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#bc clearly how the hell they could think of that?
itsalinh · 5 months
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I mean some people clearly do not pay any attention to the show they are watching because what the heck??
1. Lucy is not the villain. She’s not trying to get in the way of Hawk and Tim, ever.
Gosh the sheer amount of hate towards her the past two weeks is insane. How come women in every gay show always receive the hate? Well, maybe some writers were actually lazy and the fastest way the could think of was to villanize women so they could have less a problem to think about. But this is not the case for FT where every character shows their own color, and they have reasons for every action they take.
Yes, she married Hawk. But it was bc everybody expected them to do that since, idk, the very beginning? Bc she adored him and trusted him enough? And not to mention Hawk asked her to marry him? Remind y’all, she’s also the victim of the era.
Yes, she burnt Tim’s letter. It was crazy enough to hear your own mother lecturing you to shut up about your husband’s outside behaviours as long as he comes back home at the end of the day. But actually receiving a letter from his ex-lover, whom is a man, saying that he was still in love with your man, was on another level! Lucy had every right to confront Hawk and made a fuss about everything. Yet she was so calm and reasoned, knowing that if she threw a tantrum then everybody’d know her husband was gay and they’d all suffer. Lucy knew for a fact that even if Hawk did receive the letter, he wouldn’t have done anything at all, so nothing changed.
And I love that she told Tim about it. She did not regret anything, nor felt any shame, just a plain announcement that she knew everything from the start of this marriage already. She did what had to be done. She could’ve been upset with Tim for bringing danger and misery to her family, but she just simply told him about the letter and let the man go. Splendid writing!
2. Hawk is gay. Hawk is not bisexual.
Never know I have to clarify this obvious fact. Him being married to a woman and having sex with her does not mean he’s bisexual. That’s just what gay men do to hide their true nature and to live peacefully in this world. Maybe not the US, but many countries nowadays still do not approve same-sex marriage, and queer people still have to marry someone they don’t love just to have “a shield” to cover for themselves. Has Hawk ever shown any interests in women? No. Has Hawk ever had sex with another woman besides his wife? No. Was it true that all of his sex partners now and then were men? Yes. So, that’s your answer. He’s gay as fuck.
3. Hawk is not the only person to blame. Tim is also at fault.
Roast me later, hear me out.
Hawk is a shitty person, I agree. He has done so many cruel things to his lover, his wife, and his child, and he continues to do so bc he’s a shitty person.
But, after all the shitty things Hawk did, Tim came back to him. Hawk warned Tim about their relationship very early. “But Skippy, that’s all it was, that’s all it can be. I’m sorry.”. Tim was soft for Hawk, so he accepted that easily. He’d love to love, rather than not having love at all. Hawk broke up with Tim on the day before Christmas, he was prepared to end it all so that Tim wouldn’t rely his emotions too much on him. For some reasons they got back to each other again, only to be separated one more time 6-7 months later. Tim made Hawk promise not to write, yet he was the one to break the promise. 14 years later, Tim couldn’t help himself but seeing Hawk again, sneaking outside his house just to witness his “happy” family. He was aware of the pain and guilt, but he was so lost in love, his “consuming love”, he gave in every time.
I know Tim did not deserve any of this, he had a pure heart and he gave it all to Hawk. That’s why we love him, and we feel pity for him too. But he had choices he was not willing to make, so it’s on him too yk.
4. There’s more to Tim’s guilt.
After jerking off with Hawk, Tim immediately forced Hawk to leave him. But why people only mentioned that it was bc he felt guilty with God? I believe he had 2 things to be sorry for. 1 is the reason everybody was talking about, God. The 2nd one, I’m pretty sure he felt guilty towards Lucy too. He couldn’t hold himself, he missed his man so damn much, and he let his heart took over for a sec. Tim knew he shouldn’t bc that was so wrong, and he did something really really awful to someone who’s having a wife and two children at home. He hated himself for it.
If you hate Lucy or Hawk, please block me I’m begging you bc I can’t stand another person interpret them wrongly like that. For the sake of my mental health, please block me with your every power!
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mediumgayitalian · 2 months
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“Oh, gods.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Oh, gods.”
Nico scowls, wrenching just eyes away from Will’s poorly-covered grin and shaking shoulders.
It’s not that bad. It isn’t.
Sure, the complete lack of lighting except Greek fire torches makes the cabin look like a little piece of the Underworld, right here on the surface. But that’s comforting. Honestly. Nico knows the Underworld. It’s — familiar.
And, yeah. It would, probably, be pertinent to have some furniture, or something. At least somewhere for him to store his clothes, because he has more than one set of those now, and maybe a shelf, or something. And, admittedly, the obsidian altar could take up a little less space than it currently does.
But it’s not that bad.
“Are those. Coffin shaped beds.”
The tone of Will’s voice is unlike he’s ever heard it. He turns back to face him, slowly, and finds him biting his fist, hard, every muscle of his body tense as live wire.
“I was twelve godsdamn years old,” Nico snaps. “Forgive me if interior design wasn’t my passion.”
Solace loses it.
In his defense, not that Nico is too worried about defending him, he does appear to try very hard to not lose it. When the first giggle slips out of his lips, he clamps his jaw shut tighter. When his whole body begins to shake with the force of repressing his laughter, he curls inward, as if making himself smaller might reduce the chance of a lapse in control.
But then he glances back inside and looks, really looks, at the dreary, stone walls, the lone skeletons standing guard, and the plush, teakwood black coffin bunk beds, and he collapses to the floor.
“I’m going to open a chasm beneath you,” Nico threatens. “You are going to fall and crack your spine into a million pieces on the bank of the Styx, rotting there with every other forgotten hope.”
“You are a Black Parade lyric personified,” Will wheezes.
Nico doesn’t know what that means, so he kicks him. Unfortunately, he only laughs harder.
“I mean it, Solace. It’s a long way down to the Underworld. You will spend the entire fall petrified with the knowledge that nothing can save you.”
For added effect, Nico makes the floor under the medic’s body shake, makes the tip of a skeleton hand peek out from the earth.
Ironically, this stops Will’s laughter, but not for the reason Nico was aiming for.
“Hey!” A bright blue flipflop-clad foot darts out and collides With Nico’s ankle, sending him sprawling. “I said no spooky magic for the next two months! Put that skeleton away!”
“Fuck off, Solace! It’s barely half a bone! You are so annoying!”
“That’s my specialty.” Will pushes himself upright. He waits until Nico sits up, too, so he can catch his eye before his face splits into a dazzling grin. Actual sparkles seem to flicker beside his face. “And you are ever so easy to annoy.”
Nico stares, unimpressed.
“Anyways.” Will coughs. “You can’t stay here, Neeks —”
“Don’t call me that.”
“— it’s straight-up too depressing.” He peers inside. “It’s also cold, and, like…borderline unliveable? So. As your doctor, I can’t allow it.”
“You’re a medic,” Nico says, raising an eyebrow, “first of all, not a doctor. Second of all, you can’t tell me what to do. Third of all — where am I supposed to sleep? The woods?”
“Hm. Good question.”
Will gets to his feet, brushing the dirt off his shorts and offering Nico a hand. After a second of hesitation, he takes it, allowing Will to haul him up.
“C’mon!”
Nico snatches his hand away, face burning. (Gods. Why does Will have to be so…touchy-feely? And why does it always do weird things to Nico’s stomach?) But it hardly takes a look over Will’s shoulder before Nico’s feet are following after him, without his permission.
“Where are we going?”
“Well, my dad’s kind of a hoe,” Will says matter-of-factly. Nico chokes. Will’s grin widens. “And our cabin was built with that in mind. I know we’ve got an extra bunk or two for ya. Hurry up!”
This…cannot be allowed. Nico doesn’t have a ton of Camp Half-Blood experience, or anything, but as far as he knows, Hermes is the only cabin that can really do that. He doesn’t want to incur the wrath of Apollo, or whatever, by staying in his cabin uninvited.
Well. Will’s inviting him, technically. And there’s a confidence to his offer, like maybe this isn’t the first time he’s done it.
“What if I don’t want to live in your stupid sunshine-y cabin,” Nico grumbles, trying to cover up his nerves. “Holding hands and singing about how much I love being alive isn’t really my cup of tea.”
Will snorts. “Oh, di Angelo,” he says dramatically, shaking his head, “you are in for a world of discovery. Welcome to the Cabin Apollo. Take your shoes off at the door and remember that Kayla bites.”
———
Living in the Apollo cabin is strange.
Four days in, and Nico is only just starting to get used to it. He’s not entirely unused to sharing space with people — he’s had two sisters — but the Apollo kids argue like they enjoy doing it. One minute, Will and Kayla will be screaming at each other at the top of their lungs about touching each other’s shit, then they’re teaming up to pull Gracie off Yan’s face for the exact same argument, only now they offer sage advice on respecting boundaries and compromising. It’s bizarre.
(Austin is pretty chill, actually. Nico has noticed him starting quite a few fights — it was he, in fact, who moved Will’s shit and then gracefully framed Kayla — but he has a very powerful eyebrow raise and a very powerful image as Unproblematic. He has quickly become Nico’s favourite.)
He’s only just barely beginning to understand how they work together, and the struggle comes in because everything is so chaotic. When Nico spent time with Hazel in New Rome, she was in the barracks. He never really had to worry about squabbling over counter space in the bathroom with her, because she had her own little toiletry caddie like everyone else, and bathrooms were public. With Bianca — well. There’s no one alive who knows this about her, but she was bossy. She was sweet and wonderful and self-sacrificing and brave and kind and the centre of Nico’s life, but by the gods, did she take her authority as a big sister seriously. She ordered Nico around all the time. He never had to worry much about when he would have the chance to use the bathroom they shared at the Lotus, or who got the T.V. remote, or who go to sit on the bus instead of standing, because he was not the one deciding. He could stick his tongue out and whine all he wanted, but she was boss. He knew that.
The Apollo kids are not like that.
As well as Nico can figure, it’s kind of a free-for-all. You want first shower? Either wake up the earliest — a strategy only Will every manages to employ with any success — or manage to jab an elbow in someone’s rib and sprint. You want whoever’s humming to shut the hell up so you can sleep? Make sure your threats are quick and believable, or just straight up start throwing shit until they finally stop. You want the coveted middle of the bench spot at breakfast? Well, tough shit on that one, actually. Nico has yet to make that one happen for himself.
He won’t admit it, but he has kind of learned to enjoy it. It’s annoying, and the Apollo siblings do indeed sing at all hours of the day (although the content usually skews more towards diss tracks and delighted insults, if not straight-up curses), and it is so godsdamn bright in there, seriously, is it a gimmick or what, but there’s something to be said about the fact that he’s so surrounded by people and chaos that he hasn’t even had the chance to feel lonely. Not even at night, panting to himself after a nasty nightmare, because all it takes is a particularly loud snore from Will one bunk down to remember where he is. To remember that he’s safe — by demigod standards, at least.
But, still.
He kind of misses his privacy.
“Will,” he whispers urgently, on his fifteenth day of rooming with the Apollo weirdos.
The medic hums noncommittally, attention very focused on the test tube in front of him. Nico has been fighting the urge to try and launch a piece of dust inside it for forty minutes, just to make him explode.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Sounds good, Nico.”
Nico narrows his eyes. “You’re ignoring me.”
“Uh-huh. Agreed.”
“I can say anything I want right now.”
“Sure. Maybe double check with Austin.”
“…I’m going to put a colony of ants in your pillowcase.”
“Good idea.”
“Then I’m going to douse your hair products in gasoline and set them aflame.”
“Baller.”
“After that I’m gonna read your super secret diary to the entirety of camp at singalong tonight.”
“You betcha.”
“And then I’m going to shadow travel to Russia.”
Will blinks, frowning. “Hey, no shadow-travelling. What’s this I hear about shadow-travelling?”
Nico rolls his eyes. “Nothing, stupid. You were just ignoring me.”
Will smiles guiltily. “Aw, I’m sorry, Neeks. Got focused on this. I’m finished in twenty, then I’m all yours?”
“…Don’t call me Neeks,” Nico grumbles, furious with himself for how quick he’s relented under wide blue puppy-dog eyes.
“Sorry, Neeks.”
Huffing at Will’s quiet laughter, Nico slides off the nurse’s station counter and wanders around the empty infirmary. Things have luckily finally cooled down in here, nearly three weeks after the end of the Giant War. Some of the exhaustion has faded from Will’s features now that he’s had time to sleep properly.
Not that Nico has noticed, or anything.
“Okay,” Will says a few minutes later, holding his hands up protectively in front of his geeky little setup. “I just gotta do this last step, so long as I calculated it right, it should be fine…” He squeezes a drop of something into the liquid bubbling over the burner, freezing immediately. One, two, three seconds pass and nothing happens, so Will relaxes, sighing in relief and turning to face Nico fully. “Okay, we’re good. What was it you wanted to —”
The text tube contents explode in his face, dousing him in slimey green goo.
Nico bursts out laughing.
“Great,” Will says darkly, swiping the stuff from his eyes. “The one day I don’t wear goggles. Great.”
Nico gasps, sides aching. “Oh my gods —”
“Feel free to help, di Angelo.”
“— you look like a cartoon! Your face!”
It takes Will twelve cloths and seven whole minutes to clean himself and the nurse’s station off of the goo. Nico cackles at him the whole time, and tastefully does not mention the many globs of goo that remain caked in his hair.
“Whenever you’re done.”
Will is very, very bad at being stern when he doesn’t really mean it. And he doesn’t really mean it now, because every time he tries to glare at Nico, his mouth twitches.
“I’m good,” Nico finally wheezes, forcing his face back to normal. “I’m good, I’m good.”
He very pointedly does not look at Will’s hair.
“Dick,” Will huffs, fondness bleeding into his tone. “What did you want?”
He must notice the change in tone at his asking, because he clears the bench fully, hoisting himself on top of it and patting the spot next to him. Nico hesitates for half a second, then crawls up, sitting criss cross applesauce, knees touching.
“I need to move back to my cabin,” he manages, finally.
Will’s face betrays no judgement or emotion. “Oh?”
“Yes.” He picks at a loose thread in his jeans. “I need — space.”
The thread loosens, allowing Nico to tug on it. A hole begins to unravel along the seam as he pulls and pulls and pulls. He stops himself before it gets too wide, tearing the thread off and winding it around his fingers.
“I can tell everyone to tone it down,” Will offers softly, eyebrows creased. “We’ll be more quiet, we’ll —”
Nico places a hand on his knee, cutting off his sentence. “It’s not about that, I promise. You guys have been great.”
A wounded look still pulls at Will’s strong features, as much as he visibly tries to pull his face back to something more supportive. “It’s not?”
“No, no. It’s just —” He frowns, trying to articulate the tangled mess of his thoughts. “I have my own cabin.”
“So?”
“And I can’t stay in yours forever.”
“I mean, you could.”
“Chiron’s been giving me looks, Will.”
“So what! I’ll — write you a doctor’s note, or something!”
Nico snorts. “A doctor’s note letting me sleep in your cabin?”
Will nods fervently, although he seems to acknowledge the ridiculousness of his suggestion, if the grin on his face is any indication. “Yes! For medical reasons, you know.” He mimes writing. “‘Patient’s cabin is dank and sad. To avoid bouts of misery, patient must sleep in the presence of the coolest and best and prettiest and most uplifting people in camp.’”
“Hm. Not sure Chiron’s gonna buy that last part. Not sure I buy that last part, actually.”
“Hey.”
Nico dodges Will’s shove, chuckling.
“Seriously, though, Will. This was never a long term solution, right?”
“I know. You’re cabin just — sucks so bad, man. No offense.”
“I take great offense to that, actually. My cabin is art.”
“Sure, Eddie Cullen.”
“I don’t know who that is, so that’s a horrible insult.”
“Travesty, honestly.”
Outside the open infirmary windows, Nico can hear distant, triumphant screaming, laughter, and the clang of metal. Today’s a good day. The weather’s balmier than usual, for late August, and some of the gloom that’s hung over everyone’s head for the bast few weeks seems to have lifted.
“You can’t go back to your cabin like it is,” Will says into the silence, startling Nico, “but —” he grins when Nico begins to protest, holding up his hand. “We can definitely change it up.”
He slides off the bench, botching his landing and almost sprawling on the floor. He holds a dramatic hand out to Nico when he rights himself. Nico ignores it, rolling his eyes and getting to his feet by himself.
“C’mon,” Will says, grabbing his hand anyway. Sparks shoot up Nico’s arm. “We need to go ask Chiron for the van keys and approximately five hundred dollars.”
———
Three hours is too fucking long to be in a vehicle. Especially when Will is driving, because all he does is play nonstop country music and let everybody cut in front of him.
“I’m driving us back,” Nico informs him as they (finally) get out of the stupid van, snatching the keys from his hands.
Will shrugs. “Sure.”
Nico had expected more of a fight, honestly. But he supposes neither of them are legally allowed to drive, age-wise, and besides, Nico technically has seventy years of driving experience on Will.
(…The Lotus had a racetrack.
Nico was very, very good at it.)
“What is this place, anyway?”
“This place,” Will says grandly, throwing an arm over his shoulders, “is essentially the mortal version of the Labyrinth, minus, you know, the soul-sucking terror.”
“Okay. All that’s telling me is that you have horrible ideas and we should leave immediately.”
Will rolls his eyes. “It’s a furniture store.”
“Well, then —” he punches Will’s shoulder, huffing when he only laughs. “Say that, then!”
“But then what would I do with all the drama in my heart?”
“Choke on it, hopefully!”
Ikea is weird.
Since Will did not tell him what the plan was, he didn’t draw up any plans. Luckily, Will has the dimensions of his cabin — although where he got them, Nico does not ask — so they spend an hour or so in the cafe drawing out a plan.
“You need more than two beds, Neeks.”
“Uh, no I don’t. Unless my father has something very important to announce to me, I need a bed for me, and a bed for Hazel.”
“What if I want to sleep over?”
“You can sleep on the porch.”
Mostly, they wander around the sets. Nico isn’t really sure what he wants his cabin to look like — he has to remind himself that yes, actually, he cares about the space he’ll be spending at least the next three years of his life in. It’s a startling reality, to have control over his own space. He must’ve had some say in his childhood bedroom, but he has no memory of it. He spent the most time in his and Bianca’s room at the Lotus, but that was already furnished when they got there, and besides, it only felt like they were there for less than a year. It always felt like a hotel room, never his room. Westminster was no different. His room in his father’s palace had already been designed, too. In fact he’d based his cabin on it.
What does Nico want his bedroom to look like, without someone else deciding for him?
“I’m not getting a fucking Lightning McQueen bed, Solace.”
“But it would be so sick! And look — it’s got little cubbies!”
“I’m going to ditch you, and shadow travel back to camp,” Nico threatens. “And I have the van keys, so you’ll be stuck here for real.”
“Hey, hey, hey.” Will looks at him sternly, hands on hips. “No shadow travelling for you, Death Breath. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t fade into nothing on my watch.”
“I’m joking,” Nico says, exasperated, but cannot deny the warmth that fills him up at Will’s concern.
In the end, he decides on a pretty normal bed. It’s bigger than Will’s bunk (“Or anyone else’s bed,” Will grumbles, “you lucky asshole.”), but not ridiculously designed. He picks a similar size for Hazel, only the frame is white, not black, and the bedspread that comes with it is a soft, coral pink that he knows she will like.
“Wanna see if they’ve got a Mythomagic bedspread for yours?” Will teases.
That would be the coolest thing ever in the entire world, Nico thinks, and is so embarrassed that he shoves Will, shrieking, into a giant basket of pillows for making him think it.
“Obviously I don’t want that.”
“You are such a turd! I’ll get you, di Angelo!”
He does not. Nico is way too sneaky for him, and after the fifth time Nico manages to give him the slip, he gives up, sulking in a display for a bedroom of a nine year old girl.
“Fitting,” Nico teases, gesturing to the princess wallpaper. “You drama queen.”
“Buzz off.”
Next, they look for furniture. It’s pretty easy — Nico doesn’t need much, and he’s not too concern with cut or style or anything. He quickly picks out two dressers, one to match Hazel’s bed frame, and one to match his, and then a couple bookshelves.
Four hours into their trip, Nico is exhausted. They have a three hour drive ahead of them, they’ve been out all day, and he wants to go home.
But Will stops him before they go get all the boxes for their furniture.
“This is still pretty bare bones,” he says quietly, then grins at his own accidental pun. Nico shoots him a venomous look, warning him against making it more obvious, and for once he actually listens. “You know, we’re still under budget. We’ve got around $200 left — we can get a motel, stay the night, then we don’t have to drive back right away. And tomorrow, maybe we can check out some other stores, look for smaller decorations and stuff. And if we don’t have to drive back tonight, we’ve maybe got another hour in here, if you wanted to get a couple more pieces.”
Nico opens his mouth to refuse — that’s way too much effort to spend on one person’s cabin, c’mon — then pauses, thinking about it.
Chiron hadn’t even thought about it before handing them the money. Will had barely gotten the words out before he’d started counting out the bills.
“I want you to make a home here,” the centaur had said, touching his hand. There was a pain in his kind eyes, stopping any protests. “I made a mistake, Nico, the first time you came here. In another life, you felt welcome enough to stay the whole time. Take what you need.”
What does he need? What does home look like, to him?
“There was a beanbag chair, in our room at the Lotus,” he says, pushing the words past the lump in his throat. “Me and Bianca used to fight over it.” His voice shakes. A tear gathers at the corner of his eye, and he blinks it back. “It wasn’t real fighting. When I called mercy she’d — scoop me up and throw me on it and squish in after me, and we’d sit together and play video games. Or read. She liked to read.”
Will squeezes his trembling hands. “We can get a beanbag chair.”
“And I — don’t like the blackout curtains. The dark makes me think of — the pit.”
“Okay. They sell lotsa lamps here, too. Might be nicer than the Greek fire.”
Nico nods. There’s — more, far more ideas, now, flooding his brain; Hazel crowding over him on a rug-covered floor, shrieking as he teases her about Frank; a desk tucked in the corner where Will sits, mouthing along to his textbooks as Nico sharpens his sword; Jason running his fingers along rows of books on a big, cluttered shelf; Reyna with her fist curled around her mouth, studying a chess board across from him, hair shining under the natural light from the window.
He can have that. He can have that.
Thankfully, all their stuff fits in the back of the van. Despite his insistence earlier, Nico hands Will the keys, and he drives around until he finds a shitty motel with a vacancy sign flashing out front. He pulls into the farthest corner of the parking lot, killing the engine, then waits.
“You okay?”
Nico shrugs. “I’m…not sure.”
“That’s okay,” Will assures, pressing a fleeting touch to his shoulder. Nico grabs his wrist before he moves away, tugging down his hand and linking their fingers together.
For once, it doesn’t make him feel all sparky. The warmth of Will’s hands is grounding, and so is the gentle squeeze, the smile he feels pointed in his direction.
“C’mon. Let’s check in and sleep, huh?”
Nico’s exhaustion compounds in the walk from the car to the lobby, so by the time Will is speaking quietly to the host, he’s half asleep, leaning on Will’s shoulder. He vaguely feels it when Will shifts his weight, sliding a hand around his waist to hold him better. He blinks and they’re standing in front of a door.
“Almost there, Death Boy,” he murmurs. “Hold on a sec.”
It takes him six separate tries to make the keycard work. He gets huffy when Nico snickers tiredly at him.
“Finally, yeesh.”
He guides Nico in, dropping the backpack he brought somewhere near the door. As soon as the bed is within Nico’s sights, he makes a beeline, barely remembering to shuck his shoes and jacket.
“Please do not sleep in your jeans.”
“Mmmfuck off,” Nico groans, already sliding under the covers. He’ll regret it in the morning, but whatever.
“Goober.” Callused hands brush through his hair, resting lightly on his forehead. “Goodnight, Nico.”
Nico’s out before he can even think to respond.
———
He wakes up, in the middle of the night, scream caught in his throat and heart pounding in his ears. The air smells like smoke and fear. The rushing of the Phlegethon is so loud it’s overpowering.
A loud snore knocks him back to reality.
Crawling desperately towards the source of the sound, he hangs over the bed, eyes adjusting rapidly to the dark to see a curled lump on the floor, head resting on his own hands. A quick glance behind him confirms the other half of the bed has been left untouched.
“Stupid,” he mumbles, tiny smile chasing away the last of his fear.
He tugs the blankets off the mattress, pulls off the two pillows, and joins his dumbass, selfless friend on the floor.
———
“Question,” Will asks, swallowing the last of their disgustingly delicious greasefest of a breakfast. “Were you alive when Walmart was invented?”
“I was alive before your great grandmother was.”
“No, I mean — were you out and kickin’. Have you strolled the endless aisles of corporate soullessness, basking in the wonder of American overconsumerism?”
“…You’re such a weird, particular person.”
Will looks delighted. “You’re a Walmart newbie!”
He pulls into the dead, cracked parking lot way too happily for this hour in the morning. Nico would even say he takes the nearest exit to get to the store gleefully. He is embarrassed for him.
Walmart is…underwhelming.
As stupid as it is, Will had hyped it up so much that Nico was almost a little excited. It just looked like any other basic superstore. Will, for whatever reason, seemed delighted by that fact.
“I do not like this store,” he explained when Nico asked, expression not matching his words, “it just means so very much to me that you are joining me in the misery of having experienced it.”
They spend more time than they mean to just dicking around. At one point they nearly get thrown out by management, because Will finds a pair of NERF guns that some child dug out of its packaging and no words need to be spoken. They gear up and scamper off, hunting each other through fluorescent-lights hell.
“Please just get your shit and leave,” says the very tired looking manager, and they have the good gall to at least appear embarrassed as they mumble, “Yes, ma’am.”
It doesn’t take long when they have their head on straight. They get some fairy lights, a couple cool posters, dorky little trinkets that Nico probably doesn’t need, per se, but what was he supposed to do, leave the little plastic crow skeleton behind?
Unlikely.
With his own money, Will buys several cans of paint and a CD. He explains neither of these purchases. The look on his face gets steadily more infuriating as they make their way through the line, and Nico really, truly considers leaving him behind.
The purchase of the CD becomes very obvious very quickly. Even though Nico is driving, and therefore Nico should get music control, Will pouts and pleads until Nico gives in and lets him play his stupid country album. He justifies his decision in his own brain by noticing the radiance of Will’s smile as he belts out the words, badly, at the top of his lungs. He then spends the rest of the drive back to camp convincing himself not to be embarrassed for having said thoughts.
They get back to camp about lunch time, and Will destroys any attempt for a subtle reentry by whistling the second they cross the property line.
“Austin! Kayla!” he hollers, making Nico jump. “Come help us unload!”
“We coulda done it ourselves,” Nico grumbles.
Will pats his head condescendingly. “It has been twenty-four long, long hours since I’ve bosses my siblings around, Neeks. I need this.”
It does go by quite a bit quicker with Austin and Kayla’s help. Lou Ellen, Cecil, Yan, and Gracie come to help, too, but Gracie’s too little to carry much more than a small desk lamp. Instead, they lay down the biggest box — Nico’s bed frame — and let her climb on top of it, carrying her like she’s a queen atop a throne back to Nico’s cabin. She has the time of her life, giggling to herself like a madwoman.
By the time everything’s unloaded, a couple hours have passed, and the Hades cabin looks like a clusterfuck.
“Maybe you stay in Apollo a couple more nights,” Will suggests.
“Might have to,” Nico agrees. Will looks inordinately pleased with himself.
All in all, it takes about two days to disassemble the old furniture, get rid of it, and start putting together the new stuff. Will helps for most of it, but he has a few shifts in the infirmary, so Nico ends up trying to do a fair bit on his own.
“May the wrath of Zeus come down upon this fucking piece of shit, no good, poorly designed garbage-looking idiotic mother fuc —”
“Maybe time for a break from furniture assembling?” suggests a voice, accompanied by a quick knock in the open door. Will leans on the doorframe, grinning, box propped up on his hip.
“Will, thank the gods,” Nico sighs, relieved. He angrily shakes a tool in his direction. “Allen wrenches are fucking useless. I’m three seconds away from throwing this through the window.”
“Definitely time for a switch, then.”
Will’s smile is wide and crinkles his eyes. He’s got dimples, too, Nico is now noticing, and then very rapidly un-noticing then because gods above that is a dangerous path.
“Did you and Rachel get into another prank war?” he asks, praying the flush on his cheeks goes away.
Will glances down at his paint-spattered clothes. “Nah, this is just my painting outfit. Why ruin more than one set of clothes, you know?” He sets down the box in the middle of the room, then heads for the half-built furniture sprawled all throughout the cabin, tugging it all towards the middle. Nico inches towards the box, curious, and finds it full of dozens of paint cans and brushes, including the ones he got at Walmart.
“I didn’t know you painted.”
He flashes another grin in Nico’s direction. This one has a little mischief to it, a little teasing. His stomach swoops.
“Gotta have at least one artistic talent or my dad would disown me. Help me tape down this tarp, will you?”
It takes them twenty minutes to prep the room, protecting the floor and the furniture. Once everything is ready, Will jogs over to the CD player he gave Nico a few days ago, flicking through the stack of CDs and choosing one at random. Soft opera music begins to float around the cabin.
“Okay,” he begins, clapping his hands, “first we need a base coat. Get the white paint and the rollers.”
It takes them the rest of the day, painting until dinner, then waiting past sunset for it to dry. Nico follows Will back to his cabin that night — he wouldn’t let him sleep around the paint fumes — and the two of them return the next morning, re-donning their paint-spattered clothes. Will braids his hair, this time, tucking the little pigtails behind a kerchief. It makes Nico smile every time he looks at him.
As much as he’s in painting clothes, Nico doesn’t really do much of the painting. He stays in the centre of the room, half assembling furniture, half watching Will bring his walls to life with more colours than he’s ever seen in one place.
Will doesn’t ask what Nico wants him to paint in his murals. Instead, Nico watches as the streets of Venice begin to unfold on one of the walls, bright and blue and exactly as he remembers, even though he knows for a fact Will has never been. The shining fruit of his stepmother’s garden is next, with a notable absence of the pomegranate tree, and then the hills of New Rome, the sunflower field in rural New York Nico used to visit, the Chinese mountainscape from the first big shadow travelling jump he ever made. Even the poplar forests of the Underworld, looking much kinder and livelier in Will’s rendition than in real life, with Mrs. O’Leary and Cerberus chasing each other through the flickering leaves. Beautiful, colourful, breathtaking scenes; Nico’s favourite places, Nico’s many homes.
“I get a lot of dreams,” Will admits, dragging a smear of rich purple near the ceiling. “You’re in a lot of them. These are the places you’re smiling, the most.”
“They’re beautiful, Will.” Nico’s throat is drier than any desert he’s ever been to. “Gods, they’re more beautiful here than they are in real life.”
“Liar,” Will teases, although his smile is shy.
Nico has never seen him smile like that. He’s seen a lot more of Will in these past few days, actually; his softness, his kindness, his love.
He has only knows Will for a little over a month, he thinks. But Will loves him. That much is obvious.
“Hey.”
“Hm?”
His eyes are still trained on his work. He is on his tiptoes on a step stool, one leg extended precariously, tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth. The curve of his brush is careful, meticulous. Only the best for his friends, for Nico. That’s Will.
“Hey,” Nico says again, more urgently. He steps forward, wrapping his fingers around his wrist.
“Just a sec, Neeks, as soon as I’m done we can —”
Nico pulls until he loses his balance, falling into Nico’s arms. He stares into wide, blue blue eyes, for one second, two, then presses their lips together. Will’s squeak of surprise is swallowed by his mouth, hands sliding up his arms to cup his face, tilting his head to the side.
“Oh,” he sighs, eyelashes ticking Nico’s cheeks as they flutter close. “Oh.”
He melts into Nico’s hold. There’s a thunk and a crinkle as his paintbrush falls from his loose fingers, splattering onto the tarp, and paint-wet hands tangle into his hair. Nico finds he doesn’t mind.
“You love me,” he murmurs in between breaths, lips brushing Will’s with every word.
“Yes,” Will breathes. He kisses Nico again, and again. “A lot.”
“Good.” He’s not sure if it’s the paint fumes making him lightheaded, or the odd, slightly uncomfortable position, or the intoxicating, delirious feel of Will’s warm skin. He’s not sure if he cares. “Good.”
It’s not quite an I-love-you-too. The words won’t form on his tongue, so instead he tightens his hold, sending them that way, and presses closer, closer, closer.
Will smiles into the kiss.
He understands just fine.
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breha · 1 year
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claudia’s birth allows louis to believe that he and lestat have become The Parents (equal status) and so the teacher-student power dynamic has gone away, but really it’s just been repressed and it comes up again like wack-a-mole
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cheswirls · 13 days
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looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.
and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.
funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.
esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider
#writing#this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend#i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it#but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch#no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier#to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all#hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or#even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn#another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason#i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp#idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black#bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting????#actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving#looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi#and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver#god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them#would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho#also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere#that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with#every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked#i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea#as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these#that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure#bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start#im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec
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mars-ipan · 4 months
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look i love my asexual headcanons to death and what i’m about to say in no way discounts said asexual headcanons. with that disclosed i do not think aziraphale is a “virgin” (<- virginity isn’t real but you get my point) take one look at that angel and tell me he didn’t go to bacchanals i mean come the fuck on
#marzi speaks#i have no opinion nor do i care about whether people think crowley fucks. i think it’s funny if he doesn’t but i could see it either way#but aziraphale? while i don’t think it’s his favorite thing in the world you cannot tell me he never dabbled#bacchanals (and dionysian raves before that) seem right up his alley#plus there’s the fucking. ‘discreet gentlemen’s club’ (THE FUCKING HUNDRED GUINEAS CLUB??? SIR.)#and this guy lives in soho!!!! i mean truly#i don’t think he really seeks sex out or anything#i mean there’s those diary entries where he turns down the woman who essentially flashes him (and i believe a man later?)#so like he’s clearly not someone who really wants sex that much#but there’s no way in hell he never tried it at least once. he’s wayyyy too curious for that#i have a feeling he really stopped ‘trying it out’ after 1941 though. i feel like after he realizes just how deeply he feels for crowley#he’d like. feel Extra Weird about having sex with anyone else#especially bc he isn’t attracted to humans (perhaps beyond like aesthetic attraction)#but he’s definitely dabbled#crowley? could go either way. on one hand: demon. temptations. et cetera#on the other: he’s far less cool than he acts and while having sex isn’t necessarily cool it feels like smth he’d lie about to seem cooler#plus i doubt he’d ever really have any proper interest in humans. probably even less so than aziraphale#see this still coincides with the asexual headcanons. it’s chill 👍
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faerociousbeast · 1 year
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it IS insane actually. if youve watched the first episodes with me, you know why it was so important naruto didnt wear his makeup while he was getting his photo taken? bc if he ever went rogue they use those photos to identify them. 12 year old sasukes class photo was in a bingo book
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pepprs · 1 year
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tfw im taking a day off of work today (my first day off since december 😍😍😍😍) and got absolutely shit sleep w fucked up dreams i kept waking up from and just woke up to a text about the stupid fucking book chapter asking me to do one more read through of it as if i haven’t done like 5 in theladt 3 days (and by all appearances been the ONLY one doing so lol)
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the-hawks-rye · 1 year
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i know it's been said a gazillion times and said more eloquently than me but god the amount of missed potential in the sequel trilogy. thinking about how anakin became a villain because he felt he had no other choice (and the tragedy being that he always had a choice, and his character arc concluding with him deciding to stand up for what's right by saving luke), meanwhile kylo grew up surrounded by a loving family full of positive role models and chose evil knowingly because he craved power for power's sake. kylo idolizing the tragic figure of darth vader all the while burning the world around him. there was so much you could do with that but instead they had to sacrifice rey's character to make the movies about her fixing the genocidal white boy who never wanted to be saved
#rereading tfa junior novel...#tfa wasn't perfect but it really did set up a lot of interesting stuff! that never got proper attention (if it did at all)!#mitch rambles#sw#sw negativity#and of course the nature vs nurture with kylo vs finn. why the hell did they never get a rematch after tfa. like that would have so good#having finn now on solid footing knowing that this (the fate of the galaxy) is worth fighting for and his now realized self#kicking kylo's pathetic ass into the next galaxy#also why tf did rey get force healing in tros when finn was ren's (characterized by destruction) narrative foil#like i know it's sidelining finn bc racism and making rey super special and powerful in lieu of actual characterization & bc they didn't#actually care about the story they were telling but y'know. 'why' best conveys my bafflement with the thematic flops situation#anyway back to kylo. u could have him tentatively going lightside-ish at the end of the final movie bc star wars redemption themes and all#but you'd have to have him very very very clearly giving up power (or accepting a forced loss of it) for it to work! like themes 101 people#like 'oh i did a bad thing by killing my dad :(' cool but are we gonna address the root cause of why you did that? (or your other crimes)#it's bc he was representative of how morals still had some power over you and u hated that because u need to be stronger than anything else#i don't think any of this ground-shaking breakthroughs like your room full of writers couldn't work out any of that. does nobody know what#a theme is? people were payed big money to make those movies??? (this is not about set/sound/costuming/etc you did great)#*sigh*#store wore posting
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sweater-equestrian · 2 years
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didnt expect to get into a very scary shoving match w our draft today but alas
#to clarify she ran up on me aggressively and pinned me to the gate where i could not get away#so i got into a shove match w her to get her to give me enough space to yanno. walk away#i get why the owners have her she has a great bond with her rider and she can be really sweet#but she has NO concept of pressure or release and its outright dangerous#will never forget the time she broke her riders toes because she stomped and wouldnt back up to get off#like it took ME dismounting and joining in to shove her off before she would back down and get off#and her owner thinks the answer is just adding a stud chain to her halter and riding her in#a twisted scissor gag bit but i could not agree less#she may be a beginner friendly horse on paper but shes far fuckin scarier than our#quote unquote advanced spicey mean quarter horse#bc while the qh may buck you and kick you. she shows her emotions clearly. u know its coming when it is#and she respects basic pressure release commands#our draft type halfie? you can never tell. she blows up out of the blue. like i spend a good amount of free time looking up#horse body language and such. i know what to watch out for. but i can never ever tell with the halfie#and neither can anyone else#even our farrier. a man whos been in the horse business for 45 years cant tell. like hes commented before about how unreadable she is#idk ik it sounds petty to have a bad relationship with a horse but i really dont like her when shes pulling shit like this#not to mention shes mean as hell to romeo like. she pinned me today because romeo dared eat grain#and i told her nicely to back up along w the quarter horse to give him space / stop trying to steal#and again i was asking gently. the quarter horse hit the reverse with the same damn command!! like#i wasnt even touching them yall. and she snapped at me#anyways. ugh. had to have a little rant about her horrible no good behavior
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rubberbandballqueen · 2 years
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looking through my 8th grade science notebook n reflecting on that teacher's style and personality, and man, i think i might cry hahaha
#in a good way bc he was always so kind and earnest and forgiving#i think some kids thought his sincerity was cringe but *i* let myself have fun n now he's one of the teachers i most wanna be like#during study group today my classmates said they thought i'd be a good teacher someday bc of how clearly i laid out the processes#so now i'm going back to ye olde teacher thoughts bc i mean. that's gonna be real someday#n i'm finally writing down a lot of the things i realized through the years i learned from various teachers#what i liked abt their styles before i may have realized why they worked#i really don't know quite how to talk to kids in a way they understand (which is why i know i'm not gonna teach elementary school lol)#but i remember being in 8th grade n loving how clearly all the information was given to us-- it was obvious that the teacher had#written them himself just for us-- n like. this is basically my model for explaining things to kids#anyway the first thing i wrote down abt what i liked abt this teacher is 'made stories out of science n out of us as scientists'#n like. how can i not respect and admire the hell out of that as someone who love love loves story and art?#the way science and art became one... fucking immaculate dude!!!#anyway a lot of my most favorite teachers were; looking back; incredibly kind and considerate people#and i'm glad to have had the privilege of learning under them growing up#the man's not that old he's probably still teaching. i could like. add him on fb n ask to hang out at some point#bc now *i'm* curious abt how he got into teaching n how he developed his style#the worm speaks
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skrunksthatwunk · 16 days
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playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there
#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think#nyarla dni#(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is#his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b#wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha#she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives#in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh#GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters#anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed#he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him#hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry#dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed#(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he#insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex#half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he#needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw#her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh#was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY#look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i#you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never#let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH#and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her#and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM#look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it#was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave
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bhaalsdeepbat · 1 month
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the soul coins as a metaphor for performance enhancing drugs / stimulants is sooooo good i keep thinking about it and how i wish there as more done with it.
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hellfireeddiemunson · 7 months
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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ancientrimer · 9 months
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last point of contention: all of their breakups were exact replicas of the s1 breakups?? who do you think you are, the Star Wars sequels?
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criminalamnesia · 3 months
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everyone’s asking for a part two so here is more angst bc cedar by gracie abrams is perfect for this [ also inspired by what @shotmrmiller said in their reblog :)) ]
part one here
part three (aka version 1 of the ending) here
part three (ending version 2) here
it’s odd coming home to an empty house. unnerving, even. he doesn’t like it— dislikes it even more than he did your celebrations. fuck, he’d kill for those damn streamers right now.
“love?” his voice is soft as he calls out into the dark, once lively little flat. it hasn’t felt this big since before you had moved in.
he takes a few more steps inside, toeing off his boots and letting his backpack fall to the floor. by now, you would’ve been launching yourself into his arms. where were you? you’d never missed the day he came home. ever. you would have it marked on your calendar from the day he left, exclamation points and stars decorating the date.
“love?” he calls again, his voice a little louder. he keeps moving; notices there’s no smell of freshly baked goods or a home-cooked meal.
he rounds the corner, his eyes instantly finding the little note propped up on the dining table. eyebrows furrowed, he approaches. it’s addressed to him, clearly in your handwriting.
he reads it, and he really should’ve seen all of this coming.
he doesn’t cry. doesn’t even feel sad, really. it’s not like he hadn’t loved you— he had, but sometimes you made it really damn difficult to. your constant touches and words, doting on him, talking his ear off about this and that. he’d loved it at first, then came to tolerate it, and eventually he found himself hating it.
it wasn’t fair to you. he didn’t hate you, he hated the naivety. the unconditional love. partners were supposed to show each other that kind of love, were they not? so why did he come to despise it?
perhaps it was some deep rooted self-hatred. something dark and twisted inside of him that had done too much and taken life. killed and killed and killed. watched his comrades die in a number of ways. slowly. quickly. suddenly. brutally.
it hollowed him out, but it was his job. it was his job to do what he could for the damn world— get his hands dirty so people like you would never have to worry about a damn thing.
he should’ve seen it coming. you had been acting a little odd the last time he was home, he realizes now. detached, almost. quieter. he had cherished the quiet then.
now it was weird. he didn’t know how to feel.
he placed the note back down onto the table before making his way into the kitchen. some utensils were missing. some plates and bowls. the colorful dishrags you’d hung from the stove handle. the little plant you’d stationed in front of the window above the sink.
all the pictures of the two of you remained on the fridge. he could see in the photos how he slowly became detached. but you— god, you wore that dazzling smile in every photo.
he turned around and headed towards the bedroom.
——————————————————————
there wasn’t really any defining closure. you’d left the note, sure, but he hadn’t gotten to speak his piece.
would he have begged you to stay? told you to leave?
he didn’t know. all he knew was that it wasn’t fair to you, how he acted. what he did.
he also knew that if you called, or if you showed up and said you forgot something, or hell, if he saw you on the street, he’d say something. apologize at least, because that’s the least you deserved.
but you didn’t, and after a few days, he stopped thinking about you. what you’d be telling him right now if you were there. stopped thinking about how you sang when you cooked dinner. how you would reach for his hand when the two of you were in the grocery store.
how you would throw those damn ‘welcome home!’ parties.
he fell back into who he was, and your memory became nothing but a minuscule dot on a large piece of paper.
but for you? you had been miserable when you’d shown up at your friends apartment. cried into her shoulder as you told her about the note. sobbed as you realized that he didn’t care about you, and how you’d wasted so much time on this man who didn’t give a damn.
but even still, when you stirred in the middle of the night, you expected to feel his hands around your body. expected him to press a kiss to your head as you drifted back to sleep.
you woke up and expected him to be there. you forgot that he wasn’t yours. you found yourself missing him, even though you’d starting doing that far before you actually left.
it took the man you loved days to move on. it took you months— almost a year. he put you in fucking therapy, for god’s sake, because that shit messes with someone.
loving someone so completely, so wholly, only to finally realize it’s one sided? it’s crushing. he crushed you. but you picked up the pieces, and you put yourself back together.
you move on. find someone who actually cares for you— someone who communicates and doesn’t lose interest. someone who appreciates your enthusiasm. someone who returns it.
and when the man that broke your heart several years ago tries to stop you on the street one day,
you keep walking.
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shitty-goose-quack · 1 year
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if you know me, fuck it, this is how i feel at 9:30 less than a week before my algebra final, my mom is telling me for the 100th time that if i don't have all my hw done by x time, something bad will happen to me or whatever, i litteraly started hyperventilating 8 hours ago because i was playing music too fast, so take that or leave it ig
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