wasn’t like me to miss school, let alone for a week at a time. Not to mention the absence of Billy glued to my side, hand tucked in my back pocket as we walked between classes.
I entered first period expecting to sit in my usual seat, only to see that Tommy had taken the seat beside Billy. I bit my lip, every eye on me as I shuffled to a seat at the back of the room.
“Where the hell have you been?” Jennifer questioned, smacking her gum.
I couldn’t process the question, my attention focused on Billy who clenched his jaw as he turned around to look at me only to quickly glance away when our eyes met.
“Trouble in paradise?” She questioned, blowing a bubble and letting it pop against her lips.
“No.” I lied, opening my textbook to the page that was scribbled on the chalkboard.
My attempts to concentrate were thwarted by the disgusting squishing sound of Jennifer gnashing at her gum. She pulled part of it out of her mouth, twirling it around her finger as she read before shoving it back in her mouth and popping it once again. I felt every muscle in my body tense up, Jennifer blissfully unaware of how badly I wanted to knock out her teeth. She blew one last bubble,
“Oh my god, Jen! Knock it off!” I blurted in the otherwise silent classroom.
Everybody turned around to stare, the teacher removing her glasses.
“Is there a problem, ladies?” She questioned.
“Yeah, apparently Jennifer never learned any manners,” I grumbled to myself, looking back to my textbook.
I read the words on the page but retained no information as I continued. My mind flying ten thousand different places at once. Keeping my father’s death a secret from my mother, whatever the hell Billy’s problem was, going through every interaction I had with him over the last week, trying to think of anything I could’ve done to upset him.
The bell rang, followed by the shuffling of students shoving their book in their backpacks and mindlessly moving to their next class. Algebra was yet another class I had with Billy, and once again, my seat was taken by one of his moronic friends. I ground my teeth together in frustration before finding another place to sit. It happened to be beside Craig, the boy who helped me with my car the other day. I offered him a soft smile as I sat down beside him,
“Hey.” He whispered.
Yet another class. Reading what was written down on the board, copying the numbers, but retaining zero information. Bell ring. Shuffling of bags. Teacher hollers something after the kids as they leave. I bumped into Billy as we exited to classroom,
“Sorry.” He grumbled, not bothering to look at me.
I stared up at him in dismay as he brushed past me and out into the hallway.
“Are you ever going to fucking talk to me again!?” I screamed after him.
His head whirled around, having never expected me to bring this to a head in the school hallway. Every eye in the place was on us. We had somehow become the ‘it’ couple of Hawkins. Since Nancy and Steve broke up, and Billy was the newest panty dropper in Hawkins, we rose to the top of the food chain. It was never a place I thought I would be. Never a place I really wanted to be. But it was nice to have people around you stay off your back, not give you any shit.
They had to have noticed that something was off the past couple of weeks, and they were all expecting this ticking time bomb to explode.
Billy strode up to me, grabbing me by my arm and dragging me out into the parking lot despite my attempts to free myself from his grasp.
“What were you doing with him?” Billy snarled.
“Him?”
“Craig.”
“Craig? He helped me jump my car.”
“Yeah. I know. Is he your new toy or something?”
“My new toy!? What the hell is the matter with you?”
“You’ve been smiling at each other whenever you walk by.
“Yeah, because I’m a nice person. I smile at everybody!” I shouted.
“No… He looks at you differently. I heard him talking in the locker room the other day. About what he would do to you if he got you alone.”
“And you think I would let any of that happen? Do you not trust me!?”
“I don’t know anymore!”
“Billy, do you know how many times I’ve heard girls talking about how they want to lick your abs? Or other things!?” I shouted, “And I don’t take is seriously because I trust you not to let them do it!
“You sat next to him in Algebra.”
“Yeah, because Jacob took my seat. Guess that means he wants to suck your dick, right?” I retorted with a scoff.
“He’s trying to pull you away from me.”
“You’re doing a good enough job pushing me away that he won’t have to try very hard.” I spat, spinning away from him. He grabbed me by the wrist again, twirling me back around to face him. I expected to see fire in his eyes, but it had been extinguished. His features softened,
“I’m sorry.” Billy whispered, “It’s just… it’s my dad.”
“You think you’re the only one with daddy issues!? Welcome to the fucking club.” I spat, “I didn’t push everybody away! I didn’t push you away! Because I knew you’d understand what I was going through! And I trust you! But I come over and I try to help you and you tell me things change. What the hell does that mean!?”
“I… I can’t…”
“What? You can’t tell me? What a fucking surprise!
I reached for the clasp on the necklace he had given me, the one with the ring his mother had gifted to him before she passed.
“Please don’t.” He begged, his tear brimmed eyes trained on his feet.
“B.” I breathed, sliding the ring off the chain and into the palm of my hand.
“Please, don’t” Billy uttered as I extended my hand out to him, placing the ring in his palm.
“Billy. It’s over. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be.” I urged, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill.
“I can’t… I need you. I’m better when I’m with you.”
“You can’t expect me to fix you, Billy. That’s not fair.”
“I… I know… I know I ask a lot of you. And I know I can do better. I want to do better. But I can’t do it without you.”
“You’re gonna have to figure out how. Because I can’t stay if you’re going to keep pushing me aside.”
“I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I promise.”
“Too little, too late.” I breathed, turning away from him and heading back to my car.
I was hyper-aware of every eye trained on me as I walked away, the whispers from every corner of the parking lot, but I couldn’t let them bother me. I had to keep my cool until I left, or I knew I would be crawling back to him in an instant.
I couldn’t let myself cry in the car either. I couldn’t let the rest of the kids see me cry, I was already humiliated enough by putting our breakup on display for the entire school to see. I looked at Billy in the rear-view mirror, he was frozen exactly where I had left him, eyes trained on the car as I backed out of the parking lot and peeled off down the road,
When I arrived home, I scrambled out of the car and up the front step of my porch. As soon as I closed the front door behind me, I melted to the floor and let out an echoing sob. Dustin looked up from the kitchen, a spoon in his mouth and a jar of peanut butter beside him. He scrambled over to me,
“What happened?! What’s wrong!?” He hollered, dropping to his knees beside me.
“You were right.” I sobbed, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my forehead on them as I wept.
“About what?”
“Billy.”
“That son of a bitch, I swear to god I’m going to shove his goddamn cigarettes so far down his throat that he shits them out.” Dustin growled, pulling me to my feet and dragging me in to sit on the couch. He grabbed the throw that sat was draped over mom’s chair and wrapped it around my shoulders before going back in the kitchen. He returned with the jar of peanut butter and two spoons, handing me one as he sat beside me and tucked himself under the blanket too.
“Want me to call Steve? He always knows what to do.” Dustin asked.
“And have you two plot some scheme to kill him? No.” I sniffled, feeling a grin tug on my lips.
“We won’t kill him. Just maim him. That motherfucker deserves it,” Dustin defended, “Slash his tires…. Break his windshield…”
I shook my head, resting it on Dustin’s shoulder and got a spoonful of peanut butter, shoving it in my mouth.
“El could make him pee himself.” He suggested.
I let out a snort, nearly choking on my peanut butter,
“Dustin!” I exclaimed.
“What!? She could!” He shouted, “Hurt is pride a little bit.”
“I already broke up with him in front of the entire school, I think his pride is already shot.”
“Ooh… that bad, huh?”
“Oh yeah. Everybody saw it.” I murmured.
A knock on our door made me lift my head from Dustin’s shoulder. He got up before I could, running over to the door and looking out the frosted glass window.
“Oh, this motherfucker…” He grumbled, throwing the door open.
“What the hell are you doing here?!” He shouted.
“Is your sister home?” A familiar voice sounded from behind the door.
I drew in a sharp, shaking breath, getting to my feet,
“Yeah. What about it?” Dustin snarled, crossing his arms and blocking the doorway.
“Can I talk to her?”
“After the way you’ve been treating her the past week?” He bellowed, “There’s no way in hell.”
“Look, kid. Please. I need to talk to her.” Billy pleaded.
“You should’ve thought of that befor-“
“Dustin.” I interrupted, stepping behind him as he confronted Billy.
Billy’s face was red and splotchy, eyes bloodshot like he had been crying. His usual overly confident stance had been replaced with slumped shoulders, his head hanging.
Dustin shot him another glare before allowing me to step out onto the front porch with Billy. I mimicked my brother’s posture, crossing my arms over my chest as I stared at the boy.
“Talk.” I spat.
“Baby-“ He began, reaching out for my upper arm.
“No. Don’t call me that.” I croaked, feeling the lump in my throat rise as I dodged his grasp.
“I’m sorry…I… I shouldn’t have… I should’ve just talked to you about what was going on. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you gotta know that.” He sniffled.
“It was hard to tell, considering you wouldn’t even fucking look at me.” I snapped.
“I know… I know… god, I’m such a piece of shit.” He growled, running his hands over his hair as he gritted his teeth.
“So what are you here to do?” I questioned, “Beg for me to come back? What? Get on with it.”
My words came out more hostile than I intended, but I was angry beyond belief that he could just decide to ignore me during one of the hardest weeks of my life when I always bent over backward to be there for him. How he could just drop me and leave me thinking that I had done something wrong.
“I…” He breathed, digging in his pocket.
He pulled out the necklace I had handed him back earlier,
“Even… even if we aren’t together… I want you to have this.” He uttered, holding his hand out to me,
“Billy. No. I can’t take that from-“
“You aren’t taking it. I’m giving it.”
“Billy. No… Your mom means so much to you, I can’t just let you give that to me.”
“My mom would’ve loved you, Y/N… I see so much of her in you.” He gulped, trying to hide the tears that were welling in his eyes, “And I can practically hear her now, yelling at me for being such an ass to you.”
“I can’t take this, Billy.” I repeated.
“Yeah, you can. And you’re going to.” He told me, grabbing my hand and shoving the necklace in it, “Maybe you can decide to forgive me for being a dick. Maybe not. But either way, that belongs to you now.”
Silent tears now dripped down both of our cheeks as we stared at each other. All I wanted was to pull him into my arms and hold him and tell him that I forgive him. It wouldn’t be the truth, not yet anyway, but his mom was his entire world up until the day she died. He held so much admiration for her, his eyes lit up when he talked about her, when he showed me the photo album he hid under his bed filled with pictures of them together. When he lost his first tooth, on the first day of school, when they got his first pet, his first basketball game. Pictures from every birthday party and holiday, holding hands as they walked through the park or the zoo. She had this ring on in all the pictures, the ring she stole from a shop owner who hurt her best friend.
Maybe I could forgive him, but not now. Not today.
“You can be mad at me for as long as you need to. But I’ll… I’ll feel better knowing that she’s with you… watching over you too… I… I really do love you, Y/N…”
I gnawed on my lip, hard enough that it would surely leave a bruise.
“I love you too, Billy… I just… I can’t…. I can’t right now…” I cried.
He nodded knowingly, daring to press a kiss to my temple as he walked off the porch and got back into his Camaro.
#Billy hargrove imagine#billy hargrove imagines#billy hargrove oneshot#billy hargrove one shot#billy hargrove oneshots#billy hargrove one shots#billy hargrove fan fic#billy hargrove fan fics#billy hargrove fanfic#billy hargrove fanfics#billy hargrove#billy hargrove smut#billy hargrove fluff#billy hargrove drabble#billy hargrove drabbles#billy hargrove headcanon#billy hargrove head canon#billy hargrove headcanons#billy hargrove headcannon#billy hargrove head cannon#billy hargrove head cannons#Stranger things imagine#stranger things imagines#stranger things fan fiction#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fanfic#stranger things fanfics#stranger things fan fics#stranger things fan fic#stranger things headcanon
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tagged by: @falkreathh thank you!! sorry for doing this so much later u_u’
tagging: whoever wants to!! (◡‿◡✿)
1. favourite game in the series
ok... i don’t know if you already figured it out but my total fave is dao. why? maybe is the nostalgic feelings this game gives me or... i played it so many mcfucking times that i just get this hollow feeling inside my chest when i haven’t played it for weeks... idk. the trespasser dlc was spectacular too and gave my lavellan a lot of personality (what i thought the dai base game lacked, bc it made me feel like my inquisitor was an empty shell with no personality, solas’ romance save the dai base game to me tbqh). but... you can create such complex personalities in dao for your warden, and the relationships are so so realistic. i think (dao) is neat lmao.
2. how did you discover dragon age?
before being a dragon age fan i was a dark souls fan; i breath dark souls, i read dark souls, i ate dark souls, i was quite obsessed with dark souls, and before dark souls i was an obsessed skyrim fan (oNLY SKYRIM, not the previous games ashdgjasdgh) and with skyrim that was the first time i made video game oc's, like... they had such complex personalities and i cannot make complex character now... aNYWAY i'm getting carried away: i knew dragon age bc dai was being lunched and ALL the people i followed reblogged stuff about dai, and then i bought dao and loved it!!
3. how many times have you played the games?
hfgsdjfhsjfshd fffUCKKKK SHITT... alright... many mANY TIMES, but how many times i haven't finished my game?? countless times!! i think i finished fINISHED dao maybe... pls don't laugh at me... 10+ times. yes they are so so so many times, shame on me! shame on my cow! blah blah, but i lOVE dao. da2 maybe.... 3-4 times? and dai 6 times?? it's funny bc i played dao and da2 in many different ways but dai... m8, always the same, fuck you solas sdhfjdshjsdf
4. favourite race to play?
qUNARIIIII!!! i lOVE tieflings so.. i obviously love the qunari too, but in the dai the first race i chose was qunari but then i talked to solas and i was like... bITCHHHHH i'm gonna create an elf to romance this egg, and then... my canon inky became an elf lol. and last favourite race are humans... ok don't hate me, it's not bc they are """boring""" or shit like that, it's bc they are the upper-class of thedas and i LOVE the "from zero to hero" trope... so... yeah agfshsdfhj
5. favourite class?
mages!! bc i love the lore behind this class, it's fantastic, precisely blood magic. but if i didn't care about this, i would choose archer, tho in the first games it sucked but in dai is pretty cool :^)
6. do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?
as i've said before i have made many different decisions in dao and da2 but in dai are always the same lol
7. go-to adventuring group?
origins: alistair/sten, morrigan, zev/leliana
da2: aveline, anders, isabela/varric
dai: solas, cassandra, cole/sera
8. which of your characters did you put the most thought into?
i think prim/anika??(they're the same but one is a human and the other an elf lmaoo), she was my first da oc, and obviously the one i put most thought into bc i uSED to have a lot of creativity some years ago, what a pity my brain is useless now lmao
9. favourite romance?
pfffff... solas, alistair, leli and cass!! i think?? idk i gotta play again dai bc i'm not sure :/
10. have you read any of the comics/books?
i've read aLL the books but not the comics :/, i want to read the comics but idk where i could read them online and free (sorry i'm poor lol), so... mi gozo en un pozo lmao
11. if you read them, which was your favourite book?
my fav book was "the masked empire"!! patrick weekes is a good writer and i loved the orlesian politics, and i adored seeing these characters in dai! (tho briala was whitewashed lmao)
12. favourite DLCs?
obviously: awakening and trespasser. these two dlc's were mcfUCKING AMAZING. i mean, with dao i expected the same quality of the base game, but trespasser was such an excelent and good experience, it gave a lot of insight to our inquisitors and also: sOOULASSSSS, so yep! i mainly lOVED trespasser and i hope weekes guides the team to make a game at least as good as this dlc! (tho, if ea is a greedy bintch this time [as always lol] it doesn't matter how many times the bioware time tries, ea will force them to do a shitty game :/)
13. things that annoy you
how viv, anders and sera are written, i mean, i loved anders the first time i played da2 but his personality is obviously written to annoy the fuck outta you, tho i loved how he expressed his ideals freely (tho sometimes he even seemed too traidtional to me about topics like blood magic :/), but sera and viv were a lil harder to befriend and like, and i still don't like much viv, but i love her as a character, y'kno
14. orlais or ferelden?
tbh, if i gotta live in one of those two places i would choose ferelden by fAR. but, now, if we're talking about which is more interesting; orlais.
15. templars or mages?
like @/blckwall said: all templars are bastards :). i would love if thedas had independent magic schools, that there were no higher representatives or charges, that every village or city had its own magic school, and the crown would be the responsable of manage its needs. i haven't thought much about this so my thoughts are quite vague :/
16. if you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?
they're from different universes, tho i'd love the idea of all of them being in the same universe, but some worlds states are incompatible with others.
17. what did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)
in dao: barkspawn (i'm extremelly predictable, sorry u_u')
18. have you installed any mods?
all my dragon age games are modded as fUCK. i mean, i think dao is the most heavy modded game i have?? (mainly bc i cannot install many mods in skyrim lol) but when i have my gaming computer again i will mod the shit out of dai >:)
19. did your warden want to become a grey warden?
prim had been working in the circle her entire live to be in the higher ranks, and then she saw how all her work was lost made her really conflicted: she didn't wanted to leave bc she yearned to be more powerful and make the circle a better place for mages (yep, she's deeply anti-circle bc of her traumatic past), and she was going to die if she refused duncan's offer. even so, she was never sorry for supporting jowan. and, she became the king of ferelden's mistress; she loved him obv, but she could also take some advantage of his power to make the mages and marginalize people's situation better, and gain fortune by that; alistair was well aware about her plans by prim's words herself, but he never objected. altho the main cause prim made alistair king is bc she wanted him to have a good life and not waste it as a grey warden, so... anyway, i got acrried away... this is long af ghdjsdgf
20. hawke’s personality?
red mostly, tho he used to be purple/red in the first and begining of the second act :/
21. did you make matching armor for your companions in inquisition?
yes i did!! i lOVED to be fashionable in dragon age instyle!!
22. if your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?
prim : she would have tried to convince jowan and wait some months until she could convince him. also: sometimes she wishes she didn't make alistair king, mostly bc of her daughter (her daughter is the only heir to the throne of ferelden, and basically she doesn't even know that prim is her real mother, mostly bc anora adopted her bc alistair and she couldn't have children), sometimes, in her alone saddest times, thinks how things would have been if alistair was still a grey warden, they would have a happy family and wouldn't even had to hide inofensive stuff like a cheek kiss. but anyway, her duties as a grey warden are more important and doesn't have time to think about it.
garrett hawke: he regrets not defending carver, he would have prefered to sacrifice himself instead of any of his siblings. he also regrets going to the deep roads with bethany, letting the grey wardens make her one of them (obv he doesn't know that if he didn't she would have joined the circle lmao). and obv her mother's death... if he had been there, with her mother, he could have done something... :'/
maia: she regrets not being strong enough when that shem tried to hurt her when she was a litte girl, that made her mother kill him to save her bc she was too defenseless, she should have been stronger, that caused her mother and she part ways, because now maia's mother was a criminal and she had more proabilities of getting caught, so maia should go on her way and find the next village, but she found the lavellan clan. she deeply regrets not going after her mother. she also think she was too stupid to not found out the true identity of solas and try to convince him that this world has meaning :'/
23. do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?
mmmm... no? :/, i like my decisions to have consequences??
24. are any of your characters based on someone?
sahgdashsd pls don't make fun of me but in the first stage of prim's/anika's 'personality creation' was inspired by mother gothel, then she was inspired by...... mikasa ackerman dsfgdjsdf, i'm still inspired by that character tHO i know that shingeki no kyojin is nazi propaganda and i no longer watch that anime lmao. maia is inspired by... a mix of me and rapunzel (from tangled)?? she's basically a shy rapunzel :')
25. who did you leave in the fade?
some of you will hate me bc i had to choose between hawke and stroud but i still chose hawke dsfgsdf. m8, hawke is just a 'figure' who isn't widely recognized in thedas, while the grey warden are 394789x more useful, idk i always put myself in the shoes of my characters even if their decisions hurt me (tho, tbqh, i'm not tHAT attached to hawke so this choice was easy lol)
26. favourite mount?
royal sixteen!! she's so pretty!! ♡♡♡
thanks for tagging me!! ♡♡
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heres a list of like... cashier pet peeves & things to do to Not make ur cashier Fucking Miserable
bag ur fucking raw meat. listen u might think it looks clean but a lot of times its NOT. & not only is it like... nasty to touch but we also gotta touch other ppls food!! dont do that!!! ppl dont want fuckin cow blood on their apples ok
but also like?? dont put more than one per bag?? otherwise the cashier has to like dig through it to scan each one & it kinda defeats the purpose & also takes forever
if u have multiple of one fruit/vegetable/etc put them in a bag bc half that shit goes by weight anyway & its REALLY hard to weigh it when ur trying to put everything on the scale & it keeps catching the barcode & ringing it up before ur done. & then u like.. still have some left & also ur like wait did that last one get weighed w that or not? did it register weight from my hand when i was putting it down??
also like. even if it doesnt go by weight. put it in a bag. no one wants to pick up 20 individual oranges that keep rolling around on the damn belt
PLEASE when u do bag things keep different items separate even if theyre the same price bc it fucks up the inventory
i know the peppers are all a dollar but yellow peppers have a different plu than red peppers okay!!
also dont bag like... regular items??? we have a lady who always puts her yogurt in the produce bags like do u realize how hard that makes it to scan them?? esp bc theyre all different flavors so again we cant just scan one and do a quantity bc it fucks up the inventory
& my god if ur gonna buy fuckin. 30 bottles of pop & keep them in the cart MAKE SURE THEYRE NEAT!! we have to be able to count them!! i dont want to scan 30 individual bottles just like you dont want to put them all on the belt but we gotta be able to Actually See how many u have & im not risking my job over u stealing a bottle of pop accidentally or otherwise!! corporate doesnt give a shit if its an accident
also like... if ur gonna put one on the belt & say “oh i have this many” but u have like. different kinds please put up one of each bc again. inventory
also KEEP THINGS GROUPED TOGETHER it makes it a lot easier to bag shit. u dont like everything all thrown in bags randomly?? dont put it on the belt randomly!! group like ur cans ur cold shit ur produce etc etc please
but dont fuckin.. stack shit?? even if its not very high the belt Loves to push things around & knock shit over dont do it
also idk if other stores do this but where i work theres a part of the belt thats like narrower than the rest & it kinda slants toward the cashier & its supposed to like... guide the items along but its fucking GARBAGE & instead it just smashes shit. so PLEASE try not to put ur items wider than that narrowest part. its ok if like some things are a little bit over but like dont put it all the way to both edges of the belt!! things will get stuck or smashed. do not trust that thing it does not do its job
also!! dividers exist for a reason!! even if u think ur order is far enough away from the persons in front of u its hard to tell sometimes bc again, shit gets backed up & the belt pushes it all together
also if ur gonna leave things in ur cart try to make sure the barcodes are visible?? please dont make me flip over all of your six cases of pop bc the barcodes are on the bottom (which like, they should absolutely put it in more than one place but... they dont). just put it so the barcode is up or out or otherwise in a position that is easily accessible
dont put money/ coupons directly on the belt. it will eat them
try to have ur money ready?? i know sometimes u kinda. forget. but please try. cashiers are usually timed & when u take forever to pay it kinda... counts against us
also re: being timed please try to know what ur actually getting like...before?? u start to check out??? i know sometimes things add up to more than u initially expected but like. dont take five minutes to decide on each and every item u have. we do have price checks. please use them
god please put the fucking bags in ur cart as they fill up (also this doesnt rly... apply everywhere, but we have our bags on like a carousel where i work so if the store u go to has that dont reach over to a bag the cashier is still working on theres a reason they havent turned it towards u yet)
please if ur using reusable bags (which by the way we all fucking hate. just use the regular ones & recycle them. the reusable ones are a pain to pack) PLEASE PLEASE P L E A S E MAKE SURE THEYRE CLEAN god ppl come in w em & theyve got like... food spilled on em, theyre sticky, a lot of them have pet hair all over them like.... dont be that person okay
re: grouping things together, & this is kinda more directed at other cashiers but maybe dont... put like pet food w chemicals. i know a lot of ppl just group all the non food stuff together but like. it is still technically food. its not food for you, but another living thing is still going to consume that. if u wouldnt put it with YOUR food dont put it w ur pets food
dont complain that there are no registers open or the lines are long or theres no carts or a bunch of things were out of stock please we already know i promise u a thousand ppl before u have already complained abt it & weve already called the appropriate manager or department but there is nothing we as cashiers can personally do about it
if u ask to talk to a manager!! please say why!! esp if the cashier asks. dont just say “i want to talk to a manager” over & over bc the manager is probably Fucking Busy & usually its something that can be solved another way!! 99% of the time theres no need for them to get involved & it would be faster to get it taken care of if we DONT have to call them & have them drop what theyre doing to come & talk to you personally
dont try to sneak into a closed lane w a long line. we see you. & when we say “this line is closed” dont say “i was already here” bc no u fucking werent. if our lane is closed u better believe we are watching the end of that line like a fucking HAWK to make sure we get outta there as soon as fucking possible.
also please dont pull the “but i only have a few things!!” act bc i swear half the ppl who do that can never make up their mind on what they actually want. & also now i either gotta stay even LONGER letting ten other ppl w three things each into my line or look like an asshole for saying no to everyone else that just has a few items. i know ur trying to get out of here. so am i.
my god please if ur going to like the twelve items or fewer lane. 20 of the same thing doesnt count as one item. we cant do quantities on those lanes BECAUSE they are supposed to be a limited amount of items anyway so we shouldnt NEED a quantity option. just go to a regular lane
also dont try to go into one of those lanes w a bunch of shit?? if ur a couple items over its fine but like... dont be an asshole. “but all the other lines are long” isnt an excuse. u know WHY this line is short? bc the ppl in it only have a couple items & we can get them through faster. if u try to go through those lanes w a bunch of items ur backing up the line & deafeating the whole purpose. dont be an asshole!!!
god theres. so much more. but this is already So Long and i am So Tired. im gonna take a nap
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I pulled up my account at work, right, & was like why the fuck is my bill so high?? And dug around in my accounting.
-Manager billed me to board Pudge there while I was on vacation in August. I was not billed for the exact same period of boarding last year.
-She also billed me a daily medication administration fee. Pudge was taking buprenex buccally. She billed me fucking $3.50 a day for someone--I highly doubt ever her, most likely Coworkers C and E--to poke an oral syringe in her mouth and squirt.
-I was billed twice for bloodwork I ran in May.
-I was billed full cost for a blood pressure that I didn’t even do. Doc wrote down that she recommended I take a BP on Pudge bc she was renal, but I never did it, which Manager would have seen if she’d actually looked in her chart and realized oh, there’s no record of this being done. If I had done it, billing me $37.40 for it would be insane, because that is something I could and would have done by myself in my spare time. The only resource I would have used would’ve been a glob of acoustic gel.
-Surma’s vaccine charges were all fucked up. In 2016 she got her 3-yr FVRCP, 3-yr Purevax rabies, and annual leukemia. I was billed full cost for the rabies & leukemia; only FVRCP was discounted. This past summer when I boostered her leukemia, it was discounted.
I went straight to doc about all this bullshit, bc I do not feel comfortable bringing problems to Manager (which I also told doc). She removed the twice-billed bloodwork and never-done BP, and had no answer for me as to why Manager thought it was reasonable to charge me thirty-seven fucking dollars for doing no-resource-consumption work by myself on my own cat. Adjusted the charges for Surma’s vaccines so all of them were properly discounted--I pointed out that when you enter a vaccine under an employee, it automatically comes up with the discounted price. That means Manager went back and manually inflated the cost of two vaccines--leaving the discount, I may also add, on what is the cheapest vaccine. I got no answer as to why this may have been done.
She hemmed and hawed about why I was billed to board Pudge here this year but not last year, and her answer eventually boiled down to “Manager is trying to pay more attention to what we do with our own pets, and you lucked out last year by getting away scot-free.” “Okay,” I said, “but please understand that I was not told I would be charged this year, and wasn’t told after the fact that I was charged--I just opened my accounts and surprise, here’s a bill for a hundred bucks. It was a rude shock. The lack of consistency is very concerning to me.”
I’d made doc extremely uncomfortable by this point (GOOD), and I guess she wanted to try ending the event by getting an upper hand on me, bc she poked around in Surma’s billing records and asked why there was a charge for pre-anesthetic meds & a short anesthetic event last December.
“I did a dental on her. Manager said she would only bill me for the drugs and the gas because after getting her intubated, I did the monitoring and cleaning myself.”
“Did you do this on your day off?”
“No, it was a Thursday, I was here. We had nothing on the schedule that day so Manager said I could do Surma.”
“So, I get that you did the work yourself, but you did a voluntary procedure on your pet while on the clock, which means I paid you to do a dental.”
“She was under anesthesia for twenty minutes. Manager chose to bill me that way, so you’d have to take it up with her--and what am I supposed to do in the future? Take off on a surgery day and lose ten hours of pay, schedule my cat for a dental, then come in on what’s now a day off and work on her?”
RATHER PREDICTABLY, there was no answer to this. It’s partially my own damn fault for just assuming my bill wasn’t dicked up bc I know Manager is a lying slimeball, so going forward I’m watching my bill like a fucking hawk and I’m going to demand an estimate from Manager, with doc’s approval, for all services.
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every multimuse question. all of 'em. 1 - 30
WELP. │ not accepting now christ.
gonna get long
1. is there a muse that you wish gets more attention?
Literally any of them but Faron. But primarily Revas. She is literally my main and I love her so much. Faron’s my boy but the amount of attention he has right now is like hecking me the fuck up not gonna lie.
2. if you HAD to choose, who’s your favorite muse?
Revas. Not even a question. I can list them from fave to least fave if y’all want. I love all of them, but favorites are easy.
3. which muse is the trickiest to get into character for?
So far, most of the canon characters. I’m not used to writing canon characters and I get nervous that I’m not doing them enough justice.
4. is there a muse that not a lot of people roleplay with?
I unno. I mean most of them. Again, canon characters make me anxious & nervous so I have to work on that. It’s mostly me.
5. if you HAD to choose, who’s your least favorite muse?
Like to play? iunno yet. as a character? Evelyn. She’s literally the fucking worst. She’s fun to write but hooooo H O OO OO.
6. which one of your muses have you been playing the longest?
Evelyn, Erin & Vega. Evelyn was my first muse I ever rped and that was like. Years ago. I was still in highschool lm ao.
7. which one of your muses has the most ships?
Revas, probably? Like, of ones made via writing. Canon characters? probably top her out tho.
8. what is each of your muses otps? notps?
…. this is so much. otps usually consist of fairly mutual feelings and interest and aren’t fucking pedophiliac. ( lookin @ u she.ith fucks ) notps are. Vast and i have a lot of them. Like this would need to be it’s own post. because it’s way too long for this one, which is already long god.
9. why were you drawn to each one of your characters?
I relate to them, plain and simple. Or I made them. Canon muses I always relate to. If i didn’t I wouldn’t want to write them. There’s always something I relate to and love about them so immensely that I want to write them. Or i want to write them out of spite towards the fandom or whatever. Out of all of them, I relate to Grog the most.
10. which muse is the most fun to write for?
god uhhh. I wanna say probably ones I haven’t written yet!! There’s a lot of them that I’m just really excited to write!! But uhhh. Probably Revas or Vega for ones I have written.
11. is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who?
I’m currently debating on adding either Kagome, Sango, or Koga from Inuyasha! Mainly because it’s all I’ve been watching for awhile. I will probably add more one day.
12. what is something everyone should know about your muses before interacting?
Shipping Rules. And basics about them. My interpretation of canon characters are not the same as your standard shit. I do not adhere to most canon.if you want to know something about ANY AND ALL of them, ASK.
13. what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?
I’ll keep it short. • Revas gets more and more bird like over time. Probably puts feathers in her hair and everything. • Faron likes watching octopi dance bc of soy sauce. • Eludysia takes care of birds. • Evelyn enjoys beating people with her prosthesis instead of wearing it. • Erin digs k-pop. • Morgan is actually afraid of blackholes and worries about them a lot. • Grog likes to braid his beard. • Bruce doesn’t like having a beard or facial hair. • Terry makes references to memes a lot. • Noah probs looks after Gansey a lot without him being Aware. • Adam doesn’t dig sour things because they make his cheeks hurt. • J’mon Sa Ord is actually a big history & arcane nerd. • Raven Queen enjoys sweets & tea. • Sarenrae likes talking to the pearls and souls of her domain. • Nova would & has punched a fiend straight in the jaw. • Vega likes cooking and enjoys seeing his friends smile because of his cooking. • Garrus likes to braid hair bc its a weird feeling but nice. • Symm? Worship kink probably. • Reinhardt likes spending time with the younger characters because he likes being a granddad. • Sombra knows how to spray paint cool shit. • Wash is uhhhhh scared of dying • Hisraad thinks everyone is small. Even Bull. ( they’re like 8′. ) • Sehren collects story books to give to her daughter after everythings over. • Kaaska enjoys making sweets for everyone. • Meg isn’t as devoted as she pretends to be. • Rogue is Poly. Not weird but ya know. • Hawke knows how to sail. • Ronan would probably be one of those kids at an arcade playing racing games. • Shiro keeps his hair short bc of habit.
14. which muse has the most aus or verses?
Currently Revas. Because main focus. But all muses will have fully fleshed out verses in almost all the same areas. if applicable. like some of them won’t be able to transfer well to other universes so. we’ll see.
15. can you sort your muses from youngest to oldest?
Adam & Ronan Noah Terry NovaShiroRogueRevasVegaFaron (age hasn’t been update on the muse page)WashSymmSombraMorganHisraadHawkeMegSehrenKaaskaGrogBruceReinhardtErinJ’monEludysiaEvelynRaven QueenSarenrae
i miss anyone?
16. which muse is most willing to fight another muse?
Erin is ready to throw down with Evelyn at all times. & vice versa
17. do your muses get along with each other?
Some do, ye. would all of them? fuck no.
18. would you ship any of your muses together? who?
Ronan & Adam. Sombra & Symm.
19. for each muse, is there a character you wish had a blog so you could interact with them?
Probably.
20. have you ever considered making a multimuse/is it easier having a multimuse?
It’s easier. Much easier. Makes it easier to manage. i originally ran a multimuse ages ago before it was Acceptable™
21. which muse is the most problematic towards other muses?
Evelyn.
22. which muse is most likely to make new friends?
Revas, Erin, & Vega
23. which muses’ fandom do you like the best?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Critrole muses fandom. Only one I like. Legitimately enjoy l m ao.
24. is there someone playing the same muse/s as you and you really look up to them?
Yes!! I really look up to @freedomsacrificed!!! Savvy’s Adam is really amazing and I really hope I can be half as good, but I won’t compare our adam’s bc like. Adam is a good bean and needs more love anyways ;u; I’m not submerged in my other muses community enough anymore to uhh give a shit atm. tbh. t bh .
25. which muse do people send the most asks for?
i dont even. I unno man. I unno. Faron. Always has been always will be I guess?
26. which muse is most likely to have kids?
a lot of them have kids already. but some of them would wanna be a parent one day when the universe decides to fuckin chill.
27. is there a rule that someone keeps breaking for your muses?
mmmm. people tend to not read abouts. Which is a biggie. but hasn’t happened in a while.
28. can you sort your muses from weakest to strongest?
I sure can.
29. which muse are you considering deleting?
A few. Keeping it on the down low currently.
30. most importantly, are you having fun playing each one of your muses?
Yes and no. Some muses are a struggle and cause me stress when they get overworked. Others are easier, come to me naturally. And a few are rarely written so.
#despxcable#:: asks#;; ever wonder why we're here? ( mun stuff )#:: ooc#long post#can u tell im a bit salty about stuff today#just a tad
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five times watched. (( that sounds super creepy but we all know that we end up watching our crushes bc !!! sO ???? i'm trying to be creative here and i'm not good at it ))
i.
it starts innocuously enough, all things considered. it’s a poetry slam— you’re supposed to be paying attention to the speaker. it’d be rude not to. so sif doesn’t feel bad for staring, raises a dam inside of herself so that no guilt is able to drip into her and weigh her down as she watches how his lips shape the words he speaks. he controls the room without even seemingly being aware of his ability to do so; when he pauses, the entire room freezes, everyone holds their breath, going still, waiting. watching. watching him. see? she’s just like everyone else. even if her eyes trace over the shape of his lips, slow, careful, like she’s trying to teach herself patience. maybe she is, if the way her hand curls around her mug so rigidly is to serve as evidence against her plea of innocence. ( and, to be perfectly clear, there is nothing innocent in the shape of his mouth and there is nothing innocent in the way she watches him like a hawk. ) he pauses again and sif looks up, pulling her gaze away from his mouth to catch his eyes. she almost wants to jump back as if she’s been burned when she finds his eyes locking with her own. she’s been caught red handed. and yet, she can’t even muster the decency to look away— and when she doesn’t, he smiles.
ii.
if sif were a smarter girl, maybe she wouldn’t be sitting here. again. watching as he walks to the mic, easy, like there’s all the time in the world. like they’d sit here for hours just to hear him speak— and sif is sure, from looking at him at least, that his thought process probably doesn’t sound quite as pompous as she’s making him seem. it’s not her intention to. there is nothing imperious in the lazy smile he wears, in the old, worn denim jeans he’s got on. paired with a lisa frank tank top, like they’re taking a trip back to the mid nineties, and it’s glorious in the worst of ways because god, who the fuck wants to go back to the mid nineties? but the obscurity pairs well with him because he wears it as though it isn’t obscure at all, and it isn’t. not really. endearing. that’s what it is. regardless— it is maybe not the smartest decision to be here again, tonight, to hear him speak. to her, she thinks, and then, no, to everyone. to no one. to the moon and stars? maybe. after she’d been caught last week, she’d spent the rest of the slam pointedly trying to not stare at him, rushing out of the dimly lit cafe the minute everything was over. and yet here she was, moth to flame. he reached the mic and sif made it a point to take a long, slow drink from her mug as he started. she wasn’t going to be a fuckin’ creep. she wasn’t. the bottom of the mug touched her table, and she lasted what could have possibly been thirty seconds before she sought him out, only to find he’d found her first. she’d changed the table she’d sat at in the hopes of not being found. and yet here she was, and there he was, and neither of them were looking away from one another. to me, she thinks, fondly.
iii.
she’s almost too late, trying to quietly rush inside the cafe before she misses anything— and do you know how hard it is to quietly rush? it’s certainly not a cake walk, but she manages not to be incredibly disruptive, holding her breath so her panting doesn’t cloud the atmosphere and make things weird. sif always makes it a priority to take keir and visenya out for a quick walk before she leaves, and of course, visenya just had to choose today to slip out of her collar. the good news: visenya wasn’t hurt, and sif managed to get both dogs home safely. the bad news: she’s standing around awkwardly, lungs burning as she tries to quiet herself, and people are looking. it’s not the people looking she cares about, so much as it is the fact that she might’ve ruined the experience they’d been having up until that point. she offers a weak smile to anyone who shoots her a glare as she treks over to the counter, and takes comfort in the fact that at least the barista shoots her an understanding look. he’s a nice guy. she doesn’t recognize whoever is currently at the mic and wonders, with an odd spike of panic, if she’s missed ben. she picks something random off the menu, but granted, it’s always something random because she’s made it her goal to try everything on the menu. sif sulks as she waits for her drink, picking at her shirt. it’s the joy division shirt that everyone owns, paired with some old shorts that are maybe just a little bit too short, but fuck it. who cares, right? she’s comfortable.
the drink is cold in her hands, and topped with extra whip, because sif guesses that’s the barista’s way of trying to cheer her up. her fear that she missed ben only intensifies and she drops into a plush chair and pushes her messy hair behind her burning ears. her phone slips out of her pocket easily, and she turns her brightness all the way down, scrolling through facebook idly. why does she still have a facebook? facebook is what you use to keep in touch with family and to see who from your graduating class is married, or pregnant, or in rehab. she doesn’t keep up with any of those people. lost in her own grumbling thoughts, she doesn’t notice when the person speaking finishes. doesn’t register the footsteps that near the mic. she just squints at her phone as she scrolls through her meager friends list. and when ben speaks, lower than usual, she startles and nearly drops her phone, almost giving herself whiplash with how fast she turns her head. shit. sif watches him scan the audience and is quick to nearly slam her phone down on the arm of her chair, screen facing downwards, and waits for him to find her. she counts, and it takes him about twenty five seconds to pinpoint her. he seems pleased to see her, and she tries not to look so flushed, so caught off guard. does it work? of course not. her lips twitch upwards all the same.
she settles into the chair, which is actually pretty comfortable, now that she’s not hunched over her phone, and listens with rapt attention as he speaks. and it’s.. different, compared to his usual pieces. not that she’s complaining, of course, but— the way he’s speaking now is like he’s making her a promise, the words rolling off of his tongue considerably more.. provocative. oh. oh. he doesn’t look away from her, and her teeth notch into her lower lip, and his eyes only seem to glow with the action.
iv.
it is a very lazy sunday, and even though the sun is out and a nice breeze is keeping the day just cool enough to not be sweltering, sif finds that she doesn’t want to do much. she dresses lazily, aiming for comfort instead of style. the joggers she throws on are obnoxiously bright and obnoxiously patterned, but they’re soft and light. her tanktop scrunches up a bit so her navel is just peeking out from under the fabric, and she jams her wallet, phone, and apartment keys into her pockets, leaving her apartment to seek out the thrift store. it’s nice, run by a sweet old couple, and it’s cheap, and she always finds something. the store is pretty much empty, and she takes her time wandering about in a daze, fingers tracing along shelves. she picks out some old books, the spines worn, and finds her way to the register. just as she’s being rung up, the bell on the door jingles, and sif blinks, glancing over to the door. in walks ben. because, of course, who else would it be? she forgets where she is as he makes his way into the store, the sun catching in his hair, not realizing at first that the kind old man ringing up her books has asked her how she’s been.
“oh, y’know. still settling in, sort of.” sif answers with a smile, trying to remind herself to make eye contact with the person she’s speaking to. she doesn’t want to be rude. she glances over at ben, again, anyways. he’s closer, looking at the small jewelry stand on the counter. she wonders if something caught his eye, or if maybe he’s just trying to be close to her. her head shakes slightly, and her attention is drawn back to the current transaction as she’s told her price, and she gives the man more than he’d asked for and tells him to keep the change. as she takes her bag, she makes a split second decision: she’s going to talk to him.
and just like that, as she takes a step forward, her phone rings. she wants to groan and stomp her feet like a child, whine that of fucking course, someone would choose now to call her. but she certainly can’t let the phone continue to ring, and so sif yanks it from her pocket like she’s got some serious beef with her phone, and answers it with a huffy “yeah?”. she passes ben on her way out of the store, still holding her phone to her ear, but just before the door closes behind her, she looks over her shoulder at him and finds him staring back at her.
v.
sif waits. and waits. and waits. and ben still doesn’t stand to take the mic. she doesn’t remember anything that’s been read so far. she’s too busy trying to sneak glances at him. he’s sitting a few seats away and to her side, just at the angle that keeps him right out of her peripheral, so of course, if she really wants to look at him, she has to turn. why isn’t he reading anything tonight? she’s worried, admittedly, and maybe it’s stupid of her to be worried because obviously artists don’t always have muse. maybe he just wants to sit and listen tonight. it shouldn’t be a big deal. she’s going to worry, anyways. he hasn’t caught her eye yet, even though sif knows he knows she’s looking.
so she turns, fully, effectively saying ‘fuck it’ to trying to be sneaky about it. what was the point? wasn’t like he didn’t know she’d be staring. wasn’t like he didn’t stare back. when he looks back at her, his eyes are glassy and far away. shit. he’s high. he’s high as fuck, and sif doubts pot played any part in it. they stay like that for the better part of a minute, just staring.
as the speaker finishes up,sif wonders what ben sees when he looks at her.
and then she gets up, and makes her way to his table, and makes herself right at home in the seat across from his. no use wondering what he sees, if she can just ask him.
“i’m sif.”
#tiewriter#sORRY FOR THE PRESENT TENSE LMFAO#(— SHIP: you have me until every last star in the galaxy ᴰ ᴵ ᴱ ˢ; )#poetry slam au#answered memes#i know this kind of doesnt fully tie in with the rps we've done with it i aPOLOGIZE
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Do ALL OF THEM
😳 oh yikes all of them??
1. Is a kiss considered cheating?depends on the relationship i guess. i suppose not if it’s poly. but in a monogamous relationship it also depends on the people. some think anything physical is considered cheating. personally, i think cheating can happen way before things get physical, so yeah to me a kiss would be cheating unless it was obviously completely platonic and something silly
2. Have you ever faked orgasm?i guess you could say i faked an orgasm when i lost my virginity
3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?i’d wanna be like an animorph, able to change into any animal i touch. but like not have to touch them, so i could be any animal in the world. i could turn into a fishy and swim the entire ocean. or a hawk and soar through the sky. or a cat and just be a lazy asshole
4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?wow that would be nice! at this rate, it’s only happen if i hit the lotto and i’ve never bought a ticket so that’s not likely
5. Tell us some funny drunk story.oh gosh. well there was this one time i went and visited my best friend at college. and we went to this party and i had jungle juice for the first time, which i didn’t realize is just a shit ton of alcohol poured together and fruit punch or something. so at one point i laughed so hard that i ended up crouching, but then i couldn’t stand up so i said to this random guy next to me “i’m going to use your shorts to pull myself up, i’m not getting frisky, i promise” suffice to say me and Kelsey were toasted af by the time we left. and at this point she lived in these off campus apartments that were a very long walk. we had to pee really bad and weren’t even halfway back to her place, so i drunkenly decided to do a sloppy wall squat against a chainlink fence with my pants pulled down and proceed to urinate on the path. not my brightest moment. we laughed about it all the way back to her apartment though
6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?we broke up on a mutual agreement that neither of us were in good places and needed to work on ourselves, that this wasn’t a forever solution and that if it was meant to be we’d come back to one another sometime down the line when we were both on our right paths
7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? peacefully in my sleep due to old age. but honestly i’ll probably die trying to save someone from something dangerous
8. What are your current goals?just to name a few; get back to school, start my own business, move out
9. Do you like someone?i don’t just like her, i love her
10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?James. he acted like a twat tonight at work and i’m severely disappointed in the way he’s been holding himself at work lately. he’s better than he’s been acting
11. Do you like your body?not really. i’m far too skinny. i’d like to get to the gym and build some muscle
12. Can you keep a diet?maybe a diet of junk food, cheese, pasta, bread, butter and steak AND BAGELs
13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?treat everyone as you would like to be treated and maybe this world would might get a little brighter
14. Do you work?five days a week, 40+ hours
15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?fuck. uhm. BAGELS bc bagels can be turned into just about anything 😉
16. Would you get a tattoo?i have three already! and so many more planned
17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?LUSH cosmetic bathbombs 😳
18. Can you drive?yessir
19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?Chef George tells me every day i work with him, today included 😋
20. What was the last thing you cried for?i was watching the titanic 😂
21. Do you keep a journal?yeah i’ve got a couple that i’ve written in. tumblr mostly though haha
22. Is life fun?most of the time yeah!
23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?i only fart in front of people when i don’t feel well and can’t really control it. i usually manage to fart in private
24. What’s your dream car?soft blue convertible VW bug
25. Are grades in school important?personally i feel like shit when i fail, so to me yeah
26. Describe your crush.oh goodness. she’s remarkable. one of the strongest women i know, she fights every day. she gives the best hugs bc she’s not afraid to squeeze me like everyone else, and she does that almost let go but wait i need more time kinda squeezes too, and she does this thing where when we drop our arms she grabs at my waist with one hand in a half-hearted tickle kinda gesture. she has wicked beautifully expressive eyes. she doesn’t need to wear makeup bc she’s got natural beauty but when she does it’s just wow. her laugh is contagious and i can’t stop smiling when i spend time with her. she knows me better than i known myself sometimes. she makes time for me and is always there when i really need her. i can’t lie to her, she hears it in my voice, knows it by my eyes, but doesn’t force me to talk if i’m not ready. i’ve cried on her shoulder more times than i can count, she’s held me in the middle of panic attacks, reigned in my anger and told me exactly when i’m in the wrong. she’s incredible
27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?codependent no more. i’m not even done, only a couple chapters in actually and it’s written with this raw truth and it’s eye opening
28. What was your last lie?i try not to lie so i can’t really remember 🤔
29. Dumbest lie you ever told? every time someone asked if i was okay and i lied and said i was fine
30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?i fucking hate crying in front of people. i am not okay with that level of vulnerability in front of just anyone. but i also angry cry, which is annoying
31. Something you did and you are proud of?I’ve cut toxic friends out. I’m an assistant supervisor after working there for only two years, chosen above everyone else who’s worked there longer
32. What’s your favourite cocktail?i enjoy a good mai tai
33. Something you are good at?i’m a decent writer
34. Do you like small kids?in small doses they’re fun and adorable
35. How are you feeling right now?quite content, thank you
36. What would you name your daughter/son?Josephine for a little lady and Michael for my son. i’m open minded though
37. What do you need to be happy?general feeling of acceptance and love
38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?Karen 😤
39. What was the last gift you received?like formal gift? probably my birthday presents. but i enjoy minimal gifts, like someone paying for my coffee or grabbing the bill for a lunch we had together (but i always fight and usually win bc i hate people paying for my food). i’m thinking hard about the last gift someone got me specifically though.. hmm… i think the last gift i got was the necklace Erin got me for my birthday, engraved with the latitude/longitude of where we first met 😊
40. What was the last gift you gave?i paid for dinner when i went out with my friends thursday night?
41. What was the last concert you went to?oh boy i haven’t been to a concert since…. three years ago when i saw Scotty McCreery with Dani?
42. Favourite place to shop at?Fabletics.com !!!
43. Who inspires you?honestly all the residents at work, hearing about what they’ve done or wish they’d done and how supportive they all are when i talk about any new lavish idea i have
44. How old were you when you first got drunk?probably eighteen or nineteen
45. How old were you when you first got high?again 18 or 19 i didn’t do these things until my college years when visiting Kelsey
46. How old were you when you first had sex?i was 23 believe it or not 😲
47. When was your first kiss?i was kissing by the time i was 12 i think lol
48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? get it done by the end of the year? ah well i’d like to be able to move out. or i’d like to be with the love of my life. or both and possibly living somewhere with her?
49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?i have so many regrets. but i wouldn’t change anything. every moment and choice i’ve made in the last has made me who i am today
50. Post a selfie.i’ll post one soon
51. Who are you most comfortable around?Erin, Kelsey, Ashley and Ryan
52. Name one thing that terrifies you.dying too young
53. What kind of books do you read?raunchy adult books, supernatural themes, murder mysteries, self help books
54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?people come and go, love them while they’re with you. you’re gay as fuck, embrace it sooner rather than later. don’t let your parents dictate your choices.
55. What is your favourite flower?white carnations partially dyed blue
56. Any bad habits you have?i scratch/pick my scabs
57. What kind of people are you attracted to?strong personalities with pretty faces and nice butts 🤷🏼♀️
58. What was the last thing you cried for?i said this before, Titanic
59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?calves liver, lamb, purée. working in an old folks home i see a lot of food that’s disgusting to me
60. Are you in love?i’m absolutely head over heels
61. Something you find romantic?intimate moments with candle light, deep talks, massages and food
62. How long was your longest relationship? 6 months
63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?don’t get me started. petty, manipulative, emotional
64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? fragile masculinity, arrogance, “friend zone”
65. What are you saving money for?everything! i’ve been saving money since i started working and it’s the smartest thing i’ve ever done. i have a safety cushion if my Jeep decides to die (which it very well might), or to use for school or whatever
66. How would you describe your bad side?insecure, selfish, self doubting and gullible
67. Are you actually a good person? Why?i’ve been told that my inner essence is so white and pure that it brought someone to tears when she saw it. she nicknamed me Angel from that moment. i’m a do-gooder, trying to save everyone i meet. i think i’m a good person
68. What are you living for?i’m still trying to figure that one out
69. Have you ever done anything illegal?what?! noo neverrrr
70. Do you like your body?didn’t i answer this earlier?
71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?not that i can think of
72. Ever sent nudes?come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve sent full on nude photos before. there’s usually something covered and they’re more like “coming attractions” or teasers. but yeah, if those are considered nudes then fuck yeah man i love sending nudes to my person
73. Have you ever cheated on someone?i haven’t
74. Favourite candy?ooh that’s no fair i don’t like choosing. probably a toss up between butterfingers and milk duds though. but there’s also milky ways and ugh i just really like candy okay??
75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!i kinda stalk @kenzicocapontas blog on the regular but she doesn’t know that so shh
76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?L4D is my most favorite PC game! but also Diablo II and all of the Sims
77. Favourite TV series?Charmed 😍
78. Are you religious? Does God exist?i believe in a higher power and submit to the truth that i may never know exactly who/what it is or why things happens the way they do if there’s someone watching over us
79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?didn’t i just answer this too?
80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?props to y'all but i love me some filet mignon
81. How long have you been on Tumblr?hm my original account jmagerr i believe started in 2009 or 10
82. Do you like Chineese food?LOVE IT
83. McDonalds or Subway?both?!
84. Vodka or whiskey?vodka cranberry and jack/ginger are my go to’s
85. Alcohol or drugs?honestly not a huge fan of either
86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?only out of the state so far, haven’t left the country just yet
87. Meaning behind your blog name?just that i’m always changing
88. What are you scared of?too many things. i’m very scared of failure, it’s kind of debilitating at times
89. Last time you were insulted?bleh my period makes me a cranky baby so everything’s hurt my feelings this last week
90. Most traumatic experience ?i’ve gone through some pretty emotionally traumatic relationships; verbal abuse, manipulation, cheating. my first girlfriend really did a number on me, left me with so many self esteem issues. it’s hard to get over internalized damage
91. Perfect date idea?coming home to a house softly lit, sitting down for a small dinner together among pillows and blankets in a fort we built together giggling like kids. laying together in the cramped space, feeding each other bites of food. and then we can push away the plates of food and start up a movie, or go upstairs to take a hot bath togetheri just really like intimate domesticity. another great date could literally be shopping all day and grabbing food, doing more shopping and going home to go through all the bags together
92. Favourite app on your phone?tumblr 😋
93. What colour are the walls in your room?we painted them a light grey then sponged a darker grey over it
94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?actually i just use youtube for songs still
95. Share your favourite quote.“Be the change you wish to see in the world” gandhi
96. What is the meaning of life?also still trying to figure that one out
97. Do you like horror movies?yessss
98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?i told her i wanted to go to therapy, that i’ve felt depressed for years and didn’t want to go to her and dad about it bc i didn’t wanna disappoint them
99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?i feel blessed to have such a loving and understanding family. they accepted my sexuality when i went from straight to bi to lesbian and supported me even when i was considering dating a guy even though i said i was a lesbian. once i told them about my anxiety and depression they’ve been nothing but understanding, and helpful
100. Can you keep a secret?indeed i can 😊
oh boy that was a lot of work 😪 might just have to go to sleep now 😴
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