#annual psych eval | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cyhyr · 3 years

Text

Whumpmas In July: Support

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: M

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka; Hatake Kakashi & Maito Gai

WC: ~5640

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: Therapy, Flashbacks, Triggers, Making Out, Communication

A/N: This story will make. Next to no sense. If you don't read "Stop" first. I mean, you can certainly try. But really. If anyone needs a summary of the previous fic--I know it's a rough one--send a message and I'll get back to you with it :)

A sequel to "Stop"

For @whumpmasinjuly prompt list

Read on The Archive

“Is there anything else you wanted to discuss today? We still have five minutes.”

Iruka crosses his arms and ducks his head, thinking of how to word his question. Request? “I… How does one go about helping their partner in this kind of situation?”

Rikona leans her elbow on her desk, her chin on her hand. “You’re worried about Hatake-san.”

“He’s the one who found me,” Iruka says. “I’d be worried for anyone who found me in that state. It… it wasn’t pleasant. But because he’s also my partner…” He trails off, not yet knowing how to finish his sentence. Rikona will wait, he knows; he scrubs his face with his palms. “He doesn’t leave me alone anymore.”

“It’s only been three weeks, Iruka-sensei. Surely, he’s being understandably protective, considering what he saw.”

“No, I mean. He won’t take missions. He’s outside in the waiting room right now. He’s on alert in the village. The civilians are starting to notice. My students,” he groans, “they’re asking if Kakashi will just come inside the classroom instead of hanging around in the trees like a creep.”

Rikona hums thoughtfully. “That does seem excessive. Is he seeing anyone? For therapy, of course.”

Iruka shakes his head. “I know it’s noted in his file that he’s attended his required annual psych evals, but he says he’s had Yamanaka in his head before and doesn’t want anyone else in there.”

She sighs. “Their mind jutsu is an offensive technique and shouldn’t be used on fellow Konoha shinobi. Urgh.”

“Urgh indeed,” Iruka agrees.

“I think, the best you can do for now, would be to have Hatake-san confide in someone.”

“I—”

“He’s not going to tell you, Iruka-sensei,” she continues, waving a hand flippantly. “He sees you as someone to protect. He’s not going to put his worries on you. Does he have a good friend you can ask to look into him?”

Iruka smiles, and nods.

Kakashi has a new routine since Iruka’s release from the hospital. He wakes up just before dawn and sneaks out of Iruka’s apartment, where he’s been sleeping at the kotatsu. He visits the memorial stone for twenty-four minutes, the exact amount of time he can give himself and still make it back to Iruka’s before breakfast.

He makes Iruka eat (he doesn’t eat; can’t eat, not this early) and take the medicine he’s been prescribed (a two-week course of antibiotics, and pain medicine as needed). While Iruka eats, he makes bento for both of them. Then he walks Iruka to the Academy, where he hangs out in the tree outside of Iruka’s classroom all day until lunchtime. They eat lunch together, Iruka telling him about the morning classes as though he doesn’t know Kakashi is watching his every breath. When afternoon practicals take Iruka’s class outside, Kakashi shifts silently to another tree to keep his mark.

Iruka used to switch up and use different training fields for different days. Lately, he keeps his class in training field three. It’s the one furthest from the village border. They never discussed this, but Kakashi suspects Rikona-sensei suggested it. She’s been good for Iruka.

Iruka’s afternoons are different day-to-day, but Kakashi stays next to him throughout it all. He sits in the corner, pretending to read, during Mission Desk shifts. He stays in the back of the classroom quietly if Iruka’s on detention duty. He offers assistance if Iruka is tutoring—for theory, he’s gently let down, but Iruka lets him help if he’s tutoring practicals. On Thursdays he walks Iruka to the hospital, to the third floor, and anxiously stays in the waiting room for the hour-long therapy session.

After everything, they’ll pick up something for dinner and head home. To Iruka’s home. Kakashi asks every night if he can stay, and Iruka always says yes, as long as he cooks dinner. A small price to pay for his peace of mind. If it comes with Iruka’s pleased smile at every new dish Kakashi serves him, with a deep moan of content when the soup is the perfect blend of spicy and savory; well, that’s just a bonus.

Iruka always demands to clean up himself. “You cooked, I’ll clean.”

Kakashi doesn’t know what to think about it. He knows now that Iruka stress-cleans; is this just him destressing after… after? Or is he really just dividing the labor?

He only lets Iruka out of sight now that they’re home—in Iruka’s home—and behind the wards. He relaxes, settles down into the kotatsu, and lets Iruka come to him. He always does, every night. Even if it’s just to sit side-by-side, with Kakashi’s arms around Iruka while they each read their own books—Iruka always comes to him at the end of the night.

Sometimes they’ll kiss. It doesn’t get heated, but feeling Iruka close as he is comfortable being is perfect.

He makes sure to send Iruka to bed before he falls asleep. Iruka always asks if he wants the spare room, the one Naruto had once claimed, but Kakashi’s more comfortable at the kotatsu, where he can cover more entrances to the apartment. Not that he tells Iruka that. He trusts Iruka’s wards. But… just in case.

Iruka plans on asking Gai-sensei to take Kakashi out for an evening the next time he sees him at the Mission Desk. It can’t take too long for that coincidence to occur; Team Gai has been taking missions almost non-stop in preparation for the next chūnin exams in a few months.

Kakashi turns the page of his book from his seat in the corner of the room. If nothing else, his constant presence has been a boon in that the more unruly jōnin don’t dare act up while Kakashi is standing guard. And gods, everyone in the village knows that’s exactly what he’s doing and it… it grates on Iruka, that Kakashi feels he needs a guard while he’s safe behind the village walls.

But he can’t ask him to stop. He knows it’s not for him. Kakashi isn’t doing this for Iruka, no matter what he tells himself, or anyone else.

They head home at the end of the night. It’s comfortable, having Kakashi there at his side. He won’t let Iruka wrap an arm around his waist or even hold his hand while they walk, but they’re close enough that they brush elbows and fingertips. Iruka feels the static in the air as they walk, the chakra discharge Kakashi is barely holding back.

Gods help the poor bastard who bumps into them before he gets past this.

On the stairs up to his apartment, Iruka turns and looks down at Kakashi, whose gaze is turned out at the village. “Love?”

Kakashi hums, and cocks his head up at him. He looks so much like a puppy when he does that.

Iruka cups his face with one palm, turning his face the rest of the way towards himself. With his other hand, he cards his fingers lightly through Kakashi’s hair, revelling in the closed-eye sigh he receives. “Rikona-sensei suggested yesterday that I might be ready to try something… more, if you’re up for that,” he murmurs against Kakashi’s hitai-ate.

He watches Kakashi’s throat shift under the mask, his lips part and the fabric dampen with the force of his exhale.

“What are we still doing outside, then?” he finally says.

Iruka grins, and reaches down for his hands. Kakashi gives them to him freely, and they stumble-trip-carry-each-other the rest of the way into his apartment.

It used to be, when Kakashi had come home with him, he’d crowd him against the door and kiss his neck while begging him to get the wards back up. This time, Kakashi pulls Iruka against his chest, putting his own back to the door, and feeds his own chakra into the wards to set them for the night. While he does that, Iruka carefully slides his mask down his face to pool at his collar and sets to kissing him so thoroughly Kakashi has to restart the wards twice to get them right.

Once he’s done, he keeps his hands pressed to the wood of the door; Iruka can feel the strain of want in his shoulders.

“What happened to ‘best ass in Konoha’?” he mutters against Kakashi’s lips.

Kakashi moans; asks, “It’s okay? Can I? Please please please let me touch you, Love, I—”

“If your hands aren’t on my ass by the time I finish this—oh, fuck.”

Kakashi squeezes in pulses, kisses him back, and starts walking him out of the genkan. Sandals, vests, hitai-ate, wrappings—all are gone as quickly as possible, with silent taps against each piece to ask Is this okay? Can I take this off of you? All the while, they keep kissing, tongues meeting gently and lips gasping at heated brushes of bare skin.

Kakashi pulls Iruka down on top of him as they fall onto the kotatsu. He takes advantage of the new position and dives for that sweet spot behind Kakashi’s ear, smiling and pressing his teeth against soft skin.

He’s hard. They’re both hard. It’s wonderful.

Kakashi tips his head back and moans, wraps his arms around Iruka’s waist, spreads his legs and breathes, “More, Iruka, please Love, more.”

“More, what?” Iruka smiles.

“Whatever. Whatever you want to give me, I’ll take. Just. Gods, feels so-so nice.”

Iruka dips his head, kisses Kakashi’s neck, and rocks his hips slowly against Kakashi’s. “Fuck, love,” he gasps. “You-You’re so beautiful like this.”

He frots a little harder, a little faster, and it’s amazing.

But something—something’s off.

The hairs on the back of his neck rise. Iruka looks up.

Kakashi’s head is still tipped aside. His breath is stuttering. The sharingan is open. One of his arms falls off of Iruka’s back and flops, palm up, to the side.

Oh gods, no.

“Love? Kakashi?” Iruka places a hand on Kakashi's cheek and feels his blood freeze. “Kakashi, my love, come back to me. We’re in Konoha, we’re at home, the wards are up, we’re safe.”

Lightning chakra sparks in his hand. Iruka swallows back the instinctive fear, and throws himself back into waking Kakashi up.

“Please, love, you can’t—you have to come back. Please, we’re not—we’re safe. I’m safe. You already killed him. It’s over,” he ducks his head and presses a kiss to Kakashi’s clothed chest. “My Kakashi, please, please come back to me.”

The lightning doesn’t stop. The sharingan doesn’t close. For so many long, terrible minutes, Iruka waits, willing Kakashi to come back to himself. For the flashback to stop. He wonders how much Kakashi is registering. He rests his head on Kakashi’s chest and listens to his stuttering breath and rabbit-fast pulse.

He does his best not to cry.

Kakashi’s shirt gets wet anyway.

The sparks in his palm eventually stop. Iruka looks up and sees both of Kakashi’s eyes are closed. He leans back down and listens closely, but his pulse and breathing are still off. He must have just chakra-exhausted himself. “Kakashi,” he murmurs. “My love, please wake up. Gods, is this how you feel, when I…”

“...Iru-ka?”

“Oh, thank the gods,” Iruka sighs. He leans up and cups Kakashi’s cheeks. “What do you need, love? What can I—?”

“Water. Please.”

Iruka vaults over the back of the kotatsu to get to the kitchen faster. But as soon as he stands up, he remembers how he feels coming out of an episode—cold, not quite all there—and Kakashi just had a warm weight leave him suddenly. Iruka turns and grabs a throw blanket out of a basket and drapes it over Kakashi; who, indeed, had started to shiver. He looks up at Iruka gratefully, and huddles into the throw, and then also pulls the quilt of the kotatsu closer.

Satisfied, Iruka goes for the water.

They were. They were on the kotatsu. They’d been making out. It was nice. Great. Amazing.

Kakashi fully expected to never get that close to Iruka again and yet, the man had put his teeth on his neck and they had both been hard and-and—

And then he was back in that cave, and his legs ached from running for so long, and the echo of Sato’s words rang between his ears. “You can’t imagine how beautiful your eyes are, full of fear. But you don’t have to be afraid right now, pet. Your eyes are just as beautiful in the throes of ecstasy.” He wasn’t fast enough. Sato had Iruka tied up, his legs over Sato’s shoulders, was going to-to—

Sharingan. Raikiri. Death.

He’s not fast enough. He couldn’t save him. Couldn’t… save—

Sato had Iruka tied up to a pole by his neck.

“You came. You came. You—”

“My Kakashi, please please come back to me.”

...

Kakashi breathes. It hurts. He’s cold, and breathing hurts, and he hasn’t felt like this since Rin—

“Water, love?”

He looks up, and Iruka is coming around the side of the kotatsu with a glass and a plate. He smiles tiredly. He’s in good hands, he supposes; if anyone knows how to treat someone who just went through… that, it’s Iruka.

“I also brought some crackers and cucumber slices,” Iruka says. “May I sit?”

Kakashi nods. “Please.” He tries to sit up so Iruka can have the place where his head currently is, but Iruka waves him away. He places the water in Kakashi’s hand and the plate in easy reach, and then goes to the other side of the kotatsu and sits at Kakashi’s feet.

Their toes touch. Kakashi sips at the water and grabs a cucumber.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Iruka asked.

“I… We were. Y’know. And then I was back in the cave.”

Iruka nods. “Do you know what pushed you there? Something I did, or a position, or—”

“‘Beautiful’,” Kakashi mutters, and then shivers and groans as his stomach tries to turn.

Iruka looks thoughtful for a moment, and then nods. “We won’t say it again. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t have known.”

“Kakashi—”

“I feel so…” Kakashi holds up his hands and looks at them, turns them over. It’s odd. “I can’t describe it.”

“Fuzzy? Raw?”

Kakashi stares over at Iruka and then slowly nods. “Tingly.”

“You manifested lightning chakra in your right palm for almost ten minutes, love. And I’m pretty sure you have a minor case of chakra exhaustion from having the sharingan activated the whole time, too.”

Kakashi groans. “I’m sorry for ruining our night.”

Iruka chuckles. “Try again, love.”

He tilts his head to the side and tries to think. What could Iruka mean…? Oh. Ha.

“Um… I’m not sure—?”

“I’ll always be here if you need me,” Iruka prompts. “Just like you’re always there for me.”

He smiles tiredly. “Thank you, Iruka. For staying.”

“You’re welcome. Do you want to eat more than that, or do you think you just need to sleep it off?”

“I’d like to… to hold you,” Kakashi says, “if that’s alright?”

Iruka scoots over to him and lets Kakashi arrange him against his chest. They rest for much of the evening, until Iruka has to eat more than crackers and cucumbers. After dinner he hovers in the hall, hesitant.

“Do you… um. Kakashi, would it be—ah, fuck.”

“I’ll be okay on the kotatsu again tonight,” he says.

Iruka sighs, and shuffles his feet. “But you don’t have to. We’ve shared a bed before. And I know I always feel better getting to hold you through the night after one of my episodes, so I just thought…”

Kakashi’s heart swells. He grins, stands on slightly shaky legs, and crosses the living room to the hall where Iruka waits.

“Would it make you feel better if I slept with you?”

Iruka shrugs. “I mean, yes, but I don’t want to push you. Flashbacks, Dissociation, it’s no joke, love and—”

“This isn’t the first time I’m going through this,” Kakashi says. Seeing Iruka’s curious glint, he continues, “I’ll tell you about it some other time, but suffice to say I’m. Familiar. With flashbacks. Going through them with someone else; this is the new part for me.”

Iruka reaches out and takes his hand. Tugs him, gently. “Just… come to bed? Please?”

Kakashi glances back at the kotatsu. The living room is better for watching more possible entrances. But Iruka’s in his bedroom. This is a practical choice. “Let me grab my hitai-ate, and I’ll be along.”

Iruka’s smile rivals the sun. Gods, it’s nice to see that smile again.

“Kakashi had a flashback,” Iruka groans. “He’s. He’s got a trigger word.”

“How is he?”

“Raw. Flighty.” He snorts. “More overprotective than he was before, if it was possible.”

Rikona-sensei hums and fiddles with her pen. “Do you feel comfortable talking about what happened? Were you there for it?”

Iruka shrugs. “I was there for it. I… I caused it. I said his trigger word. We didn’t know.”

“That is how we tend to find out about these things.”

“But I don’t. Not yet. It’s not my story to tell.”

“So then tell your story. Tell me your experience, finally being on the other side of this.”

Iruka crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. “I…” He chews on his lip. “It was terrifying. I’ve never been scared of Kakashi, okay? Not-not when I was a genin and heard about the genius in ANBU, not when I served under him when I was still doing field work regularly, not when I stood up to him at the chūnin exam nominations. But the other night, he—”

He stops. Shuts his eyes tight, ducks his head. Rikona-sensei nudges the tissue box a little closer. He ignores it.

“I was so scared he was going to hurt himself.”

“Not you?”

“I… yeah, I was a little scared of that. He had molded lightning chakra during his episode. He’d opened the sharingan. He… If he had more control of his body, he could have easily killed me, I think.”

“Iruka, I need you to think very carefully about this,” Rikona-sensei starts, “because you’re my client, and your well-being and safety are paramount to a good mental health recovery. But also because Hatake-san is a former ANBU operative and doesn’t have his own mental health support regiment. So I’m asking you. Do you feel safe around him?”

Iruka shifts in his seat. “If I say no, you’re going to have him admitted, aren’t you?”

“No,” she says. “But I am required to bring such information to the Hokage. She’ll do with that information as she sees fit.”

Iruka thinks—Kakashi had been limp. He’d said it was a flashback, but it really was closer to a dissociation episode from how Iruka looked at it. Yes, all the preparatory signs were there for a raikiri, but if Kakashi couldn’t even lift his hand, had he really been a threat?

But really.

He’d been more worried that the chakra exhaustion wasn’t going to stop the flashback, or the half-formed raikiri. He’d been worried that Kakashi would be forced to bed rest for days over a flashback, instead of a real threat. He’d been worried that Kakashi would lose control of the lightning chakra and shock himself.

“Kakashi is not a danger to me,” Iruka says firmly, “nor to the village.”

Rikona nods. “Your word, Iruka-sensei. If that feeling changes, at any time, there are always ANBU on patrol. Alert them.”

Getting Gai to agree to take Kakashi out for a night is simple—the man nearly starts crying at the chance to spend an evening catching up with his Eternal Rival.

Getting Kakashi to leave him alone for the night to go out with Gai; now that proves relatively difficult. All the way home from the Mission Desk, they bicker about it gently. Iruka doesn’t want to provoke Kakashi. He just wants Kakashi to spend time with someone else.

They’re climbing the stairs up to the apartment. “It’s just one night,” Iruka smiles, looking back over his shoulder.

Kakashi can’t seem to muster up the will to smile back. He’s worriedly glancing out at the village. “But what about—”

“I can feed myself for one night, love,” he says.

“You know that’s not what… what I…”

Iruka turns, takes his hands and kisses them. Softly, “Love, trust my wards. I’m in the village. I’m safe.”

“I know. I just.”

“Go. Have a night. You can walk me to school in the morning, same as always. I won’t leave without you.”

Kakashi sighs, and asks, “Can I kiss you before I go?”

Iruka smirks. “You’d better.”

Kakashi keeps his hands in his pockets while he and Gai walk through the market. Gai is talking about Youth and Evenings and The Warmth of Springtime. Kakashi is looking at the paper lanterns and contemplating ducking into a food stall. He knows Gai will follow him.

Maybe he could use this time away to get Iruka a gift.

But what would he like?

“Kakashi, are you listening?”

“Springtime, Passion, Youth, Maa, Maa,” Kakashi waves him off, “What do you think Iruka would like as a gift?”

“Thinking of your precious person even when you are apart! The love you share is so—”

“Focus, Gai.”

“Why not a simple bouquet? Flowers are always bea—”

“Don’t!” Kakashi snaps. Gai’s mouth shuts fast, and the crowd around them stills for just a moment. He sweats, shakes, and then jumps to the roofs and runs. He can hear Gai keeping pace behind him; that’s fine. He can deal with Gai. He can’t deal with civilians, with all those eyes—

He lands behind the Academy, leans heavily on his knees, and keeps going into the trees. It’s getting dark, but he’s leaving a trail and Gai knows his chakra. He falls into a clearing and slips—oh, this is what Iruka describes as slipping, feeling the world fall away out from underneath him, but he’s not fully gone yet.

“Kakashi!”

He holds himself together, his breath stuttering, the grass wet under his knees; but it's not grass, it’s stone, and it’s not his knees it’s his feet and he’s running and his legs ache and-and,

A hand slaps his cheek.

“Stay with me, Kakashi! Where are you?”

“Cave. Forty-two miles northeast—”

“No, Kakashi. Where are you?”

He looks around. It’s dark. The cave is-was-is dark. He needs-needed the sharingan to see it was so dark. Is. Was?

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“You are safe within the walls of Konohagakure. We are in training field three, behind the Academy.”

The Academy? Iruka.

“Where’s Iruka???”

“He is at home, where you left him. Also safe, behind nigh impenetrable wards and seals only the best fūinjutsu master could hope to break.”

Kakashi looks up. Gai is kneeling in the grass—wet, soft, recently mowed grass—and looking at him with deep concern. His hands hover over Kakashi’s shoulders.

“Kakashi, what happened back there?”

“I… I don’t. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But you must. You can not serve the village in this state.”

“What—What do you want me to say?”

“The truth!” Gai put his massive hands on Kakashi’s shoulders and it’s a relief to have that pressure assuring him that he exists in the here-and-now and not back-then. “I am more than your Rival, am I not?”

“Gai…”

“Am I?”

Kakashi nods, slowly. It hurts to move too fast.

“Then talk to me.” He shifts them both so that they’re laying on their backs in the grass, looking up at the stars. Gai stays right by his side; like he always had been, like he always will. Kakashi breathes more steadily now. Then Gai asks, “How are you?”

“Better than Iruka,” Kakashi mutters.

“See, I am not sure that is true.” Gai hums. “Iruka-sensei, as terrible as this sounds, has experience with this sort of encounter. He has a therapist, a professional trained in methods with which to help him. He has a loving partner who cares for him deeply,” he nudges Kakashi’s shoulder with his own; Kakashi smirks. “He finds fulfillment in his work, which he resumed as soon as he was physically able. And he still speaks with his friends, at least during work hours.”

“I…”

“Love is a wondrous thing, and it fills my heart to see you care so much. But I want to know how you are.”

Someday, he’ll figure out what makes Gai, Gai. Someday, he’ll figure out why Gai makes Kakashi vomit words like nearly no one else. Someday, he’ll figure out why he and Gai were never romantically compatible.

Tonight, he talks.

He tells Gai about not being fast enough. About hearing Sato calling Iruka… that. About seeing Iruka in that horrible position, with Sato over him. About having Iruka repeat, over and over, “You came,” like he’d given up.

About how he failed Iruka.

He’s had to come to terms with not being fast enough to save someone before. He visits them at the Stone. But Iruka.

“Gai, I still look at him every day and I-I see him there, with the-the ropes around his neck and Sato ready to… to…”

“You feel guilty.”

“How can he even trust me anymore?!”

“Iruka-sensei never lost faith in Konoha, and so never lost faith in you.”

“And he managed to get out of all of that without a new trigger—he has so many, Gai, it’s horrible, I swear if I ever get the chance to kill that fucker I’m going to do it—”

“Mizuki?”

Kakashi growls. “Let’s not get into that tonight.”

“Understood.”

“But he. He was so worried he wasn’t going to be able to hear the words pet or pretty again without,” Kakashi makes a vague gesture. Gai nods for him to continue. “But he did. He’s so strong and he made it through. He tested it with his therapist a week after he came home, and again that night when I brought him back to his apartment.”

“That is great news, Kakashi.”

“And then there’s me. Who didn’t go through any of what he did, who doesn’t have any of that trauma, and here I am—the one with the trigger word from this experience.”

Gai leans up on his elbow and looks down at Kakashi thoughtfully. “Can you tell me what it is? So I know not to say it in your presence.”

Kakashi swallows. Deep breath. Grits his teeth… tries… “No. I… no. Um. Oh, shit.”

He rolls to his knees and crawls away, shoves his mask down to his throat, and throws up.

Gai walks him home, long after midnight. He tries going back to the jōnin barracks, but Gai insists that he not be alone tonight. He can either go home with Gai, or go back to Iruka’s.

Simple choice, really.

He knocks on Iruka’s door. If Iruka’s still awake, he’ll stay here. If not, he’ll crash at Gai’s for an hour or so until he can sneak back to his own place.

The wards’ hums slow to a stop, the door unlocks, and then opens. Iruka is dressed for bed, his hair down and braided, and he smiles when he sees Kakashi. “You didn’t need to knock,” he says.

“I really did,” Kakashi says. “It’s been a rough night.”

Iruka’s smile fades, and he looks over Kakashi’s shoulder to Gai. Gai must make some comforting gesture, because Iruka sags, and reaches out for Kakashi’s hands. “Well, come on. It’s late. Thank you, Gai-sensei, for taking him out for the evening, and for bringing him home.”

“You do not need to thank me for spending time with my dear Rival,” Gai says. He places a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder and rubs his back with his thumb. “It was pleasant, getting to catch up. We must do it again sometime. Perhaps a weekly sparring session would do us both good?”

Kakashi nods, still in a daze. He hasn’t quite… returned to himself, he supposes.

Iruka pulls him inside. “Good night, Gai-sensei.”

“Good night, Iruka-sensei, Kakashi.”

Kakashi lifts a hand in a half-wave.

Iruka gets him inside and sits him down on the step of the genkan. He helps him out of his sandals, wrappings, and flak vest. “Love?”

“I’m alright,” he says automatically.

“You don’t seem alright.”

“I talked with Gai.”

“Obviously. You were out together all night, I should hope you talked.”

“No. I… I told him. About. About Sato. I’m sorry.”

But Iruka smiles, the look soft and calming. He takes Kakashi’s hands, kisses his fingers, and slips his gloves off. Then, he pulls Kakashi to stand back up and leads him through the apartment.

“I was hoping that you would confide in a friend,” Iruka says. “I know… Kakashi, this guilt you’re feeling, it’s killing you.”

“It’s—”

Iruka sits him on the bed and slides off his hitai-ate. Kakashi’s arms go instinctively around Iruka’s waist as he steps in between Kakashi’s knees.

“It’s not healthy. A bit of guilt, for what you saw, for not being there sooner? I can understand that. But love, I’m okay. I got through it with minimal injuries and next to no backfall on my mental health.”

“I know.”

“I’m worried about you.” Iruka pets his hair and Kakashi leans his temple against Iruka’s chest.

“You were hurt,” Kakashi mutters. “I just—”

“You came at probably the worst possible time of that entire situation,” Iruka says. “You saw something horrible, and you heard someone demean me in a way you likely have never experienced before. My love,” Iruka cups his jaw and tips his chin up so they’re looking eye-to-eye, “anyone could have come out of that kind of situation with a bit of trauma. Yours is just manifesting in a physical way, and we have to work with that.”

“But—”

“My Kakashi,” Iruka says sternly. “You were hurt. Just because your scars from this event aren’t physical doesn’t mean they aren’t real.”

Iruka lets him go, and he presses his face back into Iruka’s chest the second he’s able. He groans. “Why do you call me that when you know it makes me all… I don’t know… gooey, inside?”

“Hmm?” Iruka continues petting his hair. “Call you what? My Kakashi?”

He nuzzles Iruka and groans deeper, feeling the fuzzy, tingly feeling from earlier in the night fade away. “Definitely not,” he lies.

“No?” Iruka pulls away enough to tap at his hitai-ate and mask, which is enough of a signal for bedtime as it is for remove these please. “What do I call you that makes you gooey then? Love?”

The hitai-ate makes a clink as it hits the floor.

“Dearest?”

Kakashi shrugs off his shirt and mask. It hits the hamper near the closet.

“Darling?”

He strips Iruka of his yukata, letting it fall to the floor.

“Love of my life?”

“If you don’t lay down with me, I’m going back to the kotatsu,” Kakashi growls. He wraps his arms tight around Iruka’s waist, and falls back and to the side to land on the pillows.

Iruka laughs as they fall. He gently strokes a finger down Kakashi’s bare face and asks, “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course.” Kakashi lets Iruka come to him, kissing him gently and carefully. It’s odd, being the one handled like glass. Odd, but sweet. Nice.

“I know you had an emotional evening,” Iruka says against his lips. “But I’m really excited about this and I want to tell you about it. I can wait until morning if you need to, though.”

“I would love nothing more than for you to tell me about this exciting thing, Love,” Kakashi drawls. He yawns right after, which kills the intent behind his words, but Iruka just laughs and goes forward with telling him anyway.

“So. I’ve been talking with Rikona-sensei about my triggers. And, yes, many of them are auditory, but I’ve also got quite a few visual triggers.”

“Which is why if we do anything seriously sexual we go to my place,” Kakashi adds, following along.

“Right! So, Rikona-sensei gave me a collection of apartments that are for rent right now and—”

“You’re going to move?” Kakashi perked up, suddenly awake.

Iruka nods. “I want to move. Mizuki—he spent so much time in this place, in this room, and I… I’ve tried making new memories to fit over the old ones and it’s not working. So I sent out applications tonight and hopefully by the weekend I’ll have letters back saying which apartments I can go see.” He’s grinning ear to ear, blinding Kakashi with the force of it. “One of the places is actually a small house, with a yard. If I can get it, that’s the one I want. I’m hoping Naruto likes it. And I—I want you to come see the apartments with me.”

Kakashi blinks. “What?”

“I’m not-not asking you to look at apartments with me, like, ‘let’s get a place together and move in’ kind of looking!” Iruka hastens to clarify. He rubs at the bridge of his nose with one finger, a nervous habit—one the cuter ones he has. “I just... before I sign any paperwork. I… I love you, and I value your opinion. So. I want you there. If you… want. To be.”

If it were possible, Kakashi would pull Iruka closer. As it is, they’re already chest to chest, so Kakashi settles for nuzzling Iruka’s hair and pressing kisses on his forehead, and down to his eyelids and nose and cheek.

“I will be wherever you want me to be.”

Iruka kisses him again and leans against his shoulder. “Right now, this is where I want you.”

“How convenient. That’s where I want to be too.”

They both laugh, and Iruka nudges him in the side. “No Icha Icha lines.”

#whumpmasinjuly #support #umino iruka #hatake kakashi #kakairu #my writing

20 notes · View notes

queentargary3n · 4 years

Text

blessings

SasuSaku month 2020 Day 17

Reincarnation AU - Police Officer Sasuke AU

There isn’t a single day of his life that Uchiha Sasuke isn’t thankful for his life. For his mother’s gentle smile and kind nature, for his father’s silent praises, for his brother’s company and support. He’s even grateful for his loud mouthed, blond, best friend, who annoys him most of the time, but has his back when he needs it the most. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve such great people in his life.

At 24, having graduated college, and finished training in the police academy, he sets up for a bright career as a police officer and hopes to make detective before he is 30.

So, he goes to work every day, knowing he is making a change. Watching over the people he grew up with, protecting his beloved town, and actually doing something about the crime that has begun to infest it.

Sasuke knows his life is good, he was born in a good family, went to a top tier university, he never lacked for anything. He knows that having his family, being able to afford his own place, buy a new car, and work in something he actually likes is a luxury many don’t actually have.

But even as he counts his blessings every day, he can’t escape the feeling that he is missing something. Like there is a hole inside of him, he can’t seem to fill with anything.

He doesn’t remember when his nightmares started, perhaps he’s always had them. Sometimes it’s the bloody corpses of his parents that terrorize him during the night, the sadness of his brother’s eyes, as he looks at him from afar, eyes shining red and spinning unnaturally. Other nights it’s a white-faced man, with snake-like features that hunts him, forcing him to drink potions that taste horrible and burn down his throat, telling him that they will make him stronger. On other nights he dreams of facing gigantic humanoid creatures, dead bodies littering the ground he steps on.

But some nights, he dreams of pink cherry blossom hair and green eyes. The spring girl, as he calls her, cries behind him, begging him not to leave, or stands in front of him as one of his hands reaches for her neck and the other holds lightning, readying to electrocute her, he assumes.

Not every dream is violent with the spring girl, sometimes it’s just him and her. She hugs him or holds his hand as they look over magnificent vistas he’s never actually seen in real life. Sometimes they are children, sometimes they are grown, sometimes he taps his fingers to a strange diamond tattoo on her forehead and she blushes. Sometimes he kisses her and makes love to her. He wakes up to a feeling of sadness and tears rolling down his eyes. He doesn’t know who the girl with the cherry blossom hair is, or why is she a constant in his dreams, but the dreams bring him to tears he’s not one to usually shed. He can never shake the feeling that there is someone out there in the world, waiting for him.

On the day of his annual mental evaluation he is very concerned. He always seems to be expecting something to happen. Someone to attack him or his family. He has so much fear over losing it all, it causes him anxiety and panic attacks in the most unexpected times. He’s afraid the new department psychologist will find out and deemed him unfit for service.

It’s unnerving, feeling this way, because in reality what does he even know about pain? He’s never seen blood; he’s never even had to fire his gun on the job, what could possibly be the explanation for his nightmares? He wonders.

Itachi, who’s on the department of youth and family services, always tells him that is not how mental illnesses work, his anxiety has nothing to do with how good his life is or how lucky he is, and that he should never dismiss his own struggles or be comparing his suffering to others.

Sasuke understands but doesn’t actually believe it.

“I think you should be honest with the psychologist” He tells Sasuke, even if they take you off duty Itachi thinks, but he leaves it unsaid.

“I’m not going to tell her anything she doesn’t ask me… It’s not like having bad dreams makes me unfit for work” Sasuke responds.

“Maybe you should go see my psychic” Izumi chirps in from the doorway to Itachi’s office. “I wasn’t eavesdropping I promise! I was just coming to take my boyfriend out to lunch and I just happen to overhear”

Sasuke only glares at her, he doesn’t like anyone meddling in this, it feels too personal to share with his soon-to-be-but-not-quite-yet-sister-in-law. Itachi gives him an apologetic look on her behalf but says nothing.

“Still those dreams huh? She has really interesting ideas about those! Do you believe in reincarnation?” She asks him.

“That you believe all that craps she sells you, tells me so much, you’re crazy for starters” Sasuke tells her, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“No but hear me out!” Izumi tells him, ignoring his previous comment. “Like, our dreams don’t just make things up, right? You have to have seen those things somewhere, like that girl you keep dreaming about, you met her somewhere, your brain didn’t just invent her, but the circumstances you dream her in don’t match your life, right? Maybe you met in another life! And my psychic can tell you all about that!” she looks in her massive handbag and produces a presentation card that Sasuke takes, out of politeness, but doesn’t bother to look at.

Sasuke doesn’t even believe in that sort of thing, his beliefs always been on the more secular side of things, but even if there is a remote chance he might have lived another life before, where he saw wars, and monsters, and his parents death, he sure as hell doesn’t want to know about it.

So, he goes about his day, entirely forgetting the non-sense Izumi was blabbing on about. He goes to lunch with Naruto, ramen again unsurprisingly, makes a visit to a home for a noise complaint, files his paperwork, and tries to go home early for a change.

He attempted to postpone his psych evaluation as much as he could, that is, until his father, the head of the police department catches him on his way out, and orders him to medical immediately so he can get it over with.

“Go on, you know its protocol, she’s there now” His father chastises.

Sasuke is irritated to no end, but he still obediently makes his way to the new psychologist’s office in the back of the building.

Just keep it simple, don’t elaborate, it’ll be fine, he thinks to himself.

The door to the psychologist’s office is open, so Sasuke stands in the entrance and knocks on the door to announce his arrival. The space is completely littered with boxes and mountains of papers, stacked on top of another and covering the desk in its entirety, so much so that he can’t even see the person seating behind it.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m new, I’m still getting everything settled! Are you here for an eval? Did I get your file? Where are my files!? What’s your name?” She says in a rapid succession.

He stays quiet, so she can gather herself, and takes a seat in front of her crowded desk, and it isn’t until she moves the two gigantic boxes of documents in front of them that he is able to see her.

He sits complete frozen, utterly speechless upon setting eyes on her. Because the person seating in front of him now, is unbelievably and irrevocably the Spring girl.

The shiny pink hair, wide emerald colored eyes and a blushing face he’d never mistake for anyone else’s are facing him now, with a look of surprise on it.

And he is sure his face mirrors hers, especially since the next thing she says to him, is an almost whispered, “Sasuke-kun….”

“I can’t believe this…” She mumbles and looks like she’s about to jump on him, but the look on his face stops her. “Do you… am… do you know who I am?” She asks, a hint of hope sparkling in her eyes.

“The new psychologist… about to perform my yearly eval?…” He responds, unsure of himself.

He can see the deflated expression and disappointment spreading thought her. “Right… I haven’t seen your file… ahem sorry… I think we are going to have to postpone this… maybe someone else can do your evaluations tomorrow, I apologize” She tells him, in a more composed and professional tone.

She stands and grabs a small purse from one of the drawers and tries to make a quick exit.

Sasuke stares at her unable to say anything. He observes every detail he can about her, every slender curve of her body, the way her neat short hair hangs on her delicate neck, and he is suddenly overcome with the image of her, wearing a red tunic instead of the sensible suit, a red and white fan crest in the center of her back.

His hand moves almost of its own accord and grabs her tiny wrist to prevent her from leaving, and she turns to look at him, green eyes wide and full of emotions he’s not able to understand.

“I know you from somewhere” He says, in a statement not a question.

“Do you? I don’t think so, sorry” She responds and tries to shake his hold on her wrist.

“You said you hadn’t seen my file; how did you know my name?” Sasuke asks her, in the demanding voice she remembers so well.

“I… just… ahem… I don’t….”

“What are you hiding?”

“Do you remember something… anything… about me?” She asks, the adorable blush from earlier spreading through her face again.

Sasuke isn’t sure what she means, but now that she’s facing him, he becomes completely lost in her eyes, his instincts screaming at him to hold her, and never let go. “Who are you?” He asks. Because saying, yeah, I remember you from a dream sounds entirely too stupid to mention.

The moment feels as if suspended from time, the atmosphere too suffocating, he’s afraid of even closing his eyes, sure that the moment he reopens them, she’d be gone like every dream he’s ever had.

“My name is Sakura” she says, and her name sounds like music to his ears. “This is going to sound really strange, and possibly unprofessional, but do you want to go get a drink?” She says, biting her lower lip and taking a strand of hair behind her ear nervously.

He only nods his head yes and releases her hand. “Just… how do I know you?” He whispers.

She giggles in response, her face more assertive than before. “It’s a long story Sasuke-kun… maybe… I’ll tell you later” She says, poking his forehead with two fingers before grabbing his hand and pulling him to follow.

He doesn’t know anything about the strange girl with the cherry blossom pink hair other than her name, still he would follow her anywhere. He can’t help but to feel his blessings are finally complete.

#ssm20 #ssm20d17 #sasusaku #sasusaku fanfic #sasusaku fic #sasusaku ficlet

103 notes · View notes

wanderbythewayside · 3 years

Text

while it isn’t explicitly stated (because let’s be real, very few things in this prologue are explicitly stated) Sarutobi’s complacency in allowing Danzo to send Saika to her death in a suicide mission to hunt down Orochimaru lost him the support of the Ino-Shika-Cho clans and is a significant factor in Sarutobi’s forced willing abdication from the Kage seat later on

also, since it might not ever be brought up Danzo wanted her dead because she was the only one both intelligent and ballsy enough to notice the discrepancy on a whole slew of ninja’s psych evals and call Danzo out on obscuring and tampering with them.

cause let’s be real, as much as it would be easier narratively to have the entirety of ROOT be completely separate from the village there is no feasible way to hold a couple dozen highly trained ninja and all the recruits + the training facilities and food/general people needs in some hidden bunker probably ironically placed under the kage mountain of massive-unsubtlety-for-what-is-supposed-to-be-a-HIDDEN-ninja-village

it would make a lot more sense if kids were taken away to be brainwashed and desensitized and then showed up in one of a couple minor clans to act as middle of the road shinobi and since they’re all massively emotionally fucked up it would take a whole bunch of forging to get them passed what would be a very robust at the very least annual psychological exam

#naruto #if i look back world building #If I Look Back (I am lost) It's already Over AU #i am willing to entertain the thought that the face construction is #built in such a way that it only looks like faces when standing within konoha #a very sophisticated and large scale optical ilusion #but even that headcanon is on thin ice

2 notes · View notes

kayteewritessteve · 5 years

Text

If Only You Knew - 11/19

Description: You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him, and everything else that happened on that horrible night. Who would have knew that your prom would end up being a total disaster, and the very last night you’d spend in Buckhannon for the next 7 years? you certainly didn’t. That’s for sure.

Catch up HERE.

Word Count: 6,060 ish. She’s a big one.

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Violence. Drinking. Bad and offensive jokes. Possible triggering thoughts, feelings and emotions. Moments of bullying and harsh name calling. Lots of curse words. And a very sloooow burn.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

July 2018 - Present.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nat seethed as she paced an actual line into the soft, tan coloured sand. Her mood matching the bright red two piece she currently had on, “how dare she!”

“I’m going to knock her out,” Hilde said, much too calmly for your liking. She was currently laying on her back, on a giant blanket on the ground, wearing massive dark shades, and a white bikini that accented her skin tone almost too well. Girl was a babe for sure, but right now she looked far too peaceful to be threatening anyone. And yet she was, and that made you inwardly cringe, just a little.

“I think she needs actually mental help,” Wanda said without looking up from the novel open in her hands, as she sat in a fold up chair. “And I’d know. I am a therapist, after all.”

“Ladies,” you sighed, “she isn’t worth it. And she never actually said Steve’s name. I was the idiot who jumped to conclusions,” you said as you shook your head. You had clearly blown that whole interaction way out of proportion. Like always. Fuck.

“That’s no excuse,” Nat abruptly stopped her pacing, to point at you. “She did it on purpose to hurt you. Just like in fucking high school,” her fists balled up at her sides then she huffed and started to pace again.

“Seriously. The next time I see her, it’s game on,” Hilde said, again, far too calmly for your liking.

“I say we just have her committed for a check,” Wanda shrugged nonchalantly.

“Okay, no one is beating anyone up. We aren’t in high school anymore. And no psych evals,” you stated then stomped over to Nat and placed yourself in front of her, on part of the line she was quickly forming. And once she came to a grinding halt you grabbed both her shoulders to force her to look you in the eyes. “Nat, you are literally marrying a cop in 3 days. And gaining another cop as basically a damn brother in law. You can’t go around attacking people, you’ll end up in jail, and Bucky will be pissed at me for that!”

Then you released her shoulders and turned to point at Hilde, “and the same goes for you, your best friends are the same two cops, and you’re a trained MMA fighter for crying out loud. If you attack her you’ll be charged with ‘assault with a deadly weapon’. Because Hilde, you are the deadly weapon,” you stressed the last part.

Then you looked over at Wanda, who had finally looked up from her book, “I don’t actually know anything around the rules for being a therapist, but I am willing to bet that committing someone because they enjoy bullying your friend is against at least one of them. If not all of them,” you sighed and shook your head. “So the three of you just need to drop this. I fell for her bullshit, again, but that’s on me. I’ll own that. But I can’t have any of you taking the fall for it. You got that?” You shook your head again, this time crossing your arms as well, “I won’t allow that,” you said firmly.

“Fine,” Nat and Wanda mumbled, as the latter focused back on her book.

“Yeah. Got it,” Hilde nodded and waved you off.

“Good,” you smiled and dropped your arms, “now let’s enjoy this beautiful day at the lake, and just forget about Madeleine and her bullshit, okay?” You looked between the three. “We all need a nice relaxing day before the craziness of this wedding picks up again.”

“Valid point,” Nat said as she wandered over to the blanket and laid down beside Hilde. “Get your butt over here punk,” she commanded.

“Punk, really?” You laughed. “You spend way to much time with Bucky,” you shook your head then went and joined them on the blanket.

“No such thing as too much time together when you’re marrying the guy,” Nat laughed.

“Oh, no, there is totally a thing as too much time together,” Wanda laughed, “but oddly enough, I think you two are the exception to the norm.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Hilde said with a chuckle and you laughed as well. Then the four of you lounged in the sun, working on your tans and waiting on the boys to show up.

It was about 20 minutes later when a flirty voice came from somewhere near you all. “Ladies,” they cooed and you recognized the voice instantly. Sam. You peeked through your eyelids and turned your head towards the voice, seeing the four guys making their way towards you. “You’re all looking stunning, as always,” he said as they reached the three of you.

“Calm down, Casanova,” Nat said with a smirk as she sat up, and Wanda giggled at the name.

While Hilde just chuckled from her spot, “you’re such a suck up.”

“Hey!” he laughed, “I am not a suck up! I just say it like it is,” he winked, causing you to snort and shake your head, deciding to stay out of this one. Bucky plopped down on the blanket near his fiancee, while the other three popped open their folded up chairs and got all set up.

“You better not be hitting on my soon to be wife, Sammy,” Bucky said flatly then kissed Nat on the cheek.

“Why? Worried she’ll dump your ass and get with a real man?” He shot back.

Without missing a beat, Bucky relied, “Hey Sam, can I talk to you in the water for a second?” He paused as a half smirk appeared on his lips, “I just wanna show you something real quick.”

Clint leaned towards Sam to whisper—though it wasn’t really that quiet, as the whole group clearly heard him, “he means that he’s going to try to drowned you. Just so you know.”

“I know that,” Sam said quickly while he playfully swatted Clint away, “but I’d like to see him try.”

“Oh, I’d do more then try,” Bucky mumbled loudly.

Steve just laughed and shook his head at his friends, then everyone exchanged there hello’s and hi’s before they all started to settle in and chat amongst themselves.

You turned to look just as Steve reached behind himself so he could yank his extremely tight t-shirt off—Yes, in that super sexy way, where the guy grabs the back neck collar of their shirt and pulls it over their head. He was like a damn GQ model, and that frustrated the hell out of you.

You tried with everything in your power to not gawk at him, but the sight of him shirtless still made you extremely dazed and confused, even after all this time. You snuck a quick glance as the shirt covered his face, realizing that he was even more jacked than he was in high school. Which was fucking ridiculous. How he could possibly get any more toned was beyond you. It just wasn’t fair for one man to be this fucking attractive.

Just as he finished pulling his shirt off—the too small article of clothing surprisingly not getting stuck on him—you quickly shook your head then turned to stare off at the water. Hoping your heated cheeks wouldn’t give you away, or rather, that no one would notice them. But just to be safe you stood up, mumbling a ‘be right back’ than walked over to the edge of the water, sitting down to dip your feet in.

As you sat there, looking out at the lake, the calm water and beautiful bright green trees lining the waters edge made your mind start to wander. Remembering the first time you had ever been brought to this very spot. It was the second summer you’d spent in Buckhannon—if we’re counting the summer you’d moved to town as the first—it was also the first day of summer break, and the last day before Steve left for his annual, summer long, family vacation…

July 2010 - 8 years ago.

You stopped dead in your tracks once your eyes caught the view laid out in front of you. Your friends all continuing to walk to their spot, unfazed by the beauty that surrounded you all. Clearly they had been here so many times that they barely noticed anymore. But for you, this was a first.

Now you’d been to a few lakes before, back in Cleveland, or rather, one lake, one very giant lake; Lake Erie. Which was not only huge, but was also encircled by a few major cities and settled smack dab on the border between America and Canada.

So needless to say, the lake in front of you right now was entirely different from what you were used to. And there was just something about a small town watering hole that was both awe inspiring and breathtaking.

“You okay?” You heard Steve’s voice coming from beside you and it snapped you back to reality.

“Huh?” You looked over at him, “Yeah. Yes. Just admiring the view,” you smiled up at him then you looked back towards to lake, both of you standing in silence for a moment.

“You know,” he started, breaking the comfortable silence. “I’d completely forgotten just how beautiful this place is. Guess I just needed a new set of eyes to remind me,” he nodded, thoughtfully.

“I’m nothing if not super helpful,” you said with a quick nod. “You should know that by now, Stevie,” you smirked.

Which caused him to laugh and roll his eyes playfully as he said, “oh, don’t worry, I do.”

“Good,” you laughed then you both headed towards where your friends were setting up their stuff.

Once you had your little spot set up, you pulled off the dress you’d been wearing over your bathing suit, which was just simple, black, and fit you perfectly. You discarded the dress on top of your bag then laid down and chatted with your friends for a little while. It was a gorgeous day out, hot and humid, so you’d go dunk yourself in the beautiful water from time to time. Mostly alone but sometimes a friend or two would tag along for a dip in the water as well.

Now as you laid on your beach towel, working on your tan, your stomach decided it was a good time to speak up. Reminding you that it did, in fact, exist. The loud grumble made you and the others laugh, and you figured now was a good time for some french fries.

As you all had made your way in from the parking lot, you’d noticed a concession stand near the main beach. You’d also taken note of the giant menu on the side of the building—or rather, you’d noticed fries were very much on that menu. You stood up and slipped on your flip flops as you looked around at your lounging friends. “I’m gonna go get some fries from the concession, anyone want anything?”

Everyone responded with the one or two things they wanted or a head shake saying they were good. You made mental notes for the few items that had been requested.

But then your eyes landed on Bucky, noticing his were widened with excitement. “Food sounds like a fantastic plan,” he said as he stood up and walked over to his pile of things. “I can always eat,” he added as he pulled his wallet out and went to grab money to give you but you waved him off.

“It’s okay, Buck, I got it. Just tell me what you want.”

“You may want to give him a limit,” Steve laughed from his fold up chair.

“Yeah, don’t give him free reign or he’ll drain your bank account with that bottomless pit of his,” Sam shook his head and chuckled as he patted Bucky on the stomach. They’d always had a weird love/hate dynamic. They were downright rude to each other sometimes, but yet they both never got truly offended by any of it. And if anyone else messed with either of them, the other was always the first in line to defend them. You were all used to the banter now.

Bucky swatted Sam’s hand away, and playfully said, “get your grubby hands off me, bird boy.”

The nickname causing a few of you to laugh quietly or snort. Sam was in love with planes—or anything aerospace related, for that matter—and would always say, that if he could have any super power, it would be flight. No questions about it.

Most kids at this age have no clue what they want to be when they ‘grow up’. But Sam, oh he knew. He had wanted to be a pilot since he was a kid, and already had his private pilots license. And had flown a handfull of times on his own already. So as soon as high school was done, his plan was to go for his commercial license, then start applying at all the major airlines. He had it all worked out, and you were so happy for him, but also slightly jealous, as you had no clue what you wanted to be when you ‘grew up’. But knew you’d figure it out one day. Hopefully soon. But as for the nickname, Bucky had jokingly called Sam ‘bird boy’ once in passing, and it had just stuck.

A smile broke out on your face just as Bucky began to list off all the things he wanted. Which then caused your smile to drop, as you damn near fell over at just how long that list actually was. Luckily for you, Steve offered to help you carry everything back. And you ended up accepting Bucky’s offer to cover the cost, as Sam was right, he would have drained your whole back account. And then some. Guy was clearly a black hole, where food was concerned. You’d even go so far as to label him ‘The Human Garburator’.

But that’s neither here nor there, as now you and Steve were standing alone by the concession stand, waiting for the massive order, as you looked around at all the happy lake goers. Kids splashing in the water, teens sunbathing and laughing amongst themselves, adults trying to wrangle their little ones and bath them in sunscreen. The whole thing made you extremely aware that it was, in fact, summer. And that you’d have to say goodbye to your best friend for 2 whole months.

You’d been dreading this day for weeks, in these last few months he’d become such a huge part of your life. The biggest part if you were being honest, and the thought of not seeing him, talking to him or just having him hang out and watch a movie with you, was devastating, to say the least.

He was your rock, your therapist, your bodyguard, your best friend and the one person you truly felt you could just be you around. No walls. No effort. No faking—Well minus hiding your insanely huge crush, but that was a different matter entirely—You’d never had anyone like him in your life before, and you vowed months ago that you’d never let him go and you’d always have him. No matter what. He was that one constant that would always be there. And that thought is what would give you the strength to make it through these next two months without him.

You turned to look up at him, you’d both been standing there in silence, clearly he’d been lost in thought as well. The look on his face instantly confirmed your suspicions that he was, in fact, lost in his mind as he stared off blankly at the water, just like you’d been doing.

“I’m going to miss you,” you said softly.

That caught his attention and he turned his head to look down at you, “I’m going to miss you, too,” he nodded.

You could feel the tears stinging the back of your eyes from both your omissions. You hadn’t really allowed yourself to think too much about him leaving, as you knew you’d break down instantly. He must have noticed your internal struggle to hold back your tears as he turned his body towards you and his large arms encircled you, pulling you in close to his chest.

As your cheek met the bare skin of his pectoral muscle, your mind was instantly reminded that he was still very much shirtless, and you were now very much pressed into his skin. You felt the heat begin to raise, starting in your chest and working it’s way up. You chided yourself for having this reaction, but this was also the first time you’d ever hugged him shirtless and the softness of his skin, mixed with the firmness and heat caused the butterflies to take off in your stomach. No matter how hard you tried to not focus on all of that, your mind had other ideas.

Then he sweetly kissed the top of your head and it just made your mind run even more. He left his face pressed into your hair as he spoke quietly, “I’ve been dreading this day for weeks.”

You nodded as you weren’t sure if your voice would work or not. The lump in your throat and the stinging in your eyes both told you it probably wouldn’t. But when a soft sniffle sounded from your nose, Steve stiffened and pulled away from you just enough to look down at your face. You didn’t want him to see you like this, but he gently grabbed your cheek to force you to look up at him, locking your eyes with his beautiful blues.

“Hey, it’s okay, Y/N,” he said and then the eye contact was broken as his drifted over your features slowly while his thumb wiped away the stray tear you hadn’t been able to stop. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he added quietly, guilt clear in his voice.

You shook your head, and went to speak, you weren’t sure how your voice was going to sound, but you couldn’t allow him to feel bad for something he didn’t do. “You didn’t upset me at all. I’ve been dreading this day as well. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without you around all the time,” you replied just as an idea came to mind, and you decided things were just getting far too heavy for your liking and at this rate you’d be a sobbing mess in no time. You placed a pondering finger to your chin, tapping it lightly, “now that I think about it, this may actually be a wonderful break.”

He playfully glared at you then scoffed, “oh, I see how it is.” He crossed his arms and pouted, “and here I thought we were actually friends,” he turned his head to look away from you.

You forced your features to stay neutral and serious, “well, clearly you thought wrong. I only keep you around for your directional skills.”

His head snapped back to stare at you. And you did everything in your power to hold it together. The look on his face was making that exceptionally difficult though, and you burst out laughing.

The mock hurt look on his face made you put your hands up in surrender, “okay, okay. That’s a total lie. That’s not the only reason.” You stifled your laugh, attempting to be serious again, “you’re also a fucking giant, so you’re super helpful when it comes to reaching things that are too high up for me. But I think those may be the only two reasons,” you pondered that for a moment then shrugged, “yup. Can’t think of any others.”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Oh, you’ll pay for that one, Y/L/N,” he said as he reached out and you attempted to get away but he was far too fast, he grabbed you then started to tickle you mercilessly. “Take it back,” he scolded as he continued. You squirmed and laughed as you tried desperately to get away but just as he was faster than you, he was also a lot stronger than you. “Had enough yet?”

You managed to get out a stern, “nope,” as you continued to try to get away. Everyone around you both was probably staring at you now, but you didn’t care one bit. You and Steve were always in your own little world and probably always had people giving you odd looks or watching as you both made fools of yourselves. But this was just how it was for the two of you.

“I’m not gonna stop until you take it back!” He threatened.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you squealed and wiggled around as the tickle attack continued. “Okay! Okay. I give. I give! I take it back!” You screamed between laughs, but before he could stop you went to pull away, one last time, with all your might.

However he clued in and pulled you right back towards him with force, causing your world to shift instantly. You screamed as you landed with a thud and it took you a second to realize you’d both fallen over, and you were now laying on top of him, on the ground.

Your eyes locked with his and you both just stayed frozen in place, no longer laughing but your heaving chests remained, as a reminder that you had been meer seconds ago. His arms were enclosed around you tightly as your hands laid firmly pressed to his chest. Neither speaking, both your hearts pounding and breathing heavily from the tickle war.

You felt his arms tighten even more around you, and something in his eyes started to pull you towards him, aggressively. You leaned down slowly, not breaking the eye contact once. Therefore not missing as his eyes widened more and more, with each inch closer that you got to him.

But just as you could feel his breath on your face, finding yourself maybe an inch away from him now, at most, you heard the concession stand worker call out your order number. You froze as the daze of the moment promptly lifted and you pulled away from Steve like he’d been a roaring fire.

“Oh god,” you whispered as you scrambled to climb off him and stand up. “I’m so sorry! I ah, I didn’t mean to,” you trailed off and shook your head as you took a shaky step back, trying to give him room so he could stand up. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

He just looked up at you for a moment then sighed deeply and stood up as well, dusting off his swim trunks once he was up. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “and no, you didn’t hurt me. I don’t think you could, even if you tried.” He attempted to laugh jokingly at that, but it fell short and ended up sounding way more awkward than anything. He shook his head and than his face went instantly serious as he moved towards you, “are you okay though?”

You took another step back, needing to distance yourself from him just a little. You’d almost kissed him in that moment and that would not have been good. At all. You had to get this stupid crush under control, and fucking stat! “Yep,” you said quickly, “I’m good. Let’s go get our food.” You abruptly turned around and headed for the concession to pick up your order. You heard him deeply sigh again from behind you, then he joined you at the counter. You both picked up all the food and started to head back towards your friends.

Neither one of you spoke the whole walk back, and for the first time ever, the silence between you was not comfortable, it was the opposite of that actually. You kicked yourself internally for allowing your stupid crush to cloud your judgement. It had clearly made him uncomfortable, his current silence making that pretty fucking obvious.

You couldn’t let your silly feelings in that moment ruin the last day you had with him. You had to say something. Anything. You had to make this better, “I’m sorry again, I ah, I don’t know what came over me just now.” You stopped walking and looked up at him, causing him to stop as well. “Can we just pretend that never happened?” You asked, hopeful that he’d accept your request and forget that it ever happened. Hopeful that it wouldn’t ruin your friendship. Or his final day.

His brows furrowed together for a moment then he sighed and corrected his face into its normal relaxed look, “yup. Whatever you want, Y/N,” he nodded and smiled, but you could tell it was forced. Though you didn’t push him about it, you just wanted to change the subject and leave this whole awkward moment in the past.

“So,” you started, trying to think of a topic to change the conversation to, as you both began to walk again. “You excited for your trip?”

“Yup,” he replied. And even though he’d agreed to just forget this whole thing, you could tell it was clearly still bothering him. Good job smart one, way to make your best friend fucking uncomfortable. Damnit!

“Ah, that’s good,” you nodded, “I bet Sokovia is lovely this time of year.”

“Yeah, it is,” he nodded as you both reached your friends. Both of you handed out the food and went back to your respective spots. Which luckily weren’t right next to each other, like usual. You sat on your towel, kicking your flip flops off then quietly munched on your fries, and stared off at the water. You had to fix this whole mess. You had to.

But the rest of the day dragged on, and it felt like Steve was actively avoiding you, which was exactly what you didn’t want happening. All because you almost kissed him, clearly he was not okay with that. Not even in the slightest.

It was now night time and you all had gone to the annual year end bonfire. Wanda had told you a few weeks back that it was a tradition at Shield High, all the students would get together for a giant bonfire on the beach. Everyone’s way of ending the school year and starting the summer break off right, as she put it. It was your first time ever going to one, and you knew this was going to be your last chance to fix things with Steve, before he left in the morning.

But then every time you’d try to talk to him, you’d get interrupted by some drunk student calling for him, or walking up and inserting themselves into your conversation. And it was getting fucking frustrating, to say the least. So near the end of the night, when you noticed him wandering off alone into a forested area, you followed him. Yes, this was a creepy thing to do, but you were desperate at this point. And this may be your last chance to talk to him, and there was no way in hell you’d let it slip away.

You figured he was going to find a place to pee so you waited at the tree line for him to be done. The sound of small branches cracking and crunching told you he was coming back towards you now. As he came into view you made yourself known, not wanting to startle him.

“Hey,” you waved awkwardly.

But even though you tried not to startle him, you clearly had. He tensed and jumped slightly then relaxed once he realized it was you, “ah, hey.”

“Can we talk?” You asked quietly.

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded then you took his hand and pulled him away from the fire to find a quiet place to chat. The feeling of his large warm hand in yours brought back the same butterflies it had at his birthday, when you’d taken his hand to lead him outside.

You shook your head slightly, trying to not allow yourself to think about just how amazing his hand always felt in yours. That was the last thing you needed to be thinking about right now. Your stupid crush being the exact reason you were now in this whole fucking situation. You reached a small deserted picnic area and released his hand as you sat at one of the picnic tables, Steve sitting down on the opposite side of it.

You were now just staring down at your hands on the table, not entirely sure what to say or how to even start this conversation. But luckily for you, Steve spoke up first, “so, what did you want to talk about?”

You looked up at him, “you leave tomorrow.”

He smirked and nodded his head, clearly finding the humour in you stating the obvious, “that I do.”

“For 2 months,” you stated the obvious, yet again. But you kind of just needed to build up to this conversation. Needed to state the facts. Maybe so you could come to terms with them a little more.

He sighed deeply, “yup.”

“Are you mad at me?” You blurted out—and so much for building up to it. Shit.

His eyes widened momentarily then his brows furrowed, “what? Why would I be mad at you?”

You sighed, “you’ve been avoiding me all night, Steve.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have. So spill it, how do I fix this? You leave tomorrow and I refuse to let you leave with any hostility between us,” you gestured between you both.

“I haven’t,” he shook his head, “and there isn’t any hostility between us.” He paused before firmly adding, “at all.”

“Then why does it feel like there is?”

He shrugged, “I duno, I don’t feel it. But I do know that I’m going to miss you like crazy, and the closer we get to having to say our final goodbyes for the summer is really getting to me. So maybe you’re taking that as hostility?”

“Maybe,” you said more to yourself as you nodded. He did have a valid point, one that would make sense. “So, were good then?” You asked hopefully.

He just chuckled and said, “we were never not good.”

“Oh thank god,” you breathed out then laughed. “I think you’re right though. The closer we get to the end of the night, the more upset I get as well.” You paused to just stare at him for a moment, as a bunch of emotions started to run wild again, but you forced them down. “What am I going to do without you all summer?” You widened your eyes, feigning a realization than you leaned forward to whisper as your eyes darted around anxiously, “and who’s going to break into my room at night, like some creepy stalker?”

He threw his head back and burst out laughing for a few minutes. “You’re so weird,” he joked as he composed himself and focused back on you, wiping the joyful tears from his eyes as he did. You always took it as an accomplishment if you could cause him to laugh so hard that he’d tear up. It being one of your favourite of his tics. “And it’s not breaking in if you leave the window open for me,” he pointed out as he shook his head then turned a little more serious. “But I promise we will talk every day. The time differences may make it difficult, but I’ll always respond whenever I can.”

You nodded and looked back down at your hands, feeling the weight of this moment all over again. “Okay,” you sighed, “that makes me feel a little better.” And that was true, it did. But texting him wouldn’t be the same as having him around. And once again you felt the sting of tears in your eyes, blinking quickly to try to eradicate them.

So when you felt the picnic table wiggle and shift, you quickly looked up to see Steve stand and walk around to you, offering you his hand which you willingly took. He then pulled you up to your feet and into one of those amazing hugs of his. Which was exactly what you’d needed in this moment. And clearly he’d known that.

You both just stood there silently for a while, enjoying each other's embrace. Then you felt him sigh deeply before he finally spoke up, “we should probably get back,” he squeezed you a little tighter. “But please try to not let this upset you to much, okay?” He asked and you just nodded into his chest. “I’m sure these next two months will fly by for both of us. And before we know it, we’ll be back in class,” he joking groaned and it caused you both to laugh. And with that you both reluctantly released from the hug and made your way back to the fire.

The talk had helped you relax, and the rest of the night ended up being a fucking blast. You didn’t feel anymore hostility at all, and at the end of the night he dropped you off at home and you said your final goodbyes. You’d managed to get through them without shedding a single tear, at least not until you watched his jeep drive away down the road. That sight though killed you, and you burst into tears instantly.

You spent the next few days cooped up in your bed, moping and being miserable. Your friends contacted you multiple times but you’d just tell them you were sick, not wanting to leave your cocoon of comfort. However, after a few more days they weren’t buying your shit anymore. They all showed up and dragged your ass outta bed, forcing you to make the most of your summer. Which you did so reluctantly at first, but then you just sort of fell into a rhythm.

Each passing day bringing you one step closer to having him back. But he had lied to you that night, your summer didn’t fly by, like at all. It was actually the longest two months of your whole fucking life. Or at least you swore it was. And that was even with talking to him daily, via both text messages and phone calls. But it still didn’t feel like enough.

It was that 2 months without him that you finally realized it wasn’t just a silly stupid crush anymore. No, you were in love with him, 100 percent. And that was not a good realization to have about your best friend. At least not one who saw you as basically a little sister. Fuck, you were doomed.

July 2018 - Present.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.”

You turned your head to see a still, very much, shirtless Steve plop down at the water's edge beside you. Finding yourself, once again, trying to avoid looking at his ridiculously muscular physique and far too exposed torso. So you forced yourself to hold eye contact with him. Which was a lot more difficult than you’d have liked.

“Yeah, I was just enjoying the view,” you nodded then turned to look back at the water. Using that as your new distraction from the fucking GQ model to your right. “For a while there, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see this place again.”

A silence fell over you both and it was in this exact moment that you realized it was far too quiet, you turned your head around and noticed everyone was missing now. It was just Steve and you. But before you could even ask he piped up, “they all went to get food, Clint is bringing back fries for you.”

You laughed, “that’s really sweet of him.”

Another silence fell over you, this one lasting a few minutes, at most. “Are you happy to be back?”

You kept your eyes on the water but smiled and nodded, “honestly, I am.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” He asked and that got your attention, you turned and made eye contact again and he looked almost vulnerable in this moment, which made your heart start to race.

You nodded, “yeah, of course.”

He sighed then looked out at the water himself, “this place just hasn’t been the same since you left.” Then his hand went up to rub the back of his neck, “I’m ah, I’m really glad you’re back,” he said so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him.

“I am too,” you whispered, a giant smile gracing your lips as you took his hand and intertwined your fingers with his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to come home.”

He nodded but didn’t speak, and at that you leaned your head on his shoulder as you both just enjoyed the quiet, peaceful moment together, staring out at the water.

You’d missed him more than you’d ever thought, and in this exact moment it hit you like a dang freight train. How you’d made it through 7 years without this man by your side was beyond you. And you vowed, for real this time, to always fight like hell to make sure he stayed right there. By your side. You’d never again allow your life to go on without him.

You finally had your best friend back, and that was not going to change ever again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

@hopefulmoonobject @harlequinash @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @tessvillegas @boxofteenageideas @wangdeasang @giggleberts @casuallydarktiger @theonelittleone @agentbadbitch @ratwrites @starrystellars @bandsandanimefreak @rockyroadthepastryarchy @lovvliies @cuffski @icesoccerer @alwaysright4 @lilsthethrills @imdiegohargreeves @zombiepotterfour @mu-mu-rs @ledandan1244 @straightforwardly @badassbeckettswan @denzmallows @xremember-me-notx @gwynethjodie @lollipopdomination @capstopavenger @jemimah-b99

#au fanfiction #fanfiction #long post #long read #marvel au #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #modern!steve rogers x reader #modern!steve #modern!steve rogers #modern au #alternate universe #if only you knew #chapter 11 #no super powers here #steve rogers au

241 notes · View notes

raccoon-eyed-rebel · 6 months

Note

I fucking LOVE Spotify wrapped szn and the ask game you reblogged.

#13 if nobody’s asked yet 🥰

I love it too!!!! I can't live without Spotify and I love wrapped because it shows me exactly how much of a weirdo I am 🥰🥰🥰🥰

You picked a good one, by the way 🥺

#spotify wrapped #annual psych eval #music #ask game

2 notes · View notes

kewltie · 5 years

Text

a ‘what’s wrong with secretary kim?’ au where katsuki is the arrogant and tyrannical heir to a conglomerate and izuku is his capable and excellent secretary who is single handedly holding back his employees from starting an uprising and killing katsuki bc he’s a goddamn perfectionist bastard but now Izuku suddenly wants to quit and KATSUKI IS NOT HAVING IT :P.

on the anniversary of izuku’s 10th year with the company, AND TEN YEAR WORKING AS KATSUKI’S SECRETARY, there’s a big wide company celebration for it despite the fact that there are ppl who had worked there longer and in more powerful position than a mere secretary to the president, but izuku is like THE IDOL of the entire company and there’s a HUGE reason for that :P.

katsuki’s own this large business empire that date back to taisho period but it is mitsuki who truly shapes it to this powerful entity it is today. katsuki is the heir to this vast empire and he lives his life knowing what he has to do and how far he’ll have to go to reach it so he places an enormous amount expectation on himself just to live up to everyone view of him bc his mother is just so badass. this make him incredibly hard to work WITH and UNDER bc he’s set the bar so high and expect you not to leap but like skyrocket all the way to the fucking moon or something. he drives most of his employees insane with his perfectionism and micromanagement and like most president try to have some semblance of professional and distance b/t employer/emplyee status quo but katsuki breaks every rule by cursing daily and being a pain in their ass as he visits their floor to harassed them to get their work done in time. he’s very hands on and take no bullshit so if he doesn’t like something YOU WILL HEAR ALL ABOUT IT. this make the work enviroment extremely stressful and hectic for the employees but the one saving grace is THE AMAZING EMPLOYEE PACKAGE and IZUKU.

so even though katsuki make it HARD to work under/with him, his company (surprisingly) tops the list of best place to work at every single year bc of how their great employees benefit. there’s 40% discount on all their products for their employees, they get paid leave for a week at every quarter, mandatory paid vacation time that last 2-3 weeks, great maternity benefits, amazing childcare service at the company which provide 24/7 childcare bc the company never sleep, employment/raised/and rise in rank is based on a merit system so the population pretty evenly 50/50 male & female, the paid is extremely good, they have zero tolerance for sexual harassment, great healthcare coverage and even have psychiatric department for burnout/stress/etc, and their cafeteria food is sooooo good that most fine dinning. so even though it is highly competitive and stressful place that place exceedingly high expectation and workload on their employees, they have very low turnover rate.

that number can also be contributed to izuku bc izuku is the reason most of them don’t like murder katsuki out of rage and fear lol. izuku is beyond good at his job. he manages katsuki’s business and HIS LIFE and he does it with a friendly smile and a cheer. when katsuki order his employees to get this done in like today even though the workload is insane, izuku would bring them food and drinks, come into their office to check up on them, provide them keynotes on their project, run over their project with them, etc doing everything he can to assist them to get their work complete. he’s just so terrifyingly good at his job that everyone kinda joke how it would take a hundred people just to replace izuku bc izuku is pretty much the heart and soul of their company. katsuki may rule the company and dictate the direction of where they’ll go but izuku keeps everything running smoothly and get them there in time and in orderly fashion.

and it’s not just that he’s good at his job but izuku is the buffer b/t them and katsuki bc he’s is one of the few that can stand toe to toe with katsuki and LIVE. despite izuku always super friendly with everyone, he and katsuki often clash on how they see things and katsuki’s behavior which end in screaming matches sometimes lol. izuku is the peacekeeper and the negotiator between katsuki and JUST ABOUT EVERYONE. they know that rarely can they win katsuki over if they also don’t have izuku on their side too. EVEN HIS BUSINESS PARTNERS KNOW THAT bc everybody think this but nobody is willing to say it but izuku is prob the 2nd most powerful person in the entire company bc he got the ears of the president and though katsuki doesn’t hesitate to lash out at izuku, he always listen to what izuku got to say even as he reject them later lmao. he’s just really good with dealing with katsuki so many ppl defer to him whenever they have to report to katsuki bc izuku would keep him from like killing them when they don’t meet his crazy as fuck deadline/requirement/expectations.

SO YEA when izuku’s 10th year anniversary come along everybody is excited to celebrate izuku’s milestone and the next decade onward bc izuku is a stable in the company and everyone expect him to be around years and years bc any other thought would be UNTHINKABLE. katsuki even generously offer to fulfill any of izuku’s wish since it’s also their 10th year anniversary of izuku becoming his secretary, WHICH is hilarious and sad but it’s the longer either of them ever had with anyone. but on the night just as katsuki is ready make izuku’s wish come true like a new condo, a new car, etc which are all ridiculous presents bc izuku already got an apartment and A FUNCTIONAL CAR but rich ass ppl don’t really know moderation bc on izuku’s 30th birthday katsuki bought an island under izuku’s name JUST BC HE CAN and also, “so you can run away to it whenever i piss you off,” and izuku didn’t talk to katsuki for an entire day LMAO. anyway so YES izuku’s 10th year wish which katsuki assume would be something boring and entirely TOO feasible like new book collections by his fav writer but NOPE. it’s... “I want to quit, sir,” and katsuki is so shocked by izuku’s sudden request that he lit have a meltdown at izuku’s 10th year party which is at the roof of their company building with thousands of ppl. he stopped kicked everyone OUT just so he can properly yell at izuku bc WTFFFFFFFFF.

the thing is despite the amount of them katsuki had fire izuku (which is number in the hundreds by now), izuku had never left the job. he is just as dedicate to the company as katsuki and not once ever complaint about his work. complain about katsuki’s tyrannical demands YES but never the company or the people he work with bc HE LOVES IT. so this??? IS SO OUT OF THE LEFT FIELD THAT KATSUKI freaks out!!!!!! izuku has been with katsuki for soooooooooo long that katsuki took izuku’s constant presence as forever bc who else gets him the way izuku does?? it took him years to trained izuku to his expectation it’s going to take ages for him to train another person to replace izuku and just thinking about it MAKE HIM SO ANGRY BC DOES IZUKU KNOW HOW MUCH KATSUKI INVESTED IN IZUKU AND NOW HE’S JUST GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM IT ALL FOR NOTHING????

except izuku does have a reason and it’s his happiness. for ten years izuku dedicate his life to the company and katsuki. he does everything for them even putting his love life secondary and now that’s he’s into his 30s he realize how much life has passed him by. izuku wants to get fall in love and get marry. he wants to find his own happiness outside the company and katsuki and KATSUKI IS SO FUCKING CONFUSED AND LIVID. apparently, izuku was having his annual psych evals and talk with their psychologist and it made him reaize what he has been missing and he’d finally reach that point where he decided instead of putting others before him like he’d always did now it’s his turn to put himself first so yes HE’S QUITTING.

so katsuki storm onto the psych floor to yell at the company psychologist that they got on retainers for the employees (to deal with stress/ family issues/mental health etc but also mainly as a place to vent about work and HOW MUCH THEY WANT TO PUNCH KATSUKI IN THE THROAT) and demand to know what the fuck SHE HAD IZUKU INTO bc izuku would never thought to leave him if she didn’t put all that stupid nonsense in his head. she simply raises a brow and calmly ask katsuki to sit down to talk it over instead of yelling at her.

as soon as katsuki sits down she tells him, “it’s doctor-patient confidentiality, so i can not discuss what passed between me and midoriya-san,” and katsuki is one second from flipping her coffee table over but she continues unfazed, “but as he had explained to you, mirdoriya-san have always put others before him and rarely think of his own future but now he’s determine o chase his own happiness.”

and katsuki just shouts, “BUT I AM HIS HAPPINESS!!”

he stops. she looks at him evenly. he stares at her in horror. she smiles. and he knows he’d fallen into her trap because FUCK.

katsuki had been in love twice in his life and they were longstanding relationships but they never pass 3 years bc of work. OR SO HE THINKS. his work always come first and he goes into his relationship letting his partner know how important his work is to him and that they may be second place but that’s just the way it is. only two of the people he met and fell for accepted that part of him and when they do break up it’s bc katsuki didn’t put them first which katsuki is like??? BUT I TOLD YOU THAT ALREADY but at that time he didn’t get it. now with startlingly clarity, he realizes what they meant that they were okay with coming second to work but not coming second to IZUKU. katsuki had canceled dates and anniversaries bc of overseas meetings and last mins work but izuku is the only one he literally ditched a very important business meeting all the way in paris and flew back to japan bc he heard izuku got into an accident even though izuku insisted he was okay AND THAT HE ONLY GOT A CONCUSSION GEEZ KACCHAN PLS GO BACK. katsuki live his entire life w/o restrained but izuku is the one to make him willing to compromise and meet ppl in the middle. he never felt the lacking in wealth, respect, talent, and love bc he got it all. wealth from his family’s fortune, respect from the people around, talent from himself, and then love is from izuku.

their relation actualy gooooooooooo waaaaaaaaaay back. even before izuku started to work as katsuki’s secretary. few know of this but izuku’s mother work as housekeeper for katsuki’s family and izuku grew up alongside katsuki as his playmate. from the time katsuki was in diapers izuku was with him every step. izuku attended same elementary school, jr. high, high school, and even same college with katsuki. they literally been together all their life. everyone always assume that izuku only make it through such prestioug school bc of his connection with katsuki and that is sort of true bc mitsuki paid it all for izuku to attend bc she adores inko & izuku but that just mean izuku have to endure all the hate and jealousy thrown his way. he was burden by the fact that he was close to katsuki and that ppl think he’s a leech so izuku work extremely hard to be able to stand beside katsuki, to prove to everyone that he isn’t useless and that he can help katsuki. even when they got to same elite college, izuku refused mitsuki offer to pay his way in but did his best to win a scholarship just so he can be at the same school as katsuki bc for all katsuki’s mercurial temper, katsuki never rely on his talent to get him there but he pushed himself there. he admires katsuki deeply and wishes to stand on even ground with him so that one day he can help katsuki as he rises to the top. that’s his only dream. EXCEPT izuku never got to fulfill it bc in the middle of izuku second year, he suddenly dropped out bc his mom fell sick and inko & izuku who had always rely on the generosity of katsuki’s family decide the family had done enough for them so izuku left school midway to take care of his mother, disappearing from katsuki’s life completely.

katsuki literally went on a bender and his grades that semester suffered for it. in the end he pulled himself back together with the help of really great friends and katsuki swore he’ll never let anyone effect him like that again. his work & goals come first, everything else is secondary. that’s what he tell himself anyway but izuku always been the exception to every rule he’d made for himself.

it won’t be years until they meet again, when katsuki start as an executive position in the company and izuku comes to him as a new hire, looking to work right under katsuki. katsuki put IZUKU THROUGH THE RINGER AND PUSHED HIM MORE THAN ANY OTHER that everyone is convinced katsuki got it out for izuku but just smile and prevailed every obstacle that katsuki throw at him bc even more the stress of the workload, more than hours he spent up late at night getting it done, more than his own peace of mind, izuku want to work with katsuki again. WANTS TO BE WITH HIM so he keep on trying, keep on pushing himself to get it done. and he did. he does.

katsuki ofc found out why izuku disappear but he never ask why izuku chose to come back to him bc in the end the answer has always been in izuku’s smile. he had chased katsuki from their childhood and all the way into their college years and even though he was gone for several years, now he was back to chased after katsuki again. to choose out of all the company he can work for, HE PICKED THIS ONE, it said all he need to say. their life have been bound to each other from the start so yea katsuki never realize he’s in love with izuku bc there’s no aha moment, no light bulb moment bc izuku have always been there chasing after him and katsuki can always look over his shoulder and find izuku right there as sure as gravity bc how can he fall in love when he’s been standing on solid ground the entire time and izuku is the foundation of his everything.

now that he realize he’s going to lose izuku, the floor beneath him starts to crack and he realizes it’s his turn to give chase. HE DOES THE ONLY THING HE KNOWS HOW: propose to izuku LMAO. look, now that katsuki realizes that he has been in love with izuku all along so why the fuck should they date bc they’re practically been married for ten years on the job and have been running this fucking company together with their millions of kids. he can’t imagine running this company without izuku’s constant presence at his side dispensing advice and carrying out his orders to the absolute best of his ability. LIKE, everyone joke how izuku is katsuki’s wrangler but no izuku nickname in the company is the guillotine bc izuku is katsuki’s sword. when katsuki tell izuku to do something, he get SHIT DONE no matter what and izuku is sweet on everyone but the moment someone do something to mess with katsuki, izuku is a force to be reckon with. so yea these two alone themselves are terrifying but together they’re MONSTERS and they wont stop till they take you for everything.

so how can izuku wants to break that partnership up bc they’re sooo amazing together?? esp when katsuki can make izuku a hundred times more happy than anyone else. AND THEY DON’T NEED TO DATE WITH SO MUCH HISTORY B/T THEM. katsuki just want to get marry already bc he never half ass anything and marriage is most acceptable step for them even though it’s just a formality at this point bc he’s practically married to izuku already if not in reality but in their heart.

they literally broke all the rules/boundaries of employer/employee relationship bc they have keys to each other home, more than one time katsuki’s SO mention dating katsuki is like dating katsuki and IZUKU bc of how much izuku is involve not just his business but his life as well, and they’re so bound to each other that izuku (who actually dated a lot but they’re short live fling bc they can’t handle his job and him always prioritizing katsuki first) and katsuki never have a relationship last longer than their three decades with each other. they’re practically it for each other. now katsuki just need izuku to see it.

so yea he propose bc that’s just make sense (lmao). and izuku is like :||| NO THANKS bc izuku just assume it’s just another delayed tactic bc katsuki THAT DUMBASS is like ‘”if you quit the morale of this company will go down to a point where im sure they will revolt soon enough so marry me before that happen”. he wanted to say, “ME AND THIS COMPANY WOULD BURN TO THE GROUND W/O YOU THERE SO PLS MARRY US” but it sound like it’s all for the company and izuku is tired SO TIRED of doing everything just for the company and katsuki. he just want to do something for himself for once but katsuki wont let up and convinced izuku to go along with engagement for like 3 months bc if izuku is looking for love & Happy ENDING than katsuki will give it to him. who else can give him all that if not katsuki???

izuku is JUST SO TIRED but he decided to humor katsuki so katsuki can get off his back and let him leave. he never expected that katsuki make such concerted effort to woo him for real lol.

ofc their engagement causes a huge uproar among the employees which were already having a meltdown earlier bc they had heard about izuku wanting to quit and the number of people heading toward the psychiatrist floor was more than the last three years COMBINED bc the thought of losing the lone person who can keep katsuki from verbally murdering them all is panic inducing.

their engagement doesn’t really change anything in the status of their work relationship. katsuki continues to yell at people and izuku continues to play buffer but occasionally katsuki will slides his hand across Izuku’s own and they just touch fleetingly but it burns enough that izuku can’t stop thinking about it all day. it’s like suddenly every nerve cells in izuku’s body is awake and alive and they’re just realizing how much KATSUKI BOTHERS HIM. WHICH IS A LOT. like izuku already spent so much time with katsuki so he never notice it before but now everything feels purposeful and intimate in a way like a veil is removed over his head. it’s always been there but he just never see it before bc sometimes it’s hard to know what you’re looking for when you’re LITERALLY STARING RIGHT AT IT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

the slow seduction of izuku is HILARIOUS AND TROUBLING BC THEY DONT DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT YET EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT WHICH MADE IZUKU REALIZE ALL ALONG THEY ARE WORST THAN MARRIED BUT LIKE SOULMATES LOL. katsuki bringing izuku as his plus one to events is the same as when he brought izuku there as his secretary; izuku eating dinner with katsuki’s family as his fiance is like how he did like A COUPLE WEEKS AGO; izuku and katsuki spending time together doing work, doing grocery shopping (bc that’s a thing you apparenlty do with your secretary???), doing movies, etc is all NORMAL AND THE SAME but now there’s an undercurrent of something else, something bigger than izuku is afraid to name.

but izuku still think katsuki only keep this charade bc katsuki need izuku here so he would do anything to izuku. but actually katsuki doesn’t actually need izuku. he can MANAGE WITHOUT HIM. it won’t be easy but he can do it. he’s bakugou katsuki after all but... he doesn’t want to. he may not need izuku and there may be other options out there but he will always chooses izuku in the end. it’s just the way it is.

i just imagine a lot of drama IN DUE PART TO BEING ASIAN DRAMAS and misunderstanding before their 3 months is up and izuku realizing what exactly katsuki meant AND THEY’RE TOGETHER TOGETHER but they’re getting there :P. Slowly but yea!!

#bakudeku #not!fic #i watch too many asian dramas lbr #and TWO WEEKS NOTICE IS ONE OF MY FAV ROMCOMS!!!!#secretary au

145 notes · View notes