#anyway been thinking about this quote for a solid 13 hours now and had to jot it down | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

woofools · 4 years

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Hey, you guys wanna read something weird and rambly and way to long that literally none of you asked for?

Nah??

Understandable, but guess what you’re getting anyway.

In the interest of being transparent, I’m gonna mark this thing with a PG-13 rating for depictions of (adults!) drinking, and implied drunken mistakes.

She hadn’t come.

Yo told himself she must have mixed up the date. Or maybe she’d gone to the wrong restaurant, and they could both have a laugh over it and reschedule.

Never mind that they’d confirmed both the time and place hours before they were supposed to meet. Never mind that as he’d sat anxiously waiting at his booth, he’d noticed a woman walk into the restaurant out of the corner of his eye. She’d taken two steps in before she started digging in her purse like she’d forgotten something, then left and didn’t come back.

A little voice in the back of his head had warned him against using that old photo on his profile page. He’d argued back that no one would respond if he’d used a current picture. And anyway, once they actually met he’d be able to prove looks weren’t everything, right?

Not if she catches sight of you from the door and leaves without even talking to you, you liar.

He had ordered munchies as he waited, and tried to look like his evening was going as planned. He was pretty sure the wait staff knew what was actually happening, though. And the people in the tables near his, too. Heck, it felt like the people across the street knew.

At the hour mark, he threw some money on the table to cover the cost of his finger food, and stood to leave. And though he knew it wasn’t the case at all, he felt like the whole restaurant was watching him go. Like a mini- walk of shame all the way to the exit.

He sat in his car for a while after finally getting to it, wondering what to do. In spite of his best efforts, Yin and Yang had found out he’d brushed the dust off the joke- dating profile Yang had set up for him. How they’d managed to do that he wasn’t entirely sure; he mostly chalked it up to them being nosy little snots. Well, that and they both understood computers a lot better than he did. He thought he’d managed to deflect their questions at first, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t gone back and hacked the thing to find out what site he’d been on. Yo missed the days where if you’d gotten a message you didn’t want others to see, all you had to do was light the stupid thing on fire or eat it or something.

The point was, they knew what he was out doing tonight. And he knew that if he went back home right now, they would know that – one way or another – things hadn’t gone well. What good date only lasted one measly hour? He went through his mental rolodex for a convincing lie he could tell – she had to get up early the next morning, she got food poisoning, he got food poisoning – but he stopped short. Even if the kids believed him… he’d know. More than anything, he really didn’t want to talk or think about any of this right now.

Best way he could think to do that was to stay out until it was a reasonable time for his “date” to end, then go home and say things had been fine.

…where did lonely old people go when they needed to kill time?

Yo pondered for a solid fifteen seconds, then let his head fell forward, bumping it against the steering wheel as he groaned.

He thought he’d be able to make it his whole life without living this particular cliché…

Sitting up straight and telling his dignity to clench its buttocks and brace itself, he put his car in drive and headed off in search of a bar.

*****

The bar he ended up at wasn’t the bottom of the barrel, at least. He took some comfort in that. It was decently clean, at any rate, and the patrons all looked normal enough. The lighting could be a little better, but all else aside that was a pretty minor complaint.

So here he was. An old guy drinking all by himself at a bar. On a Friday. At… pellets, he shouldn’t have looked at the clock, it was way too early to sit drinking all alone. Now he felt even more pathetic.

He slid onto a stool near the far-end of the bar. Ideally, he would have sat at the very end, as far away as he could get from the people happily enjoying their Friday night, but someone was already there. Oh well. He ordered his drink and sat back to wait.

The group further up the bar sounded like they were having fun… Yo wondered how long it had been since he’d had the chance to spend a night out with friends. He really didn’t need the wave of depression that came with the realization that he couldn’t actually remember. Kraggler was the closet he had to a “friend” these days, and he could barely manage to stay awake during the day. An evening on the town was definitely out.

A second wave of depression hit as the bartender slid him his drink. He downed it in two gulps, and ordered another.

He drank his second glass more slowly, surreptitiously people-watching to distract from everything going on in his head. The group of friends further up the bar looked to be late-twenties to early-thirties. They weren’t doing shots or anything crazy; they just seemed to be catching up over drinks.

There were some other kids in the table somewhere behind him, and Yo guessed these ones where in their early-twenties. Mostly because these ones were doing shots, and at the rate they were going he could only assume they were afraid the alcohol would disappear if they didn’t drink it fast enough. (Enjoy it while you can, kids.)

The guy at the end of the bar was dressed all in black, wearing a baggy old sweatshirt with the hood pulled up. He was thin, and even though he was curled forward over his drink Yo got the sense he was pretty tall. Eh, taller than him, at least. Which wasn’t saying a lot (pandas were never known to be giants), but still.

The guy tipped back the last of his drink, then waved down the bartender. “One more.”

Yo promptly choked on his rum and coke.

The guy’s voice was deeper than what he would’ve expected coming from someone as rail-thin as he was. That wasn’t what had made him snort his drink out his nose and back into his glass, though. What had made him choke was that when the guy talked, his voice came out in layers.

Yo knew that voice.

Before Yo could do anything (before he could even think to), the guy turned to look at him, attention drawn by his sputtering.

The Night Master liked strawberry daiquiris, apparently.

Now see, if circumstances had been ideal, Yo could have said any number of dramatically appropriate things, or at least offered him a good glare. But things weren’t ideal, because really when were they ever, and instead he couldn’t stop coughing.

The Night Master (well, not really, but if he had an actual name Yo didn’t know it, and calling him “the former Night Master” was too much of a mouthful, so) had a lot of emotions swirling across his face. Or… eh, more like three, actually: surprise, confusion, and utter irritation. But considering Yo had only ever seen the guy use a grand total of two previously – anger and gloating – it was an impressive range, by his standards.

“What are you doing here?” he hissed.

“Me?” Yo choked. His nose was still burning from the alcohol he’d snotted through it. It wasn’t helping the tears his coughing had brought to his eyes at all. “A-ain’t you supposed to be—” hack, cough, “banished in a dark void right now?”

This might have been the wrong thing to say, rubbing salt in an already very PO’ed bat’s wounds and all, but Yo stood by it. Out of the two of them, he had way more right to randomly be at a bar than a past master of all evil did.

The Night Master bared his teeth in a snarl. “I was let out early for good behavior,” he sneered, sarcasm-levels hitting critical. “Now you. What’s a ‘Woo Foo master—’” (the tone and air-quotes were unwarranted and annoying) “—doing at a bar? Are you drinking to forget what abysmal failures your pathetic students are?”

Yo glared. “Those ‘f-failures’ kicked your scrawny butt,” he sniped, slowly getting a hold on his coughing. “What’s that make you?”

The Night Master’s expression twisted further, and within the span of a heartbeat he’d crossed the space between them and seized the front of Yo’s shirt. (He’d tried to look nice for his date, for all the good it’d done him. His own anger spiked when it was gripped hard enough to threaten tearing.)

“Listen here you—”

“Hey!” the bartender suddenly snapped, making both of them turn their heads. “No fighting. You wanna brawl, take it outside.”

Her face was a mask of ‘I don’t get paid enough to put up with this and I have nothing to lose.’ There was a beat where they looked at her, another where they turned back to glare at each other, then with a disgusted growl the Night Master shoved him away.

“Useless fool,” he spat under his breath, returning to his seat.

Yo glared again. “Has-been,” he shot back, not bothering to keep it under anything.

The Night Master’s head snapped back in his direction. “I’m the has-been?! When I know for a fact you spend every free moment you have sinking farther and farther into a ratty old armchair?” (Note to self: punt Coop down the road for spying crimes of days past.) The Night Master sneered. “Bit of a far cry from the ‘great hero’ you once were, wouldn’t you say?”

If he hadn’t been so against the idea of paying the bar for breaking their glasses, Yo probably would’ve shattered the one in he was holding. Or thrown it at the bat’s stupid head, one of the two.

“Oh yeah, and you keep so busy?” he returned. “We all thought you’d died.” He looked away, taking another swig of his drink. “Turns out you were just sulking and gettin’ drunk. Who’da thought.”

Yo’d been aiming to get a rise, and boy did he get one. The Night Master bristled, hackles visibly raising, and his expression was suddenly so dangerous that even without dark powers or the overlord garb, it was clear how he’d managed to become a Night Master in the first place.

“Do you think I want to be here right now?!” he snarled, looking livid. “Do you really think that if I had anywhere else to be, I’d choose here?”

“Well since you’re having such a rotten time, how ‘bout you leave and let me have a drink in peace, how’s that sound?” Yo returned, unphased.

“I was here first!”

The conversation was starting to get loud. The guys further up the bar had stopped talking to watch them warily, and the bartender was looking increasingly fed up. (The kids in the back were still barking and cheering as they did their shots, either none the wiser or just not caring.) Yo ignored them.

Before he could respond, the Night Master went on, “Where else do you expect me go, exactly? I have no lair to stay in, no minions to talk to, and if I spend one more second in that accursed suburban prison I am literally going to lose my mind!”

(Yo wanted to make a comment about the Night Master apparently being forced to live in suburbia now, but couldn’t think of a way to phrase it that would properly convey his scorn. He said nothing instead.)

Apparently done with his rant, the Night Master looked down to glare hatefully into his daiquiri. After a moment, he bit out, “You ruined my life.”

Yo continued to watch him stonily, not speaking. This all coming from the guy who’d banished all his friends and made the whole world think the art he’d practiced his entire life was a complete joke…

Eventually, he grumbled, “You ruined mine first,” and tossed back the last of his drink.

He ordered another.

*****

“What are you dressed up for?”

Yo looked up. The Night Master was staring at him dispassionately, elbow resting on the bar, head resting in his hand. They’d been drinking in silence for the last twenty minutes, both stubbornly trying to pretend the other didn’t exist. At least, that’s what Yo had been doing.

When he didn’t immediately answer, the Night Master gestured at his outfit vaguely, specifying, “You usually look like trash. Why don’t you now? This bar is trash, you’d have fit right in.”

…charming.

The Night Master apparently noticed the bartender glaring at him for his comment about the bar, because he turned to her with a glare of his own. “Oh, don’t give me that look, this place is a hole. Just spit in my next drink and move on already.”

As she moved away, still scowling, he turned back to Yo expectantly.

The sober, reasonable part of Yo’s brain didn’t want to even think about why he was dressed up, much less talk about it. Much less with this guy.

…but unfortunately it was the alcohol-soaked part that was doing the driving at the moment, and that part wanted to vent. Even if it was to a former Night Master.

“I had a date,” Yo muttered, taking another swig of his drink.

The Night Master tilted his head, then swiveled on his seat to squint up at the clock on the wall behind them.

“What kind of date ends before 10:30?” he asked.

The sober part of Yo’s mental facilities managed to wrestle the controls away from the drunken part just long enough for him to regret saying anything. Sinking into his stool and trying to hide his expression with his glass, he mumbled, “The kind that doesn’t show up.”

There was a short pause as the Night Master processed his words, followed by vindictive snickering.

“Too bad,” he said, insincere and delighted. “I can’t think of a single reason why anyone would ever want to stand you up.” Then, sounding positively gleeful at the prospect, “Was it a blind date? Do you think she came in, saw you, and left?”

Yo felt his face getting hot as he sunk further in on himself, shoulders hunching.

The silence didn’t go unnoticed. The Night Master laughed again.

Yo grasped for anything he could use to defend himself. He settled on disinterest. “Could’ve been worse,” he said, forcing his shoulders to un-hunch so he could shrug. “Could’ve had an ex show up. Could’ve had Edna show up.”

The Night Master’s sadistic grin faltered a bit. “‘Edna’?”

“Obsessive ex,” Yo supplied, flailing for the last strand of his self-esteem. There was at least one woman on the planet that thought he was worth something. Even if that woman was… eugh, Edna. “Crazy old dragon lady. We went out a couple times and she won’t let it go. I wouldn’t put it past her to make a fake dating account to try to meet up with me.”

“Crazy old drag…? Wait—” The Night Master’s eyes lit up. “Do you mean that— that annoying little ant conqueror’s mother?”

“Uh… yes?”

The sadistic joy returned to the Night Master’s face full force. “You used to go out with Barbecue-Breath??”

Yo’s face felt hot again. He hadn’t counted on the Night Master actually knowing who he was talking about.

To his dismay, the bat moved several seats closer. He was now sitting right next to him, apparently intent on prying every last sordid detail of the story out of him. “How did you end up dating a villain, precisely? And why did you break up? You seem like you’d be a perfect fit for each other, conflicting moral alignments aside.”

Yo grunted, leaning as far back as he could without falling off his seat. “Remember when we were ignoring each other? Wasn’t that nice? Can we go back to that?”

The Night Master grinned in a way that plainly conveyed no. No they couldn’t.

(Apart from being annoying and intrusive, Yo couldn’t help but find the bat’s sudden curiosity more than a little unnerving. Apparently while alcohol made him stupid, it made the Night Master unbearably chatty.)

Hoping to put the matter to rest, Yo snapped, “I didn’t date her because I wanted to; she was wearing a Broach of Irresistibility!” He huffed. “Once the broach came off, the relationship was over as far as I was concerned.”

Rather than dissuade his amusement, like Yo had hoped, the Night Master looked still more delighted. “You weren’t even dating her by choice!” he crowed. “You got magically volunteered!”

Not appreciating the mockery (though, admittedly, he now wasn’t sure if the Night Master was mocking him or Edna at this point), Yo glowered. “So how do you know her, then?”

The Night Master smirked. “Same as you, though I wasn’t stupid enough to get tricked into actually dating the crocodile.”

Yo blinked. “Wait, so then how is that the same…?”

A scoff and an eyeroll. “She used to pop up at Evil Cons to try to flirt. She seemed to think that because her son had made a villainous name for himself, that meant that she had a reputation too.” The Night Master’s face twisted at the memory, momentarily looking like someone had just force-fed him shower cleaner. “She dropped the phrase ‘power-couple’ more than once when she came to talk.” Then, smirk returning, “You took up the mantle for me after I left, it would seem.”

Now it was Yo’s turn to pull a face. “Yeah, you’re welcome.”

The Night Master offered another round of sadistic snickering in response.

Feeling more than a little embarrassed and exceedingly annoyed, Yo snapped, “Okay, so you know why I’m dressed up, how come you’re in here lookin’ like a hobo? Did you just give up when your tailor went AWOL?”

The mirth withered and died on the Night Master’s face. His ears suddenly went flat against his head, and Yo was vindictively pleased to see he’d gone slightly red underneath his scowl.

“I can’t exactly afford to draw attention to myself at the moment,” he said tightly. “My preferred choice of fashion tends to turn heads.”

“Uh, yeah, ‘cause it’s pretentious and godawful,” Yo said dismissively. “Still, you used to at least look like you cared. Guess now that you don’t have anyone to impress you’ll just throw on just about anything, huh?”

The Night Master’s face went still redder, his ears pressed even tighter to his scalp, and Yo took no small amount of satisfaction to see his shoulders hiking up this time. He looked away, glaring, and didn’t respond.

“Aww, what’s wrong?” Yo asked, tone decidedly unkind. “The game’s not goin’ how you wanted so now you don’t wanna play anymore?” Yo turned back to his drink, expression twisting. “Well ain’t that just typical.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the Night Master snapped, looking back to him.

“Whaddya think it means, genius?” Yo asked, gesturing widely. “The forces of evil love getting a rise outta people, love making everyone else feel miserable. But the minute the tables turn and the shoe’s on the other foot, you either throw a tantrum or back out. It’s typical.”

“And the forces of good play victim and pray karma when those tables don’t turn,” the Night Master shot back. “Choice of evils.”

After a long moment of glaring at each other, the Night Master looked away again, muttering, “No pun intended.”

Yo realized, after another long moment, that he didn’t have the energy or the sobriety to debate this much further. Instead, he just grumbled, “Seems like a pretty easy choice to me, but whatever,” and took another drink.

The Night Master, who was in the process of accepting another daiquiri form the bartender, grumbled back, “Seems like a clear choice to me, too.”

Yo watched him for a second. “She probably did spit in your drink, y’know,” he warned disinterestedly after a moment’s consideration.

The Night Master held the daiquiri up slightly in mock, unenthused jubilation. “Cheers,” he said flatly, and downed over half in one gulp.

Yo rolled his eyes.

*****

Another span of silence passed. The guys further up the bar had left, and the kids behind them were slowly sinking into an alcohol-induced stupor. The Night Master was still seated beside him, having never moved back to his original seat. Yo wondered distantly, abstractly, what he might be thinking about as he stared unfocusedly across the bar, but then just as distantly decided he didn’t care. He did wonder what exactly had brought him here, though. Like, to this bar specifically, not “here at this moment in time.”

“You said you live in a suburb now, right?” he blurted.

The Night Master flinched, then turned to glare at him.

“What’s it to you?”

Yo shrugged. “You did say that, right?” At the Night Master’s stiff nod, he asked, “Is it nearby? It’s gotta be, right? Why else would you be here right now?”

The Night Master snorted, rolling his eyes. “I like the pleasant company,” he said, jerking his thumb in the bartender’s direction. Who saw and heard him, by the way. She was literally going to punch him in the mouth if he didn’t shut up soon. (Yo fell bizarrely compelled to keep him talking, all of a sudden.)

Again, he asked, “What’s it to you, panda? Are you planning an attack? Should I be flattered you still consider me worth your time?”

Yo shrugged again. “Just think it’s funny, that’s all.”

As the Night Master glared daggers, a grin suddenly tugged at Yo’s mouth, and he propped his elbow against the bar to stare at him.

“Didja have, like, a housewarming party when you first moved in? You workin’ a 9’ to 5’ now?”

“Shut up,” the Night Master said.

“You yell at the neighborhood kids when they end up on your lawn?” Yo went on, unbothered. “D’you have yard sales—?”

“Shut up!” the Night Master said again, louder this time. Yo was pleased to see he’d gone a bit red again.

“That a ‘yes’?” he sing-songed.

“So what if it—?!” but he clapped his hands over his mouth before he could finish, looking horrified.

Oh, no way. “Wait, what?” Yo asked, grin growing exponentially.

The Night Master yanked his hood back over his head and turned away, apparently trying to go back to pretending Yo wasn’t there.

Yo burst out laughing.

“Why is that so hilarious?” the Night Master demanded. “Other people do those things their whole lives, I don’t see you laughing at them.”

“Uh, other people are normal?” Yo said. “Other people don’t make a whole thing about how big and bad and evil they are?”

The Night Master huffed. “Well, when you’re good at something…”

“Yeah, ‘cept you’re apparently not, considering you ended up living in—” Yo broke off laughing again.

The Night Master bristled. “I was doing just fine until you and your brats decided to—”

“Hey whoawhoawhoa,” Yo said, holding up his hands defensively (and still thoroughly enjoying the bat’s embarrassment and frustration, but that was beside the point). “Don’t get mad at me because your choice of careers came back to bite ya.”

“How is something a choice when it’s your only option?” the Night Master snapped.

Yo’s grin dissipated. The Night Master didn’t look at him, instead putting all his focus back on his drink. Finally, Yo said, “You’re really gonna try to play that card, huh?”

“Yep,” the Night Master said, tone clipped.

Oh you gotta be…

“After everything you did,” Yo clarified, patience abruptly starting to fizzle, “all the— the years and years and years of being completely horrible, you’re literally gonna sit there and try to sell some ‘oh, it was the only choice I had in life, woe is me!’ –story?”

“‘Woe is’ nothing, I enjoyed every second of it,” the Night Master spat. “But yeah, that’s what we’re going with.”

Yo stared at him, the amusement he’d felt a few seconds ago feeling very far away.

“Go to hell,” he finally said.

“Been there, done that,” the Night Master returned. “I call it life.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Yo breathed, taking another swig of his drink. Maybe if he downed enough it’d dull the flames rising in his chest…

“Did you ever try to do anything other than this?” the Night Master asked suddenly, gesturing at Yo.

(Yo took “this” to mean “being a Woo Foo knight.” He made a noncommittal noise, wanting to see where he was going with this before giving away any kind of answer.)

“Was it nice, being able to slide into whatever you want, and not be made to feel out of place for it? I’ve got a secret for you, Yo: Bats? Or anyone people define as a ‘creature of darkness’? We’re not liked. We walk into a building and half the time a manager will come over going ‘now we don’t want any trouble, but we’re going to have to ask you to leave,’ and then we have to stand there and try to explain we just want to buy groceries. That suburb I’m stuck in? Do you think they want me there? Do you know how often I get indirectly, passive-aggressively told I’m bringing down the neighborhood’s property values just by being there?”

“Wow, people aren’t all that inviting to people who proudly identify as evil, can’t imagine why that would be,” Yo said sarcastically (though he had to admit his indignation had waned a bit).

“None of them know!” the Night Master burst. “That’s the whole point of me living there! None of them will rat me out to someone who might have a grudge because none of them know what I used to be!”

He growled, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes and rubbing agitatedly. Yo was suddenly confronted with just how tired he looked.

Glaring back over at him, the Night Master went on, “Point of fact is that my life was infinitely better when I was spending it making everyone else’s worse. No one seems to care about fighting the stereotype, so why not benefit where I can by leaning into it?”

Yo didn’t have an answer for a moment.

“There are plenty of bats who don’t try to take their problems out on the whole stinkin’ planet,” he finally insisted stiffly.

“I can promise you every single one of them has thought about it at least once,” the Night Master shot back. “Hardly my fault I’m the only one who decided to try.”

They sank back into sullen silence.

*****

“I did kind of do something besides this—” Yo said some time and many drinks later, making small gesture at himself, “—when I was younger.”

The Night Master observed him grumpily, but waited for clarification.

“I was in a band,” Yo finally supplied. He very nearly went into the whole thing, ‘it was called Pandangerous, we were kinda big, you might’ve heard of us,’ but he found he couldn’t bring himself too. He was actually suddenly kind of embarrassed he’d brought it up at all. This was the Night Master, he didn’t care.

“…what did you play?”

Yo blinked, surprised. “Uh… bass?”

The Night Master cocked his head. “Hm. Would’ve taken you for a drummer.” There was a small pause before (sinking in on himself a little, Yo couldn’t help but notice) he mumbled, “I’d always kind of wanted to learn violin.”

Yo stared for a second. Yeah, violin did seem to fit with the whole… dark and brooding –thing he had going. Rather than comment to that effect, he asked, “Why didn’t you?”

The Night Master shrugged morosely. “My grip is too weak. I couldn’t hold it right.”

Yo had a sudden, very violent flashback to the last time they’d fought. At one point during, the Night Master had taken him by the throat and held him off the ground. His windpipe had felt like it was being crushed by a steel trap.

“Hey, uh, I dunno who fed you that load, but you might wanna get a second opinion. Your grip seemed fine last I checked,” he said, rubbing his throat absentmindedly at the memory.

The Night Master looked at him curiously, but then he must’ve remembered the incident Yo was indirectly referring to, because he shook his head. “I caught you with my good hand then. My other one’s messed up, and that’s the one I’d need to hold the strings.”

“Why’s it messed up?”

The Night Master began to answer, then looked like he’d had a realization of some sort. Perhaps something to the tune of ‘oh, wait, enemy, why am I telling him this?’ He curled further in on himself, took another sip of his daiquiri, and muttered, “My wing got snapped when I was six. It didn’t heal properly.”

“Ah…” Yo thought for a second, then tilted his head, a discrepancy occurring to him. “But wait, if your wing’s so messed up that you can’t even use your hand right, how do you still fly?”

“How do you?”

Confused, Yo was about to point out that he didn’t fly, but then the pieces clicked into place.

“…you don’t fly. You just use magic to float around.”

“Got it in one. Congrats.”

“…you, um. You don’t have your magic anymore. So ever since our last fight you’ve been basically—?”

“Yeah,” the Night Master said curtly, cutting him off.

“Oh,” Yo said. “I’m, um… I’m sorry.”

(Yo was surprised to realize he genuinely meant that, and wasn’t just saying it to follow the script for polite conversation.)

The Night Master looked at him, cranky and skeptical, but to Yo’s surprise he only ending up grumbling something indistinct and taking another drink.

There was a short silence before Yo, spurred on by awkwardness and alcohol, asked, “How come your folks didn’t get your wing fixed? Or, y’know,” he made a small hand gesture, “patch it up so it wouldn’t heal weird?”

The Night Master didn’t answer, and Yo noticed his fists clench.

“…yeah. I didn’t have any of those either.”

The Night Master looked at him.

Yo fidgeted for a second. “M-my folks died around when I was born – I mean, probably. My mom definitely did, but whenever I’d ask about my old man people would change the subject, so I think he mighta just left. I was taken in by Masters Chai and Ti, but I don’t really remember them too much. They left me at the Dojo one day when I was… four? Mmmmaybe five? To fight Eradicus, and they never came back. So I was kinda raised by the other students that hung around. They didn’t always… I mean, none of them really wanted to waste their time taking care of some annoying little kid that wasn’t theirs, y’know?”

Yo was really regretting all the rum and cokes and whiskeys by this point; he was probably waaaay over the threshold of oversharing here.

Coughing awkwardly into his fist, he tentatively asked, “H-how ‘bout you? If you didn’t have folks, did you have siblings, or like – a group like I did, or…?”

The Night Master was silent. For so long, in fact, that Yo began to assume he just wasn’t going to answer. Then, quietly, he said, “I stayed with someone unrelated for the first chunk of my life. He died when I was fourteen.”

“Oh,” Yo said. Then, again, “I’m sorry about that.”

As the Night Master shrugged, Yo prompted, “D’you, um, miss him?”

The Night Master’s fists clenched again, and once more didn’t answer. But Yo had caught the expression that had flitted across his face, regardless of his swift smothering of it.

No, he didn’t miss him, and he didn’t like thinking about him, either.

Yo felt something akin to guilt, though he couldn’t quite place why.

“Hey,” he suddenly said, probably a bit too forcefully. “Stop me if you’ve heard this one—”

(The Night Master, taken thoroughly off-guard by his outburst, stared at him alarmed and confused.)

“—two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.”

The Night Master snorted, then blinked. Apparently he was as surprised as Yo that he’d actually found that funny.

Smiling for reasons he couldn’t quite discern, Yo said, “I got more, if you wanna hear ‘em.”

The Night Master stared at him for a second, seemingly disoriented, before slowly nodding, albeit in slightly resigned and wary fashion. “Sure. Why not…?”

*****

“Okayokayokay,” Yo said, “one more, one more. I got this from a Redneckistanian a while back – I think his name was Jeff – I dunno, anyway:

“So this guy’s mother-in-law’s been living with him for a while, right? Well, he comes home one day and she’s on the floor, so he calls an ambulance and they take her to the hospital. The doctor comes out after a while and says ‘I’ve got good news, and I’ve got bad news.’

“The guy goes, ‘gimme the bad news first.’

“The doctor says, ‘well, your mother-in-law had a massive stroke, but she survived. In fact she’ll probably live another forty more years. The problem is it’s made it so she can’t speak, she can only make a screeching sound like a parrot now. It’s also disabled her arms, so for the next forty years or so you’ll have to feed her baby food three times every day. Also, it’s made her incontinent, so you’re gonna have to change her diapers and clean her up every time she goes to the bathroom.’

“The guy goes, ‘oh my god! What’s the good news??’

“And the doctor goes, ‘I’m just kiddin’ with ya, she died!’”

The Night Master promptly began giggling so hard he had to fight to keep from snorting. Given how far he usually held a stick up inside himself, Yo felt remarkably accomplished.

(Yeah okay fine, the guy was pretty sloshed by this point, and drunk people weren’t exactly hard to amuse, but still.)

“Okay, now you,” Yo prompted. “C’mon, whaddya got?”

The Night Master, still giggling, shook his head. “The only jokes I know are either really dirty or Woo Foo jokes.”

Yo paused, and then – because he couldn’t not ask – slowly repeated, “‘Woo Foo jokes’?”

The Night Master nodded. “They’re making fun of you,” he clarified. Then, after a moment’s thought, “Not you specifically, but. You know, people who practice.”

Yo cocked an eyebrow. “‘Making fun’ like how, exactly?”

“Like—Like— oh, do you just want me to tell you one?”

Already regretting his decision, Yo said, “Yeah, fine. Hit me with your best shot.”

The Night Master grinned, adjusting himself almost excitedly in his seat. “Alright, so: a group of villains kidnap a stink aardvark, a tree person, and a Woo Foo knight. They plan to kill them all by firing squad.

“They bring the stink aardvark out in front of the firing squad and ask it, ‘any last words?’

“The aardvark yells ‘tornado!’

“The villains all turn to look for the tornado, and the aardvark gets away.

“Next they bring the tree person out in front of the firing squad. They ask it, ‘any last words?’

“The tree person yells ‘flood!’

“The villains all turn to look for the flood, and the tree person gets away.”

The Night Master began giggling again. “Finally the villains bring the Woo Foo knight in front of the firing squad. They ask them— th-they ask them—hold on—” he needed to pause, because his laughter was starting to cut him off. He composed himself enough to continue, “They ask them, ‘any last words?’ And the Woo Foo knight— the Woo Foo knight says—”

The Night Master was leaning against the bar at this point, fighting to finish his sentence through his laughter. Finally, he said: “The Woo Foo knight says, ‘fire!’”

And with that the Night Master collapsed back into his hopeless fit of giggles.

Yo looked away, biting the inside of his cheek. Whether because of the Night Master’s reaction to his own joke or because he was also pretty darn drunk, there was a laugh threatening to bubble out from the back of his throat.

“That was horrible,” he said to cover it.

The Night Master – who was wearing probably the dopiest grin Yo had ever seen – reached over and poked him in the cheek. “You’re smiling,” he jeered.

Yo batted his hand away, trying to force down the grin that was indeed plastered across his face. “Only because of your stupid laugh, not because your dumb joke was funny.”

The Night Master, still grinning sloppily, propped his head up on his hand. “Aww, you like my laugh?”

Yo blinked, but rather than let himself answer he gave a muffled snicker of his own. “Wow, you are really drunk.”

The Night Master gave a carefree shrug. “I could talk myself out of something if I needed to.”

“Pfff, I doubt it.”

The Night Master gave him a brief look, then straightened in his seat. His expression slid seamlessly into an unamused, very alert scowl, all traces of drunken joviality gone.

“I assure you,” he said, tone icy and deceptively steady, “if I didn’t want people to know I was inebriated, no one would.”

As Yo blinked, alarmed, his posture suddenly went slack again, and his dopey smile was back in place.

“How the footoodles did you do that?” Yo asked.

Again, the Night Master shrugged. “Practice,” he said, then pointed at himself. “Former Night Master, remember? Couldn’t show weakness at any given moment. Came with the job.”

“Huh.” Yo paused, thinking for a second, then asked, “Why’re you letting me know you’re… uh, ‘inebriated’ then?”

A small, giddy grin. “What could you possibly do about it? You’re just as drunk as me.”

Yo snickered again. “Touché.” A moment’s consideration, then, “M’not looking forward to the hangover later, I’ll tell you that.”

“Oh, it’s going to be murder, absolutely,” the Night Master agreed, nodding.

Yo grinned, picking up his glass. “To future regrets, then?”

The Night Master beamed back, lifting his own glass. “Wholeheartedly.”

They clinked their drinks together before simultaneously tipping them back.

*****

“I don’t know what I was expecting from tonight,” Yo confessed.

The bar was empty, save for them and the bartender. Yo wasn’t sure what time it was anymore. The Night Master was resting his head on his crossed wings on top of the bar, looking up at him.

“Probably not this,” he slurred.

“Well, no, but I mean…” Yo shifted, trying to pull words out of the sloshing barrel of booze that was his brain. “I don’t know why I thought seeing someone was gonna turn out this time. Dating doesn’t work for me. It just doesn’t. It never has. Even back when I was—” he faltered, before gesturing weakly at himself. “Not… this…”

The Night Master’s ear twitched, his brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything.

Yo went on, “I’d meet a girl and she’d be… fine. Like she’d be nice. And we’d go on dates, and they’d be fine, and really all the girls I went on dates with were pretty, but then just. That’d be it. They’d all be pretty or funny or sweet and I wouldn’t feel… anything, basically. And so I’d stop seeing them, because I didn’t feel anything, which was really just me being a jerk, but if I told them that they didn’t make me feel anything then eventually people would just think I was…”

He paused. The Night Master still looked up at him, and was still silent.

“I kept telling myself that I’d find the right girl eventually. I’d find a girl who made me feel everything I was s’posed to, and then we’d fall in love and get married and that’d be it. I’d actually been excited when I started going out with Edna, because I thought I’d finally got it. But it’s… I don’t… I don’t really think that’s gonna happen anymore. I used to be able to get girls no problem, but now they don’t want anything to do with me and— and I can’t really blame ‘em, but the only way I can even kind of find interest if is they’re really good-looking, and anyone who’s good-looking is way out of my league now. And even if I do manage to score a date I still don’t feel anything.”

He was staring into a now empty glass. He’d finished it a little bit ago, but he hadn’t asked for a refill. Just as well, it was probably time to stop. He couldn’t stop rambling. His throat felt like it was closing and his eyes kind of burned. That was probably an effect of all the alcohol, right?

“I think I might be broken,” he finally muttered.

The Night Master still looked up at him. Then, slowly, he sat up, leaned over, and rested his head on Yo’s shoulder.

“You’re not broken,” he said quietly.

*****

Yo wasn’t a stranger to alcohol. He’d been a rebellious youth once. More to the point, he’d been a rebellious rock star. Safe to say he’d built up more than an adequate tolerance to the stuff. As such, despite by no means going light the night before, he hadn’t blacked out.

(Obviously. He wouldn’t have considered going to a bar if he’d thought that’d been a risk. Depressed at getting stood up or not, he couldn’t exactly get blackout drunk when he had two kids to come home to.)

Point being: when he woke up in his bed the next morning, he wasn’t hit with the standard “where am I how did I get here what happened last night who’s lying next to me” –questions that made most people panic.

What was making him quietly panic was that he knew exactly who was tucked under his arm, currently trying to bury their face into his neck to escape the light that was now streaming in through the window.

#[head in hands]#I'm already appropriately filled with shame no worries #yyy #yin yang yo #I speak

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innerclouds · 4 years

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Questions to really go deep

1. Do you have more friends or acquaintances? No.

2. What emotion are you most afraid of feeling/ displaying? Depends on who’s company I’m keeping.

3. Have you ever experienced a “glitch in the matrix” moment? Deja vu? Constantly. Probably just signs of a stroke coming down the line.

4. Favorite term you discovered on Urban dictionary. I don't browse it so none?

5. What’s a subject you could talk about for hours? Politics.

6. What’s the difference between a type and a preference? I am not getting into this, this is a trap question.

7. What secretly scares you about society? I'd say but I'd be labeled for "wrong think" on this platform. Not that I haven't been already.

8. How bad is your FOMO? What is a FOMO?

9. What’s your spirit animal? Depends on the quiz thing I've taken, it's always different.

10. How well do you perform in school? About average.

11. What are your good habits? What are your bad habits? Washing hands. Biting nails.

12. What personal trait are you most proud of? I can doodle gud I guess.

13. What does your driving say about you? Paranoid.

14. What do you think is the weirdest/ creepiest societal norm? Man that's a long list. Again, it would get me labeled for "wrong think".

15. Favorite sound effect? None.

16. You have the power to divide the world by 2 to 4 groups of people, how do you divide them? With a battle axe.

17. What popular saying or quote pisses you have? The heck is a quote piss?

18. Are you cooperative or a contrarian? Yes.

19. Something a lot of people like that you HATE. Again, I probably shouldn't say.

20. There’s a website that rates and reviews your performance as a lover. What would the reviews for you say? 10/10.

21. What was “the incident” that happened at your high school or college? Which one? There were a lot of those.

22. Has there been a time where you wanted to speak up about something but held your tongue anyways? Gee I dunno.

23. A big risk you took that paid off. Short list.

24. A big risk you took that did not work out. Long list.

25. What’s your favorite historical event to research? Black plague. Actually did something for that as a subject for school once, it was entertaining.

26. How do you work your way into someone’s heart? Rib cage with a bone saw.

27. What food combinations do you enjoy that other people find weird? Not sure.

28. Have you ever had an encounter with law enforcement? How’d it turn out? With a rent-a-cop. About as well as you’d expect.

29. What book made you appreciate reading? All of them.

30. Are you toxic? Are you afraid to admit it? Oh no, I am absolutely toxic and I own it. Some say I'm hitler 2.0 because *gasp* I have differing opinions and tend to rely on facts and evidence. The horror!

31. Dumbest thing you’ve done in a foreign country? Haven't been in any of those. Unless Utah counts, in which, I went to Utah counts as dumbest thing.

32. What do you think is an unfair double standard between men and women? This is another trap question, especially with how it's worded, that I refuse to get into because it'll take hours and I simply cannot be arsed.

33. What’s your personal heaven? Full of eggrolls.

34. What is something that everyone should experience in their lifetime? Conflict.

35. How often do you change your mind on something you thought you were concrete on? Not often, but if you present solid evidence it will help sway me.

36. Is it easier for you to love or hate? What do you think this says about you? I'm an emotional sponge so both. Probably says a lot.

37. You have doubts about the person you’re romantically involved with, how does this get resolved? Don't have any doubts but if I did I would expect by talking it out.

38. Has there been a time where you thought you were helping someone but were actually enabling their worst habits? Possibly.

39. “Charlie” is short for “Charles” but both have the same amount of letters. What are your thoughts? I don't care.

40. To the person you’re asking these questions to: what is the best and worst things about them? Them being them is the best thing about them. Need more days off, heh.

41. Do you surround yourself with people that bring the best or worst out of you? The former.

42. What will inevitably lead to human extinction? Humans themselves, unfortunately it's taking far too long.

43. Is it better for someone to have a wide range of superficial knowledge or deep knowledge about a few things? Yes.

44. What if there were no professionals in any given subject, but everyone knew a little bit about everything? Okay?

45. How can we judge ourselves by our intentions yet judge others by their actions? This can lead to very murky waters and I'm starting to wonder if the OP has a personal slant on these questions, as far as I'm concerned actions speak and intentions are just intentions until they are actions.

46. Can we ever believe someone when they say their intentions are different from their actions? So that basically confirms it. Thanks for playing.

47. What if you could tell if someone’s intentions were truly transparent upon first meeting them? OP, stop it.

48. What is the biggest waste of human potential? That is an extremely long list, but somewhere around the top five? I'd say social media.

49. Would things get better or worse if humans focused on what was going well rather than what’s going wrong? Maybe, maybe not.

50. What benefits does art provide society? Does art hurt society in any way? Art will always benefit society and no, art does not hurt it at all.

51. When did you screw everything up, but no one ever found out it was you? Can't recall doing any of that.

52. How sneaky were you when you were younger? Or was it something recent that you messed up and got away with? See above.

53. What would you name your boat if you had one? Leaky.

54. What’s the worst commercial you’ve recently seen? Why is it so bad? The gillette commercial, you know the one, for obvious reasons.

55. What’s the closest thing to real magic? Love.

56. What is the craziest thing one of your teachers has done? Halloween, dressed as an escaped crazy person with actual chains, dragging them down the halls and scaring the crap out of anyone unfortunate enough to cross his path.

57. On a scale of 1-10, how strict are/were your parents? 7.

58. Who was your worst teacher? Why? Don't recall.

59. Who was your favorite teacher? Why? Either PE teacher and another down the line. They both understood.

60. Which would you pick: being world-class attractive, a genius or famous for doing something great? None of the above, fame is overrated.

61. What paper that you’ve written are you most proud of? See school subject on the black plague.

62. What would you do if you were invisible for a day? You mean I've not been invisible my entire life?

63. What actions in your life will have the longest reaching consequences? Rather not mention.

64. You’re the first human to interact with an alien and it’s non-hostile. What do you do? Too shy and quiet to make a proper first contact, probably doom our species to abrupt extinction as a result due to a misunderstanding.

65. Are you afraid? Who isn't?

66. To the person you’re asking these questions to: date, marry or kill? First two.

67. To the person you’re asking these questions to: where did you meet them? Next to a campfire outside a snowy tavern in the woods.

68. Can you describe your first high experience? Confusing.

69. Nice Wat?

70. Can you describe your worst drunk experience? Never again.

71. Post the 17th picture from your gallery. What gallery?

72. What was your favorite place you’ve been employed? What was your least favorite? None. Theater.

73. Do you value charm or intelligence more? Big meaty brains.

74. What worries you most about your mistakes? All of it.

75. What personal prisons have you built out of fears? Yes.

76. What is the most important thing you could do right now in your personal life? Long list.

77. If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, who would you ask and what would you ask? I wouldn't ask anything.

78. What is your number one goal for the next six months? Improve.

79. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Shitposting.

80. Who or what do you think of when you think of love? Bae.

81. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” No.

82. What’s the difference between settling for things and accepting the way things are? Virtually none.

83. How many of your friends would you trust with your life? One.

84. Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? Depends.

85. Who do you dream about? Naked butlers.

86. What has been the most terrifying moment of your life thus far? Near car accident.

87. Are ghost or aliens real? In a manner, probably. Most likely.

88. Have you ever broken a bone? No.

89. What’s something you’re embarrassed to admit to try? Vegan meals.

90. Is your nationality a part of your identity? No.

91. Do you find your eye color unique? It can be.

92. Is there a song you enjoy from a genre that you don’t listen to? Multiple.

93. What is your sexuality? Triggering to some.

94. Is the person you’re asking these questions to an introvert, extrovert or an ambivert? Former.

95. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve done for someone? Roses.

96. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone? Something I can never forgive myself of.

97. When was the last time you’ve felt jealous? Why? Been a while.

98. Do you still think about your first love? No.

99. Would you want to live in the country you want to go on vacation to the most? Yes and no, they need to clean up their problems first.

#more requests

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acciocuteboysplease · 5 years

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The time me and my friends got a sexual predator kicked out of school

Minor sexual harassment trigger warning ⚠️

Yesterday , I told one of my friends who is going through something similar this story and she felt so empowered that I thought “ why not tell others?”

I will not be stating any real names in this post , for privacy

it’s four years ago , I’m in 7th grade and I’ve just moved to a new school , but it’s okay because practically all my friends from my old chool have moved with ! (It’s pretty common in Egypt to change from national to igcse system by 7th grade) Still , I’m nervous as shit ! middle school , amirite?

Fast forward three months , I’ve managed to get myself a pretty nice group of friends that includes all my old friends ( quite a large group too we where like sixteen kids!) And we were inseparable!! We called ourselves “the squad” ( shut up we were 13) and we were known for being loud and annoying. We have a spot in the playground and everything it’s glorious . I’m living the middle school dream !

8th grade , end of second term , “ airzone” just opened in the local mall . The squad is going out before third term starts and we suffocate from the projects and the exams . We’re at airzone , we’re 14 , we’re having a great time .

something’s off , a friend (who we’ll call ‘matt’ ) is acting a bit strange and the girl’s , like true sisterhood dictates , are warning eachother. Mere whispers “ has ‘Matt’ tried to do sth with you ?” She whispered “ sth like what ? Because yes” she replied. But it was quickly dismissed as nothing. After all , ‘Matt’ is our fiend . he wouldn’t, right? We don’t wanna ruin the outing.

Two weeks later , we’re literally up to our eyebrows in end of year projects . A bunch of us are grouped on the English social studies project . We’re in a cafe , planning . Another friend , ‘ tom’ , leans over to me and ‘lisa’ And says “ hey , speaking of ‘Matt’ , maybe keep your distance from him? He’s said weird stuff about you guys” other people can’t hear him . Me and Lisa share a look , we have a theory . “ what stuff?” I ask , but ‘tom’ won’t talk anymore .

Another week goes by , at this point , me and Lisa are investigating, we’re almost onto something. We finally corner ‘ Tom’ at lunch and he tells us . Oh , he tells us . He said ‘Matt’ told him about feeling up as many girls as he can without them noticing , about how he keeps a list , about how that’s the only reason he went out with us three weeks ago . And as ‘Tom’ talks , I remember. I remembered how he would always sit behind me & ‘Lisa’ and how I would feel a weird shift but dismiss it and how ‘aubrey’ takes about not liking to sit next to him , and he’s always lurking behind ‘lizzie’s’ shoulder and how and how and how

I felt livid , cheated , stupid , I’d been friends with him for two years , I’d helped him with all his classes when he didn’t have time because of practice , I’d trusted him . Stupid , stupid ! But then , we stopped blaming ourselves, we told ‘Lizzie’ and ‘ aubrey’ and the rest of the squad , we found the list , we notified every girl on the list ( who were all in our class) and we planned to start by a ‘confrontation’ as we called it ( it was all very badass)

Three days later , we were meant to be having an english class for two hours , but the teacher is sick , so we were just hanging out in our class , no supervision . ‘Matt’ and some guy (not on the squad , everyone on the squad is silent treating him) were playing catch with a pencil case . I was chatting with three other guys (on the squad) in a corner , sitting idly on top of a desk when ‘Matt’ decided to fall on me and attempt to , well , grab....

Now I , supported by rockhard evidence, screamed “ DONT TOUCH ME” and kicked him in the shin . Then I informed the girls that ‘confrontation’ is happening now ! Everyone in that room was filled in , victims and none victims , we huddled around the guy . Now , he had a few inches on all of us , but I could see him side-eyeing my balled up fists . And we said , flat out , ‘ you’ve been pulling some shit , and it will stop’

Like anyone would , he denied , but we had solid proof , angry teenage girls and well thought out arguments while he had inconsistent, self contradictory arguments. At one point , he tried to blame ‘ nick’ another guy on the squad who helped us find the list and at another point , he just flat out admitted , saying guys on his team did it to his sister and her friends on the girl’s team and he thought it was a cool idea . Revolting, right? This went on for about thirty minutes until unfortunately the bell rang and we had to break it up . He sat there , in geography class , with the most annoying smile ever , apparently proud of his now public achievements.

Next day , me , ‘ lisa’ , ‘lizzie’ and ‘ Aubrey’ , were elected by the girls (We had forced the guys to let us take this into our own hands , victims only) And we went to our headmistress Mrs ‘goldberg’ and we said what we had to say . Mrs Goldberg , the literal embodiment of professor Mcgonogall, smirked and offered us biscuits . She said she had proof enough on this boy , all she needed was a piece of paper signed by all the girls who think they’ve been affected by this . And we wrote , alright ! We wrote a whole ass paragraphed essay , complete with statistics and support and quotes from both ‘Matt’ and the victims .

Monday morning , seventeen angry teenage girls with an essay they are so proud of march right up to Mrs Goldberg’s office first thing in the morning. Then we all watch with delight as ‘Matt’ is asked to go to her office by second period . We never spoke to him till the end of the year , and next year he never showed up . He tried to contact us ( just the girls) on social media multiple times, he even tried to catfish us into talking , but we were too smart , always caught him .

The best part tho , was the rumors . Since this whole ordeal was between mostly ‘ The Squad’ and the rest of our class , word never really got out as to why he was expelled . There were pretty dark ones like him molesting ‘nick’ in a bathroom ( close enough) or him selling drugs and then there was the hilarious ones like how he tried to punch ‘ anna’ the smallest girl in ‘The Squad’ or how ‘sara’ broke up with him and he threw a fit ( Sara was never dating him)

I am so sorry that a group of 14 year olds had to deal with this , I am so sorry that a 14 year old guy thought this was acceptable, I am so mad at the world we live in

Anyways , moral of the story , don’t cross teenage girls

#my badassest story #teenage girls are dangerous #seriously #warning strong language #does this count as metoo?#metoo

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sasha-whos-askin-racket · 5 years

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BTHB - Bloodstained Clothes

Bad Thing Happen Bingo - Square 3 Square - Bloodstained Clothes Fandom - Warehouse 13 Character - David Wolcott Ship - None Requested by - @halfblood-divergent-demigod

A/N: Do I have a thing for dying people reciting quotes that are important to them? Yes. Also, don’t tell me Woolly isn’t directly quoting the first line of The War Of The Worlds. I’m aware the line is wrong. I own a copy of the book. It was intentional because, lets face it, he’s dying and that line is about half a page long. He’s not gonna get it spot on. Or even close.

Warehouse agent David Wolcott had never considered himself a particularly uncouth person, but in this moment, God himself could have swanned down from the heavens to ask how his day was going, and Woolly would have summoned every last scrap of his strength and spat blood in the bastards eyes. A few hours ago, his biggest concerns had been seasickness and trying to keep an eye on Houdini’s wallet, because it insisted on escaping out of its box. Now? Well, now he was slowly bleeding to death on a boat somewhere in the middle of the atlantic ocean, half of the artifacts under his care were gone, and America was days away. Yeah, things were going swell. At least - he thought to himself with some resigned appreciation - he could see the stars from here.

The boat was small. Big enough to do the job of transporting as many artefacts as necessary, but small enough that it didn’t need a massive crew of people to look after it. Wolcott, being decreed one of the slightly more senior and “capable” Warehouse 12 agents, had been trusted to command the ship by himself, which, if he was being entirely honest with himself, he’d had a feeling could only have ended badly in the first place. Still, he’d been thinking a few crates overboard, maybe pulling up in the wrong port, not actual pirate invasion by Roaring Dan Seavey, of all people.

The stars were bright. Dying didn’t hurt, and the stars were bright. Dying didn’t hurt, the stars were bright, - and he was getting cold. He’d fought well; he’d fought bravely, so he hoped. He didn’t aim to kill, he never aimed to kill. Maybe that was his mistake. There’d been more of them anyway, way more of them. And they hadn’t cared if they killed. They hadn’t cared who’d gotten in their way. They didn’t care about him, about his work or his life. They’d only cared he was in their way. They only cared he was stopping them from being rich. He’d been armed with just a Tesla, as was standard issue, and he’d taken down the man closest to him and picked up the pirates dagger. His swings had been wide, his footsteps uneven on the swaying deck, but he’d felt something like satisfaction upon feeling the end of the dagger come into contact with something solid. He’d taken off two of Seavey’s fingers with that shot, and the captain was just retreating when - something caught the light across from him and Wolcott had looked down at the cutlass protruding from the front of the slowly growing bloody patch on his waistcoat, mouth half open. Oh crap.

That had been that. The wood beneath him was tacky with his blood, and the pads of his fingers stuck together as he tried to move, to lift his arm. They’d just left him there lying on the deck, taken some crates of artefacts and hadn’t looked back at him.

Dying was slow. It was slow and it was lonely. He wanted Helena. He missed her so much. She was already in America; the contents of the Dark Vault, Escher Vault and Bronze Sector had been transported first, for security and safety reasons, and with a team of several agents, just in case things went awry. He was alone, on a wide open sea. There was something vaguely poetic about it, he realised, something decidedly forlorn in his plight. Something Helena would have found a way to romanticise, the lonely English gentleman contemplating his morality as he took his last breaths under the blanket of constellations. She was good at that, was Helena. At romanticising things. Even things that didn’t need to be romanticised.

He was getting sick of this. All this waiting around. If he was going to die, he might as well do it quickly, was his way of viewing things. He might as well just get it over with, rather than lie here on the deck of this boat feeling sorry for himself and trying to swallow the lump that built in his throat whenever he thought about Helena. His eyes flickered back to the stars above him, to the patterns they made in the sky. “A craft designed to...to take men to the stars…” His throat was dry, and his voice sounded strange, weak. It hurt to talk, it hurt to take a deep enough breath to form words, it hurt to exhale and force his thoughts out into the world. He couldn’t see anything through the dark of the night, couldn’t see the blood on the deck, or spilling amongst the waves as he lay there on the slick wood. He couldn’t see the sails flying above him. All he could see was that stars. He looked up at them, tried to force himself to sit, bracing his hands against the deck and ignoring the pain in his side. His arms gave out and he slammed into the deck heavily, his head cracking against the wood.

“Who…” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and clearing his throat, his arms spread out across the deck, the wound in his side still bleeding freely. “Who would have believed…at the end of the nine-nineteenth century, this world was-was being watched....by...by-by an intelligence far...far greater than our own?”

#bad things happen bingo #square: bloodstained clothes #fandom: warehouse 13

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bobby-singers-daughter · 6 years

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How did I end up here

Character: Spencer Reid x Reader Word Count: 11,500 ish Summary: Your best friend Spencer is finally getting out of jail so you went to his place to see him, however, things don’t go as planned when you and his mom get abducted by Lindsey. You get rescued and spend the night at Spencer’s because you’re too scared to be alone. Your relationship goes through a change.

Warnings: Smut, fluff, angst, you’re abducted, abuse, mention of drugs

A/N: This was supposed to be a little one shot but it turned in to a monster. It is my first Criminal minds fic but I couldn’t leave it alone. Please feel free to message me about it :-) It is set at the very end of season 12 and right into season 13.

‘How did I end up here?’

You had gone to see Spencer’s mom, Diana, like you’d been doing every day since Spencer got thrown in jail which you were sad to say was more often than when he had first moved her to Virginia and he was gone on a case. Her original caretaker, Cassie, had been gone for a couple of weeks now, Diana said she fired her, however, you weren’t entirely sure that’s how it went down... But she’d had a sub ever since so maybe she actually did. The new girl seemed really nice, super sweet, always kind to both you and JJ and best of all she was amazingly patient with Diana… Until, suddenly, she wasn’t. Something seemed off when she told Diana they were going to see Spencer. You had JUST gotten the call from JJ that she was going to the jail to bring him home. That was another reason you’d come over today, you knew he’d be home in at least a day and you wanted to see your friend so badly it hurt.

You hadn’t seen him since the first few weeks after he’d gotten thrown in jail, his team had spent a lot of time during visiting hours trying to get him out so you had done your best to stay out of the way ( at least that’s what you told yourself since Spencer had refused to see you ever since you’d seen him beaten up). You’d taken to writing him letters and trying to keep his spirits up as best you could even though he wouldn’t tell you any of what was going on, just book quotes, letting you know that he missed you, and thanking you for keeping an eye on his mom. However, his team (Mostly JJ and Penelope) had been very good at keeping you vaguely updated on the things he wouldn’t say, like how he wasn’t doing very well but they were doing the best they could, Penelope was the only one who told you that things were bad and that he was actually in a lot of danger … However, recently Penelope wouldn’t even tell you anything, the last you’d heard he was getting some flack from one of the gangs… That’s when the only thing any of them would say was “We are close to getting him out, just be patient.” It was infuriating but you trusted them so you did your best to let it go and be patient. Even though in your head you were a nervous wreck.

Anyway, after the new girl told Diana about going to see Spencer, Diana stood and reached out to you and said “Let’s go see our boy.”

“They haven’t left the jail yet, they’re still cutting through the red tape to actually get him out and I think going there might slow down the process.” You said, warily eyeing the new girl.

“I got a call, he’s on his way to the BAU and asking for his mom, so, I’m going to take her.” She spat impatiently, taking Diana’s arm.

“Y/n, just come with us, Spencer will want to see you too.” Diana reached for you again.

“Fine, you can come too, but I’m driving.” The new girl, Carol, rolled her eyes and turned to leave while you grabbed your purse and took Diana’s hand.

The car ride was quiet but nothing seemed overtly wrong or out of the ordinary… Until she took a wrong turn.

“The BAU is the other way, I can give you directions if you need me to.” You offered gently, trying to believe that she just made a wrong turn but feeling it in your gut that something was wrong.

Carol didn’t say anything, she just continued driving.

“You both might survive this if you shut up and do what I tell you. Understand? I need his mom alive, but I don’t need you.” She threatened at the next stop light.

“What?” You genuinely thought you’d heard her wrong

“I said, you both might survive this if you shut the fuck up and do what I tell you. I need his mom alive, but I don’t need you.” She hissed, leaning closer to you.

The only answer you could give was a tight nod, gone mute from surprise.

‘What the fuck just happened?’

Overall, even though you came to the realization that you were being abducted but a tiny woman, she was true to her word, as long as you stayed quiet, everything carried on like this was just a normal car ride.

Then she got out of town...

At the first empty gas station she found, Carol dragged Diana out of the car, tossed her in the trunk, then tied her up and gagged her You tried to stop her, you tried to tell her that tying up a helpless old lady was unnecessary and thinking that you could definitely over power this tiny woman, but instead, the trunk was slammed shut on Diana’s terrified face and you got elbowed in the cheek bone so hard you were nearly hit the floor and needed to be lead back to the passenger seat where Carol bound your hands and buckled you in.

“You’re lucky no one was here... If you do that again, or make a scene of any kind, I will kill her… and you.” She sneered at you, throwing a coat over your bound hands.

You couldn’t answer, your ears were still ringing from the blow to the head so you just sat there.

You weren’t sure how long you were in the car for, you weren’t paying attention, you were mostly just focused on trying to cooperate and keep you and Diana alive.

Then the Amber Alert went out…

The poor guy that pulled up to the gas station was just trying to get gas and he died because of it. The sound of the bullet going off forcing you to clamp your hands over your mouth to hide the scream that ripped itself from your throat.

Things happened fast for a minute, you were yanked out of the car and ordered to help lay Diana in the back seat of an SUV, then you were shoved into the front seat before Carol disappeared again.

When the new girl was doing something outside the car that you couldn’t see, you didn’t even notice she had come back to the car until she shoved her phone in your face.

“Proof of life, go.” She ordered.

“Spence.” You breathed.

“Mom?” You heard Spencer’s voice through the phone.

“No, but good guess.” You said, voice as full as you could make it and trying not to cry.

“Y/n! What are you doing there? Where is my mom?” He started to panic.

“Your mom is fine Spence, she’s just in the back seat. I’m so sorry Sp-.” You started to sob but got punched in the face as the phone was pulled away, though you could still hear Spencer yelling.

“There you go. They’re both alive, I only really need one but I’ll let you pick.” She taunted.

“Keep them both alive Lindsey, he’s even more likely to play by the rules if we have both of them.” A woman’s voice came through the phone as Carol, no, Lindsey, got all the way out of the car again.

“Gotta go.” Lindsey cut off her phone call and fired 2 shots into the gas she’d poured all over the ground before she got into the new SUV she’d chosen from a now dead guy and drove off as the gas station exploded.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you’d been in the car this time, but eventually, she drove up to a house where a large, hulk of a man came out the front door toward the car.

“If you run, or draw any attention to yourself I will--”

“Kill her and me… yeah yeah. Haven’t you gotten tired of threatening me yet? You know I’m not going to let you hurt Diana if I can help it so your threats are moot… Or is it just that you like the sound of your own voice?” You interrupted her, earning a fist to the face which split your cheek.

“Get. Out. Of. The. Car.” Lindsey ordered, smacking your head against the window before opening her door.

“What the hell Lindsey, Cat said just the mother. Who the fuck is the other one?” The huge man asked, fishing Diana out of the backseat and throwing her over his shoulder.

“According to Diana, this is his best friend. She was there and I had to get the old lady into the car without making a scene. Then Cat called and I heard how panicked he got and I figured extra leverage was a good idea.” She explained.

“Cat told her to keep me alive.” You ratter her out.

‘What is wrong with me? How about I NOT egg on the psycho.’

The large man laughed but Lindsey shoved you so hard you almost fell flat on your face.

Once inside, Lindsey tied your feet and arms to a large wooden chair and gagged you.

“Since you can’t seem to keep your damn mouth shut, I’ll help you.” She sneered, patting your bruised cheek harder than necessary.

You lost some time while you were sitting in the chair, you were in the same room as Lindsey, your chair was facing Diana who was on the bed. You could hear Lindsey doing things you couldn’t see behind you. After he tied Diana to the bed, the giant man had come out and said something you didn’t catch before he got shot and laid on the floor in front of you as he died.

You stared at the man’s dead body for quite some time, you almost didn’t notice when the door opened and a bunch of people in FBI vests came bursting in, you were so relieved to see those vests that you burst into tears.

Emily made eye contact with you and nodded before she came around to stand in front of the crazy woman behind you while others from the BAU team stayed in your line of sight, giving you more comfort than you thought they would.

You were too busy crying to really catch what Emily and Lindsey were talking about, something about a phone call

“You bitch, you’re pregnant?” and “Kill them!” as well as Spencer’s voice was all you really caught of the whole conversation, you’d calmed down a little but your ears were still ringing from being hit more than a couple times.

You didn’t register who finally freed you from the ropes but you threw your arms around the solid FBI agent and sobbed as they lead you to the safety of the big black SUV and away from the house, someone else had freed Diana and they weren’t far being you, the poor thing wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened. With the door to the SUV shut and locked you held Diana’s hand all the way back to the BAU.

‘To Spencer’

In the window in the BAU hall where you stood, waiting for Spener to get back, you could see just how bad the left side of your face really looked, your cheek was purple, blue, and red along with the vertical cut along your cheekbone and you had another bruise forming on your forehead on the right side where your head had been smacked against the window so you took your hair out of the pony tail holder and allowed your hair to fall in front of your face to hide as much of the damage as you could, being really meticulous about hair placement, knowing that he would notice right away if even one part of a bruise was showing.

You’d been so focused on hiding your wounds and not letting Spencer see your wounds that you didn’t hear the elevator ding or even notice that he was standing in front of you.

“Y/n?” Spencer whispered sadly, brushing your hair out of your face to get your attention.

Well, that was a whole lotta useless, obviously, he would see something wrong.

“It looks worse than it is.” You tried to downplay your pain, leaning into his touch.

Spencer rested his hand around your ear, careful of your wounds and you felt tears start to fall.

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I should have done more to protect your mom. I should have…” You started crying, dissolving into full-blown sobbing when he wrapped you in a hug you didn’t know you needed.

“I was so scared.” You cried against Spencer’s collarbone, clutching the fabric at his back like a lifeline.

“Shhh, I know, you’re safe now. I’m here, they are gone.” Spencer whispered, hugging you tightly as you tried to calm down.

“Do you want to stay with me and mom tonight?” He asked when you pulled back.

You nodded, afraid that you would cry if you tried to speak again. Spencer kissed the top of your head before taking his mom’s hand and leading her toward the car with you at his other side.

“I was scared too.” Spencer whispered after he got his mom in the car. “I was scared enough when I just thought it was my mom but when I heard you I wanted to kill her with my bare hands.”

“Spencer.” Was the only thing you could say. You leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly for a moment.

“Let’s go home.” He kissed the top of your head and opened the passenger door for you.

The ride to Spencer’s was quiet. Diana had fallen asleep in the backseat (where she had insisted she wanted to be when you had originally headed that way) and you were dozing off in the passenger seat.

Unfortunately, before sleep could really claim you, The big dude’s dead face popped into your head and you jolted awake.

Spencer reached out a hand to you which you took, your eyes wild with fear as you tried to calm your breathing.

“You’re ok, it’s over, we’re almost home.” He assured you, rubbing his thumb along your knuckles.

“You act like you’ve done this before.” You joked. Squeezing his hand and kissing his knuckles before releasing him, knowing that he wasn’t a huge fan of hand touching.

“Once or twice.” He smiled, squeezing your hand in return.

Spencer’s smile had always been enough to make you feel like everything was going to be ok. You’d met Spencer when you were in college. He was speaking in one of your psych classes and you had heard some of your classmates talking about the “nerd who shouldn't be talking to classes” and you couldn’t help but feel protective of the extremely smart and adorable man who couldn’t have been more than a few years older than you and already speaking to classes in a professional capacity so you’d gone to talk to him. You’d seen him grow in his role at the BAU and seen him come out of his shell a little (ok a lot) and you cared about him more than you cared about most people. He was your best friend, even if you sometimes had confusing feelings for him.

You must have actually fallen asleep thinking about when you’d first met because you woke up to Spencer gently squeezing your arm.

“Are we here?” You asked sleepily, rubbing your eyes an flinching when you caught your bruise.

“Yeah, help me wake mom up so we can get her upstairs?” He smiled fondly at you, gesturing to his mom who was sawing logs in the back seat like it was her job.

After a lot of prompting (and some reminding her who you were), you and Spencer finally got Diana upstairs.

You helped Diana wash off the day with a nice shower, helped her get dry and into pajamas. Then after a really tight hug and an I love you that you didn’t expect, you left her with Spencer so he could have a moment alone with his mother and get her into bed. Luckily, she seemed pretty calm about the whole thing.

‘Probably because she forgot’

You sat on the couch by yourself, your ears picking up on ever the slightest noise. Every shift in the walls from the wind, every time the tree outside would tap the window, every clack from the building being old, you could even hear Spencer’s neighbor walking around his apartment.

Apparently, you were too busy listening to the neighbor walking around to notice Spencer walking out of his mom’s room. Because you didn’t even notice him until you felt a hand on your shoulder.

You freaked out, you jumped off the couch and backed away until your back hit the wall, eyes frantic, looking all over for the threat. Poor Spencer looked heartbroken for you when you finally noticed that is was him.

“It’s just me.” He whispered gently, his hands held up so you could see them and taking a tentative step toward you.

You broke again, closing the distance between you and burying your face in Spencer’s neck as he wrapped himself around you.

“I’m so sorry Spence. I…” You started.

“Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Spencer assured you, running his hand over your hair.

“Yes I do, first, I let that psycho abduct your mom, and now I keep freaking out like it was worse than it was and instead of focusing on yourself you’re having to take care of me.” You explained, still clinging to him.

“Y/n, you were abducted, someone died in front of you, you have every right to be upset and you tried to protect my mom. She told me that’s how you got these. If you hadn’t been there, things probably would have been a lot worse for her.” He said, pulling back a little and running his thumb down the bruises that were forming on your face.

“Sit with me.” Spencer Requested, sitting on the couch and opening his arm to you.

“When was the last time we just hung out on the couch?” You asked, curling into the warmth of Spencer’s side.

“Before I went to Mexico.” He whispered.

Spencer hadn’t talked about what happened in Mexico when you visited him in the prison, in fact, he’d told you he didn’t remember anything, you’d done your best to respect him and not ask about it but from what JJ would willingly tell you, it was bad.

“I don’t know what happened over there or in jail and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I get it, I’m just... I’m really glad you’re home and not in there anymore. Your mom was so worried about you when you didn’t come home, Cassie would call me and give your mom the phone. She’d be panicking that you weren’t picking up your phone, JJ and I decided that we would just tell her you were on some great adventure or something and that seemed to calm her down a little. Poor Cassie, she was such a trooper. I started coming over more to relieve JJ some days, I’d bring dinner and your mom and I would watch TV and she’d tell me about how you were when you were a kid and in school, she walked me through your photo albums and told me about all of the pictures a few times.” you told him, watching him smile.

“I’m sorry if I made you worry. That wasn’t my intention.” Spencer apologized, looking ashamed.

“Spence…” You started.

“No, I need... I need to talk about this… Please.” He interrupted you, taking his arm from around you and bringing one leg onto the couch so he could face you.

“Ok.” You answered, scooting to face him too.

“I went to Mexico to get some medication for my mom that isn’t legal in the US and while I was there I got drugged with a hallucinogenic drug similar to the scopolamine that Scratch uses by Lindsey, we saved her a few years ago when she and her friend were kidnapped. She ended up working with one of the assassins we put away last year and she um…” Spence trailed off.

“Spence, you can gloss if you need to. We’ve been friends for long enough I should be able to get the gist of what you’re saying if it’s too painful.” You offered him an out.

“Thank you.” He smiled before continuing, staring at the deep cut on his right hand instead of looking at you.

“Lindsey used the drugs to make me see her as Maeve and Cat, the assassin she was working with, said that we…But I don’t remember... Anyway, Lindsey killed the woman I was meeting to get the medicine, she then framed me for it, then lead me on a high-speed chase in a car with drugs in the trunk which is what got me arrested in the first place.” Spencer stopped, giving you some time to process what he’d just said.

He didn’t have to go into detail, you put the ‘she convinced me she was the woman I fell madly in love with and I was told that she took advantage of that to get me to have sex with her’

You could kill her if she wasn’t already in jail, but you had to remind yourself that this was about Spencer and not you, so you forcibly shoved those angry feelings aside.

“Spence, I’m so sorry. I… That’s not fair and I don’t mean the framing you for murder part…” You reached for his arm.

Spencer covered your hand with his before he took your hand from his arm and turned it over in his palm then continued his story, opting to trace the lines of your palm instead of looking at your face.

“At first, I couldn’t remember what happened or even that I was in Mexico. I just remembered getting pulled out of a car and arrested for possession near the border. I didn’t remember hallucinating Maeve until Cat… Until Cat said she was pregnant with my baby and told me how she managed it when we hadn’t…Luckily that turned out to belong to the guard she had manipulated into being with her…” He trailed off again.

‘There’s that angry feeling again’

“Spence, can I hug you?” You asked, not wanting to push him when he was like this.

He nodded, his bottom lip wobbling a little. You shifted forward onto your knee and wrapped your arms around him and Spencer did the same and buried his head in your neck where you could feel the tears he was trying to hide.

The two of you sat like that for a while, neither of you trying to move or say anything.

“Hey, you can tell me more later if you need a break. I could use a shower anyway.” You offered, really feeling the need to shower but not wanting to leave Spencer’s side if he didn’t want you to.

“Do you need me to run to your apartment to grab you some clothes?” He asked.

“That’s not necessary, I’ve got an overnight bag here, I kept it here after the night your mom wanted to marathon Dr. Who until 2 am and I was too tired to drive the 5 minutes to my place. I’ll have everything I need in there if you don’t mind me borrowing your bathroom.” You smiled, sitting back on the couch.

“Go ahead, I’ll hop in there after you.” He answered, wiping the tears off his face.

20 minutes later you had removed the evidence of your ordeal, aside from the bruises, and you were sitting on the couch in your pajamas braiding your hair while you waited for Spencer to finish his shower.

You let your mind wander a little bit. Thinking about how Spencer must have felt after being told he had slept with a murderer and was made to think it was the woman he loved, but instead he had been possibly violated in the worst way by the same woman who kidnapped you. It made you feel protective and helpless at the same time, you weren’t there to stop it and you couldn’t get to her to harm her in any way.

“Y/n?” Spencer’s voice drew you from your thoughts.

“Yeah?” You turned around.

Spencer was in sweatpants and Dr. Who t-shirt looking awkward and looking everywhere but you.

“This is going to sound really weird but um… I really don’t want to sleep alone so would you..” He trailed off to collect himself.

“ Studies show that sharing a bed with someone you trust significantly reduces the chance of night terrors and when they do occur, comfort can be almost immediate which lowers heart rate and helps lower anxiety.” He rambled, still not looking at you.

“Spencer Reid, are you asking me to sleep with you?” You joked, trying to draw out a chuckle and ease his embarrassment.

“Only if you want to.” He smiled, catching your joke.

“Ever the romantic. I would love to sleep with you. A reduced chance of night terrors sounds like a great idea,” You chuckled lightly, getting up from the couch and following Spencer into his room.

Spencer’s shoulders were so tight, you were surprised he could move.

“Spence, you know this isn’t weird right? You look really nervous, I promise I’m not going to bite you.” You told him, gently turning him to face you.

“I know, it’s just… It’s been a really long time since I shared a bed with someone and I don’t know how being in prison is going to affect my sleep pattern and I just… I don’t want to be alone.” Spencer admitted.

“You can’t logic away being scared Spence, you went through a lot so it is entirely understandable that you wouldn’t feel right, in fact, I would be surprised if you weren’t. You’ll just make your head hurt if you try to understand the way you’re feeling… Honestly, I don’t want to be alone either.” You told him.

“Thank you.” Spencer nodded, kissing your head before heading for the far side of the bed and crawling under the covers, lifting the blankets on the other side for you.

You curled up on your side facing your best friend and reached out to move his long, brown curls out of his face which only worked because his hair was still wet.

“ I was terrified every night in that prison. I didn’t know if I was going to die or not. I barely slept the entire time I was in there… I couldn’t… I couldn’t control… Anything… I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.” Spencer whispered, catching your hand with his.

“I heard a few things that were happening in there… But it wasn’t until they stopped telling me what was going on that I realized it had to be really bad. ” You told him.

“The team kept you updated?” Spencer asked, surprised.

“Vaguely, they told me you were alive but you were in danger…After I fought a won to have the first visit, I had a bad feeling about the whole situation… Then Penelope freaked out after she saw you but Emily assured me that you were going to be ok so I tried to let it go… Then after that one time I saw you with those bruises on your face and you refused to see me after that… I’m sorry I cried, I tried so hard to be strong but I couldn’t hide it… then the only update I would get was ‘he’s alive’, then ‘we’re close’ and then nothing… It doesn’t take a profiler to know that you were in trouble and that it was bad…” You told him.

“I’m so sorry I shut you out. Truth be told, I was embarrassed… Not by you crying but by the fact that I was in there in the first place and I wasn’t strong enough to be ok...” He admitted.

“I know you were and I understand that. I just… I just wish you’d said something in the letters you sent. Given me a reason or something. I was so worried and I know me wanting to see you was entirely for selfish reasons but damn it I… I just missed you so much, Spence.” You rambled, tears forming in your eyes.

“If you’d seen me, you would have worried more, trust me. I thought that if you couldn’t see me and I didn’t tell you what was going on, you wouldn’t worry quite as much and… you wouldn’t think less of me” He told you.

“Think less of you? Spencer, I could NEVER think less of you.” You protested.

“You will when I tell you what I did.” He muttered.

“Try me.”

“One of the gangs tried to force me to sneak a shipment of drugs into the prison. I said no and as punishment, they killed another inmate, the only one I had befriended, in front of me. I still said no but… Then they… Then they threatened you. They went so far as to show me a photo as proof that they had people on the outside that could get to you. So I agreed… But when the shipment came in I… I couldn’t do it… I added a mixture of laundry detergent and ammonia which hurt a lot of people and I… I didn’t feel bad about it… It actually felt good to take a little bit of power back.” He told you, a look of utter shame on his face.

“Is that all?” You asked, guiding his eyes back to yours.

“Well I made it look like another inmate stabbed me in the arm with a toothbrush but that’s the worst of it.” He mumbled so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

‘Might have to talk about the whole stabbing thing later’

“Thank you, Spence.” You smiled, leaning forward and kissing his nose.

“For what?” He asked, looking utterly befuddled.

“For protecting me.” You said simply.

“You wanna?” He asked shyly, opening up his arm to you.

“ Of course.” You smiled, shimmying into his space and tucking yourself under his chin.

“You know I’ll always protect you to the best of my ability right? I might not be a great fighter but I will do everything in my power to make sure you are safe.” He vowed, kissing the top of your head.

“I know Spence, I trust you, with everything, always.” You told him, snuggling closer to him.

“Y/n?” Spencer let your name hang in the air after a while.

“Yeah?” You answered, craning your neck to get a good look at him. You could see how hard his pulse was beating via the vein in his neck that always stood out when he was stressed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing, I just um… What would you say if I told you… Actually, nevermind.” He chickened out of whatever he wanted to say.

“No way! You can’t just drop something like that and then chicken out. You know that’s gonna make me crazy!” You protested, sitting up.

“Can we just forget I said anything.” Spencer pleaded, rolling onto his back and raking his fingers through his hair.

“No way! Hey, look at me. You know you can tell me ANYTHING right? I will never judge you. I swear, Spencer.” You implored him, worried about what could be so bad that he would want to keep it from you.

“Fuck... Ok.” He said, scrubbing his hand down his face and sitting up.

‘Did he just say fuck?’

“Studies show that affection helps reduce the effects of stress and releases serotonin which helps with feelings of happiness and feeling safe and… Damn it… I would like to… If you’re ok with it… Can I kiss you?” He finally said, resolutely looking down and not at you.

‘Is he in my head?’

“Why?” You asked dumbly before realizing how that might be received and continuing quickly “ I’m mean, yeah, sure, I’m down, but why?”

Spencer looked like a weight had been weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

“Well, I trust you… and I… I don’t really know how to explain it but I really want to kiss you right now.” He struggled, pink cheeks on full display with how close you were.

“Whaaaat? The ever eloquent Dr. Spencer Reid doesn’t know how to explain something?” You feigned shock, trying to ease his discomfort which seemed to work because he smiled.

“Tell you what, I’m going to point you in the direction I think you’re trying to go. We’ve both had a very stressful day and you have had a stressful couple months and the adrenaline is pushing you to seek out physical affection as a release valve for all the stress.” You explained to him in your best ‘Dr. Reid voice’.

“That is exactly what it is.” He laughed.

“Well, I’ve got 2 questions for you. Does knowing that change your mind at all? and if it doesn’t, how much will wherever this goes change our relationship as it stands now?” You asked, more than willing to kiss him.

“It does not change my mind at all and I think some things might change, but not for the worse. We can always talk about where to go and how much we want things to change.” He offered, still looking awkward.

“Could we maybe play it by ear? I mean, see where this goes and promise that if one of us ever feels hurt or uncomfortable we won’t bottle it up, we will talk to each other. No matter how awkward we feel and no abandoning each other.” You requested, Now it was your turn to look away.

“ I can agree to all of that.” Spencer agreed, gently cupping your jaw and guiding you to look at him.

You’d never found Spencer unattractive, quite the opposite actually. You just hadn’t thought to pursue him. The two of you were fast friends when you’d met. You’d originally missed him after he was a guest speaker in your psych class but you’d met later when you bumped into him on the way to your next class, you hadn’t been paying attention and you’d basically run face first into him because he was reading a book and not looking where he was going either. Spencer was on the ‘I’m too smart for my own good’ side of weird while you were on the ‘going to conventions and overly obsessed about fandoms’ side of weird and you guys had bonded over that. You’d dated around a little, he’d dated around a little, then he fell in love with Maeve and you had been genuinely happy for him, no jealousy, no heartache, just happiness that your friend was happy.

However, looking at him now, it was like you were really seeing him. You were really seeing how beautiful his big, brown eyes were, his perfectly curly hair, his incredibly graceful hands, and his goofy smile that could cure cancer… He was attractive.

“I’m going to kiss you now, ok?” He asked, searching your eyes.

“You’re gonna have to do most of the moving here Spence, I think I’m frozen.” You laughed lightly, trying to ease the tension in your body and failing.

You might not have had much luck releasing the tension from your shoulders but Spencer sure did. The moment his lips met yours, you swear your muscles melted for a second.

It was tentative at first, just a gently cling of lips, barely enough to notice but then Spencer’s hand slid from your jaw into your hair as he deepened the kiss. A small sound escaping your throat as you reached for the front of his shirt, scrunching the fabric in your fingers and sighing into the kiss, opening your mouth in an invitation which Spencer accepted and cautiously explored your mouth with his tongue.

Spencer was the one to break the kiss biting his lip and resting his forehead against yours.

“Whoa.” You breathed. Fingers still locked in the front of his t-shirt.

“Yeah.” He agreed shakily.

“I was NOT expecting that.” You smiled, finding his eyes.

“Did you expect me to be a bad kisser? You know I’ve been with people before, right? I’ve never had any complaints.” He called you out, smiling back at you.

“That’s not it at all.” You laughed, breaking away from him and flopping onto your back.

“Then what is it?” He chuckled, leaning back on his elbow.

Your cheeks flamed when you tried to tell him and instead of words coming out of your mouth, you giggled and covered your face with your hands.

“What are you embarrassed about?” Spencer asked, confused.

“Nothing, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” You lied through your fingers, keeping your face covered.

“Y/n, it’s obviously something, you’re flushed, your heart is racing, you’re hiding your face, and you won’t look at me. There is obviously something going on.” He told you in true Spencer fashion, pulling one of your hands away from your face.

With your eye uncovered, you could see that Spencer was leaning over you, a kind, worried look on his face.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked self consciously, a sad look in his eyes.

“What? No! God no!” You exclaimed, removing your other hand from your face. “You didn’t do anything wrong, quite the opposite actually. I just… I didn’t expect… I didn’t expect to be affected like that.” You admitted, covering your face again.

“THAT’S what you’re embarrassed about? That you liked kissing me?” Spencer laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

You peeked through your fingers “Yeah…”

Spencer erupted into laughter again, kissing your temple “ I liked kissing you too.” He admitted, grinning at you.

“Yeah?” You asked, taking your hands away from your face.

“Yes, I was just prepared to like it I guess. I’m trying to decide if I should be offended by your surprise or not.” He chuckled.

“I didn’t say I didn’t think I would like it. I just wasn’t prepared to want…” You trailed off, unable to find the right word without embarrassing yourself.

“More?” Spencer finished for you because of course he would be able to find the word you couldn’t.

“Exactly, like… I expected to like it because I mean, look at you, and your mouth is...Anyway, I didn’t expect to have to resist the urge to climb into your lap, you know?” You admitted, deciding that you might as well just tell him the truth, but still hiding your face.

“That good, huh?” He laughed. looking pleased with himself.

“You know what, shrink your ego there Casanova.” You scolded, pushing at his chest and sitting up again.

“Why resist the urge though?” Spencer asked so quietly you weren’t sure you heard him right.

“What?” You asked, needing to hear it again.

“I asked, why you would resist the urge?” He asked again, this time looking you in the eyes as he asked.

“Spence, you wanted to kiss me, that was as far as the consent went. There is no way in hell I was going to push you, not after what you’ve been through.” You told him, and when he didn’t say anything you continued. “You were drugged, she made you see Maeve and you’re not sure exactly what happened with her and if you had… If you had been in your right mind you would have known it wasn’t her and you’d remember. You’d be surprised what can cause a panic after something like that.” You trailed off near the end.

You felt a kiss on your cheek.

“Thank you.” He Whispered, resting his forehead against your temple for a moment.

“For what? Being a decent human being?” You asked, turning to face him.

“For taking care of me. I would like to kiss you again and this time, you don’t have to restrain yourself if you don’t want to.” Spencer requested.

“You sure?” You asked.

“That I want to kiss you again or that you can climb into my lap if you want?” He smiled a big goofy smile.

“Uhhh, let’s go with both.” You laughed tucking a fly away behind your ear.

“I am very sure, how about you? I won’t be offended if you say no.” Spencer turned serious.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You smiled, getting your knees under you.

You took initiative this time, gently pulling Spencer to you by his shirt and sealing your lips to his.

A small surprised sound vibrated against your lips as Spencer wrapped the fingers of one hand in your hair, pulling gently which caused you to make your own sound and scoot closer to him.

“Please.” Spencer whimpered against your mouth.

“Please what Doctor Reid?” You teased, pulling back a little and knowing full well what he was asking.

“Y/n, please. I… I want…” He pleaded, cheeks pink and his eyes lust blown as he squeezed the crook of your knee.

“Only because you asked so nicely.” You grinned, coming up further on your knees so you were a little taller than he was.

Spencer helped you the rest of the way, shifting, wrapping his arm around your back and pulling you to straddle his thighs.

“Hi.” You smiled, suddenly bashful with your legs spread over him.

“Hi, need to slow down?” Spencer checked in, tucking your fly aways behind your ear.

“No, you?” You smiled at his thoughtfulness.

“I’m good.” He answered ghosting his fingers over your thighs, leaving goosebumps.

You slid your fingers into his soft curls and tilted his head back so you had access to his entire throat which you took full advantage. You started at the dip of his collarbone, placing a gentle kiss there and noticing Spencer shiver, then you continued you journey, nipping and kissing him from collarbone to jaw and nosing your way up to his ear, enjoying the feeling of his fingers digging into your thighs.

“Set boundaries Spencer.” You advised, nipping at his earlobe.

“Uhhh, well I think we should… Fuck… We should play it by e-ear, I don’t know, Point me in the direction of the boundaries you want please.” He stammered.

“How far do you want to go?” You lead him, nipping his neck again.

“I want...mm… Shit, hold on.” He faltered, waving his hands.

You immediately took your hands from his hair, stopped kissing him and went to get off of him but he stopped you.

“I just need to think and I can’t seem to do that with your mouth on me.” He chuckled, holding you on his lap.

“After all the years we’ve been friends and it took me this long to figure out how to make it so you can’t think.” You joked, settling back further on his thighs to give him space.

“At the risk of sounding like a horny teenager. I want to go as far as you want to. You tell me where you want to stop and that is where it ends, but I’m all in if you are.” He told you.

“I’m all in too Spence, But I need to know that you understand that you can renege on that statement at any time. All you have to do is say stop and no matter what we are doing it all stops, ok?” You tried to make it clear that you weren’t going to push him and that he had an out no matter what.

“I understand, and you can too. If at any time you want to stop, please tell me.” He answered.

“I can do that.” You smiled.

“Good, come here.” Spencer wrapped one arm around you, pulling you closer.

You giggled, shifting your knees close again and putting your arms over his shoulders.

“My turn.” He grinned, sliding one hand up into your hair and pulling your head to one side, exposing your neck to him.

He gave you a similar treatment to what you gave him only he started at your chest just above where your tank top stopped, leaving gentle nips and wet kisses along your collarbone, up the side of your neck and when he reached your jaw he used the hand in your hair to turn your head so he could kiss you.

Spencer was always very subdued, controlled even. But this kiss was hungry, needy, his fingers tightened in your hair as he slid his tongue against yours, his other arm pulling you impossibly closer and causing you to shift against him which in turn drew a gloriously sexy sound from the man beneath you, a rough sound you could almost say was a growl. His hand traveled from your back to the curve of your ass, staying over the fabric of your pajama shorts as he squeezed.

Now it was your turn to make a noise, the feeling of his warm fingers digging into your flesh making you hot all over.

“Can I?” You rested your forehead against his and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah, yeah.” He helped you pull his shirt off. His cheeks pinking up as soon as he was half naked in front of you.

“Still doing ok?” You checked in again, playing with a lock of his hair.

“Yeah, I just haven’t been shirtless in front of someone who isn’t a medical professional in a while.” He told you shyly.

“Wanna level the playing field?” You smiled, pulling your shirt up a little.

“I would like that very much.” Spencer answered, reaching forward to help you rid yourself of your shirt.

You nodded, pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it over the side of the bed.

“You are stunning.” He said reverently, trailing his fingers up and down your sides and thighs, not touching you freshly exposed breasts.

“I could say the same to you. Seriously Spence, you are a handsome man.” You added, trying really hard to stay confident but definitely failing.

That voice in most women’s heads that tells them they aren’t good enough, aren’t thin enough that their breasts aren’t perky enough or big enough, you know, covering all the bases to make you miserable. Your arms moved of their own accord to cover your exposed skin.

You never considered yourself thin, your stomach squished and your body jiggled when you moved. It was one of the reasons you’d never thought to pursue Spencer in the first place, you’d never thought you were good enough for him or that there was any way he could possibly find you attractive, yet here you were, topless and straddling his lap, minorly afraid you were going to crush him.

“Where did you go?” Spencer asked gently, taking your chin in his fingers and guiding your eyes to his.

“The place all girls go when they are naked in front of a guy they like.” You answered, there was no point in trying to lie, Spencer could always read you, that would probably be doubly true since you were so close to him.

“You like me? Sorry, not the point, what can I do? I’m not going to lie to you here, it is taking a lot of self-control to look at your face and not your chest. You are beyond stunning but I understand that saying it isn’t always enough so how can I show you?” He asked, gently bringing your hands away from your body and putting them back on his shoulders.

“How are you so dang sweet even with a pair of boobs in your face?” You laugh, feeling a little more at ease.

“A LOT of self-control developed over the years… Y/n for what it’s worth, I like you too.” He chuckled, getting serious at the end.

“You can touch them you know. They are out for you.” You smiled.

Spencer’s hands tightened on your hips briefly before he brought one hand up to cup your breast. you shifted against him, this time on purpose, pushing your breast further into his hand and sliding your fingers into his hair and tilting his head so you could kiss him as he gently rolled your nipple between his fingers, plucking at it every so often. Your hips continued to move against him, slowly and experimentally.

You could tell Spencer was losing his mind. His breath was coming in short, desperate bursts accompanied by soft noises that sent heat straight to your groin and his hand that wasn’t occupied with your breast was now locked around your back and his hips were straining forward against your movements.

Not to say that you weren’t going a little crazy too, you felt like you were going to explode if you stayed making out like a couple of teenagers much longer so you decided to do something a little… bold.

You pulled his hands from your body, much to his dismay. That was… until you started kissing your way down his body, you had never seen Spencer squirm like he was now. Every kiss had his fingers tightening in his hair and the sheets at his side. He was trying so hard to keep his hips on the bed, you could feel the strain in his stomach every time his hips moved under you.

“Breathe Spence, relax, I can stop if you want.” you offered, looking up at him.

“P-please don’t stop, dear god, please don’t stop.” He breathed desperately, bringing one hand up to your cheek and running his thumb over your bottom lip which you promptly took into your mouth. Spencer bit his bottom lip as you released his thumb from your mouth and continued kissing down his stomach to his pajama pants.

“You good?” You asked, curling the tips of your fingers into his waistband.

“Yeah… Fuck… Yeah.” He answered, lifting his hips to help you pull his pants and boxers down his legs.

“Sweet fucking Jesus Spence! Where have you been hiding this thing!” You exclaimed, dropping his clothes over the side of the bed.

Spencer let out a hearty laugh that was abruptly cut off when you took him in your hand and kissed his shaft. Another ‘fuck’ falling from his perfect lips.

“You know, Doctor Reid, you’ve had a particularly dirty mouth tonight. I didn’t even know those words had a place in your extensive vocabulary.” You teased, running your tongue over his length from base to tip.

“There are a few things in my vocabulary that you don’t know about.” He grinned, running his fingers through your hair.

“Oh yeah? Planning on proving it?” You mumbled against him.

“Th-that’s the plan if you’re game.” He stammered shakily.

You didn’t answer, you just took him into your mouth, giggling around him when you heard him groan and his head thunk against the wall.

You couldn’t take all of him into your mouth so you had to compensate with your hand on what you couldn’t get into your mouth to avoid choking yourself. Though he didn’t seem to mind, he had one hand in his hair, pulling at it, his eyes were screwed shut and his mouth was alternating between hanging open and closed around his bottom lip. Watching him lose the careful control he always had was something you could do forever, he was truly beautiful.

“Sh-shit Y/n, you keep that up and this will be over way faster than either of us want it to be.” He groaned, gently pulling you off of him.

“Yes, sir, where do you want me?” You asked, sitting back on your knees and wiping the saliva off of your lip and chin.

“Definitely up here.” He answered, getting up onto his knees and wrapping his arm around your waist.

You were too busy getting lost in the kiss Spencer had graced you with to notice that he had moved you so your head was on the pillow and he was between your legs hovering over you.

“How are you doing?” He asked, rubbing his nose against yours.

“ Beyond good, you?” You giggled running your fingers through his now dry hair.

“Also good.” He smiled, kissing your cheek, then your neck, your collarbone, both breasts, and so on down your body.

“Can I?” Spencer echoed your question from earlier, kissing your stomach and curling his fingers into your waistband.

“Yeah, please.” You lifted your hips to make it easier for him.

Completely bare before him you expected to feel self-conscious but the way Spencer was looking at you made you feel powerful. His gaze was hungry but he still looked up to you for permission which you happily gave.

His approach was as almost subtle, he settled onto his stomach and kissed each of your thighs, running his hands up the outside of your thighs, then the inside and pushing them apart to give himself more room.

“You are so beautiful.” He whispered, running his thumbs through your folds.

“F-flattery will get you nowhere.” you breathed.

“No? Well, maybe this will.” Spencer ran his tongue over your sensitive clit, somehow figuring out the exact amount of pressure to put on you to make your head swim without overloading you.

He gently licked at you, holding your thighs apart whenever you involuntarily tried to close them. He started running one finger through your folds, teasing your entrance but waiting like he was asking permission.

“Please Spence.” You begged, tangling your fingers into his hair and pulling just enough to elicit an appreciative sound from him.

Spencer slid one long, graceful finger inside you, stroking your walls and driving you crazy.

Your hips moved against his mouth as he brought you closer to climax, giving you more pressure and moved his finger just minutely faster.

“S-Spence, I n-need…” You couldn’t finish your sentence because you forgot what words were.

Lucky for you Spencer was apparently psychic and he knew what you needed, he added a second finger and brought his other arm up to pin your hips to the bed as he sped up his assault on your clit.

You had to cover your mouth to keep yourself quiet, you started to lose sense and Spencer knew it. He was holding you down and pushing you further and further until you came completely undone, dragging in heaving breaths between your fingers and moving your hips as much as you could in Spencer’s grip as he helped you ride out your high.

“F-fuck Spence, you weren’t kidding when you said you’d prove it.” You commented, raking your fingers through your hair as you came down.

“I’ve told you a few times that I’m a genius, you should really start believing me by now.” He chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and crawling up your body to hover over you.

“I didn’t realize that genius would translate into ‘master at giving head’” You giggled, leaning in to kiss him.

“Cunnilingus is actually a learned skill that requires paying attention to bodily cues such as the rate of breathing, movement of the hips and legs, retraction of the clitoral hood, and if you’re lucky, your partner will tell you what they need from you.” He explained.

“Only you could make touching a vagina a science thing.” You laughed.

“Most things are scientific in nature if you look at them.” He told you, a big smile on his face.

“Sometimes I think you’re too smart for your own good.” You chuckled..

“I’ve heard that a few times.” Spencer smiled down at you.

“Condom?” You asked asking both if that’s what he wanted and where there might be one.

“Yeah, yep, I’ll go get one.” Spencer stammered a little, getting up and heading to his dresser.

“You still wanna do this?” Spencer checked in again, turning around with a shiny foil packet in his hand.

“Definitely, you?” You sat up so you could fully look at him.

“Absolutely.” He answered.

Spencer crawled back into the bed, shuffling you back so you were laying on the pillow and he was sitting back on his knees between your legs.

“You still good, Spence?” You asked, leaning up on your elbow and reaching for him when you saw him hesitate.

“Yeah, I’m uh... I’m just a little nervous.” He admitted, blushing up to his ears.

“Hey, I am too, but Spence, I trust you implicitly, I know that no matter what happens with us after this that you won’t abandon me. Even if things get too weird for us to be a close as we are now, I know you’ll let me know what is going on because you promised me you would.” You told him.

“I trust you too. I’m just… What if I d-...” He trailed off, embarrassment clear on his face.

“Spence, come on, you can tell me anything.” You told him gently, cupping his cheek.

“What if it’s not… Good… What if... What if I’M not good…” He said quietly, finally looking you in the eyes but only briefly.

“Spence.” You breathed, bringing his eyes to yours to make sure he would really get what you were about to say. “You’ve been with people before and not had any complaints, remember? You also said that cunnilingus was just paying attention, well, so is this, all sex is just paying attention to your partner to find out what they like. Sex is supposed to be fun, get out of your head and just enjoy it, just feel. Besides, if what you just did to me is any indication, I don’t think I’m going to be disappointed.” You reminded him.

“I did say that, didn’t I. You promise you’ll tell me what you need?” He smiled.

“I swear I will let you know exactly what I need if you aren’t already doing it..” You crossed your heart.

Spencer leaned into you, kissing you and gently pushing you with his body until you were laying down again. He pulled back from you, one hand pressing into the bed next to your head as he used his teeth to rip open the condom wrapper, you kept eye contact as you heard the condom unrolling down his length.

‘Did it just get really hot in here?’

You could barely contain yourself, the anticipation of what was about to happen heating you up until you could barely breathe.

“Please, Spence.” You begged, on the brink of going crazy.

Spencer took pity on you, taking himself in his hand, watching as he ran himself through your folds to collect your wetness before pausing at your entrance and holding your gaze as he eased himself inside you coming to a stop when his hips met yours and his eyes fluttered shut.

“F-fuck Spence.” You moaned, threading your fingers through his hair and securing his forehead to yours.

Spencer let out a shaky breath before capturing your lips, a small strained sound escaping his throat when you wiggled your hips against him.

“Please Spence, move.” You whispered against his lips.

Spencer moved slowly at first like he wanted to memorize exactly how it felt to be inside you. He pulled almost all the way out of you so slowly that you could actually track where his head was against your walls.

“Spence, fuck, Spence, I need… You’re teasing me so bad. I need more.” You pleaded, kissing his cheek and wiggling against him.

“As you wish.” He chuckled against your temple, then he began moving in earnest, still slowly but forming a rhythm that left you breathless.

You couldn’t understand why he had been so worried, he had managed to find the perfect rhythm and angle that had his every movement hitting all the best places inside you at the perfect frequency, his tongue leaving trails of fire everywhere it touched on your neck and collarbone and his fingers were leaving goosebumps where they dug into the back of your thigh which he was holding to keep his angle, you were so lost in the feeling of his touch you almost didn’t register that he was talking.

“Shhh… Y/n, you’re going to wake the neighbors and my mom.” Spencer chuckled against your temple smoothing down some flyaways that had snuck out of your braids and stilling his movements.

“Oh my god, I completely forgot about your mom.” You laughed covering your mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be, if it wasn’t the middle of the night and my mom wasn’t sleeping down the hall I’d see just how loud I could get you.” He chuckled, kissing you and flinching only a little when your laugh made your walls tighten around him.

“I’ll be a lot quieter if you keep kissing me.” You smiled, nuzzling his nose

“I can do that.” He grinned, hooking your legs together around his back, bringing your arms above your head and threading his fingers through yours before he started moving again.

You hooked your ankles behind Spencer’s back and squeezed his hands as he built up his rhythm again, the angle changed but just as good as the last, his kiss absorbing every noise you made and between the feeling of his pelvis rubbing against you and the soft noises that kept escaping his throat you thought you might go crazy.

“F-fuck Spence, I’m so close, I need to be able to touch you, please.” you gasped against his lips.

He didn’t say anything or even stop his movements, he just “mhmed” against your mouth and released your hands, planting one of his hands on the bed next to your head and pulling back to look at you, his eyes dark with lust and just the slightest bit frantic as he ran his free hand down in between your bodies and applied gentle pressure to your clit.

“Oh god, Spence. Don’t stop!” You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his neck to keep quiet.

“Please, let me see your face, I want to see you come.” He begged, nosing along your temple.

You allowed your head to fall back against the pillow and threaded the fingers of one hand through Spencer’s hair and the other gripped his wrist that rested next to your head.

“H-harder Spence.” You gasped, holding his gaze.

He obliged, shifting his knees closer to your body to give him better leverage to snap his hips forward a little harder, he lowered himself to his elbow so that more of his body was touching yours and he kissed you hard and desperate before pulling back a little to watch you.

You began to get lost in his touch once more, releasing his wrist and bringing that hand up to hold on to the headboard. You must have gotten loud again because Spencer brought his hand up and gently placed it over your mouth --which was way hotter than it should have been--. He didn’t slow down though, he continued to snap his hips forward, his face blissful and strained like he was holding back his orgasm.

Luckily, he didn’t have to hold back long, you arched up into him and your head pushed back into the pillow as your orgasm washed over you. Every thought you could have had was gone, all that existed was the feeling between your legs and Spencer’s hand over your mouth as he helped you ride out your orgasm before allowing himself to follow you over the edge. He made a choked sound as he swelled inside you and buried his face in your neck to quiet his desperate moans as his hand slid off of your mouth.

The two of you stayed like that for a little while, Spencer supporting most of his weight on his elbows as he rested his forehead against your collarbone and you with one arm around his shoulders and the other stroking his hair a blissful moment after an awful day.

He finally lifted his head after a couple minutes with a big, goofy smile on his face and just looked at you.

“What?” You smiled, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“I know this is going to sound cliche and it is partly because of elevated levels of oxytocin but I was just struck but how beautiful you are, especially like this.” He whispered like he was afraid the moment would shatter if he was too loud.

You couldn’t think of anything to say to follow that so you just kissed him and nuzzled his nose.

“I should probably um…” Spencer blushed, pulling out of you and rolling out of bed to dispose of the condom and grabbing his pajamas.

You decided to get your pajamas too so you got up when he did and retrieved your pajamas where they were scattered around the bed and pulled them on.

As you were straightening back out you felt Spencer’s arms come around you and his chin rest against your shoulder.

“Hi.” He whispered, kissing your cheek.

“Hi.” You laughed softly. Threading your fingers through his.

“We should actually get some sleep now, it’s late.” Spencer said against your neck.

“In a minute” You protested, turning around in his arms and draping your arms over his shoulders.

“Where do we go from here?” You asked shyly.

“I’d say we should go to sleep.” He joked, pulling you a little closer.

“That’s not what I m-” You started

“I know what you meant.” He smiled gently “How about we go for coffee tomorrow? Or maybe dinner?”

“Like a date?” You asked, feeling a blush color your cheeks.

“Yes, like a date.” Spencer smiled.

“I’d love to go on a date with you, Spence.” You laughed, placing a relieved kiss on his lips.

That’s what Spencer’s phone went off and he went to grab it.

“What’s up Garcia?” “What?!” “I’m on my way.” You could only hear his side of the conversation.

“What’s going on? Spence, what happened?” You asked, watching him head to his closet and start grabbing clothes.

“The team was in a bad accident, Most of them are in the hospital, Steven is dead, Emily is missing. I-I have to go to the hospital.” He told you while changing his clothes.

“Oh my god, ok, yeah, go! I’ll call the night nurse and meet you at the hospital. Do you know how bad everyone is injured?” You grabbed his suit jacket off the desk chair.

“Not really, Tara is in surgery but I don’t know about everyone else. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be leaving now, not when we are talking about this but I…”

“Don’t apologize Spence, your family needs you, I get it. I’ll be there as soon as the night nurse gets here. Besides, we can talk about this another time.” You interrupted him, holding out his jacket for him.

“Thank you, you’re amazing, the night nurse’s phone number is on the fridge.” He kissed you, shoving his shoes on and heading for the door.

“I’ll be there soon, I love you.” You said before you could stop the words from coming out of your mouth.

It wasn’t like you didn’t mean it, You’d been saying it for years, ever since he’d gotten shot in the neck and almost died you’d taken to telling him you loved him every time he left for a case but it was always in a platonic way and this time felt… Different, like maybe you shouldn’t have said it and a look of horror crossed your face when you realized what you said and that Spencer was still standing with his hand on the doorknob and not leaving.

“Can we just pretend that I didn’t say that.” You pleaded, both hoping he would turn around and that he would pretend you hadn’t said anything and he’d leave all at the same time.

He ended up turning around a look on his face that you couldn’t read, he strode over to you, his long legs closing the distance in a matter of seconds, he took your face in his hands and placed a sound kiss on your lips.

“We will discuss this later when we have more time, we’ve been saying ‘I love you’ for years and I’ve always meant it, and it, it feels a little different now but… Me too.” He kissed you before heading out the door.

You stood frozen for a moment after the door closed before you moved to call the night nurse.

‘How did I end up here?’

#Criminal Minds #Fanfiction #Spencer Reid #Spencer x Reader #not spn #nikki writes #fanfic #criminal minds x reader #Criminal Minds fanfiction #Season 12 #Doctor Spencer Reid #Angst #fluff #smut #Spencer Reid x Reader

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dailytechnologynews · 6 years

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GloFo 7nm: A Lost Hope

So as you may know GloFo 7nm was recently cancelled, in this article im going to analyze all of what this implies in a lot of levels but mostly on the technical one, both in short and long term

before beginning please have in mind:

1) im Spanish and my english writing might be poor, also this is by far the longest article ive ever wrote and it took me 2 and a half Hours to complete, there can be mistakes but don't be harsh pls

2) i currently own a bit of AMD stock, this means I focus on them more, but as you will see this doesn't affect my thinking

3) i link various articles in this one, i recommend you reading them for better comprehension

4) this article contains A LOT of estimates, they are based on public knowledge, if some of that knowledge turns out to be false or inaccurate the estimates based on it do the same, however they are the best that I can do, if I had more hard data I will use it. in particular, my estimates about TSMC 7nm are… weak and early, please don't complain about them, its the best I can do without more hard data

9001) WARNING: this article is LONG, the character count its literally OVER 9000!!!!

with that said lets begin

The first important question is WHY? Why did GloFo cancel their 7nm node? the answer is simple: MONEY, this quote from anandtech sums things up:

So, the key takeaway here is that while the 7LP platform was a bit behind TSMC’s CLN7FF when it comes to HVM – and GlobalFoundries has never been first to market with leading edge bulk manufacturing technologies anyway – there were no issues with the fabrication process itself. Rather there were deeper economic reasons behind the decision.

the full article is here: https://www.anandtech.com/show/13277/globalfoundries-stops-all-7nm-development

The second question is: how does GloFo 7nm compare to TSMC 7nm, because if glofo’s node was worse than TSMC's then the only loss here would be the competition, well this is absolutely not the case, GloFo 7nm was superior than TSMC 7nm, maybe by a wide margin, but this depends literally of thousands of factors, so the best that i can do is to approximate the final answer basing on all that we know first we have to know the specifics of GloFo 7nm, here is an excellent article containing them and more: https://fuse.wikichip.org/news/641/iedm-2017-globalfoundries-7nm-process-cobalt-euv/ if you read the article and understand most of it, you have my respect, but lets list the facts that we care about:

1) 55% power reduction at the same frequency

2) 40% frequency improvement at the same power

3) extremely tuned fin profiles

4) cobalt for some critical layers, improving interconnect speed and drastically reducing electromitigation, this is very important as the wall to reaching high clocks is interconnect speed

this looks extremely nice, but how does this translate into real world max clocks? Well if you assume the GloFo chart was linear then the results are very good, here is a calibration based in real data, done in the anandtech forums by /u/catmerc (thanks!): https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/next-gen-zen-2-3-starship-and-derivatives.2511914/page-3#post-39322122 you watched right: 4,6 GHz at the same power you would get 3,3 GHz on 14nm, WOW, this means that (again if the chart was linear) 5 GHz wouldn't be far fetched at all, this is probably too good and my estimations are that GloFo 7nm was a bit worse than what this chart implies, still I think 5 GHz would have been doable, but only for single core turbo, just in case: im referring to the SoC version, clocks on 7HPC would have been ludicrous

now we have to analyze how good TSMC 7nm is, this is harder to know and there is less data about this but lets do it anyway. first we have to get the advertised numbers, and those are 60% power reduction at the same frequency or 30% frequency improvement at the same power, source: https://www.anandtech.com/show/12677/TSMC-kicks-off-volume-production-of-7nm-chips, this is starting to look worse than GloFo from the first moment, however there is a big issue here: the bases are different, GloFo bases their 7nm numbers on their 14nm, and TSMC does it over their 16nm+ this makes comparison hard, I remember that TSMC 16nm clocked higher than Samsung 14nm which is the same as GloFo 14nm, but consumed a bit more and was less dense, I cant source those claims but if you look at the numbers they make sense, anyway this approach failed as a solid comparison point so lets move on, how about taking the words of their clients? Spoiler alert: worse than GloFo

Speed gains of 16% at 10 nm may dry up at 7 nm due to resistance in metal lines. Power savings will shrink from 30% at 10 nm to 10–25% at 7 nm, and area shrinks may decline from 37% at 10 nm to 20–30% at 7 nm, said Paul Penzes, a senior director of engineering on Qualcomm’s design technology team. source: https://www.eetimes.com/document.asp?doc_id=1333109

Arm claims that the latest 7-nm nodes will only deliver 2% to 3% more speed than the 16-nm node. “There hasn’t been much frequency benefit at all since 16 nm … wire speed hasn’t scaled for some time,” said Peter Greenhalgh, an Arm fellow and vice president of technology. source: https://www.eetasia.com/news/article/18060102-arm-announces-high-performance-laptop-cpu

so basically two clients of TSMC are saying that there are close to none clock gains on 7nm (compared to 10nm, this is important) and I know they mean TSMC and not GloFo because they both say the problem is interconnect speed which if you remember from above is one of the things GloFo 7nm improved a lot thanks to cobalt and other things, also GloFo is a much smaller fab, it was going to get into HVM later and most people were going to use TSMC anyway. So now we know TSMC 7nm isn't as good as GloFo 7nm was, but by how much? Well a little time ago I made a prediction of how Ryzen 3000 would clock on both nodes, I recently updated it to reflect that AMD will use the HPC variant: https://www.reddit.com/r/aceshardware/comments/923t76/ryzen_3000_clock_predictions/ so there is your answer, a not at all laughable 300 MHz loss, but I think you also want to know how did I get to that concussion, well… it is a bit tricky and fail prone also it has a 100mhz or higher margin of error, anyway here it goes: the base is Ryzen 7 1800X which turbos up to 4 GHz on GloFo 14LPP TSMC 16nm+ clocks higher than GloFo 14lpp but lower than 12LP, 4,2GHz is my best estimate, TSMC 10nm should give about 5% of a boost to max clocks (remember max clocks ALWAYS increase less than “performance” for high end CPUs) that gets us to >4,4 GHz, going from 10nm to 7nm should give a negligible boost of around 2% but this is just enough to put that number on 4,5 GHz, this is the number for the mobile variant, but as i discovered during the writing of this article, AMD is going to use the HPC variant which features a 7.5 track library instead of the 6 track one found in the mobile variant it also should use fater interconnects, finding how much will this variant boost clocks is again as there is EVEN LESS data on it, the only numbers that I could find are +13% perf over the mobile variant and up to 4,4 GHz speed for the sram(L* cache), cache usually is a bit slower than the CPU itself so this doesnt mean the limit is 4,4 GHz. with all of this my estimation for 7nm HPC is 4,7 GHz which is still lower than the GloFo 7nm SoC version, have in mind im being a bit cautious with this one 4,8 GHz is possible , just for laughs if we compared max clocks of GloFo 7nm HPC(IBM only) vs TSMC 7nm HPC the difference will be ~0,8GHz, LOL just LOL (the number is serious tough) as you can see this is tricky as is based on estimates over estimates, however there are some limits to how good or how bad it can clock, so while my number might (and possibly will) fail, it cant fail by much The third question is: who this affects and how does it? The answer is AMD, IBM, Intel, TSMC and maybe Samsung, so lets analyze how it affects everyone on that list

AMD: Negatively

after the previous paragraph you can see why: 300-200mhz loss its not good, but this is just the tip of the iceberg, even if GloFo continued with 7nm AMD might have chosen TSMC 7nm for ryzen 3000 because of time constraints, the really bad thing about this is that the clocks of TSMC nodes are expected to be flat until 3nm which will mean a tech change from finfet to gaafet, this means Intel has 3-4 years of wide and increasing clock leadership so the only way AMD can beat Intel’s performance in the desktop market is through big IPC increases, which are unlikely to be big enough,still AMD should be able to beat Intel in value (perf/price) by a very good margin, server and laptop market are a VERY different story and I expect AMD to do very well on those. another HUGE concern for AMD should be prices, with near zero competition TSMC can increase prices both on the short and the long term, similar to the DRAM market, this means either smaller margins for AMD or higher final product prices.

for those all reasons I did cut my personal stock price target for AMD by a BIG 20%, yes you heard right: the day before the announcement I thought AMD was going to reach a 25% (because percentages work that way) higher price than today, im not going to say what my exact price targets are but I believe AMD is going to go up from the current price, just much less than before

IBM: Negatively, VERY negatively

well.. this guys really take the worst part, basically they have no node suitable for their high-end CPUs for the foreseeable future, glofo spun off an ASIC group which is said to help port costumer designs to other nodes, the problem is that there is no high performance 7nm class node apart from intel 10nm (if they fix it)

Intel: Positively

a lot of what I said for AMD applies here in reverse, Intel basically has an assured performance lead in the desktop market over AMD, but still they will have to compete to a denser, cheaper to produce 7nm chip lineup with their 14nm one, their server market share is still posed to get lower maybe by a bog amount

TSMC: Positively, VERY positively

on the short term they get more volume and therefore revenue, and in a now 2-player game (3 if intel opens its fabs) they get the ability to increase or even pact prices

Samsung: Positively

Samsung on the short term will probably see no gains, but on the long term they might win some designs, however the big win for them is the lack of competency driving prices an therefore margins up

YOU, the consumer: Negatively

as per the points stated above you might get more expensive chips, and maybe even worse ones, cutting-edge node development is mindblowingly expensive and that maybe is an understatement, with less competition tsmc and samsung might opt to do less aggressive jumps to save a huge amount of money on RD, this remains to be seen, it may not happen, but the possibility is out there and I wont dismiss it

to end I would like to quote an excellent comment from /u/nagromo which summarizes perfectly some of my thoughts:

I was hopeful that IBM research working with them meant it would be more like "IBM 7nm, manufactured by GloFo", similar to how they've done well with Samsung 14nm. I still think there's a decent chance it really was on track, and they're telling the truth and just think they can be more profitable using their successful 12/14nm technologies instead of investing $10B+ into 7nm. I'm really disappointed to hear this. I thought it was a reasonable hope that the IBM research team would be able to achieve or approach their 40% performance, 55% power numbers. There's rumors about poor performance from TSMC 7nm. My hopes for Ryzen 3 aren't nearly as high as they were yesterday.

this article was originally wrote by me to /r/aceshardware

#hardware #Computer #Technology #Tech #News

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kenrik · 6 years

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Conflicted - that was what I felt after my first viewing of TLJ.

My journey from “???” to “WTF!!”. Comparing my insight from my first viewing of TLJ to my second.

1. I am Reylo shit. But after watching TLJ, I couldn’t process what I’d just seen. I felt like there was nothing bridging the gap from “You’re a monster!” to “Let’s work together, Ben Solo~” So, I thought, initially, that their relationship was poorly constructed. And, I felt conflicted because - although I would love Reylo to happen, I didn’t want it to happen in a mucked up sort of way.

2. The first scene - the bombing scene. I couldn’t understand it. Where the hell did those vessels come from? Who the hell was that woman. And why the hell do we care about the medallion around her neck? Just - who the faq?

3. Poe is an idiot. A dolt. A trigger happy fool. (A stark contrast to his soundness from TFA.)

4. Then, after the first scene - I guess everything happened and my brain went haywire - thinking - W.T.F.????!!!??? My brain proceeded to shutdown afterwards, I think. And just let the images pass.

5. Holdo’s sacrifice was very cliche. Best sacrifice scene for me was Lelouch’s. Going back to it, I guess anime’s sacrificial themes make western ones pale in comparison. Anyway, I didn’t appreciate this scene so much - even with the spectacular cinematography - because it was what it is - cliche. Also, there would be zero casualties other than herself. I mean, as far as logic went - anyone with half a brain would’ve done what she did. “It’s only logical.” lol

6. Too many jokes. Hux became a punchline which I found annoying. I felt it was forced (lol). Also, the recurring about Poe being trigger happy - wanting to bomb everything in sight. That was just, very cringeworthy. (And I understand why they did it, though. Curse you Marvel! And your many jokes! DAMN-IT.)

7. Luke’s snarkiness. Maybe I need a refresher course on his character. Last we saw him, he’s been battling with incredible shit as a kid. Then now, we jump to his old master type guy who smirks a lot... BRIDGE. THE. GAP.

8. Kylo Ren - the GIGANTIC. PAIN IN THE ASS. CRYBABY. One of the reasons I left the movie house utterly conflicted was this character. When I though he had progressed (somewhat) - he goes reverse psycho mode and losses all his shit - and with it, all that development he made in the middle part of the film. As a Kylo Ren buff - this was incredibly frustrating to say the least.

8.5 Rey’s constant rejection of Kylo Ren. But who can blame her?? That guy’s a mess! One of the reasons I left the movie house conflicted was Kylo’s flipflopping character development. By the end - I was like - of course she’d leave you - you’re an idiot! Two rejections in one movie plus that one rejection in TFA... how many times does Rey have to reject you before you clean your act up, stupid Ren?! I felt angry and sad for Kylo, for being conflicted, lost, close to something certain, solid, then all out batshit crazy and lost and conflicted again. It was a rollercoaster for me and my rooting for Ben Solo’s character. Damn did that guy take me for a ride.

9. Phasma v Finn scene. Phasma is an incredible baddie. I loved their fight scene. My comment is, though, - that it was minute. Ever so tiny. And her “death” was so anticlimactic - I can’t even. It was cliche. The fight could have been longer.

10. Finn and Rose - IDIOTS. What were those two thinking sharing their plans to an absolute stranger?? And they get shocked that the thief sold them out the first chance he got. Seriously - their whole subplot was like stepping on dogshit. I get the message the team wanted to bring across. But seriously, that same message could’ve been said with a better subplot. There was no answer as to who the man with the rose pin was - no recall to the past story, to any story in SW. Use the old characters for some substance! We have so many more of them at the team’s disposal. :/

Cookies (Parts I loved since the first viewing.)

1. Leia is kween. That force stunt she pulled was epic. It was incredible. I can’t even. (Proves to show you how strong she is with the force - and FU fanboys whining - “The force ain’t werq dat wei betch!”) 2. Luke and his liberal approach to the force. Preach!! 3. Rose’s message about weapon dealers (AKA AMERICA, RUSSIA, CHINA. H8CHU FUCKERS - fighting each other when you’re basically on the same fucking boat - HU U THINK UR FOOLING). 3.5 Rose hitting deserter Finn with a stunbaton/gun. 4. That immaculate contrast of white and red minerals. 5. BB8 DOING ALL THE WORK IN ROSE and FINN’S ARC. I mean - GIVE THE DAMN DROID/ROBOT AN OSCAR! 6. Rey’s druggy self-discovery scene. That was just crazy good. 7. The bitchy fish nuns. 8. Chewie roasting porgs while porgs watch in tearful horror. 9. Luke’s leap from one hill to the next. 10. Ben’s slide/glide when he first talks to Rey via force bond. 10.25 Rey’s incessant bitching to Ren via force bond about how Ben is a monster. How she beat him. How she found Luke before him. How she beat him. How he’s a loser. How he’s an idiot. How she hates him. (During that scene, I just can’t help but laugh at her intense lashing out at him HAHA) 10.5 Rey shooting Ren the first opportunity she got. 10.75 Ren standing in the bridge? looking at the platform thing? And Ren being all savage and unforgiving and shooting the fighter planes of the resistance. 11. Snoke’s labyrinth scene!!!!*#*#JMNFUWNF!!!*@(#*$ 12. Epic Yoda is epic. I watched the film with my blockmates, impromptu right after our last finals exam. His quote "Failure is the best teacher.” literally made us ball out in tears. DAMN IT. Yoda got us again! “Do or do not, there is no try.” is so good it’s unfair. 13. Kylo ren practically throwing a tantrum when he faced his uncle Luke. 14. “You came from nothing.You are nothing... But not to me.” 15. Luke’s deep backwards dip in his face off with his nephew Ben. 16. Hux’s screaming repeat of Ben’s order to proceed, earning a “dafuq” look from Kylo. 17!!! Kylo Ren and Anakin = obvious blatant parallels! The hair, the attire, the anger in their expressions!

My SECOND VIEWING gave me clarity. So, here is my feedback after not having been taken by a shitload of surprise. 1. The scenes had okay pacing. Just unnoticeable because a lot was shoved to our face in less than three hours. 2. Finn/Rose subplot was meh, not exactly the worst thing in the world. And, it makes sense that they get that type of subplot. Rose was a low-ranking member, delegated to catching deserters. Finn knows next to nothing about the Resistance. And Poe is a loose canon. Of course the quest they’d end up in is only as good as what their character’s can make up. This is very realistic actually. 3. It’s a kid’s movie. Of course it would be riddled with cliches. 4. Vulnerability - that’s what bridged the gap between Rey and Ren. 5. Captain Phasma is coming back! *hopefully* She deserves a better send off! 6. Kylo Ren’s character development. I was devastated after my first viewing. I thought he had regressed to the point of no return. Man, I was so ready to throw all my Reylo hopes away because dammit if an idiot ends up with Rey. But, I failed to appreciate that last scene between them properly.

Ren is kneeling, head bowing low in remorse. And Rey were eyes hard and unforgiving, her expression, swelling in disappointment of him. Wow. That said a lot. This is a huge step. After Rey left him (wow it’s like leaving a lover after having had sex), Ren just catapults himself into a raging fit. How could he not? How could he not lose all of his shit after having LOST ALL HIS SHIT. HAHA (Shit is such a good placeholder for the dumb.) I mean - he just killed his Supreme Leader. He offered his heart out to Rey - to this stranger. For once in his life, nothing had been clearer to him - he wanted to join forces with Rey. Forget everyone else. So long as she joined him, nothing would ever be unattainable. But she rejected him. And then - he lost all his shit. He was so certain for once - that Rey would join him. That she saw the same future he saw of her, of them, standing together towards the same goal. With her rejection - he was thrown back to confusion. To that irrational conflict he could never make sense of. Everything that happened after was an intense blur that he could do nothing more but work in automatic mode. And his automatic mode is work like a bitch baby. Imagine this - everything happened so fast after than one moment of clarity - The resistance found a safe haven. The Millennium Falcon was shooting at them. And that one person he’s been searching for all his life resurfaces out of thin air. All the lies that Snoke told him, all the hatred that scum put in his mind, just exploded.

Everything happened so quickly. He had no second to think straight. He went to what was natural - what Snoke taught him. Which is why~ that moment of realization at the end, of regret, remorse, guilt - towards Rey, towards this person who seemed to genuinely believe in him - is so important. It makes me believe that he’ll be thinking of his actions more rationally. And this makes me happy for my favorite character.

A lot have said this, but I think a year or a few will pass in the timeline before we rejoin the characters. We’ve seen their conflict. Now, we’ll see them in their fullest form - allowing for the ultimate battle. This, I’m really excited for. And I give zero fucks whether or not Kylo will be good or bad. I just want him to know who he is and what he is fighting for. And for the briefest moment, we saw it in TLJ - the death of the past - of the Republic and of the Jedi Order - and hopefully of the ashes of the Empire - the First Order.

TLJ was a really good film. I can’t say it was a really good SW film, but it was an incredible film. You haters need to get your shit together and progress with everyone else. Also, I hate you all for crying Mary Sue on Rey. We women had to deal with countless Mary Sue men in our blockbusters. Now we have one of our own, you’re bitch crying at Disney. FU.

Stay calm. Stay chill. KenRik.

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marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer · 7 years

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MTVS Epic Rewatch #178

VM 3x11 Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves

Stray thoughts

1) Okay, all the cuteness and fluff in this opening scene should’ve been a warning sign that this episode wasn’t going to end on a happy note for LoVe, right? I mean, tell me this doesn’t read as a piece of fanfic.

VERONICA: Are you gonna eat that? LOGAN: This? VERONICA: Yeah, that fry in particular. LOGAN: That was the plan. VERONICA: I'm just saying, if you weren't, or if you were just gonna consume it out of obligation or to meet someone else's expectations, I know someone who might be willing to take it off your hands. VERONICA: Maybe add a little ketchup, make it worth a girl's while.

VERONICA: You're welcome.

Of course, I’ve embraced the notion that Rob Thomas is actually writing LoVe fanfiction a long time ago.

2) Ugh, Weevil’s so sad about the Dean’s death. Of course, he is! How many people have actually given a rat’s ass about Weevil? Not that many, and the Dean was one of them.

3) So, Lamb is more of an idiot than I thought. I mean, this is how responds to Keith’s burn…

He doesn’t understand his own sarcastic comment is actually a self-burn? Like, you can actually read his lips (“Oh, fuck”) when he realizes what he just said?

4) “ You're just like the rest of them, aren't you? You just want to use me for my skills and pay me for my time and effort.”

MAX: If you don't find her, I'm taking a bath with my blow-dryer.

6) This is one of Veronica’s traits that always rubs me the wrong way, probably because people mocking others’ interests is a personal pet peeve of mine…

MAX: It was Comic-Con. VERONICA: You didn't get all sweaty in your Wookiee suit, did you? MAX: Yuk it up. You know, it's not all Trekkies and Star Wars nerds. I was there because Dave Gibbons has a new graphic novel that he scripted as well as drew. VERONICA: [sarcastically] Sounds cooler now.

Get off your high horse, Veronica. There’s nothing uncool about liking stuff. That mentality sucks.

What’s worse, she’s clearly a closet nerd, since she can both deliver and understand geeky references.

7) Now, this is the Veronica I love...

MAX: Have a seat.

VERONICA: No, thanks. It's easier to be nosy if I can mill about.

8) And I love this little Easter egg...

VERONICA: You know Mac and Parker? This is their room.

MAX: Who?

VERONICA: Uh, this photo.

MAX: No, that's from the around-the-world party. That's my roommate, Brian, and my friend, Fred. I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame.

9) This is gross on so many levels…

VERONICA: The glass-is-half-full version: Chelsea's not getting married. Max is overjoyed. MAX: Are you serious? VERONICA: Yeah. The half-empty version is...she's a hooker. VERONICA: Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you...lost your virginity.

10) And this is something the show did a lot during this season, and I honestly appreciate it:

MAX: Can you still find her?

VERONICA: Um...yes. But she'll still be a prostitute.

MAX: I'm not stupid, Veronica. Okay, we had something. I know it. There's some things you can't fake.

VERONICA: There are some things women are universally known for faking, and this girl is a professional.

MAX: When I dropped her off at the airport, she had tears in her eyes.

VERONICA: Are you sure she wasn't thinking of the cab fare back?

See, Veronica’s fieldwork in the world of P.I. has given her hands-on experience on how seedy and corrupted everyone is. Expecting the worse and jumping to conclusions has become second nature to her. She can’t help it. It doesn’t help that more often than not, her instincts are right. But on occasion, people surprise her and prove her wrong. This will be one of those cases, at least in the sense that Wendy really had feelings for Max. And every time Veronica is proven wrong in her preconceptions, it feels so refreshing because Veronica is judgmental and jaded to a fault. And like Logan told her a few episodes ago, she’s not always right. She still believes she is, though.

It still kind of feels this pattern of Veronica having preconceptions and then being proven wrong was building up to something bigger, you know? Veronica had become more prejudiced and prone to snap judgments at the same time she became more reckless and cocky with her detective work. As the season progresses, her sense of infallibility and almightiness gets stronger. But she is never forced to face the music. I think it would’ve been a great arc if she was.

11) See point 6) above.

VERONICA: That explains why Chelsea was into comic books. Chelsea's a dude.

12)

13)

KEITH: Will you be home for dinner?

VERONICA: No, I'm meeting two hookers over at Logan's later.

KEITH: On a school night?

VERONICA: Off-peak hours. Save a few bucks.

KEITH: You're not really.

VERONICA: Fiona and Lizette. They're just a couple of gals putting themselves through college. Man, quit bringing me down with your bourgeois hang-ups.

14) This conversation pretty much sums up Logan’s and Veronica’s issues and insecurities as well as their relationship’s shortcomings in this season.

VERONICA: So, have you...ever been with one? LOGAN: An escort? VERONICA: Yeah. LOGAN: Do we really want to go there? VERONICA: I guess we don't have to now. LOGAN: Come on, that wasn't me answering the question. VERONICA: It kinda was. LOGAN: No, it wasn't. That was me knowing there's a land mine and trying to figure out where to put my foot. VERONICA: Well, I guess you picked your spot. Look, why not dispel any romantic notions? If we see each other, warts and all, and still like each other, that's a real connection. LOGAN: Well, maybe I enjoy my romantic notions. Maybe I don't care to see any warts, you know, yours or mine. Now you see, you're smiling, all right, so I think it's all fun and safe, but it's a slippery slope from "Have you ever been" to "How many" and "How often." VERONICA: So you've been with multiple hookers on several occasions. LOGAN: I'm not having this conversation with you.

On the one hand, Veronica claims she wants to know about Logan’s sexual exploits so that they can disregard any “romantic notions” they might have about each other and love each other as they truly are. On paper, that seems like a solid statement. And I’d buy it if she wasn’t prying on Logan’s sexual exploits, to begin with. Veronica has always been terrified of Logan cheating on her, with has more to do with her own insecurities than him giving her actual reasons to suspect him. Other than the one time he “cheated” on Lilly with Yolanda (and I think it’s fair to quote Ross Geller’s “we were on a break” defense,) Logan’s always been faithful. Yes, he does sleep around when he’s single, but when he’s in a relationship with someone he loves? I think Logan would cut his own dick before cheating. Veronica knows this. She’s had first-hand experience on how loyal and faithful Logan can be. And she had a first-row seat to Logan and Lilly’s relationship – he was the cheatee, not the cheater. So the fact that she wants to dig in Logan’s previous sexual relationships has to do with her own insecurities as regards how she won’t measure up to Logan’s former sexual partners. She probably feels inexperienced and inadequate. She might even think he could get bored of having sex with her (I know, she’s delusional! Logan could never get tired of her! NEVER!) And so she’s been restlessly waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Logan to cheat on her pretty much since they started dating.

On the other hand, there’s Logan claim that he’d rather avoid this conversation because it is quite literally a landmine. He’s honest, of course. And right. Nothing he could ever say would satisfy Veronica. And that’s the problem. That’s his own insecurity when it comes to her. But the difference is, his insecurities are well-founded. We already got a glimpse of this when the whole Mercer-and-the-hotel-on-fire thing came up. What frightens Logan more than anything is that he believes he will never be good enough for Veronica. And Veronica, more often than not, makes him feel wanting. So, you see, fessing up about his sleazy past won’t exactly paint him in a boyfriend-material light. Logan’s smarter than that. Moreover, he knows he’ll probably feed Veronica’s mistrust because for some reason she has this internalized misconception that if you are a sexual being, then you’re prone to cheating.

15)

VERONICA: Sorry, Lizette. Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule. Pay the girl, Max.

LOGAN: If we're paying her anyway...

VERONICA: Honey?

16) Look at this goofus face when the two lovers are finally reunited! You truly believe this guy could cheat?

17) Ugh, and then…

To Logan’s credit, he didn’t even bat an eye when she showed up. But then…

VERONICA: No, Madison is pretty much the physical embodiment of all things I loathe. If Dick starts dating her again, you're gonna need to get a different roommate.

He can’t look her in the eye because he knows, he knows what her reaction is going to be once she finds out he slept with Madison (even if they weren’t together when he did…)

18) I fucking love this moment…

The way Keith just looks at her like actually taking note of her advice? It kills me.

19) Favorite!

20)

WENDY: Oh, my God. Thank you. That's the thing about being a working girl. Easy to break into, not so easy to get out of. It's not like I'm one of the big earners, but I have this client, a judge. VERONICA: Ooh, a judge? Which one? WENDY: Cramer. VERONICA: No freaking way! My dad busted him for taking bribes, and the old bastard still got re-elected. WENDY: He is the kinkiest out of all my clients. No sex, he just likes to sneak me into his office at the courthouse. All he wants to do is have tickle fights and walk around in my shoes.

And while Veronica is delighted with this piece of information, Max is…

…the opposite of delighted?

21) “For what little it's worth, I was totally wrong. You and Wendy do have something. You two are great together, and I'm sorry. And this just plain sucks.” You see? How nice is it to hear Veronica admitting she wasn’t right?

But, of course, literally one minute later…

VERONICA: It's purple makeup. The bruise was a fake. You've been had. They duped you. Nicki didn't get worked over by her pimp. She and Wendy just conned you out of a grand. MAX: That's crazy. VERONICA: Crazy? She screws people for money, Max. That's what she does. VERONICA: I'm sorry. That wasn't- MAX: No, I'm an idiot. VERONICA: You're not. From where I stand, Wendy's the idiot. And now we must crush her.

No evidence other than the stained cloth and yet she thinks she’s figured it all out. And she’s ready for payback. Ugh, I wish they would’ve gone somewhere with this pattern of behavior!

22) You see what I mean?!

LOGAN: This is a bad idea.

VERONICA: It's blackmail. It's the go-to idea. In case of emergency, break glass or blackmail.

LOGAN: Uh, excuse me if I can't get jazzed about my girlfriend extorting a judge.

VERONICA: Look, I'm not doing a back handspring about it either, but I'm getting Max his thousand dollars back, and I'm taking away Wendy's best client. It works on so many levels.

MAX: You don't have to do this.

Like, even Max tells her she doesn’t have to do this. And she ploughes ahead

23) And, let’s be honest, she gets off on it…

VERONICA: I can't believe I had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with you.

24)

VERONICA: But seriously, folks... have you? LOGAN: What? Ever been with a hooker? Why does it matter? VERONICA: I just want to know. I assume the answer is yes. Look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. "Hooker? Who cares?" LOGAN: Well, here's your chance to be cool. Stop asking. VERONICA: I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really... intimate. LOGAN: That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off. VERONICA: I'm just saying, buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around. LOGAN: Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh? VERONICA: I'm giving you the chance right now to come clean. You tell all. I tell all. Go from there. LOGAN: Hm, fine. Ask away. Ask anything you want. VERONICA: Have you ever been with a hooker? LOGAN: No.

She’s giving him a chance to “come clean” as if he’s committed some sort of crime. And she can’t help her smile when he confesses he’s never been with a prostitute.

25) So was he talking about the beach girl or Madison? Or, possibly, both.

VERONICA: Were you with anyone while we were broken up? LOGAN: Landmine. I fooled around with this horrible girl who meant less than nothing to me, and I couldn't regret it more. Thinking of it makes me ill. So, there. Presto. Intimacy. Still love me? VERONICA: Yes.

26) You see Veronica? You’re not invincible…

27)

VERONICA: You just handed over a hundred hundred dollar bills.

MAX: Yeah, I was there.

VERONICA: And what guarantee do you have that-

28) To be honest, I love how Weevil treats Wendy in this scene. Like, no judgment at all! He’s just happy to see someone he knows and wants to say hello! You’re cool beans, Weevs.

WEEVIL: Hey, I-I know you.

VERONICA: Weevil, this is Wendy.

WEEVIL: Fiona, right?

WEEVIL: You used to dance at the Electric Lady. My buddy was a bouncer up there.

WENDY: You must be thinking of someone else.

WEEVIL: No, I don't think so. You have a tattoo, red dragon, left cheek. Am I right?

29) Okay, so that lasted as long as a un pedo en una canasta. (sorry, I like this idiomatic expression in Spanish and I’m not even trying to translate it.)

MAX: "The-the day we met was one of the best days of my life. I-I fell for you that day, but you didn't know what I was then, and now you do and it shows in the way you look at me. It shows in the way you touch me but I'll never regret it. You made me realise what I was missing. Love, Wendy."

30) UGH UGH UGH…

MADISON: Oh, Logan and I hooked up in Aspen over the holidays. I guess you two were split, huh? I was in town and thought he might have some free time, but, oh, well. Oh, and, as a friend, he's not so big on the one-piece numbers.

#Veronica Mars #VM #Kristen Bell #Logan Echolls #Rob Thomas #LoVe #Poughkeepsie Tramps and Thieves #MTVSepicrewatch #VMrewatch2015 #mine #recap #vmrecap

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toomanyfeelings5 · 7 years

Text

happy, part 6

new part of this fic! link to part 5, which links to the other parts.

this bit features a lot of me channeling crazy ex-girlfriend: rosy and lydgate basically burst into “we’ll never have problems again (love yay)!” and rosy’s entire mindset with every relationship she’s ever had with a man can be summed up with in one indescribable instant, which you should all listen to and think about compulsory heterosexuality and unrealistic relationship expectations and lowkey laugh/tear up with me while you listen.

full disclosure: i’ve never read a sarah dessen novel, and i’m sure her books are well-written and wonderful. the quotes i take from this lullaby (which, according to rosy’s tumblr, has been her favorite book since she was like, twelve, no i’m not a weirdo stalker) are necessarily out of context. i’m by no means hating on the book or its depiction of romance: it’s really about how rosy interprets the book???

also rosy is maybe kind of sort of starting to sort her shit out.

11. thomas lydgate is handsome, intelligent, driven, and overconfident in a way that’s admirable instead of distasteful. he’s a man who knows what he wants. he wears polo shirts and button-downs and khaki pants and expensive shoes, and, according to him, only owns one sweatshirt. he’s also an adorable nerd who watches grey’s anatomy despite its “deeply inaccurate representation of actual medical procedures and treatment,” who is so passionate and so excited and so sure about becoming a doctor that rosy forgets sometimes that he isn’t already in med school.

fred says that he’s arrogant, max says that he talks over him, and jaime doesn’t seem to like him much either. rosy doesn’t ignore these criticisms--they all know him better than she does, for now anyway. but she’s been watching cinderella on repeat for the past week, and she’s re-read sarah dessen’s this lullaby at least three times in the past four days, and she keeps waking up with “so this is love,” stuck in her head, and she writes quotes from the book into her planner when she has the time, so the most important parts of her days ends up looking like this:

12. “i had a feeling that something big was going to happen. to both of us. that we were, in fact, meant to be together.”

rosgate is the perfect name for their relationship, and rosy smiles wide at the camera, just like she’s practiced.

“this is a great love story in the making,” she says, pushing thoughts of fred and max’s tenuous romance and fred’s barely-concealed broken heart to the side. he’s being so smug about her and lydgate anyway, and the viewers want more content about rosgate, surely.

she repeats that phrase in her head-- “this is a great love story in the making,”-- long after she’s stopped filming.

she stares into the camera, imagines that it’s her brother, and announces, “my standards aren’t that high, fred. it just takes a really extraordinary guy to live up to them. and i think i found one.”

rosy wills herself not to think of chelsea beatrice’s worn, stained, covered-in-patches leather jacket, and more than that, she wills herself to believe her own words.

above all of his other excellent, marriageable qualities, thomas lydgate has more than enough certainty for the both of them, and that’s more than enough for rosy to fall in love with him.

13. “love is so unpredictable. that's what makes it so great.”

rosy doesn’t look over fred’s footage often, but she’s stuck reviewing the bit of film her and fred recorded before they send it to dot, so she catches him telling the viewers that “this is a big heterosexual disaster.”

rosy doesn’t talk to him for hours afterwards.

later, she constructs arguments with imaginary-fred in her head: what does fred know about successful relationships anyway? what does fred know about love that rosy doesn’t? why does she care--?

“it’s really better than what i could have imagined,” she tells the viewers a few weeks later, and smiles with every ounce of smug bashfulness that she can manage. she’s the one who’s going to get a happily ever after, thank you very much.

14. “everything, in the end, comes down to timing.”

sure, thomas is a bit of a flake, but he’s a pre-med student! of course he’s busy all of the time, of course he has a lot on his mind, of course he forgets little things like texting her and telling her that he can’t make it to the dinner at the best restaurant in town, that he can’t spend time with her. that doesn’t make this a disaster, fred. it makes rosgate a real developing relationship.

the funny thing is that a part of rosy is more disappointed about washing her makeup off more than anything else. rosy elects to ignore that particular part of herself, and eats a box of chocolate she’s saved for occasions such as these. she pops a white chocolate heart into her mouth, forgets how long it had taken her to apply the perfect shade of eyeshadow, and thinks of nothing but lydgate and her unanswered texts and phone calls. there. all gone.

15. “i am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed.”

the thing is--

the thing is that sometimes--

“rosamund?”

rosy hates destiny, on occasion. it brought her and thomas together, but it also shoves chelsea beatrice back into her life, an inconvenient obstacle on the way towards her romcom ending with thomas.

“rosamund? is that you?”

rosy bites her lip, and drags her eyes upwards, away from her newly-painted pink nails and to chelsea’s baffled face. rosy takes a tiny breath. she had forgotten how dark chelsea’s eyes are, the collection of freckles near her right eye, the tiny dragon tattoo on the side of her neck.

of all the places in the library, and chelsea had to pick the table across from hers to study at?

“yes,” rosy mutters, the word ghosting out of her lips. “it’s me.” she adds, “i’m rosy now.”

“oh. ok then.”

rosy is expecting chelsea to, if not yell, then at least hiss indignantly about rosy’s hasty move out of their dorm, about rosy cutting off all contact, about--

“are you ok?”

chelsea’s voice is even and measured: it’s not a roommate’s voice, or a friend’s voice. it’s a stranger’s voice, noticing something vaguely amiss.

rosy swallows the lump in her throat. her face burns, and her eyes sting. of all the things she could have expected, this hurts the most. “i’m fine.”

chelsea squints at her slightly, like when rosy would pre-game too hard and insist on wobbling to a party anyway. “are you sure?”

rosy closes her eyes, thinks, she is just an obstacle, opens her eyes, and smiles right at chelsea. “would you mind going somewhere else to study? i really need quiet today, i’ve got two big exams coming up and a presentation to prepare for.”

chelsea opens her mouth, then closes it, then grabs her bag and her laptop case. she leaves without another word.

rosy wonders, for a moment, in the silence, what chelsea had wanted to say to her. she opens her textbook and begins to read.

an hour of studying later, thomas texts her: wanna come film for dot’s documentary? i have a surprise for you :) and rosy appreciates how thomas never uses the winky face emoji, and she replies yes, be there soon! xo right away: surely she’s studied enough.

when she gets to her shared room, thomas is holding the camera.

“i thought i could film you for once,” he declares, grinning that almost-smug, hopeful smile of his.

all of the anticipation whooshes out of her as she sits on her bed. rosy manages a little laugh. “i’m not sure if i--”

“come on, it’ll be fun!”

he presses record, and rosy makes herself smile. “thomas, i don’t--”

“look how beautiful you are!” he laughs, all loose and casual. “they’ll all see you like i do.”

rosy should feel elated at this, rosy should blush and stammer out a thank you, but she hears chelsea ask, “are you ok?” and rosy bursts out, “i don’t--! this is too close! i don’t like being filmed.”

eventually, thomas stops recording.

“i just don’t get it,” he tells her, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on her bed. he’s too close, but rosy doesn’t tell him that: she can’t drive him away, of course. “why do you keep saying you don’t like being filmed but then make videos for dot?”

“it’s--” rosy bites her lip. “it’s different, that’s all.” she leans into him. he’s solid and strong and still too close. “can we go get lunch?”

the camera is hers (and sometimes fred’s). she uses it. she controls it. she doesn’t--rosy makes sure to squeeze thomas’s hand as they walk to lunch--she doesn’t want to be filmed in that way, in the way that thomas looks at her.

a traitorous thought keeps rosy up all night. her phone flashes the time: 1am, then 2:32am, then 3:45am, then 4:13am, then 5:57am. she keeps humming “so this is love” to herself. she tries to breathe evenly.

the thought doesn’t go away. the thought keeps repeating: maybe she doesn’t want to be seen that way at all.

16. “you know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. it's not overrated. there's a reason for all those songs.”

rosy and thomas are finally, officially together. he kisses her, and it’s the same as every other boy she’s been with.

while the camera is still on, she beams, and for a moment she feels so happy she could burst.

she stops recording and presses the power button.

the same sinking feeling slowly settles into her chest.

she feels a rush of...something. it’s not really butterflies. it’s not adrenaline either.

maybe it’s fear.

rosy nearly laughs: maybe she’s terrified.

17. “i can say I made a lot of mistakes, but i don't regret things. because at least i didn't spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.”

fred goes on and on about how her and thomas are so heterosexual he could die, how they’re the straightest couple he’s ever known.

an hour before celia’s party, he whines, “when will i get a boyfriend?”

rosy checks her lip gloss in the mirror. “maybe if you actually asked max instead of just assuming he’d show up--”

“it is homophobic that you have a date to the party and i don’t,” fred declares, flopping backwards onto his nest of pillows, ending the discussion.

it’s just a joke. fred says stuff like this all the time. rosy should laugh, or feel smug, but instead she is angry.

her knuckles whiten. “shut up, fred.”

his voice is muffled from all of his pillows. “c’mon, you know it’s true--”

“fuck you.”

rosy is dressed and ready to meet thomas at celia’s. her lip gloss is flawles. she leaves without looking back.

the party is fun. everyone is so fun. rosy wants to be fun, but she’s still angry, everything buzzing loud in her head, so she drinks more than she’d planned to. she drinks and drinks and and drinks and feels fun.

she doesn’t tell anyone else this, but drawing her number on billie’s arm was the best part of a shitty night. even when rosy sobers up the next day, she almost wants billie to call her. no. not almost. rosy blinks in the too-bright light. she wants billie to call her. not in a true-love way, not in a pining crush way, but still. rosy wants billie to call her. she allows herself to realize this, and then thomas starts talking to her with the camera on.

18. “love can make up for a lot.”

“i know what is and isn’t healthy for you.”

thomas wants her to give up drinking, and that angry feeling squeezes rosy’s chest again, so she goes out drinking the next night, with dana and sharon and jackie and all of her other friends. it’s the weekend. she can do her work later. she can respond to thomas’s texts later.

the next morning, rosy hears thomas talking. he’s sitting in her room talking...to the camera? she tries to go back to sleep, to ignore the uneasiness and irritation and--ugh, that was one too many tequilas--but then she catches thomas saying, “i’m beginning to feel really powerless here,” and rosy cannot believe it. did he really say that? is she still drunk? she almost wants to laugh, if she wasn’t so tired and hungover. she doesn’t catch his next sentence, but she does hear, “she was so mild when we met,” and, “i don’t know what happened,” so rosy interrupts him.

she wants to say, “i don’t know what happened either, but i’m starting to figure it out why it’s been happening.” she doesn’t say any of that. thomas tells her to go back to sleep, so she does.

rosy wakes up later, drinks water, manages to sit up after a while, and tries not to worry too much.

#mmts #middlemarch: the series #fic #my fic #idk what the timeline is for filming their videos????#and i skipped over the let's pretend fred is sick video because i'm lazy #anyway #i enjoy overthinking and applying music to writing so #for the record rosy and chelsea are not going to end up together but there will be more of chelsea so get pumped #also i edited the end of part 5 to say that rosamund goes by rosy now

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