#anyways as a neurodivergent middle child. yeah. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meatbricks · 3 months

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i am definitely interested in learning more about bruteforce's childhood (and about his family in general), especially his family's "violent streak" that you mentioned. 👀

SKJHSJNJSNJ HI!!!! THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST :DDDD its always good to hear from you and also im. so glad i finally get to talk about the insanity that is this mfer's life before The Murders™

ANYWAYS. headcanon time :D

warning(s): bullying, medical complications (x-rays, false diagnosis, injuries), cannibalism, uhhhhh. a serial killer having supportive parents for once

so first thing's first, his family is huge. granted not all of them live in the same place (a lot of them live out of state, actually), but his parents just kinda. used that as an excuse to go on family vacations all the time LOL

also worth noting here is that he's an only child so uh. yeah no sibling shenanigans here, we already had enough of that with painter— (trust me he still does some fucked up shit later)

as i mentioned somewhere in the tags of this post, his home life was actually pretty good! in general his family gets along with each other surprisingly well & are pretty close, which is surprising because...

..they're all criminally insane!! yeah their murderous tendencies might not be directed towards each other, but they're definitely present.. think stereotypical "mafia crime family" kind of deal but less sophisticated and more. like. redneck? i guess??? LMAO

so yeah, generally. a lot of texas chainsaw vibes (which is kind of ironic because. yknow. he wears a mask made of human skin)

(also in case anyone's wondering, his dad was of italian descent & his mom was of russian descent)

really his behavior as a kid (specifically towards other kids) is a question of nature vs nurture??? because like.. he was kinda raised to be that way, but it was less of his parents making him do it and more of them encouraging him once he'd started doing it on his own

nonetheless he was basically the resident Schoolyard Bully™ in elementary/middle school... he'd just sort of. casually beat people up and steal people's stuff just for kicks

ofcourse someone tried to bring it up with his parents but. you can probably imagine how that ended up

so yeah there was just kind of. nothing anyone could do about it LMAO.. although it's also worth mentioning that some people did fight back (older kids, usually, and yes he'd fuck with them too), which resulted in. lots of injuries, and subsequently lots of x-rays, and that's where the radiation poisoning came from!! :D

he also hit puberty pretty early (like. 8-9 years old), and thats around when The Doll Incident™ happened (as mentioned in the gen hc post)

besides that though not much happened besides his dad deciding "yknow what??? this kid's gonna take over my career when i retire :)"

after middle school he kinda chilled out a little bit??? mostly because he joined the wrestling team and could now beat people up and be rewarded for it

that's also when he met his first girlfriend (they met in a nightclub he lied his way into and he was enchanted by her Neurodivergent Swag™) and committed his first murder (and had his first cannibalism moment!!!!!! good for him <3)

his police training also started at this point, and hanging out with his dad's coworkers kinda made him think "man. the police force kinda sucks. really fucking inept. i wonder how much murder i could get away with before they catch me"

little did he know, though, that's the whole reason why his dad was in the police force.. so that he & his son could get away with murder (and also, to extension, why his dad wanted him to join)

annnd lastly he did end up moving out at 18, but still keeps in touch with his parents (his mom was actually the one who told him about the giant abandoned house in the woods that he moved to LOL)

#this is the answer (ooc)#this is the answer #these are the headcanons #this is the writing #🪓#urbanspook #the painter urbanspook #urbanspook analog horror #yet another banger ask from The Epic Guy™#if you're reading this. you're The Epic Guy™ now. im sorry i dont make the rules this is just the way it is #anyways incase anyone is wondering YES bruteforce's parents know about painter. they're wondering when the wedding is #also yes him murdering and eating his girlfriend is a lacey reference. just to spite ghosttundra for being an urban hater LOL #and also because one of my best friends and i have an in joke about this guy and the stalker being the same person #and lacey being canon in this au #so yknow. swag

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princemick · 1 year

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Lewis definitely shows some ADHD symptoms I recognise in myself, although obviously people who aren't neurodivergent often experience stuff like that too, but, yeah.

In press conferences, like when he plays around with stuff, fidgets or zones out and isn't listening? Also things like when he mentioned that he sometimes has to interrupt conversations in the middle of a sentence because he had a sudden thought or idea that he needs to write down.

Like, Lewis seems like someone who has so many things going on in his head at the same time all the time anyway and who's kind of restless and lots of things to keep him occupied, so. (I know that I read somewhere that he was diagnosed as a child but I can't find the source anymore so maybe someone wrote that and confused it with him struggling with dyslexia as a kid - but he did say that he has ADHD and since it seems true enough I'm thinking that he wouldn't say that without having been diagnosed once yk. I'd also just really love that for myself and yeah it checks out).

ywah for sure and thinking about him as adhd in context the constant earbuds and listening to music, the asking a lot to bono it all makes so much sense to me.

also constantly working and wanting to be busy I can see myself a lot in lewis for sure especially if we talk about how he speaks abt his experiences in school.

#kyle.answers

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flowers-and-literature · 1 year

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Jehan headcannons because fuck you

He has maladaptive daydreaming disorder and some form of neurodivergency but isn't sure what yet (he's just like me fr)

When he was a kid he used to have a lot of separation anxiety from his parents and being away from home but he wasn't completely aware just how bad it was until he got so scared he threw up at Grantaire's place when they were 11

Also R's parents are so nice to Jehan and he's definitely their favourite friend of Grantaire's. R tells him that whenever he sees his parents they're always asking when Jehan will be over

Anyway. He bit half of a guy's ear off one time

This man writes shit poetry. The absolute worst. He really enjoys it though and isn't going to let anyone make him feel like his art is worth less but yeah. He can acknowledge it's dog shit

My bestie @frhog came up with this one but Jehan was definitely a horse girl you're not changing my mind

My dude's legs are constantly in pain from all the pacing he does when he's daydreaming (which is a lot) and at the end of some days he needs to try and stop, pause, and sit on the couch with his cat and rest his legs cuz ouchie (he's just like me fr)

He gets intimidated by anyone under the age of say 5 or 6. He tries to excuse it with him being an only child but honestly he just doesn't know how to interact with young kids. He thinks they're cute and he might play cars with them for a bit but he will do so with a scary amount of anxiety

Also. he's a bad gardener, like all the plants he has die within a week no matter how long they're meant to last. Jack of all trades master of none still got a fat ass tho

He's transgender and this is because everyone in Les mis is transgender and this is because god told me

He's got 2 birds named Artemisia Gentileschi and Caravaggio

He breaks into cemeteries a lot and always brings back something, mf has crow-like tendencies. Sometimes he keeps them, sometimes he gives them to friends, sometimes he uses them in admittedly sketchy spells at 3 am. Usually he comes back with a feather, a broken piece of stone off a grave, a dead flower, but now he's started keeping a skull with an axe mark cut through the right side of it on his table and grantaire is close to kicking him out

His favourite movie is Fantastic Planet followed closely by SLC Punk cuz. Idk. What are you gonna do to stop me.

He cares a lot about the education system and how flawed it is, and it was him considering this that pushed him to join Les Amis. He remembers being a kid and getting ridiculed for bad grades, homework, and being himself, and he remembers how much he hated it, and how he never wants any kid to go through that ever again. He and Combeferre bonded a lot over youth rights and they have frequent discussions about changing the way schools run and the attitude parents have over their kids.

This guy sleeps so fucked up. One of his legs is always just sticking out, he snores so loudly, he can and will kick and punch anything in reach, he drools all over everything. Dude wakes up with the worst bed-hair ever. He claims he's comfy while joly is in the middle of diagnosing him with several back problems.

Anyway yea he has two pointy teeth on the top row that look exactly like fangs and everyone thinks he's a vampire. Which yea tbh he is

#les mis #les miserables #les amis #les amis de l'abc #jehan

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xxlovelynovaxx · 11 months

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¡Hijole!

So aside from the fact that I get rec'd the WEIRDEST tweets, there's hundreds of utterly unsourced claims that this 'hurts child neurological development' and I'm just like 'show me the study, then?'

Like, this is utterly ridiculous discourse, almost refreshingly so, but then I think about how ableist it comes off. Oh, no, your child isn't hitting developmental milestones within the normal age ranges? Must be the TV shows and not, idk, neurodivergence?!

Never mind that for those of us neurodivergent people who are chronically understimulated, overstimulation is healthy, helpful, and good. My autistic nephew with much higher support needs than me thrives on Cocomelon. It makes him so much more able to handle life in general. He has meltdowns less and is generally less distressed at things like changing expectations and bad sensory experiences.

Hell, I'm an adult with middling support needs and chronically understimulated and I am CONSTANTLY sensory-seeking for something that's just like Cocomelon is being described. Maybe I should watch it... /hj

Like...

QRTs:

Is it damaging their attention spans, or are they just neurodivergent, and even if it was what does that affect beyond productivity in capitalist society? How does it hurt kids, when school is just training for working to generate capital for the rich anyway?

"Some ended up needing therapy to undo the damage" so what I'm getting is that you very likely sent your kid to ABA therapy or an equivalent for developing at their own pace and blamed it on a TV show (or anything BUT your own ableism) for... not meeting generalized milestones that kids can meet more slowly for any reason? Like I know I'm focusing on ND kids because it disproportionately affects them, but these milestones are VERY general and can be met slowly or out of order for a MULTITUDE of reasons, plenty of which are healthy and natural.

"Is damaging to learning processes and development" ma'am you are a preschool teacher. Do you have a degree in pediatric neuroscience? Or even developmental neuropsychiatry? Are you in any way qualified to make broad statements about child psychology? Even setting aside the rampant bias in the psychiatric system, where is your data analysis? Oh, it's all anecdotal and assumptive? Yeah, I thought so.

Like it truly isn't the end of the world if kids meet 'educational' requirements in a capitalist and carceral education system later or even never. I could go on and on about that (and don't get me wrong, I'm not pro-homeschool either, I'm pro-youth-liberation). It will never even matter if we can build a better society for them to inherit.

But like... this is just demonizing neurodivergent traits. This is the same kind of pseudoscientific bullshit that blames autism on vaccines with slightly lower stakes (I say only slightly because putting a preschooler in therapy because they have a short attention span is majorly fucked and more so if it's a neurodivergent kid whose 'short attention span' is just how their brain works).

So as much as I'd like to just be silly about Cocomelon discourse maybe like... we should actually talk about the ableism behind it.

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captorsicallfriends · 2 years

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Alright I put off telling you this straight away cus I thought I was gonna get in SO MUCH TROUBLE but here you are. Also Tumblr deleted the first part of my message so the writings not up to scratch Tumblr CEO count your fucking days I've calculated the IP address of that weird Pikachu man you keep putting on my dash I'll find yours too cunt

So I'm lining up for my science class waiting for my teacher to show up, right? And I'm standing behind this one dickhead in the line who's like openly racist, antisemitic, mysogynistic, and homophobic. And a Hijabi person walks by our class while we're lining up, right? This is no biggie to a normal person like me (*tilts hand in a sideways motion while saying a conspicuous "eeEEeHhH"*) ofc but the dude Infront of me has his head shoved so far up his ass he should be standing in the middle of the road in an orange vest acting as a traffic cone instead of being counted as a human being. So he makes some recycled joke about terrorism and now he's Islamophobic too holy shit bingo everyone!!! So I go "dude we get it, it's small, now mind your own business before I commit several crimes before 10:30am on a Tuesday." I thought that was the end of it. I thought wrong. He then proceeds to push "women are dishwashers" and whatever else he can muster out of his shrivelled up, dehydrated arsehole and I'm like "yeah no" so I think to myself what object do I have on hand with me right now that will cause physical harm to this kid?.... Oh ho ho is that a pencil I'm holding? Perfect!! So I turn the pencil around so the sharpened end isn't facing him and proceed to relentlessly stab this child. Yes it was a bit far yes he deserved it yes my mother should've listened when I told her I was having "severe detailed homicidal thoughts" and yes it was glorious. Now normally I would never condolne violence (that's a lie I lied I'm a big fat liar liar pants on sale idk the saying I was never included in the playground games and I want to see blood) but c'mon the kid's had this coming for months now. So after I'm done stabbing this dude I'm like "okay shithead you learnt your lesson yet?" He touches his hand to the back of his head to massage it. He pulls his hand away. There's blood.. ..oh. um...... Okay this wasn't meant to happen ah shit fuck fuck fuck. Everyone else in class is like "wait that probably neurodivergent kid with social anxiety did what now" and I'm standing there like oh fuck uh he deserved it obv and I don't exactly feel bad but damn. And wouldn't you know it my fucking SCIENCE TEACHER appears right at this very moment! Great!! So I go "okay dude you totally deserved that but I do feel a bit bad for causing another human being to bleed... But then again that human being was you and I did give you a warning even though I shouldn't have to in the first pla- okay forget it I'll go get U some ice." So I go up to my teacher like "um hi sir this kid's head is bleeding can I go get some ice" and he goes "yeah sure idc." Doesn't bother to check if the kid is in any actual pain or if I'm just trying to skip. Doesn't ask how his head started bleeding in the first place. Every day I grow more and more convinced my science teacher is the zodiac killer. Anyway I leave to get ice and can't find any like anywhere so that's fun. I do come back with tissues tho so he gets that. So yeah that's the story of how 16 I think days ago I tried to kill a kid with with my pencil and my science teacher probably would have joined in if he'd been there in time. Moral of the story children: s O M E t i m e s,,,,, violence does indeed solve alot. Also stab Islamophobes and mysogynists in the head when possible alright baaiiiiii love you 💖💖💖

Bonus story the dude's girlfriend got SO MAD AT ME OMLLLLL. Like she went "why'd you Only do this to MY BOYFRIEND, hUh?? Why not [insert every guy in my school] they say this stuff toO YA KNOW." 🙄 Like ma'am first of all tame your fucking dog why is he saying shit like this in the first place. Also if you want them to suffer the same treatment that badly my prices usually range from 20 - 30 depending on if I know you or not. Call it the friends and family discount. It's hard being a creature in STEM (slaying, treachery, evil, murder) and maintaining my 11/10 look all at the same time 🙄🙄🙄✨

insane anon confirmed to be physically violent as well as psychologically violent

#diya answers #DJKSHFJDSK WE LOVE TO SEE IT #anon #CREATURE IN STEM (SLAYING TREACHERY EVIL MURDER) I LOVE THAT

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multiplicity-positivity · 1 year

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hi, i dont use tumblr ask stuff often so i dont really know how im supposed to start this but i was hoping you could help me figure myself out a little since i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this lol...

i think im going to send this to a good couple system help type blogs to try and figure this out cause i need Help

i am a minor with cptsd and audhd. i am physically and mentally disabled [dyscalculia]. i have been suicidal for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back]. i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while [memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there] or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die. i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living. i didnt actually know what the word "suicidal" meant. one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and i answered back "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough] and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin because holy Shit a disembodied voice is speaking to me telling me about my deepeet darkest secrets. i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look. i dont know if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of information [???] like. i saw its eyes [red, part of the reason i was convinced it was a demon] and got the fact that its fem looking and got the info that it Knows me and it Knows more [sorry if this doesnt make sense], some personality facts[?], and that its older than me?? i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did. i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel it there like rhe way you know when someones staring at you]. i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do. i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was. i asked another did/osdd blog abt this before and they said for me to look into bpd or aspd but i cant find the blog anymore

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

anyways i was hoping you could shed some light on this in literally anyway you could.

if you think it was an alter could you Please tell me anyway i could try and contact it or anything at all

if not Do you have Any idea what it was...

thank you for reading all this either way

Hello! So this is something we can’t figure out for you - you’ll have to learn more about yourself in your own way. We know you said you don’t have access to a therapist or psychologist, but it sounds like you could really use one! Even if you’re not a system, dealing with something serious like CPTSD can be overwhelming, daunting, and scary on your own, especially when coupled with other disorders or neurodivergencies.

If you’re in school, do you have access to a school counselor, therapist, social worker, or trusted teacher? Talking to an adult you trust about this may be incredibly beneficial for you. It’s so hard to learn what mental illnesses may affect you and heal from complex trauma without any outside help! Be careful though - if it’s not safe at home you wouldn’t want to share this information with an adult who will tell your parents without your consent.

While we can’t and don’t want to diagnose you, we will say that this sounds like it could be a system experience. Before we knew we were a system, our host would occasionally experience what he thought were auditory and visual hallucinations as the rest of us tried to make contact with him. This happened regularly for most of our life, and it wasn’t until we were 24 years old that one of our protectors was finally able to break through and get our host to realize we’re a system.

We also have dealt with heavy amounts of suicidal thinking for what feels like our whole life. Our first suicide attempt was at 12 years old, and we have attempted a handful of times since then. Grappling with memory loss, traumatic flashbacks, depersonalization/derealization, severe depression and anxiety, and many of the other issues that come from complex trauma have generally made life not worth living for us. We are getting help, but we still seriously struggle to make it through each day. For us, this has come with the territory of having a complex dissociative disorder. It sounds like you may be going through something similar.

Please know that you’re not alone in your struggles and there is still hope for you! We’ve made a post on establishing contact with alters to include in this answer, and you can check it out here. Remember that it’s okay to question plurality, to wonder if your a system and to attempt to connect with alters. Even if it turns out you’re not a system, you likely will learn something about yourself in the process.

We hope this response is somewhat useful for you. Thank you so much for reaching out. We’re here for you and we wish the very best for your future, whatever that may hold! Good luck with everything, and take care!

🌸 Margo, 🖋 Cecil, and 🐢 Kip

#questioning system #suicide tw #suicidal thinking tw #long post

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rolandtowen · 3 years

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three times Zuko comes into the Jasmine Dragon coffee shop, and one time Sokka leaves with him. Set in the Neurodiverse Zukka AU, but can read as a standalone.

*banging pots and pans together* "Come over here and get yall Neurodiverse Zukka!"

Read it on Ao3 or under the cut!

TW: discussions of skin picking and implied child abuse

When Sokka pulls into the parking lot of the Jasmine Dragon, he is unsurprisingly the first car there. Being a freshman in town means getting the worst pick of shifts at local businesses. Sokka was hired on to work the opening shift, which means he wakes up at the ungodly hour of 5am to open the shop before the first round of sleep-deprived college students comes in. The pay isn't bad, Mr. Iroh is an incredibly fair man,

The bell on the door jingles on his way in, and he flips several light switches on, watching as the coffee shop slowly comes to life. He busies himself with getting the beans for the day grinding, pulling his first shot and dialing in the expresso. When he takes a sip, the espresso is spot on for the day, which is a relief. Having to make adjustments as customers start filing in is a nightmare.

Today's brew is floral and citrusy, so he decides to make himself and iced lavender latte - with oat milk, of course, because he's gotta do it for the gays - and he spends the next 20 minutes setting out pastries and fiddling with the display cases, making everything look perfect.

At 6am sharp, Sokka unlocks the front door and flips their sign to open, before retreating behind the bar to nurse his latte. Not even five minutes later, the door bell jingles, and Sokka sees a flash of dark hair, face obscured by a pile of textbooks and binders. The figure runs into one table, and then another, and Sokka is rushing out from behind the counter. He gets there just before textbooks go toppling everywhere, his hands taking a firm hold of the top bundle. As he pulls the books into his arms, he sees the face behind them.

Breathtaking golden eyes.

And.. a massive burn scar.

"Hi!" Sokka says, "I'm the barista on shift today - my name's Sokka." He would reach his hand for the other man to shake, but for the stack of textbooks in them.

Golden Eyes smiles.

"I'm Zuko, Zuko Sozin," he says, setting his remaining textbooks on the table by his side. Sokka follows suit.

"Hey, I think I've seen you before - are you taking Piandao's Intro to Biology class?"

"Uh, yeah - yeah! You sit a few rows in front of me." Zuko laughs. "Your doodles are uh, something alright."

Sokka knocks him good-naturedly on the shoulder. "I gotta keep my hands busy for my brain to focus." He looks down at the stack of books on the table. "What on earth are you studying, to have that many books?"

"Uh, Biology and Chemistry double-major, Pre-Med track." Sokka's eyes widen. "It's really not that much! I got a bunch of stuff out of the way with AP credits."

Sokka raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, it is a lot - but I'm really passionate about it. I want to be a doctor."

"Well, Dr. Sozin, what can I get started for you today?"

"Can I get a iced matcha, with a lot of honey?"

Sokka raises his other eyebrow. "A doctor with a sweet tooth?"

"Kind of?"

"Don't worry, I won't rat you out to your dentist. An iced matcha with extra honey?" Zuko nods and Sokka smiles. "You got it, doc."

ii.

Sokka falls into a routine at the Jasmine Dragon. He opens the shop every morning, and every morning of the fall semester so far, Zuko Sozin comes in at precisely 6:05am. Zuko will order an iced matcha with honey, and sits at a table by the window with his laptop and at least two textbooks open at all times. Then, at 11:50am - Sokka guess he has a class that starts at noon - Zuko leaves the shop, always making sure to throw his spare change into Sokka's tip jar.

He's so beautiful.

On a slow day, Sokka comes out from behind the safety of the counter and works up the courage to ask Zuko if he can study with him. Zuko looks shocked at first, but his lips quirk up in a smile as he gestures for Sokka to sit in the chair across from him, moving his textbooks to make room for Sokka's one book and laptop.

"What are you studying, Sokka?" Zuko appears to be genuinely interested.

"Oh, uh, social work, with a concentration in mental health." Sokka waits for Zuko to laugh at him. It never comes. He looks up at him over their laptops.

"That's really cool."

"You think so?"

"Yeah! I mean, some pre-med majors can be really pretentious, really dismissive of mental illness, but um - not me. I don't really have that luxury." Zuko laughs, as though at a joke with himself. "What's the Intro to Biology for, then?"

"Not all of us got our common core out of the way with AP credits, like some nerd I know." Zuko smiles at that, and looks back down at his laptop screen.

Sokka pulls his keys from his pocket and starts fidgeting with the stim toy he keeps on his keychain as he reads through his latest assignment for his Mental Illness and Society class. He bought it on Etsy, relieved to find a neurodivergent-owned shop after scrolling through a lot of stores that just seemed to be hopping on the 'trend' of selling fidget toys. He flips to the next page in his textbook, popping the buttons back and forth in a steady rhythm. He remembers Zuko's sitting across from him and stops abruptly.

"Is this annoying? Do you want me to stop?"

Zuko just cocks his head. "Why would I get a say in what you do? It's kind of your shop, right?"

"Um, to be polite?" Sokka laughs. "And you would be surprised how many customers I get who think they get to tell me what to do." His eyes settle on the half drunk latte in front of him. "It's not really my shop either, I just work the early morning shifts so Mr. Iroh can sleep in. If you ever get to stay past noon sometime, you'll see him come in. You can't miss him, short guy, talks in riddles. He's older, a war vet I think - I just get that impression from some of the stories he tells me. But anyway, did you want me to stop fidgeting?" Sokka looks back up to meet those golden eyes.

Zuko glitches for a second. "Oh! No, no, go for it - if it helps you to study, I'm all for it."

Sokka smiles, and looking at the way Zuko keeps picking at his cuticles gives him an idea. He digs into his backpack and pulls out another stim toy, an acupressure ring. ""Do you want to try this instead of maiming your hands?"

Zuko hesitantly holds out a hand and Sokka drops it into his palm. "You don't have to."

Sokka scoffs. "I know I don't have to - I want to. Come on, I wear it on my thumb sometimes -" and suddenly he's taking Zuko's hands into his and getting very close to Zuko's face. Zuko can smell espresso on his clothes and Sokka's hands are so warm against his. Calloused, sure, but warm. He holds Zuko's right hand gently, pressing the spiky ring onto his thumb. "And you can rub it back and forth with your pointer finger and it gives you that kind of prickly sensation that you get from skin picking, just without the skin picking." Sokka pulls his hands away and Zuko immediately misses them. "Give it a shot, tell me what you think."

Zuko tentatively rolls the ring over his thumb. Huh. The cute barista's right, the acupressure gives him that same prickly, scratchy feeling that picking at his nails and cuticles does. "Wow," he says, "I think you've converted me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then keep it, I've got a thousand more where that came from, ADHD perks."

Zuko instinctively opens his mouth to protest but the words die in his throat.

"You, you have ADHD?" He stops rolling the ring across his thumb.

"Yup." Sokka's lips popped on the 'p', and he turned to the next page in his textbook. "And I'm pretty sure you've got some spicy stuff happening your brain, too. But you don't have to tell me."

"How are you so open about it?"

Sokka's hand stills around the fidget. "My parents never treated me like I was deficient in any way - my brain just works differently, which means I have trouble with some 'normal' stuff. But I also strengths in areas that others don't have naturally. Accommodations aren't anything to be ashamed of."

"Sounds nice." All of the levity drops out of Zuko's voice.

Sokka levels a look at Zuko. He lets his eyes flit to the right side of Zuko's face and the scar there. He's seen it so many times, and the burns look so concentrated, almost... intentional. His stomach churns at the thought. The scar's old... and Zuko's at college now, he has to be safe - he has to be.

"Like I said, you don't have to tell me." Sokka's hand starts to fidget with the buttons again. "But I have it on good authority that I am a good listener."

"I'll... I'll keep that in mind." Zuko looks down at his hands, fingers rolling the ring back and forth against his thumb. "Thank you."

"Anytime, doc."

iii.

Somehow, fumbling through their collective social awkwardness, they manage to swap numbers.

At the end of the fall semester, Sokka texts Zuko for the first time.

S: hey, im gonna be a few minutes later. don't worry, im still coming.

Z: okay. thank you.

When Sokka finally pulls into the parking lot fifteen minutes late, he sees Zuko waiting outside the door, sitting on a bench, head buried in one of his chemistry textbooks.

"Hey," he puts his keys in the door. "You can just come in while I open, it won't take too long."

Zuko follows him inside, and he closes the door against the chill.

"You didn't have to text me," Zuko says, like it's a question.

"I wanted to," Sokka starts flipping on light switches. "I know you've got your routine, and I didn't want to stress you out when it got messed up."

"Why would that matter to you?"

"Um, I don't want you to be stressed? I kind of care about you."

"You... you care about me?" Zuko stands in the middle of the coffee shop, unmoving.

Sokka smiles. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Why?"

"I think we could be friends?"

"Oh." Zuko's face falls for a second - what Sokka has come to understand is his 'processing' face - and he looks back up a second later. "I think we could be friends too."

"Friendship with a barista has great perks, you know." Sokka laughs as he starts up the grinder. "Although the perks of a social worker friend aren't too bad either."

"How's that going? With your first semester ending?" Zuko sits on a stool at the bar and watches Sokka putter around behind it.

"Well, I'm going to pass Intro to Biology, not for lack of trying on Piandao's part - I swear he's trying to weed out all the humanities kids. It isn't even a weed out course!" He polishes an espresso glass furiously. "How are you doing?"

Zuko chokes. "Oh, I'm - I'm fine, you know it's a hard class and all -"

"You're getting an A, aren't you?" Sokka squints at him from behind a bag of coffee beans. "Curve breaker," he scoffs.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I'm, what did you call it? A 'burnt-out gifted kid with people pleasing tendencies'." Zuko crosses his arms and huffs at the memory of that conversation. Sokka had read him like a picture book. And it was not fair for one person to be that good at emotions.

"You are correct, I did indeed call you that." Sokka pulls the first shot of the morning. "And it looks like I was right."

"You know what you said the other week, about being a good listener?"

"Sure do," Sokka takes a sip of the espresso, swishing it around in his mouth before spitting it out. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, if we're going to be... friends, I just think you'd want to know that - I'm autistic." Zuko stares at Sokka searching his face for any cues about what the next words out of his mouth will be, waiting for the facade of friendship to drop. He furiously rolls the acupressure ring up and down his thumb.

"Okay, that's great!"

"...what."

Zuko's hands freeze and he squeezes the ring against his skin, feeling the pressure increase.

"That's great, I'm glad you felt safe enough to tell me that. I kind of guessed your parents weren't as accommodating as mine?"

Zuko laughs something sour. "No, no they were not." He looks up in surprise as Sokka puts an iced matcha, extra honey, in front of him. "You're right though, I do feel safe here. I feel safe with you." Zuko looks down at the acupressure ring on his thumb, softening his grip. "You could have totally ignored me, but you didn't. Or you could've been mean about my quirks - but you weren't. Why?"

"Well, for starters, you tip well." Sokka smiles and leans across the counter, bracketing Zuko's elbows in with his own. "But you're also a really great guy - you're passionate, you want to make people's lives better, and you're also like, really beautiful."

Zuko feels his cheeks flush. "You really think that?" His fingers still against the fidget again, but he doesn't feel the need to press it into his skin. He's captivated by Sokka's words. Surely, Sokka couldn't actually mean -

"Oh, yeah. Every bit." Sokka brushes his hand against one of Zuko's, the one with the fidget ring. "Can I hold your hand?"

"Yes, please, yes." After weeks, Sokka's hand is back in his, and Zuko thinks he's going to implode. "Can, can you hold both of my hands? With both of your hands?"

"Of course," Sokka's positively beaming, grabbing Zuko's hands and running his thumbs across his knuckles. "Now you're absolutely allowed to say no to my next question, and there are no hard feelings."

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Fuck yes."

The iced matcha is forgotten.

+ i

Sokka's feet hurt like hell. Mr. Iroh had called in him to work a double on Friday, and since he doesn't have any classes on Fridays, he foolishly agreed.

It won't seem so foolish once you see the paycheck, he reminds himself. He and Zuko have a deal. Zuko pays for his medical school with his job shelving books at the University library, and Sokka pays for their tiny apartment by caffeinating all of the other broke college kids in town. By some miracle, they seem to be able to make it work. Zuko graduated into the medical college a year early, which helps with tuition costs, and of course his brilliant boyfriend got all kinds of scholarships.

Sokka is indescribably proud of him.

The door bell jangles just as Sokka is wiping the crumbs off the last cafe table. "Hey, we're starting to close up for the night, so it'd better be a to-go order," he calls over his shoulder.

"Even for me?"

"Zuko!" Sokka drops his cloth immediately and spins around, pulling Zuko into a hug. Zuko taps the small of his back when he's ready to let go, and Sokka lets him go, beaming. "You came to visit me at work?"

"More like I picked up your favorite soup dumplings from Haru's across the street and thought we could walk home together?" Zuko shrugs, gesturing to the brown paper bag in his arms. "How's that sound to you?"

"Baby, that's just what I needed today." Sokka picks up his cleaning supplies. "Okay, I just need to put all of this away and then we can lock up and go home, how's that?"

"Great," Zuko smiles at him. "I may have also picked up some more Doctor Who DVDs from the library," he smirks.

"Oh, you trickster!" Sokka yells from the kitchen, before appearing again. "You used my one weakness, pork soup dumplings, against me in order to get your nerdy way."

"Oh, big talk coming from the guy who watches astronomy documentaries for fun," Zuko laughs as Sokka leads him out of the shop, switching off the lights and locking the door behind him. "If it were up to you, we'd be watching Cosmos all weekend, and I can only take so much of Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining the peculiarities of the moon."

"Hey, the moon is cool!"

"You are correct, the moon is very cool. It's freezing, because it's a rock. In space. With no atmosphere. Or life." Zuko deadpans, earning a light punch on the shoulder from Sokka.

"Fine, you get Doctor Who tonight, but Saturday is going to be all PBS Nova, baby. Brace yourself." Sokka takes Zuko's free hand into his as they start the walk home.

"Well, as long as you're there, I'm happy."

Notes:

fidgets in this work were inspired by those from shop StimBox

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shovel-shuffle · 3 years

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i woke up in the middle of the night and realised that a lot of people on here know straight up nothing about me, which, seeing as my posts on here are becoming more casual and less made of 90% fear, might be an issue

so here’s some stuff about me. so you know i’m, like, a person. an intro post if you will (below cut for your convenience)

- you can call me swan (it’s from the song “swan song” by set it off, not the actual bird, weirdly enough)

- i started watching hermitcraft in 2018 at the start of season 6, only watched grian for a while, stopped for a year because i was bitter he stopped making evo smp (i don’t know what my logic there was), and got back into hermitcraft just as season 6 ended

- i now watch grian, mumbo, impulse, zedaph, tango, ren, scar, stress, cleo, keralis and bdubs consistently, and then there are a few other hermits i watch when i have the time/ability to focus on their content

- speaking of focus i probably have adhd + other unspecified neurodivergences. i am mentioning this because they probably come across in my typing and thought process, so uh. yeah that’s why i’m Like That

- other interests include: fallout (thanks cleo), bioshock (thanks cleo) and the band set it off. i also have a lot of hobbies like art, writing, songwriting, baking, knitting, jewelry-making, stage performance and the occasional voice acting

- i have, like, a whole bunch of ocs, they’re neat

- i am british! i live in england. i am mentioning because timezones are funky. also yes i do actually sound a bit like zedaph

- i play minecraft but not, like, hermit-style, i tend to go whole worlds without diamond tools and i like living in holes in the ground

- i got thrown in a lot of lakes as a child. not relevant, just a fun fact

anyway now you know me a bit better. i’m gonna keep this pinned for a lil while so people can get to know me (sort of) because i want friends

#intro post #pinned #you can ask me about any of this btw. i will happily explain the lakes

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ndbookreviews · 3 years

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The Love Letters of Abelard and Lily Review

The Love Letters of Abelard and Lily by Laura Creedle

Genres: young adult, fiction, contemporary, romance

Rep: adhd (main character), autism (love interest)

Is the author part of the groups they’re writing for?

Laura Creedle is ADHD but to my knowledge isn’t autistic.

Synopsis:

When Lily Michaels-Ryan ditches her ADHD meds and lands in detention with Abelard, who has Asperger’s, she’s intrigued—Abelard seems thirty seconds behind, while she feels thirty seconds ahead. It doesn't hurt that he’s brilliant and beautiful.

When Abelard posts a quote from The Letters of Abelard and Heloise online, their mutual affinity for ancient love letters connects them. The two fall for each other. Hard. But is it enough to bridge their differences in person?

This hilarious, heartbreaking story of human connection between two neurodivergent teens creates characters that will stay with you long after you finish reading.

Would I Recommend?

No. This book made me so angry after reading it if weren’t the middle of the night I might’ve thrown my phone across the room.

It started out really strong and held a lot of promise for me, finally a book about adhd and autistic people interacting! A book with more than one neurodivergent character! And it’s a romance!

Well. It sucked.

The book starts with Lily and Abelard breaking a door together by accident, like one of those shitty sliding doors they use to divide rooms, and end up in detention together. They start talking and Lily, who obviously has a crush, awkwardly kisses him. This in itself is an annoying trope in YA in general but I also resent the implication that she impulsively kisses him because she was off her meds. Maybe this is one of those cases where personal experience varies but I’ve never forced a kiss on anyone because of my ADHD.

Through a series of shenanigans Lily and Abelard start texting each other and quickly start dating. Most of their interactions are limited to text and email which is not very romantic but honestly since they don’t seem to be in any of the same classes and he has extracurriculars this isn’t THAT much of a stretch to me.

Most of their conversations are taken from the novel The Letters of Abelard and Heloise (hence the title) as sort of a game where they try to take quotes from the novel to fit the conversation they are having. Honestly this is kind of cute if a little dorky.

Both Abelard and Lily have strained relationships with their mothers; Lily’s mother never listens to her about how her medication is making her feel and doesn’t try at all to understand ADHD or her daughter. Abelard’s mother is like, the stereotypical autism mom and treats him like a child even though he’s in high school (I’m pretty sure they are juniors but I’m not sure).

Lily also has a complicated relationship with her father who left them to pursue his passion project. In the beginning of the book she wants to go live with him and attend the experimental farming school he was working on for kids who don’t excel in typical school environments. Her mother had originally promised that she could go if she kept her grades up, but as this requirement becomes impossible for Lily (because she has literally no support at home or at school), Lily instead decides that she will flunk out of school to convince her mother to let her live with her dad.

As it turns out, her mother’s promise was a lie the whole time anyway, and in true flaky deadbeat dad style, he doesn’t even have the school anymore but he does have a new wife and son.

Abelard kind of takes a backseat to Lily’s family drama around this point in the book.

Lily’s mother tells her she wants Lily to consider undergoing an experimental surgery to cure her ADHD (you see why I hate this book now?). At first Lily is hesitant for obvious reasons, as it’s literal brain surgery and this is coming from the woman who has literally done nothing but try to change Lily all her life.

Of course, then her father comes to visit and she realizes how much he sucks actually and it’s sort of implied he also has ADHD? And so she decides she doesn’t want to end up like him and wants to go to college so she decides to undergo the experimental brain surgery. Yeah. Really.

There is some more background relationship drama but honestly after the first few chapters their relationship gets barely any development and is not really central to the story at all, despite the title.

And finally I can talk about how much I detest this book.

For one thing, from what I can find the experimental brain surgery Lily is supposed to undergo doesn’t exist (thank god). While if it did this book would be a whole different kind of problematic, it is kind of infuriating that the only solution Lily finds at the end is something that isn’t something that translates to real life. I can’t even imagine how I would have felt reading this when I was younger and struggling a lot more with school.

The idea that the only hope someone with ADHD has to live a productive life and not end up a deadbeat is something that doesn’t even exist is so incredibly harmful. The issues in Lily’s life were not caused by her ADHD, they were caused by the adults in her life refusing to accommodate her even to the bare minimum they were supposed to.

This book honestly feels like wish-fulfillment written by a struggling high schooler; it should have never seen the light of day. Everyone has times they struggle with the complications ADHD can cause, but writing your insecurities into a published novel without any sort of criticism of them is embarrassing at least and actively harmful at worst.

Abelard barely has any personality and fits literally every criticized stereotype of autistic characters ever. He’s white, stoic, interested in stem, a genius, etc. He was boring and abandoned halfway through the book so he never really gains any characterization. Also the book ends with them being in a nebulous long-distance relationship anyway so it’s not even a particularly good romance.

All-in-all, this book makes me angry to have ever even heard of it, especially since I did actually like parts of the beginning and had high hopes for it.

#ndbookreviews #the love letters of abelard and lily #adhd #autism #neurodivergent representation #not recommended #mod dawn

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redshiftsinger · 3 years

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Lately I keep thinking about just how very much my middle-school self would BOGGLE at knowing what my life is like now. And probably go into hardcore denial about it, but well... it's probably actually a good thing that time only runs in one direction.

I was a SERIOUSLY sheltered child. In so many ways. I can't really explain the full extent except by pointing out how much my life now contrasts in ways that 13-yo me would not REMOTELY believe or accept as a possibility.

I play keytar in a punk-adjacent rock band with a Native lesbian, an asexual Mormon, and two straight dudes -- one of whom is a former high school crush (I'm solidly over it -- middle-school me wouldn't have been able to imagine getting this over such a crush without the crush object doing something douchey, but well. Maturity I guess? anyway we're pals and bandmates these days and I'm very happy about that) and now makes six figures at his day job (and I can't think of anyone who deserves MORE to have a solid income, or who would do better things with it -- I can easily think of people equally deserving, but not moreso), the other of whom is surprisingly closely related to Alfred Kinsey -- yes, THAT Kinsey, as in Kinsey Scale -- and regularly semi-cross-dresses because his girlfriend has comfortable cardigans and he doesn't give a shit (and said girlfriend has, unprompted, declared that she doesn't mind if I fuck him, but no kissing. I don't particularly want to fuck OR kiss him, just not really my type and I don't think I'm his type either, but good to know I guess? Also for clarity: this did not seem like a "I think you want to" kind of comment, more like a neurodivergent stream-of-consciousness tangent in conversation. She is diagnosed neurodivergent, we get along well).

I'm sort of unintentionally but via a series of chance opportunities, possibly veering toward being a professional programmer????

And my best friends include someone in film who semi-regularly works with some big-name celebrities, a gal who's sort of almost living the 50's-housewife life minus the bigotries (quite happily, and good for her, everyone should live their own best life), and my high school bestie who is still one of my besties and whom I really don't know how to sum up in a way that briefly encapsulates all the qualities that my middle-school self would find unbelievable, honestly.

And also I'm sort of in the middle of a weird, freaking me out less than I might have anticipated, gender identity crisis. So that's fun. I think I know what I want, or at least the general direction of what I want, I just... haven't convinced myself fully yet. You know that feel? Like, it's solid, but it's also not at the same time? And you're not sure whether the part of you that feels sure or the part of you that feels like the whole thing is a mistake is the part that's RIGHT? Basically I think, like, I could live a reasonably contented life without making any major changes, and to make those changes would be a lot of work and hassle and opening myself up to dealing with other people's bullshit... but at the same time maybe it IS actually worth it after all? But then some days I feel like YEAH and then other days I'm like nah I mean yeah I'm curious and I don't think I'd HATE it but things are good why mess with that. ANYWAY I need to stop procrastinating on figuring out a good therapist to go to, probably. hah.

#tipsy blogging #I think I got more incoherent as this went on #and as I had more alcohol in the process #which makes sense #fuck just #I simultaneously don't wanna take my binder off because I feel good in it #and do because it's fuckin HOT and I can't just bum around the house with my shirt off unless I change into a bra #unless I wanna have fam ask questions I'm not prepared to answer from them today #(fam would be accepting of a trans coming-out but unhelpful in the sorting-out-the-what-do process so NOT YET)

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jcmorrigan · 4 years

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A while ago, I promised a Tales of Berseria headcanon dump, and this is all incredibly specific and based on my own reading, and I know no one else is going to agree with these exact interps or even the ships that built their foundation, but hey, here I go anyway

SEXUALITY/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION

Velvet Crowe: Lesbian. I first got an inkling she liked women in the prologue, when she was teasing around with Niko about “If you were a boy, I’d be in love.” True, she said it was a good thing neither was a boy at the time, but given how much the citizens of Aball drill ideas about marriage into Velvet’s head, it seems like a very heteronormative society and not that progressive. It’s a rural village in the middle of nowhere; what do you expect? Later on, Velvet would grieve heavily for Niko, in a way that I feel is reminiscent of a lover, and when it comes to Eleanor, she participates in “Women are mysterious creatures” rhetoric about her - the kind men usually say about women. Also has a fair share of soul-bonding moments with Magilou. I personally find more ship chemistry for her with any number of the women in ToB than any of the men.

Magilou: Bisexual. Seems to have an interest in Velvet. One particular victory screen has her joking with Phi about how if you can’t touch Velvet’s sword, everything else on her is fair game to touch. That’s wlw at least. However, her relationship with Bienfu of all things is where I get the impression she’s attracted to men - her talk of “punishing” him physically during nights at the inn read a little like innuendo to me. (Yeah, I just implied she has a sexual past with the Normin.) She also welcomes attention from all genders in general as to how amazing she is.

Eleanor Hume: WLW asexual. I don’t really have definitive subtext to point me toward ace, but I recall my own experience thinking I was morally upstanding because I wasn’t sexually active when my teenage peers were, and Eleanor, given her devotion to the Abbey and her pride in meeting its standards, just seems like she could have the same story: thinking she’s morally upstanding because she doesn’t act on any sexual urges, only to realize that’s because she doesn’t have them the way her teammates do. I already mentioned the subtext tension between Eleanor and Velvet - Velvet is the only person I can really pick out potential romantic chemistry for Eleanor with. Because of that, I’m not certain if she could also be attracted to men or not, as I don’t have any good samples.

Rokurou Rangetsu: MLM. I went back and forth between gay and bisexual for a while. For one, Rokurou has that scene when he talks about how women can break your heart worse than any danger in the field (and Eizen agrees), implying he’s had a past dating women. He also at least feigns interest in knowing about Velvet in the hot-spring bath. But this is underscored by a punchline of just wanting to make Phi sweat. Rokurou’s archetype of the heavy-drinking, optimistic idiot often comes paired with “womanizer,” but that wasn’t present here. And there was also the scene where he commented on how Velvet’s ragged outfit must be cold in Figahl only for her to scold him on ogling her - which I suppose can be read as him discreetly ogling her, but I see it more as him looking at Velvet in skimpy clothing and having the go-to reaction of how practical it must be in the weather. His chemistry with Eizen drips romantic to me, given how they share drinks and argue for fun.

Eizen: MLM. Same case as Rokurou - mentioned having his heart broken by women, and joined in on the Velvet-in-the-hot-spring discussion, but also expresses lots of affection toward Rokurou that was likely written to be platonic but comes across as very close. I’ve also seen the popularity of the Eizen/Zaveid ship, and given that Eizen told Zaveid his true name, which “can be seen as a confession of love,” there’s definitely subtext for that as well. So, again, whether gay or bi (or pan), I am not certain yet.

Laphicet: Bisexual. Obviously is attracted to the illusion of Edna and, to an extent, Velvet in the inn scene in Meirchio, but bonds with Videl intensely and devotes a major part of his life to making Videl’s dreams come true.

GENDER IDENTITY

Magilou: Transgender, identifies as very female. This was actually something I got an inkling on very early when some of her victory screens had her making jokes about her weapon in the way that some might view as phallic (I’m thinking especially of the one where Eleanor and Rokurou are talking about the benefits of short weapons, and Magilou says “Mine can be as long as I want!”). So I was of the mind that Magilou perhaps did possess a dick, and that actually got weirdly reinforced when she lifted her book-skirt to fluster Phi and he said “I wasn’t expecting that” - the joke is he was more interested in the books, but in the subtext, I’m reading that despite him definitely knowing what a cis woman’s nether regions would look like (Eleanor is his vessel), he didn’t expect something about Magilou’s lower half. So I was thinking either pre-op transgender or intersex (I’m not certain what types of gender reassignment surgery or artes would be available in Desolation). When all of a sudden, her backstory was revealed that as Legate Magillanica, she had a whole identity and a name that she erased (going so far as to say “Magillanica” is dead), as well as a background growing up in a conservative/religious household with Melchior, and, before that, being passed around to guardians who didn’t love her, leading to her feeling emotionally repressed. And all of a sudden it all fell into place: her story really parallels transitioning. So now I love to just complete the analogy. We know she was going by she/her pronouns at a young age in her traveling show, but we also know that she was exhibited at a “freak show” due to her high resonance. It’s possible she was also advertised as (insert a horrible slur about androgyny here). If she was already well-known going by she/her, Melchior would probably have wanted to keep that intact so as not to cause a stink in the Abbey. But, Melchior being the horrible person he is, he probably also thought Magilou was fit to stand as a legate where no other woman was because she was “male” to him. Anyway, by now, at least the other women on her team have seen her naked and have nothing negative to say on the subject - the party knows and they love her.

Laphicet: I actually see him as a little genderfluid based on a couple of throwaway things. For one, when the party discovers the “unicorn horn” (narwhal tusk), there’s a big discussion about how only a “maiden” pure of heart should be able to pick it up. Velvet offhandedly says Phi should pick it up anyway because it’s his quest. In the end, the myth was dismissed, but I rather like the thought that Phi sometimes identifies more female and therefore could fill the bill of being a maiden pure of heart. His/her personality also influences Innominat, whose outfit of choice is androgynous as far as gender-specific fashion conventions go (and also really spiffy). Most days, Phi is male, but some days, not as much. With his status at game’s end, it also feels a little more fitting to say that such a guardian of the world should be less adhered to one side of the binary.

NEURODIVERGENCE

Eleanor Hume: OCD and anxiety. It’s outright mentioned how she takes responsibility and guilt for everything, even things that have nothing to do with her and aren’t her fault - a telltale marker of OCD. She’s also introduced as being emotional and teased for being a “crybaby,” showing that ordinary situations can easily push her over the edge. I’m only talking main party, else Kamoana would be her own entry, but Kamoana canonically has panic attacks that manifest as fevers according to Mahina’s note, and can be “cured” with placebos. Eleanor’s arc is linked to Kamoana throughout, and the moment where this is revealed is one in which Eleanor is outlining her similarities to Kamoana and how that should mean Kamoana would resent her. I feel like this draws a pretty blatant parallel between Kamoana’s rampant anxiety and Eleanor’s, and how Eleanor jumped to the worst-case scenario only to be shown that the child she worries about has something very big in common with her that might actually be a bridge between them rather than a wall.

Eizen: Autistic. Infodumping is a major character trait of his, and there’s an entire skit dedicated to talking about how “picky” he is about his routine, needing to wear his clothing in specific ways and dock at the same place every time in Port Zekson.

#tales of berseria #velvet crowe #magilou #eleanor hume #laphicet #eizen #rokurou rangetsu #headcanons #maybe some of you agree with some of these?

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geneclarksboobs · 4 years

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The Great Peter Infodump of March 2020

yo @brackets-and-woolly-hats @mijaco-geo and @mike-nesmith-for-mayor I have recently been informed that yall would really like me to infodump about Peter and I want to thank yall because I think if I held it in any longer I would explode

Also thanks to the coolcherrycream articles and various interviews that I learnt all these from in the 5-ish months I’ve been thinking about the monkees for

But before I start going hnngggg Peter I would like to warn you that despite my tone this is going to contain some heavy stuff. We’re talking brief mentions of blood, and suicide and death so be careful about that

This is gonna get hella long so *cracks knuckles* let’s begin

Childhood

let’s start from the very beginning: a very good place to start

Friday, 13th February one bb was born and he would always say that Friday the 13th was a lucky day for years onwards

He was born with a lot of diversity in his parentage

He’s Irish and German-Jewish on his mother’s side and Norwegian on his dad’s side

Speaking of Jewishness (is that a word???) I rememeber an article saying that he used to randomly say Hebrew words in interviews and I think he taught Mike how to say something too?? I dont know

Peter was a very friendly boy even when he was just a toddler cus he would drag any new friend he had home

Anyway, he was born in Washington DC

Once on Christmas he went missing and his mum and grams panicked and looked all over the house for him

Turns out he was just waiting at lampost in the snow because he wanted to make sure that Santa would bring him a present

Speaking of Grams, when he was 3 (i think im doing this from memory) he was at a post office with his mother when she came in.

He got uber excited and shouted “THAT’S MY GRAMS. HER NAME IS CAIT!”

And so everyone turned to look at her and he squealed

He would also often ride on the top part double deck buses and whenever the bus slowed down, he would wave to nearby people and say “HI MY NAME’S PETER WHAT’S YOUR?” to which those people who wave back and sometimes answer him. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Also he started to play with pianos when he was 3 and also he liked dancing so that’s cute

One of his first memories was of being at the hospital where his brother Nick (who they called Nicky and that’s what I’m going to call him) was born

Soon after Nicky was born they moved to Germany Yeet. He was 4 and the time and Nicky was like 18 months or smth

Germany

Right so I dont know why people dont talk about this part of his childhood because like,,,it’s interesting??

In Germany they had two maids

They had to put sugar in every food so that Peter and Nicky would actually eat the strange German food

He became very fluent in German and would help his mother with translations

He was also fluent in French for some reason

Someone made a statue of his 4 year old head and it became a famous minor art piece that featured in calendars

It probably now sits in his house because I saw in in the background of the short documentary that his son, Ivan Ivanoli made about him which you sould check btw

Anyway, when Peter was 5 he made his first official best friend Ule who was two years older than him

Once when he was playing hide and seek with Nicky he ran at full force at a closed glass door that he thought was open, shattering it, and getting a shard into his arm. Reasonably he screamed

Apparently, he was hurt a major artery and would have bled to death if not for someone being in the house to call a doctor

Once he was out and about wandering around, as you would do if you were Peter when he was stopped by some official looking guy from going back into his own house.

It’s important to note that Peter looked very much like a German boy and would ONLY talk in German outside. God knows why he did this. Reasonably, the dude thought he was lying and he had to call for his mum

Anyway, in Germany school starts when you’re five but his birthday was in the middle of the school year so his parents sent him in early which set him up for some outcasted child syndrome later

And then the moved back to America yeet

AMERICA (LAND OF CAPITALISM)

So he moved back into America but it didn’t stop there. No. They had to move around like a 100 different times and as someone who went to a total of 4 different schools (so far oh no) that sets you up with outcasted child syndrome. What also sets you up with outcasted child syndrome is if you’re an undiagnosed neurodivergent which Peter seemed to think he was when he was in his 50s (either ADHD or autism) so uhh keep that in mind

So he was in school and as mentioned earlier he was a year younger than his peers so that’s fun

He was very very clever. Often he would finish his work first and his (4th grade) teacher would make do some reading or creative writing. She encouraged him to do creative writing because she saw some talent in there

Not only was he acadmically gifted, but he was also musically gifted. Playing not only the piano (which he got lessons for) but also the guitar, the banjo, the bass, and the french horn which he got an award for when he was in highschool playing in a band made out of college students for some reason

Speaking of awards, he was once given an award for maths

This giftedness would later set him up for Gifted Child Burnout he had in college

Also he changed schools like a total of 13 times so that’s fun

He went to a private school but apparentl, according to his parents, he hated it (but he remembered liking it???)

Also, he made a lot of jokes in class

Remember Nicky? Yeah, Nicky would often write songs for him to sing and stuff (Nicky would later write songs for Peter’s solo album and a bunch of other stuff what a great brother we stan)

The family had some kind of barn once where he would do puppet shows his siblings

Anyway, school life was all fine and dandy until 5th grade hit and he changed schools and everyone lost interest in him because he was one year younger

Also his dad was apparently very disconnected with him. Needless to say, Peter felt like his father didn’t like him

Once when he was 9, he told his father that he noticed that when the clouds were around at night, it would be warmer during the day to which his father shouted at him saying that “he has no proof of that” and that he shouldn’t say anything without proof

This of course led him to feel like no one wanted to listen to what he wanted to say

poor baby

I think his father would have been the reason why Peter would later say in an interview that he hated “loud abusiveness” the most

He would also later say that a combination of his dad and feeling like he was weird and different would lead him to his drinking problem

So umm we dont stan his dad ok

Once when he was 13 he picked up a loaded shotgun and put it against his head. But he decided that he didn’t want to do it at the last second.

Overall, life from 5th grade till highschool was terrible for him

He didn’t have any friends in his school

So when he moved to a new school in Conneticut where he was surrounded with people of the same age, he was really happy all the way until college where he flunked out twice

Hippie Time (Honestly this part is just me talking about him and Stephen Stills because Steter Stirk changed me)

And so Peter became a hippie in Greenwich Village

In the Village, he became a sort of entertainer. Not just singing and playing, he was also a comedian.

And then he kept hearing about this dude who looked like him from other people.

This dude turned out to be Stephen who was also hearing the same kind of talk for about the same amount of time

Pete and Stephen VIBED im not kidding they started to play with each other and also Stephen’s room mate who was also there

Also it turns out that they liked to talk about the same things so that’s neat

Peter went to Venuzuela apparently and when he came back the Monkee thing happened yeet

Once when Stephen was waiting to move into his new house Peter was all like “hey dude live with me”

For a while they also lived in the same house when he was Monkee and if that doesn’t fuel any ship fics I dont know what will

Im serious the ship is here and its real I saw fics and fanart

Dont ask about Stirk

They played with the colour tv and would “pick apart each other’s brains” umm

Also Peter’s favourite band was buffalo springfield and we stan a friend who would say your band was their favourite band

And I think this is where my knowledge starts to fade because I haven’t really heard any cool facts from here on afterwards

Last Final Cool Facts

He was a teacher for quite a while and taught about Maths, basketball (despite not liking any sport except swimming) and Easter Philosophy,,,yes easter philosphy the man was into that kinda stuff

Also he was a big reader. Always having a smoll book in his pocket that he would read while on set with the Monkees. But he was particularly a non fic kinda guy

He would write poetry on the back of scripts

In the 2000s he said that his sister thought he might have ADD

Also autism but when asked about it he’d be all P E R H A P S

which is very unhelpful Peter pls give us a straight answer

I mean he cant give us straight answers because he was the gayest monkee (he fricked a dude once but he didn’t like it)

Hey look I ended on a gay note yeet. Thanks for reading this mess

#the monkees #peter tork #blood tw #death ment tw #suicide tw #i think that's all the tws #im finally free of this knowlege #i feel so good #just wait till i come back with a truck of knowledge in 5 months

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fiddlepickdouglas · 4 years

Text

This is a personal rant so you can scroll on if you like.

I'm an old college kid. Like, I could be done with grad school by now, but life just didn't go that way - I still have about 2 years as an undergrad. I know it looks ~meh~ to the outside world, no matter how often people say "life isn't a race, don't worry what they think!" Well, it also doesn't help that I had to move in with my parents at the start of quarantine and had trouble finding a good job until literally this past week (which I don't start until November). I'm the almost-30 year old mooch in my parent's basement right now, literally, and I know it's not a flattering position.

Things are improving: getting a job as a bank teller that has consistent hours, opportunities to move up, and I can easily plan a class schedule around it is a blessing and a miracle.

But I wish my family in general would acknowledge one particular thing and respect it, instead of treating it like they do. I've been unofficially aware that I have something that *looks a lot like* ADHD for at least the past two years. Like, I'm positive that's it, I just haven't been able to afford seeing a doctor to get an official diagnosis. Even if I'm wrong, it's clear that I'm neurodivergent - I've always been that way. I was definitely one of those "gifted" students when I was young who later had lots of academic problems later, but I can pinpoint those problems showing up as early as the second grade.

It isn't that my parents didn't really try, but they waited until I was in middle school, when puberty hit, to finally do something and everyone including the doctors just called it depression. The medication did a little work to make me seem normal, but I discovered quickly that my parents were only happy with the results if it seemed like I was an obedient child who didn't argue or question things and I spent less time in isolation.

This made me reluctant to go to doctors because I was afraid the meds were just another control tactic and not a real solution. So we stopped. I recently asked my mom why she didn't keep looking for answers, because I continued to struggle academically (among other things). She blamed it on my stubbornness. For her, it wasn't worth understanding how my brain functioned. She preferred to decide that I was just too hard for her to understand and the only way for me to please her was to force me to conform to her as much as she could.

As a neurodivergent person who lost their job and got displaced at the peak of COVID-19, living with an undertone of shame for being the adult child in my parent's home, and all the weight of things happening this year, needless to say I'm a bit of a mess and I have barely managed it.

So, to setup what's got me bothered today: I use an app to sell slightly used clothes, but I have a small mountain of clothes (organized, but it's still kind of a lot) that I need to sell and it's been taking up space. My parents have a whole freaking house plus other storage space on top of that, and they're getting bugged about these clothes not being sold fast enough. They're not just lying around the house, they're in an out-of-the way closet except for a few that I pulled out to take pictures of.

My mom goes through them - first mistake, since I've already told her several times to keep her paws off my things because she has a track record of just getting rid my stuff and disrespecting my privacy - and picks out all the things that still had tags on them and thinks the rest can just be donated. I'm glad she only got that far before I could tell her PLEASE DON'T. And then she offered to buy some of them off me and then donate them anyway because she doesn't want me to end up like my "packrat" grandmother.

She keeps acting like I'm attached to these clothes and that's why they don't sell fast enough. That's not even it! I've just collected junk over the years, or friends have dumped their old stuff and told me to do as I wish, and I want to make money off of them! I know how stingy my mom is with certain things, and I know she wouldn't pay me what I know some of those items are worth.

And then she says she thinks it'll just take up less space in my mind, as if she's being conscious of my ADHD (which she refuses to properly acknowledge and chooses to think I'm actually somewhere on the autism spectrum although she has no idea how to handle someone with autism either).

The amount of disrespect in this makes me want to scream. I'm not being given the chance to handle my own things and being treated like a child, my personal property is not safe, and I'm being mocked in such a backhanded way it's truly astounding.

And the whole thing about my grandma? I know she is an imperfect human like everyone else but she is the sweetest and most hard-working person I know and hearing her be reduced to a "packrat" is so insulting. No need to imagine why my grandma keeps things on hand even if it's too much? Her lifestyle is giving and creating - she always cooks 5x more than necessary because she hates to see people starve, she made me and my siblings pajamas for Christmas each year until her hands couldn't do it anymore, she made her home a beautiful place for us to go to whenever we could visit and it wasn't about looks, it was about warmth. When I'm old I want to be so much like her, and yeah I'm pissed that my mom, her daughter in law, thinks of her that way.

I grew up being controlled and subdued and pressured into a mere shadow of my potential and I won't tolerate having both myself and my hero being disrespected over something that to any other rational being wouldn't even be an annoyance. And I'm tired of having to constantly guard my things in fear that they will suddenly disappear one day with only a "oops" and a shrugs from my mother.

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

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