Seeing things from Till's perspective, everything must be so very confusing. Like his life is getting progressively worse than it already was, the person who is his only source of comfort and hope has disappeared and may have died(he failed to protect her. she is the only reason he stayed in his own private hell, the reason he gave up his longed for freedom from the aliens and he failed). He was completely alone and on top of that he was being abused, dehumanized and violated in every way possible. Gradually losing all motivation and strength until he became so depressed that the sense of self and danger no longer exists.

Then, he's going to sing in a deadly competition against this boy he was kind of friends with when they were kids. He was kinda weird and got on Till's nerves occasionally, but yeah they played together, they fought sometimes and one time he sort of offered all the freedom in the world outside of that place for some reason. But anyway, life has no more meaning so he gives up singing and decides to die. Understandable.

But, out of the absolute NOWHERE, that boy who was almost his friend kisses him(??????) for no reason and he doesn't stop. Then, as if it wasn't already fucking weird, Ivan chokes Till. And. Honestly. It makes more sense. Maybe Ivan has a desire to live or something. He doesn't tho. Not right now. Or, who knows, Ivan was taking out his anger on him because if only Till had agreed to run away with him that night, they wouldn't be in this situation. Practically suicidal, he accepts death by Ivan's hands. But then, out of nowhere(again) Ivan FALLS TO THE GROUND with BLOOD DRAINING from his mouth. And he DIES. His plan to die was over and Ivan died for him without any explanation or warning.

Many people say he is sad or angry, but I swear I think this man is in the deepest state of shock. He hadn't been able to move an inch since the end of the performance and stared at Ivan's dead body until the lights went out. He wasn't conscious enough to even try to stop the bleeding. I'm very curious to see how he will react to all this

love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

in a world with an aftg show (because it Has to be a show, not a movie) seth would have a Pretty Guy actor playing him who looked even prettier when he was sneering or scowling and people would make edits of him with the velocity + slo-mo effects and be like "i can fix him"

Momo confirmed: there can never be a Banri-centric three:vale

And actually, his logic behind this is really interesting. Because at it's heart, the difference is that with Banri, Momo could never have formed the same sort of codependent relationship that he does with Yuki. Banri is capable of taking charge and taking care of himself, and so Momo wouldn't feel the need to step forward and try to help him.

Hell, it's only after he realizes that no one's taking care of Yuki that he reaches out to him in the first place. Momo establishes very well in Re:member that he needs to feel needed and useful to feel loved, or to express his love, and Yuki lets him do that in spades. Banri, though. Banri doesn't need someone to dote on him (or at least so judges Momo) and therefore Momo's acts of service (his declarations of love) are unwarranted at best and unnoticed at worst.

Whether or not this is actually true is a whole separate question. Banri does seem to rely on Momo when he's helping them out backstage (Momo valiantly kills the dreaded spider for him) -- but he does it in a moderate sort of way, taking the time to make sure Momo's not overexerting himself (ie, when he's lugging around more equipment in one trip than he probably ought to be) and that he is generally taking care of himself as much as he's taking care of others.

But Momo seems to want someone who relies on him too heavily. He needs to devote himself fully and completely to another person (perhaps because he feels he can no longer fully devote himself to his own dreams, so he seeks some other outlet, someone else's dream to latch onto to replace that). He gets drawn in by Yuki's sopping wet meow meow nature and the fact that Yuki so clearly needs someone to take care of him, because Yuki is the only one who enables him to express his love in the way he wants to. Needs to, perhaps. Regardless of how (un)healthy that expression and the resulting relationship is.

That's why MomoBan won't work with just each other. That's why they need Yuki to draw them together: Momo needs someone who he can devote his everything to, and Banri can never be that person for him.

You know something I am really sad about is how the TARDIS interior changed for tenteen. It would have been a whole different story if the clothes had been normal but like this? Everthing the Doctor was just vanished and got replaced. The screwdriver coming out of nothing? The outfit? A new fancy TARDIS?

10 kept the TARDIS from 9 and 12 from 11. 13 had to fight to get her TARDIS back and built herself a new screwdriver in the meantime. 11 had to let her recalibrate until she was usable again and gave him a new screwdriver (? I think ? Don't quite remember where he got the sonic) All of them CHOSE their new outfit and had a whole thing where they searched for it.

And tenteen just gets all those things like this, appearing in his lap. Which is convenient, sure, but I feel like he really lost the identification process on the way. Maybe not as important for him as he knows the body and mind and companion already (in theory) but like, I am not surprised he is going through it like this. He just wanted to hang on to Yaz, wasn't allowed that, lost her, decided she was gonna be excited for change, didn't really get change either and then everything they could hold onto as part of their last identity, everything that was theirs to let go off, just got ripped out of his hands replaced with a weird mixture of 'look how new and nice and shiny' and 'isn't that lovely reminiscent of 4 bodies ago'. No wonder they are running on their gingiva*, I would be so lost and disoriented in his place.

And then obviously from a meta pov I dislike that 15 is apparently copying tenteen's TARDIS now. We got a scene of tenteen exploring the new TARDIS and being excited but for 15 he has already had 1.5 adventures with her. And while we couldn't put tenteen into the old clothes it was okay to put 15 in underwear? Wouldn't it have made much more sense to have the weird clothes' thing happen with the mitosis regeneration? (like, I wouldn't have liked that either but it is a little weird how tenteen got a full suit and 15 got the bare minimum)

And I hate how it feels like every part that made the Doctor 13 got erased as quickly as possible. Luckily, there were a few references at least - if no one got me I know the psychic paper got me <3 - and I GET why the fam didn't show up in the puppet show but like, couldn't you have left tenteen the TARDIS interior at least? I am sure Donna would have liked the crystal columns <3

It feels very rtd to have tenteen showered with gifts he can't even want and that are way too much while others are erased or overshadowed by him and get the leftovers.

On a similar note, I was also direly missing post-regeneration haze for both of them. Who knows (well people who have watched the Christmas special, I guess), maybe that's yet to come for 15? But like how are they supposed to function without running about without a clue and passing out every 5s for a day or two?

*German expression, means to be on one's last legs

WAIT- is this one of the alternate timelines created from the space-time sword ("Shintō Amenogozen")!? 👀

I'm an anime-only bsd enjoyer & ever since that damn sword popped up after Atsushi & Akutagawa killed him on the boat but he was able to erase/undo(?) that timeline, I've been thinking that technically means there's multiple timelines. This would be the one where Fukuchi won that conflict we just saw or something else entirely is going on given the way he's dressed (if that even is him)! 👀👀👀

remember obi wan kenobi?? man was he gay

thank you for bearing with my purgatory posting and i'm also glad to see i'm not the only one who still has this fungus eating away at my brain matter. seeing other purgatory posting in the tag makes me feel better lmfao.

i'm not done btw, posting will (probably) continue as i revisit vods. wanted to extend a thanks in the interim, since i know how contentious the event was in the moment. i kinda thought the general consensus was most people hated thinking about it, but there's been a weird amount of engagement and yknow other people talking. makes me happy to know i'm not alone here!

☎️🎲 🤼‍♂️ ✈️🚪 ➡️ 🫀🎮⌛️

Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House

previous ⏪︎ now playing back to playlist

.....................well now i'm just thinking about how echo and noise could've provided a really interesting exploration of mental illness and trauma and stigmatization but canon kinda missed the mark on that one huh

...BIG FEELS AND BIG PLOT DEVELOPMENTS AT THE END OF THAT BOOK, HUH

all of 'Will was a dick at the roller rink' arguments are so funny because they all boil down to 'how dare you sympathize with will and see him in the right when the show's intention was to make you see him in the right and sympathize with him in the first place because that was the narrative purpose since he was portrayed as a sympathetic character who was made to third wheel and the audience was supposed to see him as in the right.' or like... 'why do you not side with mike!!' idk man maybe because the narrative portrays that will is supposed to be sided here and not milvn's relationship? ''why do you not blame el too then?'' because maybe el wasn't the one who came at will and started a pissed fight? idk though

like i thought we all agreed that they made us feel for will all throughout the season why are we mad that more people are siding with him

and like i said (a month ago), mike saying "why am i the bad guy?" LITERALLY makes him sound like the bad guy like yeah they made it hard for people to side with him i'm sorry

Why do I not just go back to these playlists more every time I wonder what Mike's inner monologue has been over the course of the show it's literally right there. Like once this is all over I might just listen through to it when I don't wanna time commit to rewatching the whole show.

on another note, one has to appreciate the cruel irony of ep11′s reveal scene: thua’s outburst is a time-bomb unwittingly set by ayan. ayan told thua his voice matters and thua found his voice (in a kinda twisted way, but still). and if you think about it from thua’s perspective, the worst betrayal comes when ayan, the very same person who encouraged him to speak up, is the one trying to silence him.

literally every time. every time! i realize i have to have information go from one character to another. i remember how much i hate writing expository dialogue. i tell myself that, as this is information the reader already has, i can just say that the first character sends a letter to the second. i don't have to write any exposition!

...i end up writing the letter anyway