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threewaywithdelusion · 1 year

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What is with the slew of out of character All For The Game fics?

This is going to be rant-y and full of spoilers, so feel free to skip. Trigger warnings for anything mentioned in the books (if you’re reading this and you’re not in the fandom, mostly SA).

What the hell is going on? I’ve been reading in this fandom for 5 years and while there are still some really excellent fics being published these days, there are also so, so many that are out of character.

The rise of the Kevaaron ship terrifies me. Who is shipping this? Aaron is extremely homophobic and very in love with Katelyn. These are two very important aspects of his character. His homophobia is a major source of conflict between him and Andrew and him and Nicky, and while you can have him learn and grow in a fic (and some people have written that really well!), I think making him gay/bi/whatever takes away from that. Also, he really, really loves Katelyn. Enough to date her in secret for a year while risking Andrew’s wrath. Enough to fight for her. Enough to agree to go to therapy with Andrew. Loving Katelyn is a really important part of Aaron’s character and I feel like people are throwing it away because they want all the main characters to be paired off with each other. What do Kevin and Aaron even have in common?

But that’s not even my main issue. I’ve been scrolling through AFTG fics for the past few days, trying to find one that is both up my alley and that I haven’t already read. And there’s a really strange amount of fics where Andrew and/or Neil are out of character? There are fics where Neil says “please” in front of Andrew. There are fics (not future fics) where they don’t ask “yes or no” before touching each other. There are fics where Andrew has good communication skills and openly comforts Neil. Why is he doing that?! Andrew’s methods for comforting Neil are putting a hand on the back of his neck, telling him to stop freaking out, and saying comforting things like “your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay.” (The Raven King). And IT WORKS. Neil finds Andrew’s apathy comforting. Andrew may go to therapy, but he doesn’t talk like it. Please stop writing him like he does.

Also, what’s with all the sex AUs? I understand that people want to write whatever AUs they like in whatever fandom they like. But there’s been an explosion of fics where Neil and Andrew are porn stars/fuckbuddies/Neil’s a prostitute. In this fandom more than any other, that makes no sense. When people write fanfic AUs, they are taking the canon characters and setting them in a new world. And in order to do that, they have to keep certain core characteristics about the characters the same. Neither Neil nor Andrew would ever be the type to have casual sex, and that is an IMMUTABLE CHARACTERISTIC for both of them. (I’m not saying Andrew would never sleep with strangers. I’m saying he would be extremely careful and would never let his walls down with his one night stand). Andrew’s trauma happened early in his life and has completely shaped the person he has become. If you excise it from the story and make him completely free-spirited about sex, you’re writing about a different character. That is not Andrew Minyard.

I’m also convinced some of you don’t understand how asexuality works. Neil is demisexual, which means he needs a deep emotional connection with someone to be attracted to them. This means he would never be attracted to Andrew unless and until he knew and trusted him. He would not have sex with Andrew once upon meeting him and suddenly like sex. It’s not about Andrew just existing as a person! It’s about how Neil feels about Andrew. Sexual attraction and libido are also two completely different things, so a person can feel horny but without wanting to do anything about it or involve another person. (Neil never seems to experience this in canon, but it’s possible he could experience it). There are some really great fics in the fandom that accurately portray Neil’s sexuality! I just wish more people were careful when writing Neil because he’s one of the very few canonically ace characters in media and I don’t think people are necessarily trying to change his sexuality but I think they’re forgetting it’s a valid and important part of his character and writing attraction how they experience it.

Please do your research before writing! I know fanfic is for fun and for free and something people do with their spare time. There’s no rules and you can do whatever you want! If you want to completely ignore this post, that is your prerogative. I’m just getting really frustrated trying to find a fic to read that is not out of character and I needed to vent my frustrations.

If you understand why this is happening (especially with more recent fics) please comment and let me know! Im genuinely curious. And if you have fic recs, please leave them! I’ve read all the big ones, but I’d love recs for less popular but very in-character stories.

#all for the game #aftg #aftg fandom #the foxhole court #aftg fanfic #andreil #fanfic #all for the game fanfic #rant post #mia rants #asexual character

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rainbow-femme · 5 months

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I just. I’m never going to understand Kevin’s happy ending being that he ends up with Thea

Thea, who shows up after Kevin makes the terrifying decision to announce part of the abuse he suffered on television in a way that for the first time directly implicates his abuser, and is speaking in a way Neil describes as “angry and mocking” about what Kevin just did

Kevin says “If you’re going to believe me, you need to see Jean first” and Thea does not deny needing to be convinced. Meaning the implication is that Thea is fully aware of the extent of abuse the normal Ravens dealt with, and when hearing that her ex who escaped in the middle of the night did so because of a severe injury given to him by a teammate her reaction is to show up and need to be given a reason to believe him, the abuse victim, and she’s clearly angry at him the entire time she’s demanding evidence of his abuse

There also is an implication with how she talks that she is angry Kevin did not tell her these things himself, even though, again, her reaction was to get angry at Kevin and need to be given a reason to believe he actually was abused

And it’s been confirmed that Thea will always view herself as a Raven, the thing Kevin risked his life to escape, and that she views Kevin’s life of abuse as “no harm no foul” because the abuser died and the horrific physical and mental injuries didn’t stop him from playing the sport

I just. How is that a good ending for Kevin? That he escaped an abusive cult and spends the rest of his life with someone still connected to the cult who views the direct abuse he got from the cult leader as basically a wash because he’s still playing the sport and the cult leader is dead now?

I mean just have it be like Allison or Renee where he marries a woman he meets after the books end, someone who represents the future he chose and not the abusive past he had to endure and then escape. I just don’t see how him ending up with someone who thinks the cult he barely escaped from with his life was ultimately not that bad and she’s proud to have been a part of it is in any way happy for him.

It just feels like Kevin is never actually going to be able to escape his past and he’s going to spend his life with someone skeptical of his experiences after spending years with the Foxes and specifically Andrew whose views are “you are never at fault for what other people did to you, you can always move forward, it’s never too late to leave and be happy, there will always be someone who can see what happened to you and believe the best of you and want to support you moving forward”

Why make him a fan of the Trojans, whose culture is the exact opposite of the Ravens, and not at least pair him off with someone there? Have one of the women they play against in that game approach him with compassion like Renee does to Jean? Suggest that she’s happy to support him in any way he needs and then show him calling her a few times in the background of other scenes?

Also the extra content I just

Kevin keeps an apartment right near the place he was abused his whole life

He has a daughter he forces to play Exy even though she doesn’t want to, that she views it as being forced into a life she never wanted but ultimately it’s fine because she meets their expectations. Like that just sounds like Kevin physically and mentally goes back to the place he was in before and does to his kid some of what was done to him, that he makes his child so miserable she becomes an “emotional nightmare” but it’s written off as fine because she plays well, similar to how Kevin having no choice in life and being treated horrifically was ok because it made him play well

#I just need to keep reminding myself if it’s not on the page it’s not real and you can decide for yourself what happens off the page #you cut two pages from this book and you make it so much better #why give Kevin an ending like this #it’s like having Neil end up with someone in the mafia why connect Kevin to someone from that part of his life #especially when he’s a fan of the Trojans and they represent the exact opposite culture from the ravens #aftg #all for the game

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imperfectcourt · 3 years

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Andreil Prompt:

Neil is an Assassin. Some day something goes very, very wrong. So the first time Andrew meets Neil, Neil has to explain to him that he accidentally poisened him and Andrew has to go to the hospital to get the antidote.

So I was really unsure about this but when I got going I got really excited about it! But I also COMPLETELY MISSED the line where it said "the first time" so this is very much not the first time they meet ;__; sorry! I hope you like it though!

Neil had never panicked on a job before. He’d never made a mistake or killed the wrong person or not killed the right person. He could kill whoever he was told to kill, he could kill however he was told to kill, and he could be whoever he was told to be in order to do it.

Killing Andrew Minyard was the worst and last mistake Neil would ever make.

Worming his way into A. Minyard’s life hadn’t been easy but it had been natural- the most honest work of his filthy, bloody life.

It had to be this way. It couldn’t look like a typical mob hit, anything abrupt and easy would look suspicious. The call had to come from inside the house, or so they say.

Neil tipped the vial into the remnants of the whiskey bottle and poured two modest glasses. It wouldn’t be pleasant for him but he’d built up enough of a tolerance to survive. Odorless, collarless, no paper trail. He’d suffer some hallucinations and maybe some minor liver damage but he’d live and after tonight he’d be free. No more Moriyama’s. No more contracts. No more death.

No more Andrew.

Neil brought one glass up to swirl, smell, sniff, and sip. A perfectly normal glass of whiskey. He brought out onto the small balcony and put them on the rickety table between two lawn chairs. Andrew picked his up and didn’t make the small cheers motion he always did as a silent thanks, didn’t drink. He’d been staring at his closed phone for the last half hour. Neil knew he would say what was wrong in time (if there was time).

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said after several long minutes, punctuating the statement with a sip. Guess there was time, after all. Neil sat sideways on his chair so he could watch Andrew light a cigarette.

“That sounds ominous. You’re not a murderer are you?”

Andrew’s top lip curled in a small, vicious smile. “That’s a truth for a different day.”

No, it wasn’t, and Neil found himself reaching for another mouthful of whiskey. Andrew raised a brow at this, having caught on a while ago that Neil liked to draw the drink out as long as possible if it meant he didn’t have to go home yet.

“It’s nothing to form a drinking habit over, calm down.” Andrew took up his drink again and every sip he took felt like friendly fire. “You’re going to see something on the news tomorrow and I’d rather tell you myself than get pissy with me for not bringing it up sooner.”

“Secrets secrets are no fun,” Neil parroted. Andrew kicked out his socked foot to hit Neil’s heel and didn’t pull it back.

“A story will be dropping about my brother’s involvement in a gang bust tonight. Just got word that everything went well but his services had been needed on sight.” With the hand that held the cigarette, he gave his cellphone a little shake.

“You have a brother?” That hadn’t been in the assignment, but family matters were often left out for jobs like this. He couldn’t go in knowing too much and risk exposing himself.

“My twin.”

“You have a twin?”

Andrew threw back the rest of his drink and waved it at Neil’s face. “The only reason I’m telling you is because you’re going to see him parading around on t.v. with my face. We’re not that close.”

A gang bust. Big enough for national news. That couldn’t- that would mean-

“What’s his name?”

“Aaron.”

“A. Minyard. Doctor Aaron Minyard.”

Andrew froze. Looked at Neil so expressionless he might as well have been stone. “I never said he was a doctor.”

He didn’t have to. Dr. A Minyard. Fox affiliated attached to a photograph. Andrew had his PhD and his connection to Kevin Day was easy enough to find if you knew where to look. The Foxes were an elusive bunch of vigilantes but everyone had heard of Kevin Day, son of the founders of the Foxes.

Neil had never made a mistake before and killing Andrew Minyard was the biggest mistake of his life. He knocked the glass from Andrew’s hand only because Andrew let him.

“Now, right now,” he changed, grabbing Andrew by the sleeve and tugging him back inside. It only worked because Andrew let him. Andrew was always letting Neil, trusting Neil. And for what? For this?

Neil let go when he was sure Andrew would follow him and rushed to the tiny kitchen. He took the water glass by the sink and upended the entire salt shaker into it.

“Drink this right now,” he ordered Andrew.

Andrew did not take it.

“Andrew, trust me just one last time. Just this one last time trust me and drink this. Just this once. Just this one last time.” There was time. There was barely time. It had been less than a minute, there had to be time.

Neil didn’t know what he would do if Andrew didn’t drink, if Neil killed him for nothing. No matter what the outcome, no matter Andrew's decision, Neil would die either way.

Andrew took the salt water, drank the whole thing, and promptly threw up in the sink.

Neil watched, hands in his hair and tears clouding his eyes as Andrew righted himself, wiping at his mouth with the back of his wrist.

“That’ll give you time to get to the hospital. You have to go now, you’ve got time.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Andrew put his hand slowly, calmly, over Neil’s throat, “until you explain.”

He pressed him into the wall.

Neil let him.

“You were supposed to be my last one and my contract would be fulfilled,” he said.

“Explain better than that. What does this have to do with Aaron?”

“There’s no time-”

“Then make it quick.” He pressed against Neil’s throat and Neil’s hands came up instinctively to grab his arm. He stopped before making contact.

“I was born into a debt that the Moriyama’s own. I was one of their hit men. A. Minyard. Fox associate. And a picture. That was my last assignment and I could finally… I could…”

Words were getting harder. He had begun ingesting the poison before Andrew and hadn’t gotten any of it out of his system.

“You’re the only one I never…”

“Never what? Never shot like a coward? Never succeeded in killing?”

“Never wanted to.” His hands came down onto Andrew’s forearm even though he didn’t have permission. His vision was swimming around the edges and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the drug or the pressure on his trachea. “I didn’t want to kill you. H-hospital. You still need the hospital. You have time.”

“Why should I believe a single thing you say?”

“I’ve never lied to you.” It was so important for him to say that somehow the words came out with conviction. “Never lied. Andrew, you’re amazing and I love you but you need to leave right now.”

His knees gave out and for the briefest moment all of his weight was being held by the hand on his throat. Andrew lowered them both to the ground.

“What did- You idiot.” Ah, yes. He must have caught on. “You did all this to live only to fucking kill yourself? Neil. Neil… Neil!”

Neil had never panicked on a job, but he’d also never woken up in a hospital bed before. He was aware of the spike in noise before he was aware of his surroundings.

“The worst assassin in history.”

Neil groaned but didn’t yet open his eyes. His memory was just solid enough to know what he’d taken and experience told him he wasn’t ready to face the spinning world.

“Can’t say he was wrong, technically,” the same voice said.

“What kind of assassin not only chooses the wrong target but falls in love with their dumb ass?”

“This dumb ass has the same level of education as your dumb ass.”

“My dumb ass has a doctorate of medicine, not in books.”

“Literature.”

“Still dumb.”

“Sssh,” Neil breathed out, testing the waters of control and strength. He had very little of either.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the dumbest of asses.”

“Give him another hour and he might even be able to respond.”

“Now who would want that.”

The second time Neil woke up in a hospital, it was enough for him to look around and realize this was not a hospital but rather a medically furnished bedroom.

“I hate you.”

He turned his head to see Andrew slouching back in an overstuffed, wingback chair. The look on his ever-passive face was angry and Neil would take angry over dead any day.

“You made it,” he slurred. His mouth felt like cotton. “You made it,” he said again because it was right and good. “You made it.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m fine. Got a tolerance”

“Is that something they teach you in the bright sunny world of the Nest?”

Neil made a finger gun at Andrew (why?) and slowly, slowly tilted himself onto his side to see him better. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew there were things he needed to worry about, but for now he just wanted to look.

“I’m happy you’re alive.”

“I don’t care.” And he sounded like he didn’t, but that was how he always sounded. Still Andrew. Still him. Still alive. For a long, quiet while they stared at each other.

“I have to go before the Moriyama’s come looking to do clean up. This won’t be tolerated.”

“No. It won’t be. But not by the Moriyama’s.”

Andrew stood in a motion that made him look much older than he was, tired. As he came to stand over the bed, Neil couldn’t help but stare because not killing Andrew Minyard was the only right thing he had ever done.

“The Foxes completed their take down of the Moriyama’s. It’s been all over the news, which you would have seen if you hadn’t poisoned yourself.”

The… the what? Something must have shown on Neil’s face because Andrew pressed him down into the bed a split second before he’d tried to sit up. As consciousness cleared his fog, his brain began catching up enough to understand that he wasn’t understanding. The synapses were there but they weren’t connecting.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered. Andrew’s mask twitched.

“Of course you don’t, you’ve been too deep cover to keep up with what was right under your nose. The Foxes won, there are no more Ravens, and you, Nathaniel, are a free man.”

The sound of that name, his name, sent a flinch so hard through his body that it made something cramp in his stomach. Andrew watched, bored, as he curled in on himself. If he knew that name, if his cover was blown so spectacularly, then there must be an ounce of truth to it.

“I’m just… Neil. I just want to be Neil.”

“Well, Neil.” Andrew slid his hand into Neil’s hair and squeezed, not hard but enough to tilt his head back. “If you ever do something that stupid again I will kill you myself.” Something in his eyes, however passive he tried to pull off, told Neil that Andrew was not referring to his own attempted murder.

“Were you… worried about me?” That couldn’t be right.

“I don’t know, Neil.” He kept saying his name like that and Neil didn’t know what to feel about it. “My whatever of a good stretch of time nearly killed himself. How should I be feeling?”

“I nearly killed you. I only poisoned myself a little.”

“Why?”

Why? The easy answer was forensics. Two glasses. Two drinkers. One lucky to survive the ordeal. But that wasn’t all of it. As Neil stared up up at Andrew, here at the other side of it all, he could admit to himself that he was glad for the punishment.

“Because… because I was going to kill you to save my own life and I had never hated myself for anything more than that.”

“I hate you,” Andrew spat.

“As long as you’re alive to hate me it’s fine.”

“Shut up.”

“Tell me more about the take down.”

“No.”

“Is your brother a Fox? Do I have to be killed for knowing that?”

“You have to be killed because you won’t shut your mouth.”

A good stretch of time. That’s how long Neil had been worming his way to be Andrew’s whatever. And in all that time he’d never felt safer. He lifted a shaky hand and waited. It took nearly a minute before Andrew released his hair and took the hand up in his own.

He didn’t apologize for trying to kill him. He didn’t apologize for coming into his life under false pretenses. If Andrew was there now, he trusted Neil enough to understand. They could talk about it later.

“Go back to sleep,” Andrew ordered quietly.

“So I’ll shut up?” Neil whispered back. His eyes were already drifting closed.

“Sure.”

#aftg #andreil #neil josten #andrew minyard #all for the game #my writing

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the-stressmushroom · 3 years

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AFTG Headcanon #2

(I’m gonna be doing a few more of these for writing/idea practice)

TW: canon typical violence, blood

Neil, while being very attractive, does not have a perfect face. And I don’t mean the scars. Whenever I see fan art of Neil, he always has this super symmetrical and straight nose, and I just cannot believe that is the case.

Neil’s nose is crooked and has a large bump in the middle.

He first broke his nose when he was 8. He had been running around the kitchen, experiencing a rare moment of genuine childlike joy in the Baltimore house. His father was away for business and had taken Lola, Romero, and Patrick with him, leaving Neil alone with Mary and only Jackson guarding them. Neil didn’t pose much of a threat so Jackson stayed practically glued to Mary’s side. There was soft music playing throughout the house and Neil, Nathaniel then, was happily humming along as he did laps around the kitchen island. However, as one song bled into the next, he heard Mary shout followed by a big crash. As he whipped his head around to find the source of the noise, he lost his balance and fell headfirst into the marble counter top. His nose cracked, and he felt himself begin to cry. Mary had told him to stay out of trouble though, and he didn’t want to make her mad, so he went to the bathroom closest to his bedroom and locked himself inside. He tried desperately to keep the blood off of any light materials and sat prodding at his injured nose for about an hour before he squeezed it tightly, and tugged it straight. It hurt, but not nearly as much as his fathers hands or lolas knives. The bleeding stopped, so Neil did his best to clean up his mess and carry on with the rest of his day. His mom didn’t even question it when he came down for dinner that evening with swollen eyes and a purple nose; she couldn’t really talk with the bruises around her throat left by Plank.

The second time he broke his nose, it wasn’t his fault, and his name was Stefan. They were driving through the Swiss alps when a member of the Moriyama’s syndicate caught up with them. The roads were snowy and the 1972 Volvo they were stuck with did not make the best get away car. Despite Mary’s skill, the car spun out after hitting a patch of black ice on a particularly winding road. Neil couldn’t remember the car colliding with the tree, but he could remember the feeling of his mother’s freezing fingers snapping the cartilage back into place. He could remember the scream he tried and failed to bite back, and the slap he received for making too much noise. The slap jostled his nose and though it had been properly reset, that break never quite healed properly.

There was a third, fourth, and fifth time; all on the run as well, but the first time he broke his nose as a fox was different.

It was the second game of his Sophomore season. The Jackals had put up a hell of a fight, but the foxes had managed to pull out a win. When the final buzzer sounded, Neil pulled off his helmet and shook out his sweaty hair before looking to the score board; the 8-5 he saw there put a smile on his face. If he hadn’t been quite so distracted, he might have noticed the angry looking backliner for the jackals watching him. He might have noticed the ball being tossed in the air, and he might have noticed the racket swing that sent the ball hurdling towards his face. Andrew noticed. He noticed immediately but didn’t quite make it to Neil in time to push him out of the way. The court rang out with a deafening crack as the ball connected directly with the bridge of his nose. Andrew was over him as soon as he hit the ground, muttering a quick yes or no before pulling Neil’s head into his lap. The other foxes had thrown themselves at the Jackal player in question as soon as they saw Neil fall, but Andrew couldn’t be bothered. He gently touched Neil’s nose and dabbed at it slightly, trying to stop the blood from going into his mouth. Neil groaned and sat up, leaning back on his hands. The fight between the jackals and the foxes had ended with the offending jackal player being benched for the next two games thanks to a much deserved red card.

As his teammates began to circle him, checking in, asking him questions, Neil put a hand up to quiet them.

“Guys, I’m fine, I swear,” Neil said before reaching up and resetting his broken nose without so much as a flinch. “See, all good.” The foxes went deadly quiet.

“Neil,” Matt said softly, “that’s not all good. How do you know how to reset a broken nose?”

Neil blinked at Matt owlishly before responding, “cause I’ve done it a dozen times? To my mom and myself. Couldn’t go to hospitals while on the run and the nose is a very delicate part of the body.” This wasn’t the first time the foxes had heard something like this from Neil, but it didn’t make it any less heart breaking. Neil began to shift around in discomfort from all the eyes on him, and Andrew, as always, noticed right away.

“Come on junkie, you and I are doing press duty.” Neil nodded, his face blank, but he found himself able to breath easier thanks to the distraction. Andrew always knew exactly what Neil needed, always.

As the press conference came to an end, a lingering journalist asked for Neil’s opinion of the Jackals player who had, quite literally, taken a shot at him. Neil’s composure slipped slightly and he let out a laugh at the question before answering,

“If only they had aimed that well during the game, they might have won”

Andrew let out an exasperated sigh beside him and grabbed Neil’s wrist before pulling him out of the press room, leaving the wrap up to Wymack.

“207%”

“Okay, but was I wrong?”

“208%, thin ice junkie.” Andrew said, before turning and pressing a soft kiss to the tip of Neil’s very crooked and very swollen nose. “It’s time for you to go see Abby.”

Years down the line, Neil is having a particularly bad day and Andrew sits down next to him in their shared bathroom. He had found Neil on the bathroom floor with a hand mirror, a box of black hair dye and a fifth of whiskey, and decided enough was enough.

“Neil, you look nothing like your father.”

“Yes I do Andrew. Every time I look in the mirror, I see him. His eyes, his jaw, his hair-“

“Neil, I have an eidetic memory, I know what he looks like and I know what you look like. You do not look the same. The nose is all wrong.”

This puzzles Neil, he’d never really taken the time to look at his nose. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, your nose is completely different from his. It throws off the resemblance completely. You do not look like him, and you never will.”

Neil signs, letting his head drop between his knees before bringing his fingers up to dance carefully across the bridge of his nose. “It is a little crooked isn’t he?” He says with a slight chuckle.

“Yes,” Andrew responds before taking Neil’s chin in the palms of his hands and bringing his face up so their eyes meet. “It’s perfect.”

Neil smiles at that, a soft smile that is typically only reserved for Andrew.

“Yes or no, Neil?” the words are softly muttered into the mere inches of space separating their lips.

“Yes,” Neil murmurs in response, closing his eyes and leaning forward into Andrew’s space. He’s expecting a kiss on the lips, so is surprised when Andrew delicately kisses his nose instead. He smiles and Andrew’s lip twitches upward in response.

“511% junkie.”

#aftg headcanon #aftg #all for the game headcanon #all for the game #the foxhole court #the foxes #tfc headcanon #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #palmetto state university #psu #psu foxes

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just-anotherrandomartist · 3 years

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Kevin and chronic pain

(part one maybe ?)

kevin and chronic pain (maybe implied kevaaron):

-so kevin has chronic pain in his hand from where r*ko broke it but i’m going to talk about his chronic hip pain that i’m projecting onto him

-even after they beat the ravens kevin, neil, and andrew still have night practice just maybe less often

-after a few weeks kevin starts to notice that his hips are hurting after practice, he thinks nothing of it and just ignores it

-it starts getting more persistent until it starts bothering him during regular practice

-after being punished for any weakness in the nest, kevin doesn’t tell anyone about the pain. it gets so bad that it starts bothering him everyday while walking around.

-he thinks he’s being subtle until aaron pulls him aside one day and basically asks him what the fuck is wrong

-honestly they’re both a little confused as to why aaron reached out, they aren’t friends per se… just the two left over when andrew and neil are off doing whatever they do and nicky elects to hang with the upper classmen

-it goes something like this

-aaron: what’s wrong with your hips

-kevin: nothing i’m fine

-aaron: okay neil don’t complain to me when you can’t walk

-that’s where they leave it for now. a few weeks later kevin has a bad flare up, he can barely stand up. kind of sheepishly he finds aaron before practice and asks for help.

-aaron agrees (he’s still not sure why) and they head back to the dorm. they go to aaron and matt’s dorm, not wanting to run into andrew or nicky.

-kevin lays down on the floor and aaron kneels beside him. it’s… awkward, but aaron’s hands are clinical and don’t leave his knee and ankle.

-aaron finishes moving kevin’s leg about and asking when it hurts.

-aaron: i’m fairly certain you have some tears in the connective tissue in your hips but i couldn’t be sure without an mri

-kevin: i’ll think i’ll take your word for it oh great doctor, what do i do now

(i recommend going to an actual doctor but it would be too long)

-aaron: honestly, there’s not much you can do apart from rest and surgery

-kevin pales at both of these, he hates hospitals. (rest then says aaron), kevin hates the idea of rest even more. he makes this abundantly clear to aaron

-aaron: calm down, summer break is starting soon you won’t miss any games, plus i think it could be good for you to find a hobby that isn’t exy or drinking

-kevin: like you care

-kevin knows that’s a lie, but aaron doesn’t argue with him

-summer starts and aaron goes to colombia with his brother, cousin, and neil and kevin stays with his dad and abby. kevin and aaron had told abby about kevin’s hips and she offered to help him with stretches

-it’s weird not playing exy but it’s nice in a way, with exy kevin feels the weight of his past, his legacy, people’s expectations on his shoulders. now, reading about history, sketching, playing cards with abby and wymack, he can just relax.

-his hips are getting better, they hurt less often and only after he goes for walks. (i’ll spare you the gratuitous descriptions of strengthening and stretching)

-he and aaron have been texting back and forth; kevin complains about his hips and shares facts from his art history books, aaron complains about andrew and neil and shares facts from his medical textbooks.

-midway through the summer, kevin receives a package, he opens it to find a stuffed pineapple (?) the note on top was from aaron

-it read:

kevin,

this is a heating pad, it’ll help with your hips. i saw it and thought of you bc you have the same spikey personality.

- aaron

(-wymack: why are you smiling?

-kevin: none of your business and no i’m not)

#the foxhole court #all for the game #the raven king #the kings men #kevin day #aaron minyard #kevaaron #my stuff

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i-did · 3 years

Note

Do you have any thoughts on the way “fuck you Nora” impacts things like ships, in particular the recent sentiment that andreil is toxic and other fanon ships are objectively better and healthier that’s in pockets of the fandom. Like I’ve definitely seen it in the Kevin-centric niche the most but even outside of that there’s this belief that things like jerejean and renison would be very soft and healthy when there’s no proof of that. It’s almost like plausible deniability because (1/2)

andreil has canon strengths and flaws that are irrefutable, so when they ship things like Jerejean kevjean that don’t interact they feel a license to make it “better” because they know better than Nora if that makes sense. And Kandrew and kevineil are pitched as being healthier than andreil, among fans who say they wish the kandreil draft was canon where Nora has said multiple times, even when she talks about how fun they were to write that k/a were “obsessive” (2/2)

Yeah I definitely think “fuck you Nora” can play into it, sort of like how for a while most marriage or “I love you” HC posts started or ended with “fuck you Nora”.

I think andreil are such a unique relationship dynamic of two very “difficult and violent” people ending up together, so I understand why they also get called toxic and flawed a lot. Tbh I can’t really see Andrew or Neil with anyone else, I think they fit together well and what works and is healthy for them just won't work or be healthy for everyone else.

I also agree in the plausible deniability aspect, sometimes I think these fans take these characters and names and general situations, and make them into OC’s and/or props to fulfill troupes. The nature of fan creation is to play around with canon.

I personally don’t think the average college boy would be emotionally prepared or equipped enough to be a healthy pairing for a recently escaped lifelong human trafficking and cult survivor who just narrowly survived. And I don’t think Kevin who held power over Jean in the nest at number 2 instead of 3 as well as Riko’s partner, would be healthy either. Kevin himself talks about how it was different for him than for Jean, it was worse for Jean since he was a “lower rank.” I think the idea Kevjean is better than Kevin and Thea comes partially from the belief that gay=better in fandom, and the ‘pair the spare’ mentality.

I also personally think that both Kandrew and Daysten/Kevineil are not good fits either. I’ve talked about it before and explained why I think Kandrew is unhealthy and am not really interested in exploring it, but for Kevineil I personally think they… fight too much I guess. You get in arguments with your friends as well as partners, but the way they affect you and power works can be very different, and the type of arguments are also typically different. I think they're fine as friends, but I think they would need a lot more outside of canon growth and development to be a fit romantically. I don’t care what others want to ship or explore, I just personally don’t see much appeal with either dynamic.

I think people who say “this would be healthier” are usually imagining their ideas and HC’s and version of the character rather than the canon one, as well as just… their personal idea of what is “healthier” and what a good relationship “looks like”.

Also you briefly mention Renesion as being depicted/perceived as “softer and healthier” too. From what I see of Renesion its very… just kinda there. Usually there isn't a lot of development or they're just sort of in the background of another fic. The Renee and Allison in canon would not pair well together imo either, I also mention this somewhere in an earlier ask as well. I'm all for wlw pairs and ships, and I've read like a decently long Renesion fic my friend @wishbonetea wrote called “The Gracekeepers” where they do actually have chemistry, but are growing differently than they do in canon. In canon Renee is a “bad person trying very hard to be a good person.” she’s anti-negative talk and avoids speaking ill of others or expressing negative or harsh opinions. Allison has recently escaped a stuffy rich people environment where all their words are cloaked and all compliments are backhanded and no one really says what they’re thinking, Allison’s personal growth from this is to let it out and say what she really thinks, who give a fuck if they think she's rude or unladylike, it's her feelings. Also Renee’s past is often just depicted as this cool thing rather than something very truamatizing that she struggles with, makes it hard for her to genuinely connect with others and be her ‘real self’, and Allison's on-again off-again boyfriend just died, and she was there the night it happened. I haven't seen any fics actually explore these topics, just kinda ship them since “pair the spare.” (if any of you know any fics that address this or focus on it lmk)

I'm not going to hold their chemistry to a higher standard than mlm ships tho, I've seen people ship almost all the male characters together in the tags but obviously don’t do as much content for the women, which is a shame because some of the fox ladies have interesting potential chemistry. Dan and Renee have a very interesting dynamic in the EC and Nora herself said if she were to ship the fox ladies it would be Dan with Renee. I personally have high standards for ‘shipping’ I guess, sometimes I vaguely think “oh this could be interesting” but rarely do I actively explore it. I'm a pretty canon focused consumer, I never watched supernatural thinking ‘dustiel’ or even picked up on the queer-baiting until much later. I don't care about shipping the way most fans seem to. I like to imagine Andrew and Neil meeting in their late 60’s or so, or even not meeting the other and being single and having fulfilling lives that way too, which is not a common way to ‘show affection’ to characters.

I agree with you and think it comes down to plausible deniability and this urge to ‘defy Nora’–be all edgy to an author who stopped listening–as well as pair the spare and fandom culture of shipping at its core. Shipping is seen as a good/better treatment of the characters and “what they deserve” a lot.

#ask #fandom culture #mailob #damn its 4 am why did i answer this now #i have work tomorrow lmfao #i hope u see this anon

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codename-adler · 3 years

Text

foxes + onesies (4/9)

based off of that one post i saw and don’t remember, where people once caught Allison wandering around Fox Tower in a giraffe onesie, and i absolutely melted for her. here is the Foxes’ journey to getting a onesie each!

Dan

of course the next Fox to get their onesie is the Danielle Leigh Wilds

though Nicky almost beats her to it, but that’s a story for another time

now. Dan is fierce. Dan is sexy. Dan is strong. Dan is an inspiration to all.

Dan also wants a ridiculous pajama to match with her boyfriend and her best friends

Dan wants to go full-on girly mode, for once

Dan wants to feel like a kid again, wants to be free of responsibilities, wants to be included in the girl gang

Dan wants

she feels like that one time when she had been excluded from her classmate’s birthday party, because she hadn’t lots of money and the birthday girl knew she wouldn’t be able to bring her a present

because Ally’s is for therapy, Matt’s represent a piece of his childhood, and Renee’s is a lover’s gift

(yeah, she now has to deal with that. just like Neil and Andrew, she didn’t see #renison coming at all. the only difference is, she now has to live with them being a couple 24/7. at least Matt and her live separately, that gives the others a little bit of a break… Renee and Ally? Cuddle monsters. PDA champions. but only in their dorm. only in front of Dan. it’s exhausting. she thinks they might be doing it on purpose…)

anyways

Dan doesn’t have a reason, an excuse, a memory to fuel this childish desire to own one of those adult pajamas

and it’s not like Matt or the girls would get the hint to gift her one, seeing as her usual aesthetic is sporty, mature and overall just *powerbabe vibes*

and that’s how she comes to the conclusion that her Sisters are her only hope (she’s that desperate)

five of them have children… and one’s got a baby on the way for the first time… and the other five, well… let’s not get into that

so surely, surely, her girls are going to get it, right? they’ll have insight, they’ll be helpful, right?

yeah, they are, they do

they just laugh their asses off first

Dan calls for a video chat meeting on a Wednesday afternoon, when all of them are least likely to be busy

7 of them are able to make it

however, Dan keeps dancing around the subject, and her Sisters notice it right away

Georgia: Oh. My. God. Dan, are you pregnant??

Darla: Oh God, are you dying??

Flo: Did Matt finally propose??

Michelle: Don’t tell us you guys broke up!!

Courtney: Do you need a lawyer or something??

Camilla: Which bastard hurt you??

June: Do you need help hiding the body??

yeah, dramatic much

Dan ends up being forced to admit the truth before her girls get a heart attack

Dan: Jesus, guys, shut the hell up. I’m fine (*oh shut up Neil*). I just need guidance for… hum… a fashion matter?

that puts her girls in a much better mood

only for all hell to break loose when Dan admits to wanting a fucking onesie pajama

Dan has to mute her laptop

of course, they only tease her because they love her

but still

they have a good time making fun of her

once they calm down, though, they let Dan speak

so she explains what’s been happening in the last few weeks

how she wishes to use that stupid onesie to grow closer to her team, to belong

how she craves something so juvenile because she never had that kind of thing growing up

how she doesn’t know how to proceed without seeming like an attention seeker, a copycat

her Sisters all understand, each in their own way

they finally start asking Dan the right questions

Michelle: So what can we do?

June: I can make you one, if you want. You know I got magic hands *wink*

Flo: D’you need money? We got money, baby. Just say how much.

Darla: You wanna be, like, sexy devil mistress or cute baby angel??

Courtney: Ooh, ooh, a lace one!

Georgia: Courtney no.

Camilla: Courtney yes.

no indeed, Courtney

the main problem, she explained to them, was that she didn’t know what to get

see, Dan doesn’t really like animals; never had one, never obsessed over one, never felt a connection to one

Dan doesn’t particularly like children’s movies either

so, what to get?

Camilla: Okay, but remember when Georgia’s kid started calling us all Care Bears because she was obsessed with it? And she was like, weirdly accurate? What about that?

Michelle: Oh yeah, that was soooo nice. So nice.

Georgia: Oh shut up Michelle, you’re just mad ‘cause my child renamed you Grumpy Bear! She wasn’t wrong, you know.

Courtney: Pff you’re just jealous I got Funshine Bear!

Flo: Okay, enough, enough, now. Dan, which one were you again? Do you even like the idea?

Dan: I guess… I was uh, the pink one. With the hearts on the tummy? Do they even have those in onesies?

Camilla: Oh yeah, Always There Bear! See, Michelle? My daughter’s a psychic. She was right about every one of you.

Flo: Dan, babygirl, they have onesies of everything.

so all the girls pull up pictures of pink Care Bear onesies to show Dan

June is the one who ends up finding Dan’s favorite

it’s baggy, it’s hot pink, it’s cute and fluffy and so not Dan

she loves it

and in bonus, her 11 sisters contribute to pay for her onesie (being the youngest in the family has its perks)

they almost make Dan cry tears of joy

three weeks later (it came from Japan), Dan’s package arrives

it also happens to be Valentine’s Day soon…

(you know where this is going)

it’s Sunday night, the 14th

Dan and Matt have his dorm to themselves

they spend the day with each other, really taking it slow and doing nothing

around 8pm, Dan tells Matt she’s craving some chocolate desserts, so he takes his truck and drives to the closest bakery on campus

meanwhile, Dan puts her plan in action

she pulls out the pink heart-shaped Post-It notes Renee lent her and writes her little messages on them

Hey, pretty boy

Wanna play hide-and-seek…?

Come and find me, pretty boy

You know where I am…

I’m waiting for you XOXO

she sticks them on the front door, all along the hallway and the last one’s on Matt’s bedroom door

Matt is ecstatic when he returns with half a dozen of chocolate eclairs

he chucks the box of desserts in the fridge before he quickly tiptoes to his bedroom

he knocks

and from inside, a voice…

Dan: Come in, pretty boy… I’ve got a surprise for ya…

Matt kicks the door open

and oh. my. lord.

there she is, in all her glory

there’s rose petals all over his bed and the floor

there are lit vanilla-scented candles

there’s slow music playing

and in the middle of the bed, sprawled out like the queen she is, Dan

in her onesie

her neon pink Care Bear onesie

and do you know what the best part is?

Matt isn’t even close to being disappointed

he just thinks, God I love her

as soon as he sees her, he runs and jumps on the bed to join her and make out passionately

and then just as fast, he gets off the bed

Matt: WAIT FOR ME BABY LEMME PUT MINE ON OKAY DON’T YOU MOVE

once he’s back in Dan’s arms, they’re a flurry of pink and orange

they can’t stop giggling

and yeah, they do make love all night long, and eat chocolate eclairs butt-naked

but first they watch their favorite movie, Karate Kid (the one with young Jaden Smith and old Jackie Chan, okay)

so if they weren’t sure of their commitment to this relationship before, after that night, they both knew they would never spend another night with someone else as long as they were alive

they were in perfect harmony

God, I love him // God, I love her

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palmett-hoes · 3 years

Note

Do you have any fan casts or strong takes/feelings on the foxes’ appearances? Fandom tends to use the same Pinterest models, which feels wrong to me.

i do in fact! i've actually been meaning to make a post about how i choose to write all of the foxes' ethnicities anyway

but yes i absolutely agree that the typical pinterest model types u generally see on edits is not how i see any of them. nor is reece king or froy gutierrez or lucky blue smith one of my FCs for anyone

for a lot of them i don't necessarily have a single specific FC so much as i have like,, a general impression of features that i will see on various different people, who all may look wildly different from each other or who may not even look how i see the character as a whole but do have a specific feature i associate with them. mostly it boils down to the Energy i get tbh and that's just a Feeling i cant even explain

fun fact im a tiny bit face blind so that might account for some of why i'm so all-over about this

may as well go chronologically. some of them i definitely have more thoughts on than others

1. Dan

ethnicity: Afro Native (Sioux)

features: medium dark skin. buzzcut, killer fade. she often styles it in waves. she's very butch, wears a lot of basketball and cargo shorts, tank tops and flannels and jerseys, hiking boots. skinny but muscular, with a very rectangular body shape. defined jaw. probably like 5'4 or 5'5

FC/Energy: sometimes i get some dan energy out of janelle monae but more butch. lotta dan energy out of samira wiley. lashana lynch

2. Kevin

ethnicity: a lot of things tbd, but he's pretty multi-ethnic. i like the idea of kayleigh being half- or a quarter-japanese in addition to irish because it gives her more of a reason to go to japan for her undergrad. wymack is from d.c. which is a majority black city for its actual residents, but i also like the idea of him being Pasifika/Hawaiian. HOWEVER - and this is pretty important to my read of kevin's character - he's white passing, and has been mostly treated as a white guy who tans his whole life, like occasionally asked if he's italian maybe. learning that his father was a Distinctly Not White Man was a big shock to him.

kristin kreuk, lindsay price, phoebe cates, and marie digby are all half-asian actresses i base kayleigh on

i suppose i base his story partially on broadway actress carol channing, who revealed publically that she was a quarter black when she was like 80 years old. though maybe wentworth miller, a biracial actor who knows his father is black but also doesn't know him, is more accurate to kevin's story. then keanu reeves is a white passing actor with asian ancestry

also none of these people look anything like how i picture kevin lol. kevin is just like,, a guy. handsome ig. but kind of in a CW character kind of way

actually

kevin looks exactly like young jason momoa

3. Andrew

ethnicity: kayin/karen from myanmar

features: fat and muscular, very wide and heavy. this blog is basically all andrew body type refs. medium-olive skin, has a bit of a greyish tinge that makes him look a bit eerie or unhealthy. deep set, droopy eyes; looks so tired. flat face with a low-bridged nose. crooked teeth, especially his canines. natural hair black-ish but he bleaches it light blond. has the beginnings of martial artist punching callouses in his knuckles

FC/Energy: holy shit the characters i feel have Andrew Energy are all over the place. pedro pascal. babe ruth (yes fr). oddjob (harold sakata) from goldfinger. the jinn (mousa kraish) from american gods. gaear grimsrud (peter stormare) from fargo. takeshi kovacs (joel kinnaman) from altered carbon. and i wanna be clear, it's these characters specifically, and generally NOT the actors outside of that specific role. except pedro ❤️

4. Matt

ethnicity: cuban

appearance: matt has more of an Energy than specific features to me rn. that energy is Warm. he has that Warm bro jock dude energy. kind of a marvel hero build, hunky and muscular. very rectangular face. has this haircut:

5. Aaron

i get to cut myself some slack and not go AS in depth about aaron because he and andrew are identical twins

ethnicity: kayin/karen from myanmar

appearance: similar build to andrew, less confident and casual posture and body language. less apathetically murderous and more emotive expressions. better teeth bc his mom took him to the dentist. yes also bleaches his hair

celebrities: probably a lot like the difference between the characters and the actors. andrew is the characters and aaron is how the actors actually look. idk ive never looked at someone and thought 'hey! looks like aaron!'

6. Seth

ethnicity: have been going with half-vietnamese. considering looking into various south asian possibilities like pakistani

appearance: string bean build. that's all i have to offer

7. Allison

ethnicity: allison's very up in the air for me. she and seth are the two foxes i feel fine with being white, but im committing to having no white foxes sooo. i would say i generally see her as either half-middle eastern or chinese

appearance: plus sized and hourglass shaped. heart shaped face. taller, like 5'8 or 5'9. she has a pretty fraught history with her appearance and her parents payed for/pressured her into getting a nose job to have a 'prettier' nose. she also bleaches her hair blonde. she gets it done at a salon tho the twinyards do it in their bathroom

FC/Energy: elle king and nadia aboulhosn are my main inspos for her, esp body type but nadia esp in Vibes

8. Nicky

ethnicity: multi-ethnic. his mother is southern mexican Indigenous, possibly oaxacan. his father is mixed white/kayin

appearance: definitely takes after his mother while his father is white passing. dark brown skin, warm undertones. slightly stocky build. tall ovular head and thin aquiline nose. he's kind of just,, the opposite of the twins ig, so like their facial features look very different, which is a big part of why people don't make the connection between him and the twins alongside the difference in their skin tones, heights, and builds. nicky's build and features are very vertically-oriented, with a tall head, narrow-set eyes, thin nose with a high bridge, etc. the twins are horizontally-orienged, with broad, flat faces, wide-set eyes, wide noses with a low bridge, etc.

FC/Energy: yalitza aparicio, not a guy but one of the few Mexican Indigenous stars in the film industry and i really like her features for nicky. she's oaxacan

9. Renee

ethnicity: Black. african american

appearance: plus sized, circular/apple body shape. round face. dark skin. microlocs to a bit past her chin, bleached white and dyed at the ends. she and allison go to the salon together. femme but plain style, a lot of blouses and long skirts, practical shoes. knuckle callouses. about 5'6

FC/Energy: dominique fishback. tracie thoms, esp in RENT. gabourey sidibe. nicole byer, but not in Energy. brandy, for some reason, probably bc i think she has very serene Energy and is a little bit otherworldly. like if brandy played arwen or galadriel from lotr it would make perfect sense to me, and that's the Renee Energy™️

10. Neil

ethnicity: mixed. Black/Jewish on both sides. his father is polish ashkenazi and afro-brazilian. his mother is Black British and algerian jewish

appearance: very... sharp. like sharp all over. does that make sense? sharp features, sharp face shape, sharp angles to his body. he's got what i vaguely think of as a 'basketball build' not meaning tall but meaning very rangy and angular and lean. all limbs. seth has a similar build. lighter brown skin. he has waardenburg syndrome which is actually where he gets he gets his eye color, and his eyes are very large and widely spaced as well. freckles freckles freckles. freckles everywhere. 4a hair but at least during canon it's not very healthy and thus the curls aren't well-defined. he grows it out long enough to tie back and starts taking better care of it in post-canon. wonky, slightly crooked teeth, with a gap between the fronts

FC/Energy: now neil i actually have a ton for. mostly models which im a lil ashamed of bc i do try to draw more from athletes. alton mason is a main body type ref. mugsy bogues is good to see what i mean about the basketball build without the height. here're the boys: cykeem white, luka sabbat, désiré mia, Leo Hoyte-Egan, dylan hasselbaink, this beautiful stock photo model i've never been able to track down

i think about him every. goddamn. day.

in terms of like,, real ppl and not models: corbin bleu, especially during Jump In. figure skater elladj balde. rayan "ray ray" lopez from mindless behavior. A$AP Rocky a lil bit, maybe i just like his hairstyle idk

two more models i think are important: carissa pinkston and ralph souffrant

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forelxsket · 3 years

Text

Kevin Day and Dogs

Because I said so

Part 2

Kevin woke up to a lot of things.

The sound of his mother's voice, the cold of Riko’s blade on his cheek, the stench of day-old vodka, the surprise of Andrew throwing a pillow at him, the sweaty heat of an afternoon classroom.

But he wasn't prepared for the wet nuzzling of a 45-pound dog.

He wasn’t complaining either.

“Get off me.”

The sun was beaming down on him.

There was no way it was 4 AM.

The dog put its head under the cover while Kevin rolled over to check the time.

The alarm was face-down on the ground, the carpet muffling the sound.

“Oh, you idiot,” he whispered.

The alarm's glass was cracked.

“You’ll make me go broke.”

The dog licks his face and for a moment Kevin forgives him.

“Fine, get up if you want to eat.”

Breakfast was oatmeal and eggs which the dog was extremely grateful for.

Kevin opened his phone to check the directions for the closest dog shelter.

Unfortunately, he was distracted by a call from Neil.

“Could you pick up glucose for the team when you come,” Neil said, the sound of racquets in the background.

“Oh yeah, I can't make it today.”

“Are you okay?” Neil asked.

Kevin was surprised by the question but then again, this might be the first time he skipped practice so Neil had every right to be slightly concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I have to go to a dog shelter to drop off a dog and with all the traffic, it’ll probably take a few hours.”

“You have a dog?” Nicky’s voice rang out in the background.

Fuck I am on speaker.

“Did you name it?” Neil asked.

“No I found it and now I am giving it away.”

“You should name it. I heard naming it builds the connection,” Nicky replied.

“Whatever. I am leaving,” Kevin said and hung up.

I don’t even want the dog.

But even as he said that he did not completely believe it.

“Come, we are going to the shelter.”

The dog wagged its tail at him and followed him out.

It looked so innocent that Kevin felt guilty about this whole thing.

But he just pushed it down and doesn’t acknowledge it.

One thing no one tells you about dogs is that they have really long tongues.

And they really enjoy showing it off.

The dog put its tongue out the window for so long that Kevin feared it would rip off and fall on the windshield of the car behind them.

It was a horrible thought, yes but, the tongue was flopping with such intensity that he couldn’t help it.

Thankfully, the dog’s tongue was still intact when they reached the dog shelter.

The bell above the door chimed, indicating their arrival.

“Hi, I found a dog yesterday and it had no collar so I wanted to give it to a dog shelter,” Kevin said to the woman at the desk.

“Yeah, sure. Just sign these papers while we run a few tests on the dog to make sure it has all the vaccinations and injections,” the lady said, sliding him a clipboard of papers.

A black-haired man who kinda looked like Elvis Presley appeared from one of the rooms and led the dog inside.

Kevin sat down on one of the leather chairs and started filling out the forms.

Each page he filled the less he wanted to give the dog away.

No matter how much he denied it, the dog bought some sort of comfort.

The way it looked at him and depended on him, Kevin for the first time in a long time, felt wanted.

And a part of him didn’t want that to go away.

Sure, his team wanted him but, that was because of his ability in a game.

He was sure that no one would want to spend time with him outside of exy practice.

He was on the fifth page when the Elvis Presley look-alike walked in with the dog.

“If you wanted to know,” he said with a slight southern accent, “the dog is an Australian Shepard and a German Spitz crossbreed. She’s about two years old.”

“Oh thanks,” Kevin said, without taking his eyes off the dog.

“Well, hand in the paperwork whenever you are done and say your goodbyes. I’ll leave her here until you do.”

The dog looked at him with her big brown eyes and Kevin knew that there was no way he was leaving her here.

When they are back in the car, the dog licks his hand.

“I do not love you, shut up.”

The dog just wags her tail and Kevin knew she didn’t believe him.

He didn’t believe himself either.

And that was that.

(Part 1)

(Headcannons)

#kevin day #all for the game #tag @neil.josten.10 on insta if you repost #the foxhole court #neil josten #andrew minyard #andriel #is it blatantly visible that I need Kevin being happy content?#anyways

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redrabbitspod · 4 years

Photo

READ OUR INTERVIEW WITH ROLLING STONE HERE:

(full, designed article. But if you don’t want to follow a magazine layout, read the transcript. Art by @bloodydamnit)

TRANSCRIPT BELOW THE CUT

Red Rabbits: The Rolling Stone Interview

Featuring Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten, and the Red Rabbits Team

By Angie Rodner

On a chilly Monday, Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard are standing side by side, looking at something on Andrew’s phone in our New York, Rolling Stone headquarters. The rest of the Red Rabbits team, consisting of Dan Wilds, Seth Gordon, Renee Walker, Robin Cross, Allison Reynolds, and pro Exy legend/honorable mention Matt Boyd, orbit around them. It's an interesting scene to take in, to say the least. No matter what they seem to be talking about, they all defer to the two hosts without any of them seeming to acknowledge it.

I was lucky enough to sit down with all eight of them, and I’m not ashamed to say I’m a fan of the podcast and I’ve followed since Season 1. The story of Andrew and Neil (formerly known as Nathaniel Wesnisnki, the son of the Nathan Wesninski or the Butcher of Baltimore), and the revelation of their connection they’d shared as kids, was better than any true crime podcast I’d ever listened to.

Now, the team takes on what they’ve dubbed ‘The Case of the Newark 9’ for their second season. It’s a case based around the hunt for a man known only as ‘Steven’, who they believe is responsible for a series of kidnappings and murders of young girls in and around the Newark area. They’re joined by Robin Cross, a victim and survivor of Steven’s, who is helping them investigate the case.

I sat down with Robin and the other women of Red Rabbits first.

What’s it been like to work on this podcast together? Was it strange to go from looking for Neil, to having him in the studio, to watching him and Andrew form the relationship they have?

Dan: It was strange, because in all honesty, it wasn’t strange. Does that make sense? None of us knew about the meeting they had as kids, but when Andrew finally told us, everything made a lot more sense. Really, they belong together. It was much weirder when they first got back and hadn’t acknowledged what was between them yet. We were all just kinda like... are y’all not seeing what we’re seeing?

Renee: They got there eventually.

How have things changed from Season 1 to Season 2? The cases are obviously different, but they still involve missing children. What’s the atmosphere like around the studio?

Dan: Tense.

Allison: I’m not even there that often and I can still feel it.

Robin: It is tense, but there’s also a sense of urgency. We know ‘Steven’ has another girl now, so it’s like every day that goes by is another day he has her... Another day we either find him, or we don’t.

Mm... I can’t imagine how difficult that is. However, with that being said, the NYPD have made it pretty clear that they aren’t buying what you guys are selling. How does that make you feel?

Robin: I don’t feel anything about the NYPD. My anger is better placed elsewhere. I am angry. But the police didn’t listen to me when I was a kid and trying to tell them important information. Why would they listen to me now?

Renee: I think we all try and take our cues from Robin. Andrew and Neil are very careful to include her and get her opinion on certain things before moving forward. We’re not letting this thing with the NYPD deter us.

Speaking of Robin then, what’s it like for you to have her on the team? As one of Steven’s victims that is, there with you in the studio?

Robin: Oh no. Say nice things about me.

Dan: Girl. [ laughs ] Honestly, she’s amazing. She’s my little sister and I’m not just saying that. I think we all kind of feel that way. I’ve never known a person as strong and determined as she is and I know - see she’s blushing! [ laughs again ]- I know she hates it when we talk about her like this, but it’s so true. She’s family now.

Renee: She is, and I think she brings a really unique perspective to the case. We have someone here who’s directly involved, who lived through it and can give us some idea of what the other girls went through. I think most people would really love to have that kind of resource during an investigation.

Allison: For sure. She’s even my muse for my fall line. Everything is going to be deep colors and fun modesty.

Seems like you’ve been properly inducted into the team, Robin.

Robin: [ smiling ] It feels amazing...

Now, last question. Are you confident you’ll find what you’re looking for?

All as one: Yes.

Speaking with the ladies was fun. They were easy and connected and you can tell that there was a real sisterhood in the studio that day. It was refreshing to see women supporting and helping each other thrive in such a competitive industry. There was a lot of laughter between them, and it was such a joy to be able to share it with them.

My next interviewees were Seth Gordon, ‘resident TFN sound engineer/IT guy/anything to do with technology’, as he tells it, and New York Lynxes starting backliner, Matt Boyd. When I tell you I laughed throughout this entire interview, I’m being completely sincere. There was something about the way the two bounced off each other that had me smiling and understanding why they are both so well-liked.

You guys are best friends aren’t you? I feel a bromance in this Chilli’s tonight.

Seth: Bet. Matt Boyd is my homie and BFFL. Do people still say that? Anyway, we have matching necklaces and everything.

Do you really?

Matt: No, not really, but I’d totally wear one if he gave it to me.

[ laughing ] Matt, how did you even end up here? I know you were friends with Neil, but I feel like the details on that are kind of murky.

Matt: I hit him with my truck. [ My jaw dropped ] No, really! I hit him with my truck in Midtown Manhattan when I was driving home. He refused to go to the hospital so I brought him back to my place to make sure he was okay. He didn’t leave after that.

Seth: Because you held him hostage? That’s the way I hear it.

Matt: Oh yeah, for sure. He takes up so little space, why not? [ laughs again ] No really, I did convince him to stay, but I just felt like he needed a friend. He was obviously running from something and he was scared. I just didn’t know from what or why at the time.

And when you found out?

Matt: Honestly? I just about shit myself, but it made so much sense. All the little questions I asked myself early on, finally had answers.

I saw the interview you and Dan did with Essence. You guys look amazing together.

Seth: They are amazing together. It’s gross.

Matt: Yeah, and you and Dion aren’t constantly fawning all over each other.

Is that Dion hovering nearby?

Seth: Yep, that’s my man. He’s amazing and fuckin’ fine as hell. Can I say fuck in this interview?

Sure.

Seth: He’s fuckin’ fine.

Seth, what’s it been like for you, putting together the shows? There’s been a lot of audio that’s hard for us as listeners to hear, and I’m sure there’s more we haven’t even heard.

Seth: There is.

What’s that like for you to have to go through it all?

Seth: Really hard sometimes. There was some stuff in Season 1 we didn’t air that seriously gave me nightmares. It’s worth it, though. We found Neil and I think we’ll find Steven.

Are both of you confident in that fact?

Seth: Positive.

Matt: I think if anyone can find him, it’s Andrew and Neil. They’re determined and they’ll keep looking no matter what.

I believe them.

Andrew and Neil were my last interview of the day, and a more determined pair I think I’ve ever met.

Here’s the thing readers: They’re connected. It might make me a poor journalist, but I don’t know how else to explain it. At one point during the interview, Neil reached over to squeeze Andrew’s arm. At another point, Andrew reached over to squeeze the back of Neil’s neck. They were obviously a comfort to and for each other, and it almost seemed like they borrowed strength. It was intense and being able to witness it has been one of my favorite moments in my career.

So, let’s talk about this season before we get into everything else. You’re looking for a man you believe to be responsible for the disappearances of multiple girls in the Newark area. Do you feel like you’re any closer to solving the mystery than you were at the beginning?

Neil: Absolutely. We’ve gotten some really great tips and we think we’ve narrowed some things down. We don’t want to get too deep into what we’ve got at the moment, because we’re still investigating. But we’re confident in what we have.

What’s it been like working with Robin? I was able to interview her earlier, and she’s really something.

Andrew: She’s been the best resource we have. She’s incredibly strong and unbelievably quick. She’s taken this terrible thing that happened to her and turned it into fire, and it’s been amazing to watch. Most of the information we have comes from her.

The interview you guys did with her was absolutely chilling. I cried three times listening to it. How do you handle hearing these things? I feel like it’d be really hard not to take it home with you.

Neil: Yeah. It’s hard sometimes.

Andrew, I want to touch on the interview Riko Moriyama just did with Kathy Ferdinand and your response. What was that like for you, hearing Riko wrongfully expose something like that on live television?

Andrew: It was… I was stunned, I guess. That information was supposed to be sealed. My name was redacted. So I have no idea how he even got details of the case.

You’ve talked before about being in the foster care system. It sounds like you had a pretty rocky childhood.

Andrew: Yes.

Neil, I know yours was no picnic either. Do you think that this kind of... shared trauma, I guess, is part of why you two work so well together?

Neil: Yeah, partly. When we met as kids, I think a bond was cemented. We both knew how horrible adults could be to children. But now that we’re older, I think more than a shared trauma, it’s a mutual respect for that trauma. We both have shit, you know? I told Matt this one time and I didn’t really understand how true it was until recently, but we both have baggage that we share. We take each other’s on to lighten the load for the other. But, there are times when it gets really fucking heavy, and I think recently we’ve figured out that it’s better to lean on each other when that happens, instead of trying to carry it all ourselves.

Why do you think Riko felt the need to call you two out like he did? I know he mentioned Neil possibly being manipulated into the relationship.

Neil: [laughs]

Andrew: I wish I could manipulate him into having better taste in music.

Neil: My taste in music is fine.

Andrew: It is absolutely not. And I don’t know why Riko feels the need to comment. I’d be interested to hear the reason. The things he said regarding Neil were ridiculous, and in his response, Neil has made sure to make that known. But the thing that really bothered me was his comments on mental health. He tried to basically call me unstable for seeking therapy and admitting that there came a point when I needed outside help. There are literally hundreds of thousands of people in this country who seek out therapy every year. There’s no shame in it and I’m unsure as to why Riko believes there is. Honestly, I’m shocked the Moriyamas haven’t released a statement. He’s their mouthpiece, after all.

Do you think they should apologize?

Neil: Yes.

Andrew: I think they should at least clarify. I’ve already heard people are planning to protest their new documentary and I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to give my money to people who think I’m less of a person because I struggle sometimes.

Speaking of struggle, let’s move back to the case. I know the NYPD has been giving you grief over your claims that the person you’re looking for is the same person that’s taken Haylie Clark. Robin, especially, seems completely certain. How does it feel to know law enforcement doesn’t have your back on this?

Andrew: Familiar. They’ve never had my back before, so why would they start now?

Neil: I’ve dealt with too many crooked cops to really take it seriously. I have no idea what their motivations are and to be clear, I’m not saying I think they’re crooked - I’m just saying that in my experience, the help doesn’t always come like it’s supposed to.

The rest of the team seems pretty confident in you two. They all said they absolutely believe you’ll be able to find him. Is it hard sometimes, not to lose faith?

Andrew: It’s hard all the time. But it doesn’t matter. We have to keep moving forward. We aren’t going to stop until he and Haylie are found.

I think that’s really commendable and I look forward to seeing that happen. Now, tell me a bit about the team. Neil, since you came in at the end of Season 1, how did you find the dynamic as an outsider?

Neil: I didn’t really understand it in the beginning. Not really. It helped having Matt at my back for months prior, but I’ve never had the opportunity to make solid connections with people. So when I came into the studio, to this group of people who had known each other since college, it was overwhelming.

Andrew: That’s funny, seeing as how they like you better than me.

Neil: It’s all the charm and charisma.

[ laughing ] And now? You all seem really tight knit.

Neil: Now, yeah. We are. These people are my family.

Andrew?

Andrew: Yes?

Neil: She wants you to say something nice about the team.

Andrew: Every single one of them knows my coffee order, and it’s truly amazing that they can do what the interns cannot. [ he looks over at Neil, who’s tilting his head and raising his brows ] Oh, don’t look at me like that. Fine. We have a really strong team. I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing without them. Seth works harder than anyone I know, Dan keeps us all in line with just a look, Renee is the only reason I agreed to do this in the first place, Reynolds has a lot of money and she’s not afraid to use it for a cause she believes in, and Robin is the most inspiring person I’ve ever met.

And Matt?

Andrew: Who?

Neil: The guy that kept me alive for months while you were hunting me.

Andrew: [ rolls his eyes and shrugs ] He’s fine.

My take away from the interviews was this: these people will do whatever they need, in order to find their perpetrator. They believe in their cause, they hurt for these girls, and they’ll find justice for them in the end. They’re family, that much is clear, and I can’t wait to see how this ends. I can’t wait to say that I was there when it’s over.

Red Rabbits can be heard on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, and GooglePlay. You can follow the website at redrabbitspod.tumblr.com and twitter @redrabbitspod.

And as the Red Rabbits team always says, “Keep Searching”. I know I will.

#red rabbits pod #aftg #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #seth gordon #dan wilds #matt boyd #renee walker #allison reynolds #robin cross #article #media #rolling stone #interview

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laurae-colores · 4 years

Text

A short andriel with a tiny bit of angst, but nothing serius. I just wanted to make Andrew cry. Happy ending assured ♡

Everything’s dark, the kind of darkness you see when closing your eyes but bright lights still shine on you from outside. There are voices coming from somewhere around him, too, but he cannot distinguish the words or who’s talking to whom.

His head feels heavy and foggy, he can’t open his eyes or move a single muscle. He’s clearly been drugged. His survival instincts are screaming, telling him he needs to find out who’s drugged him, why, and where the hell he is. But a fraction of his mind is telling him that he’s so, so tired, and with the muffled sounds in the background and his whole body feeling like nothing more than a heavy vessel, it’s easy to let himself drift off to sleep.

When he wakes up again, he doesn’t know how much he’s slept. He still feels numb and incredibly tired, but this time his eyes can open, just a tiny bit. The bright white lights blind him and everything’s blurry. He closes his eyes almost immediately.

The corridors must be crowded, because he can hear all the steps, the voices, the shouted orders. This time around, his ears seem to be working just fine.

He tries to remember. Something, anything at all. The last thing he remembers is having lunch alone in his apartment, sooner that day. Or had more than a day already passed? And then? what had happened?

The noises in the corridor seem to increase, and his ears are ringing. Someone is shouting something, but the voices aren’t close enough for him to be able to understand them.

He lies still, every movement requiring way too much effort, and waits. Someone will come eventually, right? He cannot panic. He isn’t in the condition of doing anything anyway, so he must keep his cool, as much as possible.

The voices seem to get closer. If he’s got it right, there is a man screaming something

angrily, and a woman speaking loudly trying to contain him and, why is everyone screaming?

Can’t they understand his head is exploding? Then, a third voice joins in. It’s another man, apparently. He’s talking loudly too, but calmly, and when the femenine voice disappears, the two men get apparently closer to where he is now.

That’s when he can finally distinguish their words, not anymore a disconnected noise but actual sentences.

“They won’t let me see him!” the man screaming is saying. He was wrong. He's not angry: he's distressed.

“I know. I know, but you need to calm down. If not, you’ll just make it worse.”

The other one keeps silent, apparently succeeding in calming down, but the silence lasts too little, interrupted by frantic sobs and hiccups.

He is still too numb-minded to connect what’s happening around him, but he knows for sure the man out there is utterly desperate.

“Hey. Hey, there," the other man is saying soothingly. The hysterical crying increases.

“I don’t- I dont-”

“I know. Hey. Just focus. Breath. Listen to my voice and try to follow, you get it? In, and out. Breath. Everything will be fine. He’ll be alright.”

“I can’t lose him- I- If-” The crying man is crumbling to pieces, he can tell. What’s happening?

And why is listening to these voices both soothing him and giving him painful grief?

The man sobs and his cry resonates in the corridor, now apparently empty. Neil’s heart loses a beat.

“You’ll be able to see him soon. They’re going to check on him in a few minutes and they will see he’s stable and let you in.”

“But what if-”

“Andrew. He’s going to be okay.”

Neil’s foggy world rebuilds itself and collapses. Andrew. He was going to Andrew, to pick him up at the airport. He was in his car and it was raining. That he remembers. What happend after, he can’t. Andrew. Andrew’s there, wanting to see him, yearning for their encounter. But also, Andrew is crying like he’s never before, because he hates it. Because crying is as ‘please’ is, and he doesn't allow himself to cry. Because it doesn’t relieve stress and sadness, but increase the grief instead. Andrew’s crying because he’s desperate, and every passing moment he’s feeling worse and worse.

Neil tries to open his eyes once more, but the lights are burning his orbs and his head is pounding. He tries to speak but his voice doesn’t come out and his throat is hoarse.

He’s been in an accident. He is at the hospital. He is drugged. What’s happened to him? Is he still all in one piece? Why can’t he speak or keep his eyes open, and his head is pounding oh so hard, and he's dizzy and- and what if he’s broken and cannot play exy

anymore? Will Ichirou kill him then? What will Andrew do when he’s dead then? He can’t leave him alone, and he needs to call him now, to let him know he’s okay right now but he can’t speak and-

A sound is beeping in his hospital room, loud and insistent, and Neil’s breath feels heavy as his heart runs like crazy in his chest. He can hear steps running into the room and voices speaking, but all he can register is Andrew screaming between his tears and asking what the hell is happening. Neil’s heart beats faster, and faster, and the air he’s breathing isn’t enough anymore, his head is spinning.

A woman is talking to him. A nurse, maybe. She’s telling him to focus on his breathing, the same way Wymack was telling Andrew just some time earlier. She’s talking about a panic attack, but Neil isn’t really listening. He keeps trying to speak, but no words find their way out.

He just manages a whine, and needs to try much more before a word is actually spoken.

“An..drew..” he manages to say, but the syllables are baraly recognizable. He tries again, finding out every time his voice is a little more clear, and in the end, between his frantic breaths, he’s almost screaaming it.

“Neil! Neil!”

It’s Andrew’s voice, but it’s still far, so far.

This time, the nurses don’t do much for trying and keep him out. Andrew is at his side in a matter of seconds.

A pair of hands he knows so well are cupping his face and lips he’s memorized the shape of are pressing on his. It doesn’t last much, but it’s enough for Neil’s breath to be a little more stable when they part. “I’m here. I’m here.”

Andrew leans his forehead on Neil’s and he can finally close his eyes, let the violent light out. He can feel warm teardrops rolling on his cheeks, but those aren’t his. They’re

Andrew’s.

It feels like an eternity, but his brething actually stabilize and his heart beats a bit more slowly.

“I’m fine, Andrew. This time I mean it. Don’t cry.”

Andrew is still close, oh so close to him, when Neil falls asleep.

He wakes up with a weight on his left arm. This time, opening his eyes is difficult but not as painful. Andrew is sitting next to him, his hands helding his, the head resting on Neil’s arm. He’s sleeping.

“He fell asleep about a hour ago. I think he might have collapsed had he stayed another single second awake.”

Neil turns his head. Wymack is sitting on his other side, arms crossed but shoulders tense.

“I’m not asking how you’re feeling, because I don’t feel like hearing another ‘fine’. So. I guess you might have some questions.”

Neil raises his head from the pillows just how much is enough to check on his body. There isn’t anything obvious, such as casts. “What happened?”

“You were driving. A car behind you lost control because of the rain and hit you at full speed. You are quite lucky, if you ask me.”

“And what’s wrong with me?”

“I have a list I always bring with me in case you'd ask, but I guess that’s not the right

moment. What a pity. No broken bones because apparently someone in the sky loves you. But you have a pretty serious concussion and went through surgery. You had internal hemorrhaging. It was quite a long surgery.”

Neil tries to lift the blankets, but Wymac stops him. “Don’t move too much.”

Neil obeys. After all, what’s another scar when he already has plenty? And if everything is alright, he’ll be able to play exy. He’ll be able to live. He’ll be able to be by Andrew's side.

The blankets shuffle and Andrew slowly wakes up, blond hair knotted and going in every possible direction. It takes him a few seconds to open his eyes, but when he does they widen and then his whole expression tenses up and softens immediately after.

“You’re awake.”

Neil smiles faintly. “I am.”

Andrew caresses his forehead, touching him as if he’s made of fragile crystal, and finally breathes.

“I hate you so much,” he says, and “Don’t ever do it to me anymore.”

“I won’t leave your side,” Neil says.

He’s alive. Andrew’s there. Everything’s fine.

#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #tfc #andrew minyard #andriel #andreil #wymack #coach wymack #david wymack #angst #angst with happy ending

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philliamwrites · 3 years

Text

tr[U]st

Fandom: All For The Game (Nora Sakavic)

Pairing: Neil/Andrew

Tags: #soft moments, #soft boys, #post Kings Men

Words: 1.1k

Summary: The boys can be soft nd caring and I will fight anyone saying something else.

tr[U]st

When Neil awakes, he’s scrambling for the gun under his pillow to get the weight off his back.

The rush of adrenaline punches through his body and screams at him to get on his feet and fucking go, but the grip on his wrists is too strong, the weight on his torso too heavy, and he’s 0.6 seconds away from begging Nathan to spare him.

“Josten. Josten,” someone hisses above him, and then, “Neil.” And just like that, everything slides back into focus and Neil’s looking up at Andrew.

Neil’s head falls back, and he groans. “Fuck.”

Andrew doesn’t move, doesn’t look away. “You don’t say.”

They stay like that for a moment, wait for Neil’s labored breath to turn shallow and soft. Andrew lets go of Neil’s hands but apparently he’s pretty comfortable on his lap because he doesn’t move away, and Neil can’t decide if the weight is like a chain around his neck or the life line he needs. In the end, it’s good because Andrew’s weight on him is familiar; it’s something he knows how to handle.

Neil runs his hands over his face, through his hair. His forehead’s sticky with sweat and strands of wet, auburn hair slide through his fingers. He’s trying to remember the last time he’s had a calm night, but lately they’re filled with nightmares like this where the edges of dream and reality go blurry and he can’t immediately tell if he’s still with the Foxes or back in Baltimore. Neil is so adamant in drilling into his head that he’s safe, that Nathan is dead, and Riko is dead, and no one can get to him (not with Andrew around anyway) that it backfires and his imagination comes up with all sorts of gruesome scenarios portraying his mom choking on thick, black smoke, his teammates in various states of unrepairable damage, Andrew, oh, Andrew caught in a straitjacket with foreign hands all over him, but he only smiles, and smiles and doesn’t care.

Neil wants to forget those pictures, wants to claw them out of his mind. He feels like throwing up (very unfortunate for Andrew) but also like getting up and run around the campus until someone finds his passed out form lying near a dumpster (very unfortunate for Wymack). Instead he just stays on the bed, beneath Andrew and wills himself to calm down.

“Walk it off, Josten,” Andrew says. He’s slightly leaning over Neil, his fingers sprawled over his stomach. The warmth of Andrew’s hand sinks through Neil’s thin shirt and helps in calming him.

“You’ll let me?” he asks, peeking from between slightly parted fingers first at Andrew, then out of the black window. Andrew pretends to think about it, then says, “No.”

Finally, Neil relaxes against the soft mattress beneath him, takes one deep breath, then a second, and he’s convinced himself he’s fine.

Andrew tugs at one of his elbows, demanding Neil gets his hands off his face. “Talk to me, Josten.”

“I’m fi—,” Neil starts, but Andrew slaps his hand against Neil’s mouth, silencing him.

“Say it and I will kick you in your face,” Andrew threatens. Neil considers it for a split second (it will knock him out immediately minus the unpleasant dreams) but Andrew squints at him, daring him to make the wrong decision, so eventually, Neil nods. Andrew doesn’t withdraw his hand immediately, so Neil (because he’s stupid like that) pushes his tongue out and licks over Andrew’s open palm. He doesn’t really know what he expects, it’s not like Andrew would squeal like a high school girl. But what Andrews does is leisurely taking his hand back, saying “You’re disgusting” (as if Neil’s tongue hasn’t been on other body parts of him already) and wipe the saliva off on Neil’s shirt, which was only fair.

A groan escapes Neil’s lips—he’s become so bad at conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know, he’s sure his mom is currently sitting somewhere above him, chipping at pegs with Neil’s name on them, only to be reminded he doesn’t need to pretend he’s fine anymore—and he wants a smoke, but he also doesn’t want to get up because that would mean Andrew has to get off of him, and Neil’s just as addicted to Andrew’s weight on him as he is to nicotine. In the end, he decides to stay like this, his finger sneak towards Andrew’s bare, bent knees, but he doesn’t touch, not without Andrew’s permission. Either Andrew doesn’t notice Neil’s fingers in close proximity or he ignores them, because he says, “It’s getting worse, right?”

It’s not a question. It wasn’t a secret that lately Neil’s sleep was the opposite of resting and calm, but with like everything, he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it and he manages through the day thanks to Matt and Nicky providing him with coffee (at some days, Aaron even joins them, but Neil suspects it’s because he’s trying to poison Neil with caffeine).

“I’ll live,” Neil responds because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he hates to admit Andrew’s right.

Andrew shifts his weight more on Neil’s stomach. “You don’t trust me?”

“I do,” Neil immediately replies, missing how this is connected to Andrew’s statement.

“Your subconsciousness doesn’t.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Don’t go Freud on me.” He gets it now, but he won’t give Andrew the chance to think this is something he can protect Neil from. “It’ll be over, just give me some time.” It’s a luxury, saying give me some time and knowing it’s true; he actually has time now because he has a future.

Andrew considers him for a moment, then falls beside Neil and does the unthinkable: He curls into Neil’s side and closes his eyes.

Neil’s breath catches in his throat. He feels stupid again, and asks, “You’ll stay, right?”

Andrew ignores him, tugs his hand between cheek and pillow for more comfort (Neil doesn’t understand how bones are more comfortable, but maybe just as Neil slumping his shoulders to appear invisible is a habit for him, Andrew’s still used to trying to make sleeping more comfortable with the little he has on him), and then he kicks Neil’s leg and it takes a second for Neil to realize Andrew’s actually sliding his leg between Neil’s.

Neil exhales slowly and says, “Okay”, and then just for good measure he repeats, “Okay”, because he feels that Thank You would ruin the moment and he really wants for Andrew’s leg to stay where it is.

He knows his nightmares won’t just disappear, but just like them, Andrew won’t go away as well and knowing that makes falling asleep in the darkness a lot easier.

#philliamwrites #ao3 #fanfiction #aftg #all for the game #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten

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kitkatartstuff-moved · 4 years

Text

Love Letters and Lighter Fluid(2)

Ok so like,,,, there are going to be a lot of flashbacks. If I’m being honest, the first things I wrote were the beginning and the end, so I hope the middle is ok! Anyways, LLALF part 2!!

Andrew woke up to sunlight streaming directly into his face and surrounded by orange. He didn’t even remember falling asleep.

He sat up and gathered the notes, then dropped them on his desk. He’d look at these when he got a bite to eat and when his body didn’t feel like lead. There was a note on the fridge from Nicky, and Aaron was still sleeping.

When he got back to his desk, he sat down and glared at the monstrosity of orange on his desk.

‘Jesus, Neil, you couldn’t have chosen a color that was easy on the eyes?’ Andrew thought. Like blue. Blue was calm, grounding. Blue was safe.

And a nice shade of icy blue was unfortunately not what he was dealing with right now. He skimmed through the pieces of paper, some were the size post-its, some had dozens of creases. All of them had the same loose writing, some in smudged graphite, some in stark ink.

Andrew skimmed through them all, searching for Neil.

---

The new transfer student was already intriguing enough when he got to Palmetto High. Messy ginger hair and weary blue eyes. And the scars. It was hard to miss the scars.

The teacher introduced him as Neil Josten. The boy, Neil, dipped his head in a half-hearted greeting, then made a beeline for the back of the room, straight towards the empty desk next to Andrew.

Curious.

“Hey junkie, I got your note.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

Andrew scoffed as he sank into the seat across from Neil.

“If you didn’t want me to find it, maybe you should have chosen another color.”

“I never said I didn’t want you to find it.”

Andrew just pinned him with a stare.

“If you don’t have anything to say, that’s fine, because I do. You’re coming with me, Nicky, Aaron and Kevin tonight.”

“Where?”

“Columbia. We’re all going to have a friendly chat.”

“I can’t. My parents won’t let me.”

“Neil, neil, neil. Didn’t I tell you that I don’t like liars? Kevin says he recognizes you. He says he has seen your face before, and that he has questions. Maybe it’s just him trying to bond with his new rookie striker. I doubt it though.”

Neil’s face tightened.

“What do you want.”

“I want to know why Kevin looks at you like he’s seen a ghost. I want to know why every time he looks at you, you look like he’s just told the world your deepest secrets. You heard about his little accident at Edgar Allan yes?”

Andrew chuckled, then leaned in with a smile that didn't meet his eyes.

“That wasn’t an accident. It turns out Edgar Allan’s number one has a nasty temper.See I made him a promise. I told him I would protect him. I don’t trust the way you look at him. Do you know that he will not tell me a thing when it comes to you? He says he knows you while you deny any connections to him when asked. Your loose ends aren’t adding up.

“I’m not a math problem.”

“But I’ll still solve you.”

Neil snorted. “You’d have to solve your own first.”

Andrew’s smile widened.

“Oooh, there he is. Neil Josten, a man of many surprises. And secrets. I wonder what will come next hm? Well I guess we’ll find out tonight. I need an address.”

He watched Neil’s eyes, and he could practically see gears turning as he assessed the situation.

“Fine.”

------------------------

Andrew sighed, staring at the ceiling. As entertaining as reminiscing was, it was getting him nowhere. It didn’t stop him from remembering Neil’s tired desperation as he argued with Kevin over his past, as he begged him to just let him have this one thing.

The look on Kevin’s face then had said he expected Neil’s confession, but he still looked taken aback. Kevin had been on the verge of a panic attack, and it took not only Andrew, but also Neil to calm him down.

He remembered how shaken Neil had been after the whole encounter. How his eyes sparked back to life with adrenaline and fear, how every muscle in his body indicated that he would bolt at any second.

The next day, surprisingly enough, he’d still been there, but his eyes were still wide and alert. He’d smacked a post-it on his back while mimicking soothing circles.

‘Give your back to me,’ the paper read.

Andrew waited in the library, and then Neil had sunken beside him and said ‘ok.’

Andrew wondered how much of him had known that he would have to go, then shook himself back to the present and continued to thumb through the sea of paper.

-----

“So Kevin lives with you guys?”

“Yes.”

“And you go with him to night practices?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you play?”

“Tsk tsk, so many questions today. Last I checked, curiosity was for cats. And you are a fox.”

“Are you going to answer me?”

Andrew gave a dramatic sigh.

“I played freshman year. Nicky played too, he was a senior back then. He’s the one who made me do it. You’ll meet new people! Make new friends! It’ll be fun.” Andrew smiled, all sarcastic glee. “Those ‘friends’ weren’t too nice to him though. Nicky, I’m sure you’ve noticed, is very open about which way he swings. Those friends of his swung his way too. Just not in the way he’d expected.”

“I’m assuming they have something to do with why you quit?”

“I didn’t quit. I got kicked off. They should have expected it though. I told them what would happen if they laid a hand on him. They got what was coming.”

Neil went quiet.

-----

Neil was on the rooftop. When he heard Andrew, he turned and his eyes sparked with something Andrew couldn’t quite place.

“You’re back.”

“It was only a week.”

“Still. You seem different.”

“New meds. I’m supposed to stay on them for a month, and then they’ll ‘evaluate my progress.’ They have odd side effects.”

“Like what?”

“Like feelings. Like you.”

“I’m not a side effect.”

“You are a pipe dream.”

----

Andrew’s eyes buzzed in and out of focus. The orange flashed behind his eyelids every time he blinked. He glanced at the next piece of paper.

‘Kevin kept me 49 minutes late :(‘

‘Andrew that was exactly 48 hours ago what do you mean you don’t remember.’

‘How old is Wymack again? I think he’s 47. Not that you’d care.’

Andrew's breath caught, and he searched through each page.

‘46’

‘45’

‘44’

‘43’

No. No. How had he not noticed. He should have. He should have seen something like that straight away. Even with all the notes they exchanged on a daily basis. He dug through them all until he got to zero.

‘I’ll be in the lockers after the game tonight. Are you coming? It’ll be interesting, I pr0mise.

See you there,

Neil’

-----

“So you did come.”

Neil didn’t smile. He didn’t need to.

“You were right. It was interesting to watch. How can someone so small be so fast?”

“I’m three inches taller than you.”

“And?” Andrew wrapped his fingers around the back of his neck and brought them forehead to forehead. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

------

The lockers. Andrew grabbed the keys off of his desk.

The codes for the doors hadn’t changed. That was a bit of a security risk, considering who Wymack had on his team, but Andrew supposed that was no longer a problem. He walked over to Neil’s locker and tried the combination.

3-10-4.

‘If you’re reading this, I have to admit I’m a little bit surprised. I couldn't explain much in the first one, and besides, I’ll need some time to figure things out.. A lot of these are pretty premature. But if you’re here, thank you for looking. See you at the gym I guess?

Neil’

#aftg #aftg fic #all for the game #love letters and lighter fluid #llalf #im sorry if this was antimclimatic #tfc #highschool au #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten

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kevindayprotectionsquad · 4 years

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as someone who loves neil and andrew i do not hate aaron at all i'm new to the fandom and only just got the books. i'm still on the first book. but why do so many people hate aaron? all the characters have their flaws all the characters have their good parts that's what make them all human. so i guess what i'm asking is why does aaron get so much hate? it seems unjustified and cruel. no ones perfect. thanks for reading all this! have a good weekend

I’m going to try to answer this without being too controversial, and without being too spoilery since you haven’t read the entire series. This is something that has low key bothered me about the aftg fandom for a while, and sometimes I scream into the void about it. These are just some observations and opinions I’ve made over time. This is by no means directed towards any certain person or blog, y’all are obviously allowed to think and process the books however y’all want. That’s what makes books so fun.

Don’t get me wrong, I also love Andrew and Neil. I was cheering them on when I read the series the first time, and I loved catching little hints I missed the first time when I reread. I enjoy the majority of the content about them on here. I think they’re story is interesting. However, that doesn’t mean I excuse or condone some of their actions. I’ll get deeper into that in a second.

The reason I think people dislike/hate Aaron so much is because of two canon things that I’ve connected to what people are saying about Aaron. One being his reactions to Nicky at times, and two being a scene in the Kings Men (I’ll try to be as spoiler free for you since you haven’t gotten to it yet). These get him labeled and reduced down to a homophobic asshole. Here’s where I think it’s gets controversial. I, personally (meaning if you disagree, that’s fine, I totally understand and see your point), don’t think Aaron is homophobic. Here’s why : Almost immediately into meeting Nicky, it’s obvious he’s meant to be the flamboyant gay stereotype. He’s thirsting all over Neil, and making honestly inappropriate comments to and about Neil. Every time he does, Aaron has something to say like, “can you not be so disgusting”. In my mind, that’s a pretty valid thing to say, and not homophobic. Nicky is not only making Neil uncomfortable, but literally everyone else as well. Nicky is Aaron’s cousin, so I’m sure he feels a little more comfortable calling him out on his bullshit than if it was someone else. I think he would be disgusted by this display no matter what. The way I understand Aaron is that he keeps his romantic life on the down low. Not just from his teammates and family, but from everyone. He just doesn’t strike me as the one comfortable with excessive PDA. Secondly, the one I see brought up the most, and one I think is a little misunderstood, is the scene in the Kings Men (again, trying to be as vague as possible, but it may get a little spoilery) where Aaron confronts Neil. I want to say that I totally and completely understand why people don’t like this scene, and don’t like Aaron because of this scene. The reason why I think it’s misunderstood, is because it’s a very, very emotionally charged conversation. Aaron says some harsh things to Neil that are intended to be homophobic and hurtful, but I think Aaron did that on purpose to get a rise out of Neil, and figure out his true intentions were with Andrew. Aaron and Andrews relationship is so fragile as is, and then Neil is thrown into the mix messing it up more. So, Aaron rightfully doesn’t trust him. Aaron wants to protect Andrew from Neil, because in Aaron’s head, Neil is all kinds of danger. Another reason I think this, is because of Aaron’s up bringing. He didn’t have the best role models, and wasn’t taught to appropriately convey his feelings without saying hurtful things. I think this scene gets used against Aaron the most, because he says these harsh things, but the why he he said it is lost. Again, it was a super emotional conversation for him, and when tempers flair, things get said that might not be the most appropriate. That doesn’t just go for Aaron, but for literally everyone. I know I have said some hurtful things when upset, but that doesn’t make me a terrible, horrible person. I was just upset, and said whatever I could that would get a rise out of the person. And I really think that’s the case here. Another thing I’ve sort of notice about how the fandom perceives Aaron, is that he lacks sympathy or isn’t very understanding of Neil’s situation or of Neil and Andrews relationship. Aaron does not like Neil. Like at all. Which is fair. I wouldn’t either if I was in his shoes. Neil drags the entire team through some shit, and Aaron is there for it. He wants the truth of the situation, so they can figure out a solution as a team. When Neil is injured, Aaron flinches and is appalled by them. He might not out right sympathize for Neil, but he is human, and his teammate went through some shit, and he can understand and feel bad for Neil in that way. As for Neil and Andrew, Aaron’s not the biggest fan of. Mostly because he doesn’t trust who Neil is. Neil is a liar and a runaway, who is hard to trust, and is getting with his brother. So of course he’s not the biggest fan of him. Are we always fond of our siblings SOs??? No! I think people focus too much on Neil being a dude vs. Neil being a lying asshole when it comes to Aaron’s dislike for him.

Another thing that bothers me about the general aftg fandom is that they hate Aaron for being a homophobic asshole (for reasons stated above), but can pardon/forget/downsize Andrews actions. First and foremost being him carrying and pulling knives on people. I carry a knife, but I’ve never pulled it on someone, because THATS NOT NORMAL! That’s terrifying, and should not be normalized. Andrew, more than once, has pulled a knife and/or threatened people he is supposed to be close to, including Neil, Nicky, and (the one that bothers me the most) Kevin. He also says some harsh things to people/teammates, and tries to cause harm to others, all under the disguise of protecting his people. (Not to mention his over all relationship with Kevin.) It’s fine that he’s trying to protect his people, but more often than not he takes it too far. I think these thing sort of get excused, because Andrew is already a perceived psycopath, but that’s not a good enough reason as a fandom to be okay with it. This might be controversial to say, but I think in some cases (not all by any means) is the fetishization of mlm relationships in media. All of Andrews (and Neils for that matter) flaws and dangerous actions get over looked for “uwu andrew is only soft for neil and has to protect him!!!” And the actuality of their relationship gets ignored just because they’re male characters kissing. And since Aaron is a straight character who doesn’t trust/like Neil, he’s immediately bad and the enemy. When in all actuality, I don’t think Aaron has a issue with Andrew being gay, his issue is Andrew choosing Neil.

So, in summary, is Aaron an asshole? Yes. Absolutely. BUT so are Andrew, Neil, Nicky, and Kevin. Is it fair Aaron gets more hate than the others? Not in my opinion!

#i also think its important to understand we only see Aaron and Andrew through Neils POV #and neil also hates aaron as much as aaron hates him #so of course the canon view if him is going to be skewed #im sorry this is so long #but i have a lot of thoughts about this #pls dont take this as me excusing anyones behavior in canon #all of them have said and done pretty shitty things #and thats not okay #but i think how we potray characters in famdon is also important to critize like we would canon #this also doesnt mean i dont like these characters any less #unpopular opinion #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #neil josten #aftg #tfc #protection asks

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polzkadotz · 3 years

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I read you saying that your first draft of the kandreil fic was very different, if you feel like could you elaborate on that? I’m super fascinated by the idea and what’s written so far

OHOHOHOHO YES, I can totally elaborate on that!

First of all, my fanfics spreadsheet tells me that I had the idea for this AU on August 27th, 2019 and I wrote an outline for it on September 7th. This AU was supposed to be part of my "october madness" series (a terrible idea, trying to publish at least a chapter of something every day in October). Originally, it followed the plot of The Host AU almost to a T—I just allowed myself one single divergence from it.

Andrew still receives a soul, but its because he sacrifices himself so the rest of the Monsters can escape. However, "Scatters Embers", the soul they put into him, can't take control of the body, no matter how much he screams at the back of Andrew's head. Andrew is in the driving seat, thinking about the advantage of blending in with the souls better and being able to help his family.

Scatters Embers tries pleading with Andrew, but he keeps saying too many triggering words, which causes all kinds of regrets when he notices what he's making Andrew remember. Begrudgingly, they set some boundaries since Neil can't take over the body (and doesn't want to make Andrew's brain turn to mush, which is something souls can do to kill the host) and Andrew sees more advantages than not with having an alien in his head, even if he has to pretend to be a soul for a while until they stop paying such close attention to him and he can go out in the world to find his family.

Scatters Embers falls in love with Andrew's memories of Exy, although he finds being a goalie kind of boring. He prefers to watch Kevin play when Andrew indulges him on showing more memories.

Just like in The Host, they eventually go to the desert to find the others, walk around until they can't anymore and drop on the ground like a sack of potatoes because dehydration clearly isn't fun.

"The dumbest thing I've ever seen," a voice says. "Walking around in the sun. Wearing all black. Aren't aliens meant to be superior to us?"

Andrew is awake enough to say, "Not an alien."

The others test him to see if he's really human and Embers is like, Give me control of your body. Andrew reluctantly tries and finds it's harder than he imagined and also feels incredibly wrong. But all Embers do is shudder and say out loud, "Your body is much tinier than i thought it would be", which gets Andrew mad enough to get control back of his body to say, "Shut up". In turn, Embers gets even madder than him, and rants about how he doesnt have a body to shut up, thank you very much! and then he notices that he's actually in control.

The display is enough to convince Nicky that Andrew has control of the body because "Andrew never expressed that much emotion in his life. Ever."

One of the points in the outline 👀

Andrew is just glad to learn that they all lived (because of Erik, who knew some survival stuff), although Aaron makes a point to say he's disgusted by Andrew by principle or smth. They get better at changing who's in control of the body, and they are the ones responsible for getting supplies now. Embers also starts to play around with names until he lands on Neil, just because, no reason! lol

Everything goes fine for a while, with Neil having fun playing Exy with all the Foxes, until Andrew starts to notice that it has become harder and harder to get the control of his body back. Andrew doesn't say anything to Neil or anyone else, because it doesn't really matter if he can't come out anymore. His family is safe after all, and that's what matters.

One day, Neil wakes up and he's alone in the body.

Then the last points I wrote in the outline after that were just like, "Andrew wakes up in his body after a long, long sleep and sees a new face looking back at him. When the guy notices that he's awake, he says, 'Did you think you could just leave your body to me, as if you weren't important? As if i wouldn't care bout killing you?' and Andrew is just like, "I thought I would be stuck on the back of your head, not erased."

Then it ends with Andrew observing how Neil's body matches his personality and how he fits well with the Foxes, but always come to sit near Andrew, even if they don't say anything. Andrew thinks he's hot in that new body and it rattles him for a little bit, because of how right it feels to have Neil close to him. So Andrew just tell him that and Neil accepts his feelings, the fic ends there wowie not even one kissy-kissy.

I tried to write with this outline until the middle of 2020, but I simply couldn't connect with it anymore. It had too many holes in its plannings and it didn't really feel attractive to me at all. I was just going to give up on it altogether.

Until I realized Kay's birthday was fast approaching. I asked them what kind of fic they wanted for their birthday, and they had no ideas, so I was like, "alright-o, here's my list of fic ideas, pick something from it if you want to???"

And they chose this one. So I re-read this outline and went, "it's not emotional enough for Kay, but also... what if I made Neil fall in love with Kevin instead of just admire his position on a fucking sport?"

So I wrote two rough outlines for Kay, and they liked the current one. The rest will be history, One Day lmao

#andreil #the host au #all for the game fics #aftg fics #long post #all for the game #aftg #fic: tell me you'll come home (even if it's just a lie)#fic: tmych(eiijal)#andrew minyard #neil josten #asks

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