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#anyway. pissing myself with laughter
narwhalsarefalling · 3 months
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todays herbarium story: new fucking way of dating things to confuse future archivists. someone wrote 66-1-3 as the date on a specimen. obviously i assumed 66 was the year and either the day was January 3rd or March 1st. put “1966” for the year in the file, marked as needing confirmation.
anyway one of the historical archivists went back and used the guys name to figure out about what month he confirmed it? and it was fucking 1866. the guy who cataloged it died in 1920.
i inadvertently handled a specimen thats older literally everyone i know and love and my only thought was mild irritation because it was dated weird.
we still dont know if it was found in January or March.
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paladinncleric · 3 months
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Neighbors.
Pairing(s): Tara Carpenter x fem!reader
Summary: Tara and R are neighbors
Warning(s): fluff, bad writing
Words: 1k+
A/N: I couldn't find the request but here you are, this is very rushed
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My eyes fluttered open as the Uber driver wakes me up. I payed and thanked him as I dragged my legs up the stairs of my apartment complex because the elevator was broken...again. I could barely comprehend my surroundings as I tried to get to my apartment. The tiredness of my 12 hour shift weighing down on me heavily.
As I finally reached my apartment, I looked for my keys. In my pockets? nope, not there. My bag? not there either. As I started to grow frustrated, I remembered I kept the extra key under the mat. But guess what? that was also not there. I felt like ramming my head through the wall but that will not help my situation.
Reminder to self: never give your extra key to your friends and then forget the original one at work. I can't even ask them to bring it as it's 2 in the fucking morning.
I cursed out loud as I kicked my door in a state of rage and tiredness that I completely forgot other people lived here too.
My last resort was to kindly ask my neighbor if I can spend the night at her place, who happens to be my very good friend and the person I've been in love with for the last year and a half. I nervously walked in front of her apartment and raised my fist to knock, my fist was left hanging in the air, when the door suddenly opened and I was faced with a pissed-off and sleepy Tara.
"I guess I was not being as quiet as I thought I was huh?" I said with a chuckle as I smiled awkwardly.
"That was you? I thought it was the Smiths down the hall going at it again." She said with a tired giggle.
"Why were you being so loud so late anyways?" She said with a chuckle as she let me in.
She stared at me expectantly for an answer with that cute little smile on her face as if she knew the effect she had on me. Probably she did, I was never really discreet with my staring. I snapped out of my thoughts as I answered her.
"I may have locked myself out of my apartment." I said with a frustrated sigh as I rubbed my head already feeling a headache coming in from the lack of sleep.
"What really? what about that key under your doormat?"
"Yea, that's the prob-how do you know about that?" I asked confused.
"Y/N/N you do know that, that's the first place someone would look for a key if they're trying to break-in? Also I saw you open the door with that once."
"I-I knew that! I just thought no one would try and break in..." My voice lowered in volume into a whisper as I continued, finally hearing how ridiculous it sounded.
Tara doubled over in laughter as she saw that I even doubted the things I said. And I stared at her fondly, loving the sound that filled the room. She wiped the lone tear from her face from the laugh and faced me with a huge grin.
"So what happened to it anyway?" She said chuckling still trying to recover from her fit of laughter.
"Mindy took it when she stayed over last time and forgot to return it."
"So what I got from this is that you don't have a place to stay?" She inquired.
"Basically, yeah"
"And as an amazing human being and an amazing friend I offer you my place for the night" She said with a grin as she gestured to her place.
I'll admit the 'friend' part stung a little but nothing I haven't dealt with before.
"Thanks so much Tar,I owe you one!" I exclaimed as I went and hugged her.
“Yeah yeah, stop acting like it’s your first time.”
She seemed to melt in my embrace, as she hugged me back tighter. I reluctantly let go as her scent was so hypnotizing.
"Let's get you in some comfy clothes" She said as she smoothed out the shirt and slacks I was wearing.
As she was walking away I 'discreetly' checked her out. She was wearing a white tee which rode up over her hips and black booty shorts which were too short to be honest. It's going to be a hard night.
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"Hey, you ready?" She asked as she poked her head into her room.
"Yea, I'm done." I said as I put my work clothes into the dirty clothes basket from what I was instructed earlier. I was in a black tee with grey joggers.
I turned around and saw her blatantly checking me out. I raised my eyebrows at her and she matched my expression once she caught my eye. I shook my head smiling at her goofiness and she chuckled.
"Where'd you get these clothes from anyway? They’re too big for your tiny self." I inquired.
Tara scoffed, “Bold of you to be rude to me tonight when I can easily kick you out.”
I raised my hands in mock surrender as she glared at me.
“They're Sam's, she left her clothes here the last time she stayed over."
"Makes sense."
After a moment of silence I couldn't fight my exhaustion any longer so I asked if the guest room was available.
"Well Sam is coming here in like 3 hours from her shift. So she would you kick you out if she found you sleeping there."
“Thought so.” I say bummed out as I thought of sleeping in the sofa. I started gathering my stuff and moving towards the living room when she stopped me.
After a moment of contemplating she asked, "Wait why don't you sleep in my room and I'll sleep downstairs on the sofa?"
"Nope, not happening it's your apartment I can't let you do that." I objected.
The bickering went on for a while until we both agreed to sleep on the same bed.
I mean it’s not like I haven’t slept over before, it’s just there’s always been someone from our group present.
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"So, which side of the bed do you prefer?" I asked.
"I prefer the right one, but you can choose tonight."
"Then I'll take the left one." I decided.
She shrugged and started to get ready for bed. After we were all tucked in, me laying on my back facing the ceiling, and her on her right side facing me. As I stared at the ceiling contemplating whether I should turn to face her too, I noticed her staring at me with a dazed expression.
"What?" I asked as I turned my head to face her.
"Hmm?"
"Why are you staring at me?"
"I don't know." I raised my eyebrows at her amused.
I turned to my left side completely and stared at her while she stared at me. I noticed a small smile appearing on her lips as she looked at me with a loving expression. I lost all my train of thoughts as I looked at her looking at me.
She's so beautiful when she smiles even if it's a small one, it can light up any room, the way her eyes squints and crinkle around the corner when she smiles too wide, the cute little dimples that forms on her cheeks. The way she laughs with her whole body and has a habit of leaning on things when laughing. The automatic pout that forms on her lips when she's sad, and the smirk present on her face most of the time when talking to me, that cute sexy smirk.
"Penny for your thoughts?" She asked.
"My thoughts are worth more than a penny." I grinned back at her.
"I'm sure they are." She said with a chuckle,
"Seriously, what're you thinking about?" She asked again, genuinely curious.
"You." I answered honestly.
“Me?" She asked surprised.
“Yea.”
“What about me?” She asked interested.
"How amazing you are." She raised her eyebrows at me.
“That’s awfully nice of you say.” She said with a soft smile.
I shrugged as I stared back with all the love I had for her pouring out.
Suddenly, she moved forward and hugged me tightly and buried her face in my neck. I hugged her back just as much as tightly and laid my head on top of hers. We stayed like that for a bit, then she pulled back a bit but still wrapped up in my arms.
"Y/N/N?"
She looked up and I looked down at her and answered.
"Yea?"
"I love you."
My heart fluttered and ached as I smiled slightly and answered.
"I love you too."
"Really?"
"Yea, why? are you doubting my love for you?" I said in a teasing tone as I moved some of her bangs from her eyes.
"Do you love me as just a friend?" She asked looking back and forth in my eye trying to find answers.
"Tara what are you trying to say?" I asked as I felt my heartbeat getting faster. She placed her hands on my chest on top of my heart.
“Your heart’s beating very fast.”
“I know.”
She stayed there for a moment with her hand on top of my heart, avoiding eye contact.
“Tara.”
"I'm in love with you." She blurted out.
I blinked multiple times and stared wide eyed at her. As she looked in my eyes for a bit then continued speaking.
"I have been in love with you since I first moved in here 3 years ago. You helped me with my mental health, whenever I felt anxious or scared you'd cook me your famous spaghetti and we'd watch horror movies all night even though I know you’d rather watch something else. I know it's too much to know right now but I just needed you to know, I couldn't wait any longer." She finished her confession.
I stared at her for a few seconds trying to process all this. I heard her sigh and starting to move away from me. Overcame in panic, I did the first thing I thought of and have been wanting to do for a while now.
I kissed her.
Her lips were so soft and smooth and tasted like cherry and honey as I cradled her jaw. I felt her reciprocating as I started to slowly move my lips against hers. There were no rush, we just laid there gently moving our lips against each other. She cradled my face in her hands and I rested my hands on her waist. We parted when there was a need of air. Both of us panting a bit as Tara rested her forehead against mine.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that for." I said slightly panting
"Eh, I had an idea." Tara grinned as she leaned forward and gave me a firm peck.
"For the record, I love you too." I replied with a grin as the butterflies came alive in my stomach.
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I groaned as I felt myself waking up. I fluttered my eyes open as I realized I'm in Tara's bedroom, all the memories from yesterday flooded my head, I smiled bashfully as I looked beside me to see the spot empty, but I could smell the pancakes in the air. I got up from the bed, stretched my muscles and scratched me back while yawning and went out of the room to see the cause of that heavenly smell.
I walked out of her room, to see her cooking pancakes in the stove with her back to me. I walked slowly towards her and leant against the counter. And loudly yelled out "So, what'cha making?" She jumped at least 3 feet from the ground.
"Y/N/N you scared the shit out of me!" Tara exclaimed as I burst out laughing, she smacked my shoulder with a spatula as she started pouting.
"Not my fault you get scared easily." I said with a shrug as I massaged the place she hit. For someone so small she sure could hit.
“Yea, I wonder why.”She glared at me as she sarcastically spoke.
I chuckled as she went back to making pancakes while I sighed dreamily as I stared at her being so domestic.
"I can feel you staring at me creep." She laughed as she turned around to give me a playful glare.
"You weren't discreet with it then, and you still aren't now.” She said with a smirk as she looked at me over her shoulders.
"Just so you know, I wasn't trying to be discreet." I replied with raised brows.
"Yea sure ok, whatever helps you sleep at night." She said with a sarcastic tone.
This bitch-
"Oh please don't be so flattered I wanted you to know." I said with a wave of my hands.
"Uh huh" She replied with a tone so obvious that she doesn't believe me.
I stared at her with a glare as she started to laugh loudly after glancing at me over her shoulders. I went behind her sneakily as I saw her put the last batch of pancakes on the plate and started tickling her. She jumped and screamed as she tried to get away from my fingers. But I trapped her in between the counter and me and started to tickle her more.
"Y/N/N STOP" She screamed out as she started struggling in my arms, I let her take a bit of an advantage as I loosened my arms a little and she moved away.
She started running towards the living room as she looked over her shoulders to see me running after her with an evil smirk and my fingers wiggling in the air in her direction. She sped up and screamed.
"Y/F/N I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS!"
I tackled her to the sofa and started tickling her again as I straddled her. And she started laughing uncontrollably as she tried to move my fingers away from her.
"OK STOP STOP I SURRENDER I GIVE UP I GIVE UP" She shouted and I finally stopped, both of us panting for air after all that cardio. I stared down at her as she stared up at me, still panting. I swear to God in that moment I've never seen something more gorgeous than her.
She had her hair sprawled across the sofa, bare-faced all red from laughing too much, sweating and panting as she looked up at me with this happy and content look in her eyes, it made my heart burst with joy, I felt like jumping around screaming dancing not believing that she loved me back. My stomach filled with butterflies and spread through to every inch of my body. I could feel my serotonins being released just by looking at her. She was my serotonin.
I started to lean down with the intention of kissing her, she looked up at me expectantly as she waited for me to close the gap. My hands on either side of her head as they supported my weight, when I was about an inch away from kissing her, she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"You're so very wrong if you think I'm gonna let you kiss me after the torture you put me through." She said with her lips brushing against mine then suddenly she pushed me off of her on the floor as I groaned and she got up from the sofa.
"And come quickly dumbass the pancakes are already cold because of you.” She said as she walked away swaying her hips to the kitchen, and I know she was smirking. I sighed contented as I laid there even though my butt hurt from the fall, it was worth it. God, I loved this girl so much.
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goldenwilliamson · 6 months
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salty skin | lucy bronze
a/n: this is my first woso anything on here... pls send requests to my ask box if you have any xxx
pairing: lucy bronze x lioness!reader
summary: reader and lucy are in australia for the world cup, pure fluff
word count: 881
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Being in Australia for the World Cup was nothing less than a dream come true. Not only were you getting to represent England, but it also meant you and Lucy got to spend some time together. Playing in different Leagues means you spend most of the year apart, so you were both feeling very grateful to be back playing together.
You'd woken up before Lucy did, feeling the incomparable comfort of being held in her arms. Being able to room together was another perk of National Camps. You'd made a promise to yourself that you would go for a swim at sunrise, so you carefully slipped out of Lucy's grasp, instantly missing the warmth of her body.
Slowly and quietly, you made your way around the hotel room, slipping a bikini on under your trackies and puffer and grabbing a spare towel from the bathroom. You grabbed your key card and phone and softly shut the door behind you. The beach was incredibly beautiful, despite it being the middle of Australian winter. It seemed like a few other girls had the same idea as you did, because you bumped into Ella, Alessia, and Lotte as you made your way down onto the sand.
"Up for sunrise?" You asked them.
"Hey!" They all said excitedly, not having spotted you.
"Lucy didn't want to come down?" Lotte asked sweetly.
"No, she was sound asleep, I didn't want to wake her," you explained.
You started unzipping your puffer jacket and pulling off you tracksuit pants, much to the surprise of the three other girls.
"You're not going in are you?" Alessia scoffed.
"Of course I am, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity Less," you smiled as you began to slowly jog down to the shoreline. The water was a bit of a shock to the system, but it felt amazing. A cold plunge was actually what you felt you needed after the gruelling nature of tournament play.
You didn't stay in for too long, just long enough to get used to the temperature, and then you hopped back out. The girls on the sand shook their heads at you as you approached them with a smile on your face.
"It's lovely in there," you told them as you picked up your towel and started drying off.
"You're braver than I am," Tooney said, making you laugh as you pulled your jacket back around your body.
"Alright, I'm gonna go get myself a coffee now," you bid the girls farewell and went back to the hotel. You made two coffees at the coffee machine, anticipating Lucy would be up soon. She was usually the early riser out of the two of you.
And you were right, because as you tried your best to quietly push the hotel room door open Lucy informed you she was awake, "I'm up, don't worry."
"Morning," you smiled at the sight of Lucy tucked into the crisp white bed sheets. She set her phone down on the bedside table as you sat down on the bed, handing her the second coffee.
"You're amazing," Lucy said appreciatively.
"How long have you been awake?" You ask, admiring how soft your girlfriend looks when she's just woken up and her huskier morning voice.
"Since you left," she says.
"Oh, sorry," you apologise, thinking you'd been able to leave without waking her.
"It's alright," she shakes her head, smiling at you. She always takes the piss out of you for how you can tend to apologise for things that you don't need to say sorry for. This usually ends up in you apologising for apologising and Lucy in fits of laughter at your chronic kindness.
"Did you go for a swim?" Lucy asks surprisedly as she reaches out to drag her fingers through your wet hair.
"I did!" You said proudly.
"Was it cold?" She asks.
You nod, "Like an ice bath."
"You're insane," she says.
"Mmm, I am," you hum, leaning in towards Lucy to give her a kiss, "But you love me anyway."
"I do," Lucy says contentedly.
You shiver for a second and Lucy furrows her brows together.
"I'm gonna run a warm shower for you. You'll get sick if you sit here all cold," she tells you, immediately stepping out of bed and going to the bathroom. Your heart swells at the gesture and you follow her to the bathroom, tearing away your jacket and letting it fall on the floor on the way.
You stand there in your trackies and bikini top as Lucy checks the temperature of the water with her hands.
"Thank you," you say appreciatively, never feeling so loved by such a simple act in your life.
Lucy steps towards you, planting a kiss on your forehead in response.
"Huh," she steps back, smirking.
"What?" You ask.
"Your skins all salty, so Australian," she laughs.
"God I need a rinse," you say, stripping away the rest of the clothes.
As you step under the warmth of the water, Lucy rests against vanity, trying to make conversation about the day ahead.
"You'll have to come in here Luce, I can't hear you over the water," you say, a thinly veiled request for something more.
Lucy scoffs, knowing what you're really looking for, "If you insist."
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Valentines day (Emily Sonnett x Reader)
I don't really know what this is. The idea randomly came to me so I hope you like it :)
Summary: Emily loves valentines day so despite them being in a fight, Y/n still does something for her.
Warnings- Tiny bit suggestive at the end
Words: 1.8k
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Emily and I had gotten into a pretty big fight a few days ago. We had barely talked or even see each other since with her staying in the spare room. I was meant to move to be with her, but there was a big project at work that I had to finish before I could. Well, I could have not done the project. It just meant likely missing out on a big promotion with my transfer. Understandably, Emily wasn't very happy about that because it meant a month or two before I could make the move. 
It was valentines day, we still weren't talking, but I wasn't going to not do anything because of that. With how pissed she was at me, she likely hadn't done anything for me, but I didn't care. I didn't care much about the day anyway. Emily loved valentines day though, I wouldn't take that away from her, no matter how annoyed I was.
Although I had to work today, I still wanted to make it as special as possible. Months ago I had made reservations at the fancy restaurant Emily had wanted to try. I didn't know if Emily would come to dinner with me, but I was going to be there to pick her up regardless. Before work, I made Emily her favourite breakfast. She was likely awake so I quietly peeked in the room to find her sitting up, scrolling on her phone. Emily didn't acknowledge me, only looking up when I placed the tray on her lap. I walked back to the door, stopping briefly before leaving. 
"Happy valentines day. I love you."
Just before the door closed I heard a quiet 'I love you'. It was something at least. I hadn't heard that in person since our fight. I would never go that long without telling her I loved her, so I had messaged her at least once a day. Emily always replied, sometimes even messaging me first.
Before leaving, I left flowers in a vase on the counter, making sure to put a fake flower in with it. Every time I got Emily flowers, I would add a fake one in. It had become sort of a tradition after we were messing around in shops one day and I jokingly held up a fake flower, telling her I would love her until it died. I also added a massage/spa voucher, a nail voucher and a letter. It was written before our fight. Everything in it was still true though so I wanted her to read it.
Hi my love, 
Happy valentines day. I want you to know how much you mean to me, not just on Valentine's Day, but every single day. You are my rock, my partner-in-crime, and my favourite person to spend time with. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. 
You bring light into my life in ways I never imagined possible. Your laughter and smile is infectious, it fills me with so much happiness, love, and warmth. Everyday with you is an adventure, filled with love, laughter, goofiness and so much more. Being with you is the happiest I've ever been. I can't wait for the adventures, the boring, the fun and everything else that awaits.  
Unfortunately, I have work to do today, but you deserve to be pampered like the royalty you are. Go enjoy your day getting pampered, then put on something semi fancy and a little sexy ;) I'll pick you up at 6:30. 
I love you more than words can describe <3
P.S I'm going to love you until the last flower dies.
-Y/n
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Today had probably been one of my least productive days at work. I had spent the entire day thinking about if Emily would actually come to dinner with me. I would convince myself she would, then the doubt would creep in and I would convince myself she would stand me up. 
At 6:30, I was waiting in the living room for Emily. To be honest, I was still half expecting her to not come out. Thankfully, a few minutes later she appeared, wearing a knee length, halter neck red dress with black heels. My eyes roamed over her body, taking in every inch of her. Fuck, she looked incredible. I stood in front of her, not touching her because I wasn't sure where we actually stood. "You look incredible Em."
"Thank you, you look amazing Y/n/n."
I offered my arm, internally smiling when hers looped with mine, "You ready to go?"
"Yeah. Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
Emily was super excited when she saw where we were. Throughout dinner, things were slightly awkward, but we had both seemed to put our fight to the side for now at least. We talked about our days and any light hearted topics we could think of. Even though things were still a bit awkward, I was incredibly happy to be talking again. I did miss touching her though. We were a very touchy couple, especially in private. Normally, there would be arm or leg touches, random kiss or cuddles. Tonight there was only a few minutes of hand holding and a cheek kiss. 
"Thank you for today by the way. I haven't been pampered like that in a long time. You didn't have to make me cry with that letter though."
"You deserve to be pampered Em. You also know I'm better with written words then spoken."
"It was beautiful. I didn't forget or just not do anything by the way. Your gift is just running late, it should be here tomorrow."
"You know I wouldn't care if you didn't get me anything."
"I know, but you deserve to get spoilt as well."
After dinner, we found ourselves walking along the waterfront. We weren't talking or touching, but it was nice regardless. I didn't want to go home still on bad terms with Emily. The fighting was exhausting, I missed my girlfriend and just wanted to finish the night cuddled up with her. So when we came across a bench, I sat down, patting the spot next to me. 
A few minutes of silence passed before I decided to speak up, "I wasn't sure if you would come tonight. Honestly, I was expecting to be stood up."
"We may be fighting, but I wouldn't miss this for the world Y/n/n. I know you. Which means I know you thought about this and booked this months in advance. I know you put a lot of thought into valentines day because you know I like it. You put so much effort into this for me, I love you too much to just disregard that."
My fingers laced with hers, kissing the back of her hand,  "I don't want to be fighting anymore. I miss you."
"Me neither. I guess I was just hurt that you didn't want to come with me."
I turned so I was facing her, hands holding both of hers. I wanted her to see how serious I was, to remove any doubt about me wanting to be with her. After closing the distance, I couldn't imagine ever going back to that long term. I needed her to understand that. 
"Emily, I'm still coming with you. Not coming with you has never been a thought let alone an option. I just need a month or two to finish this project. It's not ideal, I know that, but this project will get me to the point in my career that I've been working toward for years. It'll mean less hours, more autonomy over what I do."
"Maybe didn't want to come was the wrong way to say that. I was worried that you would change your mind and decide you didn't want to move. Or what if the project runs longer or something happens."
"Hey, listen to me. You are my future Em, there is nothing that would make me not want to move with you. If I stay, even if the project runs longer, I will be coming to you in 2 months at the absolute most."
"If that happens you won't get your promotion."
"I'll figure it out if that happens. There will be other options if it comes to it. Look, if you really don't want me to stay, say the word and I'll move when you do. Our relationship is more important than a job."
Emily squeezed my hands, shaking her head quickly, "No, this is a huge opportunity for you. I'm not going to take that away from you because I got scared. Besides, you're moving because of me, it wouldn't be fair. Get that promotion then come home to me. I know it was a bit of an overreaction, we've done long distance before, it's just been a while and that fear creeped in. I love you Y/n/n."
"I love you. I will always come home to you, you are my home Em. Now that we've sorted that, kiss me because I miss that."
Emily cupped the back of my neck, lips connecting with mine in a rough, passionate kiss. Things got heated quickly so I pulled away as we were still in public. "I missed you."
"I missed you too. I'm sorry for being so stubborn."
"It's okay, let's not make a habit of it though. Since it's valentines day, can you tell me what my gift is?"
Emily chuckled, pecking my lips quickly, "Nope. You can be patient one more day."
"Fine. Can we get ice cream then go home and cuddle now?"
Emily winked, "Just cuddles?"
My fingers ran along her thigh, slipping under her dress, "Maybe spicy cuddles."
---
The next day, Emily and I had spent most of the day in bed sleeping after a long night and cuddling. I had surprised her with breakfast before confusing her by getting back into bed. Normally, I would have to work, but after the last few days, I had decided to take the day off to just spend time with her. About mid afternoon, Emily dragged us out of bed to shower and finally get dressed. I didn't understand her rush to get ready until there was a knock on the door.
"Are we expecting someone?"
Emily smiled excitedly, "That's probably your gift. Go open it."
I slowly opened the door to find a large teddy bear on the other side. I figured it was a delivery person holding it so I awkwardly said hello, waiting for them to move or something. The teddy bear was handed to me, though when I looked up, it ended up on the floor. Standing in front of me, was my bestfriend that I hadn't seen in person for over a year. He had moved out of the country and things were busy so visits were few and far between. I jumped into his arms, holding him tight for who knows how long. We had been friends since birth pretty much, this was the longest we had gone without seeing each other. 
I pulled away, letting him inside before hugging Emily, "You did this?"
Emily smiled, wiping away my tears, "I know you how much you were missing him."
"Thank you Em. I love you so much."
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a-random-weeb · 6 months
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Hiii can I request yandere fyodor, chuuya, jouno and dazai with a childish s/o? Likes to prank people and act immaturely while also not understanding when enough is enough?
I myself have been called childish a lot too TvT idk what they're talking about, me are trés mature
I also don't write for jouno in fear I'll make him too ooc
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Dazai:
•He's just as childish
•You both plan pranks on everyone
•Eventually, Kunikida doesn't let both of you near eachother, otherwise the ADA is on fire
•Sometimes even you manage to surprise him with your chaos
•He never stops you, though, he finds it amusing (unless it could lead to you hurting yourself)
•If you try to hurt yourself, he'll get Kunikida to scold you, and might even being up how bad it is while your both cuddling
•If you continue to hurt yourself during your stupid pranks, he'll kidnap you
•He can't have his poor Belladonna getting hurt now can he?
•He still lets you pull any other pranks on him, as long as no one gets hurt
•Ane if you make a mess, it's completely your responsibility to clean it up
*ੈ✩‧.+˚*ੈ✩‧.+˚*ੈ✩‧.+˚*ੈ✩‧.+˚*ੈ✩‧.+˚*ੈ✩
Chuuya:
•Chuuya finds your childishness annoying sometimes
•Your tendency to take things to far mixed with his anger issues isn't a good combination
•He finds some of your pranks amusing though
•He probably loses his temper when you take things too far
•But at the same time, theres nothing he lives more than your laughter, so he tries to hold in his anger
•But you definitely get yelled at if you take things to far, he's not passed beating you up depending on what you did
•Sometimes he lets you out to pull stupid pranks on Dazai
‧⋆ ✧˚+‧⋆. ✧˚°⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚+‧⋆. ✧˚°⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚+‧⋆.
Fyodor:
•He finds your childishness amusing
•well, as long as it doesn't get out of hand
•He finds some of your pranks to be funny... and others... he'll punish you for
•He doesn't necessarily want you to lose your childishness, it's just when you take things too far it's quite annoying
•But don't worry, he'll teach you, his punishments will get worse and worse the more you misbehave, it's only a matter of time before you learn
•and if you dont... well, have fun watching him torture your best friend to death
•You and Nikolai totally team up to piss him off a little (Nikolai protects you from whatever punishment he has in store)
•Nikolai probably ends up dead because he was jealous and pissed
•He won't punish you as harshly though since you were under the influence of some stupid clown, but you don't need Nikolai anyway! All you need is him....
•He allows you to play funny little pranks (eg. Changing his background to something stupid, jump scaring him (which you fail every time, which he finds incredibly entertaining), pretending to be a sheet ghost and coming out if nowhere, ect.) He finds your little giggles and whatever to be adorable
✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹✿+.°𖦹
I'm sorry Chuuyas is so short normally I have a shit ton to write for him, but I guess not today
Also, I finished writing this while at a hockey game (in between periods) that is my dedication to tumblr (yes I love hockey like any other Canadian)
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shelby-fangirl00 · 4 months
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Hunting You-part one
Tumblr media Tumblr media
•A successful assassin from London named Penny is hired to travel to Small Heath and kill Thomas Shelby. (Don’t want to give too much away tehe)
•WARNINGS(18+, minors DNI): Enemies to lovers, Dual POV, Smut (in future chapters), Lots of angst, Strong language, Lots of violence
•Authors note: hey y’all! This story has been brewing in my mind for some time.This part is kind of an introduction to my story. Reblog if you enjoy:) Next part will be in Tommy’s POV.
Penny
I checked my watch every few minutes for what seemed like an eternity. Plopping my elbows on the wooden table top, I huffed loudly. According to the dick who hired me, Shelby should’ve been here hours ago. Honestly, I didn’t mind waiting, since I was paid in advance, but my fingers still twitched in anticipation, eager to finally get my hands dirty again.
This was an ordinary night for me, except for the part where I had to travel into this piss poor town. Under any other circumstance, I would have told the man who hired me to fuck off. But how could I refuse such a hefty wage? Anyways, doing this out of town work only makes my job easier. At least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. Nobody here seems sober enough to remember gossip about a hitman. Let alone talk of a random woman in a pub.
Killing Thomas Shelby will definitely make waves Small Heath, but thats not my problem. I’d be gone before sun rise. Talks of a female assassin surely hadn’t traveled to this poor drunken town anyways. It’ll be as if I was never here.
I nurse my glass of whiskey. Just as the rim of the glass touches my lips, I pull out the very dated photograph of Mr.Shelby I was given. I imagine he was just a boy in the photo. He appears to be in uniform and my chest tightens at the thought. I can only imagine the horrors he’s seen since this was taken. It wouldn’t surprise me if the man today doesn’t resemble this photograph at all.
The doors open for the first time in an hour and I hear the booming laughter before I see the lot of them. A large group of nicely dressed men in caps waltz in and I assume this to be the notorious Peaky Blinders. Of course I did some research before coming here. They were feared throughout this place. Known to be unforgiving and ruthless. This Shelby man I’m sure is a sick and twisted bastard. All the best men I know are. I myself am a bit sick and twisted.
Hiring a female hitman, like myself, had different perks. It’s far easier for a woman to get close to a man they don’t know. They don’t see us in the same light. We come off as less of a threat. In my experience, no man is immune to the powers a beautiful woman can possess over a man, in the right circumstances. Thomas Shelby couldn’t be any different from the rest of them.
I straightened my back and fell into the role I’d been assigned. My long black dress hugs my waist and my thigh is bare under the slit of my gown.
My eyes search for someone loosely similar to the photograph, maybe with a beard and some extra weight, but there’s so many men now crowding my view. Eventually, I hear a loud voice yell for a “Tommy.”
Gotcha.
The men seem to part perfectly and I have a clear view of him. I see the not-so-young-boy who grew into this apparently fearsome man.
My blood runs cold and I curse under my breath. To put it plainly, the man is fucking gorgeous. His stature radiates confidence while his presence demands respect.
He’s aged nicely, his cheekbones even more pronounced now. Even from my small booth in the corner, I notice his dazzling blue eyes. Out of all the men here, why did it have to be this one? Most of the men I’m hired to kill are assholes who don’t deserve to see the sun again. I hope he’s the same.
I beeline to a nearby group of drunk and smelly men. I pretend to walk past them and “trip,” over one of the chairs, spilling my whiskey out onto an old man’s shoulder.
“Stupid bitch!” The man attempts to stand up and almost falls on his ass. I try to muffle my laughter. I wish I could kill this one too, it would be too easy.
“I’m so sorry, sir!” I plead with him and he finally steps closer to me, trapping my body against another table. His stench is repulsive and it takes every bit of willpower inside of me not to put a bullet through this fuckers head. I momentarily get lost in the thought, his greasy face would downturn and the life would drain from his angry expression before he dropped dead.
My hands press down into the table as he spits at me. He grabs my wrist tightly before speaking again.
“You’ll fuckin pay for that, girl. Why don’t you join me and-
A hand covers the man’s shoulder, squeezing harshly before speaking. As if the man has eyes in the back of his head, he freezes and turns slowly, like he knows exactly who the hand on his shoulder belongs to.
“Alright, Tim?” A low but smooth voice asks. My breath hitches in my throat and I don’t really need to pretend how scared I am anymore.
“Of course, Mr.Shelby. Just teaching this one a lesson in manners.” The big oaf states confidently.
For the first time, Mr.Shelby’s eyes lock with mine and I suddenly forgot how to breath or blink or function at all. He’s even more stunning this closeup. He examines me for an uncomfortable amount of time before speaking again.
“I don’t think that’ll be nessacary Timmy. Why don’t you go back to your table and let me handle it?” This Tim man peaks at Tommy from behind his shoulder and I can tell this is an order. Tim finally releases my wrist and grunts, giving me one last look that makes me feel dirty, and stumbles off.
I exhale loudly, pretending to finally relax.
“Thank you, sir. I was worried I wouldn’t get out of that one.” I stated, chuckling lightly under my breath.
“No trouble, Tim’s an angry drunk. He won’t remember ya tomorrow.” His words sit in the air between us awkwardly before I decide to speak again.
“I’m Nora.” I lie.
I stick my hand out and smile stupidly. This takes him back but he recovers quickly, smirking and pressing his hand in mine firmly.
“Tommy. You aren’t from here…don’t tell me you actually moved to Small Heath on your own free will.” He chuckles darkly, placing his half empty glass between his lips and searching my eyes for an answer. He looks similar to the picture, more dead in the eyes now. No less mesmerizing.
I laugh. “Thankfully, no. I’m just here visiting an old friend. How’d you know?” I place my own glass to my lips now, scanning the room behind him.
He smirks, finally letting his eyes drop for a split second to my chest.
Shrugging his shoulders plainly, he states, “It’s a small town and I’ve lived here me whole life. I would’ve known if someone like you lived here.”
My eyebrows arch in question. “Someone like me, yeh?”
He smiles slowly, but it’s dark, almost like a warning. I don’t understand why I’m suddenly so clammy?
I need to get this over with. My body is betraying me, because all I can think about are his lips and how they would feel on mine and what his chest looks like underneath all those damn layers.
Giving in only slightly to my body’s demands, I take one big step into him, putting my chest inches from his own. I look up at him with a dazzling smile, and he just smirks. Does he always have that smug fucking look on?
“Well thank you for saving me, Tommy.” His eyebrows shoot up in what I’m assuming is surprise?
“Another whiskey?” He asks, stepping past me towards the bar and nodding to the barman.
I take in his stature beside me, leaning his forearms against the long bar. As much as I would love to entertain this handsome stranger, I had a job to do.
I squeeze his shoulder, leaning into him so my lips barely touch his ear.
“Excuse my forwardness, but I’d rather take you back to my flat, Tommy.” I squeeze his shoulder one last time before stepping back.
He cranes his neck to look behind him at I don’t know what before returning back to me.
“I like forward. Lead the way, love.” Finally, this can end.
“Of course…” I say sheepishly and he doesn’t hesitate to follow closely behind, his hand resting on my lower back. The sensation sends a shiver up my spine.
As we trot outside, he moves his hand from my back to behind his own and i do the same. I silently acknowledge the few daggers I have hidden in my stockings along with the gun in my purse….aaaaaand maybe a few razor blades underneath my pinned updo. It’s just a precaution, really. I can never be too safe. Plus, it’s fun to switch it up every once and a while.
“Where ya staying?” He asks smoothly as we round the dark corner.
“Just across the p- the air is quickly swept from my lungs as Thomas grabs me from behind and slams my body against a brick wall. I gasp as both of his hands wrap around my throat and he never stops squeezing.
Fuck. He knows.
Panic sets in and I’m clawing at his arms desperately. I try to maneuver my legs in order to knee him, but his body is flush against my own.
“thought it be that easy to kill me? You’re at the back of a long line, love.”
I muster up enough rage in my throat to spit out a “fuck you.”
My hands could only reach his side, so I wail on him. As soon as my punch lands, I feel another pair of hands on me, pinning my arms over my head. Thomas bends for only a few seconds before spitting and regaining hold over me.
I look over to see the other man pinning me against the wall. He’s younger than Thomas, but sporting a similar smirk.
If I don’t finish this job, Tommy will kill me. And if he doesn’t, the man who hired me would. Especially after being paid in advance.
I felt myself slipping from the lack of oxygen. But just as I closed my eyes, Tommy released me but the other man stays put to my side, his hands tighten around my wrists and his chest is pressing into my arm.
Tommy turns back around, adjusting his coat and lighting a cigarette before examining my flesh, the way my dress had fallen open at my chest during our scuffle.
“Who hired you?” He asked plainly.
My chest was heaving and I swear his eyes followed the movement for a split second.
“How should I fucking know? A man overpays me in advance for a hit and I don’t ask questions.”
The man holding my body hostage against the brick wall, bellows out an annoying laugh but Tommy doesn’t so much as smirk.
He sighs before reaching inside of his coat and pointing the barrel of his gun at me.
I giggle, cocking my head and studying him now. “You ever killed a woman, Mr.Shelby?”
“Enough. Tell me his name or I’ll put a bullet between those pretty eyes.” He says, almost softly, like he’s seducing me instead of trying to kill me. I hate how my thighs clench together and my nipples harden under my dress. All this foreplay tonight between the gun, the two angry men holding me against a wall and a touch of breath play.
“Promise?” I don’t know how, but I knew he wouldn’t shoot.
He sticks his gun back into his holster from underneath his coat before speaking again.
“John, put her to sleep and tie her up.” And before I could even protest, the man’s hands move from my wrists to around my skull, slamming it into the brick wall. Everything goes black. I never stood a chance.
Part two coming soon in Tommy’s POV!
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toniwritesthings · 1 year
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You Better Peralta
Jake Peralta x G/N Reader  - Jake catches up with you before he goes undercover.  - Words: 1,012.  - Warnings: None.
You stand outside the precinct, breathing in the cool Brooklyn air. Jake had just got fired and signed up for an undercover mission with the FBI less than two hours ago and it had just dawned on you what that meant. You sigh, shutting your eyes. The idea of Jake going undercover made you nervous. You knew, realistically, that he would be fine. He’s an amazing detective. But there was something nagging at you, something that felt like unfinished business. You open your eyes again, walking towards your car.
“(Y/N)?” You turn around, seeing Jake coming up to you holding a box of his belongings. “Hey, thought I missed you.” He looks at you and smiles, causing your heart to beat slightly faster.
“Hey Jake. Amazing assignment” You say, trying to not let the worry you feel ruin his big moment. “I have to admit though, I’m a little jealous.”
Jake laughs. You laugh too, trying to ignore the butterflies you feel. “Really? Well, if you want I could help you get fired. I’m really good at it.”
You look at the man in front of you, trying to take in the small details to remember him while he is gone. You look at his goofy smile, his fluffy hair, the way his jacket sits on his shoulders. You take a deep breath in, trying to distinguish his cologne from the smell of the street. Finally, you look into his eyes. The soft brown showing so much warmth, the wrinkles around showing life and laughter. You send him a sad smile.
“Yeah. So, this is real. This is happening” you point to the box in his hand and he lets out a soft laugh. He looks at you, opening his mouth a few times before settling on the words he wants to say.
“Look, I don’t wanna be a jerk. I know I’m leaving and we won’t see each other for a while. It’s just…” Jake stopped. You looked up to the man with your eyebrows furrowed. He looked back, having an internal debate about if he should continue. You take a step closer to Jake, reaching out to take the box from his hands. You put the box on the trunk of your car and looked back at him once more.
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know what’s gonna happen on this assignment. And if something bad goes down, I think I’d be pissed at myself if I didn’t say this” He stops again, gauging your reaction. You smiled, urging him to go on. “I kinda wish something could happen between us, romantic-stylez.”
The butterflies you felt are now roaring, your heart rate increasing. You looked at Jake, with your mouth slightly open, aiming to say anything. But no words were coming out. Jake rolled his lips between his teeth and took a deep breath. 
“I know we’re coworkers, and I’m going undercover and that’s just how it is. But…” he stopped his sentence and looked down to the ground with a small smile. “Anyway, we’re not supposed to have any contact, so I should go. America needs me!” He says with a soft laugh, looking back at you. He smiled, turning to grab the box from your car. You reach out, stopping his hands mid action. Jake freezes, looking back at you. He watches the emotions you express through your facial expressions. 
You hold his hands, opening your mouth to talk again. But words still wouldn’t come. You move your hands to his arms, then his shoulders. You hold them there for a moment, feeling the soft leather of his jacket between your fingers. You move your arms up further, up to his neck before settling on his cheeks. You take another step forward, slowly closing the gap between the two of you. Slowly closing the gap between coworkers and friends to something more. After Jake's confession, something clicked in your brain. Something you realise you have been putting off acknowledging for months. 
“(Y/N)? Hey. Are you okay?” Jake asked, worry seeping into his tone.
“No, not really” you whisper, pulling Jake closer again. You were inches apart now, your hands still resting on his cheeks. Jake’s breath quickened slightly, and you let out a small huff. “I think I’m going to regret not doing this before you go.”
Your heart is thumping now as you pull Jake’s face closer to your own. As you close your eyes, you connect your lips together softly. Jake returns the kiss immediately, wrapping his arms around your waist, holding you tight. You felt the butterflies be released, a sense of calm washing over you. It felt natural. It felt right. You pull back after a few seconds, resting your forehead against his. You feel a single tear sliding down your cheek. You keep your eyes closed, scared of what you might see when you open them. You rub your left thumb over his cheekbone and he lets out a soft chuckle.
“If I knew you were going to kiss me, I would have told you all this months ago” you huff at his words, the corners of your mouth lifting slightly into a small smile. Jake pulls you in again, kissing you with more determination, with more passion. You could feel your heart opening, welcoming the idea of something more. You finally allowed yourself to feel these emotions you have been ignoring. You pull back, opening your eyes to the man in front of you. He looked at you with such adoration, it broke your heart to take a step back from him.
“If we keep going I won’t let you go” you whisper, giving Jake a sad smile. You could feel more tears falling from your eyes now. You move your hands, one going to wipe the tears from your face. Looking back at Jake’s eyes, you could see they looked wet too.
“I’ll be back for you, promise” Jake says, reaching for your hand. You laugh, taking his hardened hand and giving it a squeeze. 
“You better Peralta.”
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autisticlancemcclain · 8 months
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The phone rings, and rings, and rings, and Keith swishes the wine in his glass and lets it. He doesn’t count the minutes but he feels the stretch. He waits and listens until the rings seem to thin out, until they sound muddled and far away, until they finally pause, until there is a click in place if the incessant bells, until there is a break in the pattern that narrows Keith’s attention back to the sound.
“…Hello?” A pause, a beat, a moment. “Hi? Hello?”
Keith doesn’t answer. He knows this sound, this sequence of sentences, more intimately than anything else in the world. He hears this in his sleep.
He takes another sip of his wine, swallowing slowly, and for the first time he feels it go all the way down, imagines the way it splashes into his stomach to join the rest of the bottle, swishing and gurgling like a water skin.
“Can you hear me? Hello?” There’s a peculiar quality to voicemail Lance’s voice; a strain, almost, the feeling of holding back. Keith counts the seconds, one finger at a time.
Exactly four and a half seconds later, right in cue, is breathless laughter; muffled, as if Lance has attempted to hold the phone away from him. It doesn’t work very well, and the sound of his wheezy giggling takes up all the air in Keith’s lungs.
“Gotcha!” voicemail Lance crows, gleeful and corny and clear. “This is my voicemail. I’m terrible at checking it, honestly, so just call later, okay?”
Keith had not dialled Lance’s number with a plan. There was no goal in mind. There was nothing in his mind, actually; his fingers had worked without his explicit permission and by the time he caught up with them he was too far gone to stop.
But now he downs the last of his wine in one go, hoping to wash down the massive lump in his throat, and tosses the phone carelessly somewhere beside him. He hears it bounce and breathes for a moment before speaking.
“You know what your goddamn problem is, McClain?” he says, and his voice is slurred slightly and drawling like it does when he’s drunk but he’s not drunk so he doesn’t care. He doesn’t wait for an answer before continuing, because there won’t be one. “You are too fucking endearing.”
Now he waits, although there’s no point in it. That or he runs out of steam.
His next words are softer, dulled.
“You are so convinced you’re annoying,” he sighs. Nothing he says is at all legible. “You delight in it, actually. Nothing makes you grin harder than when you’re sure you’re pissing somebody off.”
Without thinking Keith smiles, too, at the thought of it. He realises then that it’s hard, that his chin trembles too much to curve his lips right. He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and he gags at the salty bitterness of it.
“But you’re just…you’re so goddamn bad at it.” It’s mean and he knows it is and he lets the sentiment draw out and linger. “You do stupid shit like pretend your voicemail isn’t a voicemail and no one is ever mad. Never. They can groan and roll their eyes all the goddamn want and it don’t mean a damn thing, McClain, you fucker, because you wrap your fingers ‘round peoples’ hearts and grip and squeeze and stay put like the fuckin’ parasite you are. No one hates your voicemail. Nobody.”
His voice cracks on the final syllable and he refuses to let himself cry but something escapes his throat anyway, a garbled mess if a sound, the sound a bullfrog makes as a heron shoves it down his throat. A bitter resignation kind of sound, a giving up kind of sound. Vaguely Keith registers the sound of a thump and a cracking pain in his skull. When he opens his eyes again he’s staring at the ceiling.
“Look at me,” he says, and his voice is hoarse and torn and rough as desert sand. “Look at what I fuckin’ do to myself. Can’t even blame you right, McClain, ‘cause it would be a goddamn lie.”
He registers at this point that there’s no way the voicemail is still recording. Good. He doesn’t care.
“You’re the only phone number I got memorized,” he confesses. “Sometimes I call when I know you won’t answer from a phone that ain’t mine. I got a burner phone, you know. ‘Sposed to be for when I run away but I only use it to call you and hear you pretend to answer.”
The massive lump is back in his throat and the wine makes his eyelids heavy. He doesn’t fight either.
“You have endeared me heart and soul, Lance, and I will never forgive you for it.”
His voice tapers off ‘til there’s no sound left to it.
“‘M sorry.”
The last thing he registers is a click, and the grating sound of a phone being left off the hook.
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cripple-punk-dad · 4 months
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Once again feeling emotions about God, Forgive These Bastards: Songs From The Forgotten Life Of Henry Turner by The Taxpayers. I listened to the whole album not really knowing the background or the story behind the title. I just loved the music and the artist's voices. But then I found the explanation by the main vocalist on the album, Rob Taxpayer, and:
"The first time I met Henry Turner I feared for my life. I remember the exact date – February 18th, 2007 – because the day before, a close friend of mine had unsuccessfully attempted to commit suicide in his studio apartment and I’d spent the entire night at the hospital. It was one of those terrible and typical Pacific Northwest winter nights where the rain seemed relentless and the gloom was contagious, and as I waited at a sheltered bus stop on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard for the # 6 to arrive, a man approached me for a cigarette.
I shook my head and gave him a half-smile.
“Sorry. I quit a few years back.”
I stuck my head back into the newspaper I was reading, and he took a few steps closer.
“How about a buck and a quarter then? All I need is a dollar and a quarter and I’ll have enough for bus fair.”
I shrugged and fumbled around in my pocket.
“I’m using an expired bus transfer myself, but I might have a few extra dimes. It ain’t much, but if it helps, it’s yours.”
I passed him the change, and when he grabbed it, he ducked down to my level and looked me straight in the eyes.
“Look at me. Does it look like a few extra dimes would help? You think a few extra dimes would do any good to anybody? Take a look at me. I got a rotten heart and a bad shoulder and I ain’t slept a good night’s sleep in the past ten years, and you wanna know the kicker? I get fuckers like you tossing me their condescending extra dimes.”
He was tall and intimidating, with wild gray hair and deep wrinkle lines all across his face, and his eyes would occasionally roll up into his head, quiver, and then refocus. His thick, wet coat and his tangled beard had bits of crumpled leaves stuck to them, and he carried himself with the strange confidence of an angry and confused lion.
“And the best part about all of this is that I know you’re cheating me. And you know what I did to the last bastard that cheated me? “
He paused for a few silent, terrifying seconds.
“I bit his ear off.”
I almost pissed my pants. My brain was telling me, “get up and run”, but my body was frozen in fear, and I sat there shaking in excruciating silence. Sure, maybe he was harmless, but something about the look in his eyes terrified me. I could see the bus approaching from about a quarter of a mile away. I did the math. From that distance, it would be another minute or so before the bus arrived, saving me from certain death. I could try to fight back. But while he was an old man, he was an enormous old man, and anyways, you just can’t fight a crazy person. I could run. That was it. I was going to have to get up and run before he sunk his teeth into me, or pulled out a knife, or worse.
Suddenly, he burst into laughter. Not a maniacal laughter, but a booming, good-natured laughter, and his angry eyes became kind and warm. His snarl turned into a crooked smile, and he slapped me on the back like an old friend.
“Aw, I’m just fucking with you, kid. Ain’t much for laughs around here. You’ll have to forgive me.”
He held out his massive hand for me to shake.
“Henry Turner. Friends call me Hank. How ya doin'?”
I was still petrified. Was this some sort of a trick? Was he going to grab my hand and then snap it off like a tree branch? He looked me over and laughed again, reached into his coat pocket, and pulled out a bus pass.
“Here. This one ain’t expired. Go on, take it, I got a whole stack of ‘em.”
And with that, the bus pulled up to our stop in the rain, the doors opened with a loud mechanical sigh, and Henry held out both his arms, outstretched, in the direction of the doors.
“After you, kid.”
I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was a semi-celebrity around town, although most people wrote him off as just another one of the crazy folks that told rambling, drunken tales – amusing for a few minutes, but best largely avoided. It was true, he had his demons, but he also had a magical brilliant quality to him, and whenever I ran into him around town, I’d end up spending a few hours with him, if for no other reason than to listen to his unbelievable stories. It didn’t really matter whether they were true or not, it was the way he told them, with absolute clarity and confidence, no matter how crazy they sounded. Some of it even checked out. He’d often talk about his years playing baseball with Georgia Tech, and the famous play-off game where he pitched a two-hitter in 1979. When I got home, I went on the internet and looked up the Georgia Tech roster from 1979, and there he was. Henry Turner. I’ll be damned.
The years went by. I’d leave town for months at a time, but when I came home I could always expect to run into Henry for the latest news and a ridiculous tale. Businesses closed and new ones opened, houses changed ownership, new faces arrived and old ones disappeared, but he was like an ancient marble pillar – unaffected by the changes around him. Or so it seemed. In the winter of 2010, three years after we first met, I ran into Henry on one of the downtown park blocks. He was disheveled and had these crazy eyes, and when he recognized me, he touched me on the shoulder and said something to the effect of, “Gonna go away for a while. You’ll hold onto something for me, yeah?”. He reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a huge stack of unused bus passes, thrust them into my hands, and walked away. It was the last time I would see him.
Henry Turner died on March 25th, 2010, a product of years of substance abuse and tough living. If a funeral was held I wasn’t aware of it. The news of his death hit me harder than expected, and it sparked an obsession: I began compulsively writing down every outlandish and unbelievable story he’d ever told me, as a sort of tribute. My band started working on an album of songs pertaining to Henry’s life. My nights were spent researching everything I could find about the Turner family. I would rant on and on to complete strangers about the whole ordeal. Then slowly, it began to subside. Life went back to normal. Though I never quite forgot about it, my utter entrancement with the Turners faded.
What follows is an amalgamation of the stories Henry told me, as best as I can remember them. I hope I did him justice. There are some embellishments and I took quite a few liberties, but like all good narrators, Henry knew that any story worth telling should be grand, significant, and a little bit false. It’s important to note that Henry was no hero, and I’m not trying to romanticize or defend him – as you’ll find out, he was a murderer, an abusive husband, an unapologetic addict, and a crook who was haunted by his most awful moments. But he was also at times a tender, loving father, a brave adventurer, and an amazing pitcher, who was surprisingly candid and an absolute charm to listen to. No person can be summed up by their worst actions. And despite his insistence that “forgiveness ain’t an inherent human quality”, that’s what this whole thing’s been about for me: the capacity to forgive someone’s most wretched moments.
Ultimately, I think that when Henry was at his best, he was something simple: a kind, strange friend" -Rob Taxpayer, from The Taxpayer's Bandcamp page
Look at me look me in the eyes: "No person can be summed up by their worst actions" I'm broken I'm dead I'm deceased. The last track on the album is an interview with somebody who knew Henry as a child. It's about remembering someone that nobody else thinks about it's about preserving the memory of the jerks and the assholes and the addicts because everyone deserves to be remembered and to have songs sung about them and have their stories told in whatever way they can be told.
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fokron · 2 years
Text
Any newer tommyinnit or wilbur soot enjoyers PLEASE watch the tommy wilbur speedrun vod oh my god. It’s “Tommy Makes Minecraft 1000x Funnier as WIFE HAVER” on tommy’s vod channel, but this upload also cuts the first bit of it that’s rlly funny. Just search tommy wilbur speedrunning or smthing to find the whole thing. It’s still so fucking good, the chaos.
We have:
Tommy tricking wilbur into hanging out with him by texting wilbur his mom’s fucking dying. and wilbur fully believing him and freaking out on call, and then not realizing he’s live for 6 entire minutes 
Wilbur staying anyway.
Tommy has upped his streaming persona to 1000% and wilbur can barely even talk to him like a normal person because he keeps screaming and saying random bullshit and interupting wilbur mid-word.
Wilbur is so fucking exasperated but is still laughing and losing it at every other word out of tommy’s mouth. You can hear him hitting his desk in the background with laughter.
Several times wilbur asks tommy why tommy wanted HIM here, when tommy has actual friends who are into speedrunning, while wilbur doesn’t give a shit about it. and I don’t remember if tommy actually gives him an answer LOL.
This is before them calling eachother brothers stopped being a bit, so they do that.
Tommy is So Unhinged the entire vod, more than usual, and that’s saying something.
*wilbur singing autotunned in the background* Tommy: “IM NOT ON ANY COCAINE CHAT, STOP. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT DRUG IS. NOT THAT IT’S A DRUG, IT COULD BE, IT COULD BE A WOMAN”
“Wilbur, if I name my kid wilbur will you name your kid tommyinnit” wilbur immediatly: “no.”
 Wilbur:  “I’ll be right back- do you want me to be here for the begninings, is that what you’re looking for?”  tommy: “I want you here for everything, Wilbur.”
“I’m gonna become a librarian just to SPITE you.”  “wh-why would that spite me??”  “because that’s the worst type of star sign”
“I don’t want to stand up. You realize I’ve pissed myself several times during this stream”  *wilbur dying laughing*
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turtle-babe83 · 1 year
Note
Okay so I have a request & I can’t get it out of my head. Please don’t feel pressured & I completely understand that you are busy!!
A feisty woman is walking home at night and hears something/ or is attacked or whatever & then meets Raphael who she threatens to tase him in the balls as it’s her fight or flight response and it’s just a hilarious, flirtatious interaction. Could be NSFW/or SFW 🤗
I just love your writing and figured I’d shoot my shot lol ❤️
I am so honored to get a request from you!!! I have some ideas for this so…
*rubs hands together gleefully*
(Also, if you decide to maybe draw something to go with it, it would be kinda cool 👉🏼👈🏼👀🫣)
Threaten Me with a Good Time
Raph x Female y/n
(written in third person, not my usual!)
Warning: Language and NSFW content implied
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Bored. As. Hell.
Geez, he’d even take some of Mikey’s dumbassery over this boring stakeout bullshit.
Raphael flipped his sais in his hands thoughtlessly as he sat on a rooftop watching an alley that was getting quite the reputation for muggings. The only reason he was assigned here was because he pissed off the Fearless Leader yet again. He grunted distastefully at the thought of his elder brother’s triumphant smirk when their father sided with him.
“Teacher’s pet,” he muttered, looking around for something he could stab a sai into.
The sound of heels clicking on the pavement below caught his attention and he glanced over the edge to see a woman cutting through the alley. Nice legs, he thought. She wore a pencil skirt and it highlighted the curve of her ass and made her calves pop. Must have just got off work. He admired her until the shadows swallowed her form and then he went back to commiserating over his plight. A shout came from the direction she had disappeared and he instantly went into action.
Just as Raphael’s feet thudded on the ground below, he heard a crackling sound and then a high pitched squeal. He entered the alley at a run but came to a dead stop at the sight before him. A scrawny guy with a toboggan over his head that covered his face was standing stock still and the horrible noise was coming from him. Suddenly, he went silent and his body fell forward to the ground. The woman from before was standing behind him with a taser in her hand. Well, that explained the crackling sound. The would be mugger lay stunned on the ground between them. As soon as she caught sight of the giant turtle, she aimed the taser towards him.
“Not another step, Franklin,” she bit out. “I tasted this fucker in the ass, I’ll go for your balls if you come any closer.”
Raph blinked. Franklin? Who was that?
She had a bite to her, and he did happen to like it spicy. Staying put, he took a moment to get a better look at her. Based on her stance, she must have had some self-defense courses. She was even prettier up close and her legs went on for days. He had to admit, he liked what he saw. Hands up in a placating gesture, he kept his eyes locked with hers.
Softly, he murmured, “Look, I ain’t da bad guy here, lady. I came ta help. It’s what I do.”
“Yeah, well, I protect myself against the dumbasses who think I’m just some poor, defenseless woman. It’s what I do.”
Her tone was icy, but her eyes were starting to soften. Raph decided to push his luck a bit.
“My brothers an’ I, we protect the innocent. We even help da NYPD sometimes,” he told her, sliding a foot forward slowly. She tensed immediately and he heard a crackle coming from the taser. It didn’t have enough volts to do more than shock him slightly but it still didn’t feel great.
“So anyway, if ya wanna go for my balls, maybe drop da taser cause yer gonna need both hands to hold’em,” he went on.
The woman stared at him incredulously.
“I got big balls,” he shrugged.
She couldn’t help herself. A laugh burst out and she lowered the taser to her side.
“You-oh god-you really just said-“ she sputtered between fits of laughter.
As she wiped her eyes, he took advantage of the moment and silently moved closer until he was standing right in front of her. When she realized his proximity, she began to raise the taser towards him, but he disarmed her and stepped back within a split second. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.
“I’m Raphael,” he said, extending a hand for her to shake. “But you can call me Raph.”
She continued to glare at him for a minute longer, then begrudgingly took the offered hand.
“Y/n,” she replied. “Can I have my taser back now?”
“That depends. Ya gonna try to tase my big balls, y/n?”
She tried to stay serious, she really did, but a snicker made it’s way out and then he grinned at her with such a charming smile. Dammit. She sighed with a chuckle.
“Keep your hands to yourself and I won’t have any reason to tase you,” she retorted.
Raph held the taser out to her, “So, yer gonna do all the touching, is that it?”
When she realized what he was implying, her cheeks burned. She could admit to herself that he was attractive. She always did have a weakness for big muscles and soft smiles. She cleared her throat as she took the weapon from his huge hand.
“So, you work with the police? My brother is on the force,” she said to change the subject.
“That so?” he asked, eye ridges raised. “Why don’t I walk ya home and you can tell about him. Might know’im.”
She hesitated only briefly before nodding. Raph took a moment to tie up the groaning thug who was coming to, then he set him at the end of the alley and radioed in to Donnie that the NYPD had a pickup at that location. Then, he motioned for her to lead the way to her apartment building. Raph fell into step beside her as she talked about her big brother, the sergeant. When they reached her building, neither wanted to say goodbye. Finally, Raphael offered his number to her and told her she could call anytime she wanted an escort home from the office. She took it and bid him good night. As soon as she entered her building, she called her brother to verify everything the large mutant had said, and was happy to find out that he was being truthful.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
That had been several months back. Since then, Raph and y/n had become friends and grown closer. She thought the big brute might have stronger feelings for her, like she did for him, but he was so hard to pin down. She decided she was going to have to take matters into her own hands if she wanted things to progress.
She tidied her apartment, more to calm her nerves, because he didn’t care if it was a mess or not. After a long, hot shower, she took the time to pamper herself, applying her lotions and brushing out her shiny hair. She dabbed on some lip balm to soften her pout, then she dressed in a loose lounge set of short shorts and a tank top. Satisfied with the woman staring back at her in the mirror, she texted him and invited him over to watch the Knicks on her big screen tv and eat dinner. As soon as he confirmed that he would be there, she ordered the food. Then she sat at her dining table, nails tapping on the surface nervously as she thought about what she might say to him.
She had nearly talked herself out of her plan when she heard the sound of her window being jiggled open. Butterflies filled her belly as his big feet hit the floor. Now or never. She painted a bright smile on her face and went to greet her guest.
She noticed immediately that he looked nicer than usual. His shorts looked new and she was pretty sure that he had also freshly showered by the scent of body wash surrounding him. The biggest surprise was his lack of mask. It was extremely rare to see any of the brothers without it. Her heart fluttered at what it all might mean. When she finished looking him over, she glanced up to find him watching her intently. She flushed at being caught admiring him.
“Hi,” she offered, softly.
Raph’s mouth quirked up on one side and he returned with a, “Hi yerself.”
They stood there just staring at one another awkwardly for a solid minute when the doorbell rang.
“Oh! That must be the pizza and wings I ordered!” she exclaimed, grateful for the reprieve.
She rushed to the door and grabbed the food, tipping the delivery person before shutting the door with her hip. She turned around to find Raph right behind her. He had an unreadable expression as he took the boxes from her so she could lock the door. She licked her lips nervously, following him to the living room where he placed the food on her coffee table. She grabbed plates, napkins and some sodas for them and joined him on the couch. He already had the remote and was turning on the game. She made a plate and then sat back on the couch, tucking her legs under her, demurely. No more words had been spoken between them and she was beginning to regret and rethink everything. As the game progressed, he seemed to loosen up. The food was soon demolished and Raph began shouting at the tv and grousing over bad calls from the refs, while she pushed aside her bubbling insecurities and tried to join in. Finally, it was half-time.
Y/n gathered the dishes and empty food boxes and took them to the kitchen. Feeling let down and unsettled, she stacked the boxes by the trash can and put the dishes in the dishwasher. When she turned around, Raph was right behind her. She jumped, throwing a hand to her chest in surprise. Damn ninjas and their silent feet.
“I didn’t hear you come in here. Did you need something?” she asked, a little breathless.
His eyes slid over her entire frame and she had to suppress a shudder at the hunger she saw there. He took another step closer and leaned down so they were face to face. She sucked in a breath and held it.
“I do need somethin’ and I’m willing to bet that ya need it too,” he rumbled.
As he slipped one hand into her hair, and the other around her waist, she let out the breath she had been holding. Raphael slanted his lips over hers, pressing firmly and surely. Shocked but grateful, she slid her arms around his neck and went up on her tiptoes to kiss him back just as hard. His hands tightened on her, then she was hauled up against him and his hands went under her thighs to hold her up. His tongue pressed insistently against the seam of her lips and she opened them with a moan. That just seemed to egg him on more. He set her on the kitchen counter, holding her hips and grinding his impressive bulge into her clothed heat. She tore her mouth away and looked down at where he was rolling his hips.
“Holy shit, Raph! You got a bowling ball in your shorts?!”
The big brute threw his head back and laughed, “Yeah, I do. Is this lane open? I feel a split comin’ on.”
She smacked his plastron with a laugh of her own, “Well, you did say you had big balls on the night we met. I’ve been thinking about them ever since.”
Raph smirked, “That right? They been thinkin’ bout ya, too, babe.”
Her hands dropped to his waistband and her lashes lowered as she murmured, “Well, then. Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
She could see him swallowing hard at her words and then he picked her up and strode purposefully through her apartment towards her bedroom. She glanced at the tv as they passed through the living room.
“Hey, game’s back on,” she giggled, teasingly.
Raph smacked her ass, causing her to squeal, growling, “Good, the neighbors won’t question it when I make you scream.”
♥️
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@waterstar2016 @leosgirl82 @post-apocalyptic-daydream @nittleboo @sharpwindow @androidships007 @raisin-shell @tmntspidergirl @thelaundrybitch @mysticboombox @zowise2912 @zombiesnips-blog @xanadu702 @hotredphoenix @happymoonangel @tmnt-tychou @forerunnertracer @aurora-the-kunoichi @imthegreenfairy88 @coulrofilia-sexuell @raphslovemuffin80 @raphaelsrightarm @ravn-87 @raphielover @turtlesmakemehappy @jynxthelittlelynx @fyreball66 @thelostandforgottenangel @lilyssims @slasherblog @sewerninno @scholastic-dragon @8pmblackcoffee @drowninghell @fluffytriceratops @dilucsflame33 @s-s-ironnie @rheawritesforfun @chicchanmooshy @roxosupreme @lunar-corgimon @bunnyraptor69 @morning-sun-brah @lec743 @ashleighclark98 @sketch-and-write-lover @turtlebros4u @kawaiibunga @misteria247 @fictionalmenmistress
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b00ks1ut · 4 months
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It’s All About Trust
Joe Liebgott X Fem!Reader
Warnings: Angst, war, fluff (an attempt anyway I think), swearing, Briefly mention of reader being a medic, reader has a shit ton of siblings (relatable), not that many physical descriptions if any, mentions of death, normal Band of Brothers stuff
Sorry if this is bad. I’ve never written any BoB fanfiction and really have like hardly any writing experience at all so hopefully this isn’t horrible. Please give me feed back if you want. Thank you! Also sorry for the ending. It’s kinda abrupt but it’s the best I could get lol
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Bois Jacques is hell. A very very cold hell. Nothing could truly combat the cold that seeps into everyone around me. Not even the plainish slop they feed us in an attempt at food. Or in the current case, cold, hard “pancakes”, or that’s what Domingus says they are.
Don pokes at his and calls after our ever so kind cook, “Joe these smell like my armpit!”
“At least your armpit is warm.” Skip grumbles from Malarkey’s side as he holds his pancake up for emphasis.
“You want syrup with that?” Domingus sasses back to him.
“Joe, be honest, what’s in these things anyway?” Don asks the retreating man.
“Nothing you won’t eat, Malarkey.” He replies.
“I won’t eat Malarkey.” Spina shoots back quickly causing us all grouped up to let out a chorus of laughs.
Julian brings back the topic of Babe and Spina’s run in with a German on their search for 3rd Battalion. “Hey, maybe Hinkle would like your share, huh?”
This happens to hit my funny bone and I let out a snort leading to the rest of the men’s laughter to only further increase until Peacock comes around looking for Dike.
“Try battalion CP, sir.” I tell the man. The rest of us wait for him to walk away on his hunt for the company CO before we break our into giggles again.
“Try Paris.” Skip laughs.
“Try Hinkle.” Malarkey adds, only increasing our laughter and before I know it tears are pricking my eyes.
Spina begins his less than great German impression and I have to leave before I piss myself laughing.
I seem to run into a brick wall in my way back to my foxhole, tears of laughter still stinging my eyes.
“Sorry ‘bout that (y/n/n).” A deep southern voice speaks from above me.
I take a look and send a smile at the blonde who’s got me held by the shoulders.
“You’re all good Bull, no harm done.” I tell him as I step out of his hold. “Sorry about that.”
“No harm done.” He repeats before walking away with a smile sent to me.
I continue to make my way back to my temporary home of a frozen foxhole. I look down to find none other than Joseph Liebgott.
I’ve always had a soft spot for the rageful Jew. I don’t think it’s any specific thing that made me so drawn to him but rather his whole entire being.
On the other hand he’s never shown any direct attraction to me. Sure nearly all the men of Easy have sent me a glance at least once but I don’t blame them, I’m one of the few women they’ve interacted with past a single night in around 2 years. But past a glance none of the boys have soberly tried anything.
Especially Joe. He’s not unfriendly to me but he’s never really gone out of his way to interact with me. Not until now.
He’s sitting alone in my foxhole, hands tucked under his armpits, gun leaning in the dirt next to him, and his eyes intensely trained on the line.
“Joe? Did you get lost?” I ask him with a small laugh.
“Uh?” He looks up at me and gives me a small smile. “Not lost, just looking for someone to talk to.”
“Luz’s hole is like 2 over that way.” I told him pointing in the direction of the jester’s own hiding place.
“Well good thing I wasn’t looking for George then, yeah?” He says with his trademark smirk. “I can leave if you’d like me to, though.”
"You're fine, but can I ask a question?" I asked as I began the short descent into the frozen foxhole.
"Shoot away (y/l/n)." The Californian told me, looking back at the line across the cold, white field.
"Why are you talking to me? I'm don't mean to be rude but you've never put any effort into having any interaction with me." I asked sitting across from him and stuffing my frozen hands into my jacket pockets.
"I'm just trying to be friendly. No time better than the present, right? Do you have a problem with that? I can leave if you need me to." Joe had begun to get a little defensive but that's hardly surprising when he'll jump at a chance to be upset, whether isn’t reasonable or not.
"Why now? There's hardly a point in making friends when fucking Babe and Spina barely just ran from a Kraut fucking foxhole so excuse my confusion at your extremely sudden olive branch when we're all about to be sent home either on a stretcher or in an enveloped as a piece of shitty metal with our names stamped into it!" I grabbed my dog tags and shook them for emphasis. It took all of my self control to not start yelling or crying, but I could feel the sting of unshed tears at my eyes. "We're all going to be blown to kingdom come by all of this damned artillery." I whisperd.
"Hey. That's not true. We've made it this far but look at us. Sitting in this frozen hell hole and you're alive, I'm alive, and so is Bull and George, Don, Babe, Doc, Skip, Penkala, Perco, and Buck and Lip." He began listing some of the guys we had been with for so long. "I know it's scary and there's not a single thing I can promise you to make anything seem ok, because I'm scared and I have no clue what's going to happen even 10 seconds from now but one thing I can tell you that might make you feel slightly better is that you've made it this far. You made it through Sobel's shitty personalty, Normandy, Carentan, and I know that if you have made it this far without a scratch then what can take you down? You’re what, one of nine kids back at home, you managed to talk and work your way into the airborne and then continue to be an absolute badass throughout boot camp and combat!” He took a break to really look at me and I took that as an opportunity to defend myself and my feelings.
“I’m really flattered but don’t you think I’ve been too lucky? I’ve come so far with nothing more than a bruise and I’m sure the next thing you know I’ll be blown to pieces! I don’t know why I thought I could do this, Joe! I’m fucking terrified and there’s no where to go!” I can feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes and in a sorry attempt to stop them I look to the sky. “I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore.”
“Hey, you can’t go thinking like that. You’re going to make it out of here alive. I need you to believe that because trust me when I say that you are the toughest damned woman I’ve ever met in my life.” He scooted closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.
The tears couldn’t be held any longer and the dam broke, salty waves rolling down the sides of face into my hair line. A sob escaped my lips before I could muffle it with a fist that had been stuffed between my lips only seconds too late.
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry, (y/n), we’re all feeling it, you’re the only one brave enough to let anyone see it.”
I let out a scoff. ‘Brave’ is not the right word to use. “I’m pathetic. I’m sitting here crying, doing nothing to help anyone around me who has it worse. I’m a a medic for fuck’s sake, I shouldn’t be crying when I routinely see how bad I could have it.”
Joe had only pulled me closer and wrapped his other arm around me, essentially cradling my shaking form. “Don’t you see? That’s what makes you so brave, (y/n). You see all these men in so much pain and put yourself in harms way to make sure they get patched up and safe. You are completely allowed to be overwhelmed and scared and cold and any other feeling a person can have. Not one man here would blame you for being upset right now. They know that as long as you are safe so are they, because when shit goes down you’re always there to help us.” He was talking so softly and so gently that I couldn’t help but cry harder.
“Oh fuck.” I muttered , wiping at my eyes. “I’m sorry Joe.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for Doll.” He gave me an affectionate pat. “Just know that you are such a light in the dark here, and not one of the men in these woods would judge you right now.”
I gave him a weak smile and sniffed, wiping at my eyes and nose. “Thank you, Joe, really. I’m forever grateful.”
“Oh don’t mention it, just don’t go telling anyone that I give out cuddles, I can’t have my reputation ruined like that.” Joe snickered with his smirk and a pat to my side.
“Your secret is safe with me as long as you don’t go telling people I cry.” I tittered and wrapped my arm around his neck.
“Your secret is safe with me, (y/n).”
“How do I know you’re not lying to me?”
“It’s all about trust. I trust you, you trust me; that’s how this has to work, yeah?” I was nearly bumping noses with him and if I wanted to I could just lean in a little and kiss him. The thought quickly crosses my mind but part of me knows better.
“I trust you, Joseph Liebgott.” I meant it, with more of my heart than I thought was still there.
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whatisame · 1 month
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bartylus but barty is too crazy for anyone to ever figure out or approach with the intent of dating and regulus is too hot and too emotionally unavailable so being best friends they naturally decide to do something 'stupid' like 'kissing' to see what all the fuss is about and holding hands and cuddling and making out and ofc inevitably develop feelings 4 one another
OMG INO you have absolutely no idea how feral I am about this !!! <3 My favorite codependent bfs. Acid drink personified meets triple shot expresso and together they're giving you cardiac arrest.
Chews cigarettes for breakfast/sugar bomb for dinner meets green juice enthusiast and it goes downhill immediately. Either way, downhill is more fun.
Barty and Regulus are an eccentric pair, to say the least. Very different from each other yet the same brand of dysfunctional; it's no surprise neither of them have had a relationship well into their school years nor that they have absolutely no interest in anything of the sort. They somehow get the feeling that everyone else is looking for their other half while they're already complete. Or it might just be the commitment issues. Either way, the truth of the matter is they're highly inexperiened and that along with their obsessively curious minds and blatant superiority complex does not bode well together.
They are two sides of the same coin which means that when Barty makes the suggestion, Regulus doesn’t bat an eye.
It is, after all, practical. Getting the hard part out of the way and getting to experience what everyone else seems so obsessed with--because god knows they're not pulling anyone of their own accord--is but the sensible thing to do. This, like every other part of their relationship, unfurls naturally.
One moment they're sitting on the couch, watching a dumb romance and Barty is asking: "Do you even wonder what it's like?", nodding at the epic kiss scene under the rain.
The next, they are kissing for the first time.
And it is painfully awkward.
They're frigid, with their unmoving lips being the sole point of contact between them, and about five seconds in they start wondering what on earth made them think this was a good idea.
It is Regulus that breaks first, laughter vibrating against Barty's lips. And Barty doesnt even have the decency to be offended. He pecks him reprimandingly, simultaneously burrying his fingers in Regulus' ribs which pulls another round of giggles off him. Barty kisses those, too.
Eventually the laughter dies down but they do not stop there. The gentle pecks turn into lips moving softly against each other's which in turn turn into open mouthed kisses paired with hands in hair and shoulders and waists.
So anyway, they never notice when the credits start rolling in.
Afterwards, they look for any possible excuse to kiss. At parties, for a dare, in name of pissing off homophobes.
Over time, both become meaner, rougher around the edges. They never do kiss softly again but that's okay becuase its not meant to be something romantic. Or that's what Barty tells himself each time Regulus gets that little mischievous glint in his eye, that unabashed curling of the lip, and he's thinking 'I would bleed myself dry to have a taste of it'. For Regulus, the thought comes whenever Barty's smile loses that sharp edge and turns into something joyous stretching wide across his face. They are jealous and possesive, and it's ugly as they fight tooth and nail for something they ultimately can not have.
And they hurt each other a lot. But that's okay because at the end of the day they are the ones that stitch the other back up.
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ghuleh-recs · 8 months
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It's gotta be RainDrop themed this week because they CAN'T KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER.
you in the moonlight - @kkaisarion - E, 2.4k
When Dewdrop finds out that Copia accidentally summoned a new water ghoul, he’s ready to throw hands. He’s been the only water ghoul at the abbey for so long, there’s no way he’s about to share his territory with whoever just showed up.
boiling point - @waywardsamaritan - E, 5.2k
“You really want me to hit you?” Rain’s voice drops, taking on a dangerous hue now. He advances towards Dew, slow and intentional, predatory. Dew gulps, his eyes locked on Rain’s as Rain backs him into the corner with measured steps. “‘Cause here’s the thing, Dewdrop,” he continues, letting out a little bark of laughter when Dew startles as his back hits the wall. “You’ve been irritating the shit out of me. I’m sick of it. And you know what I realized today?” He pauses, taking a moment to savor Dew’s wide-eyed stare. “I do wanna fucking hit you.” In which Rain and Dew both get much more than they bargained for.
Change My Mind - @papaslittlesunshine - E, 2.1k
For the RainDrop fanclub. You know who you are. Dew is down bad for Rain after he steps up onstage. Inspired by the videos from this tour. You'll get it if you've seen them.
rotten work (not to me) - @riconas - T, 2.6k
“What happened?” Aeon asks timidly. “What’s wrong?” “Bad headache,” Rain murmurs. He holds a finger up to his lips as he strokes Dew’s hair, braid now messy and poking out of the elastic. “Happens sometimes. Because of the—” He pauses, cutting himself off. “Doesn’t matter. It happens sometimes.” or Aeon stumbles upon Dew and Rain after a show.
All Water Holy - @miasmaghoul @st-danger - E, 6.5k
“Rain, I’m not- I’m not kidding,” he manages, but the laughter removes the seriousness and urgency from his voice and Rain can’t stop himself. “Not kidding about what?” he asks, mock innocent. He would have thought it would be taking more out of him to keep Dew pinned beneath him, but he seems increasingly weak the longer it goes on, wearing himself out. “Fuck you,” Dew spits, pained and forced to smile through it anyway, “seriously, I’m gonna piss myself.” Or, As always, Rain gets what he wants, and Dewdrop suffers (affectionate).
Petals Falling on Demand - @crimsonclergy - E, 1.9k
the boys find out that rain has a thing for panties… or maybe he just has a thing for dew, that sappy little rascal
Floodwaters of Phlegethon - @belle--ofthebrawl - E, 5.8k
He should have called one of the others to check in on Dewdrop, Rain thinks as he stares down Alpha. This could have been avoided. Everyone underestimates Rain. Alpha won't make that mistake again.
⛧ now go forth and read, bookmark, kudos, comment, & subscriiiibe
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cowboybeepboop · 2 years
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Hawaiian hangout
“Mm this is my favorite song, what about you Darling? Do you like it?” “It’s nice, but I don’t like slow rides, I like going fast,”
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Pairing: Hangman x fem! Reader
Genre: plot with some porn
Word count: 2928
Summary: Hangman has a thing for you but your relationship with Rooster makes him jealous. You’re a badass who is the best of the best and this shows when you and Mav get into a “fight”.
A/N: I don’t usually give the reader a callsign cause I think it’s fun to make up your own but for this oneshot I made the readers callsign Darling because her superior (the guy from the academy) who gave it to her thought it was fitting because she’s innocent and sweet looking on the outside but in the sky she’ll out fight anyone in a dog fight. Basically he’d call her Daring Darling, or DD, since no one saw her as a threat at first and also because she loved the DareDevil comics. Anyways this is just some random ass info I made up, it gives nothing to this so like yeah idk I was just bored. Also I fr based the friendship on my friends and I’s relationship because I think we’re absolutely hilarious no questions asked and for some reason everyone thinks we’re dating. ALSO I WROTE THIS ENTIRE THING WHILE MY MOM WAS NEXT TO ME ON A ROAD TRIP SOS I CAN’T STAND MYSELF. Anyways saw Top Gun: Maverick for the 5th time and met some really cool older women today.
Bradley has been your best friend forever, since kindergarten when he “accidently” pulled your pigtails and you started crying. His only excuse was that they were uneven and he was trying to help, fucking idiot. He does that a lot though, he’ll try to help and end up making a bigger issue out of it, for instance this exact moment when he spilt red wine on your white dress and poured white wine on top to “even it out”. Now you’re fresh out of the shower, smelling like Bradshaw’s coconut shampoo and wine.
“Hey, Brad. Got anything I can wear? I mean after all you did wreck my dress, twice,” you giggle with a teasing smile, he scratches the back of his neck and hands you a pair of your old shorts and one of his Hawaiian shirts.
“That's all I could find, I must have left your wardrobe at my mom’s storage place.” shrugging you take the clothes from him, smiling sweetly.
“Don’t worry about it duckie,” he rolls his eyes and puts his best mom face on, standing with his hands on his hips.
“It’s Rooster, not duck,” he puts on a dramatic performance, throwing his head back, hand over his heart, “I can’t believe you don’t even know my callsign, after all of these years.” one last exaggerated sigh before he falls back on the couch.
“Damn, did the shock kill you?” your eyes light up with mischiv, as long as he’s pretending to be dead I mean you might as well, you tickle his sides watching him fight back a fit of laughter.
“Come on Y/N you should get changed, we’re supposed to go meet Phoenix soon,” he sits up grabbing your arms and pinning them to your sides with a sweet smile.
“Shit, I almost forgot about that,” you quickly grab the clothes, throwing on the shorts and his white Hawaiian shirt, leaving it unbuttoned showing off your white cropped tank top. “I think we’re actually a little late,” he grabs his keys and puts his hand on your waist pulling you out the door with him.
“Well, I intend on surprising her anyway,” he locks the door and hops in his jeep. You follow suit, getting into the passenger side sighing at the heat that hits your thighs as they touch the dark leather seats.
“This is torture, I’m burning alive,” Bradley shakes his head while starting the engine, you buckle up pulling the seatbelt under your left arm so it doesn’t sufocate you.
“That defeats the purpose of the seatbelt, you’re supposed to have it over your chest,” he teases as you glare into the side of his face.
“It’s uncomfortable, it’s suffocating my chest,” he puts his free hand on your thigh, squeezing lightly.
“I know, I just wanted to piss you off,” Bradly smiles innocently as he keeps his eyes on the road, you flip him off secretly. “I saw that, Darling” he glances over to you raising his eyebrows slightly, “You’re gonna have to be more careful next time,”.
“Ouch, you’re being real serious Bradley. You even used my callsign,” you fegin shock covering your mouth theatrically. That’s the thing about your relationship with Bradley, the majority of the time you guys are being dramatic, which really confuses people because they don’t understand your guy’s comedic geniusness.
Bradley pulls into a parking spot, he gets out of the jeep and walks over to your side of the car, opening the door and offering you his hand. You roll your eyes “You go first Brad, I’ll go in, in like a minute,” he nods his head and salutes you.
“I’ll see you in a minute then,” you wave him off pulling a thing of chapstick out and applying it, you check your phone and reply to a couple texts. Mentally preparing yourself for the loudness of the bar, sticking your phone into your pocket before climbing out of the vehicle. You run a hand through your hair while walking through the bar entrance, “Hey, Y/N over here,” Bradley calls you over while holding his stomach softly.
You go up to the bar to order two beers, you end up standing right next to Maverick, “Can I please get two beers Penny?” she nods with a sweet smile, “Oh shit, Mav I didn’t notice you earlier,”.
“Hey, Y/N, how’s it going?” He smiles while sticking his phone into his pocket.
“I’m good, how about you,” you sit down on the empty stool next to him, keeping your attention directly on him.
“I could be better,” he runs a hand through his hair, “you should head over to Bradley, he’s waiting for you.” you nod, standing up to get the beers and thank Penny, “One more thing though,”
“What is it?” you search his serious eyes looking for any hints about what he might ask of you.
“Could you maybe not tell Bradley that I’m back in town just yet?” Maverick scratches the back of his neck while his eyes go softer pleading with yours.
“Of course, Mav,” you smile and lean in for a hug, he wraps his arms around your waist gently while using his thumb to rub up and down your back. You pull back from the hug, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.
You weave in between a few groups while making your way over to Rooster and Phoenix, once you get to the pool table you pull your sunglasses up leaving them on top of your head. “Here Bradley,” you hand him a beer, taking the other as you sit next to Bob, “Hey, Bobby boy. How’s the man, the myth, the legend?” he smiles as he pushes his glasses up his nose bridge. The familiar blond man turns his attention on you, looking you up and down with a small smirk.
“I’m good now that you’re here,” you smile, showing your slightly pointy canines.
“Fuck, Bob you know just how to get my heart racing,” you stare into his eyes before he looks away, a soft blush creeping up his neck.
“You know him?” Hangman questions as Bradley pops up behind you taking your glasses from your head, folding them up and hanging them on the collar of your shirt.
“Yeah, he’s my favorite weapons systems officer,” you smile while placing your hand on his shoulder. “He’s always focused and has never made a mistake, it’s too bad they don’t let me fly with an RIO anymore,” you sigh dramatically while he admires you from the side, Rooster rolls his eyes.
“You know, the higher ups would let you fly with an RIO if you weren’t such a maniac,” you pretend to be offended as you shove his arm away from your side.
“Ugh, you’re so mean to me all the time,” Hangman is not so subtly checking you out while you and Bradshaw bicker. Phoenix interrupts you two trying to stop your random argument.
“So, Y/N I’ve been wondering something for a while,” she pulls Bradley by his shirt softly, you nod at her motioning for her to continue, “why is your callsign Darling? Isn’t that kind of misogynistic?” Phoenix’s comment draws everyone’s attention to you.
You laugh softly, “It does seem like that doesn’t it? It’s just something my parents nicknamed me when I was younger and my commander thought it was fitting for me. But,” you smile softly, “People usually call me DD,”.
“Before you ask the meaning of that,” Rooster laughs, “you’ll have to wait until you see her fly to fully understand.” He sounds like a proud dad while talking about you.
“I also have a question,” Coyote raises his eyebrows, “Why are you wearing Roosters shirt?”.
“He ruined the dress I was wearing earlier,” you shrug and Coyote’s eyes slightly widen as he coughs. Hangman’s jaw clenches while he narrows his eyes on Bradley.
Slow ride starts playing, “Mm this is my favorite song, what about you Darling? Do you like it?” Hangman smirks flashing his perfect white teeth.
“It’s nice, but I don’t like slow rides, I like going fast,” you swipe your tongue over your bottom lip keeping an intense stare on Hangman.
Penny rings the bell again, Hangman, Coyote, Payback, and Fanboy take Mav out. You chew on your cheek while going over to the bar, “Hey, Pen, I’ll pay Mav’s tab,” she hands you the check.
“It’s a pretty big bill,” she warns you but you already had your wallet pulled out, you hand her your card.
“It’s fine, I have a lot saved up,” you smile sweetly, Bradley pulls the cord on the jukebox, taking his beer over to the piano.
“Are you sure, love?” you nod, she swipes the card and then hands it back to you with the receipt. Rooster motions for you to come over.
You go over to him and he sings to you “You broke my will, but what a thrill,” Bradley pulls you onto his lap and you start singing with him.
“Kiss me baby,” you hold his cheeks, kissing him on the forehead, “Ooh, that feels good, baby”, he smirks looking you up and down. You giggle as you continue to sing in sync with him, nodding your head with the beat of the song. Hangman clenches his fists, sucking his teeth, shifting his jaw in anger.
_________
Things between you and Maverick have been a little tense since he found out about how you paid his tab, not to mention the tension between him and Rooster putting even more strain on your friendship with Maverick. The funny thing is Maverick told you not to fly like you usually do, you’re way more skilled in dog fighting than the rest of the pilots from your previous training and missions, your goal is to train for the mission with the rest of the team rather than gain more skills; however, Maverick went ahead and pushed your buttons. You’re the first pilot up which means you’re supposed to lose like everyone else and do the 200 push ups, but with Maverick’s intensity and Bob’s encouragement you’ve found yourself flying like your life depends on it.
Maverick’s plane is right on your ass, both hands grab your centre stick, pulling toward your midsection. Your plane shoots up, “Holy shit,” Hangman's voice rings through your ears as you switch directions heading straight for Mav. He pulls up trying to level with you, you flip upside down, narrowly missing his “shot”, you push the centre stick opposite of your body swooping low.
Maverick locates you once again, he creeps closer to your tail, before you hastily pull up. You’re upside down (again) hovering over Mavericks plane, “Fuck she’s on his fucking tail,” Hangman is sat back watching you two fight.
Your engine stalls and you direct your plane away from Maverick’s, you’re headed straught for the ground, “Fucking hell, my engine stopped,” you keep hitting the buttons grabbing your centre stick, still none of your efforts make a difference.
“Eject, Y/N eject right now,” Maverick yells as he follows your tail, at this point you’re hitting the hard deck.
You’re finally able to gain control of the engine again, you pull up as fast as you can. Your plane zooms past Maverick, your hands shake as you put your aim on Maverick and the beeping starts to ring out, “I gotcha Mav,”.
“Y/N get out of the sky, now.” you can hear the anger in his strong tone, your planes all touch the ground. You get out of the vehicle, hands shaking as your feet touch the ground, Mav runs over to you.
“Why the fuck did you not eject? What if you couldn’t gain control of your F-18?” you fall back on the ground, laying against the boiling pavement.
“I don’t know, can you stop yelling though. My head hurts,” you close your eyes, chest rising and falling quickly, your arms and legs feeling like jello. The rest of the team rushes down over to you and Maverick, he stays stood over you staring down at you.
“You’re reckless,” he says in a silvery tone, “you could have been seriously injured, or even killed,” Maverick nearly yells at the end of his sentence.
“In my defense I’m tired of doing push ups, I’m an amazing dog fighter I don’t even need any more training. I've already got two confirmed kills. That’s half of what you’ve got Mav, I’m good and I’m not cocky.” you sigh out, lifting your head to look at him as you sit up, “I’m fine with not winning against you or being the best but shit you’re getting on my nerves,” Rooster comes over and helps you stand up.
“Hangman, take Y/N inside and get her some water,” Mav pinches the bridge of his nose while using his other hand to wave you and Hangman off.
You unzip your uniform while walking towards the locker room, Hangman is a couple steps behind you keeping a close eye on you to make sure you don’t fall.
“Hey Darling, why doesn’t Maverick use your callsign?” Jake’s hand rests on your back as he opens the door for you, his body getting impossibly close to yours. “I mean he uses Roosters, it doesn’t make much sense that he doesn’t use yours,” he says voice barely over a whisper.
“I was his right hand man in a mission once and because he named me, my mom couldn’t think of a good name so she asked him,” you shrug, walking into the locker room peeling off your uniform that’s drenched in sweat.
“You were really good up there,” Hangman presses up against your back, arms wrapping around your waist as he breathes against your neck softly.
“Hangman, what are you doing?” his hand moves down to your thighs, spreading them a little. You instinctively lean back against him, throwing your head back on his shoulder.
“Darling, you can stop me whenever you want,” he kisses your neck softly, “and please, call me Jake,” he whispers into your ear sending shivers down your body. He moves to sit down on the bench pulling you onto his lap.
“Are you okay with this?” you nod enthusiastically, biting down on your lip roughly, “No love, I need to hear you say it,” he pulls his hands back from your body.
“Fuck, please Jake. I want this, I want you,” you put his hands back on your thighs, spreading your legs for him.
“Good girl,” he smiles, biting your earlobe softly, receiving a soft moan from you. Jake pulls your soaked panties to the side, sliding his index finger between your pussy lips before landing it on your clit. He rubs slow circles around your bundle of nerves, changing the amount of pressure from time to time. You grip onto his upper arm roughly, squeezing your eyes shut tightly as your body presses into his. Pleasure shoots down your spine causing your body to shake softly, biting down on your lip you snake your other hand up to his hair pulling at the roots.
Hangman uses his free hand to grab something from his pocket, “You know Darlin’, you dropped something yesterday,” he whispers into your ear. “I didn’t think much of it, so I picked it up. But there’s something curious about this lipstick container,” fucking hell, there’s no way I dropped it here. You think to yourself while trying to stay focused on his words.
“You can imagine my shock when I opened it and..” he takes the cap off, sliding the base to the side, the dreaded quiet vibration filling your ears. He smirks against your neck as he begins peppering kisses against the warm sensitive skin.
“Fuck,” Jakes movements were overwhelming, giving you zero opportunity to come up with an excuse, “I can totally explain why I have that,” your hole pulses around air, grasping for some sort of friction.
He presses the tip of the vibrator against the spot he's been massaging, swirling it around in steady circles while keeping a consistent rough pressure. “Jake,” you pant out his name, moaning into his ear.
“Is my pretty girl close?” he uses his free hand to knead one of your breasts through your shirt, you nod against his shoulder, “You’re so naughty, do you like that Rooster could walk in at any minute and see how good I make you feel?” he tightens his jaw at his mention of your chaotic friend.
You squeeze your legs tight around his hand, feeling close to your climax. He spreads your legs with one hand and his knee, “You’re being so good for me Darling, don’t disappoint me now,” he bites down on your neck softly. Jake increases the amount of pressure he’s using, causing waves of euphoria from your head to your toes.
Soft moans spill from your lips, your toes curling as the knot in your stomach snaps, Jake pulls your chin to move your lips against his. Your lips mesh passionately as he keeps pushing your orgasm, eyebrows scrunching together as overwhelming pleasure fills your body, like a warm cup of hot cocoa after a long time in the snow.
“Good girl, Darling you’re so good for me,” he whispers against your ear, he begins wiping up the warm liquid with a handkerchief from his pocket. “We need to get you cleaned up before anyone notices how long we’ve been gone for.” Jake kisses down your neck before pushing you up off his lap.
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everybodyshusband · 4 months
Text
nothing to help the writer's block than writing a shitty, shitty, no stakes crack fic :)) inspired by @run-of-the-milf's post about the ghouls doing a "most searched questions" video
rated T or M (i'm not sure which but there are sex jokes so...?), 1k words, no warnings apart from the fact that this is so so stupid sdjhf
~
As soon as the red light begins blinking at him softly, Swiss steps out from behind the camera, grinning widely. He gives Cumulus a thumbs up and the ghoulette begins to speak.
“Hi, I’m Cumulus and these are the ghouls from the band Ghost, and we’re here for the Wired Autocomplete Interview!”
“Wait,” Rain interjected. “Are we allowed to call it that if it’s not the official Wired one?” They had in fact conducted an actual interview with papa earlier that day, but it had been a stilted, official one, with all of them standing silently behind Copia as he did all the talking and referred to them by their official Nameless Ghoul titles. They were all excited to do this one together and be as silly as they wanted to, not having to worry about appearances whatsoever.
“Eh, who cares, it’s not as if this one is being posted anywhere,” Swiss argued. “We could fuck on camera and the only place it would go outside of our pack would be Copia’s office computer.”
Aurora’s head snapped up. “We’re gonna fuck on camera?”
“If we’re gonna fuck on camera, then why do we have all these chairs set up?” Dew teased, trying to let the multi ghoulette come to the correct conclusion on her own.
“I dunno…” She looked at him with wide eyes. “Should I have prepped myself or something?”
Mountain scuffed Dew over the back of the head. “Stop teasing her,” he reprimanded, but his eyes were sparkling with mirth as he turned to explain what was actually going on to her and a very concerned looking Aeon.
“I wasn’t!” Dew tried to counter, which only rewarded him another bonk on the head, this time from Cirrus.
“How about you shut up and we start the interview?”
“Great idea, Cir,” Swiss grinned. “Here, dirt boy, catch!” He threw a poster board at Mountain, who fumbled to catch it before it hit the ground.
Mountain shook his head in amusement. “A little warning next time, Swiss?”
“Nah,” the multi ghoul shrugged. “It’s funnier to watch you struggle.”
“Who’s this one for anyway?” Mountain asked.
“Me, I think,” Dew said, reading his name in the search bar. “Go on, ask me my questions, Mounty.”
The earth ghoul sighed. “Fiiiiine. This first one is just your name so…” He peels off the first bit of paper. “Dewdrop ghoul… Hah! Dewdrop ghoul height.”
Swiss cackled from behind the two of them, earning a heavy thwack on the thigh. “How tall exactly are you, Dewy?”
Cumulus tried and failed to suppress a laugh. “What is it the fans say? Two sauce packets tall?”
“You’re all so mean to me!” Dew cried out, but he was suppressing his own tears of laughter.
“It’s okay, Dew,” Rain said soothingly, patting him on the back and making the fire ghoul purr happily under the attention. “I know you’re actually three sauces tall.” The satisfied smirk on Rain’s face paired with Dew’s reaction was well worth the lecture (read: gentle chastising) they all knew they’d be getting from Copia about the noise.
“Oh, fuck you!” Dew screeched. “I fuckin’ hate this game…”
“You don’t wanna use this chance to tell us your real height?” Aeon asked, curiously.
“I’m a demon from Hell,” Dew mumbled, still pissed off. “I don’t have to tell you shit.”
“It’s because he knows he’s short,” Swiss stage-whispered into Aeon’s ear, making sure the entire pack could hear.
“How about we move onto the next one before Dew burns the Abbey down?” Mountain teased. “Dewdrop ghoul… Hands. Why are people so obsessed with your hands, Dew?”
“Because they’re fucking hot,” Aeon, Cirrus and Rain murmured in perfect unison.
“...Before anyone gets too horny,” Dew said. “Let’s move on. What’s next?”
“Swiss and Sodo dick grab,” Mountain read off the card. “And the next one down is also: Dewdrop and Swiss Watcher in the Sky.”
“What can I say,” Swiss smirked. “The people love me grabbing the little guy.” He punctuated his statement by reaching a hand forward and rubbing his hand over Dew’s chest possessively, winking at the camera. On Dew’s other side, Aeon blushed.
“What did I just say about getting too horny, Swiss?” Dew shook his head, laughing. “Let go of me, heathen. We’ve still got questions to answer.” He brushed Swiss’ hand off of him. “Any more for me, Mount?”
“Don’t think so,” the earth ghoul replied. “Next board please?” Rain chucked him the next one and Mountain immediately laughed out loud as he peeled the first bit of paper off. “Cardinal Copia gay,” he read out, causing the entire pack to also burst out laughing.
“Well, he definitely wasn’t gay last night,” Cumulus smirked.
“Oh really?” Rain asked. “He was for me last week…”
They both dissolved into laughter and turned their heads towards each other, no doubt exchanging notes about their Papa’s preferences in the bedroom.
“Moving on…” Mountain said. “The next one is… Rain and Dewdrop choking.”
“Oh God,” Rain said, closing his eyes and tipping his head back.
“Good one, Dew,” Aurora teased. “You’ve got him so worked up about even the idea of your choking stunt onstage that he’s forgotten he works for a Satanic Ministry.” She turned to Rain and flicked his head back up. “God’s not here, Rainy.”
“...Aaaaand on that note,” Cumulus said, clapping her hands together and grinning, struggling to contain her laughter. “We’ll stop there!”
Aeon wasn’t not so lucky in the containing laughter department, having thrown his head back and cackled enough to have fallen off his chair with an oof.
“Okay, uhhh,” Cumulus started again. “Thank you for watching our interview–”
“Even though the only people who are going to watch it will be us,” Aurora interrupted.
“–And hopefully one day we’ll be back to answer more questions,” the air ghoulette finished. “Goodbye!”
Dew lunged at Swiss for making another short joke, teeth bared. The camera fell over as he collided with the multi ghoul and the screen went black.
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