#anyways learning a lot in my year and a half of being active online
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I know everyone on Tumblr and Twitter regards people who are 25+ or god-forbid 30+ to be in fandom for nefarious purposes only and should be doing adult things like having a shitty 9-5 office job and then getting home and staring at a beige wall.
I'm here to tell you that my experience being 30 is largely unchanged from being 20, except I now have better communication and empathy skills from years of therapy and also from gazing into the void. Also I have more bills and stress, which means I value my time being able to enjoy a hobby like playing with metaphorical Barbie dolls.
Also, I can offer you such gems of lived-experience advice like "you may have a quarter-life crisis in your twenties as adulthood comes stampeding over you, it will suck absolute ass but you are not alone and you can do this."
Anyways shout-out to the age range who are not-elders-but-regarded-as-such-online-for-some-reason. I met a 60+ person playing my cool new gardening sim game and he's legit af. I am baby compared to that guy and he's still vibing. You're allowed to be part of online communities at any age as long as you respect the people around you.
#shea muses aloud#this is my 'old man yells at cloud' moment#i get the fear really im not naive i know there are bad actors online and you should exercise caution everywhere#straight up it can get dangerous out here#but also dont let that cause you to go extremist in the opposite direction and decide to ostracise everyone older than you#idk man go outside and join communities#my larp regularly had ppl in their 40s and 50s#youre allowed to be a nerd who *gasp* ages#fandom#ageism#anyways learning a lot in my year and a half of being active online#mostly the usual of 'there are people who suck and there are people who dont'#thats life babey#find the people who dont suck#also good luck with your quarter life crises everyone i believe in you
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It has been brought to my attention that people can't know me unless I let you in. You're not mind-readers or actively remembering every detail. So let's get vulnerable *awkward thumbs up*
Here are some answers to not frequently asked questions:
You can use my real name, it works for me, Saffy's a chosen name for online (and offline if people struggle with pronunciation). I like both.
Don't worry about french timezones. I sleep 14 hours a day, awake about 12, resting for about half of that. I do have to go AFK regularly to do household stuff and rest, but if i'm online it's ok to assume i'm around =)
I can't drive. Haven't learned. Finally open to the idea though.
I don't have a DNI and don't talk about squicks and stressors because Tumblr has good curation options that i use extensively: So if I don't engage with a post, it could be that it contains a specific word. Things I haven't been able to filter but can set off a spiral are gun ownership 'for protection' (science says nope). Disability and labour (specifically the idea we have to be productive and also the fact that many disabled folks are maimed by attempting work). Breath play (extremely dangerous), sloppily defined 'kink' and ill-defined long term relationships. The word glioblastoma makes me cry. Tween pregnancy, death from childbirth, covid, long covid and various aspects of rape culture get greylisted at more difficult times.
I'm ace but have no issue with erotica and nudes or most sex scenes. Doesn't do much for me, doesn't disgust me most of the time. However, I can't stand products of the porn industry: zero interest in watching the adventures of a near disembodied penis in a woman who's clearly performing. You can be sex positive, support sex work and still see the industry as detrimental. Stunt and porn performers deserve so much better.
I'm currently more financially stable than ever. It's also not much at all. Enough to choose + buy my own food and clothes. Enough to have savings for a dog's vet expenses and someone to give her 15-minute walks. It's precarious and at the whims of having a really good doctor (she's retiring soon) but it's been nice to not be scared all the time. Lily the dog is my most precious luxury and worth it.
I went a decade only seeing a GP for emergency antibiotics after medical trauma. I had to put on makeup, drink lots of sugar to stay sat upright during the visit and pretend to be weller than I was to not get put in a psych ward because he didn't "believe" in autoimmune illnesses in the young, despite being cleared by a psychiatrist and a weekly psychotherapy session for 3 months. Getting healthcare and getting it paid for has been a mixture of very good luck and a long-term uphill battle (huge amounts of online research).
I'm probably not autistic (the online science tests point towards ADHD, you could probably armchair dx that from a few posts!) but use the term 'on the spectrum' because I've been perceived as autistic since childhood, especially when I'm happy or comfortable. Can't figure out if how I identify internally matters more than how I'm seen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm often assumed to be a lesbian. eh.
I can be easily gaslit so long as it's a very slow boil. But if pushed to think about it, a core self that I've built in the past few years emerges suddenly to give me the rational overview. The clarity of that view is brutal. just brutal. Makes me question everything about myself for a while. I feel like someone trying to walk next to a car blaring 'oonst oonst' music trying to not match the beat in steps but falling into it anyway.
I'm allergic to cats but not exclusively a 'dog person'. Papaye slept just outside the door in a dog transport cage after Christmas while upstairs neighbour was busy. I just think cats are neat, they seem fine with me.
I can't explain why the main hobby ended up being dolls, it just clicks: they're bite sized and candy coloured and cute, there are so many crafting and art options for doll collectors, always loved repair. I feel very lucky to have found such a lovely community and i'm constantly getting into new crafts, new stories and making new acquaintances because it's a place where dolls get to be just one facet for connection.
I'm going to be 41 in april, my fave flower is daffodils, my fave plant is moss, all colours are nice: pastel rainbows and shades of green from lime to teal make me happiest.
'manifesting' is my current bugbear, it's stupid, it's harmful, it's just world theory repackaged, did I mention it's stupid?
I don't like onions and garlic, not unless they're super in the background. I respect the allium lovers and can (and do) put up with the smell daily but really dislike the taste. Same with coffee except that smells amazing.
Emoticons and emojis have made typing more like real language to me, I speak with my hands and accentuate words and even emote at the screen while i'm writing. I don't find it childish, not even gifs or memes, just an extension of language.
I've changed my mind about David Fincher in the past 5 years: brilliant director yes, not great at human stories after all.
If you feel like sharing your own, let this be your prompt. 💜
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i dont want this to sound mean because i absolutely dont mean it that way.
but genuinely how do you feel comfortable setting prices for your comissions so high? do they sell out?
i ask because to sell comms i have to criminally undervalue my art (legit 8$ for a full body drawing) but no one ever buys comms if its more expensive.
how do you do it.
It's not mean! Artists pricing their work fairly is something I strongly advise and would like to advocate for more often, because I used to undercharge a fair bit as well. I don't take offense to people thinking my prices are high, because I know they're not anywhere close to industry standard, and that plenty of people can afford my commissions, because I do get a consistent stream of clients.
I'd like to get a little more in detail with commission pricing since I know it could be useful advice to artists who have less experience. But it's the end of my work day and this all might be somewhat scattered, so TLDR: I'm comfortable with how I price my commissions because of the time and skill that I put into them, and because I need to price them like that as art is my full-time job.
Now for the long version... To start off with, this is all based on my multiple years of doing art as a full-time job. I started doing commissions in 2017, supported myself through college with my art, and now am financially independent with an apartment lease. In the end this is all from my opinions / perspective, but I do have experience.
I base my prices on an hourly rate that I determined using this wonderful Twitter thread on accurately pricing commissions as a full-time artist. This may not be what you specifically need, but I recommend anyway since it's a great example of pricing your commissions in a way that's fair for you.
Once you've calculated an hourly rate, it's just a matter of timing how long it takes for you to finish a commission-quality piece from start to finish and using that to figure out what the base price of that specific commission type should be. Then you can consider things like add-ons (rendering, additional characters, etc) and upcharges (deadline fee, multiple correction rounds, etc.)
Adjusting your prices to your needs, demand and turnaround time can take a lot of finagling. I constantly adjust my prices, though I try to bump them up by a small bit every few months to account for my growing portfolio and audience, economic inflation, and how much I need to charge in sales taxes. Yes - add sales tax to your prices if you make any substantial amount with art. You can do so easily on Paypal and Stripe invoices! Otherwise, you're gonna get slammed with owed taxes come tax season, since taxes aren't automatically being deducted from your "paychecks" and sent to the gov like salary jobs. Trust me, it's happened to me, and I'm still paying off my 2021 taxes.
Also, doing the actual art is only half of, well, doing art as a job. The other half is what I call "housekeeping" or "agent" work - communicating with clients, building and updating a website/portfolio, posting finished pieces to art galleries, building a recognizable online presence/brand/aesthetic, and actively advertising your work in a way that gets both old and new eyes on it. And you need to keep in mind that this is work too, that you need to be paid for.
Adding all of that on top of what you might originally price your work at may seem excessive or intimidating, but everyone deserves a living wage. Learning to keep that in mind will help your confidence in pricing your work fairly.
Now for a few more tips:
Advertising can be hard because of social media algorithms and economic hardships, but you just gotta keep at it. Learn what type of posts work for you! I recommend using concise, clear language and easy-to-read layouts. Keeping a kind of consistent "template" to your advertisements can help people recognize that it's you before they even start reading.
As you grow your audience and portfolio, you can build a good reputation by being consistent and honest. Communication and turnaround time are huge. I personally give an estimated turnaround of 1-2 months to allow for sick days, weekends, delays and other obligations. Having a solid terms of service is really helpful too. I'm a-ok with anybody referencing mine, even copy/pasting it and adjusting it as you need. Feel free to!
Having small income on the side has been a huge help to doing art as a full-time job, if you're at all interested in it. I get pocket change every week from lineart base sales on my Ko-fi shop, but it really adds up. Patreon is a bigger investment since it operates on a monthly subscription basis. Personally, I use about half of the monthly pledges I get to pay for manufacturing stickers and postage. Even if you don't have a LOT to offer, if you want to do art for an audience and have people looking to support you, Patreon or similar sites might be worth looking into. Monthly sketch dumps, speedpaints, streams etc for a few bucks is more appealing to people than you might think, especially if it's things like storybuilding or character designs. People like getting invested in things!
I hope this helps you in some way, and maybe others out there too. It's taken me years to get to this point, so don't get discouraged! Underpricing art has become such an issue, especially on sites like Amino and DeviantArt that it's affecting artists' self-esteem and view on how they should price their work. But there are always people willing to pay for art. Art is a luxury and should be priced as such! It should be available for those who are seeking it out, not for everyone.
#mail#sorry if this isn't exactly what you needed to hear but i thought this would be useful in some way#art advice#artists#artists on tumblr
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Jaune tries streaming
Jaune looked at his set up, curious as to how well this would work out.
He was a thirty-three year old man, and a teacher, in theory this was a way for him to make video’s and lessons for his students that were sick, or had a reason to miss class, or were too busy to come to class.
But, he’d also be lying if he didn’t think the idea sound at least a little fun, and maybe, some of his lessons would help those kids out there who couldn’t afford a huntsman or huntress tutor.
He hit the on switch, hoping for the best.
He looked to his monitor and could see himself, Jaune waved back at himself, and smiled, he wasn’t online yet, but everything was looking fine.
So far this one-man show hadn’t burst into flames just yet.
Time to take it online.
Taking a deep breath, he straighten and smoothed out his appearance. “Hi everyone, if you’re from Signal, you’ll know me, but if you don’t, I’m Jaune Arc, a teacher at said academy. I’m a semi-retired Huntsman, and most of all, just a dude. So, feel free to come and relax, and chill, maybe I’ll drop some wisdom!”
Jaune blushed, mumbling. “Brothers, that sounds stupid.” He looks at his view counter seeing it barely hitting five viewers, but still startling him that he was getting any at all.
He shook his head. “If you can withstand my moments of stupid, that is.”
Looking at the monitor, there was no comments, but that wasn’t surprising. “So, anyway, I’ll try to do some small lessons on stuff I’ve learned over the years, for my students that can’t make class, out sick or something. I’ll try to cover the days lessons, and break it up with some fun activities in between. Sounds fun?”
Nothing in the chat.
“It won’t always be classes, though! Just stuff, I think is fun, don’t worry, I’ll put a disclaimer whether it’s a class stream or not!” Jaune said with a smile at the camera.
“So, I guess, I should go over what kinda of lessons I teach?”
Jaune decided to stop looking at chat, and just focus on doing the stream, he could worry about comments, if any, later.
“I teach fundamentals of team-building, leadership, and co-operation. Though, I do occasionally help with teaching the kids how to fight, so I might drops some pointers here and there, if it comes up.”
He took a deep breath, then a idea came to mind. “Let’s get started with some stretches, I like to start my classes with stretches. Its good for getting rid of excess energy, keeps the mind more active. You wouldn’t believe how much energy these, we’ll you kids, if any of my student are watching,” Jaune shakes his head as he starts to get tongue-tied. “My students have a lot of energy, that’s what I’m trying to say.”
Jaune widens his feet to slighter far than shoulder’s width. “Let’s do some hops?”
Over the next five minutes, Jaune went over some-basic warm-ups, until he was satisfied.
“Alright, you guys and girls, good? Not to exclude those in-between, that is! Anyway, I’m going to go over my lesson today, then we’ll take a break half-way through, cover the rest of the lesson, and finish off with something fun? You guy-, I mean all of you in? I hope so!”
Jaune took a deep breath, then exhaled. “Now, I’m going to lead with what I always tell my students on the first day. When you’re in charge of a team, it does not allow you to control your teammates, you are not they’re king, you are not they’re mayor, and you’re certainly not they’re mom or dad! Or at least, I hope not...
“I’m getting off topic, but being a leader, is about being in a position of mutual trust, you’re trusting your teammates to follow orders, and they’re trusting you to make the right call. You can’t be a good leader micromanaging them, you have to let them make they’re own calls sometimes. In fact I’d go as far to say as, that you can’t be a good leader if you don’t know your people, as the best way to make good calls, is to know your team, and know how they’ll do in a situation, if they’re not good at it, swap them out and put them in situation that they’re great at.
Jaune takes a drink of water. “I know that this sounds easy on paper, and it is, but itself. It’s easy to know a person, but a million different things can complicate a simple plan. Someone’s mood, emotion state, a feud between teammates, the weather, they’re fears and wants, things like that, and still part of the reason you need to know your teammates. So lets say, you have a big strong fighter and you have a slow, but very durable Grimm, well send them in!”
Jaune held up a finger. “But, wait! It’s raining! You’re fighter is afraid of thunder! They’re not fighting as good, they’re losing! Now, you need to come up with a different plan, like how are you going to beat the Grimm, or get your teammate out alive.”
“Now, if you knew those things, then you would have held the big fighter back, and thought of a different plan, like luring the Grimm into a kill zone, or a trap, or maybe you have a fighter with a advantage in this situation that would have helped.”
“Know you’re teammates, and you can deal with 99.9% of situation, if you meet the 00.1% run.”
Jaune continued on with his lesson until it was break time. “Alright, lets call a break. Anyway questions?”
Looking over to the chat, he smiled as he saw he had one message, so read it out without thinking?
��Do I eat ass?” Jaune said out-loud and innocently, his mind not realizing what he had said. “Ask your mom.” Before he responded like he would to Yang or Nora.
Then blushed realizing what he had out-loud. “Alright, ending stream! Goodnight!”
Jaune sighed and got up. He really hoped this wouldn’t come back to bite him, or lose his job at Signal.
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This is a long rant. Strap in.
I'm not sure if this is an experience that other Americans have online, but it's something that I'm noticing more and more as we get deeper into the age of algorithm-based media.
I have spent years learning German for the express purpose of seeking out German media online and being able to understand it with little to no translator assistance. A lot of my favorite bands are from Germany, for example, and I feel really accomplished when I can understand what I'm hearing. It's an absolutely beautiful language and culture. I'm too poor to travel (and my neurodivergence provides other problems with travel as well), but I wanted to at least leverage the Internet's ability to take me around the world's data channels.
I've wanted to do this since childhood. I picked German in particular half on a whim, and half because two relatives on my dad's side sing in German for their church, and so he picked up some of the language from them before I was born.
I was already exposed to Spanish from my classmates (and I was correctly assuming I would take Spanish classes as a school requirement anyway), and was exposed to Japanese from my sister and her best friend (which was a language that seemed incredibly hard). So German, therefore, was the first language that I felt was within my ability to learn, and could be learned for fun (and not strictly for utility).
Neither of my parents are German (those two relatives at the church are apparently French). I have no other apparent connections to the country that would register in any algorithm online. I think this has given me an unexpected obstacle, because all of the algorithms have been like "YOU ARE AN AMERICAN. HERE IS YOUR AMERICAN MEDIA. HERE ARE OTHER AMERICANS TO FOLLOW ONLINE. I SEE YOU HAVE AN INTEREST IN OTHER COUNTRIES; HERE ARE SOME AMERICANS WHO TALK ABOUT THOSE COUNTRIES."
And, like, the fact that so many things are search-based makes it really hard too, because no matter how many search terms I awkwardly type in German, nor how many German content creators I follow, a lot of social media will not recommend me anything from the country; it just redirects to American and UK sources (because it translated my search into English), or to fictional sources made specifically for people learning the language in a classroom setting.
In fact, on Twitter and TikTok especially, I can follow as many German creators as the limited search results will let me see, and then it never shows me any posts from them, nor makes any recommendations based on them. I have to intentionally check on their profiles and scroll through every week or so, because none of it appears on my feed. It's as if these sites think it's fucking insane that I would ever speak another language, or be interested in anything outside of my own country. It's like the algorithms think that following these creators was a mistake I made or something, and best to not take seriously. Honestly, given the stereotypes (and realities) of how little Americans care about the outside world, I guess this shouldn't be a surprise to me.
Tumblr is honestly the first and only website where my attempt to land on the German side of content creation yielded anything at all. This is actually the first website that seems capable of handling users who speak other languages for fun.
Anyone else I know in America who gets content from Mexico, Puerto Rico, or Venezuela (for example) seems to get it because they have family from there, and I think online algorithms seem to keep track of that and cater content accordingly. Additionally, people interested in Japanese media, UK media, or Bollywood seem to get content sources as well. Meanwhile, these same high-end algorithms look at my activity and are like "What's this nerd searching 'Eisbrecher' for?"
The closest I've seen algorithms get is probably the Wehraboo community (oof), but all their stuff just seems to be Americanized hyperfixations on WWII German war technologies and Nazi iconography, which is absolutely nothing like what I'm trying to find (obviously), but there's a surprising number of pipelines leading to there from "casually listens to German music and plays BattleTech games". You can imagine how annoying most search results can be for me, as someone who likes Eisbrecher, Rammstein, Project Pitchfork, and BattleTech. I hope this point in particular highlights the problems I'm having with algorithms and search engines.
I know there's a meme going around about how Tumblr has no algorithm, or that its minimal replication of one is hilariously simple at best, but honestly I appreciate it. Other websites with advanced algorithms keep me locked in this fucking country as much as they possibly can. The fact that I am FINALLY getting recommendations from German Tumblr users after a DECADE of trying to land in German communities on other websites is absolutely wild.
My entire goal has been to utilize what I learned to explore more parts of the Internet and Human Experience (tm), but these algorithms have been keeping me locked here for so long that my skills in speaking, reading, and writing German have gotten rusty from lack of use.
I'm not looking for 2-page stories written in 1980 by teachers for beginners in the classroom. I want memes auf Deutsch, I want rants, I want shitposts (which are hard enough to understand in English, as I'm autistic, so I will probably spend 30 minutes trying to process them in German). I want to see Germany's autistic community talk about their special interests. I want to see the larger neurodivergent community there talk about their experiences, too! I want to see gay fanfic about characters that I wouldn't know from American media, so I would be forced to try and Google what the source material was for 15 minutes to get any context. I fought in the American public school system to keep them from dropping German classes from the curriculum, and was finally able to take it for 2 years, plus another year in a community college before my mental illness made it unsustainable to chase my degree any further. I was hunted down for sport by the Duolingo owl when I took German lessons in the app. I just want to finally feel validated for trying to learn a damn language that I chose for myself lol.
So, hallo LGBTQ+ side of German Tumblr! Happy Pride, and happy Neun Euro Ticket! I need to improve my writing, grammar, and my spelling, but I can at least read you!
Also, do any other Americans struggle with this shit, or has it literally just been me this whole time? Or am I just doing things the hard way, and there was an easier way all along?
#german stuff#bilingual#algorithms#social media#languages#germany#autism#special interests#neun euro ticket
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holy fuck it’s been a minute since i posted!
almost 1600 days as a matter of fact aka almost 4 and a half years. my last post was early december of 2019, so like 3 months before life as we knew it ended.
tldr at the end!
this blog was largely based around the adhd experience in school, so some school updates!
i was a senior in 2020 so i “graduated” that may and my entire first year and a half of college was 100% online so that was certainly…interesting. second semester of sophomore year they reintroduced a couple of in person classes, mainly ones where zoom was impractical to use, such as my ASL classes. so i was one of the first students back on campus and that was cool but also horrible and extremely stressful and difficult to navigate. i was already struggling with my grades but that just made it worse. i started failing classes left and right, and basically failed my entire junior year first semester. second semester junior year i had just completely given up but was still taking classes to please other people, i enjoyed the actual learning between my two degrees but i just couldn’t keep up with school and everything else in my life. and then this last fall i had signed up for classes two weeks into the semester bc i was originally planning to take the semester off so i was extremely behind….and then two weeks after that i found out i had to move to a different state and ended up having to drop my classes anyways.
that break really forced me to slow down not just in school but all aspects of life. i got “settled” about halfway through october just to have to spend about 50-60% of the next 5 months traveling to and from home and my new state for many reasons. as it stands currently, unless i wish to pay out of state tuition i have to wait until about february or march of 2025 before i can get enrolled in a local university.
HOWEVER, i have decided and am actively looking into EMT schools for the summer and am currently looking for a second job in order to save up for that and im extremely excited about it! ill finish those degrees later lmao.
now, for the not school related life update that will show yall just why i was gone!
as many of yall may know i was diagnosed with adhd at 16, so in 2018, and had just been figuring a bit of it out when i started this blog. i was working and going to school and dealing with a lot at home but it was manageable for awhile. junior year was stressful and then i got extremely sick right around when i stopped posting so i had ended up taking some time off from content in order to focus on that. then covid hit and my life completely crumbled. i was already in online school so i didn’t have to slow down or wait for my school to figure stuff out and was able to finish business as usual. i was living at the time, with my grandparents, mom, sisters, and brother in one house, so it was always chaotic but being stuck in the house became a nightmare. lots and lots of family drama came from that and we were all stuck there because of how at risk both my grandparents and mom were.
the summer rolls around and i end up finally able to leave the house and get another job. it was a shit job but it got me out of the house so that was worth it. my “best friend” and i had been searching for apartments together so id needed to save money and was actively buying things and scheduling tours until she told me with less than a weeks notice that she was moving states and shortly after that basically quit acknowledging my existence. between family stuff, struggling with the start of college online, and then that i was not doing well mentally. i was lucky enough to have a couple friends that saw this and made sure to constantly keep checking on me and getting me out of the house more and more.
and then we moved. my mom, sisters and i started looking for a new place to live winter of 2020. my health had also taken a serious toll. i couldn’t even sit up in bed without feeling dizzy and was fainting regularly and had to quit my job because it got so bad. january 6th i got a call from my dr to go to the er immediately after she got some lab results back (i watched the capitol riot live on tv in the waiting room!) and was hospitalized for a few days after that. i got released and that next day we toured a house and it ended up being the one we bought.
within a month we were moving into the new house, school was kicking my ass, and i was still struggling physically and it had taken an even bigger toll on my mental health.
at the end of my freshman year i got a puppy and he and my friend genuinely saved my life. that summer, our family dog passed extremely unexpectedly and i had to pay all the vet bills for that and it really damaged my finances. my brother moved in and my life got worse again. and then we rescued a 3 week old kitten and couple months later i started another job. and then quit that job because my health was declining once again.
spring of the next year my sister and i got a job at the same place, and life seemed to start to steady minus my failing every class i took and my mental and physical health continuing to decline.
by fall of that year, after a lot of struggling throughout the family and a lot of other issues, we collectively agreed we had no choice but to send my brother rehab. he went, got out, immediately relapsed and we decided he had to go live with his biological father. i was thrilled because my brother genuinely abused me and then i adopted another kitten for my birthday that year.
this situation led my mother and his father to reconnecting and a month later they were engaged, they got married about 6 months later and had a long distance marriage of my mom traveling back and forth between him and my brother and the rest of the family.
about 4 months later my best friend moved states and it really sucked. and then another couple months passed and we found out that despite my working 60+ hours a week on top of school, i wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet anymore as we lost one source of income that had been what we needed to make ends meet each month.
so we moved my sisters into our grandparents house again since they wanted to stay in that state to finish school as they had less than a year left, i packed my stuff and my pets and after months of wondering what i was going to do a room at the house my moms husband/his parents and family/my brother opened up and my brothers grandparents were gracious enough to let me move in without having to pay rent. apparently i was a better option than the alternative. my mom conintued to split her time between here and back home.
i unexpectedly had to make a trip with my best friend back home as an old friend had passed and we wanted to attend the funeral so we went home for a couple days. a week later i was back home once again for thanksgiving and birthdays during which i was present at the mall for black friday shopping w mom and grandma and experienced a mass shooting. and then thought my sister was shopping at the same mall w her boyfriend and damn near was running back in while on the phone with them when he corrected her and told me they were at the other mall……not at all traumatizing. and again three weeks later for christmas. january i was job searching and got a job early february…just to have to, you guessed it, make another emergency trip home! my sister had gotten into a snowboarding accident so we flew my mom back there that day and the next day my sister stopped breathing because she was medically overdosed so that was a very traumatic call to get. my best friend flew me back home about a week after her accident to help out, god bless him for buying the plane tickets and my boss for hiring me and immediately letting me leave town!
while back home, my other sister got engaged, and a month later we went on a family vacation. i’m now back at my new house again, planning my next trip back home for my sisters wedding in less than a month, and a second trip later in that same month for their graduation.
seriously, bless my boss for being so insanely understanding and flexible.
throughout all this time my grandpa has had a handful of major health scares so that’s been a constant concern. but they are moving out here after my sisters graduate! and my sister that isn’t getting married is going to school in another state, and the one getting married will obviously be moving in with her soon to be husband.
hopefully i’ll have a second job by early june, and will be able to save enough to start EMT classes by august.
i don’t know how i would’ve made it through the last few years without the friends i have. they’re genuinely the best people i know. and of course my dog and cats, my babies, the reason i get out of bed.
so, if you read that far, first of all, congratulations bc that was a lot! and second, if you think that was bad, just know i was only scratching the surface! yay me…
tldr: life has actually sucked so insanely bad the last 4.5 years and it is from the combined effort of a miracle from God and a couple of ridiculous lot stubborn friend and my pets (and multiple therapists! sandra, natasha, kennedy if you see this, you the real ones!) that i’m still here.
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I honestly can‘t anymore (rant)
its 11:34 pm. i tried to sleep one and a half hour ago, but i couldn’t. something has been bothering me for a while now....
actually its for more than just a while... since after all this covid lockdown thing i became more introverted than i ever have been... more than being an introvert, i became extremely shy, and to be honest, stupid. i find myself in atleast one awkward/ weird situation per week, and i hate myself for it.
i was a lot different before lockdown. i was quite active in my class, and i was one of the top students. and now, 3 years later.... past me would be so ashamed to see the present me. past me would be embarrassed to see the present me begging to god not to let myself fail the math test again. past me would be horrified to see my extremely, terribly low self esteem and social anxiety. past me would not be happy to learn that even after a whole academic year some of my teachers still do not know my name.
i remember going to my father’s home when i was 5 and while traveling, i looked at the road and the never ending white stripes on it, and for some reason a weird thought popped to my mind : is everything real? am i real? is this actually happening? am i really going to visit my grandparents?
another vivid memory of myself when i was 5 was that of myself picking on my lips so much that it started bleeding. when my parents asked how it happened i lied and told them i dont know how. they assumed it was because of the extremely hot climate. they applied oil on my lips to moisturize and heal, and forbid me from eating spicy food as it would cause pain on the injury.
in my school, we only have science and commerce for higher secondary courses. i want to be an arts student. there were only one girl othe than me who wanted to be an arts student. our principal, during a meeting decided to ask us why we decided to pick arts. while the other girl explained beautifully why she picked arts, i sat there dumbfounded thinking for the first time, why did i pick arts? the only reason i could give myself was that i hated science and math. but thats honestly not a valid reason. so itold her i wish to become a museologist. my beloved principal didnt even know what that was. later my teacher told me she assumed museology had to do something with music, and she wondered why i picked humanities just to learn music. she praised the other girl for her wonderful ambitions.
i felt so left out and my self esteem went deep underground when i picked up the mic to speak in front of 120 students and at least 10 teachers and 1 principal that i want to become a fricking museologist. thats not even true. i dont have any ambition. the future to me is very scary and im genuinely afraid that i will become a failure in my life. i remember my class teacher chuckling to herself while she retrieved the mic from me. my brain has convinced me that she was laughing at all of my wrong life decisions.
im convinced that everyone hates me. i can blame them though. im such a weird, awkward and cringe person. its very easy for me to make you dislike me. all my classmates hate me and my teachers hate me too, because im weird and i never study well.
if anyone is reading this, which no one is, but for some reason i hope someone reads this and somehow understands me but that doesnt matter, anyways, i if anyone is reading this, you might have wondered why i mentioned about my lip skin picking and derealisation, i will get to the explanation soon, but another thing i noticed in myself was my carelessness. especially when doing math.but it increased in a huge amount during the online classes. i also tend to forget a lot, zone out a little during class(sometims only) daydream way too much, have intrusive thoughts quite often, started to become self conscious and become extremely lazy.
why i talked about all the random stuff i do/ have is because i believe i have ADHD. i just think so. but i should never diognose myself. so what did i do? i told my dad about it, only to get scolded by him and mom. they told me i have a lot of potential. i should stop being lazy and be more focused. its easy right? no its not. cuz i find it difficult to focus.
its 12 40 am right now and im slowly getting sleepy now. ill most probably delete this tomorrow and also regret posting this. but it doesnt matter anymore.
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ramblings on the JLPT and whether I want to put myself through that hell again
I’ve been thinking recently about pursuing the JLPT N1.
For those that don’t study Japanese, the JLPT stands for Japanese Language Proficiency Test, and it’s a standardized test that is widely accepted as an indicator for Japanese level. The test consists of five levels from N5 to N1, N5 being very basic Japanese and N1 being native-level fluency. I passed the N5 in high school which isn’t really anything to write home about, but passed the N2 in my senior year of college. Employers looking for Japanese proficiency will usually ask for N2 or N1 on your resume. N2 is a high level of fluency, but not fully fluent.
The higher levels of the JLPT consist of three parts generally: (1) vocabulary, kanji, and grammar, (2) listening comprehension, and (3) reading comprehension. You need to score just under half of the points available in each section and a total of a 50% score overall (55% for N1). Unfortunately the test does not measure speaking or writing ability, which can be misleading about overall ability, especially on a resume. I am definitely lacking when it comes to my speaking ability from lack of practice and from being overall shy and embarrassed to make mistakes. Therefore my passing of N2 looks great on a resume for me, but in actuality my speaking ability does not reflect high fluency at all.
I decided after passing the N2 that I would never try for N1 because with my career path I just don’t need it. There’s no reason to put any effort or money (signing up for the test is about $60 plus the cost of study materials) for something that is not necessary for me. I stand by this logic still, but the thing that has me considering it now is solely based on how bored I am at work and how much I love a mindless task.
I have 10-15 hours of deskwarming time each week at work between classes. I’ve been using that time to make class activities, scroll around on the internet, check emails, and make blog posts, but am finding I’m just bored and sleepy a lot of the time. So I’ve been thinking about ways to use that time more productively. I considered taking online courses in specific skills to help my career when I return home, but many of them cost money which I don’t feel financially capable of yet. So instead I decided to buy an N1 textbook and begin studying in my free time.
The textbook is made by Nihongo no Mori and I’ve found it quite useful so far. I definitely recommend it to anyone studying for the N1 or N2. It contains sections teaching vocabulary, grammar, and tips for the reading section. There’s about 4000 vocabulary words over 70 some pages, so I’ve been taking my time just making flashcards of the vocabulary one page at a time. It has helped tremendously to give me something productive to do at work and also makes me look more diligent to my coworkers since it’s keeping me off my phone at my desk. It’s also nice to study vocabulary and slowly notice the words being used around me and getting real life examples. Some of my coworkers even help to explain some of the hard words to me. I’m very grateful to be in an immersive environment where I can practice what I learn in real time.
Passing the N1 is not an easy task. It contains incredibly difficult language even for native Japanese people. Therefore I’m going to take the studying slowly and don’t expect to pass the test within the next year, or even to pass it at all. Either way, I’m satisfied to have something to do with my time that is helpful to my daily life and makes my desk hours go by more quickly.
Anyway, thanks for reading my boring ramblings. This post is another perfect example of me just trying to waste time at work. If you have any other suggestions of productive (and appropriate, so no Netflix sadly) ways to spend my desk time, let me know! Anyway, guess I’ll get back to studying for now.
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Learning to Let Go
I was heartbroken when I realized that I was letting my goals slip away from me. For the past seven+ years, I've made it my mission to have at least one good personal art piece to show per month so I can do my end of year summary, and it's been honestly one of my favorite things to do: to gather up my best pieces of the year and see how far I've come. You'll notice this year is half as short and has no monthly labels, and that's because I didn't end up doing one nice art piece a month. And it's hard for me to let myself be okay with 'failing' at something I wanted so badly to keep up with. But I'm envious of everyone else posting their nice pretty summaries so I thought I might as well be proud of the few that I did end up making and do half a chart.
I work as a professional illustrator for a company, so it's not that I don't do any other art at all, but the stuff that I post here online is the stuff that is for me, and I want to be able to do that, not just for keeping up an artist blog but for my own fulfillment. But there are things that get in the way of that, factors including my chronic hand pain, my lack of inspiration, and my medication which keeps me very sedate. Most of the time I spend my evenings playing video games because it's an activity that requires less will power and creates less hand pain than doing art. My inspiration well has been dry for quite some time and often it's hard for me to think of things that feel worth the effort of creation. If I try to draw without an idea I just end up with another three-quarter face that just...has no appeal whatsoever.
I've been trying to remedy this by buying lots of classes. I've bought classes from Class101, Domestika, and a subscription to Schoolism, and I've been working my way very slowly through a few of them this year. Certainly not as much as I would like to get through but I'm trying, trying to stretch myself and do new things to practice illustration, which is good. The truth is though that I don't think I'll ever get back to the point of being super active like I once was, especially, particularly, with how volatile the art industry has become in the last year. I frankly don't want to expose myself to the rampant theft the community has been dealing with day in and day out now.
Over the past few months, after I knew I wasn't gonna make my goal, I've started to try to make peace with that. To stop pressuring myself to make art on a regular basis and just let myself be. Is it okay that I just want to play video games? Yeah, that's okay. (Is it?) Yeah. Is it okay not to feel inspired? Yeah. Is it okay that I didn't make enough art to keep up a monthly journey that I've been tracking for years? Yeah. It's okay. You still have something to show, even if it's just half.
And I did do something that I'm really proud of, which is finishing the Les Mis Zombie illustration that I've been holding onto as a sketch for years. Just accomplishing that, making an eight-character full color illustration in a time when I'm really struggling, is worth the weight of several finished drawings. Good job, me. That was a long haul and you got it done.
Anyway, if you read all this, thanks. And if you're suffering from the same creative problems, then I hope you feel less alone. I'm tired, we're all tired, and that's okay. Treat yourself nicer, and maybe things will feel better next year. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. Cheers.
Previous Art Summaries
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hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.
i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.
the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.
i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!
i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.
now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.
anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!
Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!
I’m always open to questions about Hestia.
First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.
The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.
You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.
I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.
Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.
Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.
Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.
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P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.
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Sideways {Andrew Garfield x Reader}
Requested by: Anonymous
Wordcount: 1811
Summary: Andrew gets a call that no one wants to get. Especially from their own child.
Warning: Contains hospital, miscarriage and talk of pregnancy.
The best part about your job was that you could do a lot of it online, and could travel with Andrew when he went abroad for his different acting gigs. This was one of the last times that you would be able to go, since it was the Summer and your daughter was going into first grade, and you wanted to keep her in one place to keep her adjusted. Still, he was going to appreciate all that he could get. And every minute that he wasn’t needed on set, he was going to take you and your child together to go and explore. He’d been here in Vancouver before, but you hadn’t, and he was eager to show you what he had learned about on his last trip here. But for now, he was stuck in the studio, getting fitted for one of the ‘special’ outfits that he was going to be wearing for this film.
He was laughing with the wardrobe stylist, joking about something that happened with the director on the first day here. They had pranked him by bringing in a bunch of extras and announcing them as the main cast. The director had sputtered, and not wanting to be rude, had to excuse himself to make ‘script adjustments’. Once he had realized that it was all a prank, he saw the funny side, and all tension and nerves around the team had dissipated. Andrew had been in on it and thought that it was hilarious, especially since he had been dressed as one of the camera-crew. Best acting he had ever done, the director had said to him.
“There’s a call for you, Mr Garfield,��� His assistant said, popping up beside him. She was a small, older woman with a very no-nonsense air about her. She hadn’t appreciated the prank, because it meant that she missed out on a few hours of work. “It’s urgent.”
“It is?” Andrew asked, wondering who it could be. You only texted him during work hours, and he’d give you a call at lunch once in a while, otherwise he would wait to tell you about his day once he got home. That way his little girl could listen in and chime in whenever she wanted as well. “Excuse me,” He told the woman who was measuring his shoulders to make an adjustment to the suit. She nodded, and helped him to remove what he had on of the costume, then he changed quickly then finally accepted the phone from his assistant.
“This is Andrew,” He said, just in case it was an urgent professional call. He could hear a commotion coming from the other end of the line. There were men talking, and then a loud siren. Ambulance, not fire truck or police. He knew the difference, having always stayed in hotels in busy cities.
“Daddy?” The six-year-olds voice came through, and Andrew felt his heart sink from his chest down to his knees. He looked at his assistant who looked more solemn than usual. And maybe even a little bit concerned. “Daddy - it’s Mommy.”
“What’s wrong with mommy? Tell me everything - and where are you going?” He took his wallet and keys from his assistant, who had been holding onto them during the fittings.
“Where are we going?” Andrew heard her ask someone, and a man said something in response. “Vancouver General,” The little girl repeated.
“I’ll meet you there, okay? Stay with one of the paramedics until Daddy gets there. I won’t be long.”
-
It took him half an hour to get to the hospital, and that was with light traffic. He cursed the studio for being so far away, but he knew it was just the stress. His daughter wasn’t able to give him much information, just that you had been in the bathroom, crying in pain, and then told the little girl to call 911. They had taught her the emergency number for every country that they stayed in, just in case. It was good that she knew, but he hated that she had to use it.
You had been feeling fine that morning, he recalled. You went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, had a simple meal of oatmeal and fruits. He was thinking that perhaps you had food poisoning of some sort? He hoped it was something as simple as that, though you wouldn’t have called 911 over something so trivial.
He parked, then ran into the first entrance that he could find. It was emergency, and they gave him directions to the fourth floor. He noticed from the signs around the elevator that it was to ... to a pregnancy floor?
He saw his daughter first, sitting on a bench, reading a book, swinging her legs back and forth since they weren’t reaching the ground. There was a paramedic sitting with her, but not saying anything. Just keeping an eye on her, which Andrew was thankful for. His footsteps brought their attention, and the little girl jumped to her feet. She had been crying, Andrew could tell from the puffiness of her cheeks. She ran towards him, and he leaned down to catch her in a hug. “Daddy! I called just like you taught me to!” She pulled your phone out of her pocket, it looked so massive in her little hands, and she held it up to show you.
He knew the password, there were no secrets between you two. You knew his as well, but neither of you ever went snooping. In fact, this was the first time that he had used it. He saw indeed that your first call of the day was to work, and then 911, and then to him. He turned the phone dark and put it into his own pocket. He scooped up the girl and held her in his arms in a giant bear hug. He looked at the paramedic over her shoulder, took a step towards him and held his hand out. “Thank you so much for staying with her-”
“It’s no problem,” He said, getting to his own feet. “We had to resupply the ambo anyway. And - the doctor said that your wife was stable. I’m sure she’ll be out soon.” He shook Andrew’s hand then excused himself to go back to work, and Andrew sunk down on the recently vacated spot on the bench, still holding his daughter on his lap. There wasn’t much that he could do except for wait for the Doctor, which didn’t take long. The commotion that your daughter made had gotten their attention.
“Hello, Mr. Garfield?” The Doctor said, coming out of the room. She reminded Andrew a lot of his assistant. Same motherly face, same solemn features. Andrew nodded to the affirmative. “Your wife is going to be just fine, though her body had gone through some trauma. She’s going to need to rest, take it easy for a couple of weeks at least.”
“What happened?” He asked, his voice shaky with relief that you were going to be fine. Still, this had seemed to come out of nowhere. And the fact that you were in the pregnancy wing made him nervous.
“Your wife had a miscarriage, Mr. Garfield. She was three months along,” The Doctor’s voice was straight to the point, no emotions at all. She must have to deliver news like this all of the time. “She claims that she didn’t know that she was pregnant, so she is feeling rather fragile. I’d like to keep her for overnight observation, just to be careful.”
Andrew swallowed, but nodded. There wasn’t any other reaction that he felt like he could have. He could only hug his daughter close, thankful that at the very least, he had her. “Can I see her?” He asked the Doctor, who nodded, and motioned towards the open door that she had just come out of. Andrew got back up to his feet, and walked in, still holding his daughter, who was being unusually quiet. He realized as he walked into the room that she had fallen asleep.
You hadn’t, however. You were laying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting fluids, staring straight ahead of you blankly. Andrew hummed to announce that he was there, and you snapped out of it, your eyes meeting his. They were still filled with tears on your end, while he was still comprehending the news.
“Hey baby,” You said, weakly smiling. Andrew smiled back, and set the little girl down on a chair, where she curled up immediately and continued to sleep away. All that worry and excitement must have exhausted her. He then went to your side, taking hold of both your hands, being careful of the IVs.
“How -” He said, shaking his head. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know,” You said, blinking away tears. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I swear, I wasn’t keeping anything from you. I had my period and no other symptoms. I mean, I thought I gained a little bit of weight but I thought that was just all of the cake,” You somehow managed to laugh though it didn’t sound sincere. “The Doctor says that happens sometimes.”
Andrew would never dream of accusing you of cheating. The two of you stayed in the newlywed stage of your marriage, remaining sexually active. The math added up enough, three months, you two were definitely intimate three months ago.
“How do you feel?” Andrew asked, caressing the top of your hands with his thumbs. “And not just physically.”
You took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out. “I’m devastated,” You admitted, finally admitting your own truth. Tears were fighting to come out and you had stopped the battle, letting them descend freely. “When I heard that I miscarried - I realized... I want that baby. I want to have another one with you and we just lost our chance.”
Andrew felt the same wave of depression overcome him. In an alternate universe, he could just be finding out that he was going to be a father again. He had to be strong for you though. He could let out his emotions when you got home. You were too vulnerable right now.
“We’ll have more chances,” Andrew said, leaning forward and kissed a tear off of your cheek. It tasted salty, it lasting on his lips for a long while. “I’ll gladly give you another baby.”
You chuckled at that, though you were still crying. “You just like the act of making one, mister,” You squeezed his hands. Andrew laughed as well, and nodded.
“Can you blame me?”
#Andrew Garfield#Andrew Garfield x reader#Andrew Garfield oneshot#celebrity#celebrity oneshot#request#oneshot#one shot#x reader#andrewg
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Prince of Wishful Thinking (Tom Retrospective): Tough Love or The True Monster
Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Prince of Wishful Thinking, what is usually my look at the life and times of Tom Lucitor but since I NEED to cover the season 3 finale as vital part of Tom’s story, we’re taking one last look at the tragic tale of Meteora Butterfly before the finale sends these two stories hurtling together. You’d THINK this would be the last detour of this already sizeable arc.. and you’d be wrong as i’ll also be covering Kelly’s World, as I feel it’s vital for both “Curse of the Blood Moon” and “A Boy and his hard to remember title”, as it provides extra context for Marco’s anguish in the former.. and provides extra evidence for why a CERTAIN MOMENT in the latter pisses me off to no end.. seriously even when as universe dies and the only people left are Frankllin Richards and Galactus, there will still be a little note reading “Fuck how they treated Kelly” written in all caps so Galactus remembers to yell it.
So sadly that DOES mean it’s been three entries in this retrospective in a row that either haven’t feature Tom at all or in the case of the last episode only had him in short cameos. I mean we did get his love affair for pie but we also got a creepy goblin man forcing his girlfriend and best friend to kiss each other, his best friend being WAY to eager to jump to that conclusion, and neither considering using Marco’s Scissors because the writers only remember he has those half the time in Season 3... and clearly I ddn’t either as I forgot to mention that plot hole, something @jess-the-vampire brought up to me. Sadly I DID forget to consult on this when we talked earlier this week , and she’s not online as I write this so I won’t have her insight for this one.
But if you want some Tom content, i’m happy to share my crossover ship for the boy with you. I’ve been shipping him with Octavia from Helluva Boss lately.
Because of course it’s Helluva Boss, i’ve not been at all subtle with my obession with it and much like Letterkenny, X-Men and Dragon Ball Z Abriged it is a love I never plan to be subtle about.
But I just think they compliment each other well: They have contrasting atittudes, and tastes in music, but seem like they’d share hobbies. Like taxidermy.. I could see Tom buying this... demonic combination of a badger, a skunk, a deer and my nightmares Octavia is preciously holding up.
Granted I also feel tom would both animate them with their dead souls.. and then use his new woodland friends of the dammned as a chorus to sing “Can You Picture That” from the Muppet Movie, because that’s what my mind does on a regular day. I think the contrasting attitude creates great chemstiry and it made me also realize I have a thing for ships with directly contrasting home lives.
Tom has two loving decent parents who deeply love one another and at worst simply didn’t reign in his worse behavior because it was standard for demon stuff. Octavia in contrast simply has two parents, one who DOES love her and tries his best, but his best includes calling his side piece “My big dicked blitzy” right in front of her and hiring said side piece to guard them, and her mother who clearly thinks so little of her daughter’s emotional well being she hired a cowboy to shoot her daddy dead in the middle of a large crowd. The point is I think they’d be adorable and they both badly need to be happy after being emotionally fucked over by people they care about.
But alas my new ship will have to wait as we marginally important things to get down too.. things that will impact both this season and the next’s endgame and utterly destroy Eclipsa and Moon’s relationship for good. Sound fun? Well if so join me under the cut won’t you?
We open in the Pidgeon Kingdom.. and things aren’t exactly great.. and by that I mean Meteora stomped a hole through it and ravaged the place and Rich demands blood.. and vengance.. and possibly blood vengance. But not Tekken Blood Vengance.. he already has like 5 copies of that on dvd. Still needs it on Blu Ray though, hook him up if you got it.
So Moon and Eclipsa are trying to smooth this over/find out which way did she go George which way did she go, and are angrily dismissed after they try Rich’s patience, not helped by Eclipsa not being familiar with the Pidgeon Kingdom because they hadn’t slaughtered everyone who used to live there yet. Look that’s what happened, Star outright mentions in the Big Book of Spells that htey suddenly sprung up where another kingdom was and no one knows what happens. There was some bird murders up in that place.. or birdur if you will. Some birds drank some human blood. This is what Alfred Hitchock tried to warn us about with his film built on horrifying actress abuse.
The point is with some more pidgeon-led murder stabbings on the cards our heroines are trying to find her since their attempts to convince Rich not to go on an Archer Style Rampage fell on deaf ears.
But it’s clear from the second the two are alone both have diffrent priorties: Eclipsa desperatley wants to find the daughter she lost and talk her down from what sh’es become, help her become better and hopefuly heal from the pain she’s been in. She’s lost her husband, her kingdom and centuries. She can’t loose her baby girl too.
Moon on the other hand... clearly has no intrest in helping Meteora or stopping this peacefully. Her first thought is stopping Meteora. Her living through it is not necessary. It’s also clear her racisim isn’t REMOTELY gone depsite Buff Frog and Star’s best attempts and despite learning just how deeply and horribly Mewni’s engrained racism has hurt eclipsa and destoryed Moon’s own family history. To Moon this is just a big monster to fight.. i’ll dive into this more in a bit.
For now our heroines encounter an angry mob. This time their not here for Homer Simpson, but for Meteora as her rampages have destroyd their towns, livelehoods and given some weird guy a hat. It’s the best bit of the episode and i’m embarassed I forgot it happened.
So with them being no help our queens back out but end up finding some actual help: Eddie! You know the guy from the episode I skipped over... River’s cousin or something like that. He dosen’t have a wiki entry, I do not know why. He’s voiced by Rhys Dharby of Flight of the Conchords Fame whose since made quite the career as a voice actor. No major roles yet that i’m aware of, but a lot of delightful minor ones like this. It’s good to see him he was one of the highlights of that show and not just because he sang this..
youtube
Eddie showed up in the Bog Beast of Boggabah and I honestly forgot he was in this episode.. but again, it’s Rhys Dharby. It’s not like suddenly finding out “Aw god dammit Pauly Shore is in this”. So Eddie agrees to help as he’s been tracknig Meteora.. and we find out something troubling: Meteora is getting BIGGER. Gradually, to the point the bog from said episode Is skipped over is drained because she DRANK IT. We also get a great exchange
“I’d hate to see the size of her mother”
“Actually her father more than helped with that”
Awwwww.... seriously Esme Blanco is a national treasure and has some great deliveries in this one.. and some heartbreaking ones. But before we can get to that it turns out Meteora sucked the powers out of Eddies family.. who he misses..e xcept one guy> That guy can fuck right off. Seriously Eddie is also a national treasure and I wish he’d shown up in season 4. I mean he couldn’t of HURT it. For one it’s Rhys Dharby and for another that season shot itself in the face, both feet, the groin and then the face again enough that I don’t think anything could hurt it as bad as the writers already did.
But sadly we say farwell to Eddie as he goes out how men have since the begining of time.. deciding to poke a strange creature till it murdered him. Or took his soul out in this case, speaking of which...
Yeah while I couldn’t get Jess in time for this review, she did bring this up in the past: Meteora’s ablility to pull a
Comes right the fuck out of nowhere with no build up and no explination for it. She DID drain personalites and according to this episode youth.. but that was with a big ole machine. It MIGHT have been intended to be one of Globgor’s powers.. but that makes zero sense, as if he COULD do that, as we saw with Toffee last season when he had that power, also out of nowhere but at least it made a touch more sense given his power was draining magical energy anyway at the time, so adding souls to that isn’t a huge stretch, but as we saw that would’ve been game over for the comission, especially since we DO see him fighting them one on three next season. If he had this power, he wouldn’t be in crystal and I think they realized that, but just tried to act as if his daugther COULDN’T do that and assumed everyone would casually forget. And I get not accounting for me writing about this years later, even I wouldn’t of thought that, but not counting on fans both young and old to latch onto a continuity error? Have you met fandoms Disney, have you? It dosen’t bring the story down entirely and I get WHY ti’s there, so she can nonlethally kill people so we’re not down most of the cast for Season 4, but it feels like an easy win button and one she barely uses despite it being eye beam activated. It should be easy enough to pull, boom, soul suck, win, rinse and repeat. It’s okay to have uber powerful tequniques but they have to have a drawback. For instance the Kaioken from DBZ. It’s a really damn cool technique that gives the user a neat red aura and amplifies poewr.. but the more you amplify the more strain it puts on your body and the more likely you’ll die, and Super later creatively explained why it hadn’t been used since Super Sayian was introduced because said form would’ve sped it up so much it’d be too much for a body to take. Here whie Meteora dosen’t use it in EVERY fight, she uses it enough that it makes no sense this isn’t just her first move for every fight she gets into, mental breakdown or not.
That being said Meteora’s current mental state as she talks to her mother, having regressed to talking in only a few words and acting like a child, makes perfect sense. Henious already wasn’t in great mental shape to begin with, having a slow sustained breakdown since Marco overthrew her. and now on top of this she remembers her whole life has been a lie, starts to mutate into her natural state at a rapid and likely unehalthy pace, and then finds out on top of all of this Mewni is rightfully owed to her. Given she ended last episode blowing a guy up for rejecting her, it’s not a stretch that given even more power and no time to process anything, Metora would deteroate further.
Esme and Jessica really knock this scene out of the park as Eclipsa presents Metora with her old doll Bobo and gently trying ot talk to her.. but you also get the fear Eclipsa feels as she tries to awkardly manuver around the fact her daughter is far more unhinged than she was prepared for, even threanting Eclipsa simply because Eclipsa wanted to be called mother instead of mommy. But despite this fear.. Eclipsa wants to help and Walter beautifuly captured metoera as a hulk like tragic figure:a being with low sanity and too much power desperate to be loved by the one person it cares about. And it makes it even more heartbreaking as Eclipsa explains what happened: bad people trapped her , a disfunctoinal society with a racist queen and even more racist subjects has taken hold in her absence... and it’s clear both want opposite things: Meteora wants what sh’es owed, her family back on the throne and Mewni back in her graps, but has lost herself so much to rage, anger and insanity she can’t see it’s not hers to take, while Eclipsa.. just wants her daughter back. She’d be happy just settling down with her and having a LIFE after hers was taken away. Eclipsa just wants a chance to be with what family she has left. It just HURTS to know that despite RIGHTFULLY hating the comission, despite having eveyr reason to take the crown from Moon by force and make the world better by force.. she dosen’t want that. She just wants some peace. It’s selfish... but it’s hard not to be when you havealmost nothing to hold onto. Eclipsa has lost her legacy, her husband and her crown... Meteora is all she has and all she wants and sh’ed of been happy if she just accepted that. If that was enough.
But the real telling part, and the thing that ultimately makes this go as bad as it does.. is Moon’s reactions to all of this. Sh’es CONFUSED by Meteora having a toy as if that’s foreign to her a monster would, and she’s cleaerly livid , if restrianing it, at both Meteora’s deire for the crown and Eclipsa RIGHTFULLY calling out the state of how things are, and mildly at that. Despite seeing how much damage Mewni’s inherent racisim has done, how it lead to her living a lie, ruined Eclipss, Globgore and Metora’s lives, despite how DESPERTLY her daughter struggles to fight against it, despite seeing firsthand that Monsters can have famiies and lives... she can’t let it go. She can’t see monsters as people. SHe dosen’t see a flawed person who was turned into a metpohrical monster by years of brainwashing and abuse and is slowly unravling under the weight of her true self.. she just sees a threat to her kingdom. She dosen’t see her kingdom as racist, just as it should be. And she dosen’t see herself as stepping down like hse damn well should’ve the MOMENT she found out everything. Because at her heart Moon can’t accept the truth and clings to her racisim.
And that my friends.. is what ultimately leads to Tragedy. Not Meteora’s unraveling mental state, not Eclipsa’s naitvite. What happens next is ENITRELY Moon’s fault. Whle Eclipsa was failing to get through to Metora, she was trying her best and might of gotten somewhere.. but Moon was already settling to attack.. and does so, making it look like Eclipsa set her own child up.
A fight ensues, a suprisingly even one... but Eclipsa breaks it up and PROVES her way could’ve worked. In one of Esme’s best performances sshe tearfully tells her daughter she loves her.. that ALL she wants is time with her to make up for what she’s lost.. she dosen’t need a kingdom or her crown or her wand, all things she DESERVES... she just wants her daughter. She just wants to help her baby girl before she goes so far down this path of hatred and vengance she’s alreayd well trod upon there is no point to return to.
It gets through to Meteora, makes her stop... and Moon TAKES ADANTAGE OF THAT. She then restrains metoera with a magical rock barrier and starts palpatineing her to death. It’s a horrifying moment that ultimately shows who Moon really is.. that when given the chance to let Meteora go, let her CHANGE and grow as a person and help the kingdom.. she instead tries to kill her. When she’s no longer a threat, hasn’t seriously hurt her in their fight, and could use her power to RESTORE the damage she’s done, fix what she’s broken and help the kingdom grow and mend the bridges racisim has torn down. But all she can see is a monster, and something to destroy.. not someONE to save.
So Eclipsa does what Moon would do if it were star about to die and saves her daughter, desperatly trying to stop mooon.. and allowing Meteora to get a clear shot and take half of moon’s soul. While Eclipsa is able to stop her from taking the full thing, Moon is left disoreinted and half alive and leaves on insticnt to parts unknown while Meteora escapes. Eclipsa is left alone, devistated and with her daughter truly lost. And the worst is truly yet to come.
Before we get into final thoughts i’d like to talk about how this scene impacts Moon’s betryal later. To me having rewatched this scene.. it only makes it work MORE making it clear Moon simply can’t fahtom racial equality and that she can’t fahtom that eclipsa had very good reason for doing what she did ... to me it comes off as her using Eclipsa betryaing her as a very flimsy justifcation to not validate her rule and to first retire and then try a coup. That “Well she “BETRAYED” me so i’m fine. “ But in truth... she betrayed Eclipsa first. She attacked her daughter TWICE when Eclipsa was close to getting through to her Her reasons are flimsy.. because i’ts not ABOUT eclipsa, but what eclipsa represents: equality with a race Moon dosen’t see as people. It’s about Moon’s racisim coloring everything tills h’es truly blinded and should have lost everything She didn’t because the ending is a fucking disgrace, but we might get to that at some point, the point here is for all that disgrace’s faults... it did get it right here, and Moon was always portrayed as being unable to let go of her racisim no matter what it cost her or how much her daughter despteratly tried to change her. Trust me as someone whose Dad used to argue that gay marriage meant he should be able to marry his cat, and who still argues against trans people using the bathroom of their choice, I get trying desperatley to change someone who don’t wanna. “Sigh”.
Final Thoughts:
This episode is truly excellent. The writing is top notch as is the voice acting for all involved and the climax isa true, well led up to tragedy. The animation is also on point, with the characters emotions on perfect display. This is an episode I now realize is one of the series best and worth ar ewatch if you haven’ts een it. Truly amazing stuff that gets me pumped for the finale.. and disapoints me in how the series could reach these highs for one finale.. but would sink to it’s lowest point for next seasons.
Next Time on Prince of Wishful Thinking: Star tries depseratly to find her mom, while Marco, Tom and a motely crew of misfits try to take down Meteora and Tom learns the awful truth from the photo booth and wears a zuko ponytail which weirdly looks good on him. That boy can rock anything let me tell you.
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#star vs the forces of evil#tom lucitor#prince of wishful thinking#meteora butterfly#eclipsa butterfly#moon butterfly#rhys dharby#disney xd#disney channel#disney plus#reviews
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demon’s daughter
I didn’t expect people to like this? Here’s chapter two!
Masterlist Chapter 1 [Chapter 2] Chapter 3
“Again.” Shiva’s commanding voice rang through the training room. “Straighten your hind leg to maintain your balance.”
Three year old Marinette obeyed, launching her small body into another series of attacks on the training dummy with her fists.
“Again. Your form was sloppy.”
“Again.”
“Again.”
“Again.”
The pattern continued until she was too exhausted to hold herself up and collapsed. Shiva tutted. “Still weak. I suppose we will have to end there for today. Dismissed.”
Marinette painstakingly picked herself off the ground and made her way back to her tiny living quarters.
.o0o.
Marinette parried another strike from her trainer, unflinching as the blades clashed millimeters away from her face. Her five year old arms shook with the effort to hold the blade there, and she ducked and rolled when the strain became too much.
She turned just in time to meet another strike before knocking her trainer’s blade to the side and slashing with her own katana. They trade blows back and forth until she sees another woman with auburn hair enter the courtyard, followed by a boy that has her hair and facial features.
The moment of hesitation is enough. Her trainer’s katana slashes across her chest, tearing through her skin and flesh and definitely scraping a lung. The pain is something she has never felt before, and she had already gone through the first round of torture resistance.
It burned, and she couldn’t breathe. The last thing she sees before everything goes black is Lady Shiva’s frown, the boy’s look of mild curiosity, and the concern that flashed through the auburn-haired woman’s eyes before she stuffed it down.
.o0o.
Marinette woke in the sickly green waters of the Lazarus Pit with a new bloodthirsty voice in her head. The first healer that came to check on her was murdered with her bare hands. As was the second, and the third.
It took months to learn to control the voice, the urges to kill. When she realized she had taken another three lives, she cried, but only when she was alone. Crying is a weakness that she could not show.
She returns to her room after another day of training to find the auburn-haired woman from a few months ago sitting on her bed.
The woman introduces herself as Talia al Ghul, and tells Marinette that she is her mother.
Her grandfather is the Demon’s Head, and the boy she saw, her twin brother, Damian, is his heir.
Marinette asks why she is ranked so low if her brother is the Prince. Talia’s eyes harden.
“Ra’s is a fool. He believes that women are not worthy of power, and can do nothing to maintain it. But you will prove him wrong, daughter. I refuse to raise an unworthy child.”
Marinette trains harder after that.
.o0o.
But harder isn’t always enough.
The second time she died, it wasn’t because she was not a capable fighter.
The second round of torture resistance took place a year and a half after her first death. She withstood the pain, only letting out the tiniest whimper in the beginning, which earned her another ten lashes, but in the end, her body gave up from the injuries.
She bled out, still bound in chains, and woke up in the Pit again, the murderous voice back with a new vengeance.
Marinette accidentally took another life, but she promised herself it wouldn’t happen again. She would gain control of this madness. She would.
She refused to think of what would happen if she didn’t.
.o0o.
When she turns nine, Lady Shiva deems her worthy enough to claim her spot as the Princess of the League, and so she moved into the larger quarters, meant for the family of the Demon’s Head.
Talia was proud, but she did not outwardly express it. Marinette read it in her body, the way she was trained to.
Her twin brother was… distant. He refused to accept a sibling, refused to accept that she can be the Princess while he is the Heir. He acted just like Ra’s, the man he will grow up to replace.
Marinette supposed they saw her as unworthy not only because of her gender, but because of her deaths. She thought that Damian might have died too, had the trainers not been too afraid to kill the Demon’s Heir. She doesn’t point it out. It wouldn’t do her any good.
One month after she moved in, Ra’s demanded that she spar Damian. Talia and Ra’s bore witness to the spar.
Damian drew his katana, scowling at her all the while. Marinette remained unfazed and took her own battle stance opposite him, feeling the comforting weight of her steel war fans in her hands.
They launched at each other at the same time, slashing and parrying and slicing and dodging. Damian gives her a shallow cut on her right cheekbone. Marinette retaliates with a slice on the forehead. The spar goes on for three hours before Ra’s ends it, having seen that there will be no winner.
Ra’s was hard to please. Marinette did pass his judgement for being worthy in battle, but he would never fully accept her the way he did his grandson. That was alright by her. Ra’s was not the kind of person she wished to have the opinion of anyway.
Damian was also a lot more willing to talk to her after that spar, and Marinette finally learned what it was like to have a companion her own age, even if he was a bit arrogant and rude at times.
.o0o.
Marinette flies awake with a start, and for a moment, she forgets where she is. Wayne Manor. Father. Safe.
“Good morning, ukhti.” Damian greets, rubbing the last bits of sleep from his eyes. “Did you sleep well?”
Marinette snorts derisively, sliding easily off the top bunk and landing lightly on the floor. “Do I ever, akhi?”
Damian’s face softens. “It is still early. Would you like to spar to get your mind off things?”
“Of course.” Marinette gives her twin a rare smile. “We must change into more suitable clothes first though.”
Ten minutes later, the twins silently creep out of their room and start the hunt for the training room, exploring the Manor as they go. It takes half an hour to find the correct location. Marinette and Damian occupy opposite sides of the sparring mat as they start warming up.
Marinette relishes the pull of her muscles as she stretches, the feeling grounding her into reality. Once they finish, they settle into their fighting positions, each eyeing the other apprehensively.
Damian makes the first move, as the more aggressive of the two. Marinette swiftly dodges his fist and sends a quick kick to his chest. He catches her foot and uses her own momentum to throw her over his shoulder. Marinette twists as she falls, and hits the ground in a perfect three-point landing. She lunges again, and Damian charges forward to meet her in a whirl of fists and kicks, blocks and blows.
At some point, they notice Alfred enter the room, but he merely stands off to the side and watches, so they continue sparring. Not long after, he is followed by a lithe young woman with short black hair, a pale teen who has massive eye bags, and a familiar man with a white streak in his dark hair.
Cassandra Cain. Timothy Drake. Jason Todd. Batgirl, Robin, and Red Hood. Alfred clears his throat, and both of them part, barely even sweating.
“Is something the matter, Pennyworth?” Damian asks in a snobby tone that makes Marinette want to smack him over the head (didn’t his training ever cover socialization? Hers definitely did, but maybe that’s because she was a female.) so she does so.
Being treated as a prince from birth certainly inflated his ego. Damian glares, but does not retaliate. Good. He knows he is being rude.
“I wished to inform you that breakfast is ready and the rest of the family wanted to come and meet the two of you.” Alfred says neutrally.
Cassandra then gives them a friendly smile and a wave, while the boys stay where they are, calculating eyes roving over them. Marinette can’t really judge them for that- she has already scanned all of them for weaknesses too, though there weren’t many.
Damian sniffs. “I do not see why Father chooses to keep these imbeciles around now that he has a blood son and blood daughter.” Marinette smacks him on the head again, because his attitude is getting a little irritating.
“They are not here for you to demean, brother.” She hisses in Icelandic. “Father has deemed them family because they have proved themselves worthy. You well treat them with respect, or I will treat you the way you treat them.” Damian grumbles, but thankfully quiets.
Marinette quickly gives the others a small curtsy. “My apologies for my brother. He can be quite abrasive, but he is learning. It is an honor to meet those whom our father considers family.”
Cassandra responds first, patting each of them lightly on the shoulder, making sure to keep her posture relaxed and non-threatening. “Sister. Brother.”
Jason and Damian stare each other down, and Marinette internally sighs. Men and their need to have… what was that phrase I read online? The biggest penis energy? Jason breaks the silence.
“Damian al Ghul. Ibn al Xu’ffasch. Grandson of Ra’s al Ghul, Heir to the Demon’s Head. Never knew you had a sister.”
Damian shifts protective towards Marinette. “I learned of her existence last year.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Timothy frowns. “Grandson of Ra’s al Ghul? As in the grandchildren of the man who is not only obsessed with Bruce, but also the head of the League of Assassins? These are assassin children?”
Cassandra frowns, hurt. She points to herself. “Assassin child.”
“I’ve been in the League too, Replacement.” Jason shrugs.
“No, you don’t understand.” Timothy shakes his head. “These are Ra’s grandchildren, kids that Talia gave birth to after some questionable activities with Bruce. Who’s to say that Ra’s didn’t plant them here as moles? Why should we trust them?”
Marinette feels a pang of hurt against her will. “Ra’s al Ghul may have been my grandfather by blood, but he was never more than any other assassin in the League to me. He was the one who took me away from my brother at birth. He is the reason why I have been died twice and been revived both times by the Lazarus Pit. He is the reason why I only got to meet my twin last year, and you think I would work for him, act as a spy for him, when I finally escape the League to live with my father?”
“Whatever.” Timothy spits. “I still don’t trust you.” He pivots and walks out of the room.
Marinette reads a fear in his body language, but it isn’t fear of their skills, or fear that they might kill him. It’s a fear of being replaced, and suddenly, she understands.
“...You don’t plan on betraying us, right?” Jason asks suddenly.
Damian huffs. “Tt. Of course not, Todd. I wish to become Batman one day, and betraying Father’s cause would be extremely counterproductive to my efforts.”
Sometime during their encounter, Alfred had disappeared. Cassandra heads to the exit, and gestures for them to follow. “Come. Breakfast now.”
Timothy does not show while they eat, and neither does Father. Alfred nearly has an aneurysm when he learns that Marinette has never had chocolate (a side effect of being a low-ranked assassin) and immediately starts stuffing chocolate-covered pastries into her hands.
“I insist that you try one.” Alfred says. “You will find it quite delicious.” Marinette obediently takes a bite, and a delightfully rich flavor fills her mouth.
She has never known that food could taste so good, and says as much. Alfred’s pleased face, Damian’s small smile, and Cassandra’s grin make her feel warm inside. Evidently, there is a lot she doesn’t know about the world, but she is excited and willing to learn.
.o0o.
Marinette and Damian carry out their plan after the rest leave for patrol (sans Jason, who was still benched because of his ribs) and believe they are asleep.
They change into the darkest, most flexible clothing they can find in their room and silently slip out of the window after disabling all the alarms. Wayne Manor’s security measures are evaded with some effort, and they are out in the midst of Gotham City in almost no time at all.
Ubu has not tried to hide at all. He is entertaining two women when they burst in, already having disabled the cameras around the area just in case.
“Leave, harlots.” Damian spits at the women, as Marinette charges the much larger man. Her steel fans glint in the light as she slashes.
Ubu does manage to escape the apartment, but the twins easily catch up to him even though he runs through the traffic. The drivers don’t seem very disturbed. It must be a normal occurrence in Gotham, to see a hulking man running from two children with swords and fans.
Damian tackles Ubu, but after a half-hearted attempt at interrogation, in which the man purposefully riles him up, he raises his sword, the angle indicating he intended to kill him.
“Akhi, no!” Marinette cries, and she sees a blur of blue and black as her brother is tackled, sword flying out of his grip. She snarls, flicking open her fans and ready to hurt whoever attacked her brother, but stops when she realizes who the man is. “Nightwing.”
Richard Grayson sighs. “The psychos keep getting younger.”
Damian growls, launching himself at the larger man with a battle cry. The fight lasts about six minutes before Nightwing manages to tie her brother up, hanging from a streetlamp with a gag in his mouth. Marinette was trying to get them to stop all the while, to no avail, and she didn’t want to step in for fear of hurting either brother.
Nightwing turns to her. “Do I need to tie you up the hard way too?”
Marinette rolls her eyes. “Thank you for finally acknowledging my existence. If you had actually listened, Nightwing, you would know that your offer is not necessary. My name is Marinette. My twin is Damian, and we are Bruce Wayne’s biological children. Hello, older brother.”
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hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!
huh, an interesting question, ty!
i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.
given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.
(stuff under cut because long)
first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.
if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue. see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP. and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP. so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.
(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)
the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.
i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.
also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.
it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.
(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)
anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.
this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)
here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.
also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on. there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc. you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)
(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)
if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code
"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:
microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.
cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz
the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)
ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.
azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials
also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?
oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing
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Heart of Depth (3)
Member: Yeosang
Genre: Action, Slice of Life, Fantasy, Fluff, a little tension. Genshin Inspired AU Word Count: 9k
Requested: Sort of yeah
Content: Yeosang x MC development. More world building. Food stuff. A little bit of crime stuff, some history, some art info dump, some typical genshin shenanigans. Mild Violence (aka haha WooSanSang being badasses). Allusions to death.
Note: Had to cut down part 3, it’s actually a lot longer originally lol. Inazuma’s been insane content. HoD was supposed to be 5 parts but considering how lengthy the parts have become it might be longer oops. Links to be updated after 24 hours. Life update: kinda got a slightly consistent work now so been focused on that. I hope this tides everyone over until I make a better return.
Network: @ateezlovenet
Tag list: @barsformars @miniyeo @jeongyunhoed @yeekies @yeotlny @frankenstein852 @shinyddeonghwa @prodbyteez @yeochikin @yeocult @harubirus
Part 2
“Yeosang, you might have to skip on meeting with them today.”
He looks up from his screen, peering at San several feet away from him. “Why?”
The good thing about San is that he’s unfazed when Yeosang uses that tone on him. He doesn’t cower when it comes to it, besides, there’s a special voice he uses when he’s genuinely angry. “Looks like there’s something special going on in the museum’s garden at night.” San explains. He already learned the hard way to not speak in riddles to him, but there were things that were better off spoken with mind games. “Check your email, I sent you the notice.” He says, shifting his attention to other matters on his plate.
There’s something in San’s voice that makes Yeosang want to groan. Usually, this means San’s got some sort of trick up his sleeve when some sort of misdemeanor has been happening-- though the last time San had to speak in riddles over something serious was a few thousand years back. To cut the agony short, Yeosang shifts his attention to his emails, already the email San has forwarded sits at the top.
It’s been a recurring incident for the past few weeks now. It’s only now that the museum have found the source of the smell. There’s been a peculiar flower that only blooms at night, emitting a scent similar to lavender, despite not looking like the mentioned plant. Though no one knows what flower is, the only response the staff has at the moment was to leave it be and wait for further instructions from the board. The photos attached to the notice made it easy for San to recognize it, all the man was waiting for was for Yeosang to see the photos too.
His demeanor changes almost immediately once it registers in his head. That’s his lover’s flower, the Neve Jewel. It’s blooming again. Truthfully, Yeosang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He didn’t really think they would’ve kept their promise after all this time. He stares at the images. He knows that glow, the shape, the colors all too well. All that’s left is the scent, it’s been so long since he smelled those flowers, now all but a lingering feeling in his dreams. Deep blue eyes lay unmoving on his computer screen as he tries to process waves of emotions in him. San waits in his seat quietly, even if his fingers tap away into processing permits and other papers, he worries for how Yeosang would take this. “I’ll let them know that I’ll be late today.” Yeosang states,already writing a message for you.
Did San think he’d do anything different? Not quite. Even with the change of schedules, he knows how much Yeosang looks forward to seeing you everyday. He also knows how the man will do anything for those he loves. He can’t comprehend how he’s been able to have such self-control since their passing. He would always visit the tombstone of his lover up until the earth had decided to give birth to new life.
[ Yeosang to You ] My dear, I’m afraid I won't be able to see you until after your closing hours.
“San, can you get me the iced cafe latte along with a slice of their strawberry cheesecake?” He would have to wait until night falls for him to catch sight of the flowers. He has feelings for you, that much he is sure. Whether or not you are who he thinks he is, how you’ve been towards him.
“Now?” San asks, rising from his seat and about to grab his jacket.
“That would be nice, yes.” He says as he busies himself with an email, for the changes in the schedule for today. With that settled, San’s already off to your shop.
---------
Just as San enters your shop, he’s amazed at the booming activity. All the tables were filled with various groups of people. He wondered what was so special about today. As he approached the counter, you had just finished packing up an order for takeout. While you seem to manage just fine on your own: taking orders and making drinks, it’s definitely not an easy task.
“Today’s bustling I see.” San says as you immediately rush over after washing your hands.
“San!” You exclaim, a little relieved for some sense of familiarity after the hectic peak hours. He sees your shoulders drop a little and he flashes a wide smile, glad to be of some relief to you. “Yeah, I asked some of the regulars what’s going on today and it seems like they have finals week coming up so everyone’s just been so busy with their studies.” You shrug as you explain. You were done with university so that aspect of those years are long behind you now. “Anyways, the usual?”
“Not quite? Two iced cafe lattes, one slice of chocolate mousse and one slice of the strawberry cheesecake.” You nod and after the transaction’s made, you let him wait by the far end of the counter as you get to doing the coffee.
He leans against the counter as he waits for his purchase. As time passes by, he looks around the place, watching regular humans go about their daily stresses. From the corner of his eye, he spots a familiar insignia on someone’s laptop. The owner’s hunched over, visibly lacking sleep as they seem to try beating their deadlines. He gazes at them for some time until he turns away, not wanting to think too much about it especially in front of all these people.
“Here’s your order. I added some cookies as well, those are on the house.” You explain upon seeing his confused expression. He flashes a bashful smile in thanks.
“Yeosang might come by later tonight.” He states. The sight of your flustered expression makes him smirk. “Has he already asked you to be his?” His light laugh rings in your ears and he stops teasing you.
“Wooyoung might be here instead later. I have to run a few errands today.” You relay to him to which San acknowledges to send to Yeosang. Just feels like the old days.
He should also probably relay to Yeosang the symbol he saw earlier.
--------
“Yeosang, we need to--” San’s words are cut short when he’s greeted by the sponsors in their office. He sets aside the food bought from your shop and greets the visitors properly, throwing out any sense of concern in his body.
“Ah yes, Mr. Choi just came back from an errand. Mr. Choi, I would like you to meet the representatives of the Museum of Ancient Art. I’m sure you’ve talked with them through the emails?” Yeosang says, voice going a little deeper as it usually does in front of formal visitors. If they weren’t in front of him, he would’ve laughed at how Yeosang still tries his best to assert himself. An eons old god, still trying to assert himself, if Yeosang only knew how much respect and intimidation he exudes.
San approaches the two that he has constantly talked with through their online exchanges, relieved to have faces to their names. That’s right, he remembers now. A meeting with the Museum of Ancient Art to see which collections they can exchange with and how to promote each other in their respective areas. He just hopes this meeting ends as soon as possible because he finally recognizes the insignia from earlier.
--------
The meeting lasts for two hours. Thankfully, it was a meeting that wasn’t the type that could’ve just been over email. The four of them rise from their seats, delighted to have finished a fruitful meeting on time. After San walks them out of the building, he hurries back in, and already Yeosang’s eating his slice of cake with his coffee.
“We have no other meeting after that right?” San says as he brings his share to his table, leaning against his seat after such a tiring discussion-- not even a museum tour for students had worn him out that much.
“None, so we will be here until after closing to check on the discussed flower.” Yeosang after sipping his coffee. “There was something you wanted to tell me, yes?”
This gets San back into business mode, stern lines on his face as he faces Yeosang who busies himself with his cake. “Yeah, I saw someone in their shop, with the same insignia as the one that did a break in a few weeks back.”
Yeosang’s eyes are on his coffee and half eaten cake as he listens to San’s encounter. This doesn’t feel right. Once he catches a glimpse of the flower, he’ll rush over to your shop. “I’ll drop by their shop afterwards.” He simply says.
San takes the chance to look at his companion carefully. Behind the calm eyes already a storm rages, there’s tension in his neck and arms. If he’s right, then it’s only a matter of time.
“We’ll discuss this at my place after tonight’s activities.” He simply ends the conversation there, taking another bite of his cake.
“We’re still visiting their shop after?” It was a bit of a surprise for San to hear Yeosang wanting to go out of his way. Then again, why was San even surprised by anything anymore. This is Yeosang, he’s talking to. Also, with what San saw, archons know just how much turmoil there is inside Yeosang.
“If it’s possible, yes.” Yeosang closes his eyes as he drinks his latte. That’s enough for San to know to leave Yeosang to the privacy of his thoughts. Now all that’s left to do is wait until closing time.
As San looks away from him, he shifts his view to his computer, then to his phone. It’s a little odd that you haven’t replied to his messages. Despite his calm facade, he’s stressed. If his assumptions are right, you’re being targeted, for reasons that are yet unknown to him.
[ Yeosang to Wooyoung ] Are you working in the shop right now?
[ Wooyoung to Yeosang ] on my way to the shop! Need me to prepare an order for you guys?
He stops for a moment, wondering the proper wording to make sure Wooyoung doesn’t panic as much as he is right now.
[ Yeosang to Wooyoung ] Maybe later should San and I make it after today’s itinerary. I was simply wondering since they haven’t replied to me today.
He stares at his phone screen for another moment.
[ Yeosang to Wooyoung ] We’ll let you know.
He has thirty more minutes before the museum is deserted. For now, he’ll make the most out of his cake. He’s not quite sure anymore if peace will last long from now on.
--------
San takes the lead tonight. He asks one of the security guards to direct him and Yeosang to where in the garden was this strange flower located. Yeosang follows the male a few steps behind. His hands hidden in the pockets of his coat, he doesn’t want anyone to see just how tense he was.
“It was spotted in this area, sir. The smell leads you to the plant.” The security guard informs them as he gestures to the general area.
San nods, taking note of his advice, already he catches a waft of the scent. He doesn’t need to look at Yeosang to know how on edge he was. “We can manage on our own from here. Thanks.” San promises, as he dismisses the guard, to return to his duty. As the security guard leaves the two alone, he glances at Yeosang. “Do you want to be alone?” The archon shakes his head. He sniffs the air for a moment. The scent takes him back to the memories of eons past. Simpler times, he assumes.
From there, the two of them follow the scent. It’s a sharp contrast from all the turpentine and antique materials they’ve been exposed to since the museum was built. In today’s standards, the Neve Jewel would remind the regular people of an untouched field in the mountains. Though it is similar to lavender, it is still something that would even make those who love the said herb doubt that it is lavender that they’re smelling.
From there, they see a faint glow against the dim lighting in the garden. A soft glow of cool blues bounce onto the ground from where the flower resides. San sits by the bench across the flower as Yeosang approaches the plant.
It’s just like how he remembers it, just like the painting he showed you. It’s still the same after all these years. Yeosang hears nothing but the rush of blood in his ears. He’s too scared to touch the flower, fearing that it would be reduced to nothing-- that this would just be a sick dream his mind conjured.
“It’s real, Yeosang.” San says softly, as he watches his friend gaze at the flower in disbelief.
Yeosang snaps out of his thoughts and stands up. “I think I got all the proof I need.” He says softly. He stretches his legs, now reaching his full height. “Let’s go visit the shop.”
--------
Yeosang parks his car a few steps away from your shop. The warm glow from the lights lets him hope that you’re still inside. He and San enter the shop, only to be greeted by Wooyoung mopping up the floor. “Oh, thought the two of you wouldn’t come. Want the usual?” He asks, the surprised look on their faces doesn’t slip by him. “Looking for Popsicle?'' Wooyoung asks, leaning his hand against the top of the mop.
“Popsicle..” San repeats, thoroughly confused but Yeosang catches his reference fairly quickly.
“Didn’t think you’d give them that nickname.” He muses, already handing his card to Wooyoung who is already making his way to the counter.
“Man, they call me Sparky, it’s even.” Wooyoung counters. He didn’t really think he’d reveal himself like that but alas, it’s been done.
“Creative nicknames.” San comments, amusement in his tone.
“Happens to the best of us.” With that, Wooyoung busies himself whipping up their orders. “Popsicle left early for personal errands and to try out some personal recipes, to see if they can add it to the seasonal menu.” He explains above the whirring of the coffee machine. “Also, apparently it was a busy day so they weren’t able to reply to any of our messages.”
Yeosang, unaware of some of the changes, inevitably trips against a potted plant. From the sudden cold feeling against his leg, Wooyoung probably had watered this just a few minutes ago. His resigned sigh catches San’s attention and notices his trousers have been, quite literally, soiled. “Uhhh, Wooyoung?” San calls out, a little concerned for the cleanliness of his peer’s outfit and the shop’s.
“What-- Oh.” Wooyoung sees the mess and Yeosang says nothing but an apologetic bow. “I can clean it up once it dries up. Cleaning up wet soil just makes a bigger mess.” He points out. Unfortunately for him, this means staying in the shop longer when he can be in his bed, underneath his comfy blankets.
“I can be of assistance.” The archon speaks up. San looks at his friend in alarm, hoping that he won’t give away what he really is but he pays him no heed. Wooyoung eyes him in confusion.
With a flick of his wrist, his watch extends into a double ended scythes, his reflexes this time faster than earlier. He dips the edge of the blade against the spilled mud then against his pants, making sure to not nick at the fabric. The water from the damp dirt envelops the blade quickly, turning from an opaque brown color to clear and clean water.
He lifts one end of the scythe from his pants and tips into the pot, the water dripping in as carefully as possible. Once successful, he taps the end of the scythe’s pole against the ground and immediately returns to a watch.
Wooyoung watches the entire scene, speechless and confused by the entire spectacle-- though more of the fact Yeosang knows how to wield a scythe. “Does San know how to use a weapon too?” This wasn’t what he was supposed to ask but it will do for now.
“Just a sword staff.” San returns in equal nonchalance as Yeosang, in hopes that it wouldn’t make Wooyoung lose his mind. Instead though, Wooyoung lets out a low whistle, impressed at the two’s experience of handling rare weapons-- well he assumed they were rare. For he went with a great sword while you were something along the lines of a mage. To be honest, you didn’t really know how to describe your choice either.
“Okay but, Yeosang, your pants are dirty and you used the blade against the fabric. Aren’t they expensive?” Wooyoung’s not entirely sure at this point of how to remedy the situation, one foot already at the direction of the broom to clean up the now dried soil. He’s not entirely shocked that Yeosang knows how to deal with water, his hydro vision hangs by his waist. He was more shocked with the scythe and the possibly damaged clothes. How he did that so willingly, maybe it’s the perk of being rich.
Yeosang waves his hand dismissively about his concern. “Nothing to worry about. I know someone who can clean this without sacrificing the quality. To ease your wary heart, I barely touched the blade against the pant leg. It’s still perfectly fine.”
Of course, he’d know someone. The rich always do.
“What brand are you even wearing?”
“Cucinelli.”
With that mentioned, Wooyoung stands up and leaves the two for a moment. The abrupt exit leaves the two surprised and concerned. He returns with a broom in hand, cleaning up the soil and putting it back into the pot. The brand name alone tells him everything he needs to know about how much the pants were. “Is it really that expensive?” Yeosang asks, a little surprised by Wooyoung’s sudden lack of response.
He doesn’t answer for a moment. “It’s enough to cover rent for a few months yeah.”
This makes the archon ponder for a moment. Truly there were things that he forgets from time to time about the differences in the lives of humans.
---------
For the next hour the two of them fill in Wooyoung on what has happened in their day, when all of a sudden Yeosang perks up in alarm.
Yeosang looks around, can never be too careful after all. “Did you see anyone with a symbol that depicts three intertwined knots?” Wooyoung just gives him a perplexed look. WIth the amount of people Wooyoung sees on the daily, it was rare that any of them would stand out to him. It was easier to spot people who stand out in a studio than in a coffee shop.
“Huh? Maybe our Popsicle did but I don’t remember seeing anything like that, why?”
This time, he wasn’t sure if he should be concerned or not. The things the two have talked about, especially in the art scene, doesn't faze him anymore. For all he knows, the insignia they’re asking about is an anonymous artist they want to work with.
San shakes his head. “Just a hunch about something. One of these days, we can tell you but for now, we need to go home. It’s late.” San reminds them as he glances at the time.
By now, Wooyoung was already finished cleaning everything up. The paper and plastic packaging for their orders were in their hands and it’s on them to throw it. His reasoning? He already worked hard to keep this place clean and he’s stayed beyond work hours to wait for them just like you’d always do.
Now that the lights were closed and the doors were locked with ample protection by Wooyoung, San looks around and sees an odd being a few feet away. “Yeosang.” He murmurs softly, eyes flitting towards the direction he needs to face. The amulet in his pocket feels a little heavier.
Across the street stood the members from the Abyss Order, their eyes glinting in the dark with a plan that would put Wooyoung in danger should they not act quickly. “Wooyoung, I need you to get in the car now. I’ll drive you home.” Yeosang orders, tryinggnn his best not to sound on edge to not scare the guy. Usually, he and San can take care of these members without anyone around them becoming collateral damage. He’s not sure either if Wooyoung has his sword with him.
“What? Nah, it’s okay. I can just walk or get a taxi.” Wooyoung reassures, standing up twirling the keys in his fingers.
“Wooyoung, it’s an ord--” Before Yeosang could complete his sentence, San already has his sword staff up, creating a sturdy shield to block out the bullets that were fired at them. The boom and the lack of sound from impact makes Wooyoung look over immediately. San’s weapon stands at a roughly twelve feet tall pole alone, add the sword and it could have been eighteen feet in length. The human’s not quite sure as to how that happened but questions might be better put for later.
“Ah shit.” Your friend mutters, unclasping his bracelet and already it shifts into a greatsword, taking up a length of six feet easily. “I don’t know what they are but they are not damaging this shop.” What’s scarier: these unknown threats or you screaming?
He manages to block a few of the projectiles coming their way,much to the shock of the two immortals. “Got any plan? Preferably something that makes sure this shop is unscathed?” Wooyoung growls, returning the projectiles, with much more strength towards the perpetrators. This time, the heated projectiles combined with his element, exploding upon impact. His vision glows a sharp purple as he continues to use his element.
Yeosang looks around, trying to figure out a plan. “Watch my back” He simply says. Immediately, San shifts to take his usual position behind the archon. Wooyoung on the other hand, still throws damage against the strange figures. “Wooyoung, keep exposing them to electricity.”
The human grunts in acknowledgement, slightly frustrated that he can’t move around freely as he has to make sure the shop takes no damage. San jumps into action,using the bladed end of his staff to take out what seems to be a burly figure wielding an electro hammer who was lunging straight towards Yeosang. It doesn’t take much to know that the figure’s near gone with how hard it staggers back from the impact.
Yeosang spins his scythe, and the blades start to get enveloped by water. As he swings his scythe, blades of water hone in on the figures, knocking them back upon impact and damaging their own weapons. This gives enough time for San to push forward and drive his staff down onto them: pinning them against a sudden burst of wind currents. The pressure making it hard for them to wriggle out of, yet they twitch insistently from the exposure to electricity and water. “Leave if you want to see another day.” Yeosang warns in a strange voice. Wooyoung’s not sure if his goosebumps are from the static on his sword or from the change in Yeosang’s attitude.
The men-- from what Wooyoung can only presume, submit to his order, speaking of promises to not return to the area and other words that he can only assume were pleas of mercy.
“Whoever sent you here, tell them of my regards.” Yeosang growls. He doesn’t need to lean forward to look them in the eye. From where he stands, waves of his power come off him slowly. Something in Wooyoung runs cold when he sees his eyes and the tips of his hair glow an intense blue-- a blue that reminds him of the deepest trenches in the ocean, as he restrains their movements even further with water.
When the promises are made, San makes sure to look each perpetrator in the eye, memorizing their faces and features for the future. They can never tell when the tide changes. The male then loosens his restraints on the men, despite the blood and bruises they have he lets them go. Though personally, he would’ve sliced them into ribbons for coming into this part of the neighborhood.
Once the three have scrambled away from them, Yeosang heaves a sigh. It’s been a little too long since he had tapped into his archaic abilities. He carefully switches his scythe back into a watch, clasping it around his wrist. Once it’s snug around his wrist, he checks the time. Past midnight. What a tiring day. San heaves a tired groan, tapping the end of his staff against the ground and it becomes a weaved ring on his pointer again. The archon walks to his car, unfortunately with a few dents and scratches. It will be a matter to be taken cared of for another day, for now: safety.
“Get in the car.” He has already put up a protective layer of water against your shop, making sure that any damage against your shop would be minimized. The three figures have already retreated but to leave Wooyoung alone would be a death wish. Wooyoung scratches his thumb against the base of his sword and it turns immediately into his bracelet. He makes sure everything else is clear then hops into the car, swinging the door shut as Yeosang steps on the gas.
“Who were they?” Wooyoung exclaims as he falls back into his seat with an exhausted whine. His clothes were definitely a mess and the adrenaline’s starting to wear off “Shit, Popsicle.” He worries for your safety, especially after tonight’s run-in. He’s not sure if you’ll be able to fend for yourself on your own.
“San will take care of them. It’s too dangerous for us to go get them right now.” He promises yet the edge in his voice doesn’t leave. He knows who they were but why they were there is what’s making him grip the steering wheel harder than he should. “Yeosang.” San’s voice immediately reminds him to breathe. “To answer your question, the ones we fought earlier are from the Abyss Order. They haven’t been making their presence known in years.”
“So why now?”
“We don’t know.” San replies in place for Yeosang. “That’s why we asked if you saw a three intertwined knot insignia earlier because I saw something when I went in during their shift.” The rest of the drive is quiet. The car slows down to an acceptable speed to avoid any road blocks along the way.
“You’re staying the night in my place for now.” Yeosang explains much to Wooyoung’s shock. “It’s not safe for you to go back yet. Not until tomorrow morning at least. San will pick them up. He knows his ways around the roads here.” He continues, as he slowly parks his car in the complex’s parking lot.
Wooyoung explains to San where the two of you live and San already has a mental image of it. “Any landmark?”
“A convenience store right next to a grandmother’s ramen shop.”
“Okay, I’ll see you guys later.” San then jumps out of the car and onto the scaffoldings of the buildings.
Wait, this is where Yeosang stays? Wooyoung looks around the area: the cars look timeless, expensive as well. On the ground seems to be the numbers of the respective owner’s place. He shuts off the engine and unlocks the doors. “Tell them to bring what they need for the next few hours. I have a lot to explain.”
---------
That’s how Wooyoung ended up staying in Yeosang’s place for the night. Yeosang cooks up a simple pasta for them, knowing that even San will sleep over for the night. Wooyoung offered to help but Yeosang had been stubborn enough to make him sit down and drink his tea after updating you with what had happened.
The needed conversation had to happen with you around so to kill time, both men decided to know the other a little more beyond the coffee shop and art museum.
“... I basically got my vision after realizing what I wanted to do with my life.” Wooyoung explains. It happened after having a conversation with you in high school. “We were fighting about whether or not I should try for the competition despite my injuries..” Go figure. He went all in for it, of course with your help to keep him grounded but it would seldom work as he tunnel visioned into his goal. The difference between your two favoured medium is in the longevity of the works. He accepted that dancing is one of the shortest living works. Three minutes on stage is different from three minutes through a screen. Yet, there he was wanting to make his name known for years to come despite the short lifespan of dance. “It was when I told little Ice Cube about it that my vision formed in my pocket.”
“I did get my name out there, once we started studying in university.” He continues. “I rose up the dance crew quickly. Things are always different in real life as compared to recorded performances, yet there’s always something beyond as they would say.” He shrugs, trying his best to not sound like he’s bragging. “Now here I am, teaching some idols choreography while teaching passionate dancers in a studio with a part time in your shop.”
This makes Yeosang mull for a bit. He’s met the Electro Archon, with Wooyoung’s story it did fall in line with the Archon’s belief and virtue: to go beyond what Time can limit. It took a few thousand years to remind the mentioned Archon of their humanity though. Fortunately, they have thus the influx of electro users in the succeeding years. He wonders then, when did you get yours? The archon does not want to pry yet curiosity pesters his mind. “I’m assuming that they have gotten their vision prior to yours then?”
The mortal looks at him with wide eyes. “They never told you how they got the cryo vision huh?” Wooyoung notes as he takes his time to study Yeosang’s place.. Yeosang busies himself by making himself a cup of tea, while Wooyoung an americano. He knows his skills in creating coffee would be sub-par compared to yours but for now, it will do for him.
“I’m afraid not, though I am aware of the similarities of the lives led by cryo users.” Yeosang returns as he hands the mug to the other male. Each Archon hands a human or an adepti with a vision, usually done when the subject of interest has reached a point in their life that exhibits values worthy of their attention. For the Pyro archon, it would be due to the passion one carries despite all odds. For Yeosang, the hydro vision is gifted when the human exhibits the desire to better themselves. The Cryo archon was an oddball even after the changes, for those who receive the cryo vision are those who have gone through a certain loss that changes them in the long run. As if to help them survive what the world has done to them.
What did you lose?
Wooyoung eyes the coffee in his hands with worry. Your story is not his story to share, but he can share parts of it from his eyes. “They started living with my family at a young age.” He starts. “It took them awhile to warm up to the family but no one forced the lil Popsicle to be happy.” The dazed wary look you would give his parents pained him even until now. “Despite that, they’ve been deadly protective of our parents and brothers. You were always willing to fight any one that tried to bully me or any of our other classmates.” He says with a soft laugh. Yeosang listens intently, the mere image of you, a small child, willing to protect those who were suffering, it would’ve been a sight to see. Wooyoung takes a careful sip, making sure to not burn his tongue. “Their family was known for their ventures in history, usually through art and any written records.” Wooyoung adds, looking up at the male across from him. There’s something in him that tells him that Yeosang isn’t any regular vision holder. “Can I ask something?”
The question surprises the archon slightly but he gestures for Wooyoung to continue. He supposes that not everything can be told from another pair of eyes, best to be told by someone who has seen it all.
“You’re not a regular human are you?” Wooyoung’s question makes him chuckle.
“What made you ask?” Yeosang starts, eyeing the human with curiosity.
“For starters, no one’s hair glows at the tips.” Wooyoung points out, tipping his head towards the fringe that frames his face. “Nor should the eyes” he adds, referring to the run in earlier. He doesn’t add the words Yeosang spoke of, thinking it could be twisted easily into his favor. “Also, this amount of money cannot be amassed in such a short year unless you’re from a rich family.” In the back of his mind, he was already making a plan of how to escape and warn you should this become a worst case scenario. He was about to list more before Yeosang cracks up.
“Well, yes. You are correct. I am not.. A human entirely.” Though he does plan to live like one after this.
“But you’re not.. An adepti either then? You don’t look like Ganyu.” Wooyoung points out. At least that removes the possibility of him being associated with the bad guys. What memories that name brings him. It’s been a long time since he’s heard from Ganyu. The last he’s seen her, she could pass off as a woman in her early fourties if it weren’t for the ruby horns that curled upwards from her head. Maybe he should pay her a visit in the near future.
“An adepti can take on a form like Ganyu yes, but there are also adepti that can take on the forms of animals or look like regular humans. My dear friend San, is an adepti as well.” Yeosang counters calmly as he sips his tea. “Now, I trust their judgement, you are a trustworthy human, especially to have the electro vision. Dear Wooyoung,” he starts. The ways of proving that he was the archon without annihilating an entire area is usually limited for a human’s mind can be picky. He lets his eyes turn into wide saucers, too wide to be considered human, and for his skin acquires scales like that of a dragon. Wooyoung’s reaction tells him enough and he reverts himself back to that of a human.
“You’re the hydro archon.” Wooyoung sputters out.
“That is correct.” Yeosang nods calmly.
“Can I swear?”
“Carry on.”
“Holy shit.”
--------
The way San entered your apartment as well was enough to scare you for the next three days or so. He doesn’t tell you much, even in the safety of your own home. Only a “Let’s go. We’ll explain somewhere safer.” By then, you already had your things ready and kept everything in place. Your vision is securely strapped around your waist while your Regalia is on your wrist.
You arrive in one piece thanks to San. He had you running through small roads and hidden spots around the city, to avoid prying eyes and wandering ears from seeing the two of you.
At first glance, you assume that this was another regular apartment complex that maybe you staying at home was the better option. But when you enter the lobby, the smell alone tells you this more than a regular building. There’s a receptionist with three guards around the place, the pristine interiors softened by the warm lighting. You feel out of place in your regular sweats and hoodie, San on the other hand might be in a worse position. A wrinkled jacket, dress shirt that’s been dirty with his tie loosened, his shoes lost their luster and his hair was in slight disarray. A rare sight indeed.
“Let’s go. They won’t mind you anyways as long as you’re with me.” San reassures you, sensing your discomfort when the staff pass a glance at you. He walks with you to the elevator and once the two of you are in the small box, he heaves a sigh of relief and exhaustion, leaning against the wall for some sense of support.
“What exactly happened, San?” You ask. The concern in your voice makes him look over at you and for a moment, he thought he saw the previous archon in you. No wonder Yeosang’s been hung up about you. Yet, once he comes to his senses, it’s just the same you. A regular human who carries the cryo vision, yet he could also see why Yeosang would like you regardless of your potential history.
The rising elevator makes your ears pop, thankfully you manage to hear him say, “We’ll talk about it in Yeosang’s place. Wooyoung’s there as well.” He repeats. There’s no hint of unperceived danger in his voice yet it puts you on the edge.
The lift rings, notifying them of their arrival. He gestures for you to walk ahead of him, mostly out of your own safety to make sure nothing comes running at you from behind. “2411” The man behind you says, and so you look for the number. It’s deep into the hallway when you finally see his place. San takes the chance to knock on the door thrice, and without missing a beat, it’s Wooyoung that greets the two of you-- slightly worse for wear but nothing you can’t fix.
He sighs in relief, seeing you in one piece along with San and he lets the two of you in. “I brought your stuff.” You say, handing his duffle bag to him and he manages to let out a sound of relief.
“Yeosang! I’ll go ahead and shower!” He calls out, leaving you and San alone with him. The way Wooyoung has become so casual and comfortable with him doesn’t surprise you anymore.
San takes up the stool Wooyoung left, you sitting next to him as you try to make sense of his apartment. The wide view of the skyline from wall to wall in the living room was enough to make your head swim with a fear of heights. The colors were on the whites and browns with the occasional accent of black. His kitchen didn’t really help quell your curiosity of just how rich he was. It’s only now that Wooyoung’s words were settling into your head. He’s rich and if your guess is right, he’s probably part of the 0.5% of society. There is no way he can pay for the upkeep of this apartment easily unless he was part of that aspect of society.
Your eyes return to him as he serves the two of you some of the pasta he had made earlier. “Eat while it’s still hot.” He says for now. San doesn’t mind your questioning gaze on his friend but Yeosang tries not to cave in. Not yet. “I will explain everything once everyone’s cleaned up. It will be a long night for you and Wooyoung especially.” He leaves no room for arguments, and it takes a moment for the archon to realize that he’s using his business voice again. He rubs the back of his neck, albeit uncharacteristic of him as he tried to assert his calm nature just moments ago. “I will take a shower for now, don’t rush your meal for tonight.” Thus leaving the two of you on your own.
---------
The water runs hot against his skin but the temperature doesn't faze him, steam has already coated the mirrors and the glass tiles. He just stares blankly at the murky rivulets that run down his body and to the drain. Questions still ring in his head as to what could’ve happened, why did it happen, and what had happened. You’d think an aged archon such as he could see the answers easily, yet there’s one thing he can never get right. Humans and their “sense” of logic, the claimed hardest to sway yet here he is wondering why things went the way they did with the adrenaline from the battle wearing off as the hot water relaxes his muscles.
What was in the store that the Abyss Order thought was of importance? Was it you?
As much as he loves being with water, he hates how it would remind him of many memories he tries to push away they still come back. Ironic really how water always is in motion, yet he can’t seem to just move on from what has happened years back. He snaps out of his thoughts and finishes washing up for the night, his dirty clothes tossed into the hamper as he changes into his sleep wear for the night.
One day, the memories won’t hurt anymore. For now, he lets them hurt until the pain ebbs away. He lets himself mourn the pain for a few moments before coming back to reality. He can’t let himself mourn more than needed, there are things he needs to attend to first.
When he comes back to the kitchen, it’s Wooyoung who is now keeping you company and from the looks of things, he was filling you in on what had happened to the best of his ability.
“Really,” you sigh, drying your plate as you eye him with concern. “Thank goodness, you had your bracelet on you today. Let me check you for injuries.” You chastise him, not taking a no for an answer as you give his body a quick scan.
“Ice cube, I think you should be checking on San and Yeosang-- Ow!” He yelps, when he feels your hand press on his shoulder.
“Did you handle your sword the wrong way again?” You ask, spreading a thin layer of ice on his skin, akin to a muscle relaxant strip.
The way you know him so well makes him pout. “Maybe..” He mutters, he waits for an earful that never comes. Instead, your attention shifted to Yeosang who has been watching the two of you bicker for what could’ve been this entire time.
“Oh hey, Yeosang. I was telling them what had happened earlier, well at least the ones I understand.” He changed his seat so that Yeosang could sit next to you.
Little shit.
“You didn’t have to clean up.” He says, thanking Wooyoung for the seat. He doesn’t stop you though, you were practically finished with the job anyways.
“It’s fine. It’s the least I can do. San went to clean himself up a few minutes ago.” You take your seat after cleaning up the dishes, you don’t miss the chance to shoot Wooyoung a glare at his motive though.
“Then he’ll most likely return in ten minutes. Wooyoung, what have you told them thus far? Just so San and I can fill them in on any questions they might have.”
“Mostly the fight, what the guys looked like, and your weapons.” He says, a little too enthusiastically thus causing the two of you to look at him with raised eyebrows. “What? It’s not everyday you see a double ended scythe and a sword staff three times taller than San.”
“I heard that.” A pointed voice comes out from behind the. It was San, fresh out of the shower with an empty look of annoyance on his face.
“Well, now that we’re here. I suppose we can get started.”
The four of you take comfort in the living room as this could be a very long discussion. Well, to be specific, it’s only San that manages to find comfort on the couch, lounging on one side like a lazy cat while you and Wooyoung are still in shock over the quality of the place alone. The two of you sit carefully on the couch, Yeosang decides to sit across the two of you. The archon already seems burdened, wondering how else to go about this.
“For starters,” San suggests. “I think it would be a good idea to tell you that I saw someone at your shop with the insignia on their laptop. It’s safe to guess that they’re part of the Abyss Order.”
You look at him in confusion. The name rings faint bells but not quite what you were looking for. “The what?” You ask, shifting your glance to Yeosang. The immortals wonder if they saw a spark of fear flash before your eyes as you try to make sense of the situation.
“The Abyss Order, my dear, they’re a long running organization. They started from wanting to topple Celestia, to wanting to take down the Archons.” It was the simplest way Yeosang could put it. The complete run down of history could take longer than a night and he doubts you and Wooyoung could take so much information within a short period of time. “Their insignia has changed over time. They work in the shadows, feeding opposing ideas to humans in subtle ways that reach the communal consciousness.” There have been certain forms of media that have come out that romanticize questionable lifestyles and choices, that only a handful can tell the Abyss had a hand in them.
“So why were they at my shop? I’m just a regular human trying to make ends meet and make my dreams come true” You say.
“Regular my butt. Ice Cube, we have visions, I don’t really think we’re regular.” Wooyoung snorts. He has a point, vision carriers weren’t that common. “But that is a good question.” He says after a jab to his side thanks to you.
Yeosang cups his chin in thought. “My guess is because of San and I.” He returns calmly. “Well, to be exact, me.”
Wooyoung’s head starts to work into overdrive. “Wait, right.” He cuts his own words off, groaning into his hands. San starts to find his own nails interesting as the conversation shifts to this. Unfortunately you were still unable to make sense out of everything. How could you, your night went from San telling you to pack up, to running through unknown streets, to seeing the three of them in a slightly worse for wear situation to a multimillion apartment.
“Can someone please explain?” You plead, your patience running thin. You don’t like being kept in the dark. You don’t like the familiar feeling of frustration and powerless feeling it brings.
“My dear, I don’t know how else to say this but I, Kang Yeosang, am the Hydro Archon.” As he reveals this, his eyes glow into the colors of the ocean, with his pupils widening more than normal, streaks of ice blue against a deeper blue green hue. If you look any closer, you might be able to see hints of white, just like sea foam in his eyes. His skin forms patches of scales on his forearms, but the metamorphosis stops there. He’d rather not turn into full form and cause property damage. “I’ve been the one responsible for giving Hydro visions for as long as I can remember.” He manages to rasp out, his voice now rather hoarse due to the partial transformation.
Your eyes grow wide, somehow this makes sense and at the same time it doesn’t. This explains his extensive knowledge of history yet at the same time, it’s a struggle to wrap your mind around the mere fact you’ve been catching feelings for an immortal being. Of all beings to fall for, it had to be the Archon. It couldn’t have been someone like Wooyoung but then again, do you really want that?
“He wields a double scythe by the way.” Wooyoung comments under his breath. That part, you can take in stride, your best friend handles a great sword while you used something akin to a floating orb.
“But wait, you said initially, this Abyss Order’s targets were you and San. Is San an Archon too?” You ask. If he was the Anemo Archon, you might have to cut this discussion short-- it’s been a hectic and eventful day.
“I was offered, but I turned it down.” San says with a shrug. “I prefer just being something like a guardian of a region rather than overseeing the entire world.” He doesn’t continue the story and instead stretches his body out like a cat lazing under the sun.
Yeosang slowly transforms back into that of a regular human. “That’s as far as my guess goes, that I’m the primary target. Anything else is unfortunately beyond my knowledge.” He hasn’t kept in contact with the other archons either so it’s anyone’s guess at this point.
“So what now?” You ask. “I really can’t just stay at my shop 24/7. Wooyoung can’t either, besides the shop, he works at a dance studio too, remember?”
Yeosang stays silent for a while, thinking through possible remedies for the time being. “Would an additional hand suffice?”
“I’m not hiring you or San into my shop. I don’t think the salary I can give either of you could compare to the salary in an art museum.”
“Oh no, not me. The art museum needs San and I to continue running.” He shakes his head. It was a lovely idea though, a nice change from the constant stress of files and intensive care. “I know someone who might be able to help, he’s just like San.” San looks over at Yeosang with a raised brow, raising his head from his arm to get a better view of his friend.
“I mean, if he’s a friend of yours and is aware that I can’t give a salary as high as you can then I don’t think I can turn down the offer.”
“Then it’s settled then. I’ll contact Hongjoong tonight to give him the details. If things go as planned, he will be able to meet you tomorrow afternoon.”
“Oh right, Yeosang put up some sort of protective barrier for the night that spans until early afternoon I think? So more time for us to rest and catch up on sleep.” Wooyoung explains upon seeing your panicked face at the ‘tomorrow afternoon’ part. “So I guess, that’s it for tonight?” Wooyoung asks in a hopeful tone, trying to stifle a yawn with his hands.
The immortals remember the limitations of humans and thus decide to end the discussion here. “Yes, we can continue this some other time. For the sake of your safety, feel free to come to the art museum. I’ll let the staff know of you to let you through easily. For now, it is better for the two of you to get some rest.”
San sends him a look, realizing that he had omitted a certain topic out of the discussion. At the mention of rest, you start to feel the exhaustion seep into your bones. Your eyes feel heavy now as Wooyoung’s yawn reminds you of how eventful the day was for both of you. “I’ll lead them to their room.” San offers, much to Yeosang’s relief as he couldn’t handle what San might want to discuss once the two were off to rest.
Yeosang switches the lights off, bathing the room in darkness and night lights once more. The hallway was dimly lit, making sure that none of his visitors bumped themselves to their slumber. He asks himself why he veered away from the topic of you being a potential interest by the Abyss Order. He wasn’t happy with the answer but it’s the only one he’s got.
He doesn’t want history to repeat itself, yet he knows that those who don’t know it are doomed to repeat it. Even with these worries, he can’t get himself to look at the amulet that rests by his bed side.
--------
Something inside you starts turning. “San, do you remember what the symbol looks like?” You ask carefully, voice barely above a whisper. For Wooyoung’s sake, you didn’t want him to hear this conversation.
His eyes glance at you after watching Wooyoung flop over the bed. It’s only now that you notice the green streaks in his eyes. “Of course, something wrong?”
“Can you draw it and send it to me over chat?” You don’t answer his question. “Also, do you have any injuries?” Until you have some sort of confirmation, you won’t divulge any information to him.
San raises his knee as an answer. “Scraped myself when I had to pin the Abyss members down but nothing too worrisome.”
“Can I at least fix it? I wasn’t able to ask Yeosang either of his injuries.” San remembers that you were more adept at healing, you can still pack a punch but you preferred to stay at the back. For both of your peace, he enters the room and lets you check on his injuries.
At least the wound has been cleaned but it’s still very fresh. “This isn’t just a scrape, San.” There’s something in your tone that makes San shrink back like a child. Wooyoung peeks over, your concern catching his attention.
“That looks pretty bad.” Wooyoung comments much to San’s embarrassment. Never did the guardian expect a human to chide him like a parent-- not even Yeosang did that.
“It’s not that--” San’s words are cut off by the jolt in temperature. The sharp cold stings against his wound-- maybe he didn’t disinfect it enough. He hears you murmur words of what he can only assume were spells. The intense drop in temperature made his leg stiffen from the sensation, but it was gone as quick as it happened. The guardian looks at his legs and already it was new skin, as if the wounds never even happened and he had just decided to do an exfoliation. “Makes me wonder how you’d be in a fight.” He muses his thanks, running his fingers gently against his healed knee.
“Please don’t. I might just be the type to cry while fighting.” You plead, much to Wooyoung’s amusement.
The immortal chuckles at the image, for the most part it is endearing but he tries not to wear down the light conversation with the more realistic thoughts in his head. San stands up and heads towards the door. “Good night you two, the next few days might be a little hectic for the four of us.”
Part 4
#my writings#yeosang fanfiction#yeosang au#yeosang scenarios#reader x ateez#ateez x reader#ateez scenarios#ateez fanfiction#ateez au#what else do i tag this as lol
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i have basically covered the material in this post several times on my twitter. but this is, in my opinion, the only s*xy t*mes with w*ngxian take you need.
(cw transphobia, transphobic slurs, antiblack racism, mentions of csa and bestiality in fiction)
edit 6/10/21: hi! i’m realizing people are still reading this! this was written in response to aja romano’s vox article on the fic that was published in late february of this year. i had been frustrated with how their article seemed to miss the point in many ways, because they never talked about the substance of the fic. which, i mean, fair. i wouldn’t want to read a 1million word fic either.
but i already had, so i thought i’d write about some things that i believed needed to be part of the conversation. namely, that its author wasn’t a harmless troll, but a person i genuinely disliked who i believed should be deplatformed.
i think virtual1979 is a bad person.
i think a lot of people mainly know about sexy times the phenomenon more than they do sexy times the fic itself. i have the dubious honor of being one of the few people who has actually read large portions of the million word fic, and that’s why i wanted to write this meanspirited hit piece.
the fic is down right now and the author’s notes and comments have both been deleted, which is why i cannot provide screenshots. however, these are all quotes i have saved from when the fic was online, and i’m happy to talk with anyone if you feel any of these quotes are mischaracterizations of the fic.
i also want to be clear this is not a “callout post” and i’m not trying to “cancel” them or whatever. i am just explaining why i don’t like them, why i don’t feel bad they’re being harassed, and why i do not find them sympathetic at all, and perhaps why you should also adopt these stances.
let’s start with transphobia.
sexy times with wangxian is transphobic. this much is apparent from the tags. virtual1979 tagged the following: F*tanari, d*ckgirl, Sh*male. they use this language in the chapters that include a character with both a vagina and a penis.
they refer to this character (wei wuxian) with the pronouns “he-she.” the following excerpt is a fair representation of how this wei wuxian is referred to in the chapters where wei wuxian has a vagina and a penis.
[Lan Zhan] would never be turned on by a female, and he would actually be turned off by a drag queen - but this… this Wei Ying, it’s Wei Ying, and he-she looks [...]
i know these words are common in porn categories, but they are also slurs. virtual1979 also uses hermaphrodite to refer to this set of anatomy, which is not strictly a slur, but definitely a stigmatizing choice of language.
they have repeatedly made clear they are not open to criticism. they have also since removed the comment section. making an intersex character for the express purpose of using transmisogynistic language towards them in your million word porn fic isn’t annoying the way their tags are, it’s actively fucked up.
fanfiction has a transphobia problem, and if we’re talking about sexy times with wangxian in any capacity, we must be clear: sexy times with wangxian is part of that problem too.
secondly, virtual1979 is also complicit in ao3’s racism problem.
i think the way they write about chinese characters and settings is annoying and racist, but they are a malaysian chinese person, so i do have some sympathy for them. i am committed to having some patience for people who are annoying if they themselves are working through the prejudice they have faced.
they’ve commented as much:
Not gonna lie, this fic has been a steep learning curve for me despite my roots being Chinese as well, but I have absolutely zero knowledge in some of these aspects!
and i’m happy on some level they can get in touch with their roots. who among us has not been cringe and diaspora. any criticisms i have of their portrayal of chinese people will stay private and be made to other people of color.
i’m going to be clear here i don’t think the actual comment they made makes them super evil or anything. but this essay IS clearly in response to That Article, which did mention racism in fandom. so.
i think we have all seen the infamous karen comment they made, in which they compared people who criticized their tagging with “Karens,” equating antiblack state violence to... mean comments on ao3? and “SJWs,” which, eye roll. no ageism but you’re 41 why the hell are you complaining about sjws
anyway. i am deeply frustrated by the co-option of the word karen. a stand-in for a particular type of racist violence white women specifically can and do inflict has become fused with that reddit-type mommy issue “can i speak to the manager” internecine white resentment.
so their trivialization of antiblack racism is another reason i don’t like them. again i KNOW it’s petty to point this out here, but this to me shows that virtual is afflicted with the same kind of fandom brainrot that aja is, where everything comes back to that same sort of self-centered bullshit.
sorry for that jab. julian told me that aja thought that cql was about callout culture and all i could think was “wow! just like virtual thinking that--” because i also have spent too much time on twitter this week.
this is just like. part of this ongoing pattern i’ve noticed with virtual, where they’re aware enough of real problems to acknowledge they exist (police violence, accessibility issues caused by their tagging) but are determined to double down on their minor relative persecution as king, shittily drawing parallels between like... real problems and fandom problems. equating the two or allowing the second to take priority over the former is like... par for the course for this type of person!
third, this is just another clarification on more parallels between ao3 discourse and sexy times that went completely unremarked on by That Article.
i would rather DIE than get into discourse. but why did they write this sentence:
Lan Zhan’s rational mind finally broke with a tsunami of pedophilic lusts [...]
by the way that is the start of a 430 word sentence. and yes this fic does contain hundreds of thousands of words of aged down wei wuxian. make of that what you will.
also why would you make wei wuxian teach baby chickens how to sexually pleasure him. do you hate these characters. what’s going on. i think mxtx should be able to sue virtual for that one.
there’s a very obvious connection between mainstream ao3 discourse and sexy times that went completely unremarked on in That Article. sexy times contains multitudes and some of those multitudes are bestiality and explicit childfucking.
this is not unrelated to fannish culture, they are not unfamiliar with fannish norms, blah blah blah. this is just normal fandom. they’re not subverting shit, they’re just a normal fan who unlike 99% of fanfiction writers on twitter, spends more time writing than posting. this has taken their fannish tendencies to cartoonish heights.
finally, they don’t care about mdzs or wangxian. they’re literally just horny and spiteful that’s it. this isn’t a question of like... “ohh they were a good faith participant in fandom until they went joker mode” and the REAL villain is society/ao3. like no they wanted to write shitty porn, and when they found out they were annoying people, they decided to double down because they could be the main character of the mdzs ao3 tag every time they found a spare hour to write.
here are some select receipts on that topic:
they do not care about canon:
MDZS has quite a complicated and expansive plot and history, and enough content that one can choose to tune out certain parts and still get to the end of the story in one piece. Also, because of its source, some fans may not fully realize the nuances, cultural aspects (ooh, cultural appropriation is another triggering topic) or the full breadth and depth of the source material, such as a person like me, who is half-baked in terms of knowing what the canon universe is all about. So I end up playing with characters and settings technically borrowed from the story, and make them do things that would otherwise run counter to the original source material - and that draws quite some flak from those opinionated people I mentioned just now. It's part of what makes the fandom toxic. It's like they're the self-appointed guardians of the source material and they act like they own the rights to question such questionble fanworks, and dare I say, try to take down those that cross certain lines too.
they are just horny:
After that giddines of extra drunken Lan Wang Ji scenes at the beginning, I'm blessed with Lan Wang Ji (Wang Yibo's, actually) fuzzy nips! Bless Bless Bless, and Amen! muahs the nips on the screen
anyway they did get nuked over wishing covid on people.
so yeah. i want to be really clear. this is my thesis: i do not feel bad for them. you should not either. i do not like them. you should not either. that’s ALL!!!!
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