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alyswritings · 5 months

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pitch perfect

Request: could you write a jj maybank and sister reader where her depression and anxiety has like gotten worse recently?? Love your writings!!!

Summary: JJ helps his sister when she isn't doing well.

Warnings: depression, anxiety

a/n: back from the dead! idk for how long lmao

(gif not mine)

JJ gets back to the chateau after getting some stuff from his house. He throws the two bags onto the couch, getting a beer out of the fridge.

"Hey." John B walks out of his room.

"Hey." JJ nods, taking a sip of his beer.

"Hey, so, um..." John B purses his lips, getting a beer. "Uh... Y/N -- to my knowledge -- hasn't gotten out of bed all day."

"What?" JJ asks, frowning in concern.

"Yeah. Uh... tried to, but she just-- she wouldn't move. Barely even said anything." John B says.

"Uh..." JJ scratches his head. "All right. Thanks, man."

"Yeah." John B says, walking off.

JJ sighs, putting his beer down. He grabs a water bottle out of the fridge and a granola bar before going into the bedroom. His heart strings pull at his sister's curled up form underneath the covers. He gently knocks on the doorframe, but she doesn't turn back to him.

"Hey." JJ quietly calls. He shuts the door and walks over to the bed. "You get up at all today?" Y/N only groans. "You eat anything?" He asks. He glances at the nightstand, seeing the unopened package of peanut butter crackers that John B must've put in there earlier.

"You should eat something, Y/N." JJ says. Y/N doesn't respond. "Was there a trigger?" He asks. Y/N gives a small shrug.

JJ quietly sighs, wishing he could magically heal her. Wishing he could take all of this away, it killing him that he can't.

"C'mon, Y/N/N." JJ gently shakes her. "Say one word."

"Go away." Y/N mumbles.

"Okay. We're getting somewhere." JJ says. "I'm not going anywhere, though."

"Jayje--"

"You need me. I'm not leaving you alone, dude. Nice try, though." JJ says, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Why don't we get you into the bathroom and you can take a shower."

"Don't wanna." She mumbles.

"It'll make you feel better." JJ says. "I swear, it will. Even just a little bit. Come on." He stands up.

"JJ." She sighs.

"Up and at 'em." JJ rips the blanket off.

"JJ." She whines.

"Shower time." JJ says, picking her up and carrying her to the bathroom. He puts her on her feet, Y/N leaning against the wall. "Be right back." JJ goes back to the bedroom.

He comes back with some clean pajamas and puts them on the counter.

"Shower. Take as long as you want." JJ turns the radio on, giving her some music to listen to while she showers. "When you get out, I can brush your hair and if you want, you can go back to laying down and I'll put a movie on or something."

"You suck." Y/N frowns.

"Love you, too." JJ kisses her temple. "Shower." He orders, leaving and shutting the door.

- - -

Y/N walks into the bedroom where JJ is, the boy having the TV set up and a pile of DVDs to choose from on the bed.

"Hey." He gets up when he notices her. "I got you some water and made you a sandwich. Plus, JB had some grapes. Figured it's better than nothing."

"Thanks." She mumbles, taking a sip of the water.

"Pick a movie." JJ encourages, nodding to the DVDs. Y/N sighs, looking through them.

"Pitch Perfect." She holds the DVD out to him.

"Yeah. Of course." JJ mumbles, taking the DVD. He puts the movie in before grabbing his sister's hair brush and sitting behind her on the bed.

"You really don't--"

"Shut up." JJ tells her, grabbing the plate. "Here. Eat a little, at least." He puts the plate in front of her.

Y/N sighs, sticking a grape in her mouth. She relaxes a bit as JJ starts to brush her hair, his fingers combing through it afterwards. He soon finishes and puts the brush up, moving to sit beside her.

"You feel better?" JJ asks. Y/N just shrugs.

JJ frowns, rubbing his neck as he thinks of how to help her. He knows he can't do too much since there's no cure all to her depression and anxiety. Plus, if he pushes too much, she can tend to push him away.

He knows he just needs to keep a closer eye on her and make sure she's eating and taking care of herself somewhat, at least. JJ kisses his sister on the head before moving his attention to the TV, watching the riff-off.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x sister reader #jj maybank x sister!reader #obx #outer banks #outer banks jj #obx jj

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eulohani · 3 years

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𝗳𝘁. @euizak

#SOCIAL MEDIA ◞ 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔪.#not ella & i posting social media edits almost at the same time... twins in power #at least mine isn't rip your heart out depressing #body image tw

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herinsectreflection · 3 years

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I want to talk about this scene, from Bargaining when Willow kills the fawn. You might guess from my icon that I am a big fan of this scene. It's pretty short but it sets the stage for Willow's arc throughout S6 excellently.

It opens with her in this gorgeous riverside greenery, dressed in pure white, the very picture of fairytale innocence, bathed in bright sunlight. It's such an unusual shot for the show, which almost exclusively either has shots inside or at night (for obvious reasons of being a vampire show), and that immediately makes it quite memorable. Especially as the rest of the episode is almost entirely set at night, filled with demon bikers, dismemberment, fire, broken down towers and digging out of graves. It's like this little meditative moment of peace in between all that.

Or, it would be if it didn't include a teensy little animal sacrifice.

WILLOW: Adonai, Helomi, Pine. Adonai, Helomi, Pine. The gods do command thee from thy majesty. O Mappa Laman, Adonai, Helomi.

Willow says her words and summons forth a young fawn from the trees. The fawn is another symbol of innocence, like Willow's white dress. As she reaches out and and touches the animal gently, we're reminded of the soft innocent Willow of S1, who shied away from any conflict and seemed incapable of ever hurting a fly. She's like a disney princess, sitting in the woods singing to woodland animals. Only Snow White never stabbed Bambi in the heart.

The entire plot of the previous season revolved around the blood sacrifice of a child. This is what Glory was trying to achieve, and it's what Buffy has to stop. Buffy gives her life in order to stop it. And now, Willow recreates the same event, performing the blood sacrifice what is specifically an animal child. She steps into the role that the previous season's Big Bad performed, and so tells us that this season, she is stepping into the role of Big Bad. The fawn fills the role of Dawn - the situations rhyme as well as the names do.

Fun fact - the words that Willow uses are taken from The Book of Ceremonial Magic, a 1910 book that compiled various grimoires. In this passage, describing an invocation to request something from God, Adonai/Helomi/Pine are the names of angels - specifically the angels of the East, who appear in human form dressed in lily white according to this passage - another link to Willow's costume here. The invocation seems to involve requesting these angels to appear to the caster in an intelligible form.

ADONAI, HELOMI, PINE, Whom you obey, do invoke, conjure and entreat thee, N., that thou wilt appear forthwith. By the virtue and power of the same God I do command thee from thine order or place of abode to come unto me and skew thyself plainly here before me in thine own proper shape and glory, speaking in a voice intelligible to mine understanding.

In this case, Willow is symbolically killing an actual angel of heaven, which is probably pretty high up on the villainy scale. Just drives home the fundamental Wrongness of this scene. It's also good to remember that the idea of killing one to save other(s) is a theme returned to again and again throughout the show, and the first major example of that theme in action is a certain Angel.

(Credit to this user on BuffyBoards for finding the source of these words.)

So the fawn is Dawn, and the fawn is an angel. But most importantly of all - the fawn is Buffy. Willow, in her attempts to bring Buffy back to life, first has to kill "Buffy".

WILLOW: Come forward, Blessed one. Know your calling.

The fawn is described as having a "calling" that it must "know", just as Buffy has a calling of her own, which over the course of many seasons she learns to know and accept (and eventually revolutionise and reject). It is also described as "Blessed", which in some definitions is taken to mean "one who is with God in heaven". Buffy at this point is literally in heaven (or at least some kind of heaven dimension, the theology is gratefully vague). The structure of the phrase "Blessed one" also reminds of the more relevant phrase - "Chosen One", which again would be Buffy. The spell ingredient, which we know is the fawn's blood, is called "vino de madre" - wine of the mother, implying a feminine source of power, just like The Slayer.

WILLOW: Accept our humble gratitude for your offering. In death ... you give life. May you find wings to the kingdom. In death, you give life. You might say that death... is your gift... yeah, so this really drives it home for me. Using death to give life is literally what Buffy has just done. It was core to her arc last season. And finally the "wings to the kingdom" line again plays into that heaven imagery. S6 loves this kind of imagery for Buffy, even giving her angel wings in one of the most delightfully on-the-nose shots in the show.

Buffy gave her life to give Dawn one, and with it gave a warning about the struggles of life - "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.". This is sad but lovely advice that Buffy herself must now spend S6 gradually learning to understand herself. She learns how to deal with the crushing despair of day-to-day existence. Willow, as the Big Bad of this season, doesn't understand this advice at all. For years now, Willow has used magic as a short-cut to avoid actually dealing with her emotions (see Lover's Walk, Something Blue, Tough Love). This goes into overdrive in S6, and it starts with her desperation to bring Buffy back to avoid really dealing with the reality of her death.

In fact it goes beyond magic - Willow is also the one who uses her tech knowledge to bring the Buffybot back online. She uses all her skills to desperately fill in the hole that Buffy has left behind. This is what Willow does, magic or no. And it's sympathetic - my heart breaks every time she talks about fearing where Buffy might have ended up - but it's not totally rational or healthy either. The main problem is that Willow, in doing this, is ignoring Buffy's final words, and misunderstanding the central theme.

As said earlier, by performing this blood sacrifice of a child, Willow is betraying the memory of Buffy, who died to stop one. (Symbolically of course. Morally there are light years between killing an animal and killing a teenager). Buffy gave her life to stop a blood sacrifice, and so Willow reverses the process - causing a blood sacrifice to give Buffy her life. And she betrays Buffy's final words with her refusal to accept the pain of life and live with it. And finally, she betrays Buffy spiritually.

Remember that Willow is Buffy's metaphorical Spirit, as shown in Primeval. It is a special kind of betrayal that Buffy's Spirit breaks her spiritually in this season. She literally rips her soul out of eternal bliss and contentment, causing an existential break within her. She beseeches the fawn/Buffy to find "wings to the kingdom", but in doing so robs Buffy of her wings.

Buffy suffers brutal depression this season, and describes it many times as feeling dead inside. This kind of emotional deadness is caused directly by her ressurection (though severely exacerbated by her unresolved trauma, grief over Joyce, and generally just living under capitalism). Willow has tried to give death to bring life, but because the action is a betrayal of Buffy on many levels, the act is tainted, and perverted, like a wish on a monkey's paw. She literally kills metaphorical Buffy, and so metaphorically kills literal Buffy. Buffy has life, but said life is causing a kind of death within her.

And what does Willow get for all this? Her pain isn't fixed by all this. She just gets blood on her hands (and later on her face). It sets off a chain of events that will end with far more blood on Willow's hands. She dips a toe into a darkness, but because she doesn't understand fully the emotions that have taken her there, she can't exert any control over it. She doesn't learn a lesson here that she shouldn't try to shape the world to deal with her emotions. Instead, she learns that she has power over life and death.

Willow is clearly deeply shaken by this, but it's not nearly enough to make her change her path. She ignores the very obvious foreshadowing here - her hands literally coated in blood - and carries on anyway. She takes the wrong lessons from this moment, which she clearly demonstrates in her argument with Giles in Flooded, where she ignores his anger over how she's warped the rules of nature, and instead focuses on how awesome she is ("The magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off.")

This is a small scene, but it sets up so much for Willow. It shows how far she has come from the meek girl of S1. And it shows a glimpse of the future, how she has far to go but is now on a path to become the villain she is at the end of S6. She starts it by killing metaphorical Buffy in order to save her, and will end it by trying to kill actual Buffy in order to emotionally "save" her. At every point she can justify the blood on her hands as serving some greater purpose - but the blood is still there.

#willow rosenberg #meta #btvs #s6 #bargaining #symbolism

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whosaskingwrites · 4 years

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Darling You're Glowing (Iwaizumi x Reader)

A/N: um so this one isn't really as sad as the others. Its mostly a Matsukawa x reader cause I got carried away (I'm not sorry Mattsun deserves this also I love soft!Mattsun) but thats also what provided the angst for Iwa. So rip Iwa I guess.

WARNINGS: Kinda angsty, bullying, depression is hinted at. Reader has zero friends besides Matsukawa. Reader is a bad bitch at one point and fucked a bitch up. There's some slut shaming as well as name calling. There's some cursing involved.

Date: Friday October 23rd, 2020

Details: 5.1 pages 1,890 words

Theme: Glowing heart- Every person has a glowing heart that they can choose to hide or make visible. The more love and happiness the person feels the brighter the heart glows. However the more sadness the person feels the dimmer it gets as well as cracks. When it breaks you can no longer feel emotions. A broken heart can be fixed by a declaration of love.

Angst masterlist

I stared at the glowing heart on my chest. It was so dim compared to the light from my bathroom down the hall. I looked at the jagged cracks that ran through it. Just a slight push was enough for me to be heartbroken and I couldn’t find it in myself to care. Having no emotions would make things easier after all in the three years I’d attended Aoba Johsai I only had one friend through everything.

I remember having two best friends in middle school. Iwaizumi and Oikawa but they had ditched me shortly after volleyball started using the excuse that they were to busy to spend time with me. I knew they were lying though. I had seen them hanging out together plenty of times and my friend, Issei Matsukawa was also on the team and he always made time for me at least once a week.

He of course was the only one who knew the state of my heart when he visited me by surprise one day. He made it his goal to keep my heart from breaking. Unfortunately Inter-high was coming up making him too busy and at this point I was going to crack. I sighed hiding the heart and getting ready for school when I checked my phone I had one text from Mattsun it was a short message asking me to stop by the gym after school today.

I responded back saying I’d be there as I left my house. Today was quiet as the bully in my class was absent for the day. It left me with a slightly better feeling as I headed towards the gym. I wondered if I ran into Oikawa and Iwaizumi what I would say to them. After all we hadn’t spoken in three years but I saw Iwaizumi stare at me during the day sometimes. As I approached the gym I texted Mattsun saying I was here. Before I could continue on my way a voice spoke up from behind me

“Oh looks it’s the slut,” I flinched as I was pushed to the side. The girls walked in front of me I recognized them from Mattsun's class when I occasionally waited for him. “Heard you slept with the swim team like a whore,” I spoke up but my voice was soft and quiet “I didn’t sleep with them,” the girl laughed “What? You’re gonna have to speak up,” She shoved me down to the ground harshly and I scraped my knee as I hit the ground a whimper of pain came from my throat causing the girls infront of me to laugh.

“Not like it matters freak. I’m sure Matsukawa only hangs out with you to sleep with you since you’re so easy,” I felt another crack to my heart and I knew one more push even a tiny one and I would be gone. I looked up at the girls then.

“Are you done?” I softly asked as the girl smirked “As if-" before she could continue the gym door slid open. “Hey! Leave her alone!”

A feeling of relief flooded through me as I recognized the voice. The girls scurried off but not before kicking me one last time causing me to release a shout of pain. I heard a series of footsteps rapidly approaching before a pair of feet entered my vision. He crouched down in front of me and cupped my cheeks forcing me to look up. I knew I had tears running down my face as my eyes met Mattsun's.

His eyes searched mine for any indication of pain before I spoke up. “Issei…Why am I here?” I whimpered out as I remembered what the girls said about me being easy. He didn’t answer me instead he said something else “Let me see,” were the words that left his mouth.

I sighed as I let the heart show. His eyes flickered downward quickly and he let out a quiet sigh of relief before pressing his forehead against my own. “I invited you here because I have something to tell you and I can’t keep it to myself any more,”

“What?” I asked as he sighed. I saw the tension running through his body as he kept his hands in place. It caused me to get nervous as my mind drifted. “He only hangs out with you cause you’re easy,” however the words that left his mouth next washed away every negative word those girls said.

“I love you,” I blinked once then twice then three times “You-" “I love you,” he cut me off as he repeated himself. I placed my hands on his wrists as I felt the chips in my heart fill and glow. I watched the light gold glow as it illuminated both of our faces just as bright as it was years ago. I smiled knowing he was telling the truth and then a giggly laugh escaped me. It felt like the fizz of soda or the splash of a wave the feeling of euphoria I felt knowing the person I loved also loved me.

“I love you too Issei,” I managed to say through a series of giggles. It was his turn to chuckle then his own heart produced a silver glow with the same intensity as my own it meshed well with the gold glow of my heart. The feeling of pure joy caused him to press a series of short kisses to my face stopping as he placed one against my lips.

He stood us both up then “Do you wanna stay for the rest of practice?” He asked and I thought it over before nodding. “Sure but its cold in the gym,” he smiled at me before gesturing towards the gym “head in I’ll be right back,” He ran off while I let out a soft sigh. I hid my heart as I walked into the gym so the glow didn’t distract the players. I snuck over to the bleachers watching my old best friends practice.

I frowned as I remembered helping Oikawa practice his serve and how I had fallen for Iwaizumi. Now the only feelings left for them were bitter ones about being ditched by both of them.

“Hey only significant others and people who were invited can watch practice not sluts who want to fuck the team,” I turned my head my eyes catching sight of Oikawa's current girlfriend of the week. I rolled my eyes “Good thing I was invited then. Now leave me alone please,” She scoffed as I looked away. “You stupid fucking bitch!” she screeched in a high pitched voice before she wrapped her hands in my hair.

She roughly pulled me to the ground and slapped me. However both her and I were shocked when I, still riding the feeling of adrenaline and euphoria from Mattsun, flipped us. I socked her in the jaw and punched her nose smiling at the feeling of it crunch under my fist. I stood up looking at the team with blood on my knuckles. I sent a glare towards Oikawa causing him to flinch at my face.

“Oikawa. Come get your bitch before I fuck her pretty face up more,” He looked thoroughly shocked by me addressing him by his last name and cursing as well as Iwaizumi. “y/n-chan,” Oikawa whispered as his brown eyes met my own e/c pair. My gaze hardened at the nickname “Sorry but we haven’t spoken in three years please don’t call me that,” the team flinched at the harsh tone from my voice.

I saw the girl get up from the corner of my eye and dash out of the gym before anyone could stop her. “Y/n why did you do that? What happened to you?” Iwaizumi was talking to me in an angry tone “One she started it and two what happened to me?” I let out a humorless laugh “No! What happened to my best friends!? Together forever? What a fucking lie. Three years. Three years I’ve had to stand by and let people abuse and bully me and not once did you guys come to save me like you promised!” I was yelling now anger consumed me washing away my previous feeling of joy.

“I have one person! For three years he kept my heart from breaking! And the worst part is the two people who promised to never let my heart break were the same two who cracked it first,” Oikawa and Iwaizumi flinched and the rest of the team stared at the scene in front of them. “Besides Iwaizumi. Why do you even care what happened to me? You’ve never called or texted me to check on me even when you saw me crying,” I narrowed my eyes at him “Hm? It hasn’t seem to bother you all this time so why does it matter!” My aggression from being abandoned came back in full force as I yelled at him.

“Because I love you!” he yelled back and all my anger vanished “I love you Goddamnit!” I blinked “You…you love me,” It came out as a statement and not a question but that didn’t matter as he nodded. “Well. You had plenty of time to tell me instead of abandoning me,” He looked at me there was desperation in his eyes as they searched mine. “Please give me a chance I promise I’ll never leave your side again I won’t let anyone hurt you!” I shook my head at him.

“I'm sorry but I’m happily with the person who hasn’t left my side for probably the worst years of my life,” there was a sense of authority and finality in my voice as I spoke. “Who-" before Oikawa could finish his question the door to the gym slid open. “Hey- What is going on here,” I looked at Mattsun he held his team jacket in his hands as he looked over the scene of Iwaizumi and Oikawa in front of me while the rest of the team stood behind them. My arms were crossed and I uncrossed them as I felt calmer. Mattsun's eyes zoned in on my bloody knuckles causing him to run over and lift my hand.

“Jeez who’d you hit?” he asked once he assessed that it wasn’t my blood. “Later,” I voiced as I looked at him. He smiled as he kissed me I smiled into it as I felt the giddy feeling return to me. “I’ll hold you to that,” he said when he pulled away. “Sorry guys this is my girlfriend Y/n L/n,” I smiled at the team as Hanamaki voiced something “Dude…You’re girlfriend fucked a bitch up,” Mattsun looked at me and raised an eyebrow “I’ll tell you everything later I promise,” I laughed “Let me see,” I knew he was worried and I smiled letting the soft gold glow take over as he looked at me.

I smiled at the way it lit up his eyes “Darling you’re glowing,” he voiced before kissing me again. I let the glow disappear again as he ran off to go practice. Iwaizumi looked at me with wide eyes and I looked back mouthing words at him and Iwaizumi for the first time felt his heart crack and dim at everything that transpired.

“Too little too late,”

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TAG LIST: @wonhomarshmallow

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi angst #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #WhosaskingAngst

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akira-emberheart · 3 years

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songs I'd like to assign to the glee kids (part I)

Note: I'm pretty well known for making playlists and more playlists, and ever since seeing this post by @cracktastic about assigning, for the 100th episode, the least expected song to the least expected character, I've found myself craving to hear specific characters sing specific songs.

(I've also started another separate list to add on to that post I mentioned, but that will be a post for another day)

So after going through my music library, I came up with a small list of songs for each character that I would love to hear them sing, for various reasons, which i'll do my best to explain.

This got really long really fast, because I like to get into meta and over analyze - I'm also just very passionate about music. For that reason, I'll do 5 songs at a time for a specific character, and I'll be putting a read more.

Also, please be gentle with me - I've watched Glee a year ago, and it's entirely possible I may be missing or confusing scenes and storylines in my head. If I do, let me know!

If you read this and find yourself thinking of songs and scenarios as well, do share them with me! I'm working on actual Spotify Playlists as well.

So let's get into it -

for Kurt Hummel

> Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

"This is not the sound of a new man

or crispy realization

It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me"

This is probably one of my favorite songs ever, and I first thought about it for Kurt after realising how beautiful his voice would sound in it, because of its crystal clear and poised quality. (I liked it so much I included it in a scene on my fanfic too).

If you don't know Bon Iver, or the history of this song, it's the last track in an album full of more..."depressing" songs. It's also the one that has a throughout tone of hope, of recovery after a hard ordeal, of taking some first steps to a better place.

I imagine it would be a good song for him around the time he meets Blaine - when the Karovsky situation is nearly over, and he starts looking back on his school year - Burt's heart attack, the bullying - and, now with Blaine in his life, and a renewed self confidence, he's finally able to confidently step into a better phase of his life and heal from all he went through.

I see this one being sung in a quiet moment of reflection, when he's alone. Maybe in the choir room, or even outdoors in a nice garden. In my fanfic I wrote it in a different context, in Blaine's room at night, so I guess that works in my head too.

***

> Enchanted by Taylor Swift

"I'm wonderstruck

Blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you"

I'm very fascinated with Kurt's whole storyline in S2 - things start off so rough for him, but when Blaine comes along, and when Kurt is able to grow and shift more and assuming the person he really is, things start looking up. I chose this song for what it promises, and also because I can imagine it in Kurts lower singing register and it seems like a good one for him. Also, yes, I was a kid who owned Speak Now. Sue me.

This song is about first meeting someone very special, and that happens to be the beginning of Klaine. With the almost whispered lyrics, the slowly crescent ambiance and rhythm, it really encapsulates the feeling of everything stopping when you lay eyes in that one special person, and the flooding rush of emotions that happens right after.

Kurt had no idea how much an unsuspecting visit to a rival show coir school would change his life, even less in the midst of the situation he was in. It also seems fitting for Kurt and his early relationship with Blaine because of some specific lyrics ("This is me praying now / This was the very first page / Not where the storyline ends"). Enchanted tells the story of a special first meeting, and hints at something special to come, from the perspective of someone who is awestruck for someone.

Like the one above, this one would fit in early S2, possibly in EP6, after Kurt and Blaine's meeting at Dalton Academy. When he's back home, alone in his room, daydreaming, or when he's back at McKinley in that same afternoon.

***

> Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles

"Oooh, how am I gonna get over you? I'll be alright, just not tonight But someday. Hey, I wish you'd want me to stay I'll be alright, just not tonight"

My main reason for choosing this one is because I think it fits very very well with Kurt's voice, and musical taste - its a very vibrant and poppy song, despite the more depressing theme - a post breakup promise of getting over it.

I first thought of it for S4, soon after the Breakup™, but paying close attention to the lyrics (I do tend to get stuck on just the melody sometimes), it makes more sense to place this on during the S6 Breakup - when Kurt finds out about Blaine dating Karovsky, after deciding he wants Blaine back.

So it's a hard situation for him, as we see from his breakdown in the bathroom (poor Kurt!), and he really has to come to terms with the mistakes he made (and the mistakes they both made as a couple), pick himself up, and move on.

I imagine this one being sung during an outing with Rachel, when she's trying to cheer him up and lift him up a little from his depression. My brain readily produces an image of a sunny street or a shopping mall that the two of them walk through, Kurt with some nice vivid colored clothes, finally being able to smile and ready to perhaps start moving on, or at least ready to start considering he will be okay.

***

> Killer Queen by Queen

"She keeps her Moet et Chandon

In her pretty cabinet

"Let them eat cake", she says

Just like Marie Antoinette"

This song just reminds me of Kurt. It's one of my all time favorites from Queen, and ever since watching Glee, these two are just connected in my mind. Voice wise, Kurt could definitely handle it.

It's apparently about a "high class prostitute"(? Freddie's word's, not mine), but still paints a pretty and dainty picture, and you can almost picture a porcelain faced lady in her best clothes, delicately smoking a cigarette. It also contains words that probably only Kurt can pronounce out of everyone in the glee club.

Many Queen songs were sung on Glee, but I don't think there was ever a Queen episode. For this one, I suggest a headcanon scenario, maybe during S3, when Mr. Shuester decides to have a Queen week - and Kurt isn't known for going with the obvious choices. He wants to be classy, edgy and impressive, and he sings in front of everyone, half in the choir room, half in the auditorium, perhaps with some fancy decoration and dancers behind him.

***

> The Answer by Kodaline

"You might think you found the one

Until your heart gets ripped and torn

Yeah, I used to feel bad, I used to feel like that

I still feel a bit like that"

This is another one that I picked immediately solely based on Kurt's voice - I really do like his voice with just a quiet, discrete instrumental. Looking into it further, I decided it could really work for Kurt's character.

I didn't go very deep into the intended meaning of the song, because it definitely has space for different interpretations. I choose to go with the breakup one. These lyrics here reminded me a little of the S4 breakup storyline - "We all fall down from the highest clouds / to the lowest ground" - makes me think how well Kurt's life was going once he arrived in New York, with the internship, his apartment situation with Rachel, a new and exciting place where he could freely be himself... and then he's completely blindsided by Blaine's cheating. He goes from being ecstatic and excited at Blaine's appearance, looking forward to share with him all the great things he just discovered, when Blaine's confession sends him to a well of despair, doubt and loneliness. The lyrics "You might think you found the one / until your heart gets ripped and torn" - reinforce the whole situation.

I can see him singing this not long after the breakup, on one more sleepless night, maybe walking alone through the streets of New York, or maybe in a montage of his busy daily routine, while he just gets through the day with a whole lot of emptiness weighing on his chest.

#glee #kurt hummel #glee meta #glee songs #klaine #klaine meta

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staytiny-angel · 4 years

Text

War of Hearts

Chapter One

Rating: Mature

Main Pairing: Seth Rollins/Becky Lynch

Co-written with @riottbliss

Summary: Seth Rollins was once known as the Bad Boy Prince of MMA, now years after a career ending knee injury he's stepping into.the Octagon again not as a competitor but as his little sister's coach. Unfortunately for him the redhead across the cage from he and Paige is not only woman he'd just had a one night stand with but the younger sister and protege of the Finn Balor...the man that ended Seth's career.

Warnings: MMA style violence, Alcoholism, Implied Self-Harm (DM for details), Depression, Angst with a Happy Ending

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, or professionally known by Triple-H sighed with embarrassment, reading tweet after tweet from his youngest son Seth Rollins.

"What happened to him?" His best friend and practically brother Shawn Michaels asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Cody took him out of the press conference, Seth's hungover, blaming everyone but himself"

Shawn shook his head, "Kid is letting the hype go to his brain. He's all over TMZ, The Bad Boy Prince of MMA is what they call him"

"Seth is the best fighter in the world in his division. He's earned the cockiness but his lifestyle…." Hunter shook his head

Shawn made a disgusted sound. "Kid reminds me of me before I got my act together"

"Fatherhood is what made you get your act together. That won't work for Seth" Hunter clicked on a video of his drunken son yelling into a camera about Finn Balor that had gone viral last week.

"He talks so much shit about Balor being a low rent MacGregor, hell Seth acts more like Conor then Finn does."

Hunter sighed "He's turned this into a complete mess, I wouldn't be surprised if his team drops him."

"Hey, Dusty loved that kid, Dustin and Cody wouldn't release him until he stopped making them money"

Hunter nodded but looked nonetheless unthrilled.

"He keeps making excuses about everything. I'm this close to calling Steph"

Shawn nodded with agreement as the two entered Seth's penthouse, greeting a tired looking Cody Rhodes. "I can't do this anymore Hunter" he said in place of a normal greeting.

"You are not dropping him" Hunter said matter of factly.

"AEF is supposed to be for fighters that respect the sport, he fucks around and doesn't even show up to the gym" Cody said.

Hunter ignored him and went upstairs to where he could hear his youngest groaning in misery.

Hunter sighed as Seth looked up from the toilet he was practically hugging. "I'm twenty five, perfectly legal" he muttered, Hunter's gaze looking at the black and gold championship that laid discarded.

"While ago you would have treated that with respect" He said, Seth rolling his eyes. "Would you rather me puke on it? It's just a fucking belt' "

"Don't let anyone hear you say that" Hunter said lowly. "You're going to the weigh in today even if I have to drag you by your hair there myself"

"No the fuck I'm not, don't you see me dyin' here?" Seth whined "I'm going to fucking sleep"

"What the fuck happened to you?!" Hunter yells "Every since your Uncle Shane became your manager this is what you've turned into."

Seth looked unfazed. "Don't get angry because I'm better than you ever were" and shoved his father out of his way, flipping off Cody, and ignoring Shawn.

"What am I going to do with him?" Hunter sighed, exhausted.

"Knock his ass out?" Shawn suggested. "I'll take care of him" Cody rolled his eyes. "Britt and I will make sure he gets to the weigh in. I just need painkillers and food"

"I'm gonna go talk to Shane, I want to know what kind of garbage he's been filling my kid's head with" Hunter mutters

"I told you listening to Vince was a mistake." Shawn replies shaking his head "All of you let Vince snow you into thinking it was embarrassing that his mother managed him"

Hunter sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to drag Steph back, Shane has a tight grip on him"

"Worry about that fuckface later" Shawn said. "Seth needs you, not him" Hunter nodded firmly, making his way downstairs to see Seth passed out on his couch, his dog Kevin and cat Daryl laying on him.

"This was our compromise" Cody explained. "I let him take a nap, he goes to the weigh in later"

"He isn't going to beat Balor in this condition. He doesn't spar anymore and his knee has been inflamed for weeks" Britt says quietly

"He shouldn't even be fighting. We told Shane but he says there's too much money at stake for Seth to pull out"

"Money money money"' Shawn mocked. "All he cares about is fucking printed paper"

Hunter ignored them and instead chose to brush back some of Seth's hair, his son unconsiously responding to it. "What did I do wrong raising him?" he asked. Hunter rolls his eyes at the look his older brother gave him "The truth" he says quietly

"No offense bro, but this family is a whole fucking lot to live up to and you weren't exactly shy about your expectations once Seth showed an aptitude for the sport. None of us were. I have to even ask myself, when was the last time any of us actually had a conversation with the kid that wasn't about fighting?"

"He's cracking underneath the pressure" Cody chimes in

"Yeah, he is and now Shane is filling his head with all these ideas about the image he should project" Shawn continues "Quiet guys who, play with their dogs and write poetry when their not in the Octagon don't sell tickets, but Bad Boys sure the fuck do."

*Later*

Seth scowled at his phone as Britt ushered him into the arena the weigh was taking place in. "I'm assuming you told the press he was gonna bail?" Cody growled at Shane who held his hands up. "They were gonna find out sooner or later" "Yeah yeah, no press is bad press" Seth said.

"Except the press says you're an asshole" Cody deadpanned. "Don't do anything stupid up there, or Mark is going to have a stroke" Seth didn't respond, instead heading up the stairs to the stage, where Balor had clearly made weight, despite being skinny. Seth took off his shirt per usual, standing on the scale.

"197 pounds" The announcer said, Seth smirking at Balor. The Irish man looked unfazed and rolled his eyes. Seth, in a act of annoyance, promptly flipped him off, hearing everyone in the crowd either laugh or groan

-Backstage -

"Gonna be fun beating your ass Balor, I promise not to hurt you too badly," Seth says cockily, slouching in a chair and putting his sunglasses back on.

"Oh, Rolly its almost time to give up your precious" Finn responds, "Clock is ticking boyo and your time is almost up"

"Mon roi, nous devons-oh shit" a pake woman walked up, speaking rapid French and stopping in her place when she saw Seth.

"Hey Seth" she said coldly.

"Vi" Seth responded, his attitude gone.

"He your king now?" "Surprised you even remember any French, from what I read, you've drank yourself through everything"

"It's what happens when you give your heart to someone and get it ripped in half, I wasn't enough for you, that's what you said right? I wasn't straight enough for you?! So you threw my ring in my face and left" Seth yelled "Cause Bisexual people, we're all cheaters didn't you know?"

At least according to Violet Gillath, wait I'm sorry Violet Balor now isn't it?."

"Stop it" Finn growled. "Before I knock your ass out now"

"Try it bitch" Seth snarled back.

Violet got between them and shoved Seth back. "Chaton, stop" she hissed.

Seth stumbled upon hearing his old nickname. "Why?" he choked out. "What did I do?"

Seth shook his head as if to shake his thoughts into place "Why Violet? Why did you leave me? You...you fucking broke me" he said in a small voice "I have the right to know why, just tell me. Why would you do that after everything. I was going to quit fighting for you because you didn't like seeing what it was turning me into. You get up on stage and you still sing my songs, but you said you hated me. I just wanna know."

Violet crossed her arms and closed her eyes. "I didn't want to be with you. You never signed anything so legally those songs are mine. I said what I meant, you weren't enough"

Seth looked like she had rebroken his heart.

Thankfully Britt walked in. "Hey, we gotta go"

Seth grabbed his title and held it to Finn. "This is mine. You can keep that bitch but you will never get this"

-Backstage-

"I've never known you to be biphobic, wanna explain to me why Rollins is convinced you are?" Finn said sitting down in his locker room with his wife a few minutes later.

"His uncle...manager, that bastard Shane got me my record deal in exchange for breaking Seth's heart" Violet told her husband "Seth hates fighting, he was going to quit and go on the road with me. He can't sing a note but he writes and plays guitar. We were going to be a duo. Shane was watching his cash cow walk out the door. So he threatened me and made an offer. Seth was the sweetest thing and he loved me and I broke his heart and let Shane turn him into that"

"If I could go back in time and slap him across the face I would but I can't" Violet said brokenly. "Shane has made it perfectly clear that if I ever tell him that he would ruin both our careers"

Finn hugged her to him. "I'm still gonna kick his ass" Violet slapped his arm. "Please try not to" Finn shrugged. "I'm undefeated"

"You know Seth is too. And the thing with being undefeated is that there's only one way down, being kicked off the mountain"

-Next Day-

Seth was throwing up again having had drank himself to sleep following his encounter with his ex.

Cody looked extremely tired and Britt concerned. "You have to fight in an hour!" Cody yelled out

"I don't fucking care." Seth yelled back "I don't even want to fucking fight." He muttered to himself, as he rubbed at his knee. "Come on fucking give already." He whispered to the inflamed appendage.

He knew what he was doing was dangerous but it was his only way out. If his knee would just give up the fucking ghost, he could quit this bullshit once and for all.

"Your sisters are out there tonight" Britt said, walking in, holding a brace.

"I really don't care" Seth growled, letting Britt put his knee in it.

"And your mom' Britt added. Seth took a breath when Britt touched his knee.

"Holy shit, it feels like its burning"

We're letting you go after tonight" Cody said angrily. "I don't care if you win or not, you've ruined All Elite Fighting's reputation"

"I don't care, I never wanted to be in your shitty gym anyway" Seth shrugged. "I'm going to get changed"

#shai writes #Shai Writes With Hela #Rollynch #Becky Lynch/Seth Rollins #seth rollins edit #seth rollins fanfic #seth rollins imagine #seth rollins smut #seth rollins #becky lynch #Finn Balor #finn balor imagine

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cuddliestbear · 4 years

Text

Tw:abuse,emotional manipulation, self harm mentioned

You know, over the past few years, I think I have learned a LOT about myself as a person. Leaving that toxic environment that was my father's house was a good decision, and ultimately better for me as a whole.

But since then, even with meds, with therapy, support from family and friends, I find I'm still on the road to recovery.

I've got anxiety and depression now, and low self esteem, and low expectations for any person in my life because it's easy for me to think 'this is better than before at least' and let shit slide. I can't keep thinking like that, I need to be better, not coasting. But, I'm working on it and trying so hard to give myself the self love I need after so many years of emotional and mental abuse hurled at me at such a young stage in my life.

I cry sometimes for the life I could have had had I not been conned into moving. I might still be friends with an old friend from my home who I barely talk to anymore. I might have ACTUALLY become a Marine Biologist. I might have done a lot of things, met a lot of people, different people than I know now.

Through the bs I went through, at least I have my friends, and my mom whenever I need them. I'm trying to take on the perspective of glass half full lately, because I have been such a pessimist since I was sixteen. It's not a matter of getting over it, there is no getting over it, it is being able to acknowledge the hurt that happened, and process it in a healthy way to better myself.

To people who will say 'how could you just abandon them like that?' It wasn't easy, whether they hurt me or not whether they were horrible to me or my mom or not, I still cared about them to some extent. That has always been my problem with things, when I care, I CARE, when I don't care, I REALLY don't. So, to try and leave people that had housed me and clothed me and fed me was hard. I didn't want to leave my sisters, I kinda didn't want to leave my dad behind because I am 90% positive he was just as miserable there as I was. But, also my dad created this problem for himself. He met this woman and decided he wanted to marry her, that was his decision, not mine. It was his decision to let her keep his balls in her purse so he wouldn't ever stick up for his own flesh and blood when his wife was being a cunt to them. So, yes, I 'abandoned' them, if that's what you want to call it. And, I shouldn't have to be sorry for that. And I am NOT sorry for that.

The only thing I am sorry for is having to leave my sisters behind. And I am sorry that they couldn't figure out that I am a whole human with whole human feelings and thoughts and ideas and own ways to be. No, what they wanted was a perfect little daughter who was obedient to a fault. They wanted a puppet who's life they could control and play with like a stupid fucking sims game.

And if I am swearing a lot in this it's because even after years of being away, I am STILL angry. So, so, so angry. All the time. Because I had been put through hell by adults that should have fucking known better. I solemnly swear that I will NEVER have children, because I barely know how to take care of myself, I have no right trying to take care of a mini human when I have so many issues that might complicate parenting.

They ripped my dreams and hopes to tatters and I was left with nothing of myself. I was a shell for so many years, I cried so often, but eventually I did that in secret because no one gave a shit. I used the razors in pencil sharpeners to open my wrists in PUNISHMENT to MYSELF because I was made to feel like I was the problem that everything was on me and I failed and kept failing and it built and I broke. I'm not proud of any lingering marks on my body, but it would be foolish of me to discount them. They are imprints of my own pain, and they remind me that I am stronger than I once was. Not by much but I am stronger.

The fucked up part isn't even that I hurt myself, the fucked up part is that I THOUGHT I deserved that pain. That I EVER deserved to be treated like such a stain on their life they would do anything to scrub out or paint over. There were always good days and bad days, but the overall experience was misery and lonliness.

I couldn't really hang out with friends outside of school and if I did, they wanted to know exactly what I was doing, and where I was going and who I was with. And they didn't approve of the vast majority of the answers to those questions. So, I just never went out. Never hung out on the weekends somewhere, I just stayed home in my room on my own as often as I could. My room was my only safe place and even then that was subject to be rifled through and examined always. I had no privacy, no life and I only went to school and came home, rinse and repeat. School was one of the only bright spots in my life because at least there my friends wanted me to be around and people seemed to like me.

That's also something I've struggled with, I have an incessant need to be liked by ABSOLUTELY everybody even though I know that isn't realistic. I do my best to be kind and compassionate to others and became that sort of mom friend who will listen to you air out your own problems while bottling my own.

But, I'm trying to fix that, trying to work on myself because I have so many deep seated issues that I don't talk about with anyone. I'm also so TIRED of being angry, it takes so much energy, and I am so so tired.

To anybody stuck in situations like that, first opportunity you get, get help, some support from somebody. If you're able to and not in danger, check out this website for domestic violence and domestic abuse support. https://www.thehotline.org/

Know that there are options, there is still hope and there is still light somewhere to guide you. Do what is right by you, and you will find that light. Even if doing right by you means leaving a relationship or household you've been in for years. It's hard but you can do it.

To quote Kingdom Hearts "May your heart be your guiding key." Use that key to free yourself and get help if you can!

Anyways, sorry for the heavy topic, I just had to get that all out there.

#emotional abuse #abuse #self harm #personal rant #check out the link

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lesbianau · 6 years

Note

I'm a trans mtf gal majoring in LGBT/queer studies so I'd just like to add something! English isn't my first language rip so I apologize for my grammar. But there was so much misinformation being promoted yesterday and from what I could tell the op's of these posts were mostly cisgender? Which is so so uncomfortable. The idea of these messages from cis people on gender being cemented in this fandom as the acceptable way to talk about gender is a bit distressing. And from what I can(...)

tell from following you is that you’ve been very respectful about this topic from the posts you reblogged so overall I feel comfortable sharing this message with you. Since it seems like others who tried to do the same thing were met with hostility and anger. So to get to the point, I’d just like to say that from where I stand, with both academic and personal experience with this, er, discourse, is a few things. A lot of people have already said this and for whatever reason(…)

it’s been rejected. Which is bad! Let me make this clear: gender exists as a mental, emotional, and physical spectrum. It’s incredibly complex. A queer person’s experience with gender is their own to put into words. No one else can. This goes for gender identity and gender expression. The reason why it’s such a sensitive topic is because the idea of gender we know know comes from a misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic society. When you assign gender- that is, categorize(…)

(I’m putting the rest under the cut, but this is a very interesting read i highly recommend)

anything at all as either feminine or masculine- you are by default perpetuating those standards. Pink is not feminine, blue is not masculine, sewing is not feminine, woodwork is not masculine, certain manners of speech or dress or walk or physical features- none of these things that are gendered. Society assigned them genders and decided to shape us around it. It is through this idea that queer people experience oppression, shame and violence. It is because of it. And as(…)

long as we continue to live in this society it’s an influence that we cannot escape. It shapes us, our perception and our beliefs on a subconscious level whether we like it or not. To change it would mean undoing centuries of social conditioning on a global scale. It just can’t be done. What we can only do is decide for ourselves our own feelings with gender, sexuality, etc. We weren’t born with the perks of falling into every societal standard demanded of us. As a result(…)

we are forced to examine our identities and try to make sense of what makes us feel a disconnect with the identity we’re told we must have. For some it’s a journey away from those societal standards entirely. For others it’s about finding a more comfortable spot within those norms. There is no invalid way of experiencing this. For gender specifically the experience is even more nuanced, confusing and delicate. This is because the further away one strays from gender norms(…)

specifically the greater the danger. There can be fatal consequences to simply existing as a trans individual. Both from violence and suicide. Because this is what our society perpetuates. So the second any of us project something born from discrimination and hatred onto anyone or anything other than ourselves, we are are honoring what it was meant to do. As a trans woman my experiences with masculinity have been very unpleasant and as such I’m very sensitive about conversations(…)

involving femininity and masculinity. For me womanhood is something I associate with femininity and I can’t break free from my feelings about it. However not all women feel this way. There are masculine women who are joyous in their womanhood and they are valid in their experience. It does not and would never affect my experience nor would mine affect theirs. Unless I came up to her and told her women can only be feminine or she came up to me and congratulated me on(…)

being a feminine man because we would both cause each other a lot of pain. Even if she meant to be nice to me I would be experiencing depression for weeks even though she meant no harm and even if she apologized to me right after. Another example is if someone told me they loved how feminine my demeanor despite having no hips I would probably burst into tears right there! I can’t help but have a very traditional view of gender in regards to my own identity. I’m a feminine woman(…)

who thinks everything I am and do is feminine. But because I can’t afford to transition I feel that I have to be more loyal to societal norms of gender in hopes I can be more passing. I see a feminine woman when I look in the mirror without makeup or my wig. But the world doesn’t see that. I go to sleep a masculine cis man according to society. Hell, I’m a cis man crossdressing in a wig to my neighborhood Kroger when I groceries. Someone might say that to me as a complement(…)

but hearing things like that nearly drove me to suicide in my teens. I can’t think of a more clear example of the harm in societal gender norms. It is a one-sided word. I walk towards the handle and I am given security. I love being a girly girl and wearing pink and wearing padded bras and a wig because I feel feminine and when I feel feminine I feel like a woman. If I were to take all that sitting at the tip of my sword and walked right towards a trans man what do you(…)

think would happen? It’s a terrible thing! If I waved around my sword out in the open- gave my view of gender and interpreted the identity of gender according to my experiences- what do you think would happen? It’s dangerous! And what I see every day with Harry is a lot of sword waving. Yesterday it was an outright sword fighting! When people were saying what made Harry masculine and feminine the only thing they were doing was promoting every homophobic, mysogynistic and transphobic(…)

and traditional societal standard of gender. Harry’s feminine because of this, followed by a statement that is meant to contrast the previous one regarding why he is masculine because of something else. The excuse is that they’re appreciating how multidimensional he is. But what they do is very blatantly categorize these traits as paradoxical. That there is something about the things being mentioned that are different, complex and unharmonious. And(..)

in a way that is the most harmful they make the implication that this is something he means to be. Harry has made a connection with gender and himself and it’s very simple. Masculinity, femininity, womanhood and manhood. The context has always been lighthearded and it has always been consistent. There is ironically no complexity at all. By simply wearing a leopard print suit he became Shania Twain according to his friends. He thoughtlessly talks about being pregnant without(…)

commenting on his gender or biology. So I find it strange that others try to make him out to be so deeply complex when he talks about himself so bluntly! The only way to speak on gender identity and gender expression is to take cues from the other person and stay true to respecting their identity. This is never seems something that’s given to Harry in the way people talk about him. It is the only way you can refer to someone’s gender identity ever. When he is taken apart(…)

and categorized into what is and is not comparable it directly opposes how he talks about himself. This isn’t something that doesn’t do his character justice or undermines what a complex and multifaceted human being he is. I’m a complex and multifaceted person and I only connect with one gender! I don’t like how this always used as an excuse or even something that comes into question. The only way to talk about gender and everything that falls into it is by mirroring(…)

the comments of the individual and those closest to them who are already doing the same. By not doing that you’re stepping into the minefield that is societal gender norms. It’s no wonder the people at the forefront of yesterday’s discourse were met with an entire onslought of outrage. This is how it will always be and honestly should be. People need to learn compassion and understanding and distance if they are trans or not. The great irony is the fight to establish(…)

Harry’s masculinity and the guilt that is demanded from those who don’t mention it the way they do. Not being masculine is one of the rare things Harry’s been very vocal about. Yesterday’s discussion should’ve never escalated the way it did. This is much bigger than fandom. Because what is shared is what you are being told is oksay by the person. If they compare themselves to women and use female pronouns then take cue. If they says they are not masculine then take cure. If(…)

the person shares with you a comment involving themselves within the gender spectrum then this is the only thing it’s okay to repeat. To speak generally is to place your view of gender onto a queer person who will always be listening and who will always disagree. Reading through some of the things from yesterday broke my heart in two. I don’t ever want to see such reckless comments on gender in a fandom full of so many queer people ever again. Wasn’t the outrage and pain obvious enough? I(…)

just can’t believe it could happen when the person they were arguing about has, to me, been more than clear about how they are comfortable being spoken about in their relationship with gender. If my opinion is of any value to people then I hope they listen and make an effort to at least think about something I said in the giant essay I didn’t meant to send you initially rip I apologize for that Kaleigh! I didn’t mean to send as many messages as I must have after all these hours(…)

I couldn’t help but get this off my chest. At least a trans person has had a say in this in a way outside of yesterday’s debate and maybe people will be more understanding of what really went so wrong yesterday. Anyway thank you so much for giving me this space Kaleigh! I hope I worded myself well enough and didn’t accidentally miss the anon button 😭 Have a lovely day ❤💙💚💛💜

hello darling! thank you for sending this to me because while i know a lot of what was being discussed was making me uncomfortable, i also didn’t feel comfortable speaking on it because i didn’t feel educated enough to do so. i’m sorry people made you uncomfortable and you’re so strong for reaching out to educate people who happen to read this. gender/identity is so personal, and people trying to “disprove” certain aspects of someone’s expression just to fit their personal narrative is so horrible and in no way okay in an lgbtq+ space. i love you a lot and i really really appreciate these messages ❤️

#you're incredible and so valid honey!!#thank you for spending so much time on this!!#asks #anon

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1-800-444-tune · 5 years

Text

New Moon is going to be according to my status calculations on my app on my Windows tablet , at 3: 41am on the 6th of March, coming up, in zodiac sidereal for the New Moon is Aquarius. Predictions and more details to be posted later this week as I gather evidence and write my article.

Anybody looking to make a donation today!? To a good cause: getting a new astrology program software that I can run and get your natal charts faster and easier than anywhere on the Web, and far more accurate and without the privacy invasion? Well then , help me to buy this new galaxy gear I need to do astraunomer like working with the Stars and Moon's in your Sun🔔Signs Charting Birth Chart Analysis included, I will decipher the information for you, your going to love it if we can just make it to the mark of being able to afford it!! $$$ come on guys I know that cafe astrology. Com steals your birth information and uses it right? So does any other site no matter how legit they seem, if your serious about astrology and do not want a hex or curse put on you or a super privacy invasion issue, then DONATE PLEASE TO MY COMPANY I CREATED A BUSINESS PROFILE PORTFOLIO FOR MY ONLINE ASTRO+TAROT-GUIDANCE IT'S THE BEST BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED, YOU ARE TOTALLY MISSING OUT IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW ME AND GET READINGS OR REPORTS OF ASTROLOGY as nd numerology daily , weekly, even, monthly, because I have a wealth of great accurate source divine informative details you need to know NOW about your life! You just might be headed in the wrong direction astrologically or maybe your barcodes of your life aren't adding up and we need to subtract? That's numerology! And also my tarot reliable Readings are something you just should not be missing out on ,

I have totally stopped posting the free daily and weekly horoscopes did you notice?

That's because I do not feel like I should be giving out my great divine guidance fir free anymore, I'm feeling used and over worked, also

I only post the daily card of the day for tarot then a few other specials daily, and weekly but everything else I am currently putting on hold until I can at least afford some damn toilet paper. Because I just am not dealing with helping out a bunch of people with their super important questions for free when I do not get help myself for the things I truly need, don't you think my not having fucking toilet paper is a little bit more of an emergency than whether your boyfriend or non boyfriend likes you and you're truly actually meant to be with them, I have to apologize in advance if I seem like I'm being selfish, or rude. Please, I intend to not do any harm by bringing up this fact. Only voicing that I too, have maybe, maybe just maybe, bigger problems than your issues that I think are pure selfish things st this moment in time I'm real sorry that I do feel this way, maybe being broke has made me bitter a tad ... I don't know, cause I used to always go out of my way to assist anybody even if I did not know them, and I'd concentrate on their problems more than mine always focusing on helping others instead of helping myself, now I am purely from the heart, just reaching out for just some compassionate, you do not have to donate much just 3$ or more would get me through the day, 10$ could get me the toilet paper plus my dignity. Today. So if you feel like helping a lost soul out here in the Galaxy.

My paypal account for the company business I just trying to start up now is at this address: www.paypal.com/4tunef8

Hey everyone I just want to say I care deeply about each and every tumblr blogger on here, and I sincerely hope the best for you always, and right now I am doing little candle prayer magik to send you all some healing and luck , and if you do decide to donate, just simply write to my ask box your about you donated and I will be doing a super special ritual tonight (for another reason, personal worship) but I will include your name personally into my piece , and you will truly I swear notice something great happen to you by the time of the New Moon, on the 6th like I wrote at the top of this post

I really actually did not intend for this post to get so long or go on about my personal issue, also I'd like to remind you not to judge a book by its cover, I have huge medical bills and current legal fees that I am trying so very hard to keep up with, this is a really really hard time for me, personally I am not even wanting the morning to come when I go to bed at night. I feel borderline suicidal, if that isn't hard times, I don't know what is... and I'm not even looking for sympathy, or anyone to feel anything towards me except knowing my strength of how far I've come and acknowledgement for this strength that I, an unpredictably unstable mentally ill woman of faith, have come so far from where I used to be and made it through my spiritual awakening which I thought was truly the end of the world it was doomsday dread style scary shit ! But I made it out alive! And now I am a much more magical person because I'm so blessed with my true path of destiney realised again this issue feelings of wehen I was a young teenager, it's like I get to start fresh as new beginning, I actually got a real second chance at life, because if you knew me really knew me, you'd know, that, I had strayed off the great path and was walking along a fine line where I was in constant danger daily. Hourly. I was always in harms way, just on the darkest side of life, depressed and not living for myself at all. I was not trusting my intuition, I was being abused and bullied all the time. And that constant abuse tore holes through my personality and literally metaphorically emotionally ripped me right apart inside and out. I was such a mess I hit rock bottom anxiety struck me harsh but it was good for me in the end because at rock bottom, you have no other choice but to rise up from where you currently are, it's such a true realization, but the main thing is I had gotten better from the abuse, and left finally the abusive relationship and all the other abusive people in my life because as I was going up n up no choice but up, I was gradually actually slipping into my divine timed spiritual awakening which shook my world.

My journey to progression and eventually getting back onto my rightful birth path, my destiny too, this all started my spiritual awakening and shifts in consciousness, I was truly blessed to be cursed at this time. It all started when I went to the homeless shelter in april 2018, just before my birthday it's like surreal how it was all so planned out like this, it's crazy, if you guys only knew the whole entire story of what I have gone through and the truly horrific events that I now realised were all tests, and lessons, and that's my favorite way to look at my very abusive past and the unfortunate circumstances that wound me up a homeless addict on the streets of cities I dwelled in for times that seemed so rough and brutal I thought the pain would never end. Addiction can happen to anybody. But this is something that I actually feel in my soul that I was supposed to, meant to, go through. To realize some things, I had to experience this hard lifestyle. For me to eventually get to a place of gratitude and humility and to actually drop all my selfish ways and have more compassion, and learn that I am meant to have these traits because I am a great healer. In my community I live in currently, a lot of them know my past but do not judge me one bit, they all truly appreciate my free community services that I provide for those in need, they are all suffering from mental health issues and I am treating them (not so much their mental condition but other problems they have at home or with their body) . I am really good at working with herbs, spices, and essential oils. I make and invent cures to almost anything! And I have a biig book of herbal remedies that I, myself , have invented or have found online and then tweaked the recipe to bed much better!! This is volume. 001.2 of my Book Of Shadows. I have written so very many books about magik and the laws of the universe. I cherish my sacred personal theories and extensive wealth of knowledge I have collected. I'm just good at organizing this shit for some reason. If I wasn't so private of a person and afraid of people stealing my information without my consent then I would gladly post more of this type of stuff then I already have,in this blog and my other one which is personally a better one.

Anyways, now you know where I stand, where I come from a little bit.

I really really hope that somebody will take the time to donate to me this day so that I may be I can feel better and like somebody actually cares. I have over spent to the max on credit cards with online shopping, and shipping all kinda of witchy trinkets and necessities, the basics, I am stuck with a huge credit card bill, and I have my boyfriends credit card that I did not know until yesterday, but, he put everything to be on me. He totally used my Health Card and SIN # TO GET WHATEVER HE WANTED BUYING SHUT ONLINE AND SHIPPING TECH STUFF TO HIS FRIEND! I feel like I got scammed and I'm damned or something !! Not only am going to be suffering from PTSD and anxiety around men forever, because of this selfish Identity use basically total FRAUD, I AM NOW stuck in a bad position and with a bill and now the worst part is that I am actually facing federal prison because of some of the activity he did while assuming my identity ?.. thanks ?

I feel very very stupid, I feel like a total idiot for listening to my ex-commonlaw boyfriend, I'm glad I just decided to give him literally all of the furniture and all the shit we owned. It makes me feel less guilty about all the negative emotions I have towards him. I know it does not make it right but it does help believe it or not, because J eventually end up thinking about it as a positive .

If you have at least got this far through this rambling write up post , then congratulations, sincerely- thankyou for listening !

You are amazing

You have a purpose

Find your destiny

☆you're made of star stuff, you're a star!

You are perfectly imperfect

Your magic is valid

No matter who you are or how experienced you are in Pagan Tradition /Wicca and Witchcraft/The Occult or any related subjects and interests in lifestyle choices, your magic is valid! It doesn't matter if you JUST decided to become a witch TODAY or 5 minutes ago, that title is yours to hold onto and have forever or for as long as you decide!

Everybody is special!

Everyone is worth it!

Nobody deserves to be bullied or told they are wrong for what they believe in, simply , everyone's path is unique and it's just not four to critic anybody for the path they are choosing! There's a lot of confused witchlings baby witches and some bullying religious type overgrown babies out there. I think everyone should just have a little more like a lot more respect , because it can be intimidating to anybody who wants to share their opinions that they might feel are good ideas but are second guessing the post they want to make based on fear around the way some communities are reacting and trying to police these people's opinions. As far as I know this blog site was actually created to actually share your opinions without judgement and harsh exchange of words based on the content context. I can relate to this oppression. I feel as if not only does it sometimes the fear of rejection stop me from posting but also I have a big fear of being hated on for a lengthy and slightly random post I write it then I delete it right away. It's just that I actually have severe symptoms of A.D.D that my doctor is not currently helping me to treat, so I can get a bit off track sometimes, and my subjects vary like for example in my main post it starts as a simple astro galactic observations post, my starting of this post I just realize was about the New Moon . Then I started talking about my software that I cannot afford and then i went on to talk about my emergency thats actually bothering me even more , the fact that i cannot wipe my ass today and i do not live near any restursnts or anywhrr literally that has toilet paper availible in their washroom or else id just go to McDonalds and use theur washroom, simple as that...but not availible sorry, and now that im still rambling ans have your attention i have an offer actually for some people that do donate, I'd like people to donate towards so that I can provide a few lucky people with

Free Natal Astral Chart plus some informative explanations about your planetary alignments with accurate predictions to your life. I could eventually provide a much more accurate source of information in my reports than I do with this program I'm running off my laptop as of right now, but currently if you'd like a real actual Astrologer like produced Natal Chart , I am calling everyone to donate to this account here www.paypal.com/4tunef8 and let me know in my ask box that you have donated to my space cosmos exploration programming software .

This is getting way too long I know, but if you really did actually read some of this message at least the good parts, then please share my link to my paypal in your blog with a short excerpt on why they should donate to me , my cause, my business (just started) , and also donate to the astraunomer cosmos Explorer Division Technology that I am so very excited about but I know I have way bigger problem,than, that, but I just wanted to give you guys an idea if what I can do for you. We can make a trade? Please!? To dedicate my time and efforts to assisting every one with their issues gives me great joy, I just love to be useful, and a helping healing hand to any literally anybody , and so ooo much of my days are spent spending my hard earned money on others . To make them that herbal remedy for their skin they truly need because every skincare product on the market is littered with toxic shit that causes bad reactions and the treatments for acne I make that I've invented do not infect or irritate the skin, so they need me, and they cannot afford this 290$ treatment but I actually spend MY money each month just to get the satisfaction of doing the right thing as nd also satisfaction that my products produce results that are beyond what I ever expected of them, sometimes I need a confidence booster and this once a month or twice sometimes, spending I do to make and create this great acne treatment that's herbal and more of a holistic approach.

My greatest flaw right now is not my addiction or the abuse I'm going through anymore, I don't live on the streets (yet) have a pretty decent apartment but my greatest flaw is helping people if that can even be a flaw? It is though, I have so many many more examples of times during the month that I am called up "hey witch doctor, we got a problem, are you free?"

I am on paranormal investigating teams in surrounding communities as well, this takes out so much energy, time, and yes, you guessed it, money !!

Anyways again I am actually going to close this rant ramble weird thoughts flowing from my mentally ill mind.

I truly truly hope that somebody, just 1 person even, does decide to care enough about me , a poor lost soul, to donate some about, it's all up to you, I'm not putting any rules and I just am not one to tell people what to do or how to spend their hard earned dollars or anything like I do not push ideas onto people, I'm just not like that, I totally believe in freedom for all, I don't wish for world peace at night because I know that that isn't possible, there's some cultures that just do not mix and a lot of cultures prefer to stick to their own and that's great because how else would the culture survive and the traditions live on to the next generations if they were mixed with a bunch of other cultures and lost their true identities as a nation , that would be sort of sad in a way, but I'm really not properly medicated and should not even maybe be observational posting about this when in not well in the mind fully yet this day. But a donation will help me to wipe my ass and that's my main goal.

Kk,baiii, don't hate, just donate #freefaeona #donation #astrology #worldwide #tarotreading

Ps: Actually ANYBODY that donates me more than 10$ today and the rest of the week too, I have an offer, I will do a FREE TAROT READING OF 3 FREE QUESTIONS FOR YOU, BECAUSE I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!

And anybody that shares my link to my paypal explaining that I'm giving free tarot Readings to anyone that's gunna donate! I will give you a YEARS HOROSCOPE OUTLOOK, BASED ON MY VERY ACCURATE SOURCES OF GENERATED HOROSCOPES I RECIEVE THEY'RE THE SAME ONES I USED TO POST ON HERE SO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GUNNA BE GOOD, THEN

Anybody that donates and says it's towards my astro-cosmos software, I'll do up a FREE ABSOLUTELY, JUST THE COST OF YOUR DONATION, I'LL DO YOUR NATAL BIRTH CHART FOR YOU, WITH THE SEMIPRO PROGRAM I HAVE RIGHT NOW,

So there's my offers and anybody that blogs about these offers and tags me in them, is just an amazing person and gets the luckiest prize of all, they get entered into a draw to win a free natal chart birth chart wow yeah and and and I'm gunna give an astrology reading to you very reliable accurate information details you will WANT TO KNOW!!

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