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elcpsstuff · 9 months

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The Summer I Remembered You (C.F) (Part 2)

Summary: the first bonfire of the summer doesn’t go as planned when Belly and Yn decide to crash it.

—

Last Summer

“Why can’t we go to the bonfire?” Me and Belly were sandwiched between Susannah, Laurel, and my mother.

“You guys are only fourteen, maybe next year.” My mom ruffled my hair and I huffed.

Belly rolled her eyes, obviously sharing the same annoyance as me. “It’s not fair. Me and Yn sit around doing literally nothing all day.”

“That’s not true.” Laurel piped in, “You hang out with us, and we’re the best company.”

“And to be clear,” I looked at my mom pointedly, “I turn fifteen in like, two days.”

“And and I turned fifteen a couple of weeks ago!”

“who’s up for 10 things I hate about you?” My mother says, knowing how to sidetrack me, and that movie is my weakness.

I signed, leaning back and I could tell Belly had given up too. “I hate that you know me.” I murmured as my mom turned the movie on.

She kissed my forehead, “You secretly love it.”

—

Present Day:

“Are you seriously gonna let my mom rope you into the deb ball?” A voice says from behind me. I fell out of my trance and turned around to see Conrad sitting down next to me, dipping his ankles in the pool.

I shrug, “I don’t know.” But I did know, I didn’t wanna do it. It was my mom’s dream and I might have been motivated to do it if she was here, but she’s obviously not.

“You don’t have to do it, my mom will understand.” He pulls out a joint and I almost gag. He was so different, Belly was right about that.

“I can do what I want.” I say, the words going like knives to his chest.

“Yn, you forget that I know you. Don’t do this because you feel obliged to make my mom happy and yours. I know—”

“Fuck you, Conrad.” I almost spit on him while saying this. His face dropped a little and he reached out for my wrist before I could leave.

“I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

I scoff, “Well you are.”

“The deb ball is a fucking joke, Yn. Don’t do it. I’m just trying to save you the pain, okay?”

I couldn’t believe him. Acting like he knows me, he knows nothing about me. Not anymore.

“Stop acting like you know me, Conrad. You don’t fucking know me at all.” I say and yank my hand away from him. But he did know me, he knew my heart and soul inside and out.

—

Sometimes I felt like I was more Susannah’s daughter than Laurels. Like Laurel thought I was some sort of curse to her family. John didn’t think so though.

The light poured through my window, and I knew with that I needed to get up. I could hear noises from downstairs, and I checked my phone to see it was already nearing 11. What the fuck? I never slept that late.

I put my hair in a low ponytail, lose strands falling into the front. I put on a cousins shirt because walking down in a tank top wouldn’t end well, and it matched my plaid shorts anyways.

I made my way down the stairs to see Conrad on the couch and Belly sitting at the island beside Laurel.

Belly smirks, “You slept in, dreaming about someone?”

I laugh, “Yeah, yeah.” but I was distressed, I mean after the talk with Conrad last night which won’t leave my mind.

Ugh.

I sat next to Belly and my body felt like it was being lifted to heaven when I saw the box of muffins in front of me. I grabbed the blueberry one, securing it as mine.

“Jeremiah made sure to save that one for you.” I felt my heart swell. He does that for everyone. Stop it.

“I can’t believe it! My girl Is going to be a debutante!” Susannah says, running into the room and grabbing everyone’s attention. Conrad is now fully standing and i’m just as curious as he is.

“What? Belly your doing it?” I looked towards Belly who could only mouth me a “sorry” before going to hug Susannah.

I knew where this was going, and I attempted to get up but Susannah grabbed my arm.

“Y/N, please. It will be better this time.”

I could feel Conrad’s eyes on me. Almost begging me not to do it. Then, I looked at Belly. Her face was full of life, and how could I disappoint her? I wish I could look at the world like Belly does. To her, nothing is impossible. She was the sun that shined on this house, and I just felt like the rain that drowned everything out.

“I- I mean—” I stumbled on my words, before looking at Belly.

“Okay. I’ll do it.” I could see Conrad’s eyes widen at my answer.

“Yay!” Susannah squeals while writing my name down on the card. “Now we just have to find you two dates, but we have plenty of time!”

Maybe I shouldn’t have signed up for this.

—

I sat in my room, looking at my closet with no thoughts. The first bonfire of the season is always the best. I was hoping it was this year. Last year was the first year I went and opted out of me and Belly’s tradition with Susannah and Laurel. I remember the look on Belly’s face when I fled.

June, Last Summer.

Laurel was nervous because the boys always went to the Bonfire, but this was the first year I was going. She felt safe though because Conrad was going, always the protector.

“Are you excited?” Conrad said to me. I smiled at him as we walked ahead of Jeremiah and Steven to his car.

“I’m happy i’m not sitting at home and doing nothing.” Conrad smiles at me and shoves my shoulder a little.

“Yo! I’m driving!” Jeremiah says while rushing to the drivers seat. I couldn’t help but blush at his demand. I think it was obvious because Conrad was staring at me.

Jeremiah turned to me and smirked, “Shotgun?”

“Always.” I say before Conrad can object. He slowly gets in the back seat.

“Poor Belly.” I said, not realizing my thoughts were being spoken aloud.

“Don’t feel bad for her, she’s still a baby in my eyes.” Steven blurts out and a laugh comes from Jeremiah’s face.

“Seriously, Y/N, you’ll have the best time.” Jeremiah puts a hand around my shoulder and redness succumbed to my face.

“Just don’t fuck anyone.” Steven starts rambling on how i’m too young and Conrad was laughing in the back.

That night, I had never felt so young. I mean, I was almost 16 but still 15. That didn’t stop me from attempting to flirt. I thought about running back to the house and begging to be forgiven and watch movies with the girls.

I grabbed a shot and chugged it down. I had dranken before, but Steven said he wouldn’t cover for me until this fall, going into Junior year. I could never drink too much. Now, I could do whatever. I could get fucking drunk.

I saw Jeremiah getting cozy with a group of girls and I felt my heart jump. He was always so mixed. He would almost kiss me one day but then act like nothing happened. Even though I never told Conrad, because that’s awkward, he always knew what was on my mind.

He caught wind of me and walked over to me, making me feel kinda happy.

“Hey! How you doing?”

I looked around to realize he probably came over to make me look normal. Nobody was talking to me. I was a loner.

“Better now.”

He smiled and put an arm around me. “How many of those have you had?”

I smirked, “mmm, I can handle it Fisher.”

“I know you can.”

For a split second I swore he was about to kiss me, like the sun and the moon were finally merging to make an eclipse. Everything would be worth it.

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He let’s go of me and then rushes back to the group of girls that had been calling him. What the fuck.

I grabbed the nearest drink and downed it. Suddenly I really missed Conrad.

Present Day:

“Y/N! Come on!” I heard Belly scream from downstairs. This was her first year at the bonfire, and i didn’t wanna ruin it for her. I wore a pretty blue tube top with white jean shorts.

Once I got downstairs, I was brought to se Steven and Belly yelling. Once she saw me, her eyes lit up, like I was her savior.

“Y/N! Tell Steven how I should go to the bonfire?”

“Steven, she’s 15. It’s not a big deal.” Why was Steven overreacting?

“You were more mature than Belly was. Besides, mom won’t even let you.” This wasn’t true, all belly had to do was ask.

Laurel and Susannah come running into the room, with a bunch of snacks. “Who’s ready for movie night?”

Belly sighs, knowing she’s lost this fight. I pat her on the back, “sorry bells, if you need anything text me.” She sticks her tongue out at me and smiles.

—

The bonfire was packed, way more than I remembered last year. Maybe it was just my bad memory. Jeremiah disbursed into the crowd of people who already knew him. Typical Jeremiah. I lost track of Conrad and Steven was talking to some chick.

I walked around, trying to gauge someone I knew. I felt so stupid, out of place. I was shy, but I knew these people. Why did I feel this way?

After tons of walking around, I decided I needed a drink, or two or three. However many my heart wanted.

I chugged the first two drinks down easily, already trying to feel the buzz.

“Don’t choke.” I furrowed my eyebrows and turned around to see a guy. He was hot. Brown, fluffy, blue eyes from what I could see.

“I know what I’m doing.” I say, with a playful tone.

“I just would hate to see a girl like you choke.”

“What’s your name?”

“Josh. You?”

“Y/N.”

He smirks which made me blush a little bit. He was no Jeremiah, or Conrad for that fact but he was something.

“Well, Y/N. Would you like another drink?” I giggled a little and took the cup from his hands, drinking whatever was in his cup. It was strong, stronger.

We talked about a lot of things. He played football, I played volleyball. It kinda just went on from there. I couldn’t help but hear voices that were too familiar to me not to turn around. It was Belly.

“I’ll be right back.” I say, before giving him one last smile and making my way over to Belly.

“Bellsssssss!” I say, slurring my words. I hadn’t moved much, and the drinks were finally starting to get to me.

“Hey, are you.. drunk?” She says.

“No! What are you doing here?” She smiles shyly. I didn’t even have to hear her answer to know she snuck out. Something else had caught my attention.

Conrad. Making out with a girl. I knew her. I knew her all too well. I felt his eyes linger to mine, as well as the girls.

“Y/N? Is that you?” She says and I’m forced to show her a smile. She gets up from Conrad and hugs me. I could feel his eyes, burning into mine as if the sun was right next to me.

“Hey, Nicole.”

“I saw Susannah pick up two sheets for the ball, are you gonna debb this year?”

I felt my body heat up and I knew Conrad noticed it too.

“Susannah wants me to try again, but—”

“You totally should! Paige is still kinda mad about last year, you can make it up to her.” I cringed at her words.

“Yeah i’ll think about it, I— i didn’t know you and Conrad?” I make a gesture between her and Conrad.

“It’s none of your business.” Conrad says, only making my anger burn so much more. Nicole rolls her eyes and sits back down next to Conrad, “Don’t be mean.”

I walked away before any of them could say something else. This night was a shit show. I looked around for the guy Josh but everything was just blurry. I grabbed the nearest drink and downed that as well. I didn’t want to feel. Not anymore.

“COPS!”

Shit. I couldn’t really see much but I heard people screaming and saw blue and red lights. I felt a hand tug on mine and looked at them, seeing their beautiful blue eyes. It was Jeremiah.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

I followed his lead, not letting go of his hand. If only he had grabbed it just because, not because the stupid cops came. Then my night would be fine.

—

I was stuck in a car with Conrad. Belly and Steven were no where to be found and Jeremiah left to go find them. The air was thick. I felt like I was climbing Mount Everest.

“How much did you drink tonight?” I hear him say. His words shoot like lasers through my ears for reasons I’ll never know.

“It’s none of your business.” I mock him.

“You shouldn’t drink that much.” I hated him. How could he say that when he’s drunk?

“Your drunk, Conrad. Don’t tell me what to do.”

He didn’t say anything else.

There was a knock on the door and we both turned to see a police officer, and I knew we were fucked.

“You kids been drinking?”

—

wooohooo!! end of chapter 2!! These Chapters might be a little slow because in order to get to the main plot I gotta give some background lol. Enjoy!!

tag list: @callsignwidow @kkrenae

#conrad fisher #conrad x reader #jeremiah x reader #jeremiah fisher #belly conklin #team conrad #team jeremiah #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp #tsitp s2 #love #summer love #summer

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whumping-valentine · 4 days

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Hey you guys, who's ready to finally watch me live up to my username???

This piece is focused on Valentine and Vittoria. I realized that I don't have to wait until the main series arrives to talk about them, so I'm writing this!

Any little things like this I'll tag as "Butterfly Blood Extras" while the eventual main series will just be "Butterfly Blood."

So yeah, anyways, enjoy finally seeing Valentine in action! If you like the dynamic and lore feel free to stick around for the eventual chronological series 👀 it'll be out once Fawn and Hunter is completed.

Content: Slightly cocky (ex-)royal whumpee. Intimate whumper. Non-human / magical characters. Fantasy setting. Elemental magic. There's also very detailed, intimate, vampire neck biting at the end of this. Also stripping and nudity, but it doesn't lead to anything sexual. Also also whumpee has a collar.

They/she whumpee (Valentine)

She/her whumper (Vittoria)

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After being cooped up underground for such extended periods of time, Valentine was overjoyed to finally be getting some fresh air, even if it meant they had to sneak out. The cool wind against their face, the sound of the chirping birds, the slight crunch of the earth beneath their feet, it could just about be Heaven. Even when they'd get to go outside, it was always at night. They could hardly remember the last time they saw daylight.

It was cloudy that day, and it looked like rain was soon to come. While it was Val's favorite weather, they'd much rather see the sun at this point in time. They'd do anything to feel its warmth against their skin, even if it defied every rule of magic itself. But let's be honest, that was only but a dream.

It didn't stop Valentine from trying, though. It never did.

They tried everything they possibly could to move the clouds and change the weather. Every possible thing their mother ever taught them. Every stance, movement, and motion that their siblings mastered ages ago. Though for them, not even a single gust of wind bent to their will.

Of course, they knew this would happen. They were nothing but the first-born disappointment. The destined Princess of the air and wind, heir to the Kingdom of Hearts, and yet they couldn't make even a single breeze.

Princess Valentina Rose Papilio, the butterfly who never got her wings.

They fell to the grass, hugging their knees to their chest as they wept against a tree. They should've been holding their mother's royal scepter, wearing her crown, making all of Heriviks proud. But she never even made it to phase one. Never got her wings, or her powers. Couldn't even control the Hearts' element of wind let alone the other three like the rest of the Papilio family could.

She had cousins from the Kingdom of Clubs, who's dominant magic was earth, do flawless air maneuvers. Who could control the Spades' fires with ease, and make formidable waves that even the most skilled Diamond would be jealous of. That was just the nature of her family, they were more than just royals, they were gods, too.

She was powerless without magic, and that powerlessness is exactly what Vittoria took advantage of. That magic that made her who she was, that should've ran through her blood. The magic that should've made her a god. Because without their magic... what difference does a god have to their subjects? There wasn't one.

There was a certain humble humility to that, of course. It's important for powerful, gifted beings to not be too full of themselves. It's their responsibility to use their powers to keep balance and peace in the world. A responsibility she was always told she would one day have, but would never be granted. A raised and bred god denied their destiny.

Vittoria always said it was fair. She was born into royalty by random chance, so it would be fair to take it all away, too. Maybe she was right. Maybe she deserved this. Maybe this was her destiny. Maybe a punishment from the universe. She wasn't too sure.

The thunder rumbled quietly in the sky, small drops of rain falling from the clouds, tapping against the leaves, hitting the earth. Wind rustled through the tree branches as autumn leaves fell in their breeze. Valentine turned their head to the sky, closing their eyes as their tears blended with the rain that washed down their cheeks.

It was the weather of her people, as was the autumnal season. The Kingdom of Hearts, the Land of Eternal Autumn. The Heartis butterflies, the creatures with air magic. Their heart longed for home so much in the early days, but now she could hardly remember her mother's face, or her sister's laugh. Even the sound of her brother's arrogant, whiny dramatics would be like music to her ears. All those things once took for granted, now a bitter, distant nostalgia. A time she could never go back to.

They sat there with their thoughts for so long. Even when the droplets began to pour they still stayed put in the grass, letting the storm cleanse them. It was almost meditative as they listened to the fierce wind, and rumbling skies. It was a warm, comfortable rain, and in it, they found themself back to a memory they'd almost forgotten.

They were out on the beach with their family when they were young. Their mother was teaching them and their siblings how to make rain. None of them had gotten their magic yet, so it was all just practicing the motions, with their mother actually creating rainfall by the end of the lesson. Valentine remembered getting their royal gown soaking wet, covered in sand.

They remembered feeling scared about the mess, until their mother encouraged them to have fun, chasing the four of her children with waves, springing sand castles up from the ground, letting the rain get them soaked. Amora Papilio had always looked to Valentina with the most pride in her eyes, being the first born.

It hurt so bad to watch it slowly turn to disappointment. Some days they wondered if the family ever even came looking for them. If they even worried. If they were happy about it.

Valentine sat out there for what felt like hours. They didn't want to go back to Vittoria, to the dark. They contemplated trying to find their way back to the Kingdoms, but they knew that was hopeless, and trying would just cause them even more trouble. Using whatever scarce strength they had, they stood back up and started the walk home.

The walk home? They scoffed at their own thoughts ...Since when did Hell become home?

Valentine eventually made it back to the entrance. A small hatch in the grass among many that would lead to an entire underground city of torment. They hopped down it and made their way through the various empty stone hallways, until they made it to the horrid front door. They nearly felt like throwing up as they turned the knob, willingly walking back to the worst place they knew.

"Out playing in the rain it seems." Vittoria said as they entered, causing Valentine to jump, "Trailing mud and rainwater all over my floors. Don't beg for my attention when you get sick. What were you doing?"

"Walking," Valentine replied, shutting the door behind them, "You know, like you said that I could."

"I never said that. When did I say— ah, ah, ah! No trailing mud and water all over the carpets, you're a mess and you don't need to bring it in here. Take off your clothes, and tell me— when did I say that?"

Before the order was embarrassing and down right horrifying, but now it felt no different to taking off their shoes. They talked casually while they stripped without a second thought.

"You told me this night that you did not need me today. You said that I could do whatever I wanted, sunrise to sunset. So obviously that means I did not have to sleep during the day then, yes?"

Vittoria looked displeased, but not angry, "I suppose so," she sighed. She always watched her words when making deals with Val, finding ways to twist them around while still being truthful. It was only fair they did the same back. She could only blame herself for this one.

Valentine smiled. They knew it would work at getting them off the hook, though they still worried, "Great! I had a good time outside."

"How the hell did you even get outside?"

"I took your keys." They casually replied, taking them out of their pants' pocket before taking them off. They tossed the keys to a very surprised, wide-eyed Vittoria.

"You… you took my keys? How- when- you- you took my keys and just… came back?"

"You and I both know how well things fared the last time that I attempted to leave. Besides, it is not like I even know how to get home, so even if I tried it would be all for naught."

Vittoria sighed in frustration, rolling her eyes as she placed her head on her hand, "I thought you finally got rid of those stupid royal speech patterns."

"Oh, I have. I just do them to annoy you now."

"You used to be afraid of me."

"You used to be scary."

Valentine bit their lip as soon as the sentence left their mouth, and the mood instantly shifted.

Vittoria stood up, "Oh, what's that? You think I'm not scary?"

"I— n-no, ma'am, I just—"

"You think I'm not scary?" She repeated, stepping towards them. Valentine slowly backed away. "You think I've grown soft? Lenient? So much so that you think you can just take my keys and sneak off in the middle of the day?"

Valentine shook their head vigorously, "No, no, it isn't that at all! I just— I know how your games work, I'm just playing by your rules! And— when you know the rules things just... become... easier?" They quietly squeaked, unsurely, shrinking down as she stood over them, backing them into a corner.

With a quick, simple motion, Vittoria hooked a leash onto their collar, "I'm not going to have to keep you leashed all the time, am I?" She asked, putting her hands on the wall, boxing them in, leash around her wrist.

"I— I sure hope not."

Vittoria narrowed her eyes, "What games are you playing, Papilio? Because they're sure not mine."

"I'm not playing any games!" They squeaked, voice strained as it started to fill with fearful tears.

“Oh, you’re not, are you? Really? Could’ve fooled me.”

Valentine was shaking like a frightened dog, trapped between her arms, stuck against the wall. Her gaze always felt uncomfortable and obtrusive, and in times like this where it was frightening, Valen felt like they could just combust on the spot. No matter if they avoided her eyes or squeezed their own shut, they could feel her staring, they always could.

Her gaze was a threat, a predator stalking their prey, looking for insecurities. A fucking creep lusting after them like they were nothing more than a pretty toy. A gaze that could practically burn into their skin. Always intrusive, always threatening something, always felt. They just prayed she didn’t say—

“Look at me.” She demanded, her hands going from the wall to their shoulders, causing them to tense and freeze, squeezing their eyes shut, tears leaking down their cheeks.

“Bug…” She said, tone more irritated, growing darker. She slid her hands down their arms, “I won’t tell you again…” she grabbed tightly onto their wrists, and growled, “Look at me.”

Valentine hitched a breath as they forced themself to open their eyes, staring at her like a deer in headlights, afraid and now unable to look away. Vittoria slightly tilted her head, and when they felt her lips kiss their neck underneath their collar, near their collarbone, their silent tears turned to crying.

“P-please, no! No, don’t, please!”

“You know much I love the taste of royal blood, baby bug.” She whispered into their ear, “I could do this allll the time, everyday, but I don’t. I know how much… distress it causes you. How much you hate it. I only do it when you fuck up.” She said, louder. Valentine cringed both from the volume and the curse. “You have no one to blame but yourself, you know that, yeah?”

"Y-yes, I know, ma'am, I'm sorry."

"You better be." She said, trailing her hands back up their arms, unlocking their collar, letting it fall to the ground. Having it off their neck made them feel more exposed than if they were fully naked... which they were, but now they really felt like it.

She planted slow kisses all over their neck. Valentine had never been more tense as their face flushed from the vulnerable intimacy, just waiting in anticipation for what was about to happen. Vittoria slowly turned kisses into licks, then to dragging her fangs across their skin, to nibbling, still not yet biting. Until she did, fast and suddenly, yet gentle. Valentine hitched a breath, and their breathing became labored.

Her fangs lightly pierced through their flesh, just on the surface, so agonizingly slowly. It went from a simple pinch, to something that only got more and more unbearable. A mix of crying, screaming, and incoherent begging came from Valentine, getting worse as she sank her teeth deeper and deeper, penetrating their muscles as delicious, royal, godly blood seeped into her mouth.

She may have been presenting as a vampire, but her inner moth cravings didn’t just go away because of it. She had to fight against her instincts to just tear into their flesh and eat them alive. The insatiable hunger that a moth had was impossible to satisfy, but at least with blood, thirst could be quenched.

She sunk her teeth firmly into their neck, holding them in place. By this point Val stayed quiet, focusing on their breathing, getting used to the pain. They winced as Vittoria sucked the blood. The horrendous throbbing, the feeling of the suction, her tongue, their own warm blood dripping down their neck. It should’ve been unbearable, yet they still managed to take it. They had no other choice, they never did. A butterfly at the mercy of the moth’s ravenous teeth. The teeth she was always warned about, a warning she never headed.

Curiosity always bit the butterfly.

Vittoria could practically feel the blood flowing through their veins. She could sense the tension, and wild beating of their heart. She could feel their pulse on her teeth, and in their arms that she held tightly onto. She could feel their tension slowly slipping away as they grew more and more weak and limp. That was her sign to stop.

Finally, she pulled away, releasing her bite. Valentine was exceptionally pale, looking lightheaded and faint.

Vittoria chuckled, "Hm hm! Took a bit too much, didn't I?"

Valentine could only blink slowly in response. When Vittoria removed her hands from their arms, they collapsed forward, forcing her to catch them. "Oh, you poor thing." She cooed, holding them in her arms for a moment, dragging her fingers through their hair.

Oh, how she absolutely just loved them like this. So weak, fragile, and relaxed after putting up such a fussy fight. So calm, tired, and passive. A limp little ragdoll she could do anything to. The fact that it was caused by drinking their precious royal blue blood just made it all the more better. A part of them, now a part of her.

Though despite how great it was, it wasn't something she often did. It was reserved for special occasions, or spontaneous ones like this. The scarcity just made it more delightful for her, and more frightening for Valentine. She lifted them up into her arms, and carried them into another room.

Vittoria wiped the wound clean while Val sat and sniffled. All that was left was a throbbing puncture wound accompanied by the bruise of a hickey. She placed a bandage over it, securing their collar back on over top it. She reached her hands up to their face, wiping away their tears with her thumbs. Val winced from her gentle touch. They always found it insulting and invasive. Such a gesture of fake, loving intimacy.

Valentine moved their puffy, sad eyes to look at her, though her gaze no longer felt scary, or threatening. It was almost... admiral? Proud?

Maybe sometimes it wasn’t fake.

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Thanks for reading! I hope you liked your first look at Val and Tori :3

If you did, you should be pleased to know that the full series I have planned for them is 50 chapters long, with each chapter most likely being over 3,000 words, at least. Though I tend to get between 4,000–5,000. You can tell I really love these two, I feel like you can just see it in how I write.

If you have any questions about the lore of the world or characters, or just wanna know more about them, please feel free to ask me in the comments or send an ask! I have a LOT of worldbuilding in this, and it can understandably get confusing. As the King of Yapping, I'd gladly go into more detail! I'm practically begging you! Haha.

Stay tuned for more of them! ♡♡♡

#Butterfly Blood Extras #whump #whump blog #whump community #whumpblr #my writing #whump writing #whump things #fantasy whump #non human whump #oc whump #oc writing #royal whump #vampire whumper #intimate whumper #royal whumpee

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kingedmundsroyalmurder · 9 months

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The Blue Castle, chapter 9

Continuing on my theme last time of the power (or lack thereof) of social shaming, we are now seeing Valancy turn it hard on her mother and cousin. While Valancy no longer cares about her reputation or what her relatives think, she knows full well that Mrs. Stirling and Cousin Stickles desperately care, and she is fully willing to take advantage of that.

Sidenote re: the banister. I am just imagining that Valancy has been dreaming of doing it for years, probably because it was so unthinkably forbidden than I'm sure her mother never even thought to explicitly forbid it. She doesn't seem to continue going down the stairs via banister, so I'm having fun imagining her doing it, ticking it off the mental bucket list as 'fun but not all that' and moving on with her life. No more obsessing over tiny details for Valancy Stirling! Have a desire, fulfill that desire, move on with life.

I'd been thinking that Mrs. Stirling and Cousin Stickles reminded me of characters in a Roald Dahl book, which is true, but the actual comparison that's been escaping me is that they are Miss Minchin and Miss Amelia from A Little Princess. The cold, stern, dominant one and her slightly hapless, entirely out of her depths, follower. I don't really have any further insights to follow the comparison, but it makes me laugh and gives me another prospective friend for Valancy. I think she and Sara Crew would have just the best possible time in the Blue Castle.

Anyway, back to the actual chapter, Valancy's threat of going to the Presbyterian church instead of the Anglican one is deeply funny to me, and just so very North American. Other places have their religious schisms, but the unspeakable horror of going to the wrong kind of Protestant Church is one of those details that makes it clear that LMM is writing about her own home culture.

It's interesting that Cousin Stickles celebrates her birthday, not her anniversary. Other than Valancy's co-opted birthday, I think this is the first time we've seen the family celebrate an event that's not marriage related. I also like that we're starting to get a broader perspective on the Stirlings. Now that Valancy's not quite as scared of them, she can start differentiating between the really awful ones and the ones she actually doesn't mind. I like that she admits to liking Uncle Herbert, and I also like that his being a more personally decent person than some of the other Stirlings hasn't done a thing to improve Valancy's situation.

I really like the brief glimpses we see of the non-Stirling residents of Deerwood. Roaring Abel, even in these couple paragraphs, is a delight. (And the idea of Mrs. Stirling half whining at Providence for not having dealt with him is deeply funny.) Not all of Deerwood is as suffocating as the Stirling family, and now that Valancy is asserting her independence and personhood, she will hopefully get the chance to actually experience the rest of it!

Valancy doesn't mention it in her narration, but I have to imagine that there is an amount of vicious satisfaction that her mother has to tiptoe around her now. Mrs. Stirling has never before had to consider Valancy's feelings, while Valancy has had to basically center her life around her mother's whims, and now the shoe is on the other foot. It's frankly a testament to Valancy's character (and to how fully the Stirlings just do not matter to her anymore) that she's not reveling it the power flip.

#blue castle book club #Blue castle chapter 9

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triviareads · 10 months

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Could you please recommend a smutty book with a good "almost caught fucking" scene?

Sure! We love a good exhibitionist (purposeful or not) moment so here are some of my favorites:

Glory and the Master of Shadows by Grace Callaway: Wei goes down on Glory in her house and they hear creaking in the hallway and it turns out the next morning it was Glory's mom (to be fair, Maggie has zero legs to stand based on what she and Ransom get up to in their own book).

The Duke Who Knew Too Much by Grace Callaway: Fabulous blowjob scene where (I mean idk how close they are to getting caught but they definitely catch other people) they hear another man through the curtain giving instructions to a woman on how to blow him and Emma enthusiastically follows these instructions on Alaric.

The Earl I Ruined by Scarlett Peckham: Another curtain blowjob scene! This time at their own engagement party and the curtain drops juuuuust as Constances is finishing Apthorp off. Icons.

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah MacLean: Cross is soooo jealous someone kissed Pippa before him that he eats her out in the corner of his gaming hell.

Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt: Isabel is sneaking around a private residence and is nearly caught but is saved by Winter who drags her in a corner and then she proceeds to blow him with such feeling that they're both crying by the end.

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas: In which Derek Craven is thoroughly horrified (and turned on) that the hot woman he's about to have sex with is, in fact, Sara Fielding, so he tells her to go back to where she came from but then starts fingering her anyway, and is then interrupted by an employee while they frantically try to put themselves to rights.

The Education of Ivy Leavold by Sierra Simone: Julian and Silas finger Ivy under the table in a hotel dining room and I think Silas is basically like "listen.... if the other diners have ever had an orgasm, they knew what was going on here" while they carry her out.

Chasing Cassandra by Lisa Kleypas: Tom fingers Cassandra through an orgasm while yelling at her cousin to stay out of the library when he wants to check in.

Contemporary:

lmao my first instinct was to say Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez but they were caught by the paparazzi who all got excellent shots of Mateo eating Roxanne out from under her skirt in a car. But it's the thought that counts.

Heartless by Elsie Silver actually really surprised me because in a small town rancher romance, you generally don't expect him to gag the heroine with her panties and bend her over while a birthday party is taking place a few hundred feet away. What a winner.

Asking for Trouble by Tessa Bailey: Brent fingers Hayden in her kitchen during a dinner party and juuuuust as she climaxes a little old lady wanders in and is like "were you stealing a kiss, mister?"

The Rebel King by Kennedy Ryan: Max is fully sucking on Lennix's nipples through her sweatshirt (and then under her sweatshirt) while there's an apartment full of other people getting very turned on listening to them from the next room. So I guess technically they were caught? Or they weren't? idk but it's a fun one.

The Evolution of SIn trilogy by Giana Darling has a few nearly-caught moments, including a scene where he's fingering her in a beach in Mexico, and another where he's juuuust finished having sex with her and there's someone at the door of their hotel suite and surprise! It's her sister who's his fiancée.

#book recs #grace callaway #scarlett peckham #sarah maclean #elizabeth hoyt #lisa kleypas #sierra simone #historical romance #ask #angelina m lopez #elise silver #tessa bailey #kennedy ryan #giana darling #contemporary romance

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noellawrites · 2 years

Text

Love You More - Yandere!Jerome Clarke x reader

summary: Jerome manipulates you to breaking up with your boyfriend so you can be with him instead.

warnings: manipulation, gaslighting, lying, creepiness

The moment you arrived at Anubis House with your two suitcases and a lovely personality, Jerome knew he needed to make you his.

But now, one year later, you were still with Mr. Golden Boy Fabian Rutter. Jerome was once again left in the dust.

But this time, Jerome had a plan.

—

"Fabian, would you like to have lunch on the lawn with me today?" you asked, grabbing a piece of fruit from the bowl in the middle of the table.

You sat back down in your seat next to Amber while looking expectantly at Fabian, your boyfriend.

"Uh, well, actually I'm taking Nina to visit my cousin in the city today, but maybe we could catch up at dinner?" he suggested with a grimace.

You shot a quick glare in Nina's direction as she started at her plate, not wanting to get between you and your boyfriend.

"Oh, that's totally fine. No worries," you shrugged, pretending as if you hadn't cared much in the first place.

"(Y/n), I—"

"I have to grab my bag," you sighed, getting up from the table and walking away, fruit still in-hand.

Jerome watched gleefully, a sly grin plastered on his face as he watched the two of you splinter your relationship even more.

—

As Jerome approached you sitting alone on the lawn, he could only think of how beautiful you looked. You also looked exceptionally lonely. He could see it all: every emotion you masked, every Nina and Fabian situation you pretended to ignore. He would make it all better.

"Anyone else sitting here?" you heard Jerome ask. Although you never really talked, you didn't have anything against him so you shook your head.

You watched as he crisscrossed his long legs on your picnic blanket next to you and helped himself to some grapes from your lunch bag.

"Why so sad? You and mister dream boy on the rocks?" Jerome teased, lightly nudging your arm.

You shook your head in disagreement then looked at the ground, silent. You didn't want Jerome knowing how deeply Fabian and Nina's bond had affected you.

Unfortunately for you, Jerome decided to place a hand on your chin and tilt your head up to face his. He immediately noticed the tears glimmering in your eyes.

"Are you seriously crying over that idiot?" Jerome laughs, almost cruelly.

"I'm only crying because I keep dealing with this. Every single time, it's something with Nina and I get pushed aside. What's so special about her anyway?"

"Let me tell you the truth. Fabian is in love with Nina and he doesn't realize the true prize in front of him is you," Jerome whispered, leaning closer and cupping your face with one hand.

When Jerome looked into your eyes, you felt something you’d been lacking with Fabian for a long time: romance, a connection… love.

When Jerome leaned in, lips meeting yours, you felt a burst of fireworks inside your chest. Everything about it felt right, despite the fact that you were still in a committed relationship.

“Fabian is nothing but a lying scumbag who thinks it’s okay to lie to you and push you around. He preys on your sweetness and gullibility. I love you more and I always will,” Jerome insisted after he pulled away from your lips.

The way he phrased it almost made you think those traits were ones you held and they made you weak. You knew he was only looking out for you.

“We decided on a time to meet for a dinner picnic later, so I’ll resolve things then,” you stated to Jerome, who only nodded.

It was too bad you didn’t know that Jerome had taken your flip phone and changed Fabian’s phone number.

—

It was an hour past the time you and Fabian had arranged and you were furious to say the least. You left him at least five calls and numerous texts, and still no response.

You stormed into Anubis house alone, tear tracks down your face and a soiled picnic blanket and basket full of food in your hands.

You were about to climb the stairs to your room when you heard talking and a burst of laughter coming from the kitchen area.

You stormed into the room, realizing it was the time your house normally sat down for dinner. Everyone was there. And so was Fabian, coincidentally seated at the dining table right next to Nina.

“I can’t believe you!” you screamed, storming through the doorway to stand in front of Fabian and Nina.

“You have the nerve to ignore me and show up here, sitting next to her? I am tired of you treating me like this!” you huffed, dropping the picnic basket onto the kitchen counter.

You had borrowed the picnic basket from Trudy, along with spending the entire afternoon making sandwiches and finger foods in a pitiful attempt to win back your boyfriend’s attention.

“(y/n), please—“ Fabian began, standing up in his seat. He had a conflicted but also confused look on his face. You wanted to slap him across the face.

“No, I’m done! I’ve given you multiple opportunities and you still chose Nina at every turn! I’m done letting you break my heart!” you yelled, voice cracking.

“B-but (y/n), I love you!” Fabian cried, attempting to take a step towards you.

Jerome watched gleefully at the soap opera unfolding in front of him, until he was grabbed by the arm.

“Well that’s too bad, because I’m in love with Jerome! He actually cares about me and has time for me. Plus, he’s an amazing kisser,” you stated, hand clutching Jerome’s upper arm.

You were not prepared for the reactions that erupted from various spots in the kitchen and living room. Patricia’s eyes grew wide as she attempted to hold back a laugh. Alfie stared at Jerome, wondering why his best friends hadn’t informed him that he was now kissing the girl he’d always fantasized about. Nina looked like she was about to cry, and tears were clouding Fabian’s eyes as his jaw dropped.

“I never want to talk to you again, Fabian. Jerome, let’s go,” you said, grinning and pulling him with you towards the stairs. As you led him up the stairs, Jerome smiled to himself. He was fully satisfied with what had just resulted through his own manipulations.

“That’s my girl,” Jerome cheered as you both entered your room, “now we can be together forever.”

#jerome clarke x reader #house of anubis x reader #jerome clarke imagine #house of anubis imagine #yandere house of anubis #yandere jerome clarke

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orionlancasterr · 3 months

Text

Oc interview

I was tagged by @adelaidedrubman !

Judas King and Mary Hart agreed to sit down with Lauren Westfield for a couple preemptive interviews with her podcast and YouTube series, Case Files.

name

“Judas- oh you probably want the full thing, um, Judas King.”

nickname

“The Chosen One, Wrath, Sinner- I think Jacob called me the executioner once…”

Upon seeing Laurens growing discomfort Judas trails off, his face growing red

“Sorry that’s not what you meant. No I don’t really have any, Judas doesn’t really lend itself to nicknames. Skunk tried Jude once but it didn’t feel right.”

gender

“Male, mostly.”

star sign

“Aquarius I think? Mary talks about it a lot.

personality type

“I dont want to be a dick but I don’t really know what this has to do with Edens gate..”

Laura frowns a little, scratching at the back of her head. “We just want to get to know you a little better before we y’know get into the juicy stuff.”

“Oh right, you’re just gonna have to bear with me on some of these, my um, my whole world has been about this stuff uncensored for like five years.”

“Right, of course!” Lauren gives a sort of forced laugh.

height

“5’5 I think, they measured at the last doctors appointment.”

orientation:

“I’ve mostly been using gay but I’ve been reading a lot online and I think I like queer more- I don’t like specific labels.”

nationality/ethnicity:

“American, obviously but I think French? I have a second cousin twice removed something or other that lives over there but I’m not really sure.”

fave fruit

“I love oranges- more than anyone should and I had one for the first time in years the other day and I gotta say even the best batch of bliss couldn’t beat that shit.”

Lauren, while still uncomfortable makes no move to change the subject this time.

fave season

“Early fall-late summer. The rain brings a chill and I think the mountains are best when it’s wet out.”

fave flower

“I think bindweed flowers are really cute, unfortunely bindweed sucks.”

fave scent

“There is this polish I use the interior of cars, mothers, it’s like a plastic restorer anyways that shit smells so good.”

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate:

“I didn’t like coffee or tea for a while but I’ve recently gotten into iced coffee, I like caramel iced lattes apparently.”

average hours of sleep:

“Good nights, 5-6 but I can easily go a night or two without sleeping. Night terrors. But the guys say I still flail around and shit on the good ones.”

Judas chuckled at this one.

dog or cat person

“Bears. I volunteered at a wildlife rehab center before the reapings and we had this bear, cheeseburger, a big old boy who was found by one of the senior members found him shoving trash in his face behind Chad’s old place. Burgers, fries, onion rings you name it Cheeseburger ate it. So he took him in anyways after everything went down Wade radioed in saying he had to release him because the Jacob wanted to experiment so I tracked him down. Found out he was diabetic and needed insulin so we became buddies. He’s in Yellowstone Wildlife Sanctuary now and I visit him every few days.”

It’s at this point Judas pulls out a phone and starts showing the staff pictures of a severely obese grizzly bear wearing a collar, at which they coo and awe. In newer photos he has lost a considerable amount weight.

dream trip

“Climb every mountain range in North America. I met a guy when I was a kid on a hike that did that, his name was trinket and he was like 70 years old climbing the continental divide in colorado. Said he sold everything a few years ago to fund his mission. I’d like to start in the south, Saturn says the Appalachians are pretty.”

“I don’t want to assume anything but wouldn’t you be sick of mountains at this point I mean…after everything that happened in the whitetails?”

Judas laughs. “It’s not the mountains fault some lunatic decided to murder and maim a bunch of people.”

favorite fictional/real character

“Optimus Prime, they made like three more transformers movies and I made everyone promise to watch them with me when we get home.”

number of blankets you sleep with?

“I have a weighted blanket and, okay don’t make fun of me, my baby blanket under that. It’s basically like a two foot square of worn out fabric at this point but we found it in the house after. Um. After.”

It’s at this point Judas begins to look upset for the first time during the interview. Lauren quickly asks the next question.

random fact:

“I thought it would be fun to teach boomer how to launch himself off my back but now he does it at random. It hurts, I’m sorry it’s been nice do you mind if I um. If I go sit outside for a little bit?”

“Of course not, take your time.”

————

name

“Marilyn Ellen Hart, please don’t call me Marilyn.”

nickname

“Mary, it’s the preferred name.”

She smiles charmingly, directly at the camera.

gender

“Female.”

star sign

“Aries sun, Capricorn moon and Sagittarius rising. This should be a shock to no one.”

This draws a laugh out Lauren.

personality type

“ENFP, crowds really get me going, I love talking to people. It’s why I love playing shows. Yeah sure the music is the thing that keeps me going after everything but the people make me feel alive.”

height

“Five feet two inches exactly. I got my drivers licence a few days ago. It’s crazy how many rules there are to driving in the real world. Skunk and Nick had two rules. Don’t hit anyone and stay on the pavement.”

Another laugh bubbles out of the staff and is met with a brilliant smile from Mary.

orientation:

“Lesbian but Judas and Daisy keep reading articles too me and maybe I’m also asexual. I haven’t decided yet.”

nationality/ethnicity:

“Raised in America but I was adopted from Ukraine.”

fave fruit

“Strawberries. Like good fresh sweet ones. The ones from the store aren’t nearly as good.”

fave season

“Summer. Hot, sunny days, as dry and bright as possible.”

fave flower

“Daisy”

She winks at the camera

fave scent

“BBQ, I love a good vinegar based sauce.”

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate:

“Saturn got me hooked on sweet iced tea.”

average hours of sleep:

“Recently I’ve been getting full nights sleep without smoking now that’s wild to me.”

dog or cat person

“Does peaches count as a cat?”

She looks past the camera and grins at someone. Laura asks who peaches is.

“Peaches, my dear, is this badass cougar we found eating so- I’m not allowed to say that am I? We found her in the Henbane. Her owner just. Handed her to us, a trio of eighteen year old kids. She’s the sweetest thing…most of the time. She’s at Yellowstone with Cheeseburger. Apparently they tried to separate them but I imagine it didn’t go well because they were together again within like two days.”

Dream trip

“The ocean, we’re driving down California in a few weeks and I made them promise to take me to the Monterrey Bay Aquarium.”

favorite fictional/real character

“Misa Amane, from death note. I was obsessed with her in middle school.”

number of blankets you sleep with?

“Whatever is in the back of the van. Usually a throw and Judas’s weighted blanket.”

random fact:

“I had to learn how to whittle my own sticks because the ones we’d scavenge kept snapping on me. I still use my own at shows.”

I’ll tag @vault81 @bleumanouche @chaosintheavenue and anyone who wants to!

#catch Mary’s lies :)#trinket is a real guy I met #i Hope hes doing okay

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vinbee631 · 1 year

Text

Family Ties

Logan used to have a hard time expressing his emotions. His new family ensures this changes. (For the better, I may add.)

writing these logince fics has been so much fun! i can't believe I'm almost done with all of them!

thank you all for the support on my last couple posts. it means the word to me, and it's crazy to me that there are several humans that have read all the silly little words I mash together and neglect to proofread

anyways!! this work is connected to day 4: winter, so you may have to read Welcome to the Family to understand some of this

enjoy! (the prompt for day 6 is hopes & dreams also)

Logan had been in college for eight years.

It was strange to think about, all that time (and money, as well. Even with financial aid, college was unreasonably expensive) he had spent to get to this point. In two weeks, he would graduate with his doctorate degree, and he wouldn’t ever have to step foot on a college campus again if he didn’t feel so inclined.

And yet, this very thing he had worked for, the commitment he poured his soul into for eight years, was overwhelmingly anxiety-inducing.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Oh, not with his career. He had already been job searching and starting applications that he needed his doctorate certificate to finish. However, the idea of leaving behind an atmosphere he had accustomed himself to for so long was ridiculously daunting.

He had become an adult here. He pulled his first all-nighter during freshman year finals, and it was followed by an incredibly unhealthy amount in the next seven. He made some of his best friends here, friends he had trusted enough to drink in front of for the first time when he turned 21. He got his autism diagnosis mailed to the apartment he still lived in two years later.

He came out here.

He lost contact with his biological family because of that, and gained an entirely new family as a result, not necessarily while he was at college, but during that timeline, so it counted in his opinion.

That was perhaps his fondest memory of all those he had made in his time tied to his school. Roman and his siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents had been so welcoming to him from the very beginning, and his love and trust in them had grown stronger than ever through the years.

Even as he endured all the teasing from them when he and Roman finally decided to start dating three years ago.

It was a very stark contrast from his biological family’s reaction, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

…His family.

Logan had tried to distance himself from thinking about his biological family ever since they disowned him, but the three of them had been extremely close up until that fateful day. Coming out had gone… poorly, and ever since then, the complete loss of contact has been jarring.

Perhaps jarring was an understatement. His mother and grandpa were the most important people in his life up until he was 22 years old. They’d raised him, fostered his love for astrology, helped him with even the hardest of classes, and paid for his first four years of college in full.

Then, Logan told them he was gay, and they threw him away like he’d never meant anything to them in the first place.

Logan sighed, shaking himself. It was too early in the day for this many mental tangents.

Perhaps he should call someone.

To anyone else, this would be strangely out of character. Logan had never been one to willingly talk out his feelings. Another thing his biological family had given him, always being closed off, opting to deal with personal problems quietly and alone.

After spending about 10 seconds with his new family, it was clear none of them had ever operated that way.

They shared everything with each other. Good news, bad news, funny news articles they’d found while doom-scrolling, anything they could. It took Logan some time to get used to this, but now, it was instinctual to be comfortable sharing what was on his mind.

And now, he did a lot more infodumping as well, something he had never been allowed to do with his biological family.

Yeah, the separation from them had taught him a lot about the reality of how good his biological family had actually been for him.

Subconsciously, as he had found himself mentally trailing off, Logan had called Gram.

“Well, hello, dear. It’s been quite a long time since you called me. I was beginning to think we’d never speak again.” Logan snickered at the teasing. He’d called her two days ago, but he was quite used to her dramatics and had picked up quite a bit of her sarcasm himself.

“Hello, Gram. I didn’t imagine I’d ever see the day where you, of all people, complained about having a conversation, but I suppose there is a first time for everything,” he jested back.

“Oh, leave an old woman be, I was just surprised. I figured you’d be busy with all the graduation preparation or whatever it is they make you poor kids do nowadays.”

“Gram, college is not that much different than when you were a kid. But no, my schedule is rather free for the next few days. And… I have missed you, quite a bit.”

“Oh dear,” she mumbled gently, fondness overtaking her tone, “you are far too sweet to me. I’ve missed you as well, darling. You’ve had a long couple of months, haven’t you?”

Logan nodded, then quickly realized his mistake. “Ah, yes, I suppose so. I suppose it has been worth it, though. The only thing I would change about all this is allowing myself some more free time for my family.”

“Entirely too sweet, Roman has been a terrible influence on you,” she joked. “Now, what’s going on?”

Logan blinked, taking a long moment to process her question. “I’m- not sure what you mean? I have a completely free day today, so I called to talk to you, as I have done many times before. So, nothing is going on other than this conversation?”

“My bad, darling. That was a bad way of phrasing it. I meant: what’s wrong? I can tell when one of my babies is upset, and it’s pretty clear, hon.”

“N-nothing’s wrong, Gram. I... I mean, it has been a long week, but nothing out of the ordinary. I am doing just fine,” he replied smoothly, sneaking in as much of a smile into his voice as he could manage.

Logan could hear her head shake through the phone, and not just because of the audible rustling. “You’re testing my grandma senses, dear? Trust me, I dealt with Roman in his slumps. I know how to tell when someone’s hiding a problem from me. Especially you, considering all the time it took to convince you that sharing is alright. I mean that nicely, by the way, I care a lot about you feeling alright.”

“Thanks, Gram. I… suppose it is a bit complicated to explain.” He didn’t elaborate further, cutting himself off with a long sigh. Was this really how he wanted to spend his valuable time talking to one of his closest family members?

“I have an idea, if you’ll hear me out. Why don’t you come up for the weekend. Roman will be here too if you’re not up for talking with me this time. He’ll want to see you anyway, and so do I.”

Logan thought it over. He didn’t have any classwork. Really, the only reason he was still near campus was because he’d already made his final housing payment, and he intended to use the space for as long as he owned it. If he left on Friday, he’d get plenty of time with Gram and Roman, and whoever else happened to be there, and still have the opportunity to leave on time to get back to his minimal responsibilities on Tuesday.

“...Yeah, I’ll be there. It will be… nice to talk things out in person. And to see you, of course.”

“Oh, you, such a flatterer. Worse than Roman, I swear. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you, hon. Love you big bunches.”

“Love you big bunches as well, Gram.”

…

The weekend came far too quickly, and yet not fast enough. Logan was anticipating the time with his boyfriend and family, but the real reason for his visit had been looming over him all week.

He knew it would be good to discuss what was bothering him. That did not make it any easier to look forward to doing so.

The four hour drive passed as fast as a blink, and Logan realized with an achinly fond smile that Gram had been waiting on the porch for him.

“Get over here, baby,” he heard her call as soon as he closed the car door behind himself. She met him halfway, wrapping her arms securely around his waist and inching up on her tiptoes and nudging Logan to bend down so she could kiss his cheek.

“Hello there, beanstalk. I’ve not missed this height difference, but I did miss you. You’ve been so busy, I’ve been lucky to get all those weekly calls.”

Logan chuckled. “I wouldn’t mist those for anything, Gram. I’ll always have time to talk to you.”

“Don’t remind me, I’m sure I know that,” she reassured. “I recall a good handful of those calls prefaced with a warning that you were at work or driving to class, or whatever else it was that made you so busy, you wild little multitasker.”

“Says you,” Logan teased right back as she ushered him inside. “Every time I come over, you’re cooking six things at once and in three separate conversations. I’d argue that’s much more impressive multitasking.”

“Flattery,” she laughed, pinching Logan’s cheek, “but as much as I love to tease, that’s not quite why you’re here, now is it?”

“Well, of course not, it’s because Romam is coming tonight, and you’d hardly miss the opportunity to tease us together under one roof,” Logan replied innocently, making her chuckle again.

“Oh, you are terrible. I would never do such a thing! Except, perhaps I already have. Alright, stop distracting me! I had a point, and you have become a worse instigator than your boyfriend,” she chided, nudging him along to the living room and onto a couch right next to her.

“Now, I won’t push you outside of what you’re comfortable with if you’re not up for this right now, but even over the phone, it was obvious you’re having a hard time. We can talk things through now, or wait for some other time, or never if you’d rather talk things out with Roman when he gets here. Or, a surprise fourth option, I guess.”

“I’ll take door number four,” Logan deadpanned, his false glare breaking with Gram’s laughter. “No, I… suppose I should talk things out. It won’t do any good to let them fester.”

“At least one kid listens to my lectures,” Gran shook her head, gently squeezing Logan’s hand. “Ignore my whining. You talk whenever you’re ready, dearheart.”

Logan took a deep breath, squeezing her hand back. Despite all the ruminating he’d already done, it was considerably difficult to figure out how to express all those pesky emotions he’d been dealing with.

Eventually, it all just spilled out. It started with his biological family, how the memories had been creeping up on him now that he was finally going to be moving on from the last connection he had to them.

Next, it was losing that connection, losing his home of eight years to graduation. He was still confident with his job choice and the ease of getting one of those, but the act of leaving… he was terrified.

There were other things as well, his returning, paralyzing fear of failure creeping back as he began to transition into something new. There were a few jobs he had considered applying for that he had to stop considering because of their terrible policies for the disabled. Not that he needed many accommodations, but an institution such as those would likely not be welcoming to an autistic individual.

And after all the work he’d put into acquiring this job, he was not about to settle for a place that would not make him feel human.

By the time he had gotten everything off his chest, and shed a few tears in the process, it had been… a while. At least an hour, likely more. Gran had been attentive the whole time, offering nonverbal support and comfort as he vented.

God, he loved her so much.

Once he was feeling calmer, a byproduct of the venting and the love his grandma had been pouring out to him, she tugged him along to the kitchen with a smile.

“Instead of making you sit through a saccharinely sweet talk about how much I love and support you, and whatnot, we’re gonna bake cookies. Sound good?”

“I would not be opposed to the love and support but yes, cookies sound fantastic.”

Gran whacked him gently on the arm, the smirk peeking through betraying her true feelings. “Quit being cheeky, you absolute menace. Here I am offering my home to you and giving you all the support you deserve, and you treat me like this in response? The cruelty! Whatever happened to respecting your elders?”

Logan laughed, and in an impulsive but familiar move, leaned down to wrap her in a firm hug. “Thank you. I… I needed this, more than I think I realized.”

“Oh, of course, Lo. Anytime, I-” Gran cut herself off with a smile. “Enough from me. You’d better go and say hi to your boyfriend.”

Logan perked up immediately, ending their hug with a final squeeze before rushing out the door to meet Roman as he hopped out of his Uber.

“Logan!! Oh, my precious starshine!” Roman exclaimed, throwing down his bags to scoop Logan off the ground. Logan giggled, nudging halfheartedly at Roman’s hold. “Roman I am taller than you, this is obscene-!” He cut himself off with a squeak as Roman began to spin him around joyfully.

“If you drop me I will never forgive you!!” Roman laughed joyously in his ear, but he did noticeably tighten his grip on his boyfriend. “Worry not, light of my life! The only thing I’ve ever dropped is my jaw at the sight of your lovely face!”

Logan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, smirking fondly at Roman as he was set down. “You are perhaps the clumsiest man I’ve ever met, forgive me for doubting the validity of your statement.”

Roman gasped loudly, a dramatic move Logan could recognize from a mile away. “You- don’t believe me? Your own partner? Would I ever lie to the loveliest man in existence, the force of nature that keeps my very heart beating? The slander, in my own childhood home! You disparage me, starlight!”

“You are incorrigible, but I suppose I knew that when I signed up for this,” Logan continued, laughing at the over-exaggerated gasp that was so forceful it made Roman cough.

“You win this one Tall, Dark, and Handsome. C’mon, let’s go in. Gram’s probably got a whole laundry list of teasing remarks at the ready, the old sap. Emphasis on the old.”

“Be nice!” Logan chided, huffing at his boyfriend’s antics. “Your grandmother is a saint, and to imply that the first thing she will do at the sight of us is jest is a slanderous oversight. I cannot believe you right now. She’s already teasing us right now, under her breath, testing out which ones sound the best.”

Roman wheezed, nearly buckling over as he walked. “You- you have a point, beloved. Forgive me for such an oversight. Now, let’s head in to hear what she’s planned for us, yes?”

…

The rest of the day continued similarly. Logan eventually ran out of conversation spoons just after dinnertime, and spent a few hours in his guest room destressing. Around ten that night, he wandered down the hall to Roman’s room, curling up with him on his bed.

“Welcome back, dear. Feeling calmer?” Logan nodded, shifting closer so he could kiss Roman’s cheek. ‘Much calmer, thank you, sweetheart. How are you?”

“Oh, a bit stressed about the upcoming show but hey, that’s just life. Also, Gran snitched on you, so I’m gonna awkwardly transition into bugging you about that now.”

Logan groaned, hiding his face in Roman’s chest. “Awful, terrible family. Why did I ever sign up for this? You people are so cruel to me.”

“Not as cruel as them, I can assure you of that.” Roman had meant it in a teasing manner, but Logan couldn’t help but wince. It was perhaps a bit too soon to be joking about something like that so soon after he figured out all his feelings.

“Ouch, that was in poor taste, wasn’t it? I’m sorry, beloved.” Logan shook his head, leaning up for another kiss. “Not your fault, I suppose it was a bit funny. I’m just… “I let them control me for years, and I didn’t even realize. They were so… harmful to me, but they were the only people I had. It… it was so hard to realize that all that time spent idolizing them was time wasted. And, I don’t think I’ve ever completely moved on from it, which is terrible. They don’t deserve it, even if they are just thoughts.”

“First of all, you are allowed to grieve over losing them as much as you need. No, they don’t deserve it, but you deserve to process what they did in a healthy way. And yeah, the things they’ve done were terrible, but it wasn’t time wasted. You truly did love them, and they taught you so many things that make you so special. It’s not time wasted, it’s just… time you had to spend to get to us.”

Logan blinked, pushing away the sting of happy tears. “I.. suppose you have a point. I know I need to process my grief healthily, I just wish they didn’t make that so difficult. They… I almost wish they would have made it more obvious that they were terrible people. They hid it behind so much positive and healthy behavior, it can be hard for me to remember that they are bad for me.”

Roman sighed, rubbing a hand across Logan’s back, sending shivers through his body. “I know, darling, it is very complicated. It can be hard to deal with all the gray space in the black and white of talking to someone or cutting them off entirely. But, no matter how positive some of their influences were, you’re so much better off here. I hope you can remember that.”

“I am trying,” Logan decided, “and I know I will get there. It just… I want to be able to block them out forever as they did to me, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be capable of that.” “You don’t have to push yourself to forget them entirely, but I can understand why that would be desirable,” Roman reassured. “You have dealt with all of this incredibly well given the circumstances, and you have accomplished so much. Hell, you’re graduating with a doctorate this year! You’re amazing, Lo, and if they can’t see that beyond the hatred, then it’s their loss.”

“It truly is,” Logan agreed, “especially since it means they never get to meet you.”

“Aww, come here, precious.” Roman grinned, hugging his boyfriend so close, Logan could feel his boyfriend's heartbeat pulse through his own body. “You’re incredible. I am so proud of you and the things you have accomplished. I am so confident in you, and I know this change is going to be hard, but you’re gonna embrace it just like everything else.”

“Ah, she really did snitch on me, huh?” Roman nodded solemnly, still holding his boyfriend as tight as he could manage without actually hurting him. (Logan loved this, he had been encouraging Roman to help him with pressure stimming for years, and his boyfriend always agreed.)

“I can’t say I’m surprised, but… I’m not upset that she did. Talking about everything again would be way too many spoons for one day.”

“Well, if you do need to talk more, I’m always here, my love. You are so important to me, and anything you need, I can provide.”

“The same to you, dearest. Now, it is getting late, and I know you’re going to be up early working tomorrow. Sleep with me?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, starlight.” Logan smiled, kissing him gently on the lips before pulling the covers up around him. He truly was lucky for every single person in his life. Even his biological family, he supposed.

Without them, he never would have received the kind of love the Reyes family would be outpouring to him for years to come.

He and Roman fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, and Logan only dreamt of love and happiness.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #logince #orignial character #original female character #hurt/comfort #abelism #homophobia #logan goes through it tbh #family feels #healthy family dynamics #and unhealthy ones as well #but then logan gets all the love and a pretty boyfriend #so suck on it homophobes :)#loginceweek2023

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lgcjiho · 9 months

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hello friends this is long overdue but i wanted to put out a general plot call for both jiho and @lgcsomin! (but i'll put a post up on her eventually) i've been slacking severely with writing and plotting bc i was travelling, moving countries, figuring out life, etc etc etc. ANYWAYS, welcome to all the new people who i've missed welcoming <3

with that being said, please

LIKE THIS POST for general plotting bc jiho needs more friends and people to interact with and talk to that aren't his members (no shade to the other v&a members)

i'm also available on twitter or d*scord (young_story) if you would prefer that, just lmk your user. i'll be including a re-intro to jiho under the cut since he's been around since forever and i haven't made an update post in ages. i wrote one up months ago and never got around to posting it LOL and i think it might help with plotting? idk dfjsdfjhsdfkj.

lee jiho, leader of v&a and also v&a's subunit agito, main dancer, lead vocal, born october 31, 2000, 23 years old

mock kprofiles / about page

he was scouted while in line for the men’s washroom at his school’s music festival and he thought he was being scammed at first. he actually put off calling the recruiter dude back for a long time until someone joked that he had the looks to be an idol and he suddenly remembered it and called as a joke and to sate his curiosity

he had no dreams whatsoever of being an idol and was pursuing a career in business, hoping to open his own cafe one day.. it's still his dream but he's put it on the backburner for now because he's found that he really does enjoy being an idol

was convinced by a close friend to audition since he’s always been good at singing + dancing even if he was usually just fooling around with friends either at karaoke or when they booked a studio for fun

he auditioned with singing (he sang iu’s hold my hand) and doing a little freestyle dance that was requested of him and surprisingly passed the audition and became an official legacy trainee in january of 2018

his parents were kind of ??? when he told them and originally weren’t very supportive because it was so sudden and he’s not usually *that* spontaneous but as he started settling into being a trainee and enjoying it, they’ve come around and now are his biggest fans

also it probably helped that jaesun and jaehwa were in the company (they’re cousins on their moms’ side)

during his trainee days, he really stuck to himself and only worked to better himself. he never really saw anyone as a rival and only saw his past self as his rival and wanted to continuously become the better version of himself. he was always Peak Introvert so the way he made friends was that he was awkward enough that extroverted people would come and take him under their wing LOL

he was pretty popular from the very first season of future dreams and was one of the front runners for all seasons he participated in, and eventually was confirmed to debut in season 3 of future dreams, and later debuted as the leader of agito on august 27, 2021

was entirely shocked that he was given the leader role because he’s such an introvert and didn't think he did too well during all the times he was in the leader position but has since sort of stepped and grown into the role and loves it now

he’s notoriously confident in himself, and has always been though it might have been slightly Extra before, he truly thinks he deserves to act that way now LOL

i always liken him to a cat (his official emoji on bubble and translation accounts is 🐱) but specifically a cat who’s owner has told him “no, don’t you dare” as he holds eye contact and then immediately smacks the bottle off the table without a second thought

he’s currently working on writing and producing songs, wanting to write and produce a full song for agito one day (i want him to become the bang chan/hongjoong of agito) as currently has the most credits for lyric writing in all of the new gen of legacy artists

is notoriously known to spend the majority of his waking hours in his personal studio (the v&a members tend to come and drag him home at night)

aside from v&a stuff, he’s publicly known for being a model and also for putting out a lot of covers on v&a’s youtube channel

he recently put out a studio choom dance cover and he’s very proud of it and is somewhat interested in possibly acting more but he's happy with what he's doing and what he's accomplished so far

some plot ideas

he's pretty well known as a workaholic so more people to text him and force him to do things other than work on days off would be nice tbh

friends from his trainee days! or even friends from uni that knew him before he became a trainee and joined legacy and are surprised to see him around

if you're a fan of him, he's always very warm and accommodating and does his best to give advice and be a good sunbae

honestly people who dislike him could be a fun dynamic bc he would be confused (not as to why people hate him but he doesn't really know how they would know enough about him to hate him LOL)

making friends at the convenience store at night when he steps out to get 2am ramyeon bc his stash has run out

admittedly i'm rly bad at coming up with plots but i would love to brainstorm and see where that takes us

sorry this is so long dshjfbkhfjs

#( ooc. )#( ew i got the new editor i hate it )#( as epected i cannot shut up ever )

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shy-himb0 · 2 years

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June 5. I always remember I have an Instagram account on June 5th. Every year I am tagged in a number of posts by my mom, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, and others who are trying in their way to wish me well on the anniversary of the day my dad died. It’s a weird reminder from an app that I hate that I have.

He was dead months before his heart finally stopped. I guess it should mean more to me that it was the last part of him to give out. That thought is a proper memento of what he meant to other people. I knew it too, but my fear of him, of being misunderstood by him, kept me from feeling it. What a terrible thing for life to do. He deserves better from me. And so I offer a few words in an attempt for atonement.

The BFG. Goliath. Andre. The Jolly Green. Paul Bunyan. The Rock Biter from The Neverending Story. Clifford the Big Red Dog. The Staypuff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Jordan and Pippen and Malone and Magic and Bird and all those basketball giants. My childhood was full of giants.

My favorite giant came to my class once. I was in third grade. I was in another new school. Another first day as the new kid. It was like that every year so far. We were always on the move. I was sitting next to my new best friend Josh. Josh had a twin brother named Jeremy. They were the coolest kids in the school, and because I could throw a ball pretty good, they immediately accepted me as one of them. It’s such a proud feeling, being accepted. You feel lucky for it. How does it happen? I don’t remember. I’ve since lost that ability.

I wasn’t paying attention that morning. I was probably reading a book. It’s what I did anytime the teacher wasn’t talking to the class. I heard a lot of commotion though. Someone had come to the door of the classroom. Josh was tugging at my shirt and asking me if the guy at the door was my dad. I looked up, surprised. Dad never came to school! I was worried I was in trouble, but everyone was so excited. I nodded to Josh, and he yelped out “You’re dad is a giant!” My very own giant had come to bring me the sack lunch that my mom had prepared that morning. I must have left it behind. I was lucky that my giant was so good to me.

My dad had giant hands. They were so big and meaty. I always wondered how they got so big. Strong too. I remember when I was a teen, trying to test my strength against his during handshakes. We would both squeeze as hard as we could. Well, I would anyway. I think he always held back. He used those hands his whole life to make wonderful things. He made puppets for my grandma who was a puppeteer. He made little wood carvings of people or animals to give to my sisters. He used his hands to mold a slain Mercutio when I was stumped on a class project for Romeo and Juliet.

He had a giant laugh. When he giggled, it was like that of a little (giant) girl. You couldn’t hear it and not feel better. I tried. I’d be mad or sad and hear it and I’d want to get annoyed...but I couldn’t. People tell me I laugh like him when I laugh hard. I haven’t been told that for quite some time.

I remember when my son was a baby. He was inconsolable unless he was on the move - either being bounced around while I was walking, or being swung in his carseat by me. No other swing would work. And no one else had the patience or strength to keep him swinging. Anytime I sat down, even in a rocking chair to keep the movement going, he would immediately begin screaming again. I got really good at being able to lean my head against a wall to swing him. I could almost sleep like that. I think I somehow did a few times. New parents can sleep in the most amazing ways. I remember often dreaming of getting into a huge carseat of my own, to be picked up and swung by some giant.

I wonder what I would do if I could have a few minutes with my dad again. There’s only one thing that ever seems like the right answer. I wish I could go back to third grade. Back when my dad was a giant to me. I just want to be a little kid held in the arms of my warm and gentle giant.

I still miss you Dad. As much as ever.

#personal

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redactedexists · 2 years

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Plug & Play

Summary: A box full of miscellaneous stuff from the 90s and early 2000s send Babe on a short trip down memory lane.

Pairing(s): Asher/Babe (they/them)

Warnings: Light language, just fluff

A/N: First fanfic on the ol’ Redactedverse-specific Tumblr blog. I’m currently waiting for my AO3 invitation so I can set up my account but I figured I might as well just post this little thing here. It’s been a while since I’ve written casually so apologies if it’s a little weird! Enjoy!

-----------------------

“Whatcha doin’?” Their head whipped around, eyes wide like a toddler caught in the cookie jar. In their hand, a cluster of cables, clearly visible even as they tried to hide them behind their leg. Asher blinked and gave them a look, a smile creeping onto his face. He laughed and walked over to where they knelt in front of the TV. “What’s the look for, babe?” He asked, placing a hand on the top of their head. They grinned and rolled their eyes, swatting at him. “I- okay, so I went over to my storage unit today and was going through a bunch of stuff, you know. Trying to minimize or whatever. And found this old box, just filled with old toys and shit. I found, like, a thousand old Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and one of those, like, holographic Harry Potter chocolate frog cards? Remember those? Anyway, I also found this.” They handed him the thing attached to the wires; a 2003 plug & play Namco arcade joystick. “Oh, hell yeah! I haven’t seen one of these in years.” Asher took the controller from them and examined it. “I mean, I never had one but they had one at the dentist I went to as a kid. You know, plugged into a thick-ass 90s TV in the waiting room?” The box was deep purple and yellow, the sides covered in fading stickers featuring 80s era arcade games. The red bulb of the joystick still shone in the light but the buttons had gone matte from use and time. “Yeah, well. You’re looking at the thing that sparked my love of video games.” They took it back, grinning with all the warmth of nostalgic fondness. “It was my cousin’s technically but I kept stealing it. I mean, every day after school, I’d find some way to sneak into his room and get it so I could play Pac-Man. He didn’t really care. He mostly just hated me going into his room. He had a bunch of consoles already anyway; Dreamcast, GameCube, Playstation.” “Those… sure are consoles.” Ash fought back a laugh, trying to school his face into a neutral expression. “Oh, whatever, Asher. So he didn’t have an Xbox. It was… 2003? The Xbox wasn’t even out- wait… was it out?” They pulled out their phone. “It was totally out! I got one for Christmas that year! 2001?” Asher pulled out his phone too. “November 2001, you got it on the nose! Nice, dude!- wait, you got one for Christmas? Dude, Black Friday must have been hell that year! Good on your folks though; out here makin’ dreams come true.” “Yeah, I was so stoked.” “I bet!” “…” “… don’t-“ “I was even more stoked when I realized it was the superior console.” “Stupid- what even was the point of console wars! God, kids will fight about anything!” “Says the kid with a Dreamcast.” They were both laughing now. “No, but it’s even worse because I didn’t even have the Dreamcast!” They wheezed, holding up the controller. “All I had was this joystick.” “Aw, baaabe! Hey, you may have lost the console war but you’ve won over my heart.” He took their hand and kissed the back of it, giggling into the skin. “Gee, thanks.” They chuckled sarcastically but their tone lacked any venom. “So… do you wanna play with me?” They smiled and held up the joystick, wiggling it. Ash blinked at it for a second, processing. “Like, take turns? Climb the leaderboard?” He readjusted on the floor, leaning back on his arms. “Uh, well…” They sniffed, on the verge of laughter again. “No? There isn’t a leaderboard system on this one. There is in the other versions but not this one. So my friends and I would just, uh, write down our scores and compare when it was time to go home.” Ash nodded slowly. The longer they maintained eye-contact, the harder it was to keep a straight face. “I knooooow.” They whined, smiling. “Whatever, Asher. I’ll fail at Dig Dug by myself then.” They turned to continue messing with the cables around the back of the TV. “Oh, you got Dig Dug on there? Never mind, then! I take it all back! I’m down!” He teased. Asher moved again, wrapping his arms around their shoulders and pecking them on the cheek. They snorted, turning to kiss his cheek in return, still half-focused on the wires. There was a moment of comfortable silence. “…You know I’m joking about the console war thing, right?” “Yeah, Ash, I know.” They smiled fondly. “Okay, good.”

#redactedasmr #redacted asmr #redacted asmr fanfic #redacted babe #redacted asher #2003 namco plug & play arcade joystick #james' writing exists

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conanscoffee · 1 year

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On Rain

There's something about this weather, it's almost as if it's an emotion. It's a feeling that resonates deep within my heart. The whiff of the first droplet coming in contact with the soil of my mogra plant acts like the draught of the living dead. The cool, serene breeze which hits after a long day of acting like a puppet in the hands of the system envokes memories which i didn't know i had stashed away in the back of my head.

Summer of 2012, when i first danced in the rain with my friend. The rain falling on my face like pearls from heaven made me realise just how much joy there is in the simplest of things. The warmth in my mother's chastise and her handmade tea, and the silly little cartoons. I wonder where my friend is right now, if she recalls this memory or not.

July 2014, the rain caused a power cut and i ended up sitting on the terrace, stargazing with my cousins. We talked about getting pet snakes, having heated pools jn our million-dollar mansions, big dreams being revealed under the blanket of darkness. I wish them the best, wherever they are; i hope one of them earns a billion to take us all to Disneyland Tokyo.

Monsoon of 2021, Berlin experiences rain for the first time and his reaction was similar to mine. He was happy-- he ran, slipped, tripped on the watery ground trying to catch his bone. He was scared of the lightning and thunder later, and curled up next to me while I tried to finish reading The Tragedy of Hamlet.

2022, my last school year. School was dispersed and it started pouring. I tried to get to my bus without getting drenched, meanwhile my two amigos laughed and slowed me down as much as possible. The rain made my glasses fog up, so when i reached home, i stood in the rain anyway, enjoying the feeling of the heavy drops on my face once again. Life came a full circle; my mother scolded me for getting the floor wet, gave me a cup of tea, only this time i watched a documentary on drug cartels.

And this moment-- 20th March 2023, the rain caused a power cut, we are lounging and listening to Jagjit Singh and RD Burman, i have tea and my parents have whiskey, and Berlin is yet again curled up next to me. We don't discuss Disneyland anymore, instead we talk about politics and college. This moment, although is missing one person, made me forget about my exam today. Times like these make one slow down, take a breather, check on the mogra flowers placed in the mandir early morning, still as fragrant. I wish I didn't have to grow up.

#writing #anecdotes #rambles #desi #desi tumblr #desiblr #3 am shit #Spotify

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justharuthings · 11 months

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WEI.

May 29. 2022 ㅡ

My first face-to-face concert ever since pandemic started.

It has been exactly 2 years 6 months and 6 days since #DAY6GRAVITYinMNL ㅡmy last face-to-face concert before the pandemic.

My first time seeing WEi,

#WEiFirstLoveInPH

Short(?) story time!

Same with how I started with N.Flying, I got to know WEi while I was waiting for Golden Child in music shows. Golden Child released Pump It Up on October 7, 2020 while WEi debuted on October 5, 2020 with Twilight as their title track.

The group is not new to me as I was following X1 before and even stan Yohan (i was a hyung line stan in X1 haha). So I got curious when I saw Yohan again and now, with his new group.

Wasn’t actually planning on stanning another group that time, so I can say, I was just a casual listener. And that went on, Golden Child and WEi comeback promotions happening around the same time.

And then came the Bye Bye Bye era, I really got hooked on the song and that’s the time I actually went searching for their songs, contents I can watch and I found their Oui Go Up reality show. From then on, I marathon-ed the show and fell in love with them! A month after, I felt guilty of spamming too much WEi on my Goldenness account that I made an entirely separate account for WEi haha!

Pre-concert

Unlike the previous concerts i’ve attended, this time i wasn’t with my cousin cos she got some schedule that day so i went with my friend Haru~

When the concert was announced, I thought i’d be going alone but he said he can come too cos he knows Yohan as well and wanted to see them.

This concert is a shock to all because everything happened in just a month. The concert announcement was in May and the ticket selling started a week after the announcement and the concert was 2 weeks after the ticket selling. It was handled by CDM Entertainment, and was actually a joint concert having Alice, WEi, NCT Dream and Shinee’s Key as the artists.

Anyways, before the concert, me and Haru planned to meet a bit early cos we wanted to attend the cupsleeve event in D’cream in front of Kia Theater, when we got there, there was already like a lot of people so we thought we might not able to get in in the first 20 who’d get their drinks for free, but turns out we are just on time and were the last ones to get it haha. Since there were no tables available, we just got our drink and freebies and went to Mcdonalds for lunch.

Since it was lunch time, Mcdonalds was actually kind of full also, we tried checking if there are seats upstairs but there’s none. So we went back down and suddenly someone saw that we were holding WEi freebies from the cse and asked us if we wanted to share a table with them. It was so funny cos the girl who talked to me looked familiar and it was Maeriel, one of my mutuals during X1 days haha. We became friends after attending x numbers of cupsleeve events for X1 before haha! So me and Haru stayed there, we had our lunch there together with Maeriel and Mimay, then we went back to the cup sleeve event in D’cream.

From then on, we just stayed in the cafe until the people started to leave the cafe as they planned to line up for GenAd entrance. Me, Haru and Mimay actually were GenAd ticket holders and Maeriel got an Upper Box ticket. But the three of us were just chill and planned on leaving when the gate opens.

I also met with Juys in D’cream. Juys is one of my Inspirit friends as well and we first met during N.Flying Up All Night in Manila where she was giving away banners and some freebies before the concert haha.

Me and Haru also met Angge there in D’Cream. Angge is too kind and even gave me and Haru a gift before leaving. It was a short meet up but we were glad to meet her finally~

Concert Proper

Before we got in, we had a small problem because we weren’t able to exchange our e-tickets for a physical one because the line was too long!! Even when they started having GenAd come into the coliseum, the line was still long in the ticketing booth. I did have a printed e-ticket but they were too small so they couldn't scan it. We spent like a couple of minutes there trying to re-load the email and the ticket for them to scan.

After we got in, we tried to look for the area assigned for RUis, but to our surprise, they were all taken by Czennies. We weren’t able to find some of our co-RUis as well :( Also, I was assigned to distribute the banners for WEi but i wasn’t able to find it around GenAd area ugh.

Anyways, my concert buddies! We started with just the 3 of us and we saw one RUi with her aibong so I asked her if she wanted to sit along our row and she agreed so yay +1!

First group to perform was Alice followed by WEi, NCT Dream and Key.

WEi performed a total of five songs starting with Twilight, followed by All Or Nothing, Bye Bye Bye, Super Bumpy and Too Bad. They had an introduction and a short ment after Twilight then after All Or Nothing, they played games! Daehyeon lost in one game and had to do 5-heart-set aegyo but it went on to 10 because the members kept on counting haha! Daehyeon was so cute running out of heart poses that time haha! The next punishment was for Junseo to dance to MonstaX Love Killa but the members joined him too so we saw them dance to Love Killa live WAAAH.

Overall, it still feels surreal, having to get to know WEi recently and seeing them perform live. It was surely a moment to treasure. They were the latest group I got to know during the pandemic and the first group I got to see live after the pandemic hit. I will forever treasure this memory! Thank you for this amazing night, WEi! I hope to see you all again in a solo concert! We will promise to give you the BEST crowd you can ever have and an ocean full of RUis!

We will be waitin’~

#BeginAgain_KPOP #WEiFirstLoveInPH #WEi #Daehyeon #Donghan #Yongha #Yohan #Seokhwa #Junseo #JustHaruConcerts

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harvestingwholeness · 1 year

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5/7/2023 - 8 days until I own my house on 4 acres! I couldn’t be more excited and nervous. I’ve created so many Pinterest boards, Amazon wishlists, and Home Depot shopping lists. I know what I want and I can’t wait to jump in. With so many projects to work on, my ADHD brain is going to have a blast.

Most of my efforts this year will be transforming the interior of the home. Though I also plan to bring ducks into the mix this summer!

I considered getting chickens but to be honest, I’ve got a lot of chicken trauma. I cared for my family chickens from age 6 when we brought home our first chicks. At the most we had over 30 chickens and they were my full responsibility. Every rooster we owned was so mean. Like, jump on my shoulders mean. I know with care you can foster a kind flock, I just know I’d go in scared. Ducks though, no claws, rounded beaks, cute quacks, waddling. I’ll go in with love and I think that’s what matters most. Plus, my favorite farm in Belize serves duck eggs so I will get to pretend I’m sitting in the outdoor lounge eating my breakfast sipping coffee and reminiscing my great Belizean adventures. Or, that’s what I hope for anyway, I will see what happens when reality strikes.

I used to travel every week for work, Monday through Thursday. I had the added benefit that instead of flying home on weekends, I could go anywhere as long as the flights were cheaper than going home. I live on the west coast and for a year and a half I was flying to Boston. So many places around the world were cheaper than going home. I traveled to Belize over 20 times and it’s my greatest love. I spent a little bit of time in Europe, but Central America is really where my heart feels at home. If climate change doesn’t destroy the region, I would love to retire in Belize. Gotta have dreams, right?

While I feel my frequent international trips are no longer my greatest priority, I still have high hopes of traveling to Africa in my future. Egypt, Rwanda, Kenya ahhh I want to go so badly. The only reason I didn’t go while I was traveling for work, is that it would take the whole weekend just to get there haha the furthest I traveled was Australia, but I took two weeks off to enjoy that time. That was my craziest adventure yet, someday I share about my stranded with no water camping alone on an island experience while going through antidepressant withdrawals because I lost my luggage. Good times.

This morning I was thinking a lot about who I was before my childhood trauma hit me hard. When I was about 7 years old, I suppressed my memories of abuse and they began returning about 6 years ago. Last year one of my cousins was on trial for what he did to two younger girls. He hurt me as well, but until the week of the trial my memories were too foggy to report. However during the trial I panicked thinking if I was asked on the stand if I was a victim of this cousin, I wanted to have a clear and confident answer. That’s when my childhood memories returned full swing. I know I still have a lot more suppressed, but I now remember so much more. It was about two weeks where my memories we’re constantly returning, like I was watching a movie of my life. It sent me into a dark spiral and I ended up in a partial hospitalization program to recover. Anyway, I was such a confident person before the memories came back and before the abuse got to be too much. I was a bold adventurer, defiant, so much more social, and even though I was riddled with blights of deep depression, I felt solid. All of the abuse I endured as a child warped me into who I am today. I don’t know if I’m proud or depressed about that, depends on the day.

I have so much more to write but I think I will end for the day.

- Hannah

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year

Text

11.02.23

im finally done with exams and we have so many exciting things coming up i can't wait!!! the biggest one is the fashion show ahhh im so excited! this is like a childhood dream come true!

im trying not to be super nostalgic with this weather bc it's getting warmer and the sun is out and the birds are singing. and this time last year B and i went to our annual trip to the mountains. it's weird how many things have changed since.

i was thinking about my step-cousin a lot lately for some reason. the reason i call her my "step-cousin" is bc she's the daughter of my auntie's husband from his first marriage and i didn't grow up with her so she doesn't really feel like family. ive only seen her twice irl i think and both those times were weird. anyway let's call her anya for the sake of this story.

so i first heard about anya when my aunty had just gotten married. i went to visit my auntie and my grandparents in russia and everyone kept talking about her and comparing the two of us because we were the same age. anya was learning chinese at her school and would often go to china as a part of some student exchange programs. she was also into photography and art. and she was super pretty! i remember looking at photos of her at my aunty's wedding with my grandmother and being blown away by how mature she looked. at 14 i was awkwardly going through puberty, trying to come to terms with my changing body, stuck between looking like an overgrown child and a clumsy teen. and anya already looked like a flawless young adult with her perfectly straight and glossy dark hair and huge and striking blue eyes, full lips, elegant dress and, the thing that stood out to me the most, 10cm platform heels. anya was very short, my grandmother explained.

but the most important thing about anya was how she handled her parents' separation and her dad's remarriage. she really made the most of it! she would tell her mum that she was at her dad's and vice versa and go to a party instead. or she would ask one parent for pocket money, saying the other didn't give her anything and get away with twice the amount of pocket money. and she got along perfectly fine with my aunty, her dad's new wife. they would often travel together and my aunty even offered her a summer internship at the company she worked at. she joked about anya taking long coffee breaks in the middle of work at the office. meanwhile i felt like i looked and acted so much like a child that no serious office would accept to have me as an intern at that age.

that summer when i was visiting my grandparents i had been struggling to act normal with my dad's new wife, as she had done so many terrible things to my mum and still couldn't stop herself from attacking her at any given opportunity. and i would cry a lot and wish i could be normal like anya and laugh about my parents' separation, instead of making it worse for everyone around me. my grandmother would come up to me whenever id frown at my stepmum again and say "hey, look at anya! she's in the same situation as you, you guys are the same age. but she laughs it off and understands what's important. look, she's best friends with your auntie now and im sure you can get along with your stepmum too!".

and so i grew to resent anya. how could she be so perfect? a straight A student who studies chinese, a perfect daughter who doesn't let her feelings get the best of her, a fun teen who sneaks out to go to parties, a responsible intern at a corporate office... i couldn't stand the idea of anya and how all everyone in the family wanted to do was compare us. and that was until i finally met her!

when anya came to visit my grandparents while i was staying over she struck me as someone who went through life so easily. i think i mentioned it a couple of times on this blog before, but im so fascinated by people who take things so lightly and go through life without much effort. anya was one of those people. the reason she studied chinese for example was because there was a chinese school right next to her house so it was just a coincidence. the reason why she got to go to china with the exchange program was an accident too, she explained. they had a last minute interview in front of the jury who would decide who got to go on the trip and, even though she hadn't studied a lot, they liked her the best. same with the summer internship. she got chosen for some reason and didn't feel like she was super special or talented, she assured me. her whole life seemed to be explained by the fact that she had certain opportunities presented to her and she accepted them all without giving it much thought. just like in her parents' divorce she could pick and choose what she wanted and all scenarios had positive outcomes anyway.

and yet, i don't think i would describe anya as an opportunist. back when we were 14 she was definitely a lot smarter and more mature than me and it was very visible by how our family members would treat us. she would so effortlessly join the conversation at the table or volunteer to help with the cooking, in a way i couldn't imagine doing myself without feeling extremely awkward. i would be laughing about some silly inside jokes with my 10 year old cousin, meanwhile anya would be helping bottle-feed my aunty's newborn baby with such care and patience as if she herself were the baby's mother. i simply didn't have what she did.

the second time i met anya was when we were 17. now i was the rebellious teen who snuck out to parties, got along well enough with my stepmum and did volunteer work. i was staying with my grandmother's and my auntie suggested anya and i go to this party she got invited to. my auntie always got free entrances to lots of parties thanks to her job, but rarely went. so she transferred the invites to us.

i hadn't packed any party appropriate outfits for my trip, so i had to improvise. i found my auntie's old dress at my grandma's, put on some of her jewellery and the shoes... well. i only had my snowboots. anya called me to ask what i was wearing. "a dress? a little heel maybe?" she asked me. "i can't decide if i wanna wear wedges or stilettos," she said.

i don't remember what the party was like. i just remember anya and i going from table to table and downing left over wine glasses. she offered me a cigarette and it was the first time ive ever smoked one. she vaguely told me about school and studying chinese and how she didn't study much and magically got good grades. then she called us an uber and we went around the parking lot, knocking on the windows of every single car, trying to figure out which one was the uber.

later that year i saw that she got into the best university in the country. i laughed to myself, thinking that it was probably another accident or coincidence and pure luck, as she would explain it. and three years later graduated with a first. she then got a job at nestle and now she's head of marketing at another big company. when i went to visit my auntie last year she told me that anya has a boyfriend now who's a nepobaby and whose dad gave him a job at a major oil company and a flat in central moscow where they now live.

in september i saw that she was posting that they wanted to rent out their flat on instagram. then she was posting from the airport with three huge suitcases. i thought that maybe she was leaving russia for good as some people had done because of umm the elephant in the room. i had never thought about her as someone who'd be politically involved and the idea of her perhaps leaving the country in sign of protest and leaving behind her perfect job and central flat appeared admirable. but it turned out that the two of them just relocated to bali and continued working from there, while renting out their flat in moscow.

and i don't know, maybe her life does have its flaws and i shouldn't compare us. im doing my own thing, preparing the fashion show and working on a bunch of cool projects. but seeing anya's instagram stories of her cuddling with her scrawny and nerdy-looking blonde boyfriend on the beach in bali by the beautiful sunset really made my inner insecure 14 year old jump out.

#february

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