a kiss on the forehead of one who is starting to fall asleep - for Imogen and Bix 💙

Ok so this actually wasn’t supposed to be this angsty, but here we are lmao words: 1k warnings: ptsd, mentions of torture, some suicidal ideation

It was another bad night. 

She felt the thin mattress in the Rix Hotel beneath her siphoned body. 

If Bix stared at the ceiling for long enough, it appeared as if the shadows in the low light undulated – not like the calm surface of a body of water, but like a parasite lurking just under the skin. She almost felt it in her own skin. Bix slowly raked her nails along her forearm back and forth, each pass digging into her flesh a little harder. 

Closing her eyes made things worse. 

She felt the headset rest over her skull in an offensively comfortable way.

Her mind rapidly spun this way and that in the darkness as her ears rang. The ringing quickly grew into a distorted wail and she felt the control she had of her body start to slip away. She feared she’d drift off into the dark. The threat of sickness crawled up her throat before her eyes snapped open once more.

She felt the straps that bound her to the metal chair. 

Someone grabbed her wrist and halted the movement of her hand. With a jolt, Bix glanced down and realized her nails had nearly broken the skin. She looked over and became grounded as she met Imogen’s worried gaze beside her in bed. 

Imogen brushed her fingers over the angry red lines on her beloved’s arm. “What is troubling you, love?”

“You know,” Bix answered through a heavy sigh. The ringing had grown dangerously close to a horrid sound the mechanic never wanted to hear again, but could never fully get out of her head. 

Imogen nodded in understanding. “What can I do to ease your mind?”

“Promise me I won’t ever go back to that.” Bix felt like a child asking an adult to convince her not to be afraid of the dark. She knew Imogen’s abilities made her more capable than most, but countless people like her fell victim to the Empire just as much as anyone else. 

“They will not take you again,” Imogen responded with enough conviction that Bix nearly believed her. 

“You’d kill me before you let it happen, right?”

It was an incredibly cruel question to pose, hypothetical or not. Bix would be furious had their roles been reversed. The mechanic couldn’t explain it, but she needed this type of morbid assurance. She had promised herself that she would do whatever it took to ensure the ISB wouldn’t ensnare her in their net again. One way or another, she would not survive Imperial torture a second time. But deep down, she knew she couldn’t take matters into her own hands. Bix simply didn’t have it in her. That terrified her. Imogen, on the other hand, was capable of anything and Bix trusted her more than anyone else in the galaxy. She could do this for her when the inevitable came.

The neutral expression Imogen forced failed to mask the flicker of horror in her steel gray eyes. Her brows knitted in a scowl as it faded and she clenched her jaw hard, still intensely holding her gaze. As the silence went on, Bix began to regret her words. There were other people she could have asked – should have asked. She didn’t need to hurt the woman she loved just to give herself some peace of mind. 

Then Imogen spoke in a low, resolved tone. “I will do whatever it takes.”

The small smile that came across the mechanic’s lips was equal parts relieved and melancholy. Hopefully, it wouldn’t have to come to that. “Thank you.” 

“You should get some rest, darling,” she said, softening her voice. Her hand moved down to Bix’s hip where her soothing caress worked underneath the hem of her shirt as she pulled her closer. 

Bix was grateful for the touch, even alleviated by the brief shock from the bounty hunter’s cold skin against hers, but she shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“Then I shall lie awake with you.” 

“No, don’t do that.” 

“I have no need for sleep at the moment, anyway.” 

Bix noted how slow Imogen blinked, how shallow her breaths were, and she smiled knowingly. Imogen was exhausted, yet she fought the pull towards slumber to offer what consolation she could. The mechanic nodded and nuzzled against her, accepting the comfort of her embrace and letting it chase the unease in both of them away. 

They held onto each other in the dark, sharing sparse whispered words about nothing of importance. Sometimes a small laugh would break the hushed tones or a comfortable silence would settle between them. Soon, minutes turned to hours. Each time Imogen closed her eyes, they stayed shut a little longer than the last. Until it seemed they might not open again until morning.

Bix studied the other woman’s features — now fully relaxed and completely devoid of the hardened expression she knew best. Such a rare sight, she thought with adoration. Gently, Bix reached out and traced the shape of those beautiful features. She ran the tip of her thumb along Imogen’s jawline, then over her cheekbone, up the bridge of her nose and across her brow. These touches didn’t appear to disturb her and Bix wondered if she had truly drifted off. 

The mechanic couldn’t help herself. She leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Imogen’s forehead, trying to keep the contact light in case she really had fallen asleep. The swell of warmth in her chest at the devotion before her made everything else melt away. Time and distance separated her from those horrors she endured. They were many, many parsecs away from the Empire, from the Rix Hotel, from home, and she should take some comfort in that… for now.

“Will you join me, my love?” Imogen mumbled with what little awareness she had left. 

“I guess I’ll give it a shot,” Bix replied and allowed her own heavy eyelids to close as well. This time, she found no dread in the dark. 

I know this is like taking a bat to the beehive but... I really wanna hear your opinions on the whole... Imprinting thing

(Note before we go any further: this meta is written purely about the shapeshifting aspect of the Quileute characters, I don’t at all get into the racism in Twilight or any kind of social commentary. This is a purely watsonian meta. Others in this fandom have already addressed the racial dynamics at play, far more eloquently and knowledgeably than me. If I say something in here that’s in any way offensive, that’s not my intention and I’m open to criticism.)

Ooh imprinting.

I touch upon it here, basically I hate it.

The imprinting is part of this theme where the shapeshifters lose their free will and autonomy, and I find it tragic, cruel, and unnecessary.

First of, the fact that they have to phase at all.

They’re made warriors to protect their tribe. There’s no choice involved, only genetics and magic irrevocably changing their lives, and at a ridiculously young age, too. Sam is the oldest of them, and he is 19.

Violence is an inherent part of what they become. Their purpose is to protect the tribe, by fighting vampires. Not only is this insanely dangerous (we see Jake get so injured by a single vampire that he’s bedridden for weeks), but if they succeed, they will have killed. In the singularly brutal manner of tearing apart and burning someone who looks a lot like a human, who talks and might beg for their life, at that. And I remind you, most of these shapeshifters are literal children. They might not see vampires as people, but all the same, killing one can’t be good for their mental wellbeing. (Thought: Perhaps an argument can be made for Laurent’s death having a part in the turn Jake’s personality took? Some, though not many, of the symptoms for PTSD do fit. I don’t know enough about PTSD to pursue this train of thought, but it occurred to me just now, in particular he becomes quite aggressive and prone to outbursts after that incident, so into a parenthesis it goes)

Not to mention how inhumane that responsibility is. Vampires in the Twilight-verse are terrifying, and the shapeshifters might have the power to fight them. But (and this is where I plug one of my all-time favorite animes, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, as it asks the question “Is it okay to sacrifice yourself for others?” because that’s... well there’s a parallel to be made to the shapeshifters. It’s on Netflix!) does that mean they should? Is it really their responsibility? Again- they’re kids!

Then there’s the time Sam lost control, and accidentally mauled the girl he loved. And it’s so cruel to both him and Emily. Sam never chose to have to control himself in the first place, he never chose shapeshifting. He didn’t choose to imprint on Emily either, and he didn’t choose to lose control that day. At no point in the series of events that led to Emily being mauled did Sam have any real choice, and yet he will shoulder the guilt for what happened for the rest of his life.

These kids get superpowers, and several of them seem to enjoy being shapeshifters, but the fact remains that they now carry this huge responsibility to protect their families and homes, doing so is incredibly dangerous, they lose out on their regular lives, and they can’t opt out of it.

This all sucks, but then we get to the fact that they are deprived of their free will, as their alpha can issue an order they physically can’t break. The alpha becomes alpha because of bloodlines, not because of a democratic election. Jake got a mockery of a choice in that he could choose to become alpha himself, or let Sam continue, which was really just choosing between a rock and a hard place. There is no limitation to what this order can be, from “don’t say X to person Y” to “let’s kill someone you love”. Jake has to struggle to break that last one, and he’s only successful because of the bloodline thing letting him become his own alpha.

Oh, and there’s the massive invasion of privacy when they have a hive mind. Cool concept, less cool to have it be reality. Leah is the poster child for how a hive mind can backfire, and they can’t opt out of this.

I’m not good at gifs, but the shapeshifters just make me think of that gif of someone flicking a lightswitch on and off, “WELCOME TO HELL!”. Of course, Twilight in general is a pit of despair for everybody, so I suppose that gif really is... well it sums up all of canon.

So, we have these kids aged 19 or younger, as of Breaking Dawn they skew as young as thirteen, their lives are turned upside down by something they can’t opt out of, they must shoulder this huge responsibility to protect their homes and families from the terrifying threat of vampires, and on top of all of that, they must obey orders that are so irresistible, they can compel them to harm someone they care for.

With all of that in mind, you’d think that the shapeshifters had enough on their plate. That through all of this they would at least retain their selves, and be able to look forward to a future where they could stop phasing, and go on to live normal, human, lives.

Yeah, NOT IF THEY IMPRINT.

I’ll just quote Jake’s description:

Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the halfvampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was—my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space. 

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was. 

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing—to the very center of the universe. 

I could see that now—how the universe swirled around this one point. I’d never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain. 

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. (Breaking Dawn, page 237)

Everything that made me who I was disconnected from me.

Jake’s love for his father, his home, his very own self, it’s all gone now. And while I have thoughts on the authenticity of this imprint, whether it was organic, the description above is apparently how imprinting feels. It’s along the lines of what Sam, Jared, and Paul all describe.

I don’t think I can put into words just how devastating I find imprinting, I think the above quotation speaks for itself. And as with all other shapeshifter things, there is no choice involved.

We see its devastating effects in the Emily, Sam, and Leah debacle. Sam and Leah were serious together, so much so that they were engaged. Sam had fallen for and chosen to be with Leah. Perhaps they would have broken up eventually, but Leah was still the choice he made. Then he imprints on Emily, and all that is for naught. He had to break up with Leah, who if she hadn’t phased never would have learned why, Emily and Leah’s relationship is ruined, and Emily must forever live with the knowledge that if Sam had his free will intact he would be with another woman.

Then there’s Jared and Kim. Kim crushed on Jared, but Jared never noticed her. The fact that they were in the same class is damning: if a boy is attracted to a girl, he's gonna notice her. Jared never did.

Quil imprints on Claire, who is a toddler. That’s just a recipe for misery and disaster all around.

And I’ve only touched the shapeshifter side of things. They lose their autonomy and freedom, but the imprintées draw the short straw too. They’re now responsible for this other person’s happiness. Sure, having someone who’ll be whatever you need them to be sounds nice (well, it sounds horrifying, but I’m playing ball) on paper, but you can’t opt out of them being like that. The imprintée can’t say “Sorry, not interested,” and she certainly can’t shut the imprinter out of her life, not without irrevocably ruining the imprinter’s life. The imprinter needs her. She’s the center of his earth now, but she didn’t choose to be.

Imprinting is a liferuiner for everyone involved.

Then we have the question of what imprinting is even for. I’m afraid I agree with Billy, that it’s for procreation. We see Sam, who was dating a woman about to phase (even if Leah isn’t infertile, she’s a warrior now. She can’t run in the woods and fight vampires, and gestate and nurse a child at the same time) conveniently imprint on her cousin, who as cousin to Leah is from a shifter bloodline. Claire, as Emily’s cousin, has those same genetics. Paul imprints on a woman from the Black family line. Jake is the outlier, but either Renesmée’s gift helped that imprinting along, or he imprinted because of the offspring they could potentially have (I firmly believe it’s the former because the latter... NOPE. Also, I can’t imagine whatever magic drives imprinting would want vampiric progeny for the future generations. Regardless of Renesmée’s person, her biology is wired to desire human blood. That’s exactly what Jake is supposed to protect people from. Bad match.).

I just.... ughhh. God, I hate imprinting so much, and on every level.

To me, everything about the shapeshifters is about free will, autonomy, and the loss thereof. And it would have been beautiful if their story was about reclaiming that, but it isn’t. None of this, with the exception of the alpha orders, is even acknowledged.

So, in summation, yes I hate imprinting, but it’s only the horror cherry on top of a very sad and problematic cake.

Yancy: A Character Analysis, Part 1

If you know me at all, you’ll know that I’m a Yancy stan, and that I’ll shamelessly scream about him for hours. That’s essentially what this post is about: me looking way too deep into one of Mark’s characters and attempting to give them more depth than they actually have (or any that Mark intended to give them) as a form of escape from whatever the fuck is happening in the world right now. 

So yeah! I’m gonna be diving into Yancy’s actions and dialogue in Heist, overanalyzing and attempting to explain aspects of his character. I tried to base my analyses on what canonically happens, but there will be a little bit of speculation here and there if I feel like it can expand on his character. I’m specifically going down the path that leads to Ending 12, “I Want to Be Free,” or what my little simping heart regards as the “canon” ending, at least as it pertains to Yancy and Y/N’s relationship.

And as the title suggests, this is going to be two separate posts, so prepare for a semi-long read lol

First things first, we have to talk about how we’re introduced to Yancy: the song! I Don’t Want To Be Free. Not only is it incredibly catchy, it tells us a lot about Yancy’s character right off the bat.

The first roughly 3/4 of the song isn’t much to make note of, it’s mostly just Yancy describing how great prison life is and introducing the other prisoners. It’s not until Yancy gets to the line, “I never think about the world beyond, then I’d recall how I killed my mom,” that it starts to get interesting. The first half of that line, “I never think about the world beyond;” it’s almost as if Yancy has conditioned and forced himself into this bubble of prison life, refusing to so much as think about anything outside of it. He believes so strongly that this is where he’s going to spend the rest of his life, as he relays toward the end of the song, “This is where I want to grow old.” Yancy may have some form of PTSD, so he’s convincing himself that life in prison is superior to life outside of it so that he doesn’t have to deal with his likely unresolved trauma that exists there. “Then I’d recall how I killed my mom.” Living in the outside world again would, in Yancy’s mind, only remind him of the horrible travesties he committed when he was there before. He would probably be terrified of making the same mistake and potentially hurting someone again. “I’m just praying I don’t make parole.” He’s terrified at the possibility of being free again.

Already getting into the angsty stuff, yikes. Moving on!

Time to focus on Yancy’s dialogue after the song. And hoo boy, there’s a lot to unpack. I made some gifs to go along with it, since some of the examples I’m gonna talk about could use some visual aid (and because they just look nice).

Even though Yancy asks this yes or no question, he clearly wants you to say no. Everything from his tone, the look he gives you, his offensive stance; he’s using intimidation to get you to stay. He’s saying, “You better not say yes.”

When you show him the picture of your parents, it seems like he’s mocking you for the fact that you have a family on the outside, of something that he himself doesn’t have. It can kind of seem like a dick move at first, but when you understand that it’s Yancy’s fault he doesn’t have that kind of family anymore (and that he likely regrets it, which becomes obvious later on), it makes sense. He’s making fun of his younger self in a way.

Now I know he’s talking about his blood family (aka his parents) in this instance, but considering how he clearly cares about the other prisoners like they’re his family, I can’t help but think... he still is? I guess in this case, it’s a different kind of family. A found family, if you will. But he’s definitely still a “familial type.”

Just wanted to point this part out since I know it can be kind of hard to know for sure if Yancy killed both of his parents or just one of them. We know he killed his mom since it was explicitly stated in the "I Don't Wanna Be Free" song. His dad is more implied to have been killed by the way Yancy talks about him. This line, however, in essence, proves that he did kill both. I only just recently started noticing, however, that Yancy hesitates saying that there was more than one incident. This may suggest that he regrets, or at least doesn't want to admit that he regrets, killing one more than the other.

Trifle means to treat something without respect or seriousness, so Yancy must take his past seriously. No joking around about it with him. It's understandable, considering how much of a traumatic stain the killing of his parents must have placed on him. He likely can't think of his parents or his childhood without being reminded of what he did. He can't think of or see it in any kind of positive way anymore.

I feel like Yancy really projects himself onto the other prisoners and the prison itself, as if it's a reflection of himself. So in this instance he's also saying, "am I not good enough for you?" He immediately starts talking about his dad after that initial line, so it's easy to assume that Yancy felt he was never good enough for him.

It is SO important to pay attention to how Yancy talks about his parents to get an idea of his relationship with them. Starting off with his dad, let's look at this line-by-line. Quite a lot of this is speculation and rough theorizing, so take it with a grain of salt.

"Always expectin'" - his dad had overly high expectations for Yancy and his future. This supports Yancy's feeling of inadequacy caused by his dad. Yancy likely tried to live up to his dad's wishes, but his dad never felt that it was enough. It's possible that what his dad wanted for him went against Yancy's agenda.

"Always judgin'" - his dad might have looked down on Yancy's passions and dreams, seeing them as unrealistic or as an unfulfilling career choice that wouldn't get him anywhere (this is assuming that Yancy wanted to go into musical theater and/or Broadway as a career)

"Always criticizin'" - his dad always criticized him for every action and choice he made. He never gave Yancy a chance or let him be himself.

His dad was very controlling and believed that Yancy was his pawn that he could make do what he wanted for him.

Yancy eventually had enough of the abuse from his dad, so he uh...took care of it, if you know what I mean. By doing "the same to youse," he's saying, "I'm not gonna let anyone else treat me that way." Also notice how he immediately resorts to violence. This may be reflective of the amount of anger and frustration he felt towards his dad, and since he solved that problem with violence, it's his initial reaction to any kind of similar threat: fight.

So now we come to Yancy's relationship with his mom. He doesn't talk about her in this route (he does in ending 11), but it's still important to address. This is the hardest to explain for why Yancy killed her. Let's look at what he says about her:

"Oh, youse just like my Ma. Always coddlin', always protectin', always tellin' me I can follow my dreams. Well now who's the one dreamin', Ma?! All you're doin' these days is dreamin' after what I did to youse!"

For a while, I was torn over why Yancy would kill his mom when the way he spoke of her seemed so positive; she seemed like a great mom. I think I have a very rough explanation for it (note that this is going to be VERY speculative and only loosely based on Yancy's descriptions). I had to look up what "coddling" was (for the longest time I thought it was Yancy saying "cuddling" but in a weird way because of his accent), and it means, according to Merriam-Webster, "to treat with extreme or excessive care or kindness." Yancy's mom may have been overly invested in his life, to the point of being intrusive. She may have been controlling like his dad, just in a less obviously abusive way, but one that is still toxic. Perhaps Yancy's mom crossed boundaries with him that shouldn't have been crossed. She may have the mentality of "I am his mother, I brought him into this world, so I should be allowed to know about every part of his life and have some say in it." Yancy probably appreciated the investment at first, but after it escalated to a toxic level, he fervently resisted it, forcing himself to hide nearly every part of his true identity to prevent his mom from prying at it. She was probably extremely protective of Yancy as well, needing to know what he's doing and where he is at all times, not giving Yancy a moment of privacy or any time for himself. The line "always tellin' me I can follow my dreams" almost feels like it has a contradictory tone to it. She would tell him he can do what he wants, but as soon as he does, she puts her two cents in and tells Yancy what she thinks he should do; she doesn't fully take into consideration what he wants. She tries, but she can't get past her own ego and obsession with Yancy's entire being to truly support him.

Now in regards to what she thought of how his dad treated him, she probably recognized that the way he went about guiding Yancy in what he believes is the right direction wasn't exactly healthy, at least initially. She might have convinced herself (or the dad may have convinced her) that it was the best for Yancy; after all, that's all she wanted for him. Yancy clearly didn't think so. He might have had faith that his mom would eventually recognize how badly his dad was treating him and fight against him, but after repeatedly seeing her reluctantly side with him, Yancy lost that faith completely. He was frustrated; it was a different kind of frustration than with his dad, but it was still frustration. Yancy took out that frustration by killing her.

As you can see, Yancy's relationship with his mom is VERY complicated. I honestly hope one day we learn more about what his relationship with his parents was canonically like to clear up any confusion about the specifics.

Moving on!

"A lotta things" is such a broad and vague statement that Yancy could be talking about anything here. The most obvious would be the killing of his parents, but there are so many other things that could be included. Now before you start thinking of what those other things could be, I don't think any of them were other murders. That may be because the simp in me wants to believe that Yancy killed only his parents and that he's not some kind of mass murderer, but based on his demeanor, how he generously agrees to break you out despite how much he believes that no one should leave the prison, and how much he clearly regrets what he did, it's hard to believe that he did kill more or that he would do so in the future. He does not seem like the killer type to me.

BUT, I do think this is the turning point for Yancy, or at least the start of one. This is the moment where Yancy's view of the outside world starts to change. After seeing your determination to be free, he starts to think that if you have something or someone out there worth fighting for, then maybe he does, too. Or if he already has it, then he recognizes that it's one he shouldn't give up on or trade out for a more comfortable, risk-free life in the prison. He may see his younger self in you, a version of himself who fought for what he believed in and what he wanted. He sees that same fighting spirit in you.

Even though Yancy's starting to reach a turning point, he denies it almost immediately. He's putting up walls and doesn't believe he's capable of improving himself. He starts to consider it a bit towards the end, albeit very reluctantly.

Part 2 is up now!

Hot takes about Severus Snape are a wierdly decent glimpse into how a person with progressive values analyses things. Literally every time someone talks about Snape, it’s like this tiny window into how one-dimentionally people actually think.

Recently saw a twitter post that was a fantastic example. Here’s how it goes (paraphrasing):

Person A:“Snape is POC and Queer coded, that’s why you guy’s hate him uwu lol.”

Person B: “Actually I hate him because he was mean and abusive to children under his care uwu but go off I guess lol”

Both of these takes are designed to be dramatic and/or reactionary. They each use partial truths to paint very broad strokes. These are get-em-in-one-hit quips. This is virtue signalling, if you’ll excuse that loaded phrase. Nobody had a substantial conversation, but now everyone who sees their statement knows the high ground they took.

At least a hundred other people chimed in to add their own little quippy hot takes into play, none of which add anything significant, but clearly made everyone feel very highly of themselves.

So many layers of nuance and complex analysis is completely lost in this kind of discussion. On tumblr, you get more of this kind of bullshit, but you don’t have a word count limit, so you guys just spew endless mountains of weak overblown evidence backing up your bullshit arguments, none of which was really about engaging in a real conversation anyway.

Here’s the thing about Snape.

He is a childhood domestic abuse victim. His abuser is a muggle.

He becomes a student at a magical school that takes him away from his abuser and immediately instills in him the idea that being a part of this magical world is a badge of self-worth, empowerment, and provides safety and security - provided that he keeps in line.

There is a war is being waged in that world over his right to exist (he is a half blood).

He is a marginalized person within the context of the narrative, forced to constantly be in the same living space as the children of his own oppressors who are being groomed and recruited into a hate group militia (the pureblood slytherins). They are in turn trying to do the same to him.

He is marginalized person bullied by children who are also part of his oppressor group, but who have “more liberal” leanings and aren’t direct about why he’s being targeted (the mauraders are all purebloods, Sirius, who was the worst offender, was raised in a bigoted household, the same one that produced Bellatrix.).

He had a crush on a girl who is a muggleborn, and therefore she is considered even lesser than him and carries a stigma to those who associate with her. That girl was his only real friend. In his entire life.

For both Snape and Lily, allying themselves to a pureblood clique within their own houses would be a great way of shielding themselves from a measure of the bigotry they were probably facing. There would have been obvious pressure from those cliques to disconnect with one and other.

Every other person who associates with Snape in his adulthood carries some sort of sociopolitical or workplace (or hate cult) baggage with their association. Some of them will physically harm and/or kill him if he steps out of line. He hasn’t at any point had the right environment to heal and adjust from these childhood experiences. Even his relationship with Dumbledore is charged with constant baggage, including the purebloods who almost killed him during their bullying getting a slap on the wrist, the werewolf that almost killed him as a child being placed in an authority position over new children, etc. Dumbledore is canonically manipulative no matter his good qualities, and he has literally been manipulating Snape for years in order to cultivate a necessary asset in the war.

He is a person who is not in the stable mental state necessary to be teaching children, whom has been forced to teach children. While also playing the role of double agent against the hate group militia, the one that will literally torture you for mistakes or backtalk or just for fun. The one that will torture and kill him if he makes one wrong move.

Is the math clicking yet? From all of this, it’s not difficult to see how everything shitty about Snape was cultivated for him by his environment. Snape was not given great options. Snape made amazingly awful choices, and also some amazingly difficult, courageous ones. Snape was ultimately a human who had an extremely bad life, in which his options were incredibly grim and limited.

In fact, pretty much every point people make about how shitty Snape is as a person makes 100% logical sense as something that would emerge from how he was treated. Some if it he’s kind of right about, some of it is the inevitable reality of suffering, and some of it is part of the cycle of abuse and harm.

Even Snape’s emotional obsession with Lily makes logical sense when you have the perspective that he literally has no substantial positive experiences with other human beings that we know of, and he has an extreme, soul destroying guilt complex over her death. Calling him an Incel mysoginist nice guy projects a real-world political ideology and behavior that does not really apply to the context of what happened to him and her.

Even Snape’s specific little acts of cruelty to certain students is a reflection of his own life experiences. He identifies with Neville; more specifically, he identifies his own percieved emotional weaknesses in his childhood in Neville. There’s a very sad reason there why he feels the urge to be so harsh.

Snape very clearly hates himself, in a world where everyone else hates him, too. Imagine that, for a second. Imagine total internal and external hatred, an yearning for just a little bit of true connection. For years. Imagine then also trying to save that world, even if it’s motivated by guilt. Even if nobody ever knows you did it and you expect to die a miserable death alone.

There are more elements here to consider, including the way Rowling described his looks (there may be something in there re: ugliness and swarthy stereotyping). These are just the things that stand out the most prominently to me.

J.K. Rowling is clearly also not reliable as an imparter of moral or sociopolitical philosophies. I don’t feel that her grasp of minority experiences is a solid one, considering how she picks and chooses who is acceptable and who is a threat.

All of that said, this is a logically consistent character arc. Within the context of his narrative, Snape is a marginalized person with severe PTSD and emotional instability issues who has absolutely no room available to him for self-improvement or healing, and never really has. And yes, he’s also mean, and caustic, and verbally abusive to the students. He’s also a completey miserable, lonely person.

There are elements in his character arc that mirror real world experiences quite well. If nothing else, Rowling is enough of an emotional adult to recognise these kinds of things and portray something that feels authentic.

In my opinion, it’s not appropriate to whittle all this down by comparing him directly to the real world experiences of marginalized groups - at least if you are not a part of the group you are comparing him to. There have been many individuals who have compared his arc to their own personal experiences of marginalization, and that is valid. But generally speaking, comparing a white straight dude to people who are not that can often be pretty offensive. This is not a valuable way to discuss either subject.

Also, I believe that while it’s perfectly okay to not like Snape as a character, many of the people who act like Person B are carrying Harry’s childhood POV about Snape in their hearts well into their own adulthood. And if nothing else, Rowling was attempting to say something here about how our perspectives (should) grow and change as we emotionally mature.  She doesn’t have to be a good person herself to have expressed something true about the world in this instance, and since this story is a part of our popular culture, people have a right to feel whatever way they do about this story and it’s characters.

The complexity of this particular snapshot of fictionalized marginalization, and what it reveals about the human experience, cannot be reduced down to “he’s an abuser so he’s not worth anyone’s time/you are bad for liking him.”

And to be honest, I think that it reveals a lot about many of us in progressive spaces, particularly those of us who less marginalized but very loud about our values, that we refuse to engage with these complexities in leu of totally condemning him. Particularly because a lot of the elements I listed above are indeed reflected in real world examples of people who have experienced marginalization and thus had to deal with the resulting emotional damage, an mental illness, and behavior troubles, and bad decisions. Our inability to address the full scope of this may be a good reflection of how we are handling the complexity of real world examples.

Real people are not perfect angels in their victimhood. They are just humans who are victims, and we all have the capacity to be cruel and abusive in a world where we have been given cruelty and abuse. This is just a part of existing. If you cannot sympathise with that, or at least grasp it and aknowledge it and respect the people who are emotionally drawn to a character who refects that, then you may be telling on yourself to be honest.

To be honest, this is especially true if you hate Snape but just really, really love the Mauraduers. You have a right to those feelings, but if you are moralizing this and judging others for liking Snape, you’ve confessed to something about how you’ve mentally constructed your personal values in a way I don’t think you’ve fully grasped yet.

I have a hard time imagining a mindset where a story like Snape’s does not move one to empathy and vicarious grief, if I’m honest. I feel like some people really just cannot be bothered to imagine themselves in other people’s shoes, feeling what they feel and living like they live. I struggle to trust the social politics of people who show these kinds of colors, tbh.

But maybe that’s just me.

Bit late and random but it's the anon you leave food out for here to give away I am also bi and I think exactly the same as you about bi val pretty much, every time Derek offers me representation my reaction is to slowly, hesitantly take it and say "thaaaaaaaaanks..." while rolling my eyes, in much the same way one accepts their least favourite flavour of sweet from an annoyingly enthusiastic uncle-type-individual. Ironically I feel I had more in common with her before the bi shit started up.

What I find really amusing is that Landy actually did reasonably well at representation when (and only when) he wasn’t trying. 

Oh god, this got long, anon, my ass rambled.

tldr; I'm glad actual bi people dislike bi val (or how Laundry handled bi val) as much as me, this will probably offend at least one person but i don't really care, Dirty Laundry wrote better rep when he didn't mean to write rep at all, and if he ever starts trying to "represent" groups I'm part of I'll take him out back like a dying horse and shoot him.

Like, yes. He had stupid and potentially offensive shit - I say potentially because what offends one member of a group won’t necessarily offend all of them. His attitude to mentally ill people is, frankly, disgusting. We’ve had “Skulduggery can’t be abused, he doesn’t have feelings”. We’ve had “eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY”. We had Ping, who seemed to be pretty much universally offensive. And that's what's always going to happen when a straight, cis, white, wealthy, male author tries to write marginalised groups he doesn't know shit about, because inevitably he's going to fall back on stereotypes.

But we also had:

SEXUALITY REP: Phase One's nonstraight characters were treated like the straight ones, and like, isn't that the whole point? There was no need for a massive Coming Out Story TM to grab for those sweet sweet Woke Points, because sexuality isn't supposed to be important to mages. I never understood why Val needed that whole Coming Out Panic storyline. Like...Des and Melissa are ridiculously supportive, encouraging, loving parents. They accepted you dating a ~19 year old when you were ~16. They accepted you revealing you could do fucking magic and that you'd been lying to them for like seven years. They took your undead buddy in stride and the most pressing question your dad had was whether magic toilets exist. There is zero reason to think that "I'm bisexual" is gonna be the thing that makes them flip and throw you into the streets in disgrace, Valkyrie. Come on.

Tanith had girlfriends and it was just mentioned casually, because it's normal.

China had massive UST with Eliza. That was an opportunity right there to not only include a f/f relationship, but also to bring back one of the few precious surviving characters from Phase One, using characters and a relationship that already had several books' worth of setup and tension and interest from fans.

The Monster Hunters have a casual conversation about which one of the Dead Men they'd date.

Ghastly has a conversation with Fletcher about the pain he's been through being in love. He never uses any pronouns.

It was confirmed at one point re: the Dead Men that at this point, after 300-odd years, everyone's been with everyone else at some point.

Thrasher is gay, and while Scapegrace's...everything...is treated as a joke/comedic relief, Thrasher's love for him isn't. He's completely devoted to Scapegrace, and that in itself is not played for laughs, even though the rest of the scene usually is. Thrasher's description of their first meeting is essentially a love-at-first-sight situation for him.

"ABNORMAL" RELATIONSHIP REP: Age gap relationships are normal for mages. Off the top of my head, using only canon, canon-implied or almost-canon ships:

Ghastly/Tanith (~350 year age difference)

Tanith/Sanguine (~250+ year age difference)

Tanith/Saracen (~350 year age difference)

Caisson/Solace (~250 year age difference)

China/Gordon (~400 year age difference)

Kierre/Temper (~500+ year age difference)

If you include fan ships, there's also things like Mevolent/Serpine or my Mevolent/Vile, which are both ~600 year minimum age gaps based on the timeline, or Valdug (and its variations) which is ~400 years.

Now, whether you consider this kind of rep positive or negative is up to you, but it’s there.

MENTAL ILLNESS REP: more like "Which characters in this series don't have a mental illness or a personality disorder?" I have some of these issues, but not all of them, so this is just how I read it, but:

ADHD: Skulduggery

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Skulduggery & Vile

Dissociation: Skulduggery again, most notably in DD and DB

Schizophrenia (or similar): Valkyrie & Darquesse, Valkyrie "seeing" Darquesse's ghost thing in Phase Two

Impostor Syndrome: Reflectionie

Autism: Clarabelle

Trauma/PTSD/CPTSD: Skulduggery, Valkyrie, China, Ghastly, Erskine...pretty much everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. People struggling with trauma are spoilt for choice of characters to see themselves in.

TRAUMA REP: This series is a trauma conga line, but everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. I see little bits of myself in more than one Phase One character.

Childhood Abuse (of varying degrees & types): Skulduggery, Carol & Crystal, Omen, Fletcher, Ghastly, China, Bliss, Sanguine...

Estranged Family: Skulduggery abandoning his crest, Fergus & Gordon, China & Bliss

Bad Romantic Relationship: Skulduggery is also very clearly an abuse victim. He’s got a solid history of romantic attachments to women who manipulate, use and gaslight him for their own agendas.  There's a whole paragraph in SPX about how Abyssinia broke him down, isolated him from his friends and preyed on his desperate need to be loved, all classic abuse tactics.

And I’m personally a huge fan of this backstory for two reasons:

1) Society likes a plucky victim in media. The "My suffering made me stronger" type of victim. And it's not always like that in real life. Not all survivors come out of their abuse stronger or kinder or more understanding. Some of us come out cold and fucked up. Some of us end up as emotionally stunted, bloodied-nails-and-bared-teeth survivors, broken in ways that can't be fixed and sustained by enough rage to power a small sun. But society doesn't like to tell the story of that kind of survivor, because we're not usually a likeable protagonist. When we're shown in media, we're usually the sympathetic villain, or maybe the antihero. But Skug is someone who's done awful things and lost pretty much all his faith in humanity and been burned more times than he can count, and he still makes the conscious choice to try and be the good guy when he could so easily go Evil Supervillain on the world, and I don't know about any of y'all, but I've modelled myself on him in that. I've made the choice to do something good when all I really want to do is just become a horrible, shrivelled ball of nastiness and revenge. And that's because I saw him do it and realised that I could do that too.

Skug is an incredibly capable, strong, masculine Man's Man. He gets in fights all the time, and he usually wins. He's military, an industry that's Really Bad for stigmatizing weakness and mental illness, and he's right up at the top of the hierarchy. Almost everyone is afraid of him. He's a straight up cold-blooded killer. Skulduggery Pleasant is precisely the type of person who's not normally portrayed as a victim of anything. Nothing about him screams "victim" at all. But his abuse history is insidious. He's so conditioned to respond in a certain way to abuse from the women in his life, probably from a very young age, that despite all that strength and capability and stubbornness and ego, he just goes along with it. And it's an established pattern going back hundreds of years. He keeps going back to China, even though he knows she's bad for him and his friends keep telling him to stay away from her. Abyssinia latched onto him when he was traumatized and vulnerable and weaponized it against him to make him easier to control - and when she reappears, hundreds of years later, she jumps straight back into using, tmanipulating and gaslighting him and not only does he let her, he doesn't even seem to realise that behaviour is abusive. He thinks it's normal! That's how he's always been treated by his long-term girlfriends, with the notable exception of Wifey. Even when Val is being fucking nasty to him in the first couple books of Phase Two, sniping and lying and blaming him for everything under the sun, he just takes it. There's no attempt to tell her she's being unreasonable, no telling her to fuck right off and give her head a wobble, no defending himself even when she's bitching over something that isn't even his doing. And this is a man who has an absolutely gleaming steel spine the rest of the time; Skug has no problem saying no to anybody else, but he can't get past the way he's been taught to treat the important ladies in his life. Skug is a walking reminder that anyone can be a victim of abuse, even the ones who seem least likely to be susceptible.

GENDER REP: This one is the most iffy out of the bunch and definitely was not done very well in the eyes of the people who matter most, but I'll include it anyway because it mattered to some.

So there's Nye, who's...agender? Genderless? And uses "it" pronouns? Nye was generally considered horrible rep because it's also a war criminal and experiments on people and I've seen people say "Well I don't want to be seen like that" but? It's still possible to be a war criminal and also genderless. I never saw the two things as being related or relevant to each other.

There's also Mantis, who's in exactly the same gender/pronouns boat as Nye and always seems to be forgotten about, which sucks because Mantis is a war hero. It fought for the Sanctuary during the War and they never lost a battle when it was in command. It's called out of retirement to fight for the Supreme Council in LSODM, ends up fighting alongside Skulduggery during the Battle of Roarhaven, and ultimately dies attempting a very brave, very risky strategy. Mantis is, unreservedly, one of the good guys. It was also my introduction to sentient beings using "it" pronouns, and did it in a way that felt natural, so when I met my first person online who used "it" pronouns and hated to be referred to as he/she, it was...weird, but not as weird as it would otherwise have been, because I was like, "Oh yeah, like the Crenga. Okay."

And then there's the Scapegrace sex change plotline, which...I might have an unpopular opinion on this one. From what I’ve seen, trans people don’t seem to think was handled well or with any sensitivity at all. I’m not trans, so if the trans community says he was being offensive to them, I’m not going to claim otherwise. But...I first read the Scapegrace plotline as a young teenager in a tiny rural school with zero diversity, going through a period of being deeply confused about my own gender identity. He was more or less my first introduction to the idea that genitals =/= gender. I was relieved, at that point in my life, to read someone having a lot of the same thoughts I was having about being in the wrong body. So while it may have been badly done and yeah, the series would probably have been better without it, it did make at least one kid suspecting she might not be cis go “Huh! So there are other people who feel like this.”

Thrasher is also implied to be legitimately trans/gender-questioning, and that's not played for laughs either.

So? Phase One, while it absolutely had faults and issues and things that were just "Oh god why", was actually full of rep, at least compared to the other series that I read as a child/teen. But? As soon as Dirty Laundry started trying to be woke? He fucking sucks ass at it. Aside from confirming Phase One's hints that Skug has a background of abusive relationships, every single attempt at shoehorning rep into Phase Two is Bad.

The painfully OOC, forced, badly-written awkwardness of Val suddenly being rabidly horny for women out of fucking nowhere. The stilted, forced cringiness between her and any of the women she's flirted with - contrast that with Sorrowscorn's interactions, full of natural chemistry that had us all like 👀 I mean, I never shipped Val/Melancholia, but I could always see why people did - they had miles more chemistry than Val/anyone in Phase Two.

The fucking mess that is v*litsa, because if someone says "I'm really not interested in friendships/relationships right now", clearly the route to true love is to bulldoze their boundaries and forcibly insert yourself into their life and proceed to treat them like a delicate soft uwu flower, completely ignoring the horrible things they've done, while gleefully damning their best friend as an irredeemable monster for the exact same things, which is. You know. Gonna affect your so-called love's self-confidence and self-esteem because she knows she's no different to him. Y'all know I love an angsty ship, an unhealthy ship, a ship with fucked power dynamics, but I literally cannot roll my eyes any further back in my head at this shit. I never read Demon Road, but from what I've heard from friends who did, it does seem like every time Laundry tries to write an f/f ship, he comes up with a cringey abusive/manipulative caricature and tries to call it rep, and he needs to Stop.

Val's Mental IllnessTM arc. It's funny how he wrote Skulduggery as a wonderfully complex character with deep-rooted psychological damage and long-lasting trauma, but believes he wrote a character with "no feelings" - but when he tries to delve into the damage the world of magic has done to Val, he turned her into a weak, whiny drug addict who treats everyone around her like garbage and is so selfish and dislikeable that I? Honestly can't even reconcile Phase Two val with Phase One val. They're two completely different people. He's shown on Twitter that he doesn't have any respect for mentally ill people, and it shows. Other mentally ill people might see it differently, but the whole thing just makes me go "yikes".

Never, who has no personality outside of being genderfluid, and whose pronouns make no sense. I'm sorry, I have never met an nb person who insists that you change from male to female pronouns multiple times in a sentence, every time you refer to them. It's confusing as fuck. Now I have been told that Never has apparently received some character development in the last couple books, and if so, fair play, but I quit reading after Midnight, and Never and the rest of the personality-less new characters introduced in Phase Two who just seemed to be 2D Stereotypes to snag Woke Points were a big part of why, so. Development too late, I'm afraid.

(Now, if anyone is looking for a well-written genderfluid character, I recommend the Tawny Man trilogy by Robin Hobb. I have a lot of issues with her as a writer, and unfortunately I hate her POV character which puts me off the series as a whole, but she wrote the Fool/Amber/Lord Golden and their gender identity/approach to sexuality with so much more respect and realism. That is the kind of rep nb people should be getting: 3D, complex, realistic characters whose gender is only a tiny fragment of their personality, not the be-all-and-end-all of their existence. You know. Like cis people get. Nobody wants to be represented by a 2D cardboard cutout stereotype.)

Anyway idk how much sense this makes it just really amuses me that Laundry would include all this rep completely unintentionally and then go on Twitter and remind us all that actually he's a massive asshole via insensitive/offensive tweets about the groups he'd actually done a fair job of including (i.e. Skulduggery has no feelings, mentally ill people should find another series to read, the bullshit about Val being "heteromantic bisexual" on Twitter and then spouting all the "the woman she loved uwu" shit in the books (proving he has no idea what he's talking about), eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY. He can only write half-decent rep when he's not trying and he inevitably outs himself as having a really shitty attitude towards those people anyway, proving that ultimately it's all either unintentional rep or performative wokeness.

I Didn’t So Much Fall in Love - It Kicked Me in the Face

Chapter Nine

Masterlist

Tim hadn’t been sure about meeting Marinette so early in the morning - would he be able to wake up in time? But he wouldn’t miss this for the world, so obviously the solution had been simply not to sleep at all. Tragically his body was used to it at this point, but as long as he had caffeine he would be just fine.

He knew he was stupidly early to their date, but Tim wasn’t willing to waste a single moment with Marinette. He also didn’t have anything to do until his scheduled nap between the coffee date and his first meeting of the day. So, he ordered his coffee - he didn’t even have to speak to the barista, he just gave her the money. Every barista in Gotham knew his order by heart at this point.

The wordless interaction was perfect for so early in the day. Tim paid and sat down to wait for an hour. He hadn’t even gotten his coffee before he spotted Marinette and Leo skipping towards the shop, hand-in-hand. The intense flood of emotions just from seeing the two left Tim flustered - part of him wanted to look away, temper those feelings, but the larger part of him couldn’t, especially when she spotted him and waved. Like the fool he was, Tim flapped his arm back wildly and without abandon. 

“Bonjour!” mother and son called in unison the second the shop door opened. 

“Bonjour!” Tim greeted back before informing the barista, “I’ll be paying for them.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Marinette exclaimed. “I asked you out, this should be my treat!” 

“I’ll let you pay for the next date,” Tim offered with a smile. He immediately regretted saying it, blushing lightly. Was the sleep deprivation really getting to him that badly already? 

But, to his pleasure, Marinette just smiled from across the room. “Well, I suppose that means I’ll have to make sure that we have a second date. You know, because I need to make sure we keep everything even.” 

Tim honestly couldn’t bring himself to care about the barista staring at them - if anything went public that they didn’t want to, he had lawyers he could call. Dangerously close to making a fool of himself, Tim turned his attention to Leo and asked in French, “What would you like? I can order it for you.” 

Clearly thinking deeply, Leo said in perfect English, “I would like one small hot chocolate, please.”

“Which muffin do you want? You need something other than hot chocolate for breakfast,” Marinette said, also in English.

“Blueberry, please.” 

Marinette placed her order as well, and Tim was attempting to reel in his shock as they moved to the table.

“So you can speak English already, Leo?” Tim asked. 

“A little,” he said, ducking his head. 

“He likes to practice when he’s alone,” Marinette mock-whispered. “The fact that he used English in front of you means that he trusts you a lot.” 

Something almost felt like Tim got stabbed through the heart, but in a pleasant way. For once, Tim could understand Bruce’s compulsions to adopt every spare child. 

The three settled into a comfortable conversation. Leo was largely content to nibble at his muffin while observing the adults with luminous eyes. Tim somehow got on the subject of his brothers, which Marinette was incredibly curious about as an only child. (If the stories ensured that Marinette could never see any of his brothers in a romantic light, so be it.)

“-and so Dick was trying to get Damian off of Jason, but if we just pulled him, Dick would take a good chunk of Jason’s arm with him. Dick tried tickling, poking, bribing, all to no avail. Jason was convinced that he was going to get rabies from Damian, and we just knew that this all needed to get resolved before Bruce and Alfred got home. Literally two seconds later, Alfred walks in-”

The story was interrupted by a loud crash and someone shouting, “This is a holdup! Everyone cooperate and no one gets hurt!” 

It was just Killer Moth - he was such a joke in Gotham that the barista just kind of looked bored. His garishly purple costume was as atrocious as ever, and Tim even heard the sound of sirens coming closer already. He turned to Marinette with a wry smile and a snarky comment about the man’s costume, but looking at Marinette froze him. 

She had crowded Leo up against the window, body positioned like she was shielding him from something. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her chest was heaving with erratic breathing. 

Looking at her, at the lines of panic in her body, a piece of Tim shattered. All the light and joy he’d been feeling with her was gone, confirming the thought he’d been suppressing for a while.

Marinette didn’t belong in Gotham. It was too much violence and darkness for her to withstand, let alone Leo. Tim’s entire world was poison to the girl he was beginning to love. 

*********

Marinette crushed Leo to her chest, all of her worst nightmares flashing before her eyes. She couldn’t let Leo be exposed to Hawkmoth, he wouldn’t know the horrors of-

His small hand touched her cheek, grounding her the slightest bit. “It’s not him, Maman. We’re safe.”

Deeply inhaling, Marinette though fort a few moments - the butterfly miraculous was securely locked away in the Miracle Box, and Gabriel Agreste was similarly locked away in a maximum security prison. When she opened her eyes, the villain in a frankly offensive costume was being hauled away by the police. She moved away from where she was crushing Leo, and slowly, hesitantly she met Tim’s eyes.

What could she say after having a full-blown PTSD episode? How was she supposed to explain her reaction? “I-”

“Are you okay?” he asked, voice lined with concern. Even though it seemed genuine, he was already looking at her differently. His blue eyes were shuttered, and a part of him closed off from her, likely forever. 

Of course he wouldn’t want to deal with that much baggage on top of a child. Tim was a truly good man, but he was also a CEO with a limited amount of time in his day. They finished their breakfasts, but what little conversation they had was stilted. Leo kept glancing between the two of them, obviously upset by the way the adults were acting. 

When it came time for them to leave, Marinette met Tim’s eyes and offered a feeble smile, even though she felt her heart fracturing in her chest. “I insist you go home and take a nap, Monsieur Tim. You’ve certainly earned it at this point.” 

He smiled back, but it wasn’t without pain. “Don’t work yourself too hard. If I don’t see you before then, I look forward to showing your suit off at the gala. I’ll see you there, won’t I?” 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Marinette said, attempting to renew her pasted-on grin. “Now come, Leo. We need to say goodbye to Monsieur Tim so he can get a nap in before he has important business to tend to.” 

Leo’s face creased as he glanced between the adults. “Why are you both acting weird? What happened?” 

“Nothing happened, it’s just time for us to leave Monsieur Tim alone,” Marinette said, her smile beginning to collapse. 

Glancing frantically between the adults, Leo looked genuinely distressed. “But you’re supposed to love each other.”

Marinette felt like she was going to pass out right there until she realized that Leo had spoken in the language of the Guardian. Tim couldn’t have understood him, but Marinette already felt exhausted. 

In the same language, she said, “Sometimes it isn’t that easy, Leo. We can talk about this later. Say goodbye to Monsieur Tim.”

The goodbyes were brief, and Marinette felt like she was suffocating as she had to drag her obviously upset son away. She didn’t look back to see him, partially occupied with Leo’s uncharacteristic disagreement, but mostly because she didn’t want to see whether Tim’s sad eyes lingered on them or not. 

Taglist: 

@ii-fox-demon @queen-in-a-flower-crown @novaloptr @saphiraazure2708 @iamabrownfox @smolplantmum @redhoodedtoad @loysydark @slytheringinger300 @finallyaniguana @brokenwordsarehard2 @abrx2002 @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @moonlightstar64  @marinettepotterandplagg @black-streak @purplesundaze @maribat-is-lifeblood @the-fusionist @river9noble @chocolatecatstheron @darkthunder1589 @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @dast218 @k-poplunardreams @meanids @changelinggarden @ladybug-182 @pawsitivelymiraculous @zotinha456 @tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff @spider-person95 @zestyzealot @toodaloo-kangaroo @kokotaru @kurogaya913 @tis-i-beanbandit  @annapointone @casual-darkness @pheony1882 @tbehartoo @kris-pines04 @thesunanditsangel @constancetruggle @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @rosalineandrosemary @novicevoice @momothefemur  @theymakeupfairies @casual-darkness @the-one-woman-army

Note: 

Sorry for the long wait on this chapter! Most of my time was spent writing for Jasonette July, and then I had to move back to college and start my new program, so it's been a little hectic. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! If you want more mominette content, take a look at my submission for Jasonette July, How to be a Dad 101!

Hifumi headcanons with a trans boy s/o?

Please!

━━ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ━━

Pairing: Hifumi Izanami x trans!male!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

A/N: I hope this is along the lines of what you wanted! I am neither trans nor male, so please let me know if anything in theses headcanons is offensive, or written incorrectly - I am more than happy to take constructive criticism on this one and change whatever needs to be changed! A lot of these are personal headcanons as well, so I apologize if they seem specific. Hope you enjoy~

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

I believe tha Hifumi’s gynophobia results from his childhood/past trauma that he has experienced in the hands of someone who presents themselves as a woman

as such, I personally headcanon that he mainly fears people who are presenting as women because it gives him something similar to PTSD

therefore, regardless of your sex, if you present yourself as male, I don’t think Hifumi will initially be afraid or you at all

additionally, I headcanon that Hifumi has worked with multiple trans men during his job at the host club and that he is incredibly comfortable in that space

so when you tell him that you’re trans, he’s not going to freak out or see you as anything other than what you are - a man

with that being said, Hifumi is going to be your number one supporter

he’s always correcting people when they mess up your pronouns or use your dead name

he doesn’t like fighting, but if someone is acting up, he’s not gonna hesitate to rip out his hypmic and act charming before opening a huge can of whoop ass

if you ever mention that your binder is acting up, he’s immediately pulling you to all of the best places in the city

because again, he’s worked with trans hosts so he knows all of the ins and outs on where to get good, high quality clothing and accessories

one time he took you out with all of the hosts for male bonding time and it just ended up being the most fun group date tbh

ngl he is 100% going to be a child when you take off your packer and will play with it until you yell at him not to 

don’t ask him to remind you to take your hormone pills though, because he’s absolutely going to forget to tell you 

and then he’ll remember three days later and freak out, asking if you took them and crying while apologizing for forgetting

despite being a bit of an airhead at times, Hifumi is extremely socially aware and as such, he’s going to ask you how much your family knows and what he can and cannot say around them

watch out - when he’s wearing his jacket, it doesn’t matter what you identify as, Hifumi’s going to be flirting with you incessantly

especially if the two of you just recently started dating - he’s going to show you off to everyone

don’t go to the host club during his work hours because he will show you off to everyone in the club and he will get fired for spending more time with you than with his actual customers

overall, Hifumi is going to love you regardless of your gender or sexuality because he’ll love you for who you are

and he’s constantly going to remind you just how much he loves you

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The Coffee Shop: Part Four: Part One

Summary: Bucky is a retired military veteran suffering from PTSD. He meets Avelyn, a headstrong entrepreneur, one day at her cafe with Steve and then everything changes.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Black! OC

Word Count: 1.7k+

Warnings: None

A/N: This is just a brief little fluffy filler which is half of the original chapter 4 that I couldn't finish because I just finished school exams and I'm probably going back to school just now despite Covid-19 so I haven't had much time to write. The next half of chapter 4 should be up in a week hopefully and it'll be a whole lot more interesting than this

PREVIOUS PART

Later that evening, an hour before closing, while Avelyn was taking a nap, she heard the bell for the shop go off and a knock at the door because she wasn't stupid to leave the door open. It was New York after all, she'd get robbed or worse kidnapped, not like her mother would mind if it happened.

"I'm coming." She yelled walking towards it. As she unlocked the door, a familiar figure bounded inside. "Were you sleeping on the job?" Morgan said.

Avelyn shrugged, "I'm my own boss. Why are you here?"

"I said I'd pick you up." Morgan stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah at nine. Its five."

"Well its nine somewhere, plus I remembered that I can't trust you to get ready on your own." Morgan wasn't lying, if left up to her, she'd go to the club in a pair of jeans. She was really over her socialite days but Morgan didn't exactly care, if Avelyn was going out with her, she'd look damn good.

Avelyn was grateful to have a best friend that cared about her wellbeing as much as Morgan did but at the same time, it did get a little frustrating and tiring because Morgan was pretty high maintenance at times.

"Fine, just lemme close up."

"Oh, so this is what it looks like when it's open, could've fooled me."

Avelyn rolled her eyes, "You're lucky I love you." As she moved behind the counter to organize her stuff, Morgan took a seat at the same stool Bucky was on earlier.

"So what are we gonna do about lover boy?"

Avelyn's eyes widened in panic, there was no way in hell she was letting Morgan get involved. She'd scare the boy off because the Starks weren't exactly known for being the most subtle people ever.

"There's no we in this Morgs unless you're speaking French."

Morgan glared at her, "Avelyn, you gotta stop shutting me out like this. All I ever do is try to help you and you just push me away. You've gotten away with the excuse of being busy with the shop for too long now, when the truth is, you're just like Bucky, everytime someone tries to care for you, you push them away and I'm getting tired of it."

As much as it stung to hear, Avelyn knew what Morgan was the truth. She felt like a hypocrite really, judging Bucky for the same thing she'd been doing for over a year.

Avelyn sighed, "I'm sorry Morgan. You're right, I shouldn't push you away like that. It's just hard with everything that's happened."

"Lynn, we've been friends for almost our entire lives. I know you better than you know you, it shouldn't be hard. Instead of  making excuses, take accountability."

"I hate it when you're right." Avelyn said. Morgan rolled her eyes, "Ever since we met, I've always been right."

Avelyn thought back to the day when she first met Morgan.

It was the first day at her new kindergarten and Avelyn was incredibly nervous to be going to a new school. At school, she was called up to the front of the class by her teacher Ms. Birch to introduce herself.

"Hi, I'm Avelyn." That's all she could manage to get out in front the class. Ms. Birch had smiled gently at her and pointed to the only free seat, a red chair next to a pretty brown haired girl, "Go sit by Morgan."

Avelyn clutched her yellow backpack to her chest and reluctantly took the seat next to Morgan.

Morgan had smiled widely at her, "You were scared, weren't you?"

Avelyn nodded. Morgan was surprisingly articulate for her age but you couldn't expect less from the daughter of one of the smartest men in the world

"You don't speak much, do you?" Morgan asked.

Avelyn nodded again. To her, Morgan was intimidating, she was bold enough to start a conversation with someone she didn't even know. Oh, how she wished she could be like her.

"Well I talk enough for the both of us." She said, extending her hand, "I'm Morgan Stark and you are?"

"Avelyn Forsythe." Avelyn shyly took her hand and shook it.

"I think you and I are going to be great friends Avelyn Forsythe."

After that day, Avelyn and Morgan were practically inseparable. Her mother had been excited when she found out that Avelyn had made a friend, until she found out whose daughter Morgan was.

When she did, she tried everything to break up the friendship but the bond formed that day was inseparable and while Ava wasn't pleased, she ignored the friendship and avoided all unnecessary interaction with Morgan and after several very uncomfortable encounters at her house, Avelyn decided that it'd be best if she went to the Starks instead of letting Morgan come over.

Tony and Pepper, on the contrary were excited that Morgan had made a friend, because most of the other children were scared of her. Morgan had a tough shell but underneath that exterior, she was a total softie but most people didn't stick around long enough to find that out but Avelyn did and over the years, the Starks began to regard Avelyn as their own child, even letting her call them mom and dad.

When her own parents weren't there for her, Tony and Pepper were. For every fight with her parents and school dance, for her first date, boyfriend and heartbreak, for every birthday and Christmas, for every single event in her life, the Starks were there. Ava and Adam might have been her biological parents but Tony and Pepper were the ones who raised her into the woman she was.

"You're thinking about it too aren't you?" Morgan asked.

"About what?"

"The day we first met."

Avelyn had to admit that Morgan's sense of perception was annoyingly uncanny, "Yeah, I am. How'd you know?"

"Because I was thinking about it too." Morgan's voice was wistful and longing and in that moment, the air was thick with nostalgia. The memories of childhood innocence and naivete, of the happier days before the heartbreak and pain swirling around them and for the first time in a while, the coffee shop didn't seem so gray.

It was like the cloud of hopelessness and broken dreams surrounding the place had been lifted and Avelyn felt something in her chest, that hadn't been there in a while: the joy and hope she'd had the day she'd signed on the line to buy the shop.

The moment left as quickly as it came but Avelyn knew that something had changed.

Taking a deep breath, she smiled at Morgan, "Let's get out of here, we got a club that's calling our name."

"Now, that's the spirit Lynn." Morgan clapped her hands excitedly.

When Avelyn stepped around the counter, Morgan wrapped her hand in hers and began pulling her towards the door and despite all the craziness of the world, right then and there, it was like she and Morgan, were just two little kids running hand in hand on the playground, like they used to years ago.

"Thank you."

"Always."

When Morgan parked the Porsche in her driveway, Avelyn had never been more happy to get the hell out of a car. Morgan, just like her father drove like a maniac, she was pretty sure they'd committed at least fifteen driving offenses. The fact that they hadn't been pulled over was nothing short of a miracle.

"Now I remember why I don't get into cars with you." Avelyn gasped clutching her hand to her chest.

"Don't be such a baby Lynnie." Morgan rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a baby Morgs, you're just crazy."

Too caught up in their argument, they didn't even realise that Tony was walking towards them.

"Well, I see my car made it back in one piece."

Morgan shrugged, "I learnt to drive from you daddy."

"Which is exactly why I'm scared. Avelyn looks like you nearly killed her." Tony said taking in Avelyn's shaking form.

"Dad, I'm telling you she's a psychopath." Avelyn wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Tony smiled as he held her, "I missed you around here kiddo."

"I missed you guys too." In Tony's familiar arms, she felt at ease.

"Then maybe you should come round more often, you've always been my favorite child." Tony teased.

"Hey!" Morgan objected.

"I'm just joking Morgan, I love you both equally. Now why don't you kids run in and see your mom."

Walking into the Stark mansion was like coming home. The walls were covered in pictures of Tony, Pepper, Morgan and her, unlike her house where if you didn't know that Forsythes had a fifth child, no one would know about Avelyn.

As they walked towards the stairs, they heard the familiar clack of heels on the marble tiles and turned to see Pepper running towards them.

"Lynnie it's so good to see you again, I've missed you." Pepper squealed pulling Avelyn into a hug.

"I missed you too mom."

"How's the shop going?"

"Its honestly a mess." Morgan piped up. Avelyn turned and glared at her. Morgan shrugged innocently, "I'm just being honest."

"I wish you'd let us help you. We're more than willing." Pepper said gently.

Avelyn sighed, maybe it was time she put aside her pride and take the offer because if she didn't start making money soon, she'd lose the shop.

"I'll think about it, I promise."

Pepper smiled, "Good, do you girls want snacks or anything?"

Morgan rolled her eyes, "Mom, we're twenty six and going drinking, we do not need snacks."

"Lynn just make sure that she eats something. You know how she gets when she gets drunk on an empty stomach." Tony says walking into the room and pulling Pepper into a hug.

After holding back Morgan's hair in various club bathrooms for years and putting up with the crying and the extreme hangovers, Avelyn knew better and she mouthed a yes to Tony over Morgan's protests.

The familiarity of going out with her friends and just being back here with her family made Avelyn the happiest that she'd been in so long and internally she committed herself to having fun tonight because she deserved it. She swore not to think about her family or the shop or even Bucky but just to let loose and enjoy her first night out in over a year.

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I hope you enjoyed the chapter and my taglist is open if anyone wants to be tagged for this story or all of my fics.

= T I M B E R W I L D E =

(Full color refs courtesy of @fbschin and @the-trinket-witch, please support the artists)

FULL NAME: Tapeesa ‘Timber’ Wilde

APPEARANCE: 6’2, and by virtue of her height is the second tallest Xiaolin Dragon (second only to Clay, and even then it’s pretty close).

Floofy blonde hair. It is usually worn long but it is currently cut short with parts of it dyed forget-me-not blue. Tan skin. Brown almond-shaped eyes. Often wears a black toque/beanie, and has a taste for punk, grungy, and “woodsy” type fashions like leather jackets, plaid, distressed denim, etc.

Current outfit is as follows: Long sleeve black shirt with Canadian maple leaf design. Plaid overshirt. Ripped jeans, black socks and black boots. Fingerless black gloves. Single piercing on her nose, multiple piercings in her ears, and a forest green jacket with brown fur lining on the hood. Jacket is designed to make the wearer look like a wolf. This is Timber’s trademark jacket and her most recognizable article of clothing.

GENDER/SEXUALITY: Female. Pansexual. Polyamorous and proud.

PRONOUNS: She/Her/Hers

ETHNICITY: Mixed race - her mother is an Inuk woman from Labrador, and her father was an Irish-Canadian man from Newfoundland.

BIRTHPLACE/BIRTHDATE: Born and raised in the province of Newfoundland, Canada on November 2nd, 2003. Scorpio. 16 going on 17.

GUILTY PLEASURES: Cigarettes. Food. Weed. Food. Sneaking into places she shouldn’t. Food. Saucy reading materials. Food. Pretty girls. Food. Feisty boys. Food. Abusing her powers to be lazy, get what she wants and take shortcuts. Food. Loud music. Food. Singing. Food. Sneaking out at night. Food. Petty vandalism. Food. Street hockey. Food. Regular hockey. Food. Skateboarding. Food. Tagging property with her own unique brand of art. Food. Cute dogs. Food. Taking lots and lots of selfies and candid photos, as photography is her biggest passion and addiction ALSO FOOD DID I MENTION FOOD YET BECAUSE THAT’S A BIG ONE SHE IS ALWAYS HUNGRY

QUIRKS: Constantly takes photos. Constantly gets distracted. Constantly wanders off. Bites her lip when she is anxious or about to lie. Takes great pride in her hair and prior to her forced haircut took good care of it and grew it out long, thick and messy. Her wild hair is a trademark of hers and she doesn’t like people touching it or doing anything to it.

Is well known for having a nervous tic in the form of shaking hands. She claims it’s due to bad medication - and may even in fact believe her own lie - but in reality, it’s completely psychological in nature, due to her undiagnosed PTSD and trauma from a formative life event when she was 8 years old. It is always present, worsens under stress, and at times affects her motor skills so intensely that she cannot tie her shoes or pick up a spoon. It is a great insecurity of hers and she does her best to hide it.

TRIGGERS: Mentions of her family, being called “crazy” and being near the ocean or on water.

FUN FACTS:

When visiting a new place, Timber will build or draw an inukshuk and take a photo of it to commemorate the occasion. She has been doing this since she was small, and she continues this ritual in honor of the loved one who taught her how to do this.

Her real name Tapeesa means “arctic flower” in the Inuktituk language, but most people know her as Timber. Earned the nickname ‘Timber’ from her father when she made a tree fall as a young girl due to her Wood elemental powers revealing themselves. Answers only to the name ‘Timber’ in his memory.

Really loves blueberries. She likes all food and eats like a starving animal but she gravitates to blueberries and blueberry flavored things. Her trademark favorite food though is blueberry pancakes with blueberry jam, as per her father’s recipe.

COLORS: Blue and Green

ANIMAL SYMBOLISM: Moths 🦋

PHOBIAS: Several, actually.

Going home.

Losing the one “friend” she has.

Being alone for the rest of her life.

Being an outcast for the rest of her life.

Not being able to fulfill her deal to Sun and complete the one mission that has kept her going for YEARS.

Being open and honest and vulnerable with other people.

Trusting other people.

Other people.

But the one thing she fears more than anything else is the ocean. Deep water in general makes her very uncomfortable and she slowly loses it when in close proximity to beaches, docks, and boats. She. HATES. Being on water.

And she has every reason to hate it.

WHAT SHE WOULD BE FAMOUS FOR: Timber Wilde is the first Dragon of Wood in centuries, a “Wilde” card that even Wuya herself was not aware of before she made herself known. And due to the complicated history of the Xiaolin Dragons and the Dragons of Wood, that alone is more than enough to have everyone from the Xiaolin to the Heylin hunting her down. Inexperienced in actual combat, but with enough raw power and natural talent that exceeds even Raimundo and Omi’s Shoku-level abilities, Timber Wilde is cunning, powerful, creative, and above all, unpredictable.

Timber Wilde is also currently the owner of the Crown of the Monkey King, the most dangerous Shen Gong Wu in existence. What’s more, she is also the faithful and long-suffering servant, student and sometimes host of the evil that resides in it.

Along with her traveling companions, Jack Spicer, the reluctant Dragon of Metal, and Jermaine Thompson, the kung-fu prodigy that was trained by Chase Young himself, Timber Wilde currently travels the world in an ongoing journey, keeping her secrets close, her “enemies” closer, and searching for a way to free her master in exchange for her one and only chance to rectify the greatest failure of her life.

She will do whatever it takes to reach this goal. Even if she has to burn down the whole world to do it. After all...a deal’s a deal, right?

WHAT THEY WOULD GET ARRESTED FOR:

Theft. Arson. Disturbing the peace. Possession and underage usage of tobacco products and marijuana. General teenage mayhem. Destruction of property. Aggravated assault. Vandalism and trespassing.

...Treason.

WHO DO YOU SHIP THEM WITH: Timber is polyamorous and has a lot of romantic potential with a few different characters. I feel like she’d be happiest in a polyamorous triad with Jack Spicer as one of her lifelong partners due to how well they connect and compliment each other, but jury’s still out on who would best complete their OT3.

She’s 100 percent into nerds tho. Nerds and angry types and red hair and blue eyes. All she wants is to be topped by someone smarter than her. She just needs a feisty bookworm who can put her in her place and teach her things.

CHARACTER MOST LIKELY TO KILL THEM: Everyone is out to get Timber but sadly her worst enemy is in her own head. Literally. He’s in her HEAD.

FAVORITE BOOK/MOVIE GENRE: Historical/documtary type stuff because she’s hungry for knowledge of the world outside her small seaside town, but she also has a secret soft spot for shojo mangas and saucy romance books.

LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE/BOOK CLICHE: Sad endings, or stories where the dog dies.

TALENTS/POWERS: As the Dragon Of Wood, Timber Wilde has power over every form of plant life, and once again she’s nearly above Shoku level with her abilities. In addition to manipulating and accelerating plant growth, she can also....

Gift plants with sentience and speech,

Use pollen and scents to confuse, manipulate, charm or take out foes,

Create bioluminescent plants and fungi

Create armor for herself from plants

Use plants for camouflage, disguise, defense or offense

Create her own food source

And much more.

But the most important skill as Dragon of Wood she has is, above all, her healing abilities.

With the power to use the medicinal properties in her plants to heal almost any wound or illness, Timber Wilde’s healing powers make her invaluable in battle.

She also has learned one more technique from Sun, one that allows her to “borrow” another person’s power for her own.

But we can discuss that later.

WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LOVE THEM: Despite her many flaws, Timber Wilde isn’t that bad of a person. Deep down underneath her tough, nihilistic, cold exterior, she’s just a sweet, silly, mischief making teenager who just needs and wants a friend. She is a dreamer. She is an artist. Though she has long since lost faith in people she still has an eye for beauty and finds it everywhere in the world around her. She thirsts for adventure and wants to live life to the fullest and experience everything the unknown has to offer.

At her best, Timber Wilde is a lively, incredible, inspiring soul who is passionately devoted to everything and everyone she loves. She will go to the ends of the earth for anything and anyone she cares about, even if it costs her her own life.

WHY SOMEONE MIGHT HATE THEM: Timber Wilde is a deeply complicated person who has a lot of inner pain and fears. And like a certain other redhead, these feelings cause her to lash out at the world around her in less than ideal ways.

Timber lies. Timber keeps secrets. Timber can get very defensive when you poke past the casual front she tries to keep up and start asking her real questions. She has a loose sense of morals, and a survivalist mindset. She doesn’t reach out to other people. She doesn’t trust other people. In fact, the only person she puts her faith in is an evil entity trapped within the Shen Gong Wu she wears on her head. And because of his influence, her view of reality is severely warped.

She genuinely believes she has no real place in this world amongst other people. She genuinely believes everyone is out to get her and that everyone disappoints each other eventually and to make yourself vulnerable or to have faith in others is to invite hurt and heartbreak. And despite the fact that she holds her own needs and desires above everyone else’s, she thinks very, very lowly of herself.

She cannot forgive herself for past mistakes. She cannot let go of what’s already gone. She blames herself for the fate of her family and the untimely demise of the most important person in her life and this has taken a severe emotional and mental toll on her. And due to this loss, she has ONE goal in life that she chases after with all her heart and soul, and the way she tunnel visions in on her mission often means she leaves others to the wayside, though not always without guilt or regret.

Timber is....complicated. Like a wildfire, she burns and burns and burns, and each and every day she burns a little more out of control than before.

But fires don’t burn because they want to hurt people. Fires burn because they don’t know how else to keep from going out.

Timber Wilde knows her actions have consequences. But seeing no better options, she forces herself not to care. She lies to everyone, including herself.

HOW THEY CHANGE: Spoilers.

But I think a certain someone, or two certain someones, can help her change.

Power of friendship, baby.

Why You Love Them: Because she fulfills several of my wishes for what I wanted to see in Xiaolin Showdown.

A) She’s a female character

B) She’s a female XIAOLIN character

C) She is or will be a true blue ally and supportive friend to Jack Spicer, a boy who desperately needs friends

D) She’s a Dragon Of Wood and

E) She is a girl with grit who gets swept up into a magical life changing adventure

When do you see the Drake criticizm? I read a few tumblr blogs and some posts on facebook groups and I don't think I have seen any. I'm suprised, he is so in love and such a good man, why there a criticizm? Also, what do you think about their plot as a couple this season? And about how much there is about her son?

Hello!

You are spending your time in all the right places, Anon! Stick to those! (but to answer your question; mainly twitter, and some parts of tumblr, too). 

Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, of course, so no offense meant to those who dislike Drake. None at all, it’s just a bit tiresome. Especially those who big up characters like Lady Whitworth and George and their treatment of Drake; which in turn supports a lot of their treatment of Morwenna (given almost all the animosity towards Drake in the show comes from his attachment to Morwenna, and his kinship with Ross rather than towards Drake as an actual person).

I think most of the criticism comes from how prolonged the Drake & Morwenna storyline became in late S3/4. It seemed like the showrunners had no idea what to do with Drake but have him pining away for Morwenna/the loss of their relationship. Which as a viewer can get very tiring. Even as someone who considers Drake & Morwenna amongst my all time favourite fictional couples, I can see the criticism. Especially since they didn’t use any additional Drake content from the books - where, yes, he pines, but he does actually have a life outside of pining! 

However, in S5 I think the way people still refer to him is harsh and unfair. For me S5!Drake is a good man, genuinely in love with his wife, trying to make the best out of a difficult situation, and figure out how to support and love a wife who cannot tolerate even the slightest touch from her husband. He doesn’t always do the right thing, and how can we expect him to (given we’re talking about a time when things like PTSD weren’t known about)? 

I’ve also seen people accuse him of trying to pressure Morwenna into having a child. I personally never saw it as pressure. He immediately backed away from the suggestion when he saw it made Morwenna uncomfortable, and ensured she knew that he was more than happy with the way their life was. Surely it’s better for him to communicate how he is feeling than to bottle it away? That’s not healthy for him or for their relationship. 

I also strongly believe, and please don’t think that I am trying to diminish Morwenna’s trauma in any way, that’s absolutely not that case, that she does sometimes need a gentle reminder from Drake that she’s not broken beyond repair. That what Osborne did to her was utterly horrific, but he is dead, and Morwenna survived. She sees herself as irrevocably broken, and I think without Drake around to remind her that she is damaged, yes, but not broken, she would have just allowed herself to waste away, genuinely believing herself to be sick, and tainted by Osborne’s treatment of her. She needs that reminder of the person she was before Osborne, and that part of that person is still there inside her.

How do I feel about their story lines in S5? For the most part I have been enjoying them. I love that Drake’s been allowed to make mistakes, and that they have continued to openly and honestly discuss their problems and feelings. It’s been lovely seeing them progress and develop as a married partnership (my only wish is that we’d get to see them back at the holy well at least once before the show ends). 

I haven’t hated the John Conan plot as much as I thought I might. I didn’t like that they acted as though Morwenna’s main block to being able to be physically intimate with Drake was connected to having to leave her son behind rather than Osborne’s abuse, but aside from that, I think it’s been well handled. I do think some mentions of John Conan were made necessary by the fundamental changes made to Morwenna’s attitude to him generally. Perhaps not the whole kidnapping thing (stop making Drake out to be a total idiot; having a good heart, and kind nature isn’t the same as not being able to understand that actions have consequences - he has a heart of gold not a brain of cotton). But Morwenna actually loving/caring for John Conan rather than the general apathy her book counterpart felt for Osborne’s son would’ve made her simply forgetting him incredibly unrealistic.

I also have some issues with the fact that simply saying goodbye to John Conan appears to have broken through whatever mental block Morwenna had when it came to physical intimacy, and that it meant that her and Drake have gone straight from hugs and hand holding being a major accomplishment for them, to sex without even a kiss between. I feel like tonight’s arc could’ve ended with a kiss building up to full intimacy in 5x06 instead. 

Sorry for a very long winded, messy answer!

A seriously angry recap of all the things I hated in the finale.

Because I had to write down all the disappointment and outrage that I have inside, otherwise it will consume me until I die. I had to give vent to everything that disgusted me in a less-detatched, more personal way than the unemotional one my objective thoughts usually are expressed with. If you want to read highly pissed-off complaints for healing purposes, this is your post. 

Implying that discovering that your mother is also your step-sister is a more validating reason to commit murder than being yourself a victim of physical and psychological abuses for years during your childhood. Offensive, short-sighted, self-erasing. By suggesting that Wolfgang killed his father and uncle out of this revelation, the writers nullified the character’s self-worth, depth and integrity.

“I’m not worth it”. “Wolfgang, you are!” It turned out he wasn’t worth it at all because things didn’t change. Nobody had any kind of conversation and the result was that Kala was portrayed as happy staying in the loveless, unhealthy marriage she was already in and that Wolfgang kept being the “lover” who wasn’t worth being chosen. Rajan became suddenly so important that an entire two-seasonal storyline of the most epic love story of all time had to be thrown out of the window just to please him? Who the fuck cared about him? He was selfish and sexist for two seasons, and a lame, uninteresting character with no personality beyond being a kiss-ass.

Capheus being a clown for all the episode irritated the fuck out of me. He had always been particularly joyful, but 1) not at this ridiculous, over-the-top level, and especially 2) not under these circumstances. This is war. They are all risking their lives and could be found and killed in any seconds. He is risking his whole political career and has left all his loved ones home alone. One of his clustermates is imprisoned in a BPO facility and likely being tortured. This is possibly the worst you could get: this episode was not meant to feature lighthearted, careless people joking around and being idiotic. His behavior is completely inappropriate and disrespectful of the situation. Someone with a brain, in those circumstances, would have slapped him in the face. What the fuck.

Nomanita getting an entire scene exclusively used to provide a last-minute backstory capable of justifying Lana’s selfish decision of taking Paris from Kalagang and giving it to them out of nowhere and with no apparent reason. I am so mad about this, it almost seems deliberate from Lana. Paris was a turning point for Kalagang, a pivotal moment that represented their first and only chance in all the show to be finally happy and together. Nomanita already had it all. Nomanita have always been the healthiest, happiest couple. They could have married literally anywhere else and it would have changed nothing in their relationship, because they had already had 24 episodes of domestic and happy moments. Why Paris of all cities? This was an intentional betrayal to Kalagang fans and storyline.

Lito’s freak-out about the carbs is beyond any fucking comment. It vividly looks like they all are on camping, or taking a funny, enjoyable trip. The writers should be ashamed of themselves for cheapening such a beautiful show and such wonderful characters with stupid moments like this and so many others (such as: Nomi’s coffee moment, Wolfgang jokingly pointing the rocket launcher on Capheus, Rajan asking Kala to teach him to use a gun as if they were not in a dangerous, life-or-death situation but just having fun, Puck with Sun’s hair and so on: there are a lot).

Sun and Mun being OOC as fuck and acting as if they were old acquaintances was just ridiculous and forced to an exponential level. This is entirely the writers’ fault and has nothing to do with time constraints, because the writing was just cheap and the characters unrecognizable. They had only met twice before this phone call (and both times by mistake). Sun here was weirdly intimate and emotively open despite having been closed and guarded of her interiority for two seasons sometimes even with her other selves. Mun was the very definition of cringe. “I think those two words might have made getting shot worth it.” Give me a fucking break. Who are these people? And don’t even get me started on the inconsistency with the line “I am not very good with words” that goes directly against the very reason why Sun was interested in him in the first place (i.e. the passionate way he talked about her to her teacher and the cautious but accurate analysis he provided of her psychology while fighting in the graveyard). Here they were odd and extremely cliché to the point of contrasting with their very essence.

Capheus greeting Rajan in that way was so wrong and insulting both to attentive viewers and to all the people in this world unable to obtain proper medications for themselves or their loved ones. It disregarded and destroyed everything about Capheus’ character and almost made me vomit. Rajan embodied all the socially powerful people directly responsible for Shiro’s improved sickness that almost caused her death in S1. Rajan’s unethical business was the very reason why Capheus had to be involved with Silas Kabaka in the first place, resulting in all his S1 storyline that almost led him to his death. Do any of you remember Capheus and Kala’s expressions when Rajan revealed this? Both of them had never been so hurt and incredulous during all the show. Capheus’ blind forgiveness of someone who was the ultimate reason of one entire season of his suffering and fighting for survival left me utterly speechless and offended. The writers turned all of this into a joke, especially considering Capheus storyline in S2: he had decided to politically represent his country, his own people, exactly because of the injustices they had to face on a daily basis because of poverty and unfair hierarchy. Welcoming Rajan, the symbol of this hierarchy that basically made his whole life a living hell, in that way was incredibly unbelievable. I was seriously shocked by this.

Kala’s behavior when Rajan arrives in Paris can be explained only in two ways: a) either she was on drugs all the time, which means she was capable of making them using her knowledge as chemist and then taking them because she was so desperate for Wolfgang that she wanted to be high, or b) she was just under a love spell. These are the only explanations to the way she behaves here; in both cases, she clearly wasn’t herself. Logic, continuity and coherence were all non-existent. The facts: Kala had made promises to Wolfgang both in 2x10 and 2x11 and the only reason why she hadn’t explained things to Rajan yet was that he had shut her off and sent her away without giving her the opportunity to do so. But her mind was crystal-clear and she was finally ready (in fact, her entire storyline had been built in order to make her brave enough to finally make this decision). But in here, she betrayed every promise she had made to Wolfgang and basically became a lying coward, erasing all the character development she had been through. She acted as a bitch. This confrontation was unavoidable at this point. She let Rajan believe that the real problem in their marriage was her nature as a sensate, which actually has never been a source of conflict at all (she didn’t want to marry Rajan even before realizing what she was). I wanted to slap her for how she acted in this whole episode. She also really felt under a love spell because for 23 episodes she had never spontaneously kissed Rajan before out of sincere will. In 1x02, Rajan kissed her and she didn’t even return the kiss (the only reason why she didn’t break it was that they were at their engagement party and it would have been highly inappropriate); in 2x01 she kissed him out of pity and guilt because she felt responsible for breaking his dick and ruining their honeymoon. And that was it. So, witnessing her starting a kiss to a man she spent two seasons being uncomfortable with (especially physically) and feeling objectified by felt really wrong and unexpected and utterly unreasonable. She seriously looked like she was on drugs, I was in disbelief.

Aunt Kirsty overtaking a whole team of BPO soldiers supposedly using her unknown superpower ninja abilities was so ridiculous and cheap that it was like the writers themselves wanted to prove us that they could do everything they wanted and ruin all the show’s credibility as they pleased. Seriously what the fuck was that. Sense8 became a cartoon for kids and we didn’t know? God.

The complete lack of Wolfgang’s PTSD was absolutely unforgivable and unrealistic. We are talking about a man who spent all of his life building several walls to protect himself from the outside, trying to keep everyone at distance exactly because of the traumas he experienced since childhood that he couldn’t recover from. He has always been emotionally secretive and unavailable to everyone except Kala (and she took two seasons of serious efforts to make him finally open up and expose himself). He was tortured daily several times when he was under BPO’s captivity: he had and needed to show both physical and psychological scars in the aftermath. PTSD was a natural response that inevitably had to happen and be shown both for credibility and for a matter of character’s coherence and integrity. Wolfgang being rescued from this severely traumatizing condition and not showing the slightest consequence of it was beyond idiotic. And worse: from that moment he actually started acting more carefree and behaving in the exact opposite way than the one that should logically be expected from someone with his personality going through an experience like that. He started joking around and taking everything lightly and in a more emotionally invested way than he had ever done even before this imprisonment. It was like watching a fairy tale of stupid bullshit. What a fucking mess.

Rajan’s evident privileged treatment from the writers was so obvious and cheap that it ended up being nausea-inducing. He was literally everywhere and for no reason at all since he had no abilities. In the club, he is the only sapiens being close to the physical exchange. Why on this planet should this be safe or acceptable or even convenient since he is incapable of doing anything? Every other non-sensate was far away, even members of the Cluster such as Lito who could have been useful through sharing. Instead Rajan was on the front. Ok. And the idea that Wolfgang, a taciturn man who spent two seasons being jealous of Rajan, would spontaneously approach him and thank him for doing absolutely nothing is hilarious. Rajan didn’t save Wolfgang. Kala was the one who intervened to prevent Lila from shooting him. Rajan stepped in only to save Kala and was able to steal Lila’s gun just because she was already being attacked. And as soon as that happened, she took the gun back because Rajan obviously didn’t have a clue on what he was doing (which is acceptable, because he just wasn’t suitable for that situation: the mistake was including him there in the first place). Daniela herself had been previously shown to be comfortable in using a gun. Why not exposing her to the physical place of the exchange instead of Rajan? I seriously don’t get it. Which advantage could Rajan provide to the situation? The writers were so transparent. The same can be said with the Napoli’s scene. Rajan is the only sapiens entering the camorra building without any reason or combat skill. WHY. Not only he is untrained and incapable, but he also doesn’t even know the plan (Kala has to explain it to him while already inside and targeted by enemies!). It’s like they did everything in their power to include Rajan everywhere and let him be some kind of saver or hero that he clearly is not. The writing was insulting. Rajan mistakes a taser for a gun but then uses that same taser to save Kala’s life? How stupid do the writers think we are, exactly? Not to mention that Wolfgang being unable to treat Kala’s stomach wound was completely OOC, but then again, Kala and Wolfgang were both RAPED as characters in every way possible in this episode. Wolfgang was able to canonically treat a much worse wound when Felix was almost killed despite being in evident pain. This was all ridiculous. And what about Lila shooting Kala in the stomach? In this very episode she was able to shoot dead five people at a great distance without even trying when stealing Whispers. She was a hired gun, and here Kala was literally in front of her. Nothing in this scene makes the slightest sense, I swear.

The scene where Will asked where Sun was, as if he wasn’t able to mentally connect with her was absurd. And Nomi actually taking five minutes to visit her was just a cheap way for the Sun x Mun exchange to happen and was incoherent. “I found Sun” doesn’t make sense because they are telepathically connected and Nomi shouldn’t need to find her. Cheapness for everyone.

Kala spontaneously kissing Rajan again when she finally has the occasion to physically be with the love of her life after he was tortured and nearly killed is probably the most absurd and embarrassing moment I have ever seen in television. It’s beyond any rational comment at this point. I was about to throw something at my screen. And Wolfgang accepting this despite probably believing that Kala and Rajan had already talked things through was incoherent, unthinkable and hysterical. WHO-ARE-THESE-CHARACTERS. This moment destroyed me more than I can convey with words. It was a betrayal to two seasons of marvelous Kalagang growth and development. I could ramble about how much I hate this moment for pages, but I already wrote a post about it and it would be better for me not to stop too much on this because it literally broke my heart and enraged me more than anything else ever did. Kala and Wolfgang were entirely different characters.

Jonas and the Mother talking like walking encyclopedias contrast so heavily with the cheap writing of the episode that their scenes end up being really laughable and impossible to be taken seriously.

The song sequence was completely useless, pure fanservice garbage that stole real usable time that was very much needed since many storylines were left entirely open without justifications. The “What’s Up” moment in 1x04 became iconic because it conveyed a precise message that was the core of all the show, was a set up for everything that came after and had also the purpose to show the ability of each character to connect all together for the first time. Instead, the song sequence in this episode was obviously insert only because the first one really gained a huge success in the fandom and they simply wanted to reply it for fanservice purposes. But this was entirely pointless and the very definition of a waste of time. The characters felt very much like the actors themselves goofing around, and there were also completely avoidable coherence mistakes (Felix and Rajan on the train) that cheapened the already-compromised credibility of it all. The editing of all the episode was bad, especially in this scene.

Other time gets wasted showing characters eating pizza without a tie to the plot or anything at all. Were the writers deliberately trying to make the worst choices possible? They basically did everything wrong and handled the time horribly.

I already talked about the bullet scene, but Kala being able to visit Wolfgang while unconscious was another cheap mistake. I’m particularly angry because for 23 episodes Sense8 was able to be almost flawless in coherence, but this episode is just a giant mess. This moment is OOC and simply wrong on every aspect, and who wrote it surely must have been a stranger to the show.

The last half-hour of the Special is so weird. It’s like the writers suddenly forgot that the main characters are sensates. Will asking Kala what she wants was another ridiculous moment that was so incoherent with their scene in 2x08 that I seriously considered this to be an intentional way for the writers to let us know that they willingly fucked up with Kalagang. The main peculiarity of their interaction in 2x08 was that Will was able to read Kala’s emotions without asking and state out loud what she was afraid to admit to herself: that she loved someone else. Their interaction in 2x08 was based on clarifying that Kala was not suffering from a feeling indecision but a morality struggle, and that Will exactly knew what she wanted. Their moment in 2x12 disregards everything about it. Will acts like he doesn’t already know what she feels and asks her questions as if he couldn’t read her emotions, and Kala is supposed to show signs of romantic indecisiveness despite her troubles were never feelings-related? In 2x08 Kala couldn’t stop talking haphazardly (as she always does when concerned about something) and here she just silently shrugs? This moment is beyond laughable and goes against everything established before, and the characters are frankly unrecognizable.

It’s unbelievable the idea that two whole seasons of perfect Kalagang development led to a conclusion where Kala holds hands with Rajan and Wolfgang sits behind them as a complete stranger. It feels like a nightmare. I am homicidal about this. They really destroyed them, both as a couple and individual characters.

 Amanita clearly states in 1x07 that she is afraid of and hates fireworks because they symbolize war and are a failure. So why is she perfectly happy here when they are used during her own wedding? It wasn’t that hard not to be OOC. The writers really wanted to discredit the canon in every way, I’m incredulous.

The conclusive physical, actual orgy which includes also non-sensate characters sends a horrible message. First, it goes completely against the symbolical meaning of the previous orgies (which were meant to show the sensates’ ability to share sexual arousal every time someone in the Cluster was having actual sex; it was nothing physical or carnal but purely abstract and metaphorical). Second, it’s highly offensive to asexual people, because sex is conceived here as the highest expression of love and the only way to resolve untouched confrontations (instead of having actual conversations). Third, it provides sexual erasure to Lito (canonically gay), Nomi (canonically lesbian) and Kala (canonically demisexual). Fourth, it goes against the well-praised theme of inclusivity and diversity of the show because everyone at the end turns out to be the same (pansexual), thus erasing every single representation provided in the previous episodes. Fifth, it portrays an unfair and insulting view on how sexuality actually works. The idea of a man — whose entire storyline is built around the fact that he is completely, exclusively gay and couldn’t manage to even fake a relationship with a woman — willing to have sex out of the blue with someone of the opposite sex is gross and actually sick. Sexuality is highly intimate and personal: it’s not about open-mindedness, but about self-comfort. It’s disrespectful to think that a gay man would be okay to get laid with a woman, because he just is by nature not comfortable in that situation. I am a straight guy and I could never picture myself with another man, it would make me unhealthily uncomfortable with myself. This applies to everyone’s very own sexuality. The same can be said for Kala, who here is depicted as a promiscuous woman willing to share her body with the very same man who she couldn’t bring herself to feel comfortable with for two seasons. Kala was a very moral person described as demi-sexual and she could only be comfortable in a sexual scenario with Wolfgang because they are sensates and their level of trust and connection is unparalleled. If Wolfgang and Kala hadn’t been sensates inside each other’s heads and feelings, Kala would have never slept with him: she needed that kind of intimacy and closeness to open up sexually. The Kala who pulls Rajan down and gets almost hungry of being used as a sex object here is not the usual Kala from the first 23 episodes, it’s another character entirely who sends a conservative and sexist unacceptable message.

Wolfgang’s sudden bisexuality is not representation, nor something to be proud of: it’s just an offensive, out-of-nowhere twist created only for shock value. One of the first traits that we understand about him in the show is that in order to avoid opening up emotionally, he constantly sleeps around with women only. This is canonically confirmed in two occasions: first, in 1x04, when he and Felix talk about their teenager adventures, nothing is mentioned about them being open to relationships with other boys (and if Wolfgang had been bisexual, it would have surely been pointed out in this moment); second, in 2x01, we canonically see him picking up girls using a date-app which features women only. This highly indicates that he is not into men, because if he was, he wouldn’t hide it at all. Also, if he had really been sexually attracted to men, he would have surely fallen for Felix because of how close they are, and this didn’t happen. This is not to say that sexuality is permanent or unaffected by change. But if Wolfgang’s character arc had really been about a sexuality struggle, an appropriate path of self-discovery should have been shown and developed carefully. People just don’t wake up and decide to change sexual orientation out of the blue. These things require internal process and self-questioning. This sudden twist is a joke to people who really have to face a complex self-examination in order to understand whether their sexuality is changing or evolving.  

Wolfgang touching Rajan’s lips before kissing him is a slap on the face of Kalagang’s fans because that was THEIR intimate gesture, and theirs alone. 

Wolfgang and Rajan barely know each other. Wolfgang would NEVER perform that private gesture with anyone but Kala, and the idea that he would make love to her with her husband included is pure nuts. This was the ultimate bullshit from the writers who managed to annihilate everything about Kalagang. It’s almost as if Lana had personal reasons to sabotage them in every way possible, because the result is just too heavy-handed and transparent not to be intentional. I seriously hope that she didn’t feel the need to ruin them just because they are a straight couple, because that would make her discriminatory and petty as fuck. This moment was seriously unwatchable and unbearable. I don’t have the proper words to describe the utter disgust I really experienced.  

RULES

BASIC: >This is a Semi-Selective and Mutuals only/Private RP blog. I will answer any followers ask but I will only carry threads with those I follow; I will however actively reach out to people who don’t yet follow me if I am interested in writing with them. If you would like to have a thread with me and I don’t follow you, just leave me an ask or send me an IM. I am not that scary. **In regards to my side blogs this rule applies. If I follow you on my main blog and you follow one or more of my listed side blogs then interactions are a go** >I am a very anxious and socially awkward person. I can take a little long to trust people sometimes due to past experiences over the years, and I am nervous at first in getting involved with larger groups. This is nothing against new people who approach me to add me to a group; this is just me being once bitten twice shy about everything. Please understand this. >Please read my About page so you understand the Mun here behind the blog. I appreciate people understanding a bit of how I work. >OOC statements from me will be within [[ ]] ’s. >My instant messenger (IM) chats are completely OOC. I will not RP in the IM chats. I prefer to use it as a source of communication mun to mun while doing a thread with someone.

>I WILL NOT by any means RP with a blog whose MUSE is a REAL PERSON. [ex. Arin (Egoraptor), Jon (Jontron), Mark (Markiplier), etc.] I just personally find it to be in the realm of bad taste. I mean no offense to anyone with this. It’s just that pretending to be a real person you are not as compared to a fictional character are two different things. (And many of these people request that you don’t RP with them as a muse anyways!)

>I WILL NOT RP EXPLICIT NSFW CONTENT WITH UNDERAGE WRITERS. Sorry kids, but if you’re under the age of 18 I am not going to write anything with you when it comes to anything related to unsafe explicit content. The NSFW content that will never be brought around under age writers is anything of a sexual nature. Content however of horror, gore, and anything else NSFW that falls under the non-sexual nature is fair game. Remember Kids, I’ll respect you as long as you show you have the maturity and give at least a portion of that respect back. >The Mun =/= The Muse **Though you may notice parallels between myself and my character do not skew this line. I am not my character and my character is not me. Just the same this means a judgment on your character should not be taken as a judgment on you personally.** >I come off as incredibly blunt with my statements. My brand of honesty isn’t easy to handle and I do what I can to lessen the blow of it. You have been warned. >In correlation with the above rule COMMUNICATION is a must if you wish to interact with my character or myself. This means tell me if I am doing something wrong and don’t take offense when I mention criticism for you from my end. My statements can be blunt but I do try to be kind with them.

>This is a guilt tripping free zone. I will not be harassed nor will I dole out that sort of treatment to people. **Just the same I will not tolerate that term being thrown as a label on anyone willy nilly when it is clear the term is not understood by the person pointing the finger.** >This is also a bullying free zone. I will not stand for being bullied or seeing someone else I know being bullied by individual(s). I have seen enough and been on the receiving end enough of this treatment to know the damages it can cause. **Please remember that Tumblr has options in place to report for this sort of stuff.** >In regards to Anon asks. If you make an opinion on how to tell me to run my blog on anon you will get an equally impersonal response. You want to have a personal response you talk to me on IM. Repeat offending anons will be IP BLOCKED. 

>I am obviously OC friendly for any OC’s. Just as I have have made a clear bio page though, I will check to see if you have a backstory posted in easy access for your character as well before I consider interactions. As always, I NEED SUBSTANCE to work. (It should be noted that I don’t follow self insert OC’s if the mun denies them being a self insert. I prefer the knowing honesty from the mun about their creation over the withheld information) >I RP for fun here folks. Though I prefer some longer threads I can enjoy short ones given there is an enjoyable interaction to be had. Just keep the sass down and the friendliness up and we will get along fine. ROLEPLAYING: >ABSOLUTELY NO GOD MODDING! Examples of God modding include:

Controlling another persons character or the outcome of events within a thread. This is the fastest way to lose any partner.

Breaking the forth wall with a character having knowledge they should not have from any source. This can be done humorously with commentary like Deadpool and his awareness of an audience or being a character. Know the difference between it being used as humor compared to plot convenience.

Having your character have god-like or straight out God abilities. Some characters are gods but often the root issue of this sort of character done wrong is them having “Convenient Omnipotence” (Links to Breaking the Forth Wall for plot convenience). This also includes the character referencing information from another characters backstory that has not been directly shared with them. Don’t do this; it can make people behind the writing uncomfortable.

Having your character be completely untouchable. Some characters are known to be adept at dodging but they can’t dodge everything. When you control a character like this you force people to have to match their level. You have no right to complain about them ‘God Modding". Be fair.

Starting a fight in OOC until the IC interactions are forced in the direction you want for your character. Though this sounds indirect this is another example of God Modding as it involves manipulating events and other peoples characters to your whims. Do not go making someone feel intimidated with threatening actions to get what you want. Just don’t do this.

Over-writing what is seen or available in a setting provided to you. Unless you wrote the starter/setting for the interaction do not add things that were not described or attempt to change the setting entirely. This is more of a writing issue but it is still an insult if someone went through of the trouble of making a setting for you only to have you try and change it.

>I am NSFW friendly. If you want to do something NSFW you need to be a mutual, or someone I am interacting with and over 18. NO EXCEPTIONS! Anything sensitive to this nature will be under a read more in writing. Any images however will be on a separate side-blog. >If you find I have an RP post with a TRIGGER THAT NEEDS A SPECIAL TAG for you to know to IGNORE IT, just let me know.

>I am comfortable doing PG-13 RP’s, but I am also fine with more M rated topics, I however will put anything just outside of PG-13 under a read more if the scene is too violent.

>I am comfortable with RPing but not limited to:

Gore/Violence

Battle/Action

Horror

Mystery/Suspense

Slice of life

Romance

Cross-over

Post-Apocalypse/Fallout

Sci-fi

Action/Adventure

Fantasy

PTSD inducing backstory adventures

Plots referencing sexual abuse and Rape **WITH PROPER CONSENT**

Bondage/BDSM **WITH PROPER CONSENT**

>I reserve the right like anyone else to drop a thread I feel uncomfortable in continuing. Be it due to a lack of inspiration or something that just rubs both me and my muse the wrong way. I will communicate the reason with you regardless. >REBLOGGING THREADS YOU ARE NOT INVOLVED IN WILL RESULT IN ONE WARNING FOR RP BLOGS AND INSTANT BLOCK FOR PERSONALS. Just please, don’t reblog a thread you aren’t part of. It mucks up my activity log and ruins my reply tracking something awful. >I have a personal rule when it comes to replies. If you haven’t let me know ahead of time about anything preventing your reply I will remind you within 10-20 days time with a link to the last response post I made on a thread. If it has been 10-20 days since I have replied to your response you are free to let me know in an IM.**If you read this and don’t like being reminded and have proven to have read my rules; PLEASE TELL ME BEFORE WE START A THREAD. I do not enjoy offending or upsetting people**

SHIPPING: >DO NOT FORCE A SHIP. I do not force ships on anyone and I expect that others return this respect. I ship based on character chemistry. >I DON’T JUST SHIP ROMANTICALLY. I don’t mind having ships that link to simple friendships, adoptive family ties, and even enemies in some special cases. I’m not after having my character romantically involved with everyone. Any ship is fun as long as there is a type of enjoyable character chemistry going on in the interactions. >I am MULTI-VERSE AND MULTI-SHIP. This means unless otherwise specified on my Verses & Relations page every ship happens in it’s own verse separate from the others. This means she is not cheating on your character and doesn’t view your other ships as cheating on her. >Every interaction, unless specified, from my character is in a verse where she is single/alone. If you have a similar set up for your character I would appreciate the same respect to do such. I don’t enjoy going into a first interaction with another multiverse/ship blog to have them force me into one of their existing verses with a known ship. **Shipping takes interactions, time and character chemistry. I go into every new interaction unless otherwise specified with my character being single as she is multiverse; if you are multiverse as well I expect that same sort of respect. Don’t force a scenario that prevents even an attempt at character chemistry in a romantic sense down the road. Communicate things first please.** >Anemone is Demi-Romantic and Demi-sexual. This information is stated on her bio. She is open to SOME polyamorous relationships but anyone wishing to do this will need to put forward a great deal of effort in communication for it to work. >If you are singleverse but multiship and want to ship with me I am willing to make it work where we can within reason. However we will need to regularly communicate OOC. Shipping any sort of relationship, especially if multiple connections are involved, needs a lot of communication. A ship that my character does have with a Singleverse character will be, by default, Open Poly-amorous and will not in any way bind the characters to being exclusive to one another. TRIGGERS: >I have a few mild triggers. These triggers are fairly simple and straight forward.

>Suicide - I will not define this properly as people should already understand it’s meaning. A character fighting off suicidal tendencies is fine; it shows growth. A character trying to commit suicide for the sake of getting attention is not fine; threatening to or trying to kill ones self to get everyone to look at you is not okay. If you understand what it is to be suicidal truly you don’t declare you’re going to kill yourself to everyone; you simply commit the act in silence in your own suffering. **Please understand the difference between attention seeking and actual suicidal tendencies. There are a few exceptions to this but the vast majority of people who commit suicide do not announce the thought or threat of it regularly to have people talk them down from it. The ones who do that are looking for people to validate them; they aren’t looking for an escape from a depression/stress in their life.** >Incest - Sibling on Sibling action is not something I like seeing. I can let a few instances of it pass by but if it’s a frequent thing in someones reblog feed I will likely unfollow. It’s something that makes me sick to my stomach. Two family members getting involved in a romantic situation when they are siblings, even adopted, rubs me the wrong way. When you view someone as a brother or sister I find it is not right to fantasize or act on sexual/romantic advances with that individual. Be it by blood or by a family bond through adoption, incest is something that I personally find very disgusting; so please tag it appropriately. **NOTE: Incest that involves Sexual relations with purpose to produce a child is actually under the term of Inbreeding. Just the same I personally find the talk of the practice upsetting to my stomach** >Underage drinking - I don’t like seeing it, don’t like hearing about it don’t like reading about it. It’s a topic that leaves me uncomfortable and annoyed because I find it to be a personally unacceptable thing to encourage. I don’t care if it is in fiction, the act of underage drinking is not something I support encouraging, even if there is an ‘adult’ present to monitor the child. Alcohol has negative effects on a young developing mind and body and isn’t something that should be encouraged for consumption for a child before that development is complete. I apologize if these main rules seem at all harsh or pressing. I’m fairly easy-going, if not a little awkward, and I have my standards laid out here. These rules are here for other muns to understand my bottom line about things; whether or not your character agrees is not my concern. The only thing that matters to me is if the writer understands what I have here, just as much as I work to accept and respect theirs.

**If you have read my rules please send in the password “Can I get a Booyah?!” ** **If you’re not the sort to send in passwords then you can just like THIS POST instead.** Thank you for reading my rules.

You said in your s13 meta that the narrative suffers from keeping Destiel in the subtext. Can you elaborate a bit on that? For example, would you have them enter a romantic relationship now (or in earlier seasons) or would you be okay with it only happening towards the end of the show as long as it gets shoved more into 'text' level along the way - however that would look? How would you personally go about it in a way that fits into the narrative of the show?

Well - I think there are a bunch of reasons why keeping Destiel in the subtext is hurting the show (narratively). Off the top of my head -

1) This kind of subtext - ie, scattered clues that can be as obscure as beer labels or paintings on the walls - is usually reserved for Big, Shocking Revelations - for instance, the identity of the murderer in a thriller. I can’t think of one single example in which the subtextual clues led to a ‘Guess what - she actually luuuuurves him!’, and there’s good reason for that - a romantic attraction is not interesting enough to leave the audience to guess it and half perceive it out of the corner of their eyes. A hidden subtext should be the kind of thing where you gasp and stare when it’s revealed and then you go back and rewatch the whole thing in disbelief (also annoyance, because part of you is not surprised by this at all, but you never listened to that part ‘cause your a gullible fool). For younger readers, the revelations about Snape in HP fit this model well; for older viewers, a good example is the ending of The Others or Fight Club. Romantically speaking, the only close equivalent to what Supernatural is doing goes something along the lines of sexual awakening - a beautiful example is Tracy Chevalier’s Girl with a Pearl Earring, in which it’s very clear for an adult reader that Griet is attracted to Vermeer from the very first moment she sees him, and yet the UST builds and builds because Griet herself is too young and inexperienced to see it - and when she finally realizes it, holy shit. Even in that case, though, the romance wasn’t exactly subtextual - every single adult around Griet wondered at it - her mother warned her to stay away from Vermeer, Vermeer’s wife was openly jealous from the second Griet started working for their household, the other servants were also suspicious of why Griet was spending so much time alone with Vermeer and so on and so forth. The tension came from the fact Griet herself didn’t understand what was going on - not from the thing being completely subtextual. So, to me, the fact Supernatural thinks a (gay) love story needs to be put in the subtext - it’s more than offensive - it’s just not effective.

2) Destiel is destroying Sam’s characterization, because they increasingly use him to contrast Dean’s feelings, which means Sam is mostly forced not to care about Cas at all. And so, while the two of them had some stolen moments where they were allowed to be themselves (ie, people who like each other and feel a deep affection for each other), Sam is often shown to be cold and unconcerned whenever Cas is mentioned. When Dean was fretting about Cas being possessed by Lucifer, for instance, Sam always acted like he couldn’t care less - which was annoying, not only on Cas’ behalf, but also because Sam knows what Lucifer is like, and he would never be so indifferent about Lucifer possessing anyone. Or when Cas was suffering from PTSD and would spend his days watching dog videos, again we had Dean (rightly, rationally) worried about him, while Sam brushed it off completely. Also the ‘it-gate’, remember that? And now, now Cas is actually dead, and this is still going on - Dean is very nearly broken, and Sam - Sam is fine with it. Doesn’t give a damn. And the thing is, if Dean’s love was out in the open, then they could let Sam care about Cas, because it would be textual that there’s still a difference there (Dean = lover, Sam = friend); but since that is not textual, this is what we’re left with - a join the dots game where they want us to wonder why Dean cares so much when Sam, the rational one, doesn’t care at all.

Moreover, the fact there are these huge subtextual secrets about Dean (that he’s bi, that he loves Cas) only makes him more interesting to write, while leaving nothing for Sam to do. It could even be argued that this is the true reversal of the Supernatual narrative - the first five seasons were about Sam and how he felt like a freak because of his Big Secret (which was textual: his psychic powers, and, later, his addiction to demon blood), while the next five seasons were about Dean and his Big Secret (and that only half worked, because everything is still subtextual, which means Dean’s narrative has not resolved in any neat, elegant way - nothing comparable to Swan Song - which also means the story is still about Dean, that it will be about Dean until the narrative knot is gone, and they seem adamant never to go there, so where does this leave us?).

3) Ironically enough, Destiel is also hurting Dean and Cas as characters. Cas, in particular, had an arc that was all about destroying his identity in earlier seasons (the break with Heaven and so on), and lately that’s shifted to building himself a new identity - his increasingly human feelings have been a big part of that, and to be fair, they did allow him to explore them - a journey that probably started with his rejection of Hannah and culminated in that infamous I love you - but this could have been done much better, and in a more coherent way, if Cas had been allowed to find Dean attractive as a potential romantic partner. And in a way, the same goes for Dean - we teetered on the edge of why things are different with Cas so many times, and they came closest, perhaps, in S8, but as long as they refuse to take that final step, it’s not clear, exactly, why Dean should care so much about Cas - about someone who’s far from perfect, and has betrayed them or let them down or hurt them many times in the past. And something else that only made sense if you squinted, of course, was Dean’s peculiar, sometimes volatile relationship with Crowley, and how his attitude to Crowley differed from Sam’s. I’ve seen people confused about that, but if you fill in the subtextual blanks - ie, Crowley loved Dean (as much as demons can love, that is), and they were actually together when Dean was a demon, and then had an awkward break-up when Crowley realized Dean could not love anyone as a demon, and would never love Crowley as a human - well - that’s suddenly a coherent narrative, isn’t it?

4) And finally, Supernatural is often built on parallels and mirrors, and the problem is, you need an equilibrium for that. If half your metaphor is out in the open, and the other half is subtextual, it just doesn’t work. That was one of the big problems with both S10 and S11 - remember the whole Colette story, which went nowhere? And how Amara represented the wrong way to love, contrasted with the right way, which was…what? And, sure, for some viewers that may work just fine, and others may even enjoy to be left guessing, but me - I like my symmetry, and I like honesty, and I found it profoundly frustrating that both those stories were left unfinished.

As to what I would do differently - I don’t particularly like fluff, and I don’t think either Cas or Dean are ready for a relationship right now, so I guess - what I would change is that I would make this thing between them textual but not to each other? There are many ways to do that - romantic movies basically live off them - character A talks to her friends or parents, has a revealing dream, thinks out loud, writes in a journal, does something incredibly stupid which makes it clear they’re madly in love - we’re spoiled for choice. The how and what, of course, depends on the world around your characters, and the specific challenges they face, which is why my way of bringing Dean and Cas together varies with the story I’m telling. In one fic, it’s Dean who comes forward and downright invites Cas to stay the night; in another, it’s Cas who demands that Dean comes clean about his feelings; in yet another one, Dean acknowledges those feelings, but says he can’t act on them because of Imminent Death and whatever else; and in the one I’m writing right now, my AU!S13, well - you’ll have to wait and see. For the show itself, I like a suggestion that’s been surfing through tumblr for a while - an episode featuring some ex of Dean’s (a man) so that Sam will be forced to put the pieces together, and next, some kind of conversation about Cas, and how Dean doesn’t feel worthy or ready or something. Sam shouldn’t play matchmaker (I know we like that in fanfiction, but I doubt that canon!Sam has either the skill or the inclination to do that), but knowing this very private thing about his brother - well - that can only be healthy, for both of them. And when it finally comes out (with Cas), I think it should be in anger, because that’s who Dean is - someone who blurts out things he never meant to say when he’s terrified and furious and worried out of his mind - and next, I’d have them separated, of course, because UST is a good thing and yay and keep it up. 

(Oh, and as for what I would be okay with - every single romantic relationship on Supernatural has been about falling into bed together, and Dean is a deeply sexual person, and we know Cas is not against that - at all, so no - I wouldn’t be happy with a five minute handshake at the very end, but I also wouldn’t be happy with the show changing everything it is jut to fit a romance in - and, most of all, I wouldn’t be happy with an ambiguous, ‘you’re the viewer, you decide’ Sherlock ending - nope. What I want is enough time for both characters to come to terms with how they’re feeling, followed by a clear, textual scene of them getting together, followed by their relationship being never brought up again as a central element of the show. Everything stays exactly the same, except sometimes Dean and Cas get a room just for the two of them, and Dean fixes Cas’ tie (which he does anyway), and Sam teases him about something or other because he’s a little shit, and Cas stares at Dean - a lot (which he does anyway), and maybe more hugs? and that’s it. They hunt, they do stuff, they face tragic choices - Supernatural shouldn’t be about a love story - it just shouldn’t hide it, because there’s nothing wrong with your main character being queer and it’s 2017 so maybe deal with it, show?)

hi, i'm a long time reader of yours, and i am a huge fan of yours but please don't take this offensively. i've been reading home is where the heart is since you started posting it, and i love the idea behind it, but the last few chapters seemed a little bit repetitive in terms of plot/storyline. i'm not sure how to say it, but it seems to go like "sasu/saku does some relationship progression, something happens, sasu gets mad, saku comforts, repeat" sorry! this is how the last few chapters felt

Okay, this might sound a little forward, but are you the anonymous review Duckie on FF? because the review they left me was essentially this as well, and you kind of sound the same. Because if so, I’d like to address both messages your messages (or if you’re not them, that’s fine, but I’m still gonna address some things from it).

First of all, I want to say that I’m thankful you read my work. And props to you for messaging me about this honestly, it takes some courage to come up to a writer and be like, “uhhh so.. i don’t like this.” But that being said...

Like mentioned in the author’s note, this is a story that is about Sasuke’s recovery while their relationship develops. Recovery is an incredibly messy process, even moreso for a lot of people who have PTSD--which Sasuke undeniably has. “Duckie” (mentioning by nickname in the event this wasn’t you) said that I shouldn’t put my problems and feelings into a character, which I guess means that they think I’m pushing onto Sasuke what my recovery has been like for my depression but really... no. I haven’t even gone through something as traumatic as Sasuke has---and tbh I highly doubt many people have. And for people to think that what Sasuke has gone through wouldn’t have fucked him up on so many levels is just seriously stupid. 

Sasuke’s trauma will follow him his whole life. He has to live with the shit that he’s done, along with the shit that happened to him, all of which are horribly dark and traumatic. He’s had his entire family killed! By his own brother! And then he found out that the elders of the village he’d been living in his whole life thus far ordered his brother to do it! He lost his way into enemy ground after that, literally wanted to annihilate his home village and his friends?? And he murdered people, for fuck’s sake. None of that trauma is comparable to having gone through a bout of depression (no offense to Duckie, or anyone else--also im well aware this isn’t a competition, but they still can’t compare Sasuke’s experiences to theirs and claim that Sasuke is being an emo drama queen).

So when you take into account that Sasuke has to live with all that, and with facing the people who’s lives have been affected by his horrible choices and the horrible choices of his family... is it really any wonder that his recovery is so flip floppy? Like are you seriously asking me why this is taking time? Are you really expecting for Sasuke to be able to fully resist all the hate thrown at him after one time that Sakura’s like, “you’re a good man, don’t let people make you believe otherwise!! :)” ????? Really????? That’s just like expecting for every depressed person ever to turn their life around and not be depressed anymore when someone is like “cheer up, look at the bright side :))”

On top of that... Sasuke isn’t getting “mad”. Tbh hearing you say that kind of makes me wonder how old you are because it should be so startlingly clear for anyone mature to see that these situations don’t make him “mad”. These situations make him spiral into self-hate. He’s not angry at the people he’s angry at himself. He’s devastated. 

Mental illness has a seriously bad habit of launching people into this vicious cycle that is self-destructive, which basically consists of: i’ve made a mistake-->im a shit person-->everyone thinks im a shit person-->i don’t deserve anything good-->im gonna push people away because they deserve so much better than me..... or, you know, something else that’s along the lines of that.

Hope that clears things up as to why this story is “repetitive”.

Chicago PD Finale Rant

A few days have past since the season 4 finale. I thought I’d be over it by now, but I’m not. I’m still fuming from the horribly written 50 something minutes we had to sit through on Wednesday night. Like most ChiHards, I’ve been a loyal fan of PD since the beginning. I’ve fallen in love with each member of the Intelligence family. I’ve watched them struggle & I’ve watched them triumph. They’ve been through a lot these last 4 years. I’ve disliked some storylines over the years, but was always able to see the reasoning behind them. But not now. This season has been filled with so many discontinued & just plain stupid storylines. I’ve had enough! These characters deserve better and so do the fans!

1. It’s All About Lindsay! Many people have argued that Erin Lindsay is the star of PD. To that I say: IT’S AN ENSEMBLE SHOW! Not just PD but the entirety of One Chicago is an ensemble. It’s one of the many reasons these shows work. At the beginning, I welcomed Lindsay’s back story. Finding out more about her relationship with Voight, her alcoholic & drug addicted mother Bunny, and her will they won’t they relationship with her partner Jay. But now entering season 5, I’ve had it! We’ve seen Erin go over the edge with Bunny before. It made sense back in season 2. After Nadia died, Erin reverted back to her old habits in order to cope. Jay & Voight brought her back and she repaired her life, leaving Bunny behind. Now, after all the progress she’s made, to bring Bunny back in, was a lazy decision on the writers part. While I can understand Erin’s desire to help her mom, I can’t understand why she continues to cover for her after all she’s done. Taking the job at the FBI to save Bunny was so ridiculous. I would’ve insisted Bunny be arrested and thrown in jail. But, nope Erin saved her…for the millionth time. Also, Voight throwing away the evidence that could’ve convicted Bunny PISSED ME OFF! He’s spent so much time trying to keep her away from Erin, why stop now?! Ugh! Ending the episode the way they did, was again lazy. There was no real cliffhanger. We all know Erin will never leave Chicago, unless Sophia leaves the show which hasn’t been confirmed by her or the showrunner. So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

2. Where’s Michelle? Michelle, Al’s secret daughter seemly fell off the face of the planet. Yes, she left Chicago to fight crime with the green arrow in Star City (shout out to CW’s Arrow which I haven’t watched in 2 seasons), but we deserved some closure for her and Al. Why wasn’t she around when Lexi died? Even if they hadn’t had a relationship, wouldn’t have she been there for her dad? I guess not. Also the killing of Lexi again seems like a storyline made purely for drama. Voight lost Justin last season and seems to have completely moved on from it. Fun fact: Justin is also in Star City with Michelle & the Green Arrow...at least I think so. I've seen him in promos. is it now a rule that Intelligence members aren’t allowed to have kids? So glad Antonio moved to Justice or I’d be worried for Diego & Eva. 3. Jay’s marriage & PTSD. I am so beyond pissed at the writers for how they’ve treated Jay this season. His wife (one we didn’t know he had!) showing up for 1 episode which was ridiculous and made no sense. The only purpose was to use it as a reason to break him and Erin up. Again I say, LAZY WRITING! After all Linstead has been through, Jay leaving for that reason makes NO SENSE! Oh & let’s not forget Jay’s PTSD. Something they touched on awhile ago and then never spoke of again. Until the wife showed up & it was used as another excuse to leave Erin. As someone who has PTSD, I find the way the writers have used this storyline, to be incredibly offensive. Not to mention hurtful. They portray mental illness as something you have but can be easily fixed by never talking about it. Put a bandaid on it and move on. Let me tell you, in real life it doesn’t work like that! I deal with my mental illness during every minute of every day. With medication & therapy I’m able to function. But it is far from easy. So why aren’t we seeing that from Jay? A scene with him at his support group or with his therapist. But nope, we got Erin’s therapist because her storyline is more important. Jay seems to just be there to listen to her gripe about her mom and maybe try and save her when she screws up. Jesse Lee Soffer is an incredible actor and deserves more. I know he’s slay scenes dealing with Jay’s PTSD. Not to mention it would be nice for those of us who actual live with mental illness, to see it depicted on tv in a realistic way. But nope…again it’s all about Erin!

4. Burzek. Kim & Adam’s relationship has always been a favourite of mine. I am still confused about their break up. It made no sense to me. Again, like most things on PD it seems like a cheap way to get drama. However I have enjoyed seeing them rebuild their friendship since Burgess joined Intelligence. I am still holding out hope for these two!

5. Atwater. Kevin Atwater is the most under appreciated character on this show. I don’t think he’s ever gotten a storyline just solely for him, that has been carried through the show. He’s always just been a supporting character to Burzek & Linstead. But this year he finally got a major storyline…but on a different show. Justice gave him an impeccable story for entire episode. It wasn’t perfect but it was great. Again, not even on his own show. The man works a crazy job all while raising his younger brother & sister. Why don’t we know more about that? What happened to his parents? What lead to him stepping up to raise Jordan and Vanessa? We have yet to find out anything. KEVIN ATWATER DESERVES BETTER!

6. Crossovers. I love crossovers! It’s one of the many things that makes One Chicago so special. But what I don’t love is how there is no consistency for most of the characters when they are appear on the other shows. Do the One Chicago writers even communicate? Do they watch the other shows to get to know the characters before they write them in their own shows? So many things frustrate me about this, one being the Halstead brothers. On PD it was said that Jay hadn’t spoken to his father in years since their mom had passed. Yet, when Papa Halstead showed up on Med, it was Will who had problems with him, but Jay seemed totally cool with his Pops. Makes no sense. One Chicago is one world. So why don’t the timelines add up? I get that scheduling for crossovers is a nightmare, but they should try and do a better job at making sure everything lines up.

So to summarize, the PD finale was incredibly disappointing. I’m obviously happy it got renewed, but can’t help but feel annoyed that it gets a fall premiere and Med doesn’t. Med by far had the best writing of all the shows this season! It deserves better than a mid season (or later) premiere…and let’s not forget Justice still hasn’t been renewed! I’m so pissed and am tweeting at NBC like crazy! Those guys deserve a full 22 episodes!

Alright, I’ll end my rant…summer hiatus is gonna be tough. I’m hoping for lots of fan fiction to read (hint hint writers😜).

Happy Summer my fellow ChiHards! Love to you all!

AHHH!! YES!! um. prepare your eyes, this is gonna be a long, rambly post because apparently i have A LOT OF FEELINGS and i can’t just list things like a normal person. and i also kept remembering podcasts and the list JUST KEPT GETTING LONGER. so. GIANT TEXT POST, i am so so so sorry. also, there are actually a few on this list that i’m not caught up with (some i’m like REALLY behind on) but i’m still gonna rec them... 

Welcome to Night Vale is the one i’m sure most ppl know of (although! if you have not read the novel, i’d HIGHLY recommend getting the audio book version. Cecil Baldwin does a great job of reading, and the “Voice of Night Vale” sections actually feature guest stars. i really want Cecil to do more audio book recordings omg). but!! along that same theme (radio show in a strange town w/ supernatural themes), King Falls AM is spectacular (ben and sammy are just! a freakin delight i love them). IMO it starts off feeling like it’s trying to be like WTNV, but within a few episodes it finds itself and becomes something unique (i say this bc i was initially put off by the first episode for that reason, and later came back and gave it another shot and enjoyed it immensely). it’s funny, it made me cry a few times, and i reaallyyy really really need to catch up with it. sammy stevens also has….just….a really nice voice hahaaaa The Truth is a great one. it’s mostly one-off short stories, but they’re generally really high quality and the plot of most of the episodes is really thought-provoking or just interesting in general (there’s one ep about aliens who find the Voyager craft with its recording that’s just really charming to me). the tagline “movies for your ears” is really apt. a lot of the stories veer on the side of unsettling/creepy, and it’s great if you like horror stories. i’d also recommend The Black Tapes and its sister podcast, Tanis. i love horror and unsettling mysteries, so these are right up my alley (Tanis is definitely more in the sci-fi/horror genre, but i like how it also digs into real unsolved cases and events). these are relatively well known, at least in that my friends who don’t listen to podcasts have listened to TBT at least. but they’re still great to check out if you haven’t. Limetown is really good, but ends on a cliffhanger and as far as i know there’s no immediate plans for a season 2? (i remember reading something about  them in talks for a TV show? which would be cool, but i’d miss the audio format of it). the first season is worth listening to, because it is really interesting and the audio production is pretty top notch - just be aware that a second season may or may not happen. what i’ve listened to of Hadron Gospel Hour so far is SUPER enjoyable, but i’ve only listened to the first few episodes.  arsPARADOXICA is FANTASTIC (at least the first season and a half that i’ve listened to). sally grissom is a great character and a brilliant and  scientist and i’m just really in love with her. this is a nice podcast because it has very capable women in it and the concept overall is really fascinating and handled really well. The Cleansed, set in a post-apocalyptic US, is well written and overall well produced (there’s one ep that still sits with me, because of a scene that truly unnerved me, just in the music and the atmosphere and the dialogue just ahh) and i’ve been meaning to pick it up again. In that same vein there’s We’re Alive, which is of the zombie variety. i’ve only juuuuust dipped into that one, but i’ve enjoyed what i’ve heard so far. this one has been around for a long time, like WTNV, so there’s a lot of episodes and a lot of content available. THE BRIGHT SESSIONS! i’m really really fond of this one and i just really love it, please listen. it’s about a psychologist who works with people who have “special” abilities, and all of the patients she helps are just so! precious!! i just love them a lot. Wooden Overcoats is a GREAT podcast that is pretty much the audio version of all my favorite British comedies that i watched growing up (think Fawlty Towers, Are You Being Served?, etc). it’s a comedy podcast about two competing funeral parlors (one of which is owned by the Funn’s). it’s exactly my kind of humor, and everyone involved just seems really great and kind. Antigone Funn has great lines and HONESTLY i’m surprised i haven’t seen more people quoting her and this podcast because it’s just! really great. and i don’t THINK this is a sister podcast to WO, but i always associate the two because they have some of the same people working on them but - Hector vs The Future is great. again, i haven’t listened to many episodes, but i’d still recommend it. it’s slightly different than other podcasts on this list because it’s actually filmed/recorded in front of a live audience. Homecoming is a short podcast (only 6 eps and the eps are pretty short) that i THINK is meant to be part of a larger, written universe (which i want to check out). it’s about soldiers with PTSD. this one actually has some well-known people involved - both Oscar Isaac and David Schwimmer voice characters and do a great job. The Darkest Night is another one with big names involved - Lee Pace is the narrator, which alone makes it worth checking out. overall, i’ve enjoyed it, but some episodes veer into areas i was kind of uncomfortable with (Tic-Tac-Toe is the one i’m stuck on and why i haven’t finished it yet ahh).  AND OK i really really really like space and space stories and space adventures, so my favs all have that in common hahaha Wolf359 is kind of like. okay, it’s about three people and an AI on a space station, light years away from earth - and the communications officer records his reports by pretending he’s doing a radio show. it starts off fun and humorous and things are great and then before you know it, you are going to be driving from Wichita Falls to Dallas and have to pull off on the side of the road because you’ve started sobbing while listening to it in your car. this podcast is fantastic, with a great cast of characters and strong women and DOUG EIFFEL and just. it’s very good. (i am ashamed to admit that i’m actually SUPER behind on this one. p much, i’m at the point where kepler and crew are on board but i’m only a few eps into this storyline). THIS is actually the podcast that really got me on board with the whole audio drama scene and just like….SCOURING the internet for more that would captivate me in the same way. This one is actually ending with this last season, which i think is a good thing? it’s very plot and character focused and i’m glad that they’re telling a complete story and HONESTLY! i’m just really excited to see where everyone involved goes from here. EOS_10!!!!! similar to Wolf359, it’s about a space station. there are a LOT more people there though (it’s more like an intergalactic hub). it’s about a doctor, his recovering alcoholic doctor-boss who he’s trying to help, a nurse who is spunky and maybe a bit psychotic, a hypochondriac alien-former-prince, and a “alleged” “terrorist” living in the cargo bay. idk this podcast just makes me incredibly happy. the writing is witty and fun, the characters are lovable and flawed, and i’ve listened to the whole two seasons at least 3 times because it just fills me with joy (my favorite dynamic always: assholes who are friends and they love each other but they also just….insult each other constantly. and somehow they save the world? but they’re still assholes). the universe of this show is really interesting without ever feeling like an info dump, and the unfolding mystery is very intriguing. WARNING: this show has been on hiatus for awhile, so there are only two seasons right now. but honestly??? it’s completely worth it. (obvi i’m hoping a third season will eventually come, but i enjoyed the first two enough that i love it regardless haha). and, finally, my current obsession. The Penumbra Podcast. it’s pretty much everything i’ve ever wanted in a series ever - detective film noir, but in space (on Mars), and literally everyone is queer. there’s a main story line (”Juno Steel and the [blank]”) and then one shots between each Juno story. the one shots are fantastic and really show the strength of the writers - sometimes being creepy, other times just being entertaining. The Juno Steel stories are the main running plot, done in the style of old detective radio shows - but also kind of twisting and upgrading the genre to be more inclusive and diverse. Juno Steel is a canonically non-binary and bisexual private eye (also canonically grumpy, sad most of the time, and a huge nerd who laughs at his own awful jokes in HIS OWN MONOLOGUES), and is the type of character you want to punch for being frustrating but who you also want to just…be…happy and protect from the universe. the writing in this is fantastic and beautiful and all of the characters are captivating. even one-off characters have a ton of personality and just add to the diversity/representation of the show. the voice work is top-notch and just!!! it’s so good!!!!! i have so many feelings!!!! (Juno hits close to home for me, with his self-esteem issues and depression and just…yeah, so i gushed about him there. i have a lot of feelings about the other characters but i’ve seriously rambled so much already so I WILL REFRAIN. also? gushing TOO much about a certain someone spoils the enjoyment of getting to know them at the same time Juno does) i REALLY enjoy audio drama-type podcasts so that’s mostly what i listen to. i’m also really into true crime and weird theories and occult stuff, but i’m particular about the podcasts i listen to for that. basically, i get attached to a specific host(s) and it’s hard for me to listen to anyone else talk about similar things haha. so as far as that goes, i love The Last Podcast on the Left (haha i get a bit nervous rec’ing this one because it’s really offensive, mostly in the early eps, and is def not for everyone but honestly!! i just love these boys a lot, and they discuss p much everything i’d ever be interested in ever). this one also led me to listen to Page Seven, which is celebrity gossip but honestly just really enjoyable to me. Two of the hosts from that show (Marcus is a LPOTL host as well) also do another show called Sex and Other Human Activities, which i’ve listened to a bit and enjoyed and deals with a lot of different issues - like sex, but also delving into depression and different things the hosts and their friends have gone through. but as far as non-fiction podcasts go, that’s pretty much it? i’m still planning on checking out Radio Dispatch, but that’s honestly mostly because it’s Molly (from Page Seven) and her brother and like i said, i have a problem. other podcasts i know of and have been meaning to check out: Hello From the Magic Tavern, The Adventure Zone, Pleasuretown, Lesser Gods, Tales of THATTOWN..... and ok, probably others but this has gotten excessive i am so sorry friends (some of the links may accidentally be wrong and i am very sorry)