old follower from when you were Baxterstockmanismyson, why'd you delete your old blog? What made you come back?

I pretty much explained why here

But to some it up basically, I was just sick of the harassment & constant hateful responses my friends & I Myself would receive almost daily because of the most simple opinions.

Hell I actually remember this one time I was making a rant about 2012 Stockman's character mishandling & I brought up the Rise turtles for 2 seconds & even made a stupid joke about how I'm surprised no one accused the 2012 ones of racial profiling & this one user took it so seriously they harassed me & my followers the rest of the day

I also can't help but find this bit from them ironic considering they could have did the exact same thing with my post & followers.

This isn't even a one time thing too. As I just said. The fandom would just take EVERYTHING too seriously & attack anybody that disagreed with them in any shape or form & a lot of my best friends at the time were victims of cyberbullying because of them including me. Yes I could have ignored them, & most days I did tbh, but every once in a while there was always that one miserable person that just wanted to PERSONALIZE their attacks to me just because I said I didn't like Apriltello or something & they made their insults PERSONAL, to the point where I couldn't help but NOT ignore it. I already suffer from Anxiety and Depression & EXTREMELY low self esteem to the point where I second guess my talents. From my art to my appearance to even questioning why I still exist. If I should even STILL exist.. At that point in 2021 when I deactivated Baxterstockmanismyson I had already been going through enough stressful situations in my life, worrying about a ton of real life personal stresses in my life. And the unnecessary bullying from the fandom consisting of grown ass adults mind you was the last thing I needed. I had actually received yet another hateful message in my askbox because of one of my hot takes the day before I deactivated & it honestly fucked me up majorly so it was the last straw. I deactivated & I overall QUIT & Left the fandom entirely ever since, I just didn't see the point in staying anymore when there's little to zero good memories in it.

I would be lying if I didn't say I did miss some aspects. The one thing I missed the most being Baxter himself. Any version of him. Especially considering he's actually the entire reason I even got into TMNT in the first place (but a story for another time). He's beyond my favorite character, he's my comfort one, my boy ever since I was 12. Then Mutant Mayhem was announced along with the fact that Baxter was in it (& played by FUCKING Giancarlo Esposito) my interest was peaked to say the least. Especially after I found out he looked like this

I'd even say it was honestly the only reason why I saw the movie (even if he was only in it for 4 minutes) which I admit even outside of Baxter, I did end up enjoying it. It was also nice to talk about tmnt again to my Girlfriend & a once mutual friend at the time. Just making it our own personal bubble having zero contact with the fans, especially as I saw literally NOTHING changed just by people's reactions to Mutant Mayhem April smfh. So I assumed it was the right choice.

Another year went by. Things are different once again, that mutual friend I mentioned earlier is...no longer our friend.. and it was back to radio silence in terms of anything turtle related. I had started collecting figures at this point in time & with the release of Human 1987 Baxter & Mirage on the way, I figured it wouldn't hurt to FINALLY add Baxter to my shelf like I always wanted to years ago. Even finally start making custom figures for him that don't exist & it was a fun, exhausting but also therapeutic experience in a way. Especially getting the chance to finally look back at the mad scientist all the way from day one. From schulpting, to talking about him & even looking up other perspectives on him. Even if it was mostly misconceptions like always when it comes to him. And it got to the point where I wanted to let out an outlet to just really let out Stockman talk & facts about the guy that no one knew or already did but with a story behind it. Even taking inspiration from AskSpideypool's @ sciderman & their blog being the most dedicated blog to really get & understand Wade Wilson & Peter Parker with pages worth of history to back up the knowledge. It's honestly how I feel with Baxter Stockman if I'm being legit with you. So about maybe 3 months later or so, I decided to create this new blog, a new start. A blog to just really share & show all I know about Baxter & even find other people that feel the same way. Just a little Baxter bubble that I can have & feel safe in. It's also why you noticed I haven't shared NON Baxter stuff on here yet. To put it short. I'm not really back in the TMNT fandom. Sure I'll post about Baxter Stockman. But that's the ONLY thing I'll go as far as posting. I wasn't too far off when I said I only watched MM for Stockman & the fact that the fandom hasn't changed their ways based on MM April's reception.

I want absolutely nothing to do with the fandom's drama or possible drama the second I step into current TMNT events & I share my thoughts on them even if I had thoughts anyway, I honestly don't really care anymore aside from Baxter.

To sum it up: Unless it involves Baxter, I genuinely don't give a shit. So a heads up if I'm ever asked about something non Stock related like my thoughts on this video game or this ship ect I'm gonna ignore it. I just don't have the mental strength for the drama anymore. And it's not like the fandom itself even cares about Baxter let alone care enough to get mad over a hot take about him which I've yet to see (aside from some 30/40 something year old idiots on Instagram & Twitter that genuinely believed he was always a white guy & him being black is new) so I feel safe in my Stockbubble.

Anyway, hope that clears things up. Both why I left & how this new blog works.

Hannibal Lecter is not a psychopath. He has almost as much, if not as much, empathy as Will Graham does. And he suffers equally for it.

“Extreme acts of cruelty require a high level of empathy”.

And who is crueler than the Chesapeake Ripper, Il Mostro di Firenze, Hannibal the Cannibal?

Who is crueler than Hannibal Lecter?

Lat 🖋️

;) List 5 things that make you happy, then, if you'd like to, put this in the askbox of other blogs to get to know your mutuals and followers :3

hii boop

1) Hanging out with my friends and doing random shit

2) Drawing, coloring, making art

3) Listening to Music and vibing

4) My pets. Animals in general. I will pet any animal and that is a threat

5) interacting with people! I love bonding over similar interests or learning new things

it's that time of the year again

it has officially been 6+ years since bangtan entered my life 🥹 6 years ago in 2017 sometime around this time when i finally decided to get into bts, it was truly one of my best decisions ever bc honestly? they have taught me so much. other than their amazing music, talent and personalities, they're truly a part of my life now ♡

they have held my hand through legit all the turning-points of my life till now and i hope it's gonna continue forever ♡

afobangfo 💜

Simon tell us a bedtime story (about how u and Tony met because I'm a sucker for a love story)

Once upon a time I was a red vs blue blog, and so was Tony, and I rambled endlessly about AUs without any holds barred, just balls to the wall never shutting the fuck up, and Tony drew me fanart of one of them, and then we became friends!

Then my roommate situation fell apart so I moved back home for a few months and Tony bought me a pizza when I was having a bad day and THEN

In February 2014, I asked him to be my valentine and we exchanged 8track playlists and drawings, and three days later we began dating. In February 2015, Tony came to stay with us for two weeks (we were long distance until then) to make sure the vibes were good, and then in March, moved out here to be with me :)

Sorry, honestly it is not very romantic, it is actually just kind of cheesy and lame, but we have been together ever since haha

It's honestly more romantic to me that we've spent most of our time as adults together, kind of growing and changing alongside each other

I love him very much!

8 and 17 for the writer ask game?

8.       How many WIP do you currently have?

I have 2 ongoing WIP fics. One is timeloop fic, I have 1 chapter finished that I was supposed to post today before I got busy but will be posting tomorrow. And then I have about three quarters of chapter 5 written as well. ~23k so far, counting the 15k already posted. Currently I’m writing a ship for it I’ve never attempted before (Sanuso!?), so I’m trying to take my time and really comb through what makes the ship fun and intriguing. The 2nd wip is a frob pwp I’m probably going to have done next week, it’s and E situation that I never had time to really hash out in SRH but I think will be fun for me and like, 3 of my followers. (Hey, we got into some basic Eroticism Of The Machine 101, but we never like, got totally wild with it did we? We never took that man apart piece by piece. We never **** ** *** *****, did we? We will. We will. Next week. Be warned. Prepare. I’m not sorry.)

I also have a third WIP in an entirely different category. I’ve got some original fiction I’ve been stewing on on the back burner, really trying to plan out and think through. I know the pivot is a bit weird, and it isn’t a sexy pivot I swear. I just love writing and want to build up a world of my own. It’s been a process, I’ve been reading and practicing. But I’d love to shift one day into telling my own stories. I’d like to not need the scaffolding of transformative fiction one day.

17.   If there’s one thing you could tell your readers, what would it be?

So like, I used to think authors, or like, great fic writers, had some sacred knowledge I didn’t have. That they were tapped into a different level of understanding. And to some degree, I think it’s important to learn how stories covey info and emotion. But there isn’t anything sacred about creation. If you want to see something out there in the world, make it. You don’t need permission, and if you feel like you do, then I’m giving it to you. Go make some shit you like. It WILL bring people to you who are looking for the things you’re looking for. It’s so easy to give into loneliness, to believe you’re a weird little outlier. But there’s so much love in the world, so much desire. If you want something, take the opportunity to pursue it for yourself. I started writing because I saw a shape in my head of what I wanted to see, and then people came into my life who understood what I was creating despite its flaws. But there’s nothing special to me. I’m just a guy in a house living my normal life. I want others to seize that joy and opportunity, too. Make what you want to make, please. The world WILL be better for it.

talking to people who love you is like “oh……….the sunshine is warm and the leaves are beautiful”

juno thinking they're being stupid for being stressed all the time in certain online spaces and I take a quick scroll stroll through the spaces they inhabit daily and nah man. that shit is fucking insane. people say the boldest bullshit you've ever seen in the most inflammatory aggressive way; no wonder you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown constantly, especially if this is your main source of social interaction holy shit dude how do you deal with that on a daily basis

thank you for always encouraging me, guys. 🙇

whats the book about murder in ancient rome 👀

i am not a classics scholar so i can’t vouch for it like historically speaking but i can say it is an absolute riot of a joy to read so far. also would get this cover as a tattoo

what is it like studying animation?

(And what is your dream job?)

Ooh thanks for the question, anon!

My honest answer is that it is and will be tough. The workload is incredibly heavy and the expectations for us as students are high. It's understandable, of course, they have to make sure you can work in the industry after all! But it's definitely put me through the wringer, even more so this year since it's my final year and I'm also directing 1 of 4 of the final thesis films.

Despite that, I'm still having the time of my life! I have the most stellar team working on my film and they 1000% make everything worth it. My goal is to work as a storyboard artist and hopefully pitch/direct my own show in the future! Being a director and a story lead this semester has taught me a whole lot and I'm sure I'm set to learn a whole lot more as we move into production next semester!

Working in animation was my childhood dream and it's exciting to think that in a few months time, I'll be set to graduate and enter industry!! It's been rough but I truly can't imagine going into any other career and trust me I've tried lmao

Hope that answered your question!! ^^

I hate being so unable to gush about him recently,,, and so unable to draw him. I am so much healthier and I think about him just as much, but it’s harder for me to feel motivated expressing that love. Maybe it’s because I’m more content and don’t need as much external validation from my art anymore, but I still crave it.

I miss drawing him so much, I love him so dearly. I hope I get some motivation back again to express my heart to you all ♥️

Please know that I love him so much.

Cigarettes, a poem

Today I bought a pack of cigarettes for the first time With a shaking voice, I asked for a packet of Marlboro Red I know nothing about cigarettes so I had to google the name I went into the kiosk and bought a bottle of water, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter I sat behind the common building of the dormitory, hidden away from passing eyes And then I tried to light one.

I couldn't get the lighter to work There was also wind so the flame kept going out My thumbs were sore when I finally saw smoke at the end of the cigarette I sucked in the smoke And I coughed and coughed I know the smell of cigarettes well The suffocating, bitter smell of burning tobacco I sucked it into my lungs, desperate to feel something I took a puff, coughed, took a sip of water, took another puff But it didn't get better

When I was in secondary school I went for a walk with my friend She had gotten her hands on what she claimed was a joint She lit it, and smoked a little She asked if I wanted to try and I said yes But nothing happened. It was probably just an ordinary cigarette, but at that time I didn't cough. "You have to suck the smoke all the way into your lungs, and then breathe out." I did as instructed and didn't cough.

On such a March afternoon, I was sitting there My nose ran together with my eyes. The smoke was so disgusting But I was determined to get used to it I gradually became more and more dizzy It felt a bit like being drunk and not having control over my body After a few more puffs I was close to falling over The smoke rose into the air and mingled with the gray clouds in the sky I leaned back until I was lying down The whole world spun before my eyes

When I was in high school, I always saw my classmates smoking in the school yard You weren't allowed to, but everyone did it anyway Smoking was a status symbol that said "I am part of the class." No one ever offered me cigarettes I didn't care at the time, there were more important things in life, I was convinced During recess, I sat in the corner of the classroom and read a book

I coughed a little again I was nauseous I sat up again The cigarette long gone, only half burnt down I pulled a tissue out of my tote bag and blew my nose For a while I sat there and stared ahead and thught about how people can stand it Lump in the throat, stomach rumbling, head spinning I picked up my phone, which had been by my side the whole time 18:03 Friday March 31, no new notifications

A year ago I started a new education I watched as they all went out and smoked during the break If only I smoked, then I had an excuse to talk to them "Do you want to go out for a smoke?" "No thank you." They don't all smoke, but those who don't join for fun I can't bring myself to ask if I can join

The taste of smoke stuck in my throat as I trudged slowly, swaying towards my building When I got back up to my room I tried to throw up Even though my stomach was empty I laid down on the bathroom floor, lay there and gasped for air again And wondered how others do this With shaking hands I grabbed my phone that was in front of me 18:36, no new notifications And I stifled a scream

we're mutuals and I send you asks on anon sometimes when I'm shy or when I just wanna say something nice without making you feel like you owe it back to me

Awwwww you’re such a sweetheart 🥺🥰

If you had to associate clones with fairytales, would you say Dogma fits the frog prince? (This is a frogma joke LOL)

The Frog Prince but make it Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis

Hopefully it'll end better for Dogma than it did for Gregor Samsa...